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1
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:46,126
I mean, sure,
watching a head explode is cool.
2
00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:48,245
But the real pros aim for the spine.
3
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,130
That's what holds
everything together, you know.
4
00:00:50,154 --> 00:00:51,291
You shoot out that cord,
5
00:00:51,292 --> 00:00:53,092
it's like cutting
the strings to a marionette.
6
00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:54,624
The body just goes whoomp, limp.
7
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,207
Okay, come on.
What are we doing here?
8
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:58,628
Let's get your furry little head
out of the clouds
9
00:00:58,629 --> 00:01:00,245
and let's go figure out
who hired Kato.
10
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,538
Oh, you don't want to kill anymore?
11
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,500
Okay, well, that's fine.
12
00:01:05,501 --> 00:01:07,381
We'll call it a day on this
whole "revenge plot"
13
00:01:07,405 --> 00:01:09,293
and open up
a pizzeria, right?
14
00:01:09,294 --> 00:01:10,874
- Huh? I'm joking.
- Hmm?
15
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:12,795
Of course we're not going
to stop killing people.
16
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,080
That's the whole point of this...
17
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,374
Um, okay.
18
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:18,495
So that's it, you're done?
Alright, fine.
19
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,980
Well, then give me back
my sunglasses.
20
00:01:20,004 --> 00:01:21,752
Those are cool guy shades
21
00:01:21,753 --> 00:01:23,330
and you are no longer a cool guy,
22
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,293
so you don't get
to wear 'em anymore.
23
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:27,915
Hey, keep it down up there.
24
00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:29,747
People are trying to pray.
25
00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:31,499
Who's this clown?
26
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,330
Eh, keep walking, Mr. Clean.
27
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:38,205
Tch, tch, tch, tch.
I do not ask that you apologize.
28
00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:41,124
I ask that you respect the shrine.
29
00:01:41,125 --> 00:01:43,375
Huh?
30
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:47,416
It is true. I am fluent
in the tongue of monkey.
31
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:49,037
I wouldn't get too excited.
32
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:52,379
This guy's wandering around in pajamas
with those weird cue ball eyes.
33
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,205
Clearly he's deranged.
34
00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:56,498
Well, at least I'm not dead.
35
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,918
Hey, asshole, we're kind of
in the middle of something here,
36
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,799
so maybe you should just go on
and play dress up
37
00:02:00,804 --> 00:02:02,164
with your friends over there and...
38
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:03,874
Holy shit!
Wait, can you hear me?
39
00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:05,374
Dude! What a relief.
40
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,915
I have been jibber-jabbering
with this dumb-ass monkey
41
00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:09,247
for two weeks now!
42
00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:11,998
Whoa!
43
00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,165
Fate in her infinite wisdom
44
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:25,624
has tethered you together
for a reason.
45
00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:27,124
Yeah, to take out the pieces of shit
46
00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,915
who killed me
and his monkey crew.
47
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:31,457
We're supposed to be
on this revenge-quest together.
48
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:32,957
But I swear to God,
I feel like I'm over here
49
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:34,248
doing all the killing by myself.
50
00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:37,209
When I was a young...
51
00:02:37,210 --> 00:02:38,707
What are you talking about?
52
00:02:38,708 --> 00:02:41,457
I watched you mow down
20 badass commandos
53
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:43,207
like it was a game of Contra.
54
00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:45,248
As I was saying, the sacred texts...
55
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,669
You are cut out for this.
56
00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:49,537
Feelings are for suckers. Okay?
57
00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:51,629
I'm the brain.
You're the muscle.
58
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,205
- You need to nut up and do your job...
- Listen!
59
00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:56,712
Silence! Both of you.
60
00:02:57,792 --> 00:02:59,791
How can you listen
to each other
61
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:02,292
when you won't even listen
to yourselves?
62
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,327
You are lost.
63
00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:06,666
But if you allow it,
64
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,537
your journey will guide you
to the truth.
65
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,416
Your path may be rocky,
but in time,
66
00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:17,377
you will come to develop
the calluses necessary
67
00:03:17,378 --> 00:03:19,075
to keep moving forward
68
00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:21,788
and fulfill your destiny.
69
00:03:24,042 --> 00:03:26,202
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's gonna get some blisters.
70
00:03:26,203 --> 00:03:27,449
What about me?
What do I get?
71
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:28,710
A barren field...
72
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,075
where nothing can grow
73
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:33,543
until you find the seed of evil
74
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,833
and rip it from the soil.
75
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:39,923
Only then shall you ascend.
76
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:41,290
Are you kidding me?
77
00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:43,538
Of course he was saying
I'm in charge!
78
00:03:43,542 --> 00:03:45,332
I'm the one that needs
to find the evil seed
79
00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,793
so I can blow
this pop stand.
80
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,919
No, no, no. How can we be
on separate paths
81
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,077
when we're stuck together?
82
00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:55,378
We're going the same place.
And I'm leading the way.
83
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,830
Man, I've been killing people
for over 20 years.
84
00:04:00,833 --> 00:04:02,513
You've been doing it, what?
For 20 minutes?
85
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:05,624
So who makes the most sense
to be in charge, huh?
86
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,540
Nope, wrong again.
87
00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:10,942
Not the one with the body.
The one with the brain. That's me.
88
00:04:10,966 --> 00:04:14,541
The same brain that wisely told you
to grab Kato's wallet at the funeral.
89
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,378
It's wise because we can use
his driver's license
90
00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:20,245
to get his address.
91
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,707
Ta-da.
92
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:23,248
Oh, uh...
93
00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:26,050
Okay, well, you know how you piss
on everything to mark your territory?
94
00:04:26,074 --> 00:04:28,444
An address is like
the human version of that.
95
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,170
There's a goddamn
shit storm raining down on me.
96
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:35,502
Which means it's now
raining down on you.
97
00:04:35,503 --> 00:04:37,920
We've got old ladies
getting sawed in half,
98
00:04:37,921 --> 00:04:39,457
dead politicians,
99
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:42,538
and a Yakuza gang war
spilling out onto the streets.
100
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,745
We should tell them
about the monkey, Ito-keiji.
101
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:49,459
- There's nothing to tell.
- The fur. The surveillance video.
102
00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,168
- We have evidence.
- Mmm.
103
00:04:51,169 --> 00:04:53,957
We're detectives, and our job is
to follow the evidence
104
00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:56,832
- wherever it leads us, right?
- Mmm.
105
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:58,211
Back home, I worked a case
106
00:04:58,212 --> 00:05:01,168
where sweet potatoes kept disappearing
from Mr. Yamaguchi's farm.
107
00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:06,374
Anyway, animals are capable
of committing crimes, too.
108
00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:09,245
I don't understand. Why can't we
just tell them our theory?
109
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,459
You mean our theory
that a monkey in a suit
110
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:13,668
is running around town
killing gangsters?
111
00:05:13,669 --> 00:05:16,537
Hey, I know you like to blabber
when you're drunk,
112
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,629
but the rest of us are trying
to pay attention.
113
00:05:18,630 --> 00:05:21,245
Turn around
before I grab that ponytail
114
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,749
and shove it up
your partner's ass.
115
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:25,374
You know what?
You're a dick, Ito.
116
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:28,995
Now does anyone have any actual leads
that we can follow up on?
117
00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:34,578
Don't. Haruka, please.
D-don't!
118
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:35,793
Yes, Haruka.
119
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,173
Ah, Jesus.
120
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:54,891
Who says having a little toddler bod
doesn't have its advantages,
121
00:05:54,915 --> 00:05:56,249
am I right?
122
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:58,920
Whoa. Looks like the General
was losing his battle with debt.
123
00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:01,923
You know, because of the bills?
124
00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:03,920
Because he owes money?
125
00:06:03,921 --> 00:06:05,997
Honestly, I feel like
these are wasted on you.
126
00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:10,416
No! Monkey, no!
127
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,920
Hey, I'm sure
the kid's better off without him.
128
00:06:14,944 --> 00:06:17,114
I never knew my dad
and look at me, I turned out great.
129
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,967
Oh no, it's no...
130
00:06:18,991 --> 00:06:20,750
Oh shit.
We got company.
131
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,626
Hey, Captain Big Heart,
132
00:06:22,627 --> 00:06:24,245
they're coming
this way, alright?
133
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:25,630
Time to hide. Let's go!
134
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,495
You don't even know
if that's his kid.
135
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,860
Probably just some child soldier
he was prepping for battle.
136
00:06:30,884 --> 00:06:32,832
Why do we always get
the clean-up jobs?
137
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:36,082
I didn't join the Yak' to sweep floors
like some stupid-ass maid.
138
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:37,832
Would you quit with the job-shaming?
139
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:39,961
My aunt was a maid.
She worked really hard.
140
00:06:39,962 --> 00:06:41,957
We get it.
You're the conflicted killer.
141
00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,538
Super original.
But seriously,
142
00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:45,002
save it for Oprah.
143
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:48,415
It's easy. Just point and shoot
till the bad guys go bye-bye.
144
00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:50,207
It just feels like
we're their errand boys. You know,
145
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:53,578
I spent all morning driving
around trying to find a stupid blowfish...
146
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:55,633
Hey, shut up.
You hear that?
147
00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:01,665
Probably just a rat.
148
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,747
- This place is a shithole!
- Right?
149
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:06,955
The guy doesn't even have
a 4K TV.
150
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:09,624
Ho ho ho ho, look at this!
151
00:07:09,625 --> 00:07:12,285
Hey, put that back.
We're not here to steal.
152
00:07:12,292 --> 00:07:13,501
We're here to scrub.
153
00:07:13,502 --> 00:07:16,669
No way. Teppei said
if I find something cool, I can have it.
154
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,707
Yeah, well, Teppei is a moron.
155
00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:20,998
And Keppei said don't listen
to anything his brother says.
156
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,957
Keppei and Teppei?
Who are they, the Japanese Hall & Oates?
157
00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:25,918
Who the hell are you?
158
00:07:25,942 --> 00:07:27,707
Look at our uniforms, asshole.
159
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:28,957
We're military police.
160
00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:30,828
So why don't you put down
the katana
161
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:32,999
and slither on outta here?
162
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,080
Oh, you like snakes?
163
00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:36,582
Oh yeah, show, show!
164
00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:38,103
How you like them rattlers?
165
00:07:38,963 --> 00:07:40,328
Put your blouse back on.
166
00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:42,379
We know all about
the General's gambling problem.
167
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,495
And the Yakuza leeches
who feed off of it.
168
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,419
The public is not,
and we're gonna keep it that way.
169
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:50,747
Oh, oh, oh, I see. Okay,
Kato owed Keppei and Teppei money.
170
00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:52,460
That's probably how they roped him
into killing me.
171
00:07:52,461 --> 00:07:54,627
This is the last time
I'm gonna warn you.
172
00:07:54,628 --> 00:07:56,285
Put down the sword and beat it.
173
00:07:56,292 --> 00:08:00,707
- Or what?
- Or this, asshole.
174
00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:01,498
Hey, hey, hey!
175
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,420
You two!
Down on the ground! Now!
176
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:05,916
Oh ho ho. Look at this.
This is awesome.
177
00:08:05,917 --> 00:08:07,127
Now drop the sword.
178
00:08:07,128 --> 00:08:09,374
How do you know
this ain't my sword, lady?
179
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:11,785
Just because I'm Yakuza,
you assume I must be a thief.
180
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,210
Look, kid, the General's sword
doesn't belong
181
00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:15,668
in your sad-ass bingo hall.
182
00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,707
Well, too bad,
'cause we're taking it.
183
00:08:17,708 --> 00:08:21,038
This blade is now property
of the Double Dragon Casino.
184
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,210
Okay, here's the 411.
185
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,038
There's a gun pointed
at a scrawny dude
186
00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:25,670
right on the other side
of this door,
187
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,126
and shit's about
to go sideways.
188
00:08:27,127 --> 00:08:29,375
So we need cover.
And by we, I mean you.
189
00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:31,463
Oh! The helmet!
Here! Put it on!
190
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,211
- Put it down!
- Drop the sword.
191
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,288
- Put it down, lady.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
192
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:35,612
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
193
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:38,750
Shit!
194
00:08:40,708 --> 00:08:42,038
God damnit!
195
00:08:44,708 --> 00:08:46,378
Whoa. Ha ha!
196
00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:47,495
This is awesome!
197
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:53,667
Yuski! No!
198
00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:59,497
- Shit! You're gonna die!
- Asshole!
199
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,748
Okay, I just got shot,
like, 47 times.
200
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:07,830
Oh, God, how are you?
201
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:13,457
Oh boy. Look at that.
202
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:17,170
Oh Lord, looks like
Jackson Pollock was painting
203
00:09:17,171 --> 00:09:18,666
with blood in here,
am I right?
204
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,124
Technically, this is all your fault,
205
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:21,665
but I'm willing to look
the other way.
206
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,327
Now grab the sword.
That thing's rad.
207
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:27,955
Fine, but you need
to get your shit together.
208
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,918
'Cause if I were a gambling man,
I'd wager that the Double Dragon Casino
209
00:09:30,919 --> 00:09:32,827
is where we're gonna find
Keppei and Teppei.
210
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,963
Also, I am very much
a gambling man.
211
00:09:36,833 --> 00:09:38,503
What's a casino?
Are you kidding me?
212
00:09:38,504 --> 00:09:39,790
It's like, um,
213
00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:42,712
if the happiest place on Earth had
a baby with the saddest place.
214
00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,377
Corruption grows in secret.
215
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:53,291
It thrives in darkness.
216
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:57,632
My mentor, Ken Takahara,
made fighting corruption his life's work.
217
00:09:57,633 --> 00:10:01,165
And that's why
it will be the central issue
218
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,127
of my campaign.
219
00:10:02,128 --> 00:10:05,665
And you think one man
can take on this enormous task?
220
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:09,327
Well, I raised my niece
all by myself,
221
00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:12,207
so I feel like I'm ready
for anything.
222
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:16,828
- Okay, time to go.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
223
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,133
the business of government
is calling.
224
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:22,624
Let's work on the ad-libs.
225
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:25,785
- Come on, they loved it.
- Speaking of which,
226
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,210
latest Nikkei poll has you
trailing Ozu by five points.
227
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,538
But when asked
who voters trust more,
228
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,582
you're leading by fifteen.
229
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:35,173
You little trust-fund commie.
230
00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:38,541
You lied to me.
231
00:10:38,542 --> 00:10:42,249
You looked me in the eye,
shook my hand,
232
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,124
and stabbed me
in the back.
233
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,325
Hey, hey.
234
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:48,923
None of us could have predicted
that a eulogy could spark...
235
00:10:48,924 --> 00:10:49,957
Cut the shit.
236
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:53,127
People were grieving.
You took advantage of their emotions.
237
00:10:53,128 --> 00:10:54,535
Oh, give me a break.
238
00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:57,541
You built your entire campaign
on manipulating peoples' emotions.
239
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:58,832
Alright, sweetie.
240
00:10:59,667 --> 00:11:01,287
See you on the campaign trail.
241
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,747
Oh, Shinji-san.
242
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,457
That's a nice suit.
243
00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:08,207
You should try it with a vest.
244
00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:25,624
Oh boy. It is like
a goddamn security convention in there.
245
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:27,865
Which is, by the way, totally your fault.
246
00:11:27,889 --> 00:11:30,626
Maybe next time, try not to start
a gang war your first day in town.
247
00:11:30,627 --> 00:11:32,825
Alright, okay,
248
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,420
let's save the rage
for the targets.
249
00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:36,827
Now, look, I've taken out
a few casino bosses in my day,
250
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:38,752
and in my experience
they're usually holed up
251
00:11:38,753 --> 00:11:40,749
in some back office
counting their cash.
252
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,378
That's most likely where
we'll find Keppei and Teppei.
253
00:11:43,379 --> 00:11:45,705
Jesus, I can't keep saying
those names.
254
00:11:45,708 --> 00:11:48,308
It's like we're going up against
a couple of Dr. Seuss characters.
255
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:50,455
From now on, can we only kill people
with cool names?
256
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:54,000
Hey, hey, hey. Keep your
furry little chin up, okay?
257
00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:56,998
That's right. We're going
to have to kill some evil shits
258
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,669
that totally deserve to die.
259
00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:00,747
And you're the one
that's gonna do it!
260
00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:02,080
'Cause it's your destiny!
261
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,213
Now shut up and let's go!
262
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,415
Can you crawl any slower?
263
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,040
Yeah, I know it was my idea.
264
00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:15,130
But that's 'cause I figured
my fear of cramped spaces
265
00:12:15,131 --> 00:12:16,611
would have disappeared
after my death.
266
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:17,580
Evidently, I was wrong.
267
00:12:18,424 --> 00:12:20,416
Dude. Go! It's not funny.
268
00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:22,247
I'm, like,
hyperventilating back here.
269
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:25,416
Now remember,
we are doing this ninja-style.
270
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:26,977
Sneak into the office
through the vents.
271
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:28,827
Snap their necks
nice and quietly, then...
272
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:29,833
Oh!
273
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,457
Where'd you go?
274
00:12:31,458 --> 00:12:33,457
Here comes a 4K TV!
275
00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:36,038
What was that?
276
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:39,962
Holy shit.
It's a monkey in a tiny suit.
277
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,627
Huh?
278
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:47,833
Okay, I think
they may have spotted you.
279
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,077
Hey, what is that?
280
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,128
Out of the way.
281
00:12:52,129 --> 00:12:53,495
Come here, you. Hey!
282
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,290
Hey!
283
00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:57,172
It's a... it's a dancing monkey!
284
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,035
Dancing monkey.
285
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:03,376
No, no, no, no.
286
00:13:03,377 --> 00:13:04,745
Don't go all Pesci on them.
287
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,230
You do that
and you're going to end up
288
00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:07,707
with more holes
than a donut shop.
289
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:10,288
Now look at me.
Do what I'm doing. Do this!
290
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:12,772
I know you're probably not in the mood,
but I need you to dance
291
00:13:12,796 --> 00:13:14,716
like nobody's watching
or you're dead.
292
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,205
There you go.
There you go. That's it.
293
00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:23,328
There. Yeah.
Now get your hips going.
294
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,791
- There.
- He's dancing!
295
00:13:24,792 --> 00:13:26,672
Oh my god,
296
00:13:26,696 --> 00:13:28,073
this is crazy!
297
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:29,374
Drink it. Drink it.
298
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,855
You need to do whatever it takes
to keep these guys entertained
299
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:33,320
while I come up
with a new plan.
300
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,290
- Huh?
- Not bad, huh?
301
00:13:38,292 --> 00:13:40,812
Makes you want to focus
your entire life on getting more, right?
302
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:48,462
More whiskey.
303
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,527
Whoa-ho-ho, hey, you actually got
a pretty good hand here.
304
00:13:56,551 --> 00:13:57,497
- You should play.
- Hmm?
305
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,624
Come on, man. You got trip kings.
306
00:13:59,625 --> 00:14:02,205
Okay, look, when you've got two
or more of the same cards, that's good.
307
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,457
So just take all those chips
308
00:14:03,458 --> 00:14:05,578
and just push them
right into the center of the table.
309
00:14:05,602 --> 00:14:06,602
Come on.
310
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,640
All right, good,
now show them your cards.
311
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,959
No, no, no, don't be
a dick about it, okay.
312
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,078
Just lay them on the table.
313
00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:16,253
What?
314
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:18,124
Ahh, he won!
315
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:21,374
Yeah! We won! Woo!
Pay up, suckers!
316
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:24,035
Pay me! Pay... my... monkey.
Pay the monkey!
317
00:14:24,042 --> 00:14:25,416
Little bitches. Yeah!
318
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:41,745
Well, well, well. If it isn't
the double-mint douches.
319
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:42,920
Must be Keppei and Teppei.
320
00:14:42,921 --> 00:14:45,077
What the hell are you doing?
321
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,883
We found them
at the General's place.
322
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:51,166
- Along with this kick-ass sword.
- Goddamn morons.
323
00:14:51,167 --> 00:14:54,037
It was a clean-up job,
not an estate sale.
324
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:56,501
Get those bodies
out of the casino.
325
00:14:56,502 --> 00:14:57,916
Yeah. Yeah, okay, boss.
326
00:14:58,792 --> 00:15:00,207
Oh, no. Not you.
327
00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:02,498
- Wha...
- You're coming with us.
328
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:06,707
Okay, new plan.
329
00:15:06,708 --> 00:15:08,308
Our targets are
in the high-rollers room.
330
00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:10,030
So we're gonna have
to win our way up there.
331
00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:12,673
How can I be so sure
we're going to win?
332
00:15:12,674 --> 00:15:14,124
Because this moment
333
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:16,874
is the only non-sexual fantasy
I have ever had.
334
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,747
Ho ho ho, oh yeah!
335
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:27,040
- Oh. Oh no.
- God!
336
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:29,287
Loser.
337
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,245
Loser. Shit, time to fold.
338
00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,208
Ugh, how's he do it?
339
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:42,208
Bet it all, baby!
340
00:15:44,292 --> 00:15:45,612
Another drink for the monkey!
341
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:49,915
Gah!
342
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:32,124
Hey, that must be
the twins' office.
343
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,745
Okay, all we have to do is
take out the...
344
00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:34,710
Hey!
345
00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:37,707
Yo, Monkey.
Mission's this way, buddy.
346
00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:39,124
Dude. You're a mess.
347
00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:41,495
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
348
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,580
Whoa, calm down!
349
00:16:43,583 --> 00:16:46,166
Is this my opponent,
350
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:48,247
an alcoholic monkey?
351
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,416
Candy from a baby!
352
00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,670
Just... No, ignore him.
353
00:16:55,671 --> 00:16:57,916
Okay? We got bigger fish
to shoot in the face. Come on.
354
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,166
Aw, goddamn it.
355
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,077
This is gonna be my lucky day.
356
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,960
Okay, man, you taught him
a lesson, alright?
357
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:25,874
But I promise you,
this is not the kind of guy
358
00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:27,245
you want to keep
taking money from.
359
00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:32,248
Whoa, I'm cutting you off.
360
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:35,040
Getting drunk is something we do
after hits, not during.
361
00:17:35,042 --> 00:17:36,722
Okay, you know what, hey, fine.
362
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,323
You wanna sabotage
the mission? Go ahead.
363
00:17:38,347 --> 00:17:41,080
But I know what this is, man,
classic avoidance.
364
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,957
You don't wanna do the hit.
You're stalling.
365
00:18:09,417 --> 00:18:12,077
Alright, monkey.
Play time's over.
366
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,379
For the last time,
do not clean him out.
367
00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:17,625
I promise you, he is not gonna
let you walk away with his money.
368
00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:25,958
Sorry, Charlie. Full house.
369
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:28,883
What?
370
00:18:28,884 --> 00:18:30,785
Aah! Son of a bitch!
371
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,460
Aw, man. All you had
to do was lose at poker.
372
00:18:44,461 --> 00:18:46,707
That's so easy.
I do it all the time!
373
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:50,038
Now they're going to take you out back
and put a bullet behind your ear.
374
00:18:50,042 --> 00:18:53,502
But, hey, now you don't have
to kill anymore, right?
375
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:57,082
Ugh! Teppei.
376
00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:58,957
You had to stab him?
377
00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:01,957
You couldn't wait 30 seconds for me
to come back with the blowfish?
378
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:04,788
Ugh. What is with you
and the blowfish?
379
00:19:04,792 --> 00:19:07,632
What? It's a cool-ass way
to kill someone!
380
00:19:07,633 --> 00:19:11,285
Paralysis. Respiratory failure.
Diarrhea.
381
00:19:11,292 --> 00:19:12,962
What?
382
00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:16,882
Are you two dipshits
running a casino
383
00:19:16,883 --> 00:19:18,374
or a zoo?
384
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:22,874
- Uhhh. A casino?
- Relax. It's just a gimmick.
385
00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:24,205
Like a mascot.
386
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:28,748
Oh yeah? This gimmick just took me
for over six million yen.
387
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,080
And I want it back. Now!
388
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:33,753
Listen, old man, you can't talk
to us like that anymore.
389
00:19:33,754 --> 00:19:35,290
We're a big deal now.
390
00:19:35,292 --> 00:19:36,962
Running this shit ourselves.
391
00:19:41,583 --> 00:19:45,291
That walking wet cough
was their mother?
392
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,920
Oh my God... No, no, no, no.
Don't you dare get sad about this.
393
00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:49,497
This is how evil spreads.
394
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,957
Their mom hired me to kill Takahara.
395
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,877
Then had her idiot sons
enlist Kato to kill me.
396
00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:57,075
She deserved to die and so do her kids.
397
00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:58,791
Boys, boys.
398
00:19:58,792 --> 00:20:00,832
If you're not gonna refund my money,
399
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,173
the least you could do
is kill this monkey.
400
00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:05,327
Oh, hell yeah!
401
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:08,915
That we can do.
402
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,957
Mm-mm. No way.
403
00:20:10,958 --> 00:20:13,248
You got one.
I get one.
404
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:18,165
Agh, fine. Just make sure
you prepare it wrong.
405
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:21,580
Trust me. I don't know
what I'm doing.
406
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:24,233
Okay, keep your cool, don't panic.
407
00:20:24,234 --> 00:20:26,634
Nobody's gonna panic, okay.
All we gotta do is find something
408
00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:27,457
to undo your cuffs.
409
00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:30,666
Ta-da!
Dinner is served.
410
00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:34,420
I-I got nothing.
411
00:20:34,421 --> 00:20:36,181
You gotta summon
that berserker rage of yours
412
00:20:36,186 --> 00:20:38,185
and bust out of those cuffs
or we're done here.
413
00:20:38,186 --> 00:20:41,172
Okay, monkey. Open wide.
414
00:20:43,958 --> 00:20:45,124
What are you doing?
415
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:47,005
Are you really going
to die because you're too...
416
00:20:47,029 --> 00:20:49,040
Okay. Okay, look!
Look, look, look! I was wrong.
417
00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:51,291
Killing is not easy.
418
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,632
It's not just point, shoot,
and watch the bad guy go bye-bye.
419
00:20:54,633 --> 00:20:56,374
It's watch you go bye-bye.
420
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:57,785
Because every time
you kill someone,
421
00:20:57,792 --> 00:20:59,712
a little bit of you dies too.
422
00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:03,003
And it sucks.
It sucks balls.
423
00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:05,920
U-until you're just
too numb to care anymore.
424
00:21:05,921 --> 00:21:09,327
But, but, if you're lucky,
you let it continue to suck.
425
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:11,332
And you'll never grow numb.
426
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:12,673
There you go, that's the truth.
427
00:21:12,674 --> 00:21:13,877
You happy?
428
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,209
Oh, that's real mature.
429
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:22,288
You know, I-I pour my soul
out to you and you...
430
00:21:22,292 --> 00:21:23,629
Wait, wait, wait! Holy shit!
431
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:24,915
You-you're a monkey.
432
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:28,077
With, uh, weird feet hands
that no one bothered to cuff.
433
00:21:37,214 --> 00:21:39,288
Goddamn monkey...
434
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:55,082
No. No!
435
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,043
I don't want to die!
Help me!
436
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,707
Oh, goddamn!
437
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:08,124
Oh. Nice. Nice.
438
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:10,075
Get rid of it.
Get rid of it.
439
00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:12,713
There you go.
440
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,753
So I'm thinking there's no way
Takahara's assassination
441
00:22:15,754 --> 00:22:17,874
was orchestrated
by these two nutsacks.
442
00:22:17,875 --> 00:22:19,075
Gotta to be people above them.
443
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,499
And the best way to the heart
of any criminal plot
444
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:22,999
is to follow the money.
445
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,420
So grab this, and we'll study it
over a celebratory drink.
446
00:22:28,292 --> 00:22:30,962
Right after we shoot
our way out of here.
447
00:22:38,375 --> 00:22:39,375
Wait, hold on.
448
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,457
Was that intentional?
449
00:22:41,458 --> 00:22:43,918
Uh, you know, going overboard
with the booze and the gambling.
450
00:22:43,919 --> 00:22:46,037
Was it, like, all a clever plan
just to get us
451
00:22:46,042 --> 00:22:47,882
in the twins' office
or dumb luck?
452
00:22:48,542 --> 00:22:51,252
It was luck, wasn't it?
No, I mean it had to have been.
453
00:22:51,253 --> 00:22:52,540
Right?
454
00:22:52,542 --> 00:22:54,712
Oh, look at that, there's my job!
455
00:22:54,713 --> 00:22:56,957
500K to "X" K. T.
456
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,998
That's gotta be Ken Takahara, right?
And wait, wait.
457
00:22:59,022 --> 00:23:02,455
Um, these jobs were all paid
by someone called The Accountant.
458
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:03,958
Oh! Oh!
It's an address.
459
00:23:04,708 --> 00:23:08,328
Sugano 2-2-7.
Number 9621.
460
00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,876
Well, this should be
a cakewalk.
461
00:23:10,877 --> 00:23:12,415
Here's your next lesson:
462
00:23:12,917 --> 00:23:15,207
money men are always
the easiest targets.
463
00:23:15,833 --> 00:23:16,883
Ha.
464
00:23:17,292 --> 00:23:18,332
Trust me.
34685
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