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[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SINGING] Everybody tells meThat it's so hard to make it
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It's so hard to break in
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There's no way to fake it
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Everybody tells meThat it's wrong what I'm feeling
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I shouldn't believe inThe dreams that I'm dreaming
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I hear it every day
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I hear it all the time
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I'm never gonna amount to muchBut they're never gonna change my mind
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Tell me, tell meTell me somethin' I don't know
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Somethin' I don't know
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Somethin' I don't know
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How many inches in a mile?What it takes to make you smile?
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Get you not to treat me likeA child, baby
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DOMINIQUE:
Mary!
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How can I be an artist
when you can't be bothered to do your job?
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Which, by the way,
is fetching me bubbly water.
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[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
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- Are you trying to ruin me?
- I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
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There are people
who would just kill for this job.
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Important people.
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Bubble me now or you're grounded.
Stay out of my dressing room.
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I hate your energy.
It's ugly and sad and lonely.
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Oh, my God. Thank you so much, Mary.
That was the last bottle of bubbly.
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No, thank you, Britt.
Your mom's gonna kill me.
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- Not my problem.
- So true.
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Um, they told me to tell you
you're holding the whole shoot up.
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And you work for us, in case you forgot.
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Oh, how could I ever forget?
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Oh, it's a tragic story.
Her mother was one of my dancers.
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Truth to tell, probably the weak link.
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But then she died.
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And I needed some help around the house,
so I took her little brat in.
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I'm really a saint, you know?
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Dominique, turtledove.
Listen, we're a bit behind schedule.
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What I need from you is
I need you to be a little cuddle...
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...and shake that moneymaker
before I'm brown bread.
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I have no idea what you are saying.
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What's with the attitude?
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We are so good to you.
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You may live in the 90210,
but you're still just a zero.
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We live in the 90211, genius.
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DOMINIQUE:
Mary, bubbles! Now!
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Coming, Dominique.
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Is that true?
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MAN:
3C, take one. Mark.
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[SINGING]
I'm on hold for you
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I keep pushing number one and two
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DOMINIQUE:
That's me, Dominique.
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I'm singing my number-one hit,"On Hold 4 You."
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[SINGING] For an hour or twoOn hold for you
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DOMINIQUE: You know, I'm not justa pop star, I'm also a human being.
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And I've sufferedfrom embarrassing back acne for years.
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When they used
to shoot my music videos...
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...they had to digitally remove
my entire back...
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...and my arms...
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...and my legs.
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I looked terrible and I sued everyone.
It was embarrassing.
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Not since I've been using
Baby Got Bacne Vanishing Cream.
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MAN: Baby Got Bacne worksby destroying blemishes...
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... pores and all surrounding skin.
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[SINGING]
I like clear skin and that's the truth
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All you sisters just look uncouth
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You give your man a heart attack
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'Cause you got acne on your back
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Baby Got Bacne
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MAN:
Live bacne-free.
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I'm not gonna do
that old lizard's talk show again.
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He's got a serious case
of the grab-hands.
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Not that I mind that sort of thing
from someone under 90.
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This semester is so gonna rock.
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Oh, tell me something I don't know.
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Because I know that
and I know everything.
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- There's laundry to do.
MARY: Okay.
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He's coming back
for the rest of the year.
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I mean, how hot is that?
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Like surface-of-the-sun hot.
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- Don't you dare turn on that TV set.
- Okay.
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- Yeah.
- Turn it, turn it, turn it.
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I'm here at Beverly Glen High School,where there's nothing but buzz, buzz, buzz.
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Fresh from his fourth world tour...
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... teen heartthrob Joey Parker has decidedto bring his triple threat of singing...
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... dancing and breaking heartsback home to the Hills.
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[SINGING]
That girl, baby
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Oh...
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She knew she's just that girlShe knew she's just that girl
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[CHATTERING]
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WOMAN: Joey, can yougive me any information...
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... about what you're doing in the future?
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Just get back to my roots, takemy senior year off, go back to school.
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I'm just trying to keep it real.
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How does JP plan to keep it real?
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Joey and his record label are sponsoringa huge dance competition...
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... where one lucky studentwill win the opportunity...
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... to dance with JP in his next video.
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So all you dancers in waiting,it's time to get your freak on.
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DOMINIQUE: Mary, I need you pronto, now.You forgot to TiVo my soaps.
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Oh...
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Sorry, Dominique, I'll be right there.
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Can you feel that?
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- What?
- I'm choking you from a distance.
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Choking you!
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- Hey.
TAMI: Hey. What up?
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Tami, you should really get
this thing fixed.
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Thing? Don't hurt her feelings
or she'll break down for good.
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We have to respect the Great Pumpkin.
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[TRANSMISSION GRINDING]
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You're so weird, Tami.
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Hey, you think my leather
goes with my tutu?
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You look amazing, as always.
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It's a Tami original.
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I figured I should dress in style
for our last semester together, ever.
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Aw... Do you think you could
survive senior year without me?
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I'm gonna start my own clothing line
and become a billionaire.
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And you'll be a superstar
in dance school...
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...and on weekends, I'll pick you up in my
private jet and we'll go shopping in Paris.
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- Wow.
- Embrace your awesomeness.
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Tami, I have to get into dance school
before I embrace my awesomeness.
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Shut up, you're gonna get in.
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Don't even pretend to think otherwise.
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Yeah, I'm telling you.
Seriously, it's better for your skin.
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It's called the one-sip diet.
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[GIGGLES]
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I am so sorry, Mary.
I didn't even see you standing there.
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It's like you were totally invisible.
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Check out my totally invisible finger.
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- Halloween was in October, tutu.
- Then why are you dressed like a tool?
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That was code for "Your butt rules."
Which it totally does.
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Tell me something I don't know.
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Oh, my God. It's Joey Parker!
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[SCREAMING]
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I love drama. It's so dramatic.
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- Let's go before we get trampled.
- Okay.
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Hey.
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What's up, everybody?
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GIRL: Oh, my God.
- Oh.
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Make way, people. No touching.
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God, all right, JP's here.
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Hey, Joey, party at my house
on Friday, dude.
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I'm gonna be in your contest, Joey.
You wanna practice in private?
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Maybe. Ha-ha.
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- Oh, my God. I love you so much.
- Hey, thanks.
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That's nasty. JP, step over that.
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[LAUGHING]
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I don't want you to feel like
a prepackaged piece of meat.
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Your words, not mine.
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I just want you to chillax.
And remember, I got your bacne.
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- I got bacne, you got bacne, we got bacne...
- Don't even get started with her.
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MARY:
Ow! Oh...
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Sorry. Sorry, I wasn't looking, I just...
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NATALIA:
Hey, Joey, long time no kiss.
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TAMI:
A12711
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