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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 2 00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174 Come and watch pikeys making a mess 3 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855 of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs... 4 00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 5 00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095 Wicked! 6 00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499 Piss off! 7 00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368 What sounds on Earth could ever replace 8 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497 kids needing money or wives in your face? 9 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935 Cos this, people reckon - me included - 10 00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488 is why pubs and drugs 11 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172 were kindly invented... 12 00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774 To calm us all down and stop us going mental. 13 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 14 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes... 15 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379 You sit on our head, 16 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133 but... you pay the taxes. 17 00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619 CHEERING 18 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373 lmagine Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers 19 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer, eh? 20 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259 Eh! 21 00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094 Make poverty history. Cheaper drugs now! 22 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049 Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now! 23 00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459 CHUCKLES 24 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169 Scatter! Party! 25 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:16,854 You know it makes sense. 26 00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:20,137 You might be beyond the help of beauty sleep, Frank, but I'm not. 27 00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:21,175 Hey, 28 00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:24,889 inner beauty is the measure of the man. 29 00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:26,493 I earned this face. 30 00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:33,895 Oooh, eggy-peggy. 31 00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:47,138 'Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I! 32 00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:50,690 'Ls it not monstrous that this player here, but in fiction, 33 00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:55,774 'in a dream of passion, could force his soul so to his own conceit? 34 00:01:55,860 --> 00:02:00,331 'He would drown the stage with tears and cleave the general ear 35 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,411 'with horrid speech.' 36 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,092 - Go on, fuck off. 37 00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:08,219 Oh, what fucking price beauty. 38 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,255 - Fuck off, Frank. 39 00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:12,776 'Make mad the guilty and appal the free. 40 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:14,418 'Confound the ignorant, 41 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:19,620 'and amaze indeed the very faculties of eyes and ears. 42 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:24,933 'Yet, am I, Vernon Francis Gallagher, a rogue and peasant slave? 43 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:28,615 'Did I say nothing for my cause? 44 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:31,453 'What was my cause? 45 00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:34,338 'What nature of man have I been? ' 46 00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:40,655 GRUNTS, CAR ALARM BLARES 47 00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,937 'Fucking Shakespeare. 48 00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:45,658 'What a cunt.' 49 00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:51,298 (Debbie) Come on, read it! 50 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,416 In the government of which country 51 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:59,336 did Canaan Banana serve in the 1970's and 80's? 52 00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:02,810 Banana? That's not a real name - false. 53 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:04,458 It's not a true or false question. 54 00:03:04,540 --> 00:03:07,054 - All right, true, then. - You need to name the country. 55 00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:09,210 I'm not bothered, Debbie. 56 00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:10,494 (Both) Ian! 57 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:11,695 I'm gonna turn it down. 58 00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:14,089 We're playing a game! What's the answer, Liam? 59 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,330 Zim... Zim... 60 00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:19,059 Zimbabwe. Your turn, Carl. 61 00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:25,529 Five. One, two, three, four, five. I'm in the centre! 62 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:26,735 Can I read it? 63 00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:28,856 (Both) No! 64 00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:32,576 After which Italian explorer is the USA named? 65 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:35,128 It's Amerigo Vespucci. 66 00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:36,335 Shut up! 67 00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:38,650 They teach you that at uni? 68 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:41,300 Yeah, how you doing? 69 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,415 Amerigo Vespucci. 70 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,855 Hello, mate. High five. 71 00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:45,975 Amerigo Vespucci. 72 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,778 He told you, game abandoned. 73 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:52,650 - How did you get here? - Hitched. Took me fucking eight hours. 74 00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:55,891 Do you want a cuppa, Prodigal Son or something stronger? 75 00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:57,618 - I'd love one. - Spots have cleared up. 76 00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:01,170 Oh, thanks, Mum! Hello, baby. 77 00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:02,375 It's not fair. 78 00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:03,779 (Lip) I've missed you too. 79 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:06,374 I've never won before. 80 00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:07,893 Shut up. 81 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,209 (Lip) Twinkle, twinkle... 82 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,052 Wave. Wave to Mummy. 83 00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:18,892 Clever girl! 84 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,538 When did she learn that? 85 00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:21,894 A few weeks ago. 86 00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:25,017 Feel like I'm missing out on everything. 87 00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:28,615 Don't be daft. Can't be two places at once, can you? 88 00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:32,739 Besides, she's a total Daddy's girl. 89 00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:33,889 KNOCKING 90 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,295 What? 91 00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:38,053 You're not at uni now, you lazy student ligger. 92 00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:39,289 It's hardly a lie-in, is it? 93 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,336 - I thought you wanted to pick up a shift. - I do. 94 00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:42,853 - Ten minutes. - Nice one. 95 00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:47,099 This is brilliant. How much'd it cost in the shops? 96 00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:48,852 A lot more than what I paid for it. 97 00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:53,416 If you're gonna have a wank, at least lock the door. 98 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:54,455 I weren't wanking. 99 00:04:54,540 --> 00:04:55,609 You're sick. 100 00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:57,497 I'm not. Debs, wait. 101 00:04:57,580 --> 00:05:00,048 Out the way. 102 00:05:00,140 --> 00:05:03,018 - I weren't wanking, I were... - What? 103 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,853 I... I were praying. 104 00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:09,739 - At least make it believable. - I was! 105 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,731 I haven't had my end away since Meena. 106 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:14,334 I've got bollocks like footballs. 107 00:05:14,420 --> 00:05:16,775 You think Jesus is gonna help you get some gir! 108 00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,816 On her back, thinking of England? 109 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,049 I don't want her to think of England. 110 00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:21,732 I know what you want 111 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,175 and praying isn't going to get it yer. 112 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:26,533 How not? 113 00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:34,728 - See you for lunch. - Come on, we'll be late. 114 00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:39,694 Quite the little Anthea Turner these days, aren't you? 115 00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:44,456 We're not letting Granny get under our skin today, are we, Katie? 116 00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:47,179 You tell her, not today, Granny. 117 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:50,297 I'm too young to be called Granny. 118 00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:53,258 Say "Monica". Monica. 119 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,375 - Monica. 120 00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,576 Why won't God help me? 121 00:05:57,660 --> 00:06:00,220 Mainly cos he doesn't exist. 122 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:02,939 No blaspheming in front of the children, Debbie. 123 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,373 I'm an atheist. 124 00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:07,020 (Carl) People have miracles. Saw it on a documentary. 125 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:11,651 A bloke were crippled, got dipped in a Grotty, then he could walk again. 126 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:13,219 In a "Grotty"? 127 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,779 Maybe an agnostic. Haven't decided yet. 128 00:06:14,860 --> 00:06:18,330 Religion's just superstition, left over from when we lived in caves. 129 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,729 I mean, we didn't know how the sun rises in the morning, 130 00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:23,015 and the crops grow in the summer. 131 00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:26,297 It's just a way of explaining things that we don't comprehend. 132 00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:32,776 That has been blocked for two months. 133 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,293 Four times you've done that. 134 00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:37,577 It's early. I forgot! And there's no fucking milk! 135 00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:42,138 Cleverer people than you believe in God, Debbie. 136 00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:45,216 - Where did you read that? Heat or OK? - Come on. 137 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:48,815 It's not my fault we live in a celebrity-obsessed culture. 138 00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:52,456 COUGHS 139 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,618 COUGHS 140 00:06:56,940 --> 00:06:58,817 Get off! Aaaarrghhh! 141 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:04,850 - Is everything all right? - No, everything is not all right. 142 00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:08,853 I just woke up with this sheet on me head, and I know for a fact 143 00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:10,976 I did not join the fucking Ku Klux Klan. 144 00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,176 Your breath was causing other patients to feel nauseous. 145 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:15,649 Oh, distracting them from the MRSA, was it? 146 00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:18,538 Keep your voice down, please. 147 00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:20,656 What, waking the dead, are we? 148 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,970 COUGHS 149 00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,051 Hello, anybody home? 150 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:29,577 Hey, if you see a bright light, walk towards it. 151 00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:30,854 More than I can do. 152 00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:34,540 Jesus wept. 153 00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,175 Oh, my...! 154 00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,212 It looks like a black pudding. 155 00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:45,097 Hey, I don't think so, Harold fuckin' Shipman. 156 00:07:45,180 --> 00:07:47,011 What's all... 157 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,898 What's this... What does NFA mean? 158 00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:53,097 Notify Family Afterwards. 159 00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,169 After what? 160 00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:56,649 We did some tests when you were under. 161 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,014 Right. 162 00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,489 You're suffering from aortic stenosis. 163 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,571 When it's at home, love. 164 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:05,458 There's an obstruction to your aortic valve. 165 00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:08,259 Not enough blood getting to your heart. 166 00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:10,410 So, what, it's like a pill or something? 167 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,456 No pill, Mr, er... 168 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:14,770 Gallagher. Frank Gallagher. 169 00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:16,452 No operation. 170 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:18,929 This is a terminal diagnosis. 171 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:23,013 Truth is, if you make it to the weekend, it'll be a minor miracle. 172 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:26,415 The weekend? 173 00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:31,217 Fucking hell, you're having a... Come on, it's gotta be... 174 00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,892 Don't you dare die. 175 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,379 I'm alive! 176 00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:42,335 Pathetic! 177 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,729 - Dad! - He's just pissed. 178 00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,936 He's not breathing. 179 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,013 I'm dying. 180 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,813 Pack it in. I can't concentrate. 181 00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:03,492 I'm nearly finished. I'm just... 182 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:04,774 It's not you, it's him. 183 00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:10,218 Hey, relax. I was just fixing a pipe, when I, er... 184 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,574 saw an opening. 185 00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:12,934 This is a place of work. 186 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,578 (Jamie) We're just trying to keep our record up. 187 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:15,775 What record? 188 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:18,977 They've had a shag at least once every day since they've been married. 189 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,971 It's like a chain letter. 190 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,539 You break the sequence and you're jinxed. 191 00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:23,575 Nice one. 192 00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:26,128 All right, Dad. 193 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,448 A pint and four Es. 194 00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:29,337 Not open for another ten minutes. 195 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:32,969 Oh, not today, oh, Lord! Not today! 196 00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:38,657 Do not abuse the minuscule authority you possess. Not today. 197 00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:40,173 OK, keep your hair on. 198 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:43,659 Oh! 199 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:46,895 Thank you. 200 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,211 What's wrong with you, Dad? 201 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,219 My mortality is weighing heavily, son... 202 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:09,013 ...like an albatross around me... 203 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,294 legs. 204 00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,696 Don't give him any more Es. 205 00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:31,212 Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. 206 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,291 Third time you've been late this week. 207 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:35,496 It's me nieces, they keep me up all hours. 208 00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:37,332 I don't give a shit what your excuse is. 209 00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:38,853 I'm not paying for a cleaner who's never here. 210 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:41,659 You're not the fuckin' boss of me. 211 00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:44,617 I'm not hoovering it tomorrow. 212 00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:47,214 What d'you mean, you're not paying for a cleaner? 213 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:49,450 Who d'you think's running the gaff, 214 00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:51,895 since Carol fucked off with two months' takings? 215 00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:54,448 So muggins here has been left holding the shit-bucket. 216 00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:55,734 Sorry I asked. 217 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,695 Now, where were we? 218 00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,896 Sorry. I've lost me erection. 219 00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:04,494 Lan, hoover doesn't go here. 220 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:11,778 GROANS AND GRUNTS 221 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,173 Fucking hell! What do you want, you creepy little twat? 222 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,454 Who are you? 223 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:19,939 I'm Frank Gallagher. 224 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,170 Don't you recognise me? 225 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:26,212 Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno... 226 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:28,494 What?! 227 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:31,811 All right, Frank. 228 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,937 He can't see me. Only you can, cos you're dying. 229 00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:37,136 You've got a guilty conscience. 230 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:38,255 Can you see him? 231 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:40,251 Who? 232 00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:44,538 Him. Fucking refugee from the Partridge Family. 233 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,578 You're a fucking walking advert for abstinence, you are, Frank. 234 00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:48,854 Guilty conscience about what? 235 00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:49,895 You what? 236 00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:52,210 About wasting your life. 237 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,019 You're pissing on your shoes. 238 00:11:55,100 --> 00:12:00,128 Oh, fuck, I can't feel a fucking thing. Oh! 239 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,538 Oh... 240 00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:22,178 I'm looking for Phil. 241 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,215 Wrong house. 242 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,609 Phil Gallagher? 243 00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:44,889 No. I am not interested. 244 00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:47,574 I've got enough on my mind as it is without being stalked 245 00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:50,732 by the ghost of Christmas fucking past. 246 00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:54,893 And what are you wearing? Looks like a sofa cover. 247 00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:59,089 You're counting, aren't you? 248 00:12:59,180 --> 00:13:00,374 What? 249 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:04,009 If you can make it to the end of the week, you're counting how much beer 250 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:07,456 and how many pills you can get down your neck before you die. 251 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,656 Well, what else am I supposed to do? 252 00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:12,095 I'm facing the fucking celestial firing squad here. 253 00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:16,139 If you expect me to get on my knees. "Excuse me, God, now I'm going 254 00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:22,375 "to pop my clogs, if you wouldn't mind wiping the slate clean." 255 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:25,213 I've got some dignity, you know. 256 00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,656 Life's a precious gift. 257 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:33,129 Most people try and do something with it. 258 00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:34,778 What have you done? 259 00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:36,612 Hey, I have done... 260 00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,812 ...plenty. 261 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,209 I could've done things, been someone. 262 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,256 Instead of which, I became you. 263 00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:47,537 What's the point of you? 264 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,649 What are you doing here? 265 00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:11,300 You told me you were an orphan. 266 00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:13,132 Who's this? 267 00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:19,450 This is Alex, Phil's girlfriend 268 00:14:19,540 --> 00:14:21,132 from uni. 269 00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:26,932 Who's Phil? 270 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,533 Fuck! 271 00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:36,538 Shit! 272 00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:39,737 Fuck. 273 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,369 Are you with him? 274 00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:47,972 I've got a right to the truth... 275 00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:50,210 I've come here all the way from Brighton. 276 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,892 Was he expecting you? 277 00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:55,973 Well, no. I've got a domestic situation, 278 00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:58,449 and I needed some support from my boyfriend. 279 00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:06,173 Upstairs. 280 00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:19,579 She's a nutter. I saw her once, twice at most... 281 00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:23,448 Three months, she says, since the fourth day of Freshers' Week. 282 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,178 - What? - Think she stood silent 283 00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,773 while you ran off to find your backbone?! 284 00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:29,420 What other lies have you told? 285 00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,253 Did you use condoms? 286 00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:36,618 Yeah... She's not pregnant, is she? She told me she were on the pill. 287 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:39,931 If she is up the duff, she hasn't mentioned it. 288 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,932 My concern is more diseases, since you shagged me last night, 289 00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:45,409 and you've been riding bareback with her. 290 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,853 Jesus Christ, Lip, it's not rocket science. 291 00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:48,168 I know. I'm sorry. 292 00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:49,978 Four simple rules. 293 00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:54,099 Always use condoms, never get involved, neither of us finds out who 294 00:15:54,180 --> 00:15:57,217 the other one's shagging, and it never impacts on our home. 295 00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,133 It were your idea. 296 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,335 I need to talk to Phil. 297 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:04,218 You'll get your turn. Fuck off! 298 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:08,850 The whole point of an open relationship 299 00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:10,419 is to protect what we've got. 300 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:11,979 Not completely forget about it. 301 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:14,528 I know, I made a mistake. 302 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:17,214 Fucking right, you did. And you're going to sort it. 303 00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:23,451 Last thing... 304 00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:27,328 I want it noted that you've never found out about mine. 305 00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:45,212 Lillian? 306 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,779 Lillian? 307 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:48,054 Hello, love. 308 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:52,250 I thought I'd pop round. Look, I'm sorry 309 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,137 I flew off the handle a bit earlier. 310 00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:57,849 If anyone's apologising, it's me. Don't get me sleep, I'm like a bear 311 00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,976 with a sore arse. 312 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,972 - What are you doing? - Catching up on some domestics. 313 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:05,130 It's like a Chinese laundry in here with the girls. 314 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:08,815 Thanks, Victor, love. See you next week, all right. 315 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:13,451 These girls aren't really your nieces, are they, Lillian? 316 00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:16,259 Not by blood, but they like to call me "Auntie". 317 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:21,094 They've had their problems, bless 'em, living on the street as such, 318 00:17:21,180 --> 00:17:25,332 D-R-U-G-S. But I'm looking after them now. 319 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:26,773 Ta-ra, Mike! 320 00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:32,733 Right. 321 00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:38,055 This can't be right, it's Lillian's house. 322 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,018 We've got a nosy neighbour keeping a log, taking photos, 323 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,453 17 men in 24 hours. 324 00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:44,132 Who'd have thought it? Madam Sin. 325 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,495 It's a competitive market these days, 326 00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:49,458 with the Eastern European girls offering more for less. 327 00:17:49,540 --> 00:17:51,417 (Carrie) We'll have to raid her. 328 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,378 - No! - We've got no choice. 329 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,898 Don't see how we have to shift, it's our house. 330 00:17:58,980 --> 00:18:00,652 (Debbie) Cos they need privacy to talk. 331 00:18:00,740 --> 00:18:04,130 The bedroom probably isn't the most appropriate venue, considering. 332 00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:07,212 You an' all, Monica. 333 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,450 I thought you might need a mature head. 334 00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:12,293 If you know any, be sure and let us know. 335 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:15,099 Frank, I think you should hear this. 336 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:19,856 No, no, no! It's all just tomorrow's chip paper. 337 00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:21,658 I'd better go and see what's bothering your dad. 338 00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:25,695 I thought your dad died in Bosnia. 339 00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:35,331 Oh... 340 00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,615 Frank? What are you looking for? 341 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,009 Wedding photograph. 342 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:42,534 There. There, see, wedding day. 343 00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,657 I was there, I made an impact on that day, didn't I? 344 00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:49,335 Mmm, but you were unconscious in that one so we had to prop you up. 345 00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:56,253 Fiona, birth of my first-born, that has to count, ain't it? 346 00:18:56,340 --> 00:18:58,979 Mmm, except you're not in that one, 347 00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:03,212 cos you disappeared to wet the baby's head... for four days. 348 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:04,733 Oh, fucking hell. 349 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:10,937 Mon, Mon, I need you to tell me, have I been a good man? 350 00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:12,851 You know, made a contribution? 351 00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:14,339 Of course you have, love. 352 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,853 Well, how? Show me evidence. 353 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:20,129 Look, what's brought all this on? 354 00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:21,778 I'm dying, Mon. 355 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:30,299 I took a piss on a generator... 356 00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:36,219 ...and me cock got burnt, and I went to hospital, and... 357 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,211 and... and... SOBS 358 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,779 ...and they said I've got... 359 00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,889 ...stenography of the heart. 360 00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:47,939 All right, all right. Come on, calm down. 361 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,931 Calm down! 362 00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:52,375 SOBS QUIETLY 363 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,411 Tell me all about it. 364 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,810 We have an open relationship, 365 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:02,779 he can see other people, and so can I. 366 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:06,330 Cardinal rule is, you don't get involved. 367 00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:09,378 So, I was just a fling, was I? 368 00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:11,815 What happened to going travelling together, 369 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,209 and, "Do you believe in soul mates"? 370 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:18,896 Is no-one in this fucking world who they appear to be?! 371 00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:24,100 I was woken up at 5.30am, by the police arresting my mum and dad, 372 00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:27,695 they've been running a time-share scam in Turkey. 373 00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:31,455 Have you any idea what it's like to have criminals for parents? 374 00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:34,850 I thought at least you were there for me. 375 00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:42,936 She said... She said I'll be lucky to make it beyond the weekend. 376 00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:47,377 Oh, don't be silly, you're just confused. 377 00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,849 You had a lot to drink last night, that's all... 378 00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:52,135 No! Mon, my head has never been clearer. 379 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:57,496 And I need to know, 380 00:20:57,580 --> 00:20:59,571 I mean, what is my legacy? 381 00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,937 Well... 382 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:12,897 Well, I suppose you could say, um... 383 00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:16,850 Go on! 384 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:19,454 Jesus, Frank, it's not easy. 385 00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,816 You're an alcoholic. You've never put a penny in the family pot. 386 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:25,289 You've as much chance of being elected Prime Minister 387 00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:29,168 as naming any of your eight children's birthdays. 388 00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:34,295 Well, thank you very fucking much for your support! 389 00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:39,329 Oh, Frank, don't spit the dummy out, nobody looks to you for achievements, 390 00:21:39,420 --> 00:21:43,095 you're not an achievement kind of a bloke! 391 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,609 So, who made heaven and earth, then? 392 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:48,213 Well, for a start, there is no heaven. 393 00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:50,131 The earth started with the Big Bang. 394 00:21:50,220 --> 00:21:54,816 So, what happens when you die, smartarse? 395 00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:57,573 Nothing, you just die. 396 00:21:57,660 --> 00:22:03,337 Remember, Man, thou art dust, and into dust thou shalt return. 397 00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:06,412 - Dad, tell her, sure there's a God. - What? 398 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,890 God. Does He, She or It exist? 399 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:12,050 Carl wants to know if divine intervention 400 00:22:12,140 --> 00:22:13,573 can help him get his end away. 401 00:22:16,980 --> 00:22:18,891 In the dark of night... 402 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:23,253 ...every atheist half-believes, Debs. 403 00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:28,491 So if I come back to haunt you, 404 00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:30,696 you'll know for sure. 405 00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:37,652 What kind of answer's that? 406 00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:40,174 I knew nothing about you, 407 00:22:40,260 --> 00:22:41,818 or the little girl. 408 00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:45,178 As far as I was aware, 409 00:22:45,260 --> 00:22:48,218 he was an orphan, who brought himself up from the age of 14. 410 00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:53,614 (Lip) It was a white lie that got out of hand, 411 00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:56,772 it wasn't meant to go this far. 412 00:22:56,860 --> 00:22:58,259 What wasn't? The lie, or our relationship? 413 00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:01,093 Both. 414 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:05,696 I think you're stretching it a bit to call it a relationship. 415 00:23:05,780 --> 00:23:09,534 No, no, no, no, no! 416 00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:16,136 Don't stop on my account. 417 00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:22,533 It's like being a prisoner in your own home! 418 00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:27,378 SIGHS HEAVILY 419 00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:31,616 It seems you've got a choice to make. 420 00:23:37,620 --> 00:23:38,973 Oh, well, I'll help. 421 00:23:39,060 --> 00:23:41,972 Cos I can't kick the dust of this place off my shoes quick enough. 422 00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:43,493 I'm having a brew. 423 00:23:43,580 --> 00:23:44,979 I'm really sorry... 424 00:23:57,940 --> 00:24:00,659 What's your happiest memory of me? 425 00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:03,129 Bloody hell, Dad, what you lurking for? 426 00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:06,576 Just tell me, daughter to father, best birthday party? 427 00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:08,378 Favourite day out? 428 00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:12,089 I never had a birthday party, and you were always wasted on days... 429 00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:13,818 Well, there was that time when... 430 00:24:13,900 --> 00:24:15,015 Yeah, go on. 431 00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:17,534 When we went to court to see you being bound over. 432 00:24:17,620 --> 00:24:20,214 I wanted to be a lawyer for ages after that. 433 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:22,177 And that's it? 434 00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:25,935 Well... I could make something up, if you want. 435 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:28,935 Et tu, Debbie? 436 00:24:30,940 --> 00:24:32,373 Et tu? 437 00:24:37,420 --> 00:24:38,899 You ate two what? 438 00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:48,730 Dad? 439 00:24:57,380 --> 00:24:58,972 All right? 440 00:25:01,420 --> 00:25:03,012 Did I hurt you? 441 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:05,091 No. 442 00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:07,057 Yeah. It stings like fuck. 443 00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:10,859 So does my wrist. 444 00:25:10,940 --> 00:25:12,134 What's your plan? 445 00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:15,816 Haven't got one. 446 00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:17,458 Look, I'm really sorry about... 447 00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:21,977 I don't care about the stupid lies you've told about your family. 448 00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:24,210 I just need to know one thing. 449 00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:28,531 Stuff you said when it was just you and me, the pillow talk. 450 00:25:28,620 --> 00:25:30,019 Did you mean it? 451 00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:32,011 Of course I did. 452 00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:34,295 Then I don't understand. 453 00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:36,098 Neither do I. 454 00:25:36,180 --> 00:25:38,091 I'll sort it out when I get back to Nottingham, yeah? 455 00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:40,569 No, Phil, it's not good enough. 456 00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:43,133 I have to go to work. 457 00:25:43,220 --> 00:25:46,895 - What? - I've got a shift at the pub. 458 00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:48,413 I can't just not go. 459 00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:52,531 I'll see you at uni. 460 00:25:57,860 --> 00:26:00,374 Nobody would give a good account of you. 461 00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:03,930 If anything, you've had a negative impact. 462 00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:06,215 (Mocking) "If anything, you've had a negative impactl" 463 00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:07,289 What you doing? 464 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,369 What you doing? 465 00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:11,894 - Looking for evidence. - Evidence of what? 466 00:26:11,980 --> 00:26:14,494 Of why you're here, and why you're haunting me, 467 00:26:14,580 --> 00:26:18,289 like Casper the fucking less than friendly previous self. 468 00:26:18,380 --> 00:26:19,495 You know why. 469 00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:21,730 No, I do not. 470 00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:27,609 All right, so I've contributed slightly less than Einstein 471 00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:30,931 and slightly more than Fred West to the human condition, so what? 472 00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:34,012 Who the fuck are you to criticise? 473 00:26:35,300 --> 00:26:36,938 Oh! 474 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:44,971 See! Hey? I was hardly a little angel, was I? 475 00:26:45,060 --> 00:26:48,655 Already well acquainted with Lady Palm and her five fucking sisters. 476 00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,538 So what, I never said I was an angel. 477 00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,933 Then what do you want? 478 00:26:58,020 --> 00:26:59,578 What else happened when you were 12? 479 00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:01,457 I don't know. 480 00:27:03,900 --> 00:27:06,255 Malcolm Allison became City manager. 481 00:27:06,340 --> 00:27:08,456 Rodney Marsh shagged a model. 482 00:27:08,540 --> 00:27:13,091 - Closer to home. - I don't know. 483 00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:19,213 Well, they cancelled my birthday because... 484 00:27:27,380 --> 00:27:28,813 ...Mum died. 485 00:27:30,420 --> 00:27:33,173 You promised you'd make her proud. 486 00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:45,578 How could I make her proud with him as me old man? 487 00:27:45,660 --> 00:27:48,094 - You'll see her soon enough. 488 00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:51,092 - Tell her yourself about the man you became. 489 00:27:51,180 --> 00:27:55,219 - That is, if you make it up there. 490 00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:58,212 What, heaven? 491 00:27:58,300 --> 00:28:02,054 - Confession's good for the soul, especially if the Day of Judgement 492 00:28:02,140 --> 00:28:03,573 - is fast approaching. 493 00:28:05,340 --> 00:28:08,412 But... But I can't go to chapel. I'm barred. 494 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,013 - Who needs a priest? 495 00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:13,172 - With a soul as black as yours, you'd better get started. 496 00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:14,215 - And remember... 497 00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:17,656 (Both Frank and boy's voices) God sees everything, Frank. 498 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:21,298 Hello, Dennis? 499 00:28:21,380 --> 00:28:23,336 Listen, remember that party, 500 00:28:23,420 --> 00:28:27,333 when somebody put the chip pan on and the house burnt down? 501 00:28:27,420 --> 00:28:29,854 Right. Anyhow, it was me. 502 00:28:29,940 --> 00:28:32,693 Hello, is that Emma? Hi, it's Frank Gallagher here. 503 00:28:32,780 --> 00:28:34,452 It was me. Remember that party... 504 00:28:34,540 --> 00:28:36,212 ...when you shagged that builder, 505 00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:38,860 and your old fella cottoned on and turfed you out? 506 00:28:38,940 --> 00:28:41,170 Rickets? Hi, it's Frank Gallagher here. 507 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:43,410 It was me. It was me. It was me. 508 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:47,573 Yeah. Yes, I know I'm a cunt, but I just thought you should know. 509 00:28:47,660 --> 00:28:50,458 Hello, Dennis? Frank again. I forgot to say... 510 00:28:54,420 --> 00:28:58,698 - Who were you talking to? - Nobody, it was the wrong number. 511 00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:03,808 - Oh, look at you. You're all sweaty. - No, I haven't got time for this, Mon. 512 00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:05,253 Isn't that Lip's? 513 00:29:05,340 --> 00:29:07,729 Yeah, well, he'll get it back soon enough. 514 00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:09,253 Frank? 515 00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:14,168 I probably didn't tell you enough, Monica, 516 00:29:14,260 --> 00:29:16,376 but I love you. 517 00:29:24,940 --> 00:29:28,694 - Hey. - Hey. 518 00:29:28,780 --> 00:29:31,852 So, where's this pub your brother's working at? 519 00:29:32,820 --> 00:29:33,775 Just over there. 520 00:29:34,860 --> 00:29:36,896 So, are you gonna buy me a drink then? 521 00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:42,135 I'll give you the money. 522 00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:51,417 Come on, Mrs Maguire. 523 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:54,173 I am claiming my conjugal rights. 524 00:29:54,260 --> 00:29:56,091 I'm busy. 525 00:29:56,180 --> 00:29:59,331 Oh, come on, it doesn't have to be a Doctor Zhivago or anything. 526 00:29:59,420 --> 00:30:00,409 A quickie'll do. 527 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:02,650 Well, that's tempting. 528 00:30:03,740 --> 00:30:05,253 Meet you upstairs in five. 529 00:30:16,140 --> 00:30:18,779 You're having a fucking laugh! 530 00:30:21,020 --> 00:30:23,136 Karen? 531 00:30:23,220 --> 00:30:24,494 Can I have a word? 532 00:30:27,980 --> 00:30:30,540 Are you mental? 533 00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:32,975 Open relationships are never equal! 534 00:30:33,060 --> 00:30:34,379 What was the alternative? 535 00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:37,850 Him tripping over himself, trying to remember which lie he's told? 536 00:30:37,940 --> 00:30:40,773 When he goes back to uni, if it's not this one, 537 00:30:40,860 --> 00:30:43,055 it'll be somebody else. 538 00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:45,176 We're holding him back. 539 00:30:46,380 --> 00:30:49,577 I just hope you've been getting some to even out the score. 540 00:30:52,860 --> 00:30:54,816 Fucking annoying thing is... 541 00:30:56,420 --> 00:30:59,253 ...I love him, Karen. 542 00:30:59,340 --> 00:31:00,773 Hey! 543 00:31:17,140 --> 00:31:19,700 By the time you view this, 544 00:31:19,780 --> 00:31:21,372 I will be dead. 545 00:31:28,740 --> 00:31:30,651 I've led a full life - 546 00:31:30,740 --> 00:31:32,219 or perhaps a fool's life - 547 00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:33,813 I'll let history be the judge. 548 00:31:35,340 --> 00:31:38,889 But I leave you the proud father of six... 549 00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:40,777 ...the proud father of eight. 550 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:43,455 So... 551 00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:50,612 Lip, you were a gobby little shite, 552 00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:52,736 always had too much to say for yourself. 553 00:31:52,820 --> 00:31:56,335 So you should know that I've had a lickle piss in every bottle of pop 554 00:31:56,420 --> 00:31:59,253 you've left in the fridge since 1997. 555 00:32:01,140 --> 00:32:02,095 Lan... 556 00:32:03,900 --> 00:32:05,572 MOBILE RINGS 557 00:32:11,380 --> 00:32:13,177 Hello? 558 00:32:13,260 --> 00:32:14,579 Speaking. 559 00:32:15,660 --> 00:32:17,457 He's not here at the moment. 560 00:32:17,540 --> 00:32:19,929 Between the ages of three and four, 561 00:32:20,020 --> 00:32:23,057 I regularly gave Liam a couple of downers, 562 00:32:23,140 --> 00:32:25,335 so he would shut the fuck up. 563 00:32:25,420 --> 00:32:27,729 I dropped Carl on his head when he was a baby. 564 00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:30,698 ...And then they fucking haul you in for indecent exposure. 565 00:32:30,780 --> 00:32:33,010 I still don't see what's indecent about it, 566 00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:35,375 cos if they all had Alzheimer's, how would they know any different? 567 00:32:35,460 --> 00:32:38,770 If there's something wrong with him, you better fucking tell... 568 00:32:38,860 --> 00:32:42,773 And finally, something I've always guarded with my life. 569 00:32:42,860 --> 00:32:45,010 - Where you going? - I need to find your dad. 570 00:32:47,380 --> 00:32:48,699 That's it. 571 00:32:50,980 --> 00:32:52,379 The end. 572 00:32:54,500 --> 00:32:56,650 How did I wind up here? 573 00:32:56,740 --> 00:32:59,493 You were always gonna wind up here. 574 00:32:59,580 --> 00:33:02,253 Christ! I've never been before. 575 00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:06,492 - He wouldn't let me go to her funeral. - I know. 576 00:33:06,580 --> 00:33:09,458 - Which one is it? - You'll find it. 577 00:33:13,740 --> 00:33:17,619 MUSIC PLAYS 578 00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:22,933 Heaven 579 00:33:24,060 --> 00:33:26,733 Must be missing an angel 580 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:31,173 Missing one angel, child 581 00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:34,570 Cos you're here with me right now... 582 00:33:34,660 --> 00:33:37,128 And remember, folks, all proceeds go to Cancer Research. 583 00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:38,573 Wish you had it, you tosser. 584 00:33:39,820 --> 00:33:41,811 MUSIC RESTARTS 585 00:33:47,180 --> 00:33:48,659 Fancy a shag? 586 00:33:49,740 --> 00:33:51,378 ...Heaven 587 00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:55,494 Must be missing an angel 588 00:33:56,580 --> 00:33:59,048 Missing one angel, child 589 00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:01,051 Cos you're here with me right now... 590 00:34:01,140 --> 00:34:02,459 Have you been crying? 591 00:34:02,540 --> 00:34:03,814 Have I fuck! 592 00:34:03,900 --> 00:34:05,777 Who was it, Mandy? 593 00:34:05,860 --> 00:34:06,815 What? 594 00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,619 The bloke you shagged. Somebody in here? 595 00:34:09,700 --> 00:34:13,056 It's only fair, you know about mine. 596 00:34:13,140 --> 00:34:15,096 You're such a prick. 597 00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:16,898 - All right, Mandy. - Hiya. 598 00:34:19,620 --> 00:34:21,850 Maybe it was him. He's fit. 599 00:34:21,940 --> 00:34:24,010 Hung like a donkey, by all accounts. 600 00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:25,533 Fuck you! 601 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:30,491 It's the blokes who are the criminals. 602 00:34:30,580 --> 00:34:33,174 Girls on the game, they've got no choice. 603 00:34:33,260 --> 00:34:34,534 But the men... 604 00:34:34,620 --> 00:34:35,575 Scum. 605 00:34:35,660 --> 00:34:39,016 I wonder why they call it "the game"? 606 00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:41,216 I should know. I've been there. 607 00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:46,214 - Somebody paid you for sex? - It's all about self-esteem. 608 00:34:46,300 --> 00:34:49,815 Girls need a helping hand, not prosecution. 609 00:34:49,900 --> 00:34:52,494 Somebody paid you for sex? 610 00:35:04,460 --> 00:35:05,859 I'm sorry. 611 00:35:13,580 --> 00:35:15,810 Do you think that's entirely appropriate? 612 00:35:15,900 --> 00:35:17,333 Oh, get off your high horse! 613 00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:20,770 Some of the fondest memories I have of her 614 00:35:20,860 --> 00:35:23,055 is her with an ale in her hand. 615 00:35:23,140 --> 00:35:25,859 I think she would have approved. 616 00:35:30,140 --> 00:35:32,096 Need to find an envelope for this. 617 00:35:38,860 --> 00:35:39,815 Zoom! 618 00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:43,654 Just one look, and my heart went boom 619 00:35:43,740 --> 00:35:46,891 Suddenly, we were on the... 620 00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:48,459 A pint and two Es. 621 00:35:53,500 --> 00:35:56,014 - There you go, Frank. - I'll get those. 622 00:35:57,660 --> 00:36:01,175 Darling, I've been looking for you everywhere. 623 00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:02,773 The hospital phoned, and... 624 00:36:02,860 --> 00:36:06,569 I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm so sorry! 625 00:36:09,580 --> 00:36:11,616 You can't leave me, Frank. 626 00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:13,736 I don't know what I'll do without you. 627 00:36:16,140 --> 00:36:19,371 Oh, for fuck's sake, get it over with. 628 00:36:19,460 --> 00:36:20,779 Well, if you're sure... 629 00:36:20,860 --> 00:36:22,054 Go! 630 00:36:26,580 --> 00:36:28,138 What's up with her now? 631 00:36:32,260 --> 00:36:34,615 (Frank) Love will find a way. 632 00:36:34,700 --> 00:36:36,497 Don't worry. 633 00:36:36,580 --> 00:36:39,253 Where's my bag? 634 00:36:39,340 --> 00:36:40,568 Where's my bag?! 635 00:36:40,660 --> 00:36:41,934 What are you talking about? 636 00:36:42,020 --> 00:36:43,658 My bag! It was... 637 00:36:43,740 --> 00:36:45,173 It was right there. 638 00:36:45,260 --> 00:36:47,455 How could anyone have nicked it? It must have weighed a tonne! 639 00:36:47,540 --> 00:36:48,973 You left your bag by the door? 640 00:36:50,340 --> 00:36:52,615 Take it easy, it's only stuff. 641 00:36:54,220 --> 00:36:57,132 I don't think this is a good idea. 642 00:36:57,220 --> 00:37:02,340 Listen. I've had the shittiest day of my life. 643 00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:03,899 It doesn't matter. 644 00:37:03,980 --> 00:37:05,379 What's important is this. 645 00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:07,769 I don't care what lies you told, OK? I love you. 646 00:37:07,860 --> 00:37:09,293 It's past time you left. 647 00:37:09,380 --> 00:37:14,010 No, I want you to hear this. I want Phil to come back with me. 648 00:37:15,180 --> 00:37:17,171 He doesn't belong here. 649 00:37:17,260 --> 00:37:19,216 Phil? 650 00:37:19,300 --> 00:37:21,211 I'm staying here. 651 00:37:21,300 --> 00:37:24,372 Well, you don't have to decide now. 652 00:37:24,460 --> 00:37:25,893 I thought I should be up front. 653 00:37:25,980 --> 00:37:27,493 Very noble. 654 00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:29,332 We need to be friends. 655 00:37:30,420 --> 00:37:31,489 If this works out, 656 00:37:31,580 --> 00:37:34,970 I could be partly responsible for bringing up your daughter. 657 00:37:39,700 --> 00:37:40,735 Ah! 658 00:37:40,820 --> 00:37:42,458 Mandy! 659 00:37:42,540 --> 00:37:43,973 My ear! 660 00:37:44,060 --> 00:37:45,618 She bit my ear! 661 00:37:45,700 --> 00:37:47,452 Do what you want with him, you fucking bitch, 662 00:37:47,540 --> 00:37:50,179 but don't you dare bring my daughter into this! 663 00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:52,733 - Mandy! - Bitch! 664 00:37:52,820 --> 00:37:54,538 Mandy, please! Don't! 665 00:37:54,620 --> 00:37:55,609 Go on, Mandy! 666 00:37:55,700 --> 00:37:57,213 Get it to her! 667 00:38:01,340 --> 00:38:02,659 You fucking what? 668 00:38:05,540 --> 00:38:06,575 What you looking at? 669 00:38:15,220 --> 00:38:16,414 Get off me, Shane! 670 00:38:24,700 --> 00:38:27,294 Come on, where are you, you little bastard? 671 00:38:27,380 --> 00:38:29,496 Come on, show yourself! 672 00:38:29,580 --> 00:38:30,535 Oi! 673 00:38:34,620 --> 00:38:36,736 What's more alive than this, eh? 674 00:38:44,020 --> 00:38:46,978 Gallaghers, fighting for the family honour! 675 00:38:47,060 --> 00:38:48,812 Hey, hey! Hey, hey! 676 00:38:50,900 --> 00:38:52,731 This is my legacy! 677 00:38:52,820 --> 00:38:54,572 You've got your hands on my tits! 678 00:38:54,660 --> 00:38:56,093 I know. 679 00:38:58,580 --> 00:39:00,252 And they all come from here! 680 00:39:00,340 --> 00:39:01,409 Oh, me cock! 681 00:39:13,980 --> 00:39:15,538 Party! 682 00:39:24,780 --> 00:39:27,453 Fucking hell! I haven't even taken any poppers, 683 00:39:27,540 --> 00:39:29,974 - and I can hear all sorts of shit. - Me an' all! 684 00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:36,816 Oh, fuck! Oh! 685 00:39:42,740 --> 00:39:44,093 BIRDS SINGING 686 00:39:49,660 --> 00:39:51,651 Fucking hell. 687 00:40:08,300 --> 00:40:10,291 'I've got no shadowl' 688 00:40:10,380 --> 00:40:14,896 That's cos you're dead. You've got no physical form. 689 00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:16,174 What? 690 00:40:16,260 --> 00:40:17,693 You died last night. 691 00:40:21,260 --> 00:40:22,818 But... 692 00:40:26,180 --> 00:40:27,533 I feel normal. 693 00:40:30,140 --> 00:40:31,573 So do I. 694 00:40:31,660 --> 00:40:33,093 Don't mean I'm real. 695 00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:40,976 Oh, God. So, what happens now? 696 00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:46,249 How do I know if it's the Pearly Gates, or eternal damnation? 697 00:40:47,380 --> 00:40:49,450 How should I know? I haven't died yet. 698 00:40:49,540 --> 00:40:52,134 I'm just a figment of your imagination. 699 00:40:52,220 --> 00:40:54,575 - Who's that? - Big Dennis. 700 00:40:54,660 --> 00:40:56,013 Hello, Dennis. 701 00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:59,615 Torchy, we called him, after the fire. 702 00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:00,928 Thank fuck he can't see me. 703 00:41:01,020 --> 00:41:02,214 GRUNTS 704 00:41:05,900 --> 00:41:09,654 - You said I had no physical form. - What do I know? 705 00:41:09,740 --> 00:41:11,696 Who the fuck are you talking to? 706 00:41:13,900 --> 00:41:18,132 Oh, oh, fuck. 707 00:41:18,220 --> 00:41:20,256 Told yer. There is a God! 708 00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:25,453 Is that it? 709 00:41:28,980 --> 00:41:30,811 Don't be silly. 710 00:41:30,900 --> 00:41:34,051 You should be ashamed of yourself. You're exploiting women. 