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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,251
[buzzing]
2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:04,843
[horse snorts]
3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,338
Make way for the bees!
4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:10,341
♪
5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,220
[horse neighs]
6
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,722
[clicking, whirring]
7
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,484
Hi. Are you the inventor?
8
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,979
That'sa me! Fettuccine da Vinci!
9
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,821
Wow! Like Leonardo da Vinci?
10
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:27,146
No! Nothing like the portraitpainting,
11
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,032
longhaired fucking hacka.
12
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,820
Alright then.
Who sent you? My dad?
13
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,664
You tell him I'ma just as
successful as his brother's son!
14
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,911
And while we're at it,
it's not a competition.
15
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:41,383
No! I'm on a very important
quest for Queen Tulip.
16
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,205
Looking for an inventor
who can build this.
17
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:47,091
♪ sensual music ♪
18
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,919
Did she have a budget in mind?
19
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,724
The queen said money is no object.
20
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,927
[gasps] Then it shall costa
one trillion dollars!
21
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:56,849
No more than 200.
Wella, we can makea that work, too.
22
00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:00,519
Give me a week, and I'll build
a ride your queen will never get off.
23
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,979
I mean, she'll get off,
but she won't want to get off
24
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,860
the thing that is getting her off!
[laughs]
25
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,315
Wait...
You're hired! Follow me.
26
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,107
I can take you to the castle to begin.
27
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,527
Uh, by the way,
your sign's spelled incorrectly.
28
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:14,121
[imitates siren]
29
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,866
Pull over and hide your hooch!
30
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,658
It'sa the grammar police!
31
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:20,661
Uh, actually, grammar has
nothing to do with spelling.
32
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:23,174
Grammar is the act of
forming words, but spelling...
33
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,961
Hm.
[creaks]
34
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,380
♪
35
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:29,920
QUEEN TULIP:
Patrick, who is this man,
36
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,803
and why is he in my room?
[hammering]
37
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,850
Fullyclothed?
This is Fettuccine da Vinci.
38
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,845
Oh! Like Leonardo da Vinci!
39
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:41,308
Nothing like that sculpturehumping,
claylicking motherfucker!
40
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,314
I'm sorry. The paina runs deepa.
41
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,399
Anyway...
[rumbling]
42
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,229
It'sa finished!
[meow]
43
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:53,164
I'm underwhelmed. It's very, uh, busy...
44
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:56,065
Well, you should'vea seen
the trillion dollar version.
45
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,204
Now, I must warn you.
46
00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:01,082
Never set the dial past thisa red line.
47
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:04,919
Telling me not to do it only makes
me want to do it more. Leave me be.
48
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,497
You should probably listen to him.
49
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,592
[hissing] I said leave me be!
[door shuts]
50
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,837
What's a queen got to
do to jerk off in privacy?
51
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,879
[creak, whirring, squeaking]
52
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,224
[cat meowing]
Oh! Ooh! [laughing]
53
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,521
[giggling, moaning]
[shaking, rattling]
54
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:23,766
[machine revving louder and louder]
Oh... Uh... Oh...
55
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:26,099
That sounds likea 13!
56
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,114
[Queen Tulip screaming]
57
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,016
[boom]
58
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:34,235
[meowing]
[electrical fizzling]
59
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,488
Oh my god! The queen is dead!
60
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,490
Da Vinci out!
[clank, whirring]
61
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:44,750
[zapping]
Ah!
62
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:47,748
♪ medieval theme playing ♪
63
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:58,346
[sobbing]
64
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,635
Tulip...
She's in a coma, Your Majesty.
65
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,059
We don't know when or if she'll wake up.
66
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,558
KING MERRIMAN:
Blinkerquartz!
67
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,730
How did this even happen?
68
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,058
[sobbing]
69
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:11,073
It might be best to read
about it in my written report,
70
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,396
which I might never write.
71
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,202
You! Whoever you are...
72
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,815
I'm Henry, Your Majesty.
73
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,662
I've been your dedicated
servant for 10 years.
74
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,158
You got me this sweater
with this giant bear
75
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,870
and too many bells on it
for Christmas last year.
76
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,332
[jingling]
[King Merriman gasps]
77
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:29,001
Thoughtless gifts for people
we don't care about
78
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,961
has always been Tulip's job...
79
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,342
Listen, ugly sweater guy,
80
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:38,009
send word to Blossom at school
and tell her to come home at once.
81
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,930
[bells jingling]
82
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:44,018
In times like these,
I know what always makes me feel better.
83
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,596
Tulip! Bring me my depression robe
84
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,852
and some hot chamomile tea!
85
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,564
Tulip's in a coma, Your Majesty.
86
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,864
Still? So, I have to get
my depression robe?
87
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:56,569
I have to do everything around here.
88
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,990
Maybe not for long.
I know this might sound insensitive,
89
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,910
but it's a terrible time for the kingdom
to be without a queen.
90
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,040
Rami IV could invade us at any moment.
91
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,997
We can't afford to look weak right now.
92
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,327
What are you getting at?
93
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:11,462
I think we should find
a backup queen immediately.
94
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,790
That's outrageous.
95
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,924
Ah, you're right. It's outrageous.
96
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,552
It would be crazy to hold
97
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,678
"The Kingdom's Next Top Queen" pageant
98
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,005
that you yourself always ramble on about
99
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,681
whenever you're drunk.
Hm.
100
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,969
Would there be musical numbers?
Sparkly dresses?
101
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,564
Yes! And we'll make it a competition,
102
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,810
so it seems fun and not gross,
103
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,272
even though we both know it's gross.
104
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,692
I suppose we could give it a go
105
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,281
while we wait for my beloved to wake up.
106
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,447
♪
107
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,742
"The Kingdom's Next Top Queen"?
108
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,581
What kind of sadistic madness is that?
109
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:48,157
She's been in a coma
for less than 30 minutes.
110
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,213
We can't let him be without a queen!
111
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:53,037
Don't you remember what
he did last time she went away?
112
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,554
[applause]
113
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,216
What we need from you to
start things off is a location.
114
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,848
[snoring]
115
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,846
One location. Anything.
116
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:08,348
Pick a place. Any place. One place.
117
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:11,348
Pick a fucking place!
118
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,821
Fuck it! We're doing a purge.
[crowd gasping]
119
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,686
[murmuring]
120
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:20,073
Ice cream shop?
Too late! Purge!
121
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,240
Purge, motherfucker! [laughs]
No...
122
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,529
[overlapping screaming]
123
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,254
We lost half the population.
124
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,365
I still wake up in a sweat every night,
125
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,462
shouting locations.
126
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,917
But, I think we should give the queen
a little longer to wake up.
127
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:38,168
No time, my boy!
You're on pageant duty now.
128
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,672
Yoink! There we are.
129
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,972
Fuck pageant duty.
I got you into this, Your Majesty.
130
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,389
I'm gonna find a way to get you out.
131
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,138
♪
132
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:51,890
Huh? "Do you have what it takes to
be the kingdom's Next Top Queen?
133
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:55,404
"Weight must reflect wealth.
Hips of sonbearing width only.
134
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,687
No fuggos."
135
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,940
Well, I'm not a fuggo! Finally,
a chance to show everyone
136
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,863
who mocked me at
Miss Havershim's School for Fuggos
137
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,283
that I was wrongfully admitted!
138
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,292
Say no to the misogynistic
beauty pageant!
139
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:12,075
Yeah! Whatever Anna said!
Our bodies are not our worth!
140
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,870
[whispers] By the way,
Anna, you look great today.
141
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,754
Thanks, Sean. I cut out carbs.
142
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:18,751
Boycott the pageant!
WOMAN: There's a pageant?
143
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:21,014
[women screaming, chattering]
144
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:23,336
New queen? Hear that, Larry?
145
00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:25,142
I'm gonna be queen!
146
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,255
You're already a queen, Bertha.
147
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,852
Queen of the shrews!
148
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,847
♪
149
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,271
Ugh! I knew that bastard
150
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,690
would try to replace Tulip one day.
151
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:42,742
On the other hand,
if I win one dumb archaic contest,
152
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,566
I get half his loot and the power
153
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,071
to overthrow the kingdom! I'm in.
154
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,656
♪ We're the luckiest girls ♪
155
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,161
♪ In the world ♪
156
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,872
♪ I'm a 10 ♪♪ I'm a 10 ♪
157
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,542
♪ I'm a 3.2! ♪
158
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:58,381
I can't believe they're actually
going through with this.
159
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,457
I have to try and get them to stop.
160
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,842
[crowd cheering]
161
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:06,891
♪ True love is fleeting,that's why we're competing ♪
162
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:10,305
♪ To be the next queen,we'll be rolling in green ♪
163
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,805
♪ We want ♪
164
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,477
♪ Money, money, money,money, money, money... ♪
165
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:17,306
[sips] They're gonna bleed me dry.
166
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,862
Oh. She's hot. Sparkly dress...
167
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:22,607
♪ Money, money, money, money! ♪
168
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,609
[cheering and applause]
[whistles]
169
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,202
Their parents must be very proud!
170
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:31,698
Let's give them all a hand
for singing while walking!
171
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:35,502
[applause, cheering]
172
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,457
You have to stop this.
173
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,667
This is insane.
Oh, you're right, Patrick.
174
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,208
Absolutely insane.
175
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,841
It's 74 degrees in here!
176
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,549
Those nipples are never gonna pop!
177
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:48,219
Ice, people! I need ice!
178
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,348
Everyone here is fucking heartless.
179
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,346
[murmuring]
180
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,557
The only reason you
should be in this pageant
181
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,188
is for yourself.
182
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:59,645
You're all queens who don't need
to do any of this to impress a king!
183
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,266
Now, turn around and bend over
184
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,403
so I can bleach and wax your assholes!
[whirring]
185
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,990
♪
186
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,565
[humming, rip]
Ah!
187
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:10,407
I'm super high and thought
this would be funny.
188
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,157
So far, 10 out of 10 hilarious.
189
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,120
[screaming, ripping]
Why are you here?
190
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,620
I'm just really pretty, right? [laughs]
191
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:18,753
[whirring]
192
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:19,959
Ooh! Sorry I'm late.
193
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,668
You're one of Blossom's
ladiesinwaiting.
194
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,919
Does she know you're here?
195
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,091
Uh... Sure!
196
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:30,387
Ivy.
Here!
197
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,135
Human Shield.
[grunts]
198
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,557
Fern.
199
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,385
IVY [highpitched]
Present!
200
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:43,269
Fern, just say "here"
like a normal person,
201
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,193
you pretentious twat!
202
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:49,071
Working for Blossom is like
getting assfucked with a jalapeno!
203
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:53,331
But if I'm queen, it will be my
jalapeno doing the assfucking!
204
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,695
Ugh... That's hard to respond to.
205
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,792
♪
206
00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,408
[grunts] Oh, sorry.
207
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,254
Mom?! What are you doing here?
208
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:05,251
Your father wants to see me in
a swimsuit in front of a crowd.
209
00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:07,094
It's his new thing.
Last year,
210
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:10,179
it was watching me do an erotic dance
while holding three bananas!
211
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:15,597
[vibrating] This position reminds me
of another thing your father's into!
212
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,517
Ugh! Mom, stop being gross!
[whirring]
213
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,596
Don't kink shame, honey!
214
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,981
[crowd murmuring]
215
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,858
Oh, come on, sir, cheer up.
216
00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:25,355
We all miss Queen What'sHerFace
217
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,187
Tulip!
Right, Queen Dollop.
218
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:30,112
But, look around.
You're the envy of every man
219
00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:31,822
and the desire of every woman.
220
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,032
Nothing you say can cheer me up.
221
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,372
[grunting, straining]
[sloshing]
222
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:39,498
And now, every man's fantasy.
223
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:43,326
Women slithering around in goo
made from melteddown horse hooves!
224
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,883
Let the gelatin wrestling begin!
225
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,208
[crowd cheering]
Ooh! There's always room for gelatin.
226
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,133
[grunting, yelling]
[splattering]
227
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,303
It's somehow more erotic
228
00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:55,682
watching with a friend.
[women yelling]
229
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:56,719
♪
230
00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:57,722
[sighs]
231
00:09:57,723 --> 00:10:01,233
I've gotta find a way
to help you out of this,
232
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,936
but how?
How indeed!
233
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,106
Ah! What the fuck! Who are you?
234
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,232
Sir Blemish, at your service!
235
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:10,902
If you need a bedpan emptied
or a lesson learned, I'm your man.
236
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,613
Wait, you're a knight?
237
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,783
I sure am!
But, you're...
238
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,911
Elbowdeep in people juice?
I used to be a topranking knight
239
00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:20,450
until the year I drew the king
for Secret Santa.
240
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,164
I couldn't think of the right gift,
panicked,
241
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,294
and shoved a bunch of
yarn into a paper bag.
242
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,881
I was demoted on the spot.
243
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,586
That's why the gift is
supposed to be secret.
244
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:31,297
I know that now. Anyway,
one day, you're on top of the world,
245
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,968
and the next, you're a piss jockey.
246
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,756
But, that's the life of a knight!
[sloshing]
247
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,390
Well, I'm going to wake up Queen Tulip,
no matter how long it takes.
248
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,098
Well, according to royal rule,
if a new queen is crowned,
249
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,309
Tulip will go back to being
Tulip Anderson,
250
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,020
and she'll do what most former queens do.
251
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,560
Sell makeup to her friends
in an escalating pyramid scheme
252
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,154
until she alienates everyone
who's ever cared about her.
253
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,320
I won't let that happen. I promise.
254
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,820
I'll help!
I just gotta empty this first.
255
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,492
[gulping]
256
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,871
[gagging] Oh, hell no!
257
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,868
[satisfied sigh]
258
00:11:02,838 --> 00:11:04,118
♪
259
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,712
Excuse me?
We're looking for medical books
260
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:10,088
focused on women,
preferably with a lot of pictures.
261
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,384
Why?
262
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,511
Well, we're trying to wake
the queen up from her coma.
263
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,553
Women In Comas.
264
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,314
Aisle 23.
265
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,805
[pages turning]
266
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,890
Why are so many fairy tales
about unconscious women?
267
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,234
Wish fulfillment!
268
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:30,519
Ooh! This one looks interesting!
PATRICK: That's not what you think it is.
269
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,986
[muttering]
270
00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:34,775
[gasp] I think I know what to do!
271
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,485
This is just about a legume!
272
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,160
How disgusting!
273
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:42,408
♪
274
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,911
[cape whipping]
275
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,042
Areare you sure you know what to do?
276
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,880
I'm a dashing prince.
It's my job to wake up sleeping beauties.
277
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:53,878
♪ romantic music swells ♪
278
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:59,426
I respect you. I would very much like it
if you woke up on your own time.
279
00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:01,048
I honor your boundaries.
280
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,064
Now everyone, give her some space!
That's the final step.
281
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:09,061
Aren't you supposed to kiss her?
Kiss an unconscious woman?
282
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,862
I'm not falling for that one again.
283
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,146
Harrumph!
284
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,896
♪
285
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,322
We can't bring her out of her coma,
286
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:19,361
but we can offer an aroundtheclock
287
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,204
sevenpronged security system if you like.
288
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,833
If you're here,
who's guarding Snow White?
289
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:29,119
Oh, don't worry about it.
She's safe in her secure glass case.
290
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,464
[birds chirping]
291
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,459
[snarling, growling]
292
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:39,796
I mean, she's probably fine, right?
293
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,101
♪
294
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,675
I'm here to put your queen
295
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,891
into a coma!
296
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,899
Ugh! She's already in a coma!
297
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,555
Damn, I'm good! Nice job, Ethel!
298
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,234
[crunch, gagging]
299
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:58,202
Oh my god!
Ah! That's just a bit I do.
300
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,735
[crackling laughter]
[sighs]
301
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,159
You're funny.
302
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,907
So, do you like piss?
[sloshing]
303
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:04,989
Wha...
304
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,663
♪
305
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,923
[crunching]
306
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,415
[bell ringing]
[crowd cheering]
307
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,262
[panting, grunting]
308
00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:18,215
[bell ringing]
309
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:20,545
[Australian accent on mic]
Ooh! She just went down unda!
310
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:23,181
That was Fern with a very weird talent.
311
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,888
Our next contestant hasanother weird talent called
312
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,719
Mongolian throat singing!
313
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,734
I don't know what that is,but I like the word throat.
314
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,017
I'm Trina, and if I win,
315
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,231
I'm gonna use the money to go to college!
