All language subtitles for tg_eng

Hello and welcome.

Tonight or today,
if you're watching this in the day...

- Or this morning, if you just got up.
-(STUTTERS) Or this morning.

I'd like to talk to you
about the movies.

For hundreds of years now,

the moviemakers
have been transporting us

to fantasy worlds of make-believe
and dubiously priced popcorn.

Yes. And the car
has always been a central element

in that magical, cinematic landscape.

1 mean, think of all the great films
you've ever seen.

Uh, all of the Bond films,

Thelma & Louise, Mad Max,
Bullitt Gone in 60 Seconds,

-all of the Bond films.
- The Dukes of Hazzard,

- Hmm.
- Driving Miss Daisy,

Vanishing Point, The French Connection,

-all of the Bond films.
- All of the Bond films.

The core of their greatness
in each of these films is a car.

And over the next hour or so,
on this brand new DVD

released in the Yuletide gifting period,

we're going to pay tribute
to the car in cinema.

HAMMOND: We'll be showing

how to have a car chase
against a flying villain,

There he is! There he is!
He's ahead of us. He is ahead.

-(EXPLODING)
- How to build a Bond car on a budget.

(RADIO BUZZES)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

- And we'll be paying tribute
- Oh, the ambulance is out!

To the unsung car heroes of cinema.

And I haven't finished
with this montage, yet.

(REWINDING)

Because we'll also be finding out

which cars have the best engine noise
for a movie soundtrack.

-(GRUNTS)
- Ah!

Which cars have the most
screen presence.

(ENGINE ROARING)

And what is the best machine
for getting away from baddies.

(GRUNTING)

(IN MIDDLE EASTERN ACCENT)
For you, Mr Hammond, the DVD is over.

So sit back,
grab a Kia-Ora and buckle up.

It's gonna be one hell of a ride!

Buckle up?

(ENGINE ROARING)

HAMMOND: We begin in Wales,
where I, Richard Hammond,

shall demonstrate
the art of advanced car chasing.

This is more complex
than basic car chasing

which is where you've just got
one car chasing after another.

As an example of the advanced chase,

I give you the chase scene
in The French Connection.

Obviously for financial reasons,
1 can't actually show you the film

but I'm watching it now on DVD.

And the bit I'm talking about

is 68 minutes in where Gene Hackman
is chasing a train

and he's just missed the pram!

That, in essence,
is advanced car chasing,

hurtling down runways after planes,
that sort of stuff.

Pitting the car against other things.

HAMMOND:
We shall now try this ourselves.

And here is the car we will be using,

a Skoda Fabia Super 2000 rally car.

Last season,
this car dominated the championship,

winning seven out of the 12 rallies
and locking out the entire podium

with a one, two, three
on four of those occasions.

But while the car is clearly no slouch,

is it any kind of match
for the non-car thing

we've got lined up for today?

In fact, if] were the car

I might possibly
be weeing myself right now.

Because today it will
be taking on Yves Rossy,

the world's first jet powered
flying man.

Yves, 1 have many questions,
starting with,

what exactly is this thing?

That's a wing and to push me in the air,
four engines. It's very simple.

HAMMOND: Four, four jets, yeah.

And you steer just with your moves
of arms and legs and...

So you haven't got, like,
levers to control?

Nothing. The only thing
is a little throttle that I have here.

That's the only thing that command.

- Well, look, all the best.
- Mmm-hmm.

- I'll be on the ground.
- Yeah.

Now, obviously, 1 could take the wheel
of that thing myself,

and show that Swiss cuckoo clock
some real talent.

But under the Top Gear
apprentice-driver training scheme,

I've agreed to let the guy behind me,
Toni Gardemeister,

cut his teeth on this one.

To be fair, he's pretty good already,
Finnish Rally champion,

many, many, world rally podiums
to his name

but still keen to get some tips from me.

So let's see how this race will work.

HAMMOND: This is the course
the car will be racing around.

Eight miles of prime Welsh rally stage.

As the car sets off,

Yves will climb
to 8,000 feet in a helicopter,

Jump out and then follow the course
from above.

Now, Rocketman can travel with a steady
120-miles-an-hour and we can't.

But obviously, 1 could.

Though I'm not sure yet about,
uh, our novice diver.

Anyway, you might think
because of his cruising speed,

we don't stand a chance here
but, uh, there is more to it than that.

You see, at the end of the race,
Yves has to land,

which means he has to cut his engines,
deploy his parachute

and all sorts of technical
Rocketman stuff has to happen.

So, trust me,
we're in with a shout here.

-(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
- HAMMOND: And also,

we'll be busy covering precious miles

whilst his chopper
is still climbing to launch height.

Just, uh, just relax, Toni,
I'll be here if you need me.

Obviously, Yves could
cut a corner up there.

But don't worry, we've thought of that.

We have positioned a farmer out there
with an air rifle

with strict orders to shoot him down
if he sees any infringement.

That's FIA rules all sorted.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
- As the chopper lifted,

the flag dropped.

(WHIRRING)

-(ENGINE ROARING)
- We're off!

Oh, oh!

(ENGINE ROARING)

Oh, my God! He's quite confident.

Ye gods!

(TONI OVER RADIO)

Yeah, just as you are.

(PILOT OVER RADIO)

We're absolutely monstering this course!

(PILOT OVER RADIO)

We've got 265 bhp down here.
Toni is using, I'd say, all of them.

Yeah!

(ENGINE ROARING)

However, as we pass
the three-mile mark,

Yves was ready to jump.

He jumped!

(WHIZZING)

(ROARING)

(WHIZZING)

Well, he's dropped.
I can't see him out of the car.

But somewhere up there,

he was following our course
and closing the gap.

(SCREAMING)

- Hello.
- Just concentrate on him.

As a new driver, you get giddy,
you show-off and it goes wrong.

TONI: All right.

(WHIZZING)

(ENGINE ROARING)

Okay, Yves is

hitting speeds of 120,
150-80-miles-an-hour.

It's just, well, a lycra suit,
a small crash helmet

and a kitchen table on his back.

(ENGINE REVVING)

-(THUDS)
-(HAMMOND GRUNTS)

How the hell did I get
mixed up in this?

I mean, I'm just baggage now.

Within seconds, Yves had caught up.

(YVES OVER RADIO)

There he is! There he is!

He's ahead of us. He is ahead.

-(THUDS)
- Ow!

As Yves streaked into the lead,

we still had
Just under four miles to go.

(ENGINE ROARING)

(HAMMOND SCREAMING)

In the air... Ow!

Ye gods!

(THUDS)

(OVER RADIO)

Right. Okay.

Up ahead, Yves' journey
was unfortunately almost done.

(YVES OVER RADIO)

(YVES OVER RADIO)

There he is. There's his parachute.

(ENGINE ROARING)

TONI: We've got him.

Just take advantage while
he's slowing down to land

and, um, we've got to give it
everything we can.

HAMMOND: We've got about
two minutes now.

Absolutely! This is gonna be so close!

TONI: (OVER RADIO) Oh, my word!

HAMMOND: There he is.

(TONI OVER RADIO)

Behind the hill.

(TONI OVER RADIO)

We are. He's behind the trees.
I don't know if he's got down yet.

We still have a chance here.

This is it

(ENGINE ROARING)

Where is he? Where is he? No!

(ENGINE ROARING)

(SOBBING) 04, no!

- Think we lost oh!
- Oh! Look at that.

YVES: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

- Don't blame yourself.
- Aw!

That's the main thing, man.
Don't blame yourself.

- Oh! Okay.
- You did a great job!

Thanks, Richard, for the guiding.
I was happy.

- Yeah, thank you.
- All right, come on.

I'll just sit here
for a little bit now, just...

- TONI: You look a little bit down, now.
- Yeah, uh, yeah, do you know...

Just gonna sit here for a minute.

(BLEEP)

HAMMOND: We now come to possibly

one of the most important aspects
of the car in cinema.

(CAR ENGINE ROARING ON TV)

And that is quite simply, noise.

Now you may be familiar
with the film, Bullitt.

Every petrol head in the known world is
familiar with the car chase in Bullitt.

Probably the most famous car chase ever!

(TYRES SCREECHES ON TV)

Yeah, now for commercial reasons,
we can't actually show you a clip

but it's okay because Hammond and 1
are watching it right now.

Now, when that chase was shot,

Steve McQueen insisted
that there should be no music over it,

just the engine noise.

But then before the film came out,
he got cold feet

and he showed it to the famous producer,
Quincy Jones, and said,

"Have 1 got this wrong?"

And Quincy Jones said, "No. No music."

And that's how the greatest car chase
of all time ended up how it did.

Yeah, that sort of brings us
to the point of this section.

There is no music on this car chase

because the engines of the cars
themselves sounded so excellent.

So if you were to reshoot the famous
Bullitt car chase today,

using cars on sale today,
which ones would you choose, eh?

MAY: This is the shortlist
we have assembled.

They may look and be exotic,
fast beautiful and expensive

but they are here for one reason.

They all make an incredible noise.

(ENGINES ROARING)

Viz, V10, V8,

straight-six, flat-six...

All the best internal combustion
instruments are gathered here.

(ENGINES ROARING)

That's what our musicians sound like
playing as an orchestra.

Now let's hear them playing solo.

Yeah, we'll take each car, one by one,
and then whittle them down

until we have
the best sounding goodie car

and the best sounding baddie car.

HAMMOND: And we begin with this.

The Aston Martin V12.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(ROARING)

(REVVING)

(IMITATES ENGINE ROARING)
That is a good effort. Come on!

Now, there is a 6-litre V12,

510 brake horsepower.

And for something
as powering such a pedigree car,

it does have a rather
working class background.

It's actually two Mondeo V6s
sort of welded together.

(ENGINE ROARING)

(LAUGHS)

HAMMOND: Right. That's the opening
salvo fired by Britain.

Let's see what James has got.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Yes, it's another 6-litre V12.

But this time it is the work

of the Ferrari opera company
of Modena. Here we go.

(ENGINE ROARING)

And there it is.

Its huge bosoms
heaving during its solo aria,

the 599 GTB.

611 horsepower,

a red line at 8,500.

(GRUNTS)

Now Ferrari take
this whole engine noise business

very, very seriously.

They like to talk about the third
and sixth harmonics,

which are the nice ones
in a V12 like this is.

Now, I tried to explain all this
to Hammond

and he threatened to kick my head in.

But in fact, Ferrari are being musicians

at the most scientific
and arithmetic level.

(ENGINE REVVING)

It's all to do with the noble points
of the frequency.

What it means is that
there are certain points...

HAMMOND: And thank you for that!

Okay, we will stick with the Italians

but lose James
and a couple of cylinders

because now we're dropping down
to the V10s.

(ENGINE ROARING)

Oh! Oh!

- Actually, it's a v10,
-(TYRES SQUEALING)

because hardly anyone uses them
these days.

And if there is to be only one,

then it's only fitting
that it should be the one in this.

The Lamborghini Gallardo
LP 570-4 Performante.

(ENGINE ROARING)

(SCREAMS)

It's angry! It's spiteful.

This is not the sound of the cavalry
coming to your rescue.

This is the sound
of a whole host of monsters

coming over the hill to kill you.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

MAY: And now,
we've dropped two more cylinders.

- But that's not such a big loss
-(TYRES SQUEALING)

especially in this car.

(ENGINE ROARING)

The magnificent Ferrari 458 Italia.

570 horsepower for a 4.5-litre V8.

That gives a 127 horsepower per litre
which is actually a record

for an non-turbocharged
or supercharged engine.

(ENGINE ROARING)

- And it revs to 9,000.
-(REVVING)

It's a very brittle sound.
It's very harsh.

It's like the violinist
has his fingers right up the fingerboard

close to the bow, the high notes...

HAMMOND: Oh, God!

MAY: Now, it's time to talk about
one of the most famous movie cars

of all time.

Yes, and we refer, of course,
to the Aston Martin DB5

which James Bond drove in Goldfinger.

The first time, really,
that we were introduced to this idea

of a special spy car
stuffed with gadgets.

Yeah, now,
obviously for financial reasons,

we can't actually show you the film

but we're watching it now.
And if you've got it on DVD,

the bit you're after
is about 46 minutes in

and James Bond is having
a heck of a time in it in his car,

firing people out of ejector seats
and spilling oil all over the place.

- It's tremendous stuff.
- It is, yeah.

The thing is we've been doing
some research into this.

And we reckon it's possible for you
to actually have one of your own.

A lot more easily and cheaply
than you might imagine.

(GUNSHOTS ON TV)

Yes, the word "cheaply” has quite a
bearing on what Hammond said just then.

Because if you actually do want

your own Aston Martin DB5 like the one
James Bond drove in Goldfinger,

all stuffed with the latest spy gadgets,

then, really, you're gonna have to
forget the "Aston Martin DB5" bit of it.

- Yeah.
- But once you've accepted that,

then the whole world of exotic
and exciting automobiles

opens up before you in the classifieds.

Stuff like this.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

HAMMOND: This is a Range Rover
which we picked up for just £2,800.

Some £297,000 less than what you'd pay
for a classic DB5 today.

And it gets better.

Because you don't need
the enormous resources of Q-Branch

or Her Majesty's government
to equip your car

with all the latest James Bond style
spy gadgets.

We can show you how to do that
for much less.

Absolutely. And 1 shall now
guide you through phase one

of our Bond on a Budget Handy Hints.

HAMMOND:
So let's get straight down to business

with armoured protection.

And for just a few hundred pounds,
I've come up with this.

(THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING)

For a start, I've armoured the body here
with a steel plate

designed to withstand
all small arms fire on the market.

-(KNOCKING)
- And that includes

protection to the wheels down there.
Just be careful on full lock.

Then to disguise the armour plating
from prying eyes,

I've broken up the profile
and changed the shape

using these discreet sandbags.

Then we move on to glass protection.

Now, there are a lot of very expensive
polycarbonates on the market,

but for a lot less,
you can do what I have done here.

Basically side windows
bought from a scrap yard

glued together with bathroom sealant.

And I'll vouch
there is nothing in a terrorist arsenal

that can get through that lot.

Now, one last important point on budget.

1 have managed to save money
in all sorts of places here

and that's good but 1 really could only
afford to armour one side.

So in a terrorist attack situation
it's very important you remember,

always try
and get them to attack this side.

HAMMOND: Our Bond car will be tested
by live weapons fire

at this armoured car testing facility,

deep in the heart
of the Welsh countryside.

Okay, so the performance
has suffered a bit

and the handling.

And the visibility isn't brilliant,
if I'm brutally honest.

But at least you'll get
where you're going in one piece.

So long as they always shoot
at this side here.

With the Bond car in place,

I decided to go
for an extra tough armour test.

Now normally, here at this firing range,
when they test armoured cars,

they use 7.62 millimetre bullets
like this one.

(GUN COCKING)

But I'm not gonna bother with these.

I'm so confident in my armoured plating

that I'm gonna up the stakes
and ask the shooting guys to use these,

.50 calibre.

These things are the Manchester United
of bullets.

They can travel at around
3000 feet per second

and stop anything in their path.

But let's see
if they're any kind of a match

for the Top Gear James Bond
Range DB5 Rover.

(GUN COCKING)

(GUNSHOTS)

(METAL CLANKING)

(SANDBAG BURSTING)

(GUN COCKING)

(SANDBAG BURSTING)

(METAL CLANKING)

(GUNSHOTS)

(METAL CLATTERING)

The car's holding up quite well.

(BURSTING)

The wall, not so.

(GUNSHOTS)

Oh, God!

(RUMBLING)

(RUMBLING)

Oh!

1 might have spoiled their range a bit.

(GUNSHOT)

HAMMOND: My scrap yard glass system
hadn't fared too well either.

But on the plus side,
the steel plate had held up nicely.

Now, let's see If it starts.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Obviously it's very important
that you carry a face mask with you

because following a terrorist attack

there will be a lot of glass dust
around in the car

and that's nasty stuff.

And some big gloves as well.
Right, let's see.

(DEEP SIGH)

(ENGINE STARTING)

Oh, yeah! And the windscreen wipers!

-(CAR BEEPING)
-'Cause this is...

This is very James Bond indeed.
1 don't know what that beep is.

Oh! I've got a bulb failure.
Never mind, let's go home.

(CELEBRATORY MUSIC PLAYING)

HAMMOND: Now we come to a very important
part of the cinema process,

celebrating the works
of the unsung hero.

You know how it goes.

They show the Oscars on telly

and you see the awards
for Best Actor and Best Film

and then at the end,
sort of in a rush, they say,

(IN A DEEP VOICE) "Oh, yeah,
there's this man and this woman

"and they did the wardrobe or something.
And they get an award as well."

And their efforts just go unrecognised.

They never get a look in.
Don't take my word for it

because I am privileged to be joined
by E.T. Director Steven Spielberg.

Steven, you are a great one
for making sure

that the people behind the scenes
get recognised.

Would you agree that their efforts
often go unrewarded?

Yeah.

Thank you. And you see the thing is,
it is exactly the same with cars.

HAMMOND:
The star cars get all the attention

and enjoy a nice life
in a lovely museum.

But what about the backstage vehicles?
The unsung heroes?

Who cares about them?

Well, we do.

And today we're gonna give them each
their seven minutes of fame

through the crucible of motorsport.

We've assembled a grid
of movie location vehicles

and now they'll get the chance
to be the stars of the show

-by taking part in a race.
-(FLY BUZZING)

So let's meet the nominees

in the inaugural Top Gear Vehicles
You Don't See in Films Very Often

Because They're Not Actually on Camera

But That Doesn't Necessarily Mean
They Should Just Be Forgotten Race.

The first aid ambulance
for mending film stars

when stunts go wrong.

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- The catering truck

which tirelessly tours the film set

bringing welcome food poisoning
to weary cameramen.

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- The Portaloo delivery lorry

which brings relief to those cameramen

when the food poisoning takes hold
and they need a poo.

The stretch limo which ferries the stars
in discreet anonymity

to and from the film set.

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- The luxurious Winnebago

in which they can relax
and throw tantrums

in between saying things to a camera.

- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- And last but not least,

the special effects pyrotechnics van,

without which all those explosive scenes
in Die Hard or Lethal Weapon,

wouldn't be that explosive.

So those are the vehicles
and this is where they'll be racing.

The Arena Raceway in Essex

which was used recently as the location

for the jaw dropping battle scenes
In Avatar.

Now to do these machines justice,

we need drivers who can extract
the maximum performance from them

whilst at the same time
retaining the utmost respect

for each vehicle
and indeed what it stands for.

That's why we've gone for these chaps.

Touring car legend, Tom Chilton.

Touring car legend, Gordon Sheddon.

Touring car legend, Matt Neal.

Touring car legend, Anthony Reid.

Touring car legend, Mat Jackson.

And while these mature
and sensible drivers

settled into their vehicles,

I took charge of the pyrotechnics van.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Now all of the vehicles on the grid
are rear-wheel drive,

apart from the ambulance, that's front.

(ENGINE REVVING)

I'm not sure if that has any bearing
on anything today, really.

(ENGINE REVVING)

1 should just say,

this whole event is very much a tribute
to all of these vehicles.

So 1 have, as ever, issued instructions

that there is to be absolutely
no contact, whatsoever.

Especially with my fully laden
explosives truck.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Three.

Two.

One.

(ENGINES ROARING)

Action!

Yes, we are off!

Oh! Look at it, all of them,

stars in their own rights.

Wow! That things has got legs!

Shutting the door on me. (LAUGHS)

Who'd have thought the motor home
would be a tactical player.

Sadly, predictably,
the touring car drivers

quickly forgot about my no contact rule.

(METAL CLANKING)

(GLASS SMASHING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

-(THUDS)
- That's... Ah! (LAUGHS)

Oh, my God! Where's the limo...

-(THUDDING)
-(SCREAMS)Tony, my van is full of bombs!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Yeah, it's pretty intense.
They play pretty hard

when they're finally
given the chance to do so.

Toilets!

(THUDDING)

-(AMBULANCE SIREN BLARING)
- The ambulance is...

Oh, no!

The limo! He's just a lunatic.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

(BOTTLES CLINKING)

Oh!

There are lavatories everywhere now!

(METAL SCREECHING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Three laps in
and we had our first casualty.

(METAL CLANKING)

Oh, God! 1 think the motor home
has retired hurt.

Yeah, oh, no! Don't!

-(THUDS)
-(SCREAMS) I'm full of explosives!

Oh, God! Something's fallen out.

Oh!

(SCREAMS)

This is becoming more and more... Oh!

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Big back slap from the catering truck.

(CHAIN RATTLING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Oh! The toilet truck
has spun out completely.

But despite the increasing carnage,

-(TYRE SCREECHES)
-a clear winner was not yet emerging.

So it was with great reluctance

that I instructed the drivers
to turn-up the wick.

(SCREAMING)
Oh, no! I'm being sandwiched!

-(CRASHING)
- Oh! Oh, it's full of explosives!

We'll all be killed!

(THUDDING)

(CRASHING)

Oh! Big scrap between the limousine
and the catering truck there.

(TYRES SQUEALING)

(THUDDING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Hey, they're having fun.
They don't get to very often.

(AMBULANCE SIREN BLARING)

(WHOOSHING)

(AMBULANCE SIREN BLARING)

-(SIREN STOPS)
- Oh! The ambulance is out.

We're whittling down
the unsung heroes now.

Now, it was a three way sprint

between the pyro van, the lavatory van
and in the lead, the loony limo.

(SCREAMS)

It was all looking good
for the limo on the final lap,

until the lavatory truck took revenge.

(THUDS)

(CLANKING)

(THUDDING)

-(BRAKES SCREECHING)
- Yes, the limo is out. (LAUGHS)

And then in the closing second,
the pyrotechnics truck took the lead.

It's gonna have its moment.
I am gonna win!

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING) Oh, yeah!

That is a win for the pyrotechnics van,

and 1 for one, am delighted for it.

Oh, God!

MAY: Now back to our James Bond
Aston Range Martin Rover.

And while Hammond has been away
testing its armour protection,

I have been working on something
altogether more highbrow.

This is the Aston Martin Vanquish,

the one used by Pierce Brosnan
in his final Bond film, Die Another Day.

In that film,

Q gave the car one of his most
impressive gadgets of all,

body panels that could
make the car invisible.

Now, you might think that was just
a director's flight of fancy,

a sort of licence to do what you like.

But I'm not so sure, you see.

I think using skills we have
at the Top Gear technology centre,

1 could make our car disappear.

Just as soon as Hammond
makes it reappear here on the set.

And in fact, here he is now.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

- Hello.
-(GRUNTS) Hello.

- How did it go then?
- Yeah, do you know, very well.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Is it bullet-proof?
- Largely, yes.

Anyway, can you hand it over
'cause 1 wanna go

and try out my invisibility idea?

- What? Invisibility?
- Yeah, make it disappear.

- Disappearing car.
- Yeah, mate, you're getting this

mixed up with Harry Potter and
that thing the Klingons do, cloaking.

We're talking
about real world stuff here.

MAY: 1 can see that.

HAMMOND: James insisted it would work

and soon he was ready
for a demonstration.

It could be driving out now.

It could be parked behind me
and you would...

Oh, no, there it is now.

Yeah.

(BEEPING)

What? What's that on the side?

Well, this is... This is embarrassing.

- James!
- Behold if you will,

the invisible Bond car.

Well, that's the problem.
1 am beholding it quite plainly.

It's not activated yet.

- Come over. Come and see how it works.
- Oh, what... Oh, really.

Really? Well, I can see everything.
That's the problem.

Oh, no, 1 just, oh, bumped into it!

- I didn't see it.
- Come on.

Right, look.
On the other side of the Bond car

-are televisions.
- Yes.

- An array of big televisions.
- Right.

On this side, this is the clever bit.
This is a camera, okay,

which is pointing out there
and set to see what you'd see,

looking if the car wasn't there.

And then that picture
is displayed on the telly

so that from that side,
the car isn't there.

- I get the theory.
- No, it's good, it's brilliant.

Go and stand over there.
I'll turn the camera on

-and the car will disappear.
- Okay.

Okay. I'm ready to be amazed.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, I'm ready.

- MAY: Disappeared!
-(CAMERA CLICKS ON)

(LAUGHING)

- Yeah, well, I wouldn't guess it.
- What do you think of it?

I wouldn't guess that you were a spy,
I'll grant you that.

- Oh, hang on. That's wrong.
- Oh, yes, evidently!

MAY: Hold on.

It's still there. I can see the...

The test card's gone
but you're still there, mate, clearly.

(BUZZING)

(LAUGHS)

- No!
- It's gone.

If you're standing
in the right place, yeah,

and if you line it up.

If it was parked amongst a massive crowd
of electronic scoreboards

and 1 was hideously drunk,

for a moment
1 might not realise this is a car

with some televisions stuck to it.

Look, it's a prototype.
It needs a bit of refinement.

- But, come on, as an idea?
- It's...

Does it work when it's moving
or is it only stationary?

Well, of course it works
when it's moving.

I'm not Tracey Emin.

- Go on now. Let's see it on the move.
- Right.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm coming now,
in case you can't see me.

That's brilliant, mate.
1 can't see you at all!

That might be
because I'm behind the trees.

Here 1 come now. Can you see me?
1 bet you can't.

(GENERATOR WHIRRING)

Oh, James, 1 mean,
it is sort of working.

You're kind of invisible-ish.

The only thing is 1 can see the trailer
that you're pulling.

Oh, the thing about
the trailer is that's the generator

because the televisions actually
zap quite a lot of juice.

HAMMOND: Well, you need televisions
to cover the trailer then.

MAY: (OVER RADIO)
Yeah, I need to, that exactly.

1 need to make the trailer
invisible as well.

Yes, so what you're going to need then

is another trailer
to power those tellies

The thing could end up
hundreds of miles long.

MAY: Listen, it's early days.

Stop picking faults
and just look and marvel

at how you can't see the car.

Now I'm gonna get on
with my ejector seat.

HAMMOND:
But before I do that

James and I must complete our quest
to find the best engine noise.

Yeah, now, if you bought
a pirate copy of this DVD

from a dodgy market stall

and the first half is just a lot
of fuzzy white snow stuff,

then here's what's happening.

The car chase in Bullitt

arguably the greatest car chase ever
committed to film, has no music on it,

just great engine noises.

So, what cars on sale today, make
the best engine noise for a car chase?

We've already tried a V12 Ferrari
and a V12 Aston, a V10 Lambo,

a V8 Ferrari and now we continue
with the V8's with this...

(ENGINE ROARING)

HAMMOND: T7his is the Jaguar XKR-S.
With 550 horses,

it's the most powerful production car
Jaguar have ever made.

That's not the noise a goodie makes.

It's not a symphony, that is
just a mugging in a backstreet.

On my eardrums.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Mind you, there's something
very motorsport-y about it.

With that little hint of super charger,
that makes it honest.

It's not what you would see a baddie
pulling up in outside his casino.

MAY: But you might find him
pulling up in this.

The V8 powered

Mercedes CLS 63 AMG.

And it's a prowling car.
I'll explain what I mean.

In Bullitt, before the car chase proper
starts, the cars prowl around there,

sniffing each other out
around the backstreets

and they make this sinister rumble.
Here it is.

Just having a look.

Just seeing if 1 fancy a bit of a scrap.

Then when it decides it does
want a bit of trouble...

(REVVING LOUDLY)

(EXCLAIMING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

See, AMG are very good at this.

They, like Ferrari, take the business
of sound very seriously,

but, they're after a different effect.

It's not the operatic
histrionics, they want that grumble,

that grunt from the big bloke
who never says much down the pub.

That concludes the V8s and now the 6s.

Starting with the Flat 6 of
the Porsche 911 GT3 RS.

(ENGINE ROARING)

Oh, listen to that!
Four litre, 493 brake horse power.

Naturally aspirated Flat 6.

Now, as you may know, 1 championed
This car on our trip across the States

and I do like a Porsche.

So, yeah, there is bias here.

This is a result of decades of honing

and tweaking and
perfecting and I love that!

MAY: I asked for a Straight-6
to be included in the line up.

But I never expected to get this.

This is the very rare,

very expensive, £500,000,

very beautiful Eagle E-Type Speedster.

It also makes an excellent noise.

(ENGINE ROARING)

Very mechanical.
And then listen when I change.

-(ENGINE RUMBLING)
- Hop, hop, hop. Yeah!

Absolutely glorious.

But it's still an old school noise.

And for that reason 1 think,
This must be a goodie car.

1 just can't see an evil villain with
he word Von in his name

driving this.

MAY: Right, that completes
our look at the front runners.

It's now time to start
whittling them down.

I think there's just
too much salt in the 599.

I think you're thinking of MasterChef,
this is more...

- I don't know what to do with this.
- This is more like The X Factor.

- Yeah?
- Erm, yeah.

HAMMOND: Our discussion was intense
and when edited down,

actually quite nonsensical.

- It's a psychopath.
- Yeah?

1 mean it could just...

It's a sort of Radio 4 nod...

(IMITAING CAR ENGINE)

The detective sits there
and contemplates

how his wife doesn't understand him.

Pouncing, you know when Kato
jumps out of the fridge?

HAMMOND: Eventually we
whittled the list down to four.

Mechanical noise from the Porsche, good.

Frantic noise from the Lambo, excellent.

Sophisticated and variable
noise from the Aston, good.

Lovely mechanical noise
from the Straight-6.

That would have to be...

Does it sound good to us
"cause we're nostalgic maybe?

Yeah, and is that affecting our
judgement of it...

It is.

- Would it be a baddie's car?
- No.

The Porsche noise is as old really
as the Straight-6 noise.

- It's very distinctive.
- So, we've got a V12 and V10.

I'm sort of inclined
to get rid of the Aston...

You might regret that
because of the valves

which I know were a bit artificial.

Well, we've done it, we have a decision.
The phone lines are now closed.

- I don't think we had any phone lines.
- No.

No, we didn't. Well, if we had had
phone lines and they'd been open,

they would now be closed
and we have a decision.

Yes, we do. The best baddie car,

with the best engine noise is,

for its fractiousness and
its psychopathic nature,

the Lamborghini Gallardo
LP 570-4 Perfomante.

Yeah! And the car with
the best noise for a goodie,

with its honest, mechanical rattle,
honed over the decades

from its Flat 6 is the Porsche GT3 RS.

Yeah, you see!

The purity to the noise of this,
it could only ever have been the goodie.

Oh, yeah, I think we've
got this absolutely right.

This car sounds a bit nasty.

Isn't it funny how the cars have made
the appropriate noises

actually look right,
that Lambo looks villainous.

(IN MIDDLE EASTERN ACCENT)
For you, Mr Hammond, the DVD is over.

MAY: Ana' now it's time to revisit
a classic Top Gear failure.

1 realise of course,
that doesn't narrow it down very much.

So, here's a quick reminder of a film
we made a couple of seasons ago,

when we tried to replicate
the famous car barrel roll

from the Bond film,
The Man with the Golden Gun.

And can 1 apologise for the hare,
hen and now.

MAY: In this film we instructed
Top Gear's stuntman

to leave the comfort of his luxury home

and use this MG Maestro to re-enact
the famous Man with the Golden Gun roll.

Following my many complex calculations,
a huge pair of ramps were constructed.

Ana' Top Gear stuntman was briefed,
by me, about the exact approach speed.

MAY: That's excellent,
1 think we've got it.

He then set off down the runway
and into the history books.

Straight into the chapter
marked total failure.

And just to show you how bad
that failure was,

let's see it again from several
gratuitous angles.

So, there you are, the trickiest car
stunt in the known movie universe.

And why it's the trickiest car stunt in
the known movie universe.

However, Top Gear stuntman
is made of sterner stuff.

And he's also, I'm afraid, quite stupid.

So, when we said, "Could you do
That again?" He said "Yes, 1 could.”

This time we gave him a white Maestro,

and I don't know, but it
seemed to make all the difference.

Yes! He's done it!

And as we watch it again from
several celebratory angles

it just remains for me to say,
"Take that, Roger Moore!”

HAMMOND: But now we must return to
our track and do some more good work

for cinema loving petrol heads.

What 1 want to explore through a mixture
of philosophical discussion

and burning rubber is this, if certain
movies and TV shows of the past

were to be remade today
for the very first time,

what cars would they feature
from the stuff being made today?

So, let's audition a few
on our tarmac casting couch.

And to get the ball rolling,
we'll start with Bullitt.

As we all know in the original film

Steve McQueen drove a 1968 Ford Mustang.

And if that film were
updated for the 21st century,

I believe he would drive,

a Mustang.

But only this one. The BOSS 302.

Because this is Mustang royalty.

Or whatever the equivalent
is in America of royalty.

It's a Mustang. It's a presidential
Must... That doesn't sound right.

The original BOSS 302 was

a special version
built for Trans-Am racing.

And now that the name
has been resurrected,

it can't just be used for anything.

So, quite rightly this is
the fastest Mustang ever.

Five litre V8, producing
444 brake horse power.

0 to 60 in about four seconds.

It's also ridiculously cheap.
£35,000.

For this sum, Detective Bullitt

would have got a car
with 19 inch wheels,

quite a shout-y body kit,

a stiffened up suspension
and most important of all, this.

This is the key.

Slot this device in here, turn it and
you can start the car and drive it away.

But, if you go for the ultra hard
Laguna Seca version,

you get a second key, this one.
This is the track day key.

Use this one and it alters
200 engine management parameters.

It's like a redneck's Veyron. So,

just listening to make sure all
200 changes have happened.

1 mean, how would you know?

Now, in the original Bullitt film,
the Mustang was tested to the limit

in a legendary car chase
against a Dodge Charger.

So, we should really have
a bit of a chase here too.

Let's make this thing put
its money where its mouth is.

But not against a Charger,
we'll put it up against one of

Top Gear's favourite muscle cars.

The latest version of the Vauxhall VXR8.

(WHOOPING)

The Vauxhall's got a bigger engine,
6.2 litre V8,

but then it is 200 kilograms heavier
than the BOSS.

He's all over me. 1 can't...

This is the best handling of
the modern Mustangs I've ever driven

but then there was quite
a lot of room for improvement.

1 meant that.

1 meant that to happen that then.
That's what 1 wanted to do.

HAMMOND: Come on!

Once the Vauxhall was ahead,
it stayed ahead.

Well, I think by science
and due consideration

we have come to
the only conclusion we can

which is that, the VXRS8 is faster.
So if Bullit were remade today,

Steve McQueen
would be driving a Vauxhall.

That doesn't sound right.
1 wouldn't watch that.

So, let us put this sadness behind us

and move quickly on to one of
the most famous cars in telly history.

Yes, it is KITT,

the amazing, indestructible talking car
from Knight Rider.

Now the original was based
on a Pontiac Trans-Am,

but if Knight Rider were
10 be remade today,

1 think we could do a bit
better than that.

Say hello to Richard Hammondhoff.

And the 21st century Knight Rider car,
the brand new Arash AF-10.

Unlike the Pontiac Trans-Am original,
the Arash is British.

The original KITT
also had flame throwers

and a thing that could throw bombs,

and it could talk,
this can't do any of those things yet.

But, I mean, come on, it's already
got a whole lot more

screen presence than
that shonky old Trans-Am.

I mean, look at it!
The credits are gonna look great!

The original Knight Rider car could
travel at 300 miles an hour as well

and this can't do that either.

However, it is fast.

0 to 60 in 3.4 seconds.
Top speed about 204 miles an hour.

Courtesy of a 7 litre V8.

(SCREAMING IN EXCITEMENT)

Oh! It's like being inside an explosion.

(EXCLAIMING)

That's ferocious!

Hasselhoff's gonna
have to learn to shout.

MAY: We now return to our secret
spy car testing centre.

Where work continues with
our Bond car on a budget.

And now we come to really the Bond
signature gadget dish, the ejector seat.

To recap, in the film Goldfinger,

the villain is sitting in
the passenger seat of Bond's DB5

with a gun levelled at Bond's head.

And Bond presses a thing somewhere,
the roof opens, the seat flies out

and the villain is just
ejected into oblivion.

Well, now, 1 have fitted this car
with a similar device.

Achieved for an awful lot less
than the original ejector seat cost.

- So, James, are you ready for this?
- No.

Do you think a baddie is going to
nonchalantly climb into this seat

when it says on it quite clearly,
"Pull to eject.”

You see, that's a cunning double bluff

because they'll think,
"That can't be an ejector seat,

"it says ejector seat on it!"
But, in actual fact, it is.

All right, so we need a demonstration,

I've arranged for a Bond type villain
to get In,

so if you'd like to... See, look, Jaws.

- Jaws-ish.
- MAY: Laurel and Hardy.

Yes, maybe. In you get. Yeah,
you see you're gonna be the villain.

Don't pull that lever yet, okay.

- Erm...
- He's gonna say that's another fine

ejector seat you got me into.

Quite possibly. So, if we're ready
let's get the button and retreat.

Perhaps a bit further.
A bit further maybe. Bit further.

Okay, now don't worry this is
just a test so when 1 hit this button

there's a tiny charge,
the roof will fly off,

and your chair will pop up six inches.
Something like that, you'll be safe.

Erm, right, here we go!

-(MAN SCREAMING)
- Oh!

Yeah, he's...
The roof was supposed to come off.

- I would have guessed that.
- Yeah.

I don't think it's gone well.
Is he all right?

- I think he might be cross.
- Hmm.

Time to return to the issue of
the car chase and in particular,

one very important aspect.

Handling. And the point is very well
illustrated in The Bourne Identity,

I'm watching it now.

Obviously for financial reasons
1 can't show you the actual film,

but if you have the DVD, the point
we're after is about 53 minutes in,

where young Jason Bourne
might only be a in a knackered old Mini

but he's still making a right minky out
of the baddies chasing him.

And that is simply because
of the car's superb handling.

So, the question is, "If you were to
find yourself being pursued by some sort

"of shady, covert organisation,
what is the best car to be in?"

Well let's not muck about
with a long shortlist.

Let's just deal with two
of the best handling on the market.

One of which has to be this.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

The Porsche Cayman R.

This car pops up in a Top Gear test
of a BMW 1M earlier this year.

But only in a drag race and that's
a shame because logic dictates

this should be a car with a grade A
in handlingonmics.

For starters, it's based on a car that
already corners superbly.

And this R version is 55kgs lighter
than any Cayman to date.

It costs £51,000 basic.
But add in sports exhaust,

ceramic brakes, Xenon headlamps
and you could get up to £60,000.

And the air conditioning is gone in
the interest of lightness which means,

if you do manage to evade the baddies,
your pits might be a bit whiffy.

But in this car however,
you'll stay mountain dew fresh.

This is a fully air conditioned BMW 1M
that set Jeremy's trousers on fire

in the last series.
In his view there's no fripperies here

it's just four seats and
four wheels, all wrapped up in

distilled essence of empire brilliance.

Like the Cayman R, it'll do 0 to 60
in just under five seconds.

But where as the Porsche
has a 3.4 litre flat 6,

this has a 3 litre,
twin turbo, Straight-6.

So, what we have here then,

are two evenly matched prizefighting
driving machines.

Now it's our job to find out which car
is best at keeping you alive

in a car chase against
some truly bad people.

This is the location we will be using.

An airfield with long straights,

run offs to dive down and
buildings to dart in between.

Perfect for representing
the ever changing scenarios

of a high speed pursuit.

And now, the baddies.
There are quite a lot of them.

As well as some rather handy looking
Honda Motocross bikes.

There's a 510 BHP Jaguar XKR,

a military grade QT Wildcat

a 15 tonne tank and
a Robinson R44 Helicopter.

Each of these machines will have
awesome paint ball firing capabilities.

It's my job to take each car and evade
all of this lot for three minutes.

At the end of that time the car with the
least number of paint ball hits will be

deemed the best handling.
It's simple, it's clear.

It's actually the way they test handling
at the Porsche and BMW factories.

First I'll take the BMW.

Hit the M button to sharpen
up the throttle response

and I think traction control off in case
we need to slide out of harm's way.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(PAINT BALL GUNS FIRING)

No! They're firing,
snipers on the roof.

There are bikes behind me.

Incoming! Ah! Ooh, straight to the
windscreen, that would have been fatal.

Twin turbos of course, the perfect
engine for a chase situation.

All the power you need, all the time.

So, you don't just drift this car
around like a yob in a car park,

you slide and you're still moving.

It's so controllable.
Even for a numpty like me.

(SCREAMING)

Really good windscreen washing,
which surprisingly turns out to be

a useful feature in a chase situation.

Trouble here.

1 have a Wildcat now, that's a worry.

Look at the size of that
gun on top of the Wildcat.

Incoming!

Very quickly realise, this has some
life saving handling ability.

It really is a proper point
and squirt little thing.

Great, that's coming in.

Try and drive through the woods.

Ambush! Ambush!

Whoa! A lot of hits there,
a lot of hits there.

It might be 300 kilograms
heavier than the Porsche

but it really can control that
so effectively.

(EXCLAIMING)

Finally, after three torturous minutes
the siren wailed and the test was over.

Well, the final score for the BMW,

it failed to evade 67 hits.

Now it was time for the
Porsche to run the gauntlet.

Let's see how we do.

Charge! I mean, let the testing begin.

(GUNS FIRING)

Jinking left and right
down the alley way of death.

Straight away you can feel
that 300 kilograms difference.

No way can a bike keep up with that.

Oh! Big hit!

Windscreen washer's nowhere near as
good as the BM's, 1 can't see a thing!

Oh!

Sounds good. Not that that's any help
in this particular situation.

Woah!

You can change direction in this
thing like you're in a car too.

It really is phenomenally gripping.

But get it wrong and
it's not as forgiving as the BM.

Come on!

The air conditioning would be
quite nice now it's getting hot in here.

There's the Wildcat! Oh!
Right up my chuff!

That's got a very big gun on it.

Taken a lot of hits from him,
that's not nice.

Ah, missed.

You didn't miss. No, neither did that,
that was a hit.

It's just a hail of bullets,
the helicopter is very, very low.

Oh, hang on, there is the siren.
There it goes.

It was time to tot up
the scores on the doors

and probably because of my spin,

the Porsche sustains 79 hits.

12 more than the BMW.

Which means that, and
I'm surprised by this verdict.

If you need to run
the gauntlet of baddies,

the best handling car
for that very specific task is

the BMW 1M.

HAMMOND: Back once more
to our casting couch.

Ana' now] must find
the perfect modern day car.

That's assuming he doesn't want
our Range Rover for James Bond.

Now Bond is as we all know most
associated with Astons.

In fact he was still driving one,
a DBS in the last film.

But, what if Astons didn't exist?
What would we put Bond in then?

Well, he'd want something that
looked instantly British obviously.

Which is why my first
suggestion would be,

German.

Specifically this, the Wiesmann MF5.

Let me explain my logic.

The Wiesmann actually looks more
British than all the British cars.

That's because, the German chaps
who make it, the Wiesmann brothers,

are so in love with old Jensens
and Healeys that they sort of

see them through rose tinted spectacles.

So this is shaped with real passion.

Then there is
the question of exclusivity.

And that's important because Bond is,
how should I put it, a bit of a snob

probably doesn't shop at TK Maxx.

He wants something
handmade and exclusive, which this is.

£144,000, hand built and
it's built by German hands.

So it won't let him down.

And because it's made of fibreglass
and doesn't weigh much

it's perfect for gunning up
the hairpins of the Alps.

It's composed, it's powerful,
it's got control of itself,

it kind of is Bond.

Bond also likes and needs
on occasion, massive speed

and Wiesmann delivers here too.

Don't be fooled by
all these retro looks

because moving this thing around is one
of the most modern engines in existence.

BMW's twin turbo V8.

But if speed is Bond's primary concern,
then perhaps he should look at this.

The Noble M600.

This car in maximum power mode

has a better power to weight ratio
than a Bugatti Veyron.

1 say maximum power mode because

check out this James Bond
style gizmo down here.

In road, you have 450 brake horse power,

switch it into track and it adjusts
the boost on the turbos and you get 550.

Put it in race, 650 brake horse power.

Oh, my God!

120, 130.

150, oh, God, 1 mean,
it just keeps on going.

In max power mode,
this thing will do 225.

1 think that should be enough really.

Admittedly it doesn't have the English
heritage feel of the Wiesmann,

and you do get some Ford switchgear,
which is a bit of an ask for a car

costing around £200,000.

But there is one aspect that would
let Bond forgive it anything.

And that is that
it's absolutely built for purpose.

And that purpose is testing your skills
and nerve right up to the limit.

I mean, it's bloody scary
but utterly wonderful.

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)

There's absolutely nothing
to back you up, let you relax.

You are absolutely on your own.

There's no air bags,
no stability control, no ABS even.

Bond would like this.

It will remind him of skiing
in front of an avalanche

with his nose being bitten by a crab.

MAY: It's now time
to pay our final visit

to the tower of
technological magnificence

that is our Bond car on a budget.

And here it is in all its £2,800 glory.

And to it we have added
full armour protection.

- On one side.
- On one side, yes.

An excellent invisibility cloak
and a very powerful ejector seat,

twinned with a surprisingly strong roof.

Thanks you James, for that summary.

Now, all of those devices are what you
might call defensive weapons,

but the fact is a moment comes in

any secret agent's daily work when they
must turn around and fight back.

So, here we are driving along,
being pursued by some baddies.

And you can always spot them in
a Christmas DVD such as this one,

because they'll be driving
very cheap second hand cars.

Rovers and Mondeos generally.

That way we don't waste too much money
when they come to a sticky end.

Here he comes now.

- Is it a Rover?
- Yeah, Rover.

Now, in his mind he's gonna be thinking
he's in for a nice day's work.

Yeah, maybe shoot our tyres out
or spray us with machine gun fire

-that sort of thing.
- But, not today, because...

(EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHING WICKEDLY)

Go on then, say it, as long as
I can do the next one.

Shall I? All right then.

He got a pretty warm reception.

- Loving your work there, Agent Hammond.
- Thank you.

Hang on a minute, Agent Hammond,

1 can see from my monitor
that there's another one on our tail.

- Mondeo.
- Yes, it is.

Figured.

He's holding back, you see,
because he thinks that way

he'll avoid our flame thrower,
but that's not gonna help him.

'Cause I'm going to deploy
our guided missile.

And launch!

Steering to target.

- Oh, nice work!
- Yes!

Ooh, hang on.

- It's not stopping.
- That's got to hurt.

All right, go on then.

- That guy is on a bit of a roll.
- Nice work, Agent May.

Thanks, Agent Hammond.

And the threat of world domination
ends there.

(BEEPING)
Oh, actually 1 wouldn't be too hasty

-here comes another one.
- Oh, where?

- Oh, look, is it a Saab?
- It is a Saab.

Sophisticated for a villain.

Do you think he's a graphic designer
with ambitions to end all humanity?

An architect that's turned bad.

Either way not a problem for us today

because if 1 press this oil slick
dispensing device here...

(WHIRRING)

- Now he's a slippery customer.
- Nice!

I'll finish him up with a
bit of flame thrower as well

just to show him we mean business.

There you go, eat that!

I'm not sure you
should do that actually.

We're frying tonight!

- Not oil and flames together!
- He's really on the skids.

1 wouldn't do oil and
flame thrower at the same time.

Oh! Oh, you're right, that's... Oh!

Oh, cock!

And that brings us to the end
of our feature presentation.

Oh, God!

We hope that you've learned lots
whilst watching this DVD.

But, we do have to say if you have
learned lots from this DVD, that's,

that's actually quite worrying.

Yeah, if you've learned lots you should
really think about being a bit cleverer.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

And now from a time when people
wore a tie to go to the cinema,

the National Anthem.

(BRITISH ANTHEM PLAYS)