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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,402 [DC theme music playing] 2 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:26,355 How can he call himself Batman if he's not part bat? 3 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,830 He's just a dude who dresses up like a bat. 4 00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:32,769 That's animal appropriation. 5 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,596 Hey, everybody! How was Kite Man's bachelor party? 6 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:40,074 I got married and saved the Oceanic Trade Federation. 7 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,483 Other than that, pretty chill. 8 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,835 How was Ivy's bachelorette bash? 9 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,184 It was great. It was so great. Emotionally low stakes, you know. 10 00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:50,449 I had a great time. Ivy had a great time. We slept in separate beds... 11 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,451 Normal bachelorette stuff. So, yeah... 12 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,294 Well, hey! I'm just, I'm ready to keep the party going! 13 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,920 [blows air horn] 14 00:00:57,918 --> 00:01:01,728 Who wants to get a drink with me? One or two? Or a few drinks? Or a lot of drinks? 15 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:05,229 Drink so much we forget the last 48 hours or maybe more? 16 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,801 Oh. I'd love to but I gotta be with my wife, Tabitha. 17 00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,843 Sunday's are big at her family. 18 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:14,467 They are very religious, seeing as how Jesus was really a shark. 19 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,004 What about you, Clayface? 20 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,480 I, too, am spending this evening with a paramour. 21 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:19,878 His name is Tony. 22 00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,519 And he's the only award show that matters. 23 00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:26,015 Okay, have fun, guys... 24 00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:31,358 [Harley sighs] 25 00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:33,787 A landlord always knows two things: 26 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:37,804 when an oven's busted, 'cause ya can't charge rent without a working oven... 27 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:38,868 [chuckles] 28 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,625 and when a tenant's blue. 29 00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,143 So, spill it, hon, 30 00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,874 or I could get my torture kit? 31 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:47,311 It's just, everybody's got somebody special in their lives, 32 00:01:47,406 --> 00:01:48,906 -except me... -So what? 33 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,909 You don't need a lover to be happy. 34 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,450 Do the thing that makes you happy. 35 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,316 Life is about feeding your soul! 36 00:01:56,415 --> 00:01:58,685 Yeah, no. I'm just gonna go out and boink the fuck out of somebody. 37 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,446 Let's get this party started, bitches! 38 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,625 Harley Quinn's here and she's down to clown! 39 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,664 [clears throat] Do you have a reservation? 40 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,830 -Um, no. -You'll have to clown at the bar, then. 41 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,601 [sigh] 42 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,629 [theme music playing] 43 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,514 Room for Squares is, of course, a classic, 44 00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:24,505 but it's really John Mayer's third album when he solidified the John Mayer sound. 45 00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:26,510 -[yawns] -So, my place or yours? 46 00:02:26,612 --> 00:02:29,582 Actually, I'm just gonna stop talking to you right now. 47 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,188 God. The guys in this place suck. 48 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,746 Yeah, well, they beat the food. 49 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,664 But what do you expect from a Wayne? 50 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,997 [both laugh] 51 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,890 That's the first funny thing a guy's said to me all night. 52 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,703 If you like that, I got plenty more jokes. 53 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,497 [Joker laughing] 54 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,672 You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me. 55 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,876 [Gordon] I want a squad of men and a single woman 56 00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:57,644 over to the oil refinery district, ASAP. 57 00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:01,623 Those Parademon bastards are chugging down oil like a desperate teen to Benadryl. 58 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,845 Then send another unit, same gender ratio, to Gotham Park. 59 00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,951 And a third crew to... Jesus! 60 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:10,624 Those hell-rats are spreading faster than chlamyd' on my knob! 61 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,393 -Where, sir? -My privates! Where else would an STD spread? 62 00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:15,562 I meant where do you want the third squad, sir? 63 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:16,692 Oh. The harbor. 64 00:03:16,689 --> 00:03:18,659 -Commissioner, sir! This came for you. -Oh! 65 00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,774 Gotta be the new Dave Barry book I ordered. 66 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,737 Every time I read this guy's stuff I'm like... "That's pretty funny." 67 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,372 The Dark Knight needs me. 68 00:03:28,307 --> 00:03:31,237 Oh! He remembered. 69 00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:34,883 [Batman] Jim, get in. 70 00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:39,515 [Snoring] No, don't go in, Magnum. 71 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,394 [loud bang] 72 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,659 Oh. It's you. 73 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,248 I thought ya left the crew. 74 00:03:46,245 --> 00:03:49,425 I'm so sorry, I would've called but I never got your phone number. 75 00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:51,758 -Oh, well, mine's 203-- -Don't care. 76 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,325 I'm gonna get my stuff and head out. 77 00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:55,902 So you're really gonna just leave Harley 78 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,652 after everything she did for you? 79 00:03:57,646 --> 00:04:01,036 Okay look, I'm in a very zen place, and we have very different goals. 80 00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:03,542 I wanna trounce the skulls of my fallen foes, and 81 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,654 she wants to... I don't know, do whatever someone with a moral compass does. 82 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,507 You ungrateful little shit! 83 00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:11,654 You leave the dance with the one you brought! 84 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,992 -Riddle me this-- -Oh, shut the fuck up! 85 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,517 Can't you see I'm trying to elegantly end this conversation 86 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,534 with this mechanical fossil? 87 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,685 Good luck getting out again, fuck head! 88 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,055 Alright, so I fortified the shackles on that hamster wheel. 89 00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:26,495 It's basically impenetrable. 90 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,970 Feed him at 5:00, shock him at 7:00. Maybe a snack at 9:00 if he's good. 91 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,939 Have fun dying alone, you fuckin' freak! 92 00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,608 Smell ya later, old man. 93 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,350 [screaming] 94 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,347 Jiminy, you look familiar. Do I know you? 95 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,649 No! No, no, I have a very common look. 96 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,092 Oh, I remember you from Noonan's! 97 00:04:48,189 --> 00:04:50,819 You probably don't remember me because I was a low-rent barback, 98 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,593 and now I'm an upscale bartender. 99 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:57,604 It's a meteoric rise virtually unheard of in this industry. 100 00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:01,567 Hey! Wait, hold on. Can I offer you a Wayne fashioned? 101 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,038 It's like an old fashioned, but more expensive. 102 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,437 Ya think all ya gotta do is buy me one spirit-forward drink 103 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,740 and I'll go gushy for ya? 104 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,381 Uh, not gonna happen. 105 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,076 Whoa, to be clear, I'm not trying to hit on you. 106 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:16,449 I'm unbelievably happy with my wonderful girlfriend. 107 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,350 Mmm, sweet as pie. 108 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,091 Why couldn't you have just died? 109 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,587 Gosh, I love her. And our kids. 110 00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:27,458 Well, you know, her kids, but gosh darn it if they don't feel like mine, y'know? 111 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,560 I don't know, and I don't need to know. 112 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,603 All I know is, right now, you're the last person I wanna be around! 113 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,869 -I'm hittin' a different bar. -Hoo, boy. Good luck. 114 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,568 Every watering hole around here has been infested with Parademons, 115 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,440 except this one on account of the... 116 00:05:39,538 --> 00:05:41,878 -[thuds] -...bulletproof glass. 117 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,635 Yep, the top of Wayne tower is the safest bar in town. 118 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,705 -[door slams open] -Hey, everybody! 119 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:52,494 Sorry to alarm you, but you're in a hostile hostage situation. 120 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,546 -Hi, how are you doing? -[machine gun firing] 121 00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:57,393 Geez, Nicholas. Not that hostile. 122 00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:59,029 I'm sorry, everyone, it's his first day. 123 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,026 [all gasping] 124 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,957 Hey, where are you going? 125 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:05,732 I've read your best chance of survival is giving up easily. 126 00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:08,101 Yeah, normally, I'd go beat the shit out of 'em, 127 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,071 but I'm havin' a night and wanna be able to return this dress. 128 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,000 So, you're just gonna escape? 129 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,470 Uh, yeah. I'm not spending my big night out here, 130 00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:16,913 -and certainly not with the likes of you. -[thief] Oh, sugar. 131 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,849 -We got a wild one. -[thud] 132 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,678 [groans] 133 00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:27,124 You gotta be kidding me. 134 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,191 [man on radio] Look, bud, all we're asking is that you release the swanky hostages. 135 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:34,260 Not gonna happen until I get $50 million! 136 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,801 I'll wire it to you right now! Please! 137 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,926 Hold your horses, I wasn't done. 138 00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,043 But let's defiantly sidebar after. 139 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:44,704 Also, gonna need a W76-2 nuclear warhead 140 00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,644 on a Trident II D5 missile... 141 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,780 I'm a military contractor. You can have it. Just don't shoot! 142 00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:54,047 Wow. Okay. Well, you know, while we're here... 143 00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:59,148 I'm also gonna need a pair of game-worn Air Jordan 2 OG's. 144 00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:02,059 Would ya stop starin' at me? 145 00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:03,856 Sorry, it's just... 146 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:06,086 this is gonna sound crazy, but... 147 00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:08,502 since we're not going anywhere anytime soon... 148 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:12,525 after the first time we met, I had a dream about you! 149 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,102 -Boy was it wacky. -Wacky how? 150 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,841 We were on a yacht with these bankers. 151 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,007 And get this: we were a couple! Right? 152 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,178 Us? No way! 153 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,546 That bleached skin gives me the heebie-jeebies. 154 00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,954 It's gross. I mean, no offense! 155 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,578 But in the dream, I was so filled with rage, 156 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,124 I robbed the bankers. 157 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:38,091 -You didn't set them on fire, did you? -Wait. You had the same dream? 158 00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:39,962 -Freaaaky. -Yes! 159 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,600 A dream. Never happened. Pure fiction. Not canon. Ignore it. 160 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:45,266 It's like meeting you triggered some... 161 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,795 Well, darn it, it felt like a past life! 162 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,141 Funny, huh? [yells] 163 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,167 -What are you doing? -Jesus Christ, I'm getting us the fuck out of here. 164 00:07:52,273 --> 00:07:54,213 Please don't use the Lord's name in vain. 165 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,457 How much do you weigh? 166 00:07:55,456 --> 00:07:59,076 I did a Paleo November, and now I'm fitting into my skinny cords. 167 00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,278 -So, I'm guessing around 170-- -Uh! Never mind. 168 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,877 -[yells] -[grunting] 169 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,285 This! Night! Sucks! 170 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,693 [grunts] 171 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:16,163 Um, I think you just straight up killed that guy back there. 172 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,832 -Do you wanna talk about it, or-- -No. 173 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,772 Are you sure? My girlfriend says I'm a good listener. Sometimes too good. 174 00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:25,697 On what occasion would that be? Because you have not shut the fuck up all night! 175 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,935 It just seems to me like you have something going on. 176 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,110 Trust me, you're not someone I can talk to about this. 177 00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:33,649 Why not? A bartender is basically like a therapist. 178 00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,876 -So, come on! -[gasps] 179 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,592 -I told my best friend I love her! -There it is. 180 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,585 But she doesn't trust me enough to love me back. 181 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,817 You can't love without trust. 182 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,093 [exhale] I thought I was fine bein' alone after my relationship with Jok... 183 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,892 esph... fina... stein. 184 00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,825 Joksephfinastein? Sounds Flemish. 185 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:55,272 No one knew his backstory. Anyway, he was a total abusive dick, 186 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,239 hell-bent on utter destruction and the world's better off without him! 187 00:08:58,339 --> 00:09:01,639 You go, girl! Having a good vent in a literal vent. Come on! 188 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:03,020 Keep on going! 