Original subtitles

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

That must be the village.

He's dead?

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]

[RADIO STATIC BUZZES]

MAN: I-- I sho--

SOLO: What? - I shot--

SOLO: What? - I've--

ILLYA: I'll signal Nairobi for a medical unit.

Lights, bright-- Too bright. Colors. Beautiful colors are burning.

Open SA Channel G.

SOLO: The airplane. The lights come from the airplane.

We're all dead here.

The intense burns evidently produce a corrosion of the nervous system.

I should never have come.

I had a good job in advertising.

I-- I gave it all up.

Cancel Channel G...

...and open overseas relay, Channel D please.

Channel D open.

Connect me with Mr. Waverly, Mission Control.

The transmission's coming from that shack, doctor.

Force them into the open.

WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]: Yes, I'm ready for your report.

[GUNFIRE]

[BEEPING]

ILLYA: Forget it.

[BEEPING]

[WEAPON BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

I'm waiting for your report, Mr. Kuryakin.

Kuryakin here, sir. Sorry, we were interrupted.

You can tell Security Research that their information was correct.

Somebody has won the race to develop a thermal prism.

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

In case you don't read the newspapers, you can't extradite me from here.

I want to talk to you. Over there.

The rest of you go on doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Would you please? The Old Man hasn't spoken in 20 years.

SOLO: Hmm.

The belief is that when he does, this mystic cult...

...it's called the Third Way, will inherit the earth.

You have interrupted a private ceremony, Mr. Solo.

I see. My deepest apology. Shall we go?

Uh, no. No, no, no.

Because of you, I've been driven halfway around the world...

...and forced into hiding on this island.

So whatever you have to say to me, you can say here, and now and quickly.

We'd like you to work for us on an assignment.

Work for you?

Well, you're wanted in 17 countries on charges of felonies.

- Everything from grand theft-- - Uh, no, no.

Your bookkeeping is a little off. It's 22 countries.

My apology.

However, if you cooperate with us, we're prepared to offer you total amnesty.

- All 22 countries? - All 22 countries.

What, uh, kind of cooperation do you want?

Well, I'm not prepared to give you the details...

...but you're supposed to be the best safecracker in the world.

You just have a chance to prove it.

Well, uh, I suppose I could use a shave at that.

Gentlemen, I-- I wanna thank you...

...for your generous hospitality these past months.

I wanna thank you and I want--

[OLD MAN MOANING]

The Old Man.

Look, he's going to speak.

Uh-uh.

The Old Man won't speak in front of a stranger.

It's supposed to be bad luck.

I'm sorry.

SEBASTIAN: Hmm. A thermal prism.

Yes, yes, I see. No wonder you're so eager for help.

You may turn the lights on now.

You put that into orbit, and you have the super weapon of all time.

I know because I tried to develop one myself.

Unfortunately, I was unable to acquire the necessary materials.

But now someone has developed it. Who?

Dr. Parviz Kharmusi.

- Oh, yes. - The noted--

Yes, yes, the noted Persian scientist. Yes, I've heard of him.

Mr. Solo is confirmed to arrive in Tehran at noon, sir.

Good, I'll contact--

What is it you want me to do, exactly?

I was about to get into that, Mr. Sebastian.

Besides your ill manners, which I now observe at firsthand...

...our computers have shown you to be a most efficient criminally oriented mind...

...with advanced degrees in engineering, physics and chemistry.

Apparently, you avoided the humanities.

It seems you designed the Vulcan-X system while still in graduate school.

And this Kharmusi keeps the thermal prism in a Vulcan-X safe.

If the tumbler circuits haven't been modified...

...you'll have no difficulty opening it.

Even if they have, it shouldn't be any problem.

Where's the safe? How do I get to it?

ILLYA: This is a general outline of the Kharmusi estate.

There's an electrical warning system around the perimeter.

There are guard towers here...

...here and here.

We jam their radar and then parachute in here just before daybreak.

That gives us all day and most of the night...

...to penetrate whatever warning systems and devices they have through this area...

...until we ultimately reach the estate building itself.

Mr. Solo will coordinate from inside the building.

I like the way you put that very casually. "We will penetrate their warning system."

You can be sure that this Kharmusi will have top security.

Now, look, Solo said this mission was dangerous...

...but no one said anything about suicide.

I will take you to the safe.

Don't forget, I can only open it if I'm alive.

If I fail, I'm willing to take full responsibility.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello?

WOMAN [OVER PHONE]: Who is expecting a call?

- Napoleon Solo. WOMAN: And what would he like to hear?

- Directions. WOMAN: 29 Navid Avenue.

Right.

I'm Napoleon Solo. Perhaps you are expecting me.

No, heh, but he is.

SOLO: Hmm?

Chamber of Commerce.

Come on, let's get the gear.

ANNIE: Mr. Solo. Hey.

Mr. Solo. Mr. Solo.

I'm Annie Justin, Mr. Solo.

I'm afraid there's been a terrible misunderstanding.

Well, here's your ID card.

I had no idea that you were an U.N.C.L.E. agent.

[SOLO GROANS]

Are you seriously hurt?

Is there anything I can do for you? Anything.

SOLO: No, no, please don't. Where's your traveling companion?

ANNIE: Oh, this is Hassan Aksoy, Mr. Solo.

Perhaps you've heard of the Four Aksoy Brothers?

Well, they were a circus act.

I don't care who he is, or who you are, or actually, why I got hit.

I'm a busy man. I've got another engagement.

- I'm rather in a hurry. - Oh, no, wait a minute, Mr. Solo.

Uh, we're looking for Luther Sebastian.

At first we thought you were working with him...

...but I had no idea that you were bringing him to justice.

If you could just tell us in which country he's going to be tried--

SOLO: I'm sorry, I can't help you right now.

I've seen your act. Step aside.

Oh, Hassan can't speak, Mr. Solo.

Poor darling cut off his tongue doing a stunt.

I don't want him to get hurt.

Don't worry about that.

Your gun isn't loaded. He emptied the clip himself.

Now you're a captive audience.

You really must help me, Mr. Solo.

You see, my fianc�, Hugh Winslow...

...of the Beaconsfield Winslows, well, he's in a Turkish prison...

...because Sebastian framed him for a murder that he committed.

I spent a whole year collecting evidence.

I must free my poor Hugh from that awful prison.

He's very frail.

Hassan's brother Ali shares a cell with my poor Hugh.

Well, Sebastian framed Ali as well.

Hassan gets very temperamental at times, Mr. Solo.

So you'd better tell us where we can find Sebastian.

We need Sebastian for something very important.

When we're through with him, help yourself.

Aren't you gonna bring him to trial?

If he does as he's supposed to, the charges against him will be dropped.

You've made some sort of deal with him, haven't you?

You're going to let Sebastian go free.

[HASSAN GROANS]

I look upon this as a minor setback, Mr. Solo.

SOLO: My bullet clip, please. - Here.

If you think I'm going to let poor Hugh...

...wither away in prison just because of you....

Well, you haven't heard the last from us. Nothing will stop us.

He was reaching for a knife.

ANNIE: You shouldn't have done that.

I'm Azalea. Your identification, Mr. Solo.

And your identification.

I'm here to take you to your doctor's appointment.

We're late, Mr. Solo.

I'll meet you outside.

This is a dangerous game.

Now, I think you better leave it to the professionals.

I don't think it was necessary to kill him.

We'll never know for certain, will we?

Kharmusi will observe you very closely. I hope you're prepared.

Yes, if I get there alive.

I'm supposed to pose as an American millionaire with a shadowy past.

And the shadowy past is to cover up any inconsistencies.

There must not even be one, Mr. Solo.

We must take no unnecessary chances.

I know what you mean.

Dr. Kharmusi's estate.

Just one question. Why are you helping us?

I'm his wife.

[AZALEA LAUGHING]

Wait here.

[EQUIPMENT BEEPING]

GUARD: Fifty cents in loose change, two fillings in the teeth...

...wristwatch, money clip.

Your room.

Cocktails at 8.

Thank you.

Napoleon's inside.

We're on schedule so far.

[GRUNTING]

Violence is your department. You'll think of something, I'm sure.

Think anyone else knows were here?

[ILLYA GRUNTS]

Perhaps not.

[ILLYA PANTING]

Let's hope these two won't be missed till evening.

I must congratulate you on the way you handled them.

I couldn't have done it without your help.

Tell me, how are we supposed to get to that building? It's a sheer drop.

When nightfall comes, we go over and down.

Mr. Solo, I presume.

The mountain should put us on the blind side of their radar.

I don't like it.

Why should they turn them on now?

You can worry about that later. Let's get moving.

ILLYA: If you're in such a hurry, why don't you go on ahead?

I'll meet you on the other side of the minefield.

SEBASTIAN: After you.

[DEVICE BEEPING SLOWLY]

[DEVICE BEEPING RAPIDLY]

Good. As I thought, sequence mines.

[DEVICE STOPS]

[DEVICE BEEPING SLOWLY]

[DEVICE BEEPING RAPIDLY]

[DEVICE BEEPING SLOWLY]

[DEVICE STOPS]

How fortunate for me, Mr. Solo...

...that you should appear at this very moment in my life.

Most fortunate, indeed.

I'm sure our association will be of mutual benefit, doctor.

KHARMUSI: I understand all principals benefited...

...from your syndicate financing a certain colonial administration in Africa.

No, that was in Southeast Asia, not Africa.

Hmm. My error.

In any event, the thermal prism, once in orbit...

...will be a weapon that will give the balance of power...

...to whichever country leases the device from us.

We shall be able to command any price, Mr. Solo.

SOLO: I would say the profit picture looks very hopeful.

Perhaps I might see the prism for myself...

...and any results of preliminary testing?

- There will be time for that, Mr. Solo. - There's time now.

Tomorrow, at our leisure.

If you don't mind, I'd like to see it tonight.

I have to make contact with my associates tomorrow...

...in order to place my resources at your disposal.

Such arrangements take time, and there's little point in wasting any.

- I dislike being hurried by you, Mr. Solo. SOLO: You'll get used to it.

KHARMUSI: Yes, yes, I am reduced to dealing with businessmen.

And an American at that.

I understand your resources are no longer available.

It is true, because of certain tragic instances in my private life.

They were all lies, you understand?

Gross lies, obscene lies.

It was a carefully drawn plot against me, I'm certain of that.

[SCOFFS]

On the face of it, their allegations were ludicrous.

Allegations concerning proposals I had made.

Anonymous phone calls to young ladies, students of mine.

As you can see, Mr. Solo...

...my enemies will go to any length to discredit me.

Ah.

My Azalea is the only one who understands.

I'm sure of that.

A most undemanding woman.

A good woman.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Of course. Immediately.

A surprise for Mr. Solo.

And a surprise for us all.

A young lady attempted to penetrate our security.

Your wife.

Hello, darling.

How are you? You went away and you left me.

ANNIE: Oh. Oh. SOLO: Ha, ha.

I did not know you were married.

Yes, one of the benefits of secrecy.

- I wasn't expecting you here. ANNIE: Of course you weren't.

You never take me anywhere.

- How do you do? - Dr. Kharmusi, at your service.

Oh, you must be his kind-hearted nurse.

Yes, Dr. Kharmusi is a very famous world scientist, my dear.

I'm delighted that you're here, but he and I do have some business to discuss...

...so I suggest you go back up to your room.

KHARMUSI: If you will please excuse me, Mr. Solo.

I have no doubt that you would much prefer...

...the company of your most lovely wife for the moment.

We can discuss business tomorrow at our leisure.

I'd prefer not to wait.

I insist.

You would not think me a proper host otherwise.

Good night.

He knows something. We've got to get into that vault now.

AZALEA: It'll be extremely dangerous...

...because they are sure to watch our every move on their monitors.

We can't wait.

Why don't you and I take a little stroll?

Have a guided tour.

KHARMUSI: We'll find out what they're up to soon enough.

Maybe a coordinated plan with other elements outside.

Put all external security on Condition Red.

[ILLYA GRUNTING]

This is the doctor's collection of original Ghaemenows...

SOLO: Oh. - ...from the Caspian Sea area.

He is the most celebrated artist in all of Persia.

We wait here for Napoleon's signal.

SOLO [ON TV]: End of the road.

AZALEA: This is the vault room, Mr. Solo.

No one may enter here. Only Dr. Kharmusi can open it.

They're at the vault now, doctor.

Perhaps you'd like to see the doctor's collection of poison mushrooms.

Yes, I'd like to see that.

I'd like to speak to Dr. Kharmusi at once.

Oh, that was quick. I didn't know doctors still made house calls.

I'd been there sometime, admiring.

What may I do for you?

ANNIE: Well, since everybody is making deals, um...

...well, I'd like to make one with you.

Um, an exchange of information, actually.

I would hesitate to deny you.

All right.

I'm not Solo's wife, and he's a spy.

Yes, I know.

You do?

Now, what may I offer you?

Luther Sebastian. Where is he?

Sebastian?

Not having met the gentleman, I'm sure I couldn't say.

But I should imagine Mr. Solo would know.

You answered my question, but I didn't like the answer.

- I'm sorry. - I'm not afraid to use this.

Please, do.

[GUN CLICKING]

We detected that weapon the moment you entered the building.

It has since been unloaded.

Now, shall we go and see what Mr. Solo can tell us?

[ALARM WAILING]

SEBASTIAN: We didn't set off that alarm.

ILLYA: Solo.

Switch to Alternate G.

- What are you doing? - Maneuvering, my dear.

Mr. Solo...

[OVER RADIO] ...a few questions.

And if you please, a few answers.

The young lady here would like to find one Luther Sebastian.

Who is he?

- When may I expect him? - Difficult questions, doctor.

Then you must consider the answers carefully, Mr. Solo.

