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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,240 -David Hassel-- -David Hasselhoff-- 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,960 According to the Guinness Book of World Records 3 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:11,000 over 1.1 billion viewers watched David Hasselhoff 4 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:14,560 at the height of his fame... but where did the viewers go? 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,000 After his comeback tour was pulled by US promoters, 6 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,720 is the career of the famous lifeguard all washed up? 7 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,680 David Hasselhoff has now filed for bankruptcy. 8 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,960 According to his UK manager, he is leaving the United States 9 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,200 to pursue opportunities in England. 10 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,920 The British relaunch of David Hasselhoff has ended in disgrace after he was caught 11 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,760 performing for a notorious warlord. 12 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,040 After being implicated in a child abduction, 13 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,480 is David Hasselhoff now unemployable? 14 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:42,920 You cheated on me? 15 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,040 Max and I have decided to part company. 16 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:46,840 You are a national treasure. 17 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,880 There's just nothing he can't do. 18 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,040 I mean, he wants to do Macbeth, he can do Macbeth. 19 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,600 Romans, countrymen and lovers. 20 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,840 I got goosebumps then, when you did that. 21 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,560 I'm Max Coleman and I'd like to represent you. 22 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,640 -I'm on TV. -Oh... 23 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,480 -Like you used to be. -[David] Oh, right. [laughs] 24 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:00,640 Here's your costume. 25 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,840 I haven't worn shorts on television in 20 years. 26 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,280 Celebrity cage fighting! 27 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,120 No, fuck off! 28 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,680 No, no, that man there happens to be a great man. 29 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,680 Who I'm proud to call my friend. 30 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:13,880 Thanks, Max. 31 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,640 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 32 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,000 [Max] Have you heard of Yorkshire? 33 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,080 -Yorkshire? -It's kind of like the British... 34 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,600 French Riviera. 35 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,040 The north of England tends to be about 20, 30 years behind the south, 36 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,680 so, it's perfect for you. 37 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,400 I've got a big opportunity for you up there. 38 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,120 -[David] Yeah? -Yup. 39 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,920 -It's a gig. -What is it? 40 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,400 -A festival? -[Max] It's kinda like a festival. 41 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,840 -[David] Yeah? -If a festival was a wedding. 42 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,840 It's a wedding? 43 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,760 You could put it like that, it's a wedding. 44 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:52,920 I don't do weddings. 45 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,680 I do festivals, stadiums... Weddings, no. 46 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,160 This is what I keep telling people. 47 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,120 David Hasselhoff doesn't do weddings. 48 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,240 -He's a rock star. -[David] Thank you. 49 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,840 But this wedding happens to pay £150,000. 50 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,000 How long is the set? 51 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,800 Patricia and Greg's wedding set list, 52 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,560 -"Jump in My Car." -Classic. 53 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,040 -"Crazy For You." -Classic. 54 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,680 -"Looking for Freedom." -Classic. 55 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,360 "You're the One That I Want"? 56 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:22,920 That's from Grease. 57 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,600 It's a duet with a girl. 58 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,800 I could do that. I could jump in and do the girl bits. 59 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,800 I've actually got a very, surprisingly supple falsetto. 60 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,920 Is that where they make Yorkshire pudding? 61 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,720 -Yes. -I've been over here so many years, 62 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,600 I've never had Yorkshire pudding. 63 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,040 -[Terry] Put it on the rider. -Put it on the rider. 64 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,440 I will stick that on the rider. 65 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,360 Put Yorkshire pudding on the rider. 66 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:41,480 I'm going to stick it on the rider. 67 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,040 £150,000 and Yorkshire pudding. 68 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:45,800 Great. 69 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,360 I've never seen a contract like that, but yeah. 70 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:49,760 I'm in. 71 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,520 I didn't think that was going to be the thing that clinched it. 72 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,720 But, cool. 73 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,800 -Oi, oi. -Oh, what is Danny doing here? 74 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,960 We're going up north, mate, we're going to need reinforcements. 75 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,960 -Do you know what I mean? -Have you not seen The Wicker Man? 76 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,120 Exactly. Oh, I forgot my passport. 77 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,360 I'll be back. I'll be back. 78 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,640 You don't need your passport, Terry. It's not another country. 79 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,160 What about the language they speak though? 80 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,360 English. They speak English. 81 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,960 -That's English? -[Max] Yes. 82 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,040 It's Yorkshire. You need back up. 83 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,040 They eat their young if they don't suckle. 