All language subtitles for LesBarons

One, two, one two.
Test.

Good evening.

Can everybody hear me?

Could everybody turn off their cell phones

out of respect for the artist and his work.

Sorry.
I'm sorry.

I was sure I had turned it off.

Before we start, I need to explain something.

This is about the Barons.

Not the aristocratic barons.
The real Barons.

To understand a Baron,
you have to understand his philosophy.

Listen.
It�s simple.

The Barons believe that everyone
has an allocated credit of steps

that is different for everyone.

When you are out of steps, you die.

That is why old people go to homes.

They knit, sit, sleep.
They know that they are out of credit.

Two or three more steps
and it�s over.

That is also why athletes die young.

It doesn�t have anything to do with doping.

They are constantly training.
Those idiots don�t do anything but run.

Some of them know no stopping.

You can explain them a hundred times,
they won�t get it.

Accidents, disease, suicide,
that�s only the ending point.

You are just out of steps.

Nobody knows how many steps we�ve got

and every step counts.
We Barons, we know.

What is that?

A hooter.

That I know. Who is it?

It is a Peugeot.

Forget it.

What time is it?

Mounir?

At the third tap it will be 37 minutes
and 40 seconds past 3 PM...

Damn, it's hopeless.

When I asked what time it was,

an hour ago,
what time was it?

Four thirty-five.

Calm down, guys.
You don't watch out, you'll get a muscle strain.

Ambition. Have you heard about it?

Lucien, we get up and go to sleep

whenever we want,
we eat whatever we want.

What else can you aspire to?

Some work 30 years
to achieve.

It is our philosophy.

How do you see your life in 30 years?
I mean ... In the near future.

What is your dream in five years?

To go fishing,

at sea,

in front of my apartment.

For that you will need
a little more ambition.

Right in your face.
- Damn!

Bye, Lucien.

I would even have to remind you...
to eat your father or give away your mother

Damn, my father!

Hassan, come here for a sec.
- I have no time.

Come on! Two seconds!
- No time!

I know a joke.
Come on.

No, forget it.
- Are you crazy?

You go are going to tell a joke right now.

Do you know what's the name
of a Chinese cigar?

No, tell me.

Steven.

Steven Cigal.

Push it, he can hear you.

Let it go, he can't hear you.

Push it, he can hear you.

Let it go, he can't hear you.

This is very important.

A method of your father.

If a client requests a ticket,

First you take his money.

Count it carefully.

If you give him the ticket first,
he can run away.

And what will you do then?

He has long gone up in vapor.
--No, Dad. In smoke.

Salam Aleikum, M. Kader.
- Aleikum Salam, M. David.

Is he taking over the torch?

I'm teaching him the tricks of the trade.

Soon he will be sitting here.
- Mazel tov.

Mazel tov!

Same as always, M. David?

1,50.

Give it to me.
- you pay first.

Yes, but give it to me.
- Yes, but you pay.

You give it!
- First you pay.

In Western society
the customer is king.

Certainly, M. David.

But here we are in Belgium

and the king has nothing to say.

So pay.
- There!

M. David,

you go hunting,
but you forget your carabin?

I didn't want to become an astronaut
or a fireman.

I wanted to write a joke each day.

I remember when I was two weeks old ...

my father looked me straight in the eye

and he said:
"You will become a bus driver."

I said, 'Dad, you'll be surprised, but I
will make people laugh. "

Imagine that. It's been like that
from your birth.

My birthday is on April 1,
it was written in the stars.

You tell your father:
"I am going to make people laugh."

He replies:
"Very nice, Hassan."

What do you think?

Especially since he ...
What are you doing?

Filming?
- Very smart.

Turn that camera off.
- What is it, Mr. Hassan?

It is for the 10th anniversary
of the cabaret.

He could have told.
- It's good advertising.

We can ask the journalist.

Malika!
- Damn.

Malika.

The star of the neighborhood.
of the whole community.

She had done something stupid.
To become a journalist

she had studied journalism.

Apparently, sometimes it works.

I was crazy about her.

She presented the most popular news
the country.

Everybody watched it.

I was madly in love.

But Malika was the sister of Mounir.

And the sister of your mate you leave alone.

It is the same as a mate,
but with long hair.

I am Jacques Nietzsche ...
- Hello.

... The soul of this club.

Thanks for having us.
- Anytime.

Hello.
- Hassan.

Can I talk to you?
- Sure.

Excuse us.
- Of course.

This may seem odd to you...

But cut me out.
- You're kidding.

It is a lifetime opportunity.
You'll be on TV.

Everyone will see you
and your father will be so proud.

I can interview you.
Real class.

In another life.
You know my father.

I'll just give you a metaphor
of the consequences.

You know the Feast of Sacrifice.
- Where they sacrifice a sheep.

I'm the sheep.
- Oh, come on. You're exaggerating.

No, really. Please.

What about freedom of the press?
- It's a tiny club

in Brussels, in the cul de sac
of a one-way street.

Nobody cares a shit.

I'm going to do my job.
Okay?

See you soon.

Thanks in advance.
- We'll see.

I just wanted to ask...

We will never go back
to when you said: I love you

Capri's over

Capri's over

He knows that Capri is an island
and not a woman?

Turn Malika on again.
- There.

She is so beautiful!

Your sister is beautiful.

Maybe you will grow up to be like that.

Won't you eat?

I don't have any appetite.
- At the table we are silent !

And now on to culture.
the cabaret of Jacques Nietzsche

in a one-way street
in central Brussels

celebrates its tenth anniversary

with a sketch by Hassan.
It is a caricature

of his family, his friends
and especially his father

a terrible but funny man.

A report by myself.

I'm also directing our new talent.

Hassan El Kaddouri.

The son of a bloodthirsty monster
who daily received his share of hate.

Execution of Hassan,
first take.

And, of course, the last.

Clap!
- Sorry!

Action!

This is a warning to all traitors.

We are not taking it any longer
and we will fight until the end,

we will wipe out the laughing virus.

You had been warned.

Capri is over!

It can be realistic.
We have the great Hass ...

telling about his family ...

Guys that aren't funny,
talk about their father and their families.

His parents are probably dead.

Is that how he shows his gratitude?
I'd murder him!

Calm down.
- He goes full monty...

Full monty!
- It's a transvestite club.

Isn't it, Hassan?

Why doesn't he talk about the weather
instead of his parents?

The weather isn't funny.
- They talk about what they hold dear.

And that is their parents.

That's why I married you.
- Do they have to...

Sincere naivety. Very professional.
Five stars!

Why am I so scared?

It's true.

Why am I panicking?

There must be a reason.

But what is it?

Here we were on the highway
to the sea. Full stop.

The sun was shining mercilessly, comma ...

Have we met?
- Yes.

I am you in the future.
I mean ...

You were me in the past.

You're from the future.
Is there a problem?

And you're warning me?
- No, I wanted to know ...

I tell my life to the people.
What was I like as a child?

So it happened.
I'll be a star.

How many shows? Four, five?
- Yeah ... No. Almost.

And Malika? Am I with her?
- No, it's ...

Beware, she's only with you
because you are famous.

What does she do?
- She presents the TV news.

Love! You gave her that job.
- No, cut it out for a minute.

I just want to know
what I was like as a child.

A fighter.
- Hassan!

Are you still there?

And a womanizer.

The girls love me.
A snap of my fingers and they fall for me.

Aziz!

Scribbling again?

Is that Aziz?
- Get out!

Yes.
- Hassan, are you there?

Who are you talking to?
- You would not understand, sir.

We resume.

But there

are the dunes already...

But there

the dunes already, comma ...

One moment

There!
We resume!

Hi.
- Everything all right?

Your jacket.

Aziz ...

I was wondering ...

You used to be good at drawing.

What are you saying?
- You had talent.

Why didn't you
try doing it for a living?

It was the career counselor.

The fat one?

Trouillet.
- Yes.

I asked about the art department.
She called my mom

that I would be doing sewing.
- What is the connection?

Because I drew well,
I would be able to draw patterns.

Patterns?

My mother fell for it.

She saw me for director.
And look at me me now.

The dole office.
- Salam, Barons! Whats up?

Franck Tabla!

Franck Tabla?

Not the type that will get
us back Congo.

He wanted to be a Baron.
He bought everything we said.

Glad I can be with you.
Sniff the Baron aura.

If all goes well, Inch'Allah ...

Do you even know what that means?
- Yes, 'maybe'.

What are you doing here?
Fuck off.

You have a job,
what are you doing here?

I am a volunteer.
- I don't care. Go fuck yourself.

Aziz? Hassan?
- Leave it.

If he comes over here to be like us,
the end of the world is near.

There are working people here!
- Then you're in the wrong line, dick!

Hurry up, you.

Afraid to tear your face when you smile?

We are Barons.

Don't pay attention to him.
He's great.

You are probably wondering
How Mounir can afford a BMW.

Simple. We have
paid it with the eight of us.

At first all goes well.

Only later troubles show their head.

A good advice.
If you invest in such things,

buy a car with seven people,
not with eight.

For there are seven days in one week
and 7 is a prime number,

that is divisible only by itself.

What's up?

What are you looking at?

We could not get rid of Franck.
He had paid for half of the car.

What?

That's not fair.
No, no. Forget it!

Wait. There is a second
and more important reason.

Obtainer of driver's licenses.
- Hello, sir. All kits?

Let's get started.
- Okido.

Shall we?
Ready?

Hold the steering wheel!

Let me go!

He had it passed driving test
for almost the entire neighborhood.

You were clearly
born behind the steering wheel.

Sir ...?
- Thank you.

M. Ben Aissa?
- Yes.

Is anything wrong?
- No, no.

When handing over the license
he always said:

Listen, a Belgian will never
give up his life for his country.

But he will for his right of way.

So look out, Ben Aissa.

You better respect
the right of way,

Or else you will meet Mounir.

It was his specialty.

He is the so-called Right of Way Hunter.

Don't panic, just sign.

Do you have an old wreck

and you want to swindle the insurance,
then you call Mounir,

And he goes hunting for a
right of way.

You take the document to
Ozgur the Wizard.

Usually I don't give interviews.
This is the family.

I'm Ozgur. Ugur. Suspicious figure.
Augur K.

Uncle Gugur.
We are all Gurs.

Salam alei ...
... Kum!

Let's get started!

All that you saw,
'8 buyers',

'Right of Way Hunter'...
without me it's nothing.

At first sight
and from experience

this repair will cost some 625 euros.

My job is to raise that
to 6250 Euros

which is more than the total value
of the car.

If that isn't magic.

Magic ... Wizard.
Wizard of Oz, Ozgur.

Hammer! Chisel!
Go!

A German part,
practically untraceable ...

Expensive as hell.
Delivery: 8 weeks.

Welcome to Ozgur's!

To come back to the BMW ...

Anyone could afford one eighth
of the BMW.

Is anything wrong?
- No, why?

You are not laughing.

You've told it 6 times now.
I laughed the first time.

We are doing the tech support.
- It doesn't help.

I tell you that it's funny. Trust me.

We are working.
It is a profession. You work.

It's funny.

It is so incredible
it must be true.

But still ...

I would rather be last.
- No, you are before The Strangers.

Make sure you're there at 9 o'clock.

Then you can leave.
But you're here at 9 o'clock sharp.

I'll be there.

Go to Molenbeek,
just relax.

Clear your head.
See you later.

Strangers, warming up.

Mounir was already like that at school?
- It's a sketch, Raja.

It could be anybody.
Mounir, Dirk, Danny ...

Then say 'anybody'.
Mounir sounds weird.

I'll think about it. But was it funny?
- No.

Not at all?
- No.

Not even the 9 mistakes
In a six letter word?

Okay.

I can't blame you.

It is probably the rhythm of the jokes.

I need it tested by someone
who is older.

Wait ...

Why is Mounir going to his room?

Forget it.

Listen ...

Come back tomorrow.

Maybe I'm not the right man.

Or is this is not the right time.

Could be.

Hassan!

Wake up.
Come here for a minute.

Come on!

Remember Hind?

Hind?
- Yes.

I remember.

I have a date with her and her cousin.
And I said you would come.

I have other things to do.
- Don't be stupid.

Mounir ...
- Get in.

I can't talk like this,
everyone can hear us.

Get in.
You don't have to come.

What are you doing?

You can't miss this.

I'm doing it for you.
Later you will thank me.

I have something to do tonight.
- Okay. What is it you have to do?

If it is more important than a woman,
I'll let you go.

If it's about family
or money,

tell me and we will fix it immediately.

Tell me, what is more important than women?

Salam Aleikum,
Welcome to Mimoun's.

Appetizers?
- No, we'll take ...

Of course we'll take appetizers!

What have you got, Mimoun?
- Orange juice,

syrup, lemonade,
soda water ...

Sparkling water for me.
- One sparkling water.

Orange juice.

Water.
- From the tap?

Mineral.
- Mineral ...

You, mate?
- Make it a Coke.

Look around you.
You see the furnishing?

Nothing here is American.
We are boycotting.

As long as I live,
nothing that's American will be put in this house.

We can miss American rubbish
like the plague here.

What shall it be?

Then I'll have a ... Fanta.
That's okay, right?

Fanta. Got it.
It'll be right up.

I'm flying.

Fanta.

And ...

Have you known each other for a long time?
- A very long time.

How long, Hassan?
- What?

Yeah, yeah ...

What do you mean, 'yeah, yeah'?
- I mean, yeah ...

We've known each other for a long time,
since we said 'yeah, yeah' ...

The yeah-yeah-time.

And, Hassan ... What do you do?

Currently ...

I'm doing research.
- Really?

Antibiotics, viruses,
patents, money?

No, no.

I'm mainly looking for myself.
- Right.

I can see it interests you.
When I have found myself, I can fax you.

What is wrong with you?

I get it.

No problem. Okay.
Fun night.

You have 15 new messages.

What are you doing?
- I'm washing my hands.

You're ruining my night.
They're constantly looking at their watches.

With us, you make everyone laugh,
and in here, nothing.

It's getting boring. Tell a joke,
do something fun.

Do it for me.

Are you a Baron or not?
- I am a Baron.

Are you coming?
- Yes.

Right now.
- Okay.

Everything all right, girls?

It's about a guy ...

known as Chemical Ali.

He has rotten teeth.
No, I restart.

His teeth are so yellow

that at some point ...

he goes to a doctor for chemical teeth.

He says: "I'm Ali ..."
- Chemical Ali?

Did I tell you that it really happened?

It is real. He is real.

He is called that because his teeth are so bad.
How shall I say it?

One day he goes to a specialist.

Not just any specialist,
a teeth specialist!

A dental expert,

Mister Dent of the mandible.
- Mr. D., Barracuda!

Mr. Dent. Dent means teeth.
- Oh, right.

He knows all about teeth.
Like the back of his hand.

From a dinosaur's tooth, he can tell
When it died,

why and what he ate the day before.
A boulder.

The best of the best.

What I've always wondered ...

You have the bakery-pastry shop...
that's normal. Wheat, bread, flour.

That you sell together.

Butcher-delicatessen, ditto.
Meat, sausage ...

Fruits and vegetables. The same.

But shoemaker-locksmith,
That I don't understand.

What is the connection?

Hi. Thanks for the cutting.

No problem.

You go back to sleep.B2106
I'm going to work.

Can I come pick you up?

Yes. Bye.

See you later.

What do you think?
- What?

It's Thursday afternoon.
- Great.

It's my turn now.
And last time you were late.

I was standing in front of your door.
You would have wanted it in your mailbox?

You always have to complain.

And he always brings it back empty.
- Intentionally.

Close-fisted dick.
- What?

Is that how you talk to a brother,
a Muslim?

Are you a Muslim?

Until you can get free pork somewhere.

Give me the keys.
- Here.

My apartment.

The window.

Who is this young man?

That vegetable?
- No, the young man.

That's what I mean.
That vegetable!

Don't mind him,
He goes along with the rest.

Lucien,
what's happening?

Nothing, Aziz.

Nothing.

You go back to sleep.
Everything is going fine.

As always.

I'll show you the back.

What is with him today?

BUSINESS TO TAKE OVER

Don't be stupid, Hassan,
This is your chance.

You go in, super cool,
you look into her eyes

so she knows immediately
that you will kiss her

and hey presto!

If it works in a soap,
it'll work here.

Forget something?

No, nothing.

Incidentally ...

How did it go last time?
- What?

Your show at the cabaret.

It wasn't much.
- Did people laugh?

