All language subtitles for The Larkins - 01x05 - In Which Mas Sister Bertha Comes to Visit.AMZN.SDCC.English.HI.edit.Addic7ed.com
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1
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,480
VACUUMING
2
00:00:18,759 --> 00:00:20,199
I can still see dust!
3
00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,800
Well, nobody else can.
4
00:00:21,839 --> 00:00:24,280
You all right, Mum?
Yes. Do more cleaning.
5
00:00:25,879 --> 00:00:29,079
Oh! What's this? My eyes!
Stop the polishing!
6
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,960
Is the Queen coming today, is she?
Yes, Queen Bertha of Bromley.
7
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,280
I thought it might be good
for your sister to see some dirt.
8
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,000
She will NOT see any dirt!
9
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,079
Why are you worrying?
Ooh!
10
00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:43,280
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Come on, love.
11
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,320
I...
Come on.
12
00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:46,600
Oh...
13
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,399
BELL TRINGS,
HE WHISTLES
14
00:00:52,439 --> 00:00:55,359
HE LAUGHS
Childish, Pop. Very childish.
15
00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:57,960
Ooh, Edith, yes!
16
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,799
You're on the parish council.
Yes.
17
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,840
Do you want to join us?
You'd be such an asset.
18
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,679
Or the playing fields committee?
I'm on that, too. Do join us.
19
00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,520
Or the Knitting For Poor,
Cold Children club?
20
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,039
Edith, Edith...
Forgive me.
21
00:01:08,079 --> 00:01:10,240
You bring out the poxy in me.
Oh, right.
22
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,120
I've been told Tom Fisher
wants to extend his hotel
23
00:01:13,159 --> 00:01:14,879
and do away with Spreading Linda.
24
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,079
Oh, no, Spreading Linda?
Our beautiful tree?
25
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,920
I was in and out of her
many a summer back
26
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:21,560
when I felt able to do
that sort of thing.
27
00:01:21,599 --> 00:01:24,079
D'you know if he's submitted
any plans? No.
28
00:01:25,239 --> 00:01:27,519
Would you like me to trigger
the consultation process
29
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,599
via Rule 29B and call a meeting?
30
00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:34,760
There you go.
Thanks.
31
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,400
Have you seen Charley?
I think he's avoiding me.
32
00:01:39,439 --> 00:01:42,040
Because you're spending time
with Tom. Less than with him.
33
00:01:42,079 --> 00:01:45,840
Tom's just more pushy.
And... smooth as a baby's arse.
34
00:01:45,879 --> 00:01:48,439
GIGGLING Did I hear "arse"?
35
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,239
Anyway, I'm off to my job in Paris
in a few weeks...
36
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,079
And Charley's an angel.
I don't wanna hurt him.
37
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,560
I told him he should have swept you
off your feet by now.
38
00:01:56,599 --> 00:01:59,400
Well, if he has to be told, then
there's not much point, is there?
39
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,120
Right... ladies!
40
00:02:03,159 --> 00:02:06,120
Let's get picking!
THEY LAUGH
41
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,519
OK.
Whoo!
42
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,719
Down by your strawberry beds, anyone?
43
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,879
Let's pick this field naked!
44
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,079
Whooooo!
MARIETTE SCREAMS
45
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,520
I've just been so full of life
down here on the Larkins' farm, Mum!
46
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,800
'Because of this girl?'
Yes! No.
47
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:25,240
Abso... No. Mum, it's... everyone.
Everything.
48
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,280
'And are you still happy?'
Er...
49
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,120
Actually... no.
50
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,599
WHISTLING
51
00:02:47,759 --> 00:02:50,520
Mr Larkin!
Tom.
52
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,120
What, do you wanna come in?
Oh, no, Tom.
53
00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:56,080
I've got some mad in-laws
to get home to.
54
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,719
You know...
Anyway, look, word is that,
55
00:02:58,759 --> 00:03:01,960
besides turning Bluff Court
into a big hotel...
56
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,360
you're gonna be knocking down
our most famous tree!
57
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,120
Well... that's all speculative
at this stage.
58
00:03:07,159 --> 00:03:08,439
No, it's not. You mean business,
59
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,879
and you should be sharing that
with the village,
60
00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:12,120
so we can all discuss it.
61
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,000
Do you share all YOUR business plans?
62
00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:16,719
Well, of course!
If it affects everyone.
63
00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:17,800
So!
64
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,639
See you at the village hall.
65
00:03:28,479 --> 00:03:30,439
All right, Charley?
66
00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:33,599
Mm-hm.
Yeah, just ringing my parents.
67
00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,840
Though it is odd, being called
"Cedric". I kept correcting them.
68
00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:40,439
Yeah, they're shocked that I've
thrown in my job at the tax office.
69
00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:41,719
Well, what did you tell them?
70
00:03:41,759 --> 00:03:43,719
That I'd found a better way of living.
71
00:03:43,759 --> 00:03:45,479
Amongst inspirational people.
72
00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:48,120
Yeah, they told me I'm an imbecile.
73
00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:50,319
SHE CHUCKLES
74
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,960
Oh, yeah, how's, er... I-Is it Tim?
75
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,159
SHE SIGHS
No, it's Tom. I dunno. Ask him.
76
00:03:56,199 --> 00:03:58,199
Don't be disingenuous.
You know what I mean.
77
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,199
Charley, I was brought up
to say what's on my mind.
78
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,400
I just did,
and you seem a little defensive.
79
00:04:02,439 --> 00:04:03,719
No, I'm due to go to France,
80
00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:05,280
we've got the family lunatics staying
81
00:04:05,319 --> 00:04:07,120
and I'm behind on my French.
J'envie donc.
82
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,919
Calmes-toi, je t'en prie!
83
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,280
What is it with you men
and being able to speak French?
84
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,120
Oh, for...
So he can speak French as well?
85
00:04:13,159 --> 00:04:16,000
Goodness me, is there anything
the smarmy hustler can't do?!
86
00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:19,439
Jealousy is so boring.
Worry about yourself more than him.
87
00:04:19,479 --> 00:04:22,840
Oh! All right, so I'm boring
and self-deluded?
88
00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:25,199
Well, you should've just said so
before, Mariette.
89
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,120
HE SIGHS
90
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,199
APPLAUSE Mr Charlton?
91
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,279
Mr Charlton, sir!
92
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,920
Hello, Brigadier.
You're looking very cheesed off.
93
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:46,680
How can we put the cheese
back on your face?
94
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,439
Or take it off, whichever it is.
95
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,439
Er... You can't, but thank you.
96
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,199
Ooh, I'd better, er...
No, no, stay.
97
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,800
They can play around you.
PLAYER GRUNTS
98
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:57,519
MAN: Don't drop it!
To me, mate!
99
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,879
APPLAUSE
100
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,480
Oh!
Good throw. Most impressive.
101
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:05,199
Pick a team.
Oh, er, thank you,
102
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,360
but I'm leaving the village.
103
00:05:07,399 --> 00:05:08,879
I can't stay with the Larkins
any more.
104
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,519
It's not my place to ask why.
105
00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:14,439
So, you might want to tell me?
106
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:18,839
Oh, sorry. Erm...
I just felt it was time to, er...
107
00:05:20,759 --> 00:05:23,680
No. No, it's Mariette.
108
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,240
She...
SIGHS
109
00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:26,439
..is unsettling.
110
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,639
Then bill it with us.
We love guests.
111
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,800
Oh, er... are you sure?
112
00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:34,079
CHUCKLING: Your, er... your sister
doesn't seem hugely sociable.
113
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,839
Oh, she is.
But she seldom tells her face.
114
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,399
THEY SHOUT
115
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,839
GROANING AND LAUGHTER
116
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,560
How can we get Mariette together
with Charley?
117
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,000
Oh, it's just bad timing.
118
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,199
You can't make someone love
who they don't want to.
119
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,480
No, otherwise,
I'd be fighting of Rock Hudson,
120
00:05:57,519 --> 00:05:59,680
and he'd be shacked up
in the woods with Lauren Bacall.
121
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,160
Mariette should know better.
122
00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:02,600
I tell you what, then.
123
00:06:02,639 --> 00:06:04,839
Why don't you let us
choose your boyfriends?
124
00:06:04,879 --> 00:06:07,720
What about that? I mean, I like that
Rom Pummel in her class, don't you?
125
00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:10,079
Ooh! He's a charmer.
Mm.
126
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,639
Mariette is just distracted
by France and Tom.
127
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,360
How can she trust Tom
128
00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:18,879
when we know he wants to pull up
that lovely old tree?
129
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,079
Actually, she's right.
That is a bit sly.
130
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,319
Especially after
I'd made a massive cash offer
131
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,040
for that big old pile of bricks.
Shh!
132
00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:27,600
There's something... What? What?
133
00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:29,959
I can hear them.
Hey?
134
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,639
CAR APPROACHING
135
00:06:50,759 --> 00:06:52,160
Jemima!
136
00:06:52,199 --> 00:06:55,439
Bertha, sweetheart.
MA CHUCKLES
137
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,160
Florence.
138
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,720
Hello, Pop.
Howard, how are you?
139
00:07:02,759 --> 00:07:04,720
Let me look at you.
140
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:06,480
BERTHA CHUCKLES
141
00:07:07,639 --> 00:07:09,600
And let me look at you.
142
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,160
Jemima...
143
00:07:14,319 --> 00:07:17,160
So, er... what do you think?
144
00:07:17,199 --> 00:07:19,600
Oh, well, look at that sky.
I mean...
145
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,319
Although the veg will need a bit
of rain, mind, you know. No, no.
146
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,560
I mean our new 3.4L Jaguar.
147
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,199
Oh. Yeah, very nice. Very nice, yes.
HOWARD CHUCKLES
148
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:32,639
Now, think about car dealers
is you've got to bargain with them.
149
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,519
Now, I told him, I said,
"I am not paying the full price
150
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,360
"unless you throw in
those mud flaps."
151
00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,240
Right.
152
00:07:39,279 --> 00:07:40,680
So he did.
Oh.
153
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,639
Brilliant.
Well, I can't wait to, erm...
154
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,920
tap into your extensive knowledge,
Howard.
155
00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,800
I'll give you a hand with them.
STRAINING: Right.
156
00:07:47,839 --> 00:07:50,240
We do like a nice car.
157
00:07:50,279 --> 00:07:52,439
We like nice things generally,
don't we, Howard?
158
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,680
Oh, yes.
That's just us.
159
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,480
SHE CHUCKLES
160
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,000
We have a Rolls-Royce.
161
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,600
Ooh...
162
00:08:05,639 --> 00:08:07,079
It's quite an old one.
163
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,199
You know what?
I'm going to go to the village,
164
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,519
get some castration pliers.
165
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,079
Good luck, everyone.
166
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,160
Let me take that from you, pumpkin.
167
00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:20,399
Shall we?
168
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,160
We've got lots of animals
on the farm, Jemima.
169
00:08:26,199 --> 00:08:28,920
Which is your favourite?
She hates all animals.
170
00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:30,959
They've usually got mud on them.
171
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,759
It's so silly,
both of us living in the same county
172
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,080
and hardly ever meeting.
173
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,720
It is.
174
00:08:42,759 --> 00:08:45,879
But we are addicted to Bromley.
Mm.
175
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:51,200
The interesting thing about Kent
is it's not only rural,
176
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,960
but also suburban,
177
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,480
with lots of commuters
going into London by train.
178
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,000
BERTHA CHUCKLES
179
00:09:01,159 --> 00:09:04,879
You must be desperate for a ride
in our new 3.4L Jaguar.
180
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,159
Oh... yes.
181
00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,720
What do you fancy doing tomorrow,
Jemima?
182
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,200
Staying clean.
183
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,600
"Staying clean"? Are you serious?
184
00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:17,840
She's spotted a fair bit
of mud and dirt. Hm...
185
00:09:17,879 --> 00:09:21,360
She likes her tarmac.
Don't you, 'Mima?
186
00:09:21,399 --> 00:09:23,080
Kunzle Showboat.
187
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,000
WHISTLING
188
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,799
'Ey up, Charley.
Ooh.
189
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,039
Are you all right?
Yeah.
190
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,279
Oh... You're not leaving, are you?
191
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,559
Oh, please don't think me ungrateful.
192
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,360
I just... didn't want
to disturb the household.
193
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:45,720
No, not at all! The out-laws,
they'll be gone in a day or two.
194
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,639
No, no, no,
I mustn't impose on you any longer.
195
00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,159
I'll saying with the Brigadier.
196
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,200
OK, well, good. That's not far.
197
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,799
No, no.
We'll miss you.
198
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,039
Especially Mariette.
199
00:09:56,279 --> 00:09:57,759
Well...
200
00:09:57,799 --> 00:09:59,720
Bye.
OK.
201
00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:25,759
HORN BEEPS TWICE
202
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,960
You all right, Tom?
Mornin'.
203
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,879
Nice.
204
00:10:31,784 --> 00:10:33,544
Fancy a spin in the country?
205
00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:35,895
Any particular reason?
Well...
206
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,879
It's a chance to understand me better.
207
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,040
Hello, horrors.
208
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,740
Well, you're young and... small.
209
00:10:45,788 --> 00:10:47,468
That's not what you say to kids.
210
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,701
Well... I break all the rules,
don't I?
211
00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:53,541
Erm... What do you think
of my nice car?
212
00:10:53,581 --> 00:10:56,341
Don't YOU start.
Oh!
213
00:10:56,380 --> 00:10:58,140
What an expected pleasure.
214
00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:00,348
I love to give the people
what they want.
215
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,941
Especially you, Mrs Larkin.
When Kentish eyes are smiling, hey?
216
00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:06,581
SHE CHUCKLES
LOWERS VOICE: How old are you, Tom?
217
00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:08,140
32.
218
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:12,060
Mm! Quite a big age gap between you
and our Mariette, isn't there?
219
00:11:12,101 --> 00:11:13,900
So you would prefer a 20-year-old
220
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,581
driving around your precious daughter?
