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1
00:00:03,993 --> 00:00:06,389
Right,
I'm staying at Karl's tonight.
2
00:00:07,192 --> 00:00:08,057
What?
3
00:00:08,394 --> 00:00:10,002
You have a house, Karl?
4
00:00:10,653 --> 00:00:12,920
- I thought you lived here.
- Bye, Don.
5
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,280
See you later.
6
00:00:14,955 --> 00:00:17,363
Being in love with
Abby has made me boring.
7
00:00:17,483 --> 00:00:19,359
I used to go out
all the time partying,
8
00:00:19,521 --> 00:00:22,713
recently I've just stayed
in watching telly.
9
00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:23,842
I know,
10
00:00:24,553 --> 00:00:26,400
we should have sex tonight.
11
00:00:26,673 --> 00:00:28,680
Wouldn't that make things
quite awkward between us?
12
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,480
Not with each other, you douchbag.
13
00:00:30,876 --> 00:00:33,502
Listen, if you were the last
living thing on this planet...
14
00:00:33,622 --> 00:00:35,561
You still wouldn't want
to make sex with me.
15
00:00:35,681 --> 00:00:38,833
- I know, I've heard it all before.
- I wasn't going to say that.
16
00:00:38,953 --> 00:00:42,332
I was going to say if you were the
last living thing, maybe I would.
17
00:00:42,452 --> 00:00:45,880
I'm not homophobic, Eddie.
I just need a very good reason.
18
00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:48,713
But you're not the last
living thing, are you?
19
00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:51,237
There are thousands
of women out there.
20
00:00:51,357 --> 00:00:54,894
All we need to do is find ourselves
two sexy chicklets,
21
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:58,498
bring them back here
and have pointless sex with them.
22
00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:01,120
That way, I think I might
feel better about myself.
23
00:01:01,732 --> 00:01:03,320
I think I'll just stay in, thanks.
24
00:01:03,553 --> 00:01:05,357
Come on, Eddie baby.
25
00:01:05,477 --> 00:01:07,982
You and me in the saddle
together, yeah?
26
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,234
- It's not really my thing.
- What?
27
00:01:10,354 --> 00:01:11,825
Pulling some horny babies
28
00:01:11,945 --> 00:01:15,033
and bringing them here for sexy
intercourse isn't your thing?
29
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,141
What are you, gay?
30
00:01:17,261 --> 00:01:18,133
Hang on,
31
00:01:18,253 --> 00:01:19,276
are you gay?
32
00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:22,106
- We've never talked about this.
- I'm not homosexual, Don, no.
33
00:01:22,226 --> 00:01:26,171
Well, then, that's settled.
You and I out on the pull, eh?
34
00:01:27,318 --> 00:01:29,002
It's going to be a great laugh.
35
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,360
Synchro: Arrow et mpm
36
00:01:52,192 --> 00:01:54,832
This is more like it. On the pull.
37
00:01:54,952 --> 00:01:58,873
It's been ages since I've
been out picking up chicklets.
38
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,400
Hey. You all right?
39
00:02:08,742 --> 00:02:10,599
This was a good idea of mine.
40
00:02:10,873 --> 00:02:14,417
This is wonderful. Look.
All these fit honeys. Great!
41
00:02:14,992 --> 00:02:17,512
Now, I want us
to play this cool, OK?
42
00:02:17,632 --> 00:02:20,913
I don't want us looking like
a pair of pricks. OK?
43
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,154
12 o'clock.
44
00:02:29,613 --> 00:02:32,566
Getting some looks.
Right, the eye of the tiger.
45
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,952
The thrill of the fight.
46
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,753
I'm gonna go in, all right?
47
00:02:37,873 --> 00:02:41,828
I will bring us back a pair of
females and a packet of sheaths.
48
00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:44,960
- What flavour do you want?
- Prawn cocktail.
49
00:02:46,485 --> 00:02:48,603
OK. See you in a bit. Bye.
50
00:02:50,223 --> 00:02:51,529
Two milks, please.
51
00:02:54,119 --> 00:02:56,520
You don't mind
if I join you, do you?
52
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,000
{\Five pick-up lines
you shouldn't use}
53
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,183
I'm not the sort of guy that
comes out with cheesy one-liners.
54
00:03:03,303 --> 00:03:05,635
So... who fancies a screw?
55
00:03:06,339 --> 00:03:08,399
Do you wanna come back to my place?
56
00:03:08,965 --> 00:03:12,914
- Which one of us are you talking to?
