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1
00:00:02,338 --> 00:00:04,510
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,610 --> 00:00:07,749
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:11,422
♪ But where are those
good old�fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:14,428
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,495 --> 00:00:18,036
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:21,242
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,342 --> 00:00:22,946
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,013 --> 00:00:24,248
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,348 --> 00:00:30,193
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,705 --> 00:00:37,174
Where's Dad?
11
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:39,478
It's office birthdays today
at the brewery.
12
00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,449
Ever since your father
was put in charge,
13
00:00:41,517 --> 00:00:43,521
he's been taking it
very seriously.
14
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:45,725
Okay, Brian,
what do you got for me?
15
00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:47,461
Okay, birthday jokes.
16
00:00:47,529 --> 00:00:51,102
"We may be colleagues, but
there's no one in your league."
17
00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,939
Boy, that's a brick
off the backboard.
18
00:00:53,006 --> 00:00:54,008
Chris, what do you got?
19
00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:56,780
"I drove the family
to Disneyland for vacation,
20
00:00:56,847 --> 00:00:59,452
"and when we got off
the highway, the sign said,
21
00:00:59,553 --> 00:01:03,226
'Disneyland, Left,'
so we drove back home."
22
00:01:04,028 --> 00:01:05,865
Chris, that's going in the show.
23
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:06,767
See that, Brian?
24
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,403
Don't be afraid
to pull the heartstrings.
25
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:10,742
Peter, don't you think you might
be putting too much time
26
00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:13,413
into office birthdays
and not enough into your job?
27
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,252
Come on, Lois. It's the one
thing I look forward to at work.
28
00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:17,822
It's the one thing I'm good at.
29
00:01:17,889 --> 00:01:20,160
I am to birthdays
what J. K. Rowling is
30
00:01:20,227 --> 00:01:22,766
to now�problematic
wizard stories.
31
00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,636
Perhaps Slytherin
32
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:27,308
or maybe Hufflepuff
33
00:01:27,408 --> 00:01:30,480
or trans women
aren't really women.
34
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:31,316
Wait, what?
35
00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:34,155
I mean, uh,
the first two things.
36
00:01:34,221 --> 00:01:37,261
Okay, who's the next
girl or boy?
37
00:01:37,328 --> 00:01:39,298
There's only those two.
38
00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:45,344
PETER:
Who's ready for June birthdays?
39
00:01:45,410 --> 00:01:46,446
(cheering)
40
00:01:46,547 --> 00:01:49,786
(lively orchestral music
playing)
41
00:01:49,886 --> 00:01:53,193
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
42
00:01:53,259 --> 00:01:56,332
♪ Every birthday boy and girl
who's on the clock ♪
43
00:01:56,432 --> 00:01:58,470
♪ First there's Annie
from accounting ♪
44
00:01:58,571 --> 00:02:00,207
♪ Just turned 40,
but who's counting? ♪
45
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:03,313
♪ And that old guy Frank
down on the dock ♪
46
00:02:04,348 --> 00:02:06,787
Ladies and gentlemen,
Leslie Uggams.
47
00:02:07,889 --> 00:02:11,229
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
48
00:02:11,295 --> 00:02:14,368
♪ Ah, tole, da, da�doe�da,
tinkin' can ♪
49
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,239
♪ All the hanna�manna wishes ♪
50
00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:17,842
♪ And the hanna�wenna fishes ♪
51
00:02:17,909 --> 00:02:21,282
♪ Out of all the morning glories
on the spam ♪
52
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,821
♪ Because it's June ♪
53
00:02:23,921 --> 00:02:25,424
♪ Da�da�da ♪
54
00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:29,065
♪ Just because it's June, June ♪
55
00:02:29,131 --> 00:02:32,037
♪ June! ♪
56
00:02:32,104 --> 00:02:34,609
�(song ends)
�(applause)
57
00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:36,412
Wait, isn't it November?
58
00:02:36,513 --> 00:02:39,553
Who cares? They are marvelous.
59
00:02:43,828 --> 00:02:46,800
So I drove my family
down to Disneyland for vacation.
60
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,637
When we got off the highway,
the sign said,
61
00:02:48,738 --> 00:02:51,710
"Disneyland, Left,"
so we drove back home.
62
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:54,716
(laughter)
63
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,587
Thanks. I wrote that.
64
00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:58,657
Oh, I'll show him.
65
00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:03,734
I own the school paper.
66
00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:06,005
Get me dirt
on Principal Shepherd's car.
67
00:03:06,072 --> 00:03:08,209
I also own the school car wash.
68
00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:10,280
Myeah. Myeah.
69
00:03:14,288 --> 00:03:16,359
Children, please continue
independent play
70
00:03:16,426 --> 00:03:19,833
while I go see
if I just sneezed my tampon out.
71
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,672
Let's see. Any good reads here?
72
00:03:22,739 --> 00:03:23,941
Hmm, what's this?
73
00:03:25,945 --> 00:03:27,549
Hmm.
74
00:03:27,615 --> 00:03:29,853
Mm�hmm. Mm�hmm.
75
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,890
My word, this is brilliant.
76
00:03:33,828 --> 00:03:35,865
Now to find my mark.
77
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,571
Hey, Stewie. What you reading?
78
00:03:38,637 --> 00:03:40,975
Something with
different cloths to feel?
79
00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:43,581
No, not since, uh...
not since COVID.
80
00:03:43,647 --> 00:03:47,522
I say, Doug, it appears you've
got something on your shirt.
81
00:03:47,589 --> 00:03:48,791
Is that so?
82
00:03:48,858 --> 00:03:50,895
♪ ♪
83
00:04:01,884 --> 00:04:04,923
(slow�motion groaning)
84
00:04:08,463 --> 00:04:10,935
Ha�ha!
There's nothing on your shirt!
85
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:12,639
It was all a ruse.
86
00:04:15,076 --> 00:04:18,216
(wailing)
87
00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:20,053
Doug, are you okay?
88
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,590
Oh, my God, what happened?
89
00:04:21,657 --> 00:04:24,094
�Who did this to you?
�Stewie.
90
00:04:24,161 --> 00:04:26,432
Stewart Griffin�Suarez,
is that true?
91
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:27,234
No!
92
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,236
And thank you for that.
93
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,472
Rupert and I
decided to hyphenate.
94
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:32,077
I hope it doesn't make me look
like too much of a pushover.
95
00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:34,048
Now, where was I? Oh, yes.
96
00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:35,618
(sighs) Screw it.
97
00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:36,820
Yes, I hit him.
98
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:38,423
And it was glorious.
99
00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:40,862
This is
your third strike, Stewie.
100
00:04:40,962 --> 00:04:42,431
That means no more time�outs.
101
00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:43,901
You get a detention.
102
00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:45,170
Detention?
103
00:04:45,237 --> 00:04:46,807
(scoffs) You can't scare me.
104
00:04:46,907 --> 00:04:49,311
The only thing that scares me
is a sudden loud noise,
105
00:04:49,378 --> 00:04:50,781
even if it's only spoken.
106
00:04:50,848 --> 00:04:52,519
TV ANNOUNCER:
We now return to Val Kilmer
107
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:53,854
and Robert Downey Jr.
108
00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:55,056
�in Kiss Kiss...
�Ooh!
109
00:04:55,123 --> 00:04:56,727
�...Bang Bang!
�(screams)
110
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,970
So, how did
the birthday thing go?
111
00:05:02,037 --> 00:05:03,239
Amazing, Lois.
112
00:05:03,306 --> 00:05:05,110
I've even been asked
to do a TED Talk.
113
00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:08,249
What is a birthday?
114
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,555
I think it can best
be understood by breaking down
115
00:05:10,655 --> 00:05:13,459
the word "birth" and "day."
116
00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:15,531
Where the hell is everyone?
117
00:05:15,598 --> 00:05:17,769
Ah, okay. Now it makes sense.
118
00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:24,950
(kissing) Bye�bye, Stewie.
119
00:05:25,016 --> 00:05:26,219
Yeah, buh�bye, whatever.
120
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,622
Stewie, where are you headed?
121
00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:29,158
You've got detention
this morning.
122
00:05:29,258 --> 00:05:30,528
That's where I'm headed.
123
00:05:30,595 --> 00:05:33,366
Stewie, no, detention
isn't in preschool.
124
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,270
It's in
the elementary school building.
125
00:05:35,337 --> 00:05:36,874
(dramatic musical sting)
126
00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:38,476
The elementary school?
127
00:05:38,544 --> 00:05:40,280
But that's where
the big kids are.
128
00:05:40,347 --> 00:05:41,750
(dramatic musical sting)
129
00:05:41,817 --> 00:05:44,756
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I ruins y'all's reveal?
130
00:05:44,823 --> 00:05:47,094
Let me go ahead
and scooch back a little.
131
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,498
Beep, beep, beep.
132
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:50,868
(dramatic musical sting)
133
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:55,076
Oh, no!
Look at that big scary school!
134
00:05:56,513 --> 00:05:58,617
(dramatic musical sting)
135
00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:03,928
♪ ♪
136
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,839
My God, these kids
have their teeth.
137
00:06:09,906 --> 00:06:12,812
And where are their pacifiers?
How do they ever sleep?
138
00:06:12,912 --> 00:06:14,549
Detention kids are scary.
139
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:17,387
Especially that fourth grader
writing on the board.
140
00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:22,632
Ah, that is such a load of
141
00:06:22,732 --> 00:06:25,470
(Mickey Mouse voice):
truth, a wonderful load of truth.
142
00:06:25,538 --> 00:06:27,775
(disco music playing inside)
143
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:31,048
(disco music continues)
144
00:06:31,115 --> 00:06:32,585
All right, birthdays.
145
00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:34,221
(disco whoop):
Whoop, whoop!
146
00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:36,158
MAN:
What the hell is this?
147
00:06:36,225 --> 00:06:37,595
It's happy birthday
148
00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:38,964
(disco whoop):
to you.
149
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,300
I didn't approve this.
150
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:41,637
Oh, yeah? Well, who the hell are
151
00:06:41,737 --> 00:06:42,906
(disco whoop):
you�you?
152
00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:44,275
I'm Preston Lloyd,
153
00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:46,747
the new manager of the brewery
and your boss.
154
00:06:46,813 --> 00:06:48,316
(disco whoop):
Is that true�true?
155
00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:52,659
Yes. And I've been charged with
improving brewery productivity.
156
00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:55,631
And it has become clear to me
that the best way to start is
157
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:58,637
by canceling office birthdays,
effective immediately.
158
00:06:58,704 --> 00:07:00,340
I don't know how to stop
on roller skates,
159
00:07:00,407 --> 00:07:02,812
so hang on until
I run out of momentum.
160
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,085
What?!
161
00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:15,036
But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't
cancel office birthdays.
162
00:07:15,103 --> 00:07:16,907
I'm pretty sure I can.
163
00:07:16,974 --> 00:07:19,980
Mr. Griffin, I like
focused, productive employees.
164
00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:23,119
But this is a brewery.
Beer is supposed to be fun.
165
00:07:23,186 --> 00:07:25,290
I've been sober for 46 years.
166
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:27,160
�How old are you?
�46.
167
00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:29,231
A brewery is not about
getting drunk.
168
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:30,200
It's a business.
169
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:33,072
I need disciplined,
productive employees.
170
00:07:33,139 --> 00:07:34,475
Can you be that, Mr. Griffin?
171
00:07:34,542 --> 00:07:35,878
Oh, heavens, no.
172
00:07:35,945 --> 00:07:37,782
Then we're going to have
a problem.
173
00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:40,353
But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't
take away office birthdays.
174
00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:41,355
People love 'em.
175
00:07:41,422 --> 00:07:42,692
(sighs)
176
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:45,296
If it means that much
to the employees, fine.
177
00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:46,365
Yay!
178
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:47,835
�I'll do them.
�Aw.
179
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,073
�(feedback squeals)
�Attention, employees.
180
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,777
This is Mr. Lloyd, your manager.
181
00:07:51,877 --> 00:07:52,912
I will now resume
182
00:07:52,979 --> 00:07:54,983
the office birthday celebration
from earlier.
183
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:55,885
(clears throat)
184
00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:59,759
Helen Daily, date of birth
12/10/1968.
185
00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:04,234
Martin Burke, date of birth
12/13/1969.
186
00:08:04,301 --> 00:08:07,407
J.H. Christ, 12/25...
187
00:08:07,474 --> 00:08:10,648
zero, zero, zero, zero.
188
00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:13,353
You now have two minutes
to consume cake.
189
00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:16,526
(stopwatch ticking)
190
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:21,503
(lively chatter)
191
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,414
Hey, do you know where I can
get a pacifier in this place?
192
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:28,449
I'm jonesing.
193
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,521
Anyone hears you
say that in here,
194
00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:31,957
you'll get your ass kicked.
195
00:08:32,024 --> 00:08:35,163
You're the "something
on your shirt" kid, right?
196
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:36,265
How did you know?
197
00:08:36,332 --> 00:08:39,471
Well, I make it
my business to know.
198
00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:41,275
You got purdy lips.
199
00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:43,012
Why, thank you.
It's a new serum.
200
00:08:43,079 --> 00:08:45,618
Move over, lip balms.
The secret is retinol.
201
00:08:45,684 --> 00:08:47,087
Let's talk later.
202
00:08:49,893 --> 00:08:52,431
I can't believe
the new jerk manager
203
00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:53,834
canceled office birthdays.
204
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,005
It was the one thing in life
I looked forward to.
205
00:08:56,072 --> 00:08:59,211
Is this manager
a no�nonsense, button�down man
206
00:08:59,278 --> 00:09:01,182
who's also been in the military?
207
00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:02,919
�How'd you know?
�Mm�hmm.
208
00:09:03,019 --> 00:09:05,023
�Well, what do I do?
�Take it from a lawman,
209
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:07,360
whenever authorities have tried
to take away something
210
00:09:07,427 --> 00:09:08,831
the people find precious,
211
00:09:08,897 --> 00:09:11,435
the people have found ways
around the law.
212
00:09:11,503 --> 00:09:14,308
They always find a way,
like nature.
213
00:09:14,374 --> 00:09:15,811
�(birds chirping)
�Look at that.
214
00:09:15,911 --> 00:09:18,917
Tree bent to keep growing
toward the sun.
215
00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:23,126
Anyway, I'm Joe,
and I don't do a lot of these.
216
00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:27,835
Boy, wouldn't you like to know
217
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,173
what those little guys
are saying?
218
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,277
♪ ♪
219
00:09:40,895 --> 00:09:42,497
PETER:
What's the password?
220
00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,134
(hushed):
"Fat man."
221
00:09:45,771 --> 00:09:48,075
�(lively chatter)
�(jazzy piano music playing)
222
00:09:53,687 --> 00:09:55,825
I'd like to wish
all you birthday boys and girls
223
00:09:55,891 --> 00:09:58,029
a special day
with the help of...
224
00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,131
The Beatles.
225
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,168
One, two, three, hit it.
226
00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:04,809
(crowd cheering)
227
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:07,815
(jazzy piano music playing)
228
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:09,819
The boss is coming.
229
00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:11,322
�(music stops)
�(clamoring)
230
00:10:16,499 --> 00:10:19,037
And this is our final stop
on the tour.
231
00:10:19,104 --> 00:10:20,006
What's this room?
232
00:10:20,106 --> 00:10:21,776
Oh, this is
an unused meeting room
233
00:10:21,843 --> 00:10:23,647
that no one pays attention to.
234
00:10:23,714 --> 00:10:25,250
Ah. Well, then,
235
00:10:25,316 --> 00:10:28,156
I suppose there's no need
to pay any attention.
236
00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:35,036
Okay, there was an elderly
Jewish family hiding in there,
237
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,107
and I don't know
what to tell them.
238
00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:40,113
�(school bell ringing)
�(kids chattering)
239
00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:42,919
Well, Stewie, you've completed
your detention.
240
00:10:42,985 --> 00:10:44,689
What have you learned
from this experience?
241
00:10:44,756 --> 00:10:46,358
That your mother's a whore.
242
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:53,574
Hey, Stewie.
How was your detention?
243
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,878
Brian Griffin,
is that really you?
244
00:10:55,978 --> 00:10:57,480
Been a long time, it has.
245
00:10:57,582 --> 00:10:58,650
I saw you this morning.
246
00:10:58,717 --> 00:11:02,157
The world's gone and got itself
in a big damn hurry.
247
00:11:02,257 --> 00:11:04,729
You lose track of time
on the inside, Brian.
248
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:05,798
You wouldn't know.
249
00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,300
You ain't seen
the things I've seen.
250
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,973
Preschool detention?
No, I guess I haven't.
251
00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:11,977
�What'd you do in there?
�Got jacked.
252
00:11:12,043 --> 00:11:15,149
�You look exactly the same.
�And yet I got jacked.
253
00:11:17,955 --> 00:11:20,694
Okay, time to make
this office my own
254
00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:23,667
and decorate it
with my prized achievements.
255
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,205
Ah, let's start with
my Big Mouth Billy Bass
256
00:11:26,272 --> 00:11:27,440
with the battery removed
257
00:11:27,508 --> 00:11:30,814
so I don't have to be
interrupted by that nonsense.
258
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,221
Ah, my framed ticket stub
259
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:37,294
from opening night of
Independence Day.
260
00:11:37,394 --> 00:11:39,197
My Purple Heart.
261
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,337
�(jazzy piano music playing)
�(lively chatter)
262
00:11:43,574 --> 00:11:45,778
Today, for
a special birthdays treat,
263
00:11:45,844 --> 00:11:48,182
I've acquired Marty McFly's amp.
264
00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:54,261
(low electrical humming)
265
00:12:00,741 --> 00:12:02,612
Who's ready to rock birthdays?
266
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,448
(cheering)
267
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,222
There.
268
00:12:08,289 --> 00:12:11,195
A lifetime of
fragilely framed achievements.
269
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,499
(electric guitar blares)
270
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,936
What the hell?
271
00:12:20,013 --> 00:12:21,015
(gasps)
272
00:12:21,081 --> 00:12:22,183
Mr. Lloyd!
273
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:23,587
What is going on in here?
274
00:12:23,687 --> 00:12:25,557
(gasps)
275
00:12:25,624 --> 00:12:28,062
Ow! Ow! Aah!
276
00:12:28,162 --> 00:12:29,464
Sorry.
277
00:12:29,565 --> 00:12:30,834
Aah! That didn't work!
278
00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:32,170
Ow, my bones!
279
00:12:32,237 --> 00:12:34,509
I had a very good rotation guy
work on this.
280
00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:36,178
Ow, though!
281
00:12:36,245 --> 00:12:38,382
Ow! Please stop!
282
00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:40,086
Sorry. Sorry.
I�I don't know what to say.
283
00:12:40,153 --> 00:12:42,123
I'll call the guy. I�I don't
know, I don't know what to say.
284
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:43,994
Griffin, is this some kind of
285
00:12:44,061 --> 00:12:46,231
secret birthday
celebration room?
286
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:49,404
I made a decision
to cancel office birthdays,
287
00:12:49,471 --> 00:12:51,408
and it was very explicit.
288
00:12:51,475 --> 00:12:52,578
There was nudity?
289
00:12:52,645 --> 00:12:55,784
Mr. Griffin, you leave me
no other choice.
290
00:12:55,851 --> 00:12:57,989
�You're fired.
�Fired?
291
00:12:58,055 --> 00:13:00,393
Can I still get paid
and just not come?
292
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,596
No.
293
00:13:01,663 --> 00:13:03,533
Well, I guess
it's time to say goodbye
294
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,405
to the security guards
whose names I never learned.
295
00:13:06,472 --> 00:13:08,610
Take care, Cap'n.
296
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,279
Stay golden, Chief.
297
00:13:10,346 --> 00:13:11,916
Be well, Buckaroo.
298
00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:13,954
Bye,
Francesca Louise Allessandro.
299
00:13:14,021 --> 00:13:16,660
Say hi to Max and Samuel
and your sister Eloise for me.
300
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,462
And good luck
with your night courses.
301
00:13:18,563 --> 00:13:20,601
Hey, do you have, like,
a nickname on Instagram?
302
00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:22,037
I'm having trouble finding you.
303
00:13:27,815 --> 00:13:30,053
I can't believe you were fired
from the brewery.
304
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:32,257
I mean, how are we gonna
pay our bills?
305
00:13:32,357 --> 00:13:33,192
That depends.
306
00:13:33,292 --> 00:13:35,063
When you use Venmo,
do they just, like,
307
00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:36,966
believe you
that you have the money?
308
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,169
No.
309
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,006
�Right?
�CHRIS and MEG: No.
310
00:13:40,073 --> 00:13:41,876
Fine. Maybe they'll take me back
311
00:13:41,943 --> 00:13:44,615
as the Radio City Rockette
with too�big shoes.
312
00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:46,920
(lively big band music playing)
313
00:13:50,661 --> 00:13:52,063
Shoes!
314
00:13:57,541 --> 00:13:58,777
Shoes!
315
00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:00,714
Should we just get him
smaller shoes?
316
00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:02,985
Wouldn't matter.
He butters his feet.
317
00:14:06,793 --> 00:14:08,062
Stewie, breakfast!
318
00:14:08,129 --> 00:14:10,366
(harmonica playing somber music)
319
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:22,190
When did this new slab of beef
get delivered?
320
00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:24,027
My name's Chris.
321
00:14:24,094 --> 00:14:25,764
You don't have a name
until I give you one.
322
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:29,304
You're a little young and plump
to be in a place like this.
323
00:14:29,404 --> 00:14:30,239
You need a friend.
324
00:14:30,373 --> 00:14:32,812
Someone who can provide you
with protection.
325
00:14:32,878 --> 00:14:34,281
I could be your friend.
326
00:14:34,347 --> 00:14:36,853
All we'll need is
a BIC pen and a lighter.
327
00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:39,992
Why? So you can burn
a swastika into my butt?
328
00:14:40,093 --> 00:14:43,099
Well, you just ruined
the surprise, you goofball.
329
00:14:49,512 --> 00:14:51,415
Oh. Stewie.
330
00:14:51,482 --> 00:14:52,785
(chuckles nervously)
331
00:14:52,852 --> 00:14:54,254
What brings you by?
332
00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,091
You're gonna give me
what I want.
333
00:14:56,158 --> 00:14:58,597
Um, wh�what are you
talking about?
334
00:14:58,663 --> 00:14:59,799
You know.
335
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,571
We're doing this, and you're
gonna find a way to enjoy it.
336
00:15:02,671 --> 00:15:04,909
(sobbing)
337
00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:08,917
(upbeat electronic music
playing)
338
00:15:11,088 --> 00:15:12,858
(sobbing):
I�I don't like it.
339
00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:15,263
I don't understand
what's happening.
340
00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:17,902
The three sisters have
a magic hopscotch board
341
00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:19,337
that turns them
into superheroes,
342
00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:21,576
but only at night
and never if it's raining.
343
00:15:21,643 --> 00:15:24,181
It's too complicated and noisy.
344
00:15:24,281 --> 00:15:26,151
Yeah, it is
both of those things.
345
00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:28,289
And their cat speaks French.
346
00:15:28,355 --> 00:15:30,828
(sobbing)
347
00:15:30,894 --> 00:15:32,598
Yeah. Yeah.
348
00:15:35,604 --> 00:15:37,040
Oh, there you are, Rupert.
349
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:39,411
Funny how I never got
a visit in detention.
350
00:15:39,478 --> 00:15:40,647
Not even a letter.
351
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:43,653
What do you mean
you couldn't find a stamp?
352
00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:44,956
Well, no need to mail it now.
353
00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:46,492
Show me the letter.
354
00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:47,895
Show me the damn letter!
355
00:15:47,962 --> 00:15:49,732
I met a new friend in detention.
356
00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:51,736
His name is
Thomas the Shank Engine.
357
00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:53,907
I think it's time you two met.
358
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,644
You want to meet him? (grunting)
359
00:15:55,711 --> 00:15:56,913
What's going on in here?
360
00:15:56,980 --> 00:15:59,117
You don't know
what detention was like, Brian.
361
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:01,421
I feel like I aged
four years in there.
362
00:16:01,488 --> 00:16:05,163
On the first day, an older boy
put two fingers on my nose
363
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:07,902
and just took it right off my
face and held it in front of me
364
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,906
and said, "I got it.
I got your nose."
365
00:16:10,006 --> 00:16:11,108
That ever happen to you, Brian?
366
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:14,047
You ever seen your own nose
wiggling between two fingers
367
00:16:14,114 --> 00:16:15,918
right in front of your face?
368
00:16:15,984 --> 00:16:17,387
And he never gave it back.
369
00:16:17,453 --> 00:16:20,293
�Stewie, what's going on
in here? �(sobbing)
370
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:21,996
Okay, you are coming with me.
371
00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:24,467
(sobbing):
They've got my nose, Brian.
372
00:16:24,535 --> 00:16:26,739
They've got my nose.
373
00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,409
(sobbing)
374
00:16:28,475 --> 00:16:29,979
They've got my��
375
00:16:30,079 --> 00:16:31,114
(sighs):
Ah.
376
00:16:31,215 --> 00:16:32,585
This changes everything.
377
00:16:32,685 --> 00:16:33,753
Ooh, bubbles!
378
00:16:33,854 --> 00:16:37,695
Aw, looks like somebody was
overdue for his bath time.
379
00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:40,333
That's why you've been
so cranky.
380
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:43,807
All right, after this, we'll get
you into your footsie jammies
381
00:16:43,874 --> 00:16:46,078
and tucked into bed.
382
00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:49,752
Ah, finally, I can put
that whole detention experience
383
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:51,756
behind me and just live.
384
00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:55,229
Whoa.
385
00:16:55,329 --> 00:16:57,200
Yep, so that's how your granddad
386
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,471
got his back tattoo
and hepatitis.
387
00:16:59,539 --> 00:17:01,174
Never share a needle
with Ben Affleck.
388
00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:03,245
How did you
and Other Granddaddy meet?
389
00:17:03,345 --> 00:17:04,782
That's a story
for when you're older.
390
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,253
The kids at school were asking
if you're a bottom or a top.
391
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:08,455
They should not be asking that.
392
00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:10,994
They said if that was your
answer, then you were a bottom.
393
00:17:11,094 --> 00:17:12,665
Who are these (bleep) kids
you're talking to?
394
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:15,737
I would like to have a word
with their attractive fathers.
395
00:17:20,179 --> 00:17:22,250
And that's how you say
"productivity"
396
00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:24,087
in 11 different languages,
397
00:17:24,154 --> 00:17:27,661
which, in hindsight, was not
a productive use of time.
398
00:17:27,728 --> 00:17:28,763
Oh, sorry to interrupt.
399
00:17:28,863 --> 00:17:31,001
I just came to clear the
search history off my computer
400
00:17:31,068 --> 00:17:33,372
before the I. T. guy��
uhp, he's already got it.
401
00:17:33,439 --> 00:17:36,245
Boy, you're really all in
on Asa Akira.
402
00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:38,883
Way off, pal. This is
the only place I can masturbate.
403
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:41,188
Griffin, just go.
404
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:44,528
♪ ♪
405
00:17:50,006 --> 00:17:52,845
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
406
00:17:52,912 --> 00:17:54,281
Mr. Pabian.
407
00:17:54,347 --> 00:17:56,351
Get down from there at once.
408
00:17:57,621 --> 00:17:59,024
♪ ♪
409
00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:01,228
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
410
00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:02,898
Ms. Towers, get down.
411
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,637
Do you hear me?
I order you to get down.
412
00:18:05,704 --> 00:18:07,741
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
413
00:18:07,808 --> 00:18:10,046
Get down! Every one of you.
414
00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:12,618
That is a direct order.
Do you hear me?
415
00:18:12,685 --> 00:18:15,323
Oh, fat man, my fat man.
416
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,193
Oh, fat man,
my fat man.
417
00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:19,899
Oh... (speaking gibberish)
418
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:22,605
Thank you all. Thank you.
419
00:18:26,311 --> 00:18:28,315
As someone
who doesn't remember movies,
420
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:32,023
I've never seen such an original
display of faith in a colleague.
421
00:18:32,090 --> 00:18:34,562
�Peter, you're rehired.
�Really?
422
00:18:34,629 --> 00:18:37,568
(sighs)
Griffin, I guess I've learned
423
00:18:37,635 --> 00:18:40,807
that employees are
willing to endure a crappy job,
424
00:18:40,874 --> 00:18:44,314
low pay, meaningless work,
no upward mobility,
425
00:18:44,381 --> 00:18:47,588
laughable benefits packages,
countless OSHA violations,
426
00:18:47,655 --> 00:18:50,527
exposure to hazardous waste
and emotional abuse
427
00:18:50,627 --> 00:18:54,334
as long as there are balloons
and pieces of cake once a month.
428
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,405
I guess I can allow that.
429
00:18:56,471 --> 00:18:58,342
(cheering)
430
00:18:58,409 --> 00:19:02,618
And I've learned that every
office needs a worst employee
431
00:19:02,718 --> 00:19:05,189
that all the other employees
can look down on.
432
00:19:05,256 --> 00:19:07,828
I can be that.
I can be that guy.
433
00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,497
Now, if you'll excuse me.
434
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,504
Hey�hey,
Francesca Louise Allessandro!
435
00:19:12,571 --> 00:19:14,508
Good news.
I found your Instagram.
436
00:19:14,575 --> 00:19:16,646
Did you see the 90 photos
I liked in a row
437
00:19:16,713 --> 00:19:17,981
last night at 2:00 a. m.?
438
00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:21,689
Also, who's @BeckyFitness96, and
can you tell her to unblock me?
439
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,106
Well, Peter, I'm glad
you got your job back.
440
00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:31,976
Me, too, Lois,
but I am gonna miss
441
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:33,112
getting to perform every week.
442
00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:36,919
You don't need to be in charge
of birthdays to perform.
443
00:19:36,986 --> 00:19:38,455
You know, you're right, Chris.
444
00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:41,629
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
445
00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:44,467
♪ It's birthdays
and na�na�na�na�na ♪
446
00:19:44,535 --> 00:19:45,637
�♪ And a zabba... ♪
�(doorbell rings)
447
00:19:45,704 --> 00:19:48,075
(Peter continues
singing gibberish)
448
00:19:48,142 --> 00:19:50,446
(audience cheers and applauds)
449
00:19:50,547 --> 00:19:54,254
Oh, my! Tony Award�winning
performer Leslie Uggams?
450
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,158
What are you doing here?
451
00:19:56,224 --> 00:19:58,028
I heard you were
singing my song,
452
00:19:58,128 --> 00:20:00,166
but I think
you got the words wrong.
453
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:02,638
It isn't "hana�wanna�dada�baba."
454
00:20:02,705 --> 00:20:06,344
�It's "da�zalway�da�da�zee�za."
�Oh, oh, okay.
455
00:20:06,411 --> 00:20:08,683
And then is it, uh,
something about Nash Bridges?
456
00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:12,223
No, it's "all the little bit
of dridges."
457
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:14,227
Ah, "little bit of dridges,"
of course.
458
00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:16,699
(laughs) Now you got it!
459
00:20:16,766 --> 00:20:17,500
Come on!
460
00:20:17,568 --> 00:20:19,270
(lively orchestra music playing)
461
00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:22,443
♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪
462
00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:25,917
♪ All over
the meadow and the hill ♪
463
00:20:25,984 --> 00:20:27,554
♪ And da�zalway�da�da�zee�za ♪
464
00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:29,424
♪ All the little bit
of dridges ♪
465
00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:32,965
♪ And the morning glories
and the fez ♪
466
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,102
♪ Because it's June ♪
467
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:36,906
♪ June, June, June ♪
468
00:20:36,973 --> 00:20:40,514
♪ Bustin' out, it's June, June ♪
469
00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:43,018
♪ June! ♪
470
00:20:43,085 --> 00:20:44,053
(song ends)
471
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:45,423
Bravo!
472
00:20:45,489 --> 00:20:48,328
That's from the 1945 Rodgers
and Hammerstein musical
473
00:20:48,395 --> 00:20:50,801
Carousel, about
carousel barker Billy Bigelow,
474
00:20:50,867 --> 00:20:53,205
whose romance with
mill worker Julie Jordan
475
00:20:53,272 --> 00:20:55,342
comes at the price
of both their jobs.
476
00:20:55,409 --> 00:20:57,981
If you want to know more
about it, ask your grandfather,
477
00:20:58,081 --> 00:20:59,618
who was dragged
to see it on a date
478
00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:01,889
and then had to get married
to touch boob.
479
00:21:01,939 --> 00:21:06,489
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