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1
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:09,473
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3
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,899
Come on, guys.
We don't wanna be late.
4
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,899
Do I have to go? It's the only
day I get to play games.
5
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:40,900
We're all going.
Come on.
6
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,620
I don't understand why we have
to go to church every Sunday.
7
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,619
Church is important, Stan.
8
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:49,279
Way more important
than video games and TV.
9
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,619
Church is about community
and coming together --
10
00:00:51,620 --> 00:00:52,620
a lot of things.
11
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,619
All I know is that after church,
I just feel better.
12
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:58,619
Yeah.
Me, too.
13
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,009
[ Indistinct conversations ]
14
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,010
Hey, mornin', Stephen, Linda!
15
00:01:01,011 --> 00:01:03,009
Morning, guys.
16
00:01:03,010 --> 00:01:04,010
Man:
Oh, thanks, there, Randy.
17
00:01:04,011 --> 00:01:06,009
You got it.
Where's Josie?
18
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:07,010
Aw, she slipped her disc
in her neck.
19
00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:09,009
Poor thing can barely move.
20
00:01:09,010 --> 00:01:10,010
Aw, she's gonna miss church?
That's too bad.
21
00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:12,009
Give her my best.
22
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,010
[ Conversations stop ]
23
00:01:13,011 --> 00:01:15,009
For God so loved the world
24
00:01:15,010 --> 00:01:17,009
that he gave
his only begotten son
25
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:21,009
so that whoever believed in him
should have eternal life.
26
00:01:21,010 --> 00:01:22,010
This is the gospel of the Lord.
27
00:01:22,011 --> 00:01:25,009
Townspeople: Praise to you,
Lord Jesus Christ.
28
00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:28,779
Today's gospel talks about
what the Lord has to give us.
29
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:32,009
He did so because we could not
control our temptations.
30
00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:34,009
Kind of like a priest
in a room full of naked boys.
31
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:37,009
[ Townspeople snicker ]
32
00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:39,009
Okay. Okay.
33
00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,010
Let's -- let's try and have
none of that today.
34
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:44,009
In John 3:16, the gospel tells
us how God so loved the world,
35
00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:46,009
he gave to us his only son.
36
00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:48,009
And a Catholic priest
raped him.
37
00:01:48,010 --> 00:01:50,009
[ Laughter ]
38
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:53,009
Okay, okay.
Come -- Come on, guys.
39
00:01:53,010 --> 00:01:55,009
N-Now, what greater gift
could the Lord have given to us?
40
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,770
Children's underwear
41
00:01:57,010 --> 00:01:58,010
which priests couldn't
pull down so easily.
42
00:01:58,011 --> 00:02:00,009
[ Laughter ]
43
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:02,009
Okay. Let's -- Let's try
and compose ourselves.
44
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:06,009
Let's try and just get through
this first one, okay, guys?
45
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:09,009
What does it mean that the Lord
gave us his only begotten son?
46
00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:10,010
It means if you're a cute boy
47
00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:11,010
at a Catholic priest
swimming party,
48
00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:12,010
you better be gettin'!
49
00:02:12,011 --> 00:02:16,010
[ Laughter ]
50
00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:20,010
[ Laughter continues ]
51
00:02:20,011 --> 00:02:22,009
Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
52
00:02:22,010 --> 00:02:23,010
Salvation
in a little boy's mouth.
53
00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,009
I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
54
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:27,009
Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
55
00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:28,010
Oh, that was Linda!
56
00:02:28,011 --> 00:02:30,009
Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
57
00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:32,009
- Yeah! See ya!
- All right. Take it easy, now!
58
00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:33,010
- Bye.
- That was good.
59
00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:36,009
I really don't understand
the point of all that.
60
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:38,009
Yeah, well, I used
to think that about church
61
00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:39,010
when I was a kid, too.
62
00:02:39,011 --> 00:02:42,009
But back then, I don't know
if church was that stupid.
63
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:43,010
Hey, don't say
things like that, Stan.
64
00:02:43,011 --> 00:02:45,010
You wanna go to [bleep] hell?
65
00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:54,010
[ Door creaks ]
66
00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:02,010
[ Sighs ]
67
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:07,010
Father, can I talk to you?
68
00:03:07,011 --> 00:03:11,009
Of course, my child.
What's troubling you?
69
00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:15,010
Well, what's troubling you?
70
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,009
You know, at school,
the kids used
71
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:21,009
to all make fun
of me sometimes.
72
00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:23,009
One kid would say
something mean,
73
00:03:23,010 --> 00:03:24,010
and then the other kids
would laugh.
74
00:03:24,011 --> 00:03:27,009
I know how lousy it feels.
75
00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:29,009
I learned to just walk away,
76
00:03:29,010 --> 00:03:31,009
not give 'em
all the satisfaction.
77
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:34,009
Well, we can't all walk away.
78
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:37,009
The -- The priesthood
is all I know.
79
00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:40,009
I-I dedicated
my entire life to it.
80
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:42,009
I don't know anything else.
81
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,009
I know it seems impossible.
82
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:46,009
I thought I'd be a punching bag
my whole life,
83
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:49,009
but now, I'm one
of the popular kids.
84
00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:50,010
I even get invited
85
00:03:50,011 --> 00:03:52,009
to board game night
at Stan's house.
86
00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:54,009
My point is, sometimes,
87
00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:57,010
y-you just gotta
put yourself out there.
88
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,009
I wanna be Calamity Jane
this time.
89
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,010
How many cards
do you start with, Kenny?
90
00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,009
Two cards.
[ Door opens ]
91
00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,010
Oh.
There's Butters!
92
00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:10,010
Oh, hey, fellas!
93
00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:12,009
I hope you don't mind
I brought a friend.
94
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:14,009
Come on in!
95
00:04:14,010 --> 00:04:16,010
Uh, hello, my children.
96
00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:20,009
Okay, so, I-I guess
I'm gonna go to the saloon
97
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,009
and try to arrest Cartman.
98
00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:23,010
Let's see what you got, bitch.
99
00:04:23,011 --> 00:04:27,009
So, Kyle, did you know
Father is a really good singer?
100
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,009
You like to sing, too,
don't you?
101
00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:30,010
No.
102
00:04:30,011 --> 00:04:32,009
Praise the Lord
for the Lord is good.
103
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:35,009
Sing praise to his name,
for that is pleasant.
104
00:04:35,010 --> 00:04:36,010
Ace.
You lose.
105
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,010
Randy: Hey, Stan.
106
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,010
Have you seen my --
107
00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:45,009
No way!
108
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:47,009
Hang on! Hang on!
I gotta post this!
109
00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:49,009
I shouldn't be here.
110
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:50,010
This is hilarious.
111
00:04:50,010 --> 00:04:51,010
Four boys and a priest
playing a board game!
112
00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:53,010
Aw, Father wait a --
I should go.
113
00:04:53,011 --> 00:04:55,009
No, no, no wait.
Let me get the picture.
114
00:04:55,010 --> 00:04:57,009
Father!
115
00:04:57,010 --> 00:04:59,009
Aw, shit!
I missed it.
116
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,010
Ugh.
117
00:05:00,011 --> 00:05:02,009
Why did you invite Butters
to game night?
118
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,009
I didn't invite him.
119
00:05:04,010 --> 00:05:06,009
Come on, Father.
You can't give up so fast!
120
00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,010
This is just gonna
make things way worse.
121
00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:10,009
People will rip on me.
122
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,009
Who cares?
Who cares what people say?
123
00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:13,010
I do.
124
00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:14,010
Aw, come on.
You gotta be strong!
125
00:05:14,011 --> 00:05:16,009
Why do you care?!
126
00:05:16,010 --> 00:05:19,009
Because I was you.
Okay?
127
00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:22,009
I wasn't always this cool.
I've been through it.
128
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:25,009
But then, one day,
somebody told me something.
129
00:05:25,010 --> 00:05:27,009
He said, "Life is full of love
and light and bountiful things,"
130
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:28,889
and you know who told me that?
131
00:05:28,890 --> 00:05:31,889
You did!
Two years ago in church!
132
00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:33,889
You have a right
to go and be happy,
133
00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,889
and if people wanna
keep trying to knock you down,
134
00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,890
well [bleep] 'em!
135
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:42,889
[ Indistinct conversations ]
136
00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:43,890
Hey.
Morning, Mackey.
137
00:05:43,891 --> 00:05:46,480
Happy Sunday!
Mornin', Ted, Hazel.
138
00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:47,890
Townspeople:
Mornin'! Mornin'!
139
00:05:47,891 --> 00:05:49,889
Mornin'! Mornin'!
140
00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:50,890
Ah, doin' better.
huh, Josie?
141
00:05:50,891 --> 00:05:52,889
A lot better, thank you.
142
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:53,890
All right.
143
00:05:53,891 --> 00:05:55,889
[ Door handle rattles ]
144
00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:57,889
[ Grunts ]
145
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:58,890
Huh.
146
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,889
What the...?
147
00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:01,890
It's not open.
148
00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:02,890
Let me try.
149
00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:04,889
[ Door handle rattles ]
150
00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:06,890
Hey!
Hey, it's 9:00! Hey!
151
00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:08,889
What's going on?
152
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,890
[ Lock disengages, door opens ]
153
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,300
Ohhhhh!
154
00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:15,299
[ Laughter ]
155
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:16,300
There's no church today!
156
00:06:16,301 --> 00:06:18,889
You all are just gonna have
to find something better to do!
157
00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:21,299
[ Door slams, lock clicks ]
158
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,300
Hey.
159
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,300
Hey!
Open the door!
160
00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:26,300
Hey!
Come on! [ Grunts ]
161
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,300
Well, this sucks.
162
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,299
What are we supposed to do
without church?
163
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,299
I just feel so empty.
164
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,300
What are you guys
so upset about?
165
00:06:35,301 --> 00:06:37,300
Shut up, Shelly!
166
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:40,300
Isn't this great, Father?
167
00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:42,299
Fresh, mountain air.
168
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,300
Nice, warm fire.
169
00:06:43,301 --> 00:06:47,299
I have to admit, it's a pretty
nice way to spend a Sunday.
170
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,299
How many are your works, Lord?
171
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,299
In wisdom, you made them all.
172
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:54,299
[ Giggles ] Yeah.
The Lord's pretty cool.
173
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,300
He is...
174
00:06:55,301 --> 00:06:57,299
because he brought me you.
175
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,299
♪♪
176
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:02,299
♪ Faith in Christ
177
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,299
♪ Faith in Christ
178
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:08,299
♪♪
179
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:13,299
♪♪
180
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,470
♪ Faith in Christ
181
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,299
♪♪
182
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:22,300
♪ Faith in Christ
183
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,300
♪ Faith in Christ
184
00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:29,299
♪♪
185
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,299
♪ Faith in Christ
186
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:37,299
♪♪
187
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:41,299
♪ Faith in Christ
188
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:47,299
♪♪
189
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:54,299
♪♪
190
00:07:54,300 --> 00:08:01,299
♪♪
191
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:05,300
♪ Faith in Christ
192
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,300
[ Telephone rings ]
193
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:16,299
Denver Archdiocese.
The Lord be with you.
194
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,299
And with your spirit, m'kay.
195
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,299
Uh, my name
is counselor Mackey,
196
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,299
and w-we seem to be having
a little problem
197
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,299
with our local church
here in South Park.
198
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:27,299
Our, uh -- our priest
has gone missing.
199
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,299
Oh, not another one!
200
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,299
All right.
Listen to me carefully.
201
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:34,299
Your local priest
has not done anything wrong.
202
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,299
Probably just taking
some time off.
203
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,299
Why is that suspicious?
204
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,300
Well, it's not suspicious.
205
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:42,299
We just kind of don't know
what to do, you know?
206
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,300
We'll take care of it.
207
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,300
There's no need
to involve the authorities.
208
00:08:44,301 --> 00:08:47,299
Just sit tight.
209
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:48,300
[ Button clicks ]
210
00:08:48,301 --> 00:08:50,299
Send in a clean-up crew now.
211
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:52,299
[ Doors open ]
212
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,299
We've got another one.
213
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,299
A priest in South Park
has gone rogue
214
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,299
and is probably out
doing his thing.
215
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:03,299
I need you guys to get up there
and clean up his mess.
216
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,300
Don't worry, Your Holiness.
217
00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:06,299
By the time we're done
with that town,
218
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:08,299
there won't be a lick of cum
anywhere.
219
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:11,100
[ Dramatic music plays ]
220
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:16,219
[ Song playing ]
221
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:19,419
♪♪
222
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:20,420
Butters:
Happy Birthday, Clyde!
223
00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:23,419
Hope you don't mind
I brought a friend!
224
00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:27,090
For we are God's handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus
225
00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:29,180
to do good works.
226
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:31,419
Dude, what are you
talking about?
227
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:32,420
Come on, Father!
228
00:09:32,421 --> 00:09:34,419
Let's go tear up
the skating rink!
229
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,419
Just leave it alone, Clyde.
230
00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:37,420
Butters brings him everywhere.
231
00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,419
I don't care.
232
00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:41,419
I don't want a priest
at my [bleep] birthday party!
233
00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:42,420
It's all right, Clyde.
It's all right.
234
00:09:42,421 --> 00:09:45,419
[ Song playing ]
235
00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,419
♪♪
236
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,419
That's it!
You're doin' great!
237
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:50,420
Oh, aah!
238
00:09:50,421 --> 00:09:52,419
Oh, Mother Mary.
239
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:54,419
I feel like everyone's
staring at me.
240
00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:56,419
[ Children shouting playfully ]
241
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:57,420
Nobody's staring!
242
00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,419
I'm gonna go get us
some soda pop.
243
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:01,419
You just mingle
with the other fellas!
244
00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:04,420
[ Depressing Country song
playing ]
245
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,419
♪♪
246
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:09,419
What's it all about, huh?
247
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:11,419
Are we just bags
of carbon and water
248
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:13,419
put on this planet
for no purpose?
249
00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:15,419
You're born.
250
00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:17,419
You die.
251
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:19,419
Then you're just
food for the worms.
252
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:23,419
It all does seem
pretty meaningless.
253
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:25,419
Hey!
The church is back open!
254
00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:26,420
There's people inside!
255
00:10:26,421 --> 00:10:28,419
- What?
- They church is back open?
256
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,420
Oh, boy! Let's go!
Let's go!
257
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:32,419
- The church is back open!
- Thank God! Let's go!
258
00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:34,419
[ Vacuum whirring ]
259
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:36,419
Scrub everything.
260
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:37,420
Police can detect
261
00:10:37,421 --> 00:10:39,419
even a milligram of cum
and rectal blood.
262
00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,420
Hey!
263
00:10:40,421 --> 00:10:42,419
Oh.
Uh, hello, my children.
264
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:43,420
The Lord be with you.
265
00:10:43,421 --> 00:10:45,419
Townspeople:
And with your spirit.
266
00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:46,420
What, uh, what are
you guys doing?
267
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:48,419
Oh, we're just giving the place
a nice scrub down
268
00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:50,419
while we wait
for your priest to come back.
269
00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:52,419
He was called
to South America last week.
270
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,419
Last week?
271
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,419
No, he was at my house
a couple days ago
272
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:57,420
playing board games
with the boys.
273
00:10:57,420 --> 00:10:58,420
[ Whirring stops ]
274
00:10:58,421 --> 00:11:00,419
No, he wasn't.
275
00:11:00,420 --> 00:11:01,880
Look.
I assure you everything is fine.
276
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:04,419
Your priest will be back.
Just have some patience.
277
00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:06,419
All: Aw!
278
00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,420
Come on, guys.
279
00:11:07,421 --> 00:11:09,419
[ Vacuum whirs ]
280
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:10,420
Scrub everything.
281
00:11:10,421 --> 00:11:12,419
Bleach those board-game pieces.
282
00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:14,419
You find something
on that chair?
283
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,419
It's either blood and cum
or ketchup and mayo.
284
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:17,420
Well, just get rid of it.
285
00:11:17,421 --> 00:11:19,419
Bleach the entire
top of the table.
286
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:22,419
That's probably
where he mounted them.
287
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,419
Uh, excuse me?
288
00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:26,419
Oh. Hello, my son.
289
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,420
What are you doing?
290
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:29,419
What are we doing about what?
291
00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:30,420
Well, I mean, it looks like
292
00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:32,419
you're scrubbing and bleaching
our table and chairs.
293
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:34,419
Mnh-mnh.
That's not what's going on.
294
00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:37,419
Your local priest was
never here, actually.
295
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:39,419
Yeah, he was.
I played with him.
296
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,419
Oh, you did?
297
00:11:41,420 --> 00:11:43,419
Better get the Kumby.
298
00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:44,420
What's a Kumby?
299
00:11:44,421 --> 00:11:47,419
We're just here to cleanse
your spirit, my child.
300
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:48,420
Praise be to Christ.
301
00:11:48,421 --> 00:11:51,420
[ Kumby bloops ]
302
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:55,419
[ Kumby bloops ]
303
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:58,419
Boys:
♪ Happy birthday, dear Clyde
304
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,590
♪ Happy birthday to you
305
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:03,420
[ Blows out candles ]
Boys: Yay!
306
00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:05,419
And now, let us pray.
307
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:06,420
Awwww.
308
00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:09,419
Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts,
309
00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:11,419
which we are about
to receive...
310
00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:12,420
Kyle, will you do something,
please?
311
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:14,419
- Why me?
- Kyle!
312
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:16,419
♪♪
313
00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:19,419
...through Christ,
Our Lord. Amen.
314
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:21,419
Uh, Butters, can I talk
to you really fast?
315
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:24,419
Oh, sure, Kyle.
Be right back, Father.
316
00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:25,420
All right, my child.
317
00:12:25,421 --> 00:12:27,419
♪♪
318
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:28,420
What's up?
319
00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:29,420
Butters, you know,
320
00:12:29,421 --> 00:12:33,419
you can't just bring your priest
with you everywhere.
321
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,419
I mean, sometimes the guys
just wanna do stuff
322
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,419
and not have a priest around.
323
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:39,420
What are you saying, Kyle?
324
00:12:39,421 --> 00:12:41,419
I'm saying it's just
kind of awkward, Butters.
325
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:43,419
He's bumming everybody out.
326
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:45,419
Nobody wants to hear about Jesus
at a birthday party.
327
00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:47,419
Well, of course you don't.
328
00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:49,419
It's not just me.
It's everybody, Butters.
329
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,419
He can try all he wants,
but he just doesn't belong here.
330
00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:55,419
Well, I'm sorry
for trying to help out
331
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:57,419
somebody who didn't have
anywhere else to turn.
332
00:12:57,420 --> 00:12:59,419
We'll both just leave.
333
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:02,419
I thought you were better
than that, Kyle.
334
00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:04,419
♪♪
335
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:05,420
[ Melody changes ]
336
00:13:05,421 --> 00:13:07,419
♪ Faith in Christ
337
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,419
♪ Faith in Christ
338
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:12,419
[ Song playing ]
339
00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:13,420
All right, clean and scrub
everything.
340
00:13:13,421 --> 00:13:15,419
I want it spotless!
341
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,419
Get any evidence the priest
might have left behind.
342
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:20,419
There's something over here.
343
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:22,419
But I can't tell
if it's cum or frosting.
344
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:24,419
It's an 8-year-old's
birthday party.
345
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,419
Of course it's cum.
Get the Kumby!
346
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:28,419
Praise be to Christ.
347
00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:31,419
[ Kumby bloops ]
348
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:33,419
Hello, young man.
349
00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:35,419
We're looking
for your town priest.
350
00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:36,420
Was he here?
351
00:13:36,421 --> 00:13:39,419
Yeah, but he left with Butters.
352
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:41,419
Tell me about this Butters.
353
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:42,420
Clyde: All right,
that does it!
354
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:43,420
[ Kumby bloops ]
355
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,419
Get outta my birthday party,
356
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,419
or else I'm gonna call
the police!
357
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,419
♪♪
358
00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:51,419
Father!
359
00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:53,419
Father?
360
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,420
Has anybody seen my priest?
361
00:13:54,421 --> 00:13:56,420
Father, where'd you go?
362
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,419
There you are!
I been lookin' everywhere.
363
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:03,419
Just leave me alone.
364
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:04,420
But you're missin' the party.
365
00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:06,419
Look, your friends
are right, okay?
366
00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:08,419
I don't belong there.
367
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:11,419
I-I don't belong anywhere.
368
00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:13,419
They just don't understand you
like I do.
369
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,419
Stop defending me!
There's things you don't know!
370
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,419
But it's not your fault.
371
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:20,419
Yes, it is.
It I my fault!
Why?!
372
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:25,419
Because I knew!
All right?!
373
00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:27,419
I knew.
374
00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:29,180
Years ago,
375
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,419
when bad things started coming
out about the Catholic Church,
376
00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:34,419
I went to Vatican,
and I -- I found out
377
00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:37,419
that the problem was worse
than anyone even thought.
378
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:42,419
I thought I could help fix it,
so I kept my mouth shut.
379
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:45,419
I thought there was
a cancer in the Church
380
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:46,420
that we could get rid of.
381
00:14:46,421 --> 00:14:49,419
But the Church is the cancer.
382
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,419
It's not about
a few bad apples.
383
00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:54,419
There's only a few good apples,
384
00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:56,419
and I'm clearly not
one of them.
385
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,419
So just stay away from me!
386
00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:02,420
But... I thought
we were pals.
387
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:05,420
You thought wrong.
388
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:21,420
[ Vehicle approaches ]
389
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:23,420
[ Brakes creak ]
390
00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,419
Hey.
391
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:26,420
Hey, there.
392
00:15:26,421 --> 00:15:29,419
What's the matter, my child?
393
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:32,419
Did you know
that Jesus loves you?
394
00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:34,419
Sometimes I wonder.
395
00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:37,419
"And the life
I now live in the flesh
396
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:40,419
I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me."
397
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,419
Wanna Three Musketeers?
398
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,420
No, thanks.
399
00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:47,419
You like camping trips?
You wanna go camping?
400
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,419
No.
401
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:52,419
I got a bunny in the back.
You wanna see the bunny?
402
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:54,420
Well, okay!
403
00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:57,420
Stan?
404
00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,419
I have no idea what's going on.
405
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:01,420
Worst birthday ever!
406
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:04,420
[ Van doors slam ]
407
00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:05,850
[ Chatter on television ]
408
00:16:05,851 --> 00:16:07,849
[ Remote clicking ]
Boring.
409
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:08,850
Dumb.
410
00:16:08,851 --> 00:16:10,849
Stupid.
411
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:13,849
Good, but dated in its view
of gender norms.
412
00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:14,850
[ Doorbell rings ]
413
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:15,850
Ugh.
414
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:18,850
Hello, Mr. Marsh.
415
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:19,850
Father!
416
00:16:19,851 --> 00:16:21,849
Hey, Sharon, it's Father!
417
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:22,850
- Mr. Marsh, please --
- He's back!
418
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:23,850
Father's back!
419
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,850
I'm just going around
420
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,849
trying to locate
little Butters Stotch.
421
00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:27,850
I thought he might be here
422
00:16:27,851 --> 00:16:29,849
playing a board game
with your son?
423
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:32,849
Oh, no, I haven't seen Butters.
Or Stan.
424
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:35,849
But, Father, please,
we all need church.
425
00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:37,849
I'm sorry, but I have
to keep looking.
426
00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:39,849
I said some terrible things.
427
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:41,849
Please, Father, we're all lost,
428
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:43,849
and the clean-up crew
hasn't helped at all.
429
00:16:43,850 --> 00:16:45,849
♪♪
430
00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:48,849
What clean-up crew?
431
00:16:48,850 --> 00:16:51,849
[ Crickets chirping,
owl hoots ]
432
00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,849
[ Fire crackles ]
433
00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:55,849
Any sign of him?
434
00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:57,690
No, but this
should draw him out.
435
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,850
The cute one says it's where
436
00:16:58,850 --> 00:16:59,850
he and the priest
first got together.
437
00:16:59,851 --> 00:17:01,849
All right.
When the priest gets here,
438
00:17:01,850 --> 00:17:03,849
we'll take care of him
439
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:06,849
and then eradicate this
entire place of any evidence.
440
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:07,850
Should I bring out the Kumby?
441
00:17:07,851 --> 00:17:10,849
No, this is gonna be
a bigger job than that.
442
00:17:10,850 --> 00:17:13,849
Bring out the Cumboni.
443
00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:16,850
[ Engine blooping ]
444
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:23,849
[ Cellphone rings ]
445
00:17:23,850 --> 00:17:24,850
Hey, Randy, what's up?
446
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:25,850
Stephen!
447
00:17:25,851 --> 00:17:27,849
Stephen, listen --
The boys are missing.
448
00:17:27,850 --> 00:17:30,849
Father Maxi thinks they've been
taken by the other priests!
449
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:31,850
Taken by priests?
450
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,849
Should we call the police
or buy some condoms?
451
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:36,849
[ Laughs ] Okay.
O-Okay, that was good.
452
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:38,849
But, seriously,
we have to find these guys!
453
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:39,850
The boys are in danger!
454
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,849
But where would priests go
this late at night?
455
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:45,849
To a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us?
456
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:46,850
Wha-- What'd she say?
457
00:17:46,851 --> 00:17:49,849
She said, "to a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us."
458
00:17:49,850 --> 00:17:50,850
Can -- Can I post that?
459
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,849
Sure, she doesn't care.
460
00:17:52,850 --> 00:17:53,850
Give me that!
461
00:17:53,851 --> 00:17:55,849
Mr. Stotch, have you heard
from Butters at all?
462
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,849
Well, yeah, we got
a really weird text from him
463
00:17:57,850 --> 00:17:59,849
saying not to worry,
he needed to do some camping.
464
00:17:59,850 --> 00:18:02,849
Oh, my Lord.
I know where to go.
465
00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:04,849
And when we get there...
466
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,849
I'll need to go in alone.
467
00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:08,849
Yeah, I'll bet.
[ Snorts ]
468
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:10,849
He's not showing up.
469
00:18:10,850 --> 00:18:12,849
Clean Up Bishop:
Try the Priest Call.
470
00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:15,849
[ Boy's voice ]
I love Jesus!
471
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:17,850
I love Jesus!
472
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:20,849
I don't think he's coming.
473
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,849
Oh, he's coming all right,
just not here.
474
00:18:22,850 --> 00:18:23,850
Let's start packing up.
475
00:18:23,851 --> 00:18:26,849
You -- Get on the Cumboni
and eradicate this place
476
00:18:26,850 --> 00:18:28,849
along with everything in it.
477
00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:29,850
Yes, Your Holiness.
478
00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:30,850
Priest Maxi:
Wait!
479
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:33,850
Father.
480
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,849
You wanted to find me.
Well, here I am.
481
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,849
I know why you're here.
482
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:41,849
The church can't have
someone like me
483
00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:43,849
going around,
making it look bad.
484
00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:46,849
So go ahead.
Do it.
485
00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:48,849
Just get it over with.
486
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:50,849
What?!
No!
487
00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:52,849
You think we searched
all over town
488
00:18:52,850 --> 00:18:54,849
and set up this trap
to kill you?
489
00:18:54,850 --> 00:18:55,850
We're Catholics.
490
00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:57,849
We're here to give you
what you deserve.
491
00:18:57,850 --> 00:19:00,849
A full transfer to
the beautiful Maldive Islands!
492
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:03,849
Luxury airfare
and beach house included!
493
00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:05,849
[ Applause ]
494
00:19:05,850 --> 00:19:06,850
A transfer?
495
00:19:06,851 --> 00:19:08,849
The church took care
of everything,
496
00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:11,849
just like it always has
from the beginning.
497
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:14,850
"Thank you for cleaning up
all my cum."
498
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:17,849
I can just go?
499
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:20,850
I can start over
in the Maldives?
500
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:22,850
No one will
make fun of you there.
501
00:19:22,851 --> 00:19:24,849
They can't even speak English.
502
00:19:24,850 --> 00:19:26,849
And don't worry --
there'll be plenty of priests
503
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:27,850
to take your place here.
504
00:19:27,851 --> 00:19:30,849
Look, I know it's a big change,
but...
505
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,849
you know what you have to do.
506
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,849
Yes, I do.
507
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:37,850
I don't think
I have any other choice.
508
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:41,849
No.
He can't.
509
00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:43,849
Well, our work here is done!
510
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,849
Praise be to Christ, guys.
511
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:46,850
It certainly was a tough one,
512
00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:48,849
but I think we got everything
cleaned up and --
[ Engine starts ]
513
00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:50,849
[ Cumboni blooping ]
514
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:54,850
[ Horn honking ]
515
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:59,849
- Aaaah!
- The Cumboni!
516
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:03,849
Aah!
Aaaaaagh!
517
00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:04,850
Aah!
518
00:20:04,851 --> 00:20:06,849
Aaaaaagh!
[ Squish ]
519
00:20:06,850 --> 00:20:08,850
[ Breathing heavily ]
520
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:14,849
Nooooooooo!
Br-br-br-br-br-br!
521
00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:17,850
[ Engine stops, brakes hiss ]
522
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:20,849
Father, you did it!
523
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:22,849
I'm so sorry, my child.
524
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:24,849
I never meant to say
we weren't pals.
525
00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:26,849
Does that mean
you're gonna stay?
526
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:27,850
Of course.
527
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:31,849
Now I have purpose,
and I have meaning.
528
00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:34,849
My job here is to protect you.
529
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,849
All of you.
530
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,850
[ Door handle rattles ]
531
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:42,850
The Lord be with you.
532
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,849
All:
And with your spirit.
533
00:20:46,850 --> 00:20:51,849
Today, I'd like to talk
on the subject of penance.
534
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:54,849
The penitent have deep remorse,
535
00:20:54,850 --> 00:20:57,850
but for true penance,
we must be humble enough
536
00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:02,849
to admit that the Lord's
forgiveness is undeserved.
537
00:21:02,850 --> 00:21:04,849
Kind of like how getting raped
by a Catholic priest
538
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:05,850
is undeserved.
539
00:21:05,851 --> 00:21:07,849
[ Snickering ]
540
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,849
In Job 42:6, we read,
541
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:11,849
"Therefore I reprehend myself
542
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:14,849
and do penance
in dust and ashes."
543
00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:16,849
And in choir boys'
butts and asses.
544
00:21:16,850 --> 00:21:17,850
[ Laughter ]
545
00:21:17,851 --> 00:21:20,849
So we are not
to punish ourselves,
546
00:21:20,850 --> 00:21:23,849
but instead we are to
make ourselves passionate.
547
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,849
Like a Catholic priest
at a Chuck E. Cheese.
548
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:27,850
[ Laughter ]
549
00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:30,849
Oh, God, it's good
to have my faith back!
550
00:21:30,850 --> 00:21:33,849
Passionate to understand
all that Christ sacrificed
551
00:21:33,850 --> 00:21:35,849
and how hard it truly was.
552
00:21:35,850 --> 00:21:37,849
Woman:
How hard what truly was?
553
00:21:37,851 --> 00:21:40,651
[ Laughter ]
554
00:21:40,653 --> 00:21:46,523
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