Turn on the sand.

Let me know if anything comes to mind.

Water is a precious commodity in the desert...

...so we converted this device to sand.

ILLYA: They have monitors in all the hallways.

Check all alarm circuits.

GUARD: Everything negative, sir.

I should have known never to trust a woman who is always on time.

It always indicates a much deeper problem.

We have to find the right circuit to kill that whole monitor system.

Time is running out, Mr. Solo.

[GRUNTING]

[DEVICE WHISTLING]

Pardon me, sir.

Our 10:00 security check revealed two of our men...

...found unconscious at the perimeter of the estate.

Why was this not reported to me earlier?

We were investigating. We didn't wanna disturb you...

...until we found something conclusive.

Of course. Anyone can make a mistake.

But not just anyone can work for me.

Sir, the monitor system has gone out in Section 5.

Switch off the warning alarm.

Activate red-light security.

Wait here.

ILLYA: Uh-oh.

The walls are sensitized. So is the floor.

You drop as much as a feather, you'll hear nothing but alarms.

SEBASTIAN: What about the face of the safe?

ILLYA: Hmm.

The same.

KHARMUSI: There is only one way out, Mr. Solo.

[COUGHING]

[SEBASTIAN GASPS]

- I'll be back in a few minutes. - Where do you think you're going?

- Napoleon may need some help. - That's his problem.

I'll be back in a few minutes.

KHARMUSI: This is your final opportunity, Mr. Solo.

[AZALEA COUGHING]

The monitor circuits in Section 5 have been cut, sir.

There's also a hole in the roof.

Seal off all exits. I'm going to Section 5.

- I don't think he's gonna talk. - I don't think either.

Turn off the sand. Well, you're not gonna let him die.

That is exactly what I'm going to do.

That is why I am a successful scientist and he is going to be a dead spy.

- Well, then why am I still alive? - We'll discuss that later, privately.

[SEBASTIAN GRUNTS]

[GUARD GRUNTS]

Turn that off, or I'll turn you off.

- It's the switches right there. - Do it.

ANNIE: Oh, no, please take me with you. I'm a friend of Mr. Solo's.

[GRUNTING]

[ALARM RINGING]

[GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

ILLYA: I brought your friend.

Swell. Where's Sebastian?

[ALARM WAILING]

KHARMUSI: You may came out from there.

[GRUNTING]

Violence is our department, remember?

Well, look at the positive side. He'll never build another thermal prism.

Are you dying? Are you?

By special surgery, a tiny transmitter was implanted in his heart.

When his heart stops...

...an auto-destruct mechanism is activated, and the building will explode.

He said to me many times, "You can take it with you."

That's the beginning. The auto-destruct.

ILLYA: How do we get out of here? - You can drive, come on.

ILLYA: Get the prism.

SEBASTIAN: Very good, Carl.

I think I have a number of questions to ask you.

Hmm, just one, really. What am I doing?

And the answer, Mr. Solo...

...is that I'm keeping the thermal prism for myself.

After all, I planned this entire expedition.

I couldn't get in the Kharmusi estate with my personnel...

...so quite naturally I agreed to let U.N.C.L.E. do the job for me.

- You get the general idea, I'm sure. - Hmm, I'm afraid so.

You seem to have planned everything carefully...

...including the right safe in the vault, so that we'd be sure and recruit you.

Actually, Azalea handled that for me.

Ah, but credit where credit is due, we couldn't have done it without you.

Put them on the boat, and tie them up.

SOLO: Your plan is somewhat incomplete, Sebastian.

The prism is only marginally effective unless it's in orbit.

ILLYA: You'll have to do that for yourselves.

I don't think we'll be interested in helping you.

Thank you, I've taken that into consideration.

You remember these gentlemen, Mr. Solo. Disciples of the Third Way?

The white hair was my idea. A sign of fealty.

Yes, um, Azalea is our high priestess.

She should be.

Assuming you get the prism into orbit, what then?

The Third Way will demand a national homeland for its followers.

We will control the balance of power in the world.

You know what I think?

I think you people are strange, really strange.

I don't know who you are...

...but I have a feeling you probably deserve whatever happens to you.

Your contact ship's out here. We'll deliver you to them.

I wouldn't suppose this ship were rigged to blow up?

Wouldn't you? I would.

Come, Azalea.

Full throttle ahead.

CAPTAIN: She's on a collision course. WAVERLY: Something's gone wrong.

- Can we alter our position? - There's not enough time, sir.

Shall I order their boat destroyed?

Yes.

CAPTAIN: Prepare torpedo launch.

Fire one.

ILLYA: Did you hear that?

Sounds like they fired a torpedo at us.

They did.

[ENGLISH SDH]