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>> Jerry: ♪ LAST KING CHRISTMAS
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LAST ARRIVED ♪
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♪ ON THE CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS ♪
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[ SNIFFS ]
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MMM.
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JERRY, YOU ARE REALLY GIVING IT
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TO THIS HAM.
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[ DEVICES BEEPING ]
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UM, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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HELLO?
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MY PARENTS ARE COMING OVER FOR
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THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS.
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CAN WE STOW THE GADGETS AND LOOK
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ALIVE?
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>> Beth: ALIVE?
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FOR YOURPARENTS?
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>> Jerry: MM, GOOD ONE.
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>> Beth: HEY, MAN!
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>> Jerry: YOU"HEY, MAN!"
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THIS HOLIDAY IS ABOUT HUMANITY.
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>> Morty: YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT IT
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WAS ABOUT BEING BORN HALF-GOD
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OR SOMETHING.
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>> Jerry: WHATEVER.
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ALL ELECTRONIC ITEMS ARE GOING
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IN THE STOCKING NOW.
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>> Morty: [ GROANS ]
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>> Summer: DAD, I'M NOT GIVING
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YOU MY PHONE.
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>> Jerry: PUT IT IN THE
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STOCKING, SUMMER, OR I'M JOINING
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FACEBOOK.
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>> Summer: [ GASPS ]
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[ DOOR OPENS ]
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>> Rick: A-HO, HO, HO,
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EVERYBODY.
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>> Jerry: MORE LIKE "WHOA, WHOA,
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WHOA."
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WHAT IS THIS?
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MY PARENTS ARE COMING!
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>> Rick: CALM DOWN, JERRY.
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THIS IS REUBEN, AN OLD FRIEND.
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>> PEARL HARBOR.
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>> Rick: I CHECK IN ON HIM ONCE
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A YEAR AND GIVE HIM A LITTLE
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[BURPS] MEDICAL [BURPS]
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EVALUATION.
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>> Beth: AWW!
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DAD, THAT IS SO SWEET!
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>> Jerry: YEAH, IT IS.
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I DON'T GET IT.
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>> KOREA.
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>> Rick: DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR
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[BURPS] C-CHRISTMAS, JERRY.
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[BURPS] I'LL BE WITH REUBEN IN
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MY WORKSHOP WHILE YOU GUYS ARE
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HAVING ANOTHER DAY IN
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PHIL COLLINS' PROVERBIAL
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PARADISE.
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>> Jerry: HUH.
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YOU THINK YOU KNOW A GUY.
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[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
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OKAY, THERE'S MY PARENTS.
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NOW, REMEMBER NO TV, NO
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PHONES, NO LAPTOPS.
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WE ARE CONNECTING THIS
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CHRISTMAS, LIKE OLD-SCHOOL JEWS
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ON A SATURDAY.
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HEY, HEY!
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>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, SON.
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>> Jerry: UH, HI.
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CAN I HELP YOU?
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>> JERRY, THIS IS JACOB.
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DIDN'T YOU GET OUR TEXT MESSAGE?
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>> Together: NO!
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>> YOU MUST BE JERRY.
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THAT'S A FINE-LOOKING APRON.
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WILLIAMS-SONOMA?
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>> Jerry: I WISH! [ CHUCKLES ]
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BUT THANK YOU.
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SO, YOU'RE A... FRIEND OF THE
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FAMILY?
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>> UH, THE WAY WE SEE IT, HE'S A
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PART OF THE FAMILY.
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>> Jerry: WOW.
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>> AFTER YOUR FATHER'S BRUSH
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WITH CANCER AND LOSING YOUR
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UNCLE, WE LOOKED AT LIFE AND
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WONDERED, HOW HAVE WE SPENT IT,
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AND HOW DO WE SPEND THE REST OF
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IT?
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WHAT ARE WE GOING TO BE WHEN WE
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DIE A LIST OF FEARS AND
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QUESTIONS OR A COLLECTION OF
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REAL EXPERIENCES?
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>> Beth: HOLY CRAP.
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JOYCE, THAT'S AMAZING.
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>> THEN JACOB CAME INTO OUR
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LIVES, AND... WE'RE LEARNING TO
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LIVE AGAIN.
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>> ALL THREE OF US.
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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>> Jerry: COOL.
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EGGNOG?
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>> NOW WE ARE TALKING!
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THIS MAN'S GOT THE APRON AND THE
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EGGNOG, HUH?
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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>> Rick: HI, JOYCE. LEONARD.
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HELLO, THERE.
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>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAN.
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>> Rick: MORTY, A MOMENT OF YOUR
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TIME?
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>> [ GURGLING ]
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>> Rick: HE'S IN BAD SHAPE,
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MORTY.
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>> Morty: AW, GEEZ, RICK.
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WHAT'D YOU DO?
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>> Rick: GEE, THANKS, MORTY.
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W-W-WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DO YOU
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THINK I AM?
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I-I-I'M SITTING HERE TRYING TO
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SAVE THE GUY'S LIFE.
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I NEED YOUR HELP.
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I WANT YOU TO FIND
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DR. XENON BLOOM.
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HE'LL KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
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>> Morty: UH, W-W-W-WHERE
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WHERE DO I FIND DR. BLOOM?
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>> Rick: IN REUBEN.
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>> Morty: REUBEN, MINNE
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MINNESOTA?
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>> Rick: REUBEN ON THE TABLE,
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MORTY.
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LOOK, I-I-I [BELCHES] I DON'T
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HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO WRAP YOUR
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LITTLE WALNUT AROUND EVERYTHING.
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JUST HOLD YOUR BREATH UNTIL THE
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PROCESS IS OVER OR YOUR LUNGS
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WILL COLLAPSE.
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>> Morty: WHAT PROC
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[ SCREAMS ]
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>> Rick: [ GRUNTS ]
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>> Beth: HEY, DAD, WHERE'S
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MORTY?
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>> Rick: HE'S BUSY.
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>> Morty: [ SCREAMING ]
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[ PANTING ]
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>> Rick: MORTY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
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HEAD NORTH.
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>> Morty: RICK, WHERE AM I?
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>> Rick: DEPENDING ON MY AIM,
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YOU SHOULD BE JUST SOUTH OF THE
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ENTRANCE.
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>> Morty: ENTRANCE TO WHAT?
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>> Rick: WELCOME, MORTY.
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WELCOME...
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>> Morty: [ GASPS ]
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>> Rick:... TO ANATOMY PARK!
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IT'S A LITTLE BUSINESS VENTURE
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I'VE BEEN COOKING UP ON THE SIDE
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WITH DR. BLOOM AN AMUSEMENT
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PARK INSIDE A HUMAN BODY.
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SCIENCE ISN'T CH [BURPS]
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CHEAP, MORTY.
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THIS SHOULD REALLY HELP PUT A
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DENT IN THE OVERHEAD.
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>> Morty: OH, MY GOD!
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THIS IS INSANE!
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SPLEEN MOUNTAIN?
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BLADDER FALLS?
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PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS?
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>> Rick: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH
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THAT LAST ONE, MORTY?
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>> Morty: HUH? NO, NO.
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I'M JUST READING'EM OUT LOUD IN
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THE ORDER THAT I'M SEEING'EM.
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>> Rick: OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
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IF I SOUNDED A LITTLE DEFENSIVE,
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IT'S BECAUSE
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PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS WAS MY
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BABY.
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YOU KNOW, I GOT I GOT A LOT
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OF PUSHBACK WHEN I PITCHED IT,
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MORTY.
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I GUESS I'M STILL A LITTLE
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DEFENSIVE.
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LET'S JUST FIND DR. BLOOM,
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ALL RIGHT?
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I-I'M PICKING UP A DISTRESS
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SIGNAL IN THE LIVER, MORTY.
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PROCEED TO THE LIVER.
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>> ARRIVING AT...
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[ BELL DINGS ]
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... LIVER.
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>> Morty: OW!
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>> MIND THE GAP.
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>> Morty: IT'S REALLY SCARY IN
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HERE, RICK.
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>> Rick: THE LIVER'S UNDER
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MAINTENANCE.
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REUBEN'S SEEN SOME ROUGH YEARS,
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MORTY.
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DON'T JUDGE.
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YOU DON'T AGREE TO HAVE A THEME
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PARK BUILT INSIDE YOU IF YOUR
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LIFE'S GOING GREAT.
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>> [ ROARS ]
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>> Morty: [ SCREAMS ]
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RICK! IT'S A MONSTER!
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>> Rick: NO, NO, NO. MORTY.
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THE ONLY MONSTER HERE IS
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ALCO...[BELCHES]... HOLISM.
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THAT IS AN ANIMATRONIC WEREWOLF.
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>> [ GRUNTS ]
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WHO ARE YOU?!
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ANSWER ME!
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WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?
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>> Morty: MY MY MY GRANDPA
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RICK SENT ME!
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>> PONCHO!
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THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH.
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MORTY, THAT'S PONCHO.
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THIS IS ROGER AND ANNIE.
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>> Morty: [ GASPS ]
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>> AND I AM DR. XENON BLOOM.
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>> Morty: [ GASPS ]
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>> Rick: HEY, BLOOM, IT'S RICK.
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WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?
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>> I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THE
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ENTIRE SECURITY SYSTEM HAS SHUT
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DOWN, AND I'M AFRAID... THE
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EXHIBITS ARE UNLOCKED.
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>> Morty: EXHIBITS?
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>> ANATOMY PARK'S GREATEST
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ATTRACTION, YOUNG MAN, ISN'T THE
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MUSIC OR THE FOOD OR THE...
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PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS.
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>> Rick: WATCH IT.
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>> IT IS, FIRST AND FOREMOST, A
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LIVING MUSEUM OF HUMANITY'S MOST
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NOBLE AND FEROCIOUS DISEASES.
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>> Morty: DISEASES?
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[ CREATURE ROARS ]
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>> HEY, DOC.
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I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
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YOUR LIVING MUSEUM IS OFFICIALLY
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A WILD SAFARI!
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>> HEPATITIS A! RUN!
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[ ALL SCREAM ]
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>> OH, THE FOOD GOES INYOUR
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MOUTH, GIRL.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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>> [ Laughing ] OH, JACOB.
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>> Jerry: [ LAUGHS ]
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I-I'M SORRY, JACOB.
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I-I GUESS I'M STILL CONFUSED
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ABOUT THE PRECISE NATURE AND
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ORIGIN OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH
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MY PARENTS.
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ARE YOU, LIKE, UH ARE YOU,
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LIKE, THEIR CARETAKER?
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IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
264
00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:52,295
>> WE CAN GO INTO DETAIL LATER,
265
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:52,764
SON.
266
00:05:52,889 --> 00:05:53,894
>> NOW, WAIT.
267
00:05:54,019 --> 00:05:55,865
TH-THERE'S NO POINT TO SECRECY.
268
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:57,824
LET'S ALL LIVE AND DIE HONESTLY.
269
00:05:57,949 --> 00:05:58,995
YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE SHARED
270
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,795
40 YEARS OF EACH OTHER, MIND,
271
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,295
BODY, AND SOUL, AND WHEN MINDS
272
00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:03,824
AND SOULS ARE JOINED FOR
273
00:06:03,949 --> 00:06:06,125
ETERNITY AND WHEN ETERNITY IS
274
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:08,065
AT THE DOOR, IT'S AN INVITATION
275
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:09,824
TO LET GO OF THE BODY AND AN
276
00:06:09,949 --> 00:06:11,524
OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE AND
277
00:06:11,649 --> 00:06:12,125
EXPERIMENT.
278
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:13,065
>> Jerry: DAD, PLEASE.
279
00:06:13,190 --> 00:06:14,125
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
280
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:15,225
>> Beth: WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S
281
00:06:15,350 --> 00:06:16,095
BEAUTIFUL, LEONARD, AND WE
282
00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:16,964
SUPPORT YOU.
283
00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:18,024
>> Jerry: HEY, SPEAK FOR
284
00:06:18,149 --> 00:06:19,225
YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT [LAUGHS
285
00:06:19,350 --> 00:06:20,324
NERVOUSLY] SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE
286
00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:21,264
ABOUT TO SAY JACOB IS YOUR
287
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:21,925
LOVER.
288
00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,295
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
289
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:24,995
JACOB IS YOUR MOTHER'S LOVER.
290
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,365
[ CHUCKLES ]
291
00:06:26,490 --> 00:06:28,095
I WATCH THEM SOMETIMES FROM A
292
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,964
CHAIR AND SOMETIMES FROM A
293
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,625
CLOSET, ALMOST ALWAYS DRESSED AS
294
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:32,524
SUPERMAN.
295
00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:34,324
>> [ SMOOCHES ]
296
00:06:34,449 --> 00:06:37,725
>> OH.
297
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:38,725
JERRY, THIS HAM HAS GOT TO BE
298
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:39,524
ALL YOU, RIGHT?
299
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:40,925
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
300
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,694
[ CHUCKLES ]
301
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:43,495
>> Summer: HAPPY HUMAN HOLIDAY,
302
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,725
DAD.
303
00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:46,964
>> AAH!
304
00:06:47,089 --> 00:06:49,024
>> [ ROARS ]
305
00:06:49,149 --> 00:06:50,365
>> HEPATITIS WON'T FOLLOW US
306
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:54,125
INTO THE RESPIRATORY SYSTEM.
307
00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:55,225
>> THAT'S STRANGE.
308
00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:56,894
AIRFLOW IS DOWN 20%.
309
00:06:57,019 --> 00:06:57,865
>> SO, THE BRAIN ISN'T GETTING
310
00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,495
ENOUGH OXYGEN.
311
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,764
THAT'SWHY SECURITY'S OFFLINE.
312
00:07:00,889 --> 00:07:01,795
>> Morty: WELL, I GUESS WE
313
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,549
BETTER CHECK IT OUT.
314
00:07:06,089 --> 00:07:07,964
>> HEY! WAIT FOR ME!
315
00:07:08,089 --> 00:07:11,824
>> PUT THAT BACK ON!
316
00:07:11,949 --> 00:07:12,964
>> IF WE GOT UP TO THE BRONCHIAL
317
00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:13,725
CATWALK, WE COULD LOOK FOR A
318
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:14,625
BLOCKAGE.
319
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:15,795
>> Morty: I'LL GO.
320
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,365
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
321
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:18,595
>> DON'T BE A HERO, KID.
322
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:19,795
>> Morty: I'M NOT.
323
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,125
I'M DOING IT BECAUSE IT'S FUN.
324
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:23,324
>> WE SHOULDN'T BE HERE.
325
00:07:23,449 --> 00:07:24,995
>> WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT FIRE
326
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,295
THAT THING IN HERE.
327
00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:27,925
WE MUST SAVE REUBEN.
328
00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:28,925
THIS IS MY LIFE'S WORK.
329
00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:29,824
[ BLOB SQUEALS ]
330
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,824
>> [ GASPS ]
331
00:07:30,949 --> 00:07:32,324
>> IT'S ALL RIGHT, MY DEAR.
332
00:07:32,449 --> 00:07:34,295
NEARLY ALL HUMAN LUNGS CONTAIN A
333
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,194
STRAIN OF THESE BACTