All language subtitles for 90210.S05E17.Dude.Wheres.My.Husband.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DD5.1.x264-DEEP_track3_eng

Previously on 90210:
You have to be
so incredibly brave

to trust somebody you just met
to carry your baby.

I'd really like the chance
to be that person.

It's official.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant!

(laughing):
I'm pregnant.

The whole time that Naomi was
pushing me to flirt with Mark,

I thought
he liked you.

Look, after what almost
went down with Dixon,

I am not about
to lose another friend.

Okay, well then
let's make a pact.

All right?
Mark is off limits.

Okay, Mark is off limits.
Deal.

Divorce sucks,
but it's the right thing.

Yeah, no, it is.

We're too young.

I'm gonna miss you, Naomi.

Dude, what's your problem?

My problem is
everyone asking me

what my problem is.

That kid that I hit

yesterday decided not
to press charges,

so I'm off the hook.

Hey, that's-that's fantastic.

Our physics final's coming up.

Once you figure out
the answers,

just text them
to the rest of the guys.

You need me to go.

Yeah, it's just that

my stepson's gonna
be home soon and...

Got it.

(door closes)

CAMPBELL:
I know. Yeah, I know.

They're withholding the semester
grades because they know

we were cheating.

It's gonna come out.

Everyone at Cronus
is gonna be okay.

I've set Navid Shirazi up

to take the fall
for the whole thing.

(sighs)

Hey.

Thanks for stopping by.

Of course.

Hey, you mind if I

use your shower
while I'm here?

Did you get sweaty on the way
over or something?

Our water heater
at home is broken.

Instead of calling a
professional repairman,

Liam and Mark see it
as a great opportunity

to compare the size of their...

prowess at fixing things.

Anyway, what's up?

I'm worried about Naomi.

She's been a little off
the last couple of days.

And I think I figured out why.

I found this
in the drawer.

Oh, man.

Her divorce papers?

Yeah.
She hasn't said anything?

No, she's just been moping
around and watching TV.

Hasn't returned
any calls for work.

Am I interrupting something?

(sighs)

You know, we're here

if you need to talk or...

if you're feeling
depressed.

Why would you think
I'm depressed?

Um, well, why have
you been ignoring

your business calls?

I was gonna get around to them.

Fine... if you got a bee
in your bonnet.

Wedding, (sighs)

wedding,

engagement party...

another wedding.

Media company looking
for a planner

for unspecified events.

I will call Jordan Welland
back right now.

Happy?

If you are.

I couldn't be better.

I have work to do.

Biggest red flag?

She hasn't even been
plucking her eyebrows.

I know.

MAN (on TV): That means
she's coming. This is it.

DIXON: Hey, guys,
Michaela's flash mob

video is, like,
750,000...

WOMAN (on TV): After 14 hours
of grueling labor...

...views.

Oh, wow, that's great.

...the baby's head begins
to fully emerge.

Whoa, guys, are you actually
watching this on purpose?

SILVER:
Dixon, please!

This is beautiful.

Do you want to feel
the top of her head?

(vomiting)
MAN:
Keep it going, that's great.

Okay, see, I'm not the only one
who thinks this is disgusting.

She has morning
sickness, you idiot.

Okay,

well, this-this
can't be helping.

The morning sickness
just started today.

Well, shouldn't it
be ending soon?

It's about to be noon.

I actually read that, uh,

it doesn't always
confine itself

to the mornings.

Awesome.
I know.

It sucks, I'm sorry.

But, hey, I'm gonna
be here for you.

Whatever you need.

I can't believe

it's actually happening!

I mean, we have a due date.

In eight months,

I'm gonna be a mom.

WOMAN:
A healthy baby boy, slick

with Savannah's nurturing
birth fluid.

Oh, okay, eight months. (laughs)

Wow, well, um... (clears throat)

I got to go...

somewhere where
this isn't happening.

Hey, what's up?

Isn't this a little weird now?

Living in the back
of some guy's restaurant?

No, I kind of like it.

It's cozy.

Oh, plus Mark and
I made a deal.

I sign for all the shipments
when he's not around

and, uh, in exchange,

I get all the free tacos
I can eat.

Ah, but what he doesn't know
is that, uh,

I can eat a lot of tacos.

So, listen.

I heard Campbell saying

some pretty
messed up stuff

the other day about how, uh,

he and his friends have been
doing some big cheating thing,

and... they're gonna pin
the whole thing on you.

What?

I guess those
Cronus jerks

really think they can get
away with anything.

But I mean, but come on,
making you the fall guy?

You've never cheated
a day in your life.

Who's gonna believe them?

Yeah, yeah, that's

the thing, Liam, um...

I did cheat.

What are you talking about?
Well, I had a reason,

but...
Well, what's the reason?

I mean, you're, like,
the smartest guy in school.
(sighs)

I-I texted the Cronus guys the
answers to the physics final.

It was the only way Simon agreed

not to press charges
against you.

What?

N-Navid, you-you could
take the fall

for this as the ringleader.

I wish you would've told me.

It was my choice, but besides
you have nothing to worry about.

I'm gonna go talk
to the dean right now.

I'm gonna tell him exactly

who's orchestrating
the cheating.

What do you think
he's gonna say?

I-I think he'll appreciate
the honesty.

Hey, believe me--

everything's
gonna be fine, okay?

I'm gonna beat Campbell
to the punch.

Yo, Annie, there's
something wrong

with the doorknob
in your bathroom.

Shh, I know.

I-I don't want Mark
or Liam trying to fix it.

Uh, why not?

I thought they were good
at that kind of thing.

Well, they both have
minor strengths

as well as delusions
of grandeur.

It's a bad combination, so I'm
gonna call a repairmen.

Shh.

(laughs)

Hey, what brings you
over here so early?

Honestly, man, I just had
to get out of the house.

Between Silver and
Michaela, man, I feel

like the whole
house is pregnant.

You need a little estrogen
break-- I get it.

These girls, they're great,

but they can be
a little overwhelming.

Tell me about it, man.

And you had that whole Annie,
Naomi sister thing going on.

Exactly.

You and I have that
in common, I guess.

At least the Annie part.

Does that kind
of make us related?

Yeah, yeah, I guess it does.

I mean, so-so what are we?

Like, uh, brothers twice
removed or something?

We're in a brotherly zone.

Yeah.

Let's call it faux bros.

Faux bros-- I like that.
(laughs)

So what do you say we make this
faux bro-hood official, huh?

Let's go out tonight,
let's get some drinks.

Meet some girls.

You mean ones who aren't

our sisters or their friends

or their friend's
pregnant surrogates?

Yeah.

I'm liking the sound of this.

(laughs) Yes.

MAN: I'm glad you
called me back, Naomi.

I started my media company
two years ago,

and we are finally starting
to get some real traction.

And we're looking
to throw some events.

Uh, launches, premieres,
that kind of thing.

Well, Jordan, I can
assure you those type

of high-end corporate events are
right up my alley.

I can give you some
references if you like.

Well, I don't need
any references,

I just want to make sure
our parties are cool.

You know, not all stodgy
and establishment.

That's why I
came to you.

You know, we're both getting
started the same time.

You're young, you're fun.

Single, huh?

Not to make this

all about your personal life,

but who we are affects
how we work.

Don't you think?

Yeah, of course.
Okay.

So take a look at some of our
projects and if you think

it'll be a good fit,
please give me a call.

Oh, I'm sure
it's a perfect fit,

but I will certainly
look over this

and get back to you with
some of my super cool ideas

that come so naturally to me.

Thank you for coming.

All right.

All right.
Thank you.

(laughs) Bye.
Bye.

Hey.

You okay?

No.

I don't think I am.

(both sighing)

I'm not young and fun
and single.

I'm divorced.

I'm a sad old divorcée.

Stop, okay?
Can I make you some tea?

I think Ivy left it behind--
it's nice, it's calming.

No, no tea.
I don't, I don't need that.

I'm not some pathetic
hippy-dippy failure.

I just told you
that I drank some.

If I'm gonna be able to plan

the kind of party
that Jordan wants,

I'm gonna have to snap
out of this.

