All language subtitles for MacGruber s01e04 The Scientist.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:11,433 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:14,139 [Boz Scaggs' "Lido Shuffle"] 3 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,890 - * Whoa * 4 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,142 - All right. Looks like we win this round. 5 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,604 - We win this round? They got the weapon! 6 00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:23,055 - Oh, fine. Call it a tie. 7 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,476 So, uh, Vick, why did you sell us out? 8 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,025 - What are you talking about? - Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,898 I guess the U.S. military just kind of happened to show up 10 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:33,066 at our exact location on a dog-dang hunch? 11 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,576 Yeah, that makes sense. 12 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,287 - What exactly are you accusing me of? 13 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,747 - Oh, come on! 14 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:40,747 You called your little boy toy after I specifically made 15 00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,420 a no-calling-husbands rule, and now looked what happened! 16 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,300 - Yeah, we were saved from death! 17 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,587 - Because of you! 18 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,549 - He probably just tracked her phone. 19 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,760 - No, that's impossible, Piper. It's a wireless phone. 20 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,680 - Very funny. 21 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,508 - No, they can track those too. 22 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,723 - Really? 23 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,433 - Fucking get out of here. That's very cool. 24 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,314 Well, Vicki, based on that, 25 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,311 I owe you a huge apology. 26 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,153 And I'd like to personally apologize 27 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,108 to your phone as well. May I? 28 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,568 - Oh, thank you. That's sweet. 29 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,859 [giggles] 30 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,282 - Yeah. All right. 31 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,741 - [gasps] MacGruber! 32 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,532 - That ought to slow down those fucking gomers. 33 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,115 [sirens wailing] Oh, shit, shit, shit! 34 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,450 Piper, down! - But those are our guys! 35 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,445 - Down, now! Vicki, quick! 36 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,656 Get your mouth over here! - What? 37 00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:21,915 - Get your mouth over here! - Oh. 38 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,876 [sirens wailing] 39 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,045 [sirens fade] 40 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,011 - [sighs] That was a close one. 41 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,471 Nice undercover work, Vick. 42 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,641 I think they bought it. - Thank you. 43 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,180 [helicopter whirring] - Shit, more pigs! 44 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,524 All right, we better get this bad boy 45 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,558 off the road and plan our next move. 46 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,518 - You've reached singer-songwriter 47 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,824 Vicki St. Elmo-Fasoose. 48 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,818 * Leave your name and your number * 49 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:55,660 * And a message after the to-wo-wo-wo-wo... * 50 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:58,699 - Sir, we have surveillance photos of the drone strike. 51 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:00,373 [tense music] 52 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:01,832 - Jesus, Vicki. 53 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,751 - We also found this. 54 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,751 Ran it through our database. Says it's Brigadier Commander-- 55 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,384 - Enos Queeth. 56 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:11,461 - You know him, sir? - Used to. 57 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,626 Till he was killed in action 20 years ago. 58 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,095 Looks pretty good for a dead guy. 59 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,018 - You think he's behind MacGruber's kidnapping? 60 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,516 - Makes sense. The two of them had a history. 61 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,519 I guess Queeth finally settled the score. 62 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,311 - There's something else you should see. 63 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:31,654 - Lieutenant Colonel Dixon Piper. 64 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,243 - And if you look closely behind him... 65 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,742 - MacGruber. 66 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,531 [inhales deeply] I'll be damned. 67 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,615 That son of a bitch is still alive. 68 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,870 [exhales sharply] Thank you, Major. 69 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:48,377 - Jesus, Vicki. 70 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,878 - What have you gotten yourself into? 71 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,379 - * Wo-one * 72 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,342 * Leave a message at the tone * 73 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,973 [dial tone beeps] 74 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,221 [dramatic music] 75 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:07,403 * * 76 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:24,543 - * MacGruber * 77 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,419 [fire crackles] 78 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,498 [garage door clanging] 79 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,339 [alarm beeping] 80 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,801 - And just like that, 81 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,681 we're ghosts. 82 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,679 - All right. You want to maybe go take care of that alarm? 83 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,221 - Oh, shit! Yeah, come on. 84 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,474 Vick, come on! 85 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,266 Okay. 86 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,481 Okay, here we go. 87 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,521 6-9-6-9-6-9. 88 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,435 [alarm chirps] Shit! Worth a shot. 89 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,904 - 60 seconds, MacGruber. 90 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,525 - All right. We got this, Vick. 91 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,532 All right, follow this band to the source. 92 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:07,995 So, uh, you, uh, digging the jazz? 93 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,249 - What do you mean? I don't hear any music. 94 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:14,051 - [chuckles] No, this. The jazz. 95 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,797 Fighting the good fight, 96 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:19,469 getting back in the game for one last dance. 97 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,849 - I do enjoy watching you play. 98 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:25,596 The game. The jazz. - Yeah. 99 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,100 Got to be honest with you: 100 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,692 been in prison so long, I'm a little out of practice. 101 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,358 - Excuse me? 102 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,989 - Vicki, do I have to spell it out for you? 103 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,068 I need to do it with you. 104 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,874 - MacGruber, I'm married. 105 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,368 - [scoffs] The alarm, Vicki. 106 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,581 [laughs] The alarm. 107 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,002 All right. Here. Hand me those wire cutters. 108 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,212 - You got it, MacGruber. 109 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,841 - Now get in there. - Oh. 110 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,048 - Now let's take those fingers of yours 111 00:04:57,088 --> 00:05:00,298 and spread those wires apart very slowly. 112 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,512 - These wires? - There we go. 113 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,931 Those ones right there. Great job. 114 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,100 Gently. 115 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,518 There we go. Attagirl. 116 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,057 Okay, now I'm just gonna take my tool. 117 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,190 - Yeah? 118 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,516 - I'm just gonna jam it in there. 119 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,611 I'm just gonna come inside you there. 120 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,976 Don't worry. This is gonna be very quick. 121 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,994 I'm almost there already. I'm about there. 122 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,237 I'm about there! I'm about to cut it! 123 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,529 I'm about to get it! - Yes! 124 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,242 - Oh, you know I'm about to get it! 125 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:25,832 You see me getting it! - Yeah! 126 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,787 - You're feeling me getting it! I'm about to get it! 127 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,287 - Yes! - I'm about to finish! 128 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,709 - Oh, my God! - Ah! 129 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,957 [alarm powers down] - Oh! 130 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,748 - Got it. 131 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,382 Nice work. - Wow. 132 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,759 Oh, my God. Okay. 133 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,630 - So, MacGruber, can you please explain 134 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,466 why we're avoiding telling the U.S. government 135 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,391 that some maniac just got his hands 136 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,969 on a weapon of mass destruction? 137 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,734 - Piper, why do you think I hid that stuff in a fucking cave 138 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,387 for the past 20 years? 139 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,015 For gits and shiggles? 140 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,442 No, I hid it because no government on Earth 141 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,941 should have it, not even the USA. 142 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:03,324 I mean, we're talking about a world-ender here, Piper. 143 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,783 I don't know about you, but I kind of like the world. 144 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,155 [sentimental music] 145 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,412 I like sunsets. 146 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,084 I like snowcapped mountains. 147 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:17,754 I like kicking back with a cold Molson and watching the game. 148 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,719 I like babies and kettle corn. 149 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,216 Monster trucks and puppy dogs. 150 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:28,509 I like the tig, ol' bitties and bunchin' mox. 151 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,175 I even like cancer and type 2 diabetes 152 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,644 because they remind me that life is precious. 153 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,766 And that is why it is imperative 154 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:39,773 that we keep this shit out of Queeth's hands! 155 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:43,106 - But you just gave Queeth the weapon! 156 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,653 - You know what? 157 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,776 I'm gonna start calling you Checkers, 158 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,583 'cause that's the game you're playing. 159 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,406 But me? I play chess. 160 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,002 The thinking man's game. 161 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,747 And if you want to win at chess, 162 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,828 you got to think outside the bun 163 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,794 'cause that's how you win at chess, Checkers. 164 00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,714 Checksmate. We good here? 165 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,593 - No, we're not good here. 166 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,969 We should tell the general and get his help. 167 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,297 - We don't need his help! All right? 168 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,394 We can do this ourselves. 169 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,929 I mean, don't you see? 170 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,272 You're not a driving instructor, Checkers. 171 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,518 [inspirational music] 172 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,979 And, Vicki, you're not a housewife. 173 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:22,031 You're soldiers, and you always will be. 174 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,857 - You're gonna get us all killed. 175 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,072 - [sighs] 176 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,781 Vicki, can you give us a second? 177 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,072 - Sure. - But stay here. 178 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:29,945 - Yeah. 179 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,701 - I want you to hear this. 180 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,825 Would it change your mind, Checkers, 181 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,331 if I told you that Enos Queeth murdered my mother? 182 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,535 - [gasps] 183 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,205 - What? - Yeah. 184 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,014 I want to tell you guys a little story 185 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,468 that I've only told about 40 other people. 186 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:50,469 [tense music] 187 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,432 * * 188 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,011 Back in the day, 189 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:56,226 Queeth and my father were fast friends. 190 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,847 * * 191 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,484 Actually served in the military together. 192 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,152 Oorah. 193 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,951 But when my father made full bird colonel in record time, 194 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,906 it sent Queeth into a jealous rage. 195 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,529 The night of my fifth birthday, 196 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,075 he came over to our house 197 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:16,579 looking to put an end to my father's life. 198 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,791 Instead, he ended our family. 199 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,793 Put a bullet in my mother's head. 200 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,625 splattered her brains all over my face and cake. 201 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,262 Happy birthday to me. 202 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,639 My father was inconsolable. 203 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,387 Queeth stole the love of his life. 204 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,390 Went into a deep depression. 205 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,562 Tried to fill the void with the drugs and liqueurs. 206 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:39,891 Long story short, 207 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,806 Queeth fucking ruined him. 208 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,646 So the day I turned 18, I went down 209 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:49,202 and I joined the Green Berets, Navy SEALs, and Coast Guard 210 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:54,077 and made it my life's mission to take Queeth down. 211 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:58,157 So, you see, this isn't just any mission for me. 212 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,834 This is personal. 213 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,252 - I remain in. 214 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,625 - Thank you, soldier. 215 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:18,308 - Fine. - Checkers, really? 216 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,640 - Yes, but please stop calling me Checkers. 217 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,935 - Of course. 218 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,188 Now let's go stop this son of a bitch. 219 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,610 - Yeah, and how are we gonna do that? 220 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,278 We have exactly zero leads. 221 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,238 - Guess again, Checkers. 222 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:34,528 Queeth's go-to scientist, Irina Poliskaya. 223 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,954 - The world's preeminent chemist 224 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,042 in the field of organophosphates. 225 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,908 She's got every degree in the book. 226 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:43,004 - And a heart as black as the coal in Queeth's stocking. 227 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,041 - So you think she's gonna synthesize Brimstone? 228 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,585 - I bet your baby's life on it. - MacGruber! 229 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,919 - Vicki, I don't want Piper's baby to get murdered 230 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,634 or even die of natural causes, 231 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,795 but that's how certain I am. 232 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,143 Poliskaya is our synthesizer. 233 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,719 - Well, then we need to find her and get to her 234 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:58,974 before Queeth does. 235 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,135 [keyboard clicking] - ICDAG. 236 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,354 The International Chemical Defense Association Gala. 237 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,645 - [slurs words] ...Gala! 238 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,358 Yeah, I know it well. 239 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,318 The International...Gala. 240 00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,648 Yeah, that's right. I know it very well. 241 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,114 - Well, it says here there's a big soiree in Miami this week. 242 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,485 Every top chemical engineer in the world will be there. 243 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:20,453 And guess who's getting a lifetime achievement award? 244 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,325 - [gasps] 245 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,254 Irina Poliskaya. 246 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,915 - As I suspected. 247 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,675 - Queeth must have timed this whole operation 248 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,007 for when he'd have access to her. 249 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,511 - Checkers, this ain't no coinky-dink. 250 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,854 No, this is an on-purpy-dink. 251 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,559 - So what's our plan, MacGruber? 252 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:45,309 - Looks like we're going fishing for Russian scientists. 253 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,603 - It won't be easy. 254 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,016 She's gonna be under heavy guard. 255 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,864 - You can catch anything if you use a big enough worm. 256 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,440 - It's true. 257 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,645 - Hey, MacGruber, we can't keep driving around 258 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:55,856 in that car of yours. 259 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,315 It's kind of hard to stay undercover 260 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,525 in a bright red Miata. 261 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,695 - Way ahead of you, Checkers. 262 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:04,705 [heroic music] 263 00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:08,788 * * 264 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,205 - Yep, much better. 265 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,466 [Loverboy's "Lovin' Every Minute of It"] 266 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,682 * * 267 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,392 - * I'm not a man * 268 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,562 * Or machine * 269 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,020 * I'm just something in between * 270 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,981 all: * Whoa-oh, whoa-oh * 271 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,612 - * I'm all love, a dynamo * 272 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,189 * So push the button and let me go * 273 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,395 all: * Whoa-oh, whoa-oh * 274 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:40,076 - * Aah, you want me to come alive? * 275 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,616 * Flick the switch into overdrive * 276 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,250 * You and me can let it be * 277 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,618 * Ready * all: * Ready * 278 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,424 - * Aim * all: * Aim * 279 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,959 - * Fire * 280 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,422 * Touch that dial, turn me on * 281 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,303 * Start me like a motor, make me run * 282 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,971 * Lovin' every minute of it * 283 00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,089 * Lovin' * 284 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,755 * Lovin' every minute of it * 285 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,724 - Big worm is in position. 286 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,595 How are we looking, Checkers? 287 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,852 - Give me a sec. 288 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,693 [dramatic music] 289 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,859 [gun cocks] 290 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,067 - Who are you? 291 00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,527 - The night shift. [gunshots] 292 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,704 I'm in. - Okay, gang. 293 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,659 This is for all the marbles. 294 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,620 We won't get another chance. 295 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,040 Vicki, you in place? 296 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,118 - Yeah, I'm at your 11:00. 297 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:30,792 Sorry, Central Standard Time. 298 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,754 [romantic music] 299 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:40,425 * * 300 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,388 - There you are. 301 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:47,232 [chuckles nervously] Wow, you look... 302 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,437 fine. 303 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:53,476 - Well, you also look...only fine. 304 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,073 - Hey, I got eyes on Poliskaya. 305 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,568 She's by the bar, and she's got company. 306 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,780 Big company. 307 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,160 - Piece of cake. 308 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,316 Watch and learn, kid. Watch and learn. 309 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:12,634 Same old science bullshit, different science day. 310 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,547 What's up, turtledove? Buy you an eggnog? 311 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:16,627 - No. 312 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,881 - [chuckles] Hey, I can take a hint. 313 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,554 Barkeep, two gin martinis. 314 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,684 And I'll have mine... 315 00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,101 very dirty. 316 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,607 Allow me. 317 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,150 So, do you like it dirty? 318 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,198 - The lady does not wish to talk to you. 319 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,872 - [in Russian accent] Oh, the lady does not want 320 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,541 to talk to me, huh? 321 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,119 [normally] That's what you sound like, you fucking dode. 322 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,875 In fact, the only thing more stupid than your accent 323 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,878 is the way you're dressed, the content of your brain, 324 00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,961 and your fucking face. 325 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,586 - You will leave now. 326 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,393 - [in Russian accent] I will leave now. 327 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,058 Fine. 328 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,138 Let me just settle my bill. 329 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,308 Barkeep, put those on the Queeth tab. 330 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,896 [dramatic musical sting] 331 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,071 - It's an open bar. 332 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,649 - You're an open bar! 333 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:24,034 Queeth. Tab. Now. 334 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,702 - [speaking Russian] - [speaking Russian] 335 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,953 - [in Russian accent] Da. 336 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:35,576 - Sorry, Jorgus can be a little overprotective. 337 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,875 Have we met? 338 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,458 - Let's just say I'm a friend of a friend. 339 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:42,841 Thank you. Here. 340 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,052 Oh, I got a little tip for you. 341 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,224 Keep the change. 342 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,064 - All right. Hurry, MacGruber. 343 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,560 The presentation starts in ten minutes, 344 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,601 and you need five for the capsule to take effect. 345 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:56,935 - Loud and... 346 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,900 [dramatic music] 347 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,481 * * 348 00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,528 Got a little boogie. 349 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,791 [chuckles] 350 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,711 Holy shit! Does that guy have his wiener out? 351 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,961 Oh, he fully does! 352 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,172 Oh, you got to turn your head and see this! 353 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,552 It's so small! 354 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,759 It's like a snail, or is it-- 355 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,139 No, "it's a snail" is the perfect way to put it! 356 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,637 Oh, my God! 357 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,638 People are going nuts over there! 358 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,310 [forced laughter] 359 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:35,271 No? 360 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,980 Oh, God. You're missing out. 361 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,980 Turn that head! 362 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,522 [laughs harder] 363 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:44,185 Oh, my God. Look at this! You don't want to see this? 364 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,315 Oh, it looks like he's gonna pull up his pants! 365 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,663 Uh, no, no, no, no, no. It's still there! 366 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,908 No? Okay. 367 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,540 All right. All right. 368 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,955 Ooh, let's have a head-turning contest! 369 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,287 I'll start. 370 00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:58,502 - [exhales sharply] 371 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,501 Vicki, we need a distraction. 372 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,923 - On it. 373 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,801 Ahh! 374 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,760 No! 375 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,511 Look at me! 376 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,603 Over here! 377 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:17,099 Ahh! 378 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,780 - Okay. That worked, I guess. 379 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,989 Now get in position for phase two, Vicki. 380 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,159 - On the groove. 381 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,249 - Where were we? Oh, that's right. 382 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,458 We were getting to know each other, 383 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,498 and it was going fucking great. 384 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,342 Is it just me, or are we 385 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,587 in a major opposites-attract situation here? 386 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,550 'Cause you travel with protection, 387 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:51,590 and I never, ever, ever use protection. 388 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,142 What do you say we get out of here? 389 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,521 - You're very persistent, Mr... 390 00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,895 - Jebblidoo. - Mm. 391 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:06,149 - Matias Jebblidoo. 392 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:10,992 - Mm, it's been a unique pleasure, Mr. Jebblidoo. 393 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,781 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a prior obligation. 394 00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:17,865 - Oh, hate for you to go Russian off, 395 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:20,672 but if you must, then Soviet. 396 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,132 To humor. 397 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,272 She's walking. She did it. 398 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,733 She drank it. I did it. 399 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,153 I got her to drink it. 400 00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,731 Fuck yeah. You got her, Checkers? 401 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,946 - I got her, but please stop calling me that. 402 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:53,317 Vicki, you in place? 403 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,655 - Set to jet. 404 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:59,542 - All right. I'm in the pipe, five by five. 405 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,540 - Oh! Give me one moment. 406 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,012 - Okay. I lost eyes on her. 407 00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:15,302 This is all you, Vick. 408 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,897 - Excuse me, do you have any toilet paper? 409 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,697 - Let me see if I have some. 410 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:38,240 Oh, you're in luck. Here you go. 411 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,627 Sorry! 412 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:55,054 She's out. Commencing the old switcheroo. 413 00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,433 - Great work, Vick. 414 00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:01,644 - Heads up, Vicki. Your company has got company. 415 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,389 [gunshots] 416 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:10,230 Okay, Vicki. Jack has just replaced Poliskaya's guard. 417 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,605 Proceed with caution. 418 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,991 - Just making some final adjustments. 419 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,332 - Everything all right in there? 420 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:22,327 [dramatic music] 421 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,500 * * 422 00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:25,919 - [speaking Russian] 423 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,683 - Now remember, Vicki, we only need Queeth's guy 424 00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,679 to think you're Poliskaya for a few minutes 425 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,971 until I can get the real Poliskaya out of here. 426 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,135 Then, you can give that fucking jughead the slip. 427 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,394 And then, we are in the clear. 428 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:47,516 - There you are. - [gasps] 429 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,522 - Hi, Miss Poliskaya. - That's me. 430 00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:50,864 - We're ahead of schedule. 431 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,029 We're ready to bring you to the stage right now. 432 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,446 - Great. That's where I want to be. 433 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:58,989 - The ballroom is packed, 434 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,872 and people are really excited to hear your speech. 435 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,541 - My speech? 436 00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:06,499 Yes, of course. 437 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,079 It's not just an award. 438 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,875 It's also a speech. 439 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:12,840 - Right this way. 440 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,303 - What do I do? What's he saying about a speech? 441 00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:18,432 That wasn't part of the plan! 442 00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,468 - Plans change, Vick. Roll with it. 443 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:21,552 - What do you mean plans change? 444 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,716 What am I supposed to say? 445 00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,555 - Don't worry. I got your six. 446 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,890 As the near-recipient 447 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,895 of several lifetime achievement awards, 448 00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,057 I know that a speech is de rigueur, 449 00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:33,726 so I took the liberty of writing you an amazing speech. 450 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,645 It's already under your podium. 451 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,525 - [in a Russian accent] Thank you. 452 00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:44,199 - And now, it is my great pleasure 453 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,794 to welcome the recipient 454 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:49,079 of this year's ICDA lifetime achievement award, 455 00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:52,094 Dr. Irina Poliskaya. 456 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:55,047 [applause] 457 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,157 [award thuds] 458 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,453 - [in a Russian accent] Russian hello. 459 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:29,464 [quirky music] 460 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:36,667 * * 461 00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:44,263 [crumpling echoes] 462 00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:06,867 Webster's dictionary defines "science" 463 00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:10,660 as the state or act of... 464 00:22:10,705 --> 00:22:13,785 being scientific. 465 00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:21,045 And this definition appears in the S's. 466 00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,685 - Great job, Vick! 467 00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,819 Sounds like that audience is eating that shit up 468 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,646 like a fucking pot roast. 469 00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:40,442 Keep going. 470 00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:43,445 - Science. 471 00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:46,528 Science is all around us. 472 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:49,124 Right? 473 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,290 They know. 474 00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:55,249 It's when you hear your favorite song, 475 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,791 when you... 476 00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:01,839 That is science. 477 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,761 When you get into an elevator 478 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,890 and sometimes there's a funny smell, 479 00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:11,059 that's also science. 480 00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:13,179 - Okay. You got 'em on the hook. 481 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:16,856 Now just reel 'em in nice and easy. 482 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:22,276 - Science is weather... 483 00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:29,406 corn... 484 00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:32,831 and electric. 485 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,084 - The laundry is in the hamper. 486 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:40,875 Vicki, bring it home. - Oh, thank God. 487 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,090 Okay, well, that concludes my speech about science. 488 00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:46,261 Believe in your dreams! Russian goodbye. 489 00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:49,141 [scattered applause] 490 00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:52,774 - Great job, Vick! 491 00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:54,927 I had no idea you knew all that stuff. 492 00:23:54,976 --> 00:23:56,686 Now just head to the bathroom, 493 00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,268 change into the outfit I left you, 494 00:23:58,313 --> 00:23:59,653 and get out here. 495 00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:01,779 By the time they figure out our little trick play, 496 00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:04,026 we'll be long gone. 497 00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:06,700 - Let's go. 498 00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:11,451 Car is out back. - Car? 499 00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:12,793 - We're going to the lab. 500 00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:15,707 - For the synthesis? 501 00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:18,043 - Yeah. 502 00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:23,796 - Do you mind if I use the potty again? 503 00:24:23,838 --> 00:24:25,128 - You're gonna have to hurry that up. 504 00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:27,013 We're on a tight schedule here. - Mm-hmm. 505 00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,433 Guys, can you hear me? 506 00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:36,773 They're going to the lab. I think I should go with them. 507 00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:38,810 - Vicki, we already got what we came for. 508 00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:40,113 Now stick to the plan. 509 00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,936 - But they think I'm a scientist! 510 00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:43,981 If I can get my hands on Brimstone and destroy it, 511 00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:45,815 we can end this thing once and for all! 512 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:48,070 - No, it's too dangerous. Leave now! 513 00:24:48,113 --> 00:24:50,203 - But this is just a temporary solution. 514 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,030 Yeah, we've stopped this scientist this time, 515 00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:53,825 but eventually they're gonna find someone else 516 00:24:53,868 --> 00:24:55,118 to synthesize it. - Look, Vicki. 517 00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:57,331 If you go to that lab, we can't protect you. 518 00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:00,423 - I have to take that chance. 519 00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:03,665 - Vicki, please. 520 00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:07,012 If you do this, you will die. 521 00:25:07,048 --> 00:25:10,338 - If I don't, millions of people will die. 522 00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:13,505 - [exhales sharply] Hey, this is a direct order. 523 00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:15,555 Stick to the goddamn plan! 524 00:25:15,598 --> 00:25:17,478 All right? 525 00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:19,807 Vicki! 526 00:25:19,853 --> 00:25:22,943 Vicki, did you hear what I said? 527 00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:26,739 - Yeah, I heard exactly what you said. 528 00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,070 Plans change. 529 00:25:37,328 --> 00:25:38,538 Take me to the lab. 530 00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,250 - After you. 531 00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:42,460 - Vicki, please don't do this! 532 00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:43,710 Vicki! Vicki! 533 00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:46,002 - Vicki, come in! 534 00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:47,956 Vicki! Vicki! 535 00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:49,836 Come on, Vicki! Please! 536 00:25:56,473 --> 00:25:59,393 [dramatic music] 537 00:25:59,434 --> 00:26:06,404 * * 538 00:26:06,454 --> 00:26:11,004 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37328

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