All language subtitles for Boston Legal [3x10]

Previously on 'Boston legal'

Claire Simms,
this is Clarice Bell, our client.

Are you kidding me?
It's a big black man in a frock.

This is Dolce & Gabbana,
you pissy little bitch.

I'm Alan Shore, Clarice's lawyer.

Yeah, uh...

Clarice went to the market.

And you would be?

Clarence.

You gonna hit me, Brad?

One of my goals in life is to go to
all the places you've gone, and...

Just don't go to Shirley.

She's mine.

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- Don't talk to me about appointments,
- It's just that without a scheduled appointment

- my husband didn't have
an appointment with death!
- there's no one that I can get you in to see.

I am not leaving until I meet with a lawyer!

What seems to be the matter?

This skinny little thing here won't take
my business because I'm black.

That's what's going on.

I'm sure that's not the case.

Well how would you know,
were you here?

What's going on?

Evidently her husband was
struck and killed by lightning.

She wants to sue God.

Your talking about me, don't think
I don't know you are talking about me.

- Mrs. uh...
- I am not leaving!

You gonna have to bring in
a bulldozer and plow me out.

- I'm sure that won't be necessary.
- Let me just speak with her.

Absolutely not, anybody but you.

What is that supposed to mean?

I know you, Denise. You'll
probably wind up taking this case.

And what is that supposed to mean?

Where is my lawyer?
Ten seconds and I scream.

No, Please don't do...

One!

OK. Meet with her, but that's it.

Brad, go with Denise,
make sure she does not take this case.

Alan!

Shirley, I was just thinking of you.

Were you now?

Well, not you specifically, your doll.

I thought I aught to put in some hard
hours practicing with her in preparation

for finding you under the mistletoe
at the Christmas party

and stemming your yuletide with my
skilled and darting tongue.

You are coming to the Christmas
party, aren't you, Shirley?

I wouldn't dream of missing it.

What's that?

Oh, that's just a case I'm assigning.

Something senior partners tend
to do on occasion.

This is one of Edwin Poole's cases.

It seems to have slipped
through my crack.

So I thought you'd find it
especially tasty.

Ah. What kind of case?

A woman is trying to get custody
of her sisters' twins.

Evidently the little girls are
budding country music stars

and the woman feels that this is
no way to raise children.

You can't be serious. She's trying to
get custody because the girls sing?

The sister it seems is a bit protective.

Anyway, we represent
the mother and father.

The trial starts tomorrow and
you need to meet the clients.

What's my motivation?

- I beg your pardon?
- My characters' motivation?

I can't just jump cold into a case Shirley.
I need incentive.

Such as?

Well...

Let's say if I win,

you have to dress up as a playboy bunny
for the Christmas party.

Think of morale, Shirley.

And if you lose,
you dress up as the bunny?

- Even better.
- Fine then.

You have a bet.

What am I missing?

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ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON ABC: 2006/12/05

- How is everything, guys?
- Wonderful.

Wonderful Sophia,
I have a feeling this was a happy cow.

Mr. Crane may I speak
with you for a minute?

Absolutely, is it sexual?

I need more butter.

No it's a legal thing,
and it's personal.

I'll get the butter.

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

It's about my daughter Claire.

She's sixteen and I'm losing her.

Drugs?

No, she's got anorexia.

We've been fighting about it for months.

She says nothing's wrong and
then she starts screaming at me

and I start screaming back.

Last week she moved out,
she's staying with her girlfriend

and today I got served with this.

Looks like a legal thing.
A document.

She wants to be emancipated.

I'm really scared, Mr. Crane.

Sophia, bring her into my office
and I'll talk some sense into her.

Failing that,
maybe a couple of cupcakes.

What exactly are you gonna say?

Well, I'll tell her, man needs to eat.

Excuse me.

It wasn't me.

You must know that any judge is going
to laugh at a claim like this.

Anabelle...

what's really going on?

I'm angry.

My husband was not meant to die

and I'm angry that people just
seem to flick it off like...

What do you mean they flick it off?

Like somehow because he got struck
by lightning, it was meant to be.

You get cancer,
you die in a car crash, it's tragic.

But a lightning bolt...

his number was up, accept it.
Well, I can't accept it.

And suing somebody,
maybe even God...

I just want to give voice to my rage.
That's all.

He was the only man I ever loved.

How can God just take him away?

Don't even think about it.

I was talking to him
when it happened, you know.

He was on the golf course.

I called him on his cell.

I heard the crack and he was gone.

I'm sorry.
I can't just sit home and grieve.

I just have to do something.

- Mrs. Carruthers.
- Denise...

I'm going to take your case.

They're beautiful, well behaved...

We home school, on the road as well.

My sister has issues.

She's suing for custody
because of what they sing?

Basically she thinks the songs and
our values are too conservative.

Would you like to hear them perform
Mr. Shore?

Delighted.

�� Rise up and shine,
America's sons and daughters, ��

�� Rise up and shine,
you've got to fight to part those waters. ��

�� When we swim in the light, ��

�� all will be okay. ��

�� The black, yellow and brown man
will wash away. ��

�� Yes, the black, yellow and brown man
will wash away. ��

�� Rise up and shine,
Americas sons and daughters, ��

�� Rise up and shine,
you've got to fight to part those waters. ��

�� When we swim in the light
all will be okay. ��

- My sister thinks we're racist.
- Got it.

�� The black, yellow and brown man
will wash away. ��

�� Yes, the black, yellow and brown man
will wash away. ��

Shirley.

Yes, Alan.

You didn't mention that the clients
were white supremacists.

Didn't I?
That doesn't seem right. Does it?

No, it doesn't, Shirley,

and I've always considered you
such a beacon of fair play.

Well, look on the bright side.

You'll look great in that bunny outfit.
Think of morale, Alan.

Motivated yet?

Okay, you are all here
for the assistant position.

I will be interviewing you one by one.

Each of you will have
about three minutes.

I do not care about your
dreams for world peace.

You will not impress me with
your concerns for whales,

A.I.D.S. babies, or greenhouse emissions.

And if you're religious,
for God's sake, keep it to yourself.

All I want to know is how fast you type,

what's your experience,
level of education and...

Clarice.

Don't look at me like that.

You're applying for
the assistant position?

I have skills.

Okay, wig off.

You first, Ho.

Clarence, wig off!

What's going on?

I quit the other job.

It wasn't the same
after they took me back.

And what makes you think that
you could be a legal secretary?

I went to law school.

And Clarice has good people skills.

You went to law school?

I never practiced.

But... but Clarice knows
everything I know and...

Okay, I am not hiring Clarice.

I don't even like Clarice.

I will hire you

on a trial basis.

I don't think I...

It's too high pressure.
I have to be her.

The offer is extended
to Clarence, not Clarice.

I thought we were just gonna talk.

We are, but since you got a lawyer,
I thought I should have one, too.

- Shelley Ford.
- Denny Crane.

Where did you come from,
and how is she paying you?

We met on my web site.

I'm a supporter of the pro-ana movement

and an attorney with
Yannetti, Bauer & Lewis.

I took this case pro bono.

And what the hell is pro-ana?

It's short of pro-anorexia.

Now wait a minute.
You're in favor of a disease?

Pro-ana is not a disease, Mr. Crane.
It's a lifestyle choice.

It's like being gay or an atheist.

We're out of the closet.
We're not ashamed of it.

We're tired of all the nasty labels.
And we're proud of the way we live.

You're going to starve to death!

I don't know how to be more clear.

And once again, you heard nothing.

Liver failure, muscle loss!

- Stop it!
- You stopped your period a year ago.

- Do you want to have children?
- Stop it!

Mrs. Wilson, you indicated you had
something to say. What is it?

You're too skinny.

Snap out of it.

I guess we'll see each other in court.

Not if you turn sideways.

What?

You did what?

