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[male weatherman] Good morning, Chicago.
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The big question for Santa
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is can he handle the Chicago weather.
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[man] What do I want for Christmas?
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how about a winning team?
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Any Chicago team.
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[woman 1] You've already put your wish in for Santa, right?
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[woman 2] I sure have. I wrote a list, I checked it twice.
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[male reporter] Blackhawk fans around the world,
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fans everywhere have had...
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[woman 3] And I love this time of year.
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[adult Jake] We gotta hustle, Annie.
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-Come on. Let's go, go, go! -[phone chimes]
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That's my friends trying to reach me, isn't it?
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You know, if I had my own phone...
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Um, there's no quit in you, and it's inspiring. Still a hard no.
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Okay, let's say I'm in a burning building.
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No. A burning pet store.
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No. A burning orphanage,
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and I need to make a phone call.
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-You'd feel so terrible. -[phone chimes]
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Lives are at stake!
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You're not getting a phone, Annie. I'm sorry.
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I get more calls on your phone than you do.
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That's not true.
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My friends have to text you just to talk to me.
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It's embarrassing.
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I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing.
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Whoa! [grunts]
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Ow!
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Still? The ice?
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-[Santa] I told them to salt it. -[adult Jake] Ow.
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-[Annie] You were saying? -[phone ringing]
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[groaning] One second.
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Jake Doyle.
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It's for you.
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[adult Jake] Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic.
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Boom!
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Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later?
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No, thanks.
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Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing.
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I don't like hockey anymore.
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Oh, okay, well...
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maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother?
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Dad.
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We could...
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Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.
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Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen.
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I hate to see you disappointed.
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Look, I know that this year is a little bit different,
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but you can still have a good Christmas.
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What about you?
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I always have a good Christmas.
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[adult Jake] Hello?
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Mom?
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Must be out running errands.
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[adult Jake] Katie? Charlie?
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[Annie] I'm bored.
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Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead?
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Those flights are crazy expensive.
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[Annie] Well...
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what am I supposed to do here?
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I...
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[adult Jake] Come on, come on.
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Ta-da!
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-What is that? -That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid.
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[Annie] Hmm. It looks like Tupperware.
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Tupperware?
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Come on, let's play.
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Can I text Maeve from your phone after?
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Can you...
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Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please?
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-[Annie] Yeah. -Thank you.
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Oh, first you have to do this. [blows]
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Why?
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I don't know, just how it works.
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-[blowing] -Nice. Maybe dust?
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[laughs]
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I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa
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didn't let you have video games when you were little.
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They didn't.
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Then how'd you get it?
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When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone.
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That's not possible.
85
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You know what? Today is your lucky day.
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Because I am now going to tell you the story about how I got my Nintendo.
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But it is possibly the most amazing, dangerous,
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awesome story of all time.
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So... can you handle it?
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Is it dangerous because I might die from boredom?
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That's a good point.
92
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The year was 1987. Or was it '88?
93
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No. '85, Bears.
94
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-Super Bowl was in '86... -Okay, does it really matter, Dad?
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Okay, okay.
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The year was the late '80s.
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We'll call it December.
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I was 11 years old.
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In the winter, if the streets were plowed,
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I could make it to Timmy Keane's house in just under eight minutes.
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[Annie] On a bike? How fast were you going?
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[adult Jake] Super fast.
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[Annie] Did you wear a helmet?
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[adult Jake] Yeah, of course.
105
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We always wore helmets in the '80s.
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Was it green?
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Um, yeah. It was green.
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[adult Jake] Could I just tell the story?
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-[Annie] Yeah. -[adult Jake] Thanks.
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[panting]
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[children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo!
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Nintendo! Nintendo!
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[adult Jake] The rule at Keane's was simple.
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The first ten kids to get through his door got to play Nintendo.
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You know how you meet some people,
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and you have no idea that they have a lot of money?
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Yeah. Timmy Keane was the opposite of that.
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A known psycho,
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he had the tendency to lose his mind on a regular basis.
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-[umpire] You're out! -You! You! You!
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Stupid!
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Idiot Grandma!
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[adult Jake] It was an early lesson in God's cruelty...
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giving the only Nintendo in town to a rich kid like Timmy Keane.
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And every kid at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary was at his mercy...
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including my best friends.
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Oh, another Saturday in the trenches.
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[inhales]
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[adult Jake] Mikey Trotter.
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Tough, tenacious. Was allowed to watch R-rated movies, and it showed.
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I wanna set land mines in this yard.
132
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Like in Platoon, blow everyone up.
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Sounds dangerous.
134
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[adult Jake] Evan Olsen.
135
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Nervous, allergic to bees and SpaghettiOs.
136
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Probably has to go home soon.
137
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I probably gotta go home soon.
138
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More Nintendo for us.
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[adult Jake] Tammy Hodges.
140
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Smart, confident, baseball card genius
141
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and future CEO of Hodges Industries.
142
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My Canseco rookie went up two bucks!
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Yeah, that used to be my Canseco.
144
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[adult Jake] Teddy Hodges.
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Tammy's twin brother.
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Future assistant to the CEO of Hodges Industries.
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Hey, guys. What's up?
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[adult Jake] Oh, yeah, and this kid.
149
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Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with Bon Jovi.
150
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[adult Jake] Jeff Farmer.
151
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Pathological liar.
152
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Not really our friend, but always around.
153
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And you left school early yesterday
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because Tom Cruise needed you to stunt double for him?
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He knows I too have a need for speed.
156
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So, you didn't have diarrhea?
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It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea.
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The two are not mutually exclusive.
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Shut up. He's coming out.
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[children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo!
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[children screaming]
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Nintendo!
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Nintendo!
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-Nintendo! -Silence!
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[adult Jake] 8:00 a.m.
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Game time.
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Any of you huddled masses care for some Nintendo?
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[all] Yeah!
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Pick me! Pick me!
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You. You. You.
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You're good.
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Yes! I got in!
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[Mikey] We're in!
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I love this place.
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-[Mikey] Whoa! -[Tammy] Awesome.
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[adult Jake] And there she was, glistening in all her gray plastic glory,
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a maze of rubber wiring and electronic intelligence so advanced
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it was deemed not a video game,
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but an 8-bit entertainment system.
180
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Say hello to my little friend.
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Hey, boots off!
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There's tape over there if you have holes in your socks.
183
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Don't touch the wall! It's French.
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-Wait, my brother's still outside. -[Teddy] Let me in!
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[Timmy] You know the rules.
186
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First ten, that's it.
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But it's Teddy.
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[mocking] "But it's Teddy."
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[Teddy] Jerk!
190
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Too bad, so sad.
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[adult Jake] There was no denying he was a jerk.
192
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There was also no denying he had the coolest basement
193
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in the entire Central Time Zone.
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A pool table, shuffle board, pinball machine,
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pop machine, movie-style popcorn-maker.
196
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[Timmy] Hey, no sucking on the soda pop.
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[adult Jake] And a snack drawer better stocked
198
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than most supermarkets in the greater Chicago area.
199
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You guys hungry? You want some Pop-Tarts or something?
200
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-Yeah. That'd be great. -[Jake] Sure.
201
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-[beeping] -Mom.
202
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Mom!
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-Mom, wake up! -[Mrs. Keane] What?
204
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Get me a Pop-Tart!
205
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[Mrs. Keane] Uh, how many?
206
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-Just one. -[Mrs. Keane] Does anybody--
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[sighing]
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[yaps]
209
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Winner stays.
210
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Die, die!
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You're dead. You're dead.
212
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You're dead. [laughs]
213
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Hey, you guys wanna play?
214
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Psych! Boom!
215
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I can do this all day.
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[adult Jake] As I sat there and watched Timmy Keane
217
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blast away an inch from the screen to his evil heart's content,
218
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one thing became clear.
219
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I needed to get my own Nintendo.
220
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Fast.
221
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[festive music playing]
222
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[Kathy] Oh, gee!
223
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Y-O-U-R is possessive.
224
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[adult Jake] For weeks, I'd been plotting
225
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how to get my parents to say "yes" to a Nintendo for Christmas.
226
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[Kathy] "Scout" is misspelled.
227
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[adult Jake] Tonight was the night I'd finally put my plan into action.
228
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-[Kathy] "Atticus" is misspelled. -[Jake] Mom.
229
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Uh, hey, Mom.
230
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I'm so sorry, Mom,
231
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but I got some ketchup on my sweatshirt.
232
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Oh, gosh. All right, let's get that out before it sets in.
233
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You know, we bought that sweatshirt two sizes too big.
234
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-I know. -It's gotta last you another year.
235
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I don't know. Wow! Jesus!
236
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[adult Jake] My mom was always multi-tasking.
237
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She thrived on the chaos.
238
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Two things at once, she was golden.
239
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But if you gave her a third task to juggle, things got dicey,
240
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and you could get her to agree to stuff she wouldn't normally agree to.
241
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Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking, for Christmas...
242
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A kid who thinks. How refreshing.
243
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Maybe you could teach my students that.
244
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Sure?
245
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But just to make Christmas shopping
246
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a little easier for me this year...
247
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how about getting me a Nintendo?
248
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Sure. That sounds great.
249
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[adult Jake] Mom gauntlet passed.
250
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[John] God bless it!
251
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Is everything all right in there?
252
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Has anyone seen my SKIL saw?
253
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I think it's in the shower.
254
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No, that's my jigsaw. I need my SKIL saw.
255
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John, the SKIL saw is underneath the jigsaw.
256
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You have to look harder.
257
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-Those are for the Muellers. -[stammers]
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[adult Jake] Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies
259
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my mom had baked over the years,
260
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,221
no one in my family had ever actually eaten one.
261
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,722
Hey, the milk is expired.
262
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,557
No. That's a suggestion. It's fine.
263
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,792
Jake! Where...
264
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,293
-Oh. -What?
265
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,562
Come on in here and help me.
266
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,631
[adult Jake] Normally, helping my dad with whatever half-baked renovation
267
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,667
he was doing would be the last thing I wanted to do,
268
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,736
but tonight, I was a man on a mission.
269
00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:13,005
I'll be right in, Dad.
270
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,340
[Kathy] Wow, look at that.
271
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,575
He finally wore you down.
272
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,479
[adult Jake] My dad was something of a dyslexic Bob Vila.
273
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,816
It was well-known up and down Linwood Avenue that in 1978
274
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:28,320
my father went to install a kitchen cabinet and had not stopped since.
275
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:30,690
[Kathy] Please wear your safety glasses this time.
276
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,358
[Annie] Did you wear the safety glasses?
277
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,426
[adult Jake] Absolutely.
278
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,362
Really?
279
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,698
Kind of.
280
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,538
All right, you can take that off now.
281
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,406
-[Jake] What? -[John] Take it off.
282
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,574
Oh.
283
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:50,176
We'll look for the glasses later.
284
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,878
It's really more of a suggestion.
285
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,416
[Jake] Wow.
286
00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,251
How'd you get your hands so strong?
287
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:02,288
I've been working with them for over 30 years, that's how.
288
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,190
-That's so cool. -Yeah?
289
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,125
Maybe you guys could get me something for Christmas
290
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,928
that builds up my hand strength, so I could help you out better.
291
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:14,133
You know, I like the sound of that.
292
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,201
Like a Nintendo?
293
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,303
Yeah.
294
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,806
Done. [chuckles]
295
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,708
All right. Let's go clean up. Come on.
296
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,477
[Annie] You did it, Dad!
297
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578
They said yes.
298
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,313
I was on cloud nine.
299
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,982
So the story's over, right?
300
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,383
Cool. Can I text Maeve now?
301
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:33,252
Uh-uh.
302
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,655
[Kathy] John, that cup is disgusting.
303
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,225
This is the exact cup I was drinking out of when...
304
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,760
When they beat the North Stars
305
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,162
-in the Conference semis in '85. -Fine. Yep.
306
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,065
It's a beautiful memory and a gross cup.
307
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:47,933
Totally.
308
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,935
Stop saying "totally." You sound like a moron.
309
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,837
[John] And what's your retainer doing out of your mouth?
310
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,339
But we're eating.
311
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,407
Do you know how expensive that thing is? Put it back in.
312
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,744
John, he really can't eat with it in. It doesn't work that way.
313
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,347
Well, it won't work at all if he loses it.
314
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,783
I mean, orthodontistry is the biggest racket.
315
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,484
I could make one of those. Easy.
316
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,320
Couple of paper clips, mouth guard... [whistles] Done.
317
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,689
I'd like you to finish the living room and the dining room
318
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,625
before you start work on their retainers.
319
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,694
If I had a retainer, I'd wear it all the time, no matter what.
320
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,297
I know you would, honey. You're such a sweetheart.
321
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,867
Hey, you haven't seen my air compressor, have you?
322
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,435
It's in the backyard,
323
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,204
right next to all the dog poop that Jake didn't pick up.
324
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:26,972
Hey.
325
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,440
You haven't picked that up yet?
326
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:29,675
Cry in a bucket, Jake.
327
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,177
What have you been doing all day?
328
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,711
I was in Timmy Keane's basement.
329
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,213
What, you can't play outside?
330
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,214
It's cold.
331
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,949
It's not even below zero out.
332
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,384
What've you been doing inside all day?
333
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,820
Probably playing the Mimtendo?
334
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:41,987
"Nintendo."
335
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,722
That's what I just said. "Intendo," John.
336
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,358
You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today.
337
00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:49,061
Apparently, video games have been doing
338
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,897
all kinds of strange things to children in Japan.
339
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,732
Like what?
340
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,702
They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else.
341
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,903
School, friends.
342
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,406
One little boy had a brain aneurysm
343
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,908
and stuff oozed out of his nose.
344
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,744
I'm very glad that we do not have one. [chuckles]
345
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,547
But you said I could get one for Christmas.
346
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,584
I said nothing of the sort.
347
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,253
Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact.
348
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,722
Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat.
349
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,090
[Jake] No, no, no.
350
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025
Dad, you said I could have one, too.
351
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,894
No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did.
352
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,663
But I thought that it was an Asian tool brand, like Makita.
353
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,032
You know what? You should be playing outside.
354
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,002
Evan Olsen almost got frostbite from playing outside.
355
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,904
He almost lost his pinkie toe.
356
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,839
The Olsens are weak stock.
357
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,374
No Nintendo in my house.
358
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,209
I second that.
359
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,844
Me three, and that makes a majority.
360
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,616
Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo.
361
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,851
[laughs]
362
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,853
She's funny, John.
363
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,756
[John] Best kid ever.
364
00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,958
[adult Jake] And just like that, it was gone.
365
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,060
I was never getting my own Nintendo.
366
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,629
My life was over.
367
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,401
Jake. Jake.
368
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,370
Come on. You gotta focus, man.
369
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,872
[Evan] His parents said he couldn't get a Nintendo last night.
370
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,407
When my parents said no, I was so mad,
371
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,609
I started calling them by their first names.
372
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:14,046
Okay, well, channel that anger into taking down Jagorski.
373
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,447
[grunting]
374
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,750
[Josh] Yeah!
375
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,251
Yeah!
376
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,586
Let's go!
377
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,088
[growling]
378
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,591
[adult Jake] Every day before school, we would gather,
379
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,494
for reasons unknown, to get pummeled by Jagorski
380
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429
in the game King of the Mountain.
381
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,798
[all screaming]
382
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,935
My mountain! Mine!
383
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,838
[adult Jake] It was never quite certain what grade Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorski
384
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,240
was actually enrolled in,
385
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,409
as the vast majority of his time
386
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,644
was spent in such foreign districts as the principal's office,
387
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,814
and the adult beverage refrigerator case at the gas station.
388
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,850
[growling]
389
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,919
[Josh] Bye and bye.
390
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,323
Yeah! Come on!
391
00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,659
He smells like my dad after he practices guitar in the garage.
392
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:01,860
Who wants a piece
393
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,597
of this delicious strawberry cake?
394
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,033
This is it. Let's go!
395
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,035
-Why now? -Do we have to?
396
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,036
Come on!
397
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,504
Come here!
398
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:13,872
[screaming]
399
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,976
Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go!
400
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,982
Come on!
401
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,616
[Mikey] Oh, no!
402
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,552
Yeah!
403
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,619
Come on.
404
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,890
How about a nice face wash, Doyle?
405
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,028
[screams]
406
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,129
Yeah!
407
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,232
[Jake] I hate that guy!
408
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,400
Me too.
409
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,868
Just think about the Power Glove, man.
410
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:45,237
What? What Power Glove?
411
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,405
Yo, you didn't tell him?
412
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,173
-I thought you told him. -[Mikey] No.
413
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,510
The Power Glove. Keane got one last night.
414
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,912
No way!
415
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,381
-Yes, way. -[Jake] For real.
416
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,850
-[Jake] Awesome! -Look, he's already practicing.
417
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,520
[Tammy] Nice!
418
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,188
[Timmy] Psych!
419
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,224
We're all going over to his house after school to play it.
420
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:06,525
He's gonna let us in?
421
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,360
We gotta bribe him with gifts, but yeah.
422
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,429
Who else knows?
423
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,397
Just us.
424
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:12,898
Well...
425
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,167
and Farmer.
426
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,770
Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe.
427
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,539
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove!
428
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,842
I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear to God.
429
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:26,445
All right, fine. Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky,
430
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,615
my second-period gym class, Coach Wallach, but that's it.
431
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,450
Come on, Farmer. Now we're never gonna get in.
432
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,452
I have a Power Glove at my house.
433
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,120
My uncle works at the cardboard company--
434
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,389
You don't have one, Farmer.
435
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:39,925
No, I do not.
436
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,628
I don't think anybody in Chicago has one yet besides Keane.
437
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,296
He's coming out!
438
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,900
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove!
439
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,437
This is so dumb.
440
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,138
Just do it.
441
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,808
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove!
442
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,277
[boom box playing]
443
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:02,214
♪ I'm holding out for a hero Till the end of the night ♪
444
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:05,584
♪ He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast ♪
445
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:08,720
♪ And he's gotta be fresh From the fight ♪
446
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,290
-[mouthing] -♪ I need a hero ♪
447
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,158
[all cheering]
448
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,730
Yeah, Keane, yeah!
449
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,572
[adult Jake] It was the most beautiful piece of machinery
450
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,507
I'd ever laid eyes on.
451
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,244
The thing made Luke Skywalker's robot hand look like a Tinker toy.
452
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,613
Silence, children of Batavia.
453
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:36,682
And Coach.
454
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,751
What have you brought me?
455
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,186
[all] Me! Me! Me!
456
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,989
I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish!
457
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:47,426
Untraceable cash money!
458
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,194
You're not getting in with that, dude.
459
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,697
It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet.
460
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,632
It's the best I could find.
461
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,666
[boy] Gimme! Gimme!
462
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:55,701
One!
463
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,669
Two! Three!
464
00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,638
Hey, I got my dad's Sports Illustrated.
465
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,173
Yeah. Four. Yeah.
466
00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,641
NASA moon rocks?
467
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,176
Moon rocks? No.
468
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:05,377
Summer sausage!
469
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,446
-It's my dad's. It's gourmet. -No.
470
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:13,685
[Connor] I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it?
471
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,455
-But it's a good pet. It's a fish. -[Timmy] No.
472
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,169
Good girl, good girl.
473
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,637
[dog growling]
474
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,078
Fetch! Go!
475
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:45,184
[Timmy] Settle down, peons.
476
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,354
-Gentlemen. -[clears throat]
477
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,424
Gentlemen and the Hodges girl.
478
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,393
Behold the Power Glove...
479
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,061
in all of its...
480
00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:58,363
power.
481
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,934
Timmy Keane, dream journal.
482
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,102
I had the dream about Tammy Hodges again.
483
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,505
She was on a white horse, I was on a beach.
484
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,941
-I don't know what that means. -Turn it off!
485
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,676
-[Mrs. Keane] Timmy, do you have your jammies on? -[Timmy] Mom, get out of here!
486
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,277
[Mrs. Keane] Okay.
487
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,180
-No one heard that. Understand? -Yeah.
488
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,282
[exhaling]
489
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,618
Behold...
490
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,421
the power of the Power Glove.
491
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,958
[Timmy] You ready, Hodges?
492
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,793
Not everyone can use these things, by the way.
493
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,295
You have to be specially trained in Taekwondo
494
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,298
which is like karate, but just more expensive.
495
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,434
[Jake] What a tool.
496
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,703
[adult Jake] Oh, man. This was it.
497
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,938
The Power Glove. At last.
498
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,742
Each one of us in that basement knew we were about to witness history.
499
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,915
Feel the Glove.
500
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,450
Felt like an Isotoner.
501
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,452
This is how you really punch with power.
502
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,923
-[Timmy] Come on. -[all] Oh!
503
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,094
-[Mikey] Go, Tammy! -[Teddy] Go, Tammy, get him, get him!
504
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,996
Boom! You can give up now.
505
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,832
Nah. I think I'll win instead.
506
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,634
[Mikey] Yeah, Tammy!
507
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,236
Get him, Tammy! Get him!
508
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,772
[all] Whoa!
509
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:14,773
Come on!
510
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,842
Work!
511
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,111
[adult Jake] We thought he was just making excuses, being a sore loser.
512
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:22,581
But we'd later realized a horror that defined our generation.
513
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,816
The Power Glove sucked.
514
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,184
This glove sucks!
515
00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:28,787
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
516
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:32,824
Come on, unleash your power!
517
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,828
[Jake] Yeah, yeah!
518
00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,997
It's not working! Come on!
519
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,199
[man in game] Silence him!
520
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,968
[all cheering] Yeah!
521
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,038
Mommy, Tammy cheated!
522
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,274
Sucks to lose... to a girl.
523
00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,043
-[all] Ooh! -[screams]
524
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,045
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the glove.
525
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,313
You tell 'em, Keane!
526
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:55,714
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the song.
527
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,783
Chop, chop, chop!
528
00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,685
Hai karate, Keane!
529
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:02,954
[adult Jake] Maybe it was because he was just such an idiot.
530
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:07,025
But Timmy Keane lost his dang mind that day.
531
00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:09,828
Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
532
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:12,731
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
533
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,400
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
534
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,368
[screams]
535
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339
[kids screaming in horror]
536
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,742
[all gasp]
537
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,811
[Mrs. Keane over intercom] Does anybody want some Tang?
538
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,713
I just made a batch.
539
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,182
[adult Jake] A marble stuck in a nostril...
540
00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:31,750
shattering Mom's antique vase.
541
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,653
Picnics in the fricking park compared to this.
542
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,888
For there, lying under the weight
543
00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:40,425
of a smashed 42-inch television set...
544
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,361
was a dead dog.
545
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:43,662
What?
546
00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:45,097
The dog dies?
547
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,265
There's a dead dog in this story?
548
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,268
Hey, what can I tell ya? It was the '80s.
549
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,937
Stuff got real.
550
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,005
I thought you said you were super safe in the '80s?
551
00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:55,907
It was a complicated decade.
552
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,342
Are you making all this up?
553
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,777
No. No. No way.
554
00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:01,613
Okay, well...
555
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,382
what happened next in the basement?
556
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,017
I mean, I don't really care. But...
557
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,788
What did you do?
558
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,058
We did what any rational, thoughtful, responsible kids
559
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,960
would've done in our position.
560
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,027
[all exclaiming] Run!
561
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,465
[Evan] Why is everyone running?
562
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,135
[Tammy] Go, go, go!
563
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,637
-[Evan] What's happening? -We gotta get outta here!
564
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,073
[Evan] What's going on? What's going on?
565
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,609
-The sound of all those bones breaking... -What do you mean, "bones"?
566
00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:34,112
It's game over at Keane's! Just go! Go! Go! Go!
567
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,481
Go!
568
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,984
[yells indistinctly]
569
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:42,988
[adult Jake] It was the end-o of Nintendo at Keane's as we knew it.
570
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,623
So many thoughts raced through my head.
571
00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,825
Would I be arrested? Would I go to jail?
572
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,261
Or worse, would I ever play Nintendo again?
573
00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,138
It's gonna be snow, snow, snow.
574
00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:01,973
[Lizzy] Snow!
575
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,842
[weatherman] We have a northwest clipper coming off
576
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,177
-of the south side of Lake Michigan. -Yes!
577
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,512
God bless it.
578
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,181
[weatherman] And at Christmas time that's just perfect.
579
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:14,085
Can't read Jenny Jablecki's handwriting on this, Mom.
580
00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,455
[Kathy] If there is a heart over the "I"...
581
00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,789
mark it wrong and move on.
582
00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:20,525
Are we gonna have a snow day today?
583
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,695
I don't want anyone here getting their hopes up.
584
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,096
It's probably not gonna happen.
585
00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:27,299
I don't want anyone getting upset, okay?
586
00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:30,035
[adult Jake] In the history of Batavia, Illinois,
587
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,103
there had never been a snow day.
588
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:33,939
Not a single one.
589
00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:36,374
It could be 20 below with a Soviet attack on the way
590
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,543
-and we'd still have school. -[reporter] We just got this in.
591
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,346
In Kane County, the school closures are as follows...
592
00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:43,014
-[Lizzy] Come on! -[reporter] Geneva,
593
00:24:43,114 --> 00:24:44,349
-Come on! -[reporter] Elburn...
594
00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:45,884
-[Jake] Come on! -[reporter] South Elgin,
595
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,720
[reporter] North Aurora, and...that's it.
596
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,889
-Stupid! -Oh, no!
597
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,824
Mary of God!
598
00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,795
I told you guys not to get your hopes up.
599
00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:59,130
-[Jake] You okay, Mom? -[Kathy] All right. You have to eat something.
600
00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:02,501
-Here. -This is frozen.
601
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,836
Yes, put it under your armpits for two minutes, it'll thaw out.
602
00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:06,738
Guys, coats, gloves. What are we doing?
603
00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:07,973
Jake, don't forget your boots.
604
00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:10,075
Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake.
605
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,311
-[Lizzy laughs] -[sighs]
606
00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:18,083
[adult Jake] My mother, in a multi-tasking, cold, coupon-induced bout of madness,
607
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,919
had accidentally bought me girl's boots.
608
00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,331
Back then, they were a death sentence.
609
00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,501
I should note, they were also flowered and French.
610
00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:38,270
What do you mean, "girl's boots"?
611
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,772
Like they only fit girl's feet?
612
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,508
No, they were just purple.
613
00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:45,076
So?
614
00:25:45,176 --> 00:25:48,280
Back then, people were more close-minded about fashion.
615
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,782
And everything else.
616
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,217
Ooh, pretty.
617
00:25:53,618 --> 00:25:56,621
Did you know that Esprit is French for "cool"?
618
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,223
-Really? -No.
619
00:25:58,290 --> 00:25:59,457
Just go ahead, I'll catch up.
620
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,892
What if someone kidnaps me?
621
00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:03,261
They'll return you in, like, five minutes.
622
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,763
You shouldn't be doing that.
623
00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:06,598
Wait a second and shut up.
624
00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:08,133
You said a swear.
625
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,601
I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy.
626
00:26:09,701 --> 00:26:11,436
I got a lot on my mind too.
627
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,972
Come on. Let's go.
628
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,140
Let's go.
629
00:26:20,979 --> 00:26:22,047
[sneezes]
630
00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:30,555
[Mrs. Hugo] It's called the Dewey Decimal System.
631
00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:34,292
Right. This is a life skill, people, like cursive.
632
00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:37,796
When you're an adult, and you wanna look something up really quickly,
633
00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:41,166
you're gonna be very happy that you learned this today. Okay.
634
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,102
All you're gonna have to do is go to the library.
635
00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:45,670
Get your coats and boots on, head on over...
636
00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,006
We talked to Keane. The dog's not dead.
637
00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,941
The dog's not dead?
638
00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:52,444
No, it just broke three legs and a few ribs. It's on life support.
639
00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:55,413
It's gonna make a full recovery though. Right?
640
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,781
I wouldn't count on it.
641
00:26:56,848 --> 00:26:59,317
That TV landed on her like a house on a witch.
642
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,920
But eventually it'll be like nothing happened.
643
00:27:01,987 --> 00:27:06,124
Physically, maybe. But mentally, she'll never be the same.
644
00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:08,693
You're lucky you didn't see it, Olsen. You would have thrown up.
645
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,596
I only throw up from SpaghettiOs. It's a medical condition.
646
00:27:11,663 --> 00:27:14,032
He's really the Shackleton of the librarians.
647
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,434
-And I'm not the only one who thinks that, by the way. -[snoring]
648
00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,870
Wait, so does this mean Nintendo's back on?
649
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,271
-It gets a little more specific. -No.
650
00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:23,642
Keane's dad took it away. It's really over.
651
00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,377
[Jeff] Did you guys hear?
652
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,512
The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving out a Nintendo this year.
653
00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:31,216
Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreath-selling contest gets one.
654
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,219
-No way. -Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me.
655
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,454
The same sixth-grader who told you that there were tryouts
656
00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,289
for the A-Team? Yeah, right.
657
00:27:38,356 --> 00:27:41,026
Nope. That was a lie. This one's real.
658
00:27:41,126 --> 00:27:43,528
We're gonna need some solid proof, Farmer.
659
00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:45,664
-Jake Doyle. -Huh?
660
00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:48,466
Do you have something that you'd like to share with the rest of the class?
661
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,801
Uh, no.
662
00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,336
Don't think I haven't been watching you, Jake.
663
00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:52,804
You're the only one in here with wet shoes.
664
00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:55,840
Now, you know the rules. No boots, no recess.
665
00:27:55,907 --> 00:27:58,410
-But... -I expect to see you in boots at recess,
666
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,478
or your name goes on the board...
667
00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:01,646
with a check.
668
00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:03,682
So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle?
669
00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:05,250
Boots...
670
00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,085
or a check?
671
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:09,688
[Josh] Go, go, go!
672
00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:15,927
-[Josh] Catch it. Get out there. Catch it. -No.
673
00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:17,562
It changes colors when I lick it.
674
00:28:19,097 --> 00:28:20,498
[adult Jake] Connor Stump
675
00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,101
was by far the weirdest kid in school.
676
00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,736
He always carried around a recorder
677
00:28:24,836 --> 00:28:27,005
and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna.
678
00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:31,543
You ever put socks and shoes on your hands and just crawl around?
679
00:28:31,609 --> 00:28:33,011
[growling]
680
00:28:33,078 --> 00:28:35,613
It's just me, Connor. I'm not really a lion.
681
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,849
-Jake, come on, you're on our team. -[Josh] Let's go. Line up.
682
00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:40,218
Just play without me.
683
00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,353
What're you doing back there?
684
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,422
Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again?
685
00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:46,191
Is it all furry and frozen?
686
00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,359
Dude.
687
00:28:48,426 --> 00:28:49,794
You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots.
688
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:50,795
They're mine.
689
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,230
Your mom use a coupon again?
690
00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:55,200
Let's go, Trotter, you baby.
691
00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:56,601
Yeah, we gotta get you outta here.
692
00:28:56,701 --> 00:28:59,037
If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you.
693
00:28:59,871 --> 00:29:01,539
Hey. What're you...
694
00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,908
You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots.
695
00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,143
They're mine.
696
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,445
That's it! I'm coming over there.
697
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,414
No, no! What do I do? What do I do?
698
00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:12,484
Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something?
699
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,253
I call dibs if there's a dead squirrel back there again.
700
00:29:17,889 --> 00:29:19,257
[Josh laughs]
701
00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:23,828
I think we got ourselves a pair of girl's boots here.
702
00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,663
[adult Jake] Painfully, my mind flipped through
703
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:28,767
the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure.
704
00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:32,337
Weeks of wedgies, swirlies, dead legs.
705
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:37,175
I wanted to punch a kid's face until it turned into Kool-Aid so bad
706
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,512
and I didn't get the chance... until now.
707
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,846
-What's up, dork? -Hi!
708
00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,982
How's Four Eyes?
709
00:29:44,082 --> 00:29:46,851
-[adult Jake] But then, I heard the voice of an angel. -[Jeff] Guys, I got proof!
710
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,087
[Jeff] Guys! Guys!
711
00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:50,789
It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo!
712
00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,760
It's just a picture of a dumb wreath.
713
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:57,662
You gotta read it.
714
00:29:57,762 --> 00:30:01,866
"This year's first prize is a brand-new Nintendo Entertainment System."
715
00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:04,969
[all exclaiming]
716
00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:14,012
I'm gonna kill you.
717
00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:16,815
[all cheering]
718
00:30:16,881 --> 00:30:19,717
[adult Jake] Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell
719
00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:22,687
I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way...
720
00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:25,323
envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest
721
00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:28,493
needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell.
722
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,529
And I had my sales pitch all planned out.
723
00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:32,730
[clears throat]
724
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:34,532
[knocking]
725
00:30:34,632 --> 00:30:36,634
"I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts, ma'am, and without your help
726
00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:40,004
thousands of boys may become drug addicts and communists."
727
00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:41,739
-What? -What?
728
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,874
What? What do you want?
729
00:30:42,974 --> 00:30:45,243
Hi. My name is...
730
00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:47,745
Wait. You're not trying to sell me something, are you?
731
00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,048
Wanna buy a wreath?
732
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:56,387
What, do you got a learning disability or something?
733
00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:59,724
Wait, you don't really got a learning disability, do you?
734
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:03,194
Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks!
735
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:06,598
-[door slams] -Oh.
736
00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:12,937
[Jeff] Hey, Doyle. Gotta look out for those "no solicitor" signs.
737
00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:16,441
What're you doing here, Farmer?
738
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,609
-[doorbell chiming] -Ruining your life.
739
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,277
You can't sell wreaths here.
740
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,247
You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules.
741
00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:23,715
That Nintendo's mine.
742
00:31:23,781 --> 00:31:27,051
-I've already sold 67 wreaths. -To who?
743
00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:29,287
People. Your mom.
744
00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,789
You're full of it, Farmer.
745
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,192
Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home.
746
00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,761
I need to speak to an adult in the house.
747
00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:40,265
And did I mention how much I like your sweater?
748
00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:43,534
[adult Jake] All over town, the boys in green pounded the pavements
749
00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:44,802
in record numbers,
750
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,471
all in the name of Nintendo.
751
00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:51,075
A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkos had been born.
752
00:31:51,142 --> 00:31:53,978
Merry Christmas, ma'am. Would you like to buy a wreath?
753
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,215
Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season.
754
00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,919
Merry Christmas, sir. Do you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?
755
00:32:00,985 --> 00:32:03,655
Look at that, it's already wreath-thirty?
756
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,391
Um...
757
00:32:06,457 --> 00:32:09,093
"Douglas fir Christmas wreaths." Just say it!
758
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,995
Why don't you just say it?
759
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,599
'Cause I'm not in stupid Ranger Scouts, 'cause I'm not a stupid boy.
760
00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,668
[adult Jake] And it was every kid for themselves.
761
00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,674
Kids who weren't even in Ranger Scouts were getting in on the action.
762
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,475
I will not take no for an answer!
763
00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:28,579
That is the first rule of salesmanship! The first rule!
764
00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:30,014
[knocking]
765
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,649
[adult Jake] Even I was getting the hang of it.
766
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,521
Oh, are you here to shovel my walk?
767
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,690
No, I'm here to sell Christmas wreaths.
768
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,125
Okay. Um, let me see.
769
00:32:41,192 --> 00:32:42,927
My wallet's in my car.
770
00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:44,662
You want me to...
771
00:32:44,762 --> 00:32:47,332
Shovel my car out, so I can get to it. That would be great.
772
00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:48,933
Oh, I'll get the shovel.
773
00:32:54,439 --> 00:32:55,974
[panting]
774
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,214
[Kathy laughing]
775
00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,218
[Jeff] The Tevatron particle accelerator at Fermilabs, they get more headlines.
776
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:08,820
But if you ask me...
777
00:33:08,886 --> 00:33:10,822
the most valuable local resource we still have today
778
00:33:10,888 --> 00:33:12,190
are our teachers.
779
00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:14,392
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle.
780
00:33:14,492 --> 00:33:16,627
Merry Christmas, Jeff.
781
00:33:16,694 --> 00:33:17,829
Stay beautiful, Kath.
782
00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:21,399
She said I reminded her of you.
783
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,569
See you later, Jake.
784
00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:28,706
Did it have to be Farmer?
785
00:33:28,806 --> 00:33:31,075
He offered me an honest deal at an honest price.
786
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,011
There's nothing honest about him!
787
00:33:33,077 --> 00:33:34,579
He's a pathological liar!
788
00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,083
Oh, I thought he was a really nice boy.
789
00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,352
Those are for your mother.
790
00:33:41,419 --> 00:33:43,421
My mom would want me to have one.
791
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:47,225
I didn't even know that you were selling wreaths this year.
792
00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:51,095
He only cares about it now because they're giving away a Nin--
793
00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:52,597
Night in Chicago.
794
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,699
Yep. That's a new prize.
795
00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:58,336
At a hotel, I think, in downtown?
796
00:33:58,403 --> 00:34:00,505
[Kathy] That's a peculiar prize for an 11-year-old.
797
00:34:00,571 --> 00:34:02,607
That is a peculiar prize.
798
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,575
Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad?
799
00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:06,511
God bless it. Where the hell is it?
800
00:34:06,577 --> 00:34:08,446
The Phillips head is in the butter dish.
801
00:34:10,081 --> 00:34:11,449
[John] No, that's not it.
802
00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,351
You know what, Jake? If you wanna win that prize,
803
00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:15,953
you have to do what I tell my kids in class every day.
804
00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:17,622
Make like a vacuum cleaner.
805
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:20,091
Suck it up and do the work.
806
00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:22,693
-[John groans] -What are you looking for?
807
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,928
My gourmet sausage.
808
00:34:24,028 --> 00:34:25,863
How the hell do you lose a sausage?
809
00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:27,065
[Kathy] Dinner is served.
810
00:34:28,866 --> 00:34:31,369
I wanted to eat it with dinner.
811
00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:32,637
We're having salads.
812
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,573
That's why I wanted to eat the sausage.
813
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,208
Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad.
814
00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:40,044
'Cause, I mean, he's been pooping so much lately.
815
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,312
He has, hasn't he?
816
00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:42,580
You know how I know that?
817
00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:45,083
Because it still hasn't been picked up.
818
00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:47,285
Uh, it snowed.
819
00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:49,320
Hey, that's no excuse, okay?
820
00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924
Tomorrow morning, you, that shovel, backyard.
821
00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:55,993
No, I'm totally supposed to sell wreaths all day tomorrow.
822
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,096
Well, too bad. And stop saying "totally."
823
00:34:58,162 --> 00:34:59,097
It's not fair.
824
00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:01,232
Hey, if life was fair,
825
00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:04,001
it would be... a fair.
826
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,170
Okay? But I don't...
827
00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,940
I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you?
828
00:35:09,807 --> 00:35:10,675
Hmm.
829
00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,678
You just made that up, didn't you?
830
00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,947
No, I didn't.
831
00:35:16,013 --> 00:35:17,482
It's an old saying.
832
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,017
Listen!
833
00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:25,690
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...
834
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,660
from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name...
835
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,963
-he is great. -Amen.
836
00:35:32,029 --> 00:35:35,967
[adult Jake] I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog
837
00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:38,536
in the history of the world.
838
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,605
Our yard looked like a vanilla cake
839
00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:43,541
that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto.
840
00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:48,613
What's Lizzy doing? She can't help?
841
00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:52,216
You wanted the dog, you pick up after it.
842
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,218
You got the dog before I was born.
843
00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,388
Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop.
844
00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:00,858
Come here.
845
00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:03,461
Come here.
846
00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,465
All right. Take a deep breath.
847
00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:10,535
Go ahead.
848
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:13,804
You smell that?
849
00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:15,573
-Poo? -No!
850
00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:16,674
Fresh air!
851
00:36:18,543 --> 00:36:20,311
That's all we had, and we loved it.
852
00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:22,313
When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos.
853
00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:23,514
You know what we did?
854
00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,350
Built forts in the woods.
855
00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:28,586
We'd gather up old lumber and siding
856
00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,055
and whatever we could find we'd build, like,
857
00:36:31,155 --> 00:36:33,558
watchtowers and rope ladders...
858
00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:34,892
Trapdoors?
859
00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:36,894
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too.
860
00:36:37,895 --> 00:36:39,931
-Cool. -Yeah, it was cool.
861
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,366
Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too.
862
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:43,668
Kinda like the house?
863
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,406
[laughing] Yeah. Kinda like the house.
864
00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:50,208
Yeah.
865
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,613
Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot.
866
00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:56,714
Yeah.
867
00:36:56,781 --> 00:36:57,615
Hey.
868
00:36:59,183 --> 00:37:00,718
Don't worry about behind the shed.
869
00:37:00,785 --> 00:37:02,787
Just get the ones around the house, okay?
870
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,290
And then when you're done...
871
00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,559
you can varnish these old hockey sticks.
872
00:37:08,626 --> 00:37:09,860
Why?
873
00:37:09,927 --> 00:37:11,729
Because they need to get done, that's why.
874
00:37:11,796 --> 00:37:13,364
Come on, Dad.
875
00:37:13,431 --> 00:37:15,633
You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors?
876
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,235
No. But you gotta do it.
877
00:37:17,301 --> 00:37:18,936
I don't like doing that stuff!
878
00:37:22,373 --> 00:37:23,608
Careful with the varnish.
879
00:37:27,478 --> 00:37:30,748
[Jake] "Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it?
880
00:37:30,815 --> 00:37:32,049
I know how to be careful.
881
00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:41,592
We need to talk.
882
00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:42,994
What are you doing in my room?
883
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,095
I need...
884
00:37:45,296 --> 00:37:46,897
Did Elwood diarrhea on you?
885
00:37:46,964 --> 00:37:48,933
It's varnish. What do you want?
886
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,067
I need your help.
887
00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:51,002
With what?
888
00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,903
Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid.
889
00:37:52,970 --> 00:37:56,307
Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him.
890
00:37:56,407 --> 00:37:58,009
I gotta go through Mom and Dad.
891
00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,443
So what do you need me for?
892
00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:02,146
I need you to drop hints for them to get me one.
893
00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:04,615
No way. Why would I wanna help you?
894
00:38:04,682 --> 00:38:07,918
Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a...
895
00:38:07,985 --> 00:38:09,687
Why do you want a dumb doll so bad?
896
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,090
Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me.
897
00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:16,193
It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad.
898
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:19,363
We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast.
899
00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:20,931
What are you gonna do for me?
900
00:38:20,998 --> 00:38:23,134
-Tell you how to win a Nintendo. -[chuckles]
901
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,169
You don't know how to win a Nintendo.
902
00:38:25,269 --> 00:38:26,604
Okay, never mind.
903
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:30,808
Wait.
904
00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:33,210
How can I win it?
905
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,614
You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid?
906
00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,149
Yeah, sure.
907
00:38:38,215 --> 00:38:39,050
Promise?
908
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,818
Yes, I promise already.
909
00:38:40,885 --> 00:38:44,221
Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right?
910
00:38:46,023 --> 00:38:46,891
How do you know that?
911
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,159
Don't worry about it.
912
00:38:48,225 --> 00:38:50,561
She bought a lot because she's old, right?
913
00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,730
Old people buy stuff from kids.
914
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,300
So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place
915
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,402
so you don't have to track them all down.
916
00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,737
What's your point?
917
00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,506
Prairie Pines, the nursing home.
918
00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:04,175
Two hundred old people,
919
00:39:04,241 --> 00:39:05,476
each with their own door,
920
00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:07,178
perfect for wreath-hanging.
921
00:39:07,978 --> 00:39:09,080
Wow.
922
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,050
That's...
923
00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:14,652
That's a really good idea.
924
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,854
I know. So we got a deal, or what?
925
00:39:16,921 --> 00:39:18,022
Yeah.
926
00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:20,925
A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up.
927
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,394
I'll be watching you.
928
00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:29,600
[adult Jake] Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them.
929
00:39:31,001 --> 00:39:32,870
[exhaling] "Suck it up. Do the work."
930
00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,410
Hi, everybody.
931
00:39:40,511 --> 00:39:43,114
-Hi. -Do you like blues?
932
00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,783
Hi! You look just like my grandson.
933
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,918
Oh, let me see those cheeks.
934
00:39:48,018 --> 00:39:51,021
[adult Jake] But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me.
935
00:39:51,088 --> 00:39:53,290
Because the World's Fair was here...
936
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:56,627
and we were celebrating the city's centennial.
937
00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:01,298
You see, Chicago was founded in 1833.
938
00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:05,603
That makes it 100 years to 1933.
939
00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:09,306
Hold on.
940
00:40:29,994 --> 00:40:31,495
It's what he would've wanted.
941
00:40:43,174 --> 00:40:46,076
[adult Jake] It took six hours and ten cups of pudding,
942
00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:50,815
but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home.
943
00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:52,149
All thanks to Lizzy.
944
00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:54,452
Hey, Mom.
945
00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:56,854
Did you know that this mall has the largest selection
946
00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,924
of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago?
947
00:41:00,991 --> 00:41:02,693
I didn't know that, no.
948
00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:05,262
Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves.
949
00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,269
He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he?
950
00:41:12,336 --> 00:41:14,205
-No idea. -Odd. But who knows with these two?
951
00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,474
-Hey! What're you doing? -[horn blaring]
952
00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,676
Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker.
953
00:41:18,776 --> 00:41:20,845
-Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. -Okay. All right, John...
954
00:41:20,945 --> 00:41:22,813
He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow.
955
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,619
[adult Jake] Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip.
956
00:41:28,686 --> 00:41:30,221
Also known as my dad's least favorite
957
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,956
and most expensive day of the year.
958
00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:33,557
You know what I love when you wear?
959
00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:35,159
-What? -Turtlenecks.
960
00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,961
Ah.
961
00:41:37,027 --> 00:41:38,729
It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house,
962
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,965
I feel like we should definitely try on a few today.
963
00:41:41,031 --> 00:41:44,568
Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great.
964
00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:45,569
So, yes?
965
00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,737
Look at this idiot.
966
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,905
What're you doing?
967
00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,307
Hey! You beeping at me?
968
00:41:50,374 --> 00:41:51,342
[horn honking]
969
00:41:51,408 --> 00:41:52,877
Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles.
970
00:41:52,977 --> 00:41:54,578
Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen.
971
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,247
Sorry.
972
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,848
Can we turn on the Christmas carols?
973
00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,217
No! No Christmas carols.
974
00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:03,988
Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff.
975
00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:06,924
Year-round.
976
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:13,931
[carolers singing] ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
977
00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,766
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas
978
00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,668
-♪ And a happy New Year ♪ -[John] Elves!
979
00:42:17,735 --> 00:42:19,770
-Hey. Creep me out. -Breathe, John. You have to breathe.
980
00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,274
No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural.
981
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,176
-♪ And a happy New...♪ -Back off, Jack!
982
00:42:26,243 --> 00:42:27,745
[Kathy] Sorry.
983
00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:30,581
-Have some self-respect. Jesus. -You have to calm down.
984
00:42:30,681 --> 00:42:31,949
[John] Why are we walking so fast?
985
00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,184
[Kathy] Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay?
986
00:42:34,251 --> 00:42:36,453
You had your chance at home. Do not test me.
987
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:38,188
God, why is it so hot in here?
988
00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:40,124
We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay?
989
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,360
Hey, is there a bar at the food court?
990
00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:46,864
John, it's barely noon.
991
00:42:46,931 --> 00:42:51,969
Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks...
992
00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:54,305
-Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. -What are we missing?
993
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,639
-Can we go, Mom? -Yes,
994
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:58,108
honey, go on. Lead the way.
995
00:42:58,208 --> 00:43:00,044
[Jake] Hey, Mom. Did you know
996
00:43:00,110 --> 00:43:03,480
that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates?
997
00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,316
Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths.
998
00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:07,818
Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids?
999
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,653
Lizzy really wants one.
1000
00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:12,456
Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find.
1001
00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:28,572
Sold out in 20 minutes.
1002
00:43:28,639 --> 00:43:31,175
Last Patch in all of Chicago.
1003
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,777
You should've seen it. It was ugly.
1004
00:43:33,844 --> 00:43:36,814
One woman punched a grandma right in the throat.
1005
00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:38,782
Same family, too.
1006
00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,753
Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay.
1007
00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:46,457
You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in.
1008
00:43:46,523 --> 00:43:48,258
Care Bears are for babies.
1009
00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:49,693
-[sobbing] -Oh.
1010
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,695
[adult Jake] Poor little Lizzy.
1011
00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131
It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears
1012
00:43:54,198 --> 00:43:55,366
and give her a big...
1013
00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:58,469
Hold on a second.
1014
00:43:58,535 --> 00:43:59,837
[Nintendo] Hello, Jake.
1015
00:44:00,771 --> 00:44:01,705
Who said that?
1016
00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:03,307
[Nintendo] You know who.
1017
00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:04,508
Nintendo?
1018
00:44:04,608 --> 00:44:06,877
[Nintendo] That's right. Come over here.
1019
00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:08,545
I've missed you, Jake.
1020
00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:10,614
[Kathy] Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs
1021
00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:12,182
to get the Fenelons a gift.
1022
00:44:12,282 --> 00:44:15,352
[John] Why? They haven't given us anything.
1023
00:44:15,452 --> 00:44:18,288
[Kathy] Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay?
1024
00:44:19,189 --> 00:44:20,290
[John] Jake.
1025
00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:23,060
-Jake. -Huh?
1026
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,461
Watch your sister.
1027
00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:26,697
Yeah.
1028
00:44:26,797 --> 00:44:29,199
[Nintendo] That's it. Come over here, Jake.
1029
00:44:29,299 --> 00:44:30,968
You know you want to.
1030
00:44:31,035 --> 00:44:34,238
What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake?
1031
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,707
[Nintendo] Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless.
1032
00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:38,742
You should be worried about the wreaths.
1033
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,544
Have you sold enough wreaths?
1034
00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:42,179
I'll do anything to be with you.
1035
00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:43,814
Who're you talking to?
1036
00:44:43,881 --> 00:44:45,649
We need a new plan.
1037
00:44:45,716 --> 00:44:47,918
Jake? Jake?
1038
00:44:48,018 --> 00:44:50,721
[Nintendo] Do you know how many games I have here, Jake?
1039
00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,856
I have all the games.
1040
00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,758
Way more than Timmy Keane.
1041
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,927
What game would you like to play?
1042
00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,195
Joust.
1043
00:44:58,262 --> 00:45:00,164
Pick another one. I don't have that one.
1044
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:01,598
[Jake] Super Mario Bros.
1045
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:03,400
-Pick another one. -Defender.
1046
00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:05,869
Hmm, how about Rampage?
1047
00:45:05,936 --> 00:45:07,171
It's loaded up right now.
1048
00:45:07,237 --> 00:45:09,773
Cool. I'll do anything you say.
1049
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,386
[Nintendo] Very good. Yes.
1050
00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:23,921
You're such a good boy, Jake.
1051
00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:26,623
I can tell, you've got what it takes.
1052
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:27,758
You really think so?
1053
00:45:27,858 --> 00:45:29,727
[Nintendo] No. I know so.
1054
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:33,964
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the excitement of the display,
1055
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,100
or just the thrill of playing in public,
1056
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,070
but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life.
1057
00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:42,072
Dude, you're on fire.
1058
00:45:42,139 --> 00:45:45,309
[adult Jake] All other distractions became irrelevant.
1059
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,578
My senses had reached a higher state.
1060
00:45:47,644 --> 00:45:50,748
I'd become one with Nintendo.
1061
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,154
Yeah!
1062
00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:00,324
[Nintendo] Yes, yes. You were born for this moment.
1063
00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:05,395
Whoa! You're amazing!
1064
00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:07,064
What's your name, man?
1065
00:46:07,131 --> 00:46:10,000
[Nintendo] Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake.
1066
00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,168
Say it.
1067
00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,402
Jake Doyle!
1068
00:46:12,469 --> 00:46:14,805
[Nintendo] Jake Doyle. Nintendo master.
1069
00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:15,973
[crowd] Jake! Jake! Jake!
1070
00:46:16,073 --> 00:46:17,441
Jake! Jake! Jake!
1071
00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:18,642
Jake! Jake! Jake!
1072
00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:20,778
[all chanting]
1073
00:46:20,844 --> 00:46:22,946
[adult Jake] Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name.
1074
00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:25,415
This was why I needed a Nintendo.
1075
00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:27,284
This was my destiny.
1076
00:46:27,351 --> 00:46:29,353
Nothing could stop me now.
1077
00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:31,789
[Kathy] Jake! Jake!
1078
00:46:31,855 --> 00:46:33,791
[John] Jake Stephan Doyle!
1079
00:46:33,857 --> 00:46:35,425
Where is your sister?
1080
00:46:35,492 --> 00:46:37,161
[stammering]
1081
00:46:37,261 --> 00:46:38,695
What's wrong with you?
1082
00:46:38,796 --> 00:46:40,964
-[Kathy] Lizzy! -[John] Elizabeth!
1083
00:46:41,031 --> 00:46:42,533
You're a dead man, bro.
1084
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,635
Lizzy!
1085
00:46:44,701 --> 00:46:46,804
Lizzy! Lizzy!
1086
00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,005
Lizzy!
1087
00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:50,541
Forget about her, Jake. She's gone.
1088
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:54,111
Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault!
1089
00:46:54,178 --> 00:46:57,214
How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys?
1090
00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,549
The back door.
1091
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,318
What if it's an apartment with no back door?
1092
00:47:01,385 --> 00:47:02,319
The front door.
1093
00:47:02,386 --> 00:47:04,221
So you know how to pick locks?
1094
00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,222
That's me.
1095
00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,623
Do you know that's a felony?
1096
00:47:06,690 --> 00:47:09,226
Mom! She's over here! I found her!
1097
00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,861
[Kathy] God, Lizzy!
1098
00:47:12,029 --> 00:47:13,730
Oh, my God!
1099
00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:16,567
Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole.
1100
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,835
Even ones with red hair.
1101
00:47:17,901 --> 00:47:19,736
Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake.
1102
00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,238
He was playing the Nintendo.
1103
00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,340
[John screaming] God bless it, Jake!
1104
00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,310
Are you okay?
1105
00:47:27,477 --> 00:47:28,745
You start playing those games
1106
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,815
your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes.
1107
00:47:31,882 --> 00:47:33,350
That's your sister!
1108
00:47:33,417 --> 00:47:36,019
It's not like losing your retainer!
1109
00:47:37,254 --> 00:47:38,322
[Kathy] Hold on.
1110
00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:40,357
Five bags here, John. Hold on.
1111
00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:44,661
Open your mouth.
1112
00:47:47,598 --> 00:47:49,099
Open your mouth.
1113
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,601
-John. -What?
1114
00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,436
-Where's the Marshall Field's bag? -Hey!
1115
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,271
-Jake! -[Kathy] Your turtleneck's in it, John!
1116
00:47:54,371 --> 00:47:56,273
Jake!
1117
00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,609
[adult Jake] The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me
1118
00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,445
in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home."
1119
00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:04,281
Jake!
1120
00:48:05,115 --> 00:48:06,216
Jake!
1121
00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:07,951
-Hey! -Jake!
1122
00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,887
Move! Jake!
1123
00:48:09,953 --> 00:48:12,389
[adult Jake] I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car.
1124
00:48:12,456 --> 00:48:14,057
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
1125
00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:16,260
Jake!
1126
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,029
Jake!
1127
00:48:19,863 --> 00:48:20,864
Jake!
1128
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,699
[man] Whoa!
1129
00:48:29,373 --> 00:48:30,874
Jake! Ha!
1130
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:36,813
[John sniggering]
1131
00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:37,981
[elf] ♪ Six geese a-laying ♪
1132
00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:39,082
♪ Five... ♪
1133
00:48:39,149 --> 00:48:40,384
♪ Golden...♪
1134
00:48:40,450 --> 00:48:42,219
[elf] No, wait! What... [screaming]
1135
00:48:42,286 --> 00:48:43,287
-[John screaming] -[glass shattering]
1136
00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:46,556
Of course! Packer fans.
1137
00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:49,126
[panting]
1138
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:06,643
[John struggling]
1139
00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:11,515
Oh, my God.
1140
00:49:14,584 --> 00:49:16,353
Hey!
1141
00:49:17,821 --> 00:49:20,857
[adult Jake] Safe. Retainer retained.
1142
00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,628
[breathlessly] Okay.
1143
00:49:26,196 --> 00:49:27,631
[exhales]
1144
00:49:27,698 --> 00:49:28,699
[softly] Okay.
1145
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,541
[kids chattering indistinctly]
1146
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,942
[Josh] You let the girls get punched!
1147
00:49:42,179 --> 00:49:43,814
[adult Jake] The best part of the shopping trip
1148
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,316
besides not losing my retainer or my sister
1149
00:49:46,383 --> 00:49:48,952
was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall
1150
00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:51,455
where old people sit by the piano.
1151
00:49:51,521 --> 00:49:53,957
I sold 22 more wreaths that day.
1152
00:49:54,024 --> 00:49:55,325
How many you got, Jake?
1153
00:49:56,026 --> 00:49:58,295
Um, 93.
1154
00:49:58,362 --> 00:50:00,030
You're selling wreaths, too?
1155
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:01,465
What's a wreath?
1156
00:50:04,868 --> 00:50:06,470
[radio playing]
1157
00:50:07,237 --> 00:50:08,805
[train chugging]
1158
00:50:09,706 --> 00:50:11,308
[John humming]
1159
00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,814
-[Jake humming] -Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud,
1160
00:50:17,881 --> 00:50:19,082
I'm trying to listen to this.
1161
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,650
And stop fiddling with the hand plane.
1162
00:50:20,717 --> 00:50:21,985
This is not a toy. See?
1163
00:50:22,753 --> 00:50:23,987
It's sharp.
1164
00:50:25,322 --> 00:50:27,824
[clanking]
1165
00:50:27,891 --> 00:50:31,762
[man on radio] Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling.
1166
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,730
And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson...
1167
00:50:33,830 --> 00:50:34,998
You know...
1168
00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:37,000
If you want, sometime, maybe I can...
1169
00:50:38,268 --> 00:50:40,670
teach you how to use some of those.
1170
00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:42,839
I kinda got a lot going on, Dad.
1171
00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:45,509
Ah... right.
1172
00:50:45,575 --> 00:50:48,345
[man on radio] He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side,
1173
00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:49,446
over to Savard...
1174
00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,182
[louder] He shoots, he scores!
1175
00:50:52,249 --> 00:50:54,284
-Yes! -Denis Savard!
1176
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,386
-Hawks now leading with one! -Yeah, baby!
1177
00:50:56,453 --> 00:50:59,923
-[exclaiming] -And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away.
1178
00:51:00,023 --> 00:51:01,691
Quit your crying, Claude.
1179
00:51:01,758 --> 00:51:03,794
Yeah, you're all talk, no walk.
1180
00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:05,462
Remember that, Jake. Okay?
1181
00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:09,299
A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans.
1182
00:51:09,399 --> 00:51:11,301
He's all talk, no walk.
1183
00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,370
Why are we under this bridge, Dad?
1184
00:51:13,437 --> 00:51:15,806
Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids.
1185
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,641
You know what they look like, right?
1186
00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,376
Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants,
1187
00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,911
but I can't get what I want?
1188
00:51:20,977 --> 00:51:22,379
Do you wanna deal with your sister
1189
00:51:22,446 --> 00:51:24,314
if she doesn't get what she wants?
1190
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,715
-No. -Exactly.
1191
00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,984
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
1192
00:51:28,085 --> 00:51:29,653
So you just give them what they want?
1193
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,555
-Yeah. You kidding? -[engine revving]
1194
00:51:35,058 --> 00:51:37,060
Okay. That's him.
1195
00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:39,663
Let me do all the talking. Okay?
1196
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,398
This feels kinda scary, Dad.
1197
00:51:41,465 --> 00:51:43,667
Here, I'll take the handsaw.
1198
00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,602
Come on. Come on!
1199
00:51:50,974 --> 00:51:52,342
Can I help you boys?
1200
00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:53,410
[John] Yeah.
1201
00:51:54,311 --> 00:51:56,680
Word is that you've...
1202
00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:58,315
come into a little cabbage?
1203
00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:00,250
Officer, please. I'm just standing here.
1204
00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:02,619
I thought maybe you two needed directions, so...
1205
00:52:02,686 --> 00:52:03,954
Relax, I'm not a cop.
1206
00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:06,289
What about 21 Jump Street over here?
1207
00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:07,424
He's not a cop.
1208
00:52:07,491 --> 00:52:08,692
Come on, man. He's 11.
1209
00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,160
Yeah, I don't know that.
1210
00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:12,295
I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see RoboCop?
1211
00:52:12,362 --> 00:52:14,364
That dude's half cop and half robot.
1212
00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,365
You ever see that movie?
1213
00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,000
My mom wouldn't let me.
1214
00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:18,768
But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it.
1215
00:52:18,835 --> 00:52:19,769
Oh...
1216
00:52:19,836 --> 00:52:21,705
Yeah. He's good. You're good.
1217
00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,773
He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on.
1218
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:27,144
Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what?
1219
00:52:27,210 --> 00:52:29,012
Step into my office.
1220
00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:30,881
You boys need anything else while you're here?
1221
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:34,451
Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo?
1222
00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:36,386
-[Jake gasping] -[John] No, just the doll.
1223
00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,455
We're gonna need a girl one.
1224
00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:40,690
A redhead with freckles.
1225
00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,826
Best Patch in the Tri-City.
1226
00:52:44,895 --> 00:52:46,129
Yeah, that looks good.
1227
00:52:46,196 --> 00:52:47,631
Yeah, does look good.
1228
00:52:47,697 --> 00:52:50,400
So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah?
1229
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,668
Something like that? Yeah?
1230
00:52:51,735 --> 00:52:52,736
Need a third?
1231
00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,904
Nah, I'm kidding.
1232
00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,406
I do miss my dad... A lot.
1233
00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,009
[John] Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles.
1234
00:52:59,075 --> 00:53:01,044
Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles.
1235
00:53:02,145 --> 00:53:03,680
-All right, how much? -$100.
1236
00:53:03,747 --> 00:53:05,649
One hundred? No.
1237
00:53:05,715 --> 00:53:07,017
Yeah, where else you gonna go?
1238
00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:09,019
Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out.
1239
00:53:09,085 --> 00:53:10,854
Sixty bucks.
1240
00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:13,890
I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50.
1241
00:53:13,990 --> 00:53:15,659
You know what? We can go up there right now.
1242
00:53:15,725 --> 00:53:18,094
Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no.
1243
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:20,664
You do not want any of their bald-headed junk.
1244
00:53:20,730 --> 00:53:22,332
Seventy. Last offer.
1245
00:53:24,167 --> 00:53:25,936
Oh, I can't say no to that face.
1246
00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,237
All right. $70.
1247
00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:31,174
-Comes with a birth certificate. -[Jake] Wow!
1248
00:53:31,241 --> 00:53:33,443
-Dad, that's... -Signed right on the derriere.
1249
00:53:34,911 --> 00:53:35,879
[dealer] Thanks.
1250
00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:39,549
[John snickering]
1251
00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:41,017
Can we ask about the Nintendo?
1252
00:53:41,084 --> 00:53:43,386
I got him down from $100. Can you believe that?
1253
00:53:43,453 --> 00:53:45,222
[chuckles] Lizzy's gonna love it.
1254
00:53:45,288 --> 00:53:47,023
[adult Jake] Did it bother me that my dad went to
1255
00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:49,292
Herculean lengths to get my sister a present?
1256
00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,560
Sorta.
1257
00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:53,196
But I was gonna get one on my own.
1258
00:53:53,263 --> 00:53:55,198
[Mr. Halberg] Gentlemen.
1259
00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:58,535
Look deeply into your candle's flame.
1260
00:53:58,602 --> 00:54:01,438
Stare at its dancing light.
1261
00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,442
Now, close your eyes.
1262
00:54:06,710 --> 00:54:07,944
What do you see?
1263
00:54:09,145 --> 00:54:12,415
You see the flame, gentlemen.
1264
00:54:12,482 --> 00:54:14,317
It burns even when your eyes are closed
1265
00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:18,221
because we know that even when we blow these candles out...
1266
00:54:18,288 --> 00:54:22,058
the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade.
1267
00:54:22,125 --> 00:54:24,327
-[kid farting] -[children giggling]
1268
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,595
[Mr. Halberg clears throat]
1269
00:54:26,463 --> 00:54:27,631
[sizzling]
1270
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,568
Okay.
1271
00:54:31,635 --> 00:54:33,470
But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys.
1272
00:54:33,570 --> 00:54:35,105
And scouts are supposed to have honor,
1273
00:54:35,171 --> 00:54:36,773
yet you're still here.
1274
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,008
[Mr. Halberg] Lots to get through tonight, gents.
1275
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,909
We've got the Pinewood Derby,
1276
00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,678
the Loyalty Day parade... Oh...
1277
00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,515
I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss."
1278
00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,684
Get to the wreaths, Halberg!
1279
00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:50,487
-I'm sorry? -The door necklaces.
1280
00:54:50,587 --> 00:54:51,855
Are you even in this troop?
1281
00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:56,693
[chanting] Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!
1282
00:54:56,793 --> 00:54:58,028
Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!
1283
00:54:59,863 --> 00:55:02,532
Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths!
1284
00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,268
[children cheering]
1285
00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:06,703
Okay. Calm down.
1286
00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,371
Now...
1287
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,540
I know you've all been selling very hard this year
1288
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,843
so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes...
1289
00:55:13,943 --> 00:55:15,011
are special.
1290
00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,848
[adult Jake] Oh-ho! Look at that!
1291
00:55:18,948 --> 00:55:22,285
First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system.
1292
00:55:22,352 --> 00:55:25,989
Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there?
1293
00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,224
Told you it came with a free Power Pad.
1294
00:55:29,626 --> 00:55:31,061
Okay. [clears throat]
1295
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,730
In third place...
1296
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,734
Jeffery Farmer!
1297
00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:38,802
[kids cheering]
1298
00:55:38,868 --> 00:55:41,071
Nobody cares about third place.
1299
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:43,873
[adult Jake] Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory,
1300
00:55:43,973 --> 00:55:45,975
this was a delight to us all.
1301
00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,844
Anybody had a chance now.
1302
00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:52,649
"Subscription to Boys' Life."
1303
00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,417
-[children laughing] -Yes!
1304
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,752
I grew up on that magazine.
1305
00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:57,654
[Mr. Halberg] Great articles.
1306
00:55:57,721 --> 00:55:59,723
And in second place...
1307
00:56:00,724 --> 00:56:02,726
an amazing showing...
1308
00:56:04,728 --> 00:56:05,929
Teddy Hodges!
1309
00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,764
No!
1310
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,666
[adult Jake] Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins
1311
00:56:09,733 --> 00:56:11,768
were only good enough for silver.
1312
00:56:13,903 --> 00:56:16,673
It's a globe of the whole world!
1313
00:56:16,740 --> 00:56:17,774
All of it!
1314
00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:22,946
[clanging]
1315
00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,215
[adult Jake] There was no second place when it came to Nintendo.
1316
00:56:27,784 --> 00:56:29,586
And now...
1317
00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:32,355
-[Evan] This is it, this is it! -...this year's first prize winner
1318
00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:34,691
of the wreath-selling contest.
1319
00:56:34,758 --> 00:56:39,262
The highest sales total in troop history...
1320
00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:44,200
Jake Doyle!
1321
00:56:44,267 --> 00:56:45,435
[all cheering]
1322
00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,475
I won!
1323
00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:55,278
[adult Jake] You can put it on the board! Yes!
1324
00:56:55,378 --> 00:56:56,980
Oh, so many people to thank.
1325
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,283
My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation...
1326
00:57:00,383 --> 00:57:01,584
Yes!
1327
00:57:01,651 --> 00:57:03,820
[Mr. Halberg] This year's first prize...
1328
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,156
the best we've had in years...
1329
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,392
-Are you ready, Jake? -Yeah.
1330
00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:13,630
A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias!
1331
00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:15,799
What?
1332
00:57:15,899 --> 00:57:18,067
[adult Jake] It was like winning more school.
1333
00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:20,103
No!
1334
00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:23,506
Where is it? [screaming]
1335
00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,609
-I hate you, Halberg! -[Mr. Halberg exclaiming] God.
1336
00:57:29,412 --> 00:57:31,514
[adult Jake] It didn't make any sense. Why?
1337
00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:35,251
Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books?
1338
00:57:35,318 --> 00:57:38,087
Who could possibly be behind something so terrible?
1339
00:57:38,154 --> 00:57:40,089
So awful, so villainous?
1340
00:57:40,156 --> 00:57:44,427
Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who.
1341
00:57:44,494 --> 00:57:47,664
Parents of Batavia, good evening.
1342
00:57:47,764 --> 00:57:49,332
-Hi. -[adult Jake] Little did we know,
1343
00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:51,701
the night before the wreath award ceremony,
1344
00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,369
Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting
1345
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:56,372
with the express purpose of ruining our lives.
1346
00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:59,476
There was an incident in my home recently.
1347
00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,279
A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane...
1348
00:58:03,346 --> 00:58:07,050
was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set.
1349
00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:10,186
[whispering] 42-inch, that's a really nice television set.
1350
00:58:10,286 --> 00:58:11,554
[whispering] John.
1351
00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:15,058
Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy,
1352
00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:17,961
who is a gifted, generous young man,
1353
00:58:18,027 --> 00:58:22,665
who has recently been diagnosed with something called...
1354
00:58:22,732 --> 00:58:24,400
"Attention Deficit..."
1355
00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:25,902
Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.
1356
00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:29,239
It's very serious... [sighs]
1357
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,708
and it's extremely rare.
1358
00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:33,009
[crying] So rare.
1359
00:58:33,076 --> 00:58:34,310
[kisses and blows]
1360
00:58:34,377 --> 00:58:35,845
[kisses] I love you.
1361
00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,146
Could I have the lights, please?
1362
00:58:37,213 --> 00:58:38,147
[clicking]
1363
00:58:40,683 --> 00:58:42,085
Ladies and gentlemen...
1364
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,255
the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime...
1365
00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,990
is video games.
1366
00:58:47,056 --> 00:58:49,659
Video games did this.
1367
00:58:49,726 --> 00:58:51,060
-[crowd gasping] -[Mrs. Keane whimpers]
1368
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:52,595
And this.
1369
00:58:52,695 --> 00:58:53,763
[crowd gasping loudly]
1370
00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,265
And this.
1371
00:58:56,199 --> 00:58:57,267
[gasping]
1372
00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,935
And this.
1373
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,538
Oh.
1374
00:59:01,604 --> 00:59:03,006
It's the same slide.
1375
00:59:04,007 --> 00:59:07,110
I meant, and this.
1376
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212
-[John] Still same slide. -God damn it!
1377
00:59:11,014 --> 00:59:12,949
Timmy dumped cheese in here again.
1378
00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,685
You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this.
1379
00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:17,120
Pookie.
1380
00:59:19,188 --> 00:59:20,089
[sighs]
1381
00:59:20,723 --> 00:59:22,025
And this.
1382
00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,561
[crowd exclaiming]
1383
00:59:24,627 --> 00:59:26,396
-The question is, ladies and gentlemen... -[Mrs. Keane crying]
1384
00:59:26,462 --> 00:59:27,764
[man] Is that a dog?
1385
00:59:27,864 --> 00:59:29,132
...what are we prepared to do about it?
1386
00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,300
We should ban it!
1387
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,201
-Ban it! -Ban it! Ban it!
1388
00:59:32,268 --> 00:59:35,138
-No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! -No more.
1389
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,973
-We must protect our dogs. -Yes.
1390
00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,442
We must protect our community!
1391
00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:41,144
Yes!
1392
00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:43,146
[Mr. Keane] It's modern technology taking over our lives.
1393
00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,315
It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here!
1394
00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,950
-[Mrs. Trotter] That's right. -We've gotta stop it!
1395
00:59:47,050 --> 00:59:48,785
We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground.
1396
00:59:48,885 --> 00:59:50,153
-Burn it. -Yeah.
1397
00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:52,922
Video game over! Video game over!
1398
00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:54,924
Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder.
1399
00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:57,994
[all chanting] Video game over! Video game over!
1400
00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,495
-Let me hear you. -[chanting continues]
1401
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,264
[softly] Bring it down now. Video game over.
1402
01:00:01,331 --> 01:00:03,499
[adult Jake] Keane's panicked propaganda continued on
1403
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:04,901
well into the night.
1404
01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:07,437
It was a virtual video game Armageddon.
1405
01:00:07,503 --> 01:00:09,806
-[Mr. Halberg] I can feel it! We're so close! -[crowd] Video game over!
1406
01:00:09,906 --> 01:00:11,674
Video game over!
1407
01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:13,743
[adult Jake] And there was nothing we could do about it.
1408
01:00:13,810 --> 01:00:14,978
[Bugs Bunny on TV] No rabbit.
1409
01:00:18,648 --> 01:00:21,517
All those wreaths for nothing.
1410
01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:25,421
Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes?
1411
01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:28,324
[sighs]
1412
01:00:28,424 --> 01:00:31,361
We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County.
1413
01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,329
Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva
1414
01:00:33,429 --> 01:00:36,599
with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane.
1415
01:00:36,666 --> 01:00:39,202
Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now
1416
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,037
until Christmas, and you've managed to pass
1417
01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:44,807
a county-wide ban on selling video game systems.
1418
01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:46,476
-Is that correct? -That is correct.
1419
01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:48,611
Every store in Kane County has agreed to it.
1420
01:00:48,678 --> 01:00:52,348
And you really feel that video games promote violence enough
1421
01:00:52,448 --> 01:00:54,217
to make them illegal?
1422
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,052
Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV?
1423
01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:58,054
No, she has not.
1424
01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,956
[Dr. Keane on TV] It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth.
1425
01:01:00,023 --> 01:01:04,227
These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped.
1426
01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:07,030
Video game over! Video game over!
1427
01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:08,898
-Video game over! -[crowd chanting on TV] Video game over!
1428
01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:10,500
He's a podiatrist.
1429
01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,168
Sorry, Jake.
1430
01:01:12,235 --> 01:01:13,736
Knock it off, Lizzy.
1431
01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,040
No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one.
1432
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:19,742
I had it.
1433
01:01:20,576 --> 01:01:21,577
It was mine.
1434
01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,347
But now...
1435
01:01:25,882 --> 01:01:27,216
I'll never get one.
1436
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,421
Here. You can have the remote.
1437
01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,024
Thanks, Lizzy.
1438
01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:42,732
She gave you the remote?
1439
01:01:42,832 --> 01:01:46,002
I would never give Charlie the remote.
1440
01:01:46,069 --> 01:01:47,603
You must've been a wreck.
1441
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:50,339
Duh. They banned Nintendo.
1442
01:01:50,406 --> 01:01:53,109
So, if Batavia banned Nintendo
1443
01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,578
and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one...
1444
01:01:55,678 --> 01:01:58,181
and you're doing all these bad things, all the time...
1445
01:01:58,247 --> 01:02:00,950
-Not all the time. -Yes, all the time.
1446
01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,453
You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you,
1447
01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:04,887
then how did you get it?
1448
01:02:04,954 --> 01:02:06,689
How did you get the Nintendo?
1449
01:02:06,756 --> 01:02:09,225
Okay, calm down.
1450
01:02:09,292 --> 01:02:10,960
Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve--
1451
01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,228
No!
1452
01:02:12,295 --> 01:02:14,363
I wanna know what happens in the story.
1453
01:02:14,430 --> 01:02:15,364
[sighs]
1454
01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,801
You see, Annie...
1455
01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,304
sometimes during Christmas...
1456
01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:24,140
just when you think that all hope is lost...
1457
01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:26,976
something magical happens.
1458
01:02:28,277 --> 01:02:31,647
Some people call it a Christmas miracle.
1459
01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:35,118
Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink.
1460
01:02:36,452 --> 01:02:37,887
What's a roller rink?
1461
01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:39,822
[sighs]
1462
01:02:43,993 --> 01:02:47,830
[adult Jake] Six days until Christmas and it was officially official.
1463
01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,399
None of us were getting a Nintendo.
1464
01:02:56,072 --> 01:02:58,407
[Evan] My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still.
1465
01:02:58,474 --> 01:03:00,143
That's in Cook County.
1466
01:03:00,243 --> 01:03:01,410
DuPage County.
1467
01:03:01,477 --> 01:03:03,446
-How do you know? -I got encyclopedias.
1468
01:03:03,513 --> 01:03:05,515
[Jeff] Come on, guys. We still got each other.
1469
01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:06,816
-[boy] Watch out! -[gasps]
1470
01:03:06,916 --> 01:03:08,484
[glass breaking]
1471
01:03:08,584 --> 01:03:11,320
-[Jeff] Sorry. -Objectively, I know that's hilarious
1472
01:03:11,420 --> 01:03:15,124
but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now.
1473
01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:17,693
[adult Jake] It was the Hodges' birthday party.
1474
01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,595
The dreaded Christmas birthday.
1475
01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:22,498
Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them,
1476
01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:25,001
they had to share it with Christmas to boot.
1477
01:03:25,101 --> 01:03:28,871
"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma."
1478
01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,173
What a rip-off.
1479
01:03:30,273 --> 01:03:33,009
"P.S. This gift is for you two to share."
1480
01:03:34,811 --> 01:03:37,113
-Fresh packs. Who wants to open? -[all] Me!
1481
01:03:40,349 --> 01:03:41,617
-You got Chris Sabo. -Need it.
1482
01:03:41,684 --> 01:03:44,654
Need it. Got it. Need it.
1483
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:45,955
You gonna eat your gum?
1484
01:03:48,691 --> 01:03:49,625
Ow!
1485
01:03:50,393 --> 01:03:51,494
Mmm...
1486
01:03:51,561 --> 01:03:54,030
Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken.
1487
01:03:54,130 --> 01:03:55,965
[Tammy] Who cares about Billy Ripken?
1488
01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,033
[chuckles in disbelief]
1489
01:03:57,133 --> 01:03:58,201
What?
1490
01:03:58,301 --> 01:03:59,468
What? What is it?
1491
01:03:59,535 --> 01:04:00,903
You guys are not gonna believe this.
1492
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,072
Look! Right there! On his bat!
1493
01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,541
-[Jake] Oh, my gosh! -[Evan] A swear word.
1494
01:04:06,309 --> 01:04:07,710
That's a bad one.
1495
01:04:07,810 --> 01:04:09,412
-What does it say? -[Evan] Don't read it out loud.
1496
01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,347
I'm not allowed to hear swear words.
1497
01:04:11,414 --> 01:04:13,216
"Swear word dash face."
1498
01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:15,251
Which swear word? A-face?
1499
01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:16,152
Mmm-mmm.
1500
01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,221
-S-face? -Mmm-mmm.
1501
01:04:18,321 --> 01:04:20,489
Wait. F-face?
1502
01:04:20,556 --> 01:04:21,324
Bingo.
1503
01:04:21,390 --> 01:04:22,658
It's an error card.
1504
01:04:22,725 --> 01:04:25,428
It's the greatest error card of all time!
1505
01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,896
Billy Ripken.
1506
01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,700
Ninety-five bucks!
1507
01:04:30,766 --> 01:04:32,034
[cheering]
1508
01:04:32,101 --> 01:04:34,003
Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire!
1509
01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:36,873
Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo.
1510
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,209
Guys...
1511
01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:42,778
I got it.
1512
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:44,046
[Jeff] I don't get it.
1513
01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:45,281
[Jake] What do you mean, you don't get it?
1514
01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:47,083
It's a very clear 15-point plan.
1515
01:04:47,183 --> 01:04:50,086
-I think you spelled "covert" wrong. -[Mikey] Okay.
1516
01:04:50,186 --> 01:04:53,789
The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago.
1517
01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:56,926
-So? -So, they still sell Nintendos there.
1518
01:04:57,026 --> 01:04:58,094
So?
1519
01:04:58,194 --> 01:04:59,929
So, we sell some baseball cards,
1520
01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:01,464
get some money...
1521
01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,599
we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo.
1522
01:05:03,699 --> 01:05:06,469
Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps?
1523
01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,571
That's like... three.
1524
01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:10,306
I don't know. We could get in trouble.
1525
01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:13,376
I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas.
1526
01:05:13,442 --> 01:05:14,810
Forget Christmas.
1527
01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:17,713
This is bigger than Christmas.
1528
01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:23,052
[Jake] This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo.
1529
01:05:23,119 --> 01:05:25,454
One that we can play on our own.
1530
01:05:25,554 --> 01:05:27,823
We don't have to worry about taking our boots off,
1531
01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,258
or getting in line...
1532
01:05:29,325 --> 01:05:31,227
or any of that stuff.
1533
01:05:31,294 --> 01:05:33,329
We can totally do this!
1534
01:05:34,830 --> 01:05:38,000
-This is our Vietnam. -[Mikey] Yeah.
1535
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,003
I don't think that means what you think it means.
1536
01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,406
I have no idea what it means.
1537
01:05:43,472 --> 01:05:45,007
But who's with me?
1538
01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,075
I'm in.
1539
01:05:50,479 --> 01:05:52,281
Check, check. Over.
1540
01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:53,683
Check, check. Over.
1541
01:05:54,417 --> 01:05:55,651
[both] We're in.
1542
01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:13,636
I'm in.
1543
01:06:13,703 --> 01:06:15,104
Nope.
1544
01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:16,305
-[Tammy] Forget it. -What?
1545
01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:17,773
Baseball cards, Farmer.
1546
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,109
Come on! What's a guy gotta do?
1547
01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:21,877
Olsen?
1548
01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:34,824
[sighs]
1549
01:06:36,325 --> 01:06:38,661
We're gonna get in so much trouble.
1550
01:06:38,728 --> 01:06:39,862
[all cheering]
1551
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:45,167
[all] One, two, three, Nintendo!
1552
01:06:45,234 --> 01:06:48,537
[all cheering]
1553
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:51,340
[all cheering]
1554
01:06:51,407 --> 01:06:52,508
[Jake] Got it!
1555
01:06:52,575 --> 01:06:53,576
Nice, Tammy.
1556
01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,211
[Evan] Safe and secure.
1557
01:06:55,311 --> 01:06:56,812
Here we go!
1558
01:07:22,905 --> 01:07:25,775
[Annie] Oh, no! Not Jagorski.
1559
01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,243
What's he gonna do?
1560
01:07:27,343 --> 01:07:28,944
I'll give you a hint.
1561
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:30,780
Nothing good.
1562
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,616
[Mrs. Hugo] It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute.
1563
01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:35,284
-Duffle bag? -Check.
1564
01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,086
-Blanket? -Check. In the bag.
1565
01:07:37,186 --> 01:07:38,454
-Walkie-talkies? -Check.
1566
01:07:38,554 --> 01:07:39,889
Camouflage, check.
1567
01:07:39,955 --> 01:07:42,358
Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit.
1568
01:07:42,425 --> 01:07:44,360
Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern,
1569
01:07:44,427 --> 01:07:45,895
you know, for urban combat.
1570
01:07:45,961 --> 01:07:47,463
[Jeff] I agree.
1571
01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,798
How are you feeling, Olsen?
1572
01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,599
Not good. [gags]
1573
01:07:50,699 --> 01:07:51,567
Perfect.
1574
01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:56,305
Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle.
1575
01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,474
I heard it's good for money management.
1576
01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:01,143
[Jake struggling]
1577
01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:02,745
[Josh growls]
1578
01:08:02,812 --> 01:08:04,547
-That's ours! -Not anymore.
1579
01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:06,115
You can't do that!
1580
01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:08,984
Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?
1581
01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:11,620
Yeah. That's what I thought.
1582
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,123
Your Nintendo's mine. [grunts]
1583
01:08:14,223 --> 01:08:16,091
[laughs wickedly]
1584
01:08:16,158 --> 01:08:17,259
[Josh] What up, Miss Hugo?
1585
01:08:17,326 --> 01:08:18,561
Oh, man. This is so bad.
1586
01:08:18,627 --> 01:08:20,496
I don't think it could get any worse.
1587
01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:22,565
Jake Doyle.
1588
01:08:22,631 --> 01:08:23,933
Where do you think you're going?
1589
01:08:23,999 --> 01:08:25,601
On the bus to the Art Institute?
1590
01:08:25,668 --> 01:08:26,902
Not like that.
1591
01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:29,738
No boots, no field trip.
1592
01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:37,012
[adult Jake] At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice."
1593
01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:41,117
Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots!
1594
01:08:41,183 --> 01:08:43,018
[children laughing]
1595
01:08:46,288 --> 01:08:47,590
[mockingly] They're so pretty.
1596
01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,192
I have the same kind.
1597
01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:53,596
Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs
1598
01:08:53,662 --> 01:08:55,264
quickly fell to the wayside.
1599
01:08:55,331 --> 01:08:57,500
It was a bad dream come to life.
1600
01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:01,537
Wow! Nice boots, Doyle.
1601
01:09:01,637 --> 01:09:04,974
Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat?
1602
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,478
Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm?
1603
01:09:09,545 --> 01:09:12,381
They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though.
1604
01:09:12,481 --> 01:09:13,883
[knuckles thumping]
1605
01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:19,522
[adult Jake] The entire plan hung in the balance.
1606
01:09:19,622 --> 01:09:23,526
And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs.
1607
01:09:23,626 --> 01:09:25,561
Erasers are good. Do you want one?
1608
01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,229
-No. -All right.
1609
01:09:32,801 --> 01:09:36,138
♪ When you're Runnin' into first Then you feel a juicy burst♪
1610
01:09:36,205 --> 01:09:38,974
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪
1611
01:09:39,041 --> 01:09:42,411
♪ When you're Sliding into third And you feel a juicy turd♪
1612
01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:45,314
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea♪
1613
01:09:45,381 --> 01:09:48,918
♪ When you're sliding into home And your pants Are full of foam♪
1614
01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:51,387
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea♪
1615
01:09:53,556 --> 01:09:54,723
We're almost to the spot.
1616
01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:56,659
Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do?
1617
01:09:56,725 --> 01:09:58,160
I don't know.
1618
01:09:58,227 --> 01:09:59,428
Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something.
1619
01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:00,529
Okay.
1620
01:10:05,501 --> 01:10:07,269
[whispering] What about the money?
1621
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,605
[exhales]
1622
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,273
Mrs. Hugo.
1623
01:10:11,373 --> 01:10:13,242
-Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? -I don't feel good.
1624
01:10:13,342 --> 01:10:14,777
Okay, I... We're gonna be...
1625
01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,046
Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size.
1626
01:10:17,112 --> 01:10:18,514
Think of something happy.
1627
01:10:18,581 --> 01:10:21,750
Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet.
1628
01:10:21,850 --> 01:10:25,054
In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E...
1629
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:27,690
O, U, Q, X.
1630
01:10:29,725 --> 01:10:33,395
Well, well, look at what we got here.
1631
01:10:33,462 --> 01:10:35,798
We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can--
1632
01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,101
Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine.
1633
01:10:39,201 --> 01:10:41,136
-We gotta go now, or-- -Or else?
1634
01:10:42,805 --> 01:10:44,273
Are you gonna make me?
1635
01:10:44,373 --> 01:10:48,277
Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend
1636
01:10:48,377 --> 01:10:50,145
in your girl boots!
1637
01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:50,980
[thudding]
1638
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,815
Are you gonna cry now?
1639
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,083
[Josh crying mockingly]
1640
01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:58,654
[adult Jake] And that's when it hit me.
1641
01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:02,591
Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel.
1642
01:11:02,658 --> 01:11:04,493
He didn't care about being called names.
1643
01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:06,929
He didn't care about bullies, so why should I?
1644
01:11:06,996 --> 01:11:08,831
Nintendo or not,
1645
01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:11,500
Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long.
1646
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,270
[Josh mockingly] "I'm wearing feminine footwear.
1647
01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:16,071
"Why did I bring it to school?
1648
01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:18,907
"My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!"
1649
01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:21,677
You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski.
1650
01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,013
You're not worth a hill of beans.
1651
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,649
Wha... What does that mean?
1652
01:11:26,749 --> 01:11:28,651
It means you're just a sad little bully.
1653
01:11:28,751 --> 01:11:31,687
And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now
1654
01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:33,956
the only one crying is gonna be you,
1655
01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,591
buttface!
1656
01:11:36,592 --> 01:11:37,693
Now!
1657
01:11:38,694 --> 01:11:40,095
Okay, okay.
1658
01:11:40,829 --> 01:11:42,264
[timidly] Okay.
1659
01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:45,868
And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too!
1660
01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,770
But I love my mom.
1661
01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:56,679
-[Evan] I know, I... -Sit down.
1662
01:11:56,779 --> 01:11:59,882
Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach?
1663
01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:01,717
Do you actually think that maybe you could have...
1664
01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:03,552
[children screaming]
1665
01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:04,953
[school bus braking]
1666
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,955
[children clamoring]
1667
01:12:07,022 --> 01:12:10,392
Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay?
1668
01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:13,062
[Mrs. Hugo] Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?
1669
01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:16,699
[Jake] Get the alarm! Get the alarm!
1670
01:12:16,799 --> 01:12:17,900
[Mikey] Walkies.
1671
01:12:19,301 --> 01:12:20,736
Open the door!
1672
01:12:20,836 --> 01:12:22,571
All right, go, go, go!
1673
01:12:22,671 --> 01:12:24,006
[alarm ringing]
1674
01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,709
Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle!
1675
01:12:26,809 --> 01:12:29,745
Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over.
1676
01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:31,080
Blue Bird, this is Rambo One.
1677
01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:33,048
-What happened to Red Dog? -I changed it.
1678
01:12:33,148 --> 01:12:34,817
We're allowed to change names now?
1679
01:12:34,883 --> 01:12:36,919
Let's just start over.
1680
01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:40,422
Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool.
1681
01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,057
[whooping] Love it!
1682
01:12:42,157 --> 01:12:43,592
Approaching Michigan Avenue.
1683
01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:49,498
-Careful there, kid. It's slippery. -Thanks.
1684
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:51,767
Sorry. Excuse me.
1685
01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,105
Coming through. Sorry.
1686
01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,873
[adult Jake] Our testing had made it clear.
1687
01:12:57,940 --> 01:13:00,275
Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach
1688
01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:02,745
equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit.
1689
01:13:02,845 --> 01:13:04,780
That was our window to buy a Nintendo
1690
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:08,183
and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke.
1691
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,789
Excuse me.
1692
01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,258
As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles
1693
01:13:16,358 --> 01:13:18,460
I figured I'd be good to go-- Oh, God!
1694
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,697
Video game over! Video game over!
1695
01:13:21,764 --> 01:13:23,098
Are you kidding me?
1696
01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:27,436
Rambo One, we have a problem.
1697
01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:29,471
What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever?
1698
01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,907
Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here.
1699
01:13:31,974 --> 01:13:33,375
-What? -[Jake over radio] I repeat, your mom
1700
01:13:33,442 --> 01:13:34,910
and Mrs. Keane are outside the store.
1701
01:13:34,977 --> 01:13:36,578
I can't get past them without them seeing me.
1702
01:13:36,645 --> 01:13:38,046
-Don't go in there. D -Don't go in that store.
1703
01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:40,082
Don't spend your money. Stay in school!
1704
01:13:40,149 --> 01:13:42,251
Get your mom under control, Trotter!
1705
01:13:42,317 --> 01:13:43,886
[groans] Darn it!
1706
01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:45,320
Jake, what are we gonna do?
1707
01:13:45,421 --> 01:13:47,122
I don't know. That's why I'm calling you.
1708
01:13:47,222 --> 01:13:48,457
Abort! Abort!
1709
01:13:48,557 --> 01:13:49,825
-[both] No! -No.
1710
01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:52,060
No abort. We just need to get them out of the way.
1711
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:58,167
Maybe we could page them over the intercom?
1712
01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,135
Tell them they have a call.
1713
01:14:00,235 --> 01:14:02,070
Guys, there's a payphone across the street.
1714
01:14:02,137 --> 01:14:06,575
Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check.
1715
01:14:06,642 --> 01:14:08,177
[Mrs. Hugo] Your poor little tummy--
1716
01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:13,982
Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad.
1717
01:14:14,082 --> 01:14:15,017
Okay!
1718
01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618
Could I get some help here?
1719
01:14:16,685 --> 01:14:19,988
I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it.
1720
01:14:20,088 --> 01:14:22,024
He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast.
1721
01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,259
-We should be good. -Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake.
1722
01:14:24,326 --> 01:14:25,427
But what do we say?
1723
01:14:25,494 --> 01:14:28,096
I don't know. Something good.
1724
01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:29,531
Something good like what?
1725
01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:31,700
-I don't know! Make something up. -[groans]
1726
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,536
Did someone say "make something up"?
1727
01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:42,878
[woman over PA system] Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane
1728
01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:44,847
please come to the white courtesy phone.
1729
01:14:44,947 --> 01:14:46,849
You have an emergency phone call.
1730
01:14:46,949 --> 01:14:48,684
-I'm Mrs. Keane. -What's going on?
1731
01:14:48,784 --> 01:14:49,885
Oh, my gosh! An emergency?
1732
01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:51,887
Let's go.
1733
01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:53,822
[Mrs. Keane] I hope it's not Timmy.
1734
01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:54,990
He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning.
1735
01:14:55,057 --> 01:14:56,124
It worked!
1736
01:14:57,493 --> 01:15:00,295
Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone.
1737
01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:01,997
Copy that.
1738
01:15:02,064 --> 01:15:03,198
Doing good.
1739
01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,001
Oh, hey, here it is.
1740
01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:10,739
-Hello? -Hello, Mrs. Trotter.
1741
01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:13,375
-[Mrs. Keane over phone] No. -I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right.
1742
01:15:13,475 --> 01:15:15,477
-Who is this? -This is your nephew.
1743
01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:17,646
I don't have a nephew.
1744
01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:21,850
I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling.
1745
01:15:21,917 --> 01:15:24,319
I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective.
1746
01:15:24,386 --> 01:15:26,555
The International Nieces and Nephews Collective?
1747
01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,257
-That's right. -What's that?
1748
01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,892
Well, we're based in Canada.
1749
01:15:29,992 --> 01:15:32,895
-[in Canadian accent] Oh, you are, eh? Hi. -Canada.
1750
01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,933
Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this.
1751
01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,069
-That doesn't make any sense. -Makes perfect sense if you think about it.
1752
01:15:41,169 --> 01:15:43,372
You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew,
1753
01:15:43,438 --> 01:15:44,873
the Collective is here to help.
1754
01:15:44,940 --> 01:15:46,074
-Can you make any sense of this? -Sure.
1755
01:15:46,174 --> 01:15:47,776
-Uh, hello? -Hello?
1756
01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,778
I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong.
1757
01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:51,947
Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them.
1758
01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,749
You've gotta hurry.
1759
01:15:53,849 --> 01:15:55,450
-[Nintendo] Where's your sister, Jake? -Shut up, Nintendo.
1760
01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:57,719
And it's also against the law.
1761
01:15:57,786 --> 01:15:59,521
You wanna know what else would be criminal?
1762
01:15:59,588 --> 01:16:01,456
Letting your son go another holiday season
1763
01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:05,360
without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin.
1764
01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:07,563
We're just trying to spread joy to the world.
1765
01:16:07,629 --> 01:16:08,530
[both] Aw.
1766
01:16:08,597 --> 01:16:09,464
That makes sense.
1767
01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:10,766
-That's nice. -Yeah.
1768
01:16:10,866 --> 01:16:13,101
She bought it. Someone believed me.
1769
01:16:13,201 --> 01:16:15,137
[Mrs. Trotter over phone] I can hear you.
1770
01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:18,740
Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security.
1771
01:16:18,807 --> 01:16:20,208
All right. You're feeling better?
1772
01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:21,977
Can we go back in the bus now?
1773
01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,146
Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good.
1774
01:16:25,814 --> 01:16:28,650
Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke!
1775
01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,652
-And I'm your nephew. -Okay. You know what?
1776
01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,155
I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment.
1777
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,323
-Good bye. -Hello?
1778
01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:35,791
-Hello? -[dial tone beeping]
1779
01:16:35,891 --> 01:16:36,959
Drat!
1780
01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:44,333
I lost them, I lost them, I lost them.
1781
01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,734
And Farmer is off the phone.
1782
01:16:45,801 --> 01:16:47,836
[Mikey over comms] Repeat. Farmer's off the phone.
1783
01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:51,340
Look out for Keane and my mom.
1784
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:54,176
-[Mrs. Trotter] I don't understand either. -[Mrs. Keane] Was it a survey?
1785
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,178
[both continue indistinctly]
1786
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,512
[Jake] Excuse me.
1787
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,353
Oh, God.
1788
01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:06,121
I got past them, I'm in the clear!
1789
01:17:06,188 --> 01:17:08,023
[Mikey over comms] The bus is moving, Jake.
1790
01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,092
The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it.
1791
01:17:10,158 --> 01:17:11,660
[adult Jake] This was it. This was it.
1792
01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:14,363
Victory was mine. I could taste it.
1793
01:17:15,097 --> 01:17:16,465
Yes. Yes.
1794
01:17:17,032 --> 01:17:18,367
No!
1795
01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:28,110
[slow motion screaming] No!
1796
01:17:29,945 --> 01:17:31,713
[all] No!
1797
01:17:43,025 --> 01:17:44,192
That can't be good.
1798
01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:49,498
-[thumps] -Damn.
1799
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:55,637
So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas.
1800
01:17:55,704 --> 01:17:58,740
Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid.
1801
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,076
You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk.
1802
01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,212
I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year.
1803
01:18:04,312 --> 01:18:07,082
One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid,
1804
01:18:07,182 --> 01:18:09,418
know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey.
1805
01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,853
A donkey. Can you believe that?
1806
01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,923
Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up.
1807
01:18:15,724 --> 01:18:17,259
Well, I did.
1808
01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:20,429
All November, all December, that's all I could think about.
1809
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,197
All I could talk about.
1810
01:18:22,264 --> 01:18:25,033
Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey?
1811
01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:28,336
And guess what happened Christmas morning?
1812
01:18:28,403 --> 01:18:30,772
-You got a donkey? -No.
1813
01:18:30,872 --> 01:18:32,174
Who gets a donkey?
1814
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:33,675
No. I...
1815
01:18:33,742 --> 01:18:37,446
No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season
1816
01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,448
worrying about something I wanted
1817
01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,851
and I stopped appreciating what I already had.
1818
01:18:42,918 --> 01:18:45,087
Was it like a hamster or dog or something?
1819
01:18:45,187 --> 01:18:48,523
No, my family. My life.
1820
01:18:48,590 --> 01:18:50,792
You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid.
1821
01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,961
You gotta make them count.
1822
01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:57,065
Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you?
1823
01:19:01,303 --> 01:19:03,572
All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on.
1824
01:19:04,106 --> 01:19:05,741
Yo! Taxi!
1825
01:19:11,279 --> 01:19:13,281
Let's get you back with your field trip.
1826
01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:17,886
-Where's you headed? -Art Institute.
1827
01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:20,455
Drop him off at the side door on Monroe.
1828
01:19:20,555 --> 01:19:22,090
-Okay? -Got it.
1829
01:19:22,157 --> 01:19:24,126
Tell security you got lost.
1830
01:19:24,226 --> 01:19:26,795
Is there any way I can pay you back somehow?
1831
01:19:26,895 --> 01:19:29,397
Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch.
1832
01:19:29,464 --> 01:19:30,665
You gotta do me a favor, though.
1833
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,834
-What's that? -Have a Merry Christmas.
1834
01:19:38,440 --> 01:19:41,076
-[Christmas bells jingling] -[horse neighing]
1835
01:19:50,685 --> 01:19:53,288
Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet?
1836
01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:54,623
Is it time yet, Jake?
1837
01:19:57,926 --> 01:19:58,927
Let's go!
1838
01:19:58,994 --> 01:19:59,961
[festive music playing]
1839
01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,167
[whispering] Wow!
1840
01:20:07,602 --> 01:20:10,105
[adult Jake] Ten years of visual unwrapping experience
1841
01:20:10,172 --> 01:20:14,209
I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree.
1842
01:20:14,309 --> 01:20:18,180
Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords.
1843
01:20:18,280 --> 01:20:21,850
Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out.
1844
01:20:21,950 --> 01:20:23,852
You know the rules.
1845
01:20:23,952 --> 01:20:25,287
[rattling]
1846
01:20:26,121 --> 01:20:27,055
Legos?
1847
01:20:27,155 --> 01:20:28,690
Let's just get this over with.
1848
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:30,959
Okay...
1849
01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,328
Let's have some Christmas.
1850
01:20:35,463 --> 01:20:36,865
And...
1851
01:20:36,965 --> 01:20:40,302
-[John] three, two, one... -Merry Christmas!
1852
01:20:40,368 --> 01:20:43,004
It's Christmas morning, 1988.
1853
01:20:43,071 --> 01:20:44,372
Opening our presents!
1854
01:20:44,472 --> 01:20:47,042
-Looking good. -Merry Christmas.
1855
01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:48,577
[Kathy] Merry Christmas.
1856
01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,712
-Okay, hold on. -Cheese.
1857
01:20:53,048 --> 01:20:54,149
[Lizzy giggling]
1858
01:20:54,216 --> 01:20:55,650
[Kathy] Boop. Boop.
1859
01:20:55,717 --> 01:20:57,419
-[John] How are you, Jake? -Boop.
1860
01:20:57,519 --> 01:20:58,920
[John] Cheer up!
1861
01:20:59,020 --> 01:21:00,689
[Kathy] Merry Christmas.
1862
01:21:00,755 --> 01:21:01,857
[John] Thank you, honey.
1863
01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:05,994
[John] Come on, buddy. Thumbs up.
1864
01:21:06,061 --> 01:21:07,362
Great, all right, cool.
1865
01:21:14,736 --> 01:21:17,339
[gasping] Leg warmers.
1866
01:21:17,405 --> 01:21:23,245
[exclaiming] What? I got a sander.
1867
01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,447
Bookends?
1868
01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,749
For your encyclopedia set.
1869
01:21:27,849 --> 01:21:29,618
Great.
1870
01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,686
And they have baseballs on them.
1871
01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:32,621
I see that.
1872
01:21:34,589 --> 01:21:36,691
A Cabbage Patch Kid!
1873
01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,463
Wow! Freckles!
1874
01:21:43,098 --> 01:21:45,233
I'm sorry it's not a redhead.
1875
01:21:47,936 --> 01:21:50,772
Thank you so much. I love you.
1876
01:21:50,872 --> 01:21:51,940
I love you, too.
1877
01:21:53,441 --> 01:21:54,809
[loud buzzing]
1878
01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:56,711
Another great Christmas.
1879
01:21:56,778 --> 01:22:00,415
You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys
1880
01:22:00,482 --> 01:22:02,484
is a real blessing.
1881
01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:04,119
[shouting] What?
1882
01:22:04,219 --> 01:22:07,055
I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..."
1883
01:22:07,122 --> 01:22:08,623
John. John!
1884
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:10,992
John.
1885
01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:12,160
[sander stopping]
1886
01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:13,561
Do you have to do that right now?
1887
01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:16,498
Yeah, but... You gave it to me.
1888
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,167
Okay.
1889
01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,569
Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed.
1890
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,440
[thudding]
1891
01:22:25,507 --> 01:22:28,009
-[gasps] -[adult Jake] And that's when I saw it.
1892
01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:29,577
[barks]
1893
01:22:29,644 --> 01:22:32,781
It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands
1894
01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:34,149
not three days before.
1895
01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:42,290
"To Jake. From Uncle Dan."
1896
01:22:42,357 --> 01:22:45,927
Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan.
1897
01:22:45,994 --> 01:22:49,297
Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan.
1898
01:22:49,364 --> 01:22:51,866
You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years.
1899
01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:53,868
Where's he living again now?
1900
01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,036
Japan.
1901
01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:56,838
[adult Jake] Japan. Japan.
1902
01:22:56,938 --> 01:22:58,306
Home of Nintendo.
1903
01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,475
The land where dreams come true.
1904
01:23:00,542 --> 01:23:02,811
Oh, God, don't mess with me now.
1905
01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,847
It's got your name on it, Jake.
1906
01:23:07,382 --> 01:23:09,184
[John] What'd he say he was sending?
1907
01:23:09,284 --> 01:23:10,485
I have no idea.
1908
01:23:14,289 --> 01:23:16,157
Come on, come on.
1909
01:23:16,224 --> 01:23:18,026
It has to be. It has to be.
1910
01:23:19,361 --> 01:23:20,829
[adult Jake] Lite-Brite?
1911
01:23:20,895 --> 01:23:21,896
Lite-Brite?
1912
01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:23,298
Lite-Brite.
1913
01:23:23,365 --> 01:23:25,734
Japanese Lite-Brite.
1914
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,536
Wow! Lite-Brite!
1915
01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,238
-Yeah. -Jake, that's fun.
1916
01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:34,409
You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo.
1917
01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,044
[laughs]
1918
01:23:36,144 --> 01:23:38,913
[adult Jake] As I slowly tried to grasp the situation
1919
01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:42,417
I began to fear that I might never recover from this.
1920
01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:46,755
This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom,
1921
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,758
never go to college, never leave the house.
1922
01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,528
I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement
1923
01:23:53,595 --> 01:23:57,532
making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite.
1924
01:23:57,599 --> 01:24:00,268
Christmas was dead to me now.
1925
01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:01,736
-Hello? -Hey, Trotter.
1926
01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:03,371
-Hey. -You didn't get one either?
1927
01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,174
-Nah, I got a Chia Pet. -You got a Chia Pet?
1928
01:24:06,241 --> 01:24:07,442
The Hodges struck out, too.
1929
01:24:07,542 --> 01:24:10,245
Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges.
1930
01:24:10,345 --> 01:24:13,715
They just got a new bike... to share.
1931
01:24:13,782 --> 01:24:15,450
Yep.
1932
01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:17,452
Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So...
1933
01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:18,586
Yeah, right.
1934
01:24:18,686 --> 01:24:20,789
I guess we all struck out.
1935
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:21,890
Well, I gotta go.
1936
01:24:21,956 --> 01:24:23,024
-See ya. -See ya, man.
1937
01:24:23,091 --> 01:24:24,059
[line disconnects]
1938
01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,094
[sighs]
1939
01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,865
[Annie] Wait a second. So, you didn't get one?
1940
01:24:30,932 --> 01:24:32,901
None of your friends got one?
1941
01:24:32,967 --> 01:24:35,103
What kind of a story is this?
1942
01:24:35,203 --> 01:24:37,305
Whose Nintendo were we even playing?
1943
01:24:39,307 --> 01:24:41,443
Here, come with me.
1944
01:24:44,112 --> 01:24:46,815
[Kathy] ...gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag.
1945
01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,650
[Kathy speaking indistinctly]
1946
01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:52,754
We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy.
1947
01:24:52,821 --> 01:24:54,722
You've been in our car. I've seen you in it.
1948
01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:56,124
You know how big it is.
1949
01:24:56,224 --> 01:24:58,226
John, you're getting a little bit of a tone.
1950
01:24:58,293 --> 01:25:00,328
I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning.
1951
01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,497
No. I'm not hitting traffic.
1952
01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,099
-Jake! -What?
1953
01:25:04,165 --> 01:25:05,500
Oh.
1954
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,169
Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay?
1955
01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,171
So, get a shovel and pick it up.
1956
01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,173
Why? I mean, come on. Please?
1957
01:25:12,273 --> 01:25:13,508
It's Christmas.
1958
01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:18,146
Fine.
1959
01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,188
Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy.
1960
01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,257
-We gotta go. -Yep.
1961
01:25:29,324 --> 01:25:31,593
[John] Hey, start with the ones behind the shed.
1962
01:25:41,836 --> 01:25:44,873
Dad! The floodlights!
1963
01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,011
[adult Jake] And there, high above the frozen dog poo
1964
01:25:50,111 --> 01:25:52,180
that had become the bane of my existence
1965
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:56,618
was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on.
1966
01:25:56,684 --> 01:25:57,886
Whoa!
1967
01:25:57,986 --> 01:25:59,354
A tree fort.
1968
01:25:59,454 --> 01:26:03,291
A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort.
1969
01:26:05,293 --> 01:26:07,962
Oh, it was breathtaking.
1970
01:26:19,908 --> 01:26:21,209
Wow.
1971
01:26:22,677 --> 01:26:24,579
Wowee.
1972
01:26:26,481 --> 01:26:28,316
It has a trapdoor!
1973
01:26:28,383 --> 01:26:33,087
Your dad was up all night finishing it.
1974
01:26:35,990 --> 01:26:38,092
No, careful by the paint!
1975
01:26:38,193 --> 01:26:39,227
It still looks wet.
1976
01:26:45,233 --> 01:26:48,036
Dad! It's awesome!
1977
01:26:49,437 --> 01:26:51,172
I'm gonna get the video camera.
1978
01:26:51,940 --> 01:26:53,741
Nah, nah.
1979
01:26:53,841 --> 01:26:55,376
-No? -Nah.
1980
01:26:56,778 --> 01:26:58,046
Let him be.
1981
01:27:07,522 --> 01:27:08,389
[sighs]
1982
01:27:09,757 --> 01:27:10,892
[chuckles]
1983
01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:12,627
So, Dad...
1984
01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,797
the Nintendo was here in the fort, right?
1985
01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,433
It was somewhere hidden in here?
1986
01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:19,801
Nope.
1987
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,302
Then how'd you get it?
1988
01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:24,439
I never got it as a present. I had to work for it.
1989
01:27:24,539 --> 01:27:27,809
Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course.
1990
01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,446
Then Grandpa said I could buy my own.
1991
01:27:31,546 --> 01:27:35,483
But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present.
1992
01:27:37,051 --> 01:27:38,319
Mmm-hmm.
1993
01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:40,622
It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's.
1994
01:27:41,589 --> 01:27:42,590
Me, too.
1995
01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:46,995
[Kathy] Dinner's ready! Come on in!
1996
01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:49,764
Grandma! Hi, Grandma!
1997
01:27:49,831 --> 01:27:52,100
Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back.
1998
01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:53,401
Well, we are.
1999
01:27:53,468 --> 01:27:55,069
Now get your buns in here and give me a hug.
2000
01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,360
Phew.
2001
01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,032
[sniffing]
2002
01:28:25,333 --> 01:28:26,768
Smell that?
2003
01:28:26,834 --> 01:28:28,269
[inhaling deeply]
2004
01:28:28,336 --> 01:28:29,470
Fresh air?
2005
01:28:30,538 --> 01:28:32,373
Fresh air.
2006
01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:35,043
Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh?
2007
01:28:37,845 --> 01:28:39,314
Thanks for your help.
2008
01:28:40,481 --> 01:28:41,616
[clicking]
2009
01:28:41,683 --> 01:28:44,018
Here. Carve your initial.
2010
01:28:44,118 --> 01:28:47,021
Every good craftsman leaves their mark.
2011
01:28:47,121 --> 01:28:48,823
That's a good spot.
2012
01:28:50,358 --> 01:28:51,359
There you go.
2013
01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:54,729
[John] There, you got it. Yeah.
2014
01:28:55,663 --> 01:28:57,632
Not bad.
2015
01:28:57,699 --> 01:29:02,136
Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower.
2016
01:29:02,970 --> 01:29:03,971
Totally.
2017
01:29:04,505 --> 01:29:05,573
Totally.
2018
01:29:07,809 --> 01:29:11,245
[adult Jake] Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures
2019
01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,014
that undoubtedly lay ahead.
2020
01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:15,750
Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges
2021
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,186
ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer
2022
01:29:18,252 --> 01:29:22,156
and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes.
2023
01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:27,528
And then a dog was crushed by a TV.
2024
01:29:27,595 --> 01:29:30,431
Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip.
2025
01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:32,433
It was the most crazy story I've ever heard.
2026
01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,502
Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing.
2027
01:29:34,569 --> 01:29:38,339
So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right?
2028
01:29:38,406 --> 01:29:40,074
Yes, Annie, but I had a point.
2029
01:29:40,174 --> 01:29:41,943
I know your point, Dad.
2030
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,045
I'm not getting a phone,
2031
01:29:44,112 --> 01:29:45,947
but Christmas can still be great.
2032
01:29:46,848 --> 01:29:49,717
That... Yeah, pretty much.
2033
01:29:49,784 --> 01:29:51,419
But you left out the best part.
2034
01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:53,888
Yes. Our matching purple floral boots.
2035
01:29:53,955 --> 01:29:56,290
Katie Sorrentino, I would never.
2036
01:29:56,391 --> 01:29:57,959
-[Kathy] Okay. -Really?
2037
01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:01,763
Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great.
2038
01:30:01,863 --> 01:30:03,431
[Annie] No, Dad.
2039
01:30:03,531 --> 01:30:05,733
That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing.
2040
01:30:14,942 --> 01:30:18,045
Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything.
2041
01:30:18,112 --> 01:30:19,147
[both chuckle]
2042
01:30:37,565 --> 01:30:38,666
[sighs]
2043
01:30:41,135 --> 01:30:42,637
Thanks, kiddo.
2044
01:30:42,737 --> 01:30:44,906
You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools
2045
01:30:44,972 --> 01:30:46,507
and work on the fort tomorrow?
2046
01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:49,143
Yeah.
2047
01:30:50,411 --> 01:30:51,813
I think he'd like that.
2048
01:30:54,682 --> 01:30:58,019
[adult Jake] Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot
2049
01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,421
and could never quite finish the kitchen.
2050
01:31:00,488 --> 01:31:02,156
He was a magician.
2051
01:31:02,824 --> 01:31:03,991
He was a hero.
2052
01:31:04,992 --> 01:31:07,328
He was my dad.
2053
01:31:09,764 --> 01:31:11,265
Come on.
2054
01:31:11,332 --> 01:31:12,500
Gotta hit the road.
2055
01:31:13,668 --> 01:31:15,269
Don't wanna hit any traffic.
2056
01:31:16,304 --> 01:31:17,305
Okay.
2057
01:31:20,341 --> 01:31:21,442
[groans]
2058
01:31:25,480 --> 01:31:26,514
All right.
2059
01:31:31,853 --> 01:31:33,454
-Hey, Dad? -Yeah?
2060
01:31:35,189 --> 01:31:37,158
Merry Christmas.
2061
01:31:37,225 --> 01:31:38,960
Merry Christmas, Jake.
140709
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