Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Oh, Jesus.

Why are we ruining this Christmas with this shit?

I love this song. It's cute. It's Christmasy.

For fallen off the fucking wagon?

Bit unfair.

You'd have to be pissed to stomach this.

Yeah, well, you know, I've got to stomach a lot more sober,

including your old schoolmates, trust me.

Thank fuck we don't have to wear these ghastly

Christmas jumpers again.

Oh, what a shame.

Thought we all looked rather splendid.

Oh, of course you did, darling.

How's our little Sleeping Beauty?

Oh, Prince Charming.

Thank you, darling.

Mwah.

Darling, Nell adores you.

Well, last year, she sat me at the kid's table.

I'm so sorry.

We don't have to go.

We could go anywhere.

We could turn around, just you and me.

Oh, sweetheart, I love you.

But Nell's like a sister to me.

I couldn't abandon them this Christmas.

Ooh, shit, fuck, oh, fuck!

Fly!

Fuck!

Fuck!

God, I love Christmas songs.

You know you know it! You know it! Just sing it!

- Mom! - Yeah?

I've cut myself, Mom. Fuck!

I'm coming!

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Did you find a plaster?

No.

Did you bleed on the carrots?

Really, Mom?

Will I die?

Yeah, probably.

Give it.

- Oh, Mom! - Oh, you'll be fine.

Did you rinse them first?

Yep, and the parsnips.

- Where are your brothers - Uh, on the PlayStation.

Bastards. They're supposed to be in the bath.

We haven't got long, Mom.

I know, darling.

They'll be here soon.

Oh, shit, I'm not a fucking waitress.

Belinda's still in there.

She won't bloody leave.

Haven't made enough.

You sure your mother wants them let out?

She thinks it's kinder if the foxes get them first.

- Yeah, maybe. - You promised you'd let me

light the fireworks later.

Yes, I said I would.

You look great.

Ooh, ooh.

D...

Oh, shit, where are the boys?

Uh, on PlayStation.

Bastards.

- I could... - Boys! Bath!

You look perfect.

I don't hear a lot of movement!

Come on, Belinda. Be free and be brave.

Oh, and remember no TV, okay?

And no iPhones, no Googling, and, for the love of God,

no arguing with Kitty. I think she's annoying

but just make an effort, all right?

- She's a pain in the ass, Dad. - Language, Thomas.

You said we could.

Yeah, I know, but there's now need

to get carried away, chaps. Come on.

Is Kitty allowed to swear?

Probably.

You said everyone was allowed to swear.

Yeah, I did.

Oh, Jesus, they're early.

This is important.

Don't drown. How do I look good?

- Good. - Good.

That's why I love you.

Right, it's not time for a soak, so hurry up, chaps.

Oh, fuck. Sing to me.

Yes, darling?

They're beautiful. Thank you.

Sandra picked them from the neighbor's garden.

It didn't take her very long.

Oh, okay, lovely.

- Ah, Kitty. - Is the sticky toffee

pudding ready?

Sandra promised that there would be sticky toffee pudding.

Yes, absolutely.

Where's Art?

Uh...

♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪

Wow.

Kitty's university fund.

Oh, why didn't I think of that?

You did saved me your old room?

Fucking sticky toffee pudding, I forgot.

- Oh, no, fuck. - Sorry.

She's gonna kill me. Tony!

Tony?

- Tony. - Yes, mother?

Nell forgot toffee.

- Oh, crumbs. - What?

Kidding. Your mom's kidding. Come on.

Let's find Art.

Go to the garage, darling.

There's a Tesco drive-in right down the road.

What if it's shut?

Find a mallet. Break a fucking window!

- I don't know. - I suppose so.

- Simon, have you got a mallet? - What?

Simon?

Art?

Art?

You need a hand, darling?

Um, yeah, actually.

If you could just grab one and wait.

All right.

Oh!

Mm!

Oh.

Darling.

You look impossibly beautiful as ever.

Thank you, my love.

Where's Sandra? I want room before she nabs it.

Oh.

- What?! - I know.

- Oh. - I know, I know.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Alex didn't have to pay.

We had a rather regretful exchange with an Arab lady

and her surprisingly fierce bodyguard.

- Oh, happened?! - Oh, yeah, Alex got caught

in the crossfire.

It was very un-PC of me,

smacking a lady in a burqa.

Does it hurt?

Um, yeah, it does.

Does it?

- Why did you say something? - I did.

Oh, God. Is Kitty here?

With a bow in her hair.

Slightly hoping they'd put her down already.

Behave.

Remember, tonight is all about love and forgiveness.

Oh, exciting. Who are we forgiving?

Ourselves, of course.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, thank you for coming, sweetheart.

I don't know what we would have done without Bella.

Mind you, she's very naughty.

She should have stolen something for you, too.

Art?

- Hi. - What the fuck?

