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[theme music playing]
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[Will] It was a typical
Saturday night in suburbia,
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00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,640
and Wendy's party
was the kind of shit party
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00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,360
that happened most weekends.
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00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,520
Her parents were upstairs,
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00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,080
waiting for the house
to be trashed.
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00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,680
They'd be down at 11:30 anyway,
to turf us all out.
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00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:33,999
We were downstairs,
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bored senseless and wondering
how we'd ever get laid.
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00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,800
And anyone who is in any way
cool was somewhere else.
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Can you get off
the arm rest, please?
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Sorry.
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00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,960
Although it was nice
of you to invite me,
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this doesn't seem
like a very cool party.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you cancel a night out
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with Paris Hilton to be here?
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00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,440
Wendy,
do you have any more beer?
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00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,080
I think there's a box
of my dad's small beers left.
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00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,320
But don't drink it all.
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00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,680
Charlotte Hinchcliffe
and her mates will be here soon.
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Yeah, right,
like she's going to come.
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-Why wouldn't she come?
-[Simon] She's fit and popular.
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-Therefore, she won't be coming.
-Who won't be coming?
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-Charlotte Hinchcliffe.
-I'd make her come.
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All over my face.
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You know,
she has to get special bras made
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00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,320
because not only
are her tits so big,
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but they are perfectly round.
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Like porn star tits.
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And she's a slag.
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She once munched off
the whole rugby team.
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-Can that be true?
-No word of a lie.
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-I heard that.
-Our school doesn't have
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a rugby team.
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-It was another school, then.
-Which one?
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-It happened, all right?
-Then you can tell me where.
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You can ask her yourself.
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-Except she won't be here.
-Jay, I'm off, mate.
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See you soon.
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00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,440
All right then, mate.
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00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,840
Who was that?
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-Just a friend.
-You've made a new friend?
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Oh, a friend.
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Since when have you had
other friends?
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Oh, a friend.
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I knew him from when we were
doing trials at West Ham.
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He's moved into the area.
He's just some guy.
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-Some guy!
-He's just some guy.
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00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,240
-He's just some guy.
-That's all it is.
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Just a friend from when
Jay had trials
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00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,240
at West Ham...
That never happened.
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-Don't forget the thumbs up.
-Oh, friend. New friend.
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-Friend.
-[Simon] Please be my friend.
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-Oh, friend.
-Oh, friend.
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-Fuck you lot. Where's the beer?
-We're out.
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-I'm going to the loo.
-What, for a wank? You wanker.
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-Friend!
-[Simon laughs]
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See if you can find
some more beer on the way back.
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Check the washing machine.
That's where I'd hide it.
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No one ever puts any
in the fridge.
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Fucking hell, she has turned up.
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This is now officially
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the coolest party
we have ever been to.
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Try and look cool, then.
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00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,600
[Will] As expected, the kitchen
was a booze-free zone.
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Apart from one small beer
in the washing machine,
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which was presumably Neil's.
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00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,440
I assumed there wouldn't be
any in the fridge,
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but what the hell.
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And to my surprise,
I hit the jackpot!
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00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,440
-Think you've got my champagne.
-Oh, God. Um...
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Sorry.
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00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,040
You've opened it now.
You might as well grab a glass.
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00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,600
Right, uh, yes.
Thanks. Sorry.
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00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,000
Did you know
the original champagne glass
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is said to be modeled on
Marie Antoinette's breast?
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00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:16,960
Do you always start off
a conversation
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00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,440
by talking about breasts?
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00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,320
-No... How has it gone?
-Quite badly.
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Right.
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00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,640
-[Simon] She's amazing.
-Who?
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That girl.
Her eyes are beautiful.
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00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,120
You get weird around girls,
like a stalker.
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00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,920
-No, I don't.
-Yeah, you do.
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Where's that muppet
with our drinks?
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I haven't told my old friends
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I've joined
a state comprehensive yet.
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They think I'm doing
voluntary work for UNICEF.
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[Charlotte laughs]
You pretentious twat.
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-[both giggle]
-Oi! Did you get us any beers?
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Hi, Jay.
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00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,080
Listen,
if you really want a laugh,
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you should chat with me.
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-I'm 50 times funnier than him.
-Is he for real?
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00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,240
-Regrettably, yes.
-I'm totally for real.
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00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,240
Everybody knows I'm funnier.
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00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,960
Even you'd say so,
wouldn't you, Will?
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00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,120
Uh, well, no, not really.
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00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,680
All right, funny boy,
make me laugh.
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Without undressing.
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[imitates motor revving]
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[vocalizing]
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Crazy Frog.
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Okay, uh, if Will ever stops
being funny,
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I'll let you know. Come on, you.
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00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,280
[Simon] What the hell
is going on?
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00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,640
[Jay] Fuck knows.
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00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,200
Her and her mates must be having
a snog a twat competition.
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That can't be happening,
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or someone
would have claimed you.
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This is brilliant news.
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[Jay] How is Will getting off
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with Charlotte Big Jugs
brilliant news?
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[Simon] It means things
have changed.
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Girls might be about to notice
us for who we actually are.
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-You're fucked. You're a twat.
-Nice.
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Oh, my God.
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[Neil] I thought she was seeing
someone in our year.
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Yeah, I heard she was
seeing Donovan.
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00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,760
No, who is it?
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Is it Donovan, Neil?
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He's a nutter
and we should warn Will.
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It's someone.
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-Is it Donovan?
-I can't think.
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-Donovan?
-Let me think.
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-Donovan?
-That guy...
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-Donovan.
-What's his name?
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This isn't a practical joke,
is it?
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00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,760
Because if it is,
then I'm...I'm fine with that.
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00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,160
It would be nice to know
so we can have a laugh about it,
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admittedly at my expense, and
then... get on with our lives.
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-No, it's not a practical joke.
-Oh, great, sure, no.
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Didn't think that it was.
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I liked that kiss.
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So did I. And if you're lucky,
you might get more.
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Oh, my God, sex?
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I'm not going to
have sex with you, Will!
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00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,200
No, no, of course not.
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How about we...
don't have sex in here?
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00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,760
All right.
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00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,440
-Was it Donovan, Neil?
-I'm trying to think who it was.
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-Oh, yeah, it was Donovan.
-You fucking idiot.
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-Oh-ho! Will's dead.
-Shit, we should do something.
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00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:36,920
[Jay] Well,
after he gets beaten up,
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we could take him to hospital.
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Fuck, fuck, fuck.
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-Right, don't say anything.
-Okay.
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00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,080
-All right?
-Yep, yep. Yeah, I'm all right.
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I heard your mate
is with Charlotte.
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00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,440
Um... don't know.
Don't think so.
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-Yeah, they're upstairs.
-Cheers.
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What?
153
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,200
-So sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Dean.
-That's okay, Mark.
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00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,920
Hope you're having a nice time.
The loo's on the left.
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Thank you very much.
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00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,960
-What are you doing here?
-I came to see you.
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Leave.
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No, stay. Mark, it's finished.
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-Now, please go.
-No.
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00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,240
I'm not leaving till you tell me
it's over and you mean it.
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It's over and I mean it.
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I think you should leave.
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What,
you're telling me to leave?
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-Yes.
-Or what?
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-Please don't hit him. Just go.
-Or what?
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Mark, please.
For me. Just go.
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Yeah. Yeah, all right.
I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
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Good, because I was going
to call Wendy's parents.
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-Don't think that I won't.
-Okay, mate, two things, yeah?
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One, be nice to her, because she
is kind and fragile and gentle,
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not like people think.
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And two... if you tell anyone
I said that, I will kill you.
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I will kill you!
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[door slams shut]
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What a dickhead.
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Fucking hell, he's leaving.
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No screams
and he's not covered in blood.
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Will must have got away with it.
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Or Donovan
killed them both silently.
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She is so beautiful
and she keeps looking at me.
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00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,840
She's only looking to see if
you've stopped staring at her.
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-She's still looking.
-'Cause you're freaking her out.
183
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,640
I think we've got a connection.
Her eyes. Why don't we go over?
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00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,960
No, I don't need to pull.
I've got a sure thing lined up.
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00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,679
-A midweek wank?
-No.
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00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,920
I've entered that charity
blind date thing at school.
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00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,160
-That's tragic.
-That's where you're wrong.
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00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,400
Because I get the choice
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00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,040
of three girls
to take out on a date.
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00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,520
So I don't need
to spend my Saturday
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scaring girls like Simon does.
192
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,040
What if she's feeling the same
and neither of us does anything?
193
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,200
She's fit
and she's the year above.
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00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,320
She'll never go for you.
195
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,680
Look, Will, yeah, has
pulled Charlotte Hinchcliffe.
196
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:05,200
Anything could happen tonight.
I'm going over.
197
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,760
Go away.
198
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,800
[Will] With Simon's
humiliation,
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00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:12,920
the party was over,
200
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,720
and some of us
had done better than others.
201
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,360
I don't get it. Charlotte Tits
could have had me,
202
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,360
and she went for that?
Come on, then, what did you get?
203
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,040
Well, a gentleman never tells.
204
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,600
-A bender never tells.
-Brilliant.
205
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,200
Look, come on, did you get
a chew on her boobies or not?
206
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,240
-I can neither confirm nor deny.
-Bender.
207
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,040
Don't listen to them.
This is brilliant.
208
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,480
Are you seeing her again?
209
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,040
I've got to call her tomorrow.
She said we should hook up soon.
210
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,560
[sighs happily] Amazing.
211
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,680
And don't tell my dad
anything yet.
212
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,680
It'll only set him off.
213
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:40,920
'Course.
214
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,760
-[Alan] Good night?
-No, boring.
215
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,680
-Will pulled.
-Did you, Will? Good work.
216
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,160
Um... thanks.
217
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,360
When I was your age,
I used to love house parties.
218
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,440
Getting off with some bird,
219
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,360
one of the rooms
underneath the coats.
220
00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:59,880
Dad, can we not?
221
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:02,960
Ah, in fact, I think I met your
mum at a house party, Simon.
222
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,760
-Jesus Christ.
-Ohh, she was wild.
223
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,600
She didn't just like
keeping it upstairs.
224
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:09,880
No, we did it in the kitchen,
225
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,240
in the garage...
226
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,760
I think we notched one up
in the greenhouse once.
227
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,480
-Stop the car, I'll walk home.
-Oh, come on, Simon!
228
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,320
Me and your mum
like doing it, too, you know.
229
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,440
[all exclaiming in disgust]
230
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,640
-They do it in your house, Si.
-Dad.
231
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,960
-You're so embarrassing.
-Oh, your mum loves it!
232
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,480
[Will] Two days had now passed
since I kissed Charlotte,
233
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,400
which meant it probably
wasn't a wet dream.
234
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,480
Hello, stranger. Hello, boys.
235
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,320
[Will] Pulling me at a party
was one thing,
236
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,600
but how would she treat me
at school?
237
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,920
Hi, hi. How are you?
What have you been up to?
238
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,880
Well, on Sunday,
me and Sarah went up to London,
239
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,560
bought some vibrating love eggs
240
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,040
and put them in
on the train back.
241
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,760
And where did you eat in London?
242
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,360
Did you hear what I said?
243
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,360
Yep. It sounded like
a private matter,
244
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,160
so I thought best
not to intrude.
245
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,440
Does it intimidate you
when I talk about sex?
246
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,360
No. Not at all.
247
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,760
I'm just interested
in London restaurants and stuff.
248
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,800
You have had sex before,
haven't you?
249
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,280
Yes. Yes. Loads. I've done it
with two different girls.
250
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,480
I've had 11 lovers already.
251
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:16,560
Five girls, actually.
Sorry, it was five, not two.
252
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,240
-All right, stud. Who were they?
-A girl I met in Australia.
253
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,600
-Australia?
-Yeah, I went there on holiday.
254
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,960
-When was that?
-2005.
255
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,280
So you were 13?
256
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,480
-I was very mature for my age.
-Older woman, was she?
257
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,760
She was a couple
of years younger.
258
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,360
So she was 11?
259
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,320
Christ, no! I mean... yes...
260
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,600
I suppose she must have been.
261
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,160
-Jesus, 11.
-And what about the other four?
262
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,400
Had they reached puberty?
263
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,240
God, yes, they were very recent.
264
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,560
One was a couple of weeks ago,
265
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,200
another one was...
a few days ago.
266
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,320
I see. Well, I reckon you should
come round on Friday night
267
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,480
and, you know...
268
00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:01,720
God, you mean... you know...
on Friday?
269
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,080
-Why not? It's no big deal.
-Not a big deal.
270
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,800
I'm not a virgin,
you're not a virgin.
271
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,560
-I'm so not a virgin.
-I believe you.
272
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,880
What are you doing?
273
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960
-I'm reading.
-That's what I meant.
274
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,160
I don't know how anyone bothers
with this shit.
275
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,840
It's like a slow version of TV.
276
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,720
-Then why bother?
-For Blind Date.
277
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,200
It'll make me sound clever
278
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,240
if I say I read,
and girls like clever blokes.
279
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,880
But once a girl speaks to you
280
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,640
she'll realize
you're not a clever bloke.
281
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,000
Exactly, that's why I'm saying
that I read books.
282
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,040
No, not exactly
because you'll still seem stupid
283
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,880
even though you've lied
about reading books.
284
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:48,960
Exactly.
285
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,400
Oh okay then, Neil,
that clears it up. Good plan.
286
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,200
You coming round mine tonight,
play Pro Evo?
287
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,200
Depends. Will your friend
the footballer be there?
288
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,480
Aw, friend. Football friend.
289
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:02,040
Aw, best friends
for ever and ever.
290
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,960
-Ohh, friend.
-Fuck off, he's not my friend.
291
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,080
All right. You're touchy
about your friends.
292
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,600
Come round mine. My dad's out.
293
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,720
-Oh, at last.
-No, I mean going out.
294
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,840
-Cottaging?
-No, he's playing badminton.
295
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,280
-Sounds like a euphemism.
-We're not going round yours.
296
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,920
-Your house stinks.
-Does not.
297
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,720
-It does smell odd.
-Like what?
298
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,880
-It just smells like being poor.
-Fuck off!
299
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,960
-Shit.
-Charlotte again?
300
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,200
I don't why she doesn't just
come over and say hello.
301
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,400
Because she doesn't want
to be seen dead with you.
302
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:28,760
Well, on Friday she'll be doing
303
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,280
more than being seen
dead with me.
304
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,320
-You're having sex?
-Nice.
305
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,800
-Does she know you're a virgin?
-Told her I got laid last week.
306
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,040
Last week? Shit.
307
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,400
Here's a tip for you.
The more fingers up, the better.
308
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,080
They fucking love it.
Try to get at least three.
309
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,440
What? I'm telling you, all the
birds I've shagged love that.
310
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,000
So no birds love that, then.
311
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,600
-Well, your mum loved it.
-Brilliant.
312
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,000
Knowing my luck, she'll have
dumped me by Friday anyway.
313
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,360
Yeah, as she's using you
to get back at Donovan.
314
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,880
-What?
-It's obvious.
315
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,160
Everyone can see it.
316
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,640
It's still great for you
317
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,320
because you get a go
on those fantastic tits.
318
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,120
-That's not true.
-Yeah, it is.
319
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,680
No offense, but you don't look
much like her type.
320
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,880
-She goes for big rugby players.
-Fifteen at a time, sometimes.
321
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,880
Fuck off! Fuck off, the lot
of you. You don't know her.
322
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,920
Listen, mate, I'm only trying
to look after you.
323
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,640
You're just jealous because a
fit girl fancies me and not you.
324
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:18,880
Come on, don't be a dick.
325
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,560
It's not all about looks.
326
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,880
Beautiful women like Charlotte
understand that.
327
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,480
Maybe if you weren't so obsessed
by that arsehole Carli,
328
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,640
who's just stringing you along,
you'd see that.
329
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,960
Fine, get your stupid fucking
heart broken, I don't care.
330
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,440
I've had mates before you
331
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,360
and I'll have mates after
you've fucked off.
332
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,200
[Will] It was true. Simon still
did have his old friends.
333
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,360
-[Jay] Books get me girls.
-[Neil] Books! Books!
334
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,800
[Will] And he was
welcome to them.
335
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,840
Books. Blind Date books.
336
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,160
[Jay imitating sex noises]
Fuck the book with us, Simon.
337
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,520
[Will] Friday rolled around
338
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,960
and I was
all dressed up for my,
339
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,600
you know,
date with Charlotte.
340
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,600
-Bye, Mum.
-Where are you off to?
341
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,640
-Just to meet a friend.
-Is it a girl?
342
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,160
-No.
-Is it a boy?
343
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,520
No! It's a girl, all right.
Her name's Charlotte.
344
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,360
Charlotte! Is she pretty?
345
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,880
Yes. She's beautiful.
346
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,400
She's one of the most
popular girls at school.
347
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,800
Oh, Will, don't go
for the good-looking girls.
348
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,080
Everyone's after them.
349
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,120
Someone like you
350
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,560
will have much more of a chance
if you go for plainer girls.
351
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:14,800
Someone like me?
352
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,000
Trust me, good-looking girls
just break your heart.
353
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,360
Let good-looking boys
go out with good-looking girls.
354
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,440
Are you saying you think
I'm not good-looking?
355
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,560
Darling,
I think you're beautiful.
356
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,760
Right.
357
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,080
Thanks, Mum. See you later.
358
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,160
Can you not?
359
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,920
-All right, Jay?
-All right? Nice car.
360
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,000
Do you like it?
Just got new rims for it.
361
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,480
-Yeah, it's well nice.
-Aw, friend.
362
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:45,920
Oh, car friend.
363
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,200
Car friend,
shall we play football?
364
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,680
I've just got to pop home,
365
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,200
but you can have a drive later,
if you like.
366
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,080
-Yeah, maybe. Cheers.
-[Neil] Thanks, friend.
367
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,360
-Car friend, football.
-[Simon] Cheers, friend.
368
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,160
-See you later, then.
-Yeah.
369
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,840
-He's not my fucking friend.
-All right.
370
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,120
-Friend.
-[laughs]
371
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,480
Friend. Friend.
372
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,080
-Where's your friend?
-Friend.
373
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,480
Just to confirm,
we are going to have sex?
374
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,960
-Yes, I can confirm that.
-Told you, Mum.
375
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,400
-Did you just call me Mum?
-No! No. God, no.
376
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,200
-Are you all right?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
377
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,520
-Are you going to hurt me?
-If you want me to.
378
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,000
-No. No, sorry, no, I meant...
-I know what you meant, Will.
379
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,720
-Come on.
-I really, really like you.
380
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:52,120
You know... I adore you.
381
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,680
-A lot.
-I like you, too. Come on.
382
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:18,640
Will... stop. Look, don't move
your whole body.
383
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,120
-Just move your hips, you know.
-Right.
384
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,120
-Sorry.
-Yeah, you know...
385
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,200
-Just my hips.
-Yeah.
386
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,400
-How would that work?
-Well, you sort of just...
387
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,800
Ugh, look, forget it.
388
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,960
You haven't done this before,
have you?
389
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:40,320
No. Sorry, I lied.
Shall we have another go?
390
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,400
I think the moment's gone,
to be honest.
391
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,960
Sorry to ask...
Have I just lost my virginity?
392
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,520
I'm not going to count that one.
393
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,240
Can I count it, though?
394
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:54,120
-Probably not, no.
-Oh. Okay. Shall we cuddle?
395
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,440
I'm going to get dressed.
396
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,200
You should go
before my mum gets back.
397
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,880
And, Will,
don't tell your mates, yeah?
398
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,400
My mates? Not sure I have any.
399
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,480
Will you put your pants on,
please?
400
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,040
-Friend.
-Friend.
401
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,440
-Friend.
-Made-up football friend.
402
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,040
Just give it a fucking rest,
will you?
403
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:21,800
-Hello, isn't that friend's car?
-Ohh, new-rims car friend.
404
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,520
I'll show you how much
of a friend he is.
405
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,160
Fucking friend.
406
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,800
-Oh, friend, friend!
-[car alarm blares]
407
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,440
Fucking football friend.
408
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,360
I never thought
he'd get that wound up.
409
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,200
Yeah.
410
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,600
-Jay, what are you doing?
-Oh, friend! Friend!
411
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,400
I'm not your fucking friend,
all right? All right?
412
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:49,320
-Friend, friend, car friend...
-So are they friends or not?
413
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,520
New car friend,
let's go for a drive some time.
414
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,960
See you, friend.
See you later, friend.
415
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,920
Friend, friend, friend,
football friend.
416
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,280
[Will] Later that week, it was
the school's Blind Date show
417
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:06,600
and I was there
to see how Neil's
418
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,680
brilliant
book reading plan went.
419
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,600
Even though
I wasn't talking to him.
420
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,920
And finally, the same question
to number three.
421
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,360
People say Anna Karenina
422
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,960
because of my
aristocratic elbow,
423
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,520
but I'd secretly like
to think I'm more Jane Eyre.
424
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,360
[students laugh]
425
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,440
Right, have you
made your decision?
426
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,120
Um... I don't know.
427
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,320
Oh, come on!
I know it's for charity,
428
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,920
but we've got another one to go.
Get on with it.
429
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:31,800
Um...
430
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,320
Number three.
431
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:37,560
[students] Ohh...
432
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,120
She's doing her A-levels
four years early
433
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,040
and she loves
Russian literature. It's Susie!
434
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,080
[groans]
435
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,560
Hi, Charlotte, it's me, Will.
I don't want to be a stalker,
436
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,600
but I was wondering
if you could get back to me.
437
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,320
Just so you know,
I'm on the mobile now
438
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,200
and not the home number.
439
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,280
Okay. Bye, then.
440
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,480
[Mr. Gilbert] Time for us
to meet the boys,
441
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,080
so boys, out you come.
442
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,360
All right?
443
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,520
-Hurry up, no swearing.
-All right?
444
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,160
-Where's your girlfriend, then?
-She'll be here in a minute.
445
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,200
Right, we won't hang around,
then.
446
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,840
Number one, what's your name
and where do you come from?
447
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,840
I'm Nick, I'm from Twickenham...
448
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,640
-Have you got a girlfriend?
-Yeah. Oh, yeah.
449
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,120
What's her name?
450
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,720
It's Charlotte Hinchcliffe,
actually. She's a Year 13.
451
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:31,800
-Is she pretty?
-Yes. She's very pretty, John.
452
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:37,080
-And do you love her?
-Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.
453
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,240
So those are the boys.
454
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,760
Let's meet the lucky lady
that gets to choose one of them.
455
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,240
It's Charlotte from Year 13.
456
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,280
Just like your girlfriend.
457
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,120
What's your name
and why are you here?
458
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,880
My name's Charlotte Hinchcliffe
and I'm here for a bit of fun.
459
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,640
That's your girlfriend.
Why is she on a dating thing?
460
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,520
I don't know, John.
461
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,600
Tell us a bit about yourself,
and keep it clean.
462
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,560
Well, I'm single. I've been
messing around with a few boys
463
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,120
and now I'm looking
for a real man
464
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,680
who's going to show me
a good time.
465
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,240
I said keep it clean.
466
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,120
I'm looking for a big,
strong man
467
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,360
who really knows
what he's doing.
468
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:21,640
I won't tell you again. Okay,
let's have your first question.
469
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,960
[Will] That was the end
of my first love affair.
470
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,120
To date, my only love affair.
471
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,920
There was only one thing to do.
472
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,000
Run to my mum and cry.
473
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,720
I'm so sad.
474
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,680
I feel sad. You were right, Mum.
475
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,120
I know it hurts, petal, but it
will get better, I promise.
476
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,320
I just started to make friends
477
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,880
and I dumped them all
for this girl.
478
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,920
Why don't we move you
to another school?
479
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,680
-Stop trying to make me move.
-I don't want you bullied again.
480
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,240
I was not bullied.
481
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,640
[doorbell rings]
482
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,360
Oh, hello, Mrs. McKenzie.
Is William in?
483
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,800
I'll leave you to it.
484
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:07,520
What?
485
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,480
Just wanted to know
if you wanted to come out.
486
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:10,680
Um...
487
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,160
Neil's date is that weird girl
488
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,800
who's taking her A-levels
four years early.
489
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,160
Turns out she's about 12.
He's at Milwaukee Fried Chicken.
490
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,280
She's so young,
her mum's had to go with her.
491
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,400
The three of them are sitting
there around a bargain bucket.
492
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,480
-You should come.
-That does sound quite funny.
493
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,760
-Mum, I'm off out.
-Brilliant.
494
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,840
How's your football friend?
495
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,560
Ugh. I don't think
we're friends any more.
496
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:36,960
I had to borrow 300 quid
497
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,720
to get his car fixed
so he won't call the police.
498
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,000
It was amazing.
You should have seen it.
499
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,400
He's a really nice bloke.
I don't know why I did it.
500
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,760
You've got mental problems?
501
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:45,720
[all laugh]
502
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,840
[Will] I learnt many things
from my first heartbreak.
503
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,160
I learnt a little about love...
504
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,760
Go away.
505
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,960
...a bit about anatomy,
a lot about friendship...
506
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,000
Oh, friend!
Fucking football friend!
507
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,160
...and nothing at all
about sex...
508
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:04,040
Will, stop.
509
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,640
...apart from rubbing up
against the perineum
510
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,400
doesn't count
as losing your virginity.
511
00:23:08,450 --> 00:23:13,000
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