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[♪♪♪♪♪]
2
00:00:02,353 --> 00:00:03,974
WOMAN: Previously,
on Mad About You...
3
00:00:04,112 --> 00:00:05,766
I blame my parents.
4
00:00:07,869 --> 00:00:10,144
This nice man married
your daddy and me.
5
00:00:10,282 --> 00:00:12,143
You guys know I'm not
really a minister, right?
6
00:00:12,281 --> 00:00:14,453
All right, here's what we'll
do. Here's what we'll do.
7
00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:16,391
We'll go down to city
hall, we'll get married,
8
00:00:16,522 --> 00:00:17,682
we'll sign our regular thing,
9
00:00:17,797 --> 00:00:19,452
and then bing-bam-boom,
problem solved.
10
00:00:19,590 --> 00:00:20,590
Do you, Jamie...
11
00:00:20,625 --> 00:00:22,451
Bwuchman...
12
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:23,727
take Paul Buchman...
13
00:00:23,865 --> 00:00:25,726
to be your lawful
wedded husband?
14
00:00:25,864 --> 00:00:27,899
I don't want to get married.
15
00:00:28,036 --> 00:00:30,518
You didn't so much get that
second vasectomy, did you?
16
00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,794
Wh...
17
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:34,586
Because I am
remarkably pregnant.
18
00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:37,344
So let me ask you this.
19
00:00:37,481 --> 00:00:39,321
Are you gonna change
your name back to Stemple?
20
00:00:39,447 --> 00:00:40,447
What do you mean?
21
00:00:40,516 --> 00:00:42,205
Well, we're not
actually married.
22
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:45,204
No, sweetie, everything
stays exactly the same.
23
00:00:45,342 --> 00:00:46,376
[BUZZER] Oh, my God.
24
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:47,376
Go away.
25
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,824
The apartment is not for rent.
26
00:00:48,962 --> 00:00:50,548
MAN: Huh? Who's that?
27
00:00:50,686 --> 00:00:51,754
SYLVIA: It's your parents.
28
00:00:51,892 --> 00:00:53,512
BURT: Burt and Sylvia Buchman.
29
00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:54,512
Yes. Sorry.
30
00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:55,753
Happy anniversary.
31
00:00:55,891 --> 00:00:58,200
Oh, thanks.
32
00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:01,406
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. What
has it been, 7 years now?
33
00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,165
Seven beautiful years.
34
00:01:03,303 --> 00:01:05,267
That's not nothing.
35
00:01:05,405 --> 00:01:06,820
Let me ask you something.
36
00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:08,819
If we had just been together
37
00:01:08,957 --> 00:01:09,819
for the last 7 years,
38
00:01:09,957 --> 00:01:11,404
but we weren't actually married,
39
00:01:11,543 --> 00:01:13,163
that would still be
"not nothing," right?
40
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,851
No, that would be nothing.
41
00:01:14,989 --> 00:01:15,851
Really?
42
00:01:15,989 --> 00:01:17,368
Yeah, you'd be
like Cousin Elliott
43
00:01:17,506 --> 00:01:19,712
and what's her name.
What is her name?
44
00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:22,678
Exactly. If they were
married, we'd all know.
45
00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:25,608
Until you make it official,
you're just playing house.
46
00:01:25,746 --> 00:01:28,193
You've gotta make a
statement. You gotta stand up
47
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:30,607
in front of the whole world
and say, "I love this girl!"
48
00:01:30,744 --> 00:01:33,915
then there's a record of
it in city hall all typed up
49
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:37,087
nice and everything. Otherwise,
you're just kidding around.
50
00:01:37,225 --> 00:01:38,501
I smell a diaper.
51
00:01:38,638 --> 00:01:39,811
Oh, gimme.
52
00:01:39,949 --> 00:01:41,604
No, no, no. We'll do it.
53
00:01:41,741 --> 00:01:42,603
Come on, Burt.
54
00:01:42,741 --> 00:01:44,810
You got a little thing there.
55
00:01:44,947 --> 00:01:46,671
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
56
00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:48,809
Come on. Come on.
57
00:01:48,946 --> 00:01:51,084
Don't even say it.
58
00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:52,324
What?
59
00:01:52,462 --> 00:01:53,566
[BUZZER]
60
00:01:53,703 --> 00:01:55,221
They're your parents. We're us.
61
00:01:55,358 --> 00:01:57,668
We, don't forget, are very hip.
62
00:01:57,806 --> 00:01:58,944
We don't need city hall.
63
00:01:59,082 --> 00:02:00,682
We don't need a piece
of paper. We're us.
64
00:02:00,771 --> 00:02:01,771
Yeah.
65
00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:02,977
Hi.
66
00:02:03,115 --> 00:02:04,942
Hi. I understand your
apartment is for rent.
67
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,804
Oh, you know, sadly
that is a misprint.
68
00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:08,941
Oh!
69
00:02:09,079 --> 00:02:10,113
[SADLY] Oh.
70
00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:11,388
Oh.
71
00:02:11,527 --> 00:02:13,285
Oh.
72
00:02:13,423 --> 00:02:14,836
Oh!
73
00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:16,698
Oh, is this your wife?
74
00:02:16,801 --> 00:02:18,421
Uh... no, not really.
75
00:02:18,559 --> 00:02:19,834
Oh, all right.
76
00:02:22,627 --> 00:02:24,799
Sweetie? I found it.
77
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,799
Last one in the
city, but I found it.
78
00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:28,798
One big seat, one little seat.
79
00:02:28,936 --> 00:02:32,280
Two kids, one carriage.
One big happy family.
80
00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:44,656
[CRYING]
81
00:02:44,794 --> 00:02:46,621
Shh.
82
00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:49,344
It happens.
83
00:02:49,482 --> 00:02:51,792
These things happen, sweetie.
84
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:54,032
I'm sorry.
85
00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:57,825
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not your fault.
86
00:02:59,342 --> 00:03:01,375
You did everything right.
87
00:03:02,927 --> 00:03:05,340
It just wasn't meant to be.
88
00:03:07,581 --> 00:03:10,132
Turns out I wanted it.
89
00:03:12,201 --> 00:03:13,580
Me, too.
90
00:03:22,784 --> 00:03:25,508
And so, I'm an only child.
91
00:03:25,646 --> 00:03:28,989
So, the manager
blames it on my feet.
92
00:03:29,127 --> 00:03:30,851
Yeah, that's the problem.
93
00:03:30,989 --> 00:03:33,298
The shoes that
you made are fine.
94
00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:36,332
My feet that God made
are clearly defective.
95
00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:37,607
Fran... I don't understand.
96
00:03:37,745 --> 00:03:39,814
You can send a monkey to Pluto.
97
00:03:39,952 --> 00:03:41,572
You can't make a
high-heeled sandal
98
00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:42,986
that doesn't lacerate my calf.
99
00:03:43,124 --> 00:03:45,330
Fran? I'm sorry. What?
100
00:03:45,468 --> 00:03:47,260
He left me.
101
00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:48,398
What?
102
00:03:48,536 --> 00:03:51,087
Paul. He left me.
103
00:03:52,639 --> 00:03:56,844
Oh, my God. What happened?
When did this happen?
104
00:03:56,982 --> 00:04:01,428
Last night, but I think it's
been on its way for a long time.
105
00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:03,325
Why?
106
00:04:03,463 --> 00:04:04,945
Well...
107
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:06,393
What did he say?
108
00:04:06,531 --> 00:04:11,323
He said I'm unkind.
109
00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:12,736
What does that mean?
110
00:04:12,874 --> 00:04:16,046
He said I've changed
and that maybe this way
111
00:04:16,184 --> 00:04:19,424
will be better for both of us.
112
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,734
He's an idiot, your husband!
113
00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:23,733
Maybe he's right. I
mean, I have changed.
114
00:04:23,871 --> 00:04:26,077
How could I not? I
was 26 when we met.
115
00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:29,043
We used to be very
kind to each other,
116
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:33,386
but then there's a kid, and
I'm always worried about her,
117
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,075
and there's just not as
much time to be kind.
118
00:04:36,213 --> 00:04:37,558
Who has that kind of time?
119
00:04:37,696 --> 00:04:39,798
And then she grows
up, and there you are.
120
00:04:39,936 --> 00:04:41,660
It's just the two of you,
121
00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:43,418
and nobody even
remembers how to be nice,
122
00:04:43,556 --> 00:04:45,004
so am I less nice?
123
00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:46,141
Sure.
124
00:04:46,176 --> 00:04:50,692
Am I unkind? Okay. Fine.
125
00:04:51,519 --> 00:04:54,036
You... are an idiot.
126
00:04:54,174 --> 00:04:56,380
Well, isn't that nice.
127
00:04:56,518 --> 00:04:58,862
I'm sorry. You think
I like to say this?
128
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000
Wh...
129
00:05:00,035 --> 00:05:01,275
It hurts me to say this,
130
00:05:01,413 --> 00:05:03,999
but I'm not gonna
beat around the bush.
131
00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:06,964
You, my friend, you
are a phenomenal idiot.
132
00:05:07,102 --> 00:05:09,066
You know, Mark,
if I'm not mistaken,
133
00:05:09,204 --> 00:05:11,549
you left Fran once upon a time.
134
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,238
Yeah, I did. You're right.
135
00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:14,410
I was young!
136
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,962
What do you mean?
137
00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:17,099
Look at you. You're old!
138
00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:19,478
I'm not old. I am...
139
00:05:19,616 --> 00:05:20,822
No, you're young.
140
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,063
That's why social security
starts for you in 3 hours,
141
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,062
because you're so young!
142
00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,268
I mean, we always fought,
143
00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:32,784
but when the fights were
over, we were closer.
144
00:05:32,922 --> 00:05:34,888
By the end, it
wasn't even fighting.
145
00:05:35,026 --> 00:05:37,611
It was just criticism
and complaining
146
00:05:37,749 --> 00:05:38,990
and poking and prodding.
147
00:05:39,127 --> 00:05:40,542
Okay.
148
00:05:40,679 --> 00:05:41,782
All I know is
149
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,264
I can't always be
wrong, you know?
150
00:05:44,402 --> 00:05:46,367
Some of what I do must be right.
151
00:05:46,505 --> 00:05:47,505
Who cares?
152
00:05:47,609 --> 00:05:50,022
Who cares? Who cares
who's right or wrong?
153
00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:52,366
Who's got the
strength to keep track?
154
00:05:52,504 --> 00:05:54,951
You just stay
married and shut up.
155
00:05:55,985 --> 00:05:57,606
Why?
156
00:05:57,744 --> 00:05:59,053
Why?
157
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:00,708
Because it's better.
158
00:06:00,846 --> 00:06:04,535
Listen, you know, nobody
believed that more than me.
159
00:06:04,673 --> 00:06:06,638
Oh, I know, I know.
160
00:06:06,776 --> 00:06:08,189
But we were miserable.
161
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:12,292
Do you understand that? Jamie
and I, we were both miserable.
162
00:06:12,429 --> 00:06:14,533
So who are you
not to be miserable?
163
00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,670
No. At a certain
point, you have to say,
164
00:06:18,807 --> 00:06:20,392
"Okay, who is this for?"
165
00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:21,978
I mean, who's winning here?
166
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:23,289
Nobody.
167
00:06:23,427 --> 00:06:24,530
But you love Jamie.
168
00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:26,977
Of course. Very much.
169
00:06:27,115 --> 00:06:29,011
So?
170
00:06:29,149 --> 00:06:31,011
So I'll be the bad guy.
171
00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:33,769
So I'll... Let me be
the one who says,
172
00:06:33,906 --> 00:06:38,423
"You know what? Why don't
we just let each other live?"
173
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,940
Till death do you part.
174
00:06:40,078 --> 00:06:41,560
That's what is says... Death...
175
00:06:41,698 --> 00:06:43,146
Not a lack of kindness.
176
00:06:43,284 --> 00:06:44,972
The vows are very specific.
177
00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:46,489
In other words, you don't leave.
178
00:06:46,627 --> 00:06:48,144
That's the one
thing you don't do.
179
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:51,144
You think I haven't felt good
and fed up plenty of times?
180
00:06:51,281 --> 00:06:53,039
Believe me, I have,
many, many times.
181
00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:54,217
But I didn't leave, did I?
182
00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:56,280
No. No, I stayed.
183
00:06:56,418 --> 00:06:57,590
Right.
184
00:06:57,728 --> 00:06:59,521
He left.
185
00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:05,243
Good times.
186
00:07:07,002 --> 00:07:08,759
Here's something.
187
00:07:08,897 --> 00:07:11,207
Our dog Murray
died when I was 6,
188
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:15,378
so naturally my parents told
me about it when I was 12.
189
00:07:16,551 --> 00:07:18,619
Okay, I've had it with you two!
190
00:07:18,757 --> 00:07:20,343
Uh-oh. Now what?
191
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:23,376
If one human year
equals seven dog years,
192
00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:25,686
that would make Murray 210.
193
00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,548
So? So...
194
00:07:27,686 --> 00:07:29,272
You lied. That isn't Murray.
195
00:07:31,478 --> 00:07:32,857
Um...
196
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,235
[SIGHS] Listen,
Mabel... Sonya...
197
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:40,407
Sweetie, some
very special dogs...
198
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:43,510
Save it, Ma. Murray
died, didn't he?
199
00:07:43,647 --> 00:07:45,164
And you got another dog
200
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:47,922
who looked just like
Murray, didn't you?
201
00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,473
I mean, who does such a thing?
202
00:07:52,093 --> 00:07:54,507
[BOTH STUTTERING]
203
00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:58,367
Thereafter, my parents promised
they'd be straight with me.
204
00:07:58,506 --> 00:07:59,746
Sweetheart?
205
00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:02,539
Last night...
206
00:08:02,676 --> 00:08:05,435
your grandfather...
207
00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:09,950
unexpectedly and in his sleep...
208
00:08:11,571 --> 00:08:12,571
moved to Florida.
209
00:08:16,535 --> 00:08:18,432
Paulie, keep up with the hearse.
210
00:08:18,569 --> 00:08:20,947
Ma, you're grieving
or you're driving.
211
00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:23,844
Oh, very nice. Chew
my head off, I'm a widow.
212
00:08:23,982 --> 00:08:26,567
Sorry. You're right.
213
00:08:29,911 --> 00:08:32,806
You know, sometimes
in the silence,
214
00:08:32,944 --> 00:08:34,944
I can feel his presence.
215
00:08:36,668 --> 00:08:38,564
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
216
00:08:39,909 --> 00:08:42,115
[RING]
217
00:08:42,253 --> 00:08:43,459
[RING]
218
00:08:43,597 --> 00:08:44,907
Couldn't be sorrier.
219
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,182
Hello.
220
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,216
I guess it's true what they say.
221
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,457
Life goes on.
222
00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:53,974
No, no. No, absolutely
not. Absolutely not!
223
00:08:54,112 --> 00:08:56,180
No, no, no. Absolutely not!
224
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,559
What?
225
00:08:57,697 --> 00:09:00,351
Hold on. It's the tenant board.
226
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:01,937
They say we can
have the apartment,
227
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,523
but now they want key money.
228
00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:04,867
Key money? What is that?
229
00:09:05,005 --> 00:09:06,005
It's a bribe, basically.
230
00:09:06,074 --> 00:09:07,315
Honestly, must you do this now?
231
00:09:07,453 --> 00:09:09,253
I'm sorry, Ma. It's just
that we have a chance
232
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,314
to get the apartment
across the hall from us,
233
00:09:11,452 --> 00:09:13,762
but only if we do it today.
What, the Scottish people?
234
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:14,762
English people.
235
00:09:14,899 --> 00:09:15,761
Right. Yeah.
236
00:09:15,899 --> 00:09:18,105
So what? Pay them the key money.
237
00:09:18,243 --> 00:09:19,760
Really?
238
00:09:19,898 --> 00:09:22,518
Yes. Sure. The
wall can come down,
239
00:09:22,656 --> 00:09:24,793
and you'll finally
have a room for Mabel.
240
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,517
What are you waiting for?
241
00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:28,965
Yes. Tell them yes.
242
00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:31,413
Okay. Done. We'll
get you the check.
243
00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:32,550
Thank you.
244
00:09:32,653 --> 00:09:34,377
So it's ours?
245
00:09:34,515 --> 00:09:35,377
It's ours.
246
00:09:35,514 --> 00:09:37,790
Okay. All right,
this is a good day.
247
00:09:37,927 --> 00:09:39,376
It really is.
248
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:48,960
Can you imagine?
Cecilia wore chiffon.
249
00:09:49,097 --> 00:09:51,062
You're right. Very
inappropriate for a funeral.
250
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,061
It's not that, it's her figure.
251
00:09:53,199 --> 00:09:55,716
There's gotta
be a better fabric.
252
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:02,232
Oh! I didn't get potato
salad... just coleslaw.
253
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:04,404
Ma, people love coleslaw.
254
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:07,231
Aunt Syl, you want
me to go get it?
255
00:10:07,368 --> 00:10:08,679
No.
256
00:10:22,261 --> 00:10:23,261
[♪♪♪♪♪]
257
00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:41,532
And that's why they
call it intercourse.
258
00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,394
Sexual intercourse.
259
00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:44,772
I'm saying.
260
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:49,185
Sweetheart, do you
understand any of this?
261
00:10:49,322 --> 00:10:50,322
I'm on the pill.
262
00:10:52,288 --> 00:10:54,805
Okay, so then you know.
263
00:10:56,045 --> 00:10:57,320
MABEL: That was the moment
264
00:10:57,459 --> 00:10:59,837
my father decided I
was growing up too fast,
265
00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:01,492
and so began our Sunday morning
266
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,492
"buy the newspaper,
buy some bagels,
267
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:04,802
get an Italian ice,
268
00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:06,560
and make fun of
perfectly innocent people
269
00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:09,008
in the street" ritual.
270
00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:13,524
My mother and I
also had our rituals.
271
00:11:13,662 --> 00:11:14,524
No!
272
00:11:14,662 --> 00:11:15,523
I'm saying yes!
273
00:11:15,661 --> 00:11:16,661
No! Yes!
274
00:11:16,799 --> 00:11:18,832
No!
275
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:25,762
Yes.
276
00:11:25,899 --> 00:11:26,761
No!
277
00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:28,520
Yes!
278
00:11:33,415 --> 00:11:34,690
MABEL: My therapist said
279
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,518
that the reason I clash
with my mother so much
280
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,413
is that we're so very alike.
281
00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:40,413
No!
282
00:11:40,551 --> 00:11:42,344
That statement alone
283
00:11:42,481 --> 00:11:45,756
upped me from two sessions
to three sessions a week.
284
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:48,722
My grandfather used to say,
285
00:11:48,859 --> 00:11:51,721
"Out of pain beauty does come."
286
00:11:51,859 --> 00:11:53,720
He also used to say,
287
00:11:53,858 --> 00:11:56,409
"Plant one right
here, tiger puss,"
288
00:11:56,547 --> 00:11:57,615
you know, so some things
289
00:11:57,753 --> 00:11:59,374
were more resonant than others.
290
00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:02,890
And what I did
was I took my pain,
291
00:12:03,028 --> 00:12:06,372
poured it into my work,
and I waited for beauty.
292
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:07,751
WOMAN: Hey, Bob.
293
00:12:07,888 --> 00:12:11,129
BOB: Hey. What have
you got there, a knife?
294
00:12:11,267 --> 00:12:12,267
[MAN GASPS] [THUNK]
295
00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:13,336
MAN: She's stabbing Bob!
296
00:12:13,439 --> 00:12:16,300
BOB: Unh, I'm bleeding a lot.
297
00:12:16,439 --> 00:12:19,645
[WARNER BROS.
CARTOON MUSIC PLAYS]
298
00:12:30,435 --> 00:12:31,642
Well, who wants pie?
299
00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:32,951
Yeah, that sounds good.
300
00:12:33,089 --> 00:12:35,606
That's a great idea.
We'll see you there.
301
00:12:35,743 --> 00:12:36,812
All right, Paulie. Okay.
302
00:12:38,364 --> 00:12:40,260
Want to get some pie?
303
00:12:40,398 --> 00:12:41,466
I don't think so.
304
00:12:41,604 --> 00:12:43,638
Okay. Well...
305
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:46,603
It was good to see you.
306
00:12:46,741 --> 00:12:49,016
You, too.
307
00:12:49,153 --> 00:12:51,222
Think you and me were
supposed to be Bob?
308
00:12:51,361 --> 00:12:52,429
Oh, let's say no.
309
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:53,670
Ha. Ha. Okay.
310
00:12:55,152 --> 00:12:56,497
How's the apartment?
311
00:12:56,635 --> 00:12:57,669
Good.
312
00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:01,599
Did you ever think
we'd be these people?
313
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:04,633
No, I did not.
314
00:13:08,839 --> 00:13:12,700
I just want to
say if I did, um...
315
00:13:12,838 --> 00:13:16,215
change in some way
that made you feel...
316
00:13:16,354 --> 00:13:19,043
No, hey, no, no, no, no, no.
317
00:13:19,181 --> 00:13:21,111
You don't have to do that.
318
00:13:21,249 --> 00:13:22,387
That's okay.
319
00:13:22,524 --> 00:13:24,628
Okay.
320
00:13:24,766 --> 00:13:27,661
But I do think it's better
this way... Don't you think?
321
00:13:27,799 --> 00:13:28,799
I do.
322
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,074
I do, too.
323
00:13:32,832 --> 00:13:34,694
Okay, so you take
care of yourself.
324
00:13:34,832 --> 00:13:35,832
You, too.
325
00:13:35,866 --> 00:13:37,624
Okay.
326
00:13:37,762 --> 00:13:39,038
Okay.
327
00:14:09,754 --> 00:14:11,718
Did you just kiss me?
328
00:14:14,131 --> 00:14:15,717
No.
329
00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:19,647
I didn't think so.
330
00:14:26,818 --> 00:14:28,956
Buy me some pie?
331
00:14:31,817 --> 00:14:33,713
Yes, please.
332
00:14:47,571 --> 00:14:49,364
MABEL: And he bought her pie,
333
00:14:49,502 --> 00:14:53,018
and he took her
home, and he never left.
334
00:14:58,224 --> 00:15:00,603
Yes, it was not my best film.
335
00:15:00,741 --> 00:15:02,671
I see that now.
336
00:15:02,809 --> 00:15:08,325
But it was what I would call a
hugely successful screening.
337
00:15:08,463 --> 00:15:11,185
To me, there is no
greater act of courage
338
00:15:11,324 --> 00:15:15,150
than being the
one who kisses first.
339
00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:18,012
And bearing that in mind...
340
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,667
I ask all of you who
are not my mother
341
00:15:19,805 --> 00:15:23,321
to turn around for a second.
342
00:15:23,459 --> 00:15:26,906
Mom, I love you.
343
00:15:27,044 --> 00:15:29,629
Okay, everybody, you
can turn back around.
344
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:30,974
[SIGHS]
345
00:15:31,111 --> 00:15:33,559
I said at the beginning
that I blame my parents...
346
00:15:33,697 --> 00:15:35,283
and I do.
347
00:15:35,421 --> 00:15:38,076
I blame them for
making me crazy.
348
00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:41,144
I blame them for
being so difficult.
349
00:15:42,661 --> 00:15:44,350
But most of all...
350
00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:47,349
I blame them for making
it impossible for me
351
00:15:47,487 --> 00:15:49,245
to dismiss the idea
352
00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:52,485
that love can actually work out.
353
00:15:55,174 --> 00:15:58,104
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today...
354
00:15:58,242 --> 00:16:01,414
Ahem... Actually, we are
gathered here almost tomorrow.
355
00:16:01,552 --> 00:16:03,069
Sorry again about the late hour.
356
00:16:03,207 --> 00:16:05,527
Yeah, it's just we want to
keep the same anniversary, so...
357
00:16:05,655 --> 00:16:07,654
Happy to be here.
Flattered to be asked.
358
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,654
Although, we are moving
right along here on midnight,
359
00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:12,480
so, uh, I should just kind of...
360
00:16:12,618 --> 00:16:14,135
Please, by all
means, by all means.
361
00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:15,833
Paul, do you take
Jamie to be your wife,
362
00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,648
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
363
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,721
till death do you part?
364
00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:20,030
I do.
365
00:16:20,168 --> 00:16:21,857
Jamie, do you take
Paul to be your husband,
366
00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:23,715
to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
367
00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:24,994
till death do you part?
368
00:16:25,132 --> 00:16:27,270
I do.
369
00:16:27,407 --> 00:16:29,062
Are you sure?
370
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:31,889
Yes.
371
00:16:32,027 --> 00:16:33,667
Well, you know, the
last time we talked...
372
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,026
I understand. Okay.
373
00:16:35,164 --> 00:16:36,284
Well, uh, you got the rings,
374
00:16:36,405 --> 00:16:38,577
and the, uh, witness
is asleep in the crib.
375
00:16:38,715 --> 00:16:41,645
Dog's lost interest, so I
guess we can move right along.
376
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,300
By the power vested in me,
377
00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:45,300
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
378
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,644
And we got 7 seconds left,
379
00:16:46,782 --> 00:16:48,702
so you can kiss each
other squarely on the mouth.
380
00:16:48,747 --> 00:16:50,436
Ha.
381
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,021
Okay. Okay.
382
00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:53,298
Well, I'm out of here.
383
00:16:53,436 --> 00:16:55,951
Okay, there you go.
We're all signed up.
384
00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:57,641
Here's your
certificate right there.
385
00:16:57,779 --> 00:16:58,882
I'm gonna leave you my card
386
00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:00,582
in case you ever want
to get ahold of me.
387
00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:02,709
I am a certified
public accountant
388
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,191
and also a notary public
389
00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:07,224
and I can fix a boat.
390
00:17:12,154 --> 00:17:13,154
Well...
391
00:17:13,223 --> 00:17:15,361
Well.
392
00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:16,774
We are married.
393
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:17,981
Yes, we are.
394
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,635
All official, typed up,
nice and everything.
395
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,220
Yep.
396
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:26,013
I got to say it
feels, uh... it feels...
397
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,550
what am I trying
to say? It feels...
398
00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:28,634
Exactly the same?
399
00:17:28,702 --> 00:17:29,702
Very much, yes.
400
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,426
Did we rush him too much?
401
00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:32,735
I don't know. Maybe we did.
402
00:17:32,873 --> 00:17:34,770
'Cause there were
actually a couple of things
403
00:17:34,907 --> 00:17:36,779
I would have said if he'd
given us a minute or 2.
404
00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:38,562
Really? Me, too. Really?
405
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:41,388
Yeah. Well, I know
you pretty good now.
406
00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:43,146
I would have been
a little more specific.
407
00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:44,525
What would you have said?
408
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,353
I would have said, "I love you."
409
00:17:46,491 --> 00:17:48,352
That's not so specific.
410
00:17:48,490 --> 00:17:50,317
No, but...
411
00:17:50,455 --> 00:17:51,558
I really love you.
412
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,627
Oh.
413
00:17:53,765 --> 00:17:55,660
And I would have said...
414
00:17:57,315 --> 00:18:00,314
I know life is a big,
dangerous thing,
415
00:18:00,452 --> 00:18:06,037
and it's stronger and
smarter and sneakier than us,
416
00:18:06,175 --> 00:18:07,657
but here's what I got.
417
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,692
I will always love you.
418
00:18:09,829 --> 00:18:13,518
Don't ever doubt
that no matter what.
419
00:18:13,656 --> 00:18:15,621
So that's what I
would have said.
420
00:18:15,759 --> 00:18:16,759
What would you have said?
421
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:20,309
I would have said...
422
00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:26,411
I would have said there
are millions of things I want,
423
00:18:26,549 --> 00:18:29,686
but only one
thing I really need.
424
00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,272
And if you ever
decided to leave me,
425
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,444
I would go and find
you and bring you home
426
00:18:33,581 --> 00:18:36,718
'cause you'd be wrong.
427
00:18:38,132 --> 00:18:39,200
See, now that's a wedding.
428
00:18:39,339 --> 00:18:40,339
Yeah.
429
00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:42,579
How do you like
being married so far?
430
00:18:42,717 --> 00:18:45,061
I like it very much.
431
00:18:46,268 --> 00:18:47,337
You hungry? Not really.
432
00:18:47,475 --> 00:18:48,991
Okay.
433
00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:54,645
Come here.
434
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:12,400
Thank you for a
wonderful engagement.
435
00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:15,639
It has been my pleasure.
436
00:19:25,534 --> 00:19:26,534
[♪♪♪♪♪]
437
00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:50,493
♪ You turn around ♪
438
00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:55,112
♪ Then you ask me
Behind tears of doubt ♪
439
00:19:55,251 --> 00:20:00,352
♪ "Just what do I see in you?" ♪
440
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:04,627
♪ Please don't cry ♪
441
00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:09,523
♪ I know sometimes It
seems we barely get by ♪
442
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,591
♪ But you don't see ♪
443
00:20:11,729 --> 00:20:13,969
♪ How much you do ♪
444
00:20:14,107 --> 00:20:16,314
♪ Oh, to get me through ♪
445
00:20:16,452 --> 00:20:20,382
♪ When the world is cold ♪
446
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,070
♪ And I need A friend to hold ♪
447
00:20:24,208 --> 00:20:26,035
♪ You give me love ♪
448
00:20:26,173 --> 00:20:28,896
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
449
00:20:29,034 --> 00:20:32,585
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
450
00:20:32,723 --> 00:20:36,343
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
451
00:20:36,481 --> 00:20:38,480
♪ You pick me up ♪
452
00:20:38,618 --> 00:20:43,479
♪ You give me love
You give me love ♪
453
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:47,513
♪ Yeah, yeah Oh, baby ♪
454
00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:55,200
♪ I apologize ♪
455
00:20:55,338 --> 00:21:00,199
♪ If I never told you
What you are in my eyes ♪
456
00:21:00,337 --> 00:21:04,956
♪ Oh, baby Let me tell you now ♪
457
00:21:05,094 --> 00:21:09,161
♪ Every day ♪
458
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:14,195
♪ Looks sweeter knowing
You'll be there in every way ♪
459
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:18,883
♪ Now how can you
say That's not enough ♪
460
00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:23,020
♪ 'Cause when
The world is cold ♪
461
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:26,778
♪ And I need a friend to hold ♪
462
00:21:26,916 --> 00:21:30,777
♪ You give me love
You give me love, baby ♪
463
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:35,465
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
464
00:21:35,603 --> 00:21:38,947
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
465
00:21:39,085 --> 00:21:41,361
♪ You pick me up ♪
466
00:21:41,499 --> 00:21:43,153
♪ You give me love ♪
467
00:21:43,291 --> 00:21:48,600
♪ You give me everything
My heart desires ♪
468
00:21:48,738 --> 00:21:52,323
♪ Morning sun
And midnight fires ♪
469
00:21:52,461 --> 00:21:56,598
♪ Someone there
To share my dream ♪
470
00:21:56,735 --> 00:22:00,425
♪ With you I have everything ♪
471
00:22:00,563 --> 00:22:03,940
♪ When the world is cold ♪
472
00:22:04,078 --> 00:22:07,768
♪ And I need A friend to hold ♪
473
00:22:07,905 --> 00:22:09,836
♪ You give me love ♪
474
00:22:09,974 --> 00:22:12,491
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
475
00:22:12,628 --> 00:22:16,868
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
476
00:22:17,006 --> 00:22:19,902
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
477
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,177
♪ You pick me up ♪
478
00:22:22,315 --> 00:22:23,935
♪ You give me love ♪
479
00:22:24,073 --> 00:22:29,038
♪ Yeah, when my world Is cold ♪
480
00:22:29,176 --> 00:22:32,899
♪ And I need A
friend to hold me ♪
481
00:22:33,037 --> 00:22:34,623
♪ You give me love ♪
482
00:22:34,761 --> 00:22:37,277
♪ You give me love, baby ♪
483
00:22:37,415 --> 00:22:41,414
♪ And when my hope is gone ♪
484
00:22:41,552 --> 00:22:44,896
♪ And I feel I can't go on ♪
485
00:22:45,034 --> 00:22:46,929
♪ You pick me up ♪
486
00:22:47,067 --> 00:22:49,135
♪ You give me love ♪
487
00:22:49,274 --> 00:22:54,376
♪ Yeah, when my world is cold ♪
488
00:22:54,514 --> 00:22:57,651
♪ And I need A
friend to hold me ♪
489
00:22:57,789 --> 00:23:01,305
♪ You give me love
You give me love, baby ♪
490
00:23:03,546 --> 00:23:04,706
So in case you're interested,
491
00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:06,270
here's what happened
to everybody.
492
00:23:06,408 --> 00:23:08,855
Ira and Marianne ended
up with eight children...
493
00:23:08,992 --> 00:23:12,129
One from every continent
and two from New Jersey.
494
00:23:12,268 --> 00:23:13,819
Mark and Fran invited
495
00:23:13,957 --> 00:23:16,198
an adventuresome Swedish
couple into their marriage,
496
00:23:16,336 --> 00:23:18,128
and they've never been happier.
497
00:23:18,267 --> 00:23:20,955
My grandma moved
to Boca Raton, Florida,
498
00:23:21,093 --> 00:23:22,335
but it didn't take.
499
00:23:22,472 --> 00:23:24,265
So then she moved
into my parents' building,
500
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:27,298
but two floors down
so as not to intrude.
501
00:23:27,436 --> 00:23:31,608
Aunt Lisa is exactly the same.
502
00:23:31,746 --> 00:23:35,158
Me... I'm fine.
503
00:23:35,296 --> 00:23:38,813
And these two, if you'll
pardon the expression,
504
00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:41,399
lived happily ever after.
505
00:23:47,017 --> 00:23:48,017
Captions: M.P.
34150
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