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PHONE BEEPS
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00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,040
Eric, that's your phone.
3
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,756
Eric, phone!
4
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,120
Oh.
5
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,356
Who is it?
6
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,516
It's Colin.
7
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,882
Oh, right. And what's he saying?
8
00:00:20,967 --> 00:00:22,915
Him and Cath are
ordering a takeaway.
9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,601
Asking if we wanted anything.
10
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,436
What are you saying?
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00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,916
I'm just telling him
you're already making dinner.
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00:00:29,093 --> 00:00:30,333
All right.
13
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,840
PHONE BEEPS
14
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,007
You didn't tell him
what I was making, did you?
15
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,156
Eh...Eric.
16
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,390
I might have.
17
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,876
And what did he say?
18
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,036
If you're doing a curry,
they'll no' bother phoning one.
19
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,679
Oh...
20
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,390
PHONE BEEPS
21
00:00:51,697 --> 00:00:52,813
What is it now?
22
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,101
Oh...!Eric.
23
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,520
Cathy says you've not to do
the rice in the microwave.
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TWO DOORS DOWN
Season 05 Episode 01
25
00:01:14,129 --> 00:01:15,679
Episode Title: "Veggie Currye"
Aired on: December 06, 2021.
26
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Hi! Hi!
Hi, boys.
27
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,526
What's happened to you?
28
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,165
I'm fine, I'm fine.
29
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,596
It looks worse than is.
Dear me.
30
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,316
Oh, somebody's been getting
new cargo pants, I see.
31
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,596
Eh?
32
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,396
Oh... Oh, aye.
33
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,240
Aye. Come in, boys, come in.
34
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,436
Hi, boys.
35
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,000
Oh, my God.
36
00:01:38,085 --> 00:01:39,716
Oh, honestly, it's OK.
37
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,516
What on earth happened?
38
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,516
I just got into an argument.
39
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,805
Who with?
Look, it doesn't matter.
40
00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:47,996
I'm completely fine.
It's really not that serious.
41
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,396
Thanks for having us over.
42
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,036
Aye, aye, no problem.
43
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I brought some supplies.
44
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,045
Oh. You can't have a curry
without a bloody big beer
45
00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:58,457
or a glass of lager, can you?
46
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,516
It smells good, Mum.
47
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,036
Ah, well, I hope it's all right.
48
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,076
I've never done a veggie
curry before.
49
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,276
I'm sure it'll be lovely.
50
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,356
I'll stick these in the fridge.
51
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,516
You boys want a beer?
Aye, go on.
52
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,156
Yes, please. But can I get
a non-alcoholic one, please?
53
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,036
Oh, I...
I don't know if I've got...
54
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,556
The blue ones in the bag are
my non-alcoholic ones.Oh.
55
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,276
Oh, you're driving, are you?
56
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,484
I am, but I actually drink
them most of the time now.
57
00:02:21,569 --> 00:02:24,063
I said to Ian that he should switch
to them so he doesn't end up
58
00:02:24,147 --> 00:02:25,600
a big beer... belly.
59
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,036
So, how are you?
Eh, I'm fine.
60
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,436
Have you seen a doctor about this?
Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
61
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,356
Don't stress. It's nothing.
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00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,996
DOORBELL RINGS
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00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,596
Oh.
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00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,396
That'll be Colin and Cathy.
65
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,080
What?!Blame your dad?
66
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,476
Are you solid?Pardon?
67
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,756
Cos, let me tell you, without
going into too much detail,
68
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,596
it has been absolutely
shooting out of me.
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00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:56,076
Oh, dear God.
70
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,996
There you go. Cheers, boys.
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00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,320
Cheers. Cheers!
72
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,156
Mm
73
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,876
Mm, that's lovely.
74
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,836
Aye, they're very popular,
those, aren't they?
75
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,156
Is that low alcohol or no alcohol?
76
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,636
No alcohol at all.
77
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:11,996
Ah. Do you want to try it?
78
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,436
No.
79
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,236
And I've gone back and checked
everything I've eaten,
80
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,996
and the one thing that
I keep coming back to
81
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,476
is that sandwich you made me
the other day.
82
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,236
What? The ham and the tiger loaf.
83
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,756
Christine... What was the date
on that ham?
84
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,236
The ham is fine.
85
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,676
And your boards are clean?
86
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,036
Yes. Mm-hm.
87
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,196
And your cloths are being
washed regularly?
88
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,036
Yes. And you're feeling all right?
89
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,596
Well, I was up until now.
90
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,596
Well, that is a mystery.
91
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,036
Because this is the
furthest I have been
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00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,036
from my toilet pan in 48 hours.
93
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,316
Well, are you feeling all right?
Do you want to come in?
94
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,996
Mm, I don't know.
95
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,956
Is Eric in?Yes.
96
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,196
Oh, well, he'll want
to know all about this.
97
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,480
Oh.
98
00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,316
Hello, Eric.
99
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,556
Hi, Christine, how are you?
Oh, wait a minute.
100
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,076
I need to use your loo.
101
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,396
Are you all right?
102
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,916
She's got a bit of an upset stomach.
103
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,120
Oh, I'm glad she's coming
here to have it.
104
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,196
Is it vomiting or diarrhoea,
Mrs Baird?
105
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,476
The latter, I think, Gordon.
106
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,760
Oh...
107
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,196
False alarm, Beth.
108
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:22,756
We're OK.
109
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:26,916
I did break wind in your
hallway, though. Apologies.
110
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,676
Oh, here.
Here, what happened to you?
111
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,836
He was in a fight.
112
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,756
A fight?
You said it was an argument.
113
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,716
It just got a little bit out
of hand. It was nothing.
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00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,316
Oh, that's looks a bad one, Ian.
That might scar.
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00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,436
Do you think? Mm.
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00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,116
It's a no go with the customer
service roles for you, Ian.
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00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,036
I don't want a customer
service role.
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00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,636
Unless it was Costa.
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00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,916
You could do the machine wi'
your back turned, you know.
120
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,156
Right.
121
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,836
Here, I've got a scar
on my back, Gordon.
122
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,956
You ever seen it? No.
123
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,796
Oh, wait till you see this.
124
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,636
Look at that, eh?
125
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,716
That's from when I got hit by
that trolley in the car park
126
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,156
at Morrisons.
Do you remember that, Beth?
127
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,836
I do, Christine.
128
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:12,556
Do you see it, Gordon?
129
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,956
No. Oh, wait a minute...
130
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,396
..till I get these
rolled down a wee bit.
131
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,916
There we are. It's quite a deep
pant I've on today, Gordon.
132
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,596
Christ, the amount of times these
have been up and down today, Eric.
133
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,516
Can you see it, Gordon?
134
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,076
Oh, yeah. Aye.
135
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,596
Can you see it, Eric?
Eh, I should go and check the curry.
136
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,756
Oh, yous are having
a curry, are you?
137
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,836
Yes.
138
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,556
Oh. Where'd you get it?
139
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,756
Nowhere. I cooked it.
140
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,076
YOU did?
141
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,956
Yes. In that kitchen?
142
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,156
Yes.
143
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,236
Ian and Gordon are over for dinner.
144
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,960
And what are they getting for their
pudding, two Imodium and a cork?
145
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,676
Christine thinks it might be
something she ate in here
146
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,356
that's made her ill.
147
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,716
ERIC: What's this?
148
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,436
Christine thinks it might be the ham
sandwich I made her the other day
149
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,356
that's upset her stomach.
150
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:03,796
Well, I've been absolutely fine.
151
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,276
Aye, but did you have the ham?
152
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,356
Yes. I saw him eating it
straight from the packet
153
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,996
yesterday when I was here.
154
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,156
Aye, you see, but he'll have built
up a tolerance to her germs, Gordon.
155
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,556
Excuse me?
156
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,876
It's like dogs. They can
lick their own dirt,
157
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,836
and then they're
neither up, nor down.
158
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,716
They eat their own sick, too.
Can you imagine that?
159
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,720
Do you mind? We're just about
to have our dinner here.
160
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,676
Now, can I make you
a drink, Christine?
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00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,796
Mm, I don't know...
162
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,356
Peppermint tea's very good
for an upset stomach.
163
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,156
Aye, for giving you one.
164
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,996
Well, what about if I make you
a normal tea, just a bit weak?
165
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,556
Mm, aye... All right, all right.
166
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,796
Right.
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00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,836
An ordinary tea wi' a wee dash of
milk and fresh water in the kettle
168
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,396
and a mug straight fae
the dishwasher.
169
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,040
OK.
170
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,480
Ah, fuck it. I'm going in.
171
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,876
Ah. Mm-hm. Now...
172
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,916
Christine, what are you doing?
173
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,956
Oh-ho, wow.
174
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,036
Your sink hole wouldnae
say no to a bit of bleach.
175
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,436
Oh, for goodness' sake.
176
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,036
Oh, for Christ's sake!
177
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,116
When was the last time that saw
the inside of a washing machine?
178
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,716
Eh?Do you mind?
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00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,116
Oh.
180
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,396
There it is.
181
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,676
Here we go.
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00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,836
The epicentre.
183
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,280
Now...
184
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,196
Oh, wait a minute.
185
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,996
What's in this dish here?
186
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,276
It's the lasagne
we had the other night.
187
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,116
That's going out.
188
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,916
Christine. What else have we got?
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00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,356
CHRISTINE SNIFFS
190
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,920
Oh. What's the date on this?
191
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,156
Ha! Whole baby beetroots?
192
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,316
They'll have had babies
of their own by now.
193
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,156
Right, this is ridiculous.
194
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,876
There is nothing wrong with
my kitchen, or my fridge,
195
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,236
or anything else.
196
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,356
Now, do you want that cup
of tea or not?
197
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,116
Fair enough, Beth.
198
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,796
I'll take a tea.
199
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,280
Right.
200
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,840
Christine, go and sit down.
201
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,876
DOORBELL RINGS
202
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,200
Eric, get that, would you?
203
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,756
Hey! Here he is, the curry king.
204
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,716
Hi, Cath. Hi, Colin.
205
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,476
Oh, I can smell it already, Col.
That's good, isn't it?
206
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,356
Makes a change from the
sort of smell of washing
207
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,636
that's normally here.
Oh, I hate that.
208
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,036
It's even worse if she's got
stuff over the radiators.
209
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,756
Aye, all her tights and stuff.
210
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,956
Anyway, nice to see you, squire.
211
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,680
Glad we could make it.
212
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,636
Me too.
213
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,036
Hey, there's Ian and Gordon.
214
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,596
Oh, hi, Gordon.
215
00:08:58,680 --> 00:08:59,996
There's Christine.
216
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,156
Mm-hm. Uh.
217
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,676
Here, what's happened to you?
218
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,076
Oh, nothing.
219
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,076
You look like you've been beaten up.
220
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,716
I've been through
the wars myself, Cath...
221
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,116
Was it a homophobic attack, Ian?
222
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,636
See, this is the trouble
wi' these tight jeans.
223
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,916
Were you trying to fire
into a straight guy?
224
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,356
No, I was not!
225
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,876
Hi, Cath. So, what happened, then?
226
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,116
Look, it was nothing.
227
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,756
Obviously, it wasn't nothing,
if you managed to get a black eye.
228
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,516
Oh, geez oh. Right.
229
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,516
So, we'd been in town having dinner,
230
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,276
and we went along to the station
to get a cab home.
231
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,156
There was these three blokes in
the queue, and they were saying
232
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,236
some stuff to the girls
in front of them.
233
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,516
What were they saying?
234
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,476
Just... stuff that was a bit
out of order.
235
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:46,916
Anyway, so the next thing, I said
to them to leave them alone,
236
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,156
and then they sort of turned on me,
237
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,036
and then it was pushing and shoving,
238
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,876
and then one of them just...
punched me.
239
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,316
Oh, Ian. I know.
240
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,676
Did you hit him back?
241
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,436
Well, yeah.
242
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,796
He was quite violent
as a child, Colin.
243
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,156
So, what happened then?
244
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,876
Then it just got out of hand.
245
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,076
His mates all piled in, and then
we all ended up on the ground.
246
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,436
But, thankfully, two guys came out
of the chip shop and broke it up.
247
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,236
Oh, that was good of them.
248
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,956
They probably lost their
place in the queue.
249
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,876
Oh, you poor thing.
250
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,356
Come here.
251
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,556
Well, at least it got
stopped when it did.
252
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,596
It could have been
a hell of a lot worse.
253
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,716
And what exactly were they
saying to the lassies?
254
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:28,996
Let's not get into all that.
255
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,676
"Show us your tits."
256
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,116
Oh.
257
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,196
Was it, "Show me your tits."
258
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,556
Does it matter?
259
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,396
No, I think it was "us".
"Show us your tits."
260
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,400
He definitely wanted to see them.
261
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,436
They were arseholes,
let's just leave it there.
262
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,316
And how did the girls react?
263
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,996
Well, they were just ignoring
them, really. Right.
264
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,636
Until one of the other guys
started saying other stuff.
265
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,276
What other stuff?
266
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,356
Gordon.
267
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,316
"Suck my cock."Right.
268
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,916
And, "Sit on my face."
269
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:03,476
Erm... "Shows us your tits. Suck
my cock," and, "Sit on my face."
270
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,276
I think we get the picture, Gordon.
271
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,636
And someone screamed,
"Whore master."
272
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,276
But it was really difficult at that
point to tell who that was aimed at.
273
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,156
I mean, there was a lot going on.
274
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,396
And did you get hit, as well?
275
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,676
Well, no, not really.
276
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,236
It was all over quite quickly,
to be honest with you.
277
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,436
Yeah, it happened so fast.
I wasn't sure what to do.
278
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,596
Never been in a fight before.
279
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,036
Have you not?
280
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,516
COLIN SNORTS
281
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,476
No.
282
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:31,836
Has nobody ever just..
punched you?
283
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,556
No. And I've never hit anyone.
284
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,276
What, never?
285
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,236
Nope. Never in my whole life.
286
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,956
Well, the main thing is
you're all right.
287
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,796
I'm fine.
288
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,236
The thing that pissed me off
the most was that it spoiled
289
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,556
our night out.
Oh, it's such a shame.
290
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,796
We'd just been out for a meal
for our anniversary.
291
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,796
Oh, had yous?
292
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,796
Yeah, we've been together
for two years now.
293
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:55,876
Aw. Aw.
294
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,556
Does it seems longer, Ian?
295
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,436
Congratulations, boys.
296
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,236
That is a real achievement.
297
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,596
Especially with the amount
of casual sex that's available
298
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,196
within the gay community.
299
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,556
Aye.
300
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,196
Remember folk used to meet up
in the park at night, Beth, eh?
301
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,116
Do they still do that?
302
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,676
No, it's all online now, Christine.
303
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,116
Oh, really?
304
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,076
Well, maybe they'll cut back those
big rhododendrons now, Beth.
305
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,716
So is this what this curry's
in aid of, then, is it?
306
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,036
Is it a wee anniversary celebration?
307
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,396
It is, Colin, yes.
308
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,676
Aye, that's brilliant.
309
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,436
So, what are you doing for them?
Is it chicken, or lamb, or...?
310
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,680
Cauliflower and chickpea?
311
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,196
Say again, Beth?
312
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,120
Cauliflower and chickpea.
313
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:39,756
No meat?
314
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,916
No. It's a vegetable curry.
315
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,076
Why?
316
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,076
Because Gordon's a vegetarian.
317
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,396
But Colin likes lamb.
318
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,076
Lamb curry, do you not fancy that?
319
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,116
He doesn't eat lamb.
320
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,716
Has he ever tried it?
321
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,596
Well, no, he's a vegetarian.
322
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,396
Can you no' make him his
in a separate thing,
323
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,036
and do us a proper one?
324
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,596
They were invited.
325
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,196
Beth cooked it especially for them.
326
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,756
MOCKING: Oh, woohoo!
327
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,956
We've managed two years
without bumming anyone else.
328
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,556
Let's celebrate with
a vegetarian curry!
329
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:14,596
Nobody in nothing with their bums if
they eat anything that she's made.
330
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,476
Thank you, Christine.
331
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,076
How come you're on the beers?
332
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,756
No' got a bottle of bubbly
or something to open, Eric?
333
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,116
Eh, well, we've got a bit
wine in the fridge.
334
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,876
It's fine, we're not bothered.
335
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,196
Colin, away and get a bottle of
champagne and bring it through.
336
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:28,836
Aye, all right.
337
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,796
Oh, and get a couple of the chicken
breasts out of the freezer, as well.
338
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,240
No!
339
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,120
TOILET FLUSHES
340
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,836
Beth, where'd you put your stuff
for the blue bin?
341
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,240
DOOR OPENS
342
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,436
Only me.
343
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,956
Hey! Yay! Woohoo! There he is!
344
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,196
Eric, Eric, go and get some glasses.
345
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,760
Eh, clean ones, Eric.
346
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,556
Listen, you didn't need to bother,
Col. It's very kind of you.
347
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,916
No, no, it's all right, Ian.
We got it as a present, anyway.
348
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,156
I've got a wee present
for you, as well.
349
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,076
Well, it's for Gordon, actually.
350
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,920
Oh, excited!
351
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,476
What is it?
352
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,316
It's one of Cathy's
personal safety alarms.
353
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,556
What?
354
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:32,316
Well, it's just in case, you know,
something happens in the future.
355
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,596
Gordon's obviously no'
much of fighter.
356
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,796
But next time there's a bit
of bother, you've got this handy.
357
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,996
Right. Well, thanks very much.
358
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,516
A silly wee bleeper's no's going
to do him much good, is it?
359
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,516
Well, you know, actually,
it's quite a powerful wee thing.
360
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,716
Look.
361
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,796
PIERCING TONES WAIL
Oh! Oh!
362
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,680
Oh!Oh, God!
363
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,996
Oh...! Oh, switch that off!
364
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,236
ALARM BLARES
365
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,796
What's that noise?!
366
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,716
Colin! Put it off!
367
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,036
I'm trying!
368
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,876
Oh! Throw it out the window!
369
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,316
Oh, for God's sake! Colin!
370
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,606
Colin!
371
00:15:08,691 --> 00:15:10,325
ALARM STOPS
Oh...
372
00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:12,796
Oh, geez oh!
373
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,156
What on earth is that thing?
374
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:16,996
It's Cathy's personal safety alarm.
375
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,516
What a bloody racket!
376
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,756
We're giving it to Gordon
because he's a wuss.
377
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,756
Hey! Here, Gordon.
378
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,676
Stick that on your key ring.
379
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,636
Are you sure you don't need it?
380
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,876
No, Gordon, honey. You take it.
381
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,996
Honestly, men are more frightened
of me than I am of them.
382
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,116
Watch that disnae go off
in your pocket, Gordon.
383
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,516
That'll blow your fucking nuts off.
384
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,116
Well, thanks very much.
385
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,156
Erm... I'll just pop it there.
386
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:45,876
Right, who's for a glass
of champagne?
387
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,196
Woohoo! Come on, Colin! Get it open.
388
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,276
Nice glass of bubbly,
celebrate Beth's curry.
389
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,196
It's their anniversary.
390
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,876
Celebrate their anniversary.
391
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,476
Christine, you taking a glass?
392
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,476
Oh, I don't know whether
I should risk it.
393
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,156
No, no, Christine,
you stick to your tea.
394
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,076
Cups of tea, trips to the toilet.
395
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,880
That's a good night for you.
396
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,476
CORK POPS
397
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,036
Woohoo! Whoa!
398
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,436
That is the kind of noise I like.
399
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,116
Here, is that any use
to you, Christine?
400
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,596
THEY ALL LAUGH
401
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,676
Mum, come get a glass of champagne!
402
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,756
Eric, glass of bubbly, squire.
403
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,396
Oh, why not?
404
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,556
There you go.
405
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,876
Right, Ian?
Thanks very much, Colin.
406
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,636
Very kind of you.
407
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,356
Oh, here she is -
the queen of the curries.
408
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,276
Glass of champagne, Your Highness?
409
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,036
Oh, go on. Thank you, Colin.
410
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,356
Right, and Gordon.
411
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,156
I won't, actually. Thanks, Colin.
412
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,516
Eh? I'm not drinking.
413
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,076
Well, what's that?
414
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,436
It's non-alcoholic.
415
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,596
What?
416
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,316
It's non-alcoholic beer.
417
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,116
What is the fucking point in that?
418
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,640
Well, you can have a drink
without getting drunk.
419
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,916
Look, if he doesn't want to drink,
he doesn't have to.
420
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,316
OK, OK.
421
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,916
Right, well, cheers, folks.
422
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,196
Here's to..
423
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,196
..Ian and Gordon.
424
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,596
Ian and Gordon.Ian and Gordon.
425
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,356
Ian and Gordon.
Ian and boring bastard.
426
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,036
To us. To us.
427
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,516
So, two years, eh, boys? Eh?
428
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,396
Yeah. It's just flown by, hasn't it?
429
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,756
Yeah, it has.
430
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,596
Mm, has it, really, Ian?
431
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,636
It's been lovely getting
to know you, son.
432
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,036
And what would you say
has been the highlight
433
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,196
of your relationship so far?
434
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,396
Oh, God.
435
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,516
Eh, let me think... Mm...
436
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,716
There's been loads, hasn't there?
Yeah. Yeah, there has.
437
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,600
Well, if you had to pick one,
I mean, what would it be?
438
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,436
Well, we've been for some
lovely walks, haven't we?
439
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:49,716
Yeah. Yeah, we have.
440
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,396
You can't beat a big
woodland walk on a Sunday,
441
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,120
then home for a bath and
a hot chocolate.
442
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,276
That's... That's nice.
443
00:17:58,360 --> 00:17:59,956
Mm.Mm.
444
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,076
Well, here's to you, boys.
445
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,320
Cheers.Cheers.
446
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,760
Do these woodland walks take place
at night, by any chance, Gordon?
447
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,516
These chip shops are
a hot spot for trouble.
448
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,876
Folk full of drink and
driven out their minds
449
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,556
with the smell of the vinegar.
450
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,396
I mean, fair play to you, Ian,
for taking on the three of them.
451
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,636
Aye, and people make the mistake of
thinking that the gays are soft,
452
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,796
but they can be vicious
wee bastards.
453
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,596
What were you doing, Gordon?
454
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,036
Were you just standing
there, watching?
455
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,196
Well, I didn't know what to do.
456
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,076
Look, it all happened so quickly.
457
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,556
It was a blur, wasn't it?
It was, yeah.
458
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,836
Aye, but when he was on the
ground and they were on him,
459
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,316
did you not think
of stepping in?
460
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,880
Well..
461
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,276
I've never been in that
situation before.
462
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,516
Aye, but your instinct
kicks in, surely?
463
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,756
I didn't know what to do.
464
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,716
I was scared.
465
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,916
Too scared to defend your partner?
466
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,396
Well, if that had been Colin,
I would have jumped RIGHT in.
467
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,836
Aye, you say that now.
Yes, I would, Ian.
468
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,836
I would have taken my shoe off
and used the heel.
469
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,156
Pulling hair's good, Cath.
Oh yeah.
470
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,156
But if they're wearing extensions,
they just come away in your hands.
471
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,276
Ah.
472
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,716
I don't think hair pulling would
have done much with these guys.
473
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,516
Well, at least it'd have
been something, Ian.
474
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,436
Aye, you could have
grabbed a clump of it,
475
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,756
and then dragged them to the ground.
476
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,716
And started kicking them
in the balls.
477
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,836
Oh, kicking the balls -
that's good, Cath.
478
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,876
Oh, that REALLY hurts them.
479
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,236
You know, sometimes if he just
crosses his legs the wrong way,
480
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,036
he's in agony. Mm.
481
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,076
Oh, stamping, as well, Cath.
482
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,396
Stamping on their hands.
483
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,556
Stamping on their hands
with your heels on!
484
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,156
No, remember, you've taken
them off, Cath.
485
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,036
Oh, yeah, so I have.
486
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,876
Or there's always the good old
Glasgow kiss.
487
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,396
Yes. Oh, yes, indeed.
488
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,956
Just a simple headbutt.
489
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:23,796
I mean, we are renowned the world
over for doing that to people.
490
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,156
And they are very effective.
491
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,836
Just aim straight for the bridge
of the nose,
492
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,836
and then you follow it up with
a good swift punch in the kidneys.
493
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,996
And then when they hit the floor,
you spit in their face...
494
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,636
..and finish them off!
495
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,756
CHRISTINE SPITS
496
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,796
Oh...
497
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,516
God, Col...
498
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,476
..I'm dying for a night out!
499
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,276
Listen, it was a nightmare.
500
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,236
Anything could have happened.
501
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,916
At the end of the day, it was better
only one of us getting dragged in.
502
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,756
Otherwise, it could have
ended up a whole lot worse.
503
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,116
BETH: OK, that's us ready.
504
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,836
Here we go. Curry time!
505
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,156
Woohoo!
506
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,916
Lucky I made a big pot.
507
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,676
Oh, I'm ready for this. Eh, Gordon?
508
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,196
Oh, yes, smells delicious.
509
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,956
Aw, thanks a lot
for doing this, Mum.
510
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,360
Oh, it's no problem.
511
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,876
Right, who's having some?
512
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,756
Oh, yes, please.
513
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,516
Oh, I don't know.
514
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,520
My stomach's saying yes,
but my arse is screaming no.
515
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,436
Eh, well, just a wee bit?
516
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,516
Oh, I'm not sure if
I should risk it.
517
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,116
Is it spicy?
518
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,396
No, it's quite mild.
You're what?
519
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,996
It's quite mild, the curry.
520
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:37,436
You're joking?
521
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,316
It's got to have a bit
of a kick to it, Beth.
522
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,916
Curry is supposed to be spicy, Beth.
523
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,036
Gordon doesn't like
anything too hot.
524
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,716
Is this because of you?
525
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,916
Well... Yeah, sorry. I just
can't take anything too spicy.
526
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,756
Oh, for fuck's...
527
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,636
So, we are having a
mild vegetable curry?
528
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,196
Yes, Colin.
529
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,676
It's like a korma.
Is that the one we get?
530
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,156
No, no, we get rogan josh.
531
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,556
Colin likes rogan josh, Eric.
532
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,396
Excuse me, I'll just nip to
the toilet and wash my hands.
533
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,476
I'd go upstairs, Gordon.
534
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,480
That wee one in the hall might
still be in shock.
535
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,480
Oh, napkins.
536
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,516
I'm no' trying to be funny, Ian...
537
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,676
..but he must do your head in.
538
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,636
What? He must, Ian. Come on.
539
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,476
I mean, he disnae drink,
disnae eat meat,
540
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,156
doesn't like anything spicy.
541
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:37,436
He's got absolutely no arse.
542
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,076
Oh, Cathy, for God's sake!
543
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,036
Yeah, all right, Eric.
Just cos yours is fucking huge.
544
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,956
I never noticed that about Gordon.
545
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,356
Is he quite flat at the back, Cath?
546
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,636
There's absolutely no arse
at all, Christine.
547
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,636
Just leave him alone.
He's my partner!
548
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,596
He might be your partner, but
he was quite happy to stand back
549
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,956
and watch you taking a hiding
in the middle of the street.
550
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,556
Oh, not this again.
551
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,556
You know, that's where people
show their true colours.
552
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,756
You were getting
physically attacked,
553
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,236
and he just stood back and watched.
554
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,956
Honestly, if I were you...
555
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,556
..I'd get shot of him.
556
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,436
Pardon? I would.
557
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,996
I mean, the highlight
of your relationship
558
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,556
has been going for walks.
559
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,076
CATH SCOFFS
Come on.
560
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,636
No offence, Ian,
but take him to the woods
561
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,516
and fucking leave him there.
562
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,396
I'm not listening to this.
This is outrageous!
563
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,916
Eh, that's enough, Cathy!
564
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,276
ERIC: That is enough!
565
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,516
They're here for a nice
family dinner.
566
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,916
Look, we'll just go. This...
No, no, no. You stay there.
567
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,076
Just drop it, right?
568
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,276
Ah, here he is.
569
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,756
What were you talking about?
570
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,076
Oh, nothing really... Nothing,
just... Just the curry...
571
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,760
THEY ALL MUMBLE
Curry and... Aye, rice...
572
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,756
OK, who's for rice?
573
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,040
Yes, please.Oh, yes.
574
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,040
Ah...
575
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,796
Thank you, Mum.
576
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,000
Gordon?
577
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,956
Oh, wow, look at that.
578
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,440
Bloody love rice.
579
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,516
Have you naan breads, as well, Beth?
580
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,556
No, I'm afraid there's
no naan bread.
581
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,116
You've what?!
582
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,076
Oh...! Oh, Beth, Beth, Beth.
583
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,556
Oh, you cannae have a curry
without naan breads.
584
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,876
Exactly!
585
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,796
Well, I am very sorry.
586
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,076
We DON'T have any naan bread.
587
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,916
But what we do have is a huge pot
of home-made curry,
588
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,356
which I have made from scratch,
589
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:35,040
and you very happily invited
yourself in to eat some of!
590
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,396
Aye, but no naans, though!
591
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,716
I know.
Why don't we phone some in?
592
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,595
Oh, that's a brilliant idea. Beth!
593
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:48,156
CATH BANGS TABLE Beth, Beth,
phone for naan breads to be delivered.
594
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,756
They won't deliver you
just naan bread.
595
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,196
Why?There's a minimum charge
for a home delivery.
596
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,996
Aye, that's right.
597
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,676
I've phoned for a tub of
grated cheese before,
598
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:02,396
and they more or less
told me to piss off.
599
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:07,116
Well, why don't we...
600
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,076
..get some starters, then we can get
some naan breads along with them?
601
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,116
That is a great idea.
602
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:14,516
Aye. Christine?
603
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,836
Aye, I'd take a pakora.
604
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,636
I thought your stomach
was playing up?
605
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,796
Aye, but battered food always
settles me down.
606
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,476
Poppadoms, please.
Oh, poppadoms, yes.
607
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,396
Poppadoms and spicy onions.
608
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,796
How many do you think? Ten?
609
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,676
No, round it up to the dozen.
610
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,116
Right, dozen poppadoms.
611
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,076
Eh, what, three pakora do us?
612
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,916
I'm going to need a pad.
613
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,956
Put me down for a butter chicken.
614
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,916
That's a main course.
615
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,316
Technically.
616
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,996
Are you having a main course,
as well, Christine?
617
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:49,396
Well, in that case, I will be
having a wee lamb rogan josh.
618
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,236
Oh, and get some rice, Col.
Get proper rice.
619
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,676
I don't like the look of this stuff.
620
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,916
Mm, you're right to be wary, Cath.
621
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,196
Eric?
622
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,036
You fancy something?
623
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,476
Wouldn't mind a chicken tikka.
624
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,476
Oh, I'll have a bit of that.
625
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:05,716
Ian?
626
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,236
I'm good with what I've got,
thanks, Cath.
627
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,316
Me too.
628
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,956
Right, I'll phone it.
629
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,676
Do you know the Taj, Gordon?
630
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,320
That's the best!
631
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,756
Taj ma hole, Gordon.
632
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:20,880
OK.
633
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,476
Right, three pakora, dozen
poppadoms, one lamb rogan josh,
634
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,636
butter chicken, chicken tikka,
635
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,796
couple of proper rice,
636
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,720
and plenty of naans!
637
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,676
Hello. Yes, I'd like to make
an order for home delivery.
638
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:40,836
Oh...
639
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,276
One hour, 45 minutes.
640
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,640
Oh!
641
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,516
What if we collected it?
642
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,196
Right.
643
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,716
Says he's fine with the collection,
644
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,000
but it should be ready
in about half an hour.
645
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,276
But, listen, I've had a drink.
646
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,116
I cannae go and get it.
647
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,676
I'll go.No!
648
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,396
You've been drinking, too.
649
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,116
No, it's all right,
I've got mints in the car.
650
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,756
I'll go for it.
Gordon, you don't need to do that.
651
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,196
Honestly, it's no problem.
652
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,036
Would you, Gordon? Aye?
653
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,236
Oh, bless you, Gordon, honey.
654
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,956
Yeah, I don't mind.
655
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,276
I've not been drinking,
so I can drive.
656
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,796
Oh, you're some man.
657
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,596
Right, that's it. We're on.
658
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,280
OK, so...
659
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,476
You all right?
660
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,156
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
661
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,476
You sure you're OK going?
662
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,836
Oh, yeah, no problem.
663
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,800
Look... can I just say something?
664
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,236
I'm sorry I didn't help
you fight those guys.
665
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,196
Honestly, don't even worry about it.
666
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,956
No. I'm your partner.
667
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,796
I should have stood up for you.
668
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,636
Oh, don't listen to them.
They're a nightmare.
669
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,880
I'm just glad you didn't get hurt.
670
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,676
And I'm glad we're together.
671
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,160
No matter what they say.
672
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,600
Eh?
673
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,080
Och, nothing.
674
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,116
Was this when I was in the toilet?
675
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,800
What did they say?
676
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,996
What did they say?
677
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,716
Well, they were basically saying...
678
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,276
..I should finish with you.
679
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,796
Who said that?
680
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,760
Who said that? Colin.
681
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,800
Oh, you no' away yet?
682
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,476
? Oh, how lovely cooks the meat
Oh, how lovely cooks the meat
683
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,756
? When I get back home to eat
Oh, how lovely cooks the meat
684
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:44,036
? I smell it far away and
I thought of it all day
685
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:48,200
? She's cooking the meat for me
What a meal it's going to be
686
00:28:49,898 --> 00:28:51,862
? Oh, I've cooked
687
00:28:51,947 --> 00:28:55,943
? A lovely meal
688
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:01,515
? To my man it will appeal... ?
689
00:29:01,565 --> 00:29:06,115
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