189 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:12,794 [yawns] 190 00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:14,963 [loud thud] 191 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,964 This sucks. I'm not even doing anything. 192 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,287 That's not true. You get to hit the button. 193 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,763 But I wanna fly the plane. 194 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,961 Be a part of the action! At least let me shoot a sweet missile. 195 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:27,803 Okay. It takes years of training to expertly control the Batplane. 196 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,970 -But, Batman, I wanna! -Alfred, this is ridiculous. 197 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,810 Why don't you let me go out there already? 198 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,976 Your city needs you healed, Master Bruce. 199 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,305 I won't allow you to return to action prematurely, again. 200 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,682 Besides, it's only Parademons. 201 00:09:40,779 --> 00:09:42,149 [spits] It's too hot. 202 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,989 -You could wait, Master Wayne. -Yes, Alfred... 203 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,085 I could. 204 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,106 [blows] 205 00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:59,304 Huh? 206 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,029 Batman! Are you seeing this? Gunfire at Wayne Tower. 207 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,095 Come on, big guy! Give papa some action. 208 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,973 [Exhale] Fine. Don't scratch the paint. 209 00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,383 Booya! 210 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,848 I just feel so alone without Ivy! 211 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,177 I mean, sure, there are some things I could've done differently. Okay! 212 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,253 At the end of the day, she broke up with me 'cause I'm too impulsive 213 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,321 and I go around 'causing messes and never clean 'em up. 214 00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:23,721 -Aw! Doesn't it feel good just to say it out loud? -No! 215 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,863 -Harley? Well, well, well... -Riddler? 216 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,328 ...if it isn't the simple clown herself. 217 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,198 -How did you-- -Get here? 218 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,427 [chuckles] Well, I escaped the mall. 219 00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:36,673 Then, I orchestrated a hostage situation upstairs as a distraction, 220 00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:40,439 so I could sneak in here to grab this baby. 221 00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:43,141 -Classic misdirect. -Yeah, yeah, great. But, I was gonna say, 222 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,383 -how did ya get so buff? -Hmm? 223 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:48,379 Oh. Spending every waking moment running on that hamster wheel gets you shredded. 224 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,221 I mean, check out these quads... wait, wait, wait. 225 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,717 Is that Joker? 226 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,288 Oh, my, you think I look like the Joker? 227 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:58,959 [Joker laugh] 228 00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:02,328 Nope, no! He's just a bartender who gives great, non-judgmental advice. 229 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:05,468 Well, either way, you're both gonna die. 230 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,803 Sure, I moved back to Gotham to see 'em, 231 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,813 -but what if my kids don't want to see me? -Don't say that, Carl. 232 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:16,205 Yeah, but it's been seven long years. I left 'em when they needed me most. 233 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,409 You can't keep blaming yourself for the past. 234 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,951 You need to forget. 235 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,777 Maybe they're better off without me. 236 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:22,881 [Harley gasps] 237 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,788 [gunshots] 238 00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,686 [exclaiming] 239 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,496 [gasps] 240 00:11:38,599 --> 00:11:40,769 Tuck in any fingers you wanna keep! 241 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,944 -Oh. What'd that do? -I don't know. 242 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,909 Oh, no. Carl, I'm so sorry... 243 00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:51,909 It's a cancer ray. 244 00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,081 Harley Quinn, you gave me cancer? 245 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,181 Why would they even make this? 246 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:59,123 Well, that's it, Kev. I'm gonna go spend the holidays with my kids. 247 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,519 I'm so sorry! 248 00:12:02,423 --> 00:12:03,963 -[zapping] -[shouts] 249 00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,491 No, no, please. Please, please... Ow! 250 00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,061 [struggles] 251 00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,197 [yells] 252 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,170 -[Joker laughter] -No. 253 00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,299 No, no, no. No, no, no, no! 254 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,043 Ow! [zaps out] 255 00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:21,769 My blood sugar must be crashing. 256 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,405 Is there a vending machine around here? [gasps] 257 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,250 Did you kill another person? 258 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,146 Let's just chopper out of here. 259 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,418 All that gratuitous violence. Yuck. 260 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,387 This is why I don't like TV today. 261 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,345 Violence ups the dramatic effect. 262 00:12:34,455 --> 00:12:36,515 I got enough drama in my life. 263 00:12:36,624 --> 00:12:39,394 Just once, I'd like to watch something where two people fall in love, 264 00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:41,833 and experience no complications whatsoever. 265 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,827 Oh, and they don't have sex till they're married. 266 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,100 Oh, my gosh, Batman? 267 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,244 Harley Quinn! And... 268 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,577 It's the Joker. 269 00:12:55,676 --> 00:12:58,976 -[impact and struggling sounds] -I did it! 270 00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,948 I took down Batman's archenemy! On my own. 271 00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:04,548 Papa for the win! [laughs] 272 00:13:04,652 --> 00:13:07,152 Gordo? [manic laughter] 273 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,994 [in low voice] Good to see ya, buddy! 274 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,961 What's happening? Don't leave me in here! 275 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,459 -Please, I don't like small spaces! -[Batplane locks] 276 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:19,402 I knew it was only a matter of time until you two psychos started knocking boots again. 277 00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,900 What? No. Uh! See, he's... 278 00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,341 Never mind, I'll explain later. 279 00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:26,037 Harley! We came as soon as we got your text. 280 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,939 Indeed! I paused the Tonys and I'm DVRing it, 281 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,412 so no one tell me who won Best Lighting in a Musical. 282 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,851 It was Howell Binkley, wasn't it? 283 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:38,147 When's Japhy Weideman going to get his day in the fucking sun! 284 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,621 -I didn't text anyone. -Then who did? 285 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,455 -Swole! -[all exclaiming] 286 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,257 Did ya just run up 18 flights? 287 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,000 Uh, try 19 and a half. [chuckles] 288 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,496 How did you escape Psycho's fortified jail? 289 00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:53,499 And get so hot without us knowing? 290 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,166 Here ya go, pal. 291 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,543 You know what, I lied. I did have your phone number. 292 00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:04,242 I actually had everyone's phone number! 293 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,014 And I was the one who texted you all! 294 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,554 -[all gasp] -How dare you? 295 00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:10,519 Yep! And get this... 296 00:14:10,618 --> 00:14:13,018 we actually like each other. A lot. 297 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,960 You were working for Riddler all along. 298 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,464 -Um, actually... -He's with me. 299 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,487 You're dating Riddler? 300 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,402 Quel scandale! 301 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,965 -[in shock] -Okay, we're not fucking! 302 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,325 -We're together! -I see. 303 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,172 Not using labels yet, are we? 304 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,068 Too new, is it? Lot of changes, Psycho. 305 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,341 Dating, hooking up, "baring ass." 306 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,180 Call it what you will, I'm proud of you for finally being who you are. 307 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:43,148 We're in a business partnership based on mutual respect, idiot. 308 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,520 And you know what, he doesn't belittle me like you did, Quinn. 309 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:46,989 How did I belittle you? 310 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,986 You never recognized my talent! 311 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,089 You never let me shine! 312 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,061 And also, you hated working for a woman. 313 00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,499 Okay, also I hated working for a woman! But who cares? 314 00:14:55,596 --> 00:14:58,256 So, you and Ninja Turtle Calves are gonna fight us? Oh, please. 315 00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,125 You're a tiny man in a silly tinfoil hat. 316 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,244 All right, here we go! 317 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:07,010 [Psycho screaming] 318 00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,384 [Parademons screech] 319 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:12,035 Maybe your gal-pal Ivy can help! 320 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,724 You wanna call her, maybe? 321 00:15:14,815 --> 00:15:17,975 No, I don't wanna get her wrapped up in this 'cause this... 322 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,493 This is a very strong example 323 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,086 of one of those messes I make I was tellin' you about. 324 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,030 This "tinfoil hat" 325 00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,996 amplifies brainwaves, 326 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,595 supercharging my mind powers. 327 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,598 And with this bad boy, plus my new hobby of guided meditation, 328 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:39,372 I can control every Parademon in the city. 329 00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:43,183 Oh, I see. He's doin' my old plan of takin' over Gotham 330 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,536 to team up with Darkseid and rule the Earth. 331 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,254 Then I'm gonna take over Gotham 332 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,476 -and team up with Dark-- -[Gordon] She just said that. 333 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,182 Shit! Fuck. 334 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,523 The point is, I'm gonna do what you never could, 335 00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,319 because you are a pussy. 336 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,162 Pussies are powerful. They birthed all of humanity! 337 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,258 I was a C-Section. 338 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,356 Bring it on! I'm hungry for Parademons! 339 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,174 Stage combat! 340 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,674 Get me outta here! Not... 341 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:11,539 -[beeping] -This one! This one... 342 00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:16,438 -[electrical buzzing] -[screams] 343 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,516 Wow. It's like straight steel. 344 00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:27,148 What's black, blue, and red all over? 345 00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,054 Your ass when I beat it! 346 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,424 I guess when the abs get harder, the riddles get dumber. 347 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:32,884 Bring it, bitch. 348 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,372 -[Parademon screeches] -I've got this, boys. 349 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,241 [gunshots fired] 350 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,380 -[screeches] -And it's all you. 351 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,148 Give up, Psycho, and maybe I'll let you live 352 00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:57,146 as one of those orphans that builds Wayneboxes. 353 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,220 Uh... I'm gonna pass! 354 00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,269 [maniacal laughter] 355 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,496 You thought this would be a fair fight? 356 00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,298 You're going down! 357 00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,206 Why didn't it work on the old timer? 358 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,407 Same reason I can't go to the airport: 359 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:25,179 metal plates, baby! 360 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,848 God, you're old. Whatever. I'll kill you too. 361 00:17:27,948 --> 00:17:30,218 [both growl] 362 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,859 Why don't you just brainwash me and end this? 363 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:39,185 Oh, but where's the pizazz in that? 364 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:43,431 It's way more fun to torture you with everything you love. 365 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:47,269 This right here is exactly why you're a terrible supervillain. 366 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,744 -[growls] -[Harley grunts] 367 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,268 [gunshots] 368 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,340 [growling] 369 00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:00,906 You know what, for too long I've been looked at as a joke, 370 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:06,024 but when I'm through, people are gonna respect the name Dr. Psycho! 371 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:09,423 With Batman and the Justice League gone, 372 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,492 Gotham was yours for the taking, Harley. 373 00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:14,603 But you couldn't do it. 374 00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:19,131 [growling] 375 00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,641 You know, I should thank you, Harley. 376 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:29,307 If you never made me feel so small, I never would've known how big I could be. 377 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,593 [both growling] 378 00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:39,151 [yells] 379 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,523 Quinn, God I hate you, 380 00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:44,593 but I need your help. 381 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,731 If we can break through the dome we can escape in the Batplane. 382 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,756 Can't you just use a bat-missile? 383 00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:51,872 Yeah. We could, but sometimes I just don't feel like it. 384 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,495 Or I don't wanna. 385 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:55,469 All right, I'm not allowed to use them. 386 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,668 -I'll do it. I'll break through the dome. -What? 387 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,440 Sy, that's suicide! 388 00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:00,538 [gasps] 389 00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:03,411 Harley, dear, I'll admit, 390 00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:07,749 when you left the mall earlier tonight, I did not expect to be in this position. 391 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,177 -But it's a gift! -Sy, you're... 392 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,417 You're standing. 393 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,759 This is me feeding my soul, baby. 394 00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:17,755 Nothing would make me fuller than saving your tuchis 395 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:21,957 and helping you take down that angry little shvants in a tux. 396 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:24,231 I never liked that one. 397 00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,870 [on PA system] He's gonna kill all of us if you don't stop talking. 398 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,695 [crying] Oh. 399 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,240 You were the best landlord I've ever had. 400 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,466 You always fixed our oven so fast, 401 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,571 and you never judged me no matter how many times 402 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,784 I flushed my tampons down the toilet. 403 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,846 [grunts] 404 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,676 As long as you've got this, you've always got a friend. 405 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:47,936 [gasps] 406 00:19:51,959 --> 00:19:53,659 Hey, Psycho! 407 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:57,729 Thousands of years ago, my people, the Maccabees, 408 00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:01,230 prayed for oil to last when they needed it most. 409 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:06,444 Unlucky for you, that very same oil runs through my veins 410 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,380 today! 411 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,914 [loud grunt] 412 00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:14,245 Yes! I mean darn. 413 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,976 Ah, those Parademons took out the communications system. 414 00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:19,324 No more autopilot! Buckle up, Quinn. 415 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,739 Papa's about to earn himself some wings. 416 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:33,895 I regret lots of things! 417 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,700 [explodes] 418 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,438 [shield powers down] 419 00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:45,281 Fuck! 420 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,723 [Gordon] Okay, that was the plane's fault. 421 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,817 We need to take Psycho down, now. 422 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,999 Who knows how much damage he can do with that helmet? 423 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,860 Yeah, but how? It'd take, like, the entire Justice League to stop him. 424 00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,857 I had a dream about them, too. 425 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:03,429 This is gonna sound crazy but they were stuck in a book. 426 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,730 -What did ya just say? -Yeah. It was this Book of Fables? 427 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,672 Yeah! Queen of Fables. How did you know that? 428 00:21:08,669 --> 00:21:11,369 Was in one of my dreams. I held a book 429 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,841 with the entire Justice League in it. 430 00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:16,811 But, you know, then I woke up and I don't remember the rest. 431 00:21:16,910 --> 00:21:18,550 [chuckles] Weird! 432 00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,584 Gordon, I need you to drop us off somewhere. 433 00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:25,090 There's a lot of powerful memories here. 434 00:21:25,185 --> 00:21:26,945 Is this your hideout? 435 00:21:27,054 --> 00:21:29,694 It's not very cozy. Let me call Beth. 436 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:32,589 She has family in Central City. We could stay there 437 00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:34,562 till this whole mess blows over. 438 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:37,761 Just me, Beth, the kids, and my new pal Harley Quinn. 439 00:21:37,865 --> 00:21:40,565 Nah, no, no, Ivy was right. I keep makin' messes. 440 00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:44,066 I brought in the Parademons. I took in Psycho. I caused all of this. 441 00:21:44,171 --> 00:21:46,371 I can't keep runnin' from my messes. 442 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:48,113 And the way I see it, cleanup starts with 443 00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,507 gettin' the Justice League out of that storybook. 444 00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,439 The storybook is real? Where is it? 445 00:21:52,546 --> 00:21:54,406 I don't know, but I think you do. 446 00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,523 Are you sure you can't just remember? 447 00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:59,445 It's like I see the book, but... [grunts] 448 00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:01,793 everything else is cloudy. 449 00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:06,628 That's disappointing because I really, really, really, don't wanna have to do this. 450 00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:08,687 -Do what? -[sighs] 451 00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:11,825 I'll be seein' ya soon, Mistah J. 452 00:22:11,932 --> 00:22:15,982 -[shoving grunt] -[screams] 453 00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:25,143 [closing theme music playing] 34013

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