- The one that says yes?
57
00:03:13,189 --> 00:03:16,800
I'm not just talking to you cos
you're the sluttiest looking girls here.
58
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,072
Do you fancy going
halves on a bastard?
59
00:03:19,192 --> 00:03:21,098
Do you have any STDs?
60
00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:24,440
Good. Do you mind getting one?
61
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,122
Yeah, well, maybe it's not me
who's the cock.
62
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:43,113
- What's that you're drinking?
- Milk. Would you like some?
63
00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:46,233
Milk? What, like a white Russian?
64
00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:48,952
No, like milk.
65
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,152
You, know from cows' udders.
66
00:03:57,492 --> 00:03:59,073
Who are you here with?
67
00:03:59,922 --> 00:04:02,268
My friend, Don.
I look after him.
68
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,020
Look after him? He looks old
enough to look after himself.
69
00:04:12,704 --> 00:04:13,992
How's it going?
70
00:04:14,112 --> 00:04:16,912
Either of you two fancy
going halves on a bastard?
71
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:21,313
Is he a retard?
72
00:04:22,778 --> 00:04:23,838
Kind of.
73
00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:27,200
I'm Fiona, by the way.
74
00:04:31,683 --> 00:04:33,913
I tell you what,
the girls in here are weird.
75
00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:36,552
No-one seems up for anything.
76
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,553
I just wish women were
more like men, you know?
77
00:04:40,673 --> 00:04:43,353
Oh, as in,
I wish they didn't have standards.
78
00:04:43,473 --> 00:04:45,920
I don't mean I wish
women had beards and balls.
79
00:04:46,617 --> 00:04:48,432
Just be patient, yeah.
80
00:04:48,847 --> 00:04:50,675
So, what's your name?
81
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,513
Don, this is Fiona, Fiona, Don.
82
00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:56,200
- What, you two know each other?
- We just met.
83
00:04:56,473 --> 00:04:59,426
Don't take the piss out of him.
He's a good guy, really.
84
00:04:59,546 --> 00:05:02,040
I'm not taking the piss out of him.
What do you mean?
85
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:05,548
I mean, he may not be
the coolest cat in here,
86
00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:08,152
but that's no reason to taunt him.
87
00:05:08,733 --> 00:05:11,792
She wasn't taunting me,
we were just chatting.
88
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,082
Weren't we?
89
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,132
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah. It was nice.
90
00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:20,360
We were also enjoying
watching you at work.
91
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,874
Some people just
don't see a good thing
92
00:05:22,994 --> 00:05:24,963
when it's right in front of them.
93
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:25,920
I can.
94
00:05:31,796 --> 00:05:35,496
Edward baby and me, we're a bit
autistic when it comes to pulling.
95
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,264
It has to be even numbers.
96
00:05:37,384 --> 00:05:40,191
So unless you've got a cute friend
to create a foursome,
97
00:05:40,311 --> 00:05:42,080
- I'm afraid...
- I do, as it happens.
98
00:05:43,215 --> 00:05:44,520
I think she might like you.
99
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,736
She's got absolutely
shocking taste in men. Hang on.
100
00:05:52,192 --> 00:05:54,591
Hey, it looks like we might be
onto a winner here.
101
00:05:54,711 --> 00:05:56,793
- She's quite nice, isn't she?
- Her?
102
00:05:56,913 --> 00:06:00,513
- A bit too clever-clever for my liking.
- I think she's nice.
103
00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:04,592
Listen, if my one is in any way,
shape or form attractive,
104
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:08,152
let's take them back
to the ranch, pronto.
105
00:06:08,272 --> 00:06:11,833
Scrap that. Even if she's not
attractive, let's go back to the ranch.
106
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,700
- Meet my friend, Jemima.
- Hello.
107
00:06:18,873 --> 00:06:20,440
First impressions?
108
00:06:21,545 --> 00:06:22,542
Cute.
109
00:06:22,662 --> 00:06:26,614
Bingo! Now, whatever I say or do
in the next couple of hours,
110
00:06:26,799 --> 00:06:30,535
please keep remembering your first
impressions of me, yeah?
111
00:06:36,759 --> 00:06:38,847
We were thinking of
heading back to the ranch,
112
00:06:38,967 --> 00:06:41,272
which I think means Don's house.
113
00:06:41,392 --> 00:06:42,800
Do you wanna come along?
114
00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:45,363
Could I have
four tequila shots, please?
115
00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:47,686
No offence, I just don't want
to remember this tomorrow.
116
00:06:47,806 --> 00:06:49,633
No offence taken.
117
00:06:49,753 --> 00:06:51,873
Only I drink Samuel Buca.
118
00:06:51,993 --> 00:06:54,237
Oh, no, sorry, these are for me.
119
00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:57,765
Right, put on some protection.
120
00:06:58,911 --> 00:07:00,440
What, like elbow pads?
121
00:07:03,013 --> 00:07:04,565
Shut up. It's not that funny.
122
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,633
- Do you have condoms?
- Oh, what?
123
00:07:06,753 --> 00:07:08,520
I don't have to wear
a love-cape, do I?
124
00:07:09,281 --> 00:07:11,280
Now, talk less and do more.
125
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,440
{\Seven things you shouldn't say
just before sex}
126
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,040
Oh, don't worry,
it's not contagious.
127
00:07:27,081 --> 00:07:31,028
Actually, you don't mind
if I quickly call my mum, do you?
128
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:37,360
Right, be warned, last time I had sex,
I did a bit of bum rubbish mid-orgasm.
129
00:07:37,972 --> 00:07:40,109
Do you mind if I call you
by my ex-girlfriend's name
130
00:07:40,229 --> 00:07:41,687
while we're doing it?
131
00:07:41,807 --> 00:07:44,080
Do you mind if I call you Alan
while we're doing it?
132
00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:47,833
You don't mind if I re-use
an old one, do you?
133
00:07:47,953 --> 00:07:51,799
It's just, I'm,
environmentally conscious.
134
00:07:54,217 --> 00:07:55,624
Yeah, I'm a eunuch.
135
00:07:56,872 --> 00:07:58,664
Cool, eh? You wanna feel?
136
00:07:59,665 --> 00:08:01,523
Smooth.
137
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,712
So, can I get you anything?
138
00:08:03,832 --> 00:08:05,793
A drinklet? Tea? Coffee?
139
00:08:05,913 --> 00:08:07,070
A snacklet?
140
00:08:07,731 --> 00:08:09,217
A corned-beef panini?
141
00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:16,086
I should probably pop upstairs
and see if they need something.
142
00:08:20,552 --> 00:08:23,449
It's just that they might need
post-coital...
143
00:08:24,262 --> 00:08:25,887
... orange segments.
144
00:08:27,149 --> 00:08:28,542
Or something.
145
00:08:29,354 --> 00:08:32,553
If it bothers you that much, I don't know
why you come back in the first place!
146
00:08:32,673 --> 00:08:35,000
Oh, that's just
Don's flatmate and Cockface.
147
00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:39,651
How many shirts are you wearing?
148
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:41,523
Four.
149
00:08:49,593 --> 00:08:51,779
- Tweak my nipples. Tweak my nipples.
- Like that?
150
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,560
Ah, yeah... I like that.
151
00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:02,880
- Shut up!
- Don't tell me to shut up!
152
00:09:04,221 --> 00:09:05,593
What's that?
153
00:09:05,891 --> 00:09:08,080
It's Abby and the freak.
154
00:09:08,352 --> 00:09:11,112
Don, this isn't making
me feel very sexy.
155
00:09:11,232 --> 00:09:14,680
Shut up! They're really arguing.
This could be a massive leap forward.
156
00:09:15,229 --> 00:09:19,032
- Oh, God. Sod this, I'm off.
- Oh, no, I'm sorry.
157
00:09:19,152 --> 00:09:21,016
Ah, yes, lick, lick.
158
00:09:32,524 --> 00:09:35,120
- My face!
- Quiet! I can't hear them.
159
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,160
You're freaking me out now.
160
00:09:41,211 --> 00:09:44,360
Do you get off on listening to people
arguing whilst you're having sex?
161
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,649
Or are you such a massive busy-body
you can't resist listening?
162
00:09:47,769 --> 00:09:50,551
Which answer would make me
seem less weird?
163
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,720
I don't see why you can't
move in with me, that's all.
164
00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:56,520
We have been through all of this.
165
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,715
Do you really enjoy
living here that much?
166
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,080
Yes, actually, it's fun.
167
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,560
Well, why don't you go out
with Don, then?
168
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,800
I can't handle your jealousy
any more, Karl.
169
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:08,653
So have I definitely blown it?
170
00:10:08,773 --> 00:10:10,740
Give me one good reason
why I should stay.
171
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:11,833
I can't.
172
00:10:11,953 --> 00:10:14,680
I just wanted to know I'd definitely
blown it before I do this.
173
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:15,965
What?
174
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,360
You're a weirdo.
175
00:10:19,408 --> 00:10:20,840
This is useless.
176
00:10:22,792 --> 00:10:25,454
Fiona warned me.
She told me you were trouble.
177
00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:33,889
Can you call me a taxi?
178
00:10:35,073 --> 00:10:36,552
Eddie will do that.
179
00:10:40,896 --> 00:10:42,953
You lost your earring
round here, you say?
180
00:10:43,073 --> 00:10:45,192
What are you doing, Don?
181
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,951
Well, this platonic friend of mine
dropped her earring somewhere.
182
00:10:50,753 --> 00:10:52,480
You are such a dickhead.
183
00:10:58,903 --> 00:11:00,386
It's all right, I'm fine.
184
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:09,050
How are you getting on
with your one? Good?
185
00:11:10,717 --> 00:11:11,600
Are you okay?
186
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,508
I've just fallen down
a flight of stairs. What do you reckon?
187
00:11:14,628 --> 00:11:16,801
- Come on, Fi, we're off.
- Really? But I...
188
00:11:16,921 --> 00:11:19,382
- Yeah. Really.
- Do you want me to give you a lift?
189
00:11:19,502 --> 00:11:21,346
- Do you mind?
- Of course not.
190
00:11:21,466 --> 00:11:22,200
Prick!
191
00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:25,607
- Nice to meet you too.
- Out of the way, please.
192
00:11:37,687 --> 00:11:38,800
Are you all right?
193
00:11:40,777 --> 00:11:42,560
I heard you arguing.
194
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,540
I was trying not to listen,
195
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:47,960
but you were pretty loud.
196
00:11:49,264 --> 00:11:50,875
Karl and I have split up.
197
00:12:02,924 --> 00:12:03,940
Really?
198
00:12:12,952 --> 00:12:14,992
Are you sure it's definitely over?
199
00:12:15,112 --> 00:12:18,966
Yeah. We're just too different
and I keep avoiding the issues.
200
00:12:24,748 --> 00:12:25,808
Thanks, Don.
201
00:12:26,272 --> 00:12:27,447
That's all right.
202
00:12:30,472 --> 00:12:33,109
- I think I'm gonna go to bed.
- Hey, listen.
203
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,912
If I can help you with anything,
get you anything,
204
00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:41,241
you know, a cup of tea,
if you just wanna chat, or...
205
00:12:41,713 --> 00:12:44,103
someone to spoon in bed with...
206
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,298
Thanks, Don, you're a doll.
207
00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:54,792
I can't believe it.
It's just like buses.
208
00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:58,200
You wait for ages and then as soon
as you hop on one for a ride,
209
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,160
another comes along.
Well, something like that.
210
00:13:07,346 --> 00:13:10,012
- I made you a coffee.
- Thank you.
211
00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:13,041
Shall I leave it on the landing?
212
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,597
- No, you can bring it in, please.
- Really?
213
00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:18,512
Won't I see you naked?
214
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,240
Coming in.
215
00:13:26,738 --> 00:13:28,625
Just put it over there.
216
00:13:31,584 --> 00:13:33,572
I'm really glad you're here, Don.
217
00:13:35,461 --> 00:13:36,796
- Really?
- Yeah.
218
00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:40,377
What are you,
219
00:13:41,606 --> 00:13:43,827
- doing tonight?
- Nothing much.
220
00:13:44,299 --> 00:13:45,858
What are you up to?
221
00:13:46,119 --> 00:13:47,207
Nothing.
222
00:13:48,893 --> 00:13:51,229
I could cook us a meal if you like?
223
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:52,912
Something nice.
224
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,280
You can't cook.
225
00:13:56,358 --> 00:13:57,560
I can cook.
226
00:13:57,832 --> 00:13:59,880
You have not cooked once
since I moved in here.
227
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,111
- Yes, I have.
- When?
228
00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:04,960
Just then.
I cooked you that coffee.
229
00:14:07,571 --> 00:14:08,760
If you want to.
230
00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:11,880
That'd be lovely.
231
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,920
- See you tonight, then.
- See you tonight.
232
00:14:17,851 --> 00:14:21,283
I mean, I might bump into you
around the house before, but,
233
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,512
you know...
234
00:14:22,743 --> 00:14:24,140
That's quite likely.
235
00:14:31,315 --> 00:14:32,837
I don't believe in God,
236
00:14:33,225 --> 00:14:34,871
but I thanked him anyway.
237
00:14:41,037 --> 00:14:42,235
Edward Singh.
238
00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:47,914
- Sorry I abandoned you last night.
- Don't worry about it, big guy.
239
00:14:49,035 --> 00:14:50,640
Did you go back to hers?
240
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,774
I did. I just got back,
as a matter of fact.
241
00:14:52,894 --> 00:14:55,776
- And?
- Well, we had a lot of fun.
242
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,854
We shared a bed, but...
243
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,211
she kept trying to touch my cock.
244
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,608
Weird!
245
00:15:06,185 --> 00:15:08,099
Shame your night ended so badly.
246
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:11,320
On the contrary.
It couldn't have been better.
247
00:15:11,813 --> 00:15:13,368
Abby dumped
248
00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:15,400
Cockface last night.
249
00:15:16,284 --> 00:15:17,760
Poor Cockface.
250
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,920
Screw Cockface.
Don't you get it? Abby's single now.
251
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:22,879
Poor Abby, she must be lonely.
252
00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:24,720
Are you insane in your mind?
253
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,934
Why?
Am I doing that weird tic again?
254
00:15:27,054 --> 00:15:29,960
Who have I been in love with
for weeks? Nay, months?
255
00:15:30,406 --> 00:15:32,160
- Abby?
- Exactly.
256
00:15:32,576 --> 00:15:36,509
Oh, I see. Now's the chance for you
to benefit from Cockface's misery.
257
00:15:37,268 --> 00:15:39,863
All right, there's no need
to put it like that.
258
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,325
She wants me, Eddie. I can feel it.
259
00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:45,233
That's what this is all about.
It's destiny.
260
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:48,400
- I'm gonna cook her a meal tonight.
- You're cooking her a meal?
261
00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:51,759
You're cooking her a meal.
I'm taking the credit.
262
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,249
- Deal?
- This is special.
263
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,240
- Maybe you should cook.
- Do you think?
264
00:15:55,577 --> 00:15:57,040
It'd be a disaster.
265
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,140
- Oh, this is exciting.
- Yeah.
266
00:15:59,363 --> 00:16:01,520
You can cook whatever you want.
267
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,201
- Whatever?
- Whatever.
268
00:16:03,321 --> 00:16:05,699
- I might do a salmon...
- Not salmon.
269
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:09,406
- I might magic up a risotto...
- Not risotto.
270
00:16:09,723 --> 00:16:11,979
- Beef Bourguignon...
- Hate beef Bourguignon.
271
00:16:12,099 --> 00:16:14,960
Just cook something that says "sex".
272
00:16:16,826 --> 00:16:18,071
Bangers and mash?
273
00:16:19,802 --> 00:16:22,040
That kind of does say sex,
doesn't it? Brilliant.
274
00:16:22,474 --> 00:16:23,613
Clever balls.
275
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,529
Bangers and mash it is.
276
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:35,560
"Bangers and mash.
Bangers and mash."
277
00:16:40,481 --> 00:16:43,261
- I've never seen you this happy before.
- I've never been this happy.
278
00:16:43,381 --> 00:16:46,391
Finally, life isn't shitting on me.
279
00:16:46,511 --> 00:16:49,120
- Feels good, doesn't it?
- Sure does. Don't.
280
00:16:51,238 --> 00:16:53,800
I think I'm gonna have to pull out
all the stops tonight.
281
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,213
I might serenade her with a song.
What do you reckon?
282
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:58,861
It depends. What song?
283
00:16:59,549 --> 00:17:01,720
One of my own, of course.
284
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,475
Maybe you should play me
the song first
285
00:17:04,595 --> 00:17:06,440
and then we can see
whether it's a good idea.
286
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:13,633
Right, so I'm thinking of playing it
between main course and pudding.
287
00:17:14,558 --> 00:17:16,472
Ski yoghurts for pudding.
288
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:17,960
Good. Ready?
289
00:17:20,243 --> 00:17:21,734
Two, three, four.
290
00:17:22,366 --> 00:17:26,873
"Abigail, I've got
a really cool idea
291
00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:31,313
"Baby girl, you and I should
have sex after dinner
292
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:35,222
"You can finish your yoghurt,
I don't mind waiting
293
00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:40,120
"But once you've finished your yoghurt.
Let's go upstairs, do some nailing
294
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,840
"Sex... yeah
295
00:17:42,097 --> 00:17:44,713
"Something I've longed
to do with you
296
00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,429
"Sex... yeah
297
00:17:46,723 --> 00:17:49,166
"Imagine me entering you..."
298
00:18:00,143 --> 00:18:01,119
What?
299
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,017
- It's not...
- Melodic enough?
300
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,120
- It's not...
- The right tempo?
301
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,360
- It's not...
- Romantic enough?
302
00:18:08,022 --> 00:18:10,570
I think it's inappropriate.
303
00:18:11,403 --> 00:18:13,460
- Really?
- I'm not hugely acquainted
304
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:16,305
with matters of sexual relations,
but I know there are
305
00:18:16,425 --> 00:18:19,000
certain things you're not supposed to do
when you invite someone
306
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,600
- over for dinner.
- Like what?
307
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,080
5 things you shouldn't do
when you have someone round for dinner
308
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,994
So, what's for dinner?
309
00:18:26,217 --> 00:18:28,425
There's some bangers in the fridge.
310
00:18:30,228 --> 00:18:31,308
I'm serious.
311
00:18:31,796 --> 00:18:33,017
Get cooking.
312
00:18:34,218 --> 00:18:35,756
Let's get stuck in.
313
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,301
Oh, I just couldn't think
of anything to wear, so...
314
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,280
You not hungry?
315
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,626
I'm just gonna do a shit.
316
00:18:55,399 --> 00:18:56,409
You like?
317
00:18:57,788 --> 00:19:00,348
I bet you do.
Oh, yeah, how about that?
318
00:19:07,090 --> 00:19:09,344
That was like
giving birth to an otter.
319
00:19:09,801 --> 00:19:12,616
What happens if you're eating
a massive rump steak?
320
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:15,102
I mean, surely you need
to take a half-time dump?
321
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,680
Let's get you ready.
322
00:19:22,699 --> 00:19:26,221
"You can finish your yoghurt,
I don't mind waiting..."
323
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,051
- Potatoes?
- Mashed.
324
00:19:30,171 --> 00:19:31,276
- Bangers?
- Banged.
325
00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:35,720
Now all you have to do is dish them
out onto these, which are plates.
326
00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:37,724
Plates. Right.
327
00:19:40,628 --> 00:19:42,400
- What do you think?
- Lovely.
328
00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:44,400
It was my granddad's lucky suit.
329
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:46,800
Lucky? I thought he died in it.
330
00:19:47,492 --> 00:19:49,760
At the end of a very lucky life.
331
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,840
- He was 26. He died of a cold.
- Get out.
332
00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:54,451
Come back.
333
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,172
Wish me luck.
334
00:19:56,539 --> 00:19:58,006
I'm very proud of you.
335
00:20:00,609 --> 00:20:01,955
I'm finding this...
336
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:02,880
awkward.
337
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:05,622
Now remember,
338
00:20:05,865 --> 00:20:07,920
don't think with your penis.
339
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,198
I know, Eddie.
340
00:20:09,805 --> 00:20:12,040
Think... with my balls.
341
00:20:13,094 --> 00:20:14,000
Good luck.
342
00:20:16,437 --> 00:20:17,646
Right.
343
00:20:20,148 --> 00:20:21,674
Wine with your meal?
344
00:20:24,829 --> 00:20:26,000
Sex with your meal?
345
00:20:31,237 --> 00:20:33,440
- Good evening, Madam.
- Hello.
346
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,240
- You're late.
- What?
347
00:20:36,542 --> 00:20:38,080
Nothing. Don't worry.
348
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,572
Sorry.
349
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,196
Sure.
350
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:47,040
Oh, me too.
351
00:20:53,153 --> 00:20:54,120
That was Karl.
352
00:20:55,748 --> 00:20:58,040
- What did he want?
- He's coming round.
353
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,199
But I'm just...
354
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,976
We need to talk and see
if we can resolve a few things.
355
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,608
Make it work, you know?
356
00:21:06,434 --> 00:21:07,434
Right...
357
00:21:08,947 --> 00:21:11,459
- When's he getting here?
- Any minute.
358
00:21:13,016 --> 00:21:16,221
- That was quick!
- He's been on the doorstep for hours.
359
00:21:17,128 --> 00:21:18,138
Creepy.
360
00:21:18,384 --> 00:21:20,779
He was too nervous
to ring the doorbell.
361
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:39,364
You're expecting a guest?
362
00:21:39,974 --> 00:21:41,151
Oh, bollocks!
363
00:21:41,271 --> 00:21:43,415
I'm so sorry, I completely forgot.
364
00:21:43,692 --> 00:21:45,560
It's fine.
It's fine. Don't worry.
365
00:21:46,184 --> 00:21:48,080
We were gonna eat together tonight.
366
00:21:49,292 --> 00:21:50,720
- Really?
- Yeah.
367
00:21:50,881 --> 00:21:54,425
But... You know, there were
other people coming as well.
368
00:21:54,545 --> 00:21:58,077
I didn't tell you about that. But you
know, it was gonna be a group thing.
369
00:21:58,497 --> 00:22:00,927
A non-sexual, group event.
370
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,553
So, you two go upstairs and...
371
00:22:06,772 --> 00:22:08,392
sort your shit out.
372
00:22:10,558 --> 00:22:11,568
Shall we?
373
00:22:12,495 --> 00:22:14,840
Listen, we'll just stay
upstairs out of your way,
374
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,542
so make sure you have fun.
375
00:22:16,894 --> 00:22:17,997
Go upstairs.
376
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,962
- Have fun.
- Okay, go.
377
00:22:21,082 --> 00:22:23,042
- I'm really sorry again.
- It's fine.
378
00:22:36,929 --> 00:22:37,929
All right?
379
00:22:38,902 --> 00:22:39,713
You?
380
00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:44,660
- Not really.
- Me neither.
381
00:22:46,978 --> 00:22:48,634
What are we like?
382
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,320
Crispin, come in...
383
00:22:54,487 --> 00:22:58,033
Christ, the last thing you need
when you're feeling bad is that maniac.
384
00:22:58,153 --> 00:22:59,560
There you go again!
385
00:23:01,593 --> 00:23:04,141
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Be patient.
386
00:23:05,647 --> 00:23:07,887
Jeremy. Ah, hello, Don!
387
00:23:08,535 --> 00:23:10,683
Susan, come in.
Hello, Don.
388
00:23:11,341 --> 00:23:12,609
How are you both?
389
00:23:13,062 --> 00:23:15,246
I'm fine. How are you?
I'm all right.
390
00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:18,408
You've really put on weight,
haven't you?
391
00:23:18,528 --> 00:23:20,000
What do you mean?
392
00:23:21,482 --> 00:23:23,512
I really like living here.
393
00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:24,960
It's fun.
394
00:23:25,874 --> 00:23:27,140
I dunno, it's...
395
00:23:27,260 --> 00:23:28,080
quirky.
396
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,146
You've guzzled down that mash.
Yes, I love mash.
397
00:23:31,266 --> 00:23:35,720
You know that, don't you, Don?
I do know that about you, you fat git.
398
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,637
You can't blame me, though. Can you?
399
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,760
Can you honestly you don't think
he wants to climb into your underwear?
400
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,790
No thank you. You know red wine
hurts my ning-ning when I wee.
401
00:23:45,873 --> 00:23:48,162
Right, yes, I forgot about that.
402
00:23:49,051 --> 00:23:51,653
I thought you'd been
to the doctors about that.
403
00:23:52,178 --> 00:23:53,186
Yes, I have,
404
00:23:53,306 --> 00:23:55,900
but that was
about my puppy biscuits.
405
00:23:56,241 --> 00:23:57,245
Your what?
406
00:23:57,714 --> 00:24:00,199
Puppy biscuits.
You know, my nipples.
407
00:24:00,319 --> 00:24:01,560
Right, of course.
408
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,636
I think it might be for the best
if we lived together.
409
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,369
Have you been
to the theatre recently?
410
00:24:08,837 --> 00:24:10,857
I don't think I've ever been,
actually.
411
00:24:10,977 --> 00:24:12,003
What's it like?
412
00:24:12,123 --> 00:24:14,831
It's really good.
There's a new play at the moment.
413
00:24:15,338 --> 00:24:16,747
It's a musical,
414
00:24:17,201 --> 00:24:18,428
based on the...
415
00:24:18,548 --> 00:24:20,654
Stallone Rambo sagas.
416
00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,200
You know, I really think
this is for the best.
417
00:24:26,511 --> 00:24:27,480
So do I.
418
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,303
Not touching your food?
419
00:24:29,784 --> 00:24:33,292
You've just put me off,
calling me fat. Sorry about that.
420
00:24:34,617 --> 00:24:37,999
Actually, we're going to go.
Come on, Susan.
421
00:24:38,237 --> 00:24:39,480
Where are you going?
422
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,351
We've got a keys-in-the-ashtray
party to go to.
423
00:24:42,471 --> 00:24:43,760
That sounds fun!
424
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:44,925
How about
425
00:24:45,589 --> 00:24:46,599
you and me
426
00:24:47,256 --> 00:24:48,680
get ourselves a drink?
427
00:24:50,378 --> 00:24:53,640
Right then, see you, everyone.
Thanks for coming round.
428
00:24:54,968 --> 00:24:58,056
Stop eating all those crisps,
Crisp-sin.
429
00:25:07,402 --> 00:25:08,680
They didn't stay long.
430
00:25:10,018 --> 00:25:12,965
You know,
leave them wanting more, I say.
431
00:25:13,756 --> 00:25:15,080
How do you mean?
432
00:25:15,991 --> 00:25:17,107
You know...
433
00:25:17,731 --> 00:25:20,643
no coffee, after-mints,
that kind of thing.
434
00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:23,013
So...
435
00:25:23,373 --> 00:25:24,653
how are you both?
436
00:25:25,193 --> 00:25:27,200
Have you sorted out your problems?
437
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:30,025
You're touching each other, so...
438
00:25:30,944 --> 00:25:33,171
- I'm assuming you have.
- We...
439
00:25:33,727 --> 00:25:36,398
did manage to resolve a few issues.
440
00:25:39,781 --> 00:25:41,214
Great. Great.
441
00:25:44,311 --> 00:25:46,824
- Karl and I are moving in together.
- What?
442
00:25:47,439 --> 00:25:49,320
- Why? When?
- As soon as possible.
443
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,640
So it looks like you'll be
on your own. Sorry, old boy.
444
00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:59,760
So what, are you...
moving into his place?
445
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:01,847
God, no! His place is hideous.
446
00:26:01,967 --> 00:26:04,879
- It's like some '80s bachelor pad.
- You never said.
447
00:26:05,328 --> 00:26:07,301
Why do you think
we never go to your house?
448
00:26:07,421 --> 00:26:08,484
So what, you...
449
00:26:09,394 --> 00:26:11,946
- gonna move in somewhere new?
- I guess so.
450
00:26:13,331 --> 00:26:14,331
We will.
451
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,895
Which is a shame,
because I really love it here.
452
00:26:18,496 --> 00:26:20,600
- I'm gonna miss the old place.
- Hang on.
453
00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:23,279
Why don't you both move in here?
454
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,448
- What?
- Yeah, why not?
455
00:26:25,568 --> 00:26:28,520
You could have the top floor,
like your own apartment.
456
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,239
- You cannot be serious!
- I can and I am.
457
00:26:31,709 --> 00:26:33,929
I won't even charge you extra.
How about that?
458
00:26:34,049 --> 00:26:36,091
- That is tempting.
- Great.
459
00:26:37,588 --> 00:26:39,563
Do you have any idea
what you're saying?
460
00:26:39,683 --> 00:26:41,007
Not a clue.
461
00:26:41,848 --> 00:26:45,088
But I'd take me up on my offer
before I change my mind.
462
00:26:46,134 --> 00:26:48,482
I really don't wanna
move out of here.
463
00:26:49,203 --> 00:26:50,213
Please.
464
00:26:50,801 --> 00:26:52,339
Oh, please, Karl.
465
00:26:52,935 --> 00:26:54,341
How can you resist?
466
00:26:54,461 --> 00:26:55,629
Please.
467
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,681
I know what you're thinking.
468
00:27:02,801 --> 00:27:06,200
Such a selfless act,
giving Abby and Karl a helping
469
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:10,188
hand as they embark on
to the next stage of their relationship.
470
00:27:10,476 --> 00:27:13,400
Even though
I'm hopelessly in love with her.
471
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,735
I don't get it, Don.
Why did you do it?
472
00:27:15,855 --> 00:27:18,663
Look, I'd rather he moved
in than her move out.
473
00:27:19,316 --> 00:27:21,265
Anything than her move out.
474
00:27:21,385 --> 00:27:24,048
If she went,
I might never see her again.
475
00:27:24,168 --> 00:27:25,665
So, we're all done.
476
00:27:26,299 --> 00:27:27,215
Great.
477
00:27:30,458 --> 00:27:33,182
- This is gonna be fun.
- Yeah, fun.
478
00:27:34,268 --> 00:27:36,147
- Perfect.
- Cheers.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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