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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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They've got to stop them in this series.
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- Geez! Damn it! - Come on!
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In Texas, the Holy Trinity is God,
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football and barbeque,
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not necessarily in that order.
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I don't care if you win, just cover the damn spread.
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Mom, are you betting again?
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No.
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...fans on their feet,
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trying to urge the defense on.
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Fourth down.
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Gotta punt.
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Gotta.
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Statistically, always punting on fourth down
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makes no sense.
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Statistically, you're a dumbass.
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When the Aggies give up the ball
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on their own five-yard line,
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the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring.
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When they punt from deep in their own territory,
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the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring.
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But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time,
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the math says they should never punt again.
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Okay, you can tell me,
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who's his real daddy?
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Sheldon, I've been playing and coaching football all my life.
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I don't think your math is right.
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Really?
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Hang on.
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No, it's right.
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...able to hold A&M to a field goal,
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they'll only be down six points.
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Is it your dentist?
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The little guy with the glasses?
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You can tell me.
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I got to tell you, I'm a little worried about my mother.
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She keeps betting on these football games,
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next thing you know, there's an Italian fella
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driving off with her pickup truck.
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You think Sheldon's right?
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About what?
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The punting and the math.
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I should think so.
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He's been doing our taxes since he's six years old.
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We never been audited.
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That's true.
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He even got us that nice refund last year.
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How come Mom's not taking me to school?
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'Cause once in a while,
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your dad wants to spend some time with you.
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My little Shel-man.
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But Mom's car has a backseat.
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Statistically, I'm much safer there.
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Hey, I'm glad you brought up statistically.
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You think those numbers you talked about for Texas A&M
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would apply to my JV squad?
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I don't see why not.
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Unlike our former principal, math doesn't discriminate.
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You're not thinking about taking his advice, are you?
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- Never you mind. - But he's wrong.
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Everybody knows you punt on fourth down.
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Why does everybody knowing something make it right?
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Because.
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That's what makes this country great.
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Many years later,
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my brother would use this same argument
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in front of a judge.
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He was still convicted for urinating in a phone booth.
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Oh, damn it.
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I'll send in the punting team.
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Hang on. Hang on.
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What?
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Let's go for it.
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Why? We got plenty of time.
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I know. Still want to go for it.
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We're on the 12-yard line. Everybody know you punt.
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Why does everybody knowing something make it right?
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But we're on the 12-yard line, Coach.
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Okay, Coach says we're going for it.
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Stupid brother.
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- What? - Nothing.
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Power left jumbo on two, on two. Ready, break!
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And your Wolves are going for it on fourth down.
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What the hell? Punt!
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Statistically, they're better off going for it.
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- Says who? - My little boy.
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That's why everybody punts.
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That was just plain foolishness.
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Your little boy's a real genius.
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Well, actually he is.
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Come on.
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Too many men on the field, defense.
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Replay fourth down.
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Ah. Thank you, Jesus.
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Now, can I send in the punt team?
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Coach?
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And they're going for it again.
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What the hell? Punt!
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Remind me to tell you about the tax refund I got from the IRS.
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Set. Hut!
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Go, go, go, go, go, go!
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Go! Whoo!
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Go, go, go! Go!
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He's at the 30, the 20, the 10.
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Touchdown, Wolves!
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I never had any doubt, Coach. Never had any doubt.
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Oh, booyah! Yes.
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Sweet dreams, baby.
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Night, Meemaw.
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Can I ask you a favor?
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- Sure. What? - You know those statistics
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that you were talking about with your dad?
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Could... could that be applied to, say,
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who might win the Cowboys-Packers game next week?
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And, more specifically, by how much?
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I suppose with enough data I could make a reasonable guess.
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I don't want a guess, I want to know.
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Mom said you're not supposed to gamble.
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Sleep, child!
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- Mom? - In here!
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I'll get those numbers to you tomorrow.
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Just tucking him in.
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I got something for you.
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It's dirty.
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Well, that's 'cause it's the game ball.
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And you earned it, 'cause you helped us win.
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Okay, but can you wash it?
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Sheldon, your daddy's telling you he's proud of you.
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I see. Thank you, Dad.
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You're welcome.
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I'm still never touching that.
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Let's go wipe it off.
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For the next five weeks,
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I continued to help my father apply statistics
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to coach his team.
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Not surprisingly, they continued to win,
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which changed my status in the school dramatically.
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- There he is! - Yo, Sheldon!
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Shel-dog!
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Math man!
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Hey, cutie.
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It was a nightmare.
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Shel-dog!
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Hugging, hair tousling, high fives.
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And as my popularity grew, so did my time aloft.
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Hey, I've been looking all over for you.
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Do you know how popular we are?
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- We? - Yeah.
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I put the word out I was helping you with the football stats.
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And since I'm Asian, they bought it.
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Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
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You're not?
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I was touched 82 times this afternoon.
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What do you mean, "touched"?
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Not inappropriately.
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Joyfully.
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Affectionately.
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A cheerleader hugged me to her bosom.
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That's amazing.
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No more high fives.
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I can't keep washing my hands.
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There's my little assistant coach.
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Hello, Dad.
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You have any more, uh, arithmetic ideas
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for next week's game?
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I do, but I'm trying to finish my homework.
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Looks complicated.
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Advanced chemistry. It's not.
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What are you guys doing?
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Your brother and I are gonna knock around a few ideas
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for the Freeport game.
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Can I help?
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Actually, yeah. Run out to my truck.
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There's a little, uh, pocket calculator on my front seat.
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I got you a present.
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Thought it might help with your figuring.
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I don't need a calculator, Dad. I am one.
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Sure.
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Go get it anyway.
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It's solar-powered.
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Can you imagine that?
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Georgie, turn that down!
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What?
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And look at this room. You need to clean this mess up.
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I'll get to it later.
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No, you'll get to it now.
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I don't feel like it.
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Well, your feelings have nothing to do with it.
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And stop throwing that ball.
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My room bothers you so much, you clean it.
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That's it! You are grounded! You hear me?!
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The hell?
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There's my little Moonpie.
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Did you get a chance to look at this week's games for me?
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- Not yet. - You understand there's a little time crunch involved.
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Meemaw's got some outstanding loans I need to pay back.
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I'm sorry, I have to finish my homework
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and then I have to help my dad.
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Come on.
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I'm your meemaw.
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I make you cookies.
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How 'bout a little quid pro quo?
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As much as I enjoy your use of Latin, no.
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Shelly, time to get ready for bed.
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But I'm not done.
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Don't you sass me, too, young man.
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Brush your teeth and get to bed.
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I think your anger might be a little misdirected.
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Don't you start with me either.
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Now, see, you're still shootin' wide.
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Good evening, Mrs. Cooper.
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Can I speak to Sheldon?
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No, you can't speak to Sheldon.
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It's late. He's in bed.
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Oh. I was hoping he might like to go to a party with me.
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Has everyone lost their mind?
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He's a little boy, Tam!
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Good night!
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Good Lord, that mouth of yours is a machine gun tonight.
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What are you doing?
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Trying to calculate the odds of the Dolphins
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covering the spread next Sunday.
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I like dolphins.
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They talk out of that hole in their head.
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Hello.
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Tam?
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What are you doing here?
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Would you like to go to a party with me?
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I don't want to go to a party with anyone.
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I would!
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Please, Sheldon.
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It's right across the street.
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Just get me in, and you can go back to bed.
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I have to ask my mom.
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No need. She knows all about the party.
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All right, then.
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I need a minute to change.
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- Why are you wearing that? - It makes me look older.
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Just so we're clear, once you get in,
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I'm going home.
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Hey! Sheldon!
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What are you doing?
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Hey, everybody, check it out! Sheldon's here!
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I hope that doesn't wake up the kids.
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Should I go over there and say something?
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I think you should.
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I was bluffin'.
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Don't make me put my socks back on.
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Never mind.
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Good night.
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Good night.
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I feel bad about yelling at Georgie.
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He deserved it.
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You should do it more.
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I think he's feeling left out
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now that you and Sheldon are spending so much time together.
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Are you kiddin' me?
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You're always saying to find something in common with Sheldon.
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And now that I have, you're telling me I'm ignoring Georgie?
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I'm not saying that.
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I'm just reminding you
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that you got two sons.
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I know.
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I also got a daughter I need to spend more time with.
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You do.
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But I wouldn't worry about her.
292
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:04,020
She's an angel.
293
00:13:09,670 --> 00:13:10,480
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
294
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,650
- Put me down! - Sheldon! Sheldon!
295
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,070
I said put me down.
296
00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:15,910
Put me down! I'm not enjoying this!
297
00:13:15,910 --> 00:13:17,690
Missy, what are you doing here?!
298
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:20,050
Cuttin' loose. What are you doing here?
299
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,020
Slowly! Slowly!
300
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,770
Slowly!
301
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:24,440
You, too?!
302
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,180
Hello, Georgie!
303
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,710
You're not supposed to be here.
304
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:30,710
Neither are you! You're grounded!
305
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:32,420
Come on.
306
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,060
Both of you are going home. Now.
307
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,400
- Oh, thank goodness. - Aw.
308
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,300
How's puberty treating you?
309
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,910
Because it is knocking me for a loop.
310
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:46,720
Right?
311
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:57,170
Somehow, my parents didn't find out about me partying heartily.
312
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,690
But I did pay a price
313
00:13:58,690 --> 00:14:01,400
for burning the candle at both ends.
315
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:04,440
I made a mistake on a math test.
316
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:08,520
In my exhaustion, I did all the calculations in my head,
317
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:13,090
and, like a common zoo animal, forgot to show my work.
318
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,400
I just saw one of those girls from the party,
319
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,280
and she acknowledged my existence by doing this.
320
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,880
I've never felt so alive.
321
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:25,210
Are you okay?
322
00:14:25,870 --> 00:14:27,440
No, I'm not.
323
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,780
Yeah, so?
324
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,070
A B-plus-- that's the beginning of the end.
325
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,400
The end of what?
326
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,740
My life.
327
00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:39,740
If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall.
328
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:42,900
I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.
329
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,060
Is it possible you're overreacting?
330
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:49,110
No. Starting today, I'm done helping the football team.
331
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:53,300
But if you do that, girls will no longer greet me like this.
332
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,910
I'll greet you like that.
333
00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:58,650
It's not the same.
334
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:02,620
Extricating myself from this situation
335
00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,550
was not going to be easy.
336
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,320
My father was counting on me, Meemaw was counting on me,
337
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,740
the school was counting on me.
338
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:13,190
After much thought, I decided to employ
339
00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:16,890
the one strategic maneuver I knew I could count on.
340
00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:18,110
I tattled.
341
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:19,570
Mom?
342
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:34,430
Sheldon got a B-plus! That's terrible for him!
343
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:37,240
I'm very disappointed in all three of you.
344
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,440
That is right. Missy, this is for your ballet class.
345
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,900
We do not go to parties.
346
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,340
I am very disappointed.
347
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,890
Got to go pick up some equipment for the team; you want to join me?
348
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:58,210
Can't. I'm grounded.
349
00:15:58,210 --> 00:15:59,880
Yeah, well...
350
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:02,040
I won't tell if you won't.
351
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:05,710
Sheldon going?
352
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:08,230
That little snitch? Absolutely not.
353
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,580
Sheldon still gonna help you with the math?
354
00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:17,360
I don't think so.
355
00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:20,380
But I did hear his little Asian friend can do it.
356
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,230
Hello.
357
00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:33,630
So...
358
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:36,400
Oilers are a four-point favorite for this Sunday's game,
359
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,630
but it's a home game, so I'm thinking I give the points.
360
00:16:40,630 --> 00:16:42,420
What do you think?
361
00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:44,670
I think I have to tell on you again.
362
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,800
Go ahead. What's your mama gonna do, ground me?
363
00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:53,990
Take the Oilers, give the points.
364
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:56,800
I love you, Moonpie.
365
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:03,740
For the record, the Oilers lost that game
366
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:05,710
by four touchdowns.
367
00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:08,680
Meemaw never asked for my advice again.
368
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:13,130
Come on, come on, come on. Damn it!
369
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,640
Okay.
370
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,830
One more time.
371
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,880
Mama needs a new Jet Ski!
372
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:20,770
And...
373
00:17:20,770 --> 00:17:22,880
rat bastard!
374
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,560
How you doin' there, Connie?
375
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,310
Hey, Vincent.
376
00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:31,100
What brings you to Louisiana?
377
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:32,370
Wait, don't tell me.
378
00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:34,010
You're here to see Tony Orlando.
379
00:17:34,010 --> 00:17:35,370
'Fraid not.
380
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:36,910
Oh, well, you ought to check him out.
381
00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:39,410
He'll, uh, knock your socks off.
382
00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:41,040
I like my socks on.
383
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,620
Connie, you're putting me in a very awkward position.
384
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,140
I won a toaster oven playing keno.
385
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:49,530
You want it?
386
00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:51,990
I got one.
387
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:53,690
I want my money.
388
00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:55,440
All right.
389
00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,350
Hang on.
390
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,270
That's a very nice jacket.
391
00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:02,000
You're looking dapper.
392
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,040
Hey, they comp my room here.
393
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,390
They do that for you?
394
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,130
Actually, they frown upon my presence here.
395
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:17,430
Oh. I also get a coupon for the breakfast buffet.
396
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,340
You should look into that.
397
00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:23,840
Constance!
398
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,490
Patience, Vincenzo.
399
00:18:30,870 --> 00:18:32,430
Yes!
400
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,870
All right, now we're talking.
401
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:38,990
Will you take a down payment in quarters?
402
00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:41,110
Do I have a choice?
403
00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:43,360
Start scoopin'.
404
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,090
I got to go see Tony Orlando.
405
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,950
Hey, I need another cup!
26466
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