711 00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:37,018 They'd be on the streets otherwise. 712 00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:38,294 What's this? 713 00:41:38,380 --> 00:41:41,053 It's for running the cards through. Yvonne sold it me wi' carbon, 714 00:41:41,140 --> 00:41:42,858 100 quid. I'm rubbish with cash. 715 00:41:42,940 --> 00:41:45,408 It's all Chip and PIN these days, Lillian. Banks don't use this any more. 716 00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:47,616 So, you haven't made one penny profit. 717 00:41:47,700 --> 00:41:50,897 - Which means she hasn't committed a crime. - What?! 718 00:41:50,980 --> 00:41:52,971 What about the other evidence? 719 00:41:53,060 --> 00:41:54,732 What about the neighbours' photos, the log? 720 00:41:54,820 --> 00:41:56,936 Without any proof to back it up, it's just hearsay. 721 00:41:58,060 --> 00:42:00,130 GIRLS LAUGHING 722 00:42:01,580 --> 00:42:04,731 Result being, though, you lot haven't made no money. 723 00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:18,214 How are you feeling? 724 00:42:22,500 --> 00:42:24,456 I don't know. 725 00:42:26,620 --> 00:42:28,178 Mandy, listen. 726 00:42:30,860 --> 00:42:33,579 I'm so sorry. 727 00:42:33,660 --> 00:42:35,218 I lost sight. 728 00:42:36,460 --> 00:42:39,179 Uni's full of kids wi' no worries, 729 00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:40,818 free to do whatever they want... 730 00:42:41,980 --> 00:42:45,131 ...and I forgot what's important. 731 00:42:45,220 --> 00:42:47,575 You and Katie are what's important. 732 00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:51,130 We'll knock the open relationship on the head. 733 00:42:51,220 --> 00:42:54,815 I'm gonna quit uni and get a job, stay here. 734 00:42:54,900 --> 00:42:57,209 Will you fuck! You'll go back. 735 00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:59,973 I'm not having you use me as an excuse for failing. 736 00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:07,855 You know I love you, don't you? 737 00:43:07,940 --> 00:43:09,134 Of course I do. 738 00:43:10,260 --> 00:43:12,012 Good. 739 00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:15,940 Cos that's why we're finished. 740 00:43:16,020 --> 00:43:19,217 No, Mandy, I couldn't give a toss about Alex. 741 00:43:19,300 --> 00:43:20,938 I know, but that's not the point. 742 00:43:21,020 --> 00:43:23,056 If it's not her, it'll be somebody else. 743 00:43:23,140 --> 00:43:24,539 No, it won't, I promise. 744 00:43:24,620 --> 00:43:27,817 It will, Lip. I know for a fact. 745 00:43:27,900 --> 00:43:31,097 You could have slept with 20 girls over that three months, 746 00:43:31,180 --> 00:43:33,614 but you didn't, you stuck with one. 747 00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:37,329 - I was stupid. - Just listen to me. 748 00:43:37,420 --> 00:43:41,413 It's not about jealousy or blame, 749 00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:45,015 it's about what you want. 750 00:43:45,100 --> 00:43:47,489 And in your fantasy... 751 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:53,134 ...there is no me, and there's no Katie. - That's not true. 752 00:43:53,220 --> 00:43:56,337 How many people at uni know you've got a daughter? 753 00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:03,018 Your life's out there now. 754 00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:05,694 Alex was right. 755 00:44:05,780 --> 00:44:07,816 You don't belong here any more. 756 00:44:14,820 --> 00:44:16,811 Go back to uni, 757 00:44:16,900 --> 00:44:18,970 till Easter. 758 00:44:20,620 --> 00:44:23,373 You can visit Katie then. 759 00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:25,257 She'll always be your daughter. 760 00:44:26,380 --> 00:44:27,574 You need to go. 761 00:44:27,660 --> 00:44:29,776 Mandy, please. Don't... 762 00:44:29,860 --> 00:44:33,853 Mandy, please. Mandy. 763 00:44:33,940 --> 00:44:35,259 Fuck's sake. 764 00:44:38,860 --> 00:44:40,737 Hiya, Mon. 765 00:44:40,820 --> 00:44:42,776 Have you any idea about the worry 766 00:44:42,860 --> 00:44:45,693 that you have put me through these last 24 hours? 767 00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:48,772 - You're good to go. - You? What about me? 768 00:44:48,860 --> 00:44:52,933 A death sentence, followed by an unprovoked and savage assault. 769 00:44:53,020 --> 00:44:55,215 Well, I hope it's knocked some sense into you. 770 00:44:57,460 --> 00:45:01,578 Wait... Just... No... The doctor... The doctor said... 771 00:45:01,660 --> 00:45:04,299 There is nothing wrong with your heart. 772 00:45:04,380 --> 00:45:06,894 They've been running tests all morning. 773 00:45:08,740 --> 00:45:10,890 It's not... But they phoned you. 774 00:45:10,980 --> 00:45:14,097 My mistake. They weren't calling about your dicky ticker. 775 00:45:14,180 --> 00:45:18,458 They were calling about your dicky cock! 776 00:45:18,540 --> 00:45:22,453 Cooling cream, to stop your little man from going all scabby. 777 00:45:27,540 --> 00:45:31,010 Hey, aortic fucking stenosis! 778 00:45:31,100 --> 00:45:34,172 My heart is stronger than Popeye in a spinach factory. 779 00:45:34,260 --> 00:45:36,615 What medical school did you go to? 780 00:45:36,700 --> 00:45:40,375 You are going to have a malpractice suit so far up your... 781 00:45:40,460 --> 00:45:42,815 I'm not a doctor. I never said I was. 782 00:45:42,900 --> 00:45:44,015 What?! 783 00:45:44,100 --> 00:45:47,490 I came to see if you were all right, and you just assumed. 784 00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:51,696 Bollocks. 785 00:45:51,780 --> 00:45:55,739 What about Notify Family Afterwards? 786 00:45:55,820 --> 00:45:59,017 As far as I know, NFA means No Fixed Abode. 787 00:45:59,100 --> 00:46:01,614 You were in such a state when you came in, they could hardly 788 00:46:01,700 --> 00:46:05,329 get a name out of you, let alone an address. 789 00:46:06,820 --> 00:46:08,014 Fuck! 790 00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:11,376 So, you know, what's your fucking game, hanging about hospitals 791 00:46:11,460 --> 00:46:13,928 trying to scare the living shit out of everybody? 792 00:46:14,020 --> 00:46:17,137 "Waking the dead. If you see a bright light, walk towards it." 793 00:46:17,220 --> 00:46:18,573 That was my husband you were heckling. 794 00:46:18,660 --> 00:46:20,059 Why should! Have shown you any courtesy? 795 00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:21,653 Well, there's a difference 796 00:46:21,740 --> 00:46:24,379 between courtesy and telling a body that they're gonna die. 797 00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:26,690 I was tending to my husband when you woke up. 798 00:46:32,180 --> 00:46:33,613 So, what's wrong with him? 799 00:46:36,700 --> 00:46:40,579 He has aortic stenosis. 800 00:46:44,740 --> 00:46:46,458 So he's dying? 801 00:46:53,660 --> 00:46:55,173 All right, mate. 802 00:46:55,260 --> 00:47:00,414 Hey, I know exactly what you're going through. 803 00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:03,936 I tell you there's fuck all to worry about. 804 00:47:04,020 --> 00:47:06,534 Yeah? 805 00:47:06,620 --> 00:47:08,053 'So what if I never peaked? 806 00:47:08,140 --> 00:47:11,177 'I was here. I've lived. 807 00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:15,773 'Am I a rogue and peasant slave? 808 00:47:15,860 --> 00:47:18,579 'A muddy-mettled rascal? Who gives a shit? 809 00:47:18,660 --> 00:47:20,855 'What did fucking Shakespeare know? 810 00:47:20,940 --> 00:47:23,249 'He never even wrote most of them plays. 811 00:47:23,340 --> 00:47:26,855 'So what, if I'm not an astronaut, or a Prime Minister, 812 00:47:26,940 --> 00:47:30,489 'or a football player? I am Vernon Francis Gallagher. 813 00:47:30,580 --> 00:47:35,290 'I came, I saw, I drank the fucking lot.' 814 00:48:18,420 --> 00:48:22,698 (Frank) And finally, something I've always guarded with me life 815 00:48:22,780 --> 00:48:25,533 and, I hope, won't sully your memory of me. 816 00:48:27,660 --> 00:48:32,654 Monica, at your 21st birthday party, when you were passed out on the coats, 817 00:48:32,740 --> 00:48:35,379 I shagged your mother, God rest her soul. 818 00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:39,412 I was wasted, but she wasn't - dirty cow. 819 00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:43,971 Anyhow, the upshot is, you know that surprise late baby 820 00:48:44,060 --> 00:48:46,494 that your mam and dad never planned? 821 00:48:46,580 --> 00:48:49,333 Your little sister? 822 00:48:49,420 --> 00:48:54,733 Well, technically, she's also your stepdaughter. 823 00:48:56,340 --> 00:48:57,659 The end. 59486

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