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Once upon a time...
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...in a little town called La Placenta...
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...two fine, upright people...
4
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...call them Fred and Sylvia...
5
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...had a baby.
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Beautiful little girl.
7
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Normal as hell.
8
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Except for the fact that she
was born with seven hearts.
9
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Midwife said:
10
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"So she's got a bunch of hearts.
11
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Nothing wrong there. "
12
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But Fred and Sylvia were concerned.
13
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In fact, they took her
to seven different doctors...
14
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,518
...who gave them
seven different opinions.
15
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Not only that, they had
to pay seven different bills.
16
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Anyway...
17
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...they take her home...
18
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...keep her there...
19
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,079
...maintain a low profile...
20
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...and 32 years go by.
21
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The little girl...
22
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,753
...let's call her Hilda...
23
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,319
...grows up to be straight...
24
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...tall...
25
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,194
...pretty...
26
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,999
...and very much alone.
27
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,313
Due to the peculiarity
of her internal-organ situation...
28
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,598
...she's not terribly at ease with
those of the male persuasion.
29
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,751
Downright terrified.
30
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,514
Absolutely certain that
no man could love her...
31
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:05,071
...with anywhere near the intensity that
she'd have with her seven hearts.
32
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,196
So...
33
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,670
...she does the only thing she can do.
34
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She marries a friend of her father's.
35
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Pharmacist.
36
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,311
Widower. Man of means.
37
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Tolerant of her condition.
38
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,796
But there's no passion.
39
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,030
No love.
40
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,350
No future.
41
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,557
And then one day...
42
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:37,314
...a miracle happens.
43
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,675
Hilda finds herself alone...
44
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...with another man.
45
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A stranger.
46
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,512
And she hears...
47
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,355
...14 hearts beating.
48
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And my name's Paul McCane.
49
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,713
This is the Heartbreak Hotline.
50
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,839
1040 on your radio. We'll be holding
down the fort from now until 6 a. m.
51
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,912
Give us a call at 555-HART.
52
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,073
That's 555-H-A-R-T.
53
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,274
Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air.
54
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:16,512
Hello, you're on the air.
55
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,511
My name's Reedy.
56
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,989
I just called to say hello.
57
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,434
Hello, Reedy.
58
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,477
I love what you say.
59
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,754
Love your v oice. That's it. That's all.
60
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:29,956
Tak e care, now. Thanks for calling.
61
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,872
Heartbreak Hotline,
you're on the air.
62
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,669
- Is-? Is this Paul McCane?
- Sure is.
63
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,876
- What's your name, friend?
- Rick.
64
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,237
Okay, Rick. I'm listening.
What's troubling you?
65
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,995
- I'm kind of- This girl at work.
- What about her?
66
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,630
See, every time I try to talk to her,
I kind of- Well, I break down.
67
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,791
I break out. I get a rash.
68
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,513
- Sounds serious.
- I guess I'm basically with what-
69
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,079
It's interesting, I'm-
70
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,719
I don't know what it is.
71
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,440
What do I do, Paul?
I mean, I really lik e this girl.
72
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,798
She's so pretty. She's-
73
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,791
She's lik e milk.
74
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,235
You talk to her. You gotta talk to her.
75
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:11,188
But how can I talk to her with a river
running down the back of my shirt?
76
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,636
I can't breathe.
I feel lik e I'm gonna die.
77
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,268
You're not gonna die.
78
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,030
- Is she really like milk?
- She's amazing.
79
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,473
Then you gotta do it. I mean...
80
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,110
...what if this girl at work is the one
that you've been waiting for?
81
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,238
Maybe she's your destiny.
How are you gonna know?
82
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,277
You're right.
83
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,192
I'll do it. Thanks.
84
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,669
Thanks, Paul.
85
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,433
- Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air.
- Hey, play something by the Shirelles.
86
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,878
- Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air.
- Paul, it's Zelda.
87
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,314
Hello, Zelda.
88
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,675
- I'm upset.
- Upset's okay.
89
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,354
Upset means you're alive, right?
90
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,035
No, I'm worried something terrible
is gonna happen to the man I love.
91
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,630
Whatever's causing that feeling...
92
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,268
...don't you think-? Hey!
93
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,158
Hey, what are you doing in here, man?
94
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,151
Please! Stop!
95
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:07,994
Please!
96
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,758
- What do you think?
- It's sick.
97
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,832
Wild, isn't it? Everybody's talking.
It should be our next case.
98
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,831
- Excuse me? Who's the client?
- Excuse me?
99
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,718
Who's the client?
Who's gonna hire us?
100
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,316
What's the difference? A murder's a
murder. We solve this without a client.
101
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,789
You're missing my point.
Who's gonna pay us?
102
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,439
It doesn't matter.
103
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,989
- Doesn't matter?
- Doesn't matter. Know what that is?
104
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,230
- Tomorrow's trash.
- Front page, that's what.
105
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,278
Where we belong. Lead stories.
Headlines. That's what we need.
106
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,874
We find the guy who wasted
this wimp and we are set.
107
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,429
David, listen to me.
Try and hear what I'm saying.
108
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,909
I run a business.
In order for it to flourish...
109
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,719
...there has to be more money
coming in than going out.
110
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,269
The way we make money come in
is by finding clients.
111
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,635
The client hires us. Signs a contract.
112
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,031
We perform and we get paid.
That last part is very important.
113
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,794
That keeps "xox" in the Xerox,
ribbons in the typewriter.
114
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,077
- And the wolf away from the door.
