All language subtitles for The Inbetweeners s01e03 Thorpe Park.eng

[theme music playing]

[Will] So, I'm halfway through
my first term in a new school.

Nice badge, dickhead.

[Will] And, well,
it could've been worse.

I will get you.

-I still have all my limbs...
-Hey!

Just.

-I've met loads of new people.
-[vomiting]

And best of all, no one's tried
to fuck my mum yet.

-She's fit.
-She is fit.

Don't have a wank over my mum.

And unlike my old school,
there were girls here.

And if there's one thing
I now know about girls,

and let's face it,

there is only one thing
I now know about girls

it's that boys who drive
are a whole lot more attractive

than those who don't.

Careful...

[Will] As he was the oldest,

our chances of getting a car
to impress the ladies

rested on Simon's shoulders.

[instructor] Gently does it.

[Will] Oh, and his stupid,
uncoordinated size-ten feet.

Careful. Little bit more...

I'm just not great
at parallel parking.

Bollocks!

[all laughing]

Shut up!

Si, it's me nan.

She wants to know
if you want some help parking.

Steady on, boys.
It's not easy for Simon.

Okay, let's try again.

[engine starting]

-[crashing]
-[Simon] Oh.

Oh, shit!

Right. Um, okay.
Off we go, Simon. Into first.

Shouldn't you leave a note?

[instructor]
No, we're driving off.

Quickly now. Drive! Drive!

[Will] So it looked like
it might be quite some time

before we were picking up girls
in a car.

Oi, Jay, I have just had
the best lesson ever.

Jack Stephens dropped
his ruler next to Miss Timbs

and when she bent over
to pick it up,

I saw loads of leg
on the way down

and a little bit of tit
on the way up.

You lucky git.

Oh, yeah,
and it's all locked away

up here in the visual wank bank.

I thought you passed
your written test?

I did.
I've got the practical tomorrow.

I thought this might give me
a few tips.

I don't think there is a section

on how not to be
a whining little bitch.

Brilliant.

If you pass,
we could go on a road trip.

Could do. We could see what
Carli's doing and go with her?

Look, a car is like
a mobile pulling machine.

Forget about Carli, forget about
all the girls at this school.

There's a whole world of pussy
out there.

He's right,
although expressed it

-like a terrible misogynist.
-Thank you.

Why don't you come
to Thorpe Park?

There's always
loads of birds there.

Oh, my God, yes!

Thorpe Park!

I can get you free tickets.

How?

-I work there.
-Mopping up sick?

Some sick.

You never mentioned
you work at Thorpe Park before?

I used to work at ASDA,
you never asked about that.

-Your old man needs the money?
-He doesn't, actually.

Paying for rent boys
can't be cheap, Neil.

My dad's not bent.

Why's he paying
for rent boys then?

-He's not!
-What, they give him freebies?

I think we should
lay off Neil a bit.

Is it right, Neil,
that Thorpe Park

has one of only two
pulley-launched coasters

outside North America?

-I don't know.
-It is right.

I don't know
if my dad will let me go.

What's it got to do
with your dad?

He's paying for my car. He might
not let me do long journeys yet.

Surely he'll want you
to get sucked off

by a lovely on the teacup ride?

Are there really loads
of girls there, Neil?

Oh, yeah.

Sometimes on the rides,
their boobs pop out.

You only get
a split second at tits,

they're going at about 70 mph,
but it's still good, though.

This is perfect.

Simon passes his test,
drives us to Thorpe Park,

Neil gets us freebies,
and I get to ride--

A man's cock in the bushes.

The Nemesis Inferno.

This is going to be awesome.

If I pass my test.

[bell rings]

Roller coasters and tits,
this is going to be brilliant.

If I pass my test!

[Will] Despite our excitement,

we knew it would take a miracle
for Simon to pass his test.

But miracles often come
in unlikely packages.

Hello, Simon.

I'm Tracey,
your examiner for today's test.

Hello.

Don't look so nervous,
I'm not going to eat you.

[chuckles]

So, how are you feeling?
Ready to be, um, examined?

I'm a bit nervous.

It's perfectly natural,
sweetheart.

We just need to...
loosen you up.

Ease into it.

Now, the first part of the test
is a doddle.

