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1
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,473
- Come on, pick up!
Pick up! Pick up!
2
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,640
[line trilling]
Oh, come on!
3
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,008
[phone rings]
4
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,224
- This is Kernst.
5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,024
- Major, it's MacGruber.
6
00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,557
You seeing this Ecuador shit?
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,310
- You son of a bitch!
- What?
8
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,313
- Oh, cut the crap.
You played me.
9
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,855
- Sir, the only thing
I've been playing
10
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,938
is with Vicki's beautiful
breasts and vagina
11
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,744
for ten straight hours,
minus bathroom breaks.
12
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,278
So you mind telling me what
the hell you're talking about?
13
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:32,412
- You sold us down the river.
14
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,659
This raid on Queeth's compound
15
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:34,830
was supposed to be
the end of this thing.
16
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,908
You said Brimstone
was contained.
17
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,713
- Uh, yeah, I thought it was.
18
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,707
But clearly someone
is still behind it!
19
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,919
Someone terribly evil.
Someone who has to be stopped.
20
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,800
- Oh, yeah.
I'm talking to him right now.
21
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:50,048
- Oh, thank God.
Okay, Kernst, listen carefully.
22
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:51,591
You have to keep him
on the line
23
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,304
and trace that telephone call
24
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:54,795
so we can find out
exactly where--
25
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,346
- MacGruber!
I'm talking about you.
26
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,310
- Oh, you're fucking insane!
27
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:02,351
- Special agents in Ecuador
found DNA
28
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,685
on a dispersal device,
29
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,900
and it's a presumptive match
to you!
30
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:08,440
- Come on, this is clearly
a frame job.
31
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,695
Queeth's final fuck you
from the grave.
32
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,157
You gotta believe me.
I'm one of the good guys.
33
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,778
I got nothing to hide.
34
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,044
- If that's true, then come
turn yourself in right now.
35
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,407
- You know I can't do that.
36
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,464
- Well, I guess we both know
how this is gonna end.
37
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,499
- Yeah, with you putting
a medal around my neck.
38
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,132
- Or a bullet in your head.
39
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,749
- Tomato, "toe-ma-toe."
40
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,966
- MacGruber, I'ma give you
one last chance.
41
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,427
Every law enforcement officer
in the country
42
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:34,718
will be looking for you,
43
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,551
and the orders
will be shoot to kill.
44
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,676
- Major, Queeth may be
dead now,
45
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:41,233
but someone is keeping
his plan in motion,
46
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,397
and you're seriously
asking me to stand down?
47
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,516
- I'm not asking.
48
00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:49,823
- Well, in that case,
catch me if you can.
49
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:52,819
[dramatic music]
50
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,622
* *
51
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:56,867
- Put it up.
52
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,247
[dramatic music]
53
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:14,383
* *
54
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:31,779
- * MacGruber *
55
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,568
[fire crackles]
56
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,776
["O Christmas Tree" playing]
57
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,163
* *
58
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,200
- * Oh, Christmas tree *
59
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,995
- May I have this dance?
60
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:44,959
- Aww.
61
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,380
Oh, watch out
for the gingerbread house.
62
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,048
Spent all morning
on that thing.
63
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,756
- Sorry.
64
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,425
- Whoops.
[both laugh]
65
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,759
[baby babbles]
66
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,890
- God, I love our life.
67
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:09,564
- Well, that's good to hear
because I have some big news.
68
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,360
Dixon, I'm pregnant.
69
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,901
- We're all gonna die!
We're all gonna die!
70
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,235
- Oh, geez, thank God
you're still alive!
71
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:19,701
We are so fucked!
72
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,161
[baby cries]
73
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,251
- Aww, little one, don't cry.
Everything's okay.
74
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,617
[mouths words]
75
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:28,463
- Jesus Christ,
what are you guys doing here?
76
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,960
- Haven't you been
watching the news?
77
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,591
The poisonous cloud
over Ecuador?
78
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,589
Somehow Queeth's plan
is still on.
79
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,841
- That's impossible.
80
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,143
- Tens of thousands of people
have been reported dead,
81
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,637
and we can only assume
82
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,679
that number is going to rise
in the coming days.
83
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,142
- Holy shit.
But I thought Queeth was dead!
84
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,523
I thought this was over.
85
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,519
- Checkers, the only thing
that's over
86
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,901
is the amount that
this motherfucker is not over.
87
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:53,269
I mean, we are
in grave danger here!
88
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,566
Ooh, can I play with your baby?
89
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,490
- Authorities are looking
for this man--
90
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,779
former military officer
MacGruber.
91
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,033
- Oh, look,
there's Uncle MacGruber.
92
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,785
- Jesus, you're wanted?
93
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,287
- Oh, yeah, super wanted.
Like, shoot to kill.
94
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,659
Hell, I mean, for all I know,
95
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,246
they could have their scopes
on me right now.
96
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,750
Oh, look at that!
97
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,502
Is that your little playset,
bud?
98
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,514
Huh? Oh, that's so cute.
I'm jealous, and I'm an adult.
99
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:16,917
Huh? Is that--
100
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,795
Oh, what? No. Aww.
101
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:22,683
Now, let's focus up.
We got a terrorist to catch.
102
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,511
Now, I won't go as far
as to say that
103
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,266
this is a
"Mission: Impossible,"
104
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,307
but at the very least,
it's a "Mission: Very Hard."
105
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,102
No clues, no leads.
106
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,436
Hell, everyone we knew
107
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,400
who was involved
with the plan is dead now.
108
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:39,322
- Well...not everyone.
109
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:42,322
[dramatic music]
110
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,655
* *
111
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,831
- Everyone got their
covers down?
112
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,199
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
113
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:50,115
- Look, these are actual IDs
I stole from the NSA,
114
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,785
and I just tweaked them
a little bit.
115
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,093
So don't worry. We got this.
116
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,627
- ID, please.
117
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,139
So your name is Sharold?
118
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:07,809
- Of course my name is Sharold.
Sharold Kernst.
119
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,274
- Interesting name.
120
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,771
- It's a family name.
121
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:16,652
My grandmother was Sharold,
her mother and her aunts,
122
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:21,821
and most of her sisters,
and some of her sons.
123
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:25,333
Goes for all genders, really,
Sharold.
124
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:28,327
[tense music]
125
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,950
* *
126
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,206
Something wrong?
127
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,537
- No, it's just weird.
128
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,342
Both the S and the H
are capitalized.
129
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,457
- Yeah.
130
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,764
Uh, That's because
it's S. Harold Kernst.
131
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,179
- And the S stands for Sharold?
132
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,718
- Stands for Sharold.
133
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,771
- So your name
is Sharold Harold Kernst.
134
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:51,726
- Yep.
135
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,613
- And here you go,
Colonel Jebblidoh.
136
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:03,071
- Jebblidoo. Matias Jebblidoo.
137
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,663
- Sure.
138
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:08,368
And Private Fukk?
139
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:10,580
- Mm-hmm.
140
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,000
- Yep, Private David Fukk,
Wisconsin's own.
141
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,419
- Oh, I'm from Madison.
- Get out of town.
142
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,668
That's so fun!
143
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,590
Private Fukk,
isn't that so fun?
144
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,918
From Madison.
Tell him all about
145
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,763
the different Wisconsin
trivia that you know.
146
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,128
- Well, I guess
we should be leaving, so.
147
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,594
- Well, I don't know.
We got a little bit of time.
148
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:28,595
- Bye.
- Say goodbye, Private Fukk.
149
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:32,058
- Bye.
- Bye.
150
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:39,020
* *
151
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,613
- Hey, Vic.
- Yeah?
152
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,655
- You sure you don't
need me in there?
153
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,579
- Thanks, but I think
this is something
154
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,197
I need to do on my own.
155
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,004
- I understand.
156
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,368
Hey. Sharold.
157
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,915
- Yeah?
- Livestrong.
158
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,842
- Okay.
- Come on, give me five.
159
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,553
Yeah.
160
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,599
- Open 104!
161
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:22,783
* *
162
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:26,993
- Hello, Barrett.
163
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,828
- Victoria.
164
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,671
- Oh, shut up-a you face!
165
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:40,167
[tense music]
166
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,380
Put 'em on.
167
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,839
- Honey--
- Kee-yah!
168
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,837
I am not your honey, honey.
Not anymore.
169
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,053
And you are not my king.
170
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:55,637
So are we gonna do things
the hard way?
171
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,897
Or...
172
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,358
The harder way?
173
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:08,240
* *
174
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,239
It's your choice.
175
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,075
General.
[coughs]
176
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:19,871
- Just tell me
you once loved me.
177
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,956
I'll tell you whatever
you want to know.
178
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,842
- Sorry.
179
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,798
I don't negotiate
with terrorists.
180
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,259
- [grunts, coughs]
181
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,471
Queeth and his men are dead,
182
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,722
but the plan
is still proceeding.
183
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,063
Tell me what you know!
184
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,888
Goll dar, Barrett!
185
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,104
Who is executing
Queeth's goll dar plan?
186
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,225
- I don't know!
- That's a fib!
187
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,022
You're fibbing!
- I'm not fibbing.
188
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,775
I swear to you,
I'm not fibbing!
189
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,242
- Okay.
190
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:53,069
Looks like I'm gonna have to
take off the training wheels,
191
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:57,366
and sit down real hard
on the seat.
192
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,919
- [groans]
193
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,037
[coughs]
194
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,053
- You know what that is?
I think you do.
195
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,296
Yeah, I think you know
what that is.
196
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:12,259
Yeah.
That's your old pal, MacGruber.
197
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,262
- No!
198
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:19,135
No!
199
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,104
- Millions of lives
are at stake, Barrett.
200
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,614
Tell me what you know!
- I don't know anything.
201
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,106
- Tell me what you know!
202
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,028
Tell me what you know!
What do you know?
203
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,398
- Okay! Okay! I'll tell you!
I'll tell you everything!
204
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:33,947
- Thank you.
205
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,408
- Twenty years ago,
206
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:42,333
there was someone working
on the inside with Queeth.
207
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,964
I never knew who it was.
208
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,960
I only knew them
as the Architect.
209
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,131
But they controlled everything.
Everything.
210
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:55,965
- Tell me more about
this "The Architect."
211
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,682
- I don't know much.
[sniffles]
212
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,183
They covered their tracks
very well,
213
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,225
so I was never able to piece
the whole thing together.
214
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,819
But what I do know
is in my computer,
215
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,857
locked away in the NSA.
216
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:14,407
Sorry.
Wish I could tell you more.
217
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,155
- Apology not accepted.
218
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:20,873
- Vicki, please, don't go.
219
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,372
Vicki, please.
220
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,035
- Goodbye, Barrett.
221
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,091
[knocks on door]
- Victoria.
222
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,339
Victoria!
223
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,182
[sobbing]
Victoria!
224
00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:41,058
* *
225
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:46,398
- Files you requested, sir.
- This everything?
226
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,978
- Not exactly.
227
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:53,904
This is everything.
228
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,279
- Jesus.
229
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,373
- If I may, sir,
any idea where he is?
230
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,830
- That's what I'm hoping
to find out.
231
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,011
Where the hell are you,
MacGruber?
232
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:14,127
[suspenseful music]
233
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,844
- Oh, hold that, will you?
234
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,295
Thank you. Are you going up?
235
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:24,226
- All the way to the top.
Isn't that right, Agent Piss?
236
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,637
- Mm-hmm.
237
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,975
[elevator dings]
238
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,784
[dramatic music]
239
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:42,620
* *
240
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,157
- Jesus.
241
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,671
[suspenseful music]
242
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,961
* *
243
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:56,295
- Shit. We'll never find it.
244
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:59,221
- They're alphabetized.
- What?
245
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,850
- Got it.
- [gasps]
246
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,597
- Nice job, Piss.
247
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,727
[dramatic music]
248
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:15,610
* *
249
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,132
- Who is this guy?
250
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,881
- Hurry up, Vic.
This computer might be
251
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,303
our only shot to find out
who the Architect is.
252
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,682
- I know, I'm sorry,
it's just going so slow!
253
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,220
Come on! Come on!
254
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,933
- Checkers, how we doing
with the 5-0?
255
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,853
- All doors are locked,
there's no movement
256
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,891
in Stairwell 6, so that's
our best bet for escape.
257
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,645
We make it to
the parking structure
258
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:51,807
and drive out the front gate
259
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,225
before anyone knows
we were here.
260
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,443
That's probably not
what'll happen,
261
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,862
but it's always good
to have a plan, I guess.
262
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,440
- Loud and.
263
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,735
[computer beeps]
- Shoot, shoot, shoot.
264
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,409
Guys, we have a problem.
We need his password.
265
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,369
- Oh, shit, shit, shit! Shit!
266
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,869
Okay, relax, Vicki.
267
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,830
Last thing we need
is a major freak-out right now.
268
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:09,792
Okay, so don't panic.
269
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,211
We'll get through
this together.
270
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,669
So try this. You ready?
- Yeah.
271
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:16,129
- Type in six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine.
272
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:17,421
- Okay.
273
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,264
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six.
274
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,589
- Nine.
One final nine in there.
275
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,803
- Nine.
[computer beeps]
276
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,054
- Fuck.
277
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,215
Okay. Okay. Okay. No worries.
278
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,564
Let's just change it up
a little bit and go with this.
279
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,650
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine,
280
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,687
six, nine.
281
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,904
[computer beeps]
282
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,451
Shit fuck! Okay. Okay.
283
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:43,157
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine,
284
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:45,408
six, nine, six, nine.
285
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,790
[computer beeps]
286
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,906
Oh, God! Oh, God. Oh, God.
What do we do here?
287
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,503
Okay, okay, how about
just six, nine, six, nine?
288
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,540
Fuck!
289
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,340
[sentimental music]
290
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:06,552
* *
291
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,074
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine,
292
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,647
six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine,
293
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,203
six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine,
294
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,947
six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
295
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,448
six, nine, six, nine,
296
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,530
six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine.
297
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:28,615
Okay, try that.
298
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,450
No! Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
299
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,326
Six, nine.
300
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,131
Shit!
301
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:41,299
Well, it's official:
we're never gonna get in.
302
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,509
- Let me try something.
303
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:45,843
[computer beeps]
304
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,965
Oh, we're in!
305
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:50,142
- Nice on, Vic!
How many 69s was that?
306
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,351
- Uh, none.
307
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,981
He used
our wedding anniversary.
308
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:55,978
- Oh, your wedding anniversary.
- Yeah.
309
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:59,071
- Oh, what a fucking goober.
[laughs]
310
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,397
That's so dumb.
311
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,192
Jesus.
312
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,645
Ugh, just makes me barf
in my mouth a little bit.
313
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,106
I mean, anybody
could look that up.
314
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,316
It's public record.
315
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,325
That's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen.
316
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,947
So fucking dumb.
317
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,664
Okay, now do a search
for "architect" or "Queeth"
318
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:15,535
or maybe the word "plan"
319
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,332
or the phrase
"miscellaneous evil."
320
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,665
- On it.
321
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,250
- We're running out of time!
322
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,705
- Just a few more seconds!
323
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:31,306
[ominous music]
324
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:34,558
* *
325
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,061
- Oh, my God.
326
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:43,032
* *
327
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,511
Family torn apart.
328
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,051
Mother murdered.
329
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:13,005
[suspenseful music]
330
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:19,766
* *
331
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,651
Son of a bitch.
332
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,736
- Got it!
- Yes!
333
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:30,991
- It might take me a while
to crack it, though.
334
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,782
It's encrypted.
[phone buzzes]
335
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,446
- Go for Grubs.
- Son, are you okay?
336
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,035
Your face is all over the news.
337
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,370
- I promise you, Dad,
it's all horsepucky.
338
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,666
- I know.
339
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,039
You could never
do something like this.
340
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,745
- Thanks, Dad.
But I think I know who did.
341
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:47,086
Have you ever heard
of an "The Architect?"
342
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,842
- Can't say I have.
Where'd you get that intel?
343
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:52,184
- Stopped by the pen today
and had a little chat
344
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,680
with Barrett Fasoose.
345
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,772
We're at the NSA right now
working his lead.
346
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,517
- No, you gotta
get out of there!
347
00:16:57,559 --> 00:17:01,349
Don't you see? This is a trap.
Fasoose is setting you up!
348
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:04,186
- I appreciate your concern,
but we're right on the verge
349
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,862
of blowing this thing
wide open.
350
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,570
Then we can go to Kernst
and get back on the mission.
351
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,491
- Wait, Kernst is
running things now?
352
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,121
- Yeah.
- God.
353
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,949
MacGruber, that's your guy.
Kernst is your Architect.
354
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,576
- Daddy, I seriously
doubt that--
355
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,172
- Trust me, son.
It has to be Kernst.
356
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,248
Now, listen,
you gotta get out of there.
357
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:25,634
You're in real danger.
358
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,260
- Guys, I think we got
some movement over here.
359
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,797
- Shit. Dad, hold on.
360
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,880
- Okay, I'm gonna copy
the files to the drive,
361
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,514
but they're really big ones.
362
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,431
- Please go!
- Hang on, Dad. Hang on.
363
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,930
- Okay.
364
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,641
Just gotta drag,
drop this one over here.
365
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:43,153
Drag it. Drop it.
366
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,398
Drag it.
367
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,979
- Hang on, she's just
dragging and dropping.
368
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,565
- Drag it. Whoop.
369
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,491
Drag it. Drop it.
370
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,030
- Shit.
371
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,834
[tense music]
372
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:56,947
- Shit, we got company.
373
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,703
- Okay, sorry, Dad, gotta jump.
374
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,575
The pigs are porking it
up over here.
375
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,502
- MacGruber!
376
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,880
- Just a few more seconds!
377
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,417
- We don't have
a few more seconds!
378
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,630
- Okay. But the flash drive!
379
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,250
- Just leave it!
380
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:11,718
This will buy us some time.
381
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,388
[alarm blaring]
382
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,796
Go! Go!
[Vicky yells]
383
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:18,014
[dramatic music]
384
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:24,846
* *
385
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:27,688
- [yells]
386
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:30,242
Oh, my leg! Oh, fuck!
387
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,606
Good call on the water thing,
Piper.
388
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,204
Always playing checkers.
389
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,199
[door crashes open]
390
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:37,531
Oh, fuck! Go, go, go!
391
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:40,575
I'll meet you at the SUV!
Go, Vicki! Go!
392
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,080
- MacGruber!
- Oh, fuck!
393
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,134
[groaning]
394
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,247
Ahh!
395
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,213
[dramatic music]
396
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:54,375
* *
397
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,386
- MacGruber, stop.
398
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,218
I said stop!
399
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,973
[gunshot]
400
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,805
Don't move a muscle.
401
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,690
- Well, Major...
402
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,531
I guess you caught me
if you could.
403
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:15,239
- I guess I did,
Colonel Jebblidoo.
404
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,870
- You son of a bitch.
My dad warned me about you.
405
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,658
You're nothing
but a silver-tongued
406
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,122
snake oil salesman,
407
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,662
saying whatever it takes
to keep up the fucking grift.
408
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:28,036
You know what, I wish I had a
fucking sledgehammer right now
409
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,424
so I could splatter your brains
against the fucking wall
410
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:31,802
in a million pieces,
411
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,258
one for each of those
innocent people
412
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:36,048
who lost their lives
in Ecuador because of you!
413
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,178
- Are you done?
414
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,309
- Oh, I haven't even
started yet.
415
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,887
- Well, let me know
when you are,
416
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,194
so I can give you this.
417
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,055
- Vicki's hard drive.
418
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,783
I-I don't understand.
419
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,687
- Found it
in our evidence room.
420
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,816
We can't crack the files,
but maybe you can.
421
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,414
[heartfelt music]
422
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:04,250
Come on, Mac.
We're on the same team here.
423
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:10,667
* *
424
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,966
- Why are you doing this?
425
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:21,053
- I, um, I lost my mom too.
426
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,391
- I'm sorry.
427
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,693
What was her name?
428
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,064
- Elizabeth.
429
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:32,824
- Darcy.
430
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:35,991
What was her middle name?
431
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:37,067
- Look, Mac,
you don't have much time.
432
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,572
- Yes, no, you're right.
Yes.
433
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:42,333
- You take that, and you go
find that son of a bitch.
434
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,907
- I will.
435
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:51,082
* *
436
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:11,269
- Are you okay?
437
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,402
- It just doesn't
make any sense.
438
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,320
I mean, my dad was so sure
that Kernst was the Architect.
439
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:21,320
And my dad is just like me--
he doesn't make mistakes.
440
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:25,290
Hell, maybe Kernst
is just playing me.
441
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:28,616
Maybe this is all just
one big long con.
442
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,923
But why?
443
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:34,537
[sighs]
Something just doesn't add up.
444
00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:38,166
What's the play here?
What's the fucking play?
445
00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:45,098
- Oh, my God.
446
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:48,852
- MacGruber! Did you just toot?
447
00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:51,272
- Nice try, Vic,
but you know as well as I do
448
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,401
that whoever smelt it
dealt it.
449
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:56,318
[mysterious music]
450
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,398
Whoever smelt it...
451
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,951
Dealt it.
452
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:08,290
Oh. My. God.
453
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,580
[dramatic music]
454
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:14,583
[voices overlapping]
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
455
00:22:14,626 --> 00:22:16,286
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
456
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:18,546
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
457
00:22:18,588 --> 00:22:21,468
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
458
00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:24,178
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
459
00:22:24,219 --> 00:22:27,219
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
460
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,523
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
461
00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:32,267
- I know who The Architect is.
462
00:22:32,310 --> 00:22:36,520
* *
463
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,534
My own fucking father.
464
00:22:44,698 --> 00:22:47,658
[dramatic music]
465
00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:54,831
* *
466
00:22:54,881 --> 00:22:59,431
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