All language subtitles for Sex Is Comedy

At low tide it's different,
not what I imagined!

Shit, I give up.
I forgot about the tide.

To hell with what I imagined,

the sea's always beautiful.

It's something else. More desolate.
We'll need fewer extras.

Shit, the extras!

No, it's better! If I'd seen it
like this, I'd have known that.

All we need are two shots.

The sea's a long way away.

Just what I suspected!
Things were going too well.

You OK? Not cold?

I'm OK.

Jeanne, for me it's not OK.
Her lips have gone blue.

We're not ready for the actors.
To your dressing rooms!

The extras, too! Keep warm!

To your dressing rooms! Keep warm!

They do what they want,
they don't listen.

She's not so bad. But him!
Now he won't wear foundation!

I don't give a damn! Make him up!

You heard how he talks to me?

I'll tell him
his make-up is continuity.

You have to remove it at night,
and use cream.

It's useless!

You should've said it sooner,
now it's continuity!

Come on!

My male actors
always wear make-up.

I'm different!

It's continuity, don't argue!

Go ahead, Anna.

Let her do her work.

The extras! Can I have
another minute of your attention?

I know, it's cold and hard work,

but please remove your woollies!

Don't forget, you're at the beach,

it's sunny, you're lounging around,

having fun, playing soccer,
everything's fine...

But we have to hurry
because of the sun!

No, it's not too soon!
The extras are undressed!

They're turning blue! So let's go!

If he can freeze, she can freeze!

Anyway, that's how it is!

An actor has to be like a fakir.

You walk on red hot coals,
and don't get burnt!

Go on, we're going to shoot!
Out of the way!

We're shooting!

Bart created a hot Caribbean light.
Great, no?

Yes, it's perfect.

But the extras are a pain!

They won't undress? Get rid of them!

I don't want them!

Get rid of them!

There! It's better without them!

Quiet, shooting now,
everyone in place,

please!

Roll it!

Rolling.

Speed.

Action!

Cut!

The way you look at her!

It's idiotic, you're awful!

Your smile is all twisted.
Like this!

You seem fonder
of the crew than her!

Is this helping me?

No, but I have to tell you.

Where's that bum think he's going?

Why shoot if they're lousy?

We can't dawdle!
Look at the weather!

They can't even kiss right!

I'll go speak to him.

- You smile up here!
- I can't see myself!

We can see you're only kissing her

because it says so in the script!

That mustn't show in the movie.

In real life, people kiss
because they want to!

- This isn't real life.
- You're an actor!

An actor has to look real,
not like an actor!

She doesn't want me to kiss her,
she told me!

You have to kiss her.
You read the part?

Later you're supposed to make love!

Kiss him.

OK?

Forget that he's talking crap.

You shouldn't even talk to him.

You're dying for him to kiss you.

And you know he'll do it,
even though it's absurd,

so when he does it, you...

Don't stop for your lines!
To hell with what I wrote!

I want you to kiss interminably.

But he won't kiss me.

He says you won't! I believe you.

The nerve!

I kissed him.

I don't care, I know it's my work!

In love scenes,
boys are shier than girls,

so you go it...

The camera's on you,
but he could wreck the scene.

He kisses badly.

Not as well as my boyfriend.

So you kiss her badly?

Dunno. I only kiss girls who want to!

Kiss her so she enjoys it, OK?

At least so I,
as a spectator, enjoy it!

Go on, kiss now! Let us see. Go on!

Go on, hurry!

Well?

- I get in position?
- Yes, I'm waiting!

Not little pecks, kiss her properly.

I want it to last,
it must be interminable.

Looks like a corpse!

Let's shoot it.

I'll take that.

- We can go now.
- Yes, but right away.

- We're losing the light!
- I was rehearsing.

Shooting now!
Everyone in place, please!

We're running out of time.

Quiet everyone!

Action!

Look at those two idiots!

That's not how you smooch!

Cut!

Watch out! The equipment!

Crazy country:
rain and sunshine at once!

That's the Atlantic coast!

I said let's get it in the can fast!

Get what in the can?
You saw that kiss?

It's her!
She's turning her head away!

Leo, this is serious:

they're doing it
to dodge the sex scene!

They won't do the love scenes.

But without that, I've got nothing.

Here's Mr Two-Faced!

She can't go in the sea.
Her mother phoned me at 2AM.

Her mother? She's 18?

Doctor's orders:
only up to her knees!

My script says she swims!

If a doctor says she can't,
we've got an insurance claim.

Want to make a claim?
No? Then I'll shoot.

- And the skinny dip?
- Don't say "skinny dip"!

That's not my language!
Or how I talk to actors!

Up to there, you're OK.

Right, a horrible shot!

A girl in a swimsuit,
cut off there is awful!

If she can't take the icy water,
it's my problem!

It's up to her and me! Not you!

It's not for the production manager!

I'll make her swim!

Whatever he and his cronies say:

I'm not nuts.

The actors, pals or not,
I can control.

I'm always in control.

They're my actors!

When I seem furious,
I'm not really angry.

Maybe I am,
but it's good for the role.

That's how the movie has to be shot.

Don't worry,
I won't harm the movie!

I'm not worried.

You should be.

I never know what I'll do,
it's terrifying.

I don't know how I manage.

It's always a last minute thing.

I love post-industrial garbage dumps.

I dote on whatever
mangles the landscape.

Did you break your foot?

No.

I put my foot down!

It broke itself.
A metaphor for this film.

Anyway, the cane is fabulous.

- Isn't it?
- Very 17th century!

Incredible!

The very same garden as at the villa.

We did our best.

Scary! We just finished it in time.

Even the plants are the same!

They're real.

I love studios.

That reflection will be a pain.

Jeanne, you have to decide.

Bart needs to know the set up.

I want to see the bedroom door
to link things,

then we move in closer.

No, in fact the opposite.

We pull back
as she goes toward the bedroom.

Or I do it in two shots.

That'll take more time.

Can we do it in one shot?

No problem! We get rid of a wall.

Will that take long?

No...

We'll split it there and there...

- I'll help you. Shall I pour?
- No!

You broke your foot?

I put my foot down!
To save this film!

- You in pain?
- Forget it!

I'm on the set, so I'm not out sick!

Serve me!

You'll see, the mood's different.

In a studio, you're in control.

Not like outside,
where the weather's king.

A studio's like a church.
A place of speech.

The movie's speech.
Not your smutty jokes!

You find jokes vulgar: they relax me.

I feel loved by the grips
and electricians.

I really need to be loved by them.

The love scenes are coming up.

"Male jokes" soon get out of hand.

I need to love you, to film you!

You wiggle your ass for the crew:
I want to puke!

- I mean no harm. I'm very shy.
- Not at all!

You waste your charm.
There's none left for the camera!

I said you looked
ugly on the beach...

- Screw beauty!
- That's not what I meant!

I mean moral ugliness!

An actor who isn't in the shot!

His flesh is there,
but not his soul.

You can have the best light,
the best cameraman,

if the actor doesn't give you
his inner light,

you film dead flesh.
The corpse of a film!

I won't use the angle on you,
or very little.

OK, that's what editing is for,

so it doesn't really matter.

You think the Actress is hopeless,

but what she gave me is magnificent!

She turns her green eyes
on you:

it's like she's burning
with desire for you.

That shot will make the scene!

It'll do wonders for her character.

Your Actress is hopeless!
She's not an actress!

I'm interested in myself: I'm unique.

You're unique?
How can you say that?

If I'm ill at ease, screw your film.

But I'm well-paid, so I'm happy.

Don't say it's just for the money.

No, I'm glad to do your film,
and glad to be well-paid.

You insulted me on the beach!
You enjoy that!

No, I don't!

When I see the scene's bad, I panic.

I don't realize what I'm saying.

Awful things! They freeze me up.

I want you to be as I see you.

- I can't see myself!
- You must sense it!

Flirting with everyone,
as if you wanted to bed them!

I'm furious it won't be in the film.

But we got it once: the scene
in the dunes is great!

You're the way I like you,
and you have dimples.

An ironic counterpoint
to the scene's sentimentality.

A thing and its opposite.

But in the dune scene,
something happened.

You let yourself go.

You stopped protecting yourself,

worrying if you were obscene.

Fear of being obscene,
makes one obscene.

The camera frames
what one sees, doesn't see,

or thinks one sees.

And the emotion you convey.

Emotion is never dirty or obscene.
It's grace.

Sorry to interrupt your
intimate conversation...

It's not intimate.

I watched you from afar,
I didn't dare come over.

How did we look?

You have a weird relationship
with your Actor,

so passionate, like two wildcats.

No one dares interfere,
as you go at each other.

It started badly,
but I think we'll get over that.

He's horribly proud!

Cut!

- One more?
- No, that's it.

Which do we print?

The last one for sure, and...

Take 2.

- There's Take 4.
- Did you like it?

Not bad. Smilier.

I'm not wild about smiles.

That one too, can't do any harm.

2, 4 and the last one!

He has to try on his fake penis.

I'm in no hurry for that!

Know what I call him?

"Minimum Service. "

He just stands in front
of the camera for a take.

He's such a whore on the set!

A tramp, who wiggles his ass.

Jeanne...

It's always that way:
at first you're enthusiastic

about your male leads,
you pick them for their looks.

Then they let you down,
you reject them.

Really?

Last time, it was the same.

I felt it was very different.

No, the same.

You look at boys
the way men look at girls:

for consumption,
not human qualities.

I always film machos.
What can I do?

Rhett Butler, in "Gone with
the Wind", was the ultimate macho.

So there.

I think we can only love
the men we despise.

Antagonism is a tonic for desire.

Right, human qualities
can't match desire.

Yes, but desire is a human quality.

Yes! It's a human quality!

Jeanne?

Come in!

- Is it ready?
- No.

It's not holding on him naturally.

At home
I tried it on myself for an hour.

Playing guinea pig.
It worked fine. But on him...

His penis is slightly bent.
You want it bent or straight?

Straight is prettier.

How bent is it? 35 degrees?

About that.

It won't hold, it droops.

- But you'll manage?
- Yes, I have to perfect it.

It could rest on his pubes,

we'd have to shave them.

You can't, they're continuity.

I need 20 minutes. Will I manage?

I think I will.

- I leave you alone?
- Yes, I'd rather.

It's hard. I'm sorry.

No, it's just work.

You OK?

No, I feel lousy. I want to puke.

A man has touched my cock twice.
I'm not used to it!

- Want a beer?
- No.

You do! I'll get you one.
Drink, don't think!

The scene'll go all by itself.

When you do it, it won't be a chore.

It's simple: you just do it.

I know. It's a challenge for me.
I still want to puke!

Don't leave!

You should come with us.

I'll be here tomorrow.
I won't run off.

Afraid I'll run off?

A bit.

I won't run off.
I'm paid to do the film.

Big kiss!

Next week, he's at the inn
with us. He'll be fine.

You won't dine with us?

No, I'm tired.

I have to go over my lines.

And phone my boyfriend.

Don't worry, I'm fine.

Well, good night!

She's cooped up in her room,
he's not even here.

If they don't want me
to talk to them, I won't.

I phoned the hotel.

He's not out drinking,
he's already back.

Good.

A bottle of champagne?

Taittinger, OK?

...But your kind of scenes
don't make things easier.

You said it.

That's the problem.

An intimate scene...

A "nude scene", as they say...

I hate that expression!

...always frightens them a lot more,

even though, paradoxically,

it's what made them
want to do the film!

They can't admit it to themselves.

Once they've got the part,
and have to do the scene,

and admit they wanted to do it,

and that they wanted
to be watched doing it,

then the fear sets in.

Then they try and blame you:

"You revel in this kind of scene!"
You trapped them!

Because they see the scene
as they'd direct it.

As something dirty.
As if I didn't exist!

Whereas I like purity.

But the dunghill kind.
Or it's not purity, it's dumb.

But where they have a point is,

no one faults you
for a bad restaurant scene,

you were in a lousy movie,
doesn't matter!

But your ass,

in a sex scene, is your ass!

And they always
trigger the hostilities!

Always...

Let's hit the sack.

You know, I think they have
to hate me to act well.

Once they don't care if I love them,

they can face my look,
my judgment,

without being afraid
to disappoint me.

I'll go up to him,

I'll stand in front of him
and stare at him,

so he understands it's my right.

So he sees he can't dodge me,
or the role.

There's a lot of lines.
A guy can't get it up just like that.

So we had a fake one made,
to ease things!

But he could have said:

"I can't get it up for your film".
Rather than have a cast made.

To think I didn't dare ask him!

Yes, you palmed it off on me,
as usual!

And he accepted meekly,
as if it was normal.

Actors amaze me.

But for the girl,
I think it's much better.

The fact that it's not
a real cock is more... reassuring.

Really? You think
it's more politically correct?

Yes.

- Is it ready?
- Yes.

It's perfect!
Looks just like a real one.

Take it easy, Jeanne.

Well?

It's tough for him.

Supposedly he has a huge one,
9 inches!

But he may have asked Willy
to cheat.

If that's his real size, I'm jealous.

I'll try to get the truth from Willy.

Let's go!

Great, she'll look like
a rag doll in tears.

It's funny, you never
look at the big one.

Yes, I do.

No, your look's always there.

Because I'm not at the right height.

The big one's useless:
you don't look at it.

Still, it's better.

My dad's arriving in two days.

I have to be 2 extra nights in
Lisbon, or I'll miss him.

He can't come here.

You're pretty crafty.

You make promises
and don't keep them.

I had an awful dream
last night, I hardly slept.

I had a cock that reached to the sky.

I'd become tiny.

It was awful, one of those dreams
that seem real.

I woke up all the time,
sweating, unable to move.

With that thing, stuck in my belly.

Like a stake for a vampire.

But the real vampire was my penis.

I no longer existed!

I've never had a dream like that.
It was awful.

Are we lunching together?

Yes.

He's already seated on the bed?

We'll do time-lapses,
we can't shoot it all!

He brought her here
to show her the house,

his parents are away,
he's on the bed,

so obviously...

That's just it.
It's too obvious!

If I was her, I'd just stand there...

You say to me:

"Don't just stand there!"

She comes forward...

You be the girl, I'll be the boy.

Go on...

Right down to it?

Sure, they're on a bed, after all!

Then this dummy speaks:
she's scared.

Speech is the best chastity belt.

And she sticks her elbows into him.
Girls are great at that.

As you move in, the elbow
jabs your ribs. Very painful.

Yes, but they're smooching.

Sure they are, but nothing more.

Then what does he do?

He does this...

Goes straight for her tits?

I'll play along, but don't blame me
if I get a hard-on.

Stop showing off, you're not hard.

I'm desperately doing
mental equations,

thinking of my tax return,
the shooting schedule...

Liar, you don't have a hard-on!

I told you, I'm thinking
about my tax return!

It'd be very embarrassing
if I got a hard-on here.

Especially as my skinny look
is misleading.

Stop boasting
that you have a big one.

Too bad you're not hard,
at least we'd find out!

So there!

The shot's worked out.

Those who whisper that I sleep
with my assistant: not at all.

We're working.

I know some of you whisper
that I sleep with my assistant.

Yes, indeed!

- Where's the art-director?
- I'm here!

Put a board under the mattress.
It's not a bed, it's an octopus.

You can't do a love scene
on a soft bed, it's absurd.

For movies, you need hard beds!

We'll find one.

You OK? Not too worried?

No, I'm fine.

It's the Actor's place.
Unless he's not coming...

No problem! I'll go elsewhere.

Are we eating together?

Yes.

He wants you alone.

You lunching with me?

She hates me.

I'd kill her if I could.

No, she's nice.

Hardly fascinating, but nice.

She's an idiot!

Yesterday she said horrible things.

Like what?

Horrible things.

She's out to humiliate
any guy within range.

Doesn't matter.

You didn't call me this weekend?

You gave me
a wrong cell phone number.

You didn't call the hotel?

And you think I gave you
a wrong number?

No faith!

You want total obedience,
or you get destructive.

And fast!

Once the movie's over,

we'll be total strangers.

Probably...

I don't wish it,
but it usually happens.

I don't want it to happen.

You must trust me,
respect my freedom.

I can't hole up in the inn,
I need to go out, alone.

But you behave
like a very social animal!

The crew's my second family!

I spent my childhood
on film sets with my dad.

You want to meet him?

Yes.

You'll like him.

He's more stylish than me,
more handsome.

I like having greasy hands,
or working the soil.

I hate possessions, clothes,
I want to own nothing.

I'm not into money:
money is power.

Owning nothing is freedom.

I can't stand your bossiness:
you're a tyrant.

A tyrant!

I hate that!
And how you speak to people!

I'm making a film!

My relationship with you
is sheer agony!

The same goes for me!

I've never felt as bad
as on your film.

But I'm glad you chose me.
I thought you'd take

the guy I tested with:
he's more handsome.

A lot more handsome!

All those I considered,

there were three,

were all more handsome.
But you're...

You're a hustler!

You can make people think
you're handsome!

But I have to drag it out of you.

I can't stand being shouted at.

I found a calendar
I had when I was 5.

You realize, 5 years old!

I'd put a cross on certain days.
There were 5...

There were only 5 days...

5 days when what?

When my stepmother didn't beat me.

So when I'm shouted at, I go nuts!

It's not meanness, it's anxiety.

Aren't you hungry?
You've hardly eaten anything.

Neither have you.

An empty stomach's
good for the scene. So I'm light.

Take off your socks!
A boy in socks looks silly.

I won't take them off!

Yes, you will.

Not my socks. I'm fine this way.
Basta!

I decide that!

Tomorrow they go!
You can't be naked in socks!

I'll take off my shoes.
But my socks is too much.

I must be dreaming!

This guy's driving me nuts!

If I can't make him
take off his socks...

He's an asshole...
I already hate him!

Why won't you take off your socks?

Ashamed of your feet?
Are they abnormal?

Barefoot isn't bareass.

I'm a fetishist.

If I don't keep on my socks,
I think I'll die.

Just tell yourself
it's OK to remove them.

I said I'm a fetishist.
I can't be reassured.

What'll you do tomorrow?

Just trust me.

- He keeps his socks on?
- Yes, he does.

- There he still has them on.
- I agreed to it.

Cigarette ready?

Shooting now!

Let's all be quiet, please.

Chew on the medal.

There.

- Roll it!
- Rolling.

- Clapper!
- 22/9 Take 8!

Action!

"Don't just stand there!"

"No, but...

"Let's not stay in the bedroom. "

Your lines! Let's go!

"You don't like it in here?"

"Sure... "

I like the ambiguity...

Move in closer...
Camera moves in!

That's not fast enough...

We should've done it
when I said so...

But it's not bad.

"Don't trust"

That's not the right position,
sit up!

"If anything happens to me,
I'll be to blame. "

"What could happen?"

"Nothing. "

Now, kiss!

There...

Kiss her properly!

You've already kissed,
this is teenage love!

Like in a disco, or a car,

on the sand, on the beach...

Life is being good to you.

The elbow goes on her breast,
we move in closer,

his hand on her breast...

Use your elbow, I want to see it...

The elbow...

The elbow's to protect the body!

Now your hand slides
down her body...

He floors me!

Let's cut.

Cut!

Help!

Your face looked wonderful,

as you leaned over him, I saw your
emotion, your innocence...

Then you turned your head
to get the cigarette,

but it was totally mechanical.

I lost your expression,
your emotion, your innocence,

all the magic I had
when you were looking at him.

Let's do it again...
Stay like that.

Take the cigarette much later. OK?

But first, I want that look.

OK?

Let's go!

You never kissed anyone, asshole?

Go on!

There!

They're kissing...

I love teen years!

She's going to get it.

Yes, but she wants that.
As long as he's responsible for it.

That's young girls for you!

Cut!

Jeanne will take this very badly!

You making a big mistake, pal!

You said he needn't stay at the inn?

I did not.
I said it was OK until tonight.

Shall I call him at the hotel?

No, I don't want to talk to him!

But he'll hear from me!

But what do I do?

Send my 2nd assistant
to move him by force?

He can do what he wants!
I don't care!

I said Jeanne isn't with me!
I can't disturb her!

Call her in her room!

All I know is she's furious!
Call her and settle it with her!

I won't talk to him.

Some days
I hate playing go-between!

You pick actors,
because you love them.

But once they've got the role,
they change.

Because now you can't fire them,
so they get even.

You treat them
like princes and princesses.

But they want to be loved
for what they are.

So once they've been chosen
and have power,

and even the dumbest
understand that...

the film becomes their hostage.

They're in front of the camera,
you can't do a thing about it.

It's really painful.

I say I hate them,
but deep down I love them.

I hate them for not loving me.

You think they do the film
out of love, but...

I don't know... Out of vanity?
Why do they do the film?

And there's their cowardly side.

When you get tough with them,
though you have no real power,

they're the first to be hateful,
to trigger the hostilities.

And when they back down,
you despise them.

Though you'd really
like to love them.

I'm talking about actors,
not actresses.

With them I get along,
even when we don't like each other.

The violence,
the power trip, is masculine.

But it's when you put them down
that they're dazzling,

as if they needed it.

Because an actor is female.

He has to be, to be an actor.

And sharing your emotion with them
is a mistake.

A director is a predator,
you drag the emotion out of them!

It becomes yours,
your name's on the film.

The actors are the film's
basic material.

That's how it is:
humanly it's appalling.

It's like I'm going
to my own hanging.

Think they'll take
their clothes off?

He wouldn't take his socks off:
that's not promising!

In other people's films
actors undress, don't they?

All of them!

Even for lousy scenes.

They do shower scenes
that are sheer titillation!

But for me, they won't do it!

I'll do it in one shot.

I'll shoot the whole scene
in one shot.

So they can't escape me.

Once they're naked,
they can't get dressed.

It's the only solution.

15 pages! How will you manage?

I can! I can do it!

We'll shoot the scene in one shot.
We'll put cue-boards everywhere.

The whole scene?

We'll cut that blonde.

I need a flag for that poly.

You OK?

You don't look happy.

I can't complain. I'm well-paid.

What is it?

Nothing.

You want to tell me something?

I'll tell you later.

Tell me now, it's simpler.

It doesn't matter.

What is it?

No, but the script
never says he's naked.

He takes off his pants,
but not his shorts.

I know, I wrote that, it was silly!

I should have re-read it.

A guy with a hard-on
sticking out of his shorts?

It'll look farcical.

I want to know:

it also says his cock
is seen in shadowplay.

It won't be in shadowplay.

That's a figure of speech.

For people who make decisions
after reading scripts.

It says "shadowplay".

To hell with what I write!

Cinema is who plays it.

Films change depending on the actor.

In any case,
he doesn't keep on his shorts.

But I'd like him to keep on his
shirt.

Naked bodies bore me.

We'll try things out...

We'll try them and then see...

Jeanne, lunch break.

I'll skip lunch,
I don't want to see them.

No point in re-reading it.

The scene makes no sense
to me now.

I doubt they'll lunch:
they're rehearsing.

Rehearsing together?

They're going over their lines.

I'm glad to hear that.

Give me the car keys just in case,

but I'll go for a walk.

I'd be on the set
at 12:01 on the dot.

This is happiness.

Want to hear the latest?

He didn't come to lunch.
She came for 20 minutes.

Did they say anything,
did they ask for me?

No, they seem calm.

Their bodies are made-up?

I reminded her this morning.

So they know?
And they agree to it?

I can't believe it.

Now what do we do?

I don't know.

I have to figure it out myself.

I need to be alone, too.

The set's restricted
to the director's staff! Go away!

You throw me out
when you light it!

Everyone out!

I need to figure what I wrote,

to go over my scene.

Later, we'll rehearse.
Endlessly!

You leave, too.

But I'm doing
the scene with you!

No! I have a right to be alone!

You respect a writer's need
to be alone! I need it, too!

I'll be in a corner,
in case you need me.

No! Go away!

I don't want a glimpse of you!

There! Leo?

Come in!

Why did you leave?

My boss said: everyone out!

Not you, I need you.

I'm very flattered.

I don't know where to begin.

I'm totally lost.

When I wrote it,
the scene made sense.

Last night, I reread it
and it fell apart.

I reread it 15 times!

Nothing, it meant nothing!

Come here!

You be the girl!

I know what boys do...

They're totally predictable.

The girl's the answer.

So first I have to know what he'll
do.

It's the body movements,
never the words.

Words are lies, bodies are truth.

Now I have to invent the truth.

She's lying on the bed...

She puts an arm on her forehead,

you're dreaming, open-eyed...

He's undressing,
but you don't want to know it.

Her feet are together...
Yes, together.

That's not together, that's crossed.

Now he can do what girls like...
nothing...

Remember, she's a virgin!

Surrender! Or he'll look dumb
with his ass sticking out.

That's no good...

No, girls let boys do things.

Because it forces boys to do them.

What does she say now? Say it!

"I love you, but... "

Right.

That awful "but"!

She sighs...

And she twists around...

which brings her here...

That'll be nice for the camera.

Now we can see
he's getting nowhere.

You're such bitches!

Not at all!

It's the conflict between her desire.
She wants him...

And her view of her own dignity.

Is getting laid by a boy
good for her self-image?

Sex is what people do most
and admit least.

Can you ask Rose to come in?

She's the size of the Actress.

She'll be the girl.
You, for once, the boy.

Ask Rose to come
to the set, please?

As fast as you can, thanks.

It's all so precise and complex...

If only girls were more normal!

All this to get laid
for the first time!

They're all out there waiting!

We were holed up 1 hr 26 minutes!

No? It felt like 20 minutes.

1 hr 26!

Now we'll rehearse it
till the moves are perfect.

And none of those terrycloth robes

that are so dear to actors!

I want to see bodies.

Bodies can't move in bathrobes.

And they're no help for the lighting.

Wear shorts or swimsuits.

It won't be indecent.

You won't be cold,
the lights'll be on.

If they're cold, do we have heating?

OK, we got it.

- We rehearsing?
- Yes.

Will the fake penis stay on?
He'll move a lot.

I had a fake one made
so the erection isn't a problem.

But we must be discreet.

We'll see it clearly at first,
but it mustn't intrude.

OK, we'll see.

We have to try it out
with the camera. No problem.

But I need an hour
for the lighting.

There are changes there...

Lots of changes!

I want this one.

Isn't it a bit much?

No, I'll try it on
and see if it's OK.

We can always change it.

Fine!

Why the different sizes?
I thought it was a real cast.

Here it is.

Medium size, French norms.

OK...

I'm extra large, so...

Can we talk when you have time?

I always have time for actors.
We can talk now.

No later, when you have time.

I said I have time.
We can talk now.

No outside, come outside.

I don't want the others to hear.

I never thought we'd work this way.

You work it all out, I just copy Leo.

When you threw me out,
I thought I'd die.

Really?

I'm not an actor who mimes others,

it's how I feel about the role.

Of course it is!

Your body's playing the role.

And your body
has its own shape and movements!

You're the one I'm filming,

you'll be doing it.

At least, let me watch you
imagining the scene.

Excluding me was sheer violence.

You refuse to understand.

I needed to be alone.

The film's hard for me, too.

It's no trifle.
I'm at stake here.

If you're bad,
you'll say I'm to blame.

That the film's hopeless.

You'll say it's not your film.

With Leo and Rose, I'm like alone.

I know Leo doesn't count,
that's why I'm not mad at you.

Trust me. You want me
to trust you, but trust me!

I know the fake penis is an ordeal.

I'm fine. What about her?
Does she know I'm wearing one?

No. I wanted to talk to you both.

I wanted us all to meet
at the inn and talk. You refused.

No, I didn't. I told you.

Lies. Doesn't matter, that's how it
is.

Each film is different,
this one relies on silence.

Not speaking to the actors
can be a way.

You must talk to her.

She doesn't know I'll be naked,
she won't agree.

She says total nudity
isn't in her contract.

- I hate actors who talk contracts!
- She's calling her agent.

Let her!
As long as she doesn't talk to me!

Yes, but she does to me!

In the make-up trailer!
Ask the girls!

Until she tells me, things are fine.

I'm aware of everything.
But I disregard what I'm not told.

I know my job.
I've always done it this way.

I've dodged you both all morning.

I didn't come to make-up.
When I do, you're both distant.

So self-important, selfish, vain.

Checking yourselves in the mirror,
giving orders!

You're detestable!

As if you owned the world,
and that was fine.

I can't wait till it's over!

Unless assistants go get you,
you're never on time!

You're so unprofessional.
You're mindless!

You act like children,
it's all you know!

I've had it, I'm not your mom.
I hate mothering actors!

Actors are well-paid,
because it's hard work!

I think we're expected.

Go on!

Get on top of her.

Stop acting like a toad!

He'll be a pain,
he'll never get it right!

That looked terrible!
For us it was awful!

Now show me! It's very precise.

That's crap! I'll do it as I feel it!
I'm not a machine.

The feelings come later.
Let's do a run through.

You be the boy.

Like this, OK?

You see...

She turns this way.

And grabs him with her arm,
like this...

The more her back's against him,

the tighter they'll be.

Like this...

She's strangling me, what a grip!

See? That way he can't get away.

That's girls for you!

Then I'm not a girl, I'm easier.

Not your first time?
How was your first time?

A disaster.
I'd chosen a boy who was lousy.

Not like my sweetheart.

Anyway, his character's freaking out,

he's complicated...

For her it's crystal-clear.
For him, it's horrible!

He shouldn't be so obsessed
with balling her!

Anyway he's quite nice, really.

OK. You want me to play it nice?

Not like a bastard.
Since he ends up being one.

Play it the other way round.

Be tender, considerate,
moved by her.

So I play it as a nice guy?

Let's go, I'll do the scene.

Let's shoot it! Anyway, let's try.

We may not get it, but...
Go see Willy!

One minute.

I should've told you,
but I couldn't.

The Actor must have a hard-on.
I had a fake penis made. You knew?

- No.
- I'm telling you.

It's rough, but on the screen
it'll hardly show.

And there'll be no contact,
it's a fake one.

If he touches you, it's a plastic
cast, his cock's inside.

Whatever touches you is plastic.

Good. Between takes, he paws me,
he doesn't respect me.

He's an idiot.

Will I be naked?

More or less.

She definitely
isn't wearing panties.

But she should be partly clad:
so keep on your dress.

We'll raise it, of course,
but it's on you.

You agree?

Go get changed.

- Is it OK?
- Yes.

In the end we used the biggest.

Freaky, huh?

Try this on.

I have to see it.
It's the only way to know.

Anyway, I told her.
Sure she won't do it?

At noon she said no total nudity:
it wasn't in the script.

It was, come on!

I told her she'd be naked.
Wasn't I explicit?

She said she wouldn't do it.

That's because it's tough.

She thinks she'll be bad.
But on the set, she'll do it.

Say what you want about her,
she's gutsy.

She takes risks, she's not a pain.

With a tank top, it looks silly.

A naked torso is lovely!

Maybe you'll wear pants, we'll see.

When your hair's done,
it'll be perfect.

Should I put on my pants?

No, wear a T-shirt and sweater.

T- shirt and sweater!

Stop clowning!

He can't concentrate.

Action!

I don't want to see that!

Nothing at all!

It's subliminal!
No huge cock out front!

We only see his hard-on
as he lies down! Again!

Let's all be quiet, please!

Shooting now!

And muzzle the dog!

Roll it!

- Speed!
- Clapboard.

36/6/ Take 3.

Action!

Now you can't see a thing!

Don't overdo it! Cut!

What is it?

We didn't see the cock!
It must show and not show!

Down with censorship!

The asshole bit me in the neck!

Let's be very quiet, please!
Shooting now!

Roll it!

- Speed.
- Clapper!

36/6/ Take 7!

Action!

Cut!

Telling him to spit didn't help.

But the anxiety's giving him
a great look.

As to her!

The Velcro's coming off!

I overexposed my dong!

Thanks for the break!

The actors needed it.

So did the crew.

How about this for shadowplay!

Some lubricant...

She doesn't turn him on!
He can't get it up for her!

No, only for the grips!

This is for you!

Don't look at him..

That idiot...

Everyone bareass!
All together now!

I've had enough,
I want to shoot now!

Well?

- Stay away!
- Could I be naked, with gloves?

- Hey?
- Don't touch me!

You want some?

The scene's good. You reassured?

It's OK with me.

You don't have to walk
around bareass.

- I don't mind.
- But I do!

Shit! He's really good!

But she's not coming across.

She's nowhere...

It's good, but not good enough.

Dazzle me on the monitor,
so I feel like an intruder!

I have no right to watch this scene!

It's very intimate!

I must be breathless,
watching you is indecent!

When you cry, it's OK.
But those are empty tears.

She's crying,
naked in a guy's arms,

she really wants
to make love to him,

but she can't,
she's in her own prison!

Be more freaked from the start!

She's a virgin, it really freaks her.

She acts up, to freak him too.

So he knows it's serious,
he won't just get her.

What if you screamed? Go on!

Scream!

Shout louder!

Louder!

Again!

Louder!

There!... Open your eyes!

That's better. Now they're clear.

We can shoot it.

"If you were nice... "

"If I was nice... "

"All girls do it from behind... "

"All girls do it?"

"So they can say it doesn't count... "

"That's disgusting!"

Cut!

That was fabulous!

You're in good spirits!

Yes, I am.
I think life's hilarious.