All language subtitles for Grand Crew s01e01 Pilot.eng

- For ages, the Black man
has been seen as many things.

As sketchy, as wild,

as arrogant and insensitive,

but I'm going to let you in
on a little secret

about Black men.

We have a softer,
more sensitive side.

That's right. We love.

The flowers are for his mom.

And it ain't even Mother's Day.

We laugh. Trust me.

That dude is a joy
to be around.

We care.
This guy cares about animals.

That's a bean burrito,
for your information.

And believe it or not, we cry.

My man gets sad sometimes,
and that's okay.

What I'm saying is...

Our multitudes got multitudes.

It feels so good
to get this off my chest.

Thank you for letting me share.

Let's explore all of this
a bit more, shall we?

[upbeat music]

- Hey, here you go, guys.
Hey, baby.

- Hey.

- Okay.

- [giggles]
- [sighs]

- Damn, homey, I know I said
don't bang where we hang,

but you got her
slobbing on the job,

so it must be going well.

- How long's it been now?
- Four months.

The thing about her is,
I've never been in love

with someone more
in my entire life.

- What?
- Full stop.

- Bro, you out here
looking like a trampoline.

Extra sprung.
Boing, boing.

- Oh, he's been like this
ever since we were kids.

In elementary school,
every Halloween,

he would dress up
as a loving husband.

- What?
- What is that costume?

- Okay, shut it down
for a second, okay?

Because you guys are making it
sound like I'm a sap,

and I'm definitely not, okay?

Lest we forget, I used to be
out on these date streets

running hella game, okay?

Dates on dates on dates
on dates on dates on dates.

It's just with Alicia,
you know, she's--she's special.

- Oh, come on, man,

every other girl
you meet is special

or one of a kind
or had you at hello.

But I know
what's really going on.

The sex is bomb.
She must be breaking that back.

[laughter]

- For the last time,
can we please not talk

about me having bomb sex
in front of my sister?

- For the last time,
yes, we can.

My sexuality has always been
key to this group.

For example,
I have a Tinder date later,

and I'm hoping it ends with
our crotches getting steamy.

- Oh, thanks, Nicky.
That reminds me.

I'm throwing
an anniversary party next week,

and I expect all y'all
to be there.

- What did Nicky just say

that reminded
you of your anniversary?

- On our honeymoon,
Kristen and I were having

breakfast in bed, and I spilled
mint tea on my crotch.

Steamy crotch.
- That makes sense.

- Oh, yeah, it does.
- So speaking of anniversaries,

feels like now's as good a time
to tell you guys as any.

I'm gonna ask Alicia
to marry me.

both: What?
- Why would you do that?

- Wait, what's--
what's with the mumbles?

[both mumbling]

- Seriously, dude, I've had
almond milk in my fridge

longer than you've been
with Alicia.

So maybe you're rushing.

- Or maybe you should drink
your almond milk faster.

- No, man. He's right.

No Black man should get married
before age 75.

You still look the same
and you get more time

to sow your royal oats.

Give me some.
- "Royal oats"?

This isn't "Coming to America,"
and even if it was,

Prince Akeem chose love
over the single life.

Nah, I'm all for it.

I love my queen,
and I'm excited

that you gon' lock it down
with yours, Noah.

Noah.

Noah.

- As I said before,
boing, boing.

- [laughs]
What y'all say?

both: Whoo!
[both laugh]

- That sex.
- Mm.

- Wow, that was
a great game out there.

I mean, you really
left it all out on the court.

- I know.
You--you were on fire.

Hitting buckets from deep.

[both laugh]

- [sighs]
- Whoo!

♪

[laughs]

- Sup?

- Sup, king?

- Chilling, man. How you doing?

- Good, good, good.

Yo, man, have you
been using my Netflix?

- Oh, yeah, homey,
I've been watching

this Japanese reality show
called "Ainori Love Wagon."

Everyone is so polite,

but there's still
palpable tension.

That joint goes hard.

- That's great, but now
my algorithm's all confused.

All my shows are Japanese.
- You're welcome.

Or should I say--
[speaking Japanese]

- "Million Yen Women."
- Oh, that joint goes hard.

- "Samurai Gourmet."
- That joint goes so hard.

- "Devilman Crybaby."
- That joint goes the hardest.

- "Kantaro:
The Sweet Tooth Salaryman"?

- Ah, correction.
That joint goes the hardest.

[laughs]
- Okay, cool.

So it would be great

if you could get
your own account at some point.

- Oh, yeah. I know, right?
- Yeah, right.

Also, have you seen
my kombucha?

- Oh, definitely.
I drank those.

- The whole case?

- Oh, yeah, bro.
I was doing some research.

Turns out kombucha has
hella benefits

like reducing your risk of
cancer,

promoting mental health.

It's like a liquid shield.
Who knew?

- Can you buy me
another pack, please?

- Oh, for sure, my guy.

Just as soon as I finishing
pumping this iron.

[grunting]

- And then Vin Diesel said,
"Nicky, we're family now."

- Wow.
Now that was an amazing story.

- Thank you.
- This is so nice.

Just being on a date

with a funny, intelligent
Black woman.

- Well, I guess the Lord
hath blessed ya.

[both laugh]
So tell me more about your job.

- Yeah,
I-I work at a hedge fund.

It definitely has
its ups and downs.

- Mm-hmm.
- But hey,

at least
the economy's recovered, right?

Thanks, Obama.

[suspenseful musical sting]

- Ah! Intruder! Intruder!
- No, no, no, no.

[both scream]

Oh, I can't see!
- You picked the wrong one.

Get ready to die.
I'll cut you deep.

- It's Noah. It's Noah.

- Noah?
- Yes!

Boyfriend Noah.
Please don't stab.

- You scared the crap
out of me.

What's with this
measuring tape?

- Oh, snap, was I--
was I sleep measuring again?

- Hm?
- Right. Sorry.

I was just trying to measure
your ring finger

to propose marriage.

I love you, Alicia.

And I--I wanna spend
the rest of my life with you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So what do you think?

[soft music]

- No.

- Uh...

.

- Okay, so my date
with Davis went really well.

He's got a sexy mind and body

and smells like fresh lavender.

But at one point in the night,
he did say,

"Thanks, Obama."

- Wait, how'd he say it?
Like, "Thanks, Obama!"

- It was sarcastic.
Like, "Thanks, Obama."

Made me wonder if he was,
like, a Black Republican.

But they're not out here in
the streets like that, right?

- So what are you gonna do?

- I suppose the only way
to figure out what he meant

is to see him again
and have sex with him.

Ow! Thanks, Obama.
[laughs]

- Yo, this new bar is dope.
Hey, how's that tequila neat?

Looks like they did a good job.

- It's a tequila neat,
so I guess they did

a pretty good job
pouring tequila in a glass.

- Hold up, I sense darkness
in your brightness.

What's going on?

And why aren't we
at Dolly Pitchers?

- Oh, right.
Well, Alicia and I broke up.

She figured out
I was gonna propose

and said that she needed
some space,

and I was like, "Done."

- Whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

So we can't go
to Dolly Pitchers anymore?

Damn!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Let's not make him feel bad.

He just had his heart broken.

- Man, I just had
my heart broken too.

Dolly Pitchers gave out
free hot dogs

on Wednesday nights.

I just lost Weenie Wednesdays.

- Weenie Wednesdays is
the least of our worries.

Breakup Noah is back.

- Oh, no.
- Okay.

I knew you guys were gonna
bring up how I have reacted--

all: Overreacted.
- In the past to breakups.

But that was the old me, okay?
I can handle myself now.

- Man, please.

You gon' wallow,
and then you gonna beg for her

to take you back with your
last-scene-in-a-rom-com ass.

- Admit it.
You're soft like baby butt.

- No.
I'm--I'm hard like muscle butt.

Look, okay, I am totally fine,
all right?

I promise you, I'm moving on.

- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, right.

- Guys, I am for real.

I'm good,
and we just found ourselves

a new go-to bar,
so I'm extra good.

- Wait, what's happening?

- Don't worry.
Everything's fine.

This only happens
every 20 minutes or so.

- We should keep searching
for a new bar, yeah?

all: Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

[classical music playing]

♪

- Sup.
- Sup.

- Man, I'm trying
to take a little nap

and that's a little loud.
You think you could get

a couple decibels
off that joint?

- Damn, my bad.

It's just the music really
helps me lock into my work.

Any chance I could leave it?
- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, all right, cool.
Yeah, no problem.

- Oh, hey, by the way,

I got new toilet paper
since it was my turn.

I just got the single ply.
It was on sale.

- Oh, okay. Yeah.

But you know I like the TP
with the thickness, right?

Preferably the brand

where the bears are taking
a dump in the woods.

- Yeah but it's kinda
all the same to me

and I didn't think
you'd mind saving money

since you don't have a job-job.

- Oh.

You know,
that's an interesting point.

I hadn't thought about it
in the way you just put it.

Thank you for your
consideration in this matter.

- For sure.

Sup?
- Sup.

- Nothing, you?
- Nothing.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Yeah, enjoy that nap.
- Thank you.

I'ma get my Z's on.
- Do that.

- All right.
- All right.

- Now a look at the weather
with Danielle.

[phone rings]

- Hey, Wyatt.
- Hey, Noah.

How you doing?
How you holding up?

- You know, at first,
I was like,

shot through the heart,
shout-out Bon Jovi.

But now I'm stronger
than yesterday.

Shout-out Britney Spears.

We are never, ever
getting back together.

Shout-out Taylor Swift.

- Noah, those are
the white people

that you listen to
when you are saddest.

Are you sure you're good?

- Dude, seriously,
I'm--I'm fine.

But enough about me.

Like, how are you?
- Oh, good. Good.

Just putting
the finishing touches

on this
eighth anniversary party.

You know,
I want it to be perfect.

Let me run some titles by you.

"Death Won't Do Us Part Eight."

"The 007 Plus One Year Bash."

"Eight Night
with Conan O'Versary."

"Can't Hardly Eight."

Hey, Noah?

Noah, are you sure
you're good?

'Cause I'm pitching gold
over here.

- Huh?
Yeah. Yeah.

- ♪ I could hardly
believe it ♪

♪ When I heard
the news today ♪

♪ I had to come and get it
straight from you ♪

[Michael Bolton's "How Am I
Supposed to Live Without You"]

♪ They said you were leaving

♪ Someone swept
your heart away ♪

♪ From the look
upon your face ♪

♪ I see it's true

♪

♪ So tell me all about it
- Alicia?

- ♪ Tell me 'bout the plans
you're making ♪

♪ Oh, then tell me
one thing more ♪

♪ Before I go

♪ Tell me, how am I supposed
to live without you? ♪

♪

[glass chimes]

- I'd like to thank everyone
for coming out

to Wyatt and Kristen's
"Twist of F8,

The Future Looks Gr8."

My wife is the smartest,
kindest person that I know.

And she is so beautiful.
I mean, damn.

- Oh, damn you.
- Oh, damn you.

- Ooh, no, damn you.
- No, damn you.

both: Damn you.
- Damn you, girl.

- I want to damn you all day.

- You gonna damn you all day?
I'm gonna damn you all night.

I love you so much, baby.

- And I love you too.

Cheers, y'all.
all: Cheers.

- Hey, guys. Happy anniversary.

- Aw, thanks, girl.
So good to see you.

Noah, I'd love to introduce
to some of my friends

now that you're back
on the market.

There are some baddies here,
and they're all single.

- Well, I mean,
as much as I love the fact

that you refer
to your friends as baddies,

I'm actually gonna head home
in a little bit.

- Wow, he'd rather
go home and ponder

his dead relationship
than stay at the party.

- Mm-hmm. Baby butt.
- Boing, boing.

- You know, I was 12%
gonna go home,

but I'm actually feeling
a second wind.

So yeah. Let's mingle.

You guys better grab
your umbrellas,

because there's about to be
a torrential flirt storm.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- That is a beautiful dress.
Is that Cushnie?

- Um, yes.
- I'm Noah. Nice to meet you.

[smooth music]

- You like kisses?
- Excuse me?

- I'm sorry, I meant, quiches.
Noah. Nice to meet you.

♪

- I come to bury Caesar,
not praise him.

both: The evil that men do
lives after them.

The good is oft interred
with their bones.

So let it be with Caesar.

- Noah. Nice to meet you.

- So what's the latest
with Davis?

Is he elephant or donkey?
- I think he's donkey.

He's just so kind,
caring, and giving in bed.

- Yo, see our boy Noah
over there?

- Permission to dance
up on you?

- Permission granted.

[R&B music playing]

- Future's looking quite great
for him right now.

- Meanwhile, the future's not
looking so great for this bar.

Couldn't find a coaster,
Ray Charles?

- [laughs]
Ray Charles.

That's funny 'cause
he didn't see the coaster.

- And the future's not looking
so great for your facial hair,

over here looking like
a unfinished drawing.

- Ooh, that's a good visual.
- Ha, okay. You're bald.

- Ooh, heyo.
- And you look like you grew up

in a country club, you sellout.

- Ooh, this was fun
just a second ago.

Is everything okay
between you two?

- Oh, I'm all good over here.

- Oh, we're great.
Never better.

- I'ma gonna go this way.
- And I'ma go that way.

- The [bleep] just happened?

- ♪ Real love

[Mary J. Blige's "Real Love"]

♪ I'm searching
for a real love ♪

- Permission to get outta here

and see where the rest
of the night goes?

- Permission granted.

- ♪ Real love

♪ I'm searching

[upbeat music]

- You're cute.

♪

[phone ringing]

- I have to take this.

.

- Yo, this place is cool,
right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's all right.

- All right, well,
next round's on me.

Anybody need anything?
- Actually, I need a tea.

I would like to have

the "how was the rest
of your night with Kim" tea.

[laughter]
- It was a great night.

You know, she's a dope person.

It was great
getting to know her.

- Man, cut the crap.

Did you put some miles
on the mattress or zwhat?

- A gentleman does not
kiss and tell.

So I guess I'm a bad boy,
because yeah.

[laughter and cheering]

- God is good.

- So when you gonna see her
again, bro?

- Oh, you know,
we're hanging out next week.

- Oh, that's dope. That's dope.

- That's weird,
because Kristen said

that Kim is going out of town
all next week.

- Oh, right. Right.
I meant two weeks. Dinner.

Little Dom's,
little Italian, you know?

- I see.
- Yeah.

- That's also weird
because Kristen said

that Kim is gluten-free.

- I didn't realize how close
Kim and Kristen are.

That's so cool.

- So you getting Italian

in two weeks with a girl
that can't eat pasta?

- Hold on.
[sniffs]

You guys smell that?

- Smell what?
I don't smell anything.

- Yeah, because no one can
smell their own lie pie.

You're lying. But why?

- Because he did hook up,
just not with Kim.

- Alicia.
- [gasps]

- Okay, yes. Yes, we hung out.

We talked and we're both cool
with the casual thing,

so we're on the same page now.

- Those sound like
different pages, homey.

So you can claim to be
as casual as you wanna be,

but sooner or later, your heart
is gonna grab your brain

by the shoulders and scream,
"This is wack!"

- I disagree.
Look, I love Alicia.

And I really wanna
make this work.

And all I've gotten
from each of you is judgement.

Except for you, Wyatt.
Thank you.

You've been very cool.
- Thank you.

- Look, guys, we have
finally found ourselves

a bar that we actually like.

So can you guys
just lay off me for a second

and just let me enjoy
my drinks in peace?

- All right, all right.
[dance music playing]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
the rave has begun.

[cheers and applause]

- Noah, this is all your fault,
my guy.

♪

- Hey, man.
It's been a week now.

You need to give me
my damn kombucha.

- Who do you think
you're talking to?

I'll get it when I get it.

- Typical.
- Typical what?

- Typical you,
taking your sweet time.

- And typical you,

always buying
single ply toilet paper.

It's like wiping your butt
with cotton candy.

- Again with the toilet paper.

Geez!
- Oh.

Oh, so, wanna slap box now.

Oh, you're too soft
for all of that.

- Soft? I ain't soft.
Let's box then.

- Okay. All right.
- Come on. Whoo!

I'm ready for you, baby.
I'm ready.

- Oh, okay.
That was a quick one.

I didn't know we started yet.

- Yeah.
- All right then.

- All, right, come on.
What you got?

Give me your best shot.
Oh, whoa!

Man, okay.
All right, okay.

Okay. Whoo!

Oh. Whoo! Whoo! Okay.

- Ah! Okay, time out.
Time out. Time out.

I'm not--I'm not stopping
because I'm hurt.

I'm stopping
because my hands hurt

from hitting you too hard.

- Yeah.
- You got a strong jawline.

- Yeah.
- You should be proud of that.

- I am. I am actually.

And I too am stopping
because my hands hurt

and definitely not my face.

- Look, man,
when Noah introduced us,

I was pumped to be living

with one of his homeys
from UCLA.

- Yeah, well, I was pumped
as well.

My homey's homey from home
was bound to be my homey too.

- True.

Sometimes I feel like
you look down on me

because I didn't go to college
like the rest of y'all.

I'm smart too, man.

College wasn't for me,
but I got a 1,580 on my SAT.

- Really?
- Yeah, man.

- Damn.

- I'm a dope-ass
test taker, brah.

They used to call me Bubbles
in high school

'cause I was always
filling in the right answers.

And because of my big,
juicy butt cheeks.

- [laughs]

- Look, man, you one
of the smartest people I know.

I mean, I didn't know
you got a 1,580.

That's just--
- Why, what'd you get?

- Huh? Right in that zone.
We both did great.

Point is,

sometimes I feel like
you do things to provoke me.

Yeah, I like big sweaters
and my white-collar job,

but that doesn't make me
a sellout

or any less Black than you.

- Yo, I--now that I hear it,
I was wilding, man.

I never meant to make you
feel like that.

You're definitely Black.
Sure as hell slap like it.

- Yo, man, I didn't mean to
make you feel belittled either.

[soft music]

We cool?

- Mm.

♪

[both moaning]

- Oh, you are so good at that.

- I'm just trying
to make you feel good.

- [laughs]

[dramatic musical sting]

Oh, no.

[dramatic sting]

Oh, no.

[dramatic sting]

Oh, no.

- What is it? What happened?

- I'm sorry.

Are you a Republican?

- Well, yeah.
Is that a problem?

- But you seem so normal.

- [laughs]
I am normal.

Look, why can't we
just put politics to the side?

I don't care
that you're a Democrat.

I just care that you're funny
and you're smart.

Damn, you turn me on.

- Yeah? You're right.

We shouldn't let politics
get in the middle of this.

You know, with you being
so open-minded and all.

- Excellent.
- Yes.

[moans]

What are your thoughts
on reproductive rights?

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Whoo, nope!

- That was a lot of fun.
- Mm-hmm.

- So when can I see you again?

- Maybe next week? Let's text.
- Okay, yeah.

Just so you know, I'll probably
be seeing other people,

since, you know,
we're doing the casual thing.

- Yeah, I mean, you know,
it's what's best, right?

- Right, and just so we clear,

I will be getting intimate
with said people.

For example,
hugging and/or kissing

and/or full-on
sexual intercourse

since I'm totally chill
and all the way casual.

- Yeah, that sounds
pretty casual to me.

- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.

[both laugh]

[relaxed R&B music]

- It's a 2016
de Jean Cab Franc.

Enjoy.

- Thank you.
- Great.

Okay, I know we've been
trying to replace

our old go-to bar,
and I've been thinking,

maybe we should try
something completely new.

- So a wine bar?

- Yeah. It's a fresh start.

- But you're back
with Alicia again, right?

We could just go back
to Dolly Pitchers.

- Nah, we can't.
- Really? What happened?

[both laugh]

- Wait, this iswack.

- I'm sorry, what?

- Look, I'm sick of pretending
I'm someone I'm not.

Now, was me thinking
of marriage too early insane?

Yes, it was absolutely crazy.

But when I was 12 years old,
my mother passed away.

And my father was never open
to love after that,

and he just seems so miserable.

So I always promised myself
that I would rather go crazy

running toward love
than running away from it.

And I may have watched

one too many rom-coms
along the way,

but I'm just a boy,

standing in front of a girl,

telling her I don't wanna
have sex with other people.

It's too much pressure,
and what if I forget

which sex moves
are for what person?

[sighs]

Goodbye, Alicia.

- So is Dad's emotional
barrenness after Mom died

the reason why I try to collect

as many dating experiences
as possible

while using humor to keep
my walls up emotionally?

Gulp-boo-da-boo!
I guess we'll never know.

[laughter]

- And yeah, I wasn't just
putting up a front with her.

I-I thought you guys
were judging me.

But now I realize

that you all were just trying
to help me through this.

- Ah, man,
I was judging you a little.

- So yes.
I am soft like baby butt.

But you know what?
That's just who I am, man.

I gotta keep it 100 with myself
and with y'all too.

- To keeping it 100.

all: To keeping it 100.

- This is dope Cab Franc.
It's bold with a medium body.

I think I taste notes
of blackberry,

maybe a little cocoa in there.

What? Maybe I read
a couple books on wine.

And LeBron drinks it.
Wine is Black now.

[laughter]
- All right.

- I kinda like this place.

- Yeah, I think I like it too.

Ooh, if you'll excuse me,
my next adventure awaits.

That man over there
in a zoot suit--

ooh, he looking at me
like a old-timey snack.

Watch out now.
- All right. I see you.

I see you.
- Here I come.

- Ask him where he got
that suit.

- Looks like
they all discovered

a little more about one another
while also discovering wine.

I told you.

Brothers are out here
feeling things, hmm?

Will they continue
to grow together?

What challenges will come
along the way?

Let's see where this
grand crew goes, shall we?

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