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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,200 -David Hassel-- -David Hasselhoff-- 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,240 According to the Guinness Book of World Records, 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:11,320 over 1.1 billion viewers watched David Hasselhoff 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,600 at the height of his fame. But where did the viewers go? 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,880 ...comeback tour was pulled by US promoters. 6 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,800 Is the career of the famous lifeguard all washed up? 7 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,600 David Hasselhoff has now filed for bankruptcy. 8 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,800 According to his UK manager, he is leaving the United States 9 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,120 to pursue opportunities in England. 10 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,240 The British re-launch of David Hasselhoff has ended in disgrace 11 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,520 after he was caught performing for a notorious warlord. 12 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,280 After being implicated in a child abduction, 13 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,600 is David Hasselhoff now unemployable? 14 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,920 David Hasselhoff may have died. 15 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,880 -It said I'm... I'm dead. -Great, isn't it? 16 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,720 First 24 hours are crucial. 17 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,320 We need to get on the phone, re-release their autobiography, 18 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,960 re-release their back-catalogue 19 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,480 and try and get Baywatch Nights back on the air. 20 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,200 That's highly immoral. 21 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:58,280 I'm number one? 22 00:00:58,360 --> 00:00:59,760 -Yeah. -I should've died earlier. 23 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,040 I think he's still out there. I can sense it. 24 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,440 You're alive! 25 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,360 We need to up the security here. This could be tapped. 26 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,440 [cheering] 27 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,560 [Max] It's the neighbour! 28 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,080 "Hoff not dead. Hoff plays cricket in Watford." 29 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:17,400 Is David Hasselhoff the most hated man in America? 30 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,080 [booing] 31 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,360 So SpongeBob and Patrick want to get to Bikini Bottom. 32 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,200 -Right. -So I put 'em between my chest... 33 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,240 [exclaims] And they whoosh down... [grunts] 34 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:32,680 And they fly all the way to Bikini Bottom, 35 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,000 -and they hit the bottom. -Yeah? 36 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,720 And, uh, the way they celebrate is, they get drunk, 37 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,480 but they don't get drunk on alcohol. 38 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,480 -Yeah. -They get drunk by eating ice cream. 39 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,400 [all laughing] 40 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,360 And they overdose... [groaning] ...on ice-cream, 41 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,480 and they had too much, and it's really funny. 42 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,320 And more important, the kids love it, you know? 43 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,680 I bet they do. It's just a funny image. 44 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,680 The idea of a sponge eating ice-cream. Um... [laughs] 45 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,320 I'm going to find it difficult to get that image out of my head. 46 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,040 [all laughing] 47 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,240 So, I got to talk to you, 48 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,720 because there's something I want you to do. 49 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,680 I need you to go to rehab. 50 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,520 [David Hasselhoff] Rehab? 51 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,040 Why would I go to rehab? I haven't touched anything in years. 52 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,000 Dad, you promised me that you would not... [groans] 53 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,000 I haven't touched anything in years. I mean it. 54 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,840 No. Hear me out. This is celebrity rehab. 55 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,960 There's this website based in Singapore. 56 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,840 They're paying big money for celebrity rehab diaries. 57 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,840 -Oh, my God. -What does that mean? 58 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,520 Right. Celebrities go into rehab. 59 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,760 They record videos of themselves going ape-shit. 60 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,440 Put it on the Internet. Tweenies love it. 61 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,240 That's your weakest demographic. The Olsen twins are doing it. 62 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,360 A few Chinese pop-stars. We could be ahead of the curve here. 63 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,720 They're actually paying money for this shit? 64 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,280 Yeah. Shit loads. 65 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,480 And it really ups your profile. 66 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,880 Let's face it, you're not exactly Mr Popular 67 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,640 after that whole pretending-to-be-dead thing. 68 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,480 My bad. Sorry about that one, by the way. 69 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,960 This could be good for you. 70 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,520 This is what my career has come to? 71 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,680 [David Hasselhoff] Stop the car. 72 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,200 I've changed my mind. 73 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,920 -I'm not going in. -[Max] Hey. 74 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,680 It'll look a lot better on the inside. 75 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,760 Max, do you really think this is a good idea? 76 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:24,760 It just seemed like a very strange and long way to go about making money. 77 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,320 You know, I... I keep telling them, this is a terrible idea. 78 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,480 One of these days, they're going to listen to me. 79 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,160 Listen. Ant and Dec went in there... 80 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:34,520 Changed their careers. 