All language subtitles for Alpha.Rift.2021.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].en

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

- Hold on!
- Now what?

Camera!

Now we're in.

All this stuff
must be priceless.

I can't melt down priceless.

Don't touch nothing!

We're here for the coins,
that's it.

Everything else in
here can be traced.

I had to drop a guard.

What'd you do that for?

We're hired guns, what
do you expect us to do?

But they're gonna call security

if he doesn't check in.

I took him out, so he
wouldn't alert security.

But they're gonna make us
soon, so get what you came for

and let's get
the hell out of here.

Right.

What is all this?

A bunch of stuff so valuable
we can't sell it anywhere.

Is he dead?

What do you think?

Gotcha.

Get the bag.

I told you not
to touch anything.

Hey, there are things in
here you don't wanna mess with.

I told you, hands off.

We don't have time for this,
let go of the stupid thing.

My bad!

No!

Holy Geez!

Come on!

Nolan, Lewis is
spazzing out again.

No, no, no, the
rules clearly state

that the Alpha Rift can
only be opened by the Nobleman

who's captured
the Devil's Apostle first.

Thus the word alpha, dumb ass.

Lewis, what'd I tell you

about spazzing
out on the customers?

He doesn't know the rules.

Hey, just take a chill, will ya?

Go make one of your
chi lattes or something.

A game master never
leaves his post.

I'm not asking you to
neglect your duties, Sir Lewis.

I'm just going to
go over the rules.

No rolls?

No rolls, I swear.

It's just Lewis.

Okay now,
let's start at the beginning.

Since the dark ages,
there were four Noblemen

sworn to defend
against dark forces,

each a royal in their own right,

noble blood
flowing through their veins.

And who's their sworn enemy?

The Devil's Apostles.

That's right.

The Devil's Apostles,
12 immortals,

pure evil souls that possess
the bodies of mortal men.

When free to roam the earth,
darkness reigns.

And the only way to stop them?

- The Noblemen?
- The four helms?

Both right, the four
helms of the Noblemen.

Now the
Noblemen's only super power,

if you wanna call it that,

are four helmets
forged by a powerful sorcerer.

They give its bearer a
power to open up the rift

between our world and purgatory,
the Alpha Rift,

a prison where
evil can be trapped.

And when the evil
escapes the Alpha Rift,

it is up to the heirs to
step up and face their destiny.

And over time, the
bloodline has spread

throughout the entire world.

I mean, who knows?

Maybe you could possess
the bloodline of a Nobleman,

or you, or you.

But definitely not Lewis, right?

He's right behind me, isn't he?

No need to get nasty.

I'm just kidding.

Look,
seems to me these guys get it.

12 evil demons are hunted by

four knights and their descendants
who wear magic helmets.

It's a simple fairytale.

You mean legend based
on actual historical data.

Yeah, okay, Lewis.

Like the Alpha Rift is real,

and there's some
secret society of Noblemen

locked in a timeless
battle of good versus evil,

as if.

Where is it?

Ah!

Recognize him?

We fired him a few months ago

for stealing of all things.

Yeah, well that explains

how they got
passed our security system.

Looks like he had help,

coins are gone,

and there's traces of an exit.

So there's most
certainly someone else.

You mean something else.

What do you wanna do?

I think there's only
one thing we can do.

Are you sure?

He's not ready.

It is time to bring our
young man into the fold.

All right, you rugrats.

Are you guys ready
to become Noblemen?

- Yes?
- Yeah.

Yeah!

Awesome, okay, so
let's raise your swords

and let's go
clobber some bad guys.

Oh, whoa, Gabby, we
never clobber bad guys.

He does this, cut, cut,
parry, repost, turn, block,

bind away, and thrust!

Okay, Lord Nolan, you
are scaring the children.

Prepare to be knighted.

I now proclaim you
knights of the Noblemen.

A Noblemen is sworn to valor,
his heart knows only virtue.

Um, excuse me, there
is a "Noble-woman" there.

I stand corrected.

You keep him in
line for me, okay.

Will do.

Nice, we gotta watch
out for those boys.

Where was I?

Oh, yes, the Noblemen and women,

their hearts know only virtue,

their blades
defend the innocent,

their words speak only truth,

and their wrath
undoes the wicked.

I now proclaim you
knights of the Noblemen.

Yay!

Awesome.

Man, you've got strong hands.

Thank you so much.

Can I help you?

- Hi.
- Hi.

My son was wondering if, well,

I was wondering
if you could help me

to pick out a good
entry level game for my son.

Ever since his dad left, it's
been hard to find a good man.

I mean, a man as a role model.

I get it, it's no worries.

Come over here.

That Debra is
such a little slut.

She may as well
have a sign around her neck.

I dunno, I think he's
pretty cute.

- Ma'am?
- Sorry.

Your change.

I was a bit distracted
by your coworker.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I know how you feel.