84 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,040 They got their own language. Everything means something else. 85 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,840 "Ey up," that means, begin sexual intercourse. 86 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,200 I've never actually been out of zone six, London. 87 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,960 I don't really like to go out of the country much. 88 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,080 Do you know what I mean? 89 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,840 I'm not saying I'm racist but, 90 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,240 I just don't like foreigners. 91 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,440 All right, let's go get some Yorkshire pudding. 92 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,360 [laughs] 93 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,480 [Terry] Let's do it. 94 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,040 Whoa. 95 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,680 [Terry] That's what I mean about Yorkshire. 96 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,520 My mum's mate's from Yorkshire. She just sits on a stoop all day 97 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,840 just eyeballing everyone, muttering to herself like John Wayne. 98 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,600 Let's just get back in the car. We'll be back in London before anyone 99 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,320 even knows we were here. We don't have to do this. 100 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,320 -Lets' just get in the car-- -[woman screams] 101 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,280 Oh, David! David. 102 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:39,880 Whoa. [laughs] 103 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,120 -Oh, my God! -Hey, how are you? 104 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,400 I can't believe David Hasselhoff is standing over me! 105 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,120 It was like... 106 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,400 [sighs] 107 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:53,080 I mean, I thought, if I got shot or strangled now or like, 108 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,680 a blow to the head, 109 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,920 and I suddenly died, and like haemorrhaged, 110 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,560 I'd be okay, because I've met David. 111 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,280 Oh, my God! You're so tall and you're so brown. 112 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,520 -Yeah. I'm from California. [chuckles] -Hi. 113 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,640 Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you. 114 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:10,800 -Yeah. -I'm shaking. 115 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,520 -No, its okay. -Sorry, my lip keeps sticking to my teeth. 116 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,000 -Yeah. -I am literally your number one fan. 117 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,840 -Really? -In the world. It's me. 118 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,200 Very nice to meet you. 119 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,160 David, this is Patricia. She's the bride. 120 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,560 -I'm the bride. -Oh, she's the bride. 121 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,040 That's why she's wearing the dress. 122 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,960 I think there's so many things about David, his height... 123 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:34,000 He's so brown and shiny. He's like a sort of magic conker. 124 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,040 -Congratulations on your wedding day! -Can I ask you something David. 125 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,120 -Yes... -David, what is it like being you? 126 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,440 Well, I've been myself my whole life 127 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,520 so, I really don't know what it's like to be me. [chuckles] 128 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,200 David, you are so funny. 129 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,440 Oh, good man, you can get our luggage, it's in the boot. Thank you. 130 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,560 I'm the groom. 131 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,480 -Oh, yeah. -Oh! Hi. 132 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,000 Sorry. Oh, my God, sorry. Congratulations on your special day. 133 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,720 -She's the bride, I'm the groom. -I apologise. 134 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,160 -Oh, don't worry. It doesn't matter. -I'm sorry. 135 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,400 Yeah, I own Lothersdale Motors. 136 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,520 One of the biggest car dealerships in Yorkshire. 137 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,160 Okay. Great. 138 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,280 Top regional car salesman for the last three years. 139 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,040 -[Greg] Probably four. -Good. 140 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,160 I have seen you perform live everywhere, haven't I, Greg? 141 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,280 Germany. I've been everywhere. All over Europe. 142 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,920 [sighs] Oh, um, how was the ceremony? 143 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,080 Yeah, it was great, yeah. Vicar did a grand job. 144 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,560 -Really special, wasn't it, Patricia? -Yeah, it was, 145 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,520 but it's not as special as meeting you, David. 146 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,440 -This is like the absolute highlight. -Right, come on then. 147 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,720 All right. Cheers. Ta-ra. 148 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,080 Bye, David. 149 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,360 -I'll see you later though. -C'mon. 150 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,480 It's our first goodbye. 151 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,960 Greg, don't pull me. 152 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,080 Here you go, lads. There you go. 153 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,400 Sorry, could I... Do you mind if I get? 154 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,840 Er... Are you all right, mate, how are you doing? 155 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,920 Ah, what craft lagers have you got? 156 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,840 [laughs] Where are you from? 157 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,280 London. 158 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,400 What? Have you got a problem with people from London? 159 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,560 Well, you're all twats. 160 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,680 Fair enough. 161 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,040 Grandma Sally. Grandma Sally. 162 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,880 This is David Hasselhoff. 163 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,840 She didn't think you'd come. She's beside herself. 164 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,280 Hi. Pleased to meet you. You look lovely. 165 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,440 Isn't he tall, Grandma Sally? 