All language subtitles for Abbott Elementary s01e01 Pilot.eng

[ School bell rings ]
Janine: Oh, Nina,

excellent sentence structure.

Let me see. "My favorite movie
is 'Toy Story,'

and my favorite character
is Woody."

Good. Mine too.

Well, more of a Buzz girl.
I love his ambition.

Right, guys?
Child: Yeah.

Okay, let's see.
Uh, Brittany.

"My favorite movie
is 'American Gangster.'

Yep.
And my favorite character is Frank Lucas."

Okay.
That is a great sentence.

And I will be having
a third talk with your mom

about what you're watching
at home.

Ow! Ms. Teagues,
Andrew hit me!

Andrew, apologize.

1...2...3...4.

I'm Janine Teagues.

I've been teaching second grade

here at Abbott Elementary
for a year now.

...8...9...

And as a product of
the Philadelphia school system,

I'm proud to say I survived
and now teach here today.

Alright, guys, so,
there have been three presidents

since this one, okay?

It's an old book,

so here's where I taped in
the others.

I'd say the main problem
in this school district is,

yeah, no money.

Uh, the city says
there isn't any,

but they're doing a
multimillion-dollar renovation

to the Eagles' stadium
down the street from here.

But we just make do.

I mean, the staff here
is incredible.

They're all amazing teachers.

I really look up to them all.

[ Children shouting ]
Please, sit down!

Why?!

Well, I look up to
the older ones.

We younger teachers are still
getting the hang of it...

if we don't end up leaving.

Look, I know
this school is rough,

but I became a teacher

to make sure
students come out alive.

And after learning a lot
in my first year,

I finally feel on top of things.

[ Liquid trickling ]

Jamal,
what are you doing?

I had to go,
and the toilets don't work.

And the rug was Plan B?!

[ Maker's "Hold'em" plays ]

??

[ "Baby Shark" playing ]

Janine, why are you putting
that rug away?

Erica, I told you
to call me Ms. Teagues.

I'm an adult, though we are
almost the same height.

And there's a little bit
too much pee on it.

Mm!

Yeah, but where do we sit
for story time?

[ Sighs ] I will
figure something out, okay?

Losing the rug is a big deal.

For primary classes,

rugs are like a calming space
for the kids.

It's like a Xanax.

Like a huge Xanax
for kids to sit on.

Janine.
Turn that down, please!

I'm trying to teach my
kindergartners the letter "C,"

and they are distracted
by this song.

It's like "Back That Azz Up"
for kids.

Hey, guys, um,
could you sit down, please?

Guys,
I'm gonna count to 3.

1...2...

And I am not counting.
Sit down!

[ Music stops ]

I'm Barbara Howard,
woman of God.

I do my work, I go home.

I get my nails done every week.

And...I love teaching.

That is incredible,
Ms. Howard.

I can't wait to get
on that level.

Where is your class,
by the way?

Out in the hallway
in a single file.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Kindergartners:
Good morning, Ms. Teagues!

You know, Ms. Howard,
you remind me so much

of my favorite teacher from
the third grade, Ms. Elliot.

She was well-dressed,
good with kids,

a wizard with a glue gun...

Thank you, Janine.
That is very kind of you.

Yeah, I-I wanted to be
just like her, actually.

I was, like,
obsessed with her.

She wrote
in my report card note,

"Needs friends her own age.
A bit clingy."

She was a hoot.
Yes.

Anyway, hey,
did you get my e-mail

about the two of us hanging
together after school or...

No.
It must have gone to spam.

It's so crazy how my e-mails

do that with you
and nobody else.

Uh...
Class, turn around.

Bye, Mom... I'm sorry.
Ms. Howard.

Bye, Ms. Howard.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Janine, Janine,
you're not gonna believe this.

Rachel freakin' Maddow
just retweeted me.

Wow!
So I basically work for MSNBC.

I'm Jacob Hill.

Uh, I like to say
I teach history,

but I live in the present.

Jacob and I came in together
last year

with 20 other teachers.

We're two of the three left.

So trauma bonding, I guess?

Hey, do you want
cheese steaks

from the corner store
for lunch today?

Uh, not...
not from there.

The guy behind the counter,
he calls me "white boy."

Well, it's like
a term of endearment,

and, like, if you don't like it,
just ask him to stop.

No way.

There's an entire chapter in
"White Fragility" on that, okay?

Robin DiAngelo, she says,

"When you start policing
people who have..."

Hey, Melissa, can you please
tell "Ta-Nehisi Quotes" here

that "white boy" is
a term of endearment

from the corner-store
people?

For Zach Ertz, yeah.
For him, it's an insult.

Hmm?

Uh...Melissa.

Schemmenti.
Second-grade teacher.

What's half of 100?

Children: 50!

Also, $100,
known as a C-note.

You Sicilian?

Italian?

You from South?

Okay, you guys
working with the cops?

'Cause you gotta tell me.

Whew!
Guys, I need a new rug.

Mine is officially done.

Mmm! Me too.

I shook mine out,
and all of the asthma kids

had to go to the nurse's office.

Yeah, mine's busted.

And you can't
class up a rug

like you can a couch
with a nice coat of plastic.

Hey-yo!
What it do, baby-boos?

What y'all think about this
little film crew

I brought in here?
Distracting, makes our jobs harder.

But exciting.
We about to be on TV.

Because they are covering
underfunded, poorly managed

public schools in America.

No press
is bad press, Barb.

Look at Mel Gibson.
Still thriving.

[ Laughs ] "Daddy's Home 2"?
Hilarious!

Janine:
Ava's our principal.

She has a...
unique take on her job.

She's bad at her job.

What's unique is that
she's bad at her job.

There you are.
Ava, can I talk to you?

Uh, I need an aide.

I'm outnumbered in there.
The kids are crazy.

One of them told me
to mind my six this morning.

I don't know what that means,
and I need help.

Calm down.
They're just kids.

And, besides, aides cost money,
and we don't have that.

Right, but I just...
Do you want to split your salary

with somebody else?
No.

No, no.
I didn't think so.

Well, if we can't get aides,
maybe we can get new rugs?

All I'm hearing is, "New, new,
new, need, need, need."

And, yet, Barb,

one of our best
and most senior teachers here,

she never complains.

What is your secret, Barb?

Knowing there's not much
you can do, Ava.

So understanding.

Be like Ms. Howard, people.

[ School bell rings ]
[ Chuckles ]

[ Sniffles ]
But I'm not Ms. Howard.

Oh! Tina, look, just try
some counting exercises.

Somewhere between 1 and 40,
the kids calm down.

Uh...

Oh. [ Sighs ]

You know, a little support

might help
make things happen, ladies.

My support was gonna do
about as much

as that five-year-old bra
you've got on right there.

Hey, it's not impossible
to get things.

Melissa asked for
those new toy cash registers

for her classroom
and got them.

Yeah, those aren't toys.

I know a guy who worked
a Walmart demolition.

I got a guy
for everything.

I know a guy right now
working the stadium build.

Need rebar?
No.

Melissa is resourceful,
capable.

Well, I think the younger
teachers are capable.

Really? Then why is it

that Ms. Schwartz's hair
is falling out?

Why does Jacob here
need a smoking break every five minutes?

I switched to
an herbal vape.

And why can't any of you

stick it out
longer than two years?

More turnovers
than a bakery.

[ Door opens ]

Ouch.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Door closes ]

You know what? Hell, I think
we should still try for rugs.

Yeah.

You know, before I taught here,
I was in Zimbabwe.

I was doing
Teachers Without Borders,

and what I learned...
Jacob,

what did I say about, like,
not talking

about your time
in Africa?

You... You told me to...
I told you to stop.

Yeah, it's weird.

The new-teacher track record
here isn't great,

but, ultimately,
we are passionate

and capable of doing this job.

Janine, Ms. Schwartz
just kicked Rajon,

and everyone's in the hallway
going crazy.

Wait. What?

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Alright, alright.
Calm down.

Calm down.
What happened?

He hit me first!
Liar!

I'm a liar?!
I'm the liar?!

Okay, aspetta.
Calm it down.

I wonder if she tried counting.
[ Chuckles ]

Jacob: Alright, let's get you
to the nurse.

You do not hit a kid.

It's like the one thing
you don't do.

You could threaten them.

You can yell at them.

Threaten the parents.

Mildly embarrass them.

I threatened a grandfather once.

You just don't kick a kid.

There was the bet.
You didn't do...

Okay.
Oh.

So, not good.

Ms. Schwartz was out of line

and clearly didn't know
how to handle her class.

You hired her.
And fired her.

They give me a lot of power
around here. It's crazy.

In the meantime, Mr. Johnson
will be watching her class.

Wait. Sorry.
Mr. Johnson, the janitor?

That's who runs the world, kids.

I think maybe we should alert
the school district to this.

I mean, a child was harmed.

Hey! H-Harmed?
I handled this.

No need to let them know that
a child was harmed on my wa...

on the school's watch,
to be clear.

Ava, this is not handled.

There is a 70-year-old custodian
who voted for Kanye

teaching social studies
right now.

We need help. Look, I know
we don't have any money...

Okay! Alright,
I'll make a small

emergency budget request
to the district,

and you guys can get pencils
and hire aides

or whatever else you need.

So even rugs?
Sure!

Just e-mail a request.

Okay, I can...
I can write an e-mail.

Another day
in principal life.

? I believe the children
are our future ?

Yes! Hear that?

Ask and receive.
Mm.

[ School bell rings ]

I'll get you two.
Okay.

Um...hello?

I'm looking for
Ms. Coleman.

Oh, yeah, she...

Hello.

Hi. I'm Gregory Eddie.

I'm the sub for the teacher

who, uh...
punted a student.

Oh! You're the sub.
Forgive me.

I thought one of my colleagues
here hired a stripper for me.

[ Laughs ]

Okay.

Nice to meet you,
young man.

Yeah, you too.
Yeah, nice to meet you, Ryan.

It's Gregory.

Eh, let's see
how long you'll be here.

Then I'll remember your name,
okay, Tim?

Yes! My dude.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Keepin' it profesh.
I like that.

I'm Jacob.

It's nice to see
another male teacher in here.

Hmm!
There's not a lot of us.

Hey, now I got somebody
to talk sports with.

You like women's tennis?

Or, as I call it, you know,
regular tennis.

I'm subbing here
because I need a job

until I can become principal.

It's what I studied for.

I actually interviewed here
and got it, but then...

I don't know...
something happened.

I go to the same church
as the Superintendent.

Caught him cheating on his wife
with the deaconess.

I needed a job.

"Is your school sick?
Try prescription rugs." Classic.

Child:
[ Cough, splatter ]

Children: Ewwww!

Oh, my God!
Bria, what happened?

I threw up.

Great communication skills,
Bria.

Okay, let's get you
cleaned up.

I actually throw up
all the time, so it's okay.

Argh!
[ Screams ]

Random man!
Child pants!

Security!
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!

I'm... I'm Gregory, the, uh...
the sub for Ms. Schwartz.

Okay. Oh.
Yeah.

But that's still not
explaining the pants.

Security!
Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, one of my kids

had to go to the bathroom,
so I brought him,

but then he accidentally
went on himself.

Oh! Okay.

And I tried to
flush the toilet,

and the water shot back up
in the air.

And then I'm...
Oh, God.

No one told you about
Reversy Toilet then?

Okay.
No. Why is that even a thing?

I know.
I'm sorry. Okay.

Um, could you just
watch her for a second?

Um... Hi.

How you doing?
I threw up.

Alright.

Okay. I'll be back for her,
and I have some spare clothes

for him in my room.

I will get him changed

and then send him back to you,
alright?

Oh, w-wait.
What was your name?

Oh. Silly me.

I'm Janine.
So, nice to meet you.

Oh, sorry, pee.
There's vomit.

Yeah.
Um, make a wish.

[ Both laugh ]

Okay, welcome to
our school. Okay.

Thanks.

It's okay.
Everyone pees, you know?

Yeah, that was disgusting,
but she seems nice.

Is that me?
[ Sniffs ]

[ School bell rings ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Alright. Remember...
? Good morning, Mrs. Howard ?

2 and 2 equals...
All: 4!

Yes!

Sorry.

I wanted to get your expert,
classy eye

on my rug request e-mail
to Ava.

Janine, we are not getting
new rugs.

We are not getting
anything.

Barbara, have some faith.

Ava literally said
she'll get us whatever we need.

Janine, I have been working in
the Philadelphia School District

for 20 years,

and Ava is just the latest

in a long line of people
who do absolutely nothing.

Just do your job.
But this is me doing my job.

I think the job means trying to
make things better.

And I think the job is working
with what you've got

so you don't get let down.

[ Intercom beeps ]
Ava: Good morning, teachers.

During passing, please come to
the front entrance

for a special announcement

about some much-needed
improvements to the school

that I made happen.

Yes!
Oh, did you hear that?!

Optimism wins again!
[ Gasps ]

"Oh, thank you, Janine."

No problem,
Ms. Howard.

"You're doing
your job so well,

I see a little bit of me
in you."

You do? 'Cause I always felt
we had a lot in common.

"Oh, Janine,
? You're so lovely ?"

I got a good feeling
about this. Right? Me too.

Good morning. [ Laughs ]
Good morning.

Gregory.

The district was so moved
by my plea

that they approved
the emergency budget

and sent us the money
right away.

Okay, we could have
hired aides,

we could have got rugs,
but then I thought,

"No. We need something
more immediate."

Oh, no, no.
The rugs are immediate.

They're... they're like
instant Xanax for kids.

I explained it all
in my e-mail.

Girl, who told you
to send an e-mail? You did.

Anyway, I always feel better
when I get my hair done.

Thus, I do better work,
like I'm doing now.

You know, fix the outside,
inside takes care of itself.

Y'all seeing this?

A plastic sign?

Thank God for
the school district,

'cause they gave us $3,000,
and I had to spend all of it.

You spent all of the money
on this?!

Rush job.
Can you believe this quality?

How's that optimism taste?

Janine: This is ridiculous.
She has gone too far.

Somebody needs to
do something. I...

Yes, yes.
Somebody should do something.

You know what?
I'm gonna do something.

Okay. Alright.
Whatever you do,

I will cosign it.
Yes!

That is how change works...
someone does something,

and somebody cosigns it.

Ava can't win here,

because if she wins,
then Barbara's right.

And if Barbara's right, then
what does that say about me?

I mean, am I even a Sagittarius?

Hey, you two.
Wait up.

I'm going out to lunch,
too.

Oh, yeah? Where you going
for lunch, pip-squeak?

Bird feeder?

I thought you'd be working on
your next miracle

from Saint Ava.

Ha ha. No.

I don't think I'll need anything
from Ava ever again.

[ Chuckles ]
What does that mean?

Well, I e-mailed
the superintendent

and told him everything that Ava
has done today.

No way she doesn't
get fired.

Oh, for the love
of God. What?

The superintendent
never sees our e-mails.

He has them bounced back

to the person in charge
of where they came from.

Wait. I'm sorry.

Person in charge?

That means the e-mails
go back to...

[ Intercom beeps ]
Ava: Teachers,

it's come to my attention that
some of you... one of you...

think it's okay
to go over my head.

So during lunch break...
this lunch break...

we'll be having
a trust workshop

so that we can learn
how to become a work family.

It's gonna be fun!

We are at a crossroads.
This is a crisis.

No, a crisis is eating
the cafeteria pizza for lunch.

Uh, why are we here,
exactly?

Well, chocolate drop, I learned

that someone here
doesn't respect me.

But it's not about me,
'cause if you don't respect me,

how can you respect this school?

You can't.
It's mathematically impossible.

W-Whoa. Who doesn't
respect you, Ava...

I-I mean, the school?

It's not important.

We're gonna make this
a group matter

as to not single
any one person out.

Let's try an exercise
where we say

whatever we want
out loud to each other,

no matter how critical.

It'll be fun!
Let's start with Janine.

Janine?

Yes?

You're pushy, squeaky,
and annoying.

Excuse me?
That's just...

No, it's not bad. No.

We're sharing with the goal
of making us all better.

Constructive.

Hershey Kiss,
why don't you try?

Start with Janine.

I really don't want to.
You're right.

It should be someone
who knows her better.

Jacob, Barbara?

Well, her hair is...
Absolutely not.

Yeah, absolutely not.

Ava, no one's doing this
to anyone.

Hold on.
I came prepared for this.

Sheena, come on in.

Ava, that is my student.
She should be at lunch.

I am kind of hungry.

Ava: Sheena, remember
what we talked about?

What was the thing
that you wish was different

about Ms. Teagues?

She got some big feet.

Okay. Everyone,
[Sighs] that's enough.

I am the person
who disrespected Ava.

I e-mailed the superintendent
to tell him

that she spent
the school's money on a sign.

I'm sorry, Ava.

And I'm sorry
everyone missed lunch,

especially you, Sheena.

But I did it because I care
about the kids in this school,

and that shouldn't be
a bad thing.

I... [ Sighs ]

Okay.
You know what?

Actually, Sheena,
you should have this.

I'm so sorry.
No, thank you.

Okay.

[ Door opens ]

Not a compelling speaker.
[ Laughs ]

[ Door closes ]
Charisma vacuum, am I right?

You know what, Ava?
Janine is a lot of things...

naive, a bit clingy,
too cheerful.

Oh, this is good stuff.
Let me call her back in.

But she is also right.

You know, actually
wanting to help the children

at this school
shouldn't be a bad thing.

[ Clicks tongue ]
Mm!

And where is everybody going?

To check on Janine.
To eat lunch...

after I check on Janine.

[ Door opens ]

Janine, ignore Ava.

Big feet are a sign of
fertility.

Every lunch period,
Barbara.

Every single one, Amir
comes and naps on the rug.

Mm-hmm.
He was in my class.

Mom's got a lot of kids.

Dad's not around,
and when he is, the parents fight.

Right. So he doesn't get
much sleep.

I told him
to sleep at his desk,

but he says
the rug is softer...

softer than his bed
at home.

You know what?
I don't care

if you think I'm good at this
or not anymore.

I care about whether or not
I can make a change.

Janine, teachers
at a school like Abbott...

we have to be able to
do it all.

We are admin.
We are social workers.

We are therapists.
We are second parents.

Hell, sometimes,
we're even first.

Melissa: Mm-hmm.
Why?

Heh, it sure ain't
the money.

Mm-hmm.

I could make more
working the street... easy.

Look, we do this
'cause we're supposed to.

It's a calling.
Mm.

You answered.

I believe it was
Brother Cornel West...

Don't.
Not right now. Don't!

You want to know
my secret?

Do everything you can
for your kids.

We'll help.

Hey, I suggest we put
our money together

and buy Janine the rug.

What y'all think?
Absolutely.

Yes.
Guys, you can't.

You don't have it.

I know because
I have the same salary as you

and I overdrafted on
a doughnut hole this morning.

Well, what are you
gonna do?

Steal a rug?

Not me, but I know a guy
who knows a guy?

[ Cellphone clacking ]

Way ahead of you.

I'm gonna have to
bake a ziti.

Hey, Tony, you big strunz,
listen,

you still working
that stadium build?

This day hasn't been easy,
but it's been good,

because I finally get
what Barbara has been saying.

Oh, my God.
He came. Go get it.

-Hello! Hi.
-Yeah!

You have to find a way.

Get things done yourself.

Hey, thank you so much.
What's your name?

I got no name.
He doesn't got a name.

Okay.

Even if the way you do them
is...

outside of the system.
[ Chuckles ]

You're on a mission.
It's cool to see.

Thank you.

It's just a day in the life
of being a teacher here.

You get used to it.

And that smell
in the walls?

Oh, no, you're never
gonna get used to that.

Okay.
So...

But, um, you're subbing to
go full time, right? Like...

Um, we'll see.
Mm.

The job definitely
surprises me.

Well, I hope you stay.

For the kids.

Yeah.

Okay.

[ Chuckles ]

Gregory: I'll stick around
for a little while.

[ Clears throat ]
You know, for the kids.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Janine: I provided for
my students today.

That's huge.
It's all any of us want to do.

"And gave him
a piece of tough ash.

But no sooner had the man
fitted it into his ax-head

than he quickly began
to use it..."

I was called, I answered,
and now I know,

even with no help from
the higher-ups

and no money from the city,

I can get this job done.

Man: Alright, Step 3, you flush
the toilet to empty the tank.

Now you're all set to go.

Now, remember,
you got to redo Step 1

before trying to flush.

But money
would still be nice, though.

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