Yes, yes.
Especially Jacques.

Too bad I couldn't come.
I had a shooting.

It happens.
- Next time I'll come for sure.

I am so pleased to see you.

You who come from the same neighbourhood as me,
that goes for what he wants.

It's a huge step.

The first step is the hardest.
- Yes, the hardest.

Look, we're here.
- Yes.

Thank you.
- Anytime.

How do you know where I live?

You told me to stop here.

No, even my brother doesn't know my address.

Tell me.

Go on, tell me!
- Yes, tell me!

Even I don't know her address.

Too bad.

Jacques, it's crazy,
but behind this ...

What are you doing here?
- You weren't there, so here I am.

I still don't get it.

You had to do your act.
But you weren't there.

But the audience was there.

Quiet! It is four o'clock in the morning.
You'll wake my father up.

Who am I talking to here?

There is no-one here.

Get out of my room.

What are you doing in those underpants?
- I'm trying to sleep!

Work starts in two hours.

Can you see them?

Yes, very well.

Your lines.
Your lines!

What?

You want to be an artist?

Clown! Tomato!

Light!
- Damn.

We will never go back

to where you said:
I love you

We will never go back

Your mind is made up.

I don't regret anything

We will never go back

Your mind is made up.

Capri's over

Capri is over indeed,

but for Kader El Kaddouri
it is only the beginning.

A new star is born!
The women will fall like flies!

Wake up. Today is the day.
Wake up.

Wake up, Hassan.

Get up!

Capri's over

It was the place
of my first love ...

That is happiness.
You work six days a week

and then you come here
enjoy the peace.

You know, Hassan?

Here. Take this carrot.
From the kitchen garden.

One moment.
- Take this!

Eat, Hassan.

Hello?
Yes, GI?

I'll send it right away.
- That phone will make you sick one day.

We go to the garden
for the peace,

for a man-to-man talk

and you're sitting there with ...
- I am so ready.

Hassan ...

What are you going to do with your life?

I don't understand.
Dad, wait!

You talk about peace

and we are between two highways!

Dad!

The bodybuilder, Schwarzenegger,
who played the Terminator

steps into a saloon,
smashes the door,

looks around and says:
"What's that smell, Gibson?"

Get it?

God, what a stupid joke!

No, it's funny.
- Where did you get that from?

It's a great joke.
- Horrible!

You do,'t understand.
- This is a silly-joke contest.

And you've won!
- It's two actors.

I know the same with Brad Pitt.
It's not subtle.

It's funny.
- The expiration date has passed.

I know a stupid one.
- More stupid than this?

It is mime.

Mime?
- Watch this.

It's a movie title.

"The clove of garlic?"
- A movie, I said.

Really, it is a Polish film
from the 30s.

Really?
- I got it at home.

The 30s?
You are talking shit, Mounir.

Did you think that the history of film
started with 'Taxi 4'?

Whatever you say.
Well, what is this?

I don't give a shit.

Say it. Come on.

No idea.
"The Return of the Jedi"

Well, repect, mate.

The genius of silly jokes.
- I told you, didn't I?

Huge!
- I'm just too good.

It wins, for sure. The golden palm.

Unbelievable.
- Still friends?

It still stinks.
You smell that?

Gold to Aziz, silver to Mounir

and bronze to me.
I suck at bad jokes.

Hello, Barons.
- Hello, GI.

How are you?

Fine.
Nice weather,

25 �, 8 hectopascal,
tomorrow is a car-free day

and Malika is getting married.

Damn, car-free day.
Another year passed. Time flies.

What was that about my sister?
- GI?

What did you say?

Car-free day tomorrow.
- I don't. The final piece.

Malika is getting married.

I'm her brother,
I should know.

Are you sure?

There is no doubting
of Guerouj Rachid,

aka GI, "General Information".

He is in the neighborhood 27 hours a day.

They say he was in the Moroccan
Secret Service.

He knows everything, even things
you didn't know about yourself.

Everyone is jealous:
The CIA, the Mossad ...

Ever heard of the Arab phone?
Well, that's him.

Stupid of me.

Candidates enough.
- But this time it's serious.

There he is.

Two pounds of sugar, please.

There you go.
- Cash only.

Sorry.

There you go.

You don't have anything smaller?

Pardon me.
Of course.

Thank you.

Arrived ...Uh, see you.

Gentlemen.

What does he have that we don't?
- He may be good for Malika.

I'm not so sure.
I don't like him.

What's up?
Did you see that?

Same BMW as us.
- But his is B2797his alone.

Arrivederci.

What's with the 'arrivederci'?
- I don't know.

The demand of the Chinese people
for toilet papier

is crippling the national economy ...

Hassan?

Come and help your father.
- Not now.

I can't!
- Are you going out again?

Your father works like crazy
and you go out.

You're worthless.

Come help me!
- We are tenants. It is useless work.

Why don't you go rest?

I had a job at the STIB for you.

A dream job. And you didn't
go to the interview!

I had to apologize three times!

If you want, you can have a job tomorrow.

All right, all right, don't get upset.

What are we going to do with him?

He can't even sacrifice a sheep.

The butcher has to kill it!

Will the butcher go to work for Hassan
and raise his kids, too?

Tomorrow we'll have a brainstorm
with the butcher

to determine Hassan's future.

Nonsense!
Professional naivety.

I'm going.

Hold the ladder.
- No, I'm leaving.

Leave me alone!

Lucien?
- Yes?

Are you selling the business?

Yes.
I'm showing potential buyers around.

What about me?
I can't come to Ostend.

Stay here.
You will do fine.

I used to worry about you.

Until I heard you're a Baron
and everyone envies you.

You're lucky you're a Baron.

And all of a sudden you're selling the joint?
- Give me a break.

The poster has been up for 3 weeks.
Haven't you seen it?

No, I swear.

I believe you.
Really.

People like you are above everything.
- People like me?

What?

No problem.
Are there too many Moroccans?

You can pretend,
but racism is like cancer.

Sooner or later it willl break out.
- Is that how you see me?

Yes.

You're a racist like everyone else.
- Get out.

Get out!

How do you like me physically, dear?

You look like a turd.

A mix of Willem Dafoe
and Danny DeVito.

Really?
- Sure.

I am a journalist,
it is my job.

Besides, I will prove it.
Sir?

What do you think of this gentleman ...
well, this thing here in front of me?

An asshole, ma'am.

Are you sure?
- Certainly. It is here on page 3.

Yes, indeed.
I'm an asshole.

After all it is the official 2006 guide

of walking assholes.

Great. I had no idea.

Glad you're here, baby.

Shut up, wanker.

Get away from there.
Get away!

You point one finger at her
and I'll beat the hell out of you.

What are you doing here?

I can't be seen in the better neighborhoods?

What are you doing?
- I'm going home.

Want a ride?
- Please.

You aren't putting on your seat belt?
- Yeah, sorry.

I always put it on.
Safety first.

Had a nice time tonight?
- Could be better.

Much better.

Why, what did you eat?
- It wasn't the food.

No, what did you eat?

I'm only teasing you a bit.

And the wedding?

How do you know about it?

GI.

The wedding is B3318off.

You think you know someone,
that he is open,

while he is worse than the Taliban.

May I ask something?
- Yes, of course.

What would you say if I wasn't a virgin?

It depends.
As what?

As a good friend.

I would say, "Tell, tell."

And as future husband?
- Depends on the moment.

Just before the wedding night.

I would say, "I was
going to find out soon anyway. "

Just kidding.
No, I would be angry.

That's why so many marriages fail.

If with us a woman marries a man,

she sees her brother in him.
Or her father.

And so, she keeps things from him.

Even before the wedding
there are tons of secrets.

If I find the woman of my life ...

I'll tell her everything
so that we can trust each other.

We would feel totally refreshed.

You understand?

Thank you.

You're welcome.
- See you later.

See you later.

Wait!
- Yes?

Why are you telling me these things?

Remember

that I am your brother's best friend.

Maybe I trust you
because you're not like the rest.

You know, I'm not a virgin.
- I know, you told.

I am a Capricorn.

You've been here with a woman.

No, why?
- I smell perfume and you have your seat belt on.

I didn't do it on purpose.

Look.

Isn't that your sister?

What is it?

Dad!

Take care of my mother.

I'm here, Dad.

The first day, your first client.

That defines your career.

Is it a jerk,
then it'll be tricky.

If it's a nice guy,
then it'll be all roses.

Remember the pressure, Hassan.

Very important. When you're done for the day,
put the pressure hose on it.

Okay? Without pressure
you can't drive.

Come, aboard!

Everything will be fine.

Hassan, smile!

That's the tradition here.
The photo of the first day.

In 35 years you'll thank me.

I'm getting goosebumps.

Your father will be happy.

Welcome to the STIB, Hassan!

Have a nice day, Hassan.
- The same, Milouda.

Are you there, Dad?

The apple of my eye.
The uniform looks good on you.

You have the picture already.
How did you get it?

The Secret Service.
I have a long arm.

You started at 5.45 AM

with a cut service.
- What is that?

He works from 6 to 11.

Then a 3 hour break,
and then from 2 to 6.

In the beginning it is difficult,
but you get used to it.

I think you took the right decision.

You had no choice.
You acted like an adult.

That is honorable.

What do you mean?

It's moving?

I am a moving guy?

I mean it.

Spare me your pity.
I don't need it.

There you go.
- Thank you.

I'm paying.
- No, I'll pay.

I'm paying!

A bus driver can pay, really.

A woman can pay, too.
- That's not what I mean.

If a man is with his woman,
she doesn't pay.

How much is it?

Say that again.

That a woman doesn't pay?
- No.

Repeat verbatim what you said.

No, forget it. You can pay.
A woman has the right to pay.

You really don't understand anything.

I thought you were open,
but you're really stupid.

I think you do it on purpose.

You wanted to pay? Here, go wild.
Bye, sir.

What's up? Have you seen Lucien?
He is leaving his shop.

He should rather sell it,
that raises more money.

It's true.

Hey, listen. Have some respect.
Talk to me.

You're too stubborn to listen.

It's too late. You have done the henna,
That is sacred.

Can't touch yourself for 30 days.

Milouda is okay.
I'm going to share my life with her.

Respect that.

In good times and in bad?

Will you nag till death do us part?

Support me a bit.
- I can't.

Milouda is beautiful. Really beautiful.
And a nice girl.

See?

She isn't for you, Hassan.
You don't fit together.

But she is fun.
- Hear that?

Ever tried to reload a Nokia
with an Erickson charger?

They are not compatible!
- Stop it, with your theories.

Mounir, we need to clear the table.

We are very proud of you.

You are working,
You are getting a good salary,

paid holidays,
thirteenth month,

meal vouchers,
early holiday pay,

you're engaged,
getting married

and soon I'll be a grandfather.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Dad.
- Hassan?

There's someone for you downstairs.
- I'll be right there.

Come on.
Your wife is waiting.

Not my wife.
My fiancee.

Your wife!

Congratulations.

I wish you lots of luck.

Thank you.

So it's over?

The Barons, hanging around,
yes, it's over.

The Barons, hanging around, yes.

Then you're happy.

You have a beautiful,
intelligent woman,

you have the same profession
as your father.

Your life will be a success.
That's nice.

Good evening.

How are you?
- Good. Fine.

Are you happy?
- You bet.

I have a husband that works,
that is sweet and handsome.

What more could you want?
- I was just telling him.

Thanks for the gift.

Have a bite with us.
- Sorry, I can't.

Hassan, tell her.
- Let her go.

You are a beautiful couple.
- Thank you.

I wish you lots of luck.
See you soon.

Come here.
- In a minute.

Would it be a deep fryer?
- No idea.

He is next.
- Mounir should be married first.

I don't know what he wants.
- It's the puberty crisis.

Puberty? He's 28!

Soon he will have a midlife crisis!

You can let me out here.
I want a walk.

Are you sure?
It's a dangerous neighborhood.

I was born here.

Lucien!

I put the apples in.
You missed the miracle.

Where do I put them now?

Hello.
- Day, ma'am.

Where's Lucien?
- Sulking on the toilet.

I'll help you.
- Good.

The pineapple isn't priced?

Lucien? How much does the pineapple cost?

Lucien!
How much is the pineapple?

40 cents, ma'am.
- 2.50 Euro!

40 cents.
Special promotional price of Aziz.

Are you crazy?
The pineapple costs 2.50 euros.

Do you hear anything?
- Nothing at all.

Thank you.

2.50 euros.

There you are.
- Thank you.

Thank you

See you.
- Certainly.

Goodbye.
- Have a good day.

I feel fine in this shop.
Only the furnishing is somewhat disappointing.

And the Moroccan behind the counter.

Lucien?

Come here, with your Alzheimer's disease.

I can't manage to shake up my pulp.
- Parkinson's, Aziz.

And I don't have Parkinson's.
I tremble because I want to slap you in the face!

Why so much violence?
- Shut up!

And so vulgar.
The world is black enough already.

Pass me the salt, if you will.

There you go.

That looks delicious.
May I?

Do it.

Make yourself at home.

Not bad.

Sorry for last time.
I went too far.

It's really nice.
What is it?

Pork.

No.
- Yes.

Why did you say that?

Glass of wine for it to wash away?
- And laugh at me, too.

The meat is playing up.
I need white spirit.

There, on the left.

Too late.
It's your fault.

I will burn in hell.

Come here, Lucien.

I must tell you something.
- Before you die?

Don't interrupt me.
I was just on a roll.

Come here,
I want to tell you something.

I want to take over the store.
- How?

With apples?

Hot news
In the case Brandenbourger.

The examining magistrate
was on the spot

and he confirms two dead
by cyanide.

Two deaths by cyanide!

Cyanide? Who is that?

You're not getting it.
- The first buses with biofuel ...

What?
- Shh, it starts!

What do drivers think?

There he is!

Record it, quick!

A bus can save the earth,

therefore, the more buses,
the more we save the earth.

Makes sense.

Thank you, Hassan El Kaddouri,
bus driver

and very conscious citizen.

My son is a good driver.
The best.

Rewind?
- Yes!

Congratulations, Hassan.
- Thank you.

I'll be right back.
- Take your time.

I've cracked a rib coughing.
Terrible.

It hurts.
- Why don't you go inside?

There's only old people.
- You know how it goes, Mounir.

So tomorrow is the big day?
- Don't you get started, too.

It's all I hear.

Having second thoughts?
- No.

I'm scared.
- Scared?

Decide quickly.
You're getting married in 8 hours.

I'd hate to be you.

Stop it, Franck,
You're getting on my nerves.

Remember when we were little?

What?
The jolly antelope?

The jolly antelope.
- I just had dinner. Not now.

What is that?
- You liked it.

I just ate.

I really want to do it.
- Come on!

Hassan, what is the antelope?
- You'll see right away.

Come on.
Go ahead, Franck.

Have you ever seen a jolly antelope?

These are bulls,
No antelope.

What are you doing?

What a jolly antelope?
Damn!

Hey, guys!

Are you crazy?

My ribs hurt.

You have to teach me that
about the jolly antelope.

I can't.
- What?

I can't do it.

I can't get married.

The problem is ...

I can't talk to my dad.
We don't communicate.

I have the same problem.

But I'm in trouble.

Nobody gives a shit about me.

There's no respect.

I'm not getting married.

The sign of the end of the world.

Salam Aleikum, M. Kader.
- Salam Aleikum.

Your friend gets married and you pull
sports clothes?

Get in.

Franck, when we get to the bride's place,
you get out of there. It's her place.

Yes, M. Kader.

What does your father have against me?
- Don't worry about it.

You've changed your mind, huh?

He is happy.
I can't disappoint him.

You're getting married for the happiness of your father?

Isn't that the most important thing?
- And when he dies, you get divorced?

Close the gap.
Franck, you're going to get out.

Okay, M. Kader.

He really doesn't like me.
- Just drive.

Do you love her?
- What?

He doesn't love her.
Take a turn.

Where?
- That's all I wanted to hear.

Hey, what are you doing?

For now it's okay.
They think you're getting the gifts.

What is he doing?

Don't worry, Hassan.

Are you sure?
My reputation is at stake.

Trust me. Get it started.
- Okay.

Let us handle this.
- My father will kill me!

She smokes.

She smokes.

Open your mouth.

She doesn't smoke.

Open her purse.

Open her purse.

Open your purse.

No.
- Your purse!

Hashish!
- Golly.

I'm vibrating, I'm vibrating!
- Okay.

It's my dad.
Quiet.

Yes, Dad?

Yes.

Yes.

I knew ...
Shut up!

I knew something was wrong,
but drugs ...

Drugs, guys.

No, everything is OK.

As you wish.
Okay, alright.

Drugs! That goes too far.
- We kept it modest.

Thanks to Aziz.
Franck wanted to slip in an injection needle.

And me a porn magazine.
Didn't her mother say that she smoked?

No.
- Then she can go fuck herself.

Here, let me.
It's an old trick.

It's dirty!
- It's the best way.

Look.
See, it works.

Thanks, I feel a lot lighter.

You're free, Hassan.
Free, damnit.

Look into my eyes
and say it.

Franck, you're right.
I am free!

We are free!
We are Barons!

Long live freedom!

That ring cost me a fortune!
- Freedom is priceless!

Hey, guys, can you help me get started?

Come on, push it a little.

The fat one is sweating.
Give me a hand.

Come on, Aziz.
- Very kind of you.

Come on, cousin.
- Push!

Push!

Go ahead and start it!

Start it!
In second!

Thank you!

We are Barons.

Stop that thief!
He's stealing my car!

That's not good.
Run!

Why are we running?
We haven't done anything wrong.

Run!
- My ribs hurt!

Shut up, Frank!
- All right, all right.

I need the car keys.

Mounir?
- What?

Can you give me a ride?
- Hurry.

Okay. Very good.

Very good.

With the music it will be better.
- There is no music.

No music?

One more time?
- It's best when the frog is going like this.

That's a crocus.

The dance of the crocus.
The spring that buds.

Not too much explanation,
just trust me.

We'll make it shorter.

We can shorten the hour
into two and a half minutes.

How? I need to let
spring bud.

Do you think that's silly?
- Yes, that's the beauty of it.

You're doing it on purpose, right?
- No.

You wanted something poetic.

Two minutes is too short.
- Two minutes can be strong.

You have a visitor.
- It's beautifully ridiculous.

Hello, Jacques.
- Take it from the start.

Can we talk?
- We just did.

Go.

I need to talk to you.
- Go away.

I'm working.
There is a performer on stage.

Five minutes.
- I have no time! I'm working.

I'm not a Planning Cell
and I'm not a social worker.

You had your chance.
- Jacques, I'm a bus driver.

If I don't get on stage again,
I'll be playing driver for 35 more years.

Do I have to beg for another chance?
I have so much to tell.

Hassan, it is grotesque.
Stand up.

What are you doing?
- What are you doing here?

I told you to wait outside.
- Sit down, you.

I do what I want.
- Sit down!

Got a problem?
- Wait outside.

Everyone's a fag in this profession.
- Don't get started.

Don't you get it? Why do you
think they let a Moroccan get a gig?

To talk about the toilet lady?
He doesn't care a bit.

He wants you to slash your parents.

and beg him to free you
from your barbaric culture.

He wants to humiliate you.

To him you're an exotic animal.
- Don't be paranoid.

I talk about what moves me.
Should I be talking about Irish politics?

You're crazy, paranoid.
- Paranoid, me?

I'm sure you did sketches about your parents
or me or the Right of Way Hunter.

You take your life and change
some commas. Where's the talent?

The talent?

The talent is there.
I take your scum's life

and make it interesting.
That is talent.

So I inspire you? When we talk
and hang out, you're analyzing me?

Why are we friends?
For you I'm study material.

I am a baron.
You're just a clown.

He doesn't laugh because of you,
He laughs at you.

Yes, I'm a clown.
But at least I know.

A clown who helps you
to entertain chicks.

Someone has to hold your hand
with the girls.

Shut up.

If Mounir can't find the words,
he uses his fists.

He loses the debate,
but wins the battle.

Find a wife and leave me alone.
Even Malika suffocates under your grip.

What?
- We are together too often. 27 hours a day!

We even have toothaches together.
- I lend you my Nikes.

You've been wearing them for a year,
but that's not choking you.

Here, eat your Nikes.
I don't want to be like you.

That's enough.
- No, I'm staying here.

And now? I'm no longer a Baron?

Do you know what a Baron is?

A Baron believes that everyone
has an allocated credit of steps.

If you are out of steps,
you will die.

The Baron knows that
and so he wastes his life.

A good Baron
is a good welfare recipient.

It is a sign of the end of the world.
- No, Mounir.

A sign of the end
of your world.

What is it?

Never seen a heterosexual?

Put your wig on, sissy.

I'm coming.

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!

One second!

What are you doing here?

And a bunch of ...
three flowers. Come inside.

Thank you.

Sit down.
Make yourself at home.

Nice painting.
- Do you like Arabic art?

I like Arabic in general.

What?

Nothing.

Was that piece done by an Arab?

Come, sit down.

What's going on?

Nothing.
- You come here with three flowers ...

it's just the two of us here.

When you see me,
you see Mounir, don't you?

You need Mounir's blessing.
Don't you?.

We'll fix that.
I'll be right back.

Mounir? This is Malika.
Everything okay?

Guess who's sitting next to me with flowers.
Hassan!

Calm down.

Calm down!
- Damnit.

Hassan! Hassan!
What's up?

So, what about my sister?

Well, erm...
- Wait a minute.

Okay, tell me.
- It's your sister.

What?
What time it is?

At the signal it will be
30 minutes and 45 seconds past 3 PM.

So I said ...
I'm really interested in your sister.

My sister who lives alone?
Forget it, Hassan.

She needs a tough man.
You're too good for her.

It is a sign of the end
of the world.

But I love your sister.
- Oh really?

Oh really? Are you serious?
For how long?

Since school.

Really?
- Yes.

Listen, I'm saying this only once.
Go ring her doorbell,

kiss her, with your eyes open
or closed, but do it.

Now I have to go.

Hassan, what are you doing here?

Me, since kindergarten.

Hassan!

What are you doing here?
- And you?

I'm coming from my sister's.

Nice, how is she?
- How she is?

Cut it out.

Shadowing me?
- I have better things to do.

That's all you ever do, Mounir.

Minding other people's business.

Mind your own life
and leave me alone.

My sister is my business.
Are you with her without telling me anything?

She's my sister!
- Do I need a stamp?

Your permission?

I don't respect her?
- That's not the point.

She is my sister, so you ask me.

That's how things work with the Barons.
- Stop it!

The Barons don't exist!

Put it out of your head.
It was just a joke.

You're insane.
- Insane, me?

You know what?
Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.
Let me live!

No Barons anymore?
You think that you decide about that?

What do you think?
I put them everywhere.

Post offices, mosques, even the prison.
- And the AA?

That's what I like so much about you.

Your sense of enterprise.

We are going global, Lucien.

Trust me.

Why am I not laughing?
- You never do.

Even now you look grumpy.

Hassan, he is grumpy or not?

My pencil follows the line of reality
which is guided by gravity.

I am a draftsman,
not a wizard.

Do you like it?
I had 30,000 of them printed.

What?
- Wait. Let me explain.

I'll give you a ride.
- Never mind.

Are you sure?
- I want to walk a bit.

For those flyers ...
- See you later.

I took money from the till.
Not much, at most 600 euros.

What?
- Calm down.

That you are not talking to me any more
I don't care.

That way I can have some peace.

But that you interfere with my life

and beat up Hassan
because he loves me!

Well, I love him too!
With or without your consent!

I'm not finished!

You don't say anything? As always.
You're just a troublemaker.

Why am I talking to someone
who makes a living out of car accidents?

Who benefits from someone else's clumsiness.
Who has breakfast at 3 o'clock.

At the signal it will be 1 PM ...
- You know what? You're pathetic!

Go fuck yourself!

Is that how you get on stage?

Franck? This is Mounir.
Where are you?

Mechelen. What are you doing with the Flemings?

I need to see you.
Why should I give you a reason?

At the train station.
I'll be there in about 45 minutes.

Franck, I wanted to...
Stop interrupting me.

Everyone has an allocated credit of steps.

Illness, accidents ...
that's because you're out of steps.

That is fate.
Don't interrupt me!

Everyone has one meter,
but don't tell anyone.

You have a meter
and it's running.

So, Franck,
now you're a Baron.

Sir, where is the station?

The station?
In your own country.

What I was saying ...
Sorry.

Answer if it's important.

No, it's okay.

We will continue the rehearsal.

Sorry.

Good evening!

Cheers.
Thank you.

Have some booze,
we don't get any subsidies.

It's the first Saturday of the month,

so it's comedy night.
We start with a boy

which I personally find very strong,
Hassan El Kaddouri.

Remember that name,
because you'll hear it again.

M. Hassan El Kaddouri.
Good evening!

I want to tell you about a guy ...

a guy named Mounir.

The real Baron.

Irreplaceable.

He took his first steps
when he was eight.

He was at the base
of a brilliant invention.

Thanks to him pizzas
are delivered at home nowadays.

One day there was a new pizzeria
in the neigborhood.

Mounir ordered 30 pizzas
for the entire neighborhood.

The pizza man says:
'In half an hour they'll be ready.'

Mounir calls them back.

'Where are my pizzas? '

"They're ready, you can pick them up. '

'What?

Pick them up?
You can keep your pizzas.'

It was the first pizza delivery
in world history.

Respect!

Hassan
This is Mounir.

I have a good one for you.

about a guy who is lost
in Flanders.

He drives around,
searching desperately

Then he asks a passer-by:
'Where is the station? '

The man replies:
'The station? In your own country. '

I wanted to apologize.

Sorry, Hassan.

Sorry.

And that's the end
of the Barons.

Well, the end ...

there's still the mystery
of Franck Tabla.

You want to be Barons?
- Yes.

Do you know what a Baron is?
Look.

I am a Baron.

You would like to have T-shirt like that, eh?

You don't get one that easily.
- Why?

Okay.

To be a Baron

first you've got to learn to seduce.

You know what seducing is?
- Uh ... yes.

No, you don't know.
You are not that smart.

You see a girl
walking on the street ...

You look her straight in the eye ...
- Franck!

I tell you the rest later.

Franck proclaimed himself the leader
of the Barons.

Whose leader?
No idea.

My friend Mounir would say ...

Franck Tabla, leader of the Barons?

That ...

is a sign of the end
of the world.

Next!

Salam Aleikum.
- 'Bonjour'.

Just kidding.

How did you die?
- Right of way.

Next time be more careful.
- Very funny.

What?
You're letting me in?

Why are you letting me in?

You have the posture
of our clientele.

Do I look like a citizen?
- Yes! Come on in!

Give me your hand.

Do I look like a sissy?

You think I do
that tektonik shit?

Yes, come on in.

Deny entrance to me!

What's going on here?

You'll never believe it.
You see that guy?

That one?
- Yes.

He's asking not
to be allowed in.

Yes.

Get rid of him.
He's in the way.

Quickly.
- Okay, okay.

Loud enough,
so everyone can hear.

You don't fit with our clientele.

March! Get out!

Get out!

See you!
- That's better.

And why?

Ripped and edited by relentless
Translated by Clara
Based on a download from www.ondertitel.com