All you've got to do is sing out

the registration plate
of that blue car.

Um... Okay. It's...

It's, um... E

O-S...

No, 5...

1...

C-U-Z.

Shit, it's a V not a U,
isn't it?

Well, technically yes,
but, um...

You get a pass on that one
for having such pretty eyes.

Right, to the Batmobile, Robin.

-Sorry?
-Off you pop to your car.

Nice.

Why don't you just let me
help you with that?

So, Simon,
have you got a girlfriend?

Is this part of the test?

No, but I will fail you
if you say yes.

[chuckles] Right,
just slip it into first

and pull out
of the center slowly.

[engine starts, stalls]

Shit! I stalled it.

False start.
Just relax. Try again.

[Tracey] Oh.

Oh, you're shaking.

I've failed, haven't I?

Shush, silly.
No one's going to fail here.

Um, right, I'm... I'm not sure

that's helping
with the nerves, actually.

Simon, if you don't want
my help, you've only to say.

But trust me, I know
how difficult this test can be.

[engine starting]

Good boy. You steer,
and I'll do the pedals.

That's the tricky bit.

[Will] Simon never did tell us

what happened
on his driving test.

I passed!

-Yay!
-I passed!

First time. So you owe me that,
you little shit.

-Hey, I didn't shake on it.
-A bet's a bet. Unlucky!

Oh, well done, Simon.
We knew you'd pass.

Your dad's just bringing round
your new car.

Oh, God, Mum, this is brilliant!

That is not fair.

-You're not allowed to touch it.
-Well, we're very proud of you.

It's a Fiat or something,
but he says it is second-hand.

God, Mum, that doesn't matter.
This is so cool.

[horn honking]

[laughing]

That is the gayest car
I've ever seen.

Oh, no...

Dad. Really?

Really?

It might not look much,
but it's a great little runner.

You won't be able to get up
enough speed to kill yourself.

I don't want it.

Come on, it's a special edition.

A Hawaii. I bet your mates
at school will think it's cool.

I can't go to school in it!

Well, if I was a girl,

I'd think whoever drove this
was pretty trendy.

Are you trying to wind me up?
Why are you saying these things?

I think you should just be a bit
more grateful, to be honest.

Oh, Christ,
it's got a tape deck.

See, that's good.

No, it's not! You can't even
buy tapes anymore.

Oh, you're being
melodramatic again.

Now, why don't you go
and show Will?

I bet he'll be jealous.

Yeah, he'll be really jealous
of how yellow it is.

And be careful,

that's the most valuable present
you'll ever get.

-I fucking hope not.
-I heard that!

[Will] The good news
was that Simon had passed.

The not-so-good news

was bright yellow
and parked in my driveway.

Well, I don't think
it's too bad.

It's not great, though, is it?

No. But don't look at
the external realities, think of

-the immense possibilities.
-What?

Yes, it's a Cinquecento Hawaii,
but it's also freedom.

It's the possibility
of driving our own destiny.

We can be what we want now,

push our lives literally in
the direction we want them to...

Oh, Christ, is that a tape deck?

-Check out the Bendermobile.
-It looks like a pedo's car.

He's jealous 'cause his family
haven't discovered fire yet.

-You fucking what, McKenzie?
-Nothing.

Oh, hello, Mrs. McKenzie.

Oh, hello, Mark.
Is this your car?

No, it's Cooper's.

Oh.

-Shame about the color, Simon.
-Right.

Um, Mum,
we're just off to Thorpe Park.

We're running a bit late
so we should probably go now.

Thorpe Park? To ride
roller coasters? Is it safe?

Yes, it's incredibly safe.

Won't you be frightened?

You cried when you went
on the Ghost Train.

[laughing]

I was five years old!
Mum, please!

[Mrs. McKenzie]
I just worry about you, petal.

Ooh, actually,
I should get you a jumper.

Go! Just drive before
she gets back.

[engine starting]

[Will] Simon's dad
needn't have worried.

There was no danger of him

getting up enough speed
to kill himself,

despite the fact Thorpe Park

would be shutting
in a few hours.

-Where's your new car, Si?
-Round here.

Fuck me!

Do you get a free Barbie when
you buy one of these? Shotgun!

-After you.
-I called shotgun.

-What?
-Shotgun.

It means I get the front seat.

In what way
could it possibly mean that?

It just does.

Look, we drove over here
with me in the front seat.

We've come to pick you up,
we've picked you up.

Now in you get and I'll return
to my previous position.

It's not happening, freak.
I called shotgun.

-He's right, he did call it.
-What?

-You're backing him?
-Get in the back, Will.

Ow! All right,
I'm getting in. Get off!

I'm hyperreflexic,
my bones will pop out.

[Will] So we had a car.

It was a shit car,
but it was still a car.

All we needed now
was some girls.

Aye! Up ahead,
a car full of muff!

Pull alongside them, Si.

I can't. I'm not turning left.
It's against the Highway Code.

-Well, just beep them.
-No.

-Don't be such a pussy!
-Oi! No! Get off!

All right, all right.

-[horn honking]
-[groans]

Hello, lovelies! Follow them.

[Simon] All right, I suppose.

[engine sputters]

[Simon] Shit, I stalled it.

Oh, you dickhead.
They're getting away.

You make it sound like
we're about to attack them.

I can't believe
you lost the muff wagon.

What were we going to do anyway?

Follow them until they're forced
to drive to a police station?

[Jay] They love it, you tool.
It's called flirting.

Yeah, a terrifying and
unsolicited form of flirting.

If you didn't drive
like such an old woman,

we might actually
catch up with them.

I'm not going to risk our necks
for some random girls.

I'd give a left bollock
for them.

So get a fucking move on.

I think that's them up ahead.

Yes! We've caught up with them.
Do a left.

-What're you doing? Pull out.
-No.

[Will] There's a space,
you can go now.

[Simon] No, it's not safe.

Are you winding me up?
Look, go now!

[Will] Thorpe Park is going
to be closing soon, Si.

Look, fuck off, all right!
I've just passed my test.

I'm not gonna crash

'cause you twats
can't wait two minutes.

Just fucking go!

-There's a gap! Quickly!
-All right! For fuck's sake!

[imperceptible]

Oh, shit.

[Simon] Now look what
you've made me do.

Oh, God!

Why are they going
so fucking slowly?

Yeah, I mean, it's almost as if
they don't want to see

their dearly departed
fly out the back onto the A320.

[Simon] Oh, God!

[Will] It wasn't a great start
to our first road trip

and knowing our luck, they'd be
burying him at Thorpe Park.

It's fair to say

overtaking dead bodies
wasn't Simon's strong point.

By the time we finally got
to Thorpe Park,

we only had two hours

of valuable
roller coaster time left.

I can't believe you lost
the muff, you bellend.

They were giving us the come-on.

Yeah, by driving away
as fast as possible.

They wanted us to chase them.

But it's hard to have a chase
when you don't go over 30.

It's 30 for a reason.

Look, I think we should remember

-today's about roller coasters.
-[clutch plate rattles]

And Simon's got us here safely.

I thought it was about me,
passing my test.

Yes. As well.

But mainly
it's about Nemesis Inferno.

No, today's about tits.

-And we are in luck. Get them.
-[Simon] Right.

[Jay] Park it!

-Quickly, you dickhead.
-Fuck off!

I'm not waiting any longer.

Oh, no!

Oh, shit!

Oh, dear. Your dad's not
going to be pleased, is he?

God, look what you've done.
Christ, I've only had it a day!

Oh, you're in the shit!

-Where you going?
-My dad's going to go mental.

-I've got to get this fixed.
-But the roller coasters.

I don't care.
I have to get this fixed.

But Simon, we've come so far.

Neil's sister's boyfriend
is a mechanic. He'll fix it.

-Is he?
-Well, there you go, then!

We'll go and find Neil,

his sister's boyfriend
will fix the car,

and your dad will be
none the wiser.

As we've traveled all this way,

we might as well
enjoy the rides.

But my car...

Simon, look at me. Look at me!

I guarantee the Nemesis Inferno
will cheer you up.

Or think about them lovelies.

They're in there
with their tits and that.

Come on,
let's go and find Neil for you.

Can't we just phone him?

He's at work, Si.
He can't take personal calls.

We're going to have to go in,
if we want to talk to him.

What about my car door?
What if someone nicks it?

We'll take it with us.

They'll definitely have
a place to store it.

[sighs] Fine. For fuck's sake.

We have baby-changing

and disabled access
for limited rides.

Right.

Not really what I asked, though.

We don't have anywhere
to store car doors.

Turns out they don't have
anywhere to store car doors.

Knew it. Fine. We'll take turns
carrying it, then.

I'm not carrying it.

Fuck not carrying it. You're
paying for it as well, mate.

Me? Why?

-Because you ripped it off.
-You reversed!

But you're the one
who ripped it off!

Hey! Let's not argue.

Let's just get in there,
have some fun.

Face it.
If you could park properly,

this wouldn't have happened.

Yeah? I'm the only one who can
drive, so you can fuck off.

I can drive. I took an army
driving course when I was ten.

Bollocks, you still wet the bed
when you were ten.

[Jay] Yeah, I wet
your mum's bed, with my spunk.

[Simon] Yeah, brilliant.

[Will] When we got
into the park,

I realized
it had been worth ruining

a dignified man's funeral for.

It was amazing.

We may have lost
the, hmm, tits,

but the roller coaster
was still in our sights.

First up, we had to find Neil,

if only to stop Simon
bitching about his car.

-I'm not paying for it.
-Yes, you are.

-Good luck with that.
-[Will] Let's just find Neil.

What's that?

[gibbering]

Are you all right, Mr. Monkey?

-[grunts] It hurts!
-Does he need help?

Help! Help!

Not up my nose! Not my nose!

-He's gone mental.
-[Will] Poor fucker.

-A wasp!
-Neil!

Wasp! In me costume!

[all laughing]

Oh, God, that hurts.

Stupid bloody wasps!

Neil, I need to speak to you
about your sister's boyfriend.

Oh, Jesus, Neil!

Christ, you're naked
under there.

[Jay groans]

I don't think it's a good idea
to be naked

if you're working with kids.

Mr. Monkey isn't naked.
He's got a waistcoat and a hat.

No, not Mr. Monkey, Neil. You.

-But I'm in the suit.
-Yes, naked.

Look, I'm in agony here.

Put some of that cream
on my stings.

-God, all right, then.
-The worst ones are on my back.

And arse.

[Jay] Fuck that!
Look, you lot can stay here

and finger Neil's arse
if you want to,

but I'm off to find the clunge.

Neil, seriously, can you
put it away, so we can talk?

Put some clothes on.

All right. All right.

Oh, not again. [laughs]

-What?
-They're always doing this.

They're bonkers.
They've nicked my clothes.

Where would they put them?

I don't know. Last time
this happened, they burnt them.

Burnt them?

Please hurry up. We can't go
on the roller coaster

if you're naked.

Don't worry. I'll get something
out of the lost property bin.

There's always stuff in there.

[Will] With the stench
from Neil's arse

still hot in my nostrils,
we headed for Nemesis.

Though technically dressed,

the clothes Neil had picked
from lost property

made him look surprisingly like
a Brazilian male prostitute.

I've just seen the clunge
head towards Nemesis.

Sounds like
they're thrill-seekers, too.

I hope
they're cock-seekers, too.

-Brilliant.
-See you.

Neil, I seriously need to speak
to you about my car.

What?

Your sister's boyfriend
works in a garage, doesn't he?

-Yeah, he works in a garage.
-Will he be working tonight?

Probably, he works
most evenings.

Brilliant, perfect,
that's sorted.

The park's about to close
so we'll go on Nemesis now

and deal with the car later.
But we'll go on Nemesis now.

I suppose so.

[cell phone ringing]

Oh.

Hello.

Yes, I got your text.

Yes, I'm safe.

-No, I'm not crying.
-[Simon chuckles]

[Will] So far,
the only terrifying experience

I'd had all day was seeing
Neil's cock and balls,

but now the Nemesis Inferno
was tantalizingly close.

[male announcer]This is your last chance

to queue for Nemesis Inferno.

The ride is now closing.

-Shit, still an hour queue.
-That's nothing.

I once waited three hours

for the Indiana Jones ride
at Disneyland Paris.

-You are mental.
-Mental.

Why is enjoying things mental?

This place is full of muff,

but you're only interested
in roller coasters.

Girls are everywhere, Jay.

The best rides in the country
are only here.

You sound like you're 40.

I'm queuing. And I'm getting
in a separate queue

for the front four seats.
The front's the best.

The ride is now closing.

Si, are you coming?

You sure your sister's boyfriend
will be working tonight, Neil?

Yeah, I told you
he works evenings.

Well, that's sorted then! Now,
can we please get on the ride?

[Jay] Shotgun the outside seats.

[Will] No, you can't shotgun
a roller coaster.

[Jay] Well, I just did.

Oh, yes!

You know this is one
of the only two versions

of this roller coaster
outside of the US?

And I promise,

although it's taken
a little bit longer...

Half a fucking hour longer.

...to queue for the front,
it will be worth it.

Unencumbered thrills.

And we can come back
all year thanks to Neil.

-Come on, we're up.
-Room for one more at the front.

-Sorry?
-One more at the front.

How can there possibly be room
for only one more at the front?

Well, there's three people
on the front

so there's a spare seat there.

Yeah, let's just rewind a bit,
shall we?

Why are there now three people
at the front?

-Sir, if you could just get on.
-They've pushed in.

We spent over an hour

queuing specifically for
the front and they've pushed in.

-Sir...
-Get them off!

Get them off and make them move!

Fucking pushing in.

It doesn't matter.
We'll sit at the back.

Sir--

Are they so dumb
they think it's okay to push in!

Make them move!

Shut up, you plum,
and get on the ride.

Sir, it's the last ride
of the day. Please get on.

Will, honestly,
it doesn't matter. Just get on.

Fine! Fucking fine!

I'll just get on
and sit at the front

next to these
inconsiderate arseholes.

I'm the worst human being
in the world.

[people screaming]

[Will] When I look back
on my life,

I'm pretty sure
that ride will be a low point.

With a bit of luck,

the others wouldn't find out
who I'd insulted.

[Simon] They were on the front?

Oh, no, Will.

Oh, my God.

-Will...
-Oh, my God.

-Don't!
-[Simon] Arseholes?

-This is the best!
-You're going to hell.

[Will] Please don't.

[Will] So I'd finally
got to ride the Nemesis,

which wasn't as much fun
as I'd hoped.

It would be
a long journey home,

made longer
by Simon carrying the door

and my heavy sense of shame.

Well, it can't be
too hard to find.

It's the color of my nan's piss.

Why are you watching
your nan piss?

Oh, Christ! What am I going to
say to my parents?

Will the door go back on?

Stop shitting yourself.

Neil said his sister's boyfriend
will be able to fix it.

No, he won't be able
to fix that.

What?

You said he'd be able to fix it.
You said he worked in a garage.

He does, BP garage.

He mucks about with cars,

but he won't be able to fix that
in a million years.

The door's come off.

This is a disaster.
My dad's going to go mad.

It'll be fine. We'll find
someone else to fix it.

I know a bloke
who builds Formula One cars.

He owes me a favor.

Your make-believe friend
can't fix it.

We'll find a mechanic
on the way back.

It can't be too hard.

As long as it's fixed
good as new,

and my parents don't know,
that's all I care about.

Over here it is, car park D.

Ah.

Oh, dear.

What the fuck has happened?

Holy shit! What's happened?

At least they left
the tape deck.

[Simon] I don't believe this.

There's no explaining this
to my dad.

I mean, who and why?

[horn honking]

Yes, that makes sense.

Fuckers, let's get them.

Jay, I'm not going to
chase after

and then fight
the Happy Foundation bus.

How are we getting home, then?

[Will] It's true.
Girls do like cars.

They just don't like
shitty little yellow cars

that ruin funerals

and don't have all the doors
they were made with.

Girls are also less keen
on boys who wear Speedos,

borderline sex pests,

and people
who insult the disabled.

Inconsiderate arseholes!

But it's not all bad.

What we learned today is
there isn't a car on the planet

that can make us cool,
whatever state it was in.

Dad... What you need to know
is it wasn't my fault.

Well, I'm sorry,
but it wasn't my fault!

♪ I've just had
The craziest week ♪

♪ Like a party bag of lies
Booze and then deceit ♪

♪ So I'm moving to New York ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got issues
With my sleep ♪

♪ Looks like
Christmas came early ♪

♪ Christmas came early for me ♪

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