221
00:11:15,621 --> 00:11:18,741
Touchy!
I think you mean touche.
222
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:20,519
No, I don't.
223
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,415
She can look after herself,
but don't go mucking her about.
224
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,401
I treat all women with reverence.
Even when they're mucking me about.
225
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,601
Ooh, I hope you haven't got
any nasty secrets -
226
00:11:29,641 --> 00:11:31,800
no dead wife in the woodshed!
227
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:34,280
SHE LAUGHS Sorry.
228
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,320
I'm just trying to crack you open.
You seem too good to be true.
229
00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:40,040
We love the village, but...
230
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,320
it has more of its fair share
of gargoyles and muggins.
231
00:11:44,361 --> 00:11:47,121
Well, I love it here, too.
It's home now.
232
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,280
Oh, credit to you.
We need new blood.
233
00:11:54,521 --> 00:11:57,241
Right, come on. Out of the way.
CHILDREN PROTEST
234
00:11:58,560 --> 00:11:59,841
Thank you.
235
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,160
How can I persuade you that
I have your - and the village's -
236
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,481
best interests at heart?
237
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,960
Stop throwing your weight around?
238
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:14,320
If you mean me restoring
a broken old mansion,
239
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:15,680
and, yes, enlarging it
240
00:12:15,721 --> 00:12:18,040
and sadly losing one of
several thousand trees, then...
241
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,800
Beware men, especially businessmen,
bearing gifts.
242
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,960
Your dad may be making money, but
most people around here need work.
243
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:26,761
Opportunity, income.
Imagine if you were staying here.
244
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,361
I'm not!
But if you were.
245
00:12:28,401 --> 00:12:30,800
Do you really wanna work
for your parents forever?
246
00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:34,960
CYCLIST: Morning!
Morning.
247
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:37,280
BELL TRINGS
248
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:38,881
Hey up, Libby.
What's all this, then?
249
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,401
A public meeting's been called.
Uh-huh?
250
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:45,121
About Tom Fisher's plans to build
an extension on his exciting 'otel.
251
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,521
Really? Who'd have thought?
252
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,721
You're normally the first to know,
Larkin.
253
00:12:48,761 --> 00:12:51,560
Best thing to happen here for years.
Something in it for you, is there?
254
00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:53,761
First an oversized hotel,
255
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,401
then he plans to chop down
one of Kent's legendary trees.
256
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,761
We can't let this happen!
257
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,200
No, I agree. We can't.
Let's see who wins, shall we?
258
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,001
Do you know anything about cars?
Yes.
259
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,401
I know that, when they go wrong,
you get a bloke into fix it.
260
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,800
Oh. My little sister, Victoria,
can build a car from the wheels up.
261
00:13:13,841 --> 00:13:14,960
Really?
Mm-hm.
262
00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:16,881
Should've taken her out,
rather than you.
263
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,601
Mm, might be a bit weird.
She talks mainly in grunts.
264
00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:23,320
Ugh... I'm afraid this feels
like just deserts.
265
00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:27,641
I shouldn't be here.
Why not? Why deprive yourself?
266
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,721
My friend Charley's moved out cos
he doesn't think I should trust you.
267
00:13:30,761 --> 00:13:32,401
And do you trust him?
268
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,241
It took him years to realise
that being a taxman is boring.
269
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,800
Hm! It's a good and honest job.
HE SIGHS
270
00:13:37,841 --> 00:13:40,241
And being here's
really opened his eyes.
271
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,401
Are you your own person or his?
272
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,841
I'm infinitely complicated.
Me, too!
273
00:13:45,881 --> 00:13:49,800
Let's be "infinitely complicated"
together. Or...
274
00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:54,680
shall we embrace
our more basic instinct...
275
00:13:54,721 --> 00:13:57,680
At least we're only a few miles away
from home. Here comes a car.
276
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,920
SHE LAUGHS
277
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,280
Traffic policeman meets
bull-fighter? Could be disastrous.
278
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,440
I don't know. 'Ello, 'Ello. Ole!
279
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:09,721
I'll do this. You'll scare them off.
280
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,881
Erm...
Chance of a lift to a call box?
281
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,361
Yes.
282
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,601
You keep this hood up. OK, my dear?
283
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,440
I think she might be a bit hot.
Clean and safe.
284
00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:31,080
If you see an animal, poppet,
just scream
285
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,680
and your cousins will
throw themselves in front of it.
286
00:14:33,721 --> 00:14:36,001
Don't be scared of mud. It's normal.
And dung.
287
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,241
Normal.
Pigs mating? Normal.
288
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,601
Enough. We won't make you
watch pigs mating, sweetheart.
289
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:46,001
Jemima?
Don't panic if you see birds.
290
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,521
Don't be scared any more.
Come on! It's fine.
291
00:14:49,841 --> 00:14:52,841
POP: What a shame.
There'll be other times.
292
00:14:52,881 --> 00:14:55,200
You sure it weren't Charley
sabotaging your motor?
293
00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:56,841
No, course he didn't.
294
00:14:56,881 --> 00:14:59,320
He's not clever, but not with
his hands, as far as I know.
295
00:15:00,361 --> 00:15:03,280
Ha! Anyway, Tommy, should you
really be swanning around?
296
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,481
Haven't you got to face the village
about your plans
297
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,080
to eventually turn it into Birmingham?
298
00:15:07,121 --> 00:15:10,320
Ha-ha (!) You should take
your comedy on stage.
299
00:15:10,361 --> 00:15:14,080
Well, that big cedar'll
have to go for kick-off, 'ey?
300
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,560
Or what about there, big car park?
Road? Car park?
301
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:19,401
Dad, don't tease.
302
00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:23,241
Ooooh!
303
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,001
THEY LAUGH Hey!
304
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,320
That's more like it, Jem.
Oh!
305
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,601
Berries!
306
00:15:33,361 --> 00:15:34,481
HE SIGHS
307
00:15:35,521 --> 00:15:37,481
Come on.
308
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,641
Come on, let's go.
THEY CHEER
309
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,560
20 minutes,
and we're in London by train.
310
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:49,001
Oh, that's handy.
311
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,401
Pop helped save our railway
only last week.
312
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,800
And we don't fancy that and we're,
er... we're bored with Bromley...
313
00:15:54,841 --> 00:15:57,361
Unlikely!
Unlikely.
314
00:15:57,401 --> 00:16:00,721
..we've got all the joys of Croydon
just a short hop away.
315
00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:02,440
Erm, top-up, anyone?
316
00:16:02,481 --> 00:16:05,680
You know what? I'd love an advocaat.
317
00:16:07,361 --> 00:16:10,841
You'd think you'd through checking
the only drink we haven't got.
318
00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:12,320
Where's Mariette gone?
319
00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,881
Toilet.
That's a long toilet.
320
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,121
You know what?
I've got to go check on the, erm...
321
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,040
How's-your-father.
322
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,200
..geese. Geese.
323
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,960
So, Mariette's friend's car
broke down, did it?
324
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:31,200
Wouldn't happen to
our new 3.4L Jaguar.
