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1
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,320
-David Hassel--
-David Hasselhoff--
2
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,080
According to
The Guinness Book of World Records,
3
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,280
over 1.1 billion viewers
watched David Hasselhoff
4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,600
at the height of his fame.
5
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,880
But where did the viewers go?
6
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,000
...comeback tour
was pulled by US promoters,
7
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,720
is the career of the famous lifeguard
all washed up?
8
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,680
David Hasselhoff has now
filed for bankruptcy.
9
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:26,040
According to his UK manager,
he's leaving the United States
10
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,240
to pursue opportunities in England.
11
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,320
The British relaunch of David Hasselhoff
has ended in disgrace
12
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,720
after he was caught performing
for a notorious warlord.
13
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,160
After being implicated
in a child abduction,
14
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,560
is David Hasselhoff now unemployable?
15
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,600
Let's put on a show,
but first, let's have some fun.
16
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,040
If he wants to write a play
about Lawrence of Arabia,
17
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,000
who's to say he can't?
18
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,200
I think the play needs some songs.
19
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,000
-Songs?
-Yes. You know the band Roxette?
20
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,000
-What if we give Lawrence a jet-pack?
-A jet-pack?
21
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,720
I want to do something artistic, Dieter.
22
00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,960
I want to do something truthful.
23
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,240
I want the Hasselhoff to bomb
an entire village
24
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,040
of the brown people.
25
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:06,480
I'm out of here! Okay?
26
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,920
Apart from the first 25 years of my life,
27
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,560
David Hasselhoff
has always been there for me.
28
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,320
Oh, my days, is that Tulisa?
29
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:13,880
Hey, Terry.
30
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,760
[Terry]
Money can make people act strange.
31
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,480
Oh, my two favourite smells,
leather and pussy.
32
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,280
I think Hoff should stick
with what he knows.
33
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,720
And that's just basically cars and tits.
34
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,800
European art-house cinema is brilliant.
35
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,000
But it's missing something...
36
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,640
David Hasselhoff.
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00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:46,280
You will be playing
the part of Pastor Puritanical Domingo,
38
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,360
um, who leads a group of
39
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:52,240
Christian missionaries into
this satanic forest, filled with blood.
40
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:57,000
So there will be paranormal happenings,
some torture,
41
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,840
and pain and suffering and despair.
42
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,920
The like of which, cinema has never
seen before.
43
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,480
Would you like me to read from the script?
44
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,920
Um, yes, by all means, very well, yes.
45
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,040
[sighs]
46
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,120
"I come to bring light to these people,
47
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,040
who live within the darkness
of the woods."
48
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,120
That is wonderful. You have the part.
You nailed it.
49
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,440
What? I didn't finish.
50
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,360
Congratulations and thank you.
I look forward to working with you.
51
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,440
[video call ends]
52
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,640
I got the part!
53
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,040
-Yeah!
-[cheering]
54
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,520
I read, like, three lines and I got it.
55
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,080
-Well, that's how good you are!
-[David] I know!
56
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,200
Are we absolutely sure that this
is a proper film director?
57
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,200
He's not some maniac
living in the basement
58
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,360
with his dead mum, or anything?
59
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,760
[Max] This is Armand De Vries.
60
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,320
He is a serious filmmaker.
He's won awards.
61
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,680
Harriet, he's European.
62
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,600
We're going to fucking Romania!
63
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,560
[Max] Ugh!
64
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,800
For Christ's sake, Max,
we've been waiting two hours.
65
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:58,920
Where's the car?
66
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,640
It's just the way independent films work.
67
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:01,800
They'll be here.
68
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,080
Right, so we got no signal, no water
and no shelter?
69
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,480
Well organised, mate.
70
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,640
Lucky you've got a survival expert
with you.
71
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,840
You don't know creative people, Danny.
72
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,760
Scheduling's not their strong point.
73
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,200
[Harriet] Does anyone have a map?
74
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,120
Yeah, according to my guide book,
75
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,960
-the area is Hoia Baciu.
-[fly buzzing]
76
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,560
Apparently it is a haunted ancient forest,
77
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,880
home to a lost tribe of savages
called the yesti.
78
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,840
It says they still conduct
human sacrifice.
79
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,280
[horn honking]
80
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:40,840
I'll deal with it.
81
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,640
No money.
82
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,960
No money. We do not have any money.
83
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,560
Max! He's saying this is our transport.
84
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,000
[David] Oh, great. Great!
85
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,280
A hotel room, a coffee and a shower.
86
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:57,480
Yeah.
87
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,920
This is my trailer?
88
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,200
Um...
89
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,160
There's blood on the wall in here.
90
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,160
Hello?
91
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,040
Hello?
92
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,040
Hey!
93
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,440
Hello, I'm Anton,
I'm the First Assistant Director.
94
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,800
-Welcome aboard.
-Oh, God, hi. Thank you.
95
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:27,960
-How are you? Everything okay?
-I'm okay.
96
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,480
-Long journey, man.
-Yes.
97
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,600
Yeah. Um, coffee? A coffee?
98
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,840
Oh, coffee, that would be amazing
but I'm afraid we don't have
99
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,160
a coffee machine at the moment.
100
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,840
One sec. Um, can you put a bit more wood
on the fire and boil up some water
101
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,000
for a number one, thank you?
102
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,000
-How's the shooting going?
-[gulps]
103
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,320
How's the shoot going?
104
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,480
Why?
105
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:44,760
Have you heard about the soundman?
106
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,880
-The soundman?
-Hmm.
107
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,240
What happened to the soundman?
108
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,720
Oh, no, nothing. Nothing.
109
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,560
Um, so this is your trailer.
110
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,160
Do you see that there?
111
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,840
-What's that?
-That's blood.
112
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,240
-Where?
-Right there, on the wall.
113
00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:58,920
-You see it?
-Uh... No.
114
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,960
There, in my trailer. Right there.
Right there.
115
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,200
I can't see it but I will bring
some cleaners in.
116
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:06,360
All right.
117
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,920
Everything's fine, but you just tell me
what happened to the soundman?
118
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,200
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
119
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,760
No, no, he's going to make
a full recovery.
120
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,280
[indistinct talking on radio]
121
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,960
Director's ready for you now.
We're travelling.
122
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:21,040
I've been in a Romanian forest now
for three months, I think,
123
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:24,240
four months, five months,
around that time.
124
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:27,440
[clears throat] I mean, the first thing
that happened to me when I got here,
125
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:32,520
is the director, Armand, he grabbed
my phone, grabbed my laptop,
126
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,320
grabbed everything, lobbed it in the lake
and said time doesn't exist.
127
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,320
So, uh,
128
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:38,920
I don't think, um,
129
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:42,280
my fiancée is very happy.
130
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,200
No, no! More smoke! More smoke!
131
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,760
This is the smoke of
a tiny old lady's cigarette.
132
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:47,920
No! Come on!
133
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,160
More smoke! More smoke!
Tell him more smoke!
134
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,720
Ooh, he's really into it, isn't he?
135
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,000
He is very committed, yes.
[clears throat]
136
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,400
About the crows.
I need crows on the body.
137
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,840
Maestro, um,
Mr David Hasselhoff, Mr Armand De Vries.
138
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,000
Mr Hasselhoff,
139
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,040
thank you for coming all this way
and please excuse my dirty, filthy hands.
140
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,160
No problem.
141
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,120
Very glad to meet you and thank you
so much for putting me in the film.
142
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,360
Yes.
143
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,040
Yes.
144
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,560
Yes. And, um, welcome to my forest.
145
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:19,880
She's beautiful, is she not?
146
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,120
She is beautiful.
147
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,800
But do you not agree, Mr Hasselhoff,
that everything that is beautiful
148
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,240
may be transformed into a thing of horror?
149
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,120
Should have met my third wife.
150
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,200
[laughs]
151
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,000
Maestro, sorry to interrupt,
152
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,080
um, I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem.
We don't seem to be able to get the crows
153
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,200
to stay on the dead body.
154
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,000
They keep flying away.
155
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,480
Superglue.
156
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:47,960
I'm sorry?
157
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,880
You place superglue underneath
the feet of the crows and then
158
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,560
this will adhere them to the body
and they will not fly away.
159
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,920
-Thank you.
-Perhaps you should fly away.
160
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,280
Sorry about this.
Some of these people are barely human.
161
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,280
Never work with crows, huh?
162
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,960
I beg your pardon, Mr Hasselhoff?
163
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,440
You know, never work
with animals and children and...
164
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,280
On the contrary, Mr Hasselhoff,
always work with crows.
165
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,840
I always work with crows.
166
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:19,440
There is at least one crow
in every single one of my 73 features.
167
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,560
Oh, and one piece of advice
while you are here,
168
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,440
tuck your trousers into your boots,
the forest rats are vicious.
169
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:28,840
More smoke!
170
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,200
More smoke! Tell him more smoke!
171
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:35,320
Out of all of my 73 films, death,
um, has played a very significant role,
172
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:36,680
just in the titles alone.
173
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,960
If I think of some,
off the top of my head,
174
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,640
there is
Where is Death?,
175
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:46,480
Death Approaches, Death Is Here,
Death Has Departed.
176
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:51,600
Um, I have only done
one comedy in my life,
177
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,200
um,
Mr Cuckoo Goes Bananas,
178
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,320
but that was in order to gain, um,
179
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,880
funds to make my film,
The Deathly Master of Deaths.
180
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,440
Fucking hell. What the fuck is that?
181
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,920
Oh, my God, do you work here?
182
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,880
-First Assistant Director.
-Whoa, Director Rani.
183
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,160
Nice to meet you, man.
Name's Terry Patel, big respect.
184
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,400
Hoff's head of security.
185
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,000
Yeah, but I'm freelance, so I do all kinds
of stuff, do you know what I mean?
186
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,120
I'm like, um, jack-of-all-trades.
187
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,960
Um, and I'm a stuntman as well.
188
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,040
Do you want to just back up?
I don't want you to get hurt.
189
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,320
Check this out. I'll just warm up.
190
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,000
[radio chattering]
191
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,120
Jesus Christ, I'm on my way.
192
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,480
I think I could be an actor,
you know what I mean?
193
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,080
Like, if I'm angry, I can do angry.
So if I'm angry it's kind of like...
194
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,320
Yeah. Um, sad, I can do sad.
195
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,920
Yeah. I can do happy.
196
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,320
Yeah. I can do confused.
197
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:53,960
Do you know what I mean?
So I'm a versatile actor.
198
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,560
You. One of the actresses has broken
her pelvis on set.
199
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,000
I need a stand-in urgently.
200
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,520
What, me? Act? I don't think so.
201
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,000
Although, I did do
Annie at school.
202
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,360
That's great.
The director's all about the look anyway.
203
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,000
No, I don't think so.
204
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,960
You! What about you? Are you an actress?
205
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,440
What? Are you serious? Her?
206
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,560
Well, look, if you're begging me...
207
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,000
-No, no.
-No, I can tell.
208
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,520
You're desperate, you're begging me
and I'll do it.
209
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,080
Take me to make-up.
210
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,080
I had a look at the script and it
does not seem very funny
211
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,480
but I'm not worried about that because
if there's one thing my dad can do,
212
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,720
he can make any script
and find the humour in it.
213
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:37,120
Like, he did an audition for
the
12 Years a Slave,
214
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:42,720
and he was playing this slave guy
and he was so funny.
215
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:48,480
He was, kind of, running around going,
"Get off my land, you work hard for me,"
216
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,160
and I was rolling on the floor.
217
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:54,640
Um, but they gave that part to
Michael Fassbender,
218
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,840
and he was not funny.
219
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,480
He did not find
any of the humour in the lines.
220
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,120
3-42.
221
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,080
Action!
222
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,840
We must find the yesti.
223
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,720
Bring them into the light.
224
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,960
Again.
225
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,000
We must find the yesti!
226
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,240
Again.
227
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,960
We must find the yesti
228
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,720
and bring them into the--
229
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,960
-No, no, no.
-What?
230
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:20,880
Mr Hasselhoff, I think, perhaps we should
remind ourselves of the back story
231
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,360
with you and Getruda.
232
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,720
You were once lovers
but she chose God over you.
233
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:26,960
How does this make you feel?
234
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,320
Not that bad because if you're
second place to God
235
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,840
that's kind of cool, you know? I mean...
236
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,520
Let us take these elements
and add to them the fact
237
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:37,560
that you have bruised vertebrae
due to the incident with the demon
238
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:42,640
and also remember you are
in extreme pain due to the infestation
239
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,720
of the tape worm in your lower colon.
240
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:49,520
Now, we must feel your feelings
and we must know
241
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,680
that you feel our feelings
without you showing that you are feeling
242
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:53,920
those feelings.
243
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,840
And...
244
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,040
Action!
245
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,080
We must find the yesti!
246
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,040
Bring them into the light.
247
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,200
Cut!
248
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:14,360
I once made an actress come
into a room through a door 183 times,
249
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:20,800
and it was only on the 183rd time
that she did something that I could use.
250
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,680
She opens the door and there was
such a look in her eye
251
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,520
and then she vomited, she fainted,
252
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,600
she fell on the floor,
and she soiled herself.
253
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,600
I expect my actors to sweat.
254
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,520
I expect them to sweat from the skin.
255
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,080
I expect them to sweat from their bones.
256
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,040
I expect them to sweat from their souls.
257
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:52,360
I am finding
Mr Hasselhoff's performance very dry.
258
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,960
Do you know what art is?
259
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,360
-Is it paintings?
-[Armand scoffs]
260
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,240
Well, you have answered my question.
261
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,080
But this is no big surprise.
262
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,840
You are, after all,
263
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,840
just a money monkey.
264
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:11,320
You would not know what art is
if it walked up to you, undid its fly,
265
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,760
and slapped you in the face
with its ball bag.
266
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,880
Mr Hasselhoff, what he is doing
with his dry performance,
267
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,280
is he is setting fire to my art.
268
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,280
This, Mr Max, cannot go on.
269
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,440
I... I'll have a word.
270
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,440
It's quite a strong look.
271
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,760
-What am I supposed to be?
-Curva diavolului.
272
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,440
Oh. What does that mean in English?
273
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:41,840
You're the devil's whore.
274
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:42,920
-Right.
-[indistinct talking on radio]
275
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,400
What do you mean,
the medic hasn't arrived?
276
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,960
Go to channel two.
277
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,200
Oh, my days. Harriet!
278
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,480
I'm supposed to be
the devil's whore, apparently.
279
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,760
What, you got... You got lines in this?
280
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:54,880
Quite a few.
281
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,120
Who do I need to nosh off
to get a part in this?
282
00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,000
To be honest, I'm quite fuming actually
'cause I saw Harriet and she was dressed
283
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,280
as this like, slut and she was like,
"Yeah, I've got a few lines in the film."
284
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,480
I was like, what?
285
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,000
Like, what, 'cause she's got, like,
you know what I mean?
286
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,520
Like, she got her tits out?
287
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,960
What am I supposed to do,
just pull my nob out? It's sexism.
288
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,160
Action!
289
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,480
Lord! It's been 14 days
without food and water.
290
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,480
My men are hungry and thirsty.
291
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,400
Show me a sign of thy benevolence.
292
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,640
Um, Mr Hasselhoff,
293
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,320
you want your faith,
but I see no hunger in your eyes.
294
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,960
You know, speaking of hunger.
I am really hungry.
295
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,400
It's got to be like, four o'clock.
I am seriously going to pass out.
296
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,680
When's lunch?
297
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,120
Anton, do you have
Mr Hasselhoff's lunch?
298
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,520
Now, we have here the lunch.
299
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,200
-You can smell the lunch, yes?
-Yes.
300
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,240
-And perhaps, you can see, oh.
-[David laughing]
301
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,520
You can see, ooh, here. So, um,
302
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,400
what I want you to do
303
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,040
is to deliver the speech to the lunch.
304
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,800
I need to see hunger.
305
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,840
In your own time.
306
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,040
Armand's style of directing is no style.
307
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,200
He's like the, sort of,
Bruce Lee of directors.
308
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,920
He incorporates all styles.
309
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:08,240
Um, but mainly he berates people
until, hopefully, something will come out,
310
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,280
that is what he wants them to do.
311
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,160
There's real method,
312
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:13,800
in his madness.
313
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,320
It has been 14 days...
314
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,880
...without food or water.
315
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,600
My men are hungry.
316
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,200
My men are thirsty.
317
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,080
Lord, show me a sign of your benevolence.
318
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,400
Can I have the lunch now?
319
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,160
That was beautiful,
320
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,960
because I saw the hunger.
321
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:44,120
And now, let us do it again,
because I did not see the thirst.
322
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,520
[David yelling]
323
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,840
[crashing]
324
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,960
Max, where have you been?
325
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:54,360
Hi.
326
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:55,960
[yelling continues]
327
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,760
Oh. Hello, Max.
328
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,320
Just wanted to tell you that the director
is a frickin' lunatic.
329
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,400
He kept me from eating lunch.
330
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,200
It's like riding
a frickin' horse, blindfolded.
331
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,520
I have no idea what I'm doing
so I'm going home. Bye.
332
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,920
I know it seems weird but this is just
how these directors work.
333
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,680
I want to go home. I want to go home!
334
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,320
I want to go home!
335
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,320
-We can't leave.
-Why not?
336
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,480
If we leave, they sue us for the cost
of the whole film.
337
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,680
What's the cost of the film? $10?
338
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,000
You'd be surprised.
339
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,200
[grunts]
340
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,320
Could we have, like, a tranquiliser?
341
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,520
Can we get hold of
Michael Jackson's doctor?
342
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,400
[panting] I've got his cell number.
343
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,800
Ah, you have returned.
344
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,520
As the kitten returns to the mother cat.
345
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,240
Sorry.
346
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,560
I'm not a quitter.
347
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,880
I am a professional.
348
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,480
Come to mama cat.
349
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,640
There, there, there, there.
350
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,840
We have an amazing scene for you,
Mr Hasselhoff.
351
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,520
They will start preparing the raft.
352
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,160
-There was nothing in the script...
-Shh. Shh.
353
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,520
-...about a raft.
-Shh.
354
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,280
I have the face that men will always
go crazy for, Fernando.
355
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,840
That is my curse.
356
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,760
Men cannot resist the twist of my hips.
357
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,040
Twist of my hips. Yes.
358
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,960
How long have we got to put up with this?
359
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,960
When do we get to go home?
This is a fucking disaster.
360
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,360
You can go home anytime you like, Danny.
I don't know why you're here.
361
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,880
I'm here to keep an eye on the Hoff.
Someone has to.
362
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,560
Is that supposed to happen?
363
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,240
I'm looking out for the Hoff
every day of my life, mate.
364
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,400
Oh, you are not looking out for him.
All you care about is...
365
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,600
I've never seen you even
look out for him.
366
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,720
I'm floating away.
367
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,240
-I'm looking out for him right now, mate.
-Oh, are you?
368
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,480
[Harriet] Max. Guys?
[David] Guys?
369
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:46,800
David floating down the river.
370
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,200
The raft just took off.
371
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,840
-David. What are you--
-Guys. I'm floating away.
372
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:51,960
-David!
-Is it in the script?
373
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,120
-Are you okay, Dad?
-I'm frickin' floating away.
374
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,640
Okay, Dad, you have to jump off the raft
and swim over.
375
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,120
-Swim over!
-He can't swim, Dieter.
376
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,760
David Hasselhoff in
Baywatch can't swim?
377
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,960
The thing is, he's terrified of water.
378
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,160
He's not good in it.
379
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,840
The problem with David is,
his centre of gravity is higher
380
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,320
than most people's. It's up here.
381
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,960
You put him in water,
he starts flitting back and forth,
382
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,240
like a fucking weeble.
383
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,400
-Hey. Hey!
-[Harriet] Hold on!
384
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,760
Just hold on!
385
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,280
-Guys.
-[Harriet] David!
386
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:16,400
[David] Where are you going?
387
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:20,840
Oh, my God, this gets wet,
I'm going to sink like a dwarf.
388
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,480
[panting]
389
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,480
We've lost him.
390
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,680
Wait. The river flows this way and then
it bends round to the east.
391
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,560
If we cut through the woods,
we can head him off.
392
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:32,840
[Danny] That's what I was
going to say. I'll lead.
393
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,160
Follow the devil's whore!
394
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,480
[Danny] No, follow me!
395
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,200
Guys?
396
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:39,920
[crow cawing]
397
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:45,480
Look.
398
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,680
Satanic symbol.
399
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,160
It must be the yesti.
400
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:51,560
[Terry] Who?
401
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,120
The wild men who live in the forest.
402
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,200
Oh, fuck.
403
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,320
Listen, yeah,
I watch a lot of horror films, yeah.
404
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,480
In those films, the brown fella
always dies first.
405
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,680
So, I'm going to go first,
then it'll be the arrogant prick,
406
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,680
then it'll be the jock,
then it's the whore, and then
407
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,440
you'll probably be all right 'cause
the virgin normally stays alive at the end
408
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,560
and saves everyone.
409
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,280
Yeah, I'm a virgin.
410
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,080
Yeah, that's what he's saying.
411
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:18,000
-I definitely haven't had sex before.
-Yes, that is what virgin means.
412
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,880
Yeah, yeah. Dieter's a virgin.
413
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,240
Right, so we're in agreement?
414
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,280
Look, it's nothing to do with the yesti.
It's just a bunch of twigs.
415
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,200
And they're saying that I'm a virgin.
416
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,880
Okay, maybe I haven't had
penetrative vaginal sex before,
417
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,000
but you know, for one thing...
418
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,560
Wait, where's Terry?
419
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,800
[Harriet] Terry?
420
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,240
-Terry!
-[crow cawing]
421
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:37,840
[Danny] Terry, this isn't funny, mate.
422
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,640
-Terry.
-Shh, shh.
423
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:42,920
[Terry groaning]
424
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,720
They got him.
425
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,240
It's too late for him.
Let's get out of here.
426
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,520
[Dieter] No, no, no, Terry.
427
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,120
[all screaming]
428
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,640
I'm just having a shit.
429
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,480
I always shit when I get nervous.
430
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,400
Let me finish up.
431
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:01,920
I need a leaf.
432
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,120
Hey! Hey!
433
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,480
Wait! Wait.
434
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,440
Wait!
435
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,360
[panting]
436
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,720
Come on, Danny.
It's going to get dark soon.
437
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,640
-Oh, what?
-[Terry] What is it?
438
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,560
Why is there blood on the tree?
439
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,240
Oh, no. We have angered the yesti,
and now the trees are bleeding.
440
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,400
Right, Dieter,
enough of your storytelling.
441
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,280
I'm a biochemist, all right?
It's probably just some sort
442
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,600
of interesting sap.
443
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,880
No, that is blood.
444
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:55,880
[crow cawing]
445
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,200
Hello.
446
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:08,680
Hello!
447
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,080
[laughter]
448
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,080
Anyone out there?
449
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,200
Anyone there?
450
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,280
[twig snaps]
451
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,280
Hello?
452
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:24,600
[voice whispering]
453
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,480
[crow cawing]
454
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,720
Hey! Come on!
455
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,240
Come on! I hear you.
456
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,720
[Harriet] Let's face it,
457
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,920
we're lost, it's dark,
we don't know where we're going.
458
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,280
I say we just stay here for the night.
459
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,400
What, sleep on the floor
like some shit munchers?
460
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,640
-[Danny] It's getting cold.
-Maybe we should start a fire.
461
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,960
[Max] Yeah, Danny, start a fire.
462
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,480
You can't just start a fire.
It doesn't work like that.
463
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,200
Not when everything's wet.
464
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,480
-[Terry] It's completely dry--
-Just give me a minute to think!
465
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,240
[Max] For the first time in six weeks,
I've thought, "Ah,
466
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,640
there's a reason for Danny to be here."
467
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,480
I've got it.
468
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,160
Who's got a lighter?
469
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,760
Ah, okay, guys.
470
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,080
Go on, junior!
471
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,040
[Max] How does that make you feel, Danny?
472
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,120
[Danny] Are you using sticks?
Yeah, anyone can do it with sticks, yeah.
473
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,200
[Max] I don't understand why you'd
deliberately try to make it harder.
474
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:27,240
Nah, like, you get a thicker fire
if you don't use sticks, right.
475
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,800
If you just want a quick fire, yeah.
476
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:46,680
Oh, shit.
477
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,680
[scream]
478
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,400
-Was that a scream?
-Oh, you're not scared, are you?
479
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,200
[Max] No, of course not.
480
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,240
[Harriet] All those stories.
481
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,120
Those are just fairy stories, right?
I mean, just to be clear.
482
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,640
It's not actually, like,
a real thing, is it?
483
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,640
Those little forest bastards
try anything, yeah.
484
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,280
Just remember, I'm from Sutton.
485
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,120
[Harriet] It's probably
just an animal, Terry.
486
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,880
I always used to wonder
where I was going to die.
487
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,160
Shitty Romanian forest
wasn't even in the top 100.
488
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,480
Let's play a game.
489
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,040
Like, at school we had this game
where you tell everyone
490
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,720
what your first impressions of them were.
491
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:29,080
So, Harriet, what did you think of Max
when you started working for him?
492
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,720
Oh, when I first started
working for Max...
493
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,480
I don't think I should say.
494
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,640
[Danny] Listen, we can
all be honest now, Harriet.
495
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,920
It's all right, you can say
if you were intimidated.
496
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,720
Well, really, Max, I just thought
you were a bit of a dick.
497
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,480
Yeah, I thought you were a bit of a dick
as well, mate.
498
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,800
Yeah, I thought you were a dick.
499
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,320
If I'm honest, I still think
you're a dick.
500
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,520
When I first met all of you,
I thought you were all right.
501
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:50,840
Now, I think you're dicks!
502
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:51,960
[Danny] Oh, come on, Max.
503
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,720
Don't be immature.
At least we're being honest.
504
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,200
[Harriet] Playing the game.
505
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,200
Terry, what did you make of everyone?
506
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,600
[sighs] Well, you know,
coming from Sutton and that,
507
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,680
just being a normal cab driver,
I never would have thought
508
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,960
that I would actually get
to meet my idol, David Hasselhoff.
509
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,680
[sighs] Not only that,
like, I met you guys
510
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,320
and, you know, normally,
I've never really hung around
511
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,120
with this many white people but,
512
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,280
I don't care what people say,
you lot are all right.
513
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,480
You know, if I hadn't started
working for David,
514
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,200
I would never have had the chance
to be the devil's whore.
515
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,320
The devil would be proud
to have a whore like you, mate.
516
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,320
Thank you, Terry. That's sweet.
517
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,840
So, growing up in Germany,
518
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,240
nobody at school would believe
519
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,920
that David Hasselhoff was actually my dad,
520
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,640
so I didn't really have any, like, friends
521
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,960
back there but going to the UK,
522
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,680
I finally found my father,
so it was all cool.
523
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:57,240
And also, now I have four real friends,
524
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,120
so I just, I love you guys.
525
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,520
Terry, are you crying?
526
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,400
No, I've got an insect in my eye
or something.
527
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,600
Wait, he does actually
have an insect in his eye.
528
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,200
Shit, get it off! Get it off!
529
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,360
-Hit him!
-Get it off me!
530
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,680
Get him to the ground.
Get him to the ground.
531
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,840
Get it off!
532
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,160
That night, I contemplated my own death.
533
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:24,720
And when you do that,
you look back on your life and you wonder,
534
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,840
"Have I done everything I wanted to do?"
535
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:28,560
Well,
536
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,360
I've been to Barcelona,
537
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,640
I own an iPhone 6s,
538
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,640
and I've met Ricky from the Kaiser Chiefs.
539
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,120
Yes.
540
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:42,920
[crow cawing]
541
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,720
[drums beating]
542
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,280
What the fuck? What's going on?
543
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,000
I can see people.
544
00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:00,840
What are they doing?
Over there. Quick. Now.
545
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,240
What? What the...
546
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,840
Look, over there.
547
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,080
It's Dad.
548
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,080
Hey, hey, hey.
You don't have to do this, all right?
549
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:23,400
[Terry] They're going to kill him.
[Harriet] No!
550
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,720
And they're going to eat him.
551
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,160
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
552
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,840
Listen up! We've got
to go and save my dad.
553
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,240
They've got fire.
They've got knives. We can't do that.
554
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,000
I hate to say it, but Max is right.
555
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:38,920
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!
556
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,040
It's too dangerous.
557
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,600
Terry, you're supposed
to be a stunt double.
558
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,320
He needs you now more than ever before.
559
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,840
You're going to do this?
Ah, ah, well, go ahead!
560
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,800
Go ahead! Light me up!
561
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:54,800
Light me up! Go ahead!
562
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,400
-I do not care if I am burnt to death.
-Me neither.
563
00:25:58,480 --> 00:25:59,600
[yelling]
564
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,000
Fuck it!
565
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,640
[yelling]
566
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,520
[indistinct shouting]
567
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,200
[yelling continues]
568
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,520
[shouting continues]
569
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,040
Come on!
570
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,160
-[Armand] Cut!
-What?
571
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,360
Yeah! Thank you very much.
572
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,040
What's happening?
573
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,360
Mr Hasselhoff.
574
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:44,560
What?
575
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,000
You are a very naughty boy.
576
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,720
You have been holding out on me.
577
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:54,240
You have just given me a passion, which
has made me very, very, very excited.
578
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:55,640
What the...
579
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,040
Okay, let's take a break there.
Let's reset, guys.
580
00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,280
Reset the bonfire.
581
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,640
You know this wasn't real?
582
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,240
What the hell is going on?
583
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,000
Maestro, he didn't say the script.
584
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,280
No matter.
585
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:09,280
He has the body, we have the eyes,
as far as the words are concerned...
586
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,120
Over-dubbing, have you heard of this?
Fetch me coffee, please.
587
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,800
To be fair,
that was a tremendous performance.
588
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,000
[Harriet] David, you know you can just
take those off, don't you?
589
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:20,600
Oh, my God.
590
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,720
-[Harriet] Yeah.
-You're right.
591
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,440
Hi, I'm Abby Lowe reporting from Flex TV
at the single most important event
592
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,640
of the year, the world premiere of,
Edge of Death
which has been tipped
593
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,720
for the prestigious Palme d'Or award.
594
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,560
Critics are already hailing it
as a masterpiece.
595
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,040
[crowd cheering]
596
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,680
I think it's fair to say the film's
gone down quite well.
597
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,960
Well, David's now, you know,
an art-house film star.
598
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,280
I thought it was wonderful.
599
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:57,760
I thought that we saw something there
that came from his heart.
600
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:02,200
The fact that he's a European director,
that it's over here in Europe,
601
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,400
um, was really exciting because I knew
it would be kind of, avant-garde-ish
602
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,640
and kind of very different.
That's what's kind of exciting about it.
603
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:28,400
Lord, they lose heart on the mission,
but my spirit still burns for thee.
604
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:33,440
[laughter]
605
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:38,080
[voice whispering]
606
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,280
[David]
Lord, I am but one man.
607
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:43,840
I am alone.
608
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:47,480
Bring them into the light.
609
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,120
Where are you going?
610
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,560
Where am I going?
611
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,160
[crows cawing]
612
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,560
Come on, Lord, I'm ready!
613
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,000
Come on!
614
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:04,600
[screaming]
615
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,120
What did I make of the film?
616
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:13,480
Between us?
617
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:15,920
It's boring, isn't it?
618
00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:20,520
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