If we can just get past
summary judgment...

You won't get past it.
Suing God?

Have you lost your mind?
And you... / Yeah.

I told you to prevent this from happening.

- I tried.
- You tried!

What's up?

Brad and Denise have decided to
represent a woman suing God.

I didn't decide. She...

You both bear responsibility
for taking this case.

You both will figure out a way
to beat summary judgment.

That shouldn't be too hard.

Do you know the facts
of this case, Mr. Coho?

No, but anybody can get a case
past summary judgment.

Maybe not.

Okay. All three of you will
bear responsibility.

- Whoa, whoa, no.
- No, no!

You just got yourself assigned.

You can take this opportunity to further
your bond with Mr. Chase.

I was raised the same way they were.

Our parents told us the same stories.

About there being no holocaust,

the blacks mongrelizing
the pure white race, the whole deal.

But I was able to come out
from under it.

And now you're trying to put
your stamp on our children.

Ms. Shaw, Ms. Monroe, regardless of
my personal feelings about this case.

I can assure you of one thing,

you have no legal standing
to challenge custody here.

The court wouldn't dare take
children away from their parents

because of said parent's political beliefs.

Mr. and Mrs. Tanner are extremists,

and they are hazardous to their own
children's welfare as well as society.

And we are prepared to prove

that this custody battle is
not only a matter of child welfare,

but of national security.

She actually cited national security

as grounds for taking children
away from their parents.

White supremacists are hate cells.

Hate cells are a breeding ground
for terror. It's a fact.

If seeing Shirley in pink ears
weren't incentive enough,

I think I actually might have to fight
this one on principle.

So basically, we've both got mothers
trying to hang on to their daughters.

Maybe we should critique
each other's closings.

What?

You... you don't think I can do this?

I most certainly didn't say that.

Oh, yes, you did.

You don't trust me.

- Denny...
- I know you too well, Alan.

You don't think I can handle this solo.

I'm simply saying,
given the enormity of the stakes,

it can't hurt either of us to get feedback.

Right.

I'm getting sick of having to
prove myself to you.

Clarence, one of your duties
would be to pick up the phone

when it makes noises like that.

I... I can't.

Can you at least let me
be her on the phone?

Okay.

I will let you be her on the phone
at the beginning,

but you will not be calling our clients "Hos".

And after a month, you will
have to be you all the time,

including when you are on the phone.

Thank you.

Claire Sim's office.

This is Clarice Bell speakin'.

Yes, yes, indeed.

This summer we sang at
a Patriot's day picnic in Richmond

and at the solstice festival in Tampa.

Also, we got to do the national anthem
at an anti-immigration rally in Ft. Payne.

Katey, do you ever wish that,

instead of having to perform
at those kinds of gatherings,

that you could do fun things like other kids...
summer camp, Disneyland?

Performing is fun for us, and it's important.

We're standing up for something.

And what exactly are you standing up for?

White pride.

I mean, other groups are allowed to
be proud of themselves, right?

Objection. Katey, sweetheart,
you weren't asked a question.

I'd like to hear from Katey.

It used to just be, like, blacks with
their marches and history month and stuff.

Now it's everyone,
like the Mexicans.

They illegally cross our borders then
say they want to become Americans.

But at their rallies, they just wave
their Mexican flags and talk Spanish.

With our songs, we're saying that
whites need to stand up and fight back,

because the minorities,
they're winning.

Winning what?

The race war.

Not, like with gun, with babies.

The Mexicans, the Chinese,

they're all having as many kids as
they can so they can take over.

Whites are already a minority in California,
Texas and New Mexico.

We've pretty much lost
those states already.

And who told you that?

I learned it in school.

Your home school?

The one that your mother teaches?

Yes.

Katey, have your parents ever hit you?

Hit me? No.

How about Lauren?

To your knowledge, have they
ever been violent with her?

No, they love us.

Do the two of you always
get enough to eat?

Um, yeah.

How about your health?

Any aches or pains
not being attended to,

perhaps a sore throat from all
that singing?

No.

Okay. Now, Katey,

Ms. Monroe mentioned that
your mother is your teacher.

Given all that time you spend
traveling and performing,

does she ever let you slide a little
when it comes to school?

I wish.
We do way more homework

and get better test scores than kids
in regular schools.

And whenever we take a trip somewhere,

our dad always turns it
into a total history lesson.

I can imagine.

So, you're safe and well fed,
healthy and successful.

Let me ask you.

As long as you and your sister
could be together,

and if it were up to you,
with whom would you want to live?

We want to live at home with our family.

Sue the Church?

Why not?
A lightning bolt is an act of God.

The church holds itself out
as an agent of God.

Let's slap the Episcopalians.

It's ridiculous.

You got a better idea?

You're the one that's supposed
to have the better ideas,

because you said we could beat this
in summary judgment.

Okay, here's an idea.

Why don't we tell the judge
to kiss my ass?

That can work pretty nicely if
you say it just right.

Let me practice.

Kiss my ass.
What do you think?

No, no! No, no, no. no!

Uh-huh. That's enough.

I don't do drugs, and I don't drink.

I take A.P. classes,
and I get all straight A's.

And you're graduating early?

With honors.

You also have a web site, don't you?

It's called Thinspire.

It's a support community for
goal-oriented young women.

We post articles and suggestions on
how to live a more thinspirational life.

And how do you plan to
support yourself financially?

I model.

Well, I'm just getting started, really.

I've done fashion shows for
a few local department stores,

but recently I've gotten
a lot of catalog work.

It's pretty steady,
and I make about $125 an hour.

It sounds to me like you're doing
pretty well for yourself, Ms. Wilson.

Yes, I am.

What did you have for
breakfast this morning?

I had a diet soda and a cracker
with some butter spray on it.

- And lunch?
- I didn't eat lunch.

I can't eat when I'm stressed out.

So, how many calories
have you had today?

Sixteen.

Are you aware that the daily
required number of calories

for someone of your age and height is
somewhere between 1,800 and 2,500?

And are you aware that two out of
three Americans are overweight?

No one's calling them sick.

I'm healthy.
I watch what I eat and I exercise.

You can ask any fat girl at my school
if she'd want to trade places with me.

Now don't go knocking fat girls.

I love chubby sex and
I'm sure your honor does.

Mr. Crane!

Ms. Wilson,

are you aware that the "Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders"

defines anorexia nervosa
as a mental illness?

Thirty years ago they said the
same thing about homosexuality.

Exactly!

No further questions.

I don't understand.

Why does he need to hear closing
statements? It's a simple decision.

What is wrong with this judge?

Well, maybe he's just prejudiced against,
you know, skinheads.

Do I look like a skinhead, Mr. Shore?

I'm told they can take on various forms.

Hey, if you're prejudiced against us,

�� Rise up and shine,
America's sons and daughters. ��

Quiet!

Listen, as much as I enjoy
the company of you, show people,

I have a closing to prepare,

so I'll see you and your full heads
of hair at the courthouse.

We are not bigoted.
Our message is simply...

It's good to be white.
I'll meet you at the courthouse.

Case going well?

It isn't over yet, Shirley.

We haven't even gotten to the part
where I deliver my politically biased

but compelling closing argument.

Now, how cute is that?

We've heard testimony
from your daughter

that at her new, lower weight,
her social life's improved.

- She's being asked out on dates.
- That's true, but...

She's getting more involved in school
activities now that her self-esteem is up.

We've heard she loves theater and dance.

At her previous weight,
she was getting supporting roles,

and now she's got the lead
in "Grease", correct? / Yes.

Wouldn't you say your daughter,
is blossoming at her new weight?

But that's not the point.

So because Claire has
chosen a pro-ana lifestyle,

her life has improved.

She's now working professionally.

She's completely capable of living on her
own and this is a threat to you, isn't it?

No, that's not it at all.

And under your care,
you'd want her to gain weight,

which would make her lose her self-esteem,
her career would suffer,

but you'd still have control
over your little girl's life.

Objection! She's being, uh...

objectionable.

Sustained.

I have my daughter's
best interests at heart.

You're a forty year old single mother
working in a steakhouse.

The only good thing that you have
going for you is your daughter.

You want to hang on to her
as long as you possibly can...

Objection! / so you don't have
to examine your own empty life.

- Your honor!
- Ms. Ford, that's enough.

Ms. Sims?

You can call me Claire.

Claire, uh, the, uh, the case that
Mr. Coho and Mr. Chase are working on...

- Mm-hmm?
- I, uh... I pulled up some research.

The cell phone?

Evidently, he was talking on it when
he got struck by the lightning?

Those studies linking cell phones and
lightning have been completely debunked.

Well...

Go ahead, Clarence.

Clarence.

The... The studies have been, uh,
mainly discounted, but not totally.

And conflicting studies... it...
becomes a question of fact, not law.

Which means the case can't
get kicked at summary judgment.

Can I see those studies, please?

Interesting, I could run with this.

I'll run with it.

Guys...

How are they supposed to seriously
function in this world as adults

if they've been brought up
as white supremacists?

Many seem to do just fine.

Your honor, is that an environment that
you would subject your children to?

And this is a physical danger as well.

White supremacists are more likely
to become involved in violence.

They're hate groups,

Mr. Shore can deride me for pulling
the national security card,

but do not tell me that the
Timothy McVeighs of this world

and the Christian Identity
Organization and the like,

which support violence and are
antigovernment,

you can't tell me that they don't pose
a threat to this country.

For God's sake, these two little girls
are being taught to adhere to a whites-only,

immigrant-bashing, Jew-hating ideology.

You heard them.

And their performances are being used
to recruit other people to join in with the prejudice.

How can this court not step in
and rescue them?

Benjamin Franklin is often attributed
with the quote,

"Those who would give up
essential liberty

to purchase a little temporary
safety deserve neither."

And he certainly knew
what he was talking about.

He ate lots of red meat and
invented the swim fin.

When our current president,
who, by the way, has invented nothing,

signed the Patriot Act into law in 2001,

not a single member of congress
could be found

who had read the bill all
the way through.

And yet, they couldn't wait to
hand over our rights.

"Al Queda's coming. Where's my pen?"

Anything to feel safe.

Like a parent who dangles car keys
to distract a child,

our government whips out national security
to grab our attention

whenever they deem it necessary.

And that's what opposing council
is doing here.

But this case is not
about national security.

It's about a family.

Granted, a family that is so filled with spite

and ignorance and shockingly untutored
ideas that it beggars the imagination,

but still a family.

And as long as Lauren and Katey
are well fed and well cared for,

a family the law cannot and
should not touch.

Now I think we would all agree

that we'd prefer these children to
be raised in a different way.

Certainly Mrs. Tanner's sister thinks so.

But she knows legally that is not possible,

so she and her lawyer are

wheeling out our latest favorite
rights-squashing mechanism, national security.

And who can blame them?
It's all the rage.

If you want to look
at people's bank records,

tap their phones, read their e-mails,
go ahead, do it.

Just say it's a matter of national security.

And now we're claiming
the Tanner family is a threat.

If that is the case, if there is any
actual evidence linking them to a crime,

by all means, be my guest, please,
have at 'em, arrest them.

But if there is no cause to arrest them,

then leave this family alone.

Where's my mom?
Is she all right?

She's in here, still alive.

- You lied to me.
- No, I didn't.

I told you your mom was in the hospital,
and you had to get down here immediately,

and she is still alive.

Only this young woman unfortunately,
is not doing quite so well.

Ms. Murr, Claire Wilson.

My daughter Cathy has complications
due to anorexia nervosa.

Claire.

You really thought that that after school special
"O.C." crap was going to work on me?

- Cookie?
- That girl has what you have.

No, she doesn't.

- A true pro-ana wouldn't fail like that.
- Are you serious?

- Chips?
- Stop offering me food.

What the hell is going on here?

My mother and Mr. Crane are trying to
scare me by showing me a girl who's dying.

You're going to die, Claire.

Can't you get that?
You're going to die.

You had the nerve to call
my client down here

and show her that
without my knowledge?

This is outrageous.

I'll notify the court.
I'll notify the BAR.

Congratulations,
you've just lost your daughter.

Oh, Alan.

Sophia, hello.

Come in.

Can I ask you, um...

Is Denny Crane any good?

Why do you ask me that?

Well, he's been a bit of a clown in court,

and he orchestrated this ridiculous stunt
at a hospital.

And I'm gonna...

I am gonna lose my daughter.

Is there any way you could take over?

Ooh, that would be...

I'm not sure Denny Crane knows
what he's doing.

Sophia, what's going on?

Sophia and I were just
discussing the case, Denny.

She mentioned your creative stunt
at the hospital this morning.

Brilliant.

I just finished my closing.
Would you like to read it?

Sure.

My office.

I'm gonna have to hire somebody else.

Don't do anything yet, Sophia.
Let me work on this.

This is a situation that touches
two deep emotional chords in all of us.

The sanctity of the family
on the one hand,

the distaste we feel for
hatemongering on the other.

But the law is clear.

Mr. and Mrs. Tanner may be
questionable as human beings

but they are loving parents.

The petitioner's motion
for removal is denied.

�� Michael, row the boat ashore,
hallelujah. ��

�� Michael, row... ��

Michael was a gay Jew from Mexico.
You know that, of course.

Let's go, girls.

Just let me lead,
and then you follow.

I'll lead. It's my case.
I took it.

She took it.

Under my supervision as partner.

Guys, you're both partners.
I'm not.

So why am I the only one acting
like an adult?

Okay, let me just say something
before we go in here.

I have tried to have patience with him,

but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

You ever win any battles, Brad?

Okay, let's go in.

Good morning, thank you
for agreeing to see us.

I am Denise Bauer.
This is Brad Chase and...

I'm Jeffrey Coho.

I know how busy you are,
so I thought we'd cut right to it.

We represent a woman
by the name of Annabelle Caruthers
whose husband was regrettably killed

after being struck by lightning
while talking on a cell phone

manufactured by your client
Cybus Technologies.

Yes.

Why don't you cut right to the part
where we should be held liable?

- Certainly...
- You see, when lightning strikes,

the human skin offers some protection,
significant, in fact.

What happens is electricity is conducted
over the skin rather than through the body.

It's a phenomenon know as flashover.

Conductive material in direct contact
with the skin,

especially something metallic
such as a mobile phone,

can negate the flashover effect,

cause the voltage to go
right through the body.

We've brought three studies
that speak to liability.

As for the issue of foresee-ability,
there have been other cases.

In Australia, they now issue warnings.

England is considering doing so.

The fact is using a cell phone in
a thunderstorm is potentially lethal.

And can result in death.

It resulted in the death of
our client's husband.

Look, you're gonna have
your experts. We'll have ours.

But in the meantime,
the cost of negative publicity alone...

Not to mention, of the billions of dollars
generated from cell phone usage,

hundreds of millions come from people
talking on the outside in inclement weather.

You don't want people putting their cell
phones away during storms, do you?

You should both be
embarrassed, for God's sake.

Do you have anything to say for yourself?

- I won.
- You did not.

Oh, shut up, both of you!

God!

Obviously I have to keep you apart,

since you lack the maturity to
conduct yourselves as adults.

We got an offer.

What do you mean, you got an offer?

$75,000. Its not a lot,
but as far as a lightning-bolt case goes...

- Told you I'd get something.
- I got it.

Shut up!

Who's this?

I'm Alan Shore. Mr. Crane was
unexpectedly called to court.

I'm filling in.
I'll make this very brief.

- What's this?
- This would be an arrest warrant.

Don't be concerned.

They won't execute it
unless I give them the word.

An arrest warrant for whom?

You.

- Me?
- Yes, Ms. Wilson.

It turns out your web site gives
other teenagers' advice on

how to acquire diet pills with
or without a prescription.

That's not against the law.

It is if she is contributing to
the delinquency of a minor.

You've got all kinds of little tips in there

that could expose you to
both criminal and civil liability.

What's going on?
I could actually be arrested?

I can make this go away.
Do not worry.

Yes, you can certainly
have your day in court,

possibly prevail, though I doubt it.

And in the meantime,

word of your arrest will undoubtedly
make it to the modeling agencies,

and there goes your livelihood.
A scandalous scandal.

And then the civil lawsuits can begin.

Will you be representing her for free
in those, Ms. Ford?

My suggestion would be to go to rehab
and get the help you need.

But I suppose you could go to jail

and add two new photos to
your portfolio, front and side.

This is so pathetically desperate.

Well, finally we agree on something.

I'm desperate.

How about the lawyer's leave?

And you can have a conversation
with your mother.

This isn't exactly the image
I had in my mind,

but I'm still aroused.

I'm glad to hear it.

Maybe I could throw my costume on,

and we could go do
what rabbits like to do best.

- Don't make me hit you.
- Hit me?

You wouldn't be standing under mistletoe
unless you wanted to kiss me.

I'm not standing under...

Hey!

Hey!

Okay! The slobber you just got
came from his mouth.

Quite the party, I see.

- I assume I was invited.
- It goes without saying.

Which is why it did.

Dance, Denny?

She made it sound like I have a choice.

That leaves you and me.

And him.

- Jerry?
- Merry Christmas, my friend.

Thank you.

- Open it.
- Okay.

I paint.

One of my hobbies is to
supplant the faces of people

I care about on famous personalities
that match up well.

I see.

Oh. Jerry...

It's amazing.

- Wow.
- Do you like it?

I love it.

I guess we should work this out.

Does it have to be tonight?

Well, it is the season.

Peace on Earth, good will toward men.

What was that?

- Good will toward men?
- No right before that.

Peace on Earth?

I knew it.

A liberal.

Aren't you coming out to join the party?

Maybe in a minute.

Well, I have somebody
who wants to say hello to you.

I just want to thank you.

I was told you were the one who came up
with the idea to sue the phone company.

And $75,000,
that's a lot of money to me.

And, um, I just want to thank you.

Okay.

He's cute.

Yes, he is.

You pass the BAR, Clarence?

Yes, but I could never practice.

Why not?

I... I could never.

I think we're gonna work on that.

Handicapped.

- Excuse me.
- Coming through.

Out of my way!

Handicapped.

We had our first three-way tonight.

I'm not sure that Shirley enjoyed it
as much as we did.

It was fabulous for me.

She didn't quite taste the same
as I remember.

She tasted more like...

Me. That was my slobber, Denny.

We finally exchanged bodily fluids.

Did I tell you my case worked out?

Sophia's daughter decided
to come home after all.

Fantastic.

Got a call from the clerk's office to come
to court for the summations.

Turns out it was a mistake.

And, uh, by the time I got back,

Sophia was on the phone
with the good news.

Well, you must've somehow
reached the girl, Denny.

Congratulations.

Of course, the warrant didn't hurt.

I may miss a lot, Alan,

but I don't miss everything.

I just...

came up with the idea

and I thought you'd object to
any kind of assistance.

So you decided to keep the truth from me?

Sophia came to you.

She didn't trust that I was winning.

But I was, Alan.

I believe you.

I'm not sure you do.

But I know your heart's in the right place.

And how can I be mad at anyone
who can get Shirley to dress like a rabbit?

She is a goddess, isn't she?

Oh, boy.

Denny, maybe for Christmas...

You can't have her.

- How about...
- No!

Well, Merry Christmas
just the same, my friend.

Merry Christmas.

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