If it wasn't for that
ugly rash on his ass,

I'd be into him too.

Sometimes when the
blisters stop oozing pus,

the smell lets up,
and maybe then I'd go for it.

But then again, his temper
and his violent outbursts.

You want to see, I have a
scar that I hide with this hat.

Do you wanna see it?

Thank you.

Thank you, you can keep that.

Sure.

Marking your territory, I see.

No, we're just friends.

Uh-huh!

Okay, what do
you want, landlady,

rent isn't due till Friday?

I wanted to get a gift
for my nephew's birthday,

but looks like
Nolan has his hands full.

Yeah, I can help, what you need?

No, he was telling me about
this new game last week.

I'll come back later.

You're open till 9:00,
right?

Well, if you give us
a free month's rent,

we'll stay open
as late as you want.

- 9:00 is fine,
- Ah man.

Rent's still due on Friday.

Worth a shot.

What the hell happened?

You wouldn't believe
me if I told you,

but the payday,
better than expecting.

This can't be right.

Now, that's an understatement.

I thought we were just
hired to help steal some coins.

I don't recall any
mention of a killer green mist.

Cut the bullshit!

What happened?

See for yourself?

I didn't know
you were an artist.

Oh my God!

Looks like you
were a regular Picasso.

Where did you find that?

It was in the junk box.

Sorry, your box of treasures.

Hey, be careful,

that book is a collectors' item.

For what, like a pedophile?

Hey, give me.

Okay.

Look, you know I'm a fan
of your charming personality,

but sometimes you're a...

A bitch?

My dad gave me this.

I'm really sorry, I didn't know,

I thought you shared all
that stuff with me already.

It wasn't something
worth sharing,

it was just a memory.

What the hell?

Come on, you big sissy.

You're bumming me out.

You little bee-otch.

I think you're the one
being a little bitch, woo!

I got 20 bucks on
Gabby, you go girl.

Hey, shut up, Lewis.

Last game
ended half an hour ago.

Pack up your gear, and boogie.

Huh, you afraid
of having a witness

to see me stealing your manhood?

My manhood is fine,
thank you very much.

Now, Lewis, pack up.

These are custom
painted collectibles.

I gotta place them properly,
if not, they'll get damaged.

Delivery for Nolan Parthmore.

Timeout.

Oops!

I win by forfeit.

You owe me 20 bucks.

Glad I caught you
before you closed,

can't stand reattempts.

Thanks, man.

Good luck.

Luck?

I'm not gonna
forget about that 20 bucks.

Yeah, and I haven't
forgotten about

the million lunches you
promised to pay me back for.

Oh, and the bottles of paint

for supposed
repair of your miniatures,

and the custom dice order
for you with a store discount.

Yep, Gabby's got my back,

so best to quit
now while you're ahead.

Touche!

What's this, a gift from
one of your sugar mamas?

Those sugar mamas
have kids who are into gaming.

And since we are
in the gaming business,

we are nice to
those very fine mamas.

Now, Lewis,

pack it up.

Kate!

Hi, Nathan.

It's Nolan, Nolan!

Oh, I am so sorry.

I thought your name was Nathan,
my bad.

Nathan is fine, you know,
you can call him that.

Nonsense, you can be Nolan.

Thanks.

Lucky you!

Whoa, did you paint
these all yourself?

Of course.

Any true master would
never outsource such a task.

Hey, Casanova, starting an army?

What, did you order that?

Not me, but it could be
from one of your sugar mamas.

Stop it, it looks
like a replica.

No, it's definitely
like a million years old.

I doubt it's a
million years old.

More like 1,200.

Say, Nolan,
why don't you try it on?

Ho-ho, yes, stud,
here, put it on, come on.

Come on, sport.

Yeah, Nolan, put it on.

Yeah, okay, fine.

I'll be the
knight in shining armor.

Lord save me.

Oh, whoa!

Everything all right there,
buddy?

My eyes, it's all glowing.

Are you okay?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Are you okay?

Nolan!

I'll call an ambulance.

The helm, it's calling.

The heir apparent is near.

You're not going
anywhere unless I say so.

I must go.

Hey, you may not be
yourself right now,

but if you don't sit back down,

Rilek's gonna
unleash his guard dogs.

Take him down.

Oh shit!

God damn it, what'd you
have to go and do that for?

You brought him here.

Whoa, hey man, I just...

what was I supposed to do,
just leave him there?

Just get rid of him.

This never happened.

Do it, mother...

Lock up the store for me, okay?

I'm gonna go to
the hospital with him.

Gotcha, you can count on me.

I'm fine, I just passed out.

Excuse me, sir,
please keep the mask on.

All right men,
we're gonna circle back,

set up a perimeter, I want
eyes on everything out here,

this whole perimeter,
eyes on everything tonight,

do you understand?

Yes, sir.

Hey, you.

Get him in the van.