316
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:37,402
[crowd cheering]
317
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:38,531
[clears throat]
318
00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:42,321
[playing morin khuur]
319
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,832
♪ throat singing ♪
320
00:13:48,787 --> 00:13:50,867
[crying]
321
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:53,793
Brava! [crying]
322
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,212
That was a disaster. Somehow,
323
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,801
she's even more comatose
than she was before,
324
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:01,257
and we're running out of time!
What do we do?
325
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,758
There's only one thing we can do.
326
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,308
Forgive me, my queen.
327
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:12,099
It's the merciful thing to do!
What are you doing?!
328
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:15,192
[yelling, struggling]
329
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,360
[rip]
[Patrick grunts]
330
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,436
[gasps] That's it!
331
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:23,284
We need to find the inventor
of this machine to reverse it!
332
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,450
His name is Fettuccine da Vinci.
333
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:27,909
Like Leonardo?
FETTUCCINE: Nothing like that
334
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:31,160
bullshithackarchitectwannabeasswad!
335
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,581
[birds chirping]
336
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:37,213
When I flew, I gota stucka.
337
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:38,961
Been herea the whole time.
338
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,422
Wasn't it weird when that guy drank pee?
339
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,473
[clearing throat loudly]
Oh, that was you?
340
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:47,548
I gotta be honest, that wasa disgusting.
341
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,814
I mean, Gesùs Cristos, dude.
342
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,806
♪ death metal ♪
343
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:54,267
♪ Swords and shipsand gold and dicks! ♪
344
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,439
[guitar solo]
345
00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:01,687
[grunting to music]
346
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:02,693
[crowd cheering]
347
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:05,364
Next up, the oratory partof the competition!
348
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,744
KING MERRIMAN:
Woo!
349
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,660
Oratory, not oral.
350
00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:09,699
KING MERRIMAN:
Boo!
351
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:11,791
But they will be in bathing suits!
352
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:13,537
[crowd and King Merriman cheering]
353
00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:15,249
I often reflect on the fact that
354
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:18,089
we're only a small partof the big universe.
355
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,125
And if you stood far enough away
356
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:21,418
and looked back at us,
357
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,841
we'd be nothing morethan a tiny blue speck
358
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,591
in the midst of vastness,
359
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:29,012
completely insignificant.
360
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,102
[coughing]
361
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,768
The question was,
362
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,436
have you ever kissed a girl, and if so,
363
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,935
how much?
But
364
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,687
Stacy, there's a lot of tensionbetween rulers right now.
365
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,570
As the Kingdom's Next Top Queen,
366
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:44,237
how would you keep us from going to war?
367
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:47,486
Um, I think that we shouldhelp other kingdoms and such,
368
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:50,119
and the kingdoms need kings and such.
369
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,077
And my dog is my best friend,
370
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,537
and my dog won't eat vegetables,
371
00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:58,378
which is bad because vegetablesare good... and such.
372
00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,995
Also, in college,
373
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,252
I kissed a girl and such.
374
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:04,264
[cheering]
375
00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:06,586
Congratulations!That's the correct answer!
376
00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:08,392
Just give her the crown!
377
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,505
Tulip would think she's super hot!
378
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,012
♪
379
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,524
[wind blowing]
380
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,151
Red to red, black to black.
381
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,938
If this doesn't work,
the king will have you beheaded.
382
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,242
Ha! You hear that, Leonardo?
383
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,736
I'm so dangerous, I might be beheaded!
384
00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:32,079
Bet your little fucking paintings
never gota this much heat!
385
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:33,485
[thunder rumbling]
386
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,953
Quickly! A convenient storm is rolling in!
387
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:38,464
[thunder, zapping]
388
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,627
[fizzling]
389
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:43,714
[zap]
390
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:47,093
It's working! She's alive!
391
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,340
[wind blowing]
392
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,135
Did I do it? Did I fix it?
393
00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:54,889
Uh...
394
00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:55,890
♪
395
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,355
You really disappointed me, Fettuccine!
396
00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:04,146
Dad? Is thata you? No?
397
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,069
Then shuta the fuck up!
398
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,238
We have to find the queen
before it's too late!
399
00:17:08,237 --> 00:17:10,157
If you see her, remind her to hydrate.
400
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,985
Things are looking a little brown
in peepee town.
401
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:15,911
Will you stop following me?
And put down that bedpan!
402
00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:17,411
[panting]
403
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:22,537
And now, the momentyou've all been waiting for!
404
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,753
King Merriman will crown the kingdom's
405
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:26,673
Next Top Queen!
406
00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:29,092
Making it as if Queen Tulip never existed.
407
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:32,217
Ah!
[King Merriman laughing]
408
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:35,138
[panting]
[crowd gasping]
409
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,138
No!
410
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,469
King Merriman,
411
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,984
stop!
412
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:42,726
Patrick, if you want to compete,
you need to go back to the beginning.
413
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,979
Get this man a bikini!
414
00:17:43,981 --> 00:17:46,941
Sire, Queen Tulip is awake...
and missing...
415
00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:49,442
and probably really mad.
[thunder]
416
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,074
[screaming]
[crowd gasping]
417
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,201
No! New Tulip!
418
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:55,578
[approaching stomping]
419
00:17:55,576 --> 00:17:57,656
[loud stomping]
420
00:17:57,661 --> 00:17:58,911
[zapping, thunder]
421
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:01,162
[gasps, screaming]
422
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,290
Hooray! Oh, Tulip...
423
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:05,963
[electric fizzling]
[growling]
424
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:08,260
Sugar plum, you're awake
425
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,335
[zap]
[Blinkerquartz screaming]
426
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:11,339
Don't "sugar plum" me!
427
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,011
I was in a masturbation
coma for a few hours,
428
00:18:14,011 --> 00:18:17,561
and you move to replace me
with some barely legal trollop?!
429
00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:20,676
I should put everyone
in this room to death!
430
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:23,024
[click, whirring]
ArrivadaVinci!
431
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:24,520
Ah!
[bang, smash]
432
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:29,526
I'm okay! Wow, it'sa dusty up here!
433
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:30,436
[electric fizzling]
434
00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:32,324
This is a misunderstanding.
435
00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:34,281
I didn't want to replace you,
436
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,531
but, politically, I had to.
437
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,123
Then, I wanted to
438
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,868
because there was musical numbers
439
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,370
and gelatin!
Hyah!
440
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:42,291
[crowd gasps]
441
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:45,379
This might be my fried brain
and bruised cervix talking,
442
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,285
but maybe we don't need a king.
443
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:51,304
Welcome to Queenstown, motherfuckers!
444
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,968
[electric fizzling]
445
00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:54,889
Is she dead yet?
446
00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:58,465
Make the inheritance check out to
Awesome Blossom. It's my LLC.
447
00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:01,892
Not now, petal.
Mommy and Daddy are having a disagreement.
448
00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:04,812
Mommy thinks Daddy should die,
Daddy disagrees.
449
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,311
She's not dead?
450
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:09,193
I'm missing Salisbury steak day at school.
451
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,111
One of you better fucking die!
452
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:14,069
Oh, one of us is gonna die.
[zap]
453
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:16,281
Ah! Ow! Ah! Ah!
454
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:20,623
Damn. I knew it was too good to last.
455
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:21,659
Hyah!
[King Merriman gasping]
456
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:25,332
But if she kills Merriman,
the whole kingdom will collapse.
457
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:28,672
[snorting]
458
00:19:28,669 --> 00:19:30,049
♪
459
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:33,415
I am really sorry, Blossom,
but this is for the greater good.
460
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,513
You're a weird dude, Patrick.
461
00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:37,469
[crowd gasps]
[Blossom screaming]
462
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,559
[stilted] Oh no! Tulip!
463
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:43,135
Merriman!
I guess you better stop fighting
464
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,641
and help your daughter!
465
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:46,650
BOTH:
Blossom!
466
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:48,805
Patrick, you fucking dick!
467
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:50,824
Ah! Holy shit!
468
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:53,486
Fern? But you were
in roll call this morning!
469
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:54,855
[stomping, snort]
470
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,409
Oh my god,
471
00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,946
were you trying to win sex with my dad?!
472
00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:01,540
Princess Blossom, behind you!
473
00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:04,246
[snort]
Oh shit.
474
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,366
Oh!
475
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,372
Tulip! Use your weird devil eyes!
476
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,384
I'm out of juice, you idiot!
477
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,336
♪
478
00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:12,376
[both grunt]
479
00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:15,377
[King Merriman gasping]
I don't need to be rescued.
480
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,632
I'm a grown woman,
not some little bitch.
481
00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:20,552
Ah!
[Queen Tulip grunts, strains]
482
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:24,141
Who else has a violence boner?
Eh? Raise your dicks.
483
00:20:24,141 --> 00:20:26,141
Daddy! Get us outta here!
484
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,270
♪
485
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,900
[gasps] Human centipede!
486
00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:32,397
BLOSSOM/TULIP: What?
I mean human ladder!
487
00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:36,243
[grunting in effort]
488
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:40,067
Ah, I got the fucking shaft.
And it was my idea.
489
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,493
Hold on. We'll get a rope.
490
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,991
[stomping]
491
00:20:43,994 --> 00:20:46,004
[snorting]
492
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:48,166
♪
493
00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:50,665
No. I deserve this.
494
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,287
[snort]
495
00:20:53,337 --> 00:20:54,417
[whooshing]
496
00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:58,014
[punch]
[slowmotion screaming]
497
00:20:58,008 --> 00:21:01,008
[bell ringing]
[stomping]
498
00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:05,853
This bastard's having a heart attack!
I have to save him!
499
00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:07,679
Or her. II shouldn't assume.
500
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,524
♪
501
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,810
[panting]
502
00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:13,653
[blowing]
503
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:16,939
My selfsacrifice gets
really muddled if you die!
504
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:20,241
[crying]
505
00:21:20,239 --> 00:21:23,579
I couldn't save him. Or her.
506
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,495
[sobbing]
507
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:33,246
♪ heavenly music ♪
508
00:21:33,252 --> 00:21:35,752
[gasps] It was a her.
509
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:38,344
Don't worry! I saved the kid!
510
00:21:39,508 --> 00:21:40,508
[thud, snap]
511
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:45,472
That is a very unlucky gene pool.
512
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:46,932
♪
513
00:21:46,932 --> 00:21:49,432
Everything worked out in the end.
514
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:51,814
Well, the queen is alive
and back on the throne,
515
00:21:51,812 --> 00:21:54,232
but it was my fault in the first place.
516
00:21:54,231 --> 00:21:57,611
No matter what I do,
I always seem to screw things up.
517
00:21:57,609 --> 00:22:00,449
Sometimes, I wonder if
I'm even meant to be a knight.
518
00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:01,735
Did you ever wonder that?
519
00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:03,948
[gulping]
520
00:22:03,949 --> 00:22:06,409
Eh, know what? Never mind.
BLOSSOM: Shh!
521
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:08,830
[whispering]
This is a funeral. Christ!
522
00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,749
Have some goddamn respect.
523
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:13,997
[morin khuur playing]
524
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:17,001
♪ Mongolian throat singing ♪
525
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:27,805
[sniffling]
526
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:31,142
[quietly] So, we're all good, right?
527
00:22:31,143 --> 00:22:34,273
As far as the kingdom
and our reputation are concerned, yes.
528
00:22:34,271 --> 00:22:37,521
As far as you and I are concerned,
absolutely fucking not.
529
00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:39,534
Because of the mereplacingyou thing?!
530
00:22:41,153 --> 00:22:43,113
You're right. That was bad.
531
00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:45,623
I'm sorry. And now, you forgive me.
532
00:22:45,616 --> 00:22:46,866
[Queen Tulip groans]
533
00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:48,867
[crying]
534
00:22:48,869 --> 00:22:50,749
Oh, she forgives me.
535
00:22:50,746 --> 00:22:53,366
That kangaroo was a rental!
536
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:56,423
I lost my deposit!
537
00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:59,248
[sobbing]
538
00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:04,131
♪ whistling ♪
539
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:12,022
♪ ominous music ♪
540
00:23:14,061 --> 00:23:15,521
♪ dramatic sting ♪
541
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,570
[squishing]
542
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:28,492
[wolves howling]
543
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:32,409
♪
544
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:05,402
[8bit video game music]
545
00:24:05,404 --> 00:24:07,284
KID:
That was amazing.
546
00:24:07,281 --> 00:24:09,281
[paper cutting, monkey hoots, clap]
547
00:24:09,331 --> 00:24:13,881
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