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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Let me introduce my self My name's Don. Don Danbury. 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,440 That's me, lying in bed. Er, the one on the left, 3 00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:12,199 just in case you thought Don was a woman's name, or that I sound female. 4 00:00:13,599 --> 00:00:16,599 Now, I have a habit for getting myself into sticky situations sometimes. 5 00:00:17,999 --> 00:00:20,999 Like this - sleeping with my boss. 6 00:00:26,039 --> 00:00:28,080 Oi, thingy! 7 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,719 Morning. 8 00:00:29,839 --> 00:00:32,758 This was a hideous mistake. Get out of my sight now. 9 00:00:33,438 --> 00:00:36,438 I can't believe I've finally lost my virginity. 10 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:40,078 God, it's so beautiful! 11 00:00:43,278 --> 00:00:46,278 I've been taking pictures of you all night. 12 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:51,797 - Morning. - That's it. Yes! 13 00:00:52,557 --> 00:00:55,315 You remind me of my brother. 14 00:00:55,478 --> 00:00:57,838 What's that smell? 15 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,877 I think I've done some toilet. 16 00:01:01,997 --> 00:01:04,478 Now, because I consider all the options, 17 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,517 I always make the right decision. 18 00:01:13,036 --> 00:01:16,036 Dear... Dot, dot, dot. 19 00:01:17,636 --> 00:01:20,636 Had to rush off. Sorry. Kiss. 20 00:01:20,876 --> 00:01:23,876 PS. The sex was good, well done. 21 00:01:24,676 --> 00:01:25,997 Tick. 22 00:01:26,117 --> 00:01:27,597 Double tick. 23 00:01:27,717 --> 00:01:30,636 No, single tick. 24 00:01:58,714 --> 00:02:01,714 Things haven't been great lately. Yesterday my nan passed away. 25 00:02:04,154 --> 00:02:06,912 It came as a real shock to all of us here at Smith & Bitchman 26 00:02:07,075 --> 00:02:09,592 when we heard that your grandmother had passed on. 27 00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,035 And so sodden. 28 00:02:11,155 --> 00:02:14,073 - Well, she was 96. - Bot still very healthy. 29 00:02:14,313 --> 00:02:17,313 - She couldn't walk. - Bot still, so acute in her mind. 30 00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:21,233 She was actually pretty mental. 31 00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:25,033 - Shall we move on to the will? - Yes! 32 00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:31,431 "To Don, you are... 33 00:02:31,594 --> 00:02:33,394 "a dickhead. 34 00:02:33,514 --> 00:02:36,432 "Probably the biggest dickhead I ever knew..." 35 00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,713 No, no, stop. Wait a minute. 36 00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:40,753 I think you've got the wrong will. 37 00:02:40,873 --> 00:02:43,510 - It says, "To Donald." - Maybe she knew another Donald. 38 00:02:43,673 --> 00:02:46,592 "Bot you are my one and only grandson, 39 00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:50,593 "so even though it pains me to write this, 40 00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:53,073 "I have no choice bot to leave everything I have to you. 41 00:02:53,193 --> 00:02:56,111 "After the reading of this will, the house is yours. And Donald, 42 00:02:58,871 --> 00:03:01,871 "please sort out your life and stop being such a dickhead." 43 00:03:05,631 --> 00:03:08,631 Whoo-hoo! I've got a massive, free house. 44 00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:13,191 # I've got a massive, free house I've got a massive, free house 45 00:03:15,391 --> 00:03:17,551 # Doh doh, coh Doh doh-doh, coh-coh 46 00:03:17,671 --> 00:03:19,351 # Who's got a massive, free house? # 47 00:03:19,471 --> 00:03:20,511 It's not free. 48 00:03:20,631 --> 00:03:21,671 What? 49 00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:24,710 Your grandmother was behind on her mortgage payments. 50 00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:28,391 It's going to cost you a lot of money to keep it. 51 00:03:28,511 --> 00:03:31,430 Uh-oh. No, Mr Bitchman, she left me the house. It's a present. Present. 52 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:36,590 Technically, yes, bot you still have to pay for it. 53 00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:38,910 What the...? 54 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:40,950 Hang on. What am I worried about? 55 00:03:41,070 --> 00:03:43,390 I'll just sell it. I'll make a fortune. 56 00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:45,830 You can't even sell it, you stupid dickhead. 57 00:03:45,950 --> 00:03:46,910 What? 58 00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:49,949 Oh, that's what it says in the will. 59 00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,629 What do you want? 60 00:04:11,749 --> 00:04:13,109 I'm moving in. 61 00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:14,589 Bot this is Mrs Danbury's house. 62 00:04:14,709 --> 00:04:17,189 Yeah, and I'm her grandson. 63 00:04:17,309 --> 00:04:19,945 Oh, the dickhead? 64 00:04:20,108 --> 00:04:23,027 Well, "nice" meeting you. 65 00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:27,827 I'm Mrs Treacher, I live next door. 66 00:04:28,147 --> 00:04:31,147 Oh, so you're moving in, are you? 67 00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:33,548 I'm trying to, yeah. 68 00:04:33,668 --> 00:04:36,587 Mm-hm? 69 00:04:39,906 --> 00:04:42,906 If you make any noise after 6pm, I'll tear you a new arsehole. 70 00:04:46,066 --> 00:04:49,066 Oh! You most come round on Sunday, meet my husband. 71 00:04:50,226 --> 00:04:52,067 I'll cook you a roast. 72 00:04:52,187 --> 00:04:55,064 A spit roast. 73 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,107 You'll need this. 74 00:04:57,227 --> 00:05:00,146 We've got a bit of a gypsy problem round here. 75 00:05:01,545 --> 00:05:04,545 Oh, it will be so nice to have a strong young man living next door. 76 00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:09,985 I need a lot of help getting on and off the toilet. 77 00:05:14,505 --> 00:05:17,505 Oh, dear. Elsie wasn't very good with her money, 78 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:21,384 always spending on those credit cards... 79 00:05:28,584 --> 00:05:31,584 Yes, indeed. 80 00:05:40,504 --> 00:05:43,421 So, my new home. 81 00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,904 What a result. 82 00:05:46,024 --> 00:05:48,943 Just need to decorate, get myself a sexy wife. 83 00:05:49,423 --> 00:05:51,824 It could all be perfect. 84 00:05:51,944 --> 00:05:54,863 Oh, hello, darling. 85 00:05:56,663 --> 00:05:59,501 Aren't you going to be late for work? 86 00:05:59,664 --> 00:06:01,024 No? Good. A muffin? 87 00:06:01,144 --> 00:06:02,903 Oh, I'd love a muffin, thanks. 88 00:06:03,023 --> 00:06:05,942 You really are a lovely wife, aren't you? Come here. 89 00:06:10,222 --> 00:06:13,222 Feeling frisky? 90 00:06:17,582 --> 00:06:19,263 Come here. 91 00:06:19,383 --> 00:06:20,223 Zzzzzttt. 92 00:06:20,343 --> 00:06:22,583 Let's do it in our new home. Oh, yeah! 93 00:06:22,703 --> 00:06:25,459 # Screwing in my new home 94 00:06:25,622 --> 00:06:28,541 # Screwing in my new home. # Oh! 95 00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:32,102 What are you doing? 96 00:06:32,222 --> 00:06:33,382 Who the hell are you? 97 00:06:33,502 --> 00:06:35,982 I was about to ask you the same thing. 98 00:06:36,102 --> 00:06:37,942 This is Mrs Danbury's house. 99 00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:40,981 Yeah, I'm her grandson. 100 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:44,099 - Oh, the dickhead! - Dickhead, yes. 101 00:06:44,262 --> 00:06:46,501 I'm Eddie, your nana's carer. 102 00:06:46,621 --> 00:06:49,121 Obviously not a very good one. 103 00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:52,658 Pardon me? 104 00:06:52,821 --> 00:06:55,578 Because she's dead. So... 105 00:06:55,741 --> 00:06:57,781 Ah! 106 00:06:57,901 --> 00:06:59,141 You didn't know, did you? 107 00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:01,621 Sorry, yeah. She passed away. 108 00:07:01,741 --> 00:07:03,901 She's gone. It's over for her. 109 00:07:04,021 --> 00:07:05,660 Finished. 110 00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:08,020 Curtains. End credits. 111 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:10,540 Hello? She's dead. 112 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:11,820 Oh, God! 113 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:14,697 Yeah, bot hey, look, silver lining. 114 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,779 # I've got a massive, free house. # 115 00:07:18,259 --> 00:07:21,259 That's terrible news. 116 00:07:22,419 --> 00:07:24,500 - What are you doing? - Come here. 117 00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:26,699 No, no, no. I don't know you. 118 00:07:26,819 --> 00:07:28,219 Don't fight it. 119 00:07:28,339 --> 00:07:30,299 Who is this weirdo? 120 00:07:30,419 --> 00:07:33,338 What makes him think it's OK for men to cuddle like this? 121 00:07:33,618 --> 00:07:36,416 I'd better gently tell him I'm not comfortable with it. 122 00:07:36,579 --> 00:07:39,498 Listen, if you ever do that again, I'll kick you in the prick. 123 00:07:39,778 --> 00:07:42,778 - That's the grief talking. - That wasn't the grief, that was me. 124 00:07:43,738 --> 00:07:46,738 Mmm. Cop of hot tea? Always the antidote to bad news. Eh? 125 00:07:47,897 --> 00:07:50,897 What was your name again? I can't keep calling you Dickhead, can I? 126 00:07:51,297 --> 00:07:53,778 - Don. - Right. Tea, Don? 127 00:07:53,898 --> 00:07:56,735 And maybe a muffin? I did hear you mention one of those. 128 00:07:56,898 --> 00:07:58,538 I can't, really. I'm late for work. 129 00:07:58,658 --> 00:08:01,577 I wasn't that concerned, I was very popular in the office. 130 00:08:02,937 --> 00:08:04,178 Jesus, look who it is! 131 00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:06,058 God, I hoped he was off sick today. 132 00:08:06,178 --> 00:08:07,618 Don't mind if I do. Thanks. 133 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,656 Hey. 134 00:08:11,096 --> 00:08:14,096 You all right? 135 00:08:15,736 --> 00:08:16,777 All right, Gordon? 136 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,217 The boss wants to see you. 137 00:08:18,337 --> 00:08:19,737 Really? 138 00:08:19,857 --> 00:08:20,777 It's not good. 139 00:08:20,897 --> 00:08:23,816 Oh. 140 00:08:27,536 --> 00:08:29,536 Come in. 141 00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:32,575 - You wanted to see me? - Come in, sit down. 142 00:08:33,655 --> 00:08:36,173 Now, one of the advantages of sleeping with your boss 143 00:08:36,336 --> 00:08:39,255 is you know you'll never get in trouble. 144 00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:42,495 - You're late again. - Yeah, sorry, my nan just died. 145 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,416 Right 146 00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:46,216 No, it's the troth. 147 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:48,256 Look, I need to talk to you. 148 00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:50,615 Basically, Don, I've had more complaints about you 149 00:08:50,735 --> 00:08:52,455 than anyone I've ever employed. 150 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,494 Complaints? Like what? 151 00:08:56,774 --> 00:08:58,895 "Late every day. 152 00:08:59,015 --> 00:09:01,455 "Lazy. Fool mood in the mornings. 153 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,292 "Easily distracted. 154 00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:06,735 "Late back from lunch every day. 155 00:09:06,855 --> 00:09:09,295 "Leaving work early every day. 156 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:12,131 "Hung over, drunk, stoned. 157 00:09:12,294 --> 00:09:15,091 "Vomiting on the photocopier 158 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,891 "and watching porn loudly on your desktop computer." 159 00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:20,811 That's all rubbish. 160 00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:22,214 Well, I'm not easily distracted. 161 00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:25,253 - Listen, I can't... - Oh, stapler. Shiny! 162 00:09:25,973 --> 00:09:27,374 - Don! - What?! 163 00:09:27,494 --> 00:09:30,413 I can't have people finding out we had sex the other night 164 00:09:30,973 --> 00:09:33,053 and thinking I'm favoring you. 165 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,213 I only have one option. 166 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:38,252 I'm sorry, Don, you're fired. 167 00:09:42,532 --> 00:09:43,733 No, you're fired. 168 00:09:43,853 --> 00:09:47,850 - No, you're fired. - No, you're fired. 169 00:09:48,013 --> 00:09:50,093 - Get out. - You get out. 170 00:09:50,213 --> 00:09:53,089 Fire me and the poppy gets it. 171 00:09:53,253 --> 00:09:54,892 Na-na-na-na. 172 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:57,931 - Can't hear you. Wah-wah-wah! - You're fired. 173 00:10:02,011 --> 00:10:05,011 Fired, eh? 174 00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:12,689 I don't believe it. She fired me. 175 00:10:12,852 --> 00:10:14,611 Oh, what a shame 176 00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:17,650 I think you should clear your desk and leave immediately. 177 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:23,010 Well, can I at least get a letter of recommendation? 178 00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:26,208 Sore, how about I write it on a Post-it note 179 00:10:26,372 --> 00:10:29,370 and stick it to your forehead? 180 00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:32,510 I'll get going. 181 00:10:32,651 --> 00:10:34,410 So I went home, unemployed, 182 00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:36,890 to find my nan's strange carer still there... 183 00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:37,930 Here, let me. 184 00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,490 ...talking to me like I was my nan. 185 00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:43,288 Lunch in five. Steak... 186 00:10:48,769 --> 00:10:51,130 ...and Alphabetti Spaghetti. 187 00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:54,169 Roman or Hellenic? Oh! 188 00:10:54,449 --> 00:10:55,689 Or Japanese? 189 00:10:55,809 --> 00:10:58,209 I should have told him to get lost, 190 00:10:58,329 --> 00:11:01,248 but who can resist Alphabetti Spaghetti in three languages? 191 00:11:03,128 --> 00:11:06,128 - A bit of everything? - OK. 192 00:11:07,808 --> 00:11:09,889 So, how was work? You weren't gone long. 193 00:11:10,009 --> 00:11:12,928 Yeah. I just got fired. Can you believe that? 194 00:11:13,288 --> 00:11:15,528 Oh, Don, I'm sorry. 195 00:11:15,648 --> 00:11:16,568 Get off. 196 00:11:16,688 --> 00:11:19,325 It's all right. To be honest, I hated that job. 197 00:11:19,488 --> 00:11:22,407 Bot the thing is, I have a big mortgage to pay now. 198 00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:26,167 - How am I gonna do that? - You could take in a lodger. 199 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,528 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 200 00:11:28,648 --> 00:11:31,567 I hate lodgers. Cos you never know who you're going to get, do you? 201 00:11:31,847 --> 00:11:34,288 It could be some madman serial killer 202 00:11:34,408 --> 00:11:37,204 who rapes at weekends just for the fun of it. 203 00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:40,286 Or even worse, constantly plays the music of late-era Genesis. 204 00:11:41,646 --> 00:11:44,646 It's never just a sexy chick who isn't needy. 205 00:11:45,526 --> 00:11:48,526 Well, you can't really pot that in the rooms-to-rent section, now, can you? 206 00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:54,526 No. 207 00:11:56,686 --> 00:11:59,685 Er, I did specify I was looking for a female to occupy the room. 208 00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,246 What are you talking about? 209 00:12:04,366 --> 00:12:06,046 I am female. 210 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:08,666 Oh. 211 00:12:08,806 --> 00:12:10,406 Oops, sorry. 212 00:12:10,526 --> 00:12:13,445 Now, why don't you show me the bedroom? 213 00:12:17,005 --> 00:12:19,125 Do you like role-play? 214 00:12:19,245 --> 00:12:22,164 Dungeons & Dragons is my favorite. 215 00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:25,325 Great. 216 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,925 Want some? 217 00:12:27,045 --> 00:12:28,765 I only want the flat for six months, 218 00:12:28,885 --> 00:12:30,925 until Jesus picks me up in his spaceship. 219 00:12:31,045 --> 00:12:33,165 I'm not a pedophile, bot... 220 00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:35,445 Come on, out you go. 221 00:12:35,565 --> 00:12:37,645 I was just gonna say... 222 00:12:37,765 --> 00:12:40,264 Freak. 223 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:45,364 Yes? 224 00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:46,764 Don, it's Maggie. 225 00:12:46,884 --> 00:12:49,803 I heard about your nan. Sorry I doubted you. 226 00:12:50,163 --> 00:12:53,163 Oh, I see. Ha-ha. And now you want me to come back to work. 227 00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:56,964 No. 228 00:12:57,084 --> 00:12:58,644 Why are you calling me, then? 229 00:12:58,764 --> 00:13:01,680 I was hoping for a slow-motion replay of the other night, 230 00:13:01,844 --> 00:13:03,283 if you know what I mean. 231 00:13:03,403 --> 00:13:06,322 Hang on, you fired me. 232 00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:07,843 So? 233 00:13:07,963 --> 00:13:09,363 So... 234 00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:11,763 Don, you were terrible at your job. 235 00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:14,480 Bot you're not so terrible in bed. 236 00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:16,243 I mean you're really quick, 237 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:17,843 bot...good. 238 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,363 Oh, thank you very much. 239 00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:23,159 So, how about it? 240 00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:24,802 Now, for years mankind has argued 241 00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:27,202 over the differences between men and women. 242 00:13:27,322 --> 00:13:28,842 I tall comes down to sex. 243 00:13:28,962 --> 00:13:31,881 For example, if I was on a date with a girl and sad to her... 244 00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:35,081 The thing is, I think you're a prick, bot I'd love to have sex with you. 245 00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:39,962 What was that for? 246 00:13:40,082 --> 00:13:43,000 ...she'd be offended. But if a woman said to me... 247 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,601 The thing is, 248 00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:47,558 I think you're a prick, bot I'd love to have sex with you. 249 00:13:47,721 --> 00:13:48,841 ...I'd be like... 250 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,201 Great. 251 00:13:50,321 --> 00:13:52,361 It's as though insults are meaningless 252 00:13:52,481 --> 00:13:55,318 when the words "sex with you" are in the same sentence. 253 00:13:55,481 --> 00:13:57,321 OK. When? 254 00:13:57,441 --> 00:13:58,681 Are you free tonight? 255 00:13:58,801 --> 00:13:59,521 Yes, I am. 256 00:13:59,641 --> 00:14:02,559 - OK. - OK. 257 00:14:06,119 --> 00:14:07,720 What? 258 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,759 No, I am not thinking with my dick. 259 00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:13,760 I'm actually thinking with my balls. 260 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,240 And my balls are telling me, 261 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,279 if I play this right, I could win my job back. 262 00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:22,360 Clever balls. 263 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,979 I thought I had it all sorted out... 264 00:14:25,518 --> 00:14:28,518 ...and then this happened... 265 00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:31,718 Hi. I'm here about the room. 266 00:14:33,678 --> 00:14:35,679 Have I got the right address? 267 00:14:35,799 --> 00:14:38,718 Y-Yeah, yeah, come in. 268 00:14:39,598 --> 00:14:40,919 Enter chez Don. 269 00:14:41,039 --> 00:14:43,957 Thank you. 270 00:14:46,077 --> 00:14:48,158 Wow. 271 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,238 This place is different. 272 00:14:50,358 --> 00:14:52,158 I mean, it's cool. I like it. 273 00:14:52,278 --> 00:14:54,358 Abby Jones? 274 00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,078 Yeah. 275 00:14:56,198 --> 00:14:57,438 It's Don. 276 00:14:57,558 --> 00:14:59,958 Don? 277 00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:02,997 Don Danbury. 278 00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:05,397 No? Westbrook School. 279 00:15:05,517 --> 00:15:08,436 I was a couple of years above you. 280 00:15:08,916 --> 00:15:11,916 - Oh, my God. Don Danbury? - Yes, yes. 281 00:15:13,236 --> 00:15:15,397 You used to wear that bandanna all the time. 282 00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,436 Yes, that was me. Yeah. 283 00:15:18,996 --> 00:15:21,496 I remember you now. You were funny. 284 00:15:21,637 --> 00:15:22,677 Was I? 285 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,557 I thought you were. 286 00:15:24,677 --> 00:15:25,996 Thanks. 287 00:15:26,116 --> 00:15:29,035 And look at you. Wow, you've... 288 00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:31,196 ...turned into...a woman. 289 00:15:31,316 --> 00:15:34,173 Well, it would have been a bit weird if I'd turned into a man. 290 00:15:34,337 --> 00:15:36,913 Yeah... 291 00:15:37,076 --> 00:15:38,876 Small world, eh? 292 00:15:38,996 --> 00:15:41,753 Yes, yes. 293 00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:43,636 So what happened to you? 294 00:15:43,756 --> 00:15:45,836 You just kind of vanished. 295 00:15:45,956 --> 00:15:48,792 - We all moved back to Manchester. - Oh. 296 00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:51,874 - You know, I thought about you a lot. - Really? 297 00:15:52,194 --> 00:15:55,192 Well, once or twice. 298 00:15:55,356 --> 00:15:58,032 Once or twice a week, to be precise. 299 00:15:58,195 --> 00:16:00,075 I had a massive crush on Abby Jones. 300 00:16:00,195 --> 00:16:01,355 She never knew. 301 00:16:01,475 --> 00:16:04,332 I mean, I was a spotty teenager who wore a bandanna. 302 00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:05,915 I never had the courage to ask her out. 303 00:16:06,035 --> 00:16:08,551 So...are you married now? 304 00:16:08,714 --> 00:16:10,714 - Married? God, no. - Good. 305 00:16:10,834 --> 00:16:12,194 You? 306 00:16:12,314 --> 00:16:14,474 No, no, no. 307 00:16:14,594 --> 00:16:17,513 - Kids? - Not that I know of. 308 00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:22,754 You got any brats? 309 00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:23,794 Well, I'm a teacher at the minute. 310 00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:26,234 I'm not quite ready for any children of my own just yet. 311 00:16:26,354 --> 00:16:29,190 Perfect. 312 00:16:29,353 --> 00:16:30,833 Actually, how do you know about this place? 313 00:16:30,953 --> 00:16:32,553 A friend of a friend mentioned it to me. 314 00:16:32,673 --> 00:16:33,953 Good. 315 00:16:34,073 --> 00:16:36,992 - So? - So? 316 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:43,032 This time I'm never letting you go. 317 00:16:44,472 --> 00:16:47,450 First of all, you move in, then we can talk wedding. 318 00:16:47,614 --> 00:16:49,272 Then we should chat kids. 319 00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:52,311 I mean, personally, I don't want any, bot I don't believe in sheaths, 320 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:55,192 so we will have to discuss it at some point! 321 00:16:55,312 --> 00:16:58,231 You know, whenever I pleasure myself, it's you I fantasise about. 322 00:16:59,191 --> 00:17:00,952 That's really creepy. 323 00:17:01,072 --> 00:17:03,352 I was 1 4 when you last saw me. 324 00:17:03,472 --> 00:17:06,391 Yeah, well, I'm 1 6 in the fantasy, so that's OK, right? 325 00:17:06,951 --> 00:17:09,950 # I'm so in love with you 326 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:13,230 # Oooo-eeee-oooo. # 327 00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:20,630 So, as you can see, I went for the granny-chic look. 328 00:17:21,630 --> 00:17:24,628 - Oh! Mmm. - Yeah. 329 00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:27,790 Yeah, it's for doing exercises whilst you bath. 330 00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:32,669 They call it...bathercising. 331 00:17:33,989 --> 00:17:36,989 It's great... it means you don't have to have a bath after a workout. 332 00:17:39,549 --> 00:17:42,549 So...when do you want to move in? 333 00:17:43,109 --> 00:17:46,109 - Just like that? - Well, why not? 334 00:17:47,029 --> 00:17:50,029 I am fairly desperate to find somewhere. 335 00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:51,909 Could I move in tonight? 336 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,666 Yes, you can... Oh, no, you can't. 337 00:17:54,829 --> 00:17:56,749 How about tomorrow afternoon? 338 00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:59,906 Deal. 339 00:18:00,069 --> 00:18:01,629 This was perfect. 340 00:18:01,749 --> 00:18:04,668 My ideal woman moving in with me. 341 00:18:05,148 --> 00:18:06,629 And I know what you're thinking. 342 00:18:06,749 --> 00:18:09,668 How can I go ahead and see my ex-boss the night before Abby moves in? 343 00:18:10,268 --> 00:18:13,267 Well, this is about getting my job back. It's not about sex. 344 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,226 - So, can I have my job back? - No. 345 00:18:21,627 --> 00:18:23,948 How about now? Can I have my job back now? 346 00:18:24,068 --> 00:18:26,987 No, no. 347 00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,348 How about now? Things are different now. 348 00:18:30,468 --> 00:18:33,386 No, you're fired. Uh! I fired you. 349 00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:35,027 Arrr... 350 00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,347 How about now? 351 00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:37,507 No. 352 00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:38,707 What about now? 353 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:39,787 No. 354 00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:41,307 - Now? - No. 355 00:18:41,427 --> 00:18:44,224 - How about now? - Definitely not. 356 00:18:44,387 --> 00:18:46,507 - Give me my job back. - No. 357 00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:49,144 - Give it to me? - No. 358 00:18:49,307 --> 00:18:52,226 Can...I...have...it...back? 359 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,346 Yes! 360 00:18:55,466 --> 00:18:57,966 Oooh! 361 00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,466 So, shall I start Monday morning? 362 00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:05,266 Start what? 363 00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:08,305 My job. You just said I could have it back. 364 00:19:08,585 --> 00:19:10,026 Wrong. 365 00:19:10,146 --> 00:19:13,065 No, no, just then. I said, "Can I have it back?" and you said, "Yes." 366 00:19:13,705 --> 00:19:15,705 I was coming. 367 00:19:15,825 --> 00:19:16,785 Oh, come off it! 368 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,025 I don't make women come. 369 00:19:19,145 --> 00:19:20,985 Wrong again. 370 00:19:21,105 --> 00:19:24,024 You'll never get your job back, you idiot. 371 00:19:25,224 --> 00:19:28,224 You sexy idiot. 372 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,504 Oh, bollocks. 373 00:19:52,263 --> 00:19:55,263 Shit! 374 00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:07,743 What's going on? 375 00:20:07,863 --> 00:20:09,543 - Shut up. - What? 376 00:20:09,663 --> 00:20:11,903 I mean... 377 00:20:12,023 --> 00:20:14,942 Sssh, there, go back to sleep. Sssh. 378 00:20:18,141 --> 00:20:21,141 Oh, I'm just going downstairs, bot stay there, don't move. 379 00:20:21,661 --> 00:20:24,661 Sssh. Ooh, sleepy. Stay. 380 00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:33,661 I'm coming, I'm coming. 381 00:20:36,141 --> 00:20:38,979 Ooh... 382 00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:49,021 - Hey. - Hey. 383 00:20:49,141 --> 00:20:51,581 Haven't got you out of bed, have I? 384 00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:54,620 No. No, don't be silly. No, I've been up since seven doing some...tapestry. 385 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:58,461 Oh. Here. 386 00:20:58,581 --> 00:21:00,900 Hey, listen, why don't we do this later? 387 00:21:01,020 --> 00:21:03,939 I know a nice little cafe down the road. We could have a spot of brunch. 388 00:21:04,899 --> 00:21:07,399 Sounds great, bot I've got tons of stuff, 389 00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:10,437 so I'd rather get this done first. 390 00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:13,579 Ah, who'd have thought, eh? You and me living together? 391 00:21:13,859 --> 00:21:15,900 It's great. 392 00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:18,939 You know, I'm really glad we've met each other again like this. 393 00:21:20,338 --> 00:21:23,296 Yeah. Me, too. 394 00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,699 I'm gonna go to the car and get some more stuff. 395 00:21:25,819 --> 00:21:28,738 OK. 396 00:21:37,218 --> 00:21:38,939 Who was that at the door? 397 00:21:39,059 --> 00:21:41,977 Oh, er, wrong number. What are you doing? 398 00:21:42,497 --> 00:21:44,298 Seeing as you're too rode to offer, 399 00:21:44,418 --> 00:21:47,215 I thought I'd go and make myself a cop of tea. 400 00:21:47,378 --> 00:21:49,698 No need, om... made you one. 401 00:21:49,818 --> 00:21:51,618 - Brought it up, look. - Really? 402 00:21:51,738 --> 00:21:54,657 Yeah. 403 00:21:56,217 --> 00:21:59,217 Just pop it there for you. Anyway, what are you doing up? 404 00:21:59,977 --> 00:22:02,934 You should have a lie-in, it's the weekend. 405 00:22:03,098 --> 00:22:04,817 It's almost lunchtime. 406 00:22:04,937 --> 00:22:07,856 Well, doesn't mean you can't lie in, does it? You know... 407 00:22:10,016 --> 00:22:12,614 I'll be back in a minute. Stay. 408 00:22:12,777 --> 00:22:15,696 Stay. 409 00:22:25,775 --> 00:22:28,775 Excuse me, what are you doing in my house? 410 00:22:30,095 --> 00:22:33,095 Don, this is Karl, my boyfriend. 411 00:22:33,735 --> 00:22:35,496 Boyfriend? You n... 412 00:22:35,616 --> 00:22:38,535 You most be this...Don character, then. 413 00:22:39,175 --> 00:22:41,813 This is...yoor...? 414 00:22:41,976 --> 00:22:44,894 I'm Karl with a K, not a C. 415 00:22:50,254 --> 00:22:52,375 Here's a little moving-in gift. 416 00:22:52,495 --> 00:22:54,995 Oh! 417 00:22:56,054 --> 00:22:58,095 Do you play golf? 418 00:22:58,215 --> 00:23:01,134 Eh? 419 00:23:02,934 --> 00:23:05,933 I'm Karl, with a K, not a C. 420 00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:12,934 Sleep. 421 00:23:13,054 --> 00:23:15,973 When you awake...you'll kill yourself. 422 00:23:16,413 --> 00:23:19,413 Wake. 423 00:23:22,453 --> 00:23:25,090 - Don? Don! - Yes? 424 00:23:25,253 --> 00:23:27,453 You don't mind showing Karl where to pot my stuff, do you? 425 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:28,533 Of course. 426 00:23:28,653 --> 00:23:31,153 Thank you. 427 00:23:32,732 --> 00:23:35,732 Kitchen...? 428 00:23:39,812 --> 00:23:42,213 So...you and Abby, then? 429 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,453 Yeah. 430 00:23:44,573 --> 00:23:47,409 - Serious, is it? - Pretty serious, yeah. 431 00:23:47,572 --> 00:23:48,612 Mmm... 432 00:23:48,732 --> 00:23:50,972 So, what do you do, Don? 433 00:23:51,092 --> 00:23:52,532 I'm unemployed. 434 00:23:52,652 --> 00:23:55,152 Yeah, right 435 00:23:55,292 --> 00:23:57,252 And what is it you do? 436 00:23:57,372 --> 00:23:58,492 Property developer. 437 00:23:58,612 --> 00:24:00,252 We specialize in homes abroad. 438 00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:03,291 Yeah, I actually work for a living. 439 00:24:05,291 --> 00:24:08,290 You really landed on your feet there with Abby, didn't you? 440 00:24:08,930 --> 00:24:11,489 Well, I think she's pretty lucky, too. 441 00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:15,131 You're kidding, right? 442 00:24:15,251 --> 00:24:17,211 What's that supposed to mean? 443 00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:20,228 She's a ten, clearly. 444 00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:23,370 Whereas you're just a... I don't know...two? 445 00:24:24,490 --> 00:24:27,489 And I'm being polite, actually, and adding two. 446 00:24:27,849 --> 00:24:30,290 What's going on? 447 00:24:30,410 --> 00:24:32,170 we're just shooting the breeze, 448 00:24:32,290 --> 00:24:35,209 ...telling him how lucky he is to have you. - Shut up! 449 00:24:38,809 --> 00:24:41,327 Don? 450 00:24:41,490 --> 00:24:43,450 Don! 451 00:24:43,570 --> 00:24:45,130 What was that? 452 00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:48,168 - Huh? I didn't hear anything. - Don! 453 00:24:48,448 --> 00:24:50,948 Just then - a woman was shooting your name. 454 00:24:51,089 --> 00:24:52,809 - Don! - Oh, that? 455 00:24:52,929 --> 00:24:55,848 - Don! - Yes, that is just a woman... 456 00:24:56,128 --> 00:24:58,169 I know...platonically. Don! 457 00:24:58,289 --> 00:25:01,006 You've locked me in your bedroom, let me out! 458 00:25:01,169 --> 00:25:02,889 You've locked her in your bedroom? 459 00:25:03,009 --> 00:25:04,329 Why would you lock a woman in your bedroom? 460 00:25:04,449 --> 00:25:06,249 For a laugh. 461 00:25:06,369 --> 00:25:08,569 This isn't funny, Don. 462 00:25:08,689 --> 00:25:09,768 OK, look, 463 00:25:09,888 --> 00:25:12,485 I'll be honest. I just didn't want you to meet her. 464 00:25:12,648 --> 00:25:15,567 - Why not? - Yes, Don, why not? 465 00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:18,767 Because...I don't know. I thought you were gonna move in today 466 00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:22,727 and tonight, I'd cook us, well, order in a meal, 467 00:25:23,567 --> 00:25:26,205 and we'd get to know each other, fall in love 468 00:25:26,368 --> 00:25:29,205 and then I'd nail your sweet little ass... 469 00:25:29,368 --> 00:25:31,527 all night long. 470 00:25:31,647 --> 00:25:32,807 Ooh! 471 00:25:32,927 --> 00:25:35,804 Ah! Ooh! 472 00:25:35,968 --> 00:25:38,926 Bot then you ruined everything by bringing Cock-face with you! 473 00:25:39,206 --> 00:25:42,206 I mean, I could have been honest, but the truth never helps anyone' 474 00:25:42,526 --> 00:25:44,687 so I came up with a foolproof-cover. 475 00:25:44,807 --> 00:25:47,726 Because...she's my...Spanish cleaner. Yeah, yeah. 476 00:25:49,886 --> 00:25:52,885 She's been slacking recently and I locked her in and said, 477 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:56,563 "You're not coming out until it is spotless." 478 00:25:56,726 --> 00:25:59,166 Don! 479 00:25:59,286 --> 00:26:01,883 Oh. 480 00:26:02,046 --> 00:26:04,965 I mean, I pay her a fortune and she does nothing. 481 00:26:05,205 --> 00:26:08,205 She never cleans or dust's or... 482 00:26:09,965 --> 00:26:11,366 What's going on, Don? 483 00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:14,282 Ah, Rosa. Hola! 484 00:26:14,445 --> 00:26:15,845 Look, it's Rosa. 485 00:26:15,965 --> 00:26:17,445 What the hell are you playing at, locking me in your room? 486 00:26:17,565 --> 00:26:20,362 He said you'd not been cleaning his house properly. 487 00:26:20,525 --> 00:26:22,885 What? 488 00:26:23,005 --> 00:26:24,005 Very funny, thingy. 489 00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:25,885 I've been sleeping with this prick, can you believe that? 490 00:26:26,005 --> 00:26:28,924 - Yeah, bot we're not a couple. - Oh, thank God! 491 00:26:29,844 --> 00:26:32,761 I've been trying to convince her to give me my job back through the medium of sex. 492 00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:35,681 You'd stand a better chance if you could go a bit longer. 493 00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,244 Whoa, shush your mouth! 494 00:26:37,364 --> 00:26:40,283 She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's nuts in the mind. 495 00:26:40,763 --> 00:26:43,763 You are such a dickhead. 496 00:26:49,563 --> 00:26:50,564 - Don. - Yeah? 497 00:26:50,684 --> 00:26:53,602 You don't have to lie to me about seeing someone. 498 00:26:54,402 --> 00:26:57,402 I really don't mind what you get up to and, besides, 499 00:26:57,602 --> 00:27:00,602 I've got Karl to keep me company. 500 00:27:00,802 --> 00:27:02,363 Right. 501 00:27:02,483 --> 00:27:03,763 Great. 502 00:27:03,883 --> 00:27:06,203 OK, come on. Let's get the stuff out the car. 503 00:27:06,323 --> 00:27:09,242 Yeah. So he's been having intercourse with his cleaner? 504 00:27:12,962 --> 00:27:14,722 They seem nice. 505 00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:17,599 God! How long have you been here? 506 00:27:17,762 --> 00:27:19,162 Oh, er...since before you got up. 507 00:27:19,282 --> 00:27:21,242 So, you're getting a flatmate, then. 508 00:27:21,362 --> 00:27:22,962 Things are looking good. 509 00:27:23,082 --> 00:27:26,001 Well, that depends on your definition of good. 510 00:27:26,801 --> 00:27:29,801 If it's losing any chance of getting your job back 511 00:27:30,201 --> 00:27:32,701 or re-meeting the woman of your dreams 512 00:27:32,842 --> 00:27:35,438 only to find out she's got a boyfriend, 513 00:27:35,601 --> 00:27:38,318 then yes, yes, things are looking good. 514 00:27:38,481 --> 00:27:41,400 Well, look at it this way. It can't get any worse. 515 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,640 Yeah, I suppose so. 516 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,679 Pervert! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 36433

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