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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:03,503 Good morning, Chicago. 2 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,005 The big question for Santa 3 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,407 is can he handle the Chicago weather. 4 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,142 What do I want for Christmas? 5 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:10,643 How about a winning team? 6 00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,245 Any Chicago team. 7 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,381 You've already put your wish in for Santa, right? 8 00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,883 I sure have. I wrote a list, I checked it twice. 9 00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,152 Blackhawk fans around the world, 10 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,687 fans everywhere have had... 11 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,188 And I love this time of year. 12 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:47,447 We gotta hustle, Annie. 13 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,948 Come on. Let's go, go, go! 14 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,351 That's my friends trying to reach me, isn't it? 15 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,219 You know, if I had my own phone... 16 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:57,457 Um, there's no quit in you, and it's inspiring. Still a hard no. 17 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,726 Okay, let's say I'm in a burning building. 18 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,694 No. A burning pet store. 19 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,397 No. A burning orphanage, 20 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,366 and I need to make a phone call. 21 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,134 You'd feel so terrible. 22 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,536 Lives are at stake! 23 00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,037 You're not getting a phone, Annie. I'm sorry. 24 00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,972 I get more calls on your phone than you do. 25 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,441 That's not true. 26 00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:17,243 My friends have to text you just to talk to me. 27 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,711 It's embarrassing. 28 00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,880 I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing. 29 00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,749 Whoa! 30 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,617 Ow! 31 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,720 Still? The ice? 32 00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,823 - I told them to salt it. - Ow. 33 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,891 You were saying? 34 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,593 One second. 35 00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:35,795 Jake Doyle. 36 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,133 It's for you. 37 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:44,270 Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic. 38 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,805 Boom! 39 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,108 Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later? 40 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,343 No, thanks. 41 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,412 Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing. 42 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:53,780 I don't like hockey anymore. 43 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,783 Oh, okay, well... 44 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,319 maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother? 45 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:00,787 Dad. 46 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,322 We could... 47 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,358 Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up. 48 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:09,195 Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen. 49 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,830 I hate to see you disappointed. 50 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,833 Look, I know that this year is a little bit different, 51 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,136 but you can still have a good Christmas. 52 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,270 What about you? 53 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,708 I always have a good Christmas. 54 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,144 Hello? 55 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,613 Mom? 56 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:27,814 Must be out running errands. 57 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,552 Katie? Charlie? 58 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,220 I'm bored. 59 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,389 Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead? 60 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,892 Those flights are crazy expensive. 61 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,727 Well... 62 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,462 what am I supposed to do here? 63 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,131 I... 64 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,037 Come on, come on. 65 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,007 Ta-da! 66 00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,343 - What is that? - That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid. 67 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,712 Hmm. It looks like Tupperware. 68 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:00,680 Tupperware? 69 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:02,515 Come on, let's play. 70 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,186 Can I text Maeve from your phone after? 71 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,388 Can you... 72 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,857 Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please? 73 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:11,891 - Yeah. - Thank you. 74 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,163 Oh, first you have to do this. 75 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,264 Why? 76 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,766 I don't know, just how it works. 77 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035 Nice. Maybe dust? 78 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,176 I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa 79 00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,445 didn't let you have video games when you were little. 80 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,446 They didn't. 81 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,783 Then how'd you get it? 82 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,220 When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone. 83 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,387 That's not possible. 84 00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:45,024 You know what? Today is your lucky day. 85 00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:49,462 Because I am now going to tell you the story about how I got my Nintendo. 86 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:53,766 But it is possibly the most amazing, dangerous, 87 00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,302 awesome story of all time. 88 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,239 So... can you handle it? 89 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:02,242 Is it dangerous because I might die from boredom? 90 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:03,743 That's a good point. 91 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:07,580 The year was 1987. Or was it '88? 92 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,282 No. '85, Bears. 93 00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,384 - Super Bowl was in '86... - Okay, does it really matter, Dad? 94 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:13,386 Okay, okay. 95 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:17,123 The year was the late '80s. 96 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:18,324 We'll call it December. 97 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,562 I was 11 years old. 98 00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:25,098 In the winter, if the streets were plowed, 99 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:29,636 I could make it to Timmy Keane's house in just under eight minutes. 100 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,640 On a bike? How fast were you going? 101 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:34,774 Super fast. 102 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:35,908 Did you wear a helmet? 103 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,011 Yeah, of course. 104 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,146 We always wore helmets in the '80s. 105 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,348 Was it green? 106 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,684 Um, yeah. It was green. 107 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,185 Could I just tell the story? 108 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,086 - Yeah. - Thanks. 109 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:52,500 {\an7}Improved Subtitle by Sailor420 110 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:52,500 {\an3}!!! Hope you enjoy the show !!! 111 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,203 Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo! 112 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,439 Nintendo! Nintendo! 113 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,541 The rule at Keane's was simple. 114 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,811 The first ten kids to get through his door got to play Nintendo. 115 00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,613 You know how you meet some people, 116 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,381 and you have no idea that they have a lot of money? 117 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,017 Yeah. Timmy Keane was the opposite of that. 118 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,687 A known psycho, 119 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,722 he had the tendency to lose his mind on a regular basis. 120 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,958 - You're out! - You! You! You! 121 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:27,293 Stupid! 122 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,162 Idiot Grandma! 123 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,499 It was an early lesson in God's cruelty... 124 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:38,504 giving the only Nintendo in town to a rich kid like Timmy Keane. 125 00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:42,508 And every kid at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary was at his mercy... 126 00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:43,843 including my best friends. 127 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,679 Oh, another Saturday in the trenches. 128 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,316 Mikey Trotter. 129 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:54,721 Tough, tenacious. Was allowed to watch R-rated movies, and it showed. 130 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,823 I wanna set land mines in this yard. 131 00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:00,059 Like in Platoon, blow everyone up. 132 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:01,694 Sounds dangerous. 133 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,229 Evan Olsen. 134 00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:06,432 Nervous, allergic to bees and SpaghettiOs. 135 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,201 Probably has to go home soon. 136 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,069 I probably gotta go home soon. 137 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,437 More Nintendo for us. 138 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,939 Tammy Hodges. 139 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,274 Smart, confident, baseball card genius 140 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,177 and future CEO of Hodges Industries. 141 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,779 My Canseco rookie went up two bucks! 142 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714 Yeah, that used to be my Canseco. 143 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:22,749 Teddy Hodges. 144 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,417 Tammy's twin brother. 145 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,620 Future assistant to the CEO of Hodges Industries. 146 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,021 Hey, guys. What's up? 147 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,757 Oh, yeah, and this kid. 148 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,458 Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with Bon Jovi. 149 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,693 Jeff Farmer. 150 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,094 Pathological liar. 151 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,430 Not really our friend, but always around. 152 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:39,065 And you left school early yesterday 153 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,234 because Tom Cruise needed you to stunt double for him? 154 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,636 He knows I too have a need for speed. 155 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,405 So, you didn't have diarrhea? 156 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,039 It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea. 157 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,108 The two are not mutually exclusive. 158 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,810 Shut up. He's coming out. 159 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,979 Nintendo! Nintendo! 160 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,953 Nintendo! 161 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:02,221 Nintendo! 162 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,157 - Nintendo! - Silence! 163 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,558 8:00 a.m. 164 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,160 Game time. 165 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,062 Any of you huddled masses care for some Nintendo? 166 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,764 Yeah! 167 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,299 Pick me! Pick me! 168 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,935 You. You. You. 169 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,237 You're good. 170 00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,640 Yes! I got in! 171 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,676 We're in! 172 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,278 I love this place. 173 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,513 - Whoa! - Awesome. 174 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,184 And there she was, glistening in all her gray plastic glory, 175 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,755 a maze of rubber wiring and electronic intelligence so advanced 176 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,590 it was deemed not a video game, 177 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:41,461 but an 8-bit entertainment system. 178 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,196 Say hello to my little friend. 179 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,698 Hey, boots off! 180 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,700 There's tape over there if you have holes in your socks. 181 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,771 Don't touch the wall! It's French. 182 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,708 - Wait, my brother's still outside. - Let me in! 183 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,776 You know the rules. 184 00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,311 First ten, that's it. 185 00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,278 But it's Teddy. 186 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:00,680 "But it's Teddy." 187 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,647 Jerk! 188 00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,116 Too bad, so sad. 189 00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,052 There was no denying he was a jerk. 190 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,621 There was also no denying he had the coolest basement 191 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,957 in the entire Central Time Zone. 192 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,960 A pool table, shuffle board, pinball machine, 193 00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:16,629 pop machine, movie-style popcorn-maker. 194 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,231 Hey, no sucking on the soda pop. 195 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,333 And a snack drawer better stocked 196 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,702 than most supermarkets in the greater Chicago area. 197 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:25,071 You guys hungry? You want some Pop-Tarts or something? 198 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340 - Yeah. That'd be great. - Sure. 199 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,875 Mom. 200 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:32,211 Mom! 201 00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,380 - Mom, wake up! - What? 202 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,414 Get me a Pop-Tart! 203 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,749 Uh, how many? 204 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,354 - Just one. - Does anybody... 205 00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:49,662 Winner stays. 206 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:51,998 Die, die! 207 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,933 You're dead. You're dead. 208 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,269 You're dead. 209 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,403 Hey, you guys wanna play? 210 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,338 Psych! Boom! 211 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,774 I can do this all day. 212 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,076 As I sat there and watched Timmy Keane 213 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:08,214 blast away an inch from the screen to his evil heart's content, 214 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,749 one thing became clear. 215 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,918 I needed to get my own Nintendo. 216 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,219 Fast. 217 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,393 Oh, gee! 218 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,896 Y-O-U-R is possessive. 219 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,965 For weeks, I'd been plotting 220 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,035 how to get my parents to say "yes" to a Nintendo for Christmas. 221 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:31,270 "Scout" is misspelled. 222 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:34,440 Tonight was the night I'd finally put my plan into action. 223 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,310 - "Atticus" is misspelled. - Mom. 224 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,245 Uh, hey, Mom. 225 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,314 I'm so sorry, Mom, 226 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,249 but I got some ketchup on my sweatshirt. 227 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,319 Oh, gosh. All right, let's get that out before it sets in. 228 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,454 You know, we bought that sweatshirt two sizes too big. 229 00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,156 - I know. - It's gotta last you another year. 230 00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:54,327 I don't know. Wow! Jesus! 231 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,662 My mom was always multi-tasking. 232 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,130 She thrived on the chaos. 233 00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,232 Two things at once, she was golden. 234 00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:04,170 But if you gave her a third task to juggle, things got dicey, 235 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,340 and you could get her to agree to stuff she wouldn't normally agree to. 236 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,409 Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking, for Christmas... 237 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,578 A kid who thinks. How refreshing. 238 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,847 Maybe you could teach my students that. 239 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,349 Sure? 240 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,250 But just to make Christmas shopping 241 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,586 a little easier for me this year... 242 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,488 how about getting me a Nintendo? 243 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,358 Sure. That sounds great. 244 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,360 Mom gauntlet passed. 245 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,594 God bless it! 246 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,196 Is everything all right in there? 247 00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:34,033 Has anyone seen my SKIL saw? 248 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,202 I think it's in the shower. 249 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:40,206 No, that's my jigsaw. I need my SKIL saw. 250 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,875 John, the SKIL saw is underneath the jigsaw. 251 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,277 You have to look harder. 252 00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:48,481 Those are for the Muellers. 253 00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,683 Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies 254 00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,385 my mom had baked over the years, 255 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,221 no one in my family had ever actually eaten one. 256 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,722 Hey, the milk is expired. 257 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,557 No. That's a suggestion. It's fine. 258 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,792 Jake! Where... 259 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,293 - Oh. - What? 260 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,562 Come on in here and help me. 261 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,631 Normally, helping my dad with whatever half-baked renovation 262 00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,667 he was doing would be the last thing I wanted to do, 263 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,736 but tonight, I was a man on a mission. 264 00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:13,005 I'll be right in, Dad. 265 00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,340 Wow, look at that. 266 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,575 He finally wore you down. 267 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,479 My dad was something of a dyslexic Bob Vila. 268 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,816 It was well-known up and down Linwood Avenue that in 1978 269 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:28,320 my father went to install a kitchen cabinet and had not stopped since. 270 00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:30,690 Please wear your safety glasses this time. 271 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,358 Did you wear the safety glasses? 272 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,426 Absolutely. 273 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,362 Really? 274 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,698 Kind of. 275 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,538 All right, you can take that off now. 276 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,406 - What? - Take it off. 277 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,574 Oh. 278 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:50,176 We'll look for the glasses later. 279 00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,878 It's really more of a suggestion. 280 00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,416 Wow. 281 00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,251 How'd you get your hands so strong? 282 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:02,288 I've been working with them for over 30 years, that's how. 283 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,190 - That's so cool. - Yeah? 284 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,125 Maybe you guys could get me something for Christmas 285 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,928 that builds up my hand strength, so I could help you out better. 286 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:14,133 You know, I like the sound of that. 287 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,201 Like a Nintendo? 288 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,303 Yeah. 289 00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,806 Done. 290 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,708 All right. Let's go clean up. Come on. 291 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,477 You did it, Dad! 292 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578 They said yes. 293 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,313 I was on cloud nine. 294 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,982 So the story's over, right? 295 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,383 Cool. Can I text Maeve now? 296 00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:33,252 Uh-uh. 297 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,655 John, that cup is disgusting. 298 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,225 This is the exact cup I was drinking out of when... 299 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,760 When they beat the North Stars 300 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,162 - in the Conference semis in '85. - Fine. Yep. 301 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,065 It's a beautiful memory and a gross cup. 302 00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:47,933 Totally. 303 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,935 Stop saying "totally." You sound like a moron. 304 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,837 And what's your retainer doing out of your mouth? 305 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,339 But we're eating. 306 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,407 Do you know how expensive that thing is? Put it back in. 307 00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,744 John, he really can't eat with it in. It doesn't work that way. 308 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,347 Well, it won't work at all if he loses it. 309 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,783 I mean, orthodontistry is the biggest racket. 310 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,484 I could make one of those. Easy. 311 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,320 Couple of paper clips, mouth guard... Done. 312 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,689 I'd like you to finish the living room and the dining room 313 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,625 before you start work on their retainers. 314 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,694 If I had a retainer, I'd wear it all the time, no matter what. 315 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,297 I know you would, honey. You're such a sweetheart. 316 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,867 Hey, you haven't seen my air compressor, have you? 317 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,435 It's in the backyard, 318 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,204 right next to all the dog poop that Jake didn't pick up. 319 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:26,972 Hey. 320 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,440 You haven't picked that up yet? 321 00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:29,675 Cry in a bucket, Jake. 322 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,177 What have you been doing all day? 323 00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,711 I was in Timmy Keane's basement. 324 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,213 What, you can't play outside? 325 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,214 It's cold. 326 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,949 It's not even below zero out. 327 00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,384 What've you been doing inside all day? 328 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,820 Probably playing the Mimtendo? 329 00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:41,987 "Nintendo." 330 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,722 That's what I just said. "Intendo," John. 331 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,358 You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today. 332 00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:49,061 Apparently, video games have been doing 333 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,897 all kinds of strange things to children in Japan. 334 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,732 Like what? 335 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,702 They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else. 336 00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,903 School, friends. 337 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,406 One little boy had a brain aneurysm 338 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,908 and stuff oozed out of his nose. 339 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,744 I'm very glad that we do not have one. 340 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,547 But you said I could get one for Christmas. 341 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,584 I said nothing of the sort. 342 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,253 Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact. 343 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,722 Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat. 344 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,090 No, no, no. 345 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025 Dad, you said I could have one, too. 346 00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,894 No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did. 347 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,663 But I thought that it was an Asian tool brand, like Makita. 348 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,032 You know what? You should be playing outside. 349 00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,002 Evan Olsen almost got frostbite from playing outside. 350 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,904 He almost lost his pinkie toe. 351 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,839 The Olsens are weak stock. 352 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,374 No Nintendo in my house. 353 00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,209 I second that. 354 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,844 Me three, and that makes a majority. 355 00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,616 Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo. 356 00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,853 She's funny, John. 357 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,756 Best kid ever. 358 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,958 And just like that, it was gone. 359 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,060 I was never getting my own Nintendo. 360 00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,629 My life was over. 361 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,401 Jake. Jake. 362 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,370 Come on. You gotta focus, man. 363 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,872 His parents said he couldn't get a Nintendo last night. 364 00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,407 When my parents said no, I was so mad, 365 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,609 I started calling them by their first names. 366 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:14,046 Okay, well, channel that anger into taking down Jagorski. 367 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,750 Yeah! 368 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,251 Yeah! 369 00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,586 Let's go! 370 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,591 Every day before school, we would gather, 371 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,494 for reasons unknown, to get pummeled by Jagorski 372 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429 in the game King of the Mountain. 373 00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,935 My mountain! Mine! 374 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,838 It was never quite certain what grade Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorski 375 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,240 was actually enrolled in, 376 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,409 as the vast majority of his time 377 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,644 was spent in such foreign districts as the principal's office, 378 00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,814 and the adult beverage refrigerator case at the gas station. 379 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,919 Bye and bye. 380 00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,323 Yeah! Come on! 381 00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,659 He smells like my dad after he practices guitar in the garage. 382 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:01,860 Who wants a piece 383 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,597 of this delicious strawberry cake? 384 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,033 This is it. Let's go! 385 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,035 - Why now? - Do we have to? 386 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,036 Come on! 387 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,504 Come here! 388 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,976 Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go! 389 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,982 Come on! 390 00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,616 Oh, no! 391 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,552 Yeah! 392 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,619 Come on. 393 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,890 How about a nice face wash, Doyle? 394 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,129 Yeah! 395 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,232 I hate that guy! 396 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,400 Me too. 397 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,868 Just think about the Power Glove, man. 398 00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:45,237 What? What Power Glove? 399 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,405 Yo, you didn't tell him? 400 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,173 - I thought you told him. - No. 401 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,510 The Power Glove. Keane got one last night. 402 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,912 No way! 403 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,381 - Yes, way. - For real. 404 00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,850 - Awesome! - Look, he's already practicing. 405 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,520 Nice! 406 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,188 Psych! 407 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,224 We're all going over to his house after school to play it. 408 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:06,525 He's gonna let us in? 409 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,360 We gotta bribe him with gifts, but yeah. 410 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,429 Who else knows? 411 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,397 Just us. 412 00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:12,898 Well... 413 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,167 and Farmer. 414 00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,770 Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe. 415 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,539 Power Glove! Power Glove! 416 00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,842 I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear to God. 417 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:26,445 All right, fine. Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky, 418 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,615 my second-period gym class, Coach Wallach, but that's it. 419 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,450 Come on, Farmer. Now we're never gonna get in. 420 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,452 I have a Power Glove at my house. 421 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,120 My uncle works at the cardboard company... 422 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,389 You don't have one, Farmer. 423 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:39,925 No, I do not. 424 00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,628 I don't think anybody in Chicago has one yet besides Keane. 425 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,296 He's coming out! 426 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,900 Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove! 427 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,437 This is so dumb. 428 00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,138 Just do it. 429 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,808 Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove! 430 00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,730 Yeah, Keane, yeah! 431 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,572 It was the most beautiful piece of machinery 432 00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,507 I'd ever laid eyes on. 433 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,244 The thing made Luke Skywalker's robot hand look like a Tinker toy. 434 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,613 Silence, children of Batavia. 435 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:36,682 And Coach. 436 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,751 What have you brought me? 437 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,186 Me! Me! Me! 438 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,989 I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish! 439 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:47,426 Untraceable cash money! 440 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,194 You're not getting in with that, dude. 441 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,697 It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet. 442 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,632 It's the best I could find. 443 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,666 Gimme! Gimme! 444 00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:55,701 One! 445 00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,669 Two! Three! 446 00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,638 Hey, I got my dad's Sports Illustrated. 447 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,173 Yeah. Four. Yeah. 448 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,641 NASA moon rocks? 449 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,176 Moon rocks? No. 450 00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:05,377 Summer sausage! 451 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,446 - It's my dad's. It's gourmet. - No. 452 00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:13,685 I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it? 453 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,455 - But it's a good pet. It's a fish. - No. 454 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,169 Good girl, good girl. 455 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,078 Fetch! Go! 456 00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:45,184 Settle down, peons. 457 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,354 Gentlemen. 458 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,424 Gentlemen and the Hodges girl. 459 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,393 Behold the Power Glove... 460 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,061 in all of its... 461 00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:58,363 power. 462 00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,934 Timmy Keane, dream journal. 463 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,102 I had the dream about Tammy Hodges again. 464 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,505 She was on a white horse, I was on a beach. 465 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,941 - I don't know what that means. - Turn it off! 466 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,676 - Timmy, do you have your jammies on? - Mom, get out of here! 467 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,277 Okay. 468 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,180 - No one heard that. Understand? - Yeah. 469 00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,618 Behold... 470 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,421 the power of the Power Glove. 471 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,958 You ready, Hodges? 472 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,793 Not everyone can use these things, by the way. 473 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,295 You have to be specially trained in Taekwondo 474 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,298 which is like karate, but just more expensive. 475 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,434 What a tool. 476 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,703 Oh, man. This was it. 477 00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,938 The Power Glove. At last. 478 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,742 Each one of us in that basement knew we were about to witness history. 479 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,915 Feel the Glove. 480 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,450 Felt like an Isotoner. 481 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,452 This is how you really punch with power. 482 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,923 - Come on. - Oh! 483 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,094 - Go, Tammy! - Go, Tammy, get him, get him! 484 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,996 Boom! You can give up now. 485 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,832 Nah. I think I'll win instead. 486 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,634 Yeah, Tammy! 487 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,236 Get him, Tammy! Get him! 488 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,772 Whoa! 489 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:14,773 Come on! 490 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,842 Work! 491 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,111 We thought he was just making excuses, being a sore loser. 492 00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:22,581 But we'd later realized a horror that defined our generation. 493 00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,816 The Power Glove sucked. 494 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,184 This glove sucks! 495 00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:28,787 Hi-ya! Hi-ya! 496 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:32,824 Come on, unleash your power! 497 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,828 Yeah, yeah! 498 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,997 It's not working! Come on! 499 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,199 Silence him! 500 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,968 Yeah! 501 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,038 Mommy, Tammy cheated! 502 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,274 Sucks to lose... to a girl. 503 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,043 Ooh! 504 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,045 Maybe it was the glove. 505 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,313 You tell 'em, Keane! 506 00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:55,714 Maybe it was the song. 507 00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,783 Chop, chop, chop! 508 00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,685 Hai karate, Keane! 509 00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:02,954 Maybe it was because he was just such an idiot. 510 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:07,025 But Timmy Keane lost his dang mind that day. 511 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:09,828 Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 512 00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:12,731 Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 513 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,400 Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 514 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,811 Does anybody want some Tang? 515 00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,713 I just made a batch. 516 00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,182 A marble stuck in a nostril... 517 00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:31,750 shattering Mom's antique vase. 518 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,653 Picnics in the fricking park compared to this. 519 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,888 For there, lying under the weight 520 00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:40,425 of a smashed 42-inch television set... 521 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,361 was a dead dog. 522 00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:43,662 What? 523 00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:45,097 The dog dies? 524 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,265 There's a dead dog in this story? 525 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,268 Hey, what can I tell ya? It was the '80s. 526 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,937 Stuff got real. 527 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,005 I thought you said you were super safe in the '80s? 528 00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:55,907 It was a complicated decade. 529 00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,342 Are you making all this up? 530 00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,777 No. No. No way. 531 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:01,613 Okay, well... 532 00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,382 what happened next in the basement? 533 00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,017 I mean, I don't really care. But... 534 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,788 What did you do? 535 00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,058 We did what any rational, thoughtful, responsible kids 536 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,960 would've done in our position. 537 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,027 Run! 538 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,465 Why is everyone running? 539 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,135 Go, go, go! 540 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,637 - What's happening? - We gotta get outta here! 541 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,073 What's going on? What's going on? 542 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,609 - The sound of all those bones breaking... - What do you mean, "bones"? 543 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:34,112 It's game over at Keane's! Just go! Go! Go! Go! 544 00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,481 Go! 545 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:42,988 It was the end-o of Nintendo at Keane's as we knew it. 546 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,623 So many thoughts raced through my head. 547 00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,825 Would I be arrested? Would I go to jail? 548 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,261 Or worse, would I ever play Nintendo again? 549 00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,138 It's gonna be snow, snow, snow. 550 00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:01,973 Snow! 551 00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,842 We have a northwest clipper coming off 552 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,177 - of the south side of Lake Michigan. - Yes! 553 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,512 God bless it. 554 00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,181 And at Christmas time that's just perfect. 555 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:14,085 Can't read Jenny Jablecki's handwriting on this, Mom. 556 00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,455 If there is a heart over the "I"... 557 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,789 mark it wrong and move on. 558 00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:20,525 Are we gonna have a snow day today? 559 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,695 I don't want anyone here getting their hopes up. 560 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,096 It's probably not gonna happen. 561 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:27,299 I don't want anyone getting upset, okay? 562 00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:30,035 In the history of Batavia, Illinois, 563 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,103 there had never been a snow day. 564 00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:33,939 Not a single one. 565 00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:36,374 It could be 20 below with a Soviet attack on the way 566 00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,543 - and we'd still have school. - We just got this in. 567 00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,346 In Kane County, the school closures are as follows... 568 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:43,014 - Come on! - Geneva, 569 00:24:43,114 --> 00:24:44,349 - Come on! - Elburn... 570 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:45,884 - Come on! - South Elgin, 571 00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,720 North Aurora, and... that's it. 572 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,889 - Stupid! - Oh, no! 573 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,824 Mary of God! 574 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,795 I told you guys not to get your hopes up. 575 00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:59,130 - You okay, Mom? - All right. You have to eat something. 576 00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:02,501 - Here. - This is frozen. 577 00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,836 Yes, put it under your armpits for two minutes, it'll thaw out. 578 00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:06,738 Guys, coats, gloves. What are we doing? 579 00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:07,973 Jake, don't forget your boots. 580 00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:10,075 Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake. 581 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:18,083 My mother, in a multi-tasking, cold, coupon-induced bout of madness, 582 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,919 had accidentally bought me girl's boots. 583 00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,331 Back then, they were a death sentence. 584 00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,501 I should note, they were also flowered and French. 585 00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:38,270 What do you mean, "girl's boots"? 586 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,772 Like they only fit girl's feet? 587 00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,508 No, they were just purple. 588 00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:45,076 So? 589 00:25:45,176 --> 00:25:48,280 Back then, people were more close-minded about fashion. 590 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,782 And everything else. 591 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,217 Ooh, pretty. 592 00:25:53,618 --> 00:25:56,621 Did you know that Esprit is French for "cool"? 593 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,223 - Really? - No. 594 00:25:58,290 --> 00:25:59,457 Just go ahead, I'll catch up. 595 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,892 What if someone kidnaps me? 596 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:03,261 They'll return you in, like, five minutes. 597 00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,763 You shouldn't be doing that. 598 00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:06,598 Wait a second and shut up. 599 00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:08,133 You said a swear. 600 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,601 I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy. 601 00:26:09,701 --> 00:26:11,436 I got a lot on my mind too. 602 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,972 Come on. Let's go. 603 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,140 Let's go. 604 00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:30,555 It's called the Dewey Decimal System. 605 00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:34,292 Right. This is a life skill, people, like cursive. 606 00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:37,796 When you're an adult, and you wanna look something up really quickly, 607 00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:41,166 you're gonna be very happy that you learned this today. Okay. 608 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,102 All you're gonna have to do is go to the library. 609 00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:45,670 Get your coats and boots on, head on over... 610 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,006 We talked to Keane. The dog's not dead. 611 00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,941 The dog's not dead? 612 00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:52,444 No, it just broke three legs and a few ribs. It's on life support. 613 00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:55,413 It's gonna make a full recovery though. Right? 614 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,781 I wouldn't count on it. 615 00:26:56,848 --> 00:26:59,317 That TV landed on her like a house on a witch. 616 00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,920 But eventually it'll be like nothing happened. 617 00:27:01,987 --> 00:27:06,124 Physically, maybe. But mentally, she'll never be the same. 618 00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:08,693 You're lucky you didn't see it, Olsen. You would have thrown up. 619 00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,596 I only throw up from SpaghettiOs. It's a medical condition. 620 00:27:11,663 --> 00:27:14,032 He's really the Shackleton of the librarians. 621 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,434 And I'm not the only one who thinks that, by the way. 622 00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,870 Wait, so does this mean Nintendo's back on? 623 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,271 - It gets a little more specific. - No. 624 00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:23,642 Keane's dad took it away. It's really over. 625 00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,377 Did you guys hear? 626 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,512 The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving out a Nintendo this year. 627 00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:31,216 Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreath-selling contest gets one. 628 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,219 - No way. - Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me. 629 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,454 The same sixth-grader who told you that there were tryouts 630 00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,289 for the A-Team? Yeah, right. 631 00:27:38,356 --> 00:27:41,026 Nope. That was a lie. This one's real. 632 00:27:41,126 --> 00:27:43,528 We're gonna need some solid proof, Farmer. 633 00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:45,664 - Jake Doyle. - Huh? 634 00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:48,466 Do you have something that you'd like to share with the rest of the class? 635 00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,801 Uh, no. 636 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,336 Don't think I haven't been watching you, Jake. 637 00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:52,804 You're the only one in here with wet shoes. 638 00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:55,840 Now, you know the rules. No boots, no recess. 639 00:27:55,907 --> 00:27:58,410 - But... - I expect to see you in boots at recess, 640 00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,478 or your name goes on the board... 641 00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:01,646 with a check. 642 00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:03,682 So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle? 643 00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:05,250 Boots... 644 00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,085 or a check? 645 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:09,688 Go, go, go! 646 00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:15,927 - Catch it. Get out there. Catch it. - No. 647 00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:17,562 It changes colors when I lick it. 648 00:28:19,097 --> 00:28:20,498 Connor Stump 649 00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,101 was by far the weirdest kid in school. 650 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,736 He always carried around a recorder 651 00:28:24,836 --> 00:28:27,005 and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna. 652 00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:31,543 You ever put socks and shoes on your hands and just crawl around? 653 00:28:33,078 --> 00:28:35,613 It's just me, Connor. I'm not really a lion. 654 00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,849 - Jake, come on, you're on our team. - Let's go. Line up. 655 00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:40,218 Just play without me. 656 00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,353 What're you doing back there? 657 00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,422 Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again? 658 00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:46,191 Is it all furry and frozen? 659 00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,359 Dude. 660 00:28:48,426 --> 00:28:49,794 You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots. 661 00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:50,795 They're mine. 662 00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,230 Your mom use a coupon again? 663 00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:55,200 Let's go, Trotter, you baby. 664 00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:56,601 Yeah, we gotta get you outta here. 665 00:28:56,701 --> 00:28:59,037 If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you. 666 00:28:59,871 --> 00:29:01,539 Hey. What're you... 667 00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,908 You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots. 668 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,143 They're mine. 669 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,445 That's it! I'm coming over there. 670 00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,414 No, no! What do I do? What do I do? 671 00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:12,484 Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something? 672 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,253 I call dibs if there's a dead squirrel back there again. 673 00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:23,828 I think we got ourselves a pair of girl's boots here. 674 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,663 Painfully, my mind flipped through 675 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:28,767 the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure. 676 00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:32,337 Weeks of wedgies, swirlies, dead legs. 677 00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:37,175 I wanted to punch a kid's face until it turned into Kool-Aid so bad 678 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,512 and I didn't get the chance... until now. 679 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,846 - What's up, dork? - Hi! 680 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,982 How's Four Eyes? 681 00:29:44,082 --> 00:29:46,851 - But then, I heard the voice of an angel. - Guys, I got proof! 682 00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,087 Guys! Guys! 683 00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:50,789 It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo! 684 00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,760 It's just a picture of a dumb wreath. 685 00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:57,662 You gotta read it. 686 00:29:57,762 --> 00:30:01,866 "This year's first prize is a brand-new Nintendo Entertainment System." 687 00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:14,012 I'm gonna kill you. 688 00:30:16,881 --> 00:30:19,717 Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell 689 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:22,687 I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way... 690 00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:25,323 envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest 691 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:28,493 needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell. 692 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,529 And I had my sales pitch all planned out. 693 00:30:34,632 --> 00:30:36,634 "I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts, ma'am, and without your help 694 00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:40,004 thousands of boys may become drug addicts and communists." 695 00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:41,739 - What? - What? 696 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,874 What? What do you want? 697 00:30:42,974 --> 00:30:45,243 Hi. My name is... 698 00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:47,745 Wait. You're not trying to sell me something, are you? 699 00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,048 Wanna buy a wreath? 700 00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:56,387 What, do you got a learning disability or something? 701 00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:59,724 Wait, you don't really got a learning disability, do you? 702 00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:03,194 Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks! 703 00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:06,598 Oh. 704 00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:12,937 Hey, Doyle. Gotta look out for those "no solicitor" signs. 705 00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:16,441 What're you doing here, Farmer? 706 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,609 Ruining your life. 707 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,277 You can't sell wreaths here. 708 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,247 You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules. 709 00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:23,715 That Nintendo's mine. 710 00:31:23,781 --> 00:31:27,051 - I've already sold 67 wreaths. - To who? 711 00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:29,287 People. Your mom. 712 00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,789 You're full of it, Farmer. 713 00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,192 Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home. 714 00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,761 I need to speak to an adult in the house. 715 00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:40,265 And did I mention how much I like your sweater? 716 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:43,534 All over town, the boys in green pounded the pavements 717 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:44,802 in record numbers, 718 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,471 all in the name of Nintendo. 719 00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:51,075 A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkos had been born. 720 00:31:51,142 --> 00:31:53,978 Merry Christmas, ma'am. Would you like to buy a wreath? 721 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,215 Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season. 722 00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,919 Merry Christmas, sir. Do you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie? 723 00:32:00,985 --> 00:32:03,655 Look at that, it's already wreath-thirty? 724 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,391 Um... 725 00:32:06,457 --> 00:32:09,093 "Douglas fir Christmas wreaths." Just say it! 726 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,995 Why don't you just say it? 727 00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,599 'Cause I'm not in stupid Ranger Scouts, 'cause I'm not a stupid boy. 728 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,668 And it was every kid for themselves. 729 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,674 Kids who weren't even in Ranger Scouts were getting in on the action. 730 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,475 I will not take no for an answer! 731 00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:28,579 That is the first rule of salesmanship! The first rule! 732 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,649 Even I was getting the hang of it. 733 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,521 Oh, are you here to shovel my walk? 734 00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,690 No, I'm here to sell Christmas wreaths. 735 00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,125 Okay. Um, let me see. 736 00:32:41,192 --> 00:32:42,927 My wallet's in my car. 737 00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:44,662 You want me to... 738 00:32:44,762 --> 00:32:47,332 Shovel my car out, so I can get to it. That would be great. 739 00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:48,933 Oh, I'll get the shovel. 740 00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,218 The Tevatron particle accelerator at Fermilabs, they get more headlines. 741 00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:08,820 But if you ask me... 742 00:33:08,886 --> 00:33:10,822 the most valuable local resource we still have today 743 00:33:10,888 --> 00:33:12,190 are our teachers. 744 00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:14,392 Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle. 745 00:33:14,492 --> 00:33:16,627 Merry Christmas, Jeff. 746 00:33:16,694 --> 00:33:17,829 Stay beautiful, Kath. 747 00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:21,399 She said I reminded her of you. 748 00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,569 See you later, Jake. 749 00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:28,706 Did it have to be Farmer? 750 00:33:28,806 --> 00:33:31,075 He offered me an honest deal at an honest price. 751 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,011 There's nothing honest about him! 752 00:33:33,077 --> 00:33:34,579 He's a pathological liar! 753 00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,083 Oh, I thought he was a really nice boy. 754 00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,352 Those are for your mother. 755 00:33:41,419 --> 00:33:43,421 My mom would want me to have one. 756 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:47,225 I didn't even know that you were selling wreaths this year. 757 00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:51,095 He only cares about it now because they're giving away a Nin... 758 00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:52,597 Night in Chicago. 759 00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,699 Yep. That's a new prize. 760 00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:58,336 At a hotel, I think, in downtown? 761 00:33:58,403 --> 00:34:00,505 That's a peculiar prize for an 11-year-old. 762 00:34:00,571 --> 00:34:02,607 That is a peculiar prize. 763 00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,575 Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad? 764 00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:06,511 God bless it. Where the hell is it? 765 00:34:06,577 --> 00:34:08,446 The Phillips head is in the butter dish. 766 00:34:10,081 --> 00:34:11,449 No, that's not it. 767 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,351 You know what, Jake? If you wanna win that prize, 768 00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:15,953 you have to do what I tell my kids in class every day. 769 00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:17,622 Make like a vacuum cleaner. 770 00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:20,091 Suck it up and do the work. 771 00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:22,693 What are you looking for? 772 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,928 My gourmet sausage. 773 00:34:24,028 --> 00:34:25,863 How the hell do you lose a sausage? 774 00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:27,065 Dinner is served. 775 00:34:28,866 --> 00:34:31,369 I wanted to eat it with dinner. 776 00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:32,637 We're having salads. 777 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,573 That's why I wanted to eat the sausage. 778 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,208 Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad. 779 00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:40,044 'Cause, I mean, he's been pooping so much lately. 780 00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,312 He has, hasn't he? 781 00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:42,580 You know how I know that? 782 00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:45,083 Because it still hasn't been picked up. 783 00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:47,285 Uh, it snowed. 784 00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:49,320 Hey, that's no excuse, okay? 785 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924 Tomorrow morning, you, that shovel, backyard. 786 00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:55,993 No, I'm totally supposed to sell wreaths all day tomorrow. 787 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,096 Well, too bad. And stop saying "totally." 788 00:34:58,162 --> 00:34:59,097 It's not fair. 789 00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:01,232 Hey, if life was fair, 790 00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:04,001 it would be... a fair. 791 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,170 Okay? But I don't... 792 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,940 I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you? 793 00:35:09,807 --> 00:35:10,675 Hmm. 794 00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,678 You just made that up, didn't you? 795 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,947 No, I didn't. 796 00:35:16,013 --> 00:35:17,482 It's an old saying. 797 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,017 Listen! 798 00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:25,690 In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit... 799 00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,660 from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name... 800 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,963 - he is great. - Amen. 801 00:35:32,029 --> 00:35:35,967 I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog 802 00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:38,536 in the history of the world. 803 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,605 Our yard looked like a vanilla cake 804 00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:43,541 that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto. 805 00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:48,613 What's Lizzy doing? She can't help? 806 00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:52,216 You wanted the dog, you pick up after it. 807 00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,218 You got the dog before I was born. 808 00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,388 Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop. 809 00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:00,858 Come here. 810 00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:03,461 Come here. 811 00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,465 All right. Take a deep breath. 812 00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:10,535 Go ahead. 813 00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:13,804 You smell that? 814 00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:15,573 - Poo? - No! 815 00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:16,674 Fresh air! 816 00:36:18,543 --> 00:36:20,311 That's all we had, and we loved it. 817 00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:22,313 When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos. 818 00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:23,514 You know what we did? 819 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,350 Built forts in the woods. 820 00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:28,586 We'd gather up old lumber and siding 821 00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,055 and whatever we could find we'd build, like, 822 00:36:31,155 --> 00:36:33,558 watchtowers and rope ladders... 823 00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:34,892 Trapdoors? 824 00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:36,894 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too. 825 00:36:37,895 --> 00:36:39,931 - Cool. - Yeah, it was cool. 826 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,366 Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too. 827 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:43,668 Kinda like the house? 828 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,406 Yeah. Kinda like the house. 829 00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:50,208 Yeah. 830 00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,613 Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot. 831 00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:56,714 Yeah. 832 00:36:56,781 --> 00:36:57,615 Hey. 833 00:36:59,183 --> 00:37:00,718 Don't worry about behind the shed. 834 00:37:00,785 --> 00:37:02,787 Just get the ones around the house, okay? 835 00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,290 And then when you're done... 836 00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,559 you can varnish these old hockey sticks. 837 00:37:08,626 --> 00:37:09,860 Why? 838 00:37:09,927 --> 00:37:11,729 Because they need to get done, that's why. 839 00:37:11,796 --> 00:37:13,364 Come on, Dad. 840 00:37:13,431 --> 00:37:15,633 You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors? 841 00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,235 No. But you gotta do it. 842 00:37:17,301 --> 00:37:18,936 I don't like doing that stuff! 843 00:37:22,373 --> 00:37:23,608 Careful with the varnish. 844 00:37:27,478 --> 00:37:30,748 "Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it? 845 00:37:30,815 --> 00:37:32,049 I know how to be careful. 846 00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:41,592 We need to talk. 847 00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:42,994 What are you doing in my room? 848 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,095 I need... 849 00:37:45,296 --> 00:37:46,897 Did Elwood diarrhea on you? 850 00:37:46,964 --> 00:37:48,933 It's varnish. What do you want? 851 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,067 I need your help. 852 00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:51,002 With what? 853 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,903 Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid. 854 00:37:52,970 --> 00:37:56,307 Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him. 855 00:37:56,407 --> 00:37:58,009 I gotta go through Mom and Dad. 856 00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,443 So what do you need me for? 857 00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:02,146 I need you to drop hints for them to get me one. 858 00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:04,615 No way. Why would I wanna help you? 859 00:38:04,682 --> 00:38:07,918 Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a... 860 00:38:07,985 --> 00:38:09,687 Why do you want a dumb doll so bad? 861 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,090 Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me. 862 00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:16,193 It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad. 863 00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:19,363 We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast. 864 00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:20,931 What are you gonna do for me? 865 00:38:20,998 --> 00:38:23,134 Tell you how to win a Nintendo. 866 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,169 You don't know how to win a Nintendo. 867 00:38:25,269 --> 00:38:26,604 Okay, never mind. 868 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:30,808 Wait. 869 00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:33,210 How can I win it? 870 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,614 You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid? 871 00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,149 Yeah, sure. 872 00:38:38,215 --> 00:38:39,050 Promise? 873 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,818 Yes, I promise already. 874 00:38:40,885 --> 00:38:44,221 Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right? 875 00:38:46,023 --> 00:38:46,891 How do you know that? 876 00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,159 Don't worry about it. 877 00:38:48,225 --> 00:38:50,561 She bought a lot because she's old, right? 878 00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,730 Old people buy stuff from kids. 879 00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,300 So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place 880 00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,402 so you don't have to track them all down. 881 00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,737 What's your point? 882 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,506 Prairie Pines, the nursing home. 883 00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:04,175 Two hundred old people, 884 00:39:04,241 --> 00:39:05,476 each with their own door, 885 00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:07,178 perfect for wreath-hanging. 886 00:39:07,978 --> 00:39:09,080 Wow. 887 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,050 That's... 888 00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:14,652 That's a really good idea. 889 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,854 I know. So we got a deal, or what? 890 00:39:16,921 --> 00:39:18,022 Yeah. 891 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:20,925 A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up. 892 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,394 I'll be watching you. 893 00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:29,600 Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them. 894 00:39:31,001 --> 00:39:32,870 "Suck it up. Do the work." 895 00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,410 Hi, everybody. 896 00:39:40,511 --> 00:39:43,114 - Hi. - Do you like blues? 897 00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,783 Hi! You look just like my grandson. 898 00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,918 Oh, let me see those cheeks. 899 00:39:48,018 --> 00:39:51,021 But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me. 900 00:39:51,088 --> 00:39:53,290 Because the World's Fair was here... 901 00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:56,627 and we were celebrating the city's centennial. 902 00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:01,298 You see, Chicago was founded in 1833. 903 00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:05,603 That makes it 100 years to 1933. 904 00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:09,306 Hold on. 905 00:40:29,994 --> 00:40:31,495 It's what he would've wanted. 906 00:40:43,174 --> 00:40:46,076 It took six hours and ten cups of pudding, 907 00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:50,815 but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home. 908 00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:52,149 All thanks to Lizzy. 909 00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:54,452 Hey, Mom. 910 00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:56,854 Did you know that this mall has the largest selection 911 00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,924 of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago? 912 00:41:00,991 --> 00:41:02,693 I didn't know that, no. 913 00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:05,262 Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves. 914 00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,269 He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he? 915 00:41:12,336 --> 00:41:14,205 - No idea. - Odd. But who knows with these two? 916 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,474 Hey! What're you doing? 917 00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,676 Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker. 918 00:41:18,776 --> 00:41:20,845 - Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. - Okay. All right, John... 919 00:41:20,945 --> 00:41:22,813 He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow. 920 00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,619 Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip. 921 00:41:28,686 --> 00:41:30,221 Also known as my dad's least favorite 922 00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,956 and most expensive day of the year. 923 00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:33,557 You know what I love when you wear? 924 00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:35,159 - What? - Turtlenecks. 925 00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,961 Ah. 926 00:41:37,027 --> 00:41:38,729 It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house, 927 00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,965 I feel like we should definitely try on a few today. 928 00:41:41,031 --> 00:41:44,568 Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great. 929 00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:45,569 So, yes? 930 00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,737 Look at this idiot. 931 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,905 What're you doing? 932 00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,307 Hey! You beeping at me? 933 00:41:51,408 --> 00:41:52,877 Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles. 934 00:41:52,977 --> 00:41:54,578 Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen. 935 00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,247 Sorry. 936 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,848 Can we turn on the Christmas carols? 937 00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,217 No! No Christmas carols. 938 00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:03,988 Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff. 939 00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:06,924 Year-round. 940 00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,766 We wish you a Merry Christmas 941 00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,668 Elves! 942 00:42:17,735 --> 00:42:19,770 - Hey. Creep me out. - Breathe, John. You have to breathe. 943 00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,274 No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural. 944 00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,176 Back off, Jack! 945 00:42:26,243 --> 00:42:27,745 Sorry. 946 00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:30,581 - Have some self-respect. Jesus. - You have to calm down. 947 00:42:30,681 --> 00:42:31,949 Why are we walking so fast? 948 00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,184 Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay? 949 00:42:34,251 --> 00:42:36,453 You had your chance at home. Do not test me. 950 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:38,188 God, why is it so hot in here? 951 00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:40,124 We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay? 952 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,360 Hey, is there a bar at the food court? 953 00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:46,864 John, it's barely noon. 954 00:42:46,931 --> 00:42:51,969 Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks... 955 00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:54,305 - Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. - What are we missing? 956 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,639 - Can we go, Mom? - Yes, 957 00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:58,108 honey, go on. Lead the way. 958 00:42:58,208 --> 00:43:00,044 Hey, Mom. Did you know 959 00:43:00,110 --> 00:43:03,480 that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates? 960 00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,316 Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths. 961 00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:07,818 Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids? 962 00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,653 Lizzy really wants one. 963 00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:12,456 Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find. 964 00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:28,572 Sold out in 20 minutes. 965 00:43:28,639 --> 00:43:31,175 Last Patch in all of Chicago. 966 00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,777 You should've seen it. It was ugly. 967 00:43:33,844 --> 00:43:36,814 One woman punched a grandma right in the throat. 968 00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:38,782 Same family, too. 969 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,753 Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay. 970 00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:46,457 You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in. 971 00:43:46,523 --> 00:43:48,258 Care Bears are for babies. 972 00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:49,693 Oh. 973 00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,695 Poor little Lizzy. 974 00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131 It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears 975 00:43:54,198 --> 00:43:55,366 and give her a big... 976 00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:58,469 Hold on a second. 977 00:43:58,535 --> 00:43:59,837 Hello, Jake. 978 00:44:00,771 --> 00:44:01,705 Who said that? 979 00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:03,307 You know who. 980 00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:04,508 Nintendo? 981 00:44:04,608 --> 00:44:06,877 That's right. Come over here. 982 00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:08,545 I've missed you, Jake. 983 00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:10,614 Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs 984 00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:12,182 to get the Fenelons a gift. 985 00:44:12,282 --> 00:44:15,352 Why? They haven't given us anything. 986 00:44:15,452 --> 00:44:18,288 Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay? 987 00:44:19,189 --> 00:44:20,290 Jake. 988 00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:23,060 - Jake. - Huh? 989 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,461 Watch your sister. 990 00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:26,697 Yeah. 991 00:44:26,797 --> 00:44:29,199 That's it. Come over here, Jake. 992 00:44:29,299 --> 00:44:30,968 You know you want to. 993 00:44:31,035 --> 00:44:34,238 What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake? 994 00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,707 Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless. 995 00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:38,742 You should be worried about the wreaths. 996 00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,544 Have you sold enough wreaths? 997 00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:42,179 I'll do anything to be with you. 998 00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:43,814 Who're you talking to? 999 00:44:43,881 --> 00:44:45,649 We need a new plan. 1000 00:44:45,716 --> 00:44:47,918 Jake? Jake? 1001 00:44:48,018 --> 00:44:50,721 Do you know how many games I have here, Jake? 1002 00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,856 I have all the games. 1003 00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,758 Way more than Timmy Keane. 1004 00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,927 What game would you like to play? 1005 00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,195 Joust. 1006 00:44:58,262 --> 00:45:00,164 Pick another one. I don't have that one. 1007 00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:01,598 Super Mario Bros. 1008 00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:03,400 - Pick another one. - Defender. 1009 00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:05,869 Hmm, how about Rampage? 1010 00:45:05,936 --> 00:45:07,171 It's loaded up right now. 1011 00:45:07,237 --> 00:45:09,773 Cool. I'll do anything you say. 1012 00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,386 Very good. Yes. 1013 00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:23,921 You're such a good boy, Jake. 1014 00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:26,623 I can tell, you've got what it takes. 1015 00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:27,758 You really think so? 1016 00:45:27,858 --> 00:45:29,727 No. I know so. 1017 00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:33,964 Maybe it was the excitement of the display, 1018 00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,100 or just the thrill of playing in public, 1019 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,070 but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life. 1020 00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:42,072 Dude, you're on fire. 1021 00:45:42,139 --> 00:45:45,309 All other distractions became irrelevant. 1022 00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,578 My senses had reached a higher state. 1023 00:45:47,644 --> 00:45:50,748 I'd become one with Nintendo. 1024 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,154 Yeah! 1025 00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:00,324 Yes, yes. You were born for this moment. 1026 00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:05,395 Whoa! You're amazing! 1027 00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:07,064 What's your name, man? 1028 00:46:07,131 --> 00:46:10,000 Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake. 1029 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,168 Say it. 1030 00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,402 Jake Doyle! 1031 00:46:12,469 --> 00:46:14,805 Jake Doyle. Nintendo master. 1032 00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:15,973 Jake! Jake! Jake! 1033 00:46:16,073 --> 00:46:17,441 Jake! Jake! Jake! 1034 00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:18,642 Jake! Jake! Jake! 1035 00:46:20,844 --> 00:46:22,946 Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name. 1036 00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:25,415 This was why I needed a Nintendo. 1037 00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:27,284 This was my destiny. 1038 00:46:27,351 --> 00:46:29,353 Nothing could stop me now. 1039 00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:31,789 Jake! Jake! 1040 00:46:31,855 --> 00:46:33,791 Jake Stephan Doyle! 1041 00:46:33,857 --> 00:46:35,425 Where is your sister? 1042 00:46:37,261 --> 00:46:38,695 What's wrong with you? 1043 00:46:38,796 --> 00:46:40,964 - Lizzy! - Elizabeth! 1044 00:46:41,031 --> 00:46:42,533 You're a dead man, bro. 1045 00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,635 Lizzy! 1046 00:46:44,701 --> 00:46:46,804 Lizzy! Lizzy! 1047 00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,005 Lizzy! 1048 00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:50,541 Forget about her, Jake. She's gone. 1049 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:54,111 Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault! 1050 00:46:54,178 --> 00:46:57,214 How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys? 1051 00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,549 The back door. 1052 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,318 What if it's an apartment with no back door? 1053 00:47:01,385 --> 00:47:02,319 The front door. 1054 00:47:02,386 --> 00:47:04,221 So you know how to pick locks? 1055 00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,222 That's me. 1056 00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,623 Do you know that's a felony? 1057 00:47:06,690 --> 00:47:09,226 Mom! She's over here! I found her! 1058 00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,861 God, Lizzy! 1059 00:47:12,029 --> 00:47:13,730 Oh, my God! 1060 00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:16,567 Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole. 1061 00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,835 Even ones with red hair. 1062 00:47:17,901 --> 00:47:19,736 Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake. 1063 00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,238 He was playing the Nintendo. 1064 00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,340 God bless it, Jake! 1065 00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,310 Are you okay? 1066 00:47:27,477 --> 00:47:28,745 You start playing those games 1067 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,815 your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes. 1068 00:47:31,882 --> 00:47:33,350 That's your sister! 1069 00:47:33,417 --> 00:47:36,019 It's not like losing your retainer! 1070 00:47:37,254 --> 00:47:38,322 Hold on. 1071 00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:40,357 Five bags here, John. Hold on. 1072 00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:44,661 Open your mouth. 1073 00:47:47,598 --> 00:47:49,099 Open your mouth. 1074 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,601 - John. - What? 1075 00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,436 - Where's the Marshall Field's bag? - Hey! 1076 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,271 - Jake! - Your turtleneck's in it, John! 1077 00:47:54,371 --> 00:47:56,273 Jake! 1078 00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,609 The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me 1079 00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,445 in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home." 1080 00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:04,281 Jake! 1081 00:48:05,115 --> 00:48:06,216 Jake! 1082 00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:07,951 - Hey! - Jake! 1083 00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,887 Move! Jake! 1084 00:48:09,953 --> 00:48:12,389 I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car. 1085 00:48:12,456 --> 00:48:14,057 Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? 1086 00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:16,260 Jake! 1087 00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,029 Jake! 1088 00:48:19,863 --> 00:48:20,864 Jake! 1089 00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,699 Whoa! 1090 00:48:29,373 --> 00:48:30,874 Jake! Ha! 1091 00:48:40,450 --> 00:48:42,219 No, wait! What... 1092 00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:46,556 Of course! Packer fans. 1093 00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:11,515 Oh, my God. 1094 00:49:14,584 --> 00:49:16,353 Hey! 1095 00:49:17,821 --> 00:49:20,857 Safe. Retainer retained. 1096 00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,628 Okay. 1097 00:49:27,698 --> 00:49:28,699 Okay. 1098 00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,942 You let the girls get punched! 1099 00:49:42,179 --> 00:49:43,814 The best part of the shopping trip 1100 00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,316 besides not losing my retainer or my sister 1101 00:49:46,383 --> 00:49:48,952 was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall 1102 00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:51,455 where old people sit by the piano. 1103 00:49:51,521 --> 00:49:53,957 I sold 22 more wreaths that day. 1104 00:49:54,024 --> 00:49:55,325 How many you got, Jake? 1105 00:49:56,026 --> 00:49:58,295 Um, 93. 1106 00:49:58,362 --> 00:50:00,030 You're selling wreaths, too? 1107 00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:01,465 What's a wreath? 1108 00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,814 Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud, 1109 00:50:17,881 --> 00:50:19,082 I'm trying to listen to this. 1110 00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,650 And stop fiddling with the hand plane. 1111 00:50:20,717 --> 00:50:21,985 This is not a toy. See? 1112 00:50:22,753 --> 00:50:23,987 It's sharp. 1113 00:50:27,891 --> 00:50:31,762 Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling. 1114 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,730 And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson... 1115 00:50:33,830 --> 00:50:34,998 You know... 1116 00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:37,000 If you want, sometime, maybe I can... 1117 00:50:38,268 --> 00:50:40,670 teach you how to use some of those. 1118 00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:42,839 I kinda got a lot going on, Dad. 1119 00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:45,509 Ah... right. 1120 00:50:45,575 --> 00:50:48,345 He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side, 1121 00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:49,446 over to Savard... 1122 00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,182 He shoots, he scores! 1123 00:50:52,249 --> 00:50:54,284 - Yes! - Denis Savard! 1124 00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,386 - Hawks now leading with one! - Yeah, baby! 1125 00:50:56,453 --> 00:50:59,923 And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away. 1126 00:51:00,023 --> 00:51:01,691 Quit your crying, Claude. 1127 00:51:01,758 --> 00:51:03,794 Yeah, you're all talk, no walk. 1128 00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:05,462 Remember that, Jake. Okay? 1129 00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:09,299 A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans. 1130 00:51:09,399 --> 00:51:11,301 He's all talk, no walk. 1131 00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,370 Why are we under this bridge, Dad? 1132 00:51:13,437 --> 00:51:15,806 Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids. 1133 00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,641 You know what they look like, right? 1134 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,376 Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants, 1135 00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,911 but I can't get what I want? 1136 00:51:20,977 --> 00:51:22,379 Do you wanna deal with your sister 1137 00:51:22,446 --> 00:51:24,314 if she doesn't get what she wants? 1138 00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,715 - No. - Exactly. 1139 00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,984 I don't negotiate with terrorists. 1140 00:51:28,085 --> 00:51:29,653 So you just give them what they want? 1141 00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,555 Yeah. You kidding? 1142 00:51:35,058 --> 00:51:37,060 Okay. That's him. 1143 00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:39,663 Let me do all the talking. Okay? 1144 00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,398 This feels kinda scary, Dad. 1145 00:51:41,465 --> 00:51:43,667 Here, I'll take the handsaw. 1146 00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,602 Come on. Come on! 1147 00:51:50,974 --> 00:51:52,342 Can I help you boys? 1148 00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:53,410 Yeah. 1149 00:51:54,311 --> 00:51:56,680 Word is that you've... 1150 00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:58,315 come into a little cabbage? 1151 00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:00,250 Officer, please. I'm just standing here. 1152 00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:02,619 I thought maybe you two needed directions, so... 1153 00:52:02,686 --> 00:52:03,954 Relax, I'm not a cop. 1154 00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:06,289 What about 21 Jump Street over here? 1155 00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:07,424 He's not a cop. 1156 00:52:07,491 --> 00:52:08,692 Come on, man. He's 11. 1157 00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,160 Yeah, I don't know that. 1158 00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:12,295 I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see RoboCop? 1159 00:52:12,362 --> 00:52:14,364 That dude's half cop and half robot. 1160 00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,365 You ever see that movie? 1161 00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,000 My mom wouldn't let me. 1162 00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:18,768 But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it. 1163 00:52:18,835 --> 00:52:19,769 Oh... 1164 00:52:19,836 --> 00:52:21,705 Yeah. He's good. You're good. 1165 00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,773 He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on. 1166 00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:27,144 Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what? 1167 00:52:27,210 --> 00:52:29,012 Step into my office. 1168 00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:30,881 You boys need anything else while you're here? 1169 00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:34,451 Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo? 1170 00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:36,386 No, just the doll. 1171 00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,455 We're gonna need a girl one. 1172 00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:40,690 A redhead with freckles. 1173 00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,826 Best Patch in the Tri-City. 1174 00:52:44,895 --> 00:52:46,129 Yeah, that looks good. 1175 00:52:46,196 --> 00:52:47,631 Yeah, does look good. 1176 00:52:47,697 --> 00:52:50,400 So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah? 1177 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,668 Something like that? Yeah? 1178 00:52:51,735 --> 00:52:52,736 Need a third? 1179 00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,904 Nah, I'm kidding. 1180 00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,406 I do miss my dad... A lot. 1181 00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,009 Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles. 1182 00:52:59,075 --> 00:53:01,044 Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles. 1183 00:53:02,145 --> 00:53:03,680 - All right, how much? - $100. 1184 00:53:03,747 --> 00:53:05,649 One hundred? No. 1185 00:53:05,715 --> 00:53:07,017 Yeah, where else you gonna go? 1186 00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:09,019 Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out. 1187 00:53:09,085 --> 00:53:10,854 Sixty bucks. 1188 00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:13,890 I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50. 1189 00:53:13,990 --> 00:53:15,659 You know what? We can go up there right now. 1190 00:53:15,725 --> 00:53:18,094 Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no. 1191 00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:20,664 You do not want any of their bald-headed junk. 1192 00:53:20,730 --> 00:53:22,332 Seventy. Last offer. 1193 00:53:24,167 --> 00:53:25,936 Oh, I can't say no to that face. 1194 00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,237 All right. $70. 1195 00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:31,174 - Comes with a birth certificate. - Wow! 1196 00:53:31,241 --> 00:53:33,443 - Dad, that's... - Signed right on the derriere. 1197 00:53:34,911 --> 00:53:35,879 Thanks. 1198 00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:41,017 Can we ask about the Nintendo? 1199 00:53:41,084 --> 00:53:43,386 I got him down from $100. Can you believe that? 1200 00:53:43,453 --> 00:53:45,222 Lizzy's gonna love it. 1201 00:53:45,288 --> 00:53:47,023 Did it bother me that my dad went to 1202 00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:49,292 Herculean lengths to get my sister a present? 1203 00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,560 Sorta. 1204 00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:53,196 But I was gonna get one on my own. 1205 00:53:53,263 --> 00:53:55,198 Gentlemen. 1206 00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:58,535 Look deeply into your candle's flame. 1207 00:53:58,602 --> 00:54:01,438 Stare at its dancing light. 1208 00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,442 Now, close your eyes. 1209 00:54:06,710 --> 00:54:07,944 What do you see? 1210 00:54:09,145 --> 00:54:12,415 You see the flame, gentlemen. 1211 00:54:12,482 --> 00:54:14,317 It burns even when your eyes are closed 1212 00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:18,221 because we know that even when we blow these candles out... 1213 00:54:18,288 --> 00:54:22,058 the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade. 1214 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,568 Okay. 1215 00:54:31,635 --> 00:54:33,470 But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys. 1216 00:54:33,570 --> 00:54:35,105 And scouts are supposed to have honor, 1217 00:54:35,171 --> 00:54:36,773 yet you're still here. 1218 00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,008 Lots to get through tonight, gents. 1219 00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,909 We've got the Pinewood Derby, 1220 00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,678 the Loyalty Day parade... Oh... 1221 00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,515 I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss." 1222 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,684 Get to the wreaths, Halberg! 1223 00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:50,487 - I'm sorry? - The door necklaces. 1224 00:54:50,587 --> 00:54:51,855 Are you even in this troop? 1225 00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:56,693 Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths! 1226 00:54:56,793 --> 00:54:58,028 Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths! 1227 00:54:59,863 --> 00:55:02,532 Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths! 1228 00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:06,703 Okay. Calm down. 1229 00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,371 Now... 1230 00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,540 I know you've all been selling very hard this year 1231 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,843 so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes... 1232 00:55:13,943 --> 00:55:15,011 are special. 1233 00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,848 Oh-ho! Look at that! 1234 00:55:18,948 --> 00:55:22,285 First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system. 1235 00:55:22,352 --> 00:55:25,989 Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there? 1236 00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,224 Told you it came with a free Power Pad. 1237 00:55:29,626 --> 00:55:31,061 Okay. 1238 00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,730 In third place... 1239 00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,734 Jeffery Farmer! 1240 00:55:38,868 --> 00:55:41,071 Nobody cares about third place. 1241 00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:43,873 Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory, 1242 00:55:43,973 --> 00:55:45,975 this was a delight to us all. 1243 00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,844 Anybody had a chance now. 1244 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:52,649 "Subscription to Boys' Life." 1245 00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,417 Yes! 1246 00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,752 I grew up on that magazine. 1247 00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:57,654 Great articles. 1248 00:55:57,721 --> 00:55:59,723 And in second place... 1249 00:56:00,724 --> 00:56:02,726 an amazing showing... 1250 00:56:04,728 --> 00:56:05,929 Teddy Hodges! 1251 00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,764 No! 1252 00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,666 Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins 1253 00:56:09,733 --> 00:56:11,768 were only good enough for silver. 1254 00:56:13,903 --> 00:56:16,673 It's a globe of the whole world! 1255 00:56:16,740 --> 00:56:17,774 All of it! 1256 00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,215 There was no second place when it came to Nintendo. 1257 00:56:27,784 --> 00:56:29,586 And now... 1258 00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:32,355 - This is it, this is it! - ...this year's first prize winner 1259 00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:34,691 of the wreath-selling contest. 1260 00:56:34,758 --> 00:56:39,262 The highest sales total in troop history... 1261 00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:44,200 Jake Doyle! 1262 00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,475 I won! 1263 00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:55,278 You can put it on the board! Yes! 1264 00:56:55,378 --> 00:56:56,980 Oh, so many people to thank. 1265 00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,283 My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation... 1266 00:57:00,383 --> 00:57:01,584 Yes! 1267 00:57:01,651 --> 00:57:03,820 This year's first prize... 1268 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,156 the best we've had in years... 1269 00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,392 - Are you ready, Jake? - Yeah. 1270 00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:13,630 A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias! 1271 00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:15,799 What? 1272 00:57:15,899 --> 00:57:18,067 It was like winning more school. 1273 00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:20,103 No! 1274 00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:23,506 Where is it? 1275 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,609 - I hate you, Halberg! - God. 1276 00:57:29,412 --> 00:57:31,514 It didn't make any sense. Why? 1277 00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:35,251 Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books? 1278 00:57:35,318 --> 00:57:38,087 Who could possibly be behind something so terrible? 1279 00:57:38,154 --> 00:57:40,089 So awful, so villainous? 1280 00:57:40,156 --> 00:57:44,427 Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who. 1281 00:57:44,494 --> 00:57:47,664 Parents of Batavia, good evening. 1282 00:57:47,764 --> 00:57:49,332 - Hi. - Little did we know, 1283 00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:51,701 the night before the wreath award ceremony, 1284 00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,369 Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting 1285 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:56,372 with the express purpose of ruining our lives. 1286 00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:59,476 There was an incident in my home recently. 1287 00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,279 A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane... 1288 00:58:03,346 --> 00:58:07,050 was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set. 1289 00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:10,186 42-inch, that's a really nice television set. 1290 00:58:10,286 --> 00:58:11,554 John. 1291 00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:15,058 Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy, 1292 00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:17,961 who is a gifted, generous young man, 1293 00:58:18,027 --> 00:58:22,665 who has recently been diagnosed with something called... 1294 00:58:22,732 --> 00:58:24,400 "Attention Deficit..." 1295 00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:25,902 Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. 1296 00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:29,239 It's very serious... 1297 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,708 and it's extremely rare. 1298 00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:33,009 So rare. 1299 00:58:34,377 --> 00:58:35,845 I love you. 1300 00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,146 Could I have the lights, please? 1301 00:58:40,683 --> 00:58:42,085 Ladies and gentlemen... 1302 00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,255 the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime... 1303 00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,990 is video games. 1304 00:58:47,056 --> 00:58:49,659 Video games did this. 1305 00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:52,595 And this. 1306 00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,265 And this. 1307 00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,935 And this. 1308 00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,538 Oh. 1309 00:59:01,604 --> 00:59:03,006 It's the same slide. 1310 00:59:04,007 --> 00:59:07,110 I meant, and this. 1311 00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212 - Still same slide. - God damn it! 1312 00:59:11,014 --> 00:59:12,949 Timmy dumped cheese in here again. 1313 00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,685 You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this. 1314 00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:17,120 Pookie. 1315 00:59:20,723 --> 00:59:22,025 And this. 1316 00:59:24,627 --> 00:59:26,396 The question is, ladies and gentlemen... 1317 00:59:26,462 --> 00:59:27,764 Is that a dog? 1318 00:59:27,864 --> 00:59:29,132 ...what are we prepared to do about it? 1319 00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,300 We should ban it! 1320 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,201 - Ban it! - Ban it! Ban it! 1321 00:59:32,268 --> 00:59:35,138 - No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! - No more. 1322 00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,973 - We must protect our dogs. - Yes. 1323 00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,442 We must protect our community! 1324 00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:41,144 Yes! 1325 00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:43,146 It's modern technology taking over our lives. 1326 00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,315 It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here! 1327 00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,950 - That's right. - We've gotta stop it! 1328 00:59:47,050 --> 00:59:48,785 We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground. 1329 00:59:48,885 --> 00:59:50,153 - Burn it. - Yeah. 1330 00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:52,922 Video game over! Video game over! 1331 00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:54,924 Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder. 1332 00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:57,994 Video game over! Video game over! 1333 00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,495 Let me hear you. 1334 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,264 Bring it down now. Video game over. 1335 01:00:01,331 --> 01:00:03,499 Keane's panicked propaganda continued on 1336 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:04,901 well into the night. 1337 01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:07,437 It was a virtual video game Armageddon. 1338 01:00:07,503 --> 01:00:09,806 - I can feel it! We're so close! - Video game over! 1339 01:00:09,906 --> 01:00:11,674 Video game over! 1340 01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:13,743 And there was nothing we could do about it. 1341 01:00:13,810 --> 01:00:14,978 No rabbit. 1342 01:00:18,648 --> 01:00:21,517 All those wreaths for nothing. 1343 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:25,421 Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes? 1344 01:00:28,424 --> 01:00:31,361 We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County. 1345 01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,329 Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva 1346 01:00:33,429 --> 01:00:36,599 with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane. 1347 01:00:36,666 --> 01:00:39,202 Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now 1348 01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,037 until Christmas, and you've managed to pass 1349 01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:44,807 a county-wide ban on selling video game systems. 1350 01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:46,476 - Is that correct? - That is correct. 1351 01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:48,611 Every store in Kane County has agreed to it. 1352 01:00:48,678 --> 01:00:52,348 And you really feel that video games promote violence enough 1353 01:00:52,448 --> 01:00:54,217 to make them illegal? 1354 01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,052 Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV? 1355 01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:58,054 No, she has not. 1356 01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,956 It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth. 1357 01:01:00,023 --> 01:01:04,227 These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped. 1358 01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:07,030 Video game over! Video game over! 1359 01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:08,898 - Video game over! - Video game over! 1360 01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:10,500 He's a podiatrist. 1361 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,168 Sorry, Jake. 1362 01:01:12,235 --> 01:01:13,736 Knock it off, Lizzy. 1363 01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,040 No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one. 1364 01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:19,742 I had it. 1365 01:01:20,576 --> 01:01:21,577 It was mine. 1366 01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,347 But now... 1367 01:01:25,882 --> 01:01:27,216 I'll never get one. 1368 01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,421 Here. You can have the remote. 1369 01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,024 Thanks, Lizzy. 1370 01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:42,732 She gave you the remote? 1371 01:01:42,832 --> 01:01:46,002 I would never give Charlie the remote. 1372 01:01:46,069 --> 01:01:47,603 You must've been a wreck. 1373 01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:50,339 Duh. They banned Nintendo. 1374 01:01:50,406 --> 01:01:53,109 So, if Batavia banned Nintendo 1375 01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,578 and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one... 1376 01:01:55,678 --> 01:01:58,181 and you're doing all these bad things, all the time... 1377 01:01:58,247 --> 01:02:00,950 - Not all the time. - Yes, all the time. 1378 01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,453 You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you, 1379 01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:04,887 then how did you get it? 1380 01:02:04,954 --> 01:02:06,689 How did you get the Nintendo? 1381 01:02:06,756 --> 01:02:09,225 Okay, calm down. 1382 01:02:09,292 --> 01:02:10,960 Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve... 1383 01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,228 No! 1384 01:02:12,295 --> 01:02:14,363 I wanna know what happens in the story. 1385 01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,801 You see, Annie... 1386 01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,304 sometimes during Christmas... 1387 01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:24,140 just when you think that all hope is lost... 1388 01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:26,976 something magical happens. 1389 01:02:28,277 --> 01:02:31,647 Some people call it a Christmas miracle. 1390 01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:35,118 Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink. 1391 01:02:36,452 --> 01:02:37,887 What's a roller rink? 1392 01:02:43,993 --> 01:02:47,830 Six days until Christmas and it was officially official. 1393 01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,399 None of us were getting a Nintendo. 1394 01:02:56,072 --> 01:02:58,407 My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still. 1395 01:02:58,474 --> 01:03:00,143 That's in Cook County. 1396 01:03:00,243 --> 01:03:01,410 DuPage County. 1397 01:03:01,477 --> 01:03:03,446 - How do you know? - I got encyclopedias. 1398 01:03:03,513 --> 01:03:05,515 Come on, guys. We still got each other. 1399 01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:06,816 Watch out! 1400 01:03:08,584 --> 01:03:11,320 - Sorry. - Objectively, I know that's hilarious 1401 01:03:11,420 --> 01:03:15,124 but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now. 1402 01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:17,693 It was the Hodges' birthday party. 1403 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,595 The dreaded Christmas birthday. 1404 01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:22,498 Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them, 1405 01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:25,001 they had to share it with Christmas to boot. 1406 01:03:25,101 --> 01:03:28,871 "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma." 1407 01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,173 What a rip-off. 1408 01:03:30,273 --> 01:03:33,009 "P.S. This gift is for you two to share." 1409 01:03:34,811 --> 01:03:37,113 - Fresh packs. Who wants to open? - Me! 1410 01:03:40,349 --> 01:03:41,617 - You got Chris Sabo. - Need it. 1411 01:03:41,684 --> 01:03:44,654 Need it. Got it. Need it. 1412 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:45,955 You gonna eat your gum? 1413 01:03:48,691 --> 01:03:49,625 Ow! 1414 01:03:50,393 --> 01:03:51,494 Mmm... 1415 01:03:51,561 --> 01:03:54,030 Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken. 1416 01:03:54,130 --> 01:03:55,965 Who cares about Billy Ripken? 1417 01:03:57,133 --> 01:03:58,201 What? 1418 01:03:58,301 --> 01:03:59,468 What? What is it? 1419 01:03:59,535 --> 01:04:00,903 You guys are not gonna believe this. 1420 01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,072 Look! Right there! On his bat! 1421 01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,541 - Oh, my gosh! - A swear word. 1422 01:04:06,309 --> 01:04:07,710 That's a bad one. 1423 01:04:07,810 --> 01:04:09,412 - What does it say? - Don't read it out loud. 1424 01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,347 I'm not allowed to hear swear words. 1425 01:04:11,414 --> 01:04:13,216 "Swear word dash face." 1426 01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:15,251 Which swear word? A-face? 1427 01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:16,152 Mmm-mmm. 1428 01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,221 - S-face? - Mmm-mmm. 1429 01:04:18,321 --> 01:04:20,489 Wait. F-face? 1430 01:04:20,556 --> 01:04:21,324 Bingo. 1431 01:04:21,390 --> 01:04:22,658 It's an error card. 1432 01:04:22,725 --> 01:04:25,428 It's the greatest error card of all time! 1433 01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,896 Billy Ripken. 1434 01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,700 Ninety-five bucks! 1435 01:04:32,101 --> 01:04:34,003 Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire! 1436 01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:36,873 Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo. 1437 01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,209 Guys... 1438 01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:42,778 I got it. 1439 01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:44,046 I don't get it. 1440 01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:45,281 What do you mean, you don't get it? 1441 01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:47,083 It's a very clear 15-point plan. 1442 01:04:47,183 --> 01:04:50,086 - I think you spelled "covert" wrong. - Okay. 1443 01:04:50,186 --> 01:04:53,789 The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago. 1444 01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:56,926 - So? - So, they still sell Nintendos there. 1445 01:04:57,026 --> 01:04:58,094 So? 1446 01:04:58,194 --> 01:04:59,929 So, we sell some baseball cards, 1447 01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:01,464 get some money... 1448 01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,599 we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo. 1449 01:05:03,699 --> 01:05:06,469 Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps? 1450 01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,571 That's like... three. 1451 01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:10,306 I don't know. We could get in trouble. 1452 01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:13,376 I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas. 1453 01:05:13,442 --> 01:05:14,810 Forget Christmas. 1454 01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:17,713 This is bigger than Christmas. 1455 01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:23,052 This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo. 1456 01:05:23,119 --> 01:05:25,454 One that we can play on our own. 1457 01:05:25,554 --> 01:05:27,823 We don't have to worry about taking our boots off, 1458 01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,258 or getting in line... 1459 01:05:29,325 --> 01:05:31,227 or any of that stuff. 1460 01:05:31,294 --> 01:05:33,329 We can totally do this! 1461 01:05:34,830 --> 01:05:38,000 - This is our Vietnam. - Yeah. 1462 01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,003 I don't think that means what you think it means. 1463 01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,406 I have no idea what it means. 1464 01:05:43,472 --> 01:05:45,007 But who's with me? 1465 01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,075 I'm in. 1466 01:05:50,479 --> 01:05:52,281 Check, check. Over. 1467 01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:53,683 Check, check. Over. 1468 01:05:54,417 --> 01:05:55,651 We're in. 1469 01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:13,636 I'm in. 1470 01:06:13,703 --> 01:06:15,104 Nope. 1471 01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:16,305 - Forget it. - What? 1472 01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:17,773 Baseball cards, Farmer. 1473 01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,109 Come on! What's a guy gotta do? 1474 01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:21,877 Olsen? 1475 01:06:36,325 --> 01:06:38,661 We're gonna get in so much trouble. 1476 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:45,167 One, two, three, Nintendo! 1477 01:06:51,407 --> 01:06:52,508 Got it! 1478 01:06:52,575 --> 01:06:53,576 Nice, Tammy. 1479 01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,211 Safe and secure. 1480 01:06:55,311 --> 01:06:56,812 Here we go! 1481 01:07:22,905 --> 01:07:25,775 Oh, no! Not Jagorski. 1482 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,243 What's he gonna do? 1483 01:07:27,343 --> 01:07:28,944 I'll give you a hint. 1484 01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:30,780 Nothing good. 1485 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,616 It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute. 1486 01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:35,284 - Duffle bag? - Check. 1487 01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,086 - Blanket? - Check. In the bag. 1488 01:07:37,186 --> 01:07:38,454 - Walkie-talkies? - Check. 1489 01:07:38,554 --> 01:07:39,889 Camouflage, check. 1490 01:07:39,955 --> 01:07:42,358 Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit. 1491 01:07:42,425 --> 01:07:44,360 Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern, 1492 01:07:44,427 --> 01:07:45,895 you know, for urban combat. 1493 01:07:45,961 --> 01:07:47,463 I agree. 1494 01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,798 How are you feeling, Olsen? 1495 01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,599 Not good. 1496 01:07:50,699 --> 01:07:51,567 Perfect. 1497 01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:56,305 Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle. 1498 01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,474 I heard it's good for money management. 1499 01:08:02,812 --> 01:08:04,547 - That's ours! - Not anymore. 1500 01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:06,115 You can't do that! 1501 01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:08,984 Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it? 1502 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:11,620 Yeah. That's what I thought. 1503 01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,123 Your Nintendo's mine. 1504 01:08:16,158 --> 01:08:17,259 What up, Miss Hugo? 1505 01:08:17,326 --> 01:08:18,561 Oh, man. This is so bad. 1506 01:08:18,627 --> 01:08:20,496 I don't think it could get any worse. 1507 01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:22,565 Jake Doyle. 1508 01:08:22,631 --> 01:08:23,933 Where do you think you're going? 1509 01:08:23,999 --> 01:08:25,601 On the bus to the Art Institute? 1510 01:08:25,668 --> 01:08:26,902 Not like that. 1511 01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:29,738 No boots, no field trip. 1512 01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:37,012 At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice." 1513 01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:41,117 Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots! 1514 01:08:46,288 --> 01:08:47,590 They're so pretty. 1515 01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,192 I have the same kind. 1516 01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:53,596 Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs 1517 01:08:53,662 --> 01:08:55,264 quickly fell to the wayside. 1518 01:08:55,331 --> 01:08:57,500 It was a bad dream come to life. 1519 01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:01,537 Wow! Nice boots, Doyle. 1520 01:09:01,637 --> 01:09:04,974 Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat? 1521 01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,478 Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm? 1522 01:09:09,545 --> 01:09:12,381 They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though. 1523 01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:19,522 The entire plan hung in the balance. 1524 01:09:19,622 --> 01:09:23,526 And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs. 1525 01:09:23,626 --> 01:09:25,561 Erasers are good. Do you want one? 1526 01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,229 - No. - All right. 1527 01:09:53,556 --> 01:09:54,723 We're almost to the spot. 1528 01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:56,659 Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do? 1529 01:09:56,725 --> 01:09:58,160 I don't know. 1530 01:09:58,227 --> 01:09:59,428 Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something. 1531 01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:00,529 Okay. 1532 01:10:05,501 --> 01:10:07,269 What about the money? 1533 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,273 Mrs. Hugo. 1534 01:10:11,373 --> 01:10:13,242 - Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? - I don't feel good. 1535 01:10:13,342 --> 01:10:14,777 Okay, I... We're gonna be... 1536 01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,046 Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size. 1537 01:10:17,112 --> 01:10:18,514 Think of something happy. 1538 01:10:18,581 --> 01:10:21,750 Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet. 1539 01:10:21,850 --> 01:10:25,054 In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E... 1540 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:27,690 O, U, Q, X. 1541 01:10:29,725 --> 01:10:33,395 Well, well, look at what we got here. 1542 01:10:33,462 --> 01:10:35,798 We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can... 1543 01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,101 Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine. 1544 01:10:39,201 --> 01:10:41,136 - We gotta go now, or... - Or else? 1545 01:10:42,805 --> 01:10:44,273 Are you gonna make me? 1546 01:10:44,373 --> 01:10:48,277 Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend 1547 01:10:48,377 --> 01:10:50,145 in your girl boots! 1548 01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,815 Are you gonna cry now? 1549 01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:58,654 And that's when it hit me. 1550 01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:02,591 Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel. 1551 01:11:02,658 --> 01:11:04,493 He didn't care about being called names. 1552 01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:06,929 He didn't care about bullies, so why should I? 1553 01:11:06,996 --> 01:11:08,831 Nintendo or not, 1554 01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:11,500 Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long. 1555 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,270 "I'm wearing feminine footwear. 1556 01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:16,071 "Why did I bring it to school? 1557 01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:18,907 "My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!" 1558 01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:21,677 You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski. 1559 01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,013 You're not worth a hill of beans. 1560 01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,649 Wha... What does that mean? 1561 01:11:26,749 --> 01:11:28,651 It means you're just a sad little bully. 1562 01:11:28,751 --> 01:11:31,687 And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now 1563 01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:33,956 the only one crying is gonna be you, 1564 01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,591 buttface! 1565 01:11:36,592 --> 01:11:37,693 Now! 1566 01:11:38,694 --> 01:11:40,095 Okay, okay. 1567 01:11:40,829 --> 01:11:42,264 Okay. 1568 01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:45,868 And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too! 1569 01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,770 But I love my mom. 1570 01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:56,679 - I know, I... - Sit down. 1571 01:11:56,779 --> 01:11:59,882 Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach? 1572 01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:01,717 Do you actually think that maybe you could have... 1573 01:12:07,022 --> 01:12:10,392 Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay? 1574 01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:13,062 Oh, my gosh! Are you okay? 1575 01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:16,699 Get the alarm! Get the alarm! 1576 01:12:16,799 --> 01:12:17,900 Walkies. 1577 01:12:19,301 --> 01:12:20,736 Open the door! 1578 01:12:20,836 --> 01:12:22,571 All right, go, go, go! 1579 01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,709 Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle! 1580 01:12:26,809 --> 01:12:29,745 Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over. 1581 01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:31,080 Blue Bird, this is Rambo One. 1582 01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:33,048 - What happened to Red Dog? - I changed it. 1583 01:12:33,148 --> 01:12:34,817 We're allowed to change names now? 1584 01:12:34,883 --> 01:12:36,919 Let's just start over. 1585 01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:40,422 Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool. 1586 01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,057 Love it! 1587 01:12:42,157 --> 01:12:43,592 Approaching Michigan Avenue. 1588 01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:49,498 - Careful there, kid. It's slippery. - Thanks. 1589 01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:51,767 Sorry. Excuse me. 1590 01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,105 Coming through. Sorry. 1591 01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,873 Our testing had made it clear. 1592 01:12:57,940 --> 01:13:00,275 Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach 1593 01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:02,745 equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit. 1594 01:13:02,845 --> 01:13:04,780 That was our window to buy a Nintendo 1595 01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:08,183 and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke. 1596 01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,789 Excuse me. 1597 01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,258 As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles 1598 01:13:16,358 --> 01:13:18,460 I figured I'd be good to go... Oh, God! 1599 01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,697 Video game over! Video game over! 1600 01:13:21,764 --> 01:13:23,098 Are you kidding me? 1601 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:27,436 Rambo One, we have a problem. 1602 01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:29,471 What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever? 1603 01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,907 Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here. 1604 01:13:31,974 --> 01:13:33,375 - What? - I repeat, your mom 1605 01:13:33,442 --> 01:13:34,910 and Mrs. Keane are outside the store. 1606 01:13:34,977 --> 01:13:36,578 I can't get past them without them seeing me. 1607 01:13:36,645 --> 01:13:38,046 - Don't go in there. D - Don't go in that store. 1608 01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:40,082 Don't spend your money. Stay in school! 1609 01:13:40,149 --> 01:13:42,251 Get your mom under control, Trotter! 1610 01:13:42,317 --> 01:13:43,886 Darn it! 1611 01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:45,320 Jake, what are we gonna do? 1612 01:13:45,421 --> 01:13:47,122 I don't know. That's why I'm calling you. 1613 01:13:47,222 --> 01:13:48,457 Abort! Abort! 1614 01:13:48,557 --> 01:13:49,825 - No! - No. 1615 01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:52,060 No abort. We just need to get them out of the way. 1616 01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:58,167 Maybe we could page them over the intercom? 1617 01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,135 Tell them they have a call. 1618 01:14:00,235 --> 01:14:02,070 Guys, there's a payphone across the street. 1619 01:14:02,137 --> 01:14:06,575 Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check. 1620 01:14:06,642 --> 01:14:08,177 Your poor little tummy... 1621 01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:13,982 Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad. 1622 01:14:14,082 --> 01:14:15,017 Okay! 1623 01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618 Could I get some help here? 1624 01:14:16,685 --> 01:14:19,988 I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it. 1625 01:14:20,088 --> 01:14:22,024 He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast. 1626 01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,259 - We should be good. - Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake. 1627 01:14:24,326 --> 01:14:25,427 But what do we say? 1628 01:14:25,494 --> 01:14:28,096 I don't know. Something good. 1629 01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:29,531 Something good like what? 1630 01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:31,700 I don't know! Make something up. 1631 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,536 Did someone say "make something up"? 1632 01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:42,878 Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane 1633 01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:44,847 please come to the white courtesy phone. 1634 01:14:44,947 --> 01:14:46,849 You have an emergency phone call. 1635 01:14:46,949 --> 01:14:48,684 - I'm Mrs. Keane. - What's going on? 1636 01:14:48,784 --> 01:14:49,885 Oh, my gosh! An emergency? 1637 01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:51,887 Let's go. 1638 01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:53,822 I hope it's not Timmy. 1639 01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:54,990 He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning. 1640 01:14:55,057 --> 01:14:56,124 It worked! 1641 01:14:57,493 --> 01:15:00,295 Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone. 1642 01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:01,997 Copy that. 1643 01:15:02,064 --> 01:15:03,198 Doing good. 1644 01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,001 Oh, hey, here it is. 1645 01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:10,739 - Hello? - Hello, Mrs. Trotter. 1646 01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:13,375 - No. - I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right. 1647 01:15:13,475 --> 01:15:15,477 - Who is this? - This is your nephew. 1648 01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:17,646 I don't have a nephew. 1649 01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:21,850 I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling. 1650 01:15:21,917 --> 01:15:24,319 I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective. 1651 01:15:24,386 --> 01:15:26,555 The International Nieces and Nephews Collective? 1652 01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,257 - That's right. - What's that? 1653 01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,892 Well, we're based in Canada. 1654 01:15:29,992 --> 01:15:32,895 - Oh, you are, eh? Hi. - Canada. 1655 01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,933 Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this. 1656 01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,069 - That doesn't make any sense. - Makes perfect sense if you think about it. 1657 01:15:41,169 --> 01:15:43,372 You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew, 1658 01:15:43,438 --> 01:15:44,873 the Collective is here to help. 1659 01:15:44,940 --> 01:15:46,074 - Can you make any sense of this? - Sure. 1660 01:15:46,174 --> 01:15:47,776 - Uh, hello? - Hello? 1661 01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,778 I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong. 1662 01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:51,947 Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them. 1663 01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,749 You've gotta hurry. 1664 01:15:53,849 --> 01:15:55,450 - Where's your sister, Jake? - Shut up, Nintendo. 1665 01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:57,719 And it's also against the law. 1666 01:15:57,786 --> 01:15:59,521 You wanna know what else would be criminal? 1667 01:15:59,588 --> 01:16:01,456 Letting your son go another holiday season 1668 01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:05,360 without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin. 1669 01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:07,563 We're just trying to spread joy to the world. 1670 01:16:07,629 --> 01:16:08,530 Aw. 1671 01:16:08,597 --> 01:16:09,464 That makes sense. 1672 01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:10,766 - That's nice. - Yeah. 1673 01:16:10,866 --> 01:16:13,101 She bought it. Someone believed me. 1674 01:16:13,201 --> 01:16:15,137 I can hear you. 1675 01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:18,740 Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security. 1676 01:16:18,807 --> 01:16:20,208 All right. You're feeling better? 1677 01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:21,977 Can we go back in the bus now? 1678 01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,146 Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good. 1679 01:16:25,814 --> 01:16:28,650 Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke! 1680 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,652 - And I'm your nephew. - Okay. You know what? 1681 01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,155 I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment. 1682 01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,323 - Good bye. - Hello? 1683 01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:35,791 Hello? 1684 01:16:35,891 --> 01:16:36,959 Drat! 1685 01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:44,333 I lost them, I lost them, I lost them. 1686 01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,734 And Farmer is off the phone. 1687 01:16:45,801 --> 01:16:47,836 Repeat. Farmer's off the phone. 1688 01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:51,340 Look out for Keane and my mom. 1689 01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:54,176 - I don't understand either. - Was it a survey? 1690 01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,512 Excuse me. 1691 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,353 Oh, God. 1692 01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:06,121 I got past them, I'm in the clear! 1693 01:17:06,188 --> 01:17:08,023 The bus is moving, Jake. 1694 01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,092 The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it. 1695 01:17:10,158 --> 01:17:11,660 This was it. This was it. 1696 01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:14,363 Victory was mine. I could taste it. 1697 01:17:15,097 --> 01:17:16,465 Yes. Yes. 1698 01:17:17,032 --> 01:17:18,367 No! 1699 01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:28,110 No! 1700 01:17:29,945 --> 01:17:31,713 No! 1701 01:17:43,025 --> 01:17:44,192 That can't be good. 1702 01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:49,498 Damn. 1703 01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:55,637 So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas. 1704 01:17:55,704 --> 01:17:58,740 Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid. 1705 01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,076 You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk. 1706 01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,212 I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year. 1707 01:18:04,312 --> 01:18:07,082 One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid, 1708 01:18:07,182 --> 01:18:09,418 know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey. 1709 01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,853 A donkey. Can you believe that? 1710 01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,923 Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up. 1711 01:18:15,724 --> 01:18:17,259 Well, I did. 1712 01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:20,429 All November, all December, that's all I could think about. 1713 01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,197 All I could talk about. 1714 01:18:22,264 --> 01:18:25,033 Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey? 1715 01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:28,336 And guess what happened Christmas morning? 1716 01:18:28,403 --> 01:18:30,772 - You got a donkey? - No. 1717 01:18:30,872 --> 01:18:32,174 Who gets a donkey? 1718 01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:33,675 No. I... 1719 01:18:33,742 --> 01:18:37,446 No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season 1720 01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,448 worrying about something I wanted 1721 01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,851 and I stopped appreciating what I already had. 1722 01:18:42,918 --> 01:18:45,087 Was it like a hamster or dog or something? 1723 01:18:45,187 --> 01:18:48,523 No, my family. My life. 1724 01:18:48,590 --> 01:18:50,792 You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid. 1725 01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,961 You gotta make them count. 1726 01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:57,065 Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you? 1727 01:19:01,303 --> 01:19:03,572 All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on. 1728 01:19:04,106 --> 01:19:05,741 Yo! Taxi! 1729 01:19:11,279 --> 01:19:13,281 Let's get you back with your field trip. 1730 01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:17,886 - Where's you headed? - Art Institute. 1731 01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:20,455 Drop him off at the side door on Monroe. 1732 01:19:20,555 --> 01:19:22,090 - Okay? - Got it. 1733 01:19:22,157 --> 01:19:24,126 Tell security you got lost. 1734 01:19:24,226 --> 01:19:26,795 Is there any way I can pay you back somehow? 1735 01:19:26,895 --> 01:19:29,397 Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch. 1736 01:19:29,464 --> 01:19:30,665 You gotta do me a favor, though. 1737 01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,834 - What's that? - Have a Merry Christmas. 1738 01:19:50,685 --> 01:19:53,288 Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet? 1739 01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:54,623 Is it time yet, Jake? 1740 01:19:57,926 --> 01:19:58,927 Let's go! 1741 01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,167 Wow! 1742 01:20:07,602 --> 01:20:10,105 Ten years of visual unwrapping experience 1743 01:20:10,172 --> 01:20:14,209 I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree. 1744 01:20:14,309 --> 01:20:18,180 Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords. 1745 01:20:18,280 --> 01:20:21,850 Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out. 1746 01:20:21,950 --> 01:20:23,852 You know the rules. 1747 01:20:26,121 --> 01:20:27,055 Legos? 1748 01:20:27,155 --> 01:20:28,690 Let's just get this over with. 1749 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:30,959 Okay... 1750 01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,328 Let's have some Christmas. 1751 01:20:35,463 --> 01:20:36,865 And... 1752 01:20:36,965 --> 01:20:40,302 - three, two, one... - Merry Christmas! 1753 01:20:40,368 --> 01:20:43,004 It's Christmas morning, 1988. 1754 01:20:43,071 --> 01:20:44,372 Opening our presents! 1755 01:20:44,472 --> 01:20:47,042 - Looking good. - Merry Christmas. 1756 01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:48,577 Merry Christmas. 1757 01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,712 - Okay, hold on. - Cheese. 1758 01:20:54,216 --> 01:20:55,650 Boop. Boop. 1759 01:20:55,717 --> 01:20:57,419 - How are you, Jake? - Boop. 1760 01:20:57,519 --> 01:20:58,920 Cheer up! 1761 01:20:59,020 --> 01:21:00,689 Merry Christmas. 1762 01:21:00,755 --> 01:21:01,857 Thank you, honey. 1763 01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:05,994 Come on, buddy. Thumbs up. 1764 01:21:06,061 --> 01:21:07,362 Great, all right, cool. 1765 01:21:14,736 --> 01:21:17,339 Leg warmers. 1766 01:21:17,405 --> 01:21:23,245 What? I got a sander. 1767 01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,447 Bookends? 1768 01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,749 For your encyclopedia set. 1769 01:21:27,849 --> 01:21:29,618 Great. 1770 01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,686 And they have baseballs on them. 1771 01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:32,621 I see that. 1772 01:21:34,589 --> 01:21:36,691 A Cabbage Patch Kid! 1773 01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,463 Wow! Freckles! 1774 01:21:43,098 --> 01:21:45,233 I'm sorry it's not a redhead. 1775 01:21:47,936 --> 01:21:50,772 Thank you so much. I love you. 1776 01:21:50,872 --> 01:21:51,940 I love you, too. 1777 01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:56,711 Another great Christmas. 1778 01:21:56,778 --> 01:22:00,415 You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys 1779 01:22:00,482 --> 01:22:02,484 is a real blessing. 1780 01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:04,119 What? 1781 01:22:04,219 --> 01:22:07,055 I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..." 1782 01:22:07,122 --> 01:22:08,623 John. John! 1783 01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:10,992 John. 1784 01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:13,561 Do you have to do that right now? 1785 01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:16,498 Yeah, but... You gave it to me. 1786 01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,167 Okay. 1787 01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,569 Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed. 1788 01:22:25,507 --> 01:22:28,009 And that's when I saw it. 1789 01:22:29,644 --> 01:22:32,781 It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands 1790 01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:34,149 not three days before. 1791 01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:42,290 "To Jake. From Uncle Dan." 1792 01:22:42,357 --> 01:22:45,927 Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan. 1793 01:22:45,994 --> 01:22:49,297 Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan. 1794 01:22:49,364 --> 01:22:51,866 You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years. 1795 01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:53,868 Where's he living again now? 1796 01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,036 Japan. 1797 01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:56,838 Japan. Japan. 1798 01:22:56,938 --> 01:22:58,306 Home of Nintendo. 1799 01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,475 The land where dreams come true. 1800 01:23:00,542 --> 01:23:02,811 Oh, God, don't mess with me now. 1801 01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,847 It's got your name on it, Jake. 1802 01:23:07,382 --> 01:23:09,184 What'd he say he was sending? 1803 01:23:09,284 --> 01:23:10,485 I have no idea. 1804 01:23:14,289 --> 01:23:16,157 Come on, come on. 1805 01:23:16,224 --> 01:23:18,026 It has to be. It has to be. 1806 01:23:19,361 --> 01:23:20,829 Lite-Brite? 1807 01:23:20,895 --> 01:23:21,896 Lite-Brite? 1808 01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:23,298 Lite-Brite. 1809 01:23:23,365 --> 01:23:25,734 Japanese Lite-Brite. 1810 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,536 Wow! Lite-Brite! 1811 01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,238 - Yeah. - Jake, that's fun. 1812 01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:34,409 You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo. 1813 01:23:36,144 --> 01:23:38,913 As I slowly tried to grasp the situation 1814 01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:42,417 I began to fear that I might never recover from this. 1815 01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:46,755 This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom, 1816 01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,758 never go to college, never leave the house. 1817 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,528 I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement 1818 01:23:53,595 --> 01:23:57,532 making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite. 1819 01:23:57,599 --> 01:24:00,268 Christmas was dead to me now. 1820 01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:01,736 - Hello? - Hey, Trotter. 1821 01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:03,371 - Hey. - You didn't get one either? 1822 01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,174 - Nah, I got a Chia Pet. - You got a Chia Pet? 1823 01:24:06,241 --> 01:24:07,442 The Hodges struck out, too. 1824 01:24:07,542 --> 01:24:10,245 Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges. 1825 01:24:10,345 --> 01:24:13,715 They just got a new bike... to share. 1826 01:24:13,782 --> 01:24:15,450 Yep. 1827 01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:17,452 Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So... 1828 01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:18,586 Yeah, right. 1829 01:24:18,686 --> 01:24:20,789 I guess we all struck out. 1830 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:21,890 Well, I gotta go. 1831 01:24:21,956 --> 01:24:23,024 - See ya. - See ya, man. 1832 01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,865 Wait a second. So, you didn't get one? 1833 01:24:30,932 --> 01:24:32,901 None of your friends got one? 1834 01:24:32,967 --> 01:24:35,103 What kind of a story is this? 1835 01:24:35,203 --> 01:24:37,305 Whose Nintendo were we even playing? 1836 01:24:39,307 --> 01:24:41,443 Here, come with me. 1837 01:24:44,112 --> 01:24:46,815 ...gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag. 1838 01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:52,754 We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy. 1839 01:24:52,821 --> 01:24:54,722 You've been in our car. I've seen you in it. 1840 01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:56,124 You know how big it is. 1841 01:24:56,224 --> 01:24:58,226 John, you're getting a little bit of a tone. 1842 01:24:58,293 --> 01:25:00,328 I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning. 1843 01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,497 No. I'm not hitting traffic. 1844 01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,099 - Jake! - What? 1845 01:25:04,165 --> 01:25:05,500 Oh. 1846 01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,169 Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay? 1847 01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,171 So, get a shovel and pick it up. 1848 01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,173 Why? I mean, come on. Please? 1849 01:25:12,273 --> 01:25:13,508 It's Christmas. 1850 01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:18,146 Fine. 1851 01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,188 Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy. 1852 01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,257 - We gotta go. - Yep. 1853 01:25:29,324 --> 01:25:31,593 Hey, start with the ones behind the shed. 1854 01:25:41,836 --> 01:25:44,873 Dad! The floodlights! 1855 01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,011 And there, high above the frozen dog poo 1856 01:25:50,111 --> 01:25:52,180 that had become the bane of my existence 1857 01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:56,618 was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on. 1858 01:25:56,684 --> 01:25:57,886 Whoa! 1859 01:25:57,986 --> 01:25:59,354 A tree fort. 1860 01:25:59,454 --> 01:26:03,291 A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort. 1861 01:26:05,293 --> 01:26:07,962 Oh, it was breathtaking. 1862 01:26:19,908 --> 01:26:21,209 Wow. 1863 01:26:22,677 --> 01:26:24,579 Wowee. 1864 01:26:26,481 --> 01:26:28,316 It has a trapdoor! 1865 01:26:28,383 --> 01:26:33,087 Your dad was up all night finishing it. 1866 01:26:35,990 --> 01:26:38,092 No, careful by the paint! 1867 01:26:38,193 --> 01:26:39,227 It still looks wet. 1868 01:26:45,233 --> 01:26:48,036 Dad! It's awesome! 1869 01:26:49,437 --> 01:26:51,172 I'm gonna get the video camera. 1870 01:26:51,940 --> 01:26:53,741 Nah, nah. 1871 01:26:53,841 --> 01:26:55,376 - No? - Nah. 1872 01:26:56,778 --> 01:26:58,046 Let him be. 1873 01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:12,627 So, Dad... 1874 01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,797 the Nintendo was here in the fort, right? 1875 01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,433 It was somewhere hidden in here? 1876 01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:19,801 Nope. 1877 01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,302 Then how'd you get it? 1878 01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:24,439 I never got it as a present. I had to work for it. 1879 01:27:24,539 --> 01:27:27,809 Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course. 1880 01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,446 Then Grandpa said I could buy my own. 1881 01:27:31,546 --> 01:27:35,483 But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present. 1882 01:27:37,051 --> 01:27:38,319 Mmm-hmm. 1883 01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:40,622 It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's. 1884 01:27:41,589 --> 01:27:42,590 Me, too. 1885 01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:46,995 Dinner's ready! Come on in! 1886 01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:49,764 Grandma! Hi, Grandma! 1887 01:27:49,831 --> 01:27:52,100 Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back. 1888 01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:53,401 Well, we are. 1889 01:27:53,468 --> 01:27:55,069 Now get your buns in here and give me a hug. 1890 01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,360 Phew. 1891 01:28:25,333 --> 01:28:26,768 Smell that? 1892 01:28:28,336 --> 01:28:29,470 Fresh air? 1893 01:28:30,538 --> 01:28:32,373 Fresh air. 1894 01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:35,043 Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh? 1895 01:28:37,845 --> 01:28:39,314 Thanks for your help. 1896 01:28:41,683 --> 01:28:44,018 Here. Carve your initial. 1897 01:28:44,118 --> 01:28:47,021 Every good craftsman leaves their mark. 1898 01:28:47,121 --> 01:28:48,823 That's a good spot. 1899 01:28:50,358 --> 01:28:51,359 There you go. 1900 01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:54,729 There, you got it. Yeah. 1901 01:28:55,663 --> 01:28:57,632 Not bad. 1902 01:28:57,699 --> 01:29:02,136 Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower. 1903 01:29:02,970 --> 01:29:03,971 Totally. 1904 01:29:04,505 --> 01:29:05,573 Totally. 1905 01:29:07,809 --> 01:29:11,245 Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures 1906 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,014 that undoubtedly lay ahead. 1907 01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:15,750 Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges 1908 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,186 ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer 1909 01:29:18,252 --> 01:29:22,156 and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes. 1910 01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:27,528 And then a dog was crushed by a TV. 1911 01:29:27,595 --> 01:29:30,431 Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip. 1912 01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:32,433 It was the most crazy story I've ever heard. 1913 01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,502 Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing. 1914 01:29:34,569 --> 01:29:38,339 So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right? 1915 01:29:38,406 --> 01:29:40,074 Yes, Annie, but I had a point. 1916 01:29:40,174 --> 01:29:41,943 I know your point, Dad. 1917 01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,045 I'm not getting a phone, 1918 01:29:44,112 --> 01:29:45,947 but Christmas can still be great. 1919 01:29:46,848 --> 01:29:49,717 That... Yeah, pretty much. 1920 01:29:49,784 --> 01:29:51,419 But you left out the best part. 1921 01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:53,888 Yes. Our matching purple floral boots. 1922 01:29:53,955 --> 01:29:56,290 Katie Sorrentino, I would never. 1923 01:29:56,391 --> 01:29:57,959 - Okay. - Really? 1924 01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:01,763 Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great. 1925 01:30:01,863 --> 01:30:03,431 No, Dad. 1926 01:30:03,531 --> 01:30:05,733 That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing. 1927 01:30:14,942 --> 01:30:18,045 Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything. 1928 01:30:41,135 --> 01:30:42,637 Thanks, kiddo. 1929 01:30:42,737 --> 01:30:44,906 You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools 1930 01:30:44,972 --> 01:30:46,507 and work on the fort tomorrow? 1931 01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:49,143 Yeah. 1932 01:30:50,411 --> 01:30:51,813 I think he'd like that. 1933 01:30:54,682 --> 01:30:58,019 Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot 1934 01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,421 and could never quite finish the kitchen. 1935 01:31:00,488 --> 01:31:02,156 He was a magician. 1936 01:31:02,824 --> 01:31:03,991 He was a hero. 1937 01:31:04,992 --> 01:31:07,328 He was my dad. 1938 01:31:09,764 --> 01:31:11,265 Come on. 1939 01:31:11,332 --> 01:31:12,500 Gotta hit the road. 1940 01:31:13,668 --> 01:31:15,269 Don't wanna hit any traffic. 1941 01:31:16,304 --> 01:31:17,305 Okay. 1942 01:31:25,480 --> 01:31:26,514 All right. 1943 01:31:31,853 --> 01:31:33,454 - Hey, Dad? - Yeah? 1944 01:31:35,189 --> 01:31:37,158 Merry Christmas. 1945 01:31:37,225 --> 01:31:38,960 Merry Christmas, Jake. 138681