81 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,640 Right now, in that building, 82 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,720 are TV producers, channel controllers, CEOs. 83 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,320 It's just like a big TV festival. 84 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,520 It's an opportunity. 85 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,000 Just think of the nurses like waitresses. 86 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,800 David's gone into rehab for pretty much everything. 87 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,560 Obviously, drink and drugs. 88 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,720 Yogurt, for a while. 89 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,080 He got addicted to yogurt, you know. 90 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,720 You would think that would be harmless, but when you're eating 40 yogurts a day, 91 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,960 then it starts to be a problem. 92 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,240 Come on, man. How are you going to get the cameras in there? 93 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:04,760 Terry? 94 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,920 -Probably anally. -Anally? 95 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,200 Oh, that's disgusting. 96 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,960 -I'm very loyal. -[Max] Look, you're already trending. 97 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,520 What is wrong with you? You already released this. 98 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,080 Of course I did. It's working. 99 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,040 -Oh, my God. -People who used to hate you. 100 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,120 Now, they feel sorry for you. 101 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,800 They are going to make you well again. 102 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,160 I'm not sick! 103 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,120 You are going to have to pretend to be sick though. 104 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,720 OK, I'll pretend, but I'm not sick. 105 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,360 OK, that was the only way I could get you in, all right? 106 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,920 -You're an actor. -Yeah! 107 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,640 Play it up a bit. Enjoy the role. 108 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,120 [sighs] 109 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,840 [nurse] So, why do you think you've been checked in? 110 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,160 I'm suffering from...exhaustion. 111 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,880 -Exhaustion? -I'm really tired all the time. 112 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,200 I'm tired right now. 113 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,200 I mean, I wake up in the morning and I'm tired, 114 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,360 and of course, when I go to bed, I'm tired anyway. 115 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,360 I'm tired during sleeping. 116 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,000 -What's making you tired? -People ask me for my autograph. 117 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:58,760 "David Hasselhoff." 118 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,760 That is a long name, 119 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,280 and believe me, you sign that 120 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,400 all day long, makes you tired. 121 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,040 I'm going to give you some pills. 122 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,680 What will David do in rehab to pass the time? 123 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,360 Um, I mean, look, you could literally just wank the day away in there. 124 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,960 Do you know what I mean? I was there for five minutes, I knocked one out. 125 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,800 The devil makes work for idle hands. 126 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,920 You know, that is a direct quote from the Bible which refers to wanking. 127 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,520 [David Hasselhoff] This must be the celebrity wing. 128 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,080 No one is a celebrity in here, Mr Hasselhoff. 129 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,360 Oh, can you tell me which way the swimming pool is? 130 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,080 -We don't have a swimming pool. -Oh, a sauna? 131 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,280 No. We don't have a sauna. 132 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,960 Is there any place I can go to be alone? 133 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,560 Yes, we do have solitary confinement. 134 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,480 Ah. 135 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,040 Welcome... To the house of fun. 136 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,800 [man coughing] 137 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,800 Does the rehab facility double up as something else? 138 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,400 A psychiatric ward? 139 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,000 Yes. Is there a problem with that? 140 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,360 No. I don't think so. 141 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,120 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. 142 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,720 That ends well. 143 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,080 Doesn't it? Haven't seen it in a while. Does it end well? 144 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,400 [laughing] 145 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,440 Well, anyways, Steve Guttenberg wants to be at the top of the billboard poster. 146 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:22,080 I mean, it's called, Piranhaconda. I mean, how ridiculous is that? 147 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,920 You know, piranha and they mate anaconda. Piranhaconda. 148 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,680 [scoffs] Anyway, I should have been up there, 149 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,640 so we got into a fight and he punched me, and I punched him back, 150 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,600 and Shannen Doherty pulls us apart-- 151 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,480 [Kurt] I'm sorry. Sorry to stop you. 152 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,840 You've been going on for a very long time now. 153 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,920 She said to share things about my life. That's my life. 154 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,720 [Kurt] This isn't really your life. 155 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,760 -No, it really is. -No, it really isn't. 156 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:47,000 Steve Guttenberg this, and Shannen Doherty that. 157 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,120 -This is just stories. -No. It really is my life. 158 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,400 If you want me to get Shannen on the phone, 159 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,760 I can get her on the phone, you know. 160 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,680 I'm sure you can. Are we supposed to be impressed by that? 161 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,440 [David Hasselhoff] Well, she is a pretty hot chick-- 162 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,040 -[Kurt] This isn't for real. -It is for-- 163 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,640 Show business isn't real, David. 164 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,800 It's an illusion. It's a distraction. 165 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,280 It's a mirage in the desert. It's a puff of smoke, you know? 166 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:08,080 You cannot solve a problem at the level at which it exists. 167 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,440 -What-- -[bell ringing] 168 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,600 And, that's lunch. 169 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,680 Why am I in the psychiatric hospital? 170 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,400 Um, I'm in the... It's not a psychiatric hospital. 171 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,320 I will make that clear. It's a rehabilitation facility, 172 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,080 and there's a very delicate difference there, 173 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:31,880 because a psychiatric facility is for the peculiar folk, you see? 174 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:37,360 Whereas, a rehabilitation centre is for people like me, who have... 175 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,440 Experienced life on a different plane. 176 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,840 I'm not peculiar. 177 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,200 You must... You must understand that. 178 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,120 I'm not one of those. [chuckles] 179 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,200 I'm sure you understand. I'm not. 180 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,000 -Hey! -[David Hasselhoff] Hey! 181 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,880 [Max] And there he is, the comeback kid. 182 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,320 Thanks for coming, man. [chuckles] 183 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,680 You got to get me out of here. All right. 184 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,440 Hi, Dad, I brought you some grapes. 185 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:08,320 Aw, I love grapes, and the sign, "Get well." I'm feeling better already. 186 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,360 -Oh, my God. Hey, Terry. -[Terry] Hoff-meister! 187 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,920 How are you doing, Harriet? Hi. 188 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,040 The people here are really nice, you know. 189 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,880 The nurse over there, she's really sweet. 190 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,920 She looks at me with cold, hard, dead eyes like a zombie. 191 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,000 And, um... [laughs] 192 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,520 There's a guy here that's just so nice and, uh... 193 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,160 [chuckles] He thinks that all show business is fake. 194 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,280 Can you imagine that? Thinking show business is fake? 195 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,440 Get me out of here. 196 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,520 OK, you need to stay for a bit 'cause you do have some work to do. 197 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,080 -Yeah. -Harriet, give him the schedule. 198 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,760 [Harriet] Yeah, you've got a total of six videos. 199 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,720 Six videos. That's, like, about one a day, and then you're out. 200 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,640 Where are the cameras? 201 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,920 [whispering] Don't worry about that. Got it covered. It's all up here. 202 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:52,520 [whispering] What's that mean, "All up here"? 203 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,000 Basically, I've got a camera in my hat. 204 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,080 Are you ready for your close-up, Mr Hoff? 205 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,360 Well, this is the hat-cam that I've made. 206 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,280 Yeah? So, it's like, basically a normal hat, 207 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,960 but, I don't know if you can zoom in... 208 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,360 It's got a little camera there. A little japs eye. 209 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,800 I'm filming you now. I'm filming you filming me. 210 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,000 Do you know what I mean? 211 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,680 Get all the angles, do you know what I mean? 212 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,400 If you want a tracking shot, I could like, walk really slowly. 213 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:20,760 I could do zoom-ins. 214 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,520 Do you know what I mean? Like that. 215 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,920 Pretty handy. Going to get some good stuff from the Hoff with this. 216 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,720 -[Terry] Action. -Hi, my name is David Hasselhoff. 217 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:33,320 Here I am in rehab, and, uh, as you can see, I'm a little nervous. 218 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,600 Cut, cut, cut. I'm just going to jump on there, yeah? 219 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,720 -OK. All right. -You turn around. It'll just look better. 220 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,240 Yeah, this is good. This is perfect. 221 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,840 -Good? -Good. Action. 222 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,320 Hi. My name is David Hasselhoff. 223 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,360 Sadly, I ended up in rehab. 224 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,080 -First person I met was a nurse. -Cut. 225 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,000 I don't know. You really need to... No offence, 226 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,360 we need to bump it up a little bit. Bump up the levels, yeah? 227 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,440 So, like, basically, I want you to be, like, ecstatic, 228 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,800 but also downbeat at the same time. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. 229 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,360 Ecstatic and downbeat? 230 00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:59,560 -Yeah. -At the same time? 231 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,800 -Exactly. -What does that mean? 232 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,600 Exactly. Action. How do you feel, Hoff? 233 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,160 [stammering] I... I feel anxious. 234 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,400 I feel nervous and I feel like I'm running away from myself, 235 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,400 but I want to be me. I mean, I got to be me, and-- 236 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,280 -OK. Cut, cut, cut. -What? What? 237 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,520 I need you to act more mental, 238 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,160 -like those mentaloids in there. -Right. 239 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,520 So maybe, like... I don't know, maybe you start dribbling? 240 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,760 It's not Apocalypse Now, Terry! 241 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,200 It's a frigging online video. I don't... 242 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,600 Why are you taking this so seriously? 243 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,920 -Just one last time, all right? Ready? -OK. 244 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,760 Hi. My name is David Hasselhoff. 245 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:34,920 I have demons in my head. 246 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,640 People are talking to me and... 247 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,120 I need help. 248 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,080 Please. 249 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,320 I need help. 250 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,560 Cut. [sighs] 251 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,640 Just ridiculous. Really over-the-top. 252 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,200 [sighing] I'll probably go for the first take. 253 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,280 All right. 254 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,440 [David Hasselhoff] Oh, good morning. 255 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,000 I'm sure you remember me from yesterday. 256 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,520 I know who you are, Mr Hasselhoff. 257 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,240 Well, I just wanted to let you know I'm going to be checking out today. 258 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,720 -I see. -Good. 259 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,680 I'm afraid it's not going to be as easy as that. 260 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:10,800 [door buzzes] 261 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,880 -Why? -According to your paperwork, 262 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,600 you were checked in by a Mr Max Coleman. 263 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:18,800 He's paid your bill, 264 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,280 so we'll need Max Coleman's signature to facilitate your release-- 265 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,280 No, no, no. Max Coleman is... Is my manager. 266 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,880 I pay his bills. 267 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,840 I'm not going back in there! Those people are nuts, OK? 268 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,080 I'm the sanest person I know! I'm sane! 269 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,640 Come on, look at me! Look at me, I'm David Hasselhoff! 270 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,200 I'm sane! I'm David Hasselhoff! 271 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,200 -Security to reception, please. -What... What? 272 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,280 [alarm bell rings] 273 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,880 [yelling] What? 274 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,200 "I'm not fucking mental..." You know, like he was actually mental. 275 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,320 Like, you know, if you keep on screaming, "I'm not mental," 276 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,000 it basically means you're mental. 277 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,680 I used to be like you once. 278 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,640 Thinking about jumping the wall. 279 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,120 I am jumping the wall. 280 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,600 Where's the sun in the sky? It's midafternoon. 281 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,240 Who is on the other side of that wall midafternoon? 282 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,640 Alan Williams. 283 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,040 -Who is Alan Williams? -Alan Williams is the head of security. 284 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,760 -Does the day shift. -[dog barking] 285 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:21,760 Ooh, that is Alan's Alsatian, Gus. 286 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,160 And Gus would like nothing more 287 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,320 than a mouthful of the Hoff-balls. 288 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,280 -How do you know all this? -Good question. 289 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,440 I've been over many walls. Real walls, metaphorical walls... 290 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,040 Well, I brought down the Berlin Wall. 291 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,480 Question. 292 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,520 Was it ever really there in the first place? 293 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,080 [laughs] Of course it was there. 294 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,960 -I sang on top of it. -That's what you say. 295 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,600 Why are you in here, then? 296 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,080 Is it because your manager has put you in here? 297 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,400 -How do you know that? -Let me guess. 298 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,080 He's making you film pathetic little videos so he can sell them, 299 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,360 and you feel trapped. 300 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,120 Well, David, you can jump that wall today, 301 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,560 tomorrow, in a week, in a month, in a lifetime, 302 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,600 but you will always be trapped... 303 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,720 [whispering] In here. 304 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,680 [both together] I still want to get out of here. 305 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,200 Oh, yes. Right. 306 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,360 Come on. 307 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,040 He knew what I was going to say. 308 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,760 He was reading my mind. 309 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,640 He knew how I was feeling. 310 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,920 I was feeling really insecure about being David Hasselhoff. 311 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,320 I was trying to figure out who David Hasselhoff is, right? 312 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,640 [both exclaiming] 313 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,120 [exclaims] 314 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,160 [both exclaim] 315 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,960 [Kurt] You build up a lot of astral gas. 316 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,680 So the leg is raised to the skies 317 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,920 and the astral exhaust comes from within the spirit, 318 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,640 and out through the tibula, through the fibula, 319 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,240 and through the foot into the Far East. 320 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,560 When you emerge from the absolute world to the planetary world, 321 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,800 your heart is open. 322 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,360 See it. Believe it. 323 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,480 [Kurt] Have you heard of astral projection? 