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[bells jingling]
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["Little Saint Nick"
by The Beach Boys playing]
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♪ Ooh
Merry Christmas Saint Nick ♪
6
00:00:21,458 --> 00:00:24,666
♪ Christmas comes this time each year ♪
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♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
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00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:31,375
♪ Well way up North
Where the air gets cold ♪
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00:00:31,458 --> 00:00:35,041
♪ There's a tale about Christmas
That you've all been told ♪
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00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:35,958
♪ And a real… ♪
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00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:38,916
[woman] It's been said that,
according to Greek mythology,
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00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,791
humans were originally created
with four arms, four legs,
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00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,583
and a head with two faces.
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00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:49,500
But fearing their power,
Zeus split them into two separate parts,
15
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,708
condemning humans
to spend the rest of their lives
16
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:56,458
searching for their other half,
their soul's equal.
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00:00:57,208 --> 00:01:00,291
♪ She's candy apple red
With a ski for a wheel ♪
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00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:03,833
♪ And when Santa hits the gas
Man, just watch her peel ♪
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00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:05,708
♪ It's the little Saint Nick… ♪
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[woman] And if that's true,
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00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:10,000
then Zeus is an asshole.
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00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:11,791
♪ Little Saint Nick ♪
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00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:14,833
♪ Run run reindeer ♪
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00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:17,500
[woman] Sure, dating has
never really been easy,
25
00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:20,041
but modern dating online is even harder.
26
00:01:20,958 --> 00:01:24,791
I keep thinking my perfect match
has to be out there, just one click away.
27
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:28,541
-Someone kind, and honest, and ideally…
-[man] Honey?
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00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:32,250
[woman] …someone that doesn't already
have a wife. Am I right?
29
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:33,833
♪ …with Rudy to lead ♪
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00:01:33,916 --> 00:01:35,250
♪ He's got to wear his goggles… ♪
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[woman] Despite my gut telling me
that maybe I should give up altogether,
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00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:41,916
along comes Ted, a Libra who likes puppies
33
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,958
and offers to take me on a sunset sail
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00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:48,250
until he ghosts me.
35
00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:51,875
But on a positive note,
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00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:56,333
I've turned my horrible love life
into a successful online writing career.
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00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:59,541
For years,
I've been chronicling my disaster dates
38
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:02,208
under the pseudonym "Always a Bridesmaid."
39
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:05,208
And people seem to love
that I can't find love.
40
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:09,541
But honestly, I'm not sure
how much longer I can do this.
41
00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:13,041
How is it that everyone
has found the one, and I haven't?
42
00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:15,458
Either I'm the unluckiest woman
in the world,
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00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:18,250
or my picker is broken.
44
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,000
It's both.
45
00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,916
What's the one common denominator
in all of these dates?
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00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:24,833
It's you.
47
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,833
I beg your pardon?
48
00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:29,958
The common denominator
is that it's a bunch of LA assholes.
49
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,416
That's your other problem.
You're only looking local.
50
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,958
I had to import Mark from Ohio,
for God's sakes.
51
00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,750
You gotta think bigger.
52
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:40,083
Jesus, Nat! You only have
your dating radius set to five miles.
53
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:41,791
You gotta look outside West Hollywood.
54
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,791
Gas is so expensive.
55
00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:47,875
I mean, it'd be 40 bucks to get
to Glendale, and that's only one way.
56
00:02:48,416 --> 00:02:51,083
It's cheaper to do cocaine
and then run everywhere.
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00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:52,583
-[chuckles]
-Okay. Fixed it.
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00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,166
I'm gonna get a juice. Want something?
59
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:57,833
Ooh yeah, uh, grab me a Green Latifah
with an extra shot of wheatgrass.
60
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,708
-Oh, but no kiwi because I'm--
-I… I know, you're allergic. No kiwi.
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00:03:00,791 --> 00:03:02,500
Sorry. Habit.
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00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,666
The last time an intern forgot,
I almost died.
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00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,875
Natalie, where's my next story?
I'm assuming your next date is lined up.
64
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,833
I was thinking for the next one,
maybe we'll try something different. Like…
65
00:03:13,916 --> 00:03:16,666
Something a little bit more upbeat?
66
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:18,500
Why the hell would you do that?
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00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,208
So I don't spend another evening
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00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:22,791
with a guy who was featured
on an episode of Hoarders.
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00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:26,375
-It's making me miserable.
-Oh, I'm sorry. [sucks in air]
70
00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:27,791
Everyone's miserable, though.
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00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,875
But that's why Soash Media exists
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00:03:29,958 --> 00:03:32,416
to either distract people
from their own lives,
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00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:35,833
or to show them that things could be,
you know, so, so much worse.
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00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,708
Remember, a disaster for you
is a hit for me. Okay?
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00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,625
Got food in your teeth.
You might wanna… [clicks tongue]
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00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:43,666
Get it to me!
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00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,791
[traffic rumbling]
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00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,500
[Natalie grunting]
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00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,000
[grunts]
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00:03:58,250 --> 00:03:59,916
[sighs deeply]
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00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:04,375
[phone chimes]
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00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:06,458
[upbeat instrumental music playing]
83
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,083
[Roy] I'm a nude yoga instructor. Namaste.
84
00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:16,125
[Rick] Semi-finalist
on Dancing with the Stars.
85
00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:19,125
[Vinny] Devoted feminist.
Favorite movie: The Noteb--
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00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,416
[Greg] This could be yours, girl.
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00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,458
Why don't you come over and play with--
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00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:26,791
[Josh] Passionate about life
and all things outdoors.
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00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,541
When I'm not traveling for work,
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00:04:28,625 --> 00:04:32,416
you'll find me at home in Lake Placid,
New York, planning my next move.
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00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,375
Wow!
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00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:38,333
[Josh] Looking for a woman
who's spontaneous and drama-free.
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00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:40,833
Ugh.
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00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,125
[ethereal tinkling]
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00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:52,541
[Natalie] Love Actually?
Worst Christmas movie ever!
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00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:54,291
[Josh] Hey, Natalie.
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00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:57,375
So how do you really feel about
my favorite Christmas movie?
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00:04:57,875 --> 00:05:01,416
[Natalie] It's a movie about people
falling in love based on how they look.
99
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:05,375
[Josh] I like to think it's a story
about the triumph of love over reality.
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00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,583
I can work with that.
101
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:09,958
["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak playing]
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00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:12,125
[Josh] So, what's your
favorite Christmas movie?
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00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:16,041
[Natalie] That's easy.
Hands down, Die Hard.
104
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,833
[Josh] You really think
Die Hard is a Christmas movie?
105
00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:22,125
[Natalie] Yippee Ki Yay, I do!
106
00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,583
[Josh] Okay. Convince me.
107
00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:27,041
Okay.
108
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:30,458
[Natalie] Fine. I can give you
seven reasons, to be exact.
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00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:32,416
[Josh] You've studied this in depth.
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00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,750
[Natalie] One, it takes place
during a Christmas party.
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00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,708
-[Josh] Doesn't make it a Christmas movie!
-[Natalie] I have more evidence.
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00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:41,166
Two, it snows at the end.
Number three, there are presents involved.
113
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:43,875
[Josh] There are presents involved
in most movies ever made!
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00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:47,291
You know what? I'm willing
to reconsider this. I might actually--
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00:05:47,375 --> 00:05:50,375
["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak continues]
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00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:56,583
Holy shit!
I mean, this guy is, like, friggin' hot.
117
00:05:56,666 --> 00:05:59,875
He knows the difference between there
and they are, which you'd be surprised by.
118
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:02,250
He's Asian-American
and speaks three languages.
119
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,916
He's a world traveler but hasn't been
to any places on the watch list.
120
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,416
-So really there's only one con.
-What?
121
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,833
You've never seen him.
122
00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,916
Come on. [chuckles]
There's six pictures on his profile.
123
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,416
That means nothing. Remember the last guy
you met up with in public?
124
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,333
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
125
00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,833
He ended up being
20 years older than his photos.
126
00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:22,416
This guy could be old.
He could be a waiter from the Last Supper.
127
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,708
-What?
-Look at me. Look at me.
128
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:26,750
You do not trust anybody
unless he sends you a photo
129
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:30,500
holding today's newspaper
with the date on it. Okay? Yeah.
130
00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:33,458
Oh yeah, that's what we're gonna do.
I'm calling him to get a photo.
131
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:34,583
-No! No.
-Yeah. What?
132
00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:36,166
-I'm… I'm sorry.
-[phone ringing]
133
00:06:36,250 --> 00:06:37,208
-I'm a large woman.
-No.
134
00:06:37,291 --> 00:06:38,583
-You cannot get this phone.
-No.
135
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,875
-Yeah, try me. Oh! Okay, fine!
-No. Oh!
136
00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:42,666
[Josh] Sounds like I'm missing
a fun party.
137
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:44,833
-[both gasp]
-[Josh] Hello?
138
00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:46,458
-[woman laughing]
-[Josh] Hello?
139
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:48,791
-Josh!
-[Josh] Hey, Natalie.
140
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,000
-[mouthing] I'm sorry.
-Hi!
141
00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:51,375
-Hey.
-[woman] Mm-hmm.
142
00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:55,541
I… I actually didn't mean to call you.
I was, um, hiking and…
143
00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,416
-I tripped and accidentally hit "Call."
-What the fuck are you saying?
144
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,416
-[Josh] Glad you're still alive.
-What?
145
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,833
[Josh] I'm happy to be
your emergency contact,
146
00:07:04,916 --> 00:07:07,000
even with the three-hour time difference.
147
00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:09,250
-[whispering] I'm sorry.
-Nope. Nope. I'm still alive.
148
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,250
So anyway, I… I better get back to it.
149
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,000
-Sorry to bother you. Bye.
-[disconnects]
150
00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:14,416
I'm gonna kill you.
151
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,041
-[laughing] I'm sorry!
-[text tone]
152
00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:18,208
What?
153
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,500
-What?
-Are you satisfied?
154
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:21,750
[gasps] Oh!
155
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,916
Yeah, she's satisfied. Oh my God.
156
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,208
-[squeals]
-He is so cute!
157
00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:29,458
-[sighs] Oh.
-What is… like… what is this?
158
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,125
I mean…
159
00:07:31,208 --> 00:07:34,750
[Josh] …but when you start making toast
in the tub, that's when we'll worry.
160
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,375
[giggling]
161
00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:41,000
You know, when I first saw your profile,
I thought you'd just be another guy
162
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,583
who's really hot
and has a dick pic on standby.
163
00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:46,291
-Well, what makes you think I'm not?
-[text tone]
164
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:47,375
[scoffs]
165
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,083
[text tone]
166
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:56,291
-Ah.
-Your turn! Tit for tat, Nat.
167
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,375
["Roll on Babe" by Vetiver playing]
168
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,291
-[laughing] Oh! That's a weird Dick!
-[chuckles]
169
00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:03,791
At least mine's not crooked.
170
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,291
♪ Roll on babe ♪
171
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,291
[Josh] My parents got divorced
when I was three,
172
00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,125
but I got a pretty great stepmom now, so…
173
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,333
[Natalie] My mom passed away last year.
You would've loved her.
174
00:08:14,416 --> 00:08:15,625
[chuckles] Everyone did.
175
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:19,000
♪ You don't roll no more ♪
176
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,583
♪ I dreamt last night ♪
177
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:27,208
Honestly, I'm so over eating out.
I prefer to just stay in and cook.
178
00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:30,208
-[Josh] Oh! You cook?
-Oh yeah. All the time.
179
00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:32,250
Tonight I'll be assisted in the kitchen
180
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,375
by Chef Boyardee
and my good friends Ben and Jerry.
181
00:08:35,458 --> 00:08:37,750
♪ Roll on babe ♪
182
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,000
[Natalie] No way.
You were chubby as a kid too?
183
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:42,250
[Josh] I swear to you.
184
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:45,208
Kids in middle school
used to ask me which chin I really used.
185
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,166
Ugh, kids can be so cruel.
186
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,250
♪ …don't roll no more ♪
187
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,916
[Natalie] You're telling me it's really
Tom Cruise flying these planes?
188
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,208
[Josh] That was him driving the car
in Days of Thunder,
189
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,125
him hanging from the ceiling
in Mission Impossible-- Oh, drink!
190
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:06,750
Ugh. I had no idea
that this movie was so homoerotic.
191
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:10,166
[Josh] Yeah, actually I think Maverick
and Iceman get married in the sequel.
192
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,625
Ugh. "Bottom Gun"?
193
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:13,791
I'd watch that.
194
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:16,208
Ooh! Maverick just disobeyed an order!
Chug!
195
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,333
[Josh] What was your favorite book
as a kid?
196
00:09:20,416 --> 00:09:24,125
[Natalie] It was a book of poems
called Where The Sidewalk Ends.
197
00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:27,708
[Josh] "I cannot go to school today,
said little Peggy Ann McKay."
198
00:09:27,791 --> 00:09:29,750
[Natalie] I can't believe
that you know that.
199
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,666
[Josh] Before there was Ferris Bueller,
there was Peggy Ann McKay.
200
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,333
You know,
201
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:41,916
my, um, my mom, she used to read
that to me when I was little.
202
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,958
It used to help me sleep,
but I honestly can't
203
00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:51,791
think of a single thing
that's more comforting than
204
00:09:52,583 --> 00:09:53,833
being read to.
205
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:58,166
[Josh] "This bridge
will only take you halfway there
206
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,125
to those mysterious lands
you long to see."
207
00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:04,541
[gentle music playing]
208
00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:07,625
"Through gypsy camps
and swirling Arab fairs."
209
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:12,416
"And moonlit woods
where unicorns run free."
210
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,458
"So, come and walk awhile with me
211
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,250
and share the twisting trails
212
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,416
and wondrous worlds I've known."
213
00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:25,333
"But this bridge
will only take you halfway there."
214
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:29,666
"The last few steps
you will have to walk alone."
215
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,250
[Natalie groaning]
216
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:47,916
Josh?
217
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,916
-[Josh] Good morning.
-[chuckles]
218
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:57,208
[Josh] Oh, I guess I really should have
gotten the Verizon Unlimited plan.
219
00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:01,625
[Natalie sighs]
220
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:04,583
["Vagabond" by Wolfmother playing]
221
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,166
[text tone]
222
00:11:11,916 --> 00:11:16,541
♪ Oh girl
I don't know all the reasons why ♪
223
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:20,583
[sighs deeply]
224
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:23,916
Natalie. My office, now.
225
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,958
[man] It's been two weeks.
Where's my next Disaster Date story?
226
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:35,750
Um… Could you just pause for a second?
It's a little distracting.
227
00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,541
[panting] No. I can't stop. I won't stop.
Now, where's my next story?
228
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:40,791
Here's the thing.
229
00:11:42,083 --> 00:11:44,375
-I met someone. [exhales]
-Mm-hmm.
230
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:46,833
I think this might be the real deal.
231
00:11:46,916 --> 00:11:50,208
-[man] Oh boy. Here we go.
-I'd like to write about that instead.
232
00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,250
I'm not buying it.
233
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:55,291
Just go out with some Tinder tool
and complain about him, please.
234
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:56,458
I don't complain.
235
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,291
Why'd you dump the guy
with the guinea pigs?
236
00:11:58,375 --> 00:11:59,458
They freaked me out.
237
00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,083
And the guy who smiled all the time?
238
00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,458
You could never tell
if he was actually happy.
239
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:06,208
How about the guy who kept calling
your relationship a collab?
240
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,708
Do I really need to explain?
241
00:12:07,791 --> 00:12:09,041
[grunts]
242
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:12,916
[breathing heavily] Natalie,
here's the deal, okay?
243
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,375
Your dating life is a disaster.
244
00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:19,875
But you should be thankful
because it's why you have a job.
245
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,125
[weights rattling]
246
00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:23,250
What if I write a piece
247
00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,833
about a girl on the verge
of completely giving up on love
248
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:31,083
when she comes to find
that the perfect guy might actually exist?
249
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:32,791
So she risks it all.
250
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,541
Her sanity, her common sense,
251
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:38,125
her ability to ever be on The Bachelor,
252
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,583
and it's worth it
because they fall in love
253
00:12:40,666 --> 00:12:42,958
just in time for Christmas.
254
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:44,666
-[man] Ooh, I like it.
-[chuckles]
255
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,916
I just don't think
you're the one to write it.
256
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,750
You gotta leave the serious stuff
to the real journalists, like Steve.
257
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,875
Screw Steve.
258
00:12:50,958 --> 00:12:54,208
I did. Hastag don't tell HR. Low-key.
259
00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,166
You know what?
260
00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:59,666
As of this moment right now,
my disaster dating days are over.
261
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,083
I'm gonna fly to Lake Placid, New York.
262
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:05,666
I'm gonna surprise Josh,
and I'm gonna get my happy ending.
263
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:08,708
I'm sorry.
So, you haven't even met this dude yet?
264
00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:12,291
-Well, not… not in person, but--
-Oh, I take it all back.
265
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,541
No, I take everything back.
You should write about this.
266
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:16,041
You should fly across the country
267
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,083
and surprise a virtual stranger
for the holidays.
268
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:21,416
This is gonna be
your most epic Disaster Date yet.
269
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,791
Uh-oh. Who's doing the dance?
270
00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:26,000
You're wrong, Lee, and I'm gonna show you.
271
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:29,416
Because this is going to be
the most epic love story
272
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,291
that you have ever read.
273
00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:34,958
Now, if you'll please excuse me,
I have bags to pack.
274
00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:37,791
-♪ Keep on, keep moving on ♪
-[exhales] Okay.
275
00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:38,875
♪ You will not be happy… ♪
276
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,166
Is this insane? It's kind of insane.
277
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,500
-Am I insane? I'm insane. What am I doing?
-No, no, no, no.
278
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,625
Hey. Insanity is doing the same thing
over and over again
279
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,750
and expecting different results.
280
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,750
You, my friend,
are about to fly 3,000 miles
281
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,083
to meet up with a guy
who is literally the polar opposite
282
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,791
of anybody you've ever dated before, so--
283
00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:58,208
Oh my God. The mother of all ironies is
284
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,666
this might be
the most sane thing you've ever done.
285
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,958
[plane departing]
286
00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:12,166
[truck beeping]
287
00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:14,666
[wind howling]
288
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:22,958
-[truck beeping]
-Oh. Sir, excuse me. Um…
289
00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:24,708
-My bags--
-[horn honking]
290
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Ooh. Hi.
291
00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:31,916
-I just landed, but my bag didn't arrive.
-[game playing]
292
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,958
Fill out the form to your left and drop it
in the after-hours slot when you're done.
293
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,208
[scoffs] Why would I drop it
in the after-hours slot?
294
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:42,666
You're here. This office is open.
295
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,708
It's literally hours.
296
00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:48,041
Just fill out the form,
and someone will contact you.
297
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:51,916
Okay.
298
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:55,333
[text tone]
299
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,166
-[exhales deeply]
-[text tones]
300
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,500
[Natalie sighs]
301
00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:13,291
Is this a joke?
302
00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,875
Oh, the gig economy's no joke.
303
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,833
I'll get a different Uber. Thanks.
304
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,458
[driver] I'm the only Uber in town.
305
00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,750
Fine. I'll get a Lyft.
306
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:25,750
[text tone]
307
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:33,875
[driver] 4.9 stars, and I offer snacks.
308
00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:36,833
Nacho cheese?
309
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:40,458
Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes.
310
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,958
[driver] You want some papaya? Kiwi?
311
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,500
[Natalie] No kiwi.
I would swell up like a blowfish.
312
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,625
-Where am I taking you, again?
-420 Holt Street.
313
00:15:53,708 --> 00:15:54,833
The Lin household?
314
00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:55,750
-Mm-hmm.
-Nice.
315
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,166
-[radio chatter]
-How could you possibly know that?
316
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,458
Josh Lin is an old buddy of mine,
317
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:03,875
and given the stuff we used to smoke
in his basement after school,
318
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,916
that's not exactly an address you forget.
319
00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,875
Okay. Can you please
just turn the radio off? [scoffs]
320
00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,875
-It's a great song and a classic.
-["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing]
321
00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:18,125
Yeah. It's been putting the hip
in Rohypnol since 1944.
322
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:23,083
[scoffs] What are you talking about?
It's a cute and flirty Christmas duet.
323
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:25,041
Maybe if you're Bill Cosby.
324
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,583
[Natalie] If you could
please change the station?
325
00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:28,708
[driver] You're the boss.
326
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:34,333
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
327
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:35,250
[Natalie] Wow.
328
00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:39,750
They really love Christmas, huh?
329
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,375
You should see this place at Halloween.
330
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,166
Stephen King is too afraid
to trick-or-treat here.
331
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:48,791
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Can you give this to Josh
332
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:53,250
and tell him
E-Rock says to pass the Dutch? [chuckles]
333
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:56,166
-Okay, Snoop. [exhales]
-Oh yeah.
334
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,583
Thank you for the ride.
335
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:01,375
[door closes]
336
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:05,291
♪ When friends come to call ♪
337
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:11,833
♪ It's the hap-happiest season of all ♪
338
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,416
♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪
339
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,958
♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪
340
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:20,166
♪ And Christmases long, long ago ♪
341
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,791
♪ Oh, the most wonderful time… ♪
342
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,333
-Oh. Hi.
-Hi.
343
00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,500
[woman] Merry Christmas. Can I help you?
344
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:31,166
Hi. Yeah. I'm, um, Natalie Bauer.
I'm here to see Josh Lin.
345
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,250
Is he home?
346
00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:36,708
Uh. He's not here right now,
but I expect him any minute.
347
00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,583
Uh, why don't you come inside and wait?
348
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,625
Oh. Um. Sure.
349
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:41,958
Oh my goodness. Um.
350
00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:47,541
I wasn't expecting company, uh, tonight.
I'm Barb. I'm Josh's mom.
351
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:49,208
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi. You too.
352
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:52,208
So, you and Josh are friends?
353
00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:55,958
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess you could say that. [chuckles]
354
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,375
[man] Is that the Mormons again?
For the last time, we're not converting!
355
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:01,333
[yelling] It's not the Mormons, Bob!
356
00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:03,833
It's a friend of Josh's!
357
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,291
He does that every single, solitary time,
even Halloween.
358
00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:08,958
Every time it rang one year,
he was like, "Is that the Mormons?"
359
00:18:09,041 --> 00:18:10,583
Here is Bob.
360
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:13,708
This is Josh's Dad.
And this is his Grandmother, June.
361
00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:15,500
-Hello, dear!
-Hi. Oh.
362
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,375
[Barb] Okay, that's good. That's good.
363
00:18:17,458 --> 00:18:20,750
-How do you know Josh?
-Ah, they're friends, Grandma June.
364
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,583
We're maybe
just a little bit more than just friends.
365
00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:28,958
Oh my God. Are you… are you his "G Word"?
366
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,166
-Geisha?
-No.
367
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,875
Oh, you're his girlfriend?
368
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,958
I mean maybe. There's no titles yet.
369
00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:39,333
Oh my! This… this is just off the charts.
Look at you!
370
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:42,583
-[Natalie] Thanks. It's a new lip gloss.
-Josh has a girlfriend?
371
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,958
Well, I mean… no…
372
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,583
Do we have something special? Yes.
373
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,208
Did I fly from LA
to surprise him for Christmas?
374
00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:54,125
-Mm-hmm. Sure did. Here I am. Am I crazy?
-A little.
375
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:57,041
-Uh, yeah, maybe a little.
-You are-- This is just so romantic.
376
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,458
[Natalie] Oh God, I hope so.
377
00:18:58,541 --> 00:19:00,208
[Barb] Oh, Natalie, we are so--
378
00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:01,125
[gasps]
379
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:03,583
That's him. Josh!
380
00:19:03,666 --> 00:19:05,666
Someone's here to see you!
381
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:09,166
The UPS guy's not here to see me.
Just sign for the package!
382
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,541
It's not UPS! [laughing]
383
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:12,958
Just come up!
384
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,958
["(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight"
by Cutting Crew playing]
385
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:20,791
♪ Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight ♪
386
00:19:21,916 --> 00:19:25,166
♪ It must have been something you said ♪
387
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:30,250
-♪ I just died in your arms tonight ♪
-[music distorts, stops]
388
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,208
[Barb, Bob, Grandma] Surprise!
389
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:33,916
Natalie?
390
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:37,583
[nervously] What are you doing here?
391
00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:39,750
Surprising you for Christmas!
392
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,541
Uh…
393
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,333
I…
394
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,833
[chuckles nervously] Um…
395
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:52,625
Forgot my luggage. So I'm gonna…
396
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:54,125
[footsteps receding]
397
00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:56,250
-[door opens]
-Josh, go help her with her luggage.
398
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,541
[Josh] Natalie!
399
00:19:57,625 --> 00:19:59,000
Good work, Josh.
400
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,333
No, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening.
401
00:20:01,416 --> 00:20:04,708
-Look. I… I can explain!
-[breathing heavily] I don't understand.
402
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:08,875
We talked. [gulps]
I made sure-- The… the photo!
403
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,041
It had my name on it.
You wrote, "Bye, Natalie!"
404
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,250
I'm pretty good at Photoshop.
405
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:18,333
[breathing heavily] Oh my God!
406
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:20,041
[Josh] Okay, let's take a deep breath.
407
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:22,041
Not the baby Jesus.
Don't. Don't. No, no, no, no.
408
00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:24,250
What kind of psychopath
creates a fake profile
409
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:27,083
and then starts a fake
relationship online?
410
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:28,291
[grunts] What kind of psycho
411
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,208
flies across the country
and shows up on somebody's front lawn?
412
00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:35,125
You said, and I quote, "I wish
you were here with me for Christmas."
413
00:20:35,208 --> 00:20:38,250
That's just something people say.
Like, "Your baby's so cute"
414
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,333
or "My diet starts tomorrow."
415
00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,875
-Everybody knows that.
-[groans]
416
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:44,875
[Josh] Well, apparently not everybody. Mm.
417
00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,958
Are you implying that this is my fault?
418
00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:52,250
-Nobody is blaming anybody, okay?
-[Natalie] Oh!
419
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:56,541
Maybe, maybe I get it, you never dated
a Chinese guy before, and you're in shock!
420
00:20:56,625 --> 00:21:01,083
Yes, I have. He was born in Beijing,
and he was amazing in bed.
421
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:04,041
How could you lie to me?
I really liked you.
422
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:07,416
I'm sorry. I… I never meant
for it to go this far. Okay?
423
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,833
-Can we… can we go back inside and--
-No, I'm not going inside!
424
00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:12,541
I'm not going anywhere with you.
425
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:15,458
I never want to see you again. Okay?
426
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,833
[footsteps receding]
427
00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:20,208
-[Josh] You don't know where you're going!
-Baby Jesus will take the wheel.
428
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,458
["Jingle Bell Rock" playing]
429
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,541
[sighs deeply]
430
00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:27,000
[male patron] Yeah!
431
00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:30,583
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock ♪
432
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:34,041
♪ Jingle bells swing
And jingle bells ring… ♪
433
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:37,416
Hey, um, grab me another one
of these green apple thingies.
434
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,875
I got you. One sec, baby girl.
435
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:43,750
And so, Sarah asked me, "Would you rather
have a better memory or a bigger penis?"
436
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:45,041
Okay. What'd you say?
437
00:21:45,541 --> 00:21:46,541
I don't remember.
438
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,875
[both men laughing]
439
00:21:48,958 --> 00:21:49,958
Cali Asskicker.
440
00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:51,125
[man] Cali Asskicker!
441
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:53,375
[man 2] Cali Asskicker!
442
00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,083
[man 3] Merry Christmas, everybody!
443
00:21:55,166 --> 00:21:58,750
♪ What a bright time
It's the right time ♪
444
00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,791
[sound muffles]
445
00:22:02,208 --> 00:22:03,625
[ethereal tinkling]
446
00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,708
-[man 2] Get over here!
-[man 3] Put 'em up, put 'em up!
447
00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:12,833
-[bartender] Triple Sec. Rum juice.
-Okay. Talk to me.
448
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,916
-[bartender] Orange juice. Kiwi.
-Say what?
449
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,333
-[bartender] Great.
-You know me.
450
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:20,125
Come on, Kerry, answer the phone.
451
00:22:22,416 --> 00:22:24,666
Tell me you are calling me
from his bathroom
452
00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:27,166
after the most intense orgasm
of your life.
453
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,458
[inhales] Hard to have an orgasm
when you've been catfished!
454
00:22:30,541 --> 00:22:31,916
Shut up. Are you joking?
455
00:22:32,541 --> 00:22:33,708
[exhales deeply]
456
00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:36,750
[Josh] Oh Jesus.
457
00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:42,166
You're telling me the guy exists,
and he's there?
458
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,083
Yup.
459
00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:46,000
[Kerry] That is not a coincidence, bitch.
That is a sign from God.
460
00:22:46,083 --> 00:22:47,291
You should totally go for it.
461
00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:50,916
What are you, an LA six,
which makes you a Lake Placid ten?
462
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,208
You owe it to yourself
463
00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:54,916
and your 50,000 frequent-flier miles
to go for it.
464
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000
Besides, what do you have to lose? Huh?
465
00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,041
The last remaining microscopic shred
of my pride and self-respect?
466
00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:02,750
[Kerry] Long gone, Nat.
Besides, think of the story you'll write.
467
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,458
Oh my God,
Lee would be eating his freakin' words.
468
00:23:05,541 --> 00:23:08,000
You know what, you're gonna go,
and you're gonna do this,
469
00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:11,333
and I… I want you to make
that rugged unicorn notice you, okay?
470
00:23:11,416 --> 00:23:14,416
You got this. Go, go, go, go.
I love you. Call me later.
471
00:23:16,458 --> 00:23:17,875
[sighs]
472
00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:21,375
♪ Jingle around the clock ♪
473
00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:23,875
♪ Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet ♪
474
00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:26,416
-Here are your drinks, guys. Get involved.
-[woman] Thanks.
475
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,333
[Natalie] Sorry, I need these more
than you do.
476
00:23:28,416 --> 00:23:29,333
[woman] Hey!
477
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,583
The roof might not be my child…
478
00:23:32,583 --> 00:23:34,958
[gulps] but I'm still gonna raise it.
479
00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:36,375
[crowd cheering]
480
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,083
[coughs, clears throat]
481
00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,041
[singer laughing] Hey!
482
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,208
Where's my drink? Who has my drink?
483
00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:48,125
-[clears throat, coughs]
-Okay, what do we got?
484
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,291
This is Christmas karaoke.
485
00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:52,166
[Natalie] Just play it, please.
486
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:54,500
[continues coughing]
487
00:23:55,541 --> 00:23:58,916
Okay, up next, we have Natalie doing
488
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,958
[sighs] her idea of a Christmas song.
489
00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:04,083
Sweet baby Jesus.
490
00:24:04,166 --> 00:24:06,875
["I Would Do Anything For Love"
by Nina Dobrev playing]
491
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:24,500
[Natalie] ♪ And I would do anything
For love ♪
492
00:24:25,416 --> 00:24:28,333
-Yes! Whoo!
-[Natalie] ♪ I would do anything ♪
493
00:24:28,416 --> 00:24:29,833
♪ For love ♪
494
00:24:29,916 --> 00:24:32,583
♪ But I won't do that ♪
495
00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,500
Huh!
496
00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:38,083
♪ No I won't do that ♪
497
00:24:38,166 --> 00:24:39,166
[crowd gasps]
498
00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:45,083
[sputtering]
499
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:47,458
[man laughing]
500
00:24:47,541 --> 00:24:49,875
♪ Some days it don't come easy ♪
501
00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,791
-♪ And some days it don't come hard ♪
-Be respectful.
502
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,333
-She has a condition.
-Um.
503
00:24:54,416 --> 00:24:55,625
♪ …come at all ♪
504
00:24:55,708 --> 00:24:59,041
♪ And these are the days that never end ♪
505
00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:02,416
♪ And some nights you're breathing fire ♪
506
00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:05,541
♪ And some nights you're carved in ice ♪
507
00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:11,958
♪ Some nights you're like nothing
I've ever seen before or will again ♪
508
00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:14,416
-♪ And maybe I'm crazy ♪
-Okay.
509
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,208
-♪ But it's crazy and it's true ♪
-[man] I am a Christian!
510
00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:18,833
-Oh! Careful. Careful.
-Okay.
511
00:25:18,916 --> 00:25:21,000
♪ I know you can save me ♪
512
00:25:21,083 --> 00:25:24,166
-♪ No one else can save me know but you ♪
-Mm.
513
00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:27,916
♪ As long as the planets are turning ♪
514
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:31,083
♪ As long as the stars are burning ♪
515
00:25:32,125 --> 00:25:35,083
[screaming]
516
00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:38,916
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
517
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,583
-[door slams shut]
-[Josh gasps]
518
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:42,250
[patron] Whoo.
519
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:47,333
-Yeah! Very solid.
-[crowd cheering]
520
00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:49,333
Here. You left these inside.
521
00:25:49,833 --> 00:25:54,000
[gasping] Shit. There must've been kiwi
in those shots.
522
00:25:54,083 --> 00:25:55,541
-What?
-[coughing]
523
00:25:55,625 --> 00:25:57,708
[straining] Where is it? Where is it?
524
00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:00,125
-Wha-- Where's what?
-[gasping]
525
00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:03,333
[breathlessly] My EpiPen!
526
00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:06,666
Oh shit!
527
00:26:08,583 --> 00:26:10,583
[light buzzing]
528
00:26:12,375 --> 00:26:13,250
[exhales]
529
00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,416
Oh! Thank God you're not dead.
530
00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:18,708
[Natalie coughs] Where am I?
531
00:26:18,791 --> 00:26:19,958
A hospital.
532
00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:22,750
[dogs barking]
533
00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:24,250
[cats meowing]
534
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,791
You took me to a vet?
535
00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,500
Well, the real human hospital's
30 minutes away,
536
00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:32,041
and I didn't want to risk it.
537
00:26:32,125 --> 00:26:35,208
But relax, Dr. Foye is the best in town.
538
00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:40,541
[breathing heavily] Hello. I'm Dr. Foye.
Wow! You look a lot, uh, a lot better.
539
00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:43,791
Huh? Right? Good thing
Josh brought you in when he did, huh?
540
00:26:43,875 --> 00:26:45,250
'Cause you were like… Whoo!
541
00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:47,375
You're gonna be fine.
Stay as long as you like.
542
00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:49,833
Couple biscuits under the tree for you
if you like.
543
00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:51,625
-Thank you.
-Thanks, Doc.
544
00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:53,083
[door closes]
545
00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:54,291
[groans]
546
00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:58,166
-So, you met the real Tag tonight, huh?
-Mm-hmm.
547
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:01,666
Did you really think
sexy karaoke was going to work?
548
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:05,541
This is not LA, and Tag is not an LA guy.
549
00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:09,666
Hot girls hit on him here all the time,
and they're all the same.
550
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:12,500
If you want him to notice you,
do something different.
551
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,333
Oh, he noticed me tonight.
552
00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:18,333
Honestly, your face was so swollen,
you looked more like Chucky.
553
00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,250
I doubt he'll recognize you.
554
00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:23,833
-I don't know anything about this guy.
-But I do.
555
00:27:23,916 --> 00:27:27,208
Not only were Tag and I
best friends until 8th grade,
556
00:27:27,291 --> 00:27:30,333
I have been pretending to be him
for the last two weeks.
557
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:31,250
So what?
558
00:27:31,333 --> 00:27:35,000
So, I know Tag
better than he knows himself.
559
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:37,125
I can help you get him.
560
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:39,875
Why would you do that?
561
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:42,583
Well, maybe if I'm helping
you with something,
562
00:27:42,666 --> 00:27:44,833
maybe you can do
something for me in return.
563
00:27:46,541 --> 00:27:49,375
I am not having sex with you.
564
00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:53,041
No! That's not what I'm saying at all.
565
00:27:53,666 --> 00:27:59,250
I was thinking maybe you can, um, pretend
to be my girlfriend until Christmas.
566
00:28:00,250 --> 00:28:01,125
Um.
567
00:28:01,833 --> 00:28:02,708
Why?
568
00:28:03,416 --> 00:28:06,291
Did you see how my parents
looked at me tonight
569
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:08,458
when they thought you were my girlfriend?
570
00:28:08,541 --> 00:28:09,958
Okay, you're crazy.
571
00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:14,333
Being seen with you?
That would be a huge win.
572
00:28:14,416 --> 00:28:16,375
I mean, you know,
573
00:28:17,083 --> 00:28:18,208
look at you.
574
00:28:18,291 --> 00:28:20,666
All I'm asking for is a week.
575
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,708
Then we'll stage a breakup,
and you'll be free from me forever.
576
00:28:24,791 --> 00:28:26,000
[text tone]
577
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,166
[sighs deeply]
578
00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:33,041
[cats meowing]
579
00:28:35,708 --> 00:28:36,958
You're gonna set me up with Tag?
580
00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:40,458
Yes! You guys will be in love
by New Year's.
581
00:28:40,541 --> 00:28:42,666
Have a baby by next Thanksgiving.
582
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,208
By the way, do you have insurance?
They were asking me.
583
00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:47,291
[dogs barking]
584
00:28:48,416 --> 00:28:50,333
Well, welcome to my crib.
585
00:28:50,416 --> 00:28:52,333
This is where the magic happens.
586
00:28:52,958 --> 00:28:57,125
That's just something people say.
Not a lot of magic has happened at all.
587
00:28:57,208 --> 00:29:00,250
Uh… but got a mini-fridge
with all kinds of soda.
588
00:29:00,333 --> 00:29:03,666
There's laundry, bathroom,
foosball table if you want to play.
589
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:08,000
[insincerely] Oh. I love what you've done
with the place.
590
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,208
Well, it's still,
you know, it's pretty much temporary.
591
00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:15,791
My apartment is still under renovation.
It sustained a little smoke damage, so…
592
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:19,250
-[sighs]
-Well, good night.
593
00:29:19,333 --> 00:29:22,750
-Just make yourself comfortable.
-[clears throat, chuckles] Uh. No.
594
00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:25,416
You, on the floor. Now.
595
00:29:26,750 --> 00:29:29,833
This is the only Tempur-Pedic
in the house, and I have a bad back.
596
00:29:29,916 --> 00:29:34,666
I don't care if this bed is the only thing
keeping you from complete paralysis.
597
00:29:34,750 --> 00:29:35,833
We ain't sharing.
598
00:29:35,916 --> 00:29:38,958
-What if we put pillows in the middle?
-No.
599
00:29:39,041 --> 00:29:42,666
-Okay. What if we do like head to toe?
-Mm. It's always gonna be no. So, yeah.
600
00:29:45,166 --> 00:29:48,333
We should probably address
the, uh, catfish in the room.
601
00:29:48,416 --> 00:29:51,041
You do realize that at some point,
you were going to have to meet me.
602
00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:56,541
Well, I didn't set out to catfish you.
It just kind of happened.
603
00:29:56,625 --> 00:29:57,875
It kind of happened?
604
00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:01,750
I had my profile up for a year,
and guess how many matches I got.
605
00:30:02,625 --> 00:30:03,458
Three.
606
00:30:03,541 --> 00:30:06,333
And one of them
was my old English teacher.
607
00:30:06,416 --> 00:30:08,833
She's 70 now, and she has a pacemaker.
608
00:30:08,916 --> 00:30:11,541
Having sex with her
would literally kill her.
609
00:30:12,708 --> 00:30:14,083
So just as an experiment,
610
00:30:14,166 --> 00:30:17,625
I thought I could use a picture
of a standard hot guy
611
00:30:17,708 --> 00:30:21,000
and see what would happen.
I got 85 matches in five minutes.
612
00:30:21,083 --> 00:30:23,083
So, apparently, there's plenty
of girls out there.
613
00:30:23,166 --> 00:30:24,458
They just didn't want to date me.
614
00:30:24,541 --> 00:30:27,541
Are you seriously
looking for sympathy right now?
615
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,208
There are no words for what you did.
616
00:30:30,291 --> 00:30:31,875
-Well, I would--
-No words!
617
00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:35,208
But a deal's a deal.
So let's just move on.
618
00:30:46,375 --> 00:30:47,250
Okay.
619
00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:53,583
[Barb] And you had
to write the words on your hand.
620
00:30:53,666 --> 00:30:55,583
-[Josh laughing]
-He keeps taking his glove off.
621
00:30:55,666 --> 00:30:56,833
His hands are freezing.
622
00:30:56,916 --> 00:30:59,791
I… I… I thought your finger
was gonna fall off, Dad, for sure!
623
00:30:59,875 --> 00:31:01,208
-Natalie!
-Oh.
624
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:05,125
Come on in, come on.
Join us for breakfast. We just sat down.
625
00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:08,625
Um, I actually should probably go shower.
626
00:31:08,708 --> 00:31:11,250
Oh, I'm sure you look
absolutely beautiful.
627
00:31:11,333 --> 00:31:13,666
But full disclosure, I can't see shit.
628
00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:14,708
[all laughing]
629
00:31:14,791 --> 00:31:16,041
Please, sit.
630
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,916
Wow, this all looks so delicious.
631
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,125
Oh, please, help yourself to anything.
632
00:31:21,208 --> 00:31:22,375
Oh, bacon?
633
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:24,541
-Oh, she's a vegetarian.
-I'm a vegetarian.
634
00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:26,666
But thank you, Mr. Lin.
635
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:29,333
So where did you lovebirds
rush off to last night?
636
00:31:29,416 --> 00:31:32,208
-Oh, we went to McGregor's for karaoke.
-Mm-hmm.
637
00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:33,583
[Barb] Oh, how was that?
638
00:31:33,666 --> 00:31:35,416
-Oh.
-It was, uh…
639
00:31:36,541 --> 00:31:38,458
swell? Right, Natalie?
640
00:31:39,208 --> 00:31:42,291
Well, I want to hear
all about how you two met.
641
00:31:42,375 --> 00:31:44,583
Oh, it's just an online dating app.
642
00:31:44,666 --> 00:31:46,166
-Not much to it.
-[scoffs]
643
00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,541
Just text, text, send.
644
00:31:47,625 --> 00:31:49,291
Next thing you know,
she's right next to me.
645
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:51,250
-Here I am.
-[Josh, Natalie chuckle]
646
00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:52,958
What nonsense.
647
00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,208
People used to fall in and out of love
based solely upon the written word.
648
00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,125
The pen is mightier than the penis.
649
00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,875
-[chokes]
-Grandma, let's-- We have company.
650
00:32:00,958 --> 00:32:02,916
Let's eat our eggs before they get cold.
651
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,750
So, Natalie, what was it about Josh
that first caught your eye?
652
00:32:06,916 --> 00:32:08,250
Gee, I mean, um…
653
00:32:08,958 --> 00:32:10,291
I don't even know where to start.
654
00:32:10,375 --> 00:32:14,125
There was just so many
unbelievable things in his profile.
655
00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:19,083
His photos. I took one look at that hair,
that unique physique.
656
00:32:19,166 --> 00:32:21,833
Uh, I mean, that jawline. [scoffs]
657
00:32:21,916 --> 00:32:24,375
I thought to myself,
"It's too good to be true."
658
00:32:24,458 --> 00:32:25,416
Oh no, it's true.
659
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,541
He's gotten more chiseled
in the last couple of years.
660
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:31,166
Oh, but it wasn't just the photos
that ensnared me.
661
00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:33,875
His bio. He's passionate about life,
662
00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,708
loves all things outdoors.
663
00:32:35,791 --> 00:32:38,500
-Oh hey. He mentioned the store.
-[Josh chuckles]
664
00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:41,708
[sniffs] My father started it
50 years ago.
665
00:32:41,791 --> 00:32:44,375
I run it now,
but Josh is one of the salesmen.
666
00:32:44,458 --> 00:32:48,125
-We don't have to talk shop at breakfast.
-Oh, but it's so fascinating.
667
00:32:48,208 --> 00:32:50,500
And all the travel that it must involve.
668
00:32:50,583 --> 00:32:53,083
Well, if you count
lunch runs to Applebee's,
669
00:32:53,166 --> 00:32:54,750
then Josh travels every day.
670
00:32:57,458 --> 00:32:58,583
[Natalie] Applebee's!
671
00:32:59,916 --> 00:33:01,041
Applebee's!
672
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:02,333
Applebee's.
673
00:33:02,416 --> 00:33:05,500
You know, I've been thinking about joining
one of those dating sites.
674
00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:06,875
My friend Darlene
675
00:33:06,958 --> 00:33:10,333
down at Shimmering Pines,
she joined one called Gray Play,
676
00:33:10,416 --> 00:33:13,916
and she has seen more ass
than a church pew.
677
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,041
-Okay, June! Seriously.
-[Josh] Mom.
678
00:33:16,125 --> 00:33:17,416
[Barb] Let's just… [laughs]
679
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:20,500
I could use your expertise
in setting up my profile.
680
00:33:20,583 --> 00:33:21,833
-Oh. Um…
-Yeah.
681
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:22,750
-Okay.
-Sure.
682
00:33:22,833 --> 00:33:26,166
May I see yours?
And can you show me Josh's?
683
00:33:27,333 --> 00:33:29,791
-I didn't bring my phone. It's downstairs.
-Maybe later, Grams.
684
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,750
Yeah. Natalie and I have to head out.
685
00:33:31,833 --> 00:33:35,208
Uh, I'm gonna show her a grand tour
of Lake Placid and the store.
686
00:33:35,291 --> 00:33:37,916
-Oh. That's a great idea. Fun.
-[Josh] Mm-hmm. Yeah.
687
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,833
-[Barb] Take your toast.
-[Bob] Drive carefully.
688
00:33:39,916 --> 00:33:41,000
Oh. Yeah.
689
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:43,250
-Mmm. So good!
-She loves her toast!
690
00:33:43,333 --> 00:33:46,291
["Counting the Days"
by the Crystalairs playing]
691
00:33:47,625 --> 00:33:50,875
♪ Counting the days
Been waiting since last year ♪
692
00:33:50,958 --> 00:33:53,083
Okay. The first thing
you need to know about Tag
693
00:33:53,166 --> 00:33:55,250
is he likes outdoorsy, adventurous women.
694
00:33:55,333 --> 00:33:58,125
Not Instagram models who count carbs.
695
00:33:58,208 --> 00:33:59,416
I don't count carbs.
696
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:00,500
I monitor them.
697
00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:04,041
Sure. Whatever you say.
So, uh, what size are you?
698
00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:07,375
[scoffs] None of your business. Besides,
what's wrong with what I'm wearing?
699
00:34:07,458 --> 00:34:09,416
You wanna look relaxed,
like you don't care.
700
00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:13,208
So go put these on
because Tag is gonna be here any minute.
701
00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:14,125
What?
702
00:34:14,208 --> 00:34:16,833
Yeah, he's got an order come in.
I told him to swing by at 11:00.
703
00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:18,916
-Oh, also, take this.
-Uh. [sighs]
704
00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:23,375
Walden? Are you kidding me?
Thoreau was an asshole.
705
00:34:23,458 --> 00:34:26,416
Pretend you like it
because that's Tag's favorite book.
706
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:30,166
Also! When you're talking to him,
throw in some rock climbing lingo.
707
00:34:30,250 --> 00:34:31,625
He loves that shit.
708
00:34:31,708 --> 00:34:33,166
[store patrons chattering]
709
00:34:33,250 --> 00:34:34,375
[sighs]
710
00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:37,708
♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪
711
00:34:37,791 --> 00:34:40,500
♪ It's the best time of the year ♪
712
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:41,500
[door chimes]
713
00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:43,791
-[Josh] What's up, Tag?
-[Tag] Hey, buddy, how's it going?
714
00:34:43,875 --> 00:34:44,958
[Josh] Hey, man.
715
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:48,041
-[Bob] Is that Tag? Captain America!
-How's it going?
716
00:34:48,125 --> 00:34:50,833
-♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪
-[Bob laughs]
717
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:55,083
-Ooh! Solid as a rock!
-Thank you. It's good to see you, Mr. Lin.
718
00:34:55,166 --> 00:34:58,291
-I hear you got some carabiners for me?
-[Bob] Sure do. They're in the back.
719
00:34:59,291 --> 00:35:02,041
-I want you to meet someone today.
-[Tag] Oh? Okay.
720
00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:02,958
[Josh] Yeah.
721
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,708
-[Tag] Nice stuff. Get some new duds in?
-[Josh] Always.
722
00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:10,500
Tag, I want you to meet my cousin Natalie.
723
00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:13,875
And Natalie, I want you to meet
my old friend Tag.
724
00:35:16,166 --> 00:35:17,375
You two are cousins?
725
00:35:18,708 --> 00:35:20,875
Yeah. Uh. We… Well--
726
00:35:20,958 --> 00:35:24,583
From my stepmom's side, so that would
technically make us step-cousins.
727
00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:25,500
Oh.
728
00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:29,291
A distinction that only really matters
if you're from Alabama.
729
00:35:32,041 --> 00:35:33,541
She's such a joker.
730
00:35:35,416 --> 00:35:36,250
Yeah.
731
00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:38,541
Walden?
732
00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:40,166
Oh.
733
00:35:41,166 --> 00:35:43,666
That's my favorite book.
I reread it every year.
734
00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:45,625
-Really? Wow.
-[Tag] Yeah.
735
00:35:45,708 --> 00:35:47,708
-No way!
-[chuckles] Yeah.
736
00:35:47,791 --> 00:35:49,000
Isn't Thoreau the best?
737
00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:53,458
Well, some people find him
a self-obsessed narcissist,
738
00:35:53,541 --> 00:35:56,666
fanatical about self-control,
not to mention a total hypocrite,
739
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:59,750
but personally, I find him so inspiring.
740
00:36:02,083 --> 00:36:04,708
"Rather than love, than money,
741
00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:06,375
than fame,
742
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,250
give me truth."
743
00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:14,791
[sighs] I'm sorry. It gets me every time.
744
00:36:14,875 --> 00:36:15,833
[chuckles]
745
00:36:16,333 --> 00:36:18,458
If anyone gets it, it's me.
746
00:36:18,541 --> 00:36:19,500
God.
747
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,791
Have we met before?
748
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:25,666
Because you look so familiar.
I… I just can't put my finger on it.
749
00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:28,875
Unlikely. Natalie just flew in
from California this morning.
750
00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:29,791
This morning.
751
00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:32,875
I actually teach a survival course
in Yosemite every summer.
752
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,916
Savage! [clears throat]
753
00:36:35,666 --> 00:36:38,375
-I guess you could say that, yeah.
-I love Yosemite.
754
00:36:38,458 --> 00:36:43,375
It's, uh, I mean, there's some gnar--
like, gnarly climbing there.
755
00:36:43,458 --> 00:36:44,500
You climb?
756
00:36:45,166 --> 00:36:49,250
Me? [scoffs] Do I climb?
I'll climb anything that moves.
757
00:36:51,791 --> 00:36:53,166
I'm an aggro.
758
00:36:53,250 --> 00:36:56,791
-Aggro?
-Yeah, like aggressive. Aggro. [growls]
759
00:36:56,875 --> 00:37:00,750
An aggressive climber.
I climb all kinds of things like
760
00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:05,791
ladders, um, houses, um, trees,
761
00:37:05,875 --> 00:37:06,958
ladders…
762
00:37:08,666 --> 00:37:10,000
Mostly ladders. [chuckles]
763
00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:10,916
That's cool.
764
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,875
Um, a few of us are climbing
at Rock Ventures tomorrow.
765
00:37:13,958 --> 00:37:14,791
Wanna join?
766
00:37:14,875 --> 00:37:16,958
Hell yeah! Let's do it.
767
00:37:17,041 --> 00:37:17,875
-Great.
-Mm-hmm.
768
00:37:17,958 --> 00:37:19,625
-10:00 a.m.?
-Perfect.
769
00:37:19,708 --> 00:37:22,333
Um. Well, hey, it was nice
to meet you, Natalie.
770
00:37:22,416 --> 00:37:24,583
-I'll see you guys at 10:00 a.m.
-See you, bro.
771
00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:26,958
Climb you later! [chuckles]
772
00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,250
Savage?
773
00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:31,708
Gnarly?
774
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,125
Aggro?
775
00:37:33,208 --> 00:37:35,166
You're the one who told me
to look up the lingo!
776
00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,541
Yeah. Real words like
"rappel" and "harness."
777
00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:39,333
You sound like
you got Millennial Tourette's!
778
00:37:39,416 --> 00:37:42,166
Well, you know what?
We've got bigger problems.
779
00:37:42,250 --> 00:37:46,416
I once broke my toe climbing out of bed.
How am I gonna climb a wall?
780
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:50,125
I can teach you right here.
I mean, how bad could you possibly be?
781
00:37:50,625 --> 00:37:51,750
[screaming]
782
00:37:51,833 --> 00:37:54,125
-[Josh] All right. Come down!
-[panting] I can't hold on!
783
00:37:54,208 --> 00:37:57,083
-[laughing] Here. Here. Come on.
-[Natalie whimpering]
784
00:37:57,166 --> 00:37:59,708
[exhales deeply] Sweet baby Jesus.
785
00:38:00,250 --> 00:38:06,958
The key is to not focus on the wall,
but to focus on your first move.
786
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:08,000
Here, look at this.
787
00:38:08,083 --> 00:38:11,166
And then, your second. Okay?
788
00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:13,208
Onto your third.
789
00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:18,083
See, great things are done by a series
of small things brought together.
790
00:38:19,708 --> 00:38:20,833
-[Natalie] Hmm?
-Whew.
791
00:38:20,916 --> 00:38:22,666
That's actually very insightful.
792
00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:25,875
Van Gogh.
Feel free to use it on Tag sometime.
793
00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:27,041
Any questions?
794
00:38:27,125 --> 00:38:28,791
What was he like in high school?
795
00:38:28,875 --> 00:38:30,208
Exactly what you'd expect.
796
00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:34,083
Class president, prom king,
star of the football team.
797
00:38:34,666 --> 00:38:36,458
Why did you stop being friends?
798
00:38:36,541 --> 00:38:38,666
[sighs] Because he got popular.
799
00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:40,583
And you?
800
00:38:41,208 --> 00:38:42,083
Didn't.
801
00:38:43,666 --> 00:38:44,750
[door chimes]
802
00:38:46,208 --> 00:38:47,958
-Go ahead, come on.
-[clears throat]
803
00:38:49,791 --> 00:38:51,708
[exhales] Full disclosure,
804
00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,916
I was kind of a late bloomer too. [grunts]
805
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,791
I find that very hard to believe.
806
00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:00,541
Yeah, well,
If it wasn't for Invisalign and Accutane,
807
00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:02,791
you would not have swiped on me. [grunts]
808
00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:06,458
Well, if it wasn't for Tag's photos,
you wouldn't have swiped on me.
809
00:39:06,541 --> 00:39:08,833
[grunts] How am I doing so far?
810
00:39:08,916 --> 00:39:10,666
-You're actually doing great.
-Yeah?
811
00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:11,916
-Yeah.
-[gasps, screams]
812
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,291
[up-beat pop playing]
813
00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:15,916
-[Natalie] Do you have a hamper?
-[Josh] It's over by the closet.
814
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:16,958
[clears throat]
815
00:39:25,416 --> 00:39:27,875
Is this how you boil your victims?
816
00:39:27,958 --> 00:39:31,166
Careful! Careful! Careful!
That's a wax warmer for candle-making.
817
00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:32,750
It's very expensive.
818
00:39:32,833 --> 00:39:33,750
Okay.
819
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:36,625
Grandma June makes candles?
820
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,458
Yes, it's one of her hobbies.
821
00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:41,625
Josh Lin?
822
00:39:41,708 --> 00:39:43,333
All right, fine, they're mine.
823
00:39:43,416 --> 00:39:47,125
Guys can do things
besides hunt and pay for everything, okay?
824
00:39:47,208 --> 00:39:50,458
Plus, I see this more
as a business than a hobby.
825
00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:52,625
-All right.
-Wait, hey, hey, whoa, whoa!
826
00:39:52,708 --> 00:39:54,875
-Let's see what you got. [grunts]
-Come on!
827
00:39:54,958 --> 00:39:55,916
[straining] Okay.
828
00:39:58,500 --> 00:39:59,333
Oh.
829
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:02,458
You see, candles
are solely marketed to women.
830
00:40:02,541 --> 00:40:05,000
They all smell like flowers and candy
831
00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:08,833
with names like "Sweet Caresses"
or "Shooting Star."
832
00:40:08,916 --> 00:40:11,333
No self-respecting man's gonna buy those,
833
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:13,958
even if his apartment
smells like bong water.
834
00:40:14,041 --> 00:40:18,916
So, I created my own line
of masculine candles
835
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,250
that captures the essence of a dude.
836
00:40:21,333 --> 00:40:24,416
Yeah, I don't see "Compulsive Liar,"
837
00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:27,208
"Left The Toilet Seat Up,"
or "Won't Ask For Directions" in here.
838
00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:29,000
Make all the jokes you want,
839
00:40:29,083 --> 00:40:32,375
but 50 percent of the US candle market
is underserved.
840
00:40:32,458 --> 00:40:34,250
So, then why don't you serve them?
841
00:40:34,333 --> 00:40:36,041
Because a business costs money.
842
00:40:36,125 --> 00:40:39,250
Then ask your dad for a loan.
I feel like he's the target customer.
843
00:40:39,333 --> 00:40:40,625
-Have you met him?
-Yeah.
844
00:40:40,708 --> 00:40:42,833
-The old Asian man upstairs?
-Oh yeah.
845
00:40:42,916 --> 00:40:46,083
[Josh] He's only interested in sporty,
manly things.
846
00:40:46,166 --> 00:40:50,125
Plus, he and my brother
would just tease me about it.
847
00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:53,791
-[Natalie] You have a brother?
-[man] Prodigal son has returned!
848
00:40:54,291 --> 00:40:56,500
-["Macho Man" playing]
-Christmas may now commence!
849
00:40:56,583 --> 00:40:58,666
[sighs] Speak of the devil.
850
00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:02,125
Owen's here! Now it's Christmas!
851
00:41:02,208 --> 00:41:04,125
Is that my baby?
852
00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:07,458
-[Barb] Owen! [laughing]
-Mom! Mm!
853
00:41:07,541 --> 00:41:09,541
-[Bob] Hi, Chelsea!
-[Barb] Merry Christmas, honey.
854
00:41:09,625 --> 00:41:11,458
Merry Christmas. Look at what I got you.
855
00:41:12,041 --> 00:41:14,750
-[Barb] It's so good to see you!
-[Bob] Honey! Wow!
856
00:41:14,833 --> 00:41:16,833
-Wow! Look at you!
-[Chelsea] Merry Christmas!
857
00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,791
You've been lifting those weights
I bought you. Huh? Yeah!
858
00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:23,291
-You've been so busy with the new house!
-Okay. Game face.
859
00:41:23,375 --> 00:41:26,291
[indistinct chattering]
860
00:41:26,375 --> 00:41:27,333
[clears throat]
861
00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:29,958
Hey, Joshy!
862
00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:32,000
-What's going on, bro?
-What's up, Owen?
863
00:41:32,083 --> 00:41:34,541
-Merry Christmas, man. [winces]
-[Owen laughing]
864
00:41:34,625 --> 00:41:36,375
-[Josh laughing]
-[Bob] Wow!
865
00:41:36,458 --> 00:41:38,875
Oh, and, uh, who do we have here?
866
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,125
Oh, this is Natalie.
867
00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:44,708
Oh, is she Grandma's new nurse?
868
00:41:45,291 --> 00:41:48,041
-No.
-Ah! She must be in Mom's new book club.
869
00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:50,916
-No, she is--
-[Owen] Oh shit. Shit. Uh…
870
00:41:51,666 --> 00:41:53,125
Is this another intervention?
871
00:41:53,208 --> 00:41:56,750
No, honey.
Natalie is your brother's girlfriend.
872
00:41:58,416 --> 00:41:59,375
[laughs]
873
00:42:01,291 --> 00:42:03,041
Oh, you're… you're… you're serious.
874
00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,083
Really?
875
00:42:04,166 --> 00:42:05,791
-Really.
-[Josh] Mm-hmm.
876
00:42:05,875 --> 00:42:10,125
Oh! Well, that is awesome.
877
00:42:10,916 --> 00:42:13,750
Yeah, we-- You know,
we were just saying in the car, right?
878
00:42:13,833 --> 00:42:16,708
-We were just talking about it.
-We talked about this for hours.
879
00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,625
-[Chelsea] Yeah. Yeah.
-[Owen] How is Joshy still single?
880
00:42:19,708 --> 00:42:21,833
Yeah, I mean, granted,
he still lives at home,
881
00:42:21,916 --> 00:42:24,333
and the glasses
aren't doing him any favors.
882
00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:25,583
No, they're not.
883
00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:28,583
-I am so pumped about this. Aren't you?
-I'm so pumped.
884
00:42:28,666 --> 00:42:30,916
Oh, we-- This is a Christmas miracle.
885
00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,791
Thank you so much, Natasha.
886
00:42:34,458 --> 00:42:35,500
[scoffs]
887
00:42:35,583 --> 00:42:39,250
You know what?
The pleasure's all mine, Oren.
888
00:42:41,833 --> 00:42:44,750
["O Christmas Tree" by Stuart Roslyn
& Matthew Foundling playing]
889
00:42:44,833 --> 00:42:46,541
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
890
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:48,166
♪ O Christmas tree… ♪
891
00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:50,166
-[Owen] Yeah, I made this!
-[Bob] Yeah.
892
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:52,083
[Owen] It's still in good condition.
893
00:42:52,166 --> 00:42:53,958
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
894
00:42:54,041 --> 00:42:55,416
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
895
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:58,750
Speaking of stocks,
uh, the market has been crazy this year.
896
00:42:58,833 --> 00:42:59,833
-So crazy.
-Yeah.
897
00:42:59,916 --> 00:43:01,750
A lot of guys bet big on China Tire.
898
00:43:01,833 --> 00:43:04,375
They lost everything
except their virginity. [laughing]
899
00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:06,041
[Bob laughing] Hey!
900
00:43:06,125 --> 00:43:09,125
Oh my God.
901
00:43:09,208 --> 00:43:12,833
-[laughing] Look at this. Look at this.
-[Barb gasps] Oh, look at my little guy.
902
00:43:12,916 --> 00:43:14,750
-[Owen] Look at junior jumbo Josh.
-Oh no.
903
00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:17,000
-We don't have to--
-[Owen] Yes! You remember this one?
904
00:43:17,083 --> 00:43:19,500
That is my favorite ornament of all time.
905
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,958
God, you were such a cutie, Josh.
Look at that rat tail. Do you see that?
906
00:43:24,041 --> 00:43:25,416
He was such a cutie!
907
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,041
-Those chubby little cheekies! [chuckles]
-He was eight.
908
00:43:29,125 --> 00:43:32,958
You know, I'm actually super grateful
for my awkward teenage years.
909
00:43:33,041 --> 00:43:35,958
They helped me develop
resilience, empathy.
910
00:43:36,041 --> 00:43:38,750
If it wasn't for that, I'd be,
[pfft] I don't know, uh,
911
00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:42,291
an insensitive,
attention-seeking [inhales deeply] jerk?
912
00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:43,500
[chuckles]
913
00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:46,875
Former chubster, huh?
914
00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:49,416
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
915
00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,041
[Chelsea] Tsk. Aw!
916
00:43:52,416 --> 00:43:53,541
Mm!
917
00:43:55,125 --> 00:43:56,833
-Where does this one go?
-Oh!
918
00:43:56,916 --> 00:44:00,250
That one goes on top of the… the tree.
919
00:44:00,333 --> 00:44:01,750
Um. [chuckles]
920
00:44:02,291 --> 00:44:03,458
I put it up every year.
921
00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:05,833
It's, like, a tradition sort of thing.
It's no big deal.
922
00:44:05,916 --> 00:44:09,083
Actually, I was thinking maybe
Natalie could put it up this year
923
00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:12,500
since it's her first time here,
and she's our guest and all.
924
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,708
Uh, yeah, well, sure. Sure.
925
00:44:14,791 --> 00:44:15,750
[smacks lips]
926
00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:21,916
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
927
00:44:23,041 --> 00:44:25,500
-I think she cut me.
-It's okay, baby. I think she did too.
928
00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:27,541
-[Barb] Hold on to her tight, Josh.
-Oh, I got her.
929
00:44:27,625 --> 00:44:29,541
-[Bob] Careful.
-[Josh] Just right on top there.
930
00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,583
-I'm gonna help her.
-It's okay. Focus on--
931
00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:34,083
-I got it. Oh, look at that.
-[Josh] Perfect!
932
00:44:34,166 --> 00:44:36,041
-It's so crooked.
-It's very crooked.
933
00:44:36,125 --> 00:44:37,541
-Here we go.
-[Barb] Light her up.
934
00:44:37,625 --> 00:44:39,083
I'll come back and fix it.
935
00:44:39,791 --> 00:44:42,208
-[Josh] Whoo!
-[Bob] Merry Christmas!
936
00:44:42,291 --> 00:44:43,458
-[text tone]
-Merry Christmas.
937
00:44:43,541 --> 00:44:44,500
[Owen] Great!
938
00:44:45,458 --> 00:44:48,125
[Barb] Everyone did a great job
on it this year.
939
00:44:48,208 --> 00:44:49,583
[Owen] Except for the star.
940
00:44:49,666 --> 00:44:51,416
-[Josh] Well, especially Natalie.
-[Bob] Yeah.
941
00:44:56,291 --> 00:44:59,541
[Natalie] Owen really likes
being the center of attention, huh?
942
00:44:59,625 --> 00:45:03,250
Likes to be? He has to be. He's a Pisces.
943
00:45:04,166 --> 00:45:07,875
The next time he tries to steal
the spotlight, steal it back.
944
00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,541
-Easier said than done.
-No, I'm serious. Steal it back.
945
00:45:13,541 --> 00:45:16,583
All right. Come on. [exhales]
We gotta go. Don't want to be late.
946
00:45:16,666 --> 00:45:18,375
Tag is fanatically punctual.
947
00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:22,291
So, is the, uh, wall that we're climbing
like the one we climbed at your store?
948
00:45:22,791 --> 00:45:24,416
-Yeah. Pretty much.
-Okay.
949
00:45:29,625 --> 00:45:31,916
Natalie! You coming or what?
950
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,583
Yup. Definitely. Be right there.
951
00:45:35,166 --> 00:45:38,916
-You didn't tell me he was Tom Cruise.
-Oh, I thought you were an aggro.
952
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,916
I can't do this.
953
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,583
-Yes, you can.
-Get this off me.
954
00:45:41,666 --> 00:45:43,208
-Get this off.
-Don't undo that, come on.
955
00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:46,416
-Off! Off! Off! Off! Get this off me. No!
-Just stop. Stop.
956
00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:49,041
Stop. You got this, okay?
957
00:45:49,125 --> 00:45:50,041
Here, look.
958
00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:52,250
Put these in.
959
00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:53,416
What? Why?
960
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,541
It'll help you relax.
And it's your favorite song.
961
00:45:57,291 --> 00:45:59,708
It's gonna help me relax.
Gonna help me relax.
962
00:45:59,791 --> 00:46:02,125
Yeah, it's gonna help me rel-- Oh.
963
00:46:02,208 --> 00:46:04,666
["Don't You (Forget About Me)"
by Simple Minds playing]
964
00:46:04,750 --> 00:46:07,375
Remember, one move at a time.
965
00:46:07,458 --> 00:46:10,583
-What?
-One move at a time!
966
00:46:10,666 --> 00:46:14,208
[chuckles] Thanks, Joshy-poo.
Not my first climb, though, man.
967
00:46:14,291 --> 00:46:15,625
We know, bro!
968
00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,125
♪ Won't you come see about me? ♪
969
00:46:22,208 --> 00:46:24,333
♪ I'll be alone ♪
970
00:46:24,416 --> 00:46:26,541
-♪ Dancing, you know it, baby ♪
-Go get him!
971
00:46:27,125 --> 00:46:30,833
♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪
972
00:46:30,916 --> 00:46:34,791
-♪ Giving everything inside and out and ♪
-[grunting]
973
00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:40,125
-♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
-[grunting] Oh.
974
00:46:41,750 --> 00:46:43,458
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪
975
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:48,166
-♪ Don't you forget about me… ♪
-[grunting] Okay.
976
00:46:48,250 --> 00:46:50,916
[man] Yeah, snap!
[laughing] Hug those jugs!
977
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,666
[Tag] Natalie, kill it! Whoo!
978
00:46:52,750 --> 00:46:54,583
[breathing heavily]
979
00:46:56,958 --> 00:47:03,000
♪ I say
La, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
980
00:47:03,083 --> 00:47:06,791
-♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
-Hah!
981
00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:09,916
-Whoo!
-♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
982
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,125
Yes! [breathing heavily]
983
00:47:12,208 --> 00:47:15,708
I thought you guys said
this was hard… [gasps]
984
00:47:15,791 --> 00:47:18,000
Not bad. Come on down.
985
00:47:19,083 --> 00:47:21,125
[panicking] Um…
986
00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:22,333
Actually, I think, um…
987
00:47:23,250 --> 00:47:26,250
I'm gonna stay up here
and enjoy the view for a little while.
988
00:47:26,333 --> 00:47:27,208
[loud thud]
989
00:47:29,166 --> 00:47:30,083
My turn.
990
00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:31,750
Natalie, what're you doing?
991
00:47:31,833 --> 00:47:33,875
-[man 1] Go get it.
-Watch, you might learn something.
992
00:47:33,958 --> 00:47:34,791
[man 1] Okay, Joshy.
993
00:47:34,875 --> 00:47:36,375
-[man 2] Go hard.
-[Tag] Get it, Joshy!
994
00:47:36,458 --> 00:47:37,583
[man 1] I see you.
995
00:47:37,666 --> 00:47:38,500
[Josh grunting]
996
00:47:40,583 --> 00:47:42,458
-[Josh grunts]
-[Tag] All right, Josh.
997
00:47:43,166 --> 00:47:45,208
[Josh grunting]
998
00:47:45,291 --> 00:47:47,708
Hey. What are you doing?
999
00:47:47,791 --> 00:47:50,625
-The hard part is over. Just rappel down.
-Uh-uh.
1000
00:47:50,708 --> 00:47:52,958
You got through the tough part.
It's nothing.
1001
00:47:53,041 --> 00:47:56,375
Oh God, this is how I die. I'm gonna die.
This is… this is it. This is it for me.
1002
00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:59,458
Okay. Okay. I think I actually know
a trick to get you down,
1003
00:47:59,541 --> 00:48:00,583
but you gotta trust me.
1004
00:48:00,666 --> 00:48:02,166
Trust the guy who catfished me?
1005
00:48:02,250 --> 00:48:04,958
No, trust the guy who got you up here
in the first place.
1006
00:48:05,041 --> 00:48:08,250
Look, I know you're scared,
but you've got this.
1007
00:48:08,333 --> 00:48:09,750
And I've got you.
1008
00:48:10,250 --> 00:48:12,500
Okay? I promise.
1009
00:48:12,583 --> 00:48:14,541
[gentle music playing]
1010
00:48:15,041 --> 00:48:16,000
Come on.
1011
00:48:17,541 --> 00:48:19,416
-Breathe. Breathe.
-[breath trembling]
1012
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:23,750
That was so awesome.
You got all the way up here by yourself.
1013
00:48:25,708 --> 00:48:29,125
-Good. Okay. Stand up.
-[breathing heavily]
1014
00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:31,541
Okay, great.
1015
00:48:34,333 --> 00:48:35,375
[gasps] Oh my God.
1016
00:48:35,458 --> 00:48:38,125
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Don't look backwards.
1017
00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:39,708
-[breath trembling]
-Okay.
1018
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:42,125
-I can't do this, Josh. I can't do this.
-Yes, you can.
1019
00:48:42,208 --> 00:48:45,458
Slowly walk backwards
towards the edge of the wall.
1020
00:48:45,541 --> 00:48:49,458
-What? No. [whimpering] No, Josh.
-Yeah. Come on. You're doing great.
1021
00:48:49,541 --> 00:48:51,291
[panicking] I don't like this.
1022
00:48:51,375 --> 00:48:52,958
-Oh God!
-It's okay. It's okay.
1023
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000
-[Natalie whimpers]
-Now, close your eyes.
1024
00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:57,791
[breathing heavily]
1025
00:48:57,875 --> 00:48:59,250
[Josh] Take a deep breath.
1026
00:49:01,333 --> 00:49:04,250
-[Natalie exhales deeply]
-And release.
1027
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:05,958
[gasps] Oh!
1028
00:49:08,166 --> 00:49:09,750
[breath trembling]
1029
00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:12,583
Whoa!
1030
00:49:12,666 --> 00:49:16,041
Did you just jump?
You really stuck the landing.
1031
00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:19,500
-What, that?
-[Tag chuckles]
1032
00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:21,708
Yeah, you should see me
on a real mountain.
1033
00:49:21,791 --> 00:49:23,416
-[Tag] Well, I'd like that.
-Mm.
1034
00:49:24,375 --> 00:49:27,833
If you're not busy tomorrow morning,
come meet me at Corbin Glen Park.
1035
00:49:27,916 --> 00:49:30,875
9:00 a.m.? And wear something comfortable.
1036
00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:32,375
It's a date.
1037
00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:33,291
All right.
1038
00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:40,791
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
1039
00:49:40,875 --> 00:49:42,666
[Owen] Lin family, let's go!
1040
00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:43,750
♪ Peace on Earth ♪
1041
00:49:43,833 --> 00:49:45,541
♪ And mercy… ♪
1042
00:49:45,625 --> 00:49:49,000
Owen seems psychotically into this.
1043
00:49:49,583 --> 00:49:51,916
-♪ Pray for your mercy! ♪
-♪ Reconcile ♪
1044
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:53,791
-♪ Yeah! ♪
-♪ Reconcile ♪
1045
00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:54,708
♪ Yeah! ♪
1046
00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:57,875
-You have no idea.
-Proud voices! Loud voices! Come on!
1047
00:49:58,541 --> 00:50:03,208
-♪ Late in time behold him come ♪
-♪ Behold him come ♪
1048
00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:06,583
♪ Offspring of a virgin's womb! ♪
1049
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:10,750
♪ Hark the highest, angels sing ♪
1050
00:50:10,833 --> 00:50:13,833
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
1051
00:50:13,916 --> 00:50:15,166
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪
1052
00:50:15,875 --> 00:50:17,916
-Did he just…?
-Yup.
1053
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,500
♪ Ooh, yeah! ♪
1054
00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,625
-♪ Christ the everlasting Lord ♪
-You're off-key, Dad.
1055
00:50:21,708 --> 00:50:22,875
♪ Everlasting Lord! ♪
1056
00:50:22,958 --> 00:50:24,208
How much is too much?
1057
00:50:24,291 --> 00:50:26,000
♪ …the herald angels sing ♪
1058
00:50:26,083 --> 00:50:27,833
Other side, baby. It's your mark.
1059
00:50:27,916 --> 00:50:34,250
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
♪ Oh, Jesus, you're the king ♪
1060
00:50:34,333 --> 00:50:37,166
♪ …angels sing
Hark the herald angels sing ♪
1061
00:50:37,250 --> 00:50:39,375
[Owen] Quick finish, Grandma,
don't mess it up!
1062
00:50:39,458 --> 00:50:42,708
♪ Glory! Son of God! Oh, Jesus! ♪
1063
00:50:42,791 --> 00:50:43,916
Jesus!
1064
00:50:45,958 --> 00:50:49,958
[Owen] Back by popular demand.
Lin family carolers!
1065
00:50:50,041 --> 00:50:53,125
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do we have any more requests?
1066
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:56,250
-"Baby, It's Cold Outside"!
-Yes!
1067
00:50:56,333 --> 00:50:59,666
[Bob] I think we can make that happen.
Who wants to take the duet?
1068
00:50:59,750 --> 00:51:01,541
[Natalie] Big mystery there, Bob.
1069
00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,500
Natalie and I got this one, Dad.
1070
00:51:06,583 --> 00:51:07,750
[Bob] Huh?
1071
00:51:07,833 --> 00:51:09,541
-Wait, what?
-Yup.
1072
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,875
Uh. [laughing nervously]
1073
00:51:12,958 --> 00:51:16,208
Over my cold, dead, lifeless body.
I'm not singing that.
1074
00:51:16,291 --> 00:51:18,541
That is, like,
the sexual assault theme song.
1075
00:51:19,083 --> 00:51:21,666
Hey, bro, why don't you let me
and Chels take this?
1076
00:51:21,750 --> 00:51:23,583
-Yeah.
-[Owen] Don't think she knows the lyrics.
1077
00:51:23,666 --> 00:51:26,291
-I do know them. I just don't--
-She knows the lyrics.
1078
00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:27,416
We're good.
1079
00:51:27,500 --> 00:51:29,583
Josh, I-- [laughing nervously]
1080
00:51:29,666 --> 00:51:31,875
-This is what we're gonna do.
-[Natalie] No!
1081
00:51:31,958 --> 00:51:33,291
You just do your part.
1082
00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:37,708
I will change my lyrics
so the song doesn't sound so, uh, rape-y.
1083
00:51:38,416 --> 00:51:41,250
-[Owen throwing tantrum]
-Fine, let's just get this over with.
1084
00:51:41,333 --> 00:51:43,291
Dad? Hit it.
1085
00:51:44,541 --> 00:51:46,458
["Baby, It's Cold Outside" playing]
1086
00:51:46,541 --> 00:51:48,166
-[Owen grunts]
-[Chelsea screams]
1087
00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:50,250
[Owen] I'm okay. Okay.
1088
00:51:50,958 --> 00:51:52,875
♪ I really can't stay ♪
1089
00:51:52,958 --> 00:51:56,125
♪ No problem there's the door ♪
1090
00:51:56,208 --> 00:52:00,875
-♪ I've got to go away ♪
-♪ I hear ya, say no more ♪
1091
00:52:00,958 --> 00:52:05,541
-♪ This evening has been… ♪
-Totally consensual.
1092
00:52:05,625 --> 00:52:07,708
♪ …so very nice ♪
1093
00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:12,125
♪ I hope you get home safe tonight ♪
1094
00:52:12,208 --> 00:52:17,375
-♪ My mother will start to worry ♪
-♪ Here's my phone, give her a call ♪
1095
00:52:17,458 --> 00:52:22,250
-♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪
-♪ Adíos, say no more ♪
1096
00:52:22,333 --> 00:52:25,000
♪ So really I'd better scurry ♪
1097
00:52:25,083 --> 00:52:29,958
-♪ I've been saying that for a while ♪
-♪ Well, maybe just a half a drink more ♪
1098
00:52:30,041 --> 00:52:32,250
♪ Slow down, that's quite a pour ♪
1099
00:52:32,333 --> 00:52:36,583
-♪ The neighbors might think ♪
-♪ It's just my old friend Troy ♪
1100
00:52:36,666 --> 00:52:41,750
-♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪
-♪ It's just lemon LaCroix ♪
1101
00:52:41,833 --> 00:52:43,958
♪ I wish I knew how ♪
1102
00:52:44,041 --> 00:52:47,541
-To take a hint?
-♪ To break the spell ♪
1103
00:52:47,625 --> 00:52:51,375
♪ Do you know how to spell "farewell"? ♪
1104
00:52:51,458 --> 00:52:56,333
-♪ I ought to say no, no, no ♪
-♪ I'll call you an Uber, they're close ♪
1105
00:52:56,416 --> 00:53:01,083
-♪ At least, I'm gonna say that I tried ♪
-♪ I feel like you're not trying at all ♪
1106
00:53:01,166 --> 00:53:04,666
-♪ I really can't stay ♪
-♪ Well, maybe just go out ♪
1107
00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:11,750
-♪ 'Cause baby, it's cold outside ♪
-♪ Maybe just go outside ♪
1108
00:53:15,666 --> 00:53:17,500
[all cheering, clapping]
1109
00:53:19,833 --> 00:53:23,166
-[Bob] Aw! What a duet! Terrific!
-[Barb] What a beautiful voice, Natalie!
1110
00:53:23,250 --> 00:53:25,708
-Oh no. No, I don't.
-It was wonderful! [laughing]
1111
00:53:25,791 --> 00:53:28,000
Okay, okay.
I think… I think we should tell them.
1112
00:53:28,083 --> 00:53:30,666
-It's time to tell them. Let's tell them.
-I think it's time. Okay.
1113
00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:33,458
-Can I have your attention? Please?
-[Barb] So clever--
1114
00:53:34,916 --> 00:53:39,500
Uh. You know, we… we were gonna wait
to tell everyone the great news, but…
1115
00:53:39,583 --> 00:53:43,500
[chuckles] after hearing all this singing
about babies,
1116
00:53:43,583 --> 00:53:46,458
we just got so darn excited, and, uh,
1117
00:53:46,541 --> 00:53:50,750
[inhales] uh, we just couldn't
keep it to ourselves anymore. Um…
1118
00:53:51,791 --> 00:53:53,250
Mom? Dad?
1119
00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:57,333
-You're gonna be grandparents.
-We're pregnant.
1120
00:53:58,041 --> 00:54:00,250
-[squealing]
-Oh wow!
1121
00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:02,125
Oh, son!
1122
00:54:02,208 --> 00:54:05,791
Oh, come here, come here.
Come on, come on, Grandma.
1123
00:54:05,875 --> 00:54:07,875
[indistinct chattering]
1124
00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:14,541
-[Barb] I'm so proud of you.
-We gotta come up with some names.
1125
00:54:14,625 --> 00:54:15,625
[Owen] Mom!
1126
00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:17,375
This is gonna be so much fun.
1127
00:54:17,458 --> 00:54:20,416
We're gonna do the bedroom,
we're gonna do the nursery room.
1128
00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958
-[indistinct chatter]
-[Barb] Oh my--
1129
00:54:23,041 --> 00:54:25,250
May I have everyone's attention, please?
1130
00:54:25,333 --> 00:54:28,125
May I… may I have
everyone's attention, please?
1131
00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:33,041
Owen and Chelsea,
I just wanna say congratulations.
1132
00:54:33,541 --> 00:54:39,125
Seeing you guys so happy in love
and now pregnant. [chuckles]
1133
00:54:39,208 --> 00:54:41,750
I mean, it's a… it's a dream come true.
1134
00:54:42,333 --> 00:54:44,875
It's a dream
I never dared to have for myself.
1135
00:54:44,958 --> 00:54:47,458
Finding someone
to spend the rest of my life with.
1136
00:54:47,958 --> 00:54:50,291
It just didn't really seem
to be in the cards…
1137
00:54:52,083 --> 00:54:53,291
until I met Natalie.
1138
00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:54,666
Hmm?
1139
00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:58,375
-[Barb gasps]
-[Owen] Oh no.
1140
00:54:58,458 --> 00:54:59,291
[neighbors gasp]
1141
00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:00,541
What are you doing?
1142
00:55:01,583 --> 00:55:02,416
Get up.
1143
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:06,625
Natalie. I… I know we haven't known
each other for that long--
1144
00:55:06,708 --> 00:55:08,291
No, we haven't. We really haven't.
1145
00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:12,833
But you know what they say.
When you know, you know.
1146
00:55:12,916 --> 00:55:16,625
[laughing nervously] I'm serious.
[straining] This is not funny.
1147
00:55:17,416 --> 00:55:18,250
Natalie Bauer.
1148
00:55:18,333 --> 00:55:19,833
Stop it. Get up.
1149
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:21,333
-Will you marry me?
-[Barb gasps]
1150
00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:22,541
Stop--
1151
00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:24,041
He doesn't even have a ring.
1152
00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,833
Yeah, you don't have a ring.
1153
00:55:25,916 --> 00:55:29,333
[whispering] Say yes.
Just say yes. Just say it.
1154
00:55:29,916 --> 00:55:30,750
Jesus Christ.
1155
00:55:30,833 --> 00:55:33,666
You can take mine.
I don't have to be buried with it.
1156
00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:35,250
Oh, thank you, Grandma.
1157
00:55:35,333 --> 00:55:37,125
You're the best!
1158
00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,458
[chuckles nervously]
1159
00:55:38,541 --> 00:55:39,583
Natalie.
1160
00:55:40,458 --> 00:55:41,375
Will you?
1161
00:55:41,458 --> 00:55:43,625
[whispering] Come on.
Everybody's looking at us.
1162
00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:45,291
-Say yes!
-Yes! Yes!
1163
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,000
[Josh whispering] Everyone's looking.
Just say yes.
1164
00:55:49,083 --> 00:55:51,166
We're not getting any younger, dear.
1165
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:53,583
Yes.
1166
00:55:53,666 --> 00:55:55,041
-[all cheering]
-She said yes!
1167
00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:56,625
[Bob] Oh my God!
1168
00:55:58,625 --> 00:56:01,458
-Oh my God.
-[Barb] Oh my goodness!
1169
00:56:01,541 --> 00:56:03,083
Oh, it fits perfect!
1170
00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,541
-[Bob] Oh!
-Oh!
1171
00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:09,041
You're making me the happiest boy--
We're the happiest family in town!
1172
00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:11,833
-[Barb] Welcome to the family, Natalie.
-[Josh] Oh, thank you, Grandma.
1173
00:56:11,916 --> 00:56:14,291
-Oh!
-[Owen] It's crazy!
1174
00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:17,125
[Josh] I'm the happiest man in town.
Thank you. Thank you, everyone.
1175
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:20,291
-[door closes]
-Okay. I… I know you're mad,
1176
00:56:20,375 --> 00:56:22,916
but you told me to stand up for myself,
and… and it worked!
1177
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,708
I told you to stand up,
not get down on one knee!
1178
00:56:25,791 --> 00:56:27,833
This was not part of the plan.
1179
00:56:27,916 --> 00:56:29,875
I'm… I'm sorry.
I got carried away in the moment.
1180
00:56:29,958 --> 00:56:32,458
But if you think about it,
nothing's changed.
1181
00:56:32,541 --> 00:56:34,166
Nothing's changed?
1182
00:56:34,250 --> 00:56:35,958
Your grandma gave me her ring
1183
00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:37,541
[shouting] off of her finger!
1184
00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:39,458
Still, we just gotta
make it through Christmas.
1185
00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:42,166
When you get back to LA,
I just tell them we didn't work out.
1186
00:56:42,250 --> 00:56:45,833
And then I look like the asshole?
Your family is gonna be crushed.
1187
00:56:45,916 --> 00:56:48,500
Don't worry. They're very used
to me disappointing them.
1188
00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:51,208
What about Tag?
I have a date with him tomorrow.
1189
00:56:51,291 --> 00:56:53,375
What if he finds out
I'm engaged to my cousin?
1190
00:56:53,458 --> 00:56:56,166
He won't. I promise you that. Okay?
1191
00:56:56,250 --> 00:56:58,916
Everything will be fine. Just trust me.
1192
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:01,666
Tr… trust you? [scoffs]
1193
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:04,708
That is literally
the one thing that I cannot do!
1194
00:57:05,791 --> 00:57:07,500
[Natalie] I even wore this stupid hat!
1195
00:57:07,583 --> 00:57:10,083
You wanted me to wear a hat.
You're like, "It's cute." It's dumb!
1196
00:57:10,166 --> 00:57:12,666
[door opens] Now I'm apparently
getting married! [door slams]
1197
00:57:12,750 --> 00:57:15,041
-[sighs deeply]
-[Owen] I don't know about this Natalie.
1198
00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:17,875
If she wants to be in our family,
I need to know who she is.
1199
00:57:17,958 --> 00:57:18,833
And I've been,
1200
00:57:18,916 --> 00:57:22,000
[chuckles] I've been searching
for like an hour and nothing.
1201
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:25,458
[clicks tongue] Not being Google-able
is the modern equivalent
1202
00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:28,125
of driving a white,
windowless van by a playground.
1203
00:57:28,875 --> 00:57:31,416
I went to prom in a white windowless van.
1204
00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:33,166
Huh?
1205
00:57:33,791 --> 00:57:35,625
I think you should just let it go.
1206
00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:39,083
I mean, she's not that bad,
and Josh seems really into her.
1207
00:57:39,916 --> 00:57:43,791
Chels, the baby barely has a heartbeat,
let alone ears.
1208
00:57:43,875 --> 00:57:46,291
Music prevents stretch marks, Owen.
1209
00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:47,708
[Kerry] Let me get this straight.
1210
00:57:47,791 --> 00:57:51,041
You're dating the real Tag,
and you're engaged to the fake Tag?
1211
00:57:51,125 --> 00:57:51,958
Correct.
1212
00:57:52,041 --> 00:57:54,958
My God, honey, you are gonna make
a therapist very wealthy one day.
1213
00:57:55,041 --> 00:57:56,666
[Natalie] This isn't funny, Ker!
1214
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,541
I am so screwed!
1215
00:57:58,625 --> 00:58:01,000
[Kerry] All you have to do
is make sure Tag and the Lins
1216
00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:03,541
don't find out anything before Christmas,
and you're golden.
1217
00:58:03,625 --> 00:58:05,416
Just sit back, enjoy it.
1218
00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:06,875
[Natalie] I don't know, Ker.
1219
00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:09,208
I feel like this
is gonna blow up in my face.
1220
00:58:09,291 --> 00:58:11,541
[Kerry] Honey, sometimes blow-ups
can be a good thing.
1221
00:58:11,625 --> 00:58:13,666
You might not always
get the ending you want,
1222
00:58:13,750 --> 00:58:15,416
but you'll get the ending you need.
1223
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,666
-Worst case, you get a free diamond ring.
-[call waiting beeps]
1224
00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:23,583
Oh. Hey… hey, Nat. Sweetie, I love you,
but I gotta go. My sponsor's calling.
1225
00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,500
Bye, sweetie. Love you.
1226
00:58:25,583 --> 00:58:26,416
Hey.
1227
00:58:27,625 --> 00:58:28,458
Kerry?
1228
00:58:30,125 --> 00:58:30,958
[scoffs]
1229
00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:33,708
[shivering]
1230
00:58:34,958 --> 00:58:36,000
[Bob grunts]
1231
00:58:38,291 --> 00:58:39,458
Is everything okay?
1232
00:58:40,125 --> 00:58:44,083
Oh, uh, Natalie,
can you please hand me my… my wrench?
1233
00:58:44,625 --> 00:58:45,916
[clicks tongue] Uh, yeah.
1234
00:58:46,750 --> 00:58:47,833
-Here.
-[Bob] Thanks.
1235
00:58:48,333 --> 00:58:49,166
No problem.
1236
00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:51,500
[grunts] Got it.
1237
00:58:52,333 --> 00:58:53,333
Whew.
1238
00:58:54,291 --> 00:58:56,208
Damn flue always gets stuck.
1239
00:58:57,041 --> 00:58:57,958
[Bob exhales]
1240
00:58:59,125 --> 00:59:01,625
Oh, would you like
to help me with kindling?
1241
00:59:02,416 --> 00:59:03,250
Sure.
1242
00:59:03,750 --> 00:59:05,333
[Bob grunts]
1243
00:59:10,666 --> 00:59:15,291
Just roll it lightly and scrunch.
1244
00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:16,958
[Bob chuckles]
1245
00:59:17,041 --> 00:59:21,041
Yeah, my dad didn't set fires unless
there was an insurance claim involved.
1246
00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:23,208
Who's that?
1247
00:59:23,958 --> 00:59:24,875
Oh.
1248
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,041
Oh, that's my dad.
1249
00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,708
Yeah. He passed a few years ago.
1250
00:59:29,791 --> 00:59:30,916
Oh, I'm…
1251
00:59:31,791 --> 00:59:33,125
-[Bob] Oh.
-I'm sorry.
1252
00:59:34,083 --> 00:59:37,333
You know,
that man loved two things in this world,
1253
00:59:37,416 --> 00:59:39,708
his family and Christmas.
1254
00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:43,166
He used to climb up on the roof
every Christmas Eve and stomp around
1255
00:59:43,250 --> 00:59:45,291
so the boys knew Santa had arrived.
1256
00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:47,791
-He fell off one year and broke his arm.
-[gasps]
1257
00:59:47,875 --> 00:59:52,208
But he told the boys he broke it,
protecting their presents from the Grinch.
1258
00:59:52,291 --> 00:59:53,750
[both laugh]
1259
00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:58,166
He sounds like a great guy.
1260
00:59:58,250 --> 00:59:59,125
Yeah.
1261
01:00:00,375 --> 01:00:01,666
Hey, listen, um…
1262
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,541
I just wanted you to know that
1263
01:00:04,666 --> 01:00:08,000
we're really happy
to have you joining the family.
1264
01:00:12,791 --> 01:00:13,791
[exhales deeply]
1265
01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:17,833
Okay. Well, enough of that. [chuckles]
1266
01:00:17,916 --> 01:00:19,875
Ready to give this bad boy a go?
1267
01:00:20,666 --> 01:00:21,500
Sure.
1268
01:00:21,583 --> 01:00:22,708
[Bob chuckles]
1269
01:00:25,791 --> 01:00:27,625
Oh. Okay. All right.
1270
01:00:28,208 --> 01:00:29,083
[birds squawking]
1271
01:00:29,166 --> 01:00:32,000
[Natalie] This is the most beautiful hike
I've ever been on.
1272
01:00:32,083 --> 01:00:33,458
[Tag] I'm glad you like it.
1273
01:00:33,958 --> 01:00:36,875
I used to come here every day
with my golden retriever, Chewy.
1274
01:00:36,958 --> 01:00:38,666
He passed away last year, actually.
1275
01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,000
-I miss him every day.
-Mm.
1276
01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,166
He would've liked this hike a lot…
1277
01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:44,125
Mm.
1278
01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:46,625
…and you.
1279
01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:54,958
[chuckles]
1280
01:00:55,625 --> 01:00:58,916
This has been nice.
I haven't been on a hike date in years.
1281
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,833
Oh, this is not the date.
It's just a warm-up.
1282
01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:05,875
-You ever been bobsledding before?
-[rumbling]
1283
01:01:07,125 --> 01:01:09,000
I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Josh.
1284
01:01:09,083 --> 01:01:11,333
Okay. You just have to relax.
1285
01:01:11,416 --> 01:01:15,416
Relax? I can't relax. The tension
is the only thing holding me together.
1286
01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:18,041
Put in your AirPods,
and put on some music.
1287
01:01:18,125 --> 01:01:20,041
I don't know if I have them.
1288
01:01:22,291 --> 01:01:25,708
Actually, I think I have
something even better.
1289
01:01:27,958 --> 01:01:30,958
Oh, um, E-Rock says "pass the dutch."
1290
01:01:31,041 --> 01:01:32,291
E-Rock?
1291
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:34,666
When did he get out of jail?
1292
01:01:34,750 --> 01:01:37,458
[Tag whooping]
1293
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:40,333
[screaming] Yeah!
1294
01:01:40,416 --> 01:01:43,458
[continues whooping]
1295
01:01:43,541 --> 01:01:46,083
How are you feeling back there, Natalie?
1296
01:01:46,166 --> 01:01:48,291
[Natalie spacey] Flying high back here.
1297
01:01:49,416 --> 01:01:51,416
[Tag whooping]
1298
01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:54,750
[door closes]
1299
01:01:54,833 --> 01:01:57,375
-[footsteps approaching]
-[Natalie humming]
1300
01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:00,041
[Natalie sighs happily]
1301
01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:02,250
[scoffs] Glad you're not dead.
1302
01:02:02,333 --> 01:02:05,125
Oh! I've never felt more alive!
1303
01:02:06,625 --> 01:02:09,958
Not only did Tag ask me to dinner
tomorrow night,
1304
01:02:10,458 --> 01:02:14,125
but I'm pretty sure I qualified for
the winter Olympics in Beijing. [chuckles]
1305
01:02:14,208 --> 01:02:15,750
Oh!
1306
01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,333
[squeals]
1307
01:02:17,416 --> 01:02:18,958
For the first time,
1308
01:02:19,041 --> 01:02:21,791
I met someone who's as perfect in person
1309
01:02:21,875 --> 01:02:25,166
as they are on paper. [chuckles, moans]
1310
01:02:25,250 --> 01:02:28,791
I hate to break it to you, but Tag
is actually far from being perfect.
1311
01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:32,458
In first grade, he had a lazy eye
and needed to wear an eye patch.
1312
01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:35,125
[scoffs] Why are you being all weird?
1313
01:02:35,916 --> 01:02:38,416
I'm just trying to point out
that in some cultures,
1314
01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:41,458
height and facial symmetry are repulsive.
1315
01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:45,708
[smacks lips] It's a good thing
I'm not part of those cultures.
1316
01:02:45,791 --> 01:02:47,500
Whatcha doin' over here?
1317
01:02:47,583 --> 01:02:49,541
Just mixing some new scents.
1318
01:02:49,625 --> 01:02:51,166
[sniffing] Mmm.
1319
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:54,000
Smells like freshly cut grass.
1320
01:02:54,583 --> 01:02:57,458
-Well, that one's called Lawn Mower.
-[Natalie] Mm.
1321
01:02:58,125 --> 01:02:59,541
[inhales deeply]
1322
01:03:01,708 --> 01:03:04,208
Mmm.
1323
01:03:04,291 --> 01:03:05,416
Getting a feeling.
1324
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,833
Bear with me. Um… [sniffs]
1325
01:03:07,916 --> 01:03:12,416
It's like a-- You know those [chuckles]
blue-collar mechanics guys
1326
01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:16,083
with the tight shirts,
that put in a hard day's work?
1327
01:03:16,166 --> 01:03:17,875
Jiffy Lube is what I'm calling it.
1328
01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:22,208
[smacks lips] You might want to rethink
the names, but you did nail the scents.
1329
01:03:22,291 --> 01:03:23,875
Oh, sorry, that's just for me.
1330
01:03:23,958 --> 01:03:27,000
Ooh. Yeah, well, looks like now
it's just for me.
1331
01:03:27,083 --> 01:03:28,375
[sniffing] Mmm!
1332
01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:31,125
Eucalyptus. I love eucalyptus.
1333
01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,500
And Old Spice.
1334
01:03:33,583 --> 01:03:37,791
And there's, like,
a tiny little tinge of, hmm… gasoline?
1335
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,208
What is this one?
1336
01:03:40,791 --> 01:03:41,791
Grandpa.
1337
01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:46,625
I started making candles
because of him in the first place.
1338
01:03:47,250 --> 01:03:50,125
You know they say a scent
can make a memory come alive.
1339
01:03:51,166 --> 01:03:52,333
So I made one of him.
1340
01:03:53,291 --> 01:03:54,208
It's lame, I know.
1341
01:03:55,625 --> 01:03:56,541
No.
1342
01:03:57,583 --> 01:03:58,708
It's not lame.
1343
01:04:00,041 --> 01:04:02,041
[soft piano music playing]
1344
01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:06,500
It's actually really sweet.
1345
01:04:12,375 --> 01:04:14,583
[Barb] Hey, guys,
the movie's about to start!
1346
01:04:14,666 --> 01:04:16,041
[exhales] What movie?
1347
01:04:16,666 --> 01:04:18,791
The greatest Christmas movie of all time.
1348
01:04:20,166 --> 01:04:22,625
["Silent Night" playing]
1349
01:04:23,500 --> 01:04:24,833
It's carol singers.
1350
01:04:24,916 --> 01:04:27,083
♪ Holy night ♪
1351
01:04:29,583 --> 01:04:31,125
[Grandma] I've seen him in something.
1352
01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,333
He's from Game of Thrones.
1353
01:04:35,208 --> 01:04:37,125
No, he's from that zombie show.
1354
01:04:37,208 --> 01:04:38,583
Walking Dead.
1355
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:40,750
Ew. I hated that documentary.
1356
01:04:40,833 --> 01:04:42,833
Guys, come on. This is my favorite part.
1357
01:04:42,916 --> 01:04:46,500
♪ …Mother and Child ♪
1358
01:04:46,583 --> 01:04:47,666
Oh shoot.
1359
01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:51,333
-♪ Holy infant so… ♪
-[gasps] Oh!
1360
01:04:51,416 --> 01:04:55,375
Oh, look! It's going to print!
Little lovebirds.
1361
01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:58,875
Your engagement announcement.
It's gonna be in the Gazette tomorrow.
1362
01:05:00,083 --> 01:05:01,583
["Blood On My Hands" playing]
1363
01:05:01,666 --> 01:05:05,291
♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪
1364
01:05:07,041 --> 01:05:10,416
♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪
1365
01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:12,541
-[dog barking]
-[Natalie laughing]
1366
01:05:12,625 --> 01:05:15,958
-♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪
-[car remote beeping]
1367
01:05:16,041 --> 01:05:18,125
♪ Say you wanna ride, better buckle up ♪
1368
01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:20,500
-♪ Yeah, you say you ride or die… ♪
-[Josh] Get in! Get in!
1369
01:05:20,583 --> 01:05:23,541
♪ Yeah, you really 'bouta lie
Pump, pump it up ♪
1370
01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:24,583
♪ Cuz we been… ♪
1371
01:05:24,666 --> 01:05:26,541
You can run, but you can't hide!
1372
01:05:26,625 --> 01:05:27,791
♪ Say you wanna ride… ♪
1373
01:05:27,875 --> 01:05:29,875
Oh shit. Stay down. Stay down.
1374
01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:32,833
♪ God damn, I got blood on my hands ♪
1375
01:05:32,916 --> 01:05:35,041
-[panting] He's gone.
-Are you sure?
1376
01:05:38,625 --> 01:05:42,083
I'm pretty sure that paperboy
is gonna get fired over this.
1377
01:05:42,166 --> 01:05:45,333
-I'll give him a job at the store.
-Oh, well, I hope he likes to travel.
1378
01:05:45,416 --> 01:05:47,500
-That's an upgrade, I'd say.
-[chuckles]
1379
01:05:47,583 --> 01:05:50,666
[Josh] Okay. This is the last street.
I think we got all of it.
1380
01:05:50,750 --> 01:05:52,625
Oh my God. [laughing]
1381
01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:55,416
I mean, I… I look like a deer
in the headlights in this photo.
1382
01:05:55,500 --> 01:05:58,625
-[Josh] No, you don't. [breathing heavily]
-Yes, I do.
1383
01:05:58,708 --> 01:06:00,625
It's a pretty decent photo of you, though.
1384
01:06:00,708 --> 01:06:02,125
Look at that.
1385
01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:04,041
Probably the only one in existence.
1386
01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:06,083
[scoffs] Come on, Josh.
1387
01:06:06,166 --> 01:06:08,541
I know a lot of girls
who'd be very into you.
1388
01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,708
Well, they're definitely not
on FlirtAlert.
1389
01:06:15,375 --> 01:06:18,041
Do you still have
your original profile photos?
1390
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:21,416
-Oh my God, you do.
-No.
1391
01:06:21,500 --> 01:06:22,416
Come on, show me.
1392
01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,625
-I deleted the whole thing.
-[Natalie] No, you didn't.
1393
01:06:24,708 --> 01:06:25,625
Please?
1394
01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:27,125
-No. No.
-I know you. I know you.
1395
01:06:27,208 --> 01:06:29,041
-Okay. Okay.
-Show me the photos!
1396
01:06:29,125 --> 01:06:31,291
[Josh exhales, sighs]
1397
01:06:33,958 --> 01:06:35,083
[giggles]
1398
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,416
Dude. You're holding an ax.
You literally look like an ax murderer.
1399
01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:42,916
I was going for, like, a rugged look.
1400
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:43,833
Okay.
1401
01:06:44,541 --> 01:06:45,375
[Natalie chuckles]
1402
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:49,458
What? Who doesn't like a bathroom selfie?
I looked kind of cut that day. Look.
1403
01:06:49,541 --> 01:06:52,833
No one loves a bathroom selfie!
Also, why are you holding a wrench?
1404
01:06:52,916 --> 01:06:56,583
I was fixing the toilet downstairs.
Girls like guys who fix things.
1405
01:06:58,166 --> 01:06:59,125
[Natalie snickers]
1406
01:06:59,625 --> 01:07:00,458
[Josh] What?
1407
01:07:00,541 --> 01:07:02,666
Okay, okay. Come here. Come here.
1408
01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:07,250
Let's recap for a second. You're holding
a wrench, an ax, and some rope.
1409
01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:09,125
Were you actually trying
to find a girlfriend
1410
01:07:09,208 --> 01:07:11,458
or the person who murdered Colonel Mustard
in the library?
1411
01:07:13,833 --> 01:07:18,125
No wonder you only got three matches.
You were hiding your strengths.
1412
01:07:18,750 --> 01:07:20,666
And what strengths are those?
1413
01:07:22,375 --> 01:07:23,875
Well. [clears throat]
1414
01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:27,875
For one, you have very nice eyes.
1415
01:07:29,416 --> 01:07:31,250
You gotta show those puppies off.
1416
01:07:34,583 --> 01:07:35,875
And those teeth.
1417
01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:39,250
You have really straight teeth.
1418
01:07:40,250 --> 01:07:42,083
They're freakishly straight.
1419
01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:43,583
Well, five years of braces.
1420
01:07:43,666 --> 01:07:45,875
-So then smile more!
-[touching music playing]
1421
01:07:45,958 --> 01:07:47,041
[sighs]
1422
01:07:47,125 --> 01:07:48,875
There you go. [chuckles]
1423
01:07:48,958 --> 01:07:50,500
-[laughing]
-There it is.
1424
01:07:51,541 --> 01:07:53,666
I'm kidding. [giggles]
1425
01:07:54,541 --> 01:07:58,541
But more importantly,
you're a good guy, Josh.
1426
01:08:00,875 --> 01:08:03,208
Well, I don't know how
to show that in a photo.
1427
01:08:04,916 --> 01:08:08,458
Well, for starters,
you have to believe that it's true.
1428
01:08:09,458 --> 01:08:10,666
And then, once you do,
1429
01:08:11,541 --> 01:08:12,791
trust me,
1430
01:08:13,666 --> 01:08:14,625
it'll show.
1431
01:08:16,333 --> 01:08:18,333
[touching music continues]
1432
01:08:21,791 --> 01:08:23,875
Promise me that when this is all over,
1433
01:08:25,083 --> 01:08:28,041
you'll put up an honest profile
with real photos
1434
01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:29,333
that show the real you.
1435
01:08:32,625 --> 01:08:33,625
I promise.
1436
01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:40,458
-[knocking on window]
-I know you're in there, you mofos.
1437
01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:41,541
I can see the steam!
1438
01:08:41,625 --> 01:08:43,125
Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!
1439
01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:48,125
Sure you don't want to stay the night?
We're making a gingerbread house.
1440
01:08:48,208 --> 01:08:50,166
[Natalie] I told Tag
I'd meet him at eight.
1441
01:08:50,750 --> 01:08:51,625
Hmm.
1442
01:08:51,708 --> 01:08:53,541
[Natalie] Okay. So?
1443
01:08:54,916 --> 01:08:55,875
What do you think?
1444
01:08:58,208 --> 01:08:59,166
Wow.
1445
01:08:59,250 --> 01:09:02,625
I know. I-- It's the best
I could find in your mom's closet.
1446
01:09:02,708 --> 01:09:06,291
But I did have to make a couple
of alterations. I hope she doesn't mind.
1447
01:09:06,916 --> 01:09:08,583
No. You look…
1448
01:09:11,208 --> 01:09:12,083
perfect.
1449
01:09:12,166 --> 01:09:13,666
[scoffs] Okay.
1450
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:15,250
No need to oversell it.
1451
01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:24,875
-So, where are you guys going tonight?
-[smacks lips] Um… Abbott's, I think.
1452
01:09:24,958 --> 01:09:28,208
-You know that's a steakhouse, right?
-Yeah. His parents own it.
1453
01:09:28,291 --> 01:09:30,083
Right, and you're vegetarian,
1454
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:32,250
but Tag's a real
meat-and-potatoes type of guy,
1455
01:09:32,333 --> 01:09:34,166
and he likes his girls the same way.
1456
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:37,250
Okay, so I'll eat a potato.
1457
01:09:38,625 --> 01:09:41,000
Worst case, maybe I'll have a little meat.
1458
01:09:41,666 --> 01:09:44,333
Yeah, don't you think
this is going a little too far?
1459
01:09:45,666 --> 01:09:46,541
No.
1460
01:09:46,625 --> 01:09:50,125
Okay. Pretending to like rock climbing
or a book, that's one thing.
1461
01:09:50,208 --> 01:09:52,083
But now you're compromising your beliefs.
1462
01:09:52,166 --> 01:09:56,208
Okay, relax. It's not like
I'm opening up a slaughterhouse.
1463
01:09:56,291 --> 01:10:01,250
Well, it's meat today, but then
what are you going to lie about tomorrow?
1464
01:10:02,125 --> 01:10:04,375
I'm… I'm sorry. [scoffs] Lie?
1465
01:10:05,291 --> 01:10:09,250
Let's not forget the only reason I'm here
is because you lied.
1466
01:10:09,333 --> 01:10:11,375
-I lied about a photo.
-[Natalie] No.
1467
01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:15,083
You hid behind a photo.
You lied about your identity.
1468
01:10:15,833 --> 01:10:17,000
But it was still me.
1469
01:10:17,750 --> 01:10:20,750
Every conversation we had,
every text we exchanged,
1470
01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,208
every laugh we shared.
1471
01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:24,000
It was me.
1472
01:10:24,666 --> 01:10:26,041
You liked me.
1473
01:10:26,666 --> 01:10:27,958
And you like me so much,
1474
01:10:28,041 --> 01:10:31,708
you flew across the country
to surprise me for Christmas.
1475
01:10:31,791 --> 01:10:33,583
You're right. I liked you.
1476
01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:35,583
But you were a lie.
1477
01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:37,208
A piece of fiction.
1478
01:10:49,166 --> 01:10:50,333
[inhales]
1479
01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:54,833
[soft music playing]
1480
01:11:05,333 --> 01:11:07,750
Good evening. Any questions on the menu?
1481
01:11:07,833 --> 01:11:09,583
I will have the porterhouse.
1482
01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,666
And how would you like that cooked?
1483
01:11:11,750 --> 01:11:15,208
You know me. So rare,
a good vet could bring it back to life.
1484
01:11:15,291 --> 01:11:18,000
[laughing uncomfortably]
1485
01:11:18,791 --> 01:11:22,041
[Barb] Josh, I'm sorry that Natalie
couldn't be with us tonight.
1486
01:11:22,125 --> 01:11:23,041
Where is she?
1487
01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:25,000
Uh, Abbott's.
1488
01:11:26,125 --> 01:11:27,500
[Grandma] What's she doing there?
1489
01:11:28,333 --> 01:11:32,833
Uh, she's just… uh… uh… sampling
the menu, uh, for the wedding meal.
1490
01:11:32,916 --> 01:11:34,166
[Grandma, Barb] Mm.
1491
01:11:34,250 --> 01:11:36,375
Isn't that something you do together?
1492
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:39,625
No, it doesn't matter what I like.
1493
01:11:39,708 --> 01:11:42,416
You know,
as long as she's happy, I'm happy.
1494
01:11:44,875 --> 01:11:46,875
Ah crap. I'm out of Twizzlers.
1495
01:11:46,958 --> 01:11:49,958
How can I build my beautiful roof
without Twizzlers?
1496
01:11:50,041 --> 01:11:51,583
I'm gonna head to the store real quick.
1497
01:11:51,666 --> 01:11:54,958
Uh, and I'll be right back.
Anyone need anything? No? No? Okay.
1498
01:11:58,875 --> 01:12:00,916
So, um, what do you think of the place?
1499
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:03,166
[smacks lips, sighs]
It's really something.
1500
01:12:03,791 --> 01:12:06,750
You can see Bambi
without actually going to Disney World.
1501
01:12:06,833 --> 01:12:08,375
You know, I shot that one, actually.
1502
01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,916
-Wow.
-Yeah.
1503
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:13,958
["Santa Knows Your Secrets"
by Night Heart playing]
1504
01:12:14,041 --> 01:12:16,583
♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪
1505
01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:22,333
♪ Santa knows your secrets ♪
1506
01:12:24,625 --> 01:12:29,208
[Tag] Okay, so you like pizza,
rock climbing, and Thoreau.
1507
01:12:29,291 --> 01:12:30,875
-Mm-hmm.
-[Tag] What else do you like?
1508
01:12:30,958 --> 01:12:33,083
[smacks lips] Movies.
1509
01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:34,708
Specifically, Die Hard.
1510
01:12:34,791 --> 01:12:38,125
It is the greatest Christmas movie
of all time.
1511
01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:42,416
Well, cheers to that.
1512
01:12:46,958 --> 01:12:48,375
[Natalie] I totally love Christmas,
1513
01:12:48,458 --> 01:12:50,875
but Santa's actually kind of creepy
when you think about it.
1514
01:12:50,958 --> 01:12:53,291
He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
1515
01:12:53,375 --> 01:12:55,958
He always makes you sit on his lap.
1516
01:12:56,041 --> 01:12:57,958
Yep. Totally agree.
1517
01:12:58,041 --> 01:13:00,958
I mean, that guy is everything
that's wrong with Christmas.
1518
01:13:01,041 --> 01:13:02,833
It's pretty much why I don't celebrate it.
1519
01:13:02,916 --> 01:13:05,083
[laughing]
1520
01:13:06,625 --> 01:13:09,458
Oh, you're serious?
You don't celebrate Christmas?
1521
01:13:09,541 --> 01:13:10,375
No.
1522
01:13:10,916 --> 01:13:12,125
Stopped three years ago.
1523
01:13:13,125 --> 01:13:16,333
-Why?
-Because it's a total scam.
1524
01:13:16,916 --> 01:13:17,875
Okay.
1525
01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:20,041
Really? [softly] Okay.
1526
01:13:20,875 --> 01:13:22,750
[Natalie] Oh, uh, don't pull up
to the house.
1527
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:24,291
-Everyone's sleeping.
-[Tag] Okay.
1528
01:13:24,375 --> 01:13:26,958
[Natalie] No offense,
but your car is a little loud.
1529
01:13:27,875 --> 01:13:29,000
[Tag scoffs]
1530
01:13:30,041 --> 01:13:30,916
Okay.
1531
01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:33,583
Well, I had a really nice evening.
1532
01:13:34,750 --> 01:13:35,750
I did too.
1533
01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:37,833
Thank you.
1534
01:13:55,333 --> 01:13:57,500
Thank you. Um…
1535
01:13:58,833 --> 01:13:59,666
Good night.
1536
01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:01,666
Good night.
1537
01:14:04,416 --> 01:14:05,500
[door closes]
1538
01:14:06,625 --> 01:14:08,916
[engine revving]
1539
01:14:14,416 --> 01:14:15,500
[sighs]
1540
01:14:17,125 --> 01:14:18,916
[soft guitar strumming]
1541
01:14:39,375 --> 01:14:40,625
[Natalie groaning]
1542
01:14:41,833 --> 01:14:43,250
There's cereal in there.
1543
01:14:48,125 --> 01:14:51,250
Hey, Josh, listen.
About what I said last night, I--
1544
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:53,125
Look, you don't have to say anything.
1545
01:14:53,208 --> 01:14:54,541
No, I want to.
1546
01:14:55,375 --> 01:14:56,916
-[Grandma] Hey, kids.
-I shouldn't have--
1547
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:00,166
I need your help.
Go get dressed, and meet me at the car.
1548
01:15:00,250 --> 01:15:01,208
Where are we going?
1549
01:15:01,750 --> 01:15:03,041
Shimmering Pines.
1550
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:07,375
Come on, Grandma. Just ask Mom to help.
Okay? She loves that place.
1551
01:15:07,458 --> 01:15:09,708
I don't need your mom. I need you.
1552
01:15:09,791 --> 01:15:10,958
[chattering]
1553
01:15:11,041 --> 01:15:14,500
We're starting now.
We're going to start now, everyone.
1554
01:15:14,583 --> 01:15:16,750
We're going to be starting now.
1555
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,666
Many of you've expressed
interest in online dating.
1556
01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:23,208
Well, I've brought you two experts.
1557
01:15:23,291 --> 01:15:28,125
My grandson, Josh,
and his fiancée Natalie.
1558
01:15:28,208 --> 01:15:29,458
[woman] Oh.
1559
01:15:29,541 --> 01:15:33,166
They actually met online
and now are engaged.
1560
01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:34,250
[group exclaiming]
1561
01:15:34,333 --> 01:15:37,000
[Grandma] So, who better to come
and talk to you about
1562
01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:39,333
the dos and don'ts of online dating?
1563
01:15:40,416 --> 01:15:41,916
Any questions?
1564
01:15:42,500 --> 01:15:43,833
How do I make it clear
1565
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:46,541
that I'm not looking
for anything long-term?
1566
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:47,583
[group] Yeah.
1567
01:15:47,666 --> 01:15:50,000
Um… I… I think that might be implied.
1568
01:15:50,083 --> 01:15:54,208
Do I have to mention my Parkinson's?
1569
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:57,333
I think being honest
is always a good idea.
1570
01:15:57,416 --> 01:16:01,416
-[woman] Oh.
-What if I spruce it up just a little bit?
1571
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:04,458
Instead of "has Parkinson's,"
1572
01:16:04,541 --> 01:16:06,291
I go with, uh,
1573
01:16:07,291 --> 01:16:08,833
"Always on the move."
1574
01:16:08,916 --> 01:16:11,333
-[group chuckling]
-Ooh, that's a good idea! I like that.
1575
01:16:11,416 --> 01:16:14,166
I want to avoid mentioning
that I'm in a wheelchair.
1576
01:16:14,250 --> 01:16:17,958
Then just change it.
Say, "I enjoy rolling with my homies."
1577
01:16:18,041 --> 01:16:20,083
-Yeah! That's good.
-Oh, that sounds really good!
1578
01:16:20,166 --> 01:16:22,583
Guys, I… I think you guys
got the wrong idea.
1579
01:16:22,666 --> 01:16:26,875
And will the fact that I live
in a nursing home turn off a lot of men?
1580
01:16:26,958 --> 01:16:29,000
-[Josh] Uh.
-Not necessarily.
1581
01:16:29,083 --> 01:16:32,041
Just say, "Into the group thing."
1582
01:16:32,125 --> 01:16:33,583
[group exclaiming]
1583
01:16:33,666 --> 01:16:38,583
And then Hank there
would prefer staying in over going out.
1584
01:16:38,666 --> 01:16:41,500
[group laughing, chattering]
1585
01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:46,708
Stop. Stop.
[spluttering] Everyone just stop.
1586
01:16:46,791 --> 01:16:48,041
[group quiets]
1587
01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,583
[Josh] I… I get it.
1588
01:16:50,666 --> 01:16:53,125
I… I really, really do.
1589
01:16:54,166 --> 01:16:56,125
You wanna put your best foot forward.
1590
01:16:57,208 --> 01:17:01,083
You lived a full, vibrant life,
and you're a good person.
1591
01:17:01,666 --> 01:17:04,500
Traveled the world, fought in a war.
1592
01:17:05,083 --> 01:17:07,083
And Gladys, you met Sinatra.
1593
01:17:07,166 --> 01:17:09,500
I heard about your night at the Flamingo.
1594
01:17:09,583 --> 01:17:10,416
[sighs]
1595
01:17:11,333 --> 01:17:16,833
But then the insecurities creep in,
and you start with a slight exaggeration.
1596
01:17:18,041 --> 01:17:20,666
Still you, just a shinier version.
1597
01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:23,458
But… you like it.
1598
01:17:24,666 --> 01:17:26,833
So you tweak it just a little more
1599
01:17:28,375 --> 01:17:32,291
until the real you, which was probably
pretty great to begin with,
1600
01:17:33,291 --> 01:17:35,333
is unrecognizable.
1601
01:17:35,833 --> 01:17:37,333
[somber music playing]
1602
01:17:38,166 --> 01:17:39,250
But here's the thing.
1603
01:17:40,833 --> 01:17:42,500
You're not just fooling yourself.
1604
01:17:43,666 --> 01:17:46,666
There's someone else
on the other side of that lie
1605
01:17:47,416 --> 01:17:51,000
falling in love with a version of you
that doesn't exist.
1606
01:17:52,875 --> 01:17:54,750
And that's not fair
1607
01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:58,833
because the only way it ends for them
is disappointment.
1608
01:17:59,833 --> 01:18:01,458
And the only way it ends for you
1609
01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:03,833
is heartbreak.
1610
01:18:07,875 --> 01:18:09,833
If I've learned anything,
1611
01:18:09,916 --> 01:18:12,791
it's that love doesn't have to be perfect.
1612
01:18:14,375 --> 01:18:15,958
It just has to be honest.
1613
01:18:23,583 --> 01:18:27,625
-Is "curvy" spelled with a Y or an EY?
-[man] There's no E.
1614
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:32,125
[indistinct chattering]
1615
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:40,500
I guess I never realized.
I was so busy being mad at you
1616
01:18:40,583 --> 01:18:44,333
that I… I never stopped to think
about why you actually did it.
1617
01:18:44,416 --> 01:18:45,833
Look. Natalie,
1618
01:18:45,916 --> 01:18:48,458
the… the why doesn't even matter anymore.
1619
01:18:48,541 --> 01:18:51,708
It was wrong. I shouldn't have asked you
to lie in the first place.
1620
01:18:51,791 --> 01:18:55,333
And I'm just gonna go to my family
and come clean with everything.
1621
01:18:55,416 --> 01:18:58,083
Wait, what? No.
No, no, no, no. You can't do that.
1622
01:18:58,166 --> 01:19:00,541
Josh, this isn't all your fault. I mean…
1623
01:19:01,958 --> 01:19:04,250
Besides, a deal's a deal.
We've made it this far.
1624
01:19:04,333 --> 01:19:08,291
It's only two days till Christmas.
Let's stage a breakup like we planned.
1625
01:19:08,958 --> 01:19:10,500
Don't worry, I'll sell it.
1626
01:19:11,083 --> 01:19:13,000
I don't know. It… it doesn't feel right.
1627
01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:16,166
Grandma, the car's that way!
1628
01:19:16,791 --> 01:19:18,750
Grandma! That's the wrong way!
1629
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:20,125
Wait up!
1630
01:19:20,875 --> 01:19:23,083
Grandma, where are you going?
1631
01:19:24,666 --> 01:19:28,416
-[woman whispers] Here they come.
-[all] Surprise!
1632
01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:31,291
[Owen] Hey, guys!
1633
01:19:32,666 --> 01:19:36,916
Oh, we are so excited
to have you join the family!
1634
01:19:37,541 --> 01:19:38,458
[exhales]
1635
01:19:39,166 --> 01:19:43,625
Your parents threw us
a surprise engagement party? Here?
1636
01:19:43,708 --> 01:19:45,750
Yeah. Not ideal.
1637
01:19:47,333 --> 01:19:48,625
[Bob] Let's party!
1638
01:19:51,416 --> 01:19:52,791
-Hi.
-Hey.
1639
01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:54,125
What are you doing here?
1640
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:57,833
Your aunt asked if we could throw
a surprise engagement party for Josh here.
1641
01:19:57,916 --> 01:19:59,875
-I figured it's the least I could do.
-Oh.
1642
01:19:59,958 --> 01:20:02,041
Where's the bride-to-be anyway?
I haven't met her yet.
1643
01:20:02,125 --> 01:20:03,458
She's doing the rounds.
1644
01:20:03,541 --> 01:20:06,583
-Congratulations, dear.
-Thank you. You look hungry.
1645
01:20:06,666 --> 01:20:08,500
Why did he just congratulate you?
1646
01:20:08,583 --> 01:20:11,500
-Oh. You didn't hear?
-Uh-uh.
1647
01:20:11,583 --> 01:20:14,541
I was the millionth customer
at the Supermart. Hmm.
1648
01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,458
-Huh?
-Free non-perishables for life.
1649
01:20:16,541 --> 01:20:17,625
-Wow!
-Yeah, lucky me!
1650
01:20:17,708 --> 01:20:20,291
-I know a great charity that--
-Do you know where the coat check is?
1651
01:20:20,375 --> 01:20:22,666
-Yeah. Oh, okay. Uh-huh.
-Do you mind taking that for me?
1652
01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:24,958
-Thank you so much.
-You… you look great, by the way.
1653
01:20:25,041 --> 01:20:27,250
Thanks. [sighs]
1654
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,208
Hors d'oeuvres?
1655
01:20:30,291 --> 01:20:32,750
[Eric] J-Dog! Congrats, my man!
1656
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:37,000
E-Rock! My mom really did invite
everybody in town. Huh?
1657
01:20:37,083 --> 01:20:41,125
Well, actually, I was just dropping off
your, uh, your lady's suitcase.
1658
01:20:41,208 --> 01:20:44,250
There's so much nice underwear in there.
You're a lucky guy.
1659
01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,666
I gotta say I'm surprised. [clears throat]
1660
01:20:48,750 --> 01:20:49,791
Lee?
1661
01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:53,625
-I didn't think it was gonna work out.
-How… how… are you here?
1662
01:20:53,708 --> 01:20:56,208
Duh, first class, honey.
I'm not a peasant.
1663
01:20:56,291 --> 01:20:57,500
No, I… I mean, um--
1664
01:20:57,583 --> 01:21:00,416
Listen, you're not the only one
that can stalk people on the internet.
1665
01:21:00,500 --> 01:21:05,000
I found out about this little soirée
courtesy of Barb's Facebook page. Hello!
1666
01:21:05,083 --> 01:21:07,500
[breathing heavily]
1667
01:21:08,958 --> 01:21:10,583
Hey, how's it going?
1668
01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:13,208
So, Tag and Lee are here.
1669
01:21:13,291 --> 01:21:16,458
-Lee? Are you dating two guys now?
-No, he's my boss.
1670
01:21:16,541 --> 01:21:18,250
What? Why is he here?
1671
01:21:18,333 --> 01:21:19,583
Because God hates me.
1672
01:21:21,583 --> 01:21:23,083
Glenlivet 12, neat.
1673
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:25,666
That's a man who knows how to drink.
1674
01:21:26,250 --> 01:21:29,791
Just act natural. We'll figure a way out.
We just got to stick together. Okay?
1675
01:21:29,875 --> 01:21:32,750
Hey, babe.
I want to introduce you to my parents.
1676
01:21:32,833 --> 01:21:33,833
I'm out.
1677
01:21:33,916 --> 01:21:35,458
What brings you here?
1678
01:21:35,541 --> 01:21:36,875
I'm Natalie's boss.
1679
01:21:38,375 --> 01:21:39,666
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.
1680
01:21:40,291 --> 01:21:41,166
Tell me more.
1681
01:21:41,250 --> 01:21:43,416
Mom, Dad, this is Natalie.
1682
01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:44,416
-Hello.
-Hi.
1683
01:21:44,500 --> 01:21:46,208
-Hi.
-Tag's told us so much about you.
1684
01:21:46,291 --> 01:21:48,666
He never says anything
about his girlfriends, so…
1685
01:21:48,750 --> 01:21:49,833
Dad, come on.
1686
01:21:49,916 --> 01:21:52,958
Girlfriend. Wow.
It's… it's so, so nice to meet you.
1687
01:21:53,041 --> 01:21:56,166
[breathlessly] I think I'm just gonna
go use the ladies' room.
1688
01:21:57,458 --> 01:21:59,291
Hey, not so fast. We need to talk.
1689
01:21:59,375 --> 01:22:02,333
-I'm kind of busy, Owen.
-Oh, talking to your lover, Tag?
1690
01:22:02,416 --> 01:22:06,416
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw you two
here last night looking pretty damn cozy.
1691
01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:08,875
Okay, it's not… it's not what you think.
1692
01:22:08,958 --> 01:22:11,708
Ah, that's funny,
because I didn't know what to think
1693
01:22:11,791 --> 01:22:14,083
until I spoke to your boss
a few seconds ago,
1694
01:22:14,166 --> 01:22:15,916
and now it all makes sense.
1695
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:17,458
Okay, look, I… I can explain.
1696
01:22:17,541 --> 01:22:19,041
-So the thing is--
-La-la-la-la…
1697
01:22:19,125 --> 01:22:23,166
I don't want to hear it. I just want you
to stop this charade with my brother.
1698
01:22:25,750 --> 01:22:27,333
Two glasses of Veuve, please.
1699
01:22:27,416 --> 01:22:29,916
-Tag, [burps] what's going on, bro?
-What's up, E?
1700
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:32,291
Can you believe
that J-Dog is getting married?
1701
01:22:32,375 --> 01:22:34,666
-Chick's pretty cool too.
-I haven't met her yet.
1702
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:35,958
Well, she's right there.
1703
01:22:36,458 --> 01:22:37,833
Dude, that's his cousin.
1704
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:41,541
I don't judge. You love who you love.
1705
01:22:41,625 --> 01:22:42,500
No. You know wh--
1706
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,541
Why should I believe
what comes out of your mouth?
1707
01:22:44,625 --> 01:22:46,916
-Are you serious--
-Hey! Everything okay here?
1708
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:48,041
-No!
-Yes.
1709
01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:53,083
Natalie, she didn't come to New York
for love. She came here for a story.
1710
01:22:53,166 --> 01:22:55,083
She's been playing you since day one, bro.
1711
01:22:55,166 --> 01:22:58,666
She's a writer for a Disaster Date column,
and you're not her fiancé.
1712
01:22:58,750 --> 01:23:00,166
You are her subject.
1713
01:23:00,250 --> 01:23:02,375
-Don't--
-Wait. What? Nat.
1714
01:23:02,458 --> 01:23:03,625
What is he talking about?
1715
01:23:05,833 --> 01:23:07,666
[Bob] Could I have everyone's attention?
1716
01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:09,000
[sighs]
1717
01:23:09,791 --> 01:23:12,458
I'm not one for speeches,
so I'll keep this quick.
1718
01:23:13,083 --> 01:23:13,916
Uh…
1719
01:23:14,416 --> 01:23:15,458
Josh.
1720
01:23:16,250 --> 01:23:19,666
I know we haven't always seen
eye-to-eye on things,
1721
01:23:19,750 --> 01:23:22,333
but you're a good kid with a big heart,
1722
01:23:22,416 --> 01:23:27,708
and after spending, uh, the last week
with your beautiful bride-to-be,
1723
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:31,958
I think the whole family agrees
that you've picked a winner!
1724
01:23:32,041 --> 01:23:34,083
I couldn't be happier for you, son.
1725
01:23:34,166 --> 01:23:37,958
So let's all raise a glass
to future Mr. and Mrs. Lin,
1726
01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:39,833
-Josh and--
-No!
1727
01:23:43,541 --> 01:23:45,000
Not yet. Um…
1728
01:23:45,083 --> 01:23:46,208
Uh…
1729
01:23:46,833 --> 01:23:50,250
[Natalie] We can't cheers
before all the speeches are done.
1730
01:23:50,333 --> 01:23:55,958
I mean, I'd like to add
to your beautiful, beautiful speech
1731
01:23:56,041 --> 01:23:59,166
with my own speech.
1732
01:23:59,750 --> 01:24:01,250
A speech sequel, per se,
1733
01:24:02,833 --> 01:24:06,166
about, um, love, and, uh, Josh,
1734
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:07,166
and…
1735
01:24:09,166 --> 01:24:10,833
[breathing heavily]
1736
01:24:11,541 --> 01:24:13,250
-[man] And?
-[crowd murmuring]
1737
01:24:15,125 --> 01:24:16,375
…dishonesty.
1738
01:24:17,958 --> 01:24:19,458
Because that's what I've been,
1739
01:24:20,416 --> 01:24:21,333
dishonest
1740
01:24:22,458 --> 01:24:25,041
with Josh, and the Lins,
1741
01:24:25,708 --> 01:24:26,875
Tag,
1742
01:24:26,958 --> 01:24:28,125
everyone, really. I--
1743
01:24:29,083 --> 01:24:29,916
[Natalie sighs]
1744
01:24:31,666 --> 01:24:32,875
[whispers] Here it goes.
1745
01:24:33,375 --> 01:24:35,916
[inhales] Four weeks ago,
I met a guy online.
1746
01:24:36,833 --> 01:24:40,916
He was smart, funny, sweet,
and he looked like him.
1747
01:24:42,416 --> 01:24:45,458
So, I decided to come here
and surprise him for Christmas.
1748
01:24:46,875 --> 01:24:48,958
But when I got here,
I realized that the guy
1749
01:24:49,041 --> 01:24:51,708
I was really talking to was him.
1750
01:24:53,416 --> 01:24:54,541
I got catfished,
1751
01:24:55,291 --> 01:24:56,458
and I was furious.
1752
01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:01,208
But Josh told me
that he would help get me Tag
1753
01:25:01,291 --> 01:25:04,166
if I pretended to be his girlfriend
for the holidays.
1754
01:25:04,250 --> 01:25:05,458
And I honestly just--
1755
01:25:05,541 --> 01:25:08,625
I… I thought
that my perfect match was here,
1756
01:25:08,708 --> 01:25:11,916
so I agreed, and I pretended
to be someone that I'm not, but…
1757
01:25:12,750 --> 01:25:15,083
[exhales] I just wanted my happy ending.
1758
01:25:16,875 --> 01:25:17,750
[scoffs]
1759
01:25:18,250 --> 01:25:21,083
[Natalie] But I can't do it anymore.
I… I… I can't lie.
1760
01:25:21,166 --> 01:25:22,916
I just can't, I'm sorry. I…
1761
01:25:25,166 --> 01:25:26,583
I'm so sorry.
1762
01:25:31,125 --> 01:25:32,416
Do you even climb?
1763
01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:35,708
What about Thoreau?
1764
01:25:36,708 --> 01:25:37,750
I hate him.
1765
01:25:38,500 --> 01:25:39,458
Bobsledding?
1766
01:25:40,041 --> 01:25:42,416
I literally had to get stoned
to get through it.
1767
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,333
[chuckles] Yeah. Now, that's my girl.
1768
01:25:46,333 --> 01:25:51,083
[Tag] Okay, so… so you got mad at Josh
for catfishing you,
1769
01:25:51,166 --> 01:25:53,625
and then you go
and do the exact same thing to me.
1770
01:25:54,208 --> 01:25:55,958
[breath trembling]
1771
01:25:59,791 --> 01:26:01,000
Congratulations.
1772
01:26:05,333 --> 01:26:06,708
And… and by the way,
1773
01:26:07,291 --> 01:26:09,541
Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.
1774
01:26:09,625 --> 01:26:10,958
-[gasps]
-[Tag] Yeah.
1775
01:26:12,541 --> 01:26:14,458
[crowd murmuring]
1776
01:26:14,541 --> 01:26:15,416
[door opens]
1777
01:26:17,250 --> 01:26:20,458
Okay, all right, show's over.
Nothing to see here, all right?
1778
01:26:20,541 --> 01:26:21,625
Okay? All right?
1779
01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:25,875
All right. Time to go home.
Stop looking at my brother.
1780
01:26:26,708 --> 01:26:28,708
["Read My Mind" by Golda May playing]
1781
01:26:28,791 --> 01:26:33,083
♪ On the corner of Main Street ♪
1782
01:26:33,166 --> 01:26:37,291
♪ Just tryna keep it in line ♪
1783
01:26:37,958 --> 01:26:42,541
♪ You say you wanna move on and ♪
1784
01:26:42,625 --> 01:26:45,208
♪ You say I'm fallin' behind ♪
1785
01:26:45,291 --> 01:26:49,041
♪ Can you read my mind? ♪
1786
01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:53,125
[sighs]
1787
01:26:54,375 --> 01:26:59,916
♪ Can you read my mind? ♪
1788
01:27:06,125 --> 01:27:10,125
♪ I never really gave up on ♪
1789
01:27:11,083 --> 01:27:15,041
♪ Breakin' out of this two-star town ♪
1790
01:27:15,583 --> 01:27:19,958
♪ I got the green light
I got a little fight ♪
1791
01:27:20,041 --> 01:27:24,083
[Natalie] A passion whose flame fails
to be fanned eventually burns out.
1792
01:27:24,166 --> 01:27:26,833
Don't be afraid to be you. Natalie.
1793
01:27:26,916 --> 01:27:27,833
[door opens]
1794
01:27:27,916 --> 01:27:29,666
[Barb] I was happy with their meat.
1795
01:27:29,750 --> 01:27:33,208
[Bob] That's what they're known for.
Good old steak as always.
1796
01:27:33,291 --> 01:27:35,791
[footsteps approaching]
1797
01:27:43,291 --> 01:27:44,333
She's gone.
1798
01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:47,750
[somber music playing]
1799
01:27:50,958 --> 01:27:51,916
[Barb] Baby.
1800
01:27:52,708 --> 01:27:55,541
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
1801
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,208
Thank you, Grandma.
1802
01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:08,875
Chin up, brother bear.
1803
01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:15,583
[softly] Sorry, Josh.
1804
01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:17,375
[Josh] It's okay.
1805
01:28:25,833 --> 01:28:26,708
[Bob sighs]
1806
01:28:27,791 --> 01:28:31,250
Here's the deal. Things happen for--
1807
01:28:41,958 --> 01:28:43,083
I'm sorry, son.
1808
01:28:47,666 --> 01:28:48,791
What are all these?
1809
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,125
Oh, just candles I made.
It's… it's nothing.
1810
01:28:55,875 --> 01:28:56,833
You made this?
1811
01:28:57,666 --> 01:28:59,000
You make candles?
1812
01:29:00,125 --> 01:29:02,958
It's… it's no big deal.
It's just… it's just a hobby.
1813
01:29:07,250 --> 01:29:10,000
Wow! I don't know how you did it,
but… [sniffs]
1814
01:29:11,333 --> 01:29:13,375
this smells exactly like Grandpa.
1815
01:29:13,458 --> 01:29:15,750
It's as if he's here in the room with us.
1816
01:29:18,875 --> 01:29:20,625
I can smell his aftershave.
1817
01:29:23,375 --> 01:29:25,291
The wool of his sweater. [sniffs]
1818
01:29:28,375 --> 01:29:31,250
Wait, there's something else
that I just can't place.
1819
01:29:32,000 --> 01:29:33,875
-Eucalyptus?
-Bengay.
1820
01:29:33,958 --> 01:29:35,416
[both laughing]
1821
01:29:35,958 --> 01:29:37,083
[inhales] Well.
1822
01:29:37,833 --> 01:29:39,458
That's one hell of a hobby.
1823
01:29:42,375 --> 01:29:46,041
Actually, Dad, it's not just a hobby.
1824
01:29:46,750 --> 01:29:48,458
I… I think it could be a business.
1825
01:29:49,166 --> 01:29:50,083
A big one.
1826
01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:54,333
I know, it's not like helping
someone ascend Everest
1827
01:29:54,416 --> 01:29:57,916
or providing scuba gear
for the Great Barrier Reef,
1828
01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:01,250
but it's what I want to do with my life.
1829
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:04,916
Wait. Uh…
1830
01:30:06,208 --> 01:30:08,625
Are you saying you don't want
to work at the store anymore?
1831
01:30:09,708 --> 01:30:11,458
[softly] No, I… I don't.
1832
01:30:11,541 --> 01:30:13,541
I'm… I'm sorry, Dad.
1833
01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:15,875
Oh. [chuckles]
1834
01:30:15,958 --> 01:30:16,958
Thank God.
1835
01:30:17,041 --> 01:30:19,083
[touching music playing]
1836
01:30:19,166 --> 01:30:23,416
I love you, son, but you're terrible
at selling sporting goods. [laughing]
1837
01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:24,875
I know!
1838
01:30:26,666 --> 01:30:27,541
So--
1839
01:30:28,208 --> 01:30:29,750
You're… you're not mad at me?
1840
01:30:29,833 --> 01:30:31,666
Ah, of course not.
1841
01:30:34,583 --> 01:30:36,750
My son wants to make candles,
1842
01:30:38,541 --> 01:30:40,958
so go make candles.
1843
01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:45,666
Yeah.
1844
01:30:45,750 --> 01:30:46,791
[exhales]
1845
01:30:47,791 --> 01:30:48,625
[chuckles]
1846
01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,083
[sighs]
1847
01:31:07,166 --> 01:31:10,458
♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪
1848
01:31:10,541 --> 01:31:13,416
♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪
1849
01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:16,375
♪ Hap-hap-hap-happy New Year ♪
1850
01:31:19,250 --> 01:31:21,791
You won't find my article
in the bottom of that glass.
1851
01:31:21,875 --> 01:31:25,083
[coughs] Jesus Christ, Lee.
You're everywhere.
1852
01:31:25,166 --> 01:31:26,666
[in Spanish] A beer, please.
1853
01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:27,916
[bartender] No problem.
1854
01:31:28,625 --> 01:31:32,166
[Lee] So, kiddo. That was one hell
of an engagement toast.
1855
01:31:32,250 --> 01:31:35,708
Seriously, though, that train wreck
was a little too much, even for me.
1856
01:31:36,458 --> 01:31:37,958
-Are you all right?
-[exhales]
1857
01:31:38,583 --> 01:31:42,291
Did you see the look on Josh's face?
I'm the furthest thing from all right.
1858
01:31:42,375 --> 01:31:45,250
Hmm. When you found out
you were getting catfished,
1859
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,708
why didn't you just leave?
1860
01:31:47,416 --> 01:31:50,208
Because I owed you an article,
and I didn't want to get fired.
1861
01:31:50,291 --> 01:31:53,250
I fired you four times.
You just keep showing up.
1862
01:31:53,916 --> 01:31:55,458
Why did you really stay?
1863
01:31:57,041 --> 01:31:59,625
I… I… I don't know.
1864
01:31:59,708 --> 01:32:01,750
[Lee] Okay. I mean, I just find it odd
1865
01:32:01,833 --> 01:32:05,041
because you usually run
at the first sign of imperfection.
1866
01:32:05,125 --> 01:32:08,291
Josh is imperfect,
but yet you decided to stay?
1867
01:32:09,041 --> 01:32:10,833
It doesn't really matter.
1868
01:32:11,833 --> 01:32:13,833
Honey, it's the only thing that matters.
1869
01:32:21,708 --> 01:32:22,708
[sighs]
1870
01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:25,583
I think I'm gonna head back up to my room.
1871
01:32:26,083 --> 01:32:28,708
-This article isn't gonna write itself.
-[Lee] Good idea.
1872
01:32:28,791 --> 01:32:31,375
Just because we're girlfriends now
doesn't mean I won't fire you.
1873
01:32:31,458 --> 01:32:32,416
[exhales]
1874
01:32:37,166 --> 01:32:39,833
["Call It Dreaming"
by Iron & Wine playing]
1875
01:32:43,041 --> 01:32:43,958
[clears throat]
1876
01:32:45,125 --> 01:32:49,375
[Natalie] Webster's Dictionary
defines love as…
1877
01:32:51,083 --> 01:32:56,041
To paraphrase my girl Celine Dion,
"My heart, too, will go on."
1878
01:32:56,125 --> 01:33:01,541
♪ Any rain softly kisses us on the face ♪
1879
01:33:01,625 --> 01:33:03,875
♪ Anywhere means we're running ♪
1880
01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:07,125
♪ We can sleep and see 'em coming ♪
1881
01:33:07,208 --> 01:33:08,041
What?
1882
01:33:08,125 --> 01:33:10,833
-♪ Where we drift and call it dreaming ♪
-[growling]
1883
01:33:10,916 --> 01:33:15,250
♪ We can weep and call it singing ♪
1884
01:33:16,875 --> 01:33:21,875
♪ For all the love you've left behind ♪
1885
01:33:21,958 --> 01:33:23,791
♪ You can have mine… ♪
1886
01:33:23,875 --> 01:33:26,875
[Natalie] Half of you love
a great Disaster Date story.
1887
01:33:26,958 --> 01:33:29,458
The other half, a storybook romance.
1888
01:33:29,541 --> 01:33:32,916
Now, the first half of you
are going to be really, really happy.
1889
01:33:33,458 --> 01:33:35,291
Allow me to explain.
1890
01:33:35,375 --> 01:33:37,291
It all started with a swipe.
1891
01:33:38,666 --> 01:33:40,916
Tag Abbott, he may as well have been
Zeus's son…
1892
01:33:41,000 --> 01:33:41,875
Josh Lin…
1893
01:33:41,958 --> 01:33:46,250
His family took me in.
I have never felt worse in my entire life.
1894
01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:50,833
So, there you have it, folks.
Another disaster for the record books.
1895
01:33:50,916 --> 01:33:55,083
But this time, I realized
that in order to find true love,
1896
01:33:55,166 --> 01:33:58,083
I need to be honest about who I am too,
1897
01:33:58,166 --> 01:34:01,083
and maybe that's been the problem
all along. I mean--
1898
01:34:01,166 --> 01:34:04,166
I've been so focused
on other people's dishonesty
1899
01:34:04,250 --> 01:34:06,916
that I never really stopped
to look at my own.
1900
01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:11,125
And maybe if I did, I'd finally see
what's right in front of me,
1901
01:34:11,708 --> 01:34:14,083
and perhaps
the ending to my story could be…
1902
01:34:14,833 --> 01:34:15,666
Um…
1903
01:34:23,041 --> 01:34:24,250
[phone chimes]
1904
01:34:38,541 --> 01:34:40,541
[emotional music playing]
1905
01:34:58,291 --> 01:34:59,291
[softly inhales]
1906
01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:07,791
[knocking on door]
1907
01:35:09,708 --> 01:35:11,708
[emotional music continues]
1908
01:35:24,666 --> 01:35:25,541
[Barb] Who is it?
1909
01:35:32,541 --> 01:35:34,125
It's the Mormons.
1910
01:35:34,208 --> 01:35:37,166
[Bob] For the last time,
we're not converting!
1911
01:35:39,875 --> 01:35:41,500
["Curls" by Bibio playing]
1912
01:36:03,791 --> 01:36:08,500
♪ To see within
Is to feel without a light ♪
1913
01:36:09,750 --> 01:36:14,250
♪ Who'd have thought
That we'd break the things we like? ♪
1914
01:36:15,708 --> 01:36:20,000
♪ To find a stone
Just to bounce across the pond ♪
1915
01:36:21,083 --> 01:36:25,875
♪ Is the path it makes
That's a clue to other songs ♪
1916
01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:31,625
♪ Her hair, it curls
In the depth of the night ♪
1917
01:36:32,833 --> 01:36:37,500
♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪
1918
01:36:38,583 --> 01:36:43,333
♪ Her hair, it curls
In the depth of the night ♪
1919
01:36:44,416 --> 01:36:49,125
♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪
1920
01:37:02,000 --> 01:37:06,750
♪ To live without
Is to live under a spell ♪
1921
01:37:08,458 --> 01:37:12,375
♪ Who'd have thought
That we'd turn our home to hell? ♪
1922
01:37:13,708 --> 01:37:18,625
♪ To find a bone
And to float it down the stream ♪
1923
01:37:18,708 --> 01:37:20,500
So, what do we do now?
1924
01:37:22,708 --> 01:37:25,208
-Kiss her, you idiot!
-[Josh laughs]
1925
01:37:25,291 --> 01:37:29,833
♪ Her hair curls
In the damp of the night ♪
1926
01:37:31,166 --> 01:37:35,791
♪ The scent recalls
Like a photograph with life ♪
1927
01:37:37,000 --> 01:37:41,583
♪ Her woolen coat
Under yellow sodium lights ♪
1928
01:37:42,875 --> 01:37:47,458
♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪
1929
01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:52,625
♪ Her hair, it curls
In the damp of the night ♪
1930
01:37:52,708 --> 01:37:57,625
[Natalie] So, yeah. I thought I'd flown
3,000 miles to see how my story ended.
1931
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:04,083
And instead, I found out how it begins.
1932
01:38:06,208 --> 01:38:10,750
♪ Records the air like a memory of night ♪
1933
01:38:15,708 --> 01:38:18,833
-[Bob] Come over. Yeah, yeah.
-Okay, this is not mine. This is Josh.
1934
01:38:18,916 --> 01:38:19,750
Owen! Owen!
1935
01:38:19,833 --> 01:38:21,541
[indistinct chattering]
1936
01:38:21,625 --> 01:38:23,833
[Barb] You two, time for presents!
1937
01:38:24,583 --> 01:38:25,666
I gotta warn you,
1938
01:38:25,750 --> 01:38:28,625
my family is pretty intense
when it comes to Christmas presents.
1939
01:38:28,708 --> 01:38:29,541
[Natalie scoffs]
1940
01:38:30,458 --> 01:38:32,041
You don't say.
1941
01:38:32,125 --> 01:38:34,291
[Barb] 'Cause that wires kinda goofy.
1942
01:38:35,208 --> 01:38:36,541
Hey, you two.
1943
01:38:36,625 --> 01:38:38,791
Quick question. What's a dick pic?
1944
01:38:38,875 --> 01:38:39,958
-Um…
-[Chelsea] Ew!
1945
01:38:40,041 --> 01:38:41,125
[Owen] Grandma, why--
1946
01:38:41,208 --> 01:38:43,500
-[chuckles]
-You want to take this one maybe?
1947
01:38:46,833 --> 01:38:50,541
♪ Santa's bringing all the toys
In the dead of the night ♪
1948
01:38:52,625 --> 01:38:56,166
♪ The kids are sleeping
And mama's got a bottle of wine ♪
1949
01:38:58,375 --> 01:39:02,208
♪ Sleigh bells ringing
And Rudolph's running behind ♪
1950
01:39:03,916 --> 01:39:08,291
♪ But nothing's stopping Christmas
From coming this time ♪
1951
01:39:09,083 --> 01:39:10,833
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1952
01:39:10,916 --> 01:39:12,250
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1953
01:39:12,333 --> 01:39:14,541
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1954
01:39:14,625 --> 01:39:16,458
-♪ Make it a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1955
01:39:16,541 --> 01:39:17,833
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1956
01:39:17,916 --> 01:39:20,083
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1957
01:39:20,166 --> 01:39:22,083
-♪ I need a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1958
01:39:22,166 --> 01:39:23,500
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1959
01:39:23,583 --> 01:39:26,375
♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
1960
01:39:26,458 --> 01:39:30,708
♪ Man, there's nothing like this
Time of the year ♪
1961
01:39:32,083 --> 01:39:35,416
♪ All this snow won't keep us
From painting the town ♪
1962
01:39:37,666 --> 01:39:41,208
♪ Stuck at home for too long
It's time to get out ♪
1963
01:39:43,250 --> 01:39:47,541
♪ Mistletoe up high
It's about to go down ♪
1964
01:39:48,791 --> 01:39:52,625
♪ A good ol' year, I think we earned
A little fooling around ♪
1965
01:39:52,708 --> 01:39:53,958
♪ Yeah ♪
1966
01:39:54,041 --> 01:39:55,750
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1967
01:39:55,833 --> 01:39:57,166
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1968
01:39:57,250 --> 01:39:59,416
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1969
01:39:59,500 --> 01:40:01,375
-♪ Make it a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1970
01:40:01,458 --> 01:40:02,750
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1971
01:40:02,833 --> 01:40:05,000
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1972
01:40:05,083 --> 01:40:06,916
-♪ I need a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1973
01:40:07,000 --> 01:40:08,375
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1974
01:40:08,458 --> 01:40:11,250
♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
1975
01:40:11,333 --> 01:40:15,833
♪ No, there's nothing like this
Time of the year ♪
1976
01:40:26,708 --> 01:40:27,708
♪ One more time ♪
1977
01:40:27,791 --> 01:40:29,458
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1978
01:40:29,541 --> 01:40:30,833
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1979
01:40:30,916 --> 01:40:33,416
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1980
01:40:33,500 --> 01:40:35,041
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1981
01:40:35,125 --> 01:40:36,458
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1982
01:40:36,541 --> 01:40:38,875
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1983
01:40:38,958 --> 01:40:40,625
-♪ It's a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1984
01:40:40,708 --> 01:40:42,083
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1985
01:40:42,166 --> 01:40:44,333
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1986
01:40:44,416 --> 01:40:46,291
-♪ Make it a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1987
01:40:46,375 --> 01:40:47,750
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1988
01:40:47,833 --> 01:40:50,000
-♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
-♪ Very Merry ♪
1989
01:40:50,083 --> 01:40:51,875
-♪ I need a very ♪
-♪ Very ♪
1990
01:40:51,958 --> 01:40:53,333
-♪ Merry ♪
-♪ Merry ♪
1991
01:40:53,416 --> 01:40:56,166
♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪
1992
01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:58,958
♪ No, there's nothing like it ♪
1993
01:40:59,041 --> 01:41:01,375
♪ Nothing so exciting ♪
1994
01:41:01,875 --> 01:41:06,958
♪ No, there's nothing like
This time of the year ♪
1995
01:41:09,708 --> 01:41:11,708
[upbeat music playing]
1996
01:42:16,833 --> 01:42:18,833
[folk guitar music playing]
1997
01:43:27,583 --> 01:43:29,583
[holiday music playing]
1998
01:44:42,958 --> 01:44:44,958
[bells jingling]
146912
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