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ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
my mom was famous
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00:00:02,224 --> 00:00:03,660
for always getting her way.
3
00:00:03,834 --> 00:00:05,705
She bulldozed everyone,
4
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:09,231
teachers, store employees,
even her own friends.
5
00:00:09,405 --> 00:00:11,668
But my mom's arm-twisting
was about to get tested
6
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:13,452
when those friends
became family.
7
00:00:13,626 --> 00:00:15,498
Erica!
8
00:00:15,672 --> 00:00:17,630
I need to get a head count
for Thanksgiving dinner.
9
00:00:17,804 --> 00:00:18,762
Is your mother around?
10
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,590
[GRUNTS] 26 1/2 pounds
11
00:00:20,764 --> 00:00:22,809
is a lot heavier
than you think.
12
00:00:22,984 --> 00:00:24,289
- Oof.
- Where do you buy a bird that big?
13
00:00:24,463 --> 00:00:26,988
Oh, I've had this gobbler
since he was a chick.
14
00:00:27,162 --> 00:00:28,946
I'd hand-feed him
peanut butter, corn,
15
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,296
and pasta carbonara
every day
16
00:00:31,470 --> 00:00:34,125
until my relentless
forced-gorging did what it do. [CHUCKLES]
17
00:00:34,299 --> 00:00:35,997
"My name was Popcorn."
18
00:00:36,171 --> 00:00:37,172
That's so dark.
19
00:00:37,346 --> 00:00:39,435
The dark meat
is the juiciest.
20
00:00:39,609 --> 00:00:41,393
Sorry to interrupt
your pet's murder,
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00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:43,569
but I thought I was hosting
Thanksgiving this year.
22
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,658
Well, that doesn't
sound right, so it isn't.
23
00:00:45,832 --> 00:00:47,182
And I'm already
three hours into
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00:00:47,356 --> 00:00:49,532
a 15-hour
seasoning process.
25
00:00:49,706 --> 00:00:52,230
So? I made little menus
with a calligraphy pen.
26
00:00:52,404 --> 00:00:53,797
She calls yams "yums."
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00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,451
That was actually
my contribution.
28
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,061
That's not the brag
you think it is.
29
00:00:57,235 --> 00:00:58,454
And, Mom,
Linda clearly thought
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00:00:58,628 --> 00:01:00,021
she was doing
Thanksgiving this year.
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00:01:00,195 --> 00:01:01,979
She can still be a part
of the festivities.
32
00:01:02,153 --> 00:01:03,198
I need help with the bird.
33
00:01:03,372 --> 00:01:06,549
You will be scooping out
Popcorn's giblets.
34
00:01:06,723 --> 00:01:08,290
Giblets are not as cute
as the name implies.
35
00:01:08,464 --> 00:01:09,944
Just a butt
full of guts.
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00:01:10,118 --> 00:01:11,641
I suggest putting down
a beach towel,
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00:01:11,815 --> 00:01:13,077
'cause this juicy Johnny's
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00:01:13,251 --> 00:01:14,252
gonna leak
something fierce.
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00:01:14,426 --> 00:01:16,080
Okay. Thank you.
40
00:01:16,254 --> 00:01:17,342
Mom, you can't just
steal Thanksgiving.
41
00:01:17,516 --> 00:01:18,169
It's Linda's turn.
42
00:01:18,343 --> 00:01:19,692
Oh, Linda.
43
00:01:19,866 --> 00:01:22,217
You know, I just hate
seeing your pruney little face
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00:01:22,391 --> 00:01:23,653
more wrinkled and sad
than usual,
45
00:01:23,827 --> 00:01:25,002
so what about this?
46
00:01:25,176 --> 00:01:26,743
You can have
your own holiday.
47
00:01:26,917 --> 00:01:28,005
The hell does that mean?
48
00:01:28,179 --> 00:01:29,267
It means we'll all
get together
49
00:01:29,441 --> 00:01:30,529
and have a thing
at Linda's house.
50
00:01:30,703 --> 00:01:31,922
- A "thing"?
- BEVERLY: Yeah.
51
00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:33,793
We'll call it Linda Day.
52
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,317
Ooh, Linda Day.
That sounds fun.
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00:01:35,491 --> 00:01:37,580
Maybe it'll be
a completely random gathering,
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00:01:37,754 --> 00:01:38,973
at your house,
at your expense,
55
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:40,975
anytime within the next
six to nine months.
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00:01:41,149 --> 00:01:42,454
What are we celebrating?
57
00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:44,326
I don't know, Linda.
It's your day.
58
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:46,763
The least you can do is figure
out why we should care.
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00:01:46,937 --> 00:01:49,070
[CHUCKLES]
Also, heads up, I can't make it.
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00:01:49,244 --> 00:01:50,462
We didn't even
settle on a date.
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00:01:50,636 --> 00:01:53,378
I'm worried about
feeding 20 people right now.
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00:01:53,552 --> 00:01:55,076
Perhaps you'd know
what that's like
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00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:56,860
if you'd ever planned
a Thanksgiving.
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00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,994
So, come on.
[GRUNTS] Go.
65
00:02:00,168 --> 00:02:01,691
- Ahh! I-It's heavy!
- I'll help you, Mama.
66
00:02:01,865 --> 00:02:03,171
Giblet juice!
67
00:02:03,345 --> 00:02:04,694
Oh, it's dripping
in my moccasins.
68
00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:06,261
Tilt that hole up!
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00:02:06,435 --> 00:02:08,132
♪ I'm twisted up inside
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00:02:08,306 --> 00:02:11,222
♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
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00:02:14,138 --> 00:02:15,879
♪ I don't know the future
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00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,665
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,363
[DOORBELL RINGS]
ADULT ADAM: It was Thanksgiving week,
74
00:02:21,537 --> 00:02:23,756
1980-something,
and Pop-Pop dropped by our house early
75
00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:25,454
with a surprising plus-one.
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00:02:25,628 --> 00:02:27,021
I'm sorry, ma'am.
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00:02:27,195 --> 00:02:28,370
You must have found him
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00:02:28,544 --> 00:02:29,588
wandering aimlessly
in the street.
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00:02:29,762 --> 00:02:30,981
We'll take it from here.
80
00:02:31,155 --> 00:02:32,765
Your blood sugar
must be tanking, Pop-Pop.
81
00:02:32,939 --> 00:02:34,506
You're at your son's house!
82
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,247
The war is long over!
83
00:02:36,421 --> 00:02:38,162
This is not
some random lady.
84
00:02:38,336 --> 00:02:39,772
This is my special friend,
Joyce.
85
00:02:39,946 --> 00:02:40,947
It's so nice
to meet you both.
86
00:02:41,122 --> 00:02:42,514
Hold on.
87
00:02:42,688 --> 00:02:44,386
There's something wrong
with your face, Pop-Pop.
88
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,170
Why is your frown
curling upward?
89
00:02:46,344 --> 00:02:48,564
Your eyes don't have
their characteristic hollowness,
90
00:02:48,738 --> 00:02:50,044
and they're blue?
You have blue eyes?
91
00:02:50,218 --> 00:02:51,567
What color
did you think they were?
92
00:02:51,741 --> 00:02:53,569
I know this isn't a color,
but "angry"?
93
00:02:53,743 --> 00:02:56,267
These boys
are hilarious.
94
00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:58,400
You're blessed with
a fun-loving family.
95
00:02:58,574 --> 00:03:00,054
Yes, it's true.
I have a wonderful brood,
96
00:03:00,228 --> 00:03:01,751
in whom I have
absolutely no gripes.
97
00:03:01,925 --> 00:03:02,839
What's happening right now?
98
00:03:03,013 --> 00:03:04,536
Is today Opposite Day?
99
00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:06,582
Is that why the mailman
was a lady in shorts?
100
00:03:06,756 --> 00:03:08,975
I think he's dating her.
101
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:10,803
So, Joyce,
why don't you come in
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00:03:10,977 --> 00:03:12,109
and tell us how Pop-Pop
tricked you,
103
00:03:12,283 --> 00:03:13,980
trapped you, met you?
104
00:03:14,155 --> 00:03:15,939
I had just moved in
a few doors down,
105
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,898
and they delivered Ben's
TV Guide to me by mistake,
106
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,118
and so I just
knocked on his door.
107
00:03:21,292 --> 00:03:22,902
And you took
one look at him
108
00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,600
and said, "More, please"?
109
00:03:24,774 --> 00:03:26,167
[CHUCKLES] Walk us through
your flawed thinking.
110
00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:29,039
Okay, you scamps.
Cool it.
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00:03:29,213 --> 00:03:30,823
I just popped over to pick up
my tennis racket I left here.
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00:03:30,997 --> 00:03:32,086
I have to retrieve it.
113
00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:33,652
What, to shake at
the neighborhood kids
114
00:03:33,826 --> 00:03:35,567
as they joyfully
ride their bikes by?
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00:03:35,741 --> 00:03:37,308
No, to play tennis.
Joyce and I are gonna knock a few around.
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00:03:37,482 --> 00:03:38,353
[BOTH LAUGH]
117
00:03:38,527 --> 00:03:39,528
What's so funny?
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00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:40,964
This guy?
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00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,053
Tennis? This guy?
120
00:03:43,227 --> 00:03:44,924
I'll just get my ball-whacker
so we can go.
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00:03:45,534 --> 00:03:46,535
Oh.
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00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:47,797
My, uh, firstborn son,
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00:03:47,971 --> 00:03:49,842
in whom
I have great pride.
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00:03:50,016 --> 00:03:51,148
Come,
meet my new lady friend.
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00:03:51,322 --> 00:03:52,932
New lady friend?
126
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,195
You don't have any friends
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00:03:54,369 --> 00:03:55,892
or ladies or anything new,
128
00:03:56,066 --> 00:03:57,415
but what the heck.
Hi!
129
00:03:57,589 --> 00:03:58,982
It's such a joy
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00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,592
to meet Ben's
beautiful family.
131
00:04:00,766 --> 00:04:02,377
I'll go
- pull the car around. - Right.
132
00:04:02,551 --> 00:04:04,814
Pop-Pop, what is
a gentle and kind lady
133
00:04:04,988 --> 00:04:06,903
doing with, you know,
this?
134
00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:08,644
She enjoys
my sparkling personality
135
00:04:08,818 --> 00:04:09,862
and thinks
I'm a family man.
136
00:04:10,036 --> 00:04:10,950
So you lied to her?
137
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,648
Big time. [CHUCKLES]
138
00:04:12,822 --> 00:04:14,998
I got a good reason.
I love her shape.
139
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,869
She's gonna see right
through you when you try and play tennis today.
140
00:04:17,043 --> 00:04:18,001
I'm way ahead of you
on that one.
141
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,698
I'm gonna
twist my ankle before
142
00:04:19,872 --> 00:04:20,699
and then we're gonna go
make out in her Buick.
143
00:04:20,873 --> 00:04:22,266
Why?
144
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:23,789
Old people
don't deserve happiness.
145
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:25,661
All right, I haven't been
exactly forthright with her,
146
00:04:25,835 --> 00:04:27,228
but we're happy.
Now, come on. I need this.
147
00:04:27,402 --> 00:04:28,968
Well, it doesn't concern me,
148
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,666
so... [GROANS]
149
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,189
Great, because I'm gonna
bring her to Thanksgiving,
150
00:04:32,363 --> 00:04:33,234
and I need you guys
to keep up the ruse.
151
00:04:35,888 --> 00:04:37,934
ADULT ADAM: While Pop-Pop
was trying to get us not to spill the beans,
152
00:04:38,108 --> 00:04:40,893
my sister was trying
to mop up my mom's mess.
153
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:43,157
Well, I got rid of
the Thanksgiving cornucopia
154
00:04:43,331 --> 00:04:45,507
that I grew in my garden.
[CHUCKLES]
155
00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:47,552
Just like the trampoline
that you kids never use.
156
00:04:47,726 --> 00:04:50,294
- Think your mom's upset?
- Yeah, such a waste.
157
00:04:50,468 --> 00:04:52,470
But one scary bounce
on that bad boy and I was like, "Not for moi."
158
00:04:52,644 --> 00:04:54,603
Not the trampoline.
159
00:04:54,777 --> 00:04:56,909
The fact that my mom
stole Thanksgiving from your mom
160
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:57,997
and she just
let it happen.
161
00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,695
Just letting it happen
162
00:04:59,869 --> 00:05:01,479
is my family's way
of dealing with your mother
163
00:05:01,653 --> 00:05:02,480
and your whole family,
to be honest.
164
00:05:02,654 --> 00:05:04,830
That ends now.
165
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:06,571
Linda, we're taking
back Thanksgiving.
166
00:05:06,745 --> 00:05:08,225
Oh, no, thank you.
167
00:05:08,399 --> 00:05:10,271
I like that it was
stolen from me last-minute.
168
00:05:10,445 --> 00:05:11,924
Keeps me on my toes,
169
00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:14,057
and my doctor says
I need to stand more.
170
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,450
Doesn't it bother you
that my mom
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00:05:15,624 --> 00:05:16,886
bulldozes her way
to whatever she wants?
172
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:18,322
Well, there is one worry.
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00:05:18,496 --> 00:05:20,106
She will keep us
from spending time with you
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00:05:20,281 --> 00:05:22,021
and, eventually,
our grandkids.
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00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:23,501
ERICA: She totally will.
176
00:05:23,675 --> 00:05:25,634
And not just holidays,
every day.
177
00:05:25,808 --> 00:05:27,462
You may never see them.
178
00:05:27,636 --> 00:05:29,290
Do you remember when
she borrowed your hand mixer?
179
00:05:29,464 --> 00:05:31,509
Oh, no. I can't have pancakes
or grandchildren?
180
00:05:31,683 --> 00:05:33,511
Yeah, you're overreacting,
but there is a way.
181
00:05:33,685 --> 00:05:35,078
See, Beverly Goldberg
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00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,167
only respects power
and confidence.
183
00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:39,213
I only have one of those.
I mean none.
184
00:05:39,387 --> 00:05:40,866
Nothing's ever
gonna change
185
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,825
until you face her
and don't back down.
186
00:05:42,999 --> 00:05:44,522
- I don't know.
- I do.
187
00:05:44,696 --> 00:05:47,569
You are strong,
you are powerful,
188
00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:49,223
and you deserve
what's yours.
189
00:05:49,397 --> 00:05:50,485
Now, go take back
your damn holiday.
190
00:05:50,659 --> 00:05:52,530
I can, and I will.
191
00:05:52,704 --> 00:05:54,271
[CLATTERING]
I'm sorry!
192
00:05:54,445 --> 00:05:56,360
Apology not accepted!
193
00:05:56,534 --> 00:05:59,102
You want to take Thanksgiving
from Linda, fine.
194
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,756
But just know that
if you go through with this,
195
00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:01,974
you won't be
celebrating it with me.
196
00:06:02,148 --> 00:06:03,498
Excuse me?
197
00:06:03,672 --> 00:06:04,890
You heard me.
198
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,762
I will be celebrating
at the Schwartzes',
199
00:06:06,936 --> 00:06:09,112
and you will enjoy
a lonely Thanksgiving
200
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,809
without your original
schmoopy-poo.
201
00:06:10,983 --> 00:06:12,985
- You wouldn't.
- Try me.
202
00:06:13,159 --> 00:06:15,161
ADULT ADAM: It was a standoff,
but my sister knew
203
00:06:15,336 --> 00:06:17,512
my mom would never risk
a Schmoo-less Thanksgiving.
204
00:06:17,686 --> 00:06:19,253
- Fine!
- Yes!
205
00:06:19,427 --> 00:06:20,776
And since you won't
be needing it, Beverly,
206
00:06:20,950 --> 00:06:21,994
I'll be taking
that turkey.
207
00:06:22,168 --> 00:06:22,908
So be it.
208
00:06:25,389 --> 00:06:26,825
Here you go.
209
00:06:28,436 --> 00:06:29,393
You have to
let it go.
210
00:06:29,567 --> 00:06:31,700
You're right.
Here you go.
211
00:06:31,874 --> 00:06:34,703
ADULT ADAM: As Erica tried
to wrestle Thanksgiving back from my mom,
212
00:06:34,877 --> 00:06:36,922
Barry and I were pinning down
a plan of our own.
213
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:38,794
Dad,
- we got a question. - MURRAY: Not now.
214
00:06:38,968 --> 00:06:40,274
There's a guy who
kind of looks like Pat Sajak
215
00:06:40,448 --> 00:06:41,579
on America's Most Wanted.
216
00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:44,016
We were thinking,
if Pop-Pop insists on us
217
00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:46,932
helping him mislead Joyce
into thinking he's a nice guy,
218
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,325
we should get something
out of it.
219
00:06:48,499 --> 00:06:49,761
Like a lifetime
of love and respect?
220
00:06:49,935 --> 00:06:51,372
More like 20 bucks.
221
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:54,070
So you're gonna extort
your grandfather?
222
00:06:54,244 --> 00:06:56,028
Fine.
Just leave me out of it.[KNOCK ON DOOR]
223
00:06:56,202 --> 00:06:58,422
We've come to visit
and whatnot.
224
00:06:58,596 --> 00:06:59,815
There's where we get
all our wisdom!
225
00:06:59,989 --> 00:07:02,034
[LAUGHS] Hey!
226
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:03,558
We missed you,
cherished grandpappy.
227
00:07:03,732 --> 00:07:04,907
Look how much
they love you.
228
00:07:05,081 --> 00:07:06,648
Yeah, that was nice.
229
00:07:06,822 --> 00:07:08,432
And embracing me,
that was... welcome.
230
00:07:08,606 --> 00:07:10,869
Physical affection
comes naturally to him.
231
00:07:11,043 --> 00:07:12,349
Speaking of
his generosity,
232
00:07:12,523 --> 00:07:14,220
Pop-Pop, are we gonna
play the gobble-gobble game?
233
00:07:14,395 --> 00:07:15,613
The gobble-gobble game?
234
00:07:15,787 --> 00:07:17,311
You know,
our Thanksgiving tradition
235
00:07:17,485 --> 00:07:18,790
of handing us
your wallet
236
00:07:18,964 --> 00:07:20,270
and letting us gobble up
any money we find inside.
237
00:07:20,444 --> 00:07:21,837
That is so sweet.
238
00:07:22,011 --> 00:07:23,621
Is it? Is it?
239
00:07:23,795 --> 00:07:24,709
Now, gobble-gobble,
old man.
240
00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:26,145
Sure. Sure.
Here, gobble-gobble.
241
00:07:28,017 --> 00:07:29,453
Four bucks?
Aren't you an adult?
242
00:07:29,627 --> 00:07:31,063
I don't like
carrying cash.
243
00:07:31,237 --> 00:07:32,891
There's greasers
and doo-woppers in my neighborhood.
244
00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:35,372
We're gonna
inherit nothing.
245
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:37,243
Murray,
what about you?
246
00:07:37,418 --> 00:07:39,550
Do you have any Thanksgiving
traditions with your dad?
247
00:07:39,724 --> 00:07:40,638
Well, let me think.
248
00:07:40,812 --> 00:07:42,336
Uh... no.
249
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:43,989
I'm sorry.
Did I say something wrong?
250
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:45,556
No, no, no.
Everything is peachy.
251
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:46,992
That's Murray's
dry sense of humor.
252
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,472
He's--
He's my funny boy.
253
00:07:48,646 --> 00:07:50,082
Whatever this is,
I hate it.
254
00:07:50,256 --> 00:07:52,563
We have a lot of
- Thanksgiving traditions. - Oh, yeah?
255
00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:54,173
We watch
the football game together.
256
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,653
You mean you made me
go in my room
257
00:07:55,827 --> 00:07:57,220
and listen to it
on the radio.
258
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,961
So we could
compare experiences after.
259
00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:00,615
And after the game,
you'd go for your cigar walk.
260
00:08:00,789 --> 00:08:02,268
Well, sure.
261
00:08:02,443 --> 00:08:03,922
I couldn't smoke around
Prince Murray and his asthma.
262
00:08:04,096 --> 00:08:06,360
Another possibility?
You're a liar.
263
00:08:06,534 --> 00:08:07,186
And you were
an annoying kid.
264
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,101
And there it is,
265
00:08:09,275 --> 00:08:10,842
anger, yelling,
and pettiness,
266
00:08:11,016 --> 00:08:13,018
your real
Thanksgiving tradition.
267
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:15,717
You know what?
I-I think I should go.
268
00:08:15,891 --> 00:08:16,892
No, wait, Joyce.
[CHUCKLES] No, no.
269
00:08:17,066 --> 00:08:18,067
We're just
having fun here.
270
00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:19,416
Yeah, but I'm not.
271
00:08:21,636 --> 00:08:22,898
How could you
mess this up for me?
272
00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:25,030
You had years
to play the loving dad.
273
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,467
You messed that up
all on your own.
274
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,341
It's probably
for the best.
275
00:08:31,515 --> 00:08:33,256
Joyce's eyes were,
like, all over me.
276
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:34,866
ADULT ADAM:
While Pop-Pop's lie was exposed,
277
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,781
my mom was hoping
a covered dish
278
00:08:36,955 --> 00:08:38,740
would keep her in
the Thanksgiving spotlight.
279
00:08:38,914 --> 00:08:40,089
- Hello, Bev.
- Linda.
280
00:08:40,263 --> 00:08:41,699
I thought
I would drop off
281
00:08:41,873 --> 00:08:43,701
my triple-cheese
shrimp au gratin
282
00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:45,877
so there's
something decent to eat.
283
00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:46,878
ERICA: Just bring it
in the kitchen!
284
00:08:47,052 --> 00:08:47,749
Erica?
285
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:50,360
The hell's this?
286
00:08:50,534 --> 00:08:52,928
I'm helping Linda
with Thanksgiving prep.
287
00:08:53,102 --> 00:08:55,539
Creamy sweet peas,
Lou's favorite.
288
00:08:55,713 --> 00:08:57,236
Oh, are those
matching aprons?
289
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:58,716
BOTH: Two peas in a pod.
290
00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:02,024
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
291
00:09:02,198 --> 00:09:04,461
ADULT ADAM: While she
may not have been cooking Thanksgiving dinner,
292
00:09:04,635 --> 00:09:05,984
watching Erica and Linda
bond in the kitchen...
293
00:09:06,158 --> 00:09:07,421
I have to go.
294
00:09:07,595 --> 00:09:10,206
...made my mom boil over.
295
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:12,121
But thankfully,
there was someone to dish to.
296
00:09:12,295 --> 00:09:13,949
I come bearing
a seasonal candle, neighbor.
297
00:09:14,123 --> 00:09:14,950
I've been cheated on!
298
00:09:15,124 --> 00:09:17,561
Exodus 20:14, no!
299
00:09:17,735 --> 00:09:19,520
I'd never think that Murray
would have the energy,
300
00:09:19,694 --> 00:09:21,522
let alone the desire.
301
00:09:21,696 --> 00:09:23,001
And what woman would
debase hers--
302
00:09:23,175 --> 00:09:25,177
It's Linda [BLEEP] Schwartz!
303
00:09:25,351 --> 00:09:27,092
I always got a skank vibe
off of her.
304
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:28,659
Murray didn't cheat on me
with Linda.
305
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:29,747
Erica did.
306
00:09:29,921 --> 00:09:31,923
Torrents of confusion.
307
00:09:32,097 --> 00:09:33,447
Please explain.
308
00:09:33,621 --> 00:09:36,275
The very fruit
of my lush giving tree
309
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,190
is out gallivanting
with another mother.
310
00:09:38,364 --> 00:09:39,670
Wait, your daughter
is hanging out
311
00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:41,193
with her
soon-to-be mother-in-law,
312
00:09:41,367 --> 00:09:43,239
and that's bad
because...
313
00:09:43,413 --> 00:09:47,069
Because it is a disgusting
display of child infidelity.
314
00:09:47,243 --> 00:09:49,637
I don't think child infidelity
is a real thing.
315
00:09:49,811 --> 00:09:51,377
It's real.
316
00:09:51,552 --> 00:09:54,032
Maybe my Thanksgivings just
aren't what they used to be.
317
00:09:54,206 --> 00:09:56,774
Cheesy shrimp au gratin.
Bleh!
318
00:09:56,948 --> 00:09:58,210
That's not gonna keep her
coming home to Mama.
319
00:09:58,384 --> 00:09:59,516
Fudge and crackers!
320
00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:01,823
Thanksgiving's at
the Schwartzes'?
321
00:10:01,997 --> 00:10:03,477
My candle was an attempt
to snag an invite
322
00:10:03,651 --> 00:10:04,956
to your Turkey Day.
323
00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:07,002
Why can't there be
two Thanksgivings?
324
00:10:07,176 --> 00:10:09,047
[GASPS]
Wait a minute.
325
00:10:09,221 --> 00:10:10,571
Clear out
your Wednesday.
326
00:10:10,745 --> 00:10:12,442
You're invited to a nosh.
327
00:10:12,616 --> 00:10:14,183
Hot damn!
The candle worked.
328
00:10:14,357 --> 00:10:15,619
[SNIFFS]
It's perfect.
329
00:10:18,796 --> 00:10:21,059
ADULT ADAM:
After my dad had blown Pop-Pop's cover with Joyce,
330
00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:23,584
he was back to
his sad bachelor ways.
331
00:10:23,758 --> 00:10:25,716
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I told you girls already,
332
00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:27,805
I don't want anything
from Samoa,
333
00:10:27,979 --> 00:10:29,024
especially a cookie.
334
00:10:29,198 --> 00:10:30,765
ADAM: Pop-Pop, open up!
335
00:10:30,939 --> 00:10:31,592
It's us.[KNOCK ON DOOR]
336
00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,553
We feel really bad
about any part we had
337
00:10:36,727 --> 00:10:38,033
in your break-up
with Joyce.
338
00:10:38,207 --> 00:10:39,774
I was alone for decades
before Joyce.
339
00:10:39,948 --> 00:10:41,384
I'll be alone
for decades after.
340
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:42,907
Don't say that.
341
00:10:43,081 --> 00:10:44,256
There are other women
out there.
342
00:10:44,430 --> 00:10:46,258
Not like Joyce.
She was perfect.
343
00:10:46,432 --> 00:10:48,260
Nice figure, she didn't think
she was better than me,
344
00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:50,262
and she lived within
a 50-foot radius.
345
00:10:50,436 --> 00:10:51,612
Why don't you try
and win her back?
346
00:10:51,786 --> 00:10:53,396
Win her back?
She's not an object.
347
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,137
She's
a smoking-hot broad
348
00:10:55,311 --> 00:10:56,486
with a caboose that
never stops chugging.
349
00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:58,401
- Caboose?
- Oh, ignoring that.
350
00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,576
We'll help you.
351
00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:01,360
Barry and I
have a rich history
352
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,014
of grand,
romantic gestures.
353
00:11:03,188 --> 00:11:04,102
Guess it couldn't
make it any worse.
354
00:11:04,276 --> 00:11:05,843
That's almost
the spirit.
355
00:11:06,017 --> 00:11:07,410
You know what?
356
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,151
Let's start with
a clothing makeover.
357
00:11:09,325 --> 00:11:11,066
What's the matter
- with these? - They're hideous!
358
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,372
Time to raid
your closet.
359
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,027
ADULT ADAM: Unfortunately,
Pop-Pop's closet wasn't a treasure trove.
360
00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:18,464
I didn't even know they made
so many browns.
361
00:11:18,639 --> 00:11:20,771
Technically, uh,
the one on the end is russet,
362
00:11:20,945 --> 00:11:22,556
and, uh, that guy
is Yukon gold,
363
00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:24,209
and the fancy one
is yam.
364
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:25,297
They're all named
after potatoes,
365
00:11:25,471 --> 00:11:26,821
the least sexy vegetable?
366
00:11:26,995 --> 00:11:28,431
Everyone likes a potato.
367
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,345
It's a versatile tuber.
368
00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:30,607
You're a tuber, huh?
369
00:11:30,781 --> 00:11:31,956
Barry, no.
370
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:33,654
Let's just focus on
the gesture part
371
00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:36,134
of the grand,
romantic gesture.[GRUNTS]
372
00:11:36,308 --> 00:11:37,788
Do you have any skills
that might dazzle a lady?
373
00:11:37,962 --> 00:11:39,790
I have Medicare.
- Is that a skill? - No.
374
00:11:39,964 --> 00:11:41,183
Let's just do
what we always do,
375
00:11:41,357 --> 00:11:42,576
you stand
outside her window
376
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:44,360
holding a boombox
over your head.
377
00:11:44,534 --> 00:11:46,014
Box?
No, that sounds expensive.
378
00:11:46,188 --> 00:11:47,537
What about this thing?
379
00:11:47,711 --> 00:11:49,278
Maybe you can sell it,
give her the money?
380
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:51,106
Oh, my accordion!
381
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,542
The ladies do go crazy
over a guy
382
00:11:52,716 --> 00:11:54,196
who's got one of those
strapped to his chest.
383
00:11:54,370 --> 00:11:55,937
[ACCORDION WHEEZES]
384
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:57,721
Logic and judgment suggest
there's no way that's true,
385
00:11:57,895 --> 00:11:59,680
but here we go.
386
00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:00,289
I guess I can give
the old girl some squeezes,
387
00:12:00,463 --> 00:12:02,204
a few tickles.
388
00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:04,728
Please tell me you're talking
about this thing, not Joyce.
389
00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:06,904
ADULT ADAM:
As Pop-Pop was planning to use his accordion,
390
00:12:07,078 --> 00:12:10,212
my mom was set to put the
Thanksgiving squeeze on Linda.
391
00:12:10,386 --> 00:12:11,909
Well, thank you all
for coming.
392
00:12:12,083 --> 00:12:14,216
I know we have a big day
tomorrow at Linda's.
393
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:16,784
Well, tonight's get-together
is just a light Wednesday nosh
394
00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:20,004
to prep our tummies for
Linda's smorgasbord tomorrow.
395
00:12:20,178 --> 00:12:21,397
Back in a jiff.
396
00:12:21,571 --> 00:12:22,877
ADULT ADAM:
But the nosh wasn't so light.
397
00:12:23,051 --> 00:12:25,314
It was heavy. Very heavy.
398
00:12:25,488 --> 00:12:26,576
This is just
Thanksgiving dinner.
399
00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:27,838
Cool.
400
00:12:28,012 --> 00:12:29,057
What did you do?
401
00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:30,188
Oh, this?
402
00:12:30,362 --> 00:12:31,929
Well, it's just
a light offering
403
00:12:32,103 --> 00:12:34,497
of some coincidentally
seasonal dishes.
404
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,368
I'm looking at
five gravy boats.
405
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:38,414
The stuffing, mashed potatoes,
cornbread, and turkey
406
00:12:38,588 --> 00:12:40,111
have to drown
in something, Erica.
407
00:12:40,285 --> 00:12:41,547
I brought a candle.
408
00:12:41,722 --> 00:12:43,462
I see that it's unlit
in the corner
409
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,161
and someone's placed some mail
on top of it, but that's fine.
410
00:12:46,335 --> 00:12:47,945
How is this bird
somehow bigger than the first?
411
00:12:48,119 --> 00:12:49,947
I always have a backup.
412
00:12:50,121 --> 00:12:53,734
Um, this was Wishbone.
Spirited fella.
413
00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:56,258
The last 60 seconds
of his life were chaotic.
414
00:12:56,432 --> 00:12:58,129
Are those
creamy sweet peas?
415
00:12:58,303 --> 00:12:59,957
They're triple-creamy
sweet peas.
416
00:13:00,131 --> 00:13:01,611
The secret? More cream.
417
00:13:01,785 --> 00:13:04,135
This is too far, woman.
Too far.
418
00:13:04,309 --> 00:13:06,050
Speaking of too far,
419
00:13:06,224 --> 00:13:07,748
uh, could you put some
sweet potatoes on my plate?
420
00:13:07,922 --> 00:13:10,011
It still has
some white space.
421
00:13:10,185 --> 00:13:12,274
Linda, you still have
real Thanksgiving tomorrow,
422
00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:14,189
so why don't we all
just relax
423
00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:17,322
and fill our bellies
to their physical limits?
424
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:20,064
- Lou!
- They've got triple the cream, Linda!
425
00:13:20,238 --> 00:13:22,327
I'm just a man!
426
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,852
ADULT ADAM: As my mom's
big night stole the spotlight from Linda,
427
00:13:25,026 --> 00:13:27,332
Pop-Pop was about to
put on a show of his own.
428
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:29,378
Joyce is gonna love
your new look.
429
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,423
What have you done
to my hair?
430
00:13:31,597 --> 00:13:33,425
I look like that Italian fella
on that show
431
00:13:33,599 --> 00:13:34,905
with the leather jacket
and the thumbs.
432
00:13:35,079 --> 00:13:36,646
Exactly.
An elderly Fonzie.
433
00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:38,430
And what's with
this sweater?
434
00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:40,258
Sophia Loren couldn't
fill this out.
435
00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:41,999
It was my mom's,
but don't worry.
436
00:13:42,173 --> 00:13:43,174
The tag says "unisex."
437
00:13:43,348 --> 00:13:44,262
[ACCORDION WHEEZING]
438
00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:48,527
You look good.
Fine. Different.
439
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:51,052
You're gonna be great.
440
00:13:51,226 --> 00:13:53,837
ADULT ADAM: So in my mom's
most normal sweater,
441
00:13:54,011 --> 00:13:56,492
Pop-Pop played In Your Eyes
by Peter Gabriel,
442
00:13:56,666 --> 00:13:57,493
and he was good.
443
00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:58,929
He was really good.
444
00:13:59,103 --> 00:14:01,105
Ben, what are you doing here?
445
00:14:01,279 --> 00:14:03,238
I'm winning you back
with the squeeze-box.
446
00:14:03,412 --> 00:14:04,979
[SOUR NOTE PLAYS]
Oh, crap.
447
00:14:05,153 --> 00:14:06,545
ADULT ADAM: Until he wasn't.
448
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,766
I, uh, I can't be talking
while I...
449
00:14:09,940 --> 00:14:12,203
[CAT YOWLS]
Ooh. My cat, he doesn't like...
450
00:14:12,377 --> 00:14:14,031
[SOUR NOTES PLAYING]
Pop-Pop, stop.
451
00:14:14,205 --> 00:14:15,424
It's like the moans
of a ghost trapped in our world!
452
00:14:15,598 --> 00:14:17,121
I can get back into it.
453
00:14:17,295 --> 00:14:18,601
I'm... I'm just off
by one finger.
454
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,516
[CAT YOWLING]
Oh, no. Your cat got out.
455
00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:22,561
I'll get it.
I'm good with cats.
456
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:24,346
We both have
adventurous natures.
457
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,652
I'm sorry.
I clearly can't play this thing.
458
00:14:26,827 --> 00:14:28,306
I mean, my hair
is all slicked back
459
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,352
and they got me in this
bosomy lady's garment.
460
00:14:30,526 --> 00:14:32,702
Still, I-I appreciate
the effort. It's nice.
461
00:14:32,876 --> 00:14:33,877
Mm.
462
00:14:34,486 --> 00:14:35,487
You're nice.
463
00:14:35,661 --> 00:14:37,359
No, I'm not.
464
00:14:37,533 --> 00:14:39,056
I just made up some things
to impress you,
465
00:14:39,230 --> 00:14:41,842
and the truth is,
as a father, I'm kind of a putz.
466
00:14:42,016 --> 00:14:43,757
I just thought
if I got lucky,
467
00:14:43,931 --> 00:14:44,975
you'd never find out.
468
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:46,324
Ben, I don't want you
to be perfect.
469
00:14:47,891 --> 00:14:49,240
I just want you
to be yourself.
470
00:14:49,414 --> 00:14:50,415
Really?
471
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:51,895
Really.
472
00:14:52,069 --> 00:14:53,114
This might be
a little late,
473
00:14:53,288 --> 00:14:54,158
but, uh,
you wouldn't want to go
474
00:14:54,332 --> 00:14:55,594
to a Thanksgiving dinner now,
would you?
475
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:57,335
You know what?
I would.
476
00:14:57,509 --> 00:14:59,294
Not every day somebody
stands outside my door
477
00:14:59,468 --> 00:15:00,164
and serenades me.
478
00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:01,775
I'll get my purse.
479
00:15:01,949 --> 00:15:03,211
[SIGHS]
480
00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:07,345
And that, my boy,
is why the accordion
481
00:15:07,519 --> 00:15:10,522
is the most romantic of all
the instruments you wear.
482
00:15:10,696 --> 00:15:11,872
ADULT ADAM:
While Pop-Pop's heart was full,
483
00:15:12,046 --> 00:15:13,351
everyone's bellies were, too.
484
00:15:13,525 --> 00:15:14,788
Turkey's almost done,
everyone.
485
00:15:14,962 --> 00:15:17,007
- No more!
- Are you trying to kill us?
486
00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:19,531
Throw it in the trash,
Linda!
487
00:15:19,705 --> 00:15:21,011
I'm kind of
full myself.[KNOCK ON DOOR]
488
00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:22,230
We're here.
489
00:15:23,274 --> 00:15:24,449
Linda, I have to say,
490
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:27,104
I am so glad
you are hosting this year.
491
00:15:27,278 --> 00:15:29,193
Also, Murray will not
be able to attend.
492
00:15:29,367 --> 00:15:31,195
Something about
Thanksgiving being yesterday.
493
00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,197
Yep. Bev's bird
did me in, too.
494
00:15:33,371 --> 00:15:35,504
I slept
for 12 hours last night,
495
00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,288
instead of my usual 11.
496
00:15:37,462 --> 00:15:39,769
Maybe that can be
our new tradition, huh?
497
00:15:39,943 --> 00:15:42,163
Pre-Thanksgiving
at the Goldbergs'?
498
00:15:42,337 --> 00:15:43,642
ADULT ADAM: Erica realized
she had to do something
499
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,557
to take down my mom,
500
00:15:45,731 --> 00:15:47,690
so she pulled out
her biggest weapon.
501
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,735
Can you help me
set the table, Mom?
502
00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:53,391
Or, fun thought, we skip
the meal and just call it.
503
00:15:53,565 --> 00:15:56,177
Hey, yay!
Four-day weekend, everybody.
504
00:15:56,351 --> 00:15:59,093
Oh, I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Linda.
505
00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:00,398
Can you help me
set the table, Mom?
506
00:16:00,572 --> 00:16:01,791
[SHATTERING]
507
00:16:01,965 --> 00:16:03,314
I must be
in my manic phase
508
00:16:03,488 --> 00:16:05,229
because I am giddy
with anticipation.
509
00:16:05,403 --> 00:16:07,362
That's right.
Since we're becoming family,
510
00:16:07,536 --> 00:16:09,494
I wanted to honor her
with the title of "Mom."
511
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:12,062
Mm. This feels right.
512
00:16:12,236 --> 00:16:14,282
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
513
00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:15,979
Linda, is this true?
514
00:16:16,153 --> 00:16:18,503
Have you decided
that it is appropriate
515
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:20,592
for you to be
addressed as such by the fruit of my womb?
516
00:16:20,766 --> 00:16:22,768
Oh, Beverly.
You misheard.
517
00:16:22,943 --> 00:16:24,640
I'm pretty sure
she said "ma'am."
518
00:16:24,814 --> 00:16:26,468
You said "ma'am,"
didn't you, Erica?
519
00:16:26,642 --> 00:16:27,730
Tell her
you said "ma'am."
520
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,384
Nope, I called you
"Mom," Mom.
521
00:16:29,558 --> 00:16:31,038
And that, Mom,
522
00:16:31,212 --> 00:16:32,430
is what I will call you
from now on, Mom.
523
00:16:35,303 --> 00:16:37,348
Geoffrey, when your mother
gets back, call me "Mom."
524
00:16:37,522 --> 00:16:39,220
Finally.
Mom. Or Mommy?
525
00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:41,657
Mama? Ma?
Mammy? Momo?
526
00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:43,877
Forget it.
You make everything weird.
527
00:16:44,051 --> 00:16:46,270
Joanne, you give it a try.
528
00:16:46,444 --> 00:16:47,837
I actually call her
Linda. What if I call you Linda? Would that work?
529
00:16:48,011 --> 00:16:49,186
Worthless.
530
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,101
- Hey, Mom?
- Yes?
531
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:52,973
Oh, I meant Linda.
532
00:16:53,147 --> 00:16:54,975
You should probably go ahead
and get used to that.
533
00:16:55,149 --> 00:16:56,324
Okay, everyone.
It's time.
534
00:16:56,498 --> 00:16:58,456
Time for what?
More drama?
535
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:00,763
For touch football
in the yard. It's our family tradition.
536
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:01,938
I'd like to play.
537
00:17:02,112 --> 00:17:04,027
Just so you're clear,
it's "touch."
538
00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:06,856
Just so you're clear,
I don't give a [BLEEP]
539
00:17:09,337 --> 00:17:10,773
ADULT ADAM:
That Thanksgiving,
540
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,080
my mom and sister prepared
for the most important
541
00:17:13,254 --> 00:17:15,996
and maybe only touch football
game of their lives.
542
00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:18,650
Mom supremacy was on the line.
543
00:17:18,824 --> 00:17:20,783
All right, enough stretching.
Let's do this.
544
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,611
But I gotta
keep these hammies warm
545
00:17:22,785 --> 00:17:24,656
if I'm gonna
shake and bake.
546
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:25,962
You know,
my height and weight
547
00:17:26,136 --> 00:17:28,138
are exactly the same
548
00:17:28,312 --> 00:17:30,836
as Texas Oiler
Earl Campbell.
549
00:17:31,011 --> 00:17:32,751
Dad, please. No one knows
how to respond to that.
550
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,449
Okay,
let's pick teams.
551
00:17:34,623 --> 00:17:36,059
I, of course,
pick my mom.
552
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,540
Yes. Thank you, sweetheart.
I knew you--
553
00:17:38,714 --> 00:17:40,498
Damn it!
You mean Linda, don't you?
554
00:17:40,672 --> 00:17:41,935
Yep. And I'm gonna
scoop up Joanne, too.
555
00:17:42,109 --> 00:17:44,198
So now I'm stuck with
the Schwartz men?
556
00:17:44,372 --> 00:17:45,460
How is that fair?
557
00:17:45,634 --> 00:17:47,070
And I'll be the referee
558
00:17:47,244 --> 00:17:50,639
because the tension
is palpable in the fall air.
559
00:17:50,813 --> 00:17:52,858
ADULT ADAM: And so, there on
the chilly ryegrass
560
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:56,123
of the Schwartz backyard,
warriors faced off.
561
00:17:57,689 --> 00:17:59,561
On one side, my mom,
562
00:17:59,735 --> 00:18:02,216
determined to reclaim
her status as top mom.
563
00:18:02,390 --> 00:18:04,305
And on the other, my sister,
564
00:18:04,479 --> 00:18:07,264
ready to defend her
mother-in-law at all costs.
565
00:18:07,438 --> 00:18:10,006
It was a game for the ages. [WHISTLE BLOWS]
566
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:12,226
Soon, it came down to
the final drive.
567
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,619
Whichever team
scored next won,
568
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,752
and fate
set two combatants...[DISTORTED] Run!
569
00:18:16,926 --> 00:18:18,493
...on a collision course
with history.[DISTORTED] No!
570
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:19,842
Mom!
571
00:18:22,758 --> 00:18:23,541
[THUD]
572
00:18:27,415 --> 00:18:29,330
- Linda, are you okay?
- I think so.
573
00:18:29,504 --> 00:18:31,027
My shin might be
a little bruised.
574
00:18:31,201 --> 00:18:33,464
[GASPS]
That isn't my leg, is it?
575
00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:34,857
What the hell, Mom?
576
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,946
I was caught up in the game.
I didn't mean to--
577
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,208
Wreck your best friend?
578
00:18:38,382 --> 00:18:39,993
All because you lost
a stupid holiday.
579
00:18:41,646 --> 00:18:42,908
[GROANS]
580
00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:44,214
This might be
the wrong time to ask,
581
00:18:44,388 --> 00:18:46,608
is it "Linda" or "Lisa"?
582
00:18:46,782 --> 00:18:49,089
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom may have seriously injured Linda,
583
00:18:49,263 --> 00:18:51,961
Pop-Pop was trying to heal
some old wounds.
584
00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:54,398
There he is,
Father of the Year.
585
00:18:54,572 --> 00:18:55,834
Just listen for a second,
clever guy.
586
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,141
I shouldn't have lied.
587
00:18:58,315 --> 00:19:00,100
And yes,
I wasn't the best dad.
588
00:19:00,274 --> 00:19:02,319
Best? You're
in the bottom three.
589
00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:03,538
All right,
get your licks in.
590
00:19:03,712 --> 00:19:05,235
I know I was
a miserable schmuck,
591
00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:07,411
and that's why I thought
I'd never have a lady in my life again.
592
00:19:07,585 --> 00:19:09,500
All right,
I was lonely, okay?
593
00:19:09,674 --> 00:19:11,241
I didn't know that.
You could have told me.
594
00:19:11,415 --> 00:19:13,417
- How?
- With words!
595
00:19:13,591 --> 00:19:14,070
That's not my thing!
596
00:19:15,941 --> 00:19:17,160
Look, the point is,
597
00:19:17,334 --> 00:19:18,596
I would have done anything
to keep her around.
598
00:19:20,163 --> 00:19:21,860
Then why'd you drag her
over here?
599
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:24,646
You... You should have known
we'd ruin your lies.
600
00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:26,604
I don't know. Maybe
I wanted to show you all off or something.
601
00:19:31,218 --> 00:19:32,828
You want
to watch the game?
602
00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:34,612
- Uh, together?
- Yeah.
603
00:19:36,005 --> 00:19:39,182
Oh, yeah.
604
00:19:39,356 --> 00:19:41,793
ADULT ADAM: While my dad
and Pop-Pop looked to change their future,
605
00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:44,883
my mom felt it was time
to apologize for the past.
606
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,061
Is it okay if I sit?
607
00:19:48,235 --> 00:19:50,367
Why, so you can steal
Arbor Day or Cinco de Mayo
608
00:19:50,541 --> 00:19:51,934
or Lou and Linda's
anniversary?
609
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:56,199
Linda, I am so sorry.
610
00:19:56,373 --> 00:19:57,853
You're one of
my dearest friends.
611
00:19:58,027 --> 00:19:59,942
And you are
one of mine.
612
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,552
That's why I thought
it would be so sweet
613
00:20:01,726 --> 00:20:03,032
when our families merge.
614
00:20:03,206 --> 00:20:05,643
It can be.
It will be.
615
00:20:07,558 --> 00:20:10,561
I'm just so scared
I'm gonna lose my baby to you.
616
00:20:10,735 --> 00:20:12,694
I'm scared I'm gonna lose
my baby to you.
617
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:13,564
[PETER GABRIEL'S
"IN YOUR EYES" PLAYS]
618
00:20:13,738 --> 00:20:15,044
How about that?
619
00:20:15,218 --> 00:20:17,438
Sounds like you have
everything in common.
620
00:20:17,612 --> 00:20:19,396
I guess that makes us
pretty lucky.
621
00:20:19,570 --> 00:20:22,660
I'm the lucky one.
I get two great moms.
622
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:24,706
♪ Sometimes...
623
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,055
Are you going to be okay
with me saying that?
624
00:20:26,229 --> 00:20:27,056
Never.
625
00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:29,319
But if
it's gotta be someone,
626
00:20:29,493 --> 00:20:32,496
I'm glad it's Linda.
627
00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:34,672
ADULT ADAM:
As you get older, your family dynamics will inherently
628
00:20:34,846 --> 00:20:36,457
change, shift, and evolve.
629
00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:39,373
♪ I reach out
from the inside...
630
00:20:39,547 --> 00:20:40,983
ADULT ADAM: Sometimes
it's to welcome new,
631
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,463
completely unexpected
family members.
632
00:20:43,507 --> 00:20:45,640
♪ In your eyes...
633
00:20:45,814 --> 00:20:47,685
ADULT ADAM: And sometimes,
it's to welcome friends
634
00:20:47,859 --> 00:20:49,122
who've been there all along.
635
00:20:49,296 --> 00:20:50,035
♪ I am complete
636
00:20:50,210 --> 00:20:51,472
♪ In your eyes
637
00:20:51,646 --> 00:20:53,474
♪ I see the doorway...
638
00:20:53,648 --> 00:20:55,215
When you make room
for everyone at your table...
639
00:20:55,389 --> 00:20:56,738
you'll find every day
640
00:20:56,912 --> 00:20:58,957
to be a joyous celebration.
641
00:21:02,570 --> 00:21:03,658
What's up, Mom?
642
00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:06,356
Ooh, yeah, that
still doesn't feel right.
643
00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:09,229
It's wildly uncomfortable
for everyone involved.
644
00:21:09,403 --> 00:21:11,535
There's got to be something
that speaks to our closeness.
645
00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:14,408
Mee-maw? Mamacita?
Mommers? Mommaroony?
646
00:21:14,582 --> 00:21:15,844
Mumsy? Mama-lou?
647
00:21:16,018 --> 00:21:18,194
Queen Mother?
Mamasaurus Rex?
648
00:21:18,368 --> 00:21:21,023
Mother Superior? Bahama Mama?
The Bev Train? Choo-choo.
649
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,894
Big Mama?
She's a fine Mama-Jama?
650
00:21:23,068 --> 00:21:24,026
Ooh, how about
just "Beverly"?
651
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,680
Sorry. None of these
are working.
652
00:21:25,854 --> 00:21:26,855
But, Mrs. Goldberg--
653
00:21:27,029 --> 00:21:27,725
Bup-bup! That's the one.
654
00:21:27,775 --> 00:21:32,325
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