324 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,480 It's an out-of-body experience 325 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,960 where the astral body leaves the physical body 326 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,040 and travels to the astral plane. 327 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,520 [both] Up. Up. Up. 328 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,640 Hundred and eighty. 329 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,440 [both humming] 330 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,320 This is a crystal. 331 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,920 This crystal will help prepare you for the journey 332 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,680 when you've landed softly on the astral plane. 333 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,720 It's not really about, "Who is David Hasselhoff?" 334 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,680 It's about, who is he going to become? 335 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,920 [whistling] 336 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,040 [whispering] OK, Terry, 337 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,840 we need to just get the footage and then get out. 338 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,960 -Oh, like guerrilla-style, yeah? -Shh. 339 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,200 -[whispers] Like guerrilla-style, yeah? -[whispers] Yes. 340 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,240 Don't worry. I think the problem was, last time, 341 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,000 I couldn't communicate my vision to, like, 342 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,960 you know what I mean, my cinema-nography and that to Hoff, 343 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,280 and my hat was out of focus as well, so, what I've done, 344 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:07,760 I've actually bought a new camera. 345 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,880 Check this baby out. 346 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,720 [whispering] Put that away. 347 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,680 It's actually recommended by the UK dogging channel. 348 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,400 It's got night vision. It's HD, so you'll see all the details, 349 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,120 even the little pimples and that, and it's easy-clean. 350 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,800 [whispers] OK. Terry, just get on with it. 351 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:21,960 OK, cool. 352 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,800 I'll distract the staff. 353 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,560 [Kurt] Everybody, this way! 354 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,160 Ah! What a beautiful day. 355 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,040 You could almost, oh, I don't know... [inhales] 356 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,280 ...smell it, breathe it, taste it. 357 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,760 Seems a shame to be watching it through a lens. 358 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:41,880 Where are you rushing to, my friend? 359 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,040 Actually, on a bit of a mission at the moment, can't stop. 360 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:45,960 Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're all on a mission. 361 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,160 Or at least we think we are. 362 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,280 What's your name, my friend? 363 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,120 The name's Terry Patel, 364 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,760 AKA David Hasselhoff's head of security. 365 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,960 Well, Terry, I'm David's friend, and he needs his friends right now. 366 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,160 Yeah, well, I'm David's friend as well. His best friend, so... 367 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,320 Are you sure about that? Hmm? 368 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,440 I say... 369 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,800 What's this? 370 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,880 -Samsung. -HD4-76i. 371 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,000 Impressive. 372 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,680 Yeah, be careful. That is very expensive. 373 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,280 Oh! Oh! Oh, dear! 374 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,440 -Are you on fucking crack? -Shh. 375 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,360 [whispers] Take it easy, big bear. 376 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,520 We're being watched. 377 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,440 Now, I know you're feeling angry. 378 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,760 I know you're feeling confused, but in six months' time, 379 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,040 you're going to thank me for this moment! 380 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,360 This moment of liberación. 381 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,960 [whispers] Go and have a little think about that. 382 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,680 [Kurt clears throat] 383 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,480 Fucking shit-muncher. 384 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,120 Well, I broke the camera because it was breaking David. 385 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,960 The Aztecs made it very clear. 386 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,480 Cameras steal souls. 387 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,000 And he was there with the camera in his face, in his chest, 388 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:08,960 stealing every last scintilla of what David had, 389 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,960 which was very little in the first place. 390 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,840 [Harriet] Have you seen Terry, 391 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,080 because you're supposed to be making the videos? 392 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,120 No, I'm not doing the videos any more. 393 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,920 I met someone in here. 394 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,760 He's helping me see life in a totally different way. 395 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:27,760 Do you know the Aztecs have a saying, that the cameras actually steal your soul? 396 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,920 David, the Aztecs lived in the 13th century. 397 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,160 I know. I know. Isn't that amazing? 398 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,000 He gave me this crystal. 399 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,120 Oh. OK, David, is this person an in-patient? 400 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,000 Oh, yeah, he's an in-patient, but he's not crazy. 401 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,200 That puts me in mind of a story. 402 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,520 I was in a supermarket. Man came up, 403 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,960 he asked, "Do you know where the vegetable aisle is?" 404 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,840 I said, "You are standing in the vegetable aisle." 405 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,440 See? 406 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,280 Look, I'm sorry to be rude, 407 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,240 but I don't really see what's so impressive about that story. 408 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:02,680 [scoffs] 409 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:07,000 We are looking to be where we already are. 410 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,040 Exactly. 411 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,720 Excuse me, are you on some sort of medication? 412 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,840 What's medication, really? 413 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,400 Newspapers? Television? 414 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,160 It's a drug, or some other form of medicine 415 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,160 that's used to treat or prevent disease. 416 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,560 That's what they want you to believe. You're being brainwashed. 417 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,440 You're being fed lies every single day. 418 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:27,680 I don't think I am. 419 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,600 -[whispering] You are. -I'm a woman of logic and science. 420 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,640 They're just different forms of untruth. 421 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,440 I won the Martin Collins Physics Prize when I was 15. 422 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,160 What have you ever won? 423 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,840 -[bell chimes] -Visiting time is over! 424 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,080 Thanks for coming, Harriet. 425 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,240 -She'll come around. -She will. 426 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,120 I never knew she won that award. 427 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,960 -[knocking on door] -David seems to be adjusting, 428 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,480 and he seems to have made a new friend in Kurt. [chuckles] 429 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,720 You mean Colin. 430 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,440 Kurt was his stage name. He used to be an actor. 431 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,200 -Actor? -Well... 432 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,040 He was an extra on Casualty a couple of times, apparently. 433 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,200 Never got his break. Lost the plot. 434 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,480 They had to talk him down from jumping off the roof of a theatre. 435 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:23,880 What? 436 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,640 He's on suicide watch here. 437 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,360 [David Hasselhoff] No, I've been there. 438 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,880 I've been at the point where I don't even want to go outside, you know. 439 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,000 It's like I look out of the window and I get paranoid, you know. 440 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,920 I mean, one time I stayed in... 441 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,960 Excuse me, I have some friends here. 442 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,880 -Do you mind if I have a little privacy? -OK. 443 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,720 -Hey! -Hey! 444 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,640 -Hi. -My favourite guy. 445 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,880 Thanks for coming. It's so nice, thank you. 446 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,280 -I got some great news. -I love great news! What is it? 447 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,600 I've just signed you out. There's a car waiting outside. 448 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,200 You don't need to deal with these dickheads any more. 449 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,240 I got some great news too. 450 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,360 I've decided to stay. 451 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,120 Um... [scoffs] 452 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,280 Er, the thing is, it costs a lot of money to be here. 453 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,680 -Like, a lot of money. And-- -Max. 454 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,560 If you're not going to make the videos, then... 455 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:16,680 I'm learning about myself, 456 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,680 and Kurt is going to help me reach my full potential. 457 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,360 Well, could you reach your full potential back home? 458 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,280 Being here wasn't about making a mental breakthrough. 459 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:26,600 That's not what rehab's about. 460 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,200 It was about making a financial breakthrough. 461 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,360 Yeah, I know the videos were about making money, 462 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,080 but the videos were false, right? 463 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,600 I mean, come on. 464 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,920 Acting is false. [laughing] 465 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:39,960 A talking car? 466 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,720 -I mean, come on. -David, please come home. 467 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,920 OK. Let me explain it to you. 468 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,960 You know my song, "Looking for Freedom"? 469 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,520 ♪ I've been looking for freedom ♪ 470 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,160 I've found freedom. 471 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,160 I've found freedom here. 472 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:54,760 You can too. 473 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,400 I mean, look at you, Harriet. Come on. 474 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,520 There is a huge sadness in your eyes. 475 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,040 -There really isn't. -To be fair, there kind of is. 476 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,040 And you, you're so wound up... Bam! 477 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,240 You're going to snap any moment. Any moment. 478 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,080 Think about your career, David. That's far more important than freedom. 479 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,800 You need to get back to being David Hasselhoff. 480 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,520 [laughing] Who is David Hasselhoff? 481 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,280 Who is he, really? 482 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,560 He's the guy that brought down the Berlin Wall. 483 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,240 No. I am the guy who is bringing down the wall 484 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,600 between me and myself, and that wall is thick, 485 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,480 and that wall is complicated, 486 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:37,760 and "David Hasselhoff" has been hiding behind that wall his whole life. 487 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,400 -Is there any money in that wall? -Money? 488 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,880 Money isn't real. 489 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,680 This is real. 490 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,360 [Max] He's gone native. 491 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,920 Maybe we should leave him here 'cause he has actually gone mental. 492 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,080 He's never been happy where he lives. He always wants to move. 493 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,760 I think he's found where he belongs. 494 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,040 A really expensive psychiatric facility. 495 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,120 I don't think that my dad is crazy, 496 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,320 but I do think that he does weird shit all the time. 497 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,440 Uh, Max, I'm going to suggest something now, 498 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,720 and I don't want you to shout at me. 499 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:32,880 I can't commit to that. 500 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,160 David does tend to listen to Danny. 501 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,560 What? No! 502 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,400 Danny has a rapport with him that the rest of us just don't have. 503 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,800 He gets through to him on a different level. 504 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,360 Not going to happen. 505 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,240 Max. 506 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,280 -Hey, Danny. -What's the emergency? 507 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,840 You know David Hasselhoff? 508 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:53,960 I'm aware of him, yes. 509 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,240 -You know how he went into rehab? -I know how you put him in rehab. 510 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,520 And now he's fallen under the spell of a guru. 511 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,320 I'm his guru. 512 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:05,160 Look, we all know that David has his addictions, 513 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,040 and that you have to be careful with him. 514 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,880 I've got him on a very strict regime of supplements. 515 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,000 I give him L-Lysine for his muscles, I give him A-arginine for his brain, 516 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,920 and I give him MDMA for his spirit. 517 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,720 Now I want him to leave rehab, but he won't leave rehab. 518 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,240 Say you need me. 519 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,760 You need me. 520 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,440 Say you need me, or I won't help you. 521 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,800 You need me or I won't help you. 522 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,760 See you later, Max. 523 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,760 I need you, I need you, I need you! 524 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,040 He's given him a quartz crystal. 525 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,720 What? Why didn't you say that first? 526 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,520 -He's talking about astral projection. -Holy shit, we've got to go. Now, now! 527 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,840 Go, go, go, go! 528 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,360 What does "astral projection" mean? 529 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:50,640 It means he's going to jump. 530 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,240 [Kurt] The troika of astralation begins. 531 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,120 We take our crystal, David, to the dignity place. 532 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,040 We bring it down. 533 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,760 David! Stay there! Stay exactly where you are. 534 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,240 [Danny] What have you done to him? 535 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,880 Danny, I don't need you any more. 536 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:19,520 We're going to fly. 537 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,360 Listen, when we got on the roof, I was scared. 538 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,520 David was a goner. He gave me a double thumbs-up. 539 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,840 I mean, that's a Paul McCartney move. 540 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,520 You know he's shot to shit. 541 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,040 We're leaving this reality, 542 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,760 and going on to a new realm. 543 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,400 And Hoff just didn't look like the Hoff that we know, 544 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,640 like, you know what I mean? 545 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,200 He had a glaze over his eyes, 546 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,720 and he was like, "We're gonna fly now." Like, you know, I mean, 547 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,240 that's what my boys are like when we're, fucking... When they're on it. 548 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,280 OK, David? You need to listen to me. 549 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,320 I know this all feels real to you, 550 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,000 but I've tried that astral projection shit and it don't work. 551 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,080 You do this, you're just going to fall to your death. 552 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,800 -No, Kurt says we're not going to die. -We're not going to die. 553 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:01,960 No, we're not going to die. 554 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,800 Well, when you are in an astral place, 555 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,960 when you step off the roof, you think we go down. 556 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:15,120 That's because you're you, and you're not part of the clever people. 557 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,320 You go up. 558 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,920 Dad! You can't fly, OK? 559 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,560 I tried flying with the pigeons once, and it's a bad idea. 560 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,240 I am scared. I am frightened. 561 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,280 I want to talk to him calmly, 562 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:29,280 to tell him, "Dad, I love you. Get down off the roof, you crazy bitch." 563 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,080 I've found a new way of living. 564 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,160 -You can too. -[Kurt] Come join us. 565 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,440 [Max] No! [Danny] Don't jump! 566 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,840 David, please don't jump. Think about your fans. 567 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,920 Stop! This conversation is over. 568 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,800 We are prepared, and we are to fly. 569 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,440 OK. Wait! 570 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,320 You're an actor, aren't you, Kurt? 571 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,440 No, I'm not. 572 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,080 I've seen your show reel, Kurt. 573 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,800 -You've seen my show reel? -I did. 574 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,640 And I thought it was really good. 575 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:06,000 I loved your... Your nuance. I... I loved the range of characters. 576 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,200 [chuckles] 577 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,200 I think you've got great earning potential. 578 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,400 [scoffs] 579 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:11,600 [chuckles] 580 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:12,920 How do I know you're not just... 581 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,120 [blows raspberry] ...saying this? Come on, David. 582 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,960 Could I fake those tears that I cried 583 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,440 watching your monologue from Equus? 584 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,560 Could I take back those belly-laughs 585 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,920 from watching your Samuel in Pirates of Penzance? 586 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,240 [whispers] You saw my Samuel? 587 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,080 It was brilliant! 588 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,560 -It was a fuzzy recording... -It doesn't matter. 589 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:35,920 ...but you shone through. 590 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,240 You're like a young Patrick Stewart. 591 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,480 I want to represent you. 592 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,200 [whispering] Oh, David... 593 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:46,800 Kurt, I want to take you for a steak dinner. 594 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,320 We're going for steak dinner! 595 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,680 -I want to get you into the West End. -The West End! 596 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,720 -We can change the world of theatre. -We'll change the world of theatre. 597 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:54,920 [David Hasselhoff] Kurt! 598 00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:00,240 -Where are you going? -David, 599 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,680 I've been looking for an agent for 15 years. 600 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,200 He likes my show reel. 601 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:06,360 We... 602 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,320 We're going to fly. 603 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,440 David, the flying can wait. 604 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,200 I've not worked since Peak Practice. Sorry. 605 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,160 I know actors. Danny doesn't. 606 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:24,600 If you were to give an actor the choice between eternal happiness 607 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,520 and a bit-part in a commercial for Comet, 608 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,480 they would choose the commercial. 609 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,240 I've heard that Game of Thrones is casting, 610 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,760 and I've got absolutely no problem moving to Ireland. 611 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:40,960 Then I thought maybe... 612 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,320 Maybe, I could play Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire. 613 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,680 Fuck off! 614 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,200 Fuck off? 615 00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:50,200 Hang on, what do you mean, "Fuck off"? 616 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:55,800 Was I going to jump? 617 00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:58,880 [grunts] 618 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,920 -It's good to have you back. -Yeah. 619 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,840 [Terry] Aw, listen, mate. I got it all on camera. 620 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:05,480 We finally got the video. 621 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,240 -Are... Are you still rolling? -I'm rolling right now, yeah. 622 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,320 [takes deep breath] 623 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,400 It's David Hasselhoff, signing off. 624 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,760 I'm never going back to rehab again. 625 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,720 Well, having been exposed to the talent that is the Hoff, 626 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,880 it's rekindled in me that performing desire, 627 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:31,240 and so, I have in fact become founder 628 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,640 and president of the Facility Players, 629 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:39,400 the FPs, and we're going to put on a little production here in the servery, 630 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,560 of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, 631 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,640 and fittingly, I'm playing Aslan. 632 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:49,920 A lion who has courage to rekindle his own spirit. 633 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,720 You cheated on me? You cheated on me? 634 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,760 Max and I have decided to part company. 635 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,440 What about Chicken Cottage Sundays? 636 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,800 There'll be no more Chicken Cottage Sundays. 637 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,160 You are a national treasure. 638 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,840 There's just nothing he can't do. 639 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,160 I mean, he wants to do Macbeth, he can do Macbeth. 640 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:08,640 Romans, countrymen and lovers. 641 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,760 I got goosebumps then, when you did that. 642 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,280 I'm Max Coleman and I'd like to represent you. 643 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,480 It's just quite funny to be around someone's shit all the time. 644 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,680 What are you gazing at? It's on the tee! 645 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,160 -Yeah, I'm on TV. -Oh... 646 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,040 -Like you used to be. -Oh, right. 647 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,120 -And here's your costume. -I haven't worn shorts on television 648 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,240 in 20 years. 649 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,520 -He's a celebrity. Get him out up here! -[crowd cheering] 650 00:29:28,570 --> 00:29:33,120 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 51313

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