So I'm going to go out.

I'm gonna do shots.

I'm gonna get crazy
and you're gonna do it with me.

Naomi, are you sure
this is what you need?

No, I've never needed anything
more in my life.

You have to call Annie and
Silver, tell them to meet us.

Because tonight
the real Naomi is back.

All right, thank you.

Well, what a coincidence.

What did you just tell the dean?

Nothing much-- I just

heard about this big cheating
scandal and I wanted

to make sure he knew Cronus
had nothing to do with it.

What-what are you talking about?

You organized the whole thing.

You were texting out answers
like crazy.

Okay, if that were true,
why would I have

just given the dean all
of our phone records?

He's already got proof

that nobody
in Cronus was involved.

You covered it up.

What, you used dummy phones?

Wow, you should write
spy novels, Shirazi,

with all these crazy stories
you're spinning.

All I know is

my dad is on the board
of trustees

and has a whole building
named after him.

So you really think
the dean is gonna believe

your story over mine?

Anyway, I got
to get going.

I got a big Cronus
party tonight.

I would invite you, but

you didn't want to be part
of Cronus, remember?

Which is too bad because

we really would've
had your back.

So it's cool for you
to take a night off?

One of the benefits
of running the place.
Mm, yeah.

That and the free drinks.

So, after we finish this,
you want to head out?

Or we could stick around here
for a bit longer.

Oh-ho.

That's my faux bro.

Getting it started early.

Okay, let's go.

(clears throat)

Excuse me, ladies, uh...

Good evening.

Do you guys like, um...

uh... origami?

I'm not opposed to it.

Origami? Come on, man.

Oh, hey,
you're a Nirvana fan?

Who's Nirvana?

Are-are you serious?

DIXON: You know, I was
supposed to make you a boat,

but I changed my
mind late in the game,

and I decided to make
you a mini coaster.

(laughing)

I'm clearly in the presence
of a master.

And this master
will buy you a drink.

I'm all for
supporting Naomi,

but it makes me
really nervous,

leaving Michaela at home
after she's been so sick.

I'm sure
she'll be fine.

Well, looks like people
are rediscovering Nirvana.

Yeah, the smart ones are.

You two look nice.

Thank you.
(giggles)

But we are on
a girls' night,

so, we are going to
go meet up with the girls.

Yep.

(clears throat)

Oh my God,
he is so cute.

(sighs)

We have to stay strong.

You know.

And remember our pact not to
get involved with him.
Yes.

No guy is cute enough to come
in between our friendship.

Again.

Absolutely.

(giggles)

Hey, is something
bothering you?

Besides the sex splinters?
(laughing)

Yeah.

Actually, when I was sneaking
out of your house the other day,

I almost ran
into your stepson.

Oh, crap, did he see you?

No, but I did hear him
talking on the phone

about how he
and his all friends

have been cheating
on their finals.

Really?

That sounds like it could
get them in some major trouble.

Yeah, except he's planning on
framing my friend for it.

(sighs):
I-I just feel like
I should say something,

you, know, help Navid out.

No, you can't do that.

If Campbell
finds out you overheard him,

then he would know
that you were in the house.

What if he told my husband?

Then maybe it would help you get
that divorce you wanted.

No, it's not that simple.

My husband is
incredibly jealous.

If he finds
out about us,

I don't know what
he might do.

And, besides, it's your word
against Campbell's.

Well, I feel like a jerk

letting my friend
take the fall for this.

Then don't.

Maybe you can't
tell what you heard,

but you can't let Campbell
get away with this.

You have to figure
out some other way

to prove that
Campbell was cheating.

NAOMI:
I cannot believe

you brought that
homeopathic tea with you.

It's so stupid.

It's kind of addictive.

And I'm the designated driver.

I would not complain
if I were you.

Whatever, as long as you
don't let it hold you back.

Tonight is
very special.

It's all about us getting
back to the way we used to be.

So, no talking
about babies.
Who, me?

Or how hard it is

to live with your ex-boyfriend
who is incredibly hot.

(scoffs)

Or divorce.
(sighs)

Are you sure you don't

want to talk about
the divorce at all?