Get the fuck out, Kitty.

Nope. I want to watch.

My mother said since tonight is a special occasion,

you have to be especially nice to me.

- No fucking way. - Swearing is common.

- Out mom swears. - Exactly.

- What's going on? - They made me.

- No, we didn't. - No, we didn't.

Shut the fuck up, Kitty. We all know you're full of shit.

- Excuse me? - I said shut the fuck up.

Mum!

Are you coping, darling? Yes?

Yeah, just.

The boys upset?

Uh, well, they will be

when they see I don't have enough potatoes.

You're worried about potatoes?

Yes. Waitrose was empty, and James eats a lot.

Well, Sophie doesn't.

God, how's she do it?

Remember how hard we tried?

Coke helped, and then the kids came.

It was kids or coke.

You wanted to be anorexic?

She looked great. You looked great.

Sandra wants me to apologize to Kitty.

Did you call her a cunt?

Because we said that that word was out of bounds.

You should have done.

Art! Apologize.

It's Christmas, darling. What would baby Jesus say?

You're joking, right?

Sorry, Kitty.

Good boy, Art. You're such a good boy.

You just called me an asshole.

Well, you can be.

- What, I... - Sorry.

All right, all right, come on, piss off, piss off.

That doesn't mean you won, okay?

Just little stripper. Look at this.

Oh, I took Nell's room.

You don't mind, do you?

Fine.

Oh, can I have sparkling water, please?

Oh, shit, yes, sorry. Of course. Um...

Fanta.

You like Fanta, darling.

Do I?

I'm so sorry. All of the water was gone, even the shit stuff.

Did Lizzy call?

I thought Lizzy was coming.

Bella, you said Lizzy was coming.

Bella?

- Did you invite her? - Did you?

Yes, I said, "Don't forget to call Lizzy."

No, no, you did not. You said you would call Lizzy.

Why would I call her? I don't like her.

Don't you?

I've never liked her.

No, she hasn't.

Doesn't mean I want her to be alone, though,

Fuck.

I would have put up with her.

I really like Lizzy.

And that is why I love you, darling.

Always so generous.

Every inch of you, generous.

Do you guys have a lot of sex?

Yeah, loads. Fucking loads,

Don't we?

- Exhausting. - God, exhausting.

- Just give me one sec. - You sure?

I'll meet you in there, yeah.

I'm fine, I'm fine. Just one second.

Okay.

Nell!

- Oh, James! - Smells gorgeous in here.

- Oh, thank you. - You look amazing.

Do I? I don't look old? God, we're all getting old.

We were getting old.

- Hi. - Oh, hi, Sophie!

I didn't see you. Oh, let me take this.

God, come in. You must be freezing.

Why? Oh, don't bother.

James told me you all think I'm anorexic.

- James, no we don't! - Yes, we do, darling.

Hi, Sandra.

Oh. How old are you again?

You asked me that last time.

- Oh, did I? - Yes.

- Ah! - Sandra.

Charming.

Uh, let him go, sweetheart.

Oh, do I have to?

Uh, is Kitty here?

Of course. She couldn't exactly leave her at home, could she?

- No. - No.

No, no, of course not,

especially because we made a pact.

- I didn't make a pact. - Oh, we did.

Uh, tonight is all about truth and love.

And, you know, you're with James,

so that counts as making a pact, right, darling?

Fuck. Where's Lizzy?

Come on, pooch.

We make tremendous criminals.

That felt so bloody good.

- Tony? Tony? - Yes, my love?

Oh, you got them. Excellent! Well done!

Pass them over. James and Sophie are fighting.

James and Sophie are fighting.

Ooh.

You haven't. You haven't told them?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

How old is she again?

- 15. - She can't be 15.

Okay, 20.

How am I supposed to feel?

Are you ashamed?

Why would I be ashamed?

- Is it like a posh thing? - What? No.

I've just noticed posh people like to keep secrets.

It's... it's depressing.

It's depressing?

I mean, it's painful for them.

They don't have a choice, Sophie.

- Yes, they do. - They don't.

Well, they do.

They don't, and they wouldn't understand.

What wouldn't we understand?

Trivial pursuits.

You are unbelievably bad at the geography questions.

So I didn't bring it because I didn't want to embarrass you.

But I'm really fucking good. at articulate.

Alright, show me.

- Salt and pepper? - Ah, salt and pepper.

Here, yes, and spoons, yes.

And yeah, spoons.

Thank you.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Merry Christmas. - Happy Christmas

At least we won't have to play trivial pursuits, right?

Oh, are we not?

Oh, marvelous.

It's just one potato each. I'm really sorry.

It's just one for everyone?

Yes.

What, so just half for the boys?

There's one, there's one for everyone.

- They're half our size. - One.

Mm.

Real crunchy.

- Shall we say, Grace? - What a good idea.

- What a good idea. - Yes!

- Lovely, lovely. - Good idea.

Right.

- Simon? - Sure. Um...

Where to start? Uh...

God.

God, yes, dear God.

May we thank you for my wife's culinary talents?

- Mm-hmm. - Um...

Also an important, uh...

Um...

For our beautiful friends,

Yes.

For our beautiful children

And for the food on our table,

for the lives that we've shared.

For...

Oh, for, uh...

the promise of love.

And happiness

And health and safety, health and safety.

In your in your beautiful, really beautiful...

Fun! Let's not forget how fun it's going to be up there.

In your in your fun, beautiful, safe...

Kingdom. Amen.

- Amen. - Amen.

- Amen. - Amen!

- Let's eat. - Alright.

- Crack on, everyone. - Yummy.

- I... - Where is the gravy?

- Here comes the gravy boat. - Lovely.

- Delicious, darling. - Really lovely.

- Terrific. - Really, really good.

Did anyone watch the Queen's speech?

- Didn't see it myself. - Well, she's clearly

in some bunker set up, you know?

Filled with tins of baked beans and dog food.

- Oh. - Absolutely.

No. Who'd want to live in a hole and eat dog food for 100 years?

Dog food for the, uh, dogs, darling.

Oh. Sorry.

Knock yourselves out, boys.

I don't think she's in a hole with dog food.

I mean, I heard her. She sounded sad.

She's an old woman, so it's fine.

Excuse me?

Who said it's fine because she's old?

Oh, come on, Sophie. You know what she means.

You mean that old people don't matter

because they've had their time, so now they can die?

Darling. What's going on?

I just don't think we should teach our children

that old people don't matter.

Our children.

Maybe Kitty didn't quite mean it...

- Oh, you wouldn't understand. - What wouldn't she understand?

Well, you're not parents.

Oh, of course, of course. Sorry, I forgot.

Darling, were psychopaths because we've never

- given birth. - Of course you're not.

Sandra, just...

Let's just leave it. Just leave it.

I mean, how do we measure life

and who's worth what?

Well, I'm worth nothing. Completely broke. Not a bean.

Sorry, darling. I know what you meant.

Please, let's not fight.

Especially not before the sticky toffee pudding.

Right, Kitty?

Sorry, what is this all about?

Did someone upset you, darling?

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Sophie had a difficult night last night, didn't you, darling?

- Tell us. - Please don't, Sophie.

It was horrible.

How was it horrible?

Darling, I don't think right now is the time to share.

We had dinner.

We sang Celine Dion songs.

And... and we danced to Britney.

We laughed.

And we cried and said that we loved each other.

- That sounds perfect. - I wanted to be there

and... and be a witness for them.

Maybe it sounds stupid, but I wanted them to know

- that... that... - Yeah, okay.

- Okay, well done, Sophie. - Somebody that they loved

- and trusted would witness... - Very honorable.

Uh, while I'm up, I have an announcement,

and that is for those that have room,

there is a delectable cheese plate.

But, uh also, I think it's time for us

to raise a glass to the chef.

To my wife. Love of my life.

- Nell! - To Nell!

- Merry Christmas. - Cheers!

I just think we should be honest with the kids, that's all.

Jesus Christ.

Mum hasn't lied to us, and we've seen the news.

When?

We know the Russians want us all dead.

They're sending poisonous gas to kill us all in the morning.

- The Russians? - What?

Yeah, they're obsessed with world domination.

Don't be ridiculous, Kitty. It's not the Russians.

- It's a planet, Kitty. - It's very upset.

Kitty, for years, the planet's absorbed

everyone's filthy rubbish, and it's had enough.

It can't take it anymore, so it's spitting it back out

as a "fuck you" to the world,

- That's right, Kitty. - We've taken the earth

for granted, haven't we, Dad?

Mm-hmm.

Nonsense. It's the Russians sending the gas.

You can't always blame the fucking Russians, Kitty!

- Dad, tell Art. - Look, Kitty.

Greta warned us. She missed all that school.

She spent weeks seasick.

She even met Leonardo DiCaprio.

And still, no one listened to her.

Sorry.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

You are such clever, clever boys.

- I'm clever, too. - Yes, you are, my darling.

- It's a fucking mess. - Stop swearing.

- No! - Look, Art.

It's not all bad. We're still luckier than some.

Aren't we, Dad?

At least our government doesn't want us to suffer.

You mean like those poor African kids who slowly

bled to death, puking out their guts as the intestines turned

to bloody mush? You mean like them?

Yes, because my guts are going to turn to bloody mush.

How do you know?

Art, stop it, please.

It's true, Art. Kitty's right.

At least our government has a plan.

It's not a plan, it's a disaster.

Stage one... toxic inhalation.

Stage two... attack on the nervous system.

Stage three... fatal hemorrhaging.

Take your exit pill,

avoid suffering, and die with dignity.

Everyone's life matters.

We just want to make sure that you understand

that as your parents, we are not to blame.

This is not our choice, and this is not our fault.

I mean, clearly, it's not your fault, either.

It's...

But we are not responsible for the poison, the pills...

We're just trying to do what is best for us all,

uh, to protect you so that, um...

so that you don't suffer because suffering is bad.

And in this case, completely unnecessary.

Yeah.

We all deserve to live, especially old people.

Yeah.

And we know that this is the right thing to do.

- Yes. - Don't we?

- Yes. - Yeah.

And we love you very much.

We love you very much.

You know that we love you, right?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Yes, Sandra, I think so.

- Yes, mom. - Yes, mom, we know.

- Sticky toffee pudding! - Sticky toffee pudding!

Oh!

Mm.

Oh.

Ugh.

- Debbie Does Dallas. - George, George.

- Wa... wa... wavy woman. - "The Wizard of Oz"?

"The Wizard of Oz"! "The Wizard of Oz"!

- Oh, "The Snowman"! - Four words, dummy!

The snowman comes to tea.

- Exotic dancer. - Is it a Demi Moore film?

- "Die Hard: Die Harder." - "Black Swan"!

Fucking hell, four words.

That is exactly how she looked when she gave birth

to the twins.

- "Bambi"? - "Fantastic Mr. Fox."

- Things are looking up. - "The Fox and the Hound"?

Give us a clue. Sounds like?

Oh, "The Day After Tomorrow"!

- Yes! - Yes!

- How? - Are you kidding me?

Fuck me, Batman.

Did you get that from the hospital?

Were you when the... for the patients to see?

Hm.

I'll admit it.

I'm scared.

- Sophie's pregnant. - Oh, that's terrific.

- James, no. - Didn't exactly plan it.

- What, the poison? - No, the baby, Tony.

- Is it a baby? - How many weeks?

Still early days.

She hasn't decided yet.

On having the baby?

The pill, Tony. She hasn't decided about the pill. Right?

Mm.

Are you insane?

She has a choice.

No, she doesn't.

What do you mean?

We made a pact.

You understand, we don't have a choice.

I do. But she does.

Why wouldn't she?

Doesn't want to hurt the baby.

- It's insensitive. - It's not the same.

Or is us killing our kids.

We're not killing our kids.

Tony.

No, you're right, you're right. It's very different.

There's no escaping poison.

- I know. - Leave it, Tony.

Unless she's some sort of fucking superwoman.

Don't be insulting.

Can't change her mind. Believe me, I've tried.

Can't fucking make her.

Yes, well, don't tell Sandra. She'll kill her.

Not literally.

James.

Sophie has to keep this to herself.

It won't help telling the kids. They won't understand.

Can't protect them, James.

- I know. - Do you?

Yes.

Sorry, James.

You'd have been such a great father.

Shit balls.

Oh.

- Oh. - Yes.

Hey! Wow.

- Look at her. - Bravo.

Daddy, she's beautiful!

And if you pull the string on her back,

she actually talks like you.

- The doll talks like Kitty? - Yeah.

You can upload an app. It's actually quite cool.

Oh.

I love you, daddy.

You're the best daddy in the whole wide world.

Thank you, daddy!

- Aw. - Aw, I love you, sport.

- Aw! - Aw!

- So sweet. - Thank you.

Oh, oh.

Don't I get a hug, darling? Come on.

No, thank you.

Why not?

Because you're wearing my education on your feet.

You don't need it anymore. Just... just give me a hug.

I'm not hugging you.

Oh, darling, I deserve a hug.

Nope.

Well, just a teensy-weensy,

ittle-bittle, teeny-weeny little baby hug, darling?

Drop it, Sandra.

Tony, speak up.

Just fucking... Jesus Christ, just fucking hug your mum

so we open the rest of these stupid fucking presents

before you should fucking Russians kill us all.

Oh. Well, best do what Psycho says.

And what's with the stupid fucking bow in her hair?

All right, Art, don't take the fucking piss.

Does that mean you don't want it, then?

Dibs on it first.

- I'll go. - I'll go.

- Children. - Love you.

Don't approach anything without the Prosecco.

- Just like you. - I love you, Daddy.

You're the best daddy in the whole world.

Go on, boys. Have a go.

- Okay, that's gonna... - Wow, wow.

- Give it back. - I really want to hit her.

No, no, you can't hit Kitty.

Like it isn't cruel enough to give us toys

we can't even play with.

It's so wrong.

And so stupid.

Do you mom know you're actually stupid?

Well, your mom's always been a little bit daft.

We just wanted you to be happy.

The batteries are going to last longer than us.

I'm so sorry, Art.

Is it true that some people haven't been given a pill?

Who told you that?

Just tell me the truth.

Yes.

Homeless people and illegal immigrants.

They won't have been given the pill.

Why?

Because...

according to the government, they don't legally exist.

Of course they do.

Not in their system, they don't. It's complicated.

That's wrong. They're going to die horrible, horrible deaths.

We have to help them.

Don't be ridiculous, Art.

I'm not ridiculous.

We can't even help ourselves. All we can do is...

...take our pills and choose not to suffer.

We have a choice.

No, no.

We don't have a choice. No.

Hang on, wind action. Wind, wind, wind.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Okay.

Shh.

Shh.

- Oh, wow. - Oh, we had fun at school.

Do you remember when they had us clearing leaves

from the bottom pitch?

It took us days. They just kept falling.

You called the headmaster a pervert.

He accused me of stealing Mars bars from the kitchen.

- But did you? - Yes, of course.

But what was he doing following me into the kitchen

in the middle of the night?

Oh, I think we know why. Yes, we did, dirty bugger.

Dirty bugger.

I think I was trying to do the same.

Do you need a hand with that?

- She's fine. - Me? No, I'm fine.

Love Scrabble.

Just to keep me company.

Oh, I'm just so thirsty.

Nell was always the youngest.

No, I wasn't the youngest, James was.

- Yeah. - Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Oh, you were so adorable.

Bella was always the oldest.

Anyone want to play Scrabble with me?

Yes, um, actually, Sandra didn't talk to me till we were 15.

Oh, come on.

In fact, none of you did.

That's 'cause you were terribly boring.

Boring?

I thought you loved me.

I was just very grateful you didn't want scratch my back.

Oh, you love having your back scratched.

With you, dear, yes.

And James arrived from Nigeria with his school fees

and his suitcase.

- Mm. - You were very African

when you arrived.

Come on, you sound like Mowgli from "The Jungle Book."

Didn't Mowgli have an American accent?

I think Mowgli's from India.

How come you never fucked me?

- Wow. Wow. - Jesus, Sandra.

- I just was wondering. - James, I'm so sorry.

Please do not apologize for me, darling.

No, that's right. You should probably apologize for yourself.

Oh, keep your knickers on.

You know, it's just something that always bothered me.

You know? Everyone wanted to fuck me.

I didn't.

Why not?

Just never really did it for me.

I never knew that.

- Did you know that, Nell? - No.

Did you know that her husband didn't want

to have sex with you?

Yes, because I just assumed everyone did, okay?

Stop being so judgy.

It was hard not to be, actually.

Oh, you fancy Ms. Skinny Pants next door, hm?

Ms. Potato face? Miss Americana? Hm?

Oh, come on, James.

Don't go all shy on us now.

I actually love Sophie.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't worry about it.

- I'm sorry. I really... - Hey, hey, hey.

She's a good person.

Oh, wow.

Don't. Don't make me cruel.

I don't want to be cruel to you.

What is this, James, Is it pity, hm?

Do you know pity me?

No one pities you, Sandra.

They tolerate you, but they don't pity you.

How the fuck would you know?

Calm down, Sandra.

Piss off, Simon!

Oh, God.

When we heard about what was going to happen

and I realized that I'd... well, I'd never get to...

- I'd never get to... - Never get the fuck James?

I get it.

You want to fuck James, too?

- No. - Why not?

- Looks exactly like James Bond. - What are you talking about?

- He does. - I do.

I get it. You guys. Fuck, you were best friends.

We're all going to die, so you...

- Fuck, you might as well... - Fuck James.

Ask! Tony, might as well ask.

Don't be simple, Tony. This isn't about you and Sandra.

- Clearly. - This is about before

you and Sandra.

We were best friends, and I loved you.

I really, really loved you.

I loved you, too.

Great.

But when Mr. Tanner...

When Mr Tanner, when he...

I couldn't forgive you.

And you didn't want to, I know that, and he was a disgrace.

I didn't understand.

I felt rejected, and I was consumed by jealousy.

What are you talking about?

He took you away from me, and I hated you for that.

What the fuck's he talking about?

- And then I hated myself. - Simon, what's going on?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- It's okay, James. - I was wrong to blame you.

You were just a child.

It's okay, Nell. It's okay, right?

No.

No, it's not okay.

- No, I know. I was... - Yes.

- You were. - Dear.

Tony, darling, look...

I'm sorry, Sandra.

Tony darling isn't here.

It wasn't James' fault.

No.

Of course it wasn't.

But you didn't do anything.

Did you?

And it slithered away like a... like a...

Like some sort of coward.

Tony.

- Tony, darling. - What?

Look, we've all done things we regret.

- What? - Yes.

Darling, haven't you ever made a mistake?

No, I haven't. No, no. Not of this magnitude.

- No? Never? - No, I haven't.

- Surely. - No.

- No? - No, not once.

- Once? - What are you talking about?

- Darling, surely... - I still have things to say.

- What? - Oh, fuck.

What?!

Me and Tone.

You had sex with Tony?!

Years ago.

I fucking hope so!

- I told you. - When?!

Uh...

Uh...

I don't know, I can't remember, but I remember telling you

that I had done you and Tony a favor.

Fucking Tony was a favor?

Yes, Sandra.

Actually rather heroic.

Heroic?

What the fuck?

I was killing two birds with one stone.

I had to try shagging a bloke and...

Shut the fuck up.

Why not be of service to you both?

I was fundamentally

instrumental in getting you back together again.

Mm.

Given the circumstances,

sort of an act of sacrificial love.

Yes! yes!

It is that. It fucking was!

- Yeah, yeah. - It was!

Right, Tony? Bella was just trying to boost your ego.

- Didn't fucking work! - Didn't fucking work!

Okay. Okay.

Here's to us.

- May we rest in love. - Yes! In love.

In love. Come on.

Come on, stand up.

Come on, San, come on, Tone.

- Come on. It's Christmas. - Come on. Come on, come on.

There we go.

All right.

Oh, that was intense.

Tone, we okay?

Yeah.

These twisters are a precursor to the cloud

arriving and carry poisonous gases.

Avoid suffering.

Take your exit pill and die with dignity.

Art, can I come in?

Sure.

You okay?

What are you doing?

Please don't tell my dad.

No, I won't.

I can't help it.

I don't know what else to do.

I understand.

Art?

Come on. Got to call Grandma.

- Cool, great. - Yeah.

This is typical fucking Lizzy.

She's not even here, and she's ruining the vibe.

Hi. Yeah, you've reached Lizzy.

Yeah, leave me a message!

You are completely pissed.

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I just... I need a little snooze.

Oh, be careful.

- Hey! - Yeah, okay, okay.

You promised me.

I can't help it.

They're so mean.

Oh!

Fucking hell.

Oh.

I miss my mom.

Mm.

Oh, God.

Alex is asleep.

Already?!

No, no.

Just drunk.

Are we really going to die?

I know I'm not brave.

Um...

can't even cope with a cold.

But you believe the government?

Oh, no.

They killed Diana.

Shit.

We've seen it everywhere on the news.

The unimaginable horrors

that have happened all over the world.

I mean, you cannot make this shit up.

And I've seen the road.

And there is no fucking way I am living like that.

I can't do post-apocalyptic monochrome.

I've never seen it. Should I?

No, no.

It's fucking miserable.

Oh, poor Al. She wouldn't cope on her own.

She's far too fragile. You know?

Yeah.

She is.

Darling, can you see her running away from zombies?

Not in a hurry. No.

Oh.

We should have all voted Green.

Fucking conservatives.

- Hey! - Grandma!

Hello, boys. Happy Christmas.

You're still alive!

Yes, I think so.

Grandma, is the Queen dead?

Oh, I don't know, darling.

Is she in a bunker full of dog food?

Yes, quite possibly.

She should be prepared to die with the rest of her people.

Oh, darling. Are you having a bad night?

Tony and Simon robbed the petrol station.

- Oh, what fun? - Hmm.

Kitty wanted sticky toffee pudding.

Yes, excellent choice.

Thanks for lending us the house, mum.

- Thank you so much. - It's been so lovely

to have everyone back together.

Just brilliant.

We miss you, though.

I wish you weren't so far away.

Well, yes. Um, darling, I best go. I...

I've got to Zoom the bridge girls.

Mum, mum, please wait.

Nellie, it's all right.

Your father's up there waiting for us all.

He'll be so thrilled to see you.

- Mom? - Goodbye, my darling girl.

- Mom, are you okay? - Hang in there.

Goodbye, Simon.

Grandma?

Where did Grandma go?

I didn't event get to say goodbye to her.

Call her back.

No, darling.

I didn't get to say goodbye to her!

Please, Dad.

No, boys. I'm sorry.

Stop being such an asshole and call her back!

I said no, Art. That's it.

Darling?

My poor mother!

She's all alone!

Darling.

I need you, Nell.

Come on.

Come on.

Dance with me.

Can I come in?

Of course you can.

You're a... you're a a doctor, right?

A cancer doctor.

Yes, I am.

So you know about death.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not going to take the pill.

It won't hurt you, Art.

Well, it will. It'll kill me.

I mean, it's painless.

I'm not scared of pain.

Oh, Art.

You don't know anything about pain.

I know don't want to die.

Pain...

Pain is... intolerable.

Pain is why some people choose to die.

Well, I don't care, I'm not taking it.

Okay. Okay.

Wait. Where are you going

To get his parents.

Maybe somewhere somebody has survived the gas.

Not one single being survived.

Says who?

The people who know.

- You mean the government? - Yes.

And scientists.

But what if they're wrong?

Excuse me?

Last time, Mr. Fullam, my math teacher,

well, he got something wrong, he didn't realize it at first,

and he told poor Tommy off for challenging him,

but he had to find Tommy after break and apologize to him

because Tommy was right and Mr. Fullam was wrong.

He's very clever, Tommy.

Well, is Tommy taking the pill?

Probably. His mother hates him.

What if the best scientist died, and then... and then

the lazy one took over, and then the lazy one went home

one night, and forgot to upload some file, and then...

and then died in the morning?

What if one of the shit scientists is in charge

of whether I live or die?

Hey, hey.

This isn't pretend, Art.

There isn't someone somewhere who's made a mistake.

People don't generally know they made a mistake

until they've made it, and then we'll all be dead,

and then there won't be anyone to apologize to.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

But I can't make this better for you.

Well, what about those poor people?

Who's going to hold their hand while they die in pain?

Life isn't fair, Art.

That's what people say when they don't want to find a solution.

You can't help them.

But you can. You're a doctor. You're supposed to save people.

♪ Baby, look at me ♪

♪ And tell me what you see ♪

♪ You ain't seen the best of me yet ♪

♪ Give me time, I'll make you forget the rest ♪

♪ I got more in me ♪

♪ And you can set it free ♪

♪ I can catch the moon in my hand ♪

♪ Don't you know who I am? ♪

♪ Remember my name ♪

♪ Fame! ♪

♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ I'm gonna learn how to fly ♪

♪ High ♪

♪ I feel it coming together ♪

♪ People will see me and cry ♪

♪ Fame! ♪

♪ I'm gonna make it to heaven ♪

♪ Light up the sky like a flame ♪

♪ Fame! ♪

♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ Baby, remember my name ♪

Hey, you're very kind boy, Art.

I'm not kind.

I just don't want to give up,

and I don't think anyone else should either.

I'm pregnant.

So I'm not going to take the pill.

Does being pregnant mean you won't die?

I will, but not from the pill.

I don't want to kill my baby.

Art?

What's going on?

Sophie's pregnant. She doesn't want to kill her baby.

So she's not going to the pill, so I'm going to stay alive

and hold her hand when she dies.

Is that cool with you?

Simon!

Yay!

You're overreacting.

I am your mother Art,

- I know. - Not her.

- I know. - You don't just ask

- some stranger. - She's hardly a stranger.

- Oh, shut up. - You shut up.

- You shut up. - No, you shut up.

- You shut up. - You shut up.

- Shut up! - Stop copying me, you stu...

Don't you talk to your mother like that!

At least Sophie cares about her child.

- How dare you?! - How dare you?!

What's going on, Art?

I'm taking that fucking pill.

Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not. - Yes, you fucking are.

- No, I'm fucking not. - Stop swearing.

See, you made a rule, and you can't even stick to it.

We are your parents.

You want to murder me.

Just stop. Stop it. Stop it.

God says thou shall not kill.

Fuck God!

- I knew it. - He just tricked you.

Yes, I know.

So you don't even believe in God. You're just afraid.

Yes, I-I am.

I am... I am afraid.

I am absolutely terrified.

Please, Dad, stay with me.

We can hide from the poison together.

We can... we can shut the windows,

and we can barricade the doors, and we can wait it out.

Please, Dad, I need a grown up. I can't do it on my own.

It'll be airborne, Art.

It will travel through the windows,

the doors, the water pipes.

You can't hide from it, Art.

It will kill anything and anyone that is still alive.

Yes.

I don't believe you.

Okay, come here. Come here.

Your father and I have discussed this over and over again.

We have discussed every possible option.

If... if... if we don't take the pill,

if you don't take the pill, if... if your brothers

don't take the pill... look at me, look at me.

But the outcome is always the same.

And in no particular order.

We will all die one by one.

And you will be left crying with no one to comfort you.

And I can't do that.

I can't let babies suffer alone.

I don't mind anymore.

What?

I said I don't mind anymore.

We're your family, Art.

Not if you kill me, we're not.

Art!

- Art? - Art!

Art, come back. You're scaring me.

Art?!

Belinda?

Art!

Art!

Where are you?!

Art! Art!

Simon!

Art!

Jesus Christ.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

We have to... Come on! Go!

Come on! Come on!

Watch it!

Run!

Get inside! Get inside!

Kids, go to your room.

What's happened?

- Now! - Is he okay?

- He's upset. - Mommy.

Shall I take him upstairs?

Just take the twins to their room. Go.

- Mommy? - Okay, come, kids.

Come on, boys. Come on, quick, quick.

I'll be up in a minute.

- Don't be creepy. - Simon, let me help.

- Fuck off. - Hey, hey, hey.

- I'm sorry. - Just... Just give me a second.

Just let me take him upstairs to Nell.

Let him take him to Nell.

Hey.

Here, champ, I got you.

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

I got you. Tony.

It's okay. It's gonna be okay.

Fuck!

I got you.

They're all fucking dead.

Who's dead?

Here you are. It's okay. It's okay.

I'm sorry.

Just go get Nell. I'm going to check on Simon.

Okay.

We're going to get your mom, okay?

We'll go and get your mom. It's gonna be okay.

Who's dead?

They're all fucking dead, Tony.

Of course they are. Most of the world's dead.

Art's okay. He's upstairs with Nell.

Don't swallow. I'm sorry. I can't understand.

What is it? What is it?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Just breathe.

Now, if you can, start from the beginning.

I went and took the chickens... I took the chickens out

at about 12:30 p.m.

Sorry, are you joking?

Tell us what happened?

Hey, hey.

Art ran off.

And I found him... I found him on the side

of the road with this car.

And they were all dead, James.

There was even a baby.

I'll go get your mom.

Nell? Nell?

But then the wind changed,

and then all I could hear Art screaming.

Tony, don't!

- Simon. - Wait, wait, wait.

Simon, the bodies, the bodies, was there any blood

in the ears, eyes, mouth?

Vomit?

Were they sweating? Was there urine?

Stop it, James. Just stop it!

Poison's not coming till tomorrow.

It is tomorrow.

I'll go and check on Art.

I was just checking on Art.

No, no.

I get it. You're pregnant. And that is unimaginable.

But Art is my son.

This is my family, and we have had enough of you interfering.

Oh. Oh, uh...

Simon, you are a good man.

An excellent father.

And a darling friend.

Hm?

But it is time, hm?

- Mm-hmm? - Hm.

Let's go.

It's gonna be fine.

Shit!

I love you both.

Go and be with your families.

Go on.

Right behind you.

Cheers.

Shh.

You're my beautiful boy.

Tell me what happened, sweetheart.

- Art, what happened? - Do you a hug?

Are you exhausted?

He's exhausted. It's all right.

Have I always been boring?

But you're so much more than that.

What happened out there?

Are you okay, Daddy?

Is Art having a breakdown?

No, he's just, um...

He's just very upset.

Has he calmed down yet?

Yeah.

It's time, boys.

Already?

Yes, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt Nell.

Fuck.

Was I wrong?

Is Art gonna be okay?

You promised us a can each.

I'm not sharing, Dad.

The right, darling.

Al?

Please... wake up.

Please wake up. Please wake up.

Please wake up!

Sorry.

Here you go, darling.

It's warm, Dad.

Mine too.

Art, is yours warm?

Yep.

- Dad? - Dad?

Jesus Christ.

I'll miss you.

What are you doing?

Sophie...

do you want both of us and our baby to die in agony?

Because I won't take my pill if you don't take yours.

- Thank you. - There you go, darling.

Be careful.

Sorry, mom.

It's all right, sweetheart.

Fucking hell, Hardy!

- It's not my fault. - Dad must have dropped it.

Did you drop the Coke?

I can't remember.

Fuck's sake.

Shit.

Fucking hell.

Darling.

- Dad. - Dad.

I haven't said goodbye to Nell!

I haven't said goodbye to Art.

I haven't said goodbye to Simon.

Hold me. Please, please, Kitty, just once.

I'll hold you.

No. No, I want Kitty.

Please, darling.

My doll! Baby Kitty!

Oh, no, Kitty, wait. I'll come. My legs... I can't feel my legs.

Stop.

K-K...

Kitty!

No!

Say when.

Stop.

Compare.

Okay.

Happy?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

All right.

Palm out.

Palm.

- They're huge. - Massive.

How are we going to swallow them?

Mum.

Art.

- Art, darling. - Art, wake up.

- Art, wake up. - Art?

- Geez! - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Shit, shit.

Coke.

- Dad? - Mum?

Ah.

Okay, did you swallow it? You swallowed it?

Have you swallowed it? Yes?

Okay.

My baby.

Oh, fuck.

Son.

Okay.

Alright, everyone.

Everyone get into bed, close your eyes.

Okay, okay, come on.

On the bed.

Jesus.

How much did I drink?

Fucking hell! For fuck sake!

Where is everyone?

We've got five minutes.

Okay.

Five fucking minutes!

Dad?

What the fuck, Bella?

You puked up the pill.

Fuckin' piss head.

I want you to think of heaven.

I want you to imagine a cloud that's... a giant cloud

that's made of candy... Oh, my God!

I haven't said goodbye to Sandra.

- No. - No, I have to.

There's no time, Nell. Just...

Just stay with us. Lie down. Close your eyes.

I love you, Daddy.

You're the best daddy...

in the whole wide world.

I love you, mom.

I love you, Hardy.

I love you, dad.

I love you, Hardy.

I love you, mom.

I love you, Thomas.

I love you, dad.

I love you, Thomas.

I love you, darling.

Sleep, my darling.

I love you always.

- I love you, Art. - I love you, Art.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull