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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:06,745
What's going on?
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00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,225
Are you Connie Tucker?
4
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,227
A secret casino room?
5
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:12,055
The cops shut me down.
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00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:14,797
Well, let's get this
going again.I'm listening.
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00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,407
I was thinking
about Chuck E. Cheese.
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00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:19,671
Grown-up people don't-don't
gamble to win a teddy bear.
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00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,064
I'm trying to help you.
10
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,588
You think that grown-ups
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00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,808
are gonna gamble
for some stuffed animals?
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00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:27,679
Yeah, that you're
buying back from them.
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00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,378
It seems I owe you an apology.
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00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,902
Come on in.
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00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,819
ADULT SHELDON:
When children reach adolescence,
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00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:39,169
a cascade of hormones
are released,
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00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:42,172
causing mood swings,
impulsive behavior
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00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,131
and an unbelievable amount
of eye rolling.
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[George Sr. cheering]
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During this time of change,
members of the opposite sex
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00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,528
who caught my sister's fancy
included:
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00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,703
New Kids on the Block,
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00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,097
Rufio from the movieHook,
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00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:55,925
and, oddly enough,
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00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,536
our new Sunday school teacher,
Pastor Rob.
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00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,235
Was Mary Magdalene
Jesus' girlfriend?
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00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,759
No, just one of his followers.
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00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,543
Yeah, Jesus didn't have
a girlfriend.
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00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:08,459
Do you have a girlfriend?
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No. No, I don't.
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00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:12,550
I don't have
a girlfriend either.
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00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:14,204
All right.
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00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,815
You and me, Billy,
couple of bachelors.
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00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,122
Are you allowed
to have a girlfriend?
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00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,732
In the Baptist church, yes.
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00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:21,951
Pastor Jeff is married.
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00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,648
And was marriedbefore,
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00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,259
so he's had two wives,
but not at the same time,
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that's not allowed.
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00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,304
Thank you, Sheldon.
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At least not anymore.
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In the Old Testament,
Abraham had two,
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Jacob had four,
and Solomon had 1,000,
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00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,616
but those were largely
for political alliances.
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00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,922
Fun fact: only 700
of those were wives.
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The other 300
were concubines.
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00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:41,318
I wouldn't count on the Bible
for facts, but that was fun.
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00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,843
So boyfriends and girlfriends
are okay?
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00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:50,501
The way I see it, God is love,
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00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:52,634
so if we love someone else
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00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:56,159
in a committed relationship,
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00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,161
we're feeling God.
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00:01:58,292 --> 00:01:59,467
So, holding hands is okay?
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00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:02,209
Sure.What about kissing?
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00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:04,428
Maybe at some point,
when you're older.
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00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:06,430
And what exactly is third base?
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00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:07,953
I'm thinking
it might be a good idea
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if we gave the kids a talk
about the facts of life.
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00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,785
You mean like, S-E-X?
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00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:15,396
Who are you spelling
that for?
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00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,006
G-O-D.
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00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,226
You really think
that's an appropriate topic
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00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:20,792
for kids their age?
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00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,751
Well, they seem to have
a lot of questions about...
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00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,927
S-E-X.
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Sex, sex, sex.
Get over it.
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00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,324
I just think that's a subject
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best left up to the parents.
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00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,283
Glad you feel that way,
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because it was your daughter
who had the most questions.
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[laughs]
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♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
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♪ I bet I could be your hero
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♪ I am a mighty little man
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♪ I am a mighty little man.♪
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Even if... [exhales]
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00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,789
Missy had one
or two questions...
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00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,007
It was a lot of questions.
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Doesn't matter
how many questions.
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We can answer them at home.
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I'm sureyou can.
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00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,666
I just think this is
our chance to get in first
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00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,364
before they
learn it on TV.
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00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,582
That is true.
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00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,018
I flipped past MTV
the other night,
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00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,499
and a song was on called...
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00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,458
[quietly]: "I Wanna Sex You Up."
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00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:18,589
What does that even mean?
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00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,764
I turned it off
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before the young man
could clarify.
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00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:22,854
Well, if you ask me, I think
it means he wants to...
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00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,943
No one asked you.
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00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,685
See? Even we have questions.
Why wouldn't the kids?
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00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,687
I think they deserve
honest answers.
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00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:31,559
You seem to know a lot
about children
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for someone who has
none of their own.
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[imitates cat growling]
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00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,479
GEORGE JR.: So what's my
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00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:39,610
title here?
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00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,351
Manager? Supervisor?
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00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,224
Your title is "grandson
who can go home now."
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00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,574
What are you talking about?
We're in this together.
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00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,011
I'm sorry, did you buy
these machines?
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00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,883
No, but it was my idea how to
get them up and running again.
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00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,234
And thank you. Now, go home
before I tell your mother
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00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,410
you want to work
in a secret casino.
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00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,063
Oh, yeah?
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00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,718
Maybe I should tell her
you own a secret casino.
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00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,198
Is that the way
you want to play this?
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00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,852
Yeah, it is.
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00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,420
MARY: Missy
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00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,422
was asking about sex.
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What?
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00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,425
You don't think that she's...
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00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,817
No.
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00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:15,385
But she's clearly
interested in the topic.
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00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,909
That's it-- she's grounded
till she's 21.George.
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00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,738
Well, maybe it's good this
pastor wants to talk about it.
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00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:21,870
I sure as hell don't.
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00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,567
[scoffs]
You're unbelievable.
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00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,266
I had to do it with Georgie,
and it was a disaster.
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00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,138
Well, here is a chance
to do it right.
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00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,184
I have two words
for you: not it.
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00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,491
Fine.
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00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:37,581
You can be my assistant manager.
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00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,757
Oh, I like the
sound of that.
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00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,106
So, it's a deal?
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00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:42,891
Well, hold on,
how much you gonna pay me?
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00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,762
Did I mention
that assistant manager
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00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,677
comes with a spiffy nametag?
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00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,289
Does it also come
with a spiffy paycheck?
133
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,204
How much did Dale pay you?
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00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:55,077
Uh, minimum wage plus
five percent commission.
135
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,774
I'll give you half of that.
136
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,080
So, two and a half
percent commission?
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00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,648
No, half of
the minimum wage part.
138
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:02,693
What about a
percentage of these?
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00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,173
[laughs]: Yeah, right.
140
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,522
I'm serious.
141
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:07,176
If it wasn't for me,
none of this would be happening.
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00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:08,786
I'm your grandmother.
If it weren't for me,
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00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:10,222
you wouldn't be happening.
144
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,704
How about this:
no hourly wage, just a cut.
145
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,489
What kind of cut you thinking?
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00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,317
Five percent.Three percent.
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00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,796
Five.Three.
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00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,363
You're supposed to go in
the middle and say four.
149
00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:21,625
Why don't you say four?
150
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,627
Fine, four.
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00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,499
Two.Come on.
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00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,109
I'll tell you what,
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00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,590
we're in the gambling business,
why don't we gamble for it?
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00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,721
Okay.
155
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,201
Great.
The number
156
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,464
I'm thinking of in my head--
is it odd or even?
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00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,248
How dumb do you think I am?
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00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,121
In my defense,
you used to be dumber.
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00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,297
Why don't you two
have a seat.
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00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:42,385
In here?
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00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:43,734
Did somebody die?
162
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,649
No, I just want to talk to you.
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00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:47,172
They're getting divorced.
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00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,870
At least they waited until
one of us was in college.
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00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:53,135
We are not getting a divorce.
Just sit.
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00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,270
So, you two
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00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,403
are both growing up,
and I thought
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00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:01,926
that maybe it might be time
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00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,146
to have a talk about...
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00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,496
that and some of the things
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00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,977
that go along with... that.
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00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,979
[whispers]: What is happening?I think she's trying to have
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00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,241
the human reproduction talk.
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00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,374
Oh, God.Uh, speaking of God,
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00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,985
He is very clear about
the do's and the don'ts,
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00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,769
especially the don'ts.
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00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,684
I'm not talking
about this with you.
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00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:22,382
I don't think you'll have
any new information for me,
179
00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,514
but I'm happy to chime in
with biology facts.
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00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:27,387
I don't have any questions.
I'm good. Can we be done now?
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00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,172
So, you'll ask Pastor Rob,
but you won't ask me?
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00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,174
I didn't ask you
'cause I know what you'll say.
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00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,915
You don't know
what I'm gonna say.
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00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,699
"It's a sin."
"You're too young."
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00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:36,874
"Wait till marriage."
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00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:37,962
Well, it is, you are,
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00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,399
and you should.
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00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:40,878
You can't be too young
if you're an aphid,
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00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,489
some of them are born pregnant.
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00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,056
I didn't do anything wrong.
I just asked some questions.
191
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,797
Well, you can ask me.
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00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,104
I'm not asking you
anything, ever.
193
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,067
It's just her hormones.
194
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:57,765
Would you like to learn more?
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00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,463
When children
reach adolescence,
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00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,073
a cascade of hormones
are released...
197
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,038
[music playing softly
through headphones]
198
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,784
What are you doing?
199
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:18,786
Making sure you
don't run away.
200
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,657
Why?Because that's what happened
201
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,572
the last time
you and Mom fought.
202
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:25,183
I'm not going anywhere.
203
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:26,968
Now, get out of here, creepo.
204
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,360
Why did you get
so mad at Mom?
205
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,797
I don't want to talk to her
about that stuff.
206
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,451
It's so embarrassing.Why?
207
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,322
If you have to ask,
then something's wrong with you.
208
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,543
But the topic was procreation,
and she clearly has procreated.
209
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,022
Ew.
210
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:39,981
[knock on door]
211
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,418
Hey. You got
a minute?
212
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:43,941
Sure. Come on in.
213
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,422
[sighs]
I just wanted to say,
214
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,685
about yesterday, you were right.
215
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,644
Oh.I don't have kids,
216
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,733
I overstepped my bounds,
and I'm sorry.
217
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,475
Thank you for saying that.
218
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,302
Forgiveness five?
219
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,217
[chuckles] Sure.
220
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,349
Oh, come on now,
221
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,090
that didn't feel like
you forgave me.
222
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,267
All right.
I'm feeling it.
223
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:07,530
Okay, well, I'll let you
get back to it.
224
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,837
Actually, um...
225
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,361
I might have
overstepped yesterday.
226
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,450
In fact, I...
227
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,670
think there might be some value
in the kids hearing
228
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,325
some of these things from people
other than their parents.
229
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,327
Great. [chuckles]
230
00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,678
Hey, maybe it's something
you and I could do together?
231
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,115
Oh, no, no, no,
this was your idea.
232
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,726
Yeah, but you've got
way more experience.
233
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:31,598
With kids, I mean.
234
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,382
[chuckles]
I know what you meant.
235
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,818
[chuckles]
236
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,691
Plus, it would be great for
them to hear from a woman.
237
00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,910
So, either you or Peg, so...
238
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:43,523
Oh. I want to scare them,
but not that much.
239
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,350
So, you'll do it?
240
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,917
Okay.
241
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,877
I'll tell Pastor Jeff. I like
watching his face get all red
242
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:51,574
when I mention S-E-X.
243
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:52,706
[chuckles]
244
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,359
Hey, yours does, too.
245
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,710
[chuckles]
246
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,363
MEEMAW:
So, you're gonna
247
00:08:58,494 --> 00:08:59,843
give us your ticket,
248
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:01,889
and we're gonna give you
the teddy bear.
249
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:03,543
Why would I want a teddy bear?
250
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,762
'Cause then we're gonna buy
the teddy bear back.
251
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,504
But I said I don't
want a teddy bear.
252
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,549
I want cash.
253
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,072
You're gonna get the cash.
254
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,030
Then why do you keep talking
about a teddy bear?
255
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,597
'Cause this way
it ain't gambling.
256
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,033
But I want to gamble.
257
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:19,776
Well, gambling's illegal.
This is a gray area.
258
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,779
Just give him the cash.
259
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,389
No, he's gonna get this.
260
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,521
I don't think he is.
261
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:27,915
Listen to your Meemaw.
I don't get it.
262
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,307
Just give me your ticket.
263
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,182
Wow.
That is a nice teddy bear.
264
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,314
I'd like to buy that from you.
265
00:09:43,495 --> 00:09:45,628
I don't think he got it.
266
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,325
SHELDON:
And then Missy
267
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,371
said it was embarrassing
to talk to our mother
268
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,285
about reproduction.
269
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:52,809
Interesting, yet the two of you
270
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,550
are living proof
she has at least
271
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,596
a working knowledge
of the subject.
272
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:59,424
That's what I said, then Missy
said something's wrong with me.
273
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:02,689
Oh, I think
you're as normal as I am.
274
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,081
Thank you.
275
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:07,737
Although, I have been called
an odd duck
276
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,870
and, one time, a quirky turkey.
277
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,220
Those people
were probably jealous.
278
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,615
You know, there's
some science to indicate
279
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:16,964
that adolescents
280
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,530
process embarrassment
281
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,664
with a different part
of their brain than adults do.
282
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:25,450
Really? So maybe Missy's right,
and I'm an outlier.
283
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:26,974
Perhaps.
284
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:30,107
Let's increase our sample size.
285
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:33,371
Andy, would you
feel embarrassed
286
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:35,635
talking about
sexual intercourse
287
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,245
with your mother?
288
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:38,463
Uh...
289
00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,161
Stammering, red-faced.
290
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,423
He does seem embarrassed.
291
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,555
Although,
he may just be embarrassed
292
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,035
by the subject in general.
293
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,255
How would you feel
294
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:49,997
discussing it with a co-worker?
295
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:52,390
Say-say me, for example.
296
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:57,613
And now we know
conversations like that
297
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,006
can cost you your job.
298
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,661
You learn something new
every day.
299
00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,576
I think
First Corinthians 7:2
300
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,318
is actually a pretty good
place to start.
301
00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:09,843
"Each man should have relations
with his own wife,
302
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,496
and each woman
with her own husband."
303
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:15,239
Yeah, I'm just not sure
quoting scripture
304
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,286
is the most exciting way
to engage.
305
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,027
I was going more
for guilt and fear.
306
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,420
Well, those are classics
for a reason.
307
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:25,380
I just think that if we make
the fruit too forbidden,
308
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,643
someone might want
to sneak a bite.
309
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,340
They look up to you.
310
00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,517
If you say that abstinence
is the way to go,
311
00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:33,693
they'll listen.
312
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,173
Well, abstinence is important.
313
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,349
But I also believe in honesty,
314
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,830
and abstinence
wasn't my journey.
315
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:43,050
Oh.
316
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,575
Well, that's none
of my business.
317
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,360
That's okay. I'm not saying I'm
proud of everything I've done,
318
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:52,059
but, you know, I was young, the
mustache was just coming in...
319
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,408
You could stop right there.
320
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,584
Look, all I'm saying is,
I was a little wild,
321
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,586
but it's all part
of what led me to the Lord.
322
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,936
That is good to hear.
323
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,243
Actually, this is great.
324
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:03,853
You can tell the kids
how you waited till marriage.
325
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:07,161
I think it'll be really powerful
for them to hear your story.
326
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:12,601
Uh-huh, right, right.
327
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,776
Right.
328
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:16,257
Something seems not right.
329
00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:19,739
Um, it's just, um...
330
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,871
[chuckles]
331
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,917
I didn't wait
332
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,746
all the way until marriage.
333
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,617
Hey, none of my business.
334
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,966
Thank you.
335
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,142
But I appreciate the honesty.
336
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,279
Well, this just got
a little awkward.
337
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,107
Yup. Yeah. [laughing]
338
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,630
All right, have a good one.
339
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,937
Okay. Oh...
340
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,113
[stammers]
341
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,115
♪ We're in the money
342
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,943
♪ We're in
the money ♪
343
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:53,860
♪ We've got a lot
of what it takes to get along ♪
344
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,384
♪ We're in the money...
345
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:58,778
Oh!
Don't take all my money!
346
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:02,607
I'm just a Texas grandma
trying to make people happy.
347
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:03,608
[laughs]
348
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,915
♪ We never see a headline...
349
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,656
Here you go.
350
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,964
Ooh, sweet bear.
I'll give you 20 bucks for it.
351
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,835
♪ We can pay, oh
352
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:13,967
♪ We're in the money...
353
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,229
How we doing?
354
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,839
There's a problem
with the cash box.
355
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:17,840
Oh, what's that?
356
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,842
I can't get it to close.
357
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,801
That is my kind of problem.
358
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,677
Pastor Rob.
Well, this is a surprise.
359
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,636
Sorry to show up unannounced.
Can we talk?
360
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,725
Of course. Come in.
361
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,511
Everything okay?
362
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:40,080
Yes, but I need tell you
something in confidence.
363
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:43,431
No one's home.
It's just the two of us.
364
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:44,998
That's what I was hoping.
365
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,303
MALE VOICE:
Oh, yeah.
366
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:49,219
Why are you in my bed?Why are you?
367
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,180
This is wrong.
368
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,747
Does it feel wrong?
369
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,837
No.
370
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,361
Mary Cooper,
371
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,189
I want to sex you up.
372
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:05,018
I would like that very much.
373
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,063
♪ I wanna sex you up.
374
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:09,587
[gasps]
375
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:13,243
Everything okay?Yeah, I just, um...
376
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:14,854
I had a weird dream.
377
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:17,030
Must've been a doozy.
378
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,554
You're all sweaty.
379
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,469
[sighs]
380
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,514
♪ I wanna sex you up.
381
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,787
What a haul, huh?!
382
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,441
Amazing.
383
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,574
Now what happens?
384
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:42,185
I take it home,
pour it on the bed,
385
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,970
and just roll around in it.
386
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,188
What about me?
387
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,016
You just go home.
388
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,192
No. We're partners.
389
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,978
First of all, we're
not partners, and second...
390
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:55,024
Actually, "not partners"
covers it all pretty well.
391
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:58,854
Fine. Good luck laundering
this money without me.
392
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,335
You know how to do that?
393
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,119
I've seen Scarface,
like, ten times.
394
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,730
Great. I'll just watch Scarface.
395
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,558
Dang it.
396
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:12,128
Pastor Jeff, you wanted
to see me... Oh. Hello.
397
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,088
Looks like we both got called
to the principal's office.
398
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,133
Guess we've
been naughty.
399
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,048
[laughing]
400
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,745
That's not a thing.
401
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:21,790
You okay?
402
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,053
Yeah, I just
didn't sleep too good.
403
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,100
Well, I didn't either. My phone
was ringing off the hook.
404
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:28,797
Apparently, this little talk
405
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,626
y'all were planning on giving
is causing quite the tizzy.
406
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:34,411
A good tizzy?There's no such thing
as a good tizzy.
407
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:35,935
There's only bad tizzies.
408
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,937
You know who wasn't afraid
of causing a tizzy?
409
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,416
Yeah, yeah, Jesus,
410
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,941
but He didn't get 14 messages
from angry parents
411
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,464
on his answering machine.
412
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,509
There was probably more,
but that little tape got full.
413
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,425
Yeah, people have had
some strong feelings,
414
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,601
but I think if they
heard us out, they'd see
415
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,864
we're not putting impure
thoughts in anyone's heads.
416
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:53,996
Right, Mary?
417
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,912
No. I mean, I mean,
yes, we're not.
418
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,044
I mean,
419
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,741
if we're upsetting people,
420
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:00,960
we should just back off.
421
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,787
Exactly. The talk is off.
422
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:04,964
I never want to talk
about the talk again.
423
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,052
Hallelujah.
424
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,488
If you'll excuse me,
425
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,272
I have 14 phone calls to return.
426
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,927
Well, sorry this
didn't work out.
427
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,669
It's probably for the best.
428
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,585
MARY:
Do not look at his butt.
429
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,065
Do not look.[door opens]
430
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,197
Okay, do not look again.
431
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,765
MAN ON TV:
...the weather didn't finish
him off, you can bet that
432
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,288
the polar bears did.[front door closes]
433
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:26,550
Not necessarily.
434
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:27,987
Everything okay?No.
435
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,901
What's wrong?Everyone's parents are upset
436
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,512
about the sex talk
Mom wants to give,
437
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:32,992
and all my friends
are all blaming me.
438
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,863
What? This wasn't your fault.
439
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,647
That didn't stop
Marjorie Jones from taking
440
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:37,953
my seat at the
lunch table,
441
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:38,998
and I also
got uninvited
442
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,608
from two birthday parties.
443
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:43,306
That's silly.
All you did was ask questions.
444
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:44,786
And it's ruining my life.
445
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,180
I'm never talking
about sex ever again.
446
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,357
Well, all right.
447
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,839
[door opens][Jake clears throat]
448
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,276
Hey, there, Connie.
449
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,668
What do you want?
450
00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:00,149
Is that any way to greet
an officer of the law?
451
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,933
Sorry.
452
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,152
What do you want?
453
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,675
I hear you're
back in business.
454
00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:07,504
We're not breaking any laws.
[chuckles]
455
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:11,204
People are just
winning these prizes.
456
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:12,335
That you buy back
for cash.
457
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,729
It's a gray area.
458
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,644
Look, I-I'm not here to argue.
459
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:20,474
At the risk of repeating myself,
460
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,171
what do you want?
461
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,435
I've heard that in
cash businesses
462
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,176
such as this,
463
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,004
that some owners
can benefit
464
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,615
by having a strong
relationship with their local
465
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,878
police department.What are you getting at?
466
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,663
I'm just wondering
467
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:39,188
if there's something you can do
to incur good will.
468
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,060
Are you shaking me down?No.
469
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:42,626
Are you hitting on me?
470
00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,150
No. Uh...
471
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,065
I'm just saying
472
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:48,371
I've heard some business owners
473
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,547
like to invest
in local law enforcement.
474
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,071
You are shaking me down.
475
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,247
It's a gray area.
476
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:58,381
What kind of contribution
are we talking?
477
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,427
[inhales]
well, that's up to you.
478
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,516
Oh, I understand
that somewhere
479
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:05,301
between nine
and 11% is popular.
480
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:06,650
Ten percent?
481
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,261
[chuckles] If you insist.
482
00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:09,914
How about three?
483
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,394
Three what?
484
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:14,354
Three counts
of illegal gambling?
485
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:16,007
Three years in jail?
486
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,793
I'm paying you in quarters.
487
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,101
[knock on door]
488
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,931
Missy, I know you're upset.
Would you like a hot beverage?
489
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,411
MISSY:Go away.
490
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:31,110
ADULT SHELDON:
Every culture has their taboos.
491
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,287
In the Ukraine,
it's rude to whistle indoors,
492
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,810
and they're correct. Not a fan.
493
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,116
In our society,
494
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,119
any discussion
of human reproduction
495
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:41,250
seems to be so upsetting,
496
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,644
it causes nothing but chaos.
497
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,343
Lost jobs.
498
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:51,826
Lost friends.[crying]
499
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,134
Sleepless nights.
500
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,137
Even the word "sex" provokes
an uncomfortable reaction.
501
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,356
I thought "fornicate"
might work,
502
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:03,446
but that seemed too judgy.
503
00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:05,448
Then I found the perfect word,
504
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,016
a word so bland and clinical
505
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,975
that it would be impossible
to take offense to it.
506
00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:13,195
"Coitus." That'll work.
507
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,859
My little angel.
508
00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:29,516
["Bridal Chorus" plays on organ]
509
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:32,867
Do you, Pastor Rob, take
Melissa Cooper to be your wife?
510
00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:33,998
Heck yeah.
511
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,000
And do you, Melissa Cooper,
512
00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,785
take Pastor Rob
to be your husband?
513
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,656
I totally do.
514
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,528
I hereby pronounce you
515
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:44,052
Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob.
516
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,446
You may now take
the bride to Six Flags.
517
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,230
Yay!
Yay!
[whoops]
518
00:19:57,065 --> 00:20:00,199
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
519
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:03,202
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
520
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:06,030
and TOYOTA.
521
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:09,512
Captioned by
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