I don't want
to talk about it.

I don't want to
think about it.

Instead,
I propose a toast.

To dropping our
hideous baggage

and returning to our

young, fun, single selves.

Cheers.

Cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers.

(moaning)

(yawning)

Ade?

(whining)

Ade?

Ade.

Ade, wake up, wake up.

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Huh? Where...?

What happened?

I don't know.

Why are you wearing a veil?

What? What veil?

What, what, no, no...

No. No.

No.

Oh, my God, no.

What the hell
happened last night?

Annie, please call me
as soon as you get this.

I have a very big problem.

(screaming)
What?

Did you find the rando guy
I married?

No, I just saw my hair.

Who would
do this to me?

And why
would I have let them?

The whole
night is a blur.

But you weren't even drinking.

I know, I guess that
tea I was sipping on

was a little bit
more than calming.

I wonder if I can get an
appointment with my colorist.

No, no, Ade, listen, you can
deal with your skunk hair later.

I have an emergency.

If I got married, I have
to get it annulled, like, now.

Otherwise, I have to
get divorced, again.

I mean, it's bad enough
being defined as a divorcée,

but a two-time divorcée,
I can't handle that.

Okay, well, we'll find out
if you actually got married.

And if so, to who.

Okay, well, I already checked my
phone and Facebook

and there are no leads at all,

so, please tell me you remember
something, anything.

Okay... uh,

we were at the Offshore,

you guys took some shots...

Yeah.

We went to a male strip club.

Oh, fantastic.

Which one?

Uh, it had a name
like Buttocks, or...

No... Thighs?

Ham Hocks. Ham Hocks?

Haunches!
Yes, yes, Haunches, Haunches.

All right,
round up Annie and Silver.

Have them meet us
there, okay, let's go.

Adrianna, emergency.

Okay.

Okay.
(whimpering)

Good morning.

(sighs):
Good morning.

(sighs)

I had a really
good time last night.

Yeah, me, too.

And thanks for being
so cool about us not hooking up.

I just, I have this rule
about not sleeping with guys

the same night
that I meet them.

I get it.

You would much rather
know someone first.

Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

But since, technically,

it's not the same night
that we met anymore...

Mmm.

Man, I love a
good technicality.

(gagging and choking)

Is someone throwing up
in your living room?

(sighs) Yep.

Stay right there.

Don't-don't move.

Hey, buddy.

Look, I'm actually
not alone right now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

No, it's-it's cool

God, morning sickness sucks.

(sniffling)

I'm either nauseous

or I'm craving foods
I thought I hated.

Wait, morning sickness?

She's pregnant?

Uh, yeah, yeah she is.

But-but it's-it's,
it's not mine.

It's-it's
not even hers.

I don't even
know her that well.

It's a long,
complicated, boring story.

We shouldn't even talk about it.

Maybe we should
go get some breakfast.
No way.

But, it's not my baby.

No, I mean, I'm not going
to leave her here like this.

My sister
just had a baby,

and she had
really bad morning sickness

for, like, two months.

She basically
lived on crackers.

Crackers sound really
gross right now.

It's fine,
really, I'm okay.

Please don't change
your plans because of me.

I'm just going to
sit here with my bucket.

See, she's fine.

Maybe we should just...

Oh, no. No, no, no,

you're not getting
rid of me that easily.

Dixon, we're going to need
a cool, damp washcloth

and a box
of saltines.

I don't think we have any.

Then you're going to
have to run out and get some.

Then I'm going to have
to run out and get some.

Holy mackerel.

You back already?

You remember me?

How could I forget you?

I had to forcibly
remove you

from the stage,
like, three times.

Sorry about that.

So, listen, did
you happen to see me

leave here with
anyone last night?

Leave?

I thought
you'd never leave.

I mean, you were
all over the dancers

and said you were
tired of going home alone.

But no,
I didn't see you leave.

Oh, my God,

I might have
married one of those?

BARTENDER:
Funny, you didn't strike
me as the marrying kind.

I wouldn't think so,
either, but apparently I am.

I need every
single one of these

beefcakes' phone
numbers, pronto.

Oh, my God.

Listen, man, uh,

I-I think I am going
to need your help after all.

You know that thing
you heard Campbell say?

Turns out it's, uh,
the only evidence I got.

(sighs):
Yeah, man, I'm-I'm
really sorry

but I-I can't tell
anyone about that.

Why not?

Because of how
I overheard him.

I was in his house,
with his stepmom.

Sydney.

Wait, our-our investor...

uh, who you're
having an affair with,

is-is also
Campbell's stepmom?

Yeah.

You're literally
sleeping with the enemy.

Whoa, hey, she's not
the enemy; Campbell is.

She thinks we should
find some other evidence

to show that he's guilty.

Okay, wow, uh, well,
I guess it's possible

that one of the
Cronus guys still has

one of the
dummy cell phones

they used for the cheating.

That's what
we'll look for.

But how?

Those guys won't even
let me near them.

(sighs)

They might still be willing
to hang out with me.

(rapid knocking)

Hey.

Oh, thank God you're here.

Annie's not answering
her phone, which is weird,

and Naomi needs us
at a strip club right away.

I'm sorry, what?

Yeah, she
thinks she got married

and she doesn't remember.

Your hair...
Mm, don't.

Okay, um, I'm
going to get my stuff.

So, I'm assuming you
don't know anything either?

Hey, where did you go?

You disappeared last night
after the Offshore.

Yeah, no, I, um,
I checked on Michaela

and she was
craving cheese puffs,

so I ran out to
bring her some.

When I came back you
guys were already gone.

I called your cell phones.

Nobody was picking up,

so I just came home
and went to bed.

Really? Alone?

What, this is mine.

I just rarely wear it,

because it's so ugly.

Silver, I woke up with
Bride of Frankenstein hair.

At least let
me vicariously live

through your hook up.

Come on, tell
me who it is.

Doesn't
Naomi need our help?

Fine, don't tell me.

Oh, is it that
beer delivery guy

with the awesome arms?

So, you're sure you and I
didn't get married last night?

Um, yeah.

I mean, you're
good looking and all,

but why would I tie
myself down like that?

You're so right.

The world is your oyster,
here at Haunches.

Oh, man, your
hair looks awesome.

Mauricio nailed it.

I always have him
do my frosted tips.

Who's Mauricio?

He's one of the dancers here.

You don't remember him?

You two went back
to your place together

so he could do your hair.

Wait, wait,
did I marry Mauricio?

Oh, no, he's already married.

His husband is the bomb.

Makes a great guacamole.

Great, so I didn't marry
any of the strippers.

You say that like
it's a bad thing.

Wow, you guys really
went for it last night.

Oh, and like you didn't,

little miss hook up
with mysterious jacket guy.

Yeah, whatever.
How about this?

Flashing of the boobs.

Nice shot. Nice
work, you guys.

Can I see that for a second?

These are not my boobs.

Then whose are they?
Oh, that's those

other two girls.

You know, your friends,
the ones from TV.

I don't have friends from TV.

From that Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills.

You left here with them.

What?
I can't believe
you don't remember.

You were seriously bonding
with them.

You kept calling yourselves
the three divorcées.

Kind of like
the three amigos,

I guess, but sadder.

Adrianna,

get me a list
of the housewives.

We're gonna find
those bitches.

Based on which
Beverly Hills housewives

were actually in town
last night,

and which ones
are also divorced,

it has to be Brandi
and Camille.

Their publicists said
they come here every day.

Though I'm not quite sure
what this place is.

It's Bolates.

You get Botox and Pilates
all in one.

Clearly the stripper blew
our so-called bonding

out of proportion.

I mean, if I left
with the housewives,

I was probably
just helping them get home

like a Girl Scout.

Otherwise,
what do I possibly have

in common with them?

(women gasping)
Oh, my God.

Our sister
from another mister.

(women squealing happily)

Court!

I didn't know you were
still interested Cronus.

You kind of dropped off the face
of the earth.

I've been busy

with some stuff lately,
but yeah,

I'm definitely interested.

Even though your buddy, Shirazi,
told us to suck it?

Man, that guy's an idiot.

I don't care what he thinks.

Oh, so you're like,

not friends
with Shirazi anymore?

Never really was.

Well, in that case,

have a seat.

You have great timing.

Tonight is initiation night

for Cronus.
What's up?

All right.

Yo, yo.

Hey.

I basically bought the store
out of saltines.

So I hope they do the trick.

Where's Helen?

Oh, I sent her out to get me
some soup I was craving.

Why didn't you text me?
I could've got it.

No, you couldn't have.

It's this special soup,

Peruvian soup,
made from llama's milk.

You can only get it at
this one place in Simi Valley

that I completely

made up.

Oh, okay, why?
I'm sorry, Dixon,

I know you guys
were hitting it off,

but if I had to listen
to one more story

about her pregnant sister's
delicate esophagus,

I was gonna punch her
in the face.

Ew.

Nobody seems to believe this,

but I don't actually

want to think
about pregnancy 24-7.

You don't?

No. Especially when it's not
even my own baby.

I mean, like,
don't get me wrong,

I'm totally happy
to be doing this,

but it's taking over
my entire life.

Taking over?

It's taking over
my entire life.

I really am sorry.

It's not your fault.

But really? The birthing videos?

Oh, freaking disgusting.

I know, right?
Look, I... I get it.

Babies are supposed
to be beautiful,

and the whole nine yards,

but seeing a baby come out...

It's-it's like that scene
in Alien.

(laughs):
Exactly.

Oh, I love Alien.

Me, too.

You want to watch it?

I got it on Blu-ray.

Hell yeah.

But you know
what I want to do first?

Throw up?

No, get a giant plate of nachos.

I'm in a craving phase.

You're a genius.

Let's go.

BRANDI:
So what happened was

we were watching a movie
on my phone.

And one of the strippers
kept bragging

about this porno he was in.

Yeah.

And we thought,
what the heck,

let's check it out.

And it was a complete
rip-off of my favorite movie.

BOTH:
Corporate Invaders.

I'm a huge Liam Court fan.

Aren't we all?
And that's what I was saying

to Cam, I was like,

"Oh, my God, yeah,
the stripper's like,

well-endowed and whatnot,
but Liam is so much hotter."

And your friend,

the little one, was like,
"I live with Liam."

Party time.

So we all jumped
into my Bentley

and went to Liam's house.

But he wasn't home,
so I was really sad.

You were sad.
I was sad.

So we decided to watch

The First Wives Club.

That always makes her
feel better.

But it seemed like the movie
was getting you upset.

You said that
you didn't want

to be a divorcée because you
didn't want it to define you.

Yeah, we told
you it won't...

entirely.

I mean, it definitely changes
the way people see you.

Because you're not
yourself anymore,

and your not somebody's wife.

You're somebody's ex-wife.

(laughs):
Exactly.

Well, thank you

for all
of this incredible support,

but we actually
want to know

if at some point last night

I, um, married someone?

I have no idea.

I went to the bathroom,

and when I came out again,
you were gone.

She was in the one bathroom,
and that little, tiny girl

was in the other bathroom,
and I had to go so bad,

I just couldn't hold it
any longer,

so I popped a squat
in the backyard.

Oh, my God.

No, don't worry.
No one saw me.

I know why Annie's
not returning our calls.

I think she's trapped.

Thank you both. We have to go.

What a hot mess
those three are.

Yeah.

What about
the other new members?

Don't they have
to be initiated, too?

They did this weeks ago,
when you'd gone AWOL.

Well, it looks like I have
some catching up to do.

Whoa, easy.

Dude, slow down.
Wow.

Not bad.

Well, I do own a bar.

So if this is
one big drinking contest...

So you're not feeling
challenged enough.

Well, you will be happy to know
that this is just part one.

What's part two?

Nothing much.

Just a refreshing
little stroll...

up here.

Annie?

Oh, my God,
we're terrible friends.

She could be dead in there.

SILVER:
At least she has water.

(grunting)

Seriously?

It took you guys 18 hours
to realize I was missing?

(scoffs)

Ugh. I really hope that is
the closest I ever get

to 127 Hours.

Stupid doorknob.

Why didn't I just let Liam
and Mark fix it?

Or if you were stuck
in there all night,

why didn't you just yell?

I tried, but my voice was
a little bit shot

from yelling all night
at strippers

to show me the goods.

I got a little carried away.

We all did.
Eventually,
it got quiet,

so I thought you guys had left,

and Liam and Mark
never came home last night.

So basically,
you have no idea where I went.

I assumed you went home
to put on sweatpants and cry.

You seemed pretty shaken up
by that ridiculous movie.

So, breaking you out
of the bathroom was
completely pointless.

All right, I'll just go
back in there, but this time,

I'm definitely taking my phone.

Annie, I'm sorry,
I just... I'm never gonna find

that idiot that I married,
and I'm gonna spend

the rest of my life
as a pathetic,

bitter double-divorcée.

I might as well give up now.

I wish I could help you.

And maybe I can,

because at 4:17 a.m.,

I got an e-nnouncement

from Lala's All-Night
Wedding Chapel.

Let me see that!

You married
your brother?

(chuckles)
Wow.

(laughs)

Are you happy now?

Me? I'm great,

but you're still not getting
into Cronus.

What the hell, man?

I just put my life
on the line.

And you did a decent job,

but you walking on some ledge,

while extremely entertaining,

doesn't prove that you're
not friends with Shirazi.

Look, man,
I haven't been friends

with Navid since he leaked
a sex tape of mine

and he ruined a relationship.

He's a dick.

So I don't know
what your plans with him are,

but personally,

I would be thrilled to see him
get what he deserves.

What do I have to do

to make you believe me?

Give me your phone.

Mmm.
Mmm.

These nachos
are beautifully balanced.

Right?
Mm-hmm.

With the layering
and everything.

Mm-hmm.
I'm telling you,
my faux bro knows how to do it.

(laughs)

I'm actually about
to get something to drink.

You want something?
Ginger ale,
please and thank you.

Gotcha.

Hey, uh, two
ginger ales.

Hey, man. I didn't
even notice

you were here.
Hey, what's going on?

Not much, uh, getting
some nachos with Michaela,

then going back to the
house and watching Alien.

Sounds like
a pretty good date.

What? No. No, no, no, no. No.

This is...
this is not a date, dude.

We're just hanging out.
She's just a really cool girl.

So dinner and a movie
with a really cool girl

is not a date?

(sighs)
Look, man,

you don't have to worry
about anything.

Michaela and I were
a one-time thing.

I'm happy for you, man.

(phone chimes)
Oh, it's Liam.

Looks like he came through.

I got to go.

Okay.

Here you are.

Thanks, man.

Hey.

Thanks.

What, are there no free refills?

(chuckles)

Uh, no.

No, seriously, what?

Nothing.

Nothing. (chuckles)

Nothing. Nachos.

Yes!

(humming
"Bridal Chorus")

(chuckles)

Okay,
obviously I didn't marry you,

so please tell me what the hell
happened last night.

I'm not surprised
you don't remember.

You were fairly obliterated
when you called.

I called you?
From a convenience store.

You were crying into a
pint of butter pecan,

so I drove over,
and we talked,

and then you got married
to yourself.

I married myself?

Well, I guess it makes
a sad kind of sense.

I must have realized
no one else would want

to be with a failure like me.

Like I told you last night,
you are blowing

this whole divorcée thing
way out of proportion.

Thank you, Mark, but you don't
know what it's like.

I do. I felt the exact same way
after my divorce.

Wait. You're divorced?
I didn't know that.

It's not like we have to wear
a big red "D"

on all our clothes.

I know. Well, I feel like I am.

I tried to go out last night,
be the old Naomi,

young, carefree, fun.

But instead,
I ended up

drunk, bitter, watching
First Wives Club

with a bunch of other divorcées.

And I might as well tattoo
the big "D"

right here on my forehead.

First of all, you have been
divorced for,

like, ten minutes,

and you need to stop beating
the crap out of yourself.

You are young and strong
and beautiful and smart.

And you've got your whole
life ahead of you.

Your divorce is just
a, a tiny piece of it.

You really believe that?

Yes. You just need to give it
some time.

At least,
that's what worked for me.

And as cheesy as it sounds,

I had to learn to love myself
a little

before I could even think about
getting back out there.

But that should be easy for you.
You're pretty lovable.

I suppose you told me
all this last night?

I did.

And then you spotted
the wedding chapel

and had the great idea
to marry yourself.

(groans)

It wasn't out of self-pity.

It was out of something
more like... hope.

Thank you... for being there
for me last night.

And right now.

That's what brothers are for.

(laughs softly)

Hey, I got your text.

Hey!

What's going on?!

You've been trying to prove
all night

that you're not loyal
to Shirazi.

Here's your chance.

You want me to hit him?

That is your strong
suit, isn't it?

Plus he deserves it.

(groans)

Come on, Fight Club,

you can do
a little better than that.

Unless there's something
holding you back.

Liam, please don't do this.

Hey, I've known you since
high school. Come on, man.

(scoffs)
Wow.

(groans)

I'm just glad
you're feeling better.

Ugh! Talking to Mark last
night really helped.

It's nice to have a brother
you can count on.

And one who helped us
solve your mystery.

Though we still haven't
identified

Silver's mystery hook up.

It's my jacket, Adrianna.

How many times
do I have to tell you?

M'kay.

Mm-hmm.

All right. I gotta run.

I'm heading to
my hair appointment.

In spite of all the fiascoes,

we should do girls' night
more often.

(chuckles)
See you.

Oh. There's still one thing
I can't figure out.

Mark said I called
him that night,
and the last call

I had on my phone
history was you.

Oh, that's weird.

Yeah, and I probably
just deleted it.

But I am going
to call Jordan back.

I figure best way to start
getting over my divorce,

secure a hot new client.

(laughs)

Hello, Jordan?

Naomi Clark.

Yeah, I was just calling because
I have a few ideas I think

you're gonna go crazy for.

(Silver clears throat)

Hi.

Thanks.

I didn't think to grab it.

When you left my place
to go meet Naomi?

And here I've been thinking
that was just your M.O.:

slipping away in the middle
of the night

while your conquest lay
sleeping.

I really didn't want to leave.

Sorry I answered your phone,
by the way.

It was 3:00 in the morning.

I wasn't thinking.

It's okay.
I don't think Naomi knows.

If you don't want her to know,
I won't tell her.

Thanks.

But actually, there is someone
who I do have to tell.

Ugh! I never thought living with
two guys would be

the thing that forced me
to learn home repair skills.

Anyway, how did your big night
out with Mark go?

Did you meet
someone special?

Yeah, yeah, kind of.

Really? That's awesome!

Yeah, I guess it is.
It's, um...

But it's complicated.

Yeah.

How's it feel?

Not great.

So I checked some of the Cronus
guys' phones last night.

I couldn't find anything.

(sighs)

I really appreciate it, man.
All of it.

Because if this doesn't
work, I'll be expelled.

And my whole future
will be over.

Hey, I'll find something.
I will.

No, you have
to be careful, man.

If the Cronus guys find out
you're lying to them,

they'll do something way
worse to you than you did to me.

Hey, Ade.
Hey.

You know, it's weird,

now that my hair's back
to normal, I kind of

miss the skunk stripes.

(both chuckle)

Okay, look, I need
to talk to you

about something that happened
the other night.

When I went back
to the Offshore

and you guys were already gone,

I ended up talking to Mark
for, like,

a really long time.

And we just...
we really connected.

And he ended up coming home
with me.

And if that bothers you,

then I will never
see him again.

'Cause we made a pact
I broke the pact,

and I'm really sorry. Ade.
I am. I'm really sorry,

and I hope
that you can forgive me.

It's fine.

Really?

Silver, you've forgiven me
for a whole lot worse.

Besides, I think it was
actually really brave of you

to tell the truth.

So, we're good?

Yeah. I mean,
why wouldn't we be?

All right, awesome.

(chuckles)

Thank you.

I like your hair like this.