- Madelyn, where is your spirit?
115
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,596
This case is a gold mine.
Every old maid in the city...
116
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,035
...every lonely heart
listened to Paul McCane.
117
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,829
- I didn't. You know what I mean.
- Where are you going?
118
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,911
- Periodontist.
- Forget him, this is bigger.
119
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,674
- Fate is knocking.
- I don't hear a thing.
120
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,718
Trust me. This could be the key
to our future. Our empire.
121
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,270
Think about Rockefeller, Ford, Edison.
You think Thomas Alva laid back...
122
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,715
...waiting for the light to come on?
Hell, no!
123
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,599
He went, strapped on his propeller cap
and invented things.
124
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,796
- Get out of my way.
- What about Mr. Kleenex?
125
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,313
- Mr. Who?
- Sure, Mr. Kleenex.
126
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,711
You think he waited for somebody
to say, " Hey, got a tissue?" Hell, no.
127
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,474
He looked at his sleeve and said,
" I have a better idea. "
128
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,235
- This is our light bulb. Our tissue.
- I use handkerchiefs.
129
00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,230
Good morning, Miss Hayes. Some story
about that radio guy getting shot.
130
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,277
What can I say?
It's on everyone's lips.
131
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,671
What a thing to happen, huh?
It is some kind of story.
132
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,558
It's an opportunity, you know.
133
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,994
We got to think about this.
134
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,469
- Everyone's.
- Why do I let you do this to me?
135
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,235
I see you coming but don't run. I hear
you but don't cover my ears. Why?
136
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,709
It's not your fault.
You can't help yourself.
137
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,677
- Me? I'm like a-
- A traffic accident.
138
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,319
Cancel Dr. Fishvine.
139
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,789
- Already did.
- Already did?
140
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,188
Already did.
141
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,913
Is she great or what?
142
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,996
Whatever's causing that feeling...
143
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,879
...don't you think-? Hey!
144
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,359
Hey, what are you-?
145
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,432
- You know how the rest goes.
- Should have played the Shirelles.
146
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,874
- Sorry.
- There was a trail...
147
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,112
...of blood through here, out the door
and down in the parking lot.
148
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,679
Cops figure that somebody...
149
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,752
...loaded him into his car
or a couple of cars.
150
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:55,675
They said they had a report about a
heap that fit the description of Paul's...
151
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,992
...going through a barricade on the
highway, doing a dive into the ocean.
152
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,116
- Are you okay?
- Her? She's in heaven.
153
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,032
- Heaven.
- Heaven.
154
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,033
Why don't we finish
the rest of this in my office.
155
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,760
David, David, David.
All this blood and violence.
156
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,912
I know, I get giddy
just thinking about it.
157
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:17,155
How does the Blue Moon girl
get involved in something like this?
158
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,959
- Just lucky, I guess.
- No, no. I wanna know.
159
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,031
- Who are you working for?
- Working for?
160
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,713
- Working for.
- Working for.
161
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,677
He wants to know
who we're working for.
162
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,558
- What for?
- What for?
163
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,153
- Why not?
- Why not?
164
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,754
- Why not what?
- Why not what for you wanna know?
165
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,275
- What?
- What? Talk to him.
166
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,432
I'm afraid that's privileged information.
Client confidentiality.
167
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,874
- Of course.
- Of course.
168
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,314
Of course.
169
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,834
So, what can Sonny Brezner tell you?
170
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,198
- Tell us who you think killed McCane.
- Got me. I'm just a station manager.
171
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,399
I didn't think the guy had an enemy.
Also, I don't think he had a friend.
172
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,357
- He was a strange cat.
- Strange, how?
173
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,512
Loved the dark.
Did you ever listen to his show?
174
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,398
- Yeah.
- No.
175
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,873
Well, I mean, the guy was good.
176
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,473
I mean...
177
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,870
...I kept going to him,
pleading with him:
178
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,679
" Let me put you on days.
Days is where the money is. "
179
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,559
But he wouldn't hear of it.
Here, let me show you something.
180
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,154
Look. Look at this.
181
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,390
Look at that mug.
That's a good-looking guy.
182
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,757
TV people trying to net him for years.
But he wouldn't hear of it.
183
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,356
Only wanted to work nights, 2 to 6.
Talk to the lonely.
184
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,112
Why do you think that was?
185
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,838
Because he wanted his days free.
186
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,319
Why do you think that was?
187
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,789
- I'm not sure.
- Take a guess.
188
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,674
See, a lot of married men
work during the day.
189
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,273
A lot of married women don't.
190
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,839
Everybody needs a hobby.
191
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,913
Now, that is what I call a case.
Sex, violence, hit tunes.
192
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,389
If we crack this
they'll make a movie about it.
193
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,232
Mel Gibson will play my life.
194
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,790
I'll go on TV. I'll talk
to David Hartman. Barbara Walters.
195
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,270
Women from all over will send
me letters, make lewd suggestions.
196
00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:01,468
- Is this a wild country or what?
- Heartbreak Hotline, you're on the air.
197
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,074
- We're not taking this case.
- Get out of town.
198
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,959
- Paul McCane is disgusting.
- He's dead.
199
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,350
- He got what he deserved.
- You don't know that.
200
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,911
Given the amoral way he lived his life,
his violent death comes as no surprise.
201
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,275
You're mad he boinked
a couple hausfraus?
202
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,591
I'm not having this conversation.
203
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,955
We're not taking this case.
204
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,797
- I'm gonna say something to you.
- Be still, my heart.
205
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,918
- Judge not lest ye be judged.
- Where did you get that?
206
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,755
I read it on a bumper sticker. But
it's pretty profound. It's a great case.
207
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,512
- It's perverse.
- Wait a second.
208
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,999
I don't wanna talk about it.
209
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,789
When we get back to the office, we're
gonna find another case. A real case.
210
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,077
The kind with a client
with some morals, with a checkbook.
211
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,312
- Fine. Good.
- Fine. Good.
212
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,470
- You're weird.
- This is very meaningful.
213
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,278
Humpty Dumpty
is calling me cracked.
214
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:04,355
No, no. You're repressed or obsessed
or one of those S words. Every time...
215
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,353
...something comes up that
involves men or sex or-
216
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,273
- " Boinking"? Is that the word?
- See what I mean? Not normal.
217
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,432
I'm supposed to discuss my
mental health with a man who refers...
218
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,591
...to the act of procreation
as boinking?
219
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,671
See? Right away,
you get stiff and tense.
220
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,876
Not right away.
Not with everybody. Just you.
221
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,519
You make me stiff and tense.
222
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,990
I make you stiff and tense because
I'm the only the person in your life.
223
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,799
What? Denying it?
Are you saying there's someone else?
224
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,191
Are you denying that you're not
in bed alone every night by 9:30?
225
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,635
- There are plenty of people in my life.
- Name one.
226
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,791
- I will not.
- You can't. There is no one.
227
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,076
You're repressed
or obsessed or one of those.
228
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,800
That's why you're not gonna
take this case. Great case.
229
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,871
- I'm not listening.
- It makes you crazy...
230
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,951
...that anybody is boinking
when you can't.
231
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,509
- I can't hear.
- It makes you crazy that the world...
232
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:50,069
- ... is out boinking except you.
- Not a single word.
233
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,834
- Shut up.
- Boink. Boink, boink, boink.
234
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,033
- Can't you hear that?
- Stop it!
235
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,236
- Boink, boink, boink.
- Get out of my car!
236
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,519
Get out of my car!
237
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,793
Get out! Out! Out!
238
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,872
Was it something I said?
239
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,077
I hate you, David Addison.
240
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,155
Evening. I'm Paul McCane,
and this is the Heartbreak Hotline.
241
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,914
It's three minutes after 2 in the a. m.
Tell me something.
242
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,559
Is it the day?
243
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,713
Is it the moon? Or is it just me?
I've got the blues so bad.
244
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:13,472
I mean, am I the only one?
245
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:18,839
Is everybody wishing they could go to
a foreign country and hide under a bed.
246
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,277
No, it's not just you.
247
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,749
It's not just you.
248
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,317
So, what's wrong?
249
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,959
I don't know.
250
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,237
Nothing's wrong.
Maybe that's what's wrong.
251
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,358
I'm 34 years old. Halfway home.
252
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,432
And all I have to show
for my life is...
253
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,750
Well, not much.
254
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,275
You know, by the time
my father was 34...
255
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,876
...he had fled one country for another,
fought in a world war...
256
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,589
...married a woman he'd stay
married to for the rest of his life...
257
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,877
...and already brought
three children into the world.
258
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,315
It may not be for you and me,
but it sure beats...
259
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,472
...worrying whether there's
a polo player on your pock et.
260
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,959
Sure does.
261
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,152
How did it happen?
262
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,550
I don't know. Things happen.
263
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,280
Times change. Rules change.
264
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,079
Don't ask me how. I don't know.
265
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,515
I wish I did.
266
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,634
I mean, what committee...
267
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:20,954
...decided to put the kibosh on love
and replace it with relationships?
268
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,554
I'm going to figure out
this relationship business...
269
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,314
...is one of the great
con jobs of our time.
270
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,714
- You know what a relationship is?
- What?
271
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,269
A relationship is when
two people see each other...
272
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,477
...while they wait
for something better to come along.
273
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:41,596
And then one day you wak e up, realise
you had a crack at some great people.
274
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,514
But you were too busy worrying about
what you might be missing to notice.
275
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,716
Enough of that.
Let's go to the phones.
276
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,474
555-H-A-R-T.
277
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,154
- I've come to swap apologies.
- I've come to a decision.
278
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,073
- I may have been a little rough.
- I may have been hasty.
279
00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,233
- You're uncomfortable with this case-
- I'd like to continue the investigation.
280
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,359
- What? Repeat what you just said.
- Excuse me? No, you first.
281
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,911
The man on that tape is not the man
described to us in the radio station.
282
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,354
He's not? I knew that.
283
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,518
This man...
284
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,592
This man is a man of extraordinary
depth and understanding.
285
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,112
He is? Of course he is. Deep.
You haven't scratched the surface.
286
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,998
This guy was the Grand Canyon.
287
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,391
Anyway, if you're still
interested in this particular case...
288
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,279
Me, interested?
289
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,758
Well, all right, you win this time.
290
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,275
But I just want you to know
you owe me one.
291
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:41,389
We could begin where McCane lives.
See if that doesn't take us somewhere.
292
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,869
Did you come in here
to tell me something?
293
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,679
Me? You? No.
294
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,149
Nothing on my mind except you.
295
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,835
And this luxuriously
thick head of hair.
296
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,637
Maddie.
297
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,999
Mission control to Madelyn Hayes.
Earth to Maddie.
298
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,151
- Excuse me.
- You're excused.
299
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:19,199
Only, in the future, please don't leave
without taking your body with you.
300
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:23,994
So this is where he lived.
301
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,152
Yes, this is where Paul McCane,
late of the Heartbreak Hotline...
302
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,709
...currently residing 20,000
leagues under the sea...
303
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,314
...hung his hat and defiled his dames.
304
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,471
Something I said?
Was it something you took?
305
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,551
Shouldn't we get somebody
to open the door?
306
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,597
- Did you bring your search warrant?
- No.
307
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,069
Forgot mine too.
308
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,554
- Looks like a job for Mr. Stickpin.
- Mr. Stickpin?
309
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,109
It's the amazing Mr. Stickpin.
You can stick with it.
310
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,919
You can prick with it.
You can play a dirty trick with it.
311
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,799
It's guaranteed not to rust
and will cut a cow in half.
312
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,838
- I've always been curious about this.
- Nothing to it.
313
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,468
You stick the stickpin in.
314
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,870
You pull the stickpin out.
315
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,190
You stick the stickpin in.
316
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,510
And you shak e it all about
317
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,275
You do the Hok ey Pok ey
And you turn yourself about
318
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,750
That's what it's all about
319
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,675
Talk about a guy having
everything to live for.
320
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,590
I think our late friend must have had
a very generous sugar mama.
321
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,753
These are not the digs of a man
who works 2 to 6 in the morning.
322
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,237
- David.
- Closet.
323
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,317
It's okay, Laura. I'm here with you.
324
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,596
It's okay, come on.
325
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,192
- Laura.
- Sonny.
326
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,839
David!
327
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,637
Hey, Sonny, talk about small worlds.
You come to this closet too?
328
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,552
- Hello.
- Sonny, who are these people?
329
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,917
- What are they doing here?
- These people are investigators.
330
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,399
Investigating Paul's death.
331
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,630
- I'm Madelyn Hayes-
- Investigators? For who?
332
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,074
- For Arthur?
- Arthur?
333
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,118
- We don't know any Arthur.
- No, we were just trying on shoes.
334
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,711
You tell my husband
to stop following me.
335
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,757
I'll get lawyers.
I'll get an injunction.
336
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,831
We don't know Arthur.
All we know is...
337
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,150
...Paul McCane used to live here
and he's dead.
338
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,278
We know your name because
we heard Sonny when you came in.
339
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,069
We know you must've been very near
and dear to the recently departed...
340
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,708
...because there are pictures
of you all over here.
341
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,348
And I guess we also know
that you and your husband...
342
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,829
...do not have a marriage
based on mutual trust...
343
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,710
...because you point that at us like
we're the bad guys, which we are not.
344
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,471
Well, then who are you working for?
345
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,153
- Working for?
- Working for.
346
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:31,233
- She wants to know who we work for.
- That's privileged information.
347
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,836
- Client confidentiality.
- Oh, of course.
348
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,035
- Of course.
- Of course.
349
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,599
Of course.
350
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,832
Well, then what are you doing here?
351
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,355
Trying to figure out who
killed Paul McCane.
352
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,433
It doesn't make sense, a brutal murder.
Is there something you could tell us?
353
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,069
I don't think so.
354
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,232
I'm married to a very
powerful man, Miss Hayes.
355
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,312
My husband is Arthur Boyd,
he owns KRKD.
356
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,357
He owns a lot of radio stations.
357
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,033
He owns a lot of things.
358
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,918
He owns a lot of people.
359
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,072
- He owns me.
- What? Nobody owns anyone.
360
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,358
- You were a model once.
- Yes.
361
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,078
Made a lot of money?
362
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,878
I like money, Miss Hayes.
363
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:15,113
I know myself well enough to know I'd
have a difficult time living without it.
364
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,840
Paul wasn't rich, so I had Arthur.
365
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,719
Arthur wasn't loving, so I had Paul.
366
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,519
I like money, so Arthur has me.
367
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,399
An old-fashioned girl.
My favourite kind.
368
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,836
You thought your husband was having
you followed. Do you think he knew?
369
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,232
Like I said, my husband
is very rich and very scary.
370
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,595
I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.
371
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,156
Mrs. Boyd.
372
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,279
I just wanted to know...
373
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,635
I guess I was sort of a fan.
374
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,235
He was a wonderful man.
375
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,391
A terrific man.
376
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,116
I loved him very much.
377
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,793
The truth?
378
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,792
He wasn't quite as good
to be with as he was to listen to.
379
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,396
He was just wonderful on the radio.
380
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,109
Is that a terrible thing to say?
381
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,709
Seems like McCane's boss is a good
suspect. Has the means, the motive.
382
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,519
- We ought to visit.
- Why is it that people with someone...
383
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,797
...want someone else and the people
who have no one get left?
384
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,110
- Come again?
- Nothing. I was- Never mind.
385
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,396
Don't " never mind" me,
I wanna understand this.
386
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,438
There's nothing to understand.
I was just thinking out loud.
387
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,310
You're hung up on
Paul McCane, aren't you?
388
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,709
- What are you talking about?
- You and that scene...
389
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,838
...from a Bette Davis movie
you just played in that apartment.
390
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,389
- The way you've been acting.
- How have I been acting?
391
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,994
Like you're in eighth grade
and he passed you a note.
392
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,391
- What is with you and Paul McCane?
- Nothing is with me and Paul McCane.
393
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,836
You're ridiculous. It's a fascinating
case. He's a fascinating man.
394
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,319
He was a fascinating man.
395
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,994
He is a smorgasbord at some
guppy's bar mitzvah.
396
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,355
- No reason for you to feel threatened.
- I don't.
397
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,318
- You sound threatened.
- I'm not threatened. I'm concerned.
398
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,836
My partner is beginning to show signs
of affection for a deceased man.
399
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,433
These things concern me.
400
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,160
- You sound jealous.
- Jealous? Jealous of what? Of who?
401
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,912
- Paul McCane.
- Paul McCane is dead.
402
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,152
- Doesn't seem to be stopping you.
- I am not jealous of a dead man.
403
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,072
- If you say so.
- Hey, lady, look.
404
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,870
For me to be jealous, he'd have to have
something I want, which he doesn't.
405
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,671
- If I said something to upset you-
- You couldn't.
406
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:56,993
Okay, I'll give you an example.
407
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,596
One way we connect with another
person is we find mutual interests.
408
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,478
We find common ground.
409
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,312
You're not getting me, Paul.
410
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,596
I don't even know her name.
411
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,751
Besides I think
there's someone else.
412
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,717
You don't need to know her name.
413
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,677
Doesn't matter if
there's someone else.
414
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,070
Go by her desk.
She's got stuff on her desk?
415
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,719
- I don't know.
- Sure, she does.
416
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,598
She's got a cat calendar...
417
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,832
...or pictures from her trip to Europe.
An autographed baseball.
418
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,191
Stick the stickpin in.
Pull the stickpin out.
419
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:06,794
You stick the stickpin in
and you shake it all about.
420
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,555
You do the Hoochie Coochie
and you turn yourself around.
421
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,154
Okay.
422
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,111
Hello?
423
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:11,991
Hey!
424
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,751
Hey!
425
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,151
Hey! Hey!
426
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,797
- You're alive!
- Why couldn't you just leave it alone?
427
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,599
I- I don't understand. You're alive!
428
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,637
- Where'd the band go?
- Hello.
429
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:32,870
You have your arm around me.
430
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,759
That mean we're going steady?
You're picking up the check?
431
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,879
Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but
you remind of a Pontiac I used to own.
432
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,359
- What's that?
- Coffee.
433
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,988
What for? I didn't order a doughnut.
434
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,436
Hey, these are the jokes, folks.
Is this thing on?
435
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,431
Tough room, huh?
436
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,319
Relax, guys, I'm fine.
437
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,948
I'm just gonna go make a phone call.
438
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,995
Later.
Can I have your baby?
439
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:03,075
No, that's a trick question. Bring me
two of anything in the tequila family.
440
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,952
Hi, this is Maddie Hayes.
I can't come to the phone right now-
441
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,389
If the prettiest girl lived
Across the sea
442
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,514
Oh, what a good swimmer
Paul would be
443
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,268
It's a kid's rhyme.
444
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,715
It's kind of apt.
445
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:31,236
You're looking at a fellow who's
coming up for his last gasp, Maddie.
446
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:41,912
Killing yourself must seem like a
dramatic way to solve a problem, huh?
447
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,716
It's just...
448
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,830
If someone is your destiny...
449
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,468
Laura Boyd?
450
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,598
When Laura and I realised
we loved each other...
451
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:08,878
...it seemed hopeless.
452
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,918
Arthur wasn't about
to give her a divorce.
453
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,799
And you don't tell
a woman like Laura to...
454
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,234
...do without.
455
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,994
It wasn't an easy decision,
but it seemed the only way.
456
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,515
Arthur was beginning
to suspect something.
457
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,511
He would have had
me killed, you know.
458
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,830
If he were sure.
459
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,718
But...
460
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,792
...you can't suspect your wife
of loving a dead man, right?
461
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,314
I know what I'm doing.
462
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:37,917
I realise that I'm giving up
all my life, everything...
463
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:42,358
...to be there for one woman
all the time.
464
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,791
That she...
465
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,475
...will be my life.
466
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,269
Women have been doing that
for men for years, right?
467
00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,917
Can you believe
she's still not home?
468
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,072
- Speaking of home...
- She thinks I'm weird.
469
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:07,199
Kinky, unfeeling. I'm not, you know.
470
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,432
And deep down inside,
I'm an old-fashioned guy.
471
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,192
I'll give you a good example.
472
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,873
Last week I was in this bar.
473
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,759
And four chicks started hitting
on me at once, and I said:
474
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:18,672
"Girls, we got a problem here.
475
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:20,512
I'm an old-fashioned guy.
476
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,875
One of you girls
is gonna have to leave. "
477
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:27,033
When I snuck in this afternoon to
pick up a few things, I was exhausted.
478
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,795
I spent the last 24 hours reading
and listening to accounts of my death.
479
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,430
Let me tell you, that'll knock
the wind out of your sails.
480
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,478
Anyway, I...
481
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,676
I laid down for just a second.
482
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,752
The next thing I knew,
it was night. Dark.
483
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,230
Then I heard the noise.
Why did you come?
484
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,592
What were you looking for?
485
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,149
What were you hoping to find?
486
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,358
On the radio you sounded like
you had all the answers.
487
00:30:58,680 --> 00:30:59,954
And now?
488
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,996
I don't know.
489
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,555
The rain stopped.
490
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:09,991
I'd better be going.
491
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,479
Maddie.
492
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:13,879
About what I told you...
493
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,315
About what who told who?
494
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,597
We've never met.
We've never spoken.
495
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,754
You're a dead man, Mr. McCane.
496
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:26,917
You know what I think?
497
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,514
She's hung up on this other guy.
That's what I think.
498
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,672
I mean, not that I care. I don't care.
499
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,312
Just hurt, that's all.
500
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,755
I think if she's gonna
go for somebody...
501
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,708
...she should go for me, that's all.
Not that she has to go for me. I don't-
502
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,110
I don't care about that.
503
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,593
Okay. All right, all right.
I'm insecure. There.
504
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:50,478
I admit it. It's out, all right?
505
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,358
It's normal, right?
506
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,958
Did I happen to mention
this other guy's dead?
507
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,034
Sure has calmed down in here.
508
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,193
Well, I guess I had my limit.
509
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:12,716
You and me ought to do this again
sometime, stinky. We think alike.
510
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,990
Hey, stinky.
You missed a spot over here.
511
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,476
- My God, they dropped the bomb.
- David.
512
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,870
What are you doing here?
Why are you on my door?
513
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,919
Cab driver kept trying to put me
in a chair and I kept sliding out.
514
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,550
It's not bad. I keep waiting for the
Cowardly Lion and Tin Man to come.
515
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:08,077
David, David, David, you look awful.
516
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,797
Don't you " David, David, David" me,
you wanton woman.
517
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,552
- Wanton what?
- Wanton woman.
518
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,156
That's what I called you. A wanton
woman. A woman who's wanton.
519
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:22,154
Don't deny it, I know. I called
your house every 15 minutes last night.
520
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,311
- You did?
- Yes, I did.
521
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,710
- That is so sweet.
- Get your mitts off me...
522
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,916
- ... you scarlet pimpernel.
- Scarlet what?
523
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,799
I guess I bear the guilt.
I'm the guy that drove you to it.
524
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,030
Working with me side by side,
day in, day out.
525
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,555
It's bound to make a weak woman
a little crazy.
526
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,597
- David.
- We're both mature adults here.
527
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,035
I understand the problem.
I'm willing to solve it.
528
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,633
- David.
- I mean, we can't...
529
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,234
...have you out there
on the streets of Los Angeles...
530
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,598
...filled with these urges, embarrassing
yourself and the agency, can we?
531
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,433
- David, stop while there's still time.
- No, which is why-
532
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,114
I've given this a lot of thought.
- I would be happy...
533
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,919
...to accommodate any urges,
passions or desires...
534
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,799
...you may be filled with
and find unable to relieve.
535
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,076
You understand the offer
I'm making you?
536
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,878
I think it's damn nice of me.
537
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,715
The trick is not to make a pig of
yourself. Think about what you want-
538
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,472
For the company and your safety...
539
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:15,474
...we'll forget the last three minutes
happened. Nod yes if you understand.
540
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,870
For your information,
I spent last evening with-
541
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,835
- With who?
- I swore I wouldn't tell.
542
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,752
- Your secret's safe.
- I couldn't tell.
543
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,956
- Give me a hint. Rhymes with "Joe"?
- No.
544
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,394
- Addison.
- Madison?
545
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:27,834
- Please.
- Louise?
546
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,197
All right, if you must know,
I spent last evening with Paul McCane.
547
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,591
Remember the dead
disc jockey, Paul McCane?
548
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:39,151
- You need my help more than I realised.
- It turns out that he is very much alive.
549
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,834
- Alive?
- Alive. He feigned his death...
550
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:46,039
...so he could see Laura Boyd, whose
husband suspected something.
551
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,430
- Alive?
- Alive. Which means...
552
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,034
...there was no murder.
Which means there was no case.
553
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,272
Which means that because of you
and your tissues and light bulbs...
554
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,351
...this agency has
wasted days on nothing!
555
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,114
If Paul McCane's alive, I'll kill him.
556
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,271
Blue Moon.
557
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,273
- Maddie Hayes, yeah.
- Maddie Hayes.
558
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:05,873
- Oh, hello, Paul.
- Give me that.
559
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,679
McCane, you got a lot
of nerve being alive.
560
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,239
What?
561
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,674
Can I come by?
562
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:13,751
I need your help.
563
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,556
Laura's husband, Arthur Boyd?
564
00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:19,075
I just found him murdered.
565
00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:20,514
Shot to death.
566
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,231
It's for you.
567
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,314
I did not kill Arthur Boyd.
568
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:33,473
I know that right this second
I must look like a terrific suspect.
569
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,631
But I swear to you...
570
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,358
...I didn't kill that man.
571
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:38,794
I believe you.
572
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,235
Is this kid a great audience or what?
573
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,152
I'm not a killer.
574
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,278
I'm a storyteller, I'm an illusionist.
575
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,000
And also a coward.
Cowards don't kill people.
576
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,630
I disappeared. I disappeared better
than anybody in the history of radio.
577
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,109
Orson Welles couldn't
have done any better.
578
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,838
I didn't kill anyone.
579
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,355
Couldn't kill anyone.
580
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:01,876
God, look at me.
My hands are shaking.
581
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,837
Just tell us what happened, Paul.
582
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,754
Laura and I have a place.
583
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,155
A place for me to live.
584
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,959
A place for her to be with me.
585
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,279
But she thought it was too soon.
586
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,635
Someone might see,
put two and two together.
587
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,189
We decided not to be with each other
for three weeks.
588
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,635
Let everything die down.
589
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,710
But I couldn't do it. I had to see her.
590
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:32,436
So after you left this morning,
Laura and I worked it out.
591
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,077
There's an office at the radio station.
592
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,834
It's Arthur's office.
He's never there, he never uses it.
593
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,797
It's big, roomy.
594
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,952
So I snuck up the fire escape.
595
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:43,633
I pulled open the window.
596
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:47,395
And, I mean, I got one leg
in the room and I see him.
597
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,872
He's just sitting behind the desk
and he's staring at me.
598
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,916
I figured, "This is it. The old guy
knows. He's gonna pull out a gun.
599
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,072
I'm gonna fall from the fifth floor
and die and no one will know.
600
00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:00,708
Because, hell, I just died
two days before, right?"
601
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:02,916
I mean, I'm frozen there.
602
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:05,116
Just waiting.
603
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,668
And then I see it.
604
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,478
He isn't moving.
605
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:12,914
He isn't breathing.
606
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,196
He isn't blinking.
607
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,948
And I see the hole
in the centre of his forehead.
608
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,475
I'll bet that killed the mood.
609
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,233
I'm an inch away from being found.
610
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,790
As soon as it gets out that I'm alive,
I'm as good as gone.
611
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:34,793
I wanna hire you two...
612
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,479
- ... to prove I'm innocent.
- Hire us?
613
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:39,959
I don't know where else to go.
614
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,236
Did you hear what he said?
He wants to hire us.
615
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,960
A real client with a real case.
616
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,190
Excuse us.
617
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,476
We don't know this guy
didn't kill Arthur Boyd.
618
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,915
As soon as the world finds out
he's got a pulse...
619
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:55,197
...he's gonna make one hell of a
suspect. That makes us accessories.
620
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,590
Accessories to murder.
Unless we call the police.
621
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,069
- Accessories?
- Accessories. Batteries not included.
622
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:02,959
- Action figure sold separately.
- I'll pay your going rate.
623
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:04,633
Accessories go to prison, Maddie.
624
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,791
Guy like me?
I don't even know how to dance.
625
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,837
- I'll double it.
- I can learn.
626
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,472
- Someone followed me here.
- It's barely 8:00. We're not open yet.
627
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,232
I gotta get out. Got a back door?
628
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,595
Show Paul the back door.
I'll see who it is.
629
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,672
Wait a second. I need to know.
Are you gonna take my case?
630
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:21,751
Let me remind you
how you look in stripes.
631
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,512
Of course we'll take your case.
632
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,510
We need to talk some more.
633
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,432
Meet me at the radio station at 8.
634
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,518
Thank you.
635
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,356
I took a chance.
Hoped someone would be in.
636
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,636
- Mrs. Boyd?
- I found my husband, Arthur, dead.
637
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,075
- Shot through the head.
- Seems to be going around.
638
00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:45,959
- I want you to find the killer.
- We've got to open earlier.
639
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,998
- We're missing business.
- I want you to prove I didn't do it.
640
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,434
Our specialty.
641
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,114
What did I tell you?
This turned out to be a gold mine.
642
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,555
That's when I saw the bullet hole
in his forehead.
643
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,915
Turning out to be
a popular local attraction.
644
00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,479
I'm scared.
645
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,073
My affair is bound to come out.
646
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:05,836
When it does, everyone is going to see
I had most to gain from Arthur's death.
647
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,517
I didn't kill him, I swear it.
648
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,477
Someone followed me here.
649
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,153
That must be Arthur.
650
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,595
He wants to hire us
to find out who did kill him.
651
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,991
Have you seen our back door?
Very popular with our innocent clients.
652
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,755
What are you doing tonight?
We're having a powwow at the station.
653
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,194
Love to have you join us.
654
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,474
Good morning, Mr. Brezner.
655
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,471
Sorry I knocked.
I know you're not open.
656
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,949
- I was following Laura Boyd.
- Following Laura Boyd?
657
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,759
- Long story. Is she here?
- Just stepped out the back door.
658
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,718
Part of our policy.
Ten minutes each. No more, no less.
659
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,110
- We've become a volume business.
- What can we do?
660
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:40,872
- This is difficult-
- I'll tell you.
661
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:44,555
You were at the station. You noticed
that Arthur's got an extra orifice...
662
00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:46,392
- ... in his forehead.
- Laura told you.
663
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,870
- You want us to prove you didn't do it.
- Why? Of course I didn't.
664
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,271
- We're running a special on this case.
- But I do wanna hire you...
665
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:54,919
...to prove Laura is innocent.
666
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,275
All right, is the kid
a born salesman or what?
667
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,352
Relax, Willy Loman. You want us
to prove Laura is innocent?
668
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,910
I was at the station this morning.
I saw Laura walk into Arthur's office.
669
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,833
It aroused my curiosity.
No one walks into Arthur's office.
670
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,513
Two minutes later she walked out.
671
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:12,753
I went and knocked on the door. Maybe
the man was in. Strange things happen.
672
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:14,194
He was in, all right.
673
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:15,918
Sounds like you think she did it.
674
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,799
No, no, back up.
I said, it looks like she did it.
675
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,190
Laura's no killer.
676
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,191
She's...
677
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,353
She's a very special lady.
678
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,988
You heard her.
And she was married to a very...
679
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,754
...powerful, very scary guy.
680
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,117
Jury? Jury wouldn't understand
about Laura and Arthur. It was...
681
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:35,793
...an ugly marriage.
682
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:38,235
You know what a jury's gonna think?
683
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:42,188
That Arthur had McCane killed
and she had Arthur killed.
684
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,032
I want you two to help her.
685
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,792
I want you to get her out of this.
686
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:49,236
- That's a highly unusual request.
- But we're a highly unusual agency.
687
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,073
Got any plans for tonight?
Feel like a skull session...
688
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:56,791
...pardon the expression, at the radio
station? I'm thinking 8-ish?
689
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,232
Now that all these people are meeting
at the station, what do we do?
690
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,273
- Prove they didn't do it.
- How are we gonna do that?
691
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,829
- By telling them who did.
- How are we gonna do that?
692
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:08,877
It's obvious who did it, isn't it?
693
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,315
- You think so too?
- Plain as the face on my nose.
694
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,471
It's nice to know you
had the same feeling.
695
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,598
- That's why we make a good team.
- One of the many reasons.
696
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:19,797
As soon as I got a look at that wimp.
All his talk about Orson-
697
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,757
- Wait, you think Paul did it?
- Who else?
698
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,275
- I don't believe this.
- Believe it. Who else?
699
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,510
- For starters, how about Vampira?
- Vamp-who?
700
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,796
- Black Widow Boyd.
- You think Laura killed him?
701
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,633
- You don't? It's obvious.
- It's not really obvious to me.
702
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,315
Because you think with your zipper.
Laura Boyd married solely for money.
703
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,677
Cheated, killed and set up
her lover to take the blame.
704
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,513
- You're hung up on this guy.
- What are you talking about?
705
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:43,796
About how you're
laying all this on Laura Boyd.
706
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,916
About how your feelings
for this mouse-
707
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:47,638
- He's not a mouse.
- Open your eyes.
708
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,712
Paul McCane killed himself
so he could kill Arthur Boyd...
709
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,791
...so he could live off his money.
710
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:54,439
- You'd love if it were true.
- If?
711
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,319
Open your eyes. I'm telling you
what any impartial person-
712
00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,118
- I'm impartial.
- Not blinded-
713
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,475
I'm not blinded.
I'm not jealous of Paul McCane.
714
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,949
No, you just want to see him
go to the chair.
715
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,635
- Paul McCane is not a killer.
- Laura Boyd is not a killer.
716
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,030
- Yes, she is.
- No, she's not.
717
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:11,633
Yes, she is.
718
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,153
- It's him.
- It's her.
719
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:14,594
- It's him.
- It's her.
720
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,638
- You're wrong. You're wrong.
- I'm right. I'm right.
721
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,279
- You are not.
- I am too.
722
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,193
- You are not. You are not.
- I am too. I am too.
723
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:23,998
- Paul.
- Laura.
724
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:27,197
- Paul. Paul.
- Laura. Laura.
725
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:28,395
Paul.
726
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,028
- Laura. Laura.
- Paul. Paul.
727
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,156
- Paul.
- Maddie.
728
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:34,992
- David.
- Nice to see you both again.
729
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,118
Laura and I have been comparing.
It says a lot that we've come.
730
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,999
- Have you come up with anything?
- It occurs that the way...
731
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,152
...to prove who didn't do it
is to figure out who did.
732
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,594
And?
733
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,832
We both have very strong opinions
as to who killed your husband.
734
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,356
- Very strong, very different opinions.
- Yes?
735
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,114
Why don't you start us out?
736
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,350
- No, that's all right. You begin.
- David.
737
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,033
- Maddie.
- You first, Addison.
738
00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,474
- Ladies first, lady.
- You.
739
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,631
- You. Do it.
- No. You, Addison. You first.
740
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,268
- You do it first. Do it.
- No! You first, Addison.
741
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,638
Would you like us to leave the room?
742
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,597
All right, look, here it is.
743
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:10,318
It's not gonna be pretty.
744
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,914
Only one person had a motive
for killing your husband.
745
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,469
- You're right so far.
- One person who could hope...
746
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,596
- ... to get away with this crime.
- Exactly.
747
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,672
One person sneaky enough,
dishonest enough, unfeeling enough.
748
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:21,909
- Who?
- Who?
749
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:23,069
- Paul.
- Laura.
750
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:24,639
- Laura?
- Paul?
751
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,392
- Paul.
- Sonny.
752
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,835
Paul, you're alive.
753
00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:32,152
No, no, no, I...
754
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,153
I didn't kill old man Boyd
so you could have her.
755
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:36,435
Sonny, don't!
756
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:39,274
He was my second choice.
757
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:41,354
Laura! Stay down!
758
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,638
Sonny!
759
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,350
Stay down, Laura!
760
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:02,514
Maddie! Bite his other leg!
761
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,071
- I told you to bite not eat.
- I'm so sorry.
762
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:15,800
From the bottom up,
all you men look the same to me.
763
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,148
David! What are we gonna do?
764
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,236
That's six bullets.
765
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:35,989
That guy carries extra bullets.
I hate that!
766
00:44:56,240 --> 00:44:59,277
- Guess we lost him.
- Guess so.
767
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,194
Oh, Sonny.
768
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,037
- Front page.
- Front page.
769
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,033
- Just like you promised.
- Just like I promised.
770
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:58,918
Poor Laura Boyd.
771
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:02,197
I wonder what it's like being
a woman men die for.
772
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,752
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
773
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:07,194
It's hard to make plans.
774
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:12,309
Dates keep getting sick,
kicking off, not showing up.
775
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:15,398
You wanna do something?
Get something to eat or something?
776
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:17,198
Addison, we've been over this.
777
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,158
You know I have to be at home alone
in bed by 9:30.
778
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:22,595
Come on. It's not a school night.
779
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,878
There's all kinds of great things
going on. Can't you hear them?
780
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:27,633
- Hear them?
- Sure.
781
00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:30,595
Boink, boink, boink
Boinkity boink, boink
782
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,110
Boink, boink, boink
Boinkity boink
783
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:21,111
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