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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:00:09,082 --> 00:00:10,647
Ahh!
3
00:00:10,649 --> 00:00:12,916
So nice to get away from politics
4
00:00:12,918 --> 00:00:14,350
and enjoy a pro-military,
5
00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:16,419
corporate-worshipping gladiator match.
6
00:00:16,421 --> 00:00:17,887
And I'm here with my best friends...
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00:00:17,889 --> 00:00:19,089
the man who picked a fight
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00:00:19,091 --> 00:00:21,265
with the biggest,
baddest reporter at NPR...
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00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:22,978
- Hey, hey.
- ... and my two lawyers
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00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:24,227
banned from giving blood.
11
00:00:24,229 --> 00:00:25,628
We can give as much as we want!
12
00:00:25,630 --> 00:00:27,197
Yeah! They just have to burn it!
13
00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:28,764
Look! It's your big campaign ad!
14
00:00:28,766 --> 00:00:30,433
Shut up, Melania! It's on!
15
00:00:30,435 --> 00:00:33,436
Every night, I talk on
the phone with Jon Voight.
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00:00:33,438 --> 00:00:34,471
Hello, America.
17
00:00:34,473 --> 00:00:35,871
Let me introduce myself,
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00:00:35,873 --> 00:00:37,673
because you will never
meet me in person.
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00:00:37,675 --> 00:00:38,908
I'm Michael Bloomberg,
20
00:00:38,910 --> 00:00:40,577
and I bought out Donald Trump's airtime.
21
00:00:40,579 --> 00:00:42,419
- Oh! What the hell?!
- He already had
22
00:00:42,421 --> 00:00:43,846
a heartbreaking Super Bowl ad!
23
00:00:43,848 --> 00:00:46,116
Eh, no big deal. I got
out the Voight thing.
24
00:00:46,118 --> 00:00:49,619
This cost me $50 million,
but no price is too high
25
00:00:49,621 --> 00:00:51,588
when it comes to buying this election,
26
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:53,756
so that's basically how
this whole thing's gonna go.
27
00:00:53,758 --> 00:00:56,125
I'm buying this election,
and you can't stop me.
28
00:00:56,127 --> 00:00:57,726
There's nothing you people can do.
29
00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,628
I defy you to even try.
30
00:00:59,630 --> 00:01:01,896
Okay. Wow. He's doing it for me.
31
00:01:01,898 --> 00:01:03,932
Okay. That's all I really got.
32
00:01:03,934 --> 00:01:06,701
Looks like we've got
another 30 seconds to kill.
33
00:01:06,703 --> 00:01:08,470
Let's throw in some patriotic stuff.
34
00:01:08,472 --> 00:01:10,972
Looks nice. Yep.
35
00:01:10,974 --> 00:01:12,974
That says it all.
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00:01:12,976 --> 00:01:15,544
I am not sure what this one is.
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00:01:15,546 --> 00:01:17,078
No, next.
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00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,913
We're not doing this one. Next.
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This is a tourist trap.
40
00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:23,318
What's in that guy's hands? Oh, yuck!
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00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,120
He's right. That is yucky.
42
00:01:25,122 --> 00:01:28,290
So, good luck with your little
football thing, everybody.
43
00:01:28,292 --> 00:01:31,226
I hope the Tigers beat
the Lasers or whatever.
44
00:01:31,228 --> 00:01:33,328
Ugh! Another ad?!
45
00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:34,829
I hate how much they've commercialized
46
00:01:34,831 --> 00:01:36,164
Pepsi Presents Football.
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Betrayal, wrath, vengeance.
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From the master of suspense,
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00:01:40,904 --> 00:01:44,335
former National Security
Adviser John Bolton...
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00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,807
Ha ha! Hi, there!
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00:01:45,809 --> 00:01:47,375
... comes a twisted new tale
52
00:01:47,377 --> 00:01:49,577
of Executive Office intrigue.
53
00:01:49,579 --> 00:01:52,881
"The Room Where It Happened",
available wherever and whenever
54
00:01:52,883 --> 00:01:56,217
it's most financially
advantageous to John Bolton.
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00:01:56,219 --> 00:01:58,166
Just remember... it seems exciting,
56
00:01:58,168 --> 00:02:00,288
but at the end of the
day, it's still a book.
57
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And soon to be a major motion picture.
58
00:02:02,859 --> 00:02:04,993
Damn it!
59
00:02:04,995 --> 00:02:09,297
These letters should
all be the same size!
60
00:02:09,299 --> 00:02:11,232
Looks worse, but it's better!
61
00:02:14,871 --> 00:02:16,204
I'm Lester Holt.
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And looking this serious
requires clenching
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00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,407
every muscle in my body.
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00:02:19,409 --> 00:02:21,342
Despite analysts' predictions,
the economy shows
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00:02:21,344 --> 00:02:24,144
no signs of slowing, like
a racehorse on its 500th lap
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00:02:24,146 --> 00:02:25,979
moments before its heart explodes.
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00:02:25,981 --> 00:02:27,248
President Trump is keeping faith
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that our economy will stay strong.
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00:02:29,352 --> 00:02:31,219
We love this economy, huh?!
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00:02:31,221 --> 00:02:33,153
It's so great that you should overlook
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00:02:33,155 --> 00:02:36,390
that I cause a biweekly
constitutional crisis!
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00:02:36,392 --> 00:02:39,527
And because a vibrant economy
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00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:42,796
is my only remaining
argument for re-election,
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00:02:42,798 --> 00:02:45,366
the economy would never forsake us!
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00:02:46,869 --> 00:02:48,102
Don't worry.
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00:02:48,104 --> 00:02:49,770
I'm sure the ominous thunder clap
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right after I claim to
speak for a higher power
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00:02:52,408 --> 00:02:54,041
is purely coinci... Aah!
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00:02:55,245 --> 00:02:57,044
Hey, folks, folks, listen, folks.
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00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,346
A lot of people are saying
that I've lost touch,
81
00:02:59,348 --> 00:03:02,982
that before Iowa, I might
accidentally endorse apartheid,
82
00:03:02,984 --> 00:03:04,984
but I've never been sharper!
83
00:03:04,986 --> 00:03:07,954
I've got great blood
circulation in my eyeballs,
84
00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:10,957
and they haven't found spinal
fluid in my urine for weeks!
85
00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:12,659
Hell, I'm gonna live forever!
86
00:03:14,229 --> 00:03:16,095
I'm sure the ominous thunder clap
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00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:18,798
right after my direct
challenge to Father Time
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00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,667
is just a coinci... Aah!
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00:03:20,669 --> 00:03:22,636
Hell, I'm not worried!
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00:03:22,638 --> 00:03:24,371
Aah!
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00:03:25,407 --> 00:03:28,441
Dad, my banker friend
Slerve got laid off,
92
00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,577
and now he wants to
cancel our hunting trip!
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00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:33,012
Please inform him that
the economy is the tits
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00:03:33,014 --> 00:03:34,281
and he shouldn't cancel.
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00:03:34,283 --> 00:03:36,028
The economy loves you, Slerve.
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00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:37,517
- Don't lose faith.
- Yeah, whatever, dude.
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00:03:37,519 --> 00:03:40,252
Dad, our hotels are half-empty,
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00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:43,021
and economists say the
first sign of a downturn
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00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:46,258
is vacancies at overpriced ratholes!
100
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,527
Boys, the economy is testing us,
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00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,329
just like it did in the early '90s,
102
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,030
the mid-'90s, the mid-late '90s,
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00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,766
and every three years since then.
104
00:03:53,768 --> 00:03:55,534
Those were tough times.
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00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,840
I'll never forget watching
our bank accounts
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flatline.
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00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,439
I almost swore off money
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00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:04,109
and became one of those guys
that takes baths in the ocean.
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00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:07,012
But then the economy
blessed us with a miracle...
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00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,981
money from my daddy and Russia.
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00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,350
Everything's gonna be fine.
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00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:14,085
Just ask my perfectly
calm Treasury Secretary.
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00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,789
Go, go, go! Don't worry about
the suitcase full of cash!
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00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,357
It'll be worthless in two hours!
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00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,890
Where are you headed, 'Nuch?!
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To sink your savings into
this roaring stock market?!
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00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:24,195
Yeah.
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00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,431
Hey, if my wife,
Louise, asks where I am,
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00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,098
ask her what her favorite hobby is
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00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,267
then say I'm buying her
whatever clothes or tools
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00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:32,069
are associated with that hobby.
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00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,472
What are you waiting for, idiot?!
123
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,944
Joe, we saw your last campaign speech!
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00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,846
It was magnificent!
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00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,716
Like watching Mozart lead
a symphony of self-delusion.
126
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:48,519
But we're a tad concerned
that you're not "with it".
127
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,855
Hey, come on, folks! Would
somebody not "with it"
128
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:53,624
remember every word from
his favorite song growing up?
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00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,760
Come on, folks! Everybody up!
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00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:58,363
It's time for "Milkshake U-S-A"!
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00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:01,231
♪ Come on, everybody,
from Nevada to Maine ♪
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00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:03,132
- Okay, Joe. Got it.
- ♪ It's Milkshake U-S-A ♪
133
00:05:03,134 --> 00:05:05,161
- Joe, that's good.
- Joe, that's enough.
134
00:05:05,163 --> 00:05:06,936
Well, we can... can it now.
135
00:05:06,938 --> 00:05:07,994
Alright. Stop it!
136
00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:09,506
- ♪ Milkshake U-S-A ♪
- Jesus, Joe!
137
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:11,842
If you don't get with
it, you'll lose to Trump,
138
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,944
and there goes the
dream of Milkshake U-S-A!
139
00:05:14,946 --> 00:05:17,514
Oh, crap! Now I am worried!
140
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,315
This is gonna sound crazy,
141
00:05:19,317 --> 00:05:22,318
but how important is the
economy to my re-election anyway?
142
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,054
It's the whole thing, pal, okay?
I had Brad run the numbers.
143
00:05:25,056 --> 00:05:27,691
- Who's Brad? Are you Brad?
- No.
144
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:30,427
Brad Parscale, your campaign manager.
145
00:05:30,429 --> 00:05:33,200
Oh, the guy I hired because he
looks and acts like the devil?
146
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,230
Sir!
147
00:05:34,232 --> 00:05:36,400
Polls say that voters'
top issue is the economy,
148
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:37,868
second is how much money they have,
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00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:39,469
third is how much stuff they can buy,
150
00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:40,837
- and fourth is abortion.
- Phew!
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00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,206
- Namely, the price of them.
- I call bullshit.
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00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:45,441
My supporters are all multi-faceted,
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00:05:45,443 --> 00:05:48,744
emotionally complex,
deeply erotic human beings.
154
00:05:48,746 --> 00:05:52,515
Money isn't everything. It's
not gonna make you happy.
155
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:55,318
That's why I'm changing
my campaign slogan to
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00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,788
"Make America Meaningful Again".
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00:06:01,859 --> 00:06:05,494
Okay, so, I-I'm gonna head on out.
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00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:15,338
Okay, that was fucked up.
159
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:17,307
They really like money.
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00:06:17,309 --> 00:06:20,209
Let's get out of here.
This state smells like shit.
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00:06:21,512 --> 00:06:23,745
God! I'm, like, shaking.
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00:06:25,015 --> 00:06:26,881
Welcome to the last Democratic debate
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00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:28,683
before the Iowa
caucuses, where, somehow,
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00:06:28,685 --> 00:06:31,119
40% of this entire
election will be decided.
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00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:32,354
Let's meet the candidates.
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00:06:32,356 --> 00:06:34,323
I'm Joe Biden, and I think we're good.
167
00:06:34,325 --> 00:06:37,225
I'm Elizabeth Warren, and
we shouldn't bet on a guy
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00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:39,962
who's mistaken me for
Hillary Clinton and his wife
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00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,463
in the same conversation!
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00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:44,333
Hillary, geez! Let's
talk about this at home!
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00:06:44,335 --> 00:06:47,102
Joe, it's time to step
aside and let a younger,
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00:06:47,104 --> 00:06:50,172
dangerously unqualified
generation take the mantle.
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00:06:50,174 --> 00:06:51,506
- It's mine!
- Joe, get...
174
00:06:51,508 --> 00:06:54,142
- Get the fuck out, Joe!
- That's enough!
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00:06:54,144 --> 00:06:56,544
I can take a hint! I'm no stupid!
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00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:59,214
Maybe it's time for
Joe Biden to step aside
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00:06:59,216 --> 00:07:02,017
and enjoy the retirement
he so richly deserves.
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00:07:02,019 --> 00:07:03,118
Yes!
179
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,219
Or m-a-a-aybe it's time
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00:07:05,221 --> 00:07:07,889
to show America that I'm
more with it than ever!
181
00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:09,056
No!
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00:07:09,058 --> 00:07:10,792
I don't care. That's
the one I'm gonna do.
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00:07:12,228 --> 00:07:15,096
Oh, Heavenly Economy,
who art in Wall Street,
184
00:07:15,098 --> 00:07:18,500
please bless me with good news
I can rub in Maxine Waters' face
185
00:07:18,502 --> 00:07:20,001
in my State of the Union speech.
186
00:07:22,539 --> 00:07:24,105
Slerve!
187
00:07:24,107 --> 00:07:25,339
What's wrong, Don?
188
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:26,741
Did you just find out I didn't win
189
00:07:26,743 --> 00:07:29,811
North Carolina's Annual
Hefty Dad of the Year Award?
190
00:07:29,813 --> 00:07:33,981
Because of the economy, Slerve
canceled the hunting trip!
191
00:07:33,983 --> 00:07:36,217
Don, you take three
hunting trips a month.
192
00:07:36,219 --> 00:07:39,953
But I was planning to feed
an antelope its own ass!
193
00:07:39,955 --> 00:07:42,589
My God, Don! I had no idea!
194
00:07:42,591 --> 00:07:44,725
Dad, it happened!
195
00:07:44,727 --> 00:07:47,628
I told you your hot wife
would leave you eventually.
196
00:07:47,630 --> 00:07:51,732
Not that yet. We had to
shut down three hotels!
197
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:54,635
It's as if consumer
appetite for watching rats
198
00:07:54,637 --> 00:07:57,738
gnaw on chrome chandeliers
has disappeared!
199
00:07:57,740 --> 00:08:01,308
Dad, tell everyone the
economists are lying heathens!
200
00:08:01,310 --> 00:08:03,977
Yeah, Dad! Spread the gospel!
201
00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:07,348
I don't know. I never
considered myself a prophet.
202
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:09,182
I'm just a humble egomaniac
203
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:11,718
with a complete disregard
for right and wrong.
204
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,621
Hey. A great man once told Slerve,
205
00:08:14,623 --> 00:08:17,758
"The economy loves
you. Don't lose faith".
206
00:08:21,063 --> 00:08:24,698
Wow! If that's not a good
sign, I don't know what is!
207
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:25,966
I'll do it!
208
00:08:31,339 --> 00:08:33,874
The State of the Union is in 72 hours.
209
00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:36,423
- Miller, how's the writing going?
- Excellent, sir!
210
00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:39,713
Every time I think of a new
euphemism for white genocide,
211
00:08:39,715 --> 00:08:43,816
my fiancée gives me
a peck on my forehead!
212
00:08:43,818 --> 00:08:45,985
Oh, be happy for me!
213
00:08:45,987 --> 00:08:47,687
Alright. How do we show Americans
214
00:08:47,689 --> 00:08:49,755
that they live on a big, fancy yacht?
215
00:08:49,757 --> 00:08:51,490
I can dress up as a dolphin.
216
00:08:51,492 --> 00:08:54,159
Ben, we'd all love to see
that, but think bigger.
217
00:08:54,161 --> 00:08:56,161
- I can dress up as a whale.
- You see, Ben?
218
00:08:56,163 --> 00:08:58,764
Now, that's an idea!
What else, while we're hot?
219
00:08:58,766 --> 00:09:00,739
Barr, your good name is synonymous with
220
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,101
Christian virtue. What do ya got?
221
00:09:02,103 --> 00:09:05,571
Well, I suppose we could make
it legal to kill economists.
222
00:09:05,573 --> 00:09:06,872
Okay.
223
00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:08,841
That's pretty extreme, but
definitely stay after...
224
00:09:08,843 --> 00:09:10,275
I want to game that out.
225
00:09:10,277 --> 00:09:13,178
Uh, I have a non-costume,
non-murder idea.
226
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:14,446
Ooh!
227
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:17,149
Thinking outside the box,
Larry Kudlow. What do ya got?
228
00:09:17,151 --> 00:09:20,252
Uh, I just realized it
is a costume idea.
229
00:09:20,254 --> 00:09:24,756
Sorry. Lost a step after
the entire decade of cocaine.
230
00:09:24,758 --> 00:09:28,260
Costume idea! Oh, yeah!
231
00:09:28,262 --> 00:09:30,996
The American economy
has never been stronger.
232
00:09:30,998 --> 00:09:33,232
If you don't believe
me, direct your attention
233
00:09:33,234 --> 00:09:35,601
to the poorest American, Mike Pence.
234
00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:38,470
I just bought a Rolls-Royce,
brand-name toothpaste,
235
00:09:38,472 --> 00:09:39,838
and a bird that talks.
236
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,106
Whoo-wee!
237
00:09:41,108 --> 00:09:42,907
Michael. What is this?
238
00:09:42,909 --> 00:09:44,809
Oh, my lively butler.
239
00:09:44,811 --> 00:09:46,778
Just go with it. I'll explain everything
240
00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,480
during our evening side-hug.
241
00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:49,714
Oooooh!
242
00:09:49,716 --> 00:09:53,252
Do you require anything
else, Monsieur Pence?
243
00:09:53,254 --> 00:09:55,986
Perhaps some salted hand-nuts?
244
00:09:55,988 --> 00:09:57,188
No, fine lady.
245
00:09:57,190 --> 00:10:00,024
And may I say, you do
look dashing in that frock.
246
00:10:00,026 --> 00:10:02,726
Oh, how I've longed for
the day you'd say that!
247
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,328
But we're from two different worlds...
248
00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:08,499
I a penniless harpsichord
prodigy from Provence,
249
00:10:08,501 --> 00:10:12,136
and you, Paris's most
famous leather salesman!
250
00:10:12,138 --> 00:10:14,639
Leather sales be damned!
I don't need money!
251
00:10:14,641 --> 00:10:17,208
We'll run off to Switzerland
and live in the mountains.
252
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:18,342
I'll breed sheep,
253
00:10:18,344 --> 00:10:21,279
and you'll milk 'em.
254
00:10:21,281 --> 00:10:24,682
So, you know... things are good.
255
00:10:24,684 --> 00:10:27,818
I need your help appearing "with it"!
256
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,654
Tell you what... I'll
show you how to pass
257
00:10:29,656 --> 00:10:31,889
your nanny state bills,
providing everyone
258
00:10:31,891 --> 00:10:34,591
government-issued
breast milk until age 26.
259
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,794
I already have three
co-sponsors on that bill.
260
00:10:36,796 --> 00:10:40,030
Plus, I can't support
you. You're establishment.
261
00:10:40,032 --> 00:10:41,398
Don't you want to hedge your bet
262
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,734
in case somehow America
doesn't go all-in
263
00:10:43,736 --> 00:10:46,403
on a white-haired,
raving Jewish socialist?
264
00:10:46,405 --> 00:10:48,505
Fine. But we can't be
seen together in public.
265
00:10:48,507 --> 00:10:50,440
People don't recognize me anyway.
266
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,015
They think I'm one of those
big dolls you put on your porch
267
00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:54,845
to scare trick-or-treaters!
268
00:10:54,847 --> 00:10:57,848
Because the economy is so bountiful,
269
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,850
we have reached full employment.
270
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,518
And I know it's full because we found
271
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,387
the most unemployable American a job.
272
00:11:04,389 --> 00:11:06,655
I got a job sitting in a field!
273
00:11:06,657 --> 00:11:08,357
Show 'em how it's done, Eric!
274
00:11:08,359 --> 00:11:10,827
No one bother him. He's working.
275
00:11:10,829 --> 00:11:12,195
- Mr. President?
- 'Sup?
276
00:11:12,197 --> 00:11:14,764
According to The Post,
in 2005, you said Eric wasn't fit
277
00:11:14,766 --> 00:11:16,532
to look at a field,
let alone sit in one.
278
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:18,868
Do you expect us to believe that
he's been hired to do just that?
279
00:11:18,870 --> 00:11:20,502
Mind you, he's already sleeping.
280
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:25,374
Okay. Forget Eric. Let's
focus on the positive.
281
00:11:25,376 --> 00:11:28,344
Mike Pence found love
with a homely butleress.
282
00:11:28,346 --> 00:11:31,214
You first laid eyes upon me as a butler,
283
00:11:31,216 --> 00:11:34,617
and you'll see me that way
for the rest of your life!
284
00:11:34,619 --> 00:11:36,085
Abigail! No!
285
00:11:36,087 --> 00:11:38,854
Dad! I wet the field!
286
00:11:40,224 --> 00:11:41,522
Hey!
287
00:11:41,524 --> 00:11:43,859
It's one of those dolls that
scares trick-or-treaters.
288
00:11:43,861 --> 00:11:45,994
Thanks! Don't forget to vote!
289
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,695
Alright. Let's get me woke here.
290
00:11:47,697 --> 00:11:51,299
I assume the first step is
apologizing for existing!
291
00:11:51,301 --> 00:11:54,335
I'm sooooooo soorrrrrry.
292
00:11:54,337 --> 00:11:56,104
Apology accepted.
293
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:58,339
Next, you need to learn
to talk about everyone
294
00:11:58,341 --> 00:12:00,575
the same way you talk
about white people.
295
00:12:00,577 --> 00:12:02,878
Got it. I'll talk about
everyone the same,
296
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,280
even this one hepcat
from the old neighborhood.
297
00:12:05,282 --> 00:12:06,547
Went by "Sugarpuff".
298
00:12:06,549 --> 00:12:09,184
He was a bad mama-jamma, old Shug.
299
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:12,017
Played drums on the corner
by bangin' two switchblades
300
00:12:12,019 --> 00:12:13,789
on a can of sweet potatoes.
301
00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:16,257
And that's why I should be president!
302
00:12:16,259 --> 00:12:17,391
How'd I do?
303
00:12:17,393 --> 00:12:19,093
Maybe stay away from race entirely.
304
00:12:19,095 --> 00:12:20,761
- Got it, chickpea.
- And gender.
305
00:12:20,763 --> 00:12:22,729
But that only leaves three words...
306
00:12:22,731 --> 00:12:25,432
"look", "folks", and "America".
307
00:12:25,434 --> 00:12:27,601
Guess what's here!
308
00:12:27,603 --> 00:12:30,271
It's the Department of Labor report.
309
00:12:30,273 --> 00:12:31,571
Oh, my God, Daddy!
310
00:12:31,573 --> 00:12:33,841
I bet America added so many jobs
311
00:12:33,843 --> 00:12:35,943
that it'll never have to work again!
312
00:12:35,945 --> 00:12:37,444
Is everything okay?
313
00:12:37,446 --> 00:12:40,614
You look like you did when
I told you Jared's religion.
314
00:12:40,616 --> 00:12:42,783
Yes. The economy is good.
315
00:12:42,785 --> 00:12:45,119
That's what it says. "Economy. Good".
316
00:12:45,121 --> 00:12:46,420
Yay!
317
00:12:46,422 --> 00:12:49,956
Can I still afford landscapers
to ride like ponies?
318
00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:53,360
Not only that, you can pay for
their inevitable back surgery.
319
00:12:53,362 --> 00:12:56,129
I don't think I will, but whoa!
320
00:12:57,399 --> 00:12:59,566
We love this economy, huh?!
321
00:12:59,568 --> 00:13:01,134
It's definitely good!
322
00:13:01,136 --> 00:13:02,669
Otherwise, why would I be
323
00:13:02,671 --> 00:13:05,572
metaphorically showing
up at your door at 2 a.m.
324
00:13:05,574 --> 00:13:08,542
covered in sweat, screaming,
"You gotta believe me"?!
325
00:13:08,544 --> 00:13:09,743
Dad!
326
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:10,910
Because you said
327
00:13:10,912 --> 00:13:13,380
that the economy is
rocking my nads again,
328
00:13:13,382 --> 00:13:15,549
Slerve uncanceled the hunting trip!
329
00:13:15,551 --> 00:13:18,151
I'm gonna feed an antelope its own ass!
330
00:13:18,153 --> 00:13:20,586
Thanks, Dad!
331
00:13:21,756 --> 00:13:23,323
Crap. There's people of color!
332
00:13:23,325 --> 00:13:25,758
I just know I'm gonna
say something dumb!
333
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,427
No, you're not. Just
stick to your words.
334
00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,733
Look... folks.
335
00:13:33,735 --> 00:13:35,601
Look... look.
336
00:13:35,603 --> 00:13:37,070
Come on, now!
337
00:13:37,072 --> 00:13:38,571
I mean, geez!
338
00:13:38,573 --> 00:13:40,073
Folks! Trump!
339
00:13:40,075 --> 00:13:41,741
Ukraine! Iran!
340
00:13:41,743 --> 00:13:43,442
This isn't who we are!
341
00:13:43,444 --> 00:13:45,912
Look, look, look! I'm telling you!
342
00:13:45,914 --> 00:13:47,480
You know what I mean, folks?
343
00:13:49,284 --> 00:13:51,517
My aunt was right! You rock!
344
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:53,719
I threw in some words
we didn't agree on.
345
00:13:53,721 --> 00:13:55,053
I hope that's okay.
346
00:13:55,055 --> 00:13:58,257
Hey, so, how do I pass
sweeping legislation, anyway?
347
00:13:58,259 --> 00:14:01,527
Alright. Here are the unredacted
Epstein jet flight logs.
348
00:14:01,529 --> 00:14:03,696
It's all the leverage
you need, chickpea.
349
00:14:03,698 --> 00:14:06,164
- Oh, sorry.
- I'll let it slide this ti...
350
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,033
- Holy shit!
- Crazy, right?
351
00:14:08,035 --> 00:14:10,035
Bill Clinton took an eight-hour flight
352
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:13,171
from Palm Beach to West Palm Beach.
353
00:14:17,712 --> 00:14:20,345
Mr. President. Are you okay?
354
00:14:20,347 --> 00:14:23,248
Yeah. It's just the economy,
impeachment, my presidency.
355
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,817
It's all going so well,
it's freaking me out!
356
00:14:25,819 --> 00:14:27,685
- Really?
- Are you saying I'm lying?!
357
00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:29,253
I'm not lying!
358
00:14:29,255 --> 00:14:30,555
- Psycho.
- I heard that!
359
00:14:30,557 --> 00:14:31,989
- Dad!
- Eric's here.
360
00:14:31,991 --> 00:14:34,592
Eric is a worker. Eric,
say the economy is good.
361
00:14:34,594 --> 00:14:35,894
I got fired!
362
00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:37,595
The Chinese bought the field
363
00:14:37,597 --> 00:14:39,864
and even made me train my replacement.
364
00:14:39,866 --> 00:14:43,334
I made a friend for life,
but it was humiliating.
365
00:14:43,336 --> 00:14:45,336
That's good! The economy did that!
366
00:14:45,338 --> 00:14:46,738
The economy is good!
367
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:49,507
Everything is good!
368
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,744
Yikes! He sounds like
President of the nuthouse.
369
00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:54,813
Uh, more on that later,
370
00:14:54,815 --> 00:14:57,648
because we're joined by
Vice President Joe Biden,
371
00:14:57,650 --> 00:14:59,683
fresh off his show-stopping performance.
372
00:14:59,685 --> 00:15:01,418
Hey, folks, look! I'm with it!
373
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:03,482
This is America! Come on!
374
00:15:03,484 --> 00:15:06,274
It sure is. And what
a country it is, huh?
375
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:07,368
And... Oh, my God!
376
00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:08,959
My eyes are bleeding, aren't they?
377
00:15:08,961 --> 00:15:11,294
It appears so. Uh, wow. Gaffe alert.
378
00:15:11,296 --> 00:15:14,565
Ah, crap! I'm rattled!
What was I saying?
379
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:16,533
Oh, yeah... Back in '59,
380
00:15:16,535 --> 00:15:19,636
Sugarpuff and his friends and
me and my friends... white...
381
00:15:19,638 --> 00:15:22,507
arranged a public fight with
the winner getting to call
382
00:15:22,509 --> 00:15:24,808
Jumpin' Jacks Soda Shop their territory.
383
00:15:24,810 --> 00:15:26,977
I called it off when
a social worker said
384
00:15:26,979 --> 00:15:28,846
Sugarpuff is eight years old.
385
00:15:28,848 --> 00:15:32,148
But that's life in
Milkshake U-S-A, isn't it?
386
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:35,352
The State of the Union is in 24 hours!
387
00:15:35,354 --> 00:15:37,120
Assuming my speech is three hours long
388
00:15:37,122 --> 00:15:38,754
with a five-hour standing ovation,
389
00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:41,491
that leaves 32 hours to fix the economy!
390
00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:44,827
Private-island time. See you
on the other side, everyone.
391
00:15:44,829 --> 00:15:46,062
I'm taking this.
392
00:15:46,064 --> 00:15:49,032
Hey, we can save this
economy, Mr. President.
393
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,566
Here's what I'm thinking.
394
00:15:50,568 --> 00:15:52,668
Immediately inject the banks
395
00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:55,805
with five trillion
dollars in taxpayer cash.
396
00:15:55,807 --> 00:15:57,840
- Okay.
- _
397
00:15:57,842 --> 00:16:01,411
So, the bankers gave themselves
five-trillion-dollar bonuses.
398
00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:05,448
In my defense, that hasn't
happened since last time.
399
00:16:07,452 --> 00:16:09,556
Why did you stay on Meet the Press
400
00:16:09,558 --> 00:16:10,643
for the full hour?
401
00:16:10,645 --> 00:16:13,489
I had to talk about the knife
fight with Sugarpuff's dad.
402
00:16:13,491 --> 00:16:16,291
No, you didn't! That
story was offensive.
403
00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:18,861
And, by the way, no one cares
about these Epstein flight logs.
404
00:16:18,863 --> 00:16:20,362
Somehow, the public is comfortable
405
00:16:20,364 --> 00:16:22,031
with a global sex ring!
406
00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:23,900
Ow! Oh, no!
407
00:16:23,902 --> 00:16:27,136
I can't remember the
lyrics to "Milkshake U-S-A"!
408
00:16:30,808 --> 00:16:32,608
That's the closing bell.
409
00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:34,343
And even though the markets are closed,
410
00:16:34,345 --> 00:16:36,603
the Dow is somehow still erratically
411
00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:39,515
snapping back and forth
between being up 1,000 points
412
00:16:39,517 --> 00:16:41,383
and then down 5,000 points.
413
00:16:41,385 --> 00:16:43,485
And to make this day
even more disturbing,
414
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:46,088
on my way to work, I saw a
flower wilt in two seconds,
415
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:48,170
looked in a mirror, and
saw the back of my head!
416
00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:49,749
And last night, I died in my dream.
417
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,104
Needless to say, ladies and gentlemen,
418
00:16:51,106 --> 00:16:52,161
we're witnessing a death blow
419
00:16:52,163 --> 00:16:54,229
to the dynasty that
was the Trump economy.
420
00:16:54,231 --> 00:16:56,709
In my defense, the only
reason I lied about the economy
421
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:57,899
was because it was easier.
422
00:16:57,901 --> 00:17:00,001
But it hurt total bros like Slerve
423
00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:02,604
who took unnecessary
risks and lost it all!
424
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:04,639
He had to move from the Upper East Side
425
00:17:04,641 --> 00:17:08,009
to a five-bedroom,
six-bath in Scarsdale!
426
00:17:08,011 --> 00:17:10,412
When he wants to go
home after work drinks,
427
00:17:10,414 --> 00:17:12,681
he has to take the Metro North!
428
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:16,484
How could a just economy
let that happen to a former
429
00:17:16,486 --> 00:17:20,121
starting midfielder from
the Hobart lacrosse team?!
430
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,923
- How?!
- You know what?
431
00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:24,425
I don't even believe
in the economy anymore!
432
00:17:24,427 --> 00:17:25,526
Ditto!
433
00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:27,929
Get out of my house!
434
00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:29,430
- Dad! No!
- Where will we stay?!
435
00:17:29,432 --> 00:17:31,466
Oh, yeah. Well, Slerve's, of course.
436
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,334
He's got a theater in his basement.
437
00:17:33,336 --> 00:17:36,103
You ever watch football so loud
it gives you a concussion?
438
00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:39,073
No, but I'm eager to try!
439
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,376
The economy is coming
to punish me, Melania.
440
00:17:43,378 --> 00:17:46,747
It's only a matter of time
before I lose the presidency
441
00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:49,149
and everything I've worked
so hard to be handed.
442
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,550
Yeah, yeah. Sounds good.
443
00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:52,297
Welcome back to Half-Ton Toe.
444
00:17:52,299 --> 00:17:54,822
Tonight, how could this
mom let her toe get so big?
445
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:58,058
I just pray the economy is
merciful and doesn't destroy
446
00:17:58,060 --> 00:17:59,893
- my State of the Union speech.
- Mm-hmm.
447
00:17:59,895 --> 00:18:02,529
Any last words before I descend to hell?
448
00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:05,799
You should have gotten that
toe checked out years ago!
449
00:18:07,769 --> 00:18:09,302
Alright, look, folks.
450
00:18:09,304 --> 00:18:11,438
Come on, now. This is America.
451
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:16,643
What's going on here? W-what's that?
452
00:18:16,645 --> 00:18:19,579
Hey, Milkshake! I've been
looking all over for you!
453
00:18:19,581 --> 00:18:22,315
You remember the lyrics
to "Milkshake U-S-A"?
454
00:18:22,317 --> 00:18:24,784
I'm not tellin'! You'd
forget them anyway!
455
00:18:24,786 --> 00:18:27,354
Oh, I really miss that
song. How about this?
456
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:30,923
I'll give you the unredacted
flight logs for the Epstein jet.
457
00:18:30,925 --> 00:18:33,760
- Really?!
- Yeah. Got 'em right here.
458
00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:35,295
Hmm.
459
00:18:35,297 --> 00:18:37,564
I don't even know if
I want to see those.
460
00:18:37,566 --> 00:18:39,986
Some of my favorite
directors might be on there.
461
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,634
I won't be able to watch their films
462
00:18:41,636 --> 00:18:43,602
without feeling kind of weird about it.
463
00:18:43,604 --> 00:18:46,405
Come on, man! I gotta
get that song back!
464
00:18:46,407 --> 00:18:49,141
Well, then you'll have to
learn it again in a new way.
465
00:18:49,143 --> 00:18:50,276
Now wake up!
466
00:18:50,278 --> 00:18:52,478
You're about to piss yourself!
467
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:57,483
Miiiilllkkkshake!
468
00:19:04,425 --> 00:19:07,560
Oh. You were a bad sign.
469
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:09,795
Just do it, economy!
470
00:19:09,797 --> 00:19:12,598
Strike me down already!
471
00:19:15,268 --> 00:19:17,602
Teeeeddd Cruuuuzzz!
472
00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:20,271
Ugh! Jesus, Ted! What
are you doing here?
473
00:19:20,273 --> 00:19:22,974
Well, the ravens can't
escape as fast in the rain.
474
00:19:22,976 --> 00:19:25,010
Screaming to the heavens now, are ya?
475
00:19:25,012 --> 00:19:26,211
I've given up.
476
00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:28,880
I just want the economy
to smite me already.
477
00:19:28,882 --> 00:19:31,516
So you've tried everything?
478
00:19:33,087 --> 00:19:36,521
Here's the thing about
vengeful, omnipotent beings
479
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:37,789
like the economy.
480
00:19:37,791 --> 00:19:39,557
The only way to atone to them
481
00:19:39,559 --> 00:19:41,392
is to feel pain in their honor.
482
00:19:41,394 --> 00:19:42,794
That's how they know for certain
483
00:19:42,796 --> 00:19:46,031
that your piety outweighs
your self-regard.
484
00:19:46,033 --> 00:19:48,166
So give up Tuesday brunch or something?
485
00:19:48,168 --> 00:19:49,734
- Bigger.
- Saturday brunch?
486
00:19:49,736 --> 00:19:51,969
Offer a sacrifice!
487
00:19:51,971 --> 00:19:54,839
Then, and only then, will
the economy spare you!
488
00:19:54,841 --> 00:19:57,507
It also works for
getting into the Senate!
489
00:19:57,509 --> 00:20:00,077
It's State of the Union time!
490
00:20:03,149 --> 00:20:05,850
Bill, I'm screwed!
491
00:20:05,852 --> 00:20:07,818
How come you made more
mistakes than I have
492
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,519
and yet nothing sticks to ya?
493
00:20:09,521 --> 00:20:10,855
It's so true.
494
00:20:10,857 --> 00:20:13,224
I mean, I was on that Epstein jet,
495
00:20:13,226 --> 00:20:15,960
and everyone was like, "Well, whatever".
496
00:20:15,962 --> 00:20:18,028
That's what I mean. You're immortal.
497
00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:20,765
I want some of that juju
so I can be president.
498
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,532
Oh, no. It's a curse.
499
00:20:22,534 --> 00:20:25,568
It's only pushed me further
from the American people.
500
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:28,905
Your mortality is why people like you.
501
00:20:28,907 --> 00:20:30,774
Just like them, you fear losing touch,
502
00:20:30,776 --> 00:20:32,441
so, out of self-preservation,
503
00:20:32,443 --> 00:20:34,710
you retreat to the
blissful days of your youth
504
00:20:34,712 --> 00:20:37,546
when "Milkshake U-S-A"
dominated the airwaves.
505
00:20:37,548 --> 00:20:38,848
And that's a good thing?!
506
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:42,351
Well, elections fall on days
when the only people around
507
00:20:42,353 --> 00:20:45,588
to vote are elderly, so
you're hot-damn right it is.
508
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:46,890
Where are you going?
509
00:20:46,892 --> 00:20:48,491
State of the Union is tonight.
510
00:20:48,493 --> 00:20:52,495
I'm gonna show Americans
that I'm as lucid as they are.
511
00:20:53,531 --> 00:20:56,032
Bark, bark! That's
the sound a dog makes!
512
00:20:58,569 --> 00:21:00,569
Would've been pretty fun, huh?
513
00:21:00,571 --> 00:21:03,105
What? Feeding an antelope
its own ass? Yeah, no duh!
514
00:21:03,107 --> 00:21:04,373
But what do you care?
515
00:21:04,375 --> 00:21:06,342
You know, Don, as bad as we've had it...
516
00:21:06,344 --> 00:21:07,943
my cabinet, us...
517
00:21:07,945 --> 00:21:10,446
we've never really suffered
at the economy's hands.
518
00:21:10,448 --> 00:21:12,515
We went bankrupt six times!
519
00:21:12,517 --> 00:21:15,351
Right, but my daddy
and Russia gave us money
520
00:21:15,353 --> 00:21:17,119
so we had enough to keep the lights on
521
00:21:17,121 --> 00:21:19,555
in our California
king-sized tanning beds.
522
00:21:19,557 --> 00:21:23,025
Yeah, I guess that's true.
But we're suffering now.
523
00:21:23,027 --> 00:21:24,993
I don't get to see an antelope's face
524
00:21:24,995 --> 00:21:27,697
when I reveal that I
just fed it its own ass.
525
00:21:27,699 --> 00:21:31,133
That suffering is not enough
to atone for our crimes.
526
00:21:31,135 --> 00:21:33,267
We need to make a sacrifice.
527
00:21:33,269 --> 00:21:35,637
- Okay, Eric, you're up!
- No, not Eric.
528
00:21:35,639 --> 00:21:37,505
Something that has value.
529
00:21:38,742 --> 00:21:40,241
Tonight, it's the State of the Union,
530
00:21:40,243 --> 00:21:42,377
which arrives under a
cloud of both impeachment
531
00:21:42,379 --> 00:21:43,745
and economic doom.
532
00:21:43,747 --> 00:21:45,279
Also under a rain cloud.
533
00:21:45,281 --> 00:21:48,450
It is drizzling outside, one of
those classic Beltway drizzles.
534
00:21:48,452 --> 00:21:49,617
Pace yourself, Chuck.
535
00:21:49,619 --> 00:21:51,419
Oh! And look who's in the chamber.
536
00:21:51,421 --> 00:21:52,821
It's Joe Biden.
537
00:21:52,823 --> 00:21:55,390
Oh, God. What are those dumb lyrics?
538
00:21:55,392 --> 00:21:57,291
- Damn it!
- Hey.
539
00:21:57,293 --> 00:21:59,060
I'm sorry about throwing
that binder at your head.
540
00:21:59,062 --> 00:22:02,263
It's alright. I splurged for
the shock-absorbent hair plugs.
541
00:22:02,265 --> 00:22:04,098
Hey, I'm sorry about running my mouth
542
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:06,434
like Sugarpuff would
back in the neighborhood.
543
00:22:06,436 --> 00:22:09,737
It's okay. Thanks for... trying to grow.
544
00:22:09,739 --> 00:22:12,006
- I brought you something.
- Whoa-ho-ho!
545
00:22:12,008 --> 00:22:16,177
The lyrics to "Milkshake U-S-A"!
546
00:22:16,179 --> 00:22:17,778
Oh, and it looks like the President
547
00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:19,280
is making his way to the podium.
548
00:22:19,282 --> 00:22:21,715
He's got a stalwart, presidential gait.
549
00:22:21,717 --> 00:22:24,285
He's just walking,
Chuck. Let's listen in.
550
00:22:24,287 --> 00:22:27,488
My fellow Americans, over the past week,
551
00:22:27,490 --> 00:22:29,891
I've been guilty of falsely claiming
552
00:22:29,893 --> 00:22:32,326
that I am a prophet of the economy.
553
00:22:32,328 --> 00:22:34,028
And over the past decade,
554
00:22:34,030 --> 00:22:36,463
we've all been guilty of economic greed.
555
00:22:36,465 --> 00:22:38,399
And now we must repent.
556
00:22:38,401 --> 00:22:41,368
That is why, as an
offering to the economy,
557
00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:44,837
I'm proposing a tiny, tiny, tiny,
558
00:22:44,839 --> 00:22:48,074
for the wealthiest
Americans, tax increase.
559
00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:49,409
No!
560
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:50,710
Okay, okay!
561
00:22:50,712 --> 00:22:54,247
Or I guess we could
sacrifice... Eric Trump?
562
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:55,315
What?!
563
00:22:57,352 --> 00:22:59,386
Wow! Look at this, huh?
564
00:22:59,388 --> 00:23:01,354
Eric, they love you!
565
00:23:01,356 --> 00:23:03,256
Ho-ho! What an interesting offer.
566
00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:04,724
What do ya say, Eric?
567
00:23:04,726 --> 00:23:06,927
I don't feel like being the sacrifice!
568
00:23:06,929 --> 00:23:08,761
You be the sacrifice!
569
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:12,064
You're beefier, so it'll
mean more to the economy.
570
00:23:12,066 --> 00:23:13,432
What do you say, Eric?
571
00:23:15,069 --> 00:23:18,003
Doesn't sound like we have much time.
572
00:23:18,005 --> 00:23:20,539
Holy crap! The markets are going nuts!
573
00:23:20,541 --> 00:23:23,075
Come on, Eric! The Street wants blood!
574
00:23:23,077 --> 00:23:25,710
Eric, it's the job you were born to do.
575
00:23:28,249 --> 00:23:29,982
Okay, okay! Fine!
576
00:23:29,984 --> 00:23:32,584
Wait, folks! Wait, wait, wait, folks!
577
00:23:32,586 --> 00:23:34,519
Don't listen to that Russian plant.
578
00:23:34,521 --> 00:23:35,821
We don't need to sacrifice
579
00:23:35,823 --> 00:23:38,424
that tall, blond bellhop
with no eyebrows!
580
00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:41,526
No, no, no! No joke!
581
00:23:41,528 --> 00:23:44,496
Trump's acting like we
have to please the economy,
582
00:23:44,498 --> 00:23:46,765
like we don't have
control over our fate.
583
00:23:46,767 --> 00:23:48,099
But take it from someone
584
00:23:48,101 --> 00:23:50,836
who refuses to obey the demands of time.
585
00:23:50,838 --> 00:23:52,370
We can intervene.
586
00:23:52,372 --> 00:23:53,605
Vote for me, and we'll stop
587
00:23:53,607 --> 00:23:55,874
letting the economy push us around.
588
00:23:55,876 --> 00:23:57,742
We'll put in the hard work
589
00:23:57,744 --> 00:24:01,847
to turn our economy into
a system ruled by justice!
590
00:24:04,284 --> 00:24:06,685
Or m-a-a-aybe...
591
00:24:06,687 --> 00:24:09,446
it'd be a lot more fun if we sang
592
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:11,957
"Milkshake U-S-A"!
593
00:24:11,959 --> 00:24:13,892
That was my favorite song growing up!
594
00:24:13,894 --> 00:24:16,595
Me too. Tell you what,
you son of a bitch.
595
00:24:16,597 --> 00:24:17,963
You've dragged me through hell,
596
00:24:17,965 --> 00:24:20,231
but we're even if you do you know what.
597
00:24:20,233 --> 00:24:23,101
I declare the State
of the Union to be...
598
00:24:23,103 --> 00:24:25,003
"Milkshake U-S-A"!
599
00:24:25,005 --> 00:24:27,405
Everyone, get on up!
600
00:24:27,407 --> 00:24:29,474
♪ A yummy ice-cream milkshake ♪
601
00:24:29,476 --> 00:24:32,410
♪ Everybody shakin'
from Nevada to Maine ♪
602
00:24:32,412 --> 00:24:34,312
♪ Milkshake U-S-A ♪
603
00:24:34,314 --> 00:24:35,846
♪ Ay-ee-ay-ee-ay-ee-ay ♪
604
00:24:35,848 --> 00:24:37,048
♪ Malted milk and cow's cream ♪
605
00:24:37,050 --> 00:24:39,017
♪ All mixed up in the thing ♪
606
00:24:39,019 --> 00:24:41,552
♪ Milkshake U-S-A ♪
607
00:24:41,554 --> 00:24:44,889
♪ Well, the principal's tryna
shut our milkshake down ♪
608
00:24:44,891 --> 00:24:48,559
♪ But not even Mom and Dad can
keep this milk out our mouth ♪
609
00:24:48,561 --> 00:24:51,496
♪ Everybody shake from
Louisiana to Maine ♪
610
00:24:51,498 --> 00:24:54,265
♪ In Milkshake U-S-A ♪
611
00:24:54,267 --> 00:24:58,201
People do know there are
other presidential candidates, right?
612
00:24:58,203 --> 00:25:00,270
♪ Milkshake U-S-A ♪
613
00:25:00,272 --> 00:25:02,806
Eric, I sound so much better than you.
614
00:25:02,808 --> 00:25:06,143
So, how was the hunting trip, Don?
615
00:25:06,145 --> 00:25:08,245
Did you feed an antelope its butt?
616
00:25:08,247 --> 00:25:11,114
I wish. Every time I tried
to cut off their asses,
617
00:25:11,116 --> 00:25:12,315
it kind of freaked out.
618
00:25:12,317 --> 00:25:13,717
If it makes you feel better,
619
00:25:13,719 --> 00:25:16,486
I got a job sitting in a meadow.
620
00:25:16,488 --> 00:25:17,755
- That's awesome!
- Spill the deets!
621
00:25:17,757 --> 00:25:20,024
It's more of an unpaid internship,
622
00:25:20,026 --> 00:25:22,392
but y-you never know
where it could lead.
623
00:25:22,394 --> 00:25:25,037
Hey, Dad, you weren't
really gonna sacrifice Eric
624
00:25:25,039 --> 00:25:26,630
to the economy, right?
625
00:25:27,967 --> 00:25:29,899
Well, it looks like
everything's back to normal
626
00:25:29,901 --> 00:25:31,201
except the economy.
627
00:25:31,203 --> 00:25:33,836
Do you think the economy
will ever come after us?
628
00:25:33,838 --> 00:25:36,173
Don't worry, boys. We're rich.
629
00:25:36,175 --> 00:25:39,709
And the economy can
never take that away.
630
00:26:40,995 --> 00:26:43,995
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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