Gabby!

You are the heir of Geldemoore!

His blood flows
through your veins!

Deploy the snares.

Who the heck are these guys?

How would I
know, I was unconscious!

Well they seem to know you.

If he breaks the
circuit, zap him again.

You're the delivery guy.

And you're the bait.

Hold him!

Time to die!

Oh shit!

Come on!

Oh, you bitch!

Put on the helmet.

Are you nuts?

Put on the God
damned helmet, now!

No.

Put on the helmet!

I've been waiting an
eternity for this moment.

- Oh, put on the helmet.
- What?

Got any other ideas?

Damn it!

Ha!

That was weird.

Do you believe in destiny?

Where am I?

You're in a safe place,
just relax, please.

I'll explain everything.

Is this the part
where you tell me

my flesh tastes better
with a Chianti and flava beans?

I asked you a very
simple question,

Mr. Parthmore.

What?

Do you believe in destiny?

All right, that's
enough bullshit.

I wanna know
what the hell's going on,

or I'm calling the cops.

With what phone?

Nolan,

if we wanted to hurt you,

we would have done it already.

I don't know what kind of
kinky stuff you guys are into,

but you can count me out,
all right.

Shut up, smart ass.

Vicars, please!

So, Nolan, this might
come as a shock to you,

but we've met before,

many years ago when
your father was still alive.

You knew my dad?

Yes, I did.

You're awake.

Are you okay?

You were out like a light.

Yeah, tell me about it.

You know, it was like the
red witch put a spell on me

or something.

More like the scarlet
witch messed with your head.

Oh yeah.

I told you this is a bad idea.

He's not our guy.

What?

Why am I not your guy?

Because you're a clown.

And I don't think
the fate of the world

should be placed in
the hands of a fanboy.

Fate of the world?

You serious?

You are serious.

Nolan, your father,
that helmet, the Noblemen,

you, they're all connected.

What if I told
you that the Noblemen

were more than just a story?

Going somewhere?

Oh, just... great.

Hey, man, you have a
fun night out on the town?

You meet any honeys?

Why would I want to eat honey?

It's an expression.

You're wasting your breath.

He's obviously
not Blades anymore.

Yeah, you think.

Hey, bud, what'd you
do with my man Blades?

Oh, he's in here.

I needed a
strong soul as a host,

and your friend is a dark evil.

What?

Like Saruman or
some stuff like that?

Whose this sorry
man that you speak of?

It's "Lord of the Rings", man,

ain't they got
books where you're from?

I have been in prison
for nearly a millennium.

Every time I tried to escape,

the Noblemen pulled me back.

I feel you, brother, the
whole system is corrupt.

I got sent up for a
speeding ticket once.

Of course, I had a trash
bag of pot in my back seat.

What kind of prison,
like county,

or one of those
hard core federal joints?

This was my prison.

Wow, that's dope.

What did you call me?

It's a figure of speech, man.

You know, if you
wanna roll in the 21st century,

you're gonna need someone
like me to show you the ropes.

Good, now get us out
of these God damn chains!

The stories you grew up with,

specifically the
stories your father told you,

were all true.

What if I were to tell
you that this helmet is real?

It's 1,247 years old.

What if I told you
the Noblemen were real?

Well, assuming you
guys are not crazy,

that would mean that
the Devil's Apostles are real.

Yeah.

That man who
attacked you tonight

was possessed by
one of the Devil's Apostles.

Attacked me?

No,
it looked like Sergeant Sledge

and the Black Widow
over there were attacking him.

I saved your life, you
ungrateful little prick.

We were trying
to capture the beast.

Subdue it until...

No, no...

What, until what?

Until the heir of
Geldemoore was confirmed.

Oh, the guy in the
parking lot called me that.

Your father was a
direct descendant of

Sir Auric Geldemoore,
one of the original Noblemen.

Seriously?

Okay, now I call bullshit.

Really?

How do you explain
what happened to him

when he put the helmet on?

Your bloodline is like a
key that opens that helmet.

But, alas, it also calls out

to those that have
been imprisoned by it.

Come on!

You can't possibly
believe these weirdos.

C'mon, Nol, we're out of here.

The man possessed by Dragsmere

won't stop until
he ends the bloodline.

You mean end me?

Yes.

And anyone else
in the bloodline.

But since you're the only
heir within 1,000 mile radius,

you're at the top of that list,

which is why we
brought the helmet to you.

You did this on purpose?

Can't catch fish without bait.

I was bait?

You used me?

See, okay, let's go.

We tested you,
we had to be sure.

Sure of what?

That this is your destiny.

I like the sound of that.

What?

You know you're not supposed
to eat the bones, right?

A little extra
calcium never hurt nobody.

I don't know I
bother cooking 'em.

He probably
would have ate 'em raw.

Stop poking the bear,

you're asking for trouble.

A little late for
that, don't you think?