166 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,600 -That is such a beautiful suit. -Thank you. Thank you. 167 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,720 Not like Greg's suit. Think he got his in the supermarket. 168 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,560 -[David laughs] -Oh, you're so muscly. 169 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,320 You know, he won an arm wrestling competition against Arnold Schwarznegger. 170 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,440 Oh, er, that's not true. It was John Travolta. 171 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,080 -[both chuckling] -[Patricia] You're dead funny, David. 172 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:38,720 David. 173 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,400 Hasselhoff. 174 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,560 He was not happy and I didn't, you know, I don't want to be around someone 175 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,000 who's not happy, who's jealous. It's happened to me before, 176 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,840 where I've been picked up, and thrown into a swimming pool 177 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,360 by a jealous husband, or a jealous boyfriend, 178 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,080 because they just had enough. 179 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,800 Greg's a little bit, you know, of a stick-in-the-mud, erm, about, 180 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,960 you know, dressing up and stuff. 181 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,480 And I'm like, 182 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,200 really, you know, 183 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,200 if you just pop a David Hasselhoff mask on, you know, things would be 184 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,280 so much better for you. 185 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,600 You'd get a lot more out of the relationship. 186 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,680 Sex wise. 187 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,840 You all right? 188 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,720 Name's Terry, head of security for the Hoff. 189 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,800 I like your quilted jacket. 190 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,560 Did you get that from London? 191 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,480 Yeah, yeah, yeah, lovely little boutique store called TK Maxx. 192 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,560 And your hair, it's so shiny. 193 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,760 I like it greasy. 194 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,000 [laughs] 195 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:38,680 Filthy this one. 196 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,320 Annabelle, why don't you go and help with Trisha? 197 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,680 -But I was just-- -Annabelle. 198 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:44,840 Have some self-respect. 199 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,960 Get stuffed, Greg. 200 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,400 I'm talking to my new friend. 201 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,440 Keep your hands off her. 202 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,880 She's maid of honour. 203 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,640 That means something up here. 204 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,440 Go on. 205 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,600 Sorry, mate, I didn't really understand any of that. 206 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,200 -Go on, fuck off. -Yeah, I got that. 207 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,040 He looked a bit mental so I thought, leave it, it's not worth it. 208 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,080 Do you know what I mean? I could have got noshed quickly 209 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,080 but I don't know, what the fuck, he looked a bit, you know? 210 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,320 So, I thought, it's not worth a nosh. 211 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,440 Sometimes, you know, you nosh, you live to nosh another day. 212 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,560 You know, they come up here 213 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:23,040 with their hair-dos and their white teeth, 214 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,320 and their moisturised foreheads, 215 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:27,920 and they think they're it. 216 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,120 They think that butter won't melt in their mouths, and it does. 217 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,480 Butter does melt in your mouth. 218 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,160 Greg has the look of a man who's killed before 219 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,880 and is haunted by it, 220 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,480 but not enough to not do it again. 221 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,240 David. 222 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,400 -David? Come and join us for the photos. -Yep. 223 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,480 No problem. Okay. All right. 224 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,600 Hi. I love your hat. 225 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,440 I just want you right between me and Greg. 226 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,240 I'd prefer to be on the side, okay? 227 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,360 Oh, no, no, no. 228 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,320 This is how I want it, right between me and Greg. 229 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,040 All right. Whoa. 230 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,840 Why don't you pretend to be Mitch in Baywatch and I'll pretend to be Pammie. 231 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,120 Okay. All right. 232 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,880 [photographer] Hold it there. Lovely. 233 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,280 And... [camera clicks] 234 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:07,560 Excuse me. 235 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,880 What are you playing at? Stop being so fucking charming. 236 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,240 I'm not being fucking charming. She grabbed my ass. 237 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,320 David, what about one of just you and me? 238 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,440 -Okay. -Just us together. 239 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,480 Would you mind, sorry, getting right out? 240 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,040 Thanks ever so much. Greg, get back please. 241 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,160 -I'm going to be in it, obviously. -No, it's just me and David. 242 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,560 Patricia, I'm the groom. 243 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,120 Greg, you've been in loads of pictures today just-- 244 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,200 This is my wedding. 245 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,560 I know it's your wedding but it's also my wedding 246 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,920 and I want a picture with David, please. Sorry, David. 247 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,880 Everybody right out 'cause I don't want anyone on the edges, Greg. 248 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,880 There you go, David. Greg. 249 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,240 [photographer] Okay, hold it there. 250 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,120 [photographer] This one's for you. And... [camera clicking] 251 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,440 Excuse me, mate, er, sorry. 252 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:46,680 Would you mind? 253 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,760 Could we just get a couple of Weiss beers, please? 254 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,160 -Weiss beers? -Yeah. 255 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,160 Ah, wheat beers. They're from Germany. 256 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,160 Yeah, I know what a Weiss beer is. It's just, we haven't got any Weiss beers. 257 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,240 And even if we did have any Weiss beers, this isn't table service. 258 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,440 So, as much as I'd love to scuttle over there and get some Weiss beers 259 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:03,960 and just bring them back to you and help you 260 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,080 pour them down your smug, self-satisfied southern suck-hole, 261 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,840 I'm afraid it's a pleasure I'm just going to have to forego. 262 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,280 -Okay. -You're a dick. 263 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,960 [clinking on glasses] 264 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,280 [cheers from crowd] 265 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,880 Am I being paranoid or is that bloke rude? 266 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,600 I thought he was rude, 267 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,000 but I didn't know if I was being paranoid. 268 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,200 I mean, I sort of thought, that might be how they all are. 269 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,000 So, I didn't want to be, sort of, culturally insensitive. 270 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,320 Patricia, you look incredible today. 271 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,480 You look incredible every day. 272 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,400 And every day after that. 273 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,920 I love ya, in so many ways, 274 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,160 and for so many reasons. 275 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,600 You know me, and you understand me. 276 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,800 You have this way of bringing out the best in me. 277 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,160 Er, I wrote you a poem. 278 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,040 This is a poem that I wrote me self. 279 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,760 "Patricia, you're my pride and thunder, 280 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,120 I love your eyes, your sense of wonder." 281 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,120 It sounds silly but it was just one of those, you know, 282 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,040 little moments when you just catch each other's eye, and you're like... 283 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,240 It was just a really special moment, and, I knew, I could hear Greg, 284 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,320 like, going on in my ear but... 285 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,400 Really, I think I was just, I don't know... [chuckles] 286 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,840 [Greg] "You were sent to me from skies above, I want to be your only love. 287 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,360 I'm so proud that you're my wife, I know we'll have a lovely life." 288 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,360 [applause] 289 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,600 [Annabelle] Where's the mic? 290 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,880 [clinking on glasses] 291 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,920 Right, I'm going to make it brief. 292 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:41,120 We all know how obsessed Patti is with David Hasselhoff. 293 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,320 [cheers] 294 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,360 If she could marry him now, then she would, 295 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,680 and Greg would have to pack his bags. 296 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,400 [crowd laughing] 297 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,320 In fact, if it were up to me, Greg, 298 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,720 I'm building up to something, 299 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,200 I might as well say it, 300 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,600 I've been holding it in for six months. 301 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,440 Here's something you don't know about Greg. 302 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,080 [man] Oh, no. 303 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,440 Greg, you fucking run over my dog, Frankie. 304 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,240 I know it was you. 305 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:16,480 I know you helped me put up all the signs round town and pretended to care. 306 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,560 But I've seen the CCTV footage and it was your fucking Audi. 307 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,080 [crowd gasps] 308 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,200 So, I knew it was you. 309 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,360 You're a dog murderer. 310 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,200 You actually accelerated. 311 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,480 [cries] 312 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,840 And I know I said, I wasn't going to cry. 313 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,480 But I did. 314 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,240 And because David Hasselhoff is here today, 315 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,600 it truly is a special day for Patti. 316 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,640 At least it means we've got a real man here. 317 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,480 -[sobs] -[mic hits floor] 318 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:51,760 Dick. 319 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,640 [scattered applause] 320 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,720 These people are friggin' nuts. 321 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,880 -David. -Patricia, this is our first dance. 322 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,640 Yeah, I know and David's only here for one night. 323 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,560 David, do you want to join us for our first dance. 324 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,720 Oh, er, I'm going to sit this one out, because I have to sing really soon. 325 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:20,880 Can't wait. 326 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,200 Okay. All right. Thank you. 327 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,680 -I love you, David. -Yeah, you look beautiful, yeah. 328 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,800 -Thank you. -All right. Okay. 329 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,480 [David] Have fun. Right. Yeah. 330 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,680 This thing's gonna turn ugly, like, really quick, guys. 331 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,840 All right, then, you can just sing your songs and then we can go. 332 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,440 You think those three guys over there care about me singing? 