All language subtitles for Rick and Morty - 1x04 - M. Night Shaym-Aliens!.HDTV.KILLERS.en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,370 Rick: t-t-t-this is just 2 00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:35,369 Sloppy craftsmanship. 3 00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:36,600 Morty: hey, Rick. 4 00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,229 Boy, sure is really especially 5 00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:39,500 Beautiful out there today, huh? 6 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,730 Rick: oh, yes, Morty. 7 00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:41,829 I-it's almost unbelievable, 8 00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:42,530 Isn't it? 9 00:00:42,549 --> 00:00:43,729 Morty: yeah, you know? 10 00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,200 There's something about the air 11 00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,030 And just the way the sunshine 12 00:00:46,049 --> 00:00:46,869 Is. 13 00:00:46,890 --> 00:00:47,969 Rick: uh, sure, buddy. Yeah. 14 00:00:47,990 --> 00:00:48,469 Sure. B-brilliant. 15 00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:49,530 Very convincing. 16 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,769 Rick: wha convincing? 17 00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,199 Morty: oh. Responsive, too. 18 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,229 In real time. I love it. 19 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:54,369 Morty: uhh...okay. 20 00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:55,329 Beth: [ robotic ] i'm going 21 00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:56,130 To work. 22 00:00:56,149 --> 00:00:57,329 Morty, good morning. 23 00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:58,670 Dad, good morning. 24 00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:00,469 I am going to work. Goodbye. 25 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,200 Morty: what's with mom? 26 00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:03,530 Rick: oh, what's with mom? 27 00:01:03,549 --> 00:01:04,500 So, you're saying that she's 28 00:01:04,519 --> 00:01:05,530 Acting weird? 29 00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:07,170 How soph[burps]isticated. 30 00:01:07,189 --> 00:01:08,230 Careful, guys. 31 00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:09,170 You're gonna burn out the cpu 32 00:01:09,189 --> 00:01:09,929 With this one. 33 00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:11,000 Morty: okay, you know what, 34 00:01:11,019 --> 00:01:11,700 Rick? 35 00:01:11,719 --> 00:01:12,569 You'reacting weird, too. 36 00:01:12,590 --> 00:01:13,630 Rick: whatever, 37 00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:15,500 Quote-unquote "Morty." 38 00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:16,869 Morty: all right, well... 39 00:01:16,890 --> 00:01:18,230 I'll see you after school. 40 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:19,530 Ow! Oof! Ugh! 41 00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:20,599 Damn it! 42 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:22,600 I'm all right. I'm okay. 43 00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:24,700 Rick: [ slurps ] 44 00:01:24,719 --> 00:01:26,000 All right, who can tell me 45 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,129 What 5 x 9 is? 46 00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:29,200 [ students whispering ] 47 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:30,129 Morty? 48 00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:31,400 Morty: uh, me? 49 00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:32,769 What is 5 x 9? 50 00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:34,700 Morty: umm...you know, it's 51 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,230 Uhh...at least 40. 52 00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,129 [ students gasp ] 53 00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:38,170 Morty, that's exactly 54 00:01:38,189 --> 00:01:39,429 Correct! 55 00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,170 5 x 9 isat least 40! 56 00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:42,700 Come up here. 57 00:01:42,719 --> 00:01:44,329 Whoo! Way to go, Morty! 58 00:01:44,349 --> 00:01:46,000 Everybody, this is the best 59 00:01:46,019 --> 00:01:46,899 Student. 60 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,170 I want youto be the teacher 61 00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:48,969 Today. 62 00:01:48,989 --> 00:01:49,629 Teach us, Morty! 63 00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,730 Rick: interesting. 64 00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:51,700 Morty: w-w-w-what do you want 65 00:01:51,719 --> 00:01:52,429 Me to teach you? 66 00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:53,370 Ooh, ooh! 67 00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:54,469 How do you make concentrated 68 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:55,599 Dark matter? 69 00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,230 Oh, that's a good question. 70 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,670 Morty: concentrated huh? 71 00:01:58,689 --> 00:01:59,829 Concentrated dark matter 72 00:01:59,849 --> 00:02:00,969 The fuel for accelerated space 73 00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:02,629 Travel. 74 00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:03,400 Now, do you know how to make it? 75 00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:04,100 Morty: umm... 76 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,400 Come on, Morty. 77 00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:06,600 Isn't your grandpa, like, a 78 00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:07,700 Scientist? 79 00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:08,800 Morty: oh, yeah, but, you 80 00:02:08,819 --> 00:02:09,969 Know, he told me that i 81 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:11,469 Shouldn't go around spouting off 82 00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:12,330 About, you know, his science and 83 00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,269 Stuff. 84 00:02:13,289 --> 00:02:14,769 I bet you've seen him make 85 00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:16,500 Concentrated dark matter a lot. 86 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:17,830 You know, if you tell us, i'll 87 00:02:17,849 --> 00:02:19,199 Be your girlfriend. 88 00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:20,330 Morty: uh, y-you will? 89 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,299 Seems like a rare 90 00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:22,930 Opportunity, Morty. 91 00:02:22,949 --> 00:02:23,669 [ blam! ] 92 00:02:23,689 --> 00:02:24,800 Rick: Morty, u-uh, come on. 93 00:02:24,819 --> 00:02:25,799 There's a family emergency. 94 00:02:25,819 --> 00:02:26,969 Stop right there! 95 00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:27,530 If he leaves, i'm giving him an 96 00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:28,430 "f." 97 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,229 Rick: he doesn't care. 98 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:29,870 Morty: aw, man! 99 00:02:29,889 --> 00:02:31,269 Rick, i have to go back! 100 00:02:31,289 --> 00:02:32,129 I think i was about to get 101 00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:32,530 Married! 102 00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:33,469 Ugh! 103 00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:34,070 Rick: take a shower with me, 104 00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:34,530 Morty. 105 00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:35,570 Morty: what?! 106 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:36,770 Rick: listen to me, Morty. 107 00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:37,799 Get your clothes off and get in 108 00:02:37,819 --> 00:02:38,829 The shower right now. 109 00:02:38,849 --> 00:02:39,569 Y-y-y-you got to trust me, 110 00:02:39,590 --> 00:02:40,300 Morty. 111 00:02:40,319 --> 00:02:41,000 Morty: ugh! 112 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:41,930 I'm gonna get an "f" in class, 113 00:02:41,949 --> 00:02:42,569 Rick. 114 00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:43,400 Rick: Morty, that's not 115 00:02:43,419 --> 00:02:44,369 Class. 116 00:02:44,389 --> 00:02:45,569 T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher. 117 00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:46,599 This isn't your school. 118 00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:47,270 This entire world is not the 119 00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:48,000 World. 120 00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:49,330 We're inside a huge simulation 121 00:02:49,349 --> 00:02:50,400 Chamber on an alien spaceship. 122 00:02:50,419 --> 00:02:51,500 Morty: wait a minute. 123 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,630 W-what are you talking about? 124 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:53,599 Rick: it's all fake [burps] 125 00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,000 Morty all of it. 126 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:56,900 Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of 127 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,669 Crazy fake nonsense, Morty. 128 00:02:58,689 --> 00:02:59,530 I couldn't say so until we got 129 00:02:59,550 --> 00:03:00,530 In the shower. 130 00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:01,670 They won't monitor us in here. 131 00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:03,300 Morty: monitor us?! W-who?! 132 00:03:03,319 --> 00:03:04,629 Rick: zigerion scammers, 133 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,069 Morty the galaxy's most 134 00:03:06,090 --> 00:03:07,370 Ambitious, least successful con 135 00:03:07,389 --> 00:03:08,369 Artists. 136 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,329 You know, it's lucky for us 137 00:03:09,349 --> 00:03:10,329 They're also really 138 00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:11,469 Uncomfortable with nudity. 139 00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:12,600 Morty: aw, come on, Rick. 140 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:13,700 If everyone's just gonna be 141 00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:14,669 Insane today, at least let me be 142 00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:15,699 Insane with jessica. 143 00:03:15,719 --> 00:03:16,599 Rick: i can't [burps] let you 144 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:17,469 Do that, Morty. 145 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:18,400 Morty: give it to me! 146 00:03:18,419 --> 00:03:19,169 Rick: no! [ burps ] 147 00:03:19,189 --> 00:03:20,000 You give it to me! 148 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,000 Morty: g-g-give it! No, Rick! 149 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,229 [ aliens groaning ] 150 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,229 Oh, god, sir! 151 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,129 They're still naked! 152 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:32,930 Ugh. 153 00:03:32,949 --> 00:03:34,569 Well, check every five quintons 154 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,030 And tell me when they're not. 155 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,300 I think we should make kevin 156 00:03:37,319 --> 00:03:38,099 Look, sir. 157 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,030 What?! No! 158 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,730 W-w-why would you even say that? 159 00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,030 Uh, sir, we have a situation 160 00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:42,900 Over here. 161 00:03:42,919 --> 00:03:44,569 If there's a wiener on that 162 00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:46,030 Monitor, i swear to god, stu... 163 00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:47,500 Something is drawing a lot of 164 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,530 Processing power. 165 00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:49,730 Oh, wait. No wonder. 166 00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:51,099 There's another real human in 167 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,400 The simulator. 168 00:03:52,419 --> 00:03:53,629 Jerry: okay, Jerry big 169 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,629 Pitch meeting. 170 00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:55,670 Make-or-break time. 171 00:03:55,689 --> 00:03:56,500 [ whirrin] 172 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,700 You can do this. 173 00:03:57,719 --> 00:03:58,599 How did this happen?! 174 00:03:58,620 --> 00:03:59,330 Where's the abductions 175 00:03:59,349 --> 00:04:00,000 Department? 176 00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:01,570 Hey, man, abductions just 177 00:04:01,590 --> 00:04:02,729 Follows the acquisition order. 178 00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:03,629 Don't put this on 179 00:04:03,650 --> 00:04:04,599 Acquisitions! 180 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,900 We only acquire humans that 181 00:04:05,919 --> 00:04:07,000 Haven'tbeen simulated! 182 00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:08,430 Well, simulations doesn't 183 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,000 Simulate anybody that's been 184 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:11,330 Abducted, so [chuckles] 185 00:04:11,349 --> 00:04:12,329 Oh, i see! Oh, oh! 186 00:04:12,349 --> 00:04:13,469 It was no one's fault. 187 00:04:13,490 --> 00:04:14,300 Oh, okay. [ chuckles ] 188 00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:15,099 I'm sorry. 189 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,300 Well, then, problem solved. 190 00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:17,129 Oh, wait no. 191 00:04:17,149 --> 00:04:18,469 There's still another human in 192 00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,100 Here! 193 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,329 Who is he? 194 00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,330 Rick's son-in-law, 195 00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,470 Jerry smith. 196 00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:23,730 So far, he hasn't noticed he's 197 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,670 In a simulation. 198 00:04:24,689 --> 00:04:25,569 [ sighs ] 199 00:04:25,589 --> 00:04:26,829 Well, cap his sector at 5% 200 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,100 Processing, keep his settings on 201 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,069 Auto, and we'll deal with him 202 00:04:29,089 --> 00:04:29,769 Later. 203 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:31,500 Rick sanchez is the target. 204 00:04:33,949 --> 00:04:34,800 Jerry: [ inhales deeply ] 205 00:04:34,819 --> 00:04:35,769 Got to relax. 206 00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,170 It's just a pitch. 207 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:37,699 Got to relax. 208 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:38,600 [ click ] 209 00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:39,699 [ static ] 210 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,030 This is earth radio. 211 00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:44,530 And now, here's...human music. 212 00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:47,370 [ repetitive rhythmic beepin] 213 00:04:47,389 --> 00:04:49,300 Jerry: hmm. Human music. 214 00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:51,069 I like it. 215 00:04:51,089 --> 00:04:52,599 [ beeping continue] 216 00:05:01,819 --> 00:05:04,899 [ Rick and Morty panting ] 217 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:05,770 Morty: Rick! 218 00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:06,870 Rick: uhp, uhp, uhp! 219 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:07,699 Morty, keep your hands off your 220 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,630 Ding-dong! 221 00:05:08,649 --> 00:05:09,500 It's the only way we can speak 222 00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,099 Freely. 223 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,230 Look around you, Morty. 224 00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:12,430 Do you really think this [burps] 225 00:05:12,449 --> 00:05:13,500 World is real? 226 00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:14,769 You'd have to be an idiot not to 227 00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:16,000 Notice all the sloppy details. 228 00:05:16,019 --> 00:05:17,069 Look that guy's putting a bun 229 00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:18,169 Between two hot dogs. 230 00:05:18,189 --> 00:05:19,569 Morty: i don't know, Rick. 231 00:05:19,589 --> 00:05:20,329 I mean, i've seen people do that 232 00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:21,070 Before. 233 00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:21,699 Rick: well, look at that old 234 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,630 Lady. 235 00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:23,329 She's she's walking a cat on 236 00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:24,070 A leash. 237 00:05:24,089 --> 00:05:25,099 Morty: uh, mrs. Spencer does 238 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,170 That all the time, Rick. 239 00:05:26,189 --> 00:05:27,430 Rick: look, i-i-i don't want 240 00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:28,069 To hear about mrs. Spencer, 241 00:05:28,089 --> 00:05:28,529 Morty! 242 00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:29,500 She's an idiot! 243 00:05:29,519 --> 00:05:30,729 All right, all right, there. 244 00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:31,899 W-what about that, Morty? 245 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:32,900 Morty: okay, okay, you got me 246 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:33,870 On that one. 247 00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:34,870 Rick: oh, really,Morty? 248 00:05:34,889 --> 00:05:35,829 Are you sure you haven't seen 249 00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:36,500 That somewhere in real life 250 00:05:36,519 --> 00:05:37,000 Before? 251 00:05:37,019 --> 00:05:37,769 Morty: no, no. 252 00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:38,830 I haven't seen that. 253 00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:40,129 I mean, why would a pop tart 254 00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:41,229 Want to live inside a toaster, 255 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,000 Rick? 256 00:05:42,019 --> 00:05:43,229 I mean, that would be, like, the 257 00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:44,670 Scariest place for them to live. 258 00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:45,600 You know what i mean? 259 00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:46,329 Rick: you're missing the 260 00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,000 Point, Morty. 261 00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:47,870 Why would he drive a smaller 262 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:48,899 Toaster with wheels? 263 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,500 I mean, does your car look like 264 00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:51,430 A smaller version of your house? 265 00:05:51,449 --> 00:05:52,199 No. 266 00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:52,770 Morty: so, why are they doing 267 00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:53,530 This? 268 00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:54,500 W-what do they want? 269 00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:55,669 Rick: well, that would be 270 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,670 Obvious to you, Morty, if you'd 271 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,469 Been paying attention. 272 00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,829 [ siren wails ] 273 00:05:58,850 --> 00:05:59,870 [ tires screech ] 274 00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:01,129 We got the president of the 275 00:06:01,149 --> 00:06:02,500 United states in here! 276 00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:03,799 We need 10cc of concentrated 277 00:06:03,819 --> 00:06:05,529 Dark matter, stat, or he'll die! 278 00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,230 Morty: concentrated dark 279 00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:06,930 Matter? 280 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:07,699 They were asking about that in 281 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:08,600 Class. 282 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,629 Rick: yeah, it's a special 283 00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:10,669 Fuel i invented to travel 284 00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:11,469 Through space faster than 285 00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:12,170 Anybody else. 286 00:06:12,189 --> 00:06:13,500 These zigerions are always 287 00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:14,669 Trying to scam me out of my 288 00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:15,800 Secrets, but they made a big 289 00:06:15,819 --> 00:06:17,000 Mistake this time, Morty. 290 00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,099 They dragged youinto this. 291 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,170 Now they're gonna pay! 292 00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:20,529 Morty: what do you 293 00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,829 W-w-what are we gonna do? 294 00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:22,700 Rick: we'll scam the 295 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,730 Scammers, Morty. 296 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,800 And we're gonna take them for 297 00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,269 Everything they've got. 298 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:28,170 Jerry: national apple farmers 299 00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:30,399 Of america, welcome to our ad 300 00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:30,970 Agency. 301 00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,329 I'm Jerry smith. 302 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,200 All right. 303 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,030 I'll just...get to the pitch. 304 00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:39,270 Um, simple question, gentlemen, 305 00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,830 [ hoarsely ] what are apples? 306 00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,629 [ clears throat ] excuse me. 307 00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:44,029 Ahh. 308 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,930 [ coughs, clears throat ] 309 00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:48,699 What are apples? 310 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,000 Apples are food. 311 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,029 And...when do we need food? 312 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,370 When we're hungry. 313 00:06:56,189 --> 00:06:58,230 With that, i give you your new 314 00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,899 Slogan! 315 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,430 [ sighs ] 316 00:07:01,449 --> 00:07:02,729 Well, say something! 317 00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:03,699 Do you like it? 318 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:04,630 Yes. 319 00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:05,699 Jerry: you do? 320 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:06,930 All: yes. 321 00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:09,099 Jerry: so...i sold it? 322 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,829 [ laughs ] i sold the idea? 323 00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,000 All: yes. 324 00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:13,729 Jerry: oh, my god! Thank you! 325 00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:15,370 Together: thank you. 326 00:07:15,389 --> 00:07:17,569 You're welcome. 327 00:07:17,589 --> 00:07:20,829 [ "baker street" plays ] 328 00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,200 Jerry: hey! 329 00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:23,870 I just sold my first pitch! 330 00:07:23,889 --> 00:07:24,569 [ dialing ] 331 00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:25,399 Slow down! 332 00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:25,930 Lookin' good. 333 00:07:25,949 --> 00:07:27,329 My man! 334 00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:30,000 [ beeping, telephone ringing ] 335 00:07:30,019 --> 00:07:31,169 Robot Beth: hello. 336 00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:32,500 Jerry: guess who just sold 337 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,699 The apples campaign. 338 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,830 Robot Beth: who just sold the 339 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:35,700 Apples campaign? 340 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:36,730 Jerry: me! 341 00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,529 I guess it wasn't a rip-off of 342 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:39,970 "got milk?" after all. 343 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:40,930 Guess someonewas wrong. 344 00:07:40,949 --> 00:07:42,029 Robot Beth: yes. 345 00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:43,300 Jerry: well, all is forgiven, 346 00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:44,569 Because right now, i've got an 347 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,729 Erection the size of an 348 00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,029 East coast lighthouse, and i'm 349 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,030 Coming home to share it with my 350 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:48,829 Beautiful wife. 351 00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:49,770 Robot Beth: okay. 352 00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:50,600 Jerry: wait really? 353 00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:51,329 Robot Beth: yes. 354 00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:51,930 Jerry: yes! 355 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:52,800 See you in 10 minutes! 356 00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:53,370 [ cellphone beeps ] 357 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,229 Hey! 358 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,569 I'm going to make love to my 359 00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:56,099 Wife! 360 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,030 Lookin' good. 361 00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:57,770 Slow down! 362 00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:58,530 My man! 363 00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:00,770 [ beeping ] 364 00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:01,970 Morty: aw, geez, Rick. 365 00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:03,000 I-i don't know if i like this 366 00:08:03,019 --> 00:08:04,099 Plan, you know? 367 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,670 I mean, crowds, t-t-t-they have 368 00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:07,329 A tendency to make me really 369 00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:07,900 Nervous. 370 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,900 Rick: Morty, relax. 371 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,900 It's just a bunch of 1s and 0s 372 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:10,770 Out there. 373 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,830 You're gonna be fine. 374 00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,200 Just follow my lead. 375 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,770 Yo, deejay, drop that beat. 376 00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,770 [ hip-hop beat plays ] 377 00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:17,530 [ cheers and applause ] 378 00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,730 Uh-oh, Morty. 379 00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,730 This crowd looks too small for 380 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,430 One of ourfamous rap concerts. 381 00:08:22,449 --> 00:08:23,969 I don't think we can perform our 382 00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:25,230 New song, "the recipe for 383 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:26,500 Concentrated dark matter," for a 384 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:27,669 Crowd this tiny. 385 00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:28,500 Morty: you got that right, 386 00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:29,129 Rick. 387 00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:32,199 [ cheers and applause ] 388 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,529 Rick: now that's [burps] 389 00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:34,199 More like it! 390 00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:35,769 Morty, here we go. 391 00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:37,169 Let me hear everybody say 392 00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:38,830 "hey-oh!" yeah! 393 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,200 [ crowd cheering ] 394 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,899 All the ladies say, "yeah!" 395 00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:43,029 [ ladies cheering ] 396 00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:44,429 Everybody over 30, do this with 397 00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:45,400 Your hands! 398 00:08:45,419 --> 00:08:46,870 Everybody with a red shirt, jump 399 00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:48,669 Up and down! 400 00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,530 [ beeping ] 401 00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,129 [ tires screech ] 402 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,100 Jerry: mm. Mm. Mm. 403 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,570 Yeah, don't move. 404 00:09:02,590 --> 00:09:04,670 Mm, mm, mm, mm! 405 00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:06,030 Mm! 406 00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:06,929 [ cheers and applause ] 407 00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,930 Rick: yo, everyone whose 408 00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:09,200 First name begins with an "l" 409 00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,500 Who isn't hispanic, walk in a 410 00:09:10,519 --> 00:09:11,970 Circle the same number of times 411 00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:12,930 As the square root of your age 412 00:09:12,950 --> 00:09:14,470 Times 10! 413 00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:17,000 [ beeping ] 414 00:09:17,019 --> 00:09:18,230 Run, Morty! 415 00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,169 Before the system reboots! 416 00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:21,300 [ squeaking ] 417 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,930 Jerry: yeah! You like that? 418 00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:24,129 Now who's unremarkable? 419 00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:25,399 You hungry for apples? 420 00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:26,969 [ squeaking intensifies ] 421 00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:30,299 Are you hungry...for...apples?! 422 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,700 [ squeaking stops ] 423 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,000 [ sighs deeply ] 424 00:09:33,019 --> 00:09:34,169 [ chuckles ] 425 00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,130 Oh, my god. 426 00:09:36,149 --> 00:09:38,000 That's the best sex i've ever 427 00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:40,029 Had in my life. 428 00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:43,729 It's...it's...too good. 429 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,070 I don't deserve this, Beth. 430 00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:47,700 I'm a fraud. 431 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,800 Morty: oh, man, Rick! 432 00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,970 W-w-w-where we running to? 433 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:50,730 Rick: out of the simulation, 434 00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:51,470 Morty. 435 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,730 Normally, the chamber operates 436 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,830 Like a treadmill, with the 437 00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,000 Virtual world disappearing 438 00:09:55,019 --> 00:09:56,129 Behind us and being rendered in 439 00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:57,299 Front of us as we move through 440 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,670 It, but while it's frozen, 441 00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,630 Morty, we can get to... 442 00:10:00,649 --> 00:10:01,899 The edge. 443 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:02,870 Here we go. 444 00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:04,100 Morty: holy crap! 445 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,129 Rick: come on, Morty. 446 00:10:05,149 --> 00:10:06,730 Morty: [ grunts ] 447 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,870 Sir, they're over the edge. 448 00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:10,199 Yes, they are. 449 00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,070 Just...as...planned. 450 00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:16,769 [ evil laughter ] 451 00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:17,769 Oh, this is going to be such a 452 00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:18,429 Mind [bleep] 453 00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,299 Rick: keep your eyes peeled 454 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,070 For the central processing room, 455 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:23,769 Morty. 456 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:24,669 That's how we're gonna scam 457 00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,600 These idiots. 458 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:26,629 Morty: so, hey, why do these 459 00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:27,730 Aliens keep coming after you, 460 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:28,429 Rick, if you're so much smarter 461 00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:29,300 Than them? 462 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,230 Rick: it's an obsession for 463 00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:31,200 Them at this point. 464 00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:32,570 The zi[burps]gerions have been 465 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,530 Trying to outsmart me for years, 466 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:34,500 Morty. 467 00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:35,629 Every time they do, i'm one step 468 00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:36,269 Ahead of them. 469 00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,230 Aha! 470 00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:39,769 Here we go. 471 00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:40,730 Grab as many processors as you 472 00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:41,799 Can carry, Morty. 473 00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,200 These guys aren't good at much, 474 00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,100 But they're reallygood at 475 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,570 Making these chips. 476 00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:47,670 Morty: i've got so many, i 477 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:48,470 Can barely hold them all. 478 00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:49,430 [ chuckles ] 479 00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,470 Look at look at this. 480 00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:51,629 Oops. I dropped one. 481 00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:52,299 Rick: don't worry about it, 482 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,170 Morty. 483 00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:53,970 There's plenty of them, you 484 00:10:53,990 --> 00:10:54,470 Little goofball. 485 00:10:54,490 --> 00:10:56,600 [ both laugh ] 486 00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:57,570 Come here, Morty! Oh, i gotcha! 487 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,129 Morty: come on, quit it, 488 00:10:58,149 --> 00:10:58,629 Rick! 489 00:10:58,649 --> 00:10:59,600 Quit it! [ laughs ] 490 00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:00,730 Rick: nothing wrong with just 491 00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:01,769 A little bit of horseplay every 492 00:11:01,789 --> 00:11:02,929 Now and then, little fella. 493 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,100 [ glass shatters ] 494 00:11:14,889 --> 00:11:16,370 Morty: wow. What do you know? 495 00:11:16,389 --> 00:11:17,629 Huh. That was easy. 496 00:11:17,649 --> 00:11:20,299 Rick: totes malotes, dawg. 497 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,100 Morty: just kind of hard to 498 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:21,799 Believe, you know? 499 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:22,830 Rick: believe it, Morty. 500 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,399 And once again, i'm flying away 501 00:11:24,419 --> 00:11:25,799 With everything i can carry, and 502 00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:26,930 The zigerions got nothing of 503 00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,300 Mine. 504 00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:33,699 Jerry: [ sighs ] 505 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,269 Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a... 506 00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:36,599 Minute to talk? 507 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:37,769 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 508 00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:39,569 Jerry: look, i'm a fraud. 509 00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:40,870 I mean, let's face it 510 00:11:40,889 --> 00:11:42,370 "hungry for apples" is just a 511 00:11:42,389 --> 00:11:43,529 Rip-off of "got milk?" 512 00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:44,729 It's almost identical. 513 00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,200 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 514 00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,269 Jerry: [ sighs ] okay. 515 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,969 I deserve that. 516 00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,370 Umm...i guess...i'll just pack 517 00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:52,299 Up my desk. 518 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,370 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 519 00:11:53,389 --> 00:11:56,330 Jerry: [ crying ] 520 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:59,269 [ sobbing ] oh, my god. 521 00:11:59,289 --> 00:12:01,730 Wait. You know what?! No! 522 00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,370 The milk people don't have a 523 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,399 Patent on simple rhetorical 524 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,500 Questions! 525 00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:07,000 There's not even a single word 526 00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,470 In "hungry for apples" that's 527 00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:09,700 Shared by "got milk?" 528 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,129 It's a completely different 529 00:12:11,149 --> 00:12:11,769 Slogan. 530 00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:13,529 It's different! 531 00:12:13,549 --> 00:12:15,299 And i shouldn't be fired. 532 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:16,629 I should be promoted! 533 00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:17,299 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 534 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:17,730 Jerry: yeah! 535 00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:18,600 Wait. Really? 536 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,399 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 537 00:12:19,419 --> 00:12:20,299 Jerry: yes! 538 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,400 I mean, i'm it may be 539 00:12:21,419 --> 00:12:22,569 Derivative, but it's the most 540 00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,800 Successful campaign to come out 541 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,830 Of thagency in a long time. 542 00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:25,899 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 543 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:26,969 Jerry: i-i'm not saying it 544 00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,000 Should win an award for 545 00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:29,370 Commercials, but it could 546 00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:30,399 Certainly be nominatedfor an 547 00:12:30,419 --> 00:12:31,370 Award for commercials 548 00:12:31,389 --> 00:12:32,669 Specifically about apples, 549 00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:33,830 Like...an appley or something. 550 00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:34,700 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 551 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,529 Jerry: is there really an 552 00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:36,399 Award called the appley for 553 00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:37,269 Apple-related ad campaigns? 554 00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,029 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 555 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:38,829 Jerry: could we nominate me? 556 00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:39,570 [ snaps fingers ] yes. 557 00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:41,430 Jerry: holy crap! 558 00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:43,230 [ beeping ] 559 00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:48,970 Rick: get in, Morty. 560 00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,500 I'm gonna [burps] be able to use 561 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:51,730 These processors to make some 562 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,230 Real important science stuff. 563 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,000 [ keypad beeping ] 564 00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:56,899 Huh. 565 00:12:56,919 --> 00:12:57,969 I thought i entered the code 566 00:12:57,990 --> 00:12:58,500 Right. 567 00:12:58,519 --> 00:12:59,929 [ keypad beeping ] 568 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,730 Wha well, what's this? 569 00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,799 W-what could this possibly be? 570 00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:12,330 Because it looks like you're 571 00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:13,899 Inside a simulation... 572 00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,399 Inside a simulation. 573 00:13:16,419 --> 00:13:18,029 You're still on the ship. 574 00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,529 Game-day bucket go boom. 575 00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,829 Sir, the, uh, doctor's 576 00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,399 Appointment to examine the 577 00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:23,529 Discoloration on your butthole 578 00:13:23,549 --> 00:13:24,500 Flaps was 579 00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:25,730 Too loud, cynthia. 580 00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:26,899 Too loud and too specific. 581 00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:27,829 Rick: uhh... 582 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:28,870 [ chuckles ] 583 00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:30,129 We've known how to make 584 00:13:30,149 --> 00:13:31,470 Concentrated dark matter for a 585 00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:33,700 Long time. 586 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,870 But now we alsoknow the code to 587 00:13:36,889 --> 00:13:38,970 Your fabled safe, Rick sanchez! 588 00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:40,930 All your most valuable secrets 589 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:41,930 Will now be ours! 590 00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:43,070 Rick: uh, yeah, until i get 591 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,330 Home before you and change the 592 00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,029 Combination, you bunch of 593 00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:45,699 Idiots! 594 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:46,529 That is why you're never 595 00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:47,129 Getting home. 596 00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:49,269 Get them! 597 00:13:49,289 --> 00:13:50,469 Rick: [ grunts ] 598 00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:51,500 [ aliens shouting, groaning ] 599 00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:52,730 Run, Morty! 600 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,269 [ both panting ] 601 00:14:01,889 --> 00:14:03,500 Morty: oh, my god! 602 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,000 [ beep, click ] 603 00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:17,600 [ mechanical breathing ] 604 00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,299 Ow! 605 00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,870 [ click, whoosh ] 606 00:14:26,889 --> 00:14:28,330 [ aliens screaming ] 607 00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,170 [ both panting ] 608 00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,570 Jerry: i got to tell you, 609 00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:32,670 This morning, i didn't even know 610 00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,600 This award existed. 611 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,429 Now i'm holdingone. 612 00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:37,000 And...um... 613 00:14:37,019 --> 00:14:39,000 Look, i want to say that today 614 00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:41,529 Was the best day of my life... 615 00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:43,129 But...the truth is, it's it's 616 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,529 More meaningful than that. 617 00:14:44,549 --> 00:14:45,699 My man! 618 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,800 Jerry: yes. Thank you, sir. 619 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,129 [ sighs deeply ] 620 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:52,769 I...am...finally complete! 621 00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:54,599 [ beeping ] 622 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,129 My my my my man! 623 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,700 Jerry: aah! 624 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,629 What the hell?! 625 00:15:04,649 --> 00:15:07,329 [ beeping ] 626 00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:07,800 No. 627 00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,530 Rick: Jerry?! 628 00:15:08,549 --> 00:15:09,529 Morty: dad! 629 00:15:09,549 --> 00:15:10,229 Rick: what are you doing 630 00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:10,899 Here? 631 00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:11,699 W-why are you dressed like a 632 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:12,600 Waiter? 633 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,399 Screw it. We don't have time. 634 00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:14,069 Come on. 635 00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:16,200 Jerry: [ sobbing ] no! 636 00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:23,399 [ alarm blaring ] 637 00:15:23,419 --> 00:15:24,229 Rick: ohhhhh! 638 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:27,870 [ beeping ] 639 00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:29,429 Jerry: aah! 640 00:15:48,149 --> 00:15:50,100 All: yes! Yes! Yes! 641 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:01,029 Oof! 642 00:16:01,049 --> 00:16:02,769 Rick: man up, Jerry! 643 00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:03,469 I may need you to work the 644 00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:03,870 Lasers. 645 00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,470 [ beeping ] 646 00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:07,970 [ slurps ] 647 00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:08,830 [ gasps ] 648 00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,399 [ alarm blaring ] 649 00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:17,330 Morty: oh, man! 650 00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,700 They're hot on our tail, Rick! 651 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:19,800 Rick: i guess they really do 652 00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:20,730 Have concentrated dark matter. 653 00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:21,600 Morty: well, you know how to 654 00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,330 Make it, too, right, Rick? 655 00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:23,600 Rick: yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 656 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,769 Uh, check the engine room. 657 00:16:24,789 --> 00:16:26,099 We just need cesium, plutonic 658 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,470 Quarks, and bottled water. 659 00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,700 Morty: it's all here, Rick! 660 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:31,529 Rick: wow, Morty. 661 00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:32,129 Lucky break. 662 00:16:32,149 --> 00:16:33,299 Grab that bucket. 663 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,430 Okay, two parts plutonic quarks, 664 00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:36,570 One part cesium. 665 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,870 Morty: okay. Uh-huh. 666 00:16:38,889 --> 00:16:40,000 [ fizzing ] 667 00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:40,829 All right. 668 00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:41,899 Rick: now empty the water 669 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,029 Bottle into the bucket and pour 670 00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:44,599 It all into the fuel tank so we 671 00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:45,899 Can get the hell out of here! 672 00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:46,929 What are you doing, Morty?! 673 00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:47,730 There's no time! 674 00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,399 [ beeping ] 675 00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:54,570 Morty: [ stammering ] 676 00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:56,030 Rick: oh, no. 677 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,029 Jerry: what the 678 00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:57,899 Rick: no! 679 00:16:57,919 --> 00:17:00,129 [ laughter ] 680 00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,970 Oh, my god, Rick. 681 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,170 How dumb are you? 682 00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,130 You're inside a simulation... 683 00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,930 Of a simulation... 684 00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:14,370 Inside another giant simulation! 685 00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,730 [ laughs ] 686 00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,269 W-we never had the recipe for 687 00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:18,700 Concentrated dark matter. 688 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,200 But we do now! 689 00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,600 We do now, sucka! 690 00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:22,929 Rick: you simulated my 691 00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,370 Grandson's genitalia?! 692 00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:25,870 Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons 693 00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:26,970 Of bitches! 694 00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:27,970 Kevin fought real hard to 695 00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:29,069 Supervise that project. 696 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:29,899 You said you weren't gonna 697 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,900 Tell anyone! 698 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:31,529 I'm never gonna live this down, 699 00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:32,200 Am i? 700 00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:33,299 Rick: all right. Okay. 701 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,369 All right, great. Wonderful. 702 00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:36,170 You win. Can we go home now? 703 00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,600 I don't know. Canyou? 704 00:17:37,619 --> 00:17:39,099 Ha! Nice. 705 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,699 Okay, okay. 706 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,730 Show this gullible turd to his 707 00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:42,569 Shuttle. 708 00:17:42,589 --> 00:17:43,869 I'm done with him. 709 00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:44,900 Oh, wait. Let me get a picture. 710 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:45,930 [ shutter clicks ] 711 00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:47,029 Aww. Look at his face. 712 00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,200 He's trying to figure out if 713 00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:49,130 He's in a simulation still. 714 00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,300 Are you, Rick? 715 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,730 Are you? 716 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:52,769 [ laughs ] 717 00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:54,170 You're not. 718 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,799 Or ayou? 719 00:17:58,089 --> 00:17:59,730 Oh, a-and, by the way, i don't 720 00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,269 Have discolored butthole flaps. 721 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,569 That was part of the simulation. 722 00:18:02,589 --> 00:18:03,299 Oh. 723 00:18:03,319 --> 00:18:04,730 Uh, sir, should i cancel that 724 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,930 Appointment, then? 725 00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:07,000 Yeah! Of course you should! 726 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:07,930 [ chuckles ] 727 00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:08,930 No, keep it. 728 00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:09,730 Move it up, actually, if you 729 00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:10,599 Can. 730 00:18:15,019 --> 00:18:15,930 Rick: hey, Jerry, don't worry 731 00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:16,830 About it. 732 00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:17,969 So what if the most meaningful 733 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:19,130 Day of your life was a 734 00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:20,070 Simulation operating at minimum 735 00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:21,129 Cap[burps]acity? 736 00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:22,500 Jerry: you know what, Rick? 737 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,529 Those guys took youfor a ride, 738 00:18:23,549 --> 00:18:24,299 Too. 739 00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:25,799 You should try having a little 740 00:18:25,819 --> 00:18:27,200 Respect for the dummies of the 741 00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:28,370 Universe, now that you're one of 742 00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:29,100 Us. 743 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:29,699 Rick: maybe you're right, 744 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,799 Jerry. 745 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:31,769 Maybe you're right. 746 00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:32,700 [ aliens cheering ] 747 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,200 [ dance music plays ] 748 00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:36,230 All right, everybody. 749 00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,099 Two parts plutonic quarks... 750 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,669 One part cesium... 751 00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:42,970 [ fizzing ] 752 00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,500 A-and listen, i'm sorry for 753 00:18:44,519 --> 00:18:45,769 ร‰ling earlier. 754 00:18:45,789 --> 00:18:46,899 I-i couldn't ask for a better 755 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,000 Staff. 756 00:18:48,019 --> 00:18:49,869 I love you guys, and i love all 757 00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,270 Your families. 758 00:18:51,289 --> 00:18:53,569 And the final ingredient... 759 00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,230 Jerry: whoa! 760 00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:58,430 What the hell?! 761 00:18:58,450 --> 00:18:59,470 W-what happened back there? 762 00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:00,829 Rick: why don't you ask the 763 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:01,500 Smartest people in the universe, 764 00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:02,900 Jerry? 765 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,269 Oh, yeah. [ burps ] you can't. 766 00:19:04,289 --> 00:19:05,970 They blew up. 767 00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:06,829 [ sighs ] 768 00:19:06,849 --> 00:19:07,899 [ beep ] 769 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,930 [ "baker street" play] 770 00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:10,830 [ vocalizing ] 771 00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,930 [ vocalizing out of sync ] 772 00:19:21,849 --> 00:19:23,969 [ "baker street" continues ] 773 00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:47,200 Jerry: so... 774 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,529 What do you think? 775 00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:50,900 You're fired. 776 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,070 Jerry: wha 777 00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,500 But t-this idea was tested in a 778 00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:55,200 State-of-the-art simulation. 779 00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:56,529 Well, then, it was a terrible 780 00:19:56,549 --> 00:19:57,000 Simulation. 781 00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:58,369 Get out. 782 00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:02,030 [ door opens, closes ] 783 00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,569 Man, how does a guy like that go 784 00:20:03,589 --> 00:20:05,629 Home and have sex with his wife? 785 00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:06,930 Rick: hey, Morty. 786 00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:07,870 Morty: what? 787 00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:09,030 Rick: hey, little buddy. 788 00:20:09,049 --> 00:20:10,399 H-h-how you doing in here right 789 00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:11,130 Now? 790 00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:11,970 Morty: aw, geez, Rick. 791 00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,029 What are you doing, man? 792 00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:13,629 Rick: y-y-you're a good kid, 793 00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:14,269 Morty. 794 00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:15,129 Y-you're a real l-little 795 00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:15,930 C-character, Morty. 796 00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:16,900 Morty: oh, boy. 797 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,900 Rick: you know, i had a 798 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,670 Really rocky road today, 799 00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:21,000 M-Morty. 800 00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:21,769 You're my little friend, aren't 801 00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:22,170 You? 802 00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:23,570 [ sighs ] 803 00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:24,799 We had some good times together, 804 00:20:24,819 --> 00:20:25,129 Huh, m-Morty? 805 00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:26,070 We 806 00:20:26,089 --> 00:20:27,029 You're a real true hero out in 807 00:20:27,049 --> 00:20:27,730 The fld. 808 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,500 You're a li 809 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,569 You're a real trouper, huh, 810 00:20:29,589 --> 00:20:30,230 M-m-Morty? 811 00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:31,130 Morty: have you been 812 00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:32,130 Drinking, Rick? 813 00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,070 Rick: i really appreciate 814 00:20:33,089 --> 00:20:33,929 You, Morty. 815 00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:34,870 Morty: o-okay, cool. 816 00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:35,770 A-all right, Rick 817 00:20:35,789 --> 00:20:36,129 Rick: you little son of a 818 00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,130 Bitch! 819 00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:39,100 Y-y are you a simulation?! 820 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,069 Huh?! Are you a simulation?! 821 00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,129 Morty: no! No! No! 822 00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:41,830 Rick: you little son of a 823 00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:42,730 Bitch! 824 00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:44,170 Morty: [ gasping ] 825 00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:45,269 Rick: i-i-i'm sorry, Morty. 826 00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:46,099 Y-you're a good 827 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:46,799 You're a good kid, Morty. 828 00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:47,470 Morty: geez! 829 00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:48,170 Rick: y-you're a good 830 00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:49,029 You're a good kid. 831 00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:49,869 Morty: oh, my god! 832 00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:50,830 Rick: [ snoring ] 833 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,569 Morty: w-w-what the hell? 834 00:20:53,589 --> 00:20:54,799 What a life. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 50352

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