So that's him just
sitting in that building?

Yes, he went there
after the attack.

The taser darts
that we shot at him

have tracking devices in them.

Why don't you just go get him?

As long as he stays put,

it's best to
leave sleeping dogs lie.

He was drawn to that building,

most likely some kind
of connection with his host.

Hey, that's my parking lot,

that's the inside of my store.

How did you get
video from inside my store?

What the hell?

You're spying on us.

We bought the building
right after Nolan opened shop,

becoming his landlord

was the best way
to keep an eye on him.

We had to get easy access,
maintain surveillance,

hide cameras.

Seriously, what if I
was naked or something?

In the store?

That's not the point.

What is your point?

Point? Point! Don't you
guys have any idea of normal?

I mean, come on, geez!

Well now you did it.

She's gonna be pissed for hours.

A servant of the devil himself

sits in a building a
few miles from here.

An argument with your girlfriend
seems of little concern.

Girlfriend?

Oh, no, we're just friends.

Sure you are.

In here we have an
assortment of exercise clothes

in various sizes.

Over there is the bath,

and of course, the
refreshments in the mini bar.

Why, thank you, fine sir.

Do be sure to let the
hounds out before tea time,

and, oh,
Lord Nolan here would like

two mints on his pillow.

If you need anything,
I'll be down the hall.

Ta-ta!

Well, it looks like
you're in prime form.

Prime form?

We're prisoners.

Down the hall? Yeah right,

how about I'm down
the hall blocking your exit.

Come on, it's not that bad.

They gave us our phones,
why would they do that?

I bet you they're jamming
our calls right now, okay.

I'll show you.

Lewis always answers his phone,

even when he's playing a game.

I'll bet they'll jam this
call with some kind of...

Hey, Gabby, how's Nolan?

I'm fine, thanks for asking.

How's the store?

All good here, chief.

After you passed out,
Vicars was kind enough

to have his men
help us clean up the mess

and close the store.

You trust those guys?

Oh, yeah.

They tell me that Nolan's

a descendant of
the original Noblemen,

and he's the heir of Geldemoore.

And you just believe that?

Of course, I always knew

there was a touch
of destiny about him.

I mean, it makes perfect sense.

After all,
his dad has a mysterious past,

and he's been into the
Noblemen his entire life.

All that's missing is for him

to get bit by a
radioactive spider.

What's he saying?

Whoa, we are in the middle

of a legit origin story,
how cool is that?

He buys the
destiny crap as well.

Oh well, we're gonna stay
at this guy's mansion tonight.

They gave us a nice
room with a minibar, so...

You're sharing a room?

Finally, I was wondering
when you two were gonna hook up.

Sometimes the
hormones flying between you...

What, no, that is not what...

Look, just do me a favor

and follow my location, okay.

I will send you an
invite to track my phone.

And if you see us suddenly head
toward a swamp or something,

call the cops, okay?

Otherwise I'll check in
with you in the morning.

Roger that.

If the van's a rocking,
don't come a knocking.

What was that all about?

You know Lewis, bonkers crazy.

Yeah, I do.

Oh,
so I guess I'll take the couch.

The couch?

There's only one
bed, unless you want...

Want to what? I mean...

Oh, the couch,
do I want the couch?

Yeah, sure.

Yes, I mean, apparently
you're the man of destiny,

so better get a
good night's sleep and all.

I actually prefer couches.

I mean, I usually fall
asleep binge watching anyhow.

So like, what's the difference?

Yeah, bro,
I got this, bed is yours.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

Good morning, princess.

What time is it?

It's time for you
to get a shower,

and put on some fresh clothes.

You don't wanna miss Nolan's
first day of training, do you?

I don't need a shower, okay.

Let's just go.

Let's not, you
kinda smell like feet.

Meet me in the Great Room.

I used to say one
never knows, do one?

Absolutely.

There she is, it's about time.

Excuse me, my lady, would
you like cream or sugar?

- Black.
- Very well.

So, why'd you
sleep on the couch?

Bed not comfortable, or...

Yeah, something like that.

I'll actually have
the cream and sugar.

Very well.

Here, I wanna
show you something.

We have a
direct feed to our gym.

You have a gym?

Oh yeah, we have
all kinds of things.

So they should be just
about ready to go by now.

Yep, he's all suited up.

So my dad was a
real life Nobleman?

Yeah.

Wait, but if...

Please, speak your mind.

Okay.

If he was, that means
we're relatives with a dude

who lived a thousand years ago.

Yes.

But what about
my other relatives?

I mean, I can't
possibly be the only one.

You're not, but
it's more than just

the blood in your veins.

You've been groomed
for this your whole life,

whether you knew it or not.

There is another heir
that's been acclimated like you,

but she lives in Panama.

She?

What, she can be a woman too?

Of course, if you get
killed, she'll take your place.

And if she falls,
there'll be another.

Sounds like you have
it all worked out.

Looks like I'm just
meat for the grinder.

Well, that's why you train.

What the hell?

The armor will protect him.

Trust the process.

Geez, what's
wrong with you, man?

Stop!

Stop!

Stop, Lord Dragsmere won't stop.

He was
imprisoned by your father,

so he has a very
strong connection to you.

What for?

To kill you.

If he can kill every
heir in your bloodline

he'll be free to roam the earth,

and no one can stop him.

Now attack me!

Seriously?

Go for it.

Come on!

Get up, you idiot.

Cut the bastard in half.

Oh, this really sucks.

Why not have
him fight the demon?

I mean, he's all
piss and vinegar anyhow.

I can't, he's immortal.

Oh, bloodline, I almost forgot.

Correct, your two
souls are connected.

That's how he found you
when you put the helmet on.

Oh boy, was that an acid trip.

What happened to me?

Put the helmet on
and I'll explain.

Ah, no, stupid idea.

I say we just get
the girl from Panama.

We can hold off
Dragsmere until she's ready.

He's just a spineless fanboy,
no offense.

None taken, ass hat.

Just put the helmet on,
you're in a safe place.

Put the helmet on,
and you'll understand.

Now, just don't
hold your breath, breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe,
now tell me what you see.

Snap out of it.

He's hungry again?

Geez, he eats like a hippo.

Hey bud,
is he calling to you again?

He's getting help.

It's about freaking time.

It's Blades,
kill the son of a bitch.

Nice try.

I'll see you in hell.

Already been there.

So, are we cool?

Better.

Do it again.

Are you outta
your stinking mind?

This is a waste of time.

He's not helping.

Stop being a child, man
up and muscle through.

If you did something other
than play games your whole life,

you'd realize that the real
world is a much tougher place.

The real world!

Don't get me started.

Enough!

Vicars,
give us a break for a bit.

Gladly.

Hey, don't let the door
hit you on the way out.

Nolan, we're dealing with
ancient supernatural forces

that modern
technology cannot explain.

I don't fully
comprehend how it all works,

but evil exists,
it will always exist.

It's just the balance of nature.

All we can do is trap evil,
lock it away,

keep it from
influencing mankind.

You've heard of Pandora's box,

the fall of Rome, World War II,

the Kardashians.

The Kardashians?

Yeah, I just wanna see if
you were paying attention.

Ah,
there you go, that's the spirit.

Take it in, just relax a little.

Nolan, I too am an
heir of the Noblemen,

but a different
bloodline than yours.

Watch me.

Nothing bad is happening to you,

it's just sensory overload.

So I gotta just chill?

Yeah, it's a good word,

like a salmon
swimming in cool glacial waters.

I don't think you...

Never mind.

The room isn't moving,
only you and me.

And this...

Ah, the ripples are time.

A Premonition!

But how can I
predict my own movements?

That's the challenge.

You have to feel
what your body's telling you,

and go with it.

Oh, I get it, like
"Feel the force, Luke".

I don't think so.

Lighten up, I get it.

The helmet gives me a
vision of the immediate future.

It's like two seconds.

Right, and in a
fight that's an eternity.

Am I stronger too?

No, but you can train to
get stronger and faster.

Trust me,
it makes a world of difference.

En garde!

Very good.

Vicars!

Hey, Vic, slow on the uptake?

Oh, who's the punk now?

Come on, old man,
is that the best you can do?

I wouldn't say
that if I were you.

Is that the best you can do?

Ha-ha, I'm just getting started.

Me too.

Oh boy!

God damn.

Stop, I give up.

Do you think Lord
Dragsmere would give up?

You still think this is a game?

Enough!

Got nothing to say, no
snarky comeback, smart ass?

Your father would
be ashamed of you.

Enough, it's not right to
hit a man when he's down.

He shouldn't be here!

He's right.

Don't listen to what he says.

Your father was not
born a warrior, it takes time.

I'm not your guy.

I mean, you even said there are
others.

I'd prefer them to
take my place voluntarily,

rather than take this
helmet from my dead corpse.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Hey, Nol, how you feeling?

What do you think?

No need to lash out at her.

If you want to be mad at
somebody, it should be me.

I'm sorry, Gabs.

It's okay, I'd be
a little pissed too

if I was made a human pinata.

You know, this whole
thing, the helmet,

the training, using you as bait,

have you ever wondered why

you were so
attracted to the Noblemen?

I don't know, I've
always been a fan.

My dad would bring something

every time he'd come
back from business trips

to wherever he went.

Right.

But he always took the time

to read you the
stories of the Noblemen.

And after he died, your
mother took up the challenge,

the books, the games, they
still kept coming, didn't they?

I guess.

Look, I just
thought she did it because

it reminded me of my dad.

You know, I've already had
my therapy session this month.

We chose you.

The most direct
descendants of Sir Geldemoore

are you and your father.

He knew that when you grew up

you would take his
place as a Nobleman.

He intended to train
you when you got older,

but he died before he could.

You are one of us,
you always have been.

Your father was
teaching you everything

so when you became an adult,
you'd be fully prepared.

Your father died
fighting Lord Dragsmere,

the same demon
that wants to kill you now.

That ain't gonna happen.

Hey, man?

You need something,
forgot you left the stove on

or something like that?

His spirit's renewed.

Ah, okay, right.

Your mortal enemy, the souls
are connected, all that crap.

He has accepted his destiny.

But I can sense he's not ready.

I need to act fast.

You know,

I could call some of
my pals in Chinatown.

Those guys are real gangsters.

One time I saw a
dude cut his own finger off

to prove his loyalty,
his own God damned finger,

who does that?

I'll tell you what,
I'll go over there in person,

and I'll tell
them what you need.

Stay!

I will need you.

Yeah, I'm your man.

I'm just trying to be
of service, no problem.

Holy shit!

You're like the
frigging re-animator.

Are they like your minions?

Will they obey your
every command and stuff?

I am their master,

my army to destroy the Noblemen,
rule the underworld.

Why am I not surprised?

I don't know about you,

but I think it's about
time we hit the minibar.

That is a hell of an idea.

Whatever you're making,
make mine a double.

If we're gonna be
stuck in this place,

we may as well
make the most of it.

Oh my God, are they serious?

They've pressed
my jeans and our t-shirts.

Holy crap, Nol, look at this!

My crappy,
holey jeans, they ironed them.

He's discovering his powers.

What do we do now?

Ramp up Nolan's training.

Everything
set, everything in order?

Good.

Where's Corbin?

Think fast.

Good.

Your reflexes will help
you with today's exercise.

You didn't answer my
question, Stonewall.

Where's the boss-man?

Relax, he's in
the command center.

Here we go.

I don't like this.

It's okay.

Our people have
been training warriors

for hundreds of years.

It just seems a little rough.

Well, if you wanna
make an omelet,

you gotta break some eggs.

Not if you're the egg.

This is sharp.

Yes, it is.

Give me that.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Hearkens back to
a more elegant time,

more brutal,
but more elegant as well.

You see,
your body armor, your shield,

are made of a Kevlar
composite and woven titanium.

See the irony?

Your armor makes
sword fighting all but obsolete.

Yeah, but it still
hurts like hell.

Oh, don't worry,

you'll have some
nasty bruises tomorrow,

but you won't be dead.

Well, that's a plus.

However, your armor
can only protect you

from piercing weapons,

Lord Dragsmere
can still beat you to death.

Lovely.

Let's get started.

Come on, Nol, kick his ass.

After you.

What's down there?

Today's lesson.

Today I want you
to focus on defense,

use the shield,
stay aware of your surroundings.

What the hell!

If you had your helmet on

you would have seen that coming.

I didn't know we
started today's training.

Today's?

Yesterday's never ended.

From the moment
you woke up on that couch

we've been testing you,

and so far you're a failure.

That's pretty harsh.

Then prove me wrong.

All you have to
do is find the exit.

You are such a dick.

A snarky comeback is

not gonna get you
out of this one today.

I'd put that helmet on,
they have body armor too.

Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

Good luck.

You're gonna need it.

What kind of crap is that?

The kind of crap
that will end the boy

and birth the man.

Seriously, poetry?

Just watch, sit down.

Hey guys, come on!

Do we really have to do this?

I guess so.

Oh, sorry dude.

You okay?

Very good, Nolan,

you trusted the
helmet to guide you.

What the hell?

Put your helmet back on.

You watching me?

What is this,
some kind of reality TV show?

It's all part of the training.

Now, put your helmet back on.

Okay, big brother.

Any other surprises
you wanna tell me about?

Oh, yes, that's the fun part.

I'm glad
you're enjoying yourself.

Ah, come on,
is that the best you can do?

Is this FART CATCHER
ever gonna learn?

Focus, that was just a warm up.

Gabby, is that you?

See how I kicked
those guys' asses,

pretty sweet, huh?

Shut up, dumb ass,
he's playing with you.

Right?

Game on.

Uh!

This is bullshit!

Punk-ass bitch!

Whoops, too slow!

Say my name!

Whoa, damn!

Whoa, you like that?

House of Geldemoore, bitch!

Ass-hat!

Time, time,
time out, I lost my shield.

Time out?

There is no time out.

But I lost my shield.

I need a reset.

Then fight without
the shield, Jesus!

What?

Oh, don't look at me.

You're the one that's been,

"ooh, training
warriors for hundreds of years."

Oh, you two are a pair.

Ninjas!

Are you freaking kidding me?

Hello, Corbin?

Yes, they're frigging ninjas.

Now just kick their asses,

so we can
leave this stupid place.

Yeah, easier said than done.

What the hell?

You need to focus on all
four targets at the same time.

Use your premonition.

Yeah, why don't you try?

Damn it!

Oh, I'm sorry, Nol.

I'm glad I have your support.

Come on, come on, Nol,
you can take these guys.

Okay, Kung fu
Pandas, let's do this.

Ha, ha!

What do you think of that?

Not bad.

Okay, that's not creepy at all.

Who, rather what is that?

That is a man.

And that son of a
bitch's name is Russell Conway.

He was sentenced to death four
years ago by lethal injection

for killing his wife and
three kids in a daycare center.

There's no
greater evil than this man.

Well, why is he here?

Why is he still alive?

Russell here is
actually a rare commodity.

Pure evil is hard to find,

and evil

creates the darkness,

makes it stronger, meaner.

And in this case,

this particular
demon was captured

by a distant cousin of yours.

Boy, is he gonna be
pissed when he sees you.

Demon?

Was that a Rift-orb?

What do you think?

Time to finish your training,

take your sword
and stab him in the heart.

It's the only way
to open the Alpha Rift.

Are you out of your mind?

No.

Corbin was outta his
mind for believing in you.

This is a war against evil,

and you have to be willing
to do whatever it takes to win.

I'm not gonna kill
him, he's chained up.

It is time for you
to either to shit,

or get off the pot.

If you can't do this,

there are others in
your bloodline that will.

I'm not gonna kill someone
for your stupid cult.

No way, man, that's not me.

Thank you, it's
about God damn time.

You hear that?

Nolan, the monster in that chair

is an Apostle of
the Devil himself.

This is about the
balance of good and evil.

And our purpose as Noblemen

is to keep these
creatures from harming mankind.

Now, come on, son,

fulfill your destiny.

I can't,

I'm not a killer.

Let me outta here,

this ain't funny.

Do I look like I'm laughing?

Fight!

Fight back!

Stab the heart!

You have to pierce his heart!

Stab the heart!

Good.

Where is he?

Whoa!

Where is he?

You bastard, you set me up.

I just took you to places

you would have
never gone on your own.

Don't try that
sensei bullshit on me.

I'm out!

I quit!

I want you to
take us home right now.

You progressed
further than anybody,

you kicked ass.

We want to leave.

You said I was free
to go anytime I wanted,

or was that also a lie?

No, you're free to go,

but I will not apologize.

You're very special,
very special.

I don't care.

Hey, wait!

You might not believe it,
but we're the good guys here.

Just take some time to cool off.

When you're ready...

You get the point.

Let's go.

Are you okay?

I'm actually better than okay.

I'm right where I belong.

You do love this place.

That was a lot better
than I thought it would be.

- What?
- Yeah.

That's such a
stupid thing to say.

No, I meant to say that
I had high hopes for this.

I was worried that if
you didn't feel the same way

that I did...

All right.

Hey, jackass!

Back from your quest
already, Sir Nolan.

Hey, man!

Thanks for
holding down the fort.

Yeah, of course, anything
for two love birds.

Wait, how could
you possibly know?

Come on, when Gabby
called, it was obvious.

Obvious, why what you say?

Ah, Lewis, is
this a new display,

'cause it's
looking pretty sweet.

You sorting the miniatures
by game or class type?

Well, since you left the inmate

in charge of the asylum,
I thought I'd leave my mark.

You like it?

Yeah, it's great.

What is that?

It's my dad's.

You are the one with

the blood of
Geldemoore in your veins!

No, I am out, man,
I told 'em I was out.

As long as you're
alive, I can never be free.

Get him!

Back off, demon butt
munch, I'm a black belt.

Get him out of here.

Gabby!

Come on!

I just built that!

Ah, get off of me.

I like the 21st century!

Get off me.

I will kick your ass,
get off of me.

I'm on my way up.

We need to get back to them,

because I need to
know how they're doing.

You're gonna be fine.

No, I know I'm gonna be fine.

I'm worried about Lewis.

You can't hold us here,
we have rights.

Hit him again.

What the hell!

Will you STOP doing that?

Then shut up!

I'm good.

I'm good, no more fighting.

Mr. Corbin...

They're alive,
we have to go back.

There's no point, they've
headed back to their lair.

Just send in your
rent-a-cops to get them out.

We tried that with
you, and we lost two men.

We need the other
Noblemen before we engage again.

I've lost one helmet,

and I can't afford
to lose yours as well.

The God damn helmets,
that's all you care about.

That's my son
you're talking about,

right there,
in spite of how he felt,

Vicars put his
life on the line for you,

your flipping attitude,

your stupid
arrogance and negativity.

There are other
heirs in your bloodline,

any one is better than you.

I'm sorry.

Just leave!

You feel him, don't you?

And he's getting stronger.

You feel him, don't you?

No!

The heir of Geldemoore is weak,

weaker than those before.

He is weak in
the body and spirit.

If you weren't
wearing this helmet...

Dude, I'm allergic to pain.

This is weakness -
friendship, love, loyalty.

They are what have
always made you Noblemen weak,

no matter the
toughest of the armor.

The weak spot is
where you thrust the blade.

Whoa, dude, don't be thrusting
anything anywhere near me.

I seriously think
you have the wrong guy.

Breathe it in!

You can't hold off forever.

Lewis!

He's afraid, but...

You think it's some sort
of psychic connection?

To Lewis?

No, to Lord Dumbledore,
or Dragamoore,

or whatever his name is.

Just like he was
drawn to you at your store,

maybe you can sense him.

What the...

It's just went away.

Try to get it back.

Use the helmet.

It's gotta be me.

That's what I meant,

you're connected to
him with some kind of link.

No, I realize now,

it's gotta be me to fight him.

You trained for a few days,

and you sucked at it.

Besides, you can't stand Vicars.

Let his old man and
their creepy cult deal with it.

No, but don't you
see, this is my destiny.

Snap out of it.

A week ago, you didn't
even know that this existed.

But I have.

I've always known.

I mean, ever since I was a kid,
I've always known.

How many 10 year
old's have fencing lessons?

I mean, what else explains
why my dad was so obsessed

with the Noblemen, or why he
would give me the comic books,

the toys, and the coloring book?

The Alpha Rift legend
has been there my entire life.

I've always known that there
was something deep down inside,

more than just the
memory of my father...

and now this Dragsmere guy?

My father captured him,

which means this demon
is gonna keep following me

no matter what I do.

I'm part of this
whether I like it or not.

I know it sounds...

I know it sounds corny, but...

It's your destiny.

You're right,
it does sound corny.

Vicars is hanging in there,

his heart rate is elevated,
but strong.

The armor's
protecting him pretty good.

If he takes a turn,
we'll move on the place,

but I want the
odds in our favor.

Hey, did you find a ride?

Help me.

Was that me or you?

That'll do, pig, that'll do.

Come on, before
the guy comes back.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Here.

So long, suckers!

Ha-ha-ha!

Kid stole one of the cars.

No shit!

Shit, yeah!

Pull up the GPS on the car.

I'll be damned.

He's beginning to believe.

Oh, this is awesome.

Freeze!

Yeah, we got him, he's
right where you said he'd be.

Good, take him to
the surveillance van

and detain him.

What if he resists?

Then zap him.

Tasers?

I don't think so.

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

What happened, do you copy?

Hey, nice try, dick wad.

Nolan, it's a good
thing you've come around,

but you have to wait for backup.

You can't take him by yourself.

Well, you better hurry up
and get your ass here now.

God damn it!

Congratulations,
now he's gone rogue.

Isn't that what you wanted,

for him to accept his destiny

as you so eloquently put it?

Not like this.

The last time a Nobleman
took on that demon alone,

it was Nolan's father,
and it killed him.

A Nat-20?

Crit success!

Lewis!

Thank God I found you,
let's get out of here.

Dude, it's me.

See, it's me,
I'm here to rescue you.

Dude, what's up with your eyes?

He's under my control.

Another one!

What are you?
Some kind of cult?

Sorry, man.

Sorry!

A valiant effort,

reminds me of your
father before I killed him.

Father!

This shit is next level.

Come on!

Heard a lot about
you, Sir Geldemoore.

Kill him!

Hey bud!

What's up?

Vicars, I'm here to rescue you.

Where's the team?

Just me, I'm a lone
wolf like Chuck Norris.

You're an idiot.

And you're an asshole.

Look out, behind you!

The heir of the
mighty Lord Geldemoore.

A pitiful fleck of existence.

I'm tougher than I look.

A thousand years
ago, it took Geldemoore

and all his
brethren to take me down,

and you thought you
could take me on by yourself?

He's not alone.

You again!

Hold him!

You can't take me,

you don't have the bloodline.

But I do!

Back in your cage,
demon dick face!

Destiny fulfilled.

Are you ready for this?

Ready as I'll ever be,

besides isn't it
a little late for that?

We always have to stay diligent.

Evil cannot be destroyed,
just held at bay.

Right, eggs break.

Haven't you guys ever considered

a better way of
storing those things?

Well, I thought
that a top secret safe

with electronic locks
would have done the trick.

It's just the way
of the universe.

Evil will always find a way.

And, yes, we are looking
into better methods.

You ready?

Let's do this.

Kneel!

I present you with
the helm of the sky.

Nolan Parthmore,
son of Daniel and Kathleen,

descendant of Auric Geldemoore,

it is with great
honor that I dub thee

Sir Nolan Parthmore,

Knight of the Noblemen.

A Nobleman is sworn to valor.

His heart knows only virtue.

His blade defends the innocent.

His words speak only truth.

His wrath undoes the wicked.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull