All language subtitles for Boston Legal [3x16]

Previously on 'Boston legal'

Bethany!

I never want to see you again.

- I dumped your mother.
- You dumped Bella?

'Cause I can't get over you.

- It's my baby.
- It's my choice, not yours.

Have you thought about schools yet?

You have to start applying early
for these pre-schools.

I've been working very hard to
deal with my Asperger syndrome.

Litigation is about confidence.

How did you feel when you were
beating him with the club?

No, you don't want to say that.
Strategy.

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

- Cheap theatrics.
- Bingo!

To friendship, my colleague.

Hey, hey.

My client lives here.

Would you mind telling me
what the problem is?

I can see it's clearly an emergency.

We're just waiting for
the warrant to come through.

She could've chosen
to cooperate with us.

She didn't want to do that.

She's suspected of wrongdoing?

She stole some art from a museum.

Art? I would hardly call it art.

But you did steal something?

You can't let them search
my house, Alan. You just can't.

Maureen, what's going on?

Can't you just make them
go away for an hour

No. Assuming they can show cause,
they'll get their warrant,

and judging from their demeanor,
they seem confident.

Maureen, what's going on?

It's an anatomical exhibition.

One of the most popular
touring exhibits in the world,

currently on display
at the natural science museum.

This man was a drunkard.

You can tell by the liver.
It's been ravaged.

He also suffered from
some form of venereal disease,

which has caused some sort of
deterioration of some other organs,

I guess, if you know what to look for.

And aside from beautifully
complementing your credenza,

why is he in your dining room?

That's my father.

Boston Legal
3x16. The Good Lawyer

I knew someone in maintenance
at the museum.

I went in with the cleaning crew at night.

I just put him on a hand dolly,
and I took him.

The goal being?

To bury him. To give him
a dignified resting place.

Well, Maureen, the only thing
to do is surrender yourself.

The police aren't going anywhere,
and once the search warrant is issued...

Will I go to jail?

You might.

How did he end up like this
in the first place?

My mother donated him upon his death.

I mean, it's perverse, Alan.
Look at him, for God's sake.

Well, he certainly seems happy.

They have no right
to display him like that.

Maureen, you need to surrender
both yourself and dad here.

My best chance of keeping you out of jail
is for you to cooperate completely.

It is almost 11 o'clock.

Thank you, Paul.
I won't have to check my sundial.

We had a 9 o'clock conference call
with our former governor, no less.

I'm sure you had a good reason
for blowing him off.

I did, actually.

One of my clients stole
her dead father from a museum.

I'm sure you've had it
happen to you, Paul.

Please extend my apologies to Mitch.

It's Mitt! / Alan, there's a man
in your office.

I tried to get him
to wait outside, but, uh...

What sort of man, Clarence?

A very serious one.

Did the man say what he wanted?

You.
That's all he'd tell me.

I could have a go at him
as Clarice if you'd like.

That won't be necessary.

Hello.

Uh, good morning, sir.

My name is Dr. Alvin Azinabinacroft.

And first I want to thank you very much
for taking the time to see me.

I didn't take the time.
You planted yourself like a squatter.

Seeing you was unavoidable.

I'm here on a matter
of rather grave concern.

Not to me.

I am a cognitive therapist.

I work in the psychology department
at Boston memorial.

I've recently been discharged
from my employ, wrongfully.

This has been a major personal setback,
it goes without saying.

And yet, you say it.

You come to me highly,
highly recommended.

Here's a copy of my curriculum vitae.

I've been published,
lectured at Harvard.

- I'm preeminent.
- And humble.

For me to have been discharged wrongfully
damages my name, my reputation, career.

Why were you discharged, doctor...

Azinabinacroft.

No, really.

Will you represent me?

Why were you fired?

'cause I've seen extraterrestrial life.

Who hasn't?

And your employers
now consider you...

- Cuckoo.
- Are you, doctor...

Azinabinacroft.

The answer is no.

They're out there, Mr. Shore.

I've seen them.

- Get out of my way.
- Hey, hey, hey!

Pedestrian, right of way.

What are you doing?

Alan's got two cases at once.

I'm going to court with him.

- You need something?
- Uh, yeah.

I was wondering if you'd let me
cook you dinner tomorrow night.

Sounds great.

And I was wondering
if maybe after dinner,

you'd like to stay.

Uh, stay?

Overnight.

Temple? That would make me
seem like a Jew.

I'm a Jew, Denny.

Temple is a part of my life,

and if you want to be
a big part of my life...

But I'm a Christian,
and to Christians, temple is...

- a college.
- My faith is very important to me.

- As mine is to me.
- Oh, please.

What denomination are you?

I'm, uh...

- Lutheran.
- I see.

And what do Lutherans
believe in, Denny?

We believe in a great
many things, Bethany.

But mostly we believe...

in, uh, Luther.

Denny, let me say this
as your girlfriend,

IE, senior management.

You're going to temple.

She stole what?

A plastinized body.

It's part of an anatomical exhibition.

This is a real body?

It's property,
on consignment to the museum.

It's her father.

Property that was legally transferred...

Stop calling him property!
He is a human being.

All right. Do you want a trial?

Yes, your honor.

Two actually, in case
the first one doesn't go well.

- Pick a date.
- I'm ready now.

Mr. Beedle?

- Sure.
- After lunch. 2 o'clock.

See you.

- Alan, we gotta fly.
- We'll see you at 2.

He saw aliens?

Uh, no, not aliens, your honor.

Just their, uh, mode of transportation.
The point is,

it bears no reflection on his ability
to perform as a cognitive therapist.

- To terminate...
- Were they green with, uh, big eyes?

Your honor, he did not see
the occupants of the craft.

Simply the... / Little antennae
growing on their heads?

Good morning, your honor.

Jerry Espenson representing
Boston memorial.

Please note my objection that respondent
did not receive notice of this proceeding,

and as such, I would ask that you...

- Jerry.
- Alan! Oh, my God.

Oh, I had no idea
you were opposing counsel.

Nor I you.
You represent Boston memorial?

My practice is going very well.

I changed medications.
Did you not get my e-mail?

I did, but, Jerry, wow!

This is a huge client.

Why are the lawyers hugging?

Your honor, opposing counsel
and I are good friends.

Given that, notice, Alan?

- It's ex parte.
- Fair enough.

You look fantastic.

Stop it.

I won't have happiness in my courtroom.

Your honor, the termination
was entirely lawful.

Dr. Azinabinacroft
has lost touch with reality.

I would like to question the person
who decided to fire him.

Fair enough. This afternoon?

Well, I'm already in trial at 2.

Uh, could we do it at 3?

- 3 works.
- 3 o'clock then.

Silence!
I get to decide.

You two huggers don't
get to make the rules.

I'm the decider.

3 o'clock.

Hey.

Hey.

Who was that girl I just saw
leaving your office?

She was, uh, pretty cute.

Oh, just a friend.

Just a friend?

You, you dating her?

Uh, yes, actually.

It's not going anywhere, but...

It's a good rattle
just the same, I bet, huh?

Excuse me? / Do you really think
it's appropriate, Brad?

Getting one girl knocked up
while you're dating another?

What? / Did you not hear me?
Am I being too subtle?

No, Denise. You're being
anything but subtle.

And then bringing her into the office,
that's really classy.

You should just parade her
right into my office.

You two could do a little Shawne Merriman
sack dance, you insensitive pig.

So any hormones kicking in
with this pregnancy,

or is everything sort of even-keel?

Why don't you just go
have sex with yourself, Brad?

Is that too subtle?

How's it going?

Nathan very much wanted to
be an organ donor,

but given the condition of his body,
he wasn't a candidate.

But you were the one who
donated the body to the project.

Yes.

Can you tell us why?

Well, the intent of the exhibition,

to educate people on the human body,
not just the physiology,

but also the influence
on the body by lifestyle choice.

That's something that definitely
would've appealed to Nathan.

When he explored being an organ donor,

he wanted his remains to benefit others.

Being a part of this exhibition
would've accomplished that.

That's why I donated the body.

So you never had the exact conversation,

"honey, how would you feel
about having your body put on display,"

"skinless to be showcased
as a drunk with venereal disease?"

As I said,

it's my belief he would've wanted
his remains to benefit others.

According to your daughter,
he was a fairly private man.

- Is that true?
- Yes.

You think, as a private man,

he would've been fine with having
his body put on display,

skinless, as a drunk
with venereal disease?

I think he'd be happy to know
his final legacy was selfless.

"Selfless"?

Did he love his children?

Very much.

You think had he known
that it would hurt them,

having his body put on display,

skinless, as a drunk
with venereal disease...

He didn't know that, nor did I.

- Exposed in death as a degenerate.
- That's how he lived.

Maybe people should see how he...

Your husband hurt you a great deal,
didn't he, Mrs. Fleming?

This isn't about that.

It isn't about hurting him?

Well, if it is, you've certainly
accomplished that, haven't you?

Do you want to tell me
what that was all about?

Brad, we may not be a couple,
but I am having your baby,

which the entire office knows.

As such, it is completely humiliating

when you prance these trophy girls
around in front of everyone.

I want to be a couple.

We are not even remotely
compatible as a couple,

as evidenced by your preference

for that airheaded, airbrushed bimbo
you brought in here.

My preference is you.

Denise, you cite my values
as an obstacle.

What are your values?

This friends with benefits thing?

What are your values, Denise?

You get engaged to a guy who buys
body parts on a black market,

who corrupts cancer studies.

What are your values?

You sleep with Jeffrey Coho,
a man you don't even like.

And let's not forget the policeman
you did last year

to get out of a parking ticket.

Okay.

- You're lost.
- No.

I'm scared.

I am alone and
I am having a baby,

and I am completely alone.

By your choice.

And you've been able
to confirm all of this?

Yes. I sourced it all on the back page.

Excellent.
Excellent work, Clarence.

What's wrong?

Clarence?

Clarence, what's wrong?

Well, uh...

Claire asked me to stay over.

I see.

Well, you have strong feelings
for Claire, don't you?

Very strong.

I think I love her.

But, but I've never...

I'm not sure I'll, uh...

Clarence, um...

the thing about making love
for the first time,

it'll happen when it's right.
And when it's right,

everything just happens naturally.

You couldn't think of anything to say.

I just went blank.

He's an enormously gifted therapist,
an invaluable asset to our clinic.

But?

We're in the business of helping
people cope with reality.

He needs to be in touch with his.

He's telling his clients

that there are aliens out there
monitoring us.

Uh, hold on a second.

Uh, there's no smoking in here.

It's wooden, judge.
Not real.

- It's a proprioceptive tool.
- A what?

Relaxation technique.
Never mind.

You just sit there and judge.
I won't actually smoke it.

You said you asked him to stop
talking about the UFO.

Over and over.
He said he could not.

He said that once one actually sees
an extraterrestrial spacecraft,

one has to rethink what he thinks
about the world and our place in it,

what it means to be human.

Thank you. Pass the witness.
Reserve the right to recall.

Go ahead, Alan.

Did you fire him for seeing the UFO
or talking about it?

He was discharged primarily
for discussing it with his patients.

But obviously the fact that he
is convinced that he saw it...

You don't believe he really saw it.

No, I don't.

I suppose if there really was a UFO

hovering above O'Hare
airport last November,

Dr. Azinabinacroft
would get his job back.

Well...

He wouldn't be out of touch
with reality then, would he?

I'm sorry. I'd like to
point out for the court

that counsel is very tricky.

And I would ask your honor
that he be noted as such.

He is a profound trickster,
it must be said.

I say it with affection.

Continue.

If you were satisfied that
Dr. Azinabinacroft did see

an unidentified flying object
in Chicago that night,

you would have to revisit your decision,
wouldn't you, sir?

Well, I guess I would have to.

I suppose the explanation is simple.

The spacecraft traveled
5 billion light-years to Earth

and then left because of
all the airport hassle.

I mean, who needs that, really?

So you want to prove the UFO is real?

It seems like the obvious thing to do.

I think Jerry could beat me on this.

He's got this newfound confidence.

I was abducted once.

I can't be sure.
It felt like a dream, only more real.

What happened?

Well, uh...

these aliens in the form of Ann-Margret
took me to their spacecraft

and had sex with me.

I'm gonna go with dream on that one.

I've gotta go to temple tomorrow.

Bethany's making me.

On a Wednesday?

Yeah, it's a Tu B'shvat
or something like that.

Jewish arbor day.

I gotta wear a beanie.

The things we do for love.

Alan, you called me?

I did.

And on a rather delicate matter that
would ordinarily be none of my business.

Try anything with me,
I'll sever your favorite appendage.

Clarence is extremely anxious that
his appendage will be called into service.

He seems as if he's about to
retreat into Clarice again,

and I just thought you should know.

Thank you.

Do you think Bethany could be an alien?

- Off to court again?
- Yeah.

Clarence,

Alan intimated to me that
you intimated to him

that you were nervous
about staying at my place tonight.

Look, the best thing about
being in a relationship

is having somebody
to share your fears with.

- Even that one?
- Especially that one.

Just talk to me. Okay?

Okay.

I know that he didn't live
a particularly dignified life,

but he was a man of dignity.

And to be exhibited like that,

so that the whole world can see his,
his ravaged liver and organs

while he's holding
a liquor bottle and smiling?

Nobody deserves that.

You do realize that this decision
legally belonged to your mother?

No, legally, she was to do
what he wanted.

This was not his wish.
He would never...

Oh, for God sakes, mom.

Couldn't you at least allow him to find
a little redemption in death?

Do you go to church, Ms. Fleming?

I do.

- Do you believe in heaven?
- Of course.

Do you think your father
is in heaven right now?

- Objection.
- Overruled.

Do you believe your dad is in heaven?

I don't know. I hope so.

Was your father a religious man?

- No.
- Did he believe in God?

- Objection.
- Overruled.

Did he believe in God or heaven?

No, he didn't.

So this is more about what you want.

I have been thinking
about what you said.

And, um...

in an ideal world, I would live
with the father of my child.

Toward that, I feel I owe it to my child
to at least explore the...

possibility of...

I want us to see a couples therapist

to get a professional prognosis
as to our...

emotional and practical compatibility.

Why don't we just date,
see how it goes?

No. I'm not gonna waste time.
We'll see a doctor.

Hey. How's it going?

What the hell is this?

Shut up and sing.

I don't know the words.

"Oy yoi yoi." Just do it.

I work as an air traffic controller
at O'Hare airport in Chicago, Illinois.

That sounds like a high-stress job.

You have no idea.

Tell me, sir, on the evening
of November 7, 2006,

did you get any calls, uh,
about, say extraterrestrials?

I'm sorry.

Could we be any more leading?

Perhaps you should whip out
one of those leashes you use

- in your recreational pursuits?
- What?

Overruled. Sit down, you.

Uh, we were contacted by airline
supervisor and informed that

several of its passengers as well as
a dozen or so of its employees

spotted an elliptical shaped craft

sitting motionless over concourse C
of the United terminal.

In fact, even the United airlines' pilot
claimed to have seen it. Am I right?

You are.

So one wouldn't be considered
out of touch with reality or...

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

Ooh. Sorry, your honor.
Remember, it isn't real.

It's just wood.
Pay no mind.

Wood is flammable.
You will not light it.

Mr. Bettman, can you say with all certainty

that there wasn't a UFO
hoveringver O'Hare that night?

Well, I suppose
we can't prove a negative.

But our conclusion was that
it was a weather phenomenon.

A loud cloud ceiling.

A lot of lights in the sky.

This was no weather phenomenon.

It hovered, and then it shot through
the clouds and left a hole.

A hole?

Dozens of people gave
the exact same description,

including some mechanics
at the airlines.

There was something unearthly up there.

And the radar showed nothing?

The FAA won't release the radar data
or the voice communications.

What are they hiding?

Well, on the "X-files,"
it was the truth.

Great show, wasn't it?

How many of you watched the "X-files"?

- Friday night, lousy time slot.
- Silence.

I must say, Jerry,
you had quite the swagger in there.

Look, Alan, the fact that
others thought they saw it

doesn't really matter.

Of course it matters.

The fact that others saw it
means my client isn't crazy,

which was the very basis
of his discharge.

No. The basis was that he talked
about it with his clients.

No. It was that he thought
he saw an alien...

Look, I'd love to help you here,
I really would,

but my hands are tied.

Your hands aren't tied.
They're in your pockets.

What is this?

New therapy.
Good, isn't it?

Look, here's the deal.

You're gonna get up,

say "others saw it, blah, blah, blah,
therefore not crazy."

Whatever. You'll be effective.
You always are.

But I'll get up,

make the point that a function of his job.

The function, actually,
is to ground his patients.

A therapist has to come
from a relatable place.

Al, come on. When you sit there
and talk about space aliens,

how effective can you really be
as a cognitive therapist?

Do we sympathize?
Of course we do.

But the man can no longer do his job.

Here's the problem
with your theory, Jerry.

As plausible as it sounds now,

you and I both know when you
actually get up to give your closing,

you're Hands Espenson.

Chewing on a silly wooden cigarette
isn't going to distract you

from the reality that you have
very little trial experience,

that you're scared to death
just to be in the room,

and that as able as you might be
to fool others or even yourself,

I know what you are,

and knowing that I know,
feeling my stare upon you,

that you'll be utterly reduced
to an ineffective, bumbling,

inarticulate man with Asperger's,

'cause that's what you are, Jerry.

Jerry...

Jerry.

I was just lawyering, Jerry.

One of the games trial attorneys play
is to psych-out opposing counsel.

You can certainly appreciate that.

My intent was to unnerve you,

not 'cause I believe you
to be ineffective or inarticulate

but 'cause I know you to be
just the opposite.

I don't believe you.

I have a proposal.

I'm listening.

My client gets his job back,

he agrees not to discuss
the UFO sighting or his opinions on...

extraterrestrial life.

- No money damages.
- Okay.

Jerry...

you'll recall I once advised you

to flee the practice of law
'cause it's an ugly occupation,

which calls upon its participants
to do ugly things.

I am very accomplished
in the practice of law, Jerry.

I'll take the offer to my client.

Basically, I don't think that we're
compatible as a couple, as partners.

50-50 partners.

If we were to be together,

he would probably start out
by, by demanding that I quit my job

and stay at home with the baby.

Is that true, Brad?

Yes.

You don't think a woman can have
both a career and a family?

Can she? Of course.

Should she? Absolutely not.

Oh, and, and this is him wooing me.

Denise, you have a baby,
that's it.

Baby comes first, period.

Even if he could get by
with a nanny, you couldn't.

It would kill you.
So who are we kidding here?

You stay home,
you raise the kid,

the kid grows up,
then you can go back to work.

Okay, don't look at me like that.

Mothers want to stay home.

It's only because of societal pressures
they feel they can't be a feminist

and still a stay-at-home mom,
so what do they do?

They drag themselves back to
the office, and like I said,

it kills them,
and it'll kill Denise.

Now I wouldn't ask her to do anything
that she doesn't really want to do.

I know that. She knows that.

And if you're any kind
of a real therapist,

you know that, too.

This idea of a 50-50 partnership...

She picks the wallpaper.
I choose the car.

Chores? / I mow the lawn.
She makes dinner.

Sex? / I'm the husband.
She's the wife.

Even if she's right about
what her father would've wanted,

that does not entitle her
to steal the body from a museum.

She can resort to equitable relief,

but not grand larceny.

Beyond that, this is about
her religious beliefs, not her father's.

He didn't believe in God
or heaven or the soul.

This is about the defendant
imposing her religious values

and committing a crime to do so.

We all know how dangerous
that can be.

Alan...

it's your turn.

I know that, Clarence.

Life on earth was not very good
to Maureen Fleming's father.

He was a drunk.
He couldn't hold a job.

He had sordid affairs.

He died in part from
a sexually transmitted disease.

There was no salvation or happy ending

to be found on earth
for Nathan Fleming.

Which could only make Maureen
that much more desperate to think

that there must be another, better world
waiting for her father somewhere.

She carted his body out of that museum

so that her father could finally
leave this world behind.

And hopefully...

find his way to a better one.

Certainly, the 12 of you
can understand that.

You know, I...

I want so badly to believe in God.

Not because of any words in the Bible
or claims made by gospels,

but 'cause, I suppose, with our planet
being polluted into extinction

while country after country
develops nuclear bombs,

coinciding with an unprecedented
escalation in hatred

while an entire continent
is dying from AIDS and starvation

as the rest of the world
pretends not to notice,

it's just not that easy these days
to have faith in man.

But if we don't believe in God,

then our only alternative
is to believe in man.

Well, I'm not sure
if I do believe in God.

And even if I did,

I'm not sure he'd be the same God
that you believe in,

or you believe in.

But in the throws of doubt,
I still do believe in man.

I believe in man's innate
sense of humanity,

his potential for compassion,
reason, righteousness in his heart.

Today, now, I appeal to you
in the hope you'll understand

that when my client
took her father's body

so that she may bury him

so that he may rest in peace

and perhaps find some salvation,

she did so acting on her humanity, on...

the righteousness in her heart.

What have you got
stuck to your face?

Don't you even think about it.

Denny, don't you dare.

Holy crap.
I shot the rabbi.

How did you get a lawyer so quickly?

This is a difficult time
for all of us, Mr. Crane.

I think we can agree,

it would be best
to resolve this privately.

If rabbi Hershman were to report
the assault to the police,

well, given your grumblings that were
heard by others in the synagogue,

you could face prosecution
for a hate crime.

You can't threaten criminal prosecution
to advance a civil claim.

What's wrong with you?

You people have an overreacting
problem. You do know that?

- We "people"?
- Yeah, same thing in Lebanon.

They grab a few soldiers,
you respond with overkill.

That's a problem.

Are you saying that Israel doesn't
have the right to defend itself?

Well, of course they do,

but you don't blow up a whole country
'cause you get mad.

Only the United the states
enjoys that privilege.

And we're a superpower.
God is on our side.

Gum?

Good-bye, Denny.

What do you mean?

I never want to see you again.

She'll be back.

Get out of my way.
Handicapped.

Look out. Handicapped.

That was quite an interesting tack
you took there with the therapist, Brad.

It wasn't a tack.
It was the truth.

So when are you gonna
face the truth, Denise?

Which is?

That you want for your children
the same life that your parents gave you.

Dad works, mom stays at home,

The perfect Norman Rockwell
nuclear family that used to be.

Uh, Brad, we live in very
different times than they did.

Oh, right, modern times.

50% of women are manless
right now. 50%.

Is that progress, feminism or both?

It, it, what, do you intend to
bludgeon me into giving us a chance?

No. I'm asking.

For you, for me, for our child.

Give us a chance.

Madam Foreperson, the jury
has reached a unanimous verdict?

- We have, your honor.
- What say you?

"In the matter of the commonwealth
of Massachusetts vs. Maureen Fleming"

"on the charge of grand theft larceny,"

"we the jury find the defendant..."

"not guilty."

The commonwealth thanks you
for your service.

We are adjourned.

Congratulations, Maureen.

Thank you.

Can I bury my father now?

I'm afraid that's an issue that will
have to be decided at another time.

Jerry.

The settlement terms
are acceptable to my client.

Good.

I should also, I should
thank you for the lesson.

Of course opposing counsel will try to
exploit my Asperger's, and...

I thank you, Alan.

As a result of this, my skin
will only get more calloused.

I'll be more hardened.

I want you to know, I don't take
what you said personally.

I do, Jerry.

And I'm deeply sorry.

Don't be.

Well, until we meet again...

She dumped you?

Because of my views
on the Middle East.

If I had a nickel for every time
a midget broke up with me over politics.

Denny, you think you can understand
what it means to be Jewish?

Oh, please. I don't even understand
what it means to be Lutheran.

Do you believe in God?

Of course I do.
You know I do.

Why?

Why? Why?

'cause if you believe in God
and it turns out there's no God,

there's no harm, no foul.

But if you don't believe in God,
and it turns out that there is one,

you're screwed.

What do you think he looks like?

Like me. Perhaps thinner.

You think he looks like you?

God made man in his image.

- And specifically?
- Me.

Why does he allow for
all the suffering that goes on?

Overextended.

What do you believe?

I'm not sure.

I think I believe mostly in friendship.

Yours, Jerry Espenson's.

I wasn't a very good friend to him today.

I hate that you're seeing him again.

He was opposing counsel.

Oh, I hurt him today.

How?

By being a lawyer.

At the end of the day, Alan,
we have to be who we are.

And you and I, more than anything...

We're lawyers.

Damn right.