325
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,401
It only broke down
because Victoria sabotaged it.
326
00:16:35,881 --> 00:16:37,761
We prefer Charley to Tom.
Mm!
327
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,121
On geese... Little-known fact.
328
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,320
A group of case is called a gaggle.
329
00:16:45,361 --> 00:16:48,601
Or a wedge if they're in flight.
Or a plump in tight formation.
330
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,881
A gaggle. Yeah.
331
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,680
Interesting little titbit for you.
332
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,721
Excuse me, I need an aspirin.
333
00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:06,761
SHE SIGHS
334
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,680
What are you doing?
Get back in there!
335
00:17:08,721 --> 00:17:10,641
You go back! It's my turn.
336
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,841
Oh, oh...
HE SIGHS
337
00:17:18,881 --> 00:17:21,000
They'll be back when they're hungry.
338
00:17:23,081 --> 00:17:25,321
IN HINDI:
339
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,881
Er, wh...
what are you talking about?
340
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,561
Er... Recipes.
341
00:17:34,601 --> 00:17:36,361
You, er...
You must teach me some Hindi.
342
00:17:36,401 --> 00:17:39,121
You won't be staying long enough.
Right.
343
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,801
So, what are your plans?
344
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,520
I don't have any.
Oh...
345
00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:51,561
So, you must have taught
all of the Larkins.
346
00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:53,321
What was Mariette like at school?
347
00:17:53,361 --> 00:17:56,641
Headstrong, always fighting
off boys, often arrived on a horse.
348
00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:00,401
Oh. Right. Nothing's changed.
CHUCKLES
349
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:01,561
You have admirers, too.
350
00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:04,041
Pauline at the inn said
there'll always be a welcome
351
00:18:04,081 --> 00:18:05,240
in her hillside for you.
352
00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:09,480
Oh, d'you know what?
I have had my offers.
353
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,081
Haven't we all?
She hasn't.
354
00:18:12,121 --> 00:18:14,520
God, how have I become so spineless?
355
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:18,440
Don't know, not interested.
We're off to the village hall.
356
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,200
Come with us.
357
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,561
Tom Fisher's defending
his building plans.
358
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,081
I predict a punch-up!
359
00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:27,641
VILLAGERS CHATTING,
GAVEL BANGS
360
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,081
A country-house hotel will create jobs
361
00:18:30,121 --> 00:18:34,801
and boost every local business -
farms, shops, services.
362
00:18:34,841 --> 00:18:37,641
The extension is needed
for staff accommodation.
363
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,440
We'd rather keep our very old tree!
MURMURS OF AGREEANCE
364
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,841
Small sacrifices must be made, sadly.
365
00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:47,561
Look, change is coming to our
village, whether we like it or not,
366
00:18:47,601 --> 00:18:51,081
but I will manage it better
than most because I live here.
367
00:18:51,121 --> 00:18:54,480
And everything I want is here.
368
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,720
Thank you.
CROWD MUTTERS DISAPPROVINGLY
369
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,000
Thank you, Tom. Stunning.
370
00:18:59,041 --> 00:19:01,760
As chairman of your parish council...
371
00:19:01,801 --> 00:19:03,680
Here, here.
Thank you, Norma.
372
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,641
Get on with it, you creep.
Here, here.
373
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,240
Rest assured, we will be listening
to all views
374
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,641
before voting at the end of the week.
375
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,160
But you'd be a halfwit
to object to this development
376
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,561
or to cutting down a lump of wood.
377
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:16,240
We need a swimming pool!
378
00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:20,281
Shut it, Mr Binns.
Put me down for a swimming pool.
379
00:19:20,321 --> 00:19:23,321
Sorry,
Mr Fisher claims to be a resident,
380
00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:25,321
but how long
has he actually lived here?
381
00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:27,520
Longer than you.
True.
382
00:19:27,561 --> 00:19:29,720
But I'm not trying to
quietly concrete over paradise
383
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,760
just to make a profit.
384
00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:33,361
Yeah. We don't mind a hotel...
385
00:19:33,401 --> 00:19:35,601
or maybe losing a tree
we've all loved for centuries.
386
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,520
WOMAN: Yeah!
But it won't stop there, will it?
387
00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:38,841
Of course it will.
388
00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:41,281
You wanted to buy Bluff Court,
didn't you? Yes, I did.
389
00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:44,321
And your plan was to knock it down
and sell it off for scrap.
390
00:19:44,361 --> 00:19:48,041
And open the land for...
It is a splendid manor house,
391
00:19:48,081 --> 00:19:51,601
which you wanted to destroy
to make a profit!
392
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:54,160
So much for
"preserving the village", huh?
393
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,401
CROWD MURMURS
394
00:20:01,361 --> 00:20:03,561
Charley, boy! I've missed ya.
395
00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:05,041
Oh!
HE LAUGHS
396
00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:06,920
That was a fun one. Ha...
397
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,081
Oh, well, I've missed you.
How are you all?
398
00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:13,440
How's Primrose?
I'm disappointed in you, Charley.
399
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,641
You're letting Tom stamp all over you.
400
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,121
MAN: Come on, then!
MAN: Right, you...
401
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,760
I'll put one on you!
WHISTLE BLOWS
402
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,641
I'd advise you not to... Oh!
Yeah! Take that.
403
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,321
All right, all right, all right!
Don't make me use my judo.
404
00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:26,240
Just pack it up, pack it up.
Come on.
405
00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:28,440
Leave him alone!
Get her off me!
406
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,281
Time's running out.
407
00:20:30,321 --> 00:20:33,440
Either Mariette's off to France
or Tom will have her.
408
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,920
Oh, don't worry.
409
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:39,000
Yeah, I lost confidence for a while,
but... now the dragon is stirred.
410
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,160
APPROVINGLY: Hmm.
411
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:52,480
Oh... It seems they don't like us
OR the countryside.
412
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:57,401
So why have they come?
Because she is your beloved sister.
413
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,401
It's like they've only come to niggle.
414
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:00,841
And to show off the new car!
415
00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,041
Have they got a new car?
They have.
416
00:21:03,081 --> 00:21:05,601
MOCKING:
They've got a new 3.4L Jaguar.
417
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:08,760
Is it?
MOCKING: Is it a new 3.4L Jaguar?
418
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,920
THEY CHUCKLE
419
00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:15,200
Yeah... Well, they just have trouble
enjoying themselves.
420
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,041
A lot of folk do.
Mm...
421
00:21:17,081 --> 00:21:19,000
I want to love my own flesh and blood,
422
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:21,041
not run it over in its own car.
HE CHUCKLES
423
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,680
I'm sorry.
Hm?
424
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,000
You've got a village to preserve.
Yeah...
425
00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:35,041
I'm just not used to the likes of Tom.
426
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,200
You and me, we're canny, Ma,
but so's he.
427
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,361
And it seems like he's the future.
428
00:21:43,401 --> 00:21:46,121
Well, there's nine on the committee.
Mm.
429
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,041
Looks like four for Tom
and four against.
430
00:21:53,281 --> 00:21:55,440
Get the vicar and we've won!
Nobble the vicar.
431
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,720
CHUCKLING: Yeah.
432
00:22:12,121 --> 00:22:14,321
Larkin! Get in that church.
433
00:22:14,361 --> 00:22:15,720
Why? What's happening?
434
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,121
Eternal salvation's happening,
what else, you heathen lowlife?
435
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,361
Hm, I might give that a go.
436
00:22:20,401 --> 00:22:22,321
Meanwhile,
which way will you be voting?
437
00:22:23,561 --> 00:22:26,041
I'm waiting for a sign from God.
438
00:22:26,081 --> 00:22:28,760
I doubt that.
439
00:22:28,801 --> 00:22:30,160
Why? What are you offering?
440
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,200
You'd vote to damage the village?
441
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,720
Two sides of every coin.
And indeed, every banknote.
442
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,520
REVVING
443
00:22:39,561 --> 00:22:42,160
Rural dean. I'm on a last warning.
444
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,680
And in at number ten, thou shalt not
covet thou neighbour's wife,
445
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:50,200
staff, ox or indeed ass,
so please don't do it.
446
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,121
Dean!
447
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:03,920
SOUND FROM TELEVISION
448
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,281
Fancy a walk at all?
We don't walk, really.
449
00:23:08,321 --> 00:23:10,240
Except to the car.
450
00:23:10,281 --> 00:23:12,881
And inside shops.
451
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,160
Modern man is built biologically
to sit.
452
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,281
Hence us not being on all fours.
453
00:23:20,321 --> 00:23:24,760
Except on special occasions,
and hence us not having a tail,
454
00:23:24,801 --> 00:23:28,520
which otherwise would get
in the way... on the chair.
455
00:23:28,561 --> 00:23:31,361
That is nonsense, Uncle Howard.
456
00:23:31,401 --> 00:23:33,801
Why are you always telling us things
457
00:23:33,841 --> 00:23:36,920
that are either wrong
or we know them already?
458
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,041
GROWLS
459
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,240
I expect she'll want to apologise
to us later.
460
00:23:42,281 --> 00:23:47,240
It's true, Howard,
you do sometimes, erm...
461
00:23:47,281 --> 00:23:49,401
Well, you guess, really, don't you?
462
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,561
Well, he can't be THAT stupid,
463
00:23:51,601 --> 00:23:54,240
or he couldn't have bought us
a new 3.4L Jaguar.
464
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,240
Oof!
465
00:24:06,281 --> 00:24:07,801
Hoo!
466
00:24:07,841 --> 00:24:08,960
All right...
467
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,801
Oh, left a bit. Cowpat.
468
00:24:14,841 --> 00:24:17,000
CHILDREN GIGGLE
469
00:24:18,697 --> 00:24:20,217
Monty!
470
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,240
You can do it, Jemima.
471
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,041
What are you scared of?
Most things.
472
00:24:34,081 --> 00:24:35,641
Why?
Don't be.
473
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,641
Just try jumping, you really want to.
474
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,240
Oh!
475
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,000
Oh!
476
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,440
We've got your vote, Mrs Fothergill,
477
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:58,561
and that's the main thing.
478
00:24:58,601 --> 00:25:01,121
You will have to shout,
I'm on a horse.
479
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,480
SHOUTS: We've got your vote?
Oh, absolutely.
480
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,801
Mummy believes our ancient way of
life must be protected at all costs.
481
00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:10,401
Wait, we're not saying that, actually.
482
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,601
Steady.
Steady.
483
00:25:19,883 --> 00:25:22,999
Miss Chand,
always a deep joy to be near you.
484
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,720
Don't waste your moth-eaten charm
on me, I'm not voting your way.
485
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,760
Why not?
486
00:25:26,801 --> 00:25:29,321
Any development will mean
an influx of people,
487
00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,559
which will mean a bigger school,
488
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,160
so we can demolish the tired, old one.
489
00:25:32,199 --> 00:25:34,880
Demolish the school?
It made me what I am today.
490
00:25:34,919 --> 00:25:36,519
My point exactly.
491
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,560
No, you can't,
you got the memories, you see?
492
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:42,880
We did the nativity every year.
Using real shepherds, and... Alec!
493
00:25:42,919 --> 00:25:46,800
Come on, what are you getting
out of all this business, eh?
494
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,640
A nice hotel management job,
Tom's little reward, is it?
495
00:25:49,679 --> 00:25:53,400
Oh, I think you're underestimating
Mr Fisher's ambitions.
496
00:25:53,454 --> 00:25:54,895
You have no idea.
497
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,439
He's gonna pay off the vicar,
I'm gonna be right behind him.
498
00:26:01,682 --> 00:26:04,603
What time's the planning break, Dad?
Four o'clock, why?
499
00:26:19,276 --> 00:26:23,076
Beautiful, dangerous Mariette.
Mr big-shot developer.
500
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,600
I found out why my car broke down.
God telling me you're dodgy?
501
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,759
Your Victoria tinkered with it.
502
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,320
No!
Mm! She just admitted it.
503
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,479
Good mechanic, terrible liar.
504
00:26:34,519 --> 00:26:37,640
Oh, sorry.
But you are... controversial.
505
00:26:37,687 --> 00:26:42,687
Mm. Tom Dracula here,
sucking the blood from the village.
506
00:26:42,719 --> 00:26:45,360
Well, you'll just have to try harder
to prove we can trust you.
507
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,600
Good luck.
508
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,800
I'm off, anyhow.
No, you're not.
509
00:26:50,439 --> 00:26:54,640
How's your French coming along?
Commey ci, commey ca.
510
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,880
This'll cheer you up.
511
00:26:57,919 --> 00:26:59,279
Voila!
512
00:27:04,719 --> 00:27:06,719
Manager of my new hotel.
513
00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:10,199
The job's yours. You'd be brilliant.
514
00:27:10,239 --> 00:27:11,519
You're ambitious.
515
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,679
Why d'you wanna be a lonely au pair
when you'd be here with me,
516
00:27:14,719 --> 00:27:16,919
making a difference and having fun?
517
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,840
You pig!
518
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,479
HE SNIGGERS
519
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,640
What'd he offer you?
520
00:27:42,679 --> 00:27:45,400
This is to restore my organ.
I bet it is.
521
00:27:45,439 --> 00:27:47,600
Come on, Vic, don't be shy
because this is important,
522
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,959
I'll up his offer for your vote.
523
00:27:48,999 --> 00:27:52,759
£100.
I'll do it in guineas.
524
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,840
How much is that in pounds?
525
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,400
A guinea's one pound and one shilling.
526
00:27:55,439 --> 00:27:57,679
Call it 120 quid.
105.
527
00:27:59,959 --> 00:28:01,239
HUFFS
528
00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:03,800
Right, you're on board,
no funny business.
529
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,959
Of course not.
530
00:28:05,999 --> 00:28:07,400
Isn't there something in the Bible
531
00:28:07,439 --> 00:28:09,719
about Jesus throwing the money men
out of the temple?
532
00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:12,800
Don't worry about that.
That was a long time ago.
533
00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:26,519
Jemima?
534
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,400
She's so weedy!
535
00:28:28,439 --> 00:28:30,600
I'm not carrying her
across that stream again.
536
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,360
You have to understand,
we come from different backgrounds.
537
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,239
You wouldn't be so sure
of yourselves in the city.
538
00:28:37,919 --> 00:28:42,679
Just need to show
a little bit of patience. And...
539
00:28:42,719 --> 00:28:44,999
JAGUAR ROARS
540
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,199
Just taking the new Jaguar
out for a spin.
541
00:28:51,239 --> 00:28:53,840
I'm afraid we'd leave your old car
for dust.
542
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,120
Right. That's it.
543
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,400
That's it, Bertha.
544
00:28:58,439 --> 00:29:01,239
I have heard enough crap
about your car.
545
00:29:01,279 --> 00:29:02,840
We have a Rolls-Royce!
546
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,400
And do you hear us boasting about it?
547
00:29:05,439 --> 00:29:06,479
CHILDREN GIGGLE
548
00:29:06,519 --> 00:29:10,919
I'm not cross about your disrespect,
Florence...
549
00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:13,160
I'm just intrigued.
550
00:29:13,199 --> 00:29:16,040
Oh, don't give me that toot.
551
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,279
I'll race you around the farm.
552
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:22,160
Ooh, ah, no, no,
I don't that's a very good idea...
553
00:29:22,199 --> 00:29:23,199
Oh, shut up, you.
554
00:29:23,239 --> 00:29:27,239
If your car is so amazing,
then you'll romp home.
555
00:29:27,279 --> 00:29:28,999
And I'll give you a head start.
556
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,999
If that's what you want.
557
00:29:36,519 --> 00:29:40,160
Keys, Howard.
In the ignition, Bertha.
558
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,679
Right!
559
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,719
CHEERY WHISTLING
560
00:29:48,759 --> 00:29:51,519
Working hard, son?
You look chipper, Dad.
561
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:52,719
That's because Tom Fisher
562
00:29:52,759 --> 00:29:55,360
can't get enough votes
to get his building plans through.
563
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,800
What about that?
564
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:58,479
ENGINES ROAR What's going on?
565
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,439
Come on, keep up!
566
00:30:02,479 --> 00:30:04,600
Stop that, you two, no! Grow up!
567
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,840
Is that the best you can do?
Go on, the wife!
568
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,719
MEEKLY: Hello.
569
00:30:21,759 --> 00:30:23,160
I'm a Littlechurch resident
570
00:30:23,199 --> 00:30:25,320
and I believe I'm entitled to see
571
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,239
all planning applications
filed with you?
572
00:30:28,279 --> 00:30:31,120
How old are you?
I beg your pardon?
573
00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:42,239
Right. Right, OK.
574
00:30:43,919 --> 00:30:45,439
Ooh!
575
00:30:45,479 --> 00:30:46,840
No!
576
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,640
Oh, oh, ow, ow!
577
00:30:52,279 --> 00:30:53,800
Right.
578
00:31:00,479 --> 00:31:02,400
OK. Oh, gosh.
579
00:31:02,439 --> 00:31:04,880
Hoo!
SIGHS
580
00:31:04,919 --> 00:31:07,080
HUMMING
581
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,999
SINGS: Oh, Mariette...
REVVING, TYRES SCREECH
582
00:31:11,519 --> 00:31:14,040
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
583
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,479
Oh... Oh... Ow! Argh! Argh!
584
00:31:17,519 --> 00:31:19,400
CAR HORN
585
00:31:19,439 --> 00:31:22,560
CHARLEY YELLS
586
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,640
Not like this!
587
00:31:30,679 --> 00:31:32,560
No, no. Oh...
588
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:42,640
Charley?
589
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:50,959
Obviously, I'd like you to keep
590
00:31:50,999 --> 00:31:53,279
your change of heart
quiet until the vote.
591
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,479
Of course we will, we're not morons.
592
00:31:56,439 --> 00:31:58,080
Now, to be fair, she is.
593
00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,719
I've only reconsidered
594
00:31:59,759 --> 00:32:02,279
because I've realised that change
595
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,640
is the lifeblood
of a vibrant community.
596
00:32:04,679 --> 00:32:06,360
So it's not this?
597
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,999
Look, we are all human, I know I am.
598
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,600
OK, off you trot and vote.
599
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:22,320
This plan's for a housing estate.
Shops, major roads...
600
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,320
In our little village!
601
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,479
And a massive roundabout!
602
00:32:26,519 --> 00:32:30,239
No, that's a coffee mug ring.
Oh, yes...
603
00:32:30,279 --> 00:32:31,800
But these are just ideas, aren't they?
604
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:32,919
It won't actually happen?
605
00:32:32,959 --> 00:32:34,959
I think it will
if it gets through phase one.
606
00:32:34,999 --> 00:32:37,999
Mr Fisher seems very well connected
with our planners.
607
00:32:39,919 --> 00:32:43,439
So he has to just get it through
Parish Council, then he can do this?
608
00:32:44,999 --> 00:32:47,239
I must take these immediately
to show...
609
00:32:47,279 --> 00:32:48,640
No, you can't take them with you.
610
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,120
ENGINES ROAR,
TYRES SQUEAL
611
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,040
Oh, bless her. Oh!
612
00:33:19,239 --> 00:33:20,719
TUTS
613
00:33:20,759 --> 00:33:24,160
Ha-ha!
614
00:33:24,199 --> 00:33:27,320
Don't look so worried, man.
I'm praying she doesn't crash.
615
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,719
Bertha'll be all right, she's cut
from the same tough old tree as Ma.
616
00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:32,919
That's why they give the odd bark!
POP CHUCKLES
617
00:33:32,959 --> 00:33:35,080
The car's not actually paid for.
618
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,120
Phil, come and watch the big pitch,
come on.
619
00:33:45,479 --> 00:33:46,679
Here they come!
620
00:33:46,719 --> 00:33:49,360
Whoo-hoo!
621
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,040
Whoo!
622
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,239
BRAKES SCREECH,
CHURNS CLATTER
623
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,400
All right, Ma?
624
00:34:00,439 --> 00:34:03,919
Right, couple of lessons from this.
Later, Howard.
625
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:07,640
It's only a stupid car.
Hey, Howard, come here.
626
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,719
Come on.
627
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,279
Well done, Bertha.
628
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,239
And I'm sorry
we haven't been getting on.
629
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:18,720
Me too.
630
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,080
What's wrong with us?
I know we're different, but...
631
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,720
We're jealous, me and Howard.
632
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:27,240
Of what?
You. This. Everything.
633
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,561
Oh, but you love your life.
Yes, but...
634
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:32,961
..you lot are so happy.
635
00:34:33,001 --> 00:34:36,561
And your kids...
are what children should be like.
636
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,800
Oh, God forbid that's true!
637
00:34:40,041 --> 00:34:42,001
Jemima's a bundle of nerves.
638
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,041
I wanted to bring her here
639
00:34:45,088 --> 00:34:47,648
so your kids' confidence
could rub off on her.
640
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,160
Oh, Bertha.
641
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,521
Pop and I worry about ours
just like you do.
642
00:34:53,561 --> 00:34:56,401
Whether you're ten like Jemima
or 20 like Mariette,
643
00:34:56,448 --> 00:34:58,928
we'll still worry about them
when they're 50, God willing.
644
00:34:58,961 --> 00:35:00,441
I know.
645
00:35:00,481 --> 00:35:03,240
We want our kids to be strong
and independent,
646
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,401
but we want them to need us too.
647
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,841
I've been on edge lately.
And there's a reason why.
648
00:35:10,881 --> 00:35:13,680
Mariette leaving?
No, it's...
649
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:14,921
Here you go, girls.
650
00:35:14,961 --> 00:35:18,640
Hey, now, look, all mended now?
651
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,441
Yes.
Yeah, good, good.
652
00:35:20,481 --> 00:35:24,120
Amazing what racing round a farm
like a couple of goons can do.
653
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,521
Am I going loopy, or did I see
Charley in the wood with a...
654
00:35:27,561 --> 00:35:30,561
Indiany musical instrument?
655
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,720
Yeah, interesting fact about India...
656
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,080
Ah... Oh... Sorry...
657
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,600
That's boring.
658
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,041
Oh!
659
00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:45,240
What have I done?
660
00:35:47,321 --> 00:35:49,760
Where's Jemima?
Don't worry about Jemima.
661
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,600
Our lot'll look after her,
won't they, Ma?
662
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,521
Course.
Cheers.
663
00:35:54,561 --> 00:35:58,120
ALL: Cheers!
All right.
664
00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:06,640
Let's leave her to it.
665
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,841
Yeah, there's no chance
she'll make it.
666
00:36:08,881 --> 00:36:10,800
It took me years of falling in.
667
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,561
Argh!
668
00:36:47,041 --> 00:36:50,600
Ooh! Hello, Tom.
669
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,481
You look like you think
you're gonna lose the vote.
670
00:36:53,521 --> 00:36:56,561
Yeah, well, it was always gonna
be difficult taking on passionate
671
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,401
and persuasive locals like you.
672
00:36:58,441 --> 00:37:00,240
Yeah, well,
we'll find out later, won't we?
673
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,001
Yeah. Anyway, I'm here to do my bit
674
00:37:03,041 --> 00:37:05,720
to stop Mariette
skipping off to France.
675
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,280
Oh, so you won't get a shred of
pleasure out of her staying, then?
676
00:37:09,401 --> 00:37:11,321
Listen, I never get involved
in my kids' lives,
677
00:37:11,361 --> 00:37:13,881
I really, really, don't,
my mum and dad, Lord love 'em,
678
00:37:13,921 --> 00:37:16,321
they let me learn by my mistakes,
and I made some big-uns,
679
00:37:16,361 --> 00:37:18,521
including trying to cut me own hair
with a lawn mower.
680
00:37:18,561 --> 00:37:20,680
Ha... Look...
681
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:23,921
Getting the development approved
could help Mariette stay.
682
00:37:23,961 --> 00:37:28,160
You really wanna throw her out
because of a... Lazy Susan?
683
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,720
Spreading Linda, Tom.
684
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:34,200
Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.
685
00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,640
You're a townie, son.
You've come here to build a town.
686
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,800
Here's a piece of advice.
687
00:37:38,841 --> 00:37:42,321
Take a flask and a pie
688
00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:44,961
and climb high up into that tree,
689
00:37:45,001 --> 00:37:49,441
and then just look down at
the unspoilt glories beneath you.
690
00:37:49,481 --> 00:37:52,120
And just sit there, Tom.
And enjoy them.
691
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,841
Where do you think your six children
are gonna live when they grow up?
692
00:37:55,881 --> 00:37:58,080
In magic houses built in Neverland?
693
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:01,640
There are plenty of folk
who prefer towns, Tom.
694
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,361
My in-laws, for instance,
695
00:38:03,401 --> 00:38:07,120
they get queasy
at the sight of grass, you know?
696
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,680
Look, let's have London,
let's have New York,
697
00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:13,401
but let's not have
10,000 ugly dormitories
698
00:38:13,441 --> 00:38:15,441
on our beautiful countryside.
699
00:38:15,481 --> 00:38:18,120
Eh? So...
700
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:19,800
No hard feelings
when all this is over?
701
00:38:19,856 --> 00:38:22,815
Goodness, no.
Good, good, yeah.
702
00:38:22,841 --> 00:38:28,120
Well, as for Mariette,
she's, er, gone off for the day.
703
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,401
Oh.
Hm.
704
00:38:32,881 --> 00:38:34,481
Thanks.
You're welcome.
705
00:38:35,961 --> 00:38:40,160
Have a good day, Tom.
Yeah. You too.
706
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,120
I wonder who you've nobbled,
you wily toe-rag.
707
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,841
We knew you could do it, Jemima.
708
00:38:49,881 --> 00:38:53,720
See, Jem, you'd've seen them cows
and run off screaming.
709
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,329
That's no cow!
What is it?
710
00:38:56,354 --> 00:39:00,555
Don't worry, it's just a male cow.
So it's a bull?
711
00:39:01,841 --> 00:39:03,561
Run!
712
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:05,720
Run, run, run!
713
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,001
Faster!
714
00:39:07,041 --> 00:39:09,561
Oh, quick!
Argh!
715
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,441
THEY ALL SIGH
716
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,561
LAUGHTER
717
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,760
Has that ever happened before?
Yeah. Most weeks.
718
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,800
Welcome to this special meeting
of the Parish Planning Committee.
719
00:39:27,841 --> 00:39:29,120
Over the last few days,
720
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:33,080
we've listened to local opinion
on this major decision. Hear, hear.
721
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,080
Can we not do the hear sodding hears?
722
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:39,160
So we can go straight to a vote
on approving this exciting project
723
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,361
with all its heart-stopping benefits.
724
00:39:41,401 --> 00:39:42,401
DOOR CLATTERS
725
00:39:42,441 --> 00:39:43,961
Stop the proceedings!
726
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,240
BREATHLESSLY: I'm sorry,
I've just run from the pick-up.
727
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,001
I need to bring up an important issue.
728
00:39:52,041 --> 00:39:54,041
Overruled.
Right, those in favour...
729
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,240
I support Mr Larkin on this issue.
What is the issue?
730
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,200
Er, we need to delay the vote.
731
00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:01,800
Because, erm, I don't wanna use
the word "bribery", but...
732
00:40:01,841 --> 00:40:04,881
There's nothing wrong with gifts.
That's how local government works.
733
00:40:04,921 --> 00:40:06,881
Larkin is aware of that,
live by the sword,
734
00:40:06,921 --> 00:40:08,600
the skill is being
on the winning team.
735
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,800
The skill is living a good life in a
place you wanna love and look after.
736
00:40:11,841 --> 00:40:14,521
And that's exactly
what we're voting on now.
737
00:40:14,561 --> 00:40:16,481
Those in favour of Mr Fisher's
738
00:40:16,521 --> 00:40:19,080
development of Bluff Court
and grounds...
739
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,881
I don't feel very well!
THUDS
740
00:40:20,921 --> 00:40:22,921
GASPS
741
00:40:22,961 --> 00:40:26,041
Those in favour? No, no,
she's fainted. Stop the vote!
742
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,361
It's a rouse, we're carrying on.
Those in favour...
743
00:40:28,401 --> 00:40:30,881
DOOR CLATTERS
744
00:40:30,921 --> 00:40:32,841
Oh! How many more of them
are out there?
745
00:40:32,881 --> 00:40:34,760
I stole them
from the District Council,
746
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,280
so I'll probably go to prison.
747
00:40:36,321 --> 00:40:38,881
I told you Tom wouldn't stop there.
748
00:40:38,921 --> 00:40:41,481
He's a disgrace!
I'll rip his pips off!
749
00:40:41,521 --> 00:40:42,760
Easy, General.
750
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,600
The road slices through our garden.
751
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,640
Less weeding...
752
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,361
I'm being humorous.
753
00:40:48,401 --> 00:40:51,361
And a bloody great roundabout
around my church. Atheist scum!
754
00:40:51,401 --> 00:40:54,841
No, that's a coffee mug ring.
Oh, rightio. Thank you.
755
00:40:54,881 --> 00:40:56,640
Well, I'm voting against now.
756
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,041
No!
Me too. What was I thinking?
757
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,321
Forgive me, Vicar, for I have sinned.
758
00:41:02,361 --> 00:41:04,361
Why are you telling ME?
I agree.
759
00:41:04,401 --> 00:41:07,961
I can't vote for this.
Norma! Have you lost your mind?
760
00:41:08,001 --> 00:41:10,120
Oh, Alec, it's going wrong, innit?
761
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,600
Good, vote rejected.
BANGS GAVEL
762
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,240
Primrose, you're an angel.
763
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:18,240
Oh, come on,
we can do better than that.
764
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,080
Come on!
POP CHUCKLES
765
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,640
I don't think the countryside's
only animals and muck,
766
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,321
and we have a lovely library
and, ooh, next time,
767
00:41:36,361 --> 00:41:38,800
I'll show you the Roman Museum
in Canterbury.
768
00:41:38,841 --> 00:41:40,240
No, thanks.
769
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,041
You can't leave
now that we've remembered
770
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,841
how to talk to one another.
Oh, don't worry, we'll be back.
771
00:41:45,881 --> 00:41:48,240
But you must visit us in Bromley.
772
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,160
That fabulous new shopping centre
I talked about.
773
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:52,961
With a real foun-tain!
774
00:41:53,001 --> 00:41:57,401
Oh, I'm afraid we're gonna be too
busy with the farming jobs, dammit.
775
00:41:57,441 --> 00:41:59,120
Oh, yeah, yeah.
776
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,481
Oh, well, what about November?
No, no... November...
777
00:42:02,521 --> 00:42:03,600
November's the, erm...
778
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,521
All the leaves, Ma,
you know, the leaves. Yeah.
779
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:12,321
Pop and I just don't wanna come
to Bromley.
780
00:42:13,401 --> 00:42:15,921
I'm sorry.
Oh.
781
00:42:15,961 --> 00:42:20,481
Well, we ARE quite different,
aren't we?
782
00:42:20,521 --> 00:42:23,441
CHUCKLING: We are.
783
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,001
Let's celebrate that.
784
00:42:26,041 --> 00:42:29,200
CAR STARTS
785
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:32,961
Hear that? Velvety.
786
00:42:33,001 --> 00:42:37,240
So, Pop, I don't know
what your poison is route-wise,
787
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,200
but we are going A20,
cutting through Sidcup,
788
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,001
depending on the traffic flow,
of course.
789
00:42:43,041 --> 00:42:44,361
And then, we're...
790
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,401
Is the handbrake off?
No...
791
00:42:48,441 --> 00:42:50,120
They're backing away.
792
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:52,680
Drive on, Howard!
793
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,080
REVVING
794
00:43:00,841 --> 00:43:04,240
Kids, promise me you will never
fall out or grow apart.
795
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,441
We hate each other already.
796
00:43:06,481 --> 00:43:07,800
I'm gonna live in the lighthouse!
797
00:43:07,841 --> 00:43:10,600
I need my own bedroom.
Zinnia stinks.
798
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,760
Well, it was a nice idea, wasn't it?
799
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:14,800
THEY ALL CHUCKLE
800
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:28,120
So, you've been caught
trying to pull a massive fast one.
801
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:29,561
Yeah, it's called enterprise.
802
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,760
Your little village
just wasn't ready for me.
803
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,280
No, it was you
who wasn't ready for us.
804
00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:38,080
Your horizons are wider, Mariette.
You know you wanna be with me.
805
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,961
Yeah, but I'd always be competing
for your love, wouldn't I?
806
00:43:41,001 --> 00:43:43,200
Who with?
Yourself.
807
00:43:45,841 --> 00:43:47,760
You could learn from Charley,
you know?
808
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,561
Oh, well,
you are talking like a mad woman.
809
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,361
I'd learn more
from that horse's backside.
810
00:43:52,401 --> 00:43:55,521
Oh, yeah? Who's been humiliated
today, him or you?
811
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:58,401
You're never gonna leave here.
812
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,240
Give us a kiss.
813
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,841
It's the only bit of excitement
you're gonna get around here.
814
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,760
Shut your eyes, you rude man.
815
00:44:26,481 --> 00:44:28,120
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS There you go, go on.
816
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,280
Get in!
817
00:44:30,321 --> 00:44:32,800
Lovely jubbly!
818
00:44:32,841 --> 00:44:35,080
CHEERING
819
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,441
I don't believe it!
820
00:44:41,481 --> 00:44:43,640
You've set that up quite nicely
for me, Pop.
821
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,720
Go on, Ma. Go on, go on.
822
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,561
THEY CHUCKLE
823
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,760
Cheers, Ma.
Ah, cheers, darling.
824
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:51,921
KNOCK ON DOOR
825
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,200
He's back!
Hello, Charley!
826
00:44:56,240 --> 00:45:00,160
Was that you earlier near the woods?
Ooh, erm...
827
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,441
Yeah, that might have been me.
Can I speak to Mariette, please?
828
00:45:03,481 --> 00:45:06,401
SHOUTS: Mariette, sweetheart?
Charley wants to speak to you!
829
00:45:06,441 --> 00:45:07,561
Oh, sorry.
830
00:45:09,041 --> 00:45:12,240
Sorry about the spittle.
We all still miss ya.
831
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,561
Yeah, come back and stay with us.
832
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,921
Please, I need to speak to Mariette.
833
00:45:16,961 --> 00:45:20,841
She is the gatekeeper to my soul
and my future.
834
00:45:20,881 --> 00:45:23,481
Oh, why don't you talk to me
like that?
835
00:45:23,521 --> 00:45:25,800
Yeah, it's time I told her
how I really feel.
836
00:45:25,841 --> 00:45:27,640
I think she's left!
837
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,760
What's that?
Her suitcase and passport are gone!
838
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,800
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