333 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,200 It's gonna kick off, Max. 334 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,360 It was intimidating. 335 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,280 Erm, I felt like I was, 336 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,000 in a room, 337 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,680 surrounded by 338 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,560 50 to 100 clones 339 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,040 of the people who bullied me at school. 340 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,760 [Max] Okay, one of us needs to introduce David. 341 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,600 Normally I'd do it but I don't think this is my audience. 342 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,400 Who's the most northern? 343 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,120 Terry, you're working class. 344 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:05,760 You can do it. 345 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,800 Get up there, just say the sort of shit that this scum likes, yeah. 346 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,560 What, kind of like Peter Kay, northern banter? 347 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:11,680 Yeah, that sort of stuff. 348 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,840 All right, cool. 349 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,240 [clears throat] One two. One two. 350 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,320 Yorkshire, make some noise. 351 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,480 [Patti] Woo. 352 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,640 Ey up, lads. 353 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,240 Northern accent. 354 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,080 [Terry chuckles] 355 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,520 Get 'n t'car. 356 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,920 [laughs] 357 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,840 What I should have done is just try to blend in 358 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,480 because I would have been able to do that. 359 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,640 I think I could have passed for a Northerner. 360 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:44,640 I want chips, 361 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,360 and I want gravy with them, 362 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,840 and I want it now. 363 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,400 Anyway, erm, 364 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,080 gonna introduce you to one of my best friends in the world, 365 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,080 if not the best friend in the world. 366 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,080 Er, I actually knocked one out to him, not in a gay way, 367 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,720 watching Baywatch for Pammie, last frame, Hoff. 368 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,960 Pouf, everywhere... Oh, no... 369 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,120 So, the only man I ever climaxed to, 370 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,840 David-mother-fucking-Hasselhoff! 371 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,080 [cheers] 372 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,240 [Patricia screams] 373 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,120 [David] For you. For you. 374 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,600 ♪ Come on and jump in my car 375 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,840 ♪ I wanna take you home 376 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,840 ♪ Come on and jump in my car 377 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,520 ♪ It's way too far to walk on your own 378 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,360 ♪ No, thank you, sir 379 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,480 ♪ Ah, come on, I'm a trustworthy guy 380 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,400 ♪ No, thank you, sir ♪ 381 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,720 Some people might just go, oh, Jump In My Car, 382 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,120 it's, like, a stupid pop song. 383 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,520 Erm... 384 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,960 You know, I think, when people say that, I just like, laugh in my head, like, 385 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,440 ugh, to myself, because I think, 386 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,640 actually, it's really complex. 387 00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:00,480 It's, like, "Get in my car" and they're, "No, we don't want to." 388 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,920 Of course, they really do want to get into his car. 389 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,320 Then it kind of all changes, 390 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,200 and you're like, "Oh, they're never gonna get into the car." 391 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,720 And then it's like, "Oh, my God, they're going to get in the car." 392 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,920 -What are you doing? -You're embarrassing yourself. 393 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,160 The only person you're embarrassing is yourself by rowing in front of everybody. 394 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,280 [arguing indistinctly] 395 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,440 -No, I'm not. -Here, have your ring back. 396 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,120 ♪ She's got me there but I'll get her yet 397 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,200 ♪ You've got you there 398 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,360 ♪ No, you didn't I was catching my breath 399 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,960 ♪ And look, it's starting to rain, and Baby, you'll catch your death 400 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,400 ♪ Well, I don't know 401 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,880 ♪ Ah, come on, it costs nothing to try 402 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,920 ♪ We'll ride home nice and dry ♪ 403 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,880 Max, let's get out of here. I got to go. 404 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,480 At that moment, I realised, oh, my God, here we go again. 405 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,360 I don't care about pudding. 406 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,680 I don't care about money. 407 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:53,800 Lets' get out of here. 408 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,480 What the fuck? Who slashed my tyres? The space wagon? 409 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,480 It must have been Greg or one of those, fucking Hills Have Eyes. 410 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,840 All right. What the fuck are we going to do now? We're trapped. 411 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,320 Right, we've got rooms here. Let's spend the night. 412 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,360 No. No. No. I'm not going back in there. No way. 413 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,680 We can't stay here, they're going to kill us. 414 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,680 We're fucked. Part of me just said, why don't we just sleep in the boot. 415 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,680 We lock the... I mean, the tyres don't work. 416 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,280 We'll get in the boot, all of us, and we'll lock it, 417 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,320 from the inside, and just wait till sun up. 418 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,120 But David's got his knee and he's like, "I don't want to be in the boot." 419 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,440 In there, there's four, five scary Northerners. 420 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,160 Out there, there's fucking 1000s of them. 421 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,560 At least we know we've got shelter. 422 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,000 We've got booze. 423 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,800 We've got the biggest Iceland buffet I've ever seen. 424 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,440 Oh, I've been looking for you everywhere. 425 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,920 -I am so sorry. -No, it's... 426 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,200 I am so sorry about Greg. 427 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,200 Oh, no, no. That's okay. We were just outside getting some fresh air and, and... 428 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,320 Where is Greg? 429 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,720 -Yeah, where is he? -He's gone off with his dickhead mates. 430 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,720 He won't be back for ages. They're all going to get pissed. 431 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,560 They'll all be drinking whisky somewhere. I'm really sorry, I feel awful. 432 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,680 No, it's okay. 433 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,280 I just really wanted to have a toast with you on my wedding day 434 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,720 -but you probably don't want to... -We'll have a toast, yeah. 435 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,200 -Yeah, yeah. -Do you mind? 436 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,080 -I don't drink though. -I know. I know. 437 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,720 -I got you an orange juice especially. -Oh, ha, thank you. That's perfect. 438 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,400 It's premium so it's got the bits in. 439 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,960 Yeah, okay. All right. 440 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,000 -Umm. -To my wedding day. 441 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,160 Yeah. To your wedding day. 442 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,400 Oh. Wow. Okay. 443 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,760 Um. Mmm. 444 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,040 [chuckles] 445 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:33,560 [inhales] 446 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:34,720 Oh, God. 447 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,680 -Why are you in my bed? -My bed. 448 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,080 This is my bed, isn't it? 449 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,400 Why am I so hung over? 450 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:42,840 I only had one drink. They wouldn't serve me all night. 451 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,760 I feel like someone shat in my mouth. 452 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,120 What happened last night? 453 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,880 I can't remember. I blacked out. I don't know. 454 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,040 What's the last thing you lot remember? 455 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,840 David was singing and there was a man that looked like he was going to kill him. 456 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,080 -Let's just get David and get out of here. -Yes, please. 457 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,960 Whoa, why have a got a boner? What happened last night? 458 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,280 It's a morning boner. Morning boner's don't carry meaning. 459 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:03,400 Oh, fuck. 460 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,360 All right, let me just wank this off and then we'll go, yeah? 461 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,040 No time. Do it in the car. 462 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,080 -[thuds] -[Max] Oh, I can't feel my legs. 463 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,080 I can't feel my legs. 464 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:18,720 [grunts] 465 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,000 [knocks] 466 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,360 David? 467 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,160 Oh, my God. 468 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,800 -Fucking hell, look at this. -Classic signs of a struggle. 469 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,600 He's not fallen off the wagon again, has he? 470 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,240 Nah, probably just letting off steam. 471 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,320 Hold on. Why's the window open? 472 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,720 Why's he left his phone? He never leaves his phone. 473 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:40,760 Hold on, look, there's a note. 474 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,800 "Hi, guys, hope you slept well. 475 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,000 Just going back to London. 476 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,680 -Donut..." -[both] Don't. 477 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,360 "Don't wait for me. Ta-ra. David Hasselhoff." 478 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:54,960 He's gone back to London with Tara? 479 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,200 He signed it David Hasselhoff. Isn't that a bit formal? 480 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,760 Who the fuck was Tara? 481 00:20:58,880 --> 00:20:59,920 Ta-ra. 482 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,560 -Ohhh. -Hold on. 483 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,200 That's northern language. 484 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,440 Oh, shit. Come on. 485 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,200 David. 486 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:14,600 You all right, mate? 487 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,760 Have you seen David Hasselhoff about? 488 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,440 Okay, mate, I get it. 489 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,160 I know you hate me. 490 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,040 I know you hate my face 491 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,240 and everything that comes out of my mouth and 492 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,880 anyone that doesn't live within one mile of you. 493 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,600 I do understand that, but I'm just asking you a question, mate. 494 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,840 Have you seen David Hasselhoff? 495 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,560 [Max] He's American. 496 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:40,560 Orange. 497 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,200 He's got a deep sadness behind the eyes. 498 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,440 Maybe he couldn't handle his Weiss beer? 499 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,080 [laughs] 500 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,240 That's 'cause of the joke he made last... The other day. 501 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,200 -Yeah. Yeah, I got it. -Northern banter. 502 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,840 Listen, mate, 503 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,840 I don't give a fuck about you. 504 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,800 I don't give a fuck who you are looking for. 505 00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,480 I just don't give a fuck. 506 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,240 Move. 507 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:03,360 Cheers, mate. Thank you so much for your help. 508 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,760 You've been absolutely brilliant. 509 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,960 We will be all over Trip Advisor. Six stars all the way for you. 510 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,720 No, don't do that, 'cause he wasn't that good. 511 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,360 All right, Patricia? 512 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,600 Did you sleep well, boys? 513 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,080 Ooh, how are we all doing? All a bit hung over, I imagine? 514 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,720 Naughty. Naughty. Naughty. 515 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,360 -I saw you doing the snake. -Sorry, what? 516 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,040 -And the worm. -What's the worm? 517 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,240 Did you get your cock out? 518 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,680 The breakdancing competition. 519 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,400 -You won it. -Really? 520 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,800 We don't seem to be able to find David. Do you know where he is? 521 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,800 Last night was a bit of a whirlwind, I'm afraid. 522 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,760 I still can't believe he sang at my wedding. 523 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:38,960 Do you know where your husband is? 524 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,120 Greg? Oh, I don't know. He didn't come back last night. 525 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,400 He's sometimes like this. 526 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:45,560 He gets in one of his dark moods. 527 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,560 Although he hasn't actually been violent for at least 12 months so... 528 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,400 -Oh, that's good. -Yeah. 529 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,400 He's probably sat outside in his car, listening to Adele records. 530 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,280 That's what he does when he gets in a strop. 531 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,720 Why would he be in a strop? 532 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,360 I told him I, erm, 533 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,400 took all the money out of our savings 534 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,600 to pay for David to sing at our wedding. [chuckles] 535 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,400 Anyway, I'd better go for a bit of a lie down in my room. 536 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,080 I'll see you all later, boys. 537 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:15,320 Greg's got a bit of a temper and that's, you know, it's nice because, you know, 538 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,760 erm, every day's a little bit different. 539 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,760 You don't know if he's going to be like, 540 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,040 grumpy and horrible or quite nice. 541 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,960 But at the end of the day, it's all fine, we've never had to call... 542 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,480 Well, we called the police, maybe, 543 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,880 twice... Three... 544 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,720 About... Less than five times. 545 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,360 I could count the number of times I've called the police on one hand. 546 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,040 This is your fault, Terry. This is your fault. 547 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,400 You're meant to be head of security. You shouldn't have lost him. 548 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,560 No, this is your fault, Max. 549 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,440 You booked him in a place without researching what sort of people they were. 550 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,320 Oh, my fault, is it? My fault? For actually booking David a gig? 551 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,720 Yeah, in fucking Narnia, where they're all psychopaths. 552 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,160 Right, well, Narnia was fictional, and they were all nice in Narnia. 553 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,920 Well, if they were so nice, why were they always battling? 554 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,040 Because it's a story. 555 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,600 For heaven's sake, listen. Stop arguing. 556 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,480 We need to find Hoff, right. He could be anywhere right now. 557 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,600 Why's that car moving? 558 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,840 That's an Audi. It's Greg's car. 559 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,880 Hoff could be trapped in the boot. 560 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,440 Hiya. 561 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:18,920 [all] Hi. 562 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,240 You lot were pretty wasted last night. 563 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,160 What time did you go to bed? 564 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,440 Pretty late. 565 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,400 I knew what I meant to ask, 566 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,000 I'm arranging a trip to London next month. 567 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:32,920 Where's the best place for lunch? 568 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,360 Is it Harrods? 569 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,720 Er, yeah. 570 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,320 Probably, yeah. 571 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,600 -Do you know where Greg is? -Greg? 572 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:43,880 I think I did see him. 573 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,760 He was heading over to the lake. 574 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,520 He had a face like thunder. 575 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:49,960 See you later. 576 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:01,840 Oh, my God. 577 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,200 -What's he doing? -[Max] What's in those bags? 578 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:09,960 Body parts. 579 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,080 Ah, shit. 580 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,360 What have you done with David Hasselhoff? 581 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:17,640 He ruined everything for me. 582 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,960 Why would he do that? Why would he come up here and ruin everything? 583 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,600 David Hasselhoff was a good man. He deserved better than this. 584 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:26,800 What are you talking about? 585 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,120 [Max] You couldn't handle it, could you, Greg? 586 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,160 You couldn't handle your new wife's love for another man. 587 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,360 And then, when you found out about the money, 588 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,000 well, that was the kicker. 589 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,200 That's what really hurt. 590 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,080 So, you decided to kill David Hasselhoff. 591 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,400 But you had to deal with his entourage, didn't ya? 592 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,720 You had to throw 'em off the scent. 593 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,120 So you wrote a note, 594 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,200 a note from David saying that he'd gone to London, 595 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,080 but that's where you made your first mistake. 596 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,680 You ended that note with the word "ta-ra". 597 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,600 A word David would never use. 598 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,480 You used your own dialect, Greg. 599 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:07,560 What did you write it on? 600 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:14,880 You wrote it on Lothersdale Motors note paper. 601 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:16,920 Your own car dealership. 602 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,840 Greg, you messed with the wrong entourage, buddy. 603 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:23,840 We're too smart for you. 604 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,080 We know what you did. 605 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,520 You killed David! 606 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,160 You chopped him up! 607 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,680 You put his body parts in bin bags, 608 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,960 and now you're throwing him in the lake 609 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,520 like some Russian whore! 610 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,640 -Presents. -Yeah, he had presence! 611 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:42,040 David had presence in abundance, but not any more! 612 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,880 Admit it, Greg! Admit what you did! 613 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,880 Say it! Say what you did! 614 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,480 You killed David Hassel-- 615 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,440 [indistinct singing] 616 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:53,920 Sounds like David. 617 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,160 Oh, sorry about that. 618 00:26:58,320 --> 00:26:59,640 Totally got the wrong end of the stick. 619 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,680 [Max] David! 620 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:08,560 David! 621 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:10,360 [screaming] 622 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:12,320 Sounds like he's in trouble. 623 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,040 ♪ Baby for you 624 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:15,480 ♪ Baby for me ♪ 625 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:16,560 -[Patricia] Yup, yup, yup. -Patricia. 626 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,720 [bangs on door] 627 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,280 ♪ Like the sand and sea ♪ 628 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,520 Could you just give me five minutes? 629 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,000 He gave us the nod. I know what the nod means. 630 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,560 The nod means, let me get back to singing 631 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,520 whilst this woman pretends to crush my balls with her heels. 632 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:41,960 [Patricia] Sing it again, David! 633 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,360 ♪ Crazy for you ♪ 634 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:44,960 [Patricia] Faster. Faster. Faster. 635 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,040 ♪ Crazy for me ♪ 636 00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:47,160 Like you mean it, David. 637 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,080 ♪ I will be forever, crazy for you ♪ 638 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,240 Hoff, you kinky bastard. 639 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,760 Do you know what I mean? He's... 640 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,240 Thing with Hoff, yeah, he tries to act like a gentleman, 641 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,440 but he is fucking disgusting, mate. 642 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,800 I think it just showed that, 643 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:06,520 when he's in a really difficult spot, and he's bound to a bed, 644 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,600 he can still perform and, erm, you know, 645 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,680 he still carried on singing 646 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,240 and I thought that really said a lot about him. 647 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,200 That, you know, even in a, kind of, hostage-type situation, 648 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,520 he could still deliver. 649 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:22,480 Let's put on a show. 650 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:24,160 But first, let's have some fun. 651 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:29,200 If he wants to write a play about Lawrence of Arabia, who's to say he can't? 652 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,320 I think the play needs some songs. 653 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,480 -Songs? -Yeah. 654 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:33,800 You know the band Roxette? 655 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,280 -What if we give Lawrence a jetpack? -A jetpack? 656 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,200 I want to do something artistic, Dieter. 657 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:39,480 I want to do something truthful. 658 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,840 I want the Hasselhoff to bomb an entire village, 659 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,400 of the brown people. 660 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,280 Fuck! Fuck! 661 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,160 Oh, my days, is that Tulisa? 662 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:51,360 Hey, Terry. 663 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,480 Money can make people act strange. 664 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,720 I am the antichrist. 665 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,760 Ah, my two favourite smells, leather and pussy. 666 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:00,760 I'm out of here. I'm gone. 667 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:02,240 Who's with me? 668 00:29:02,290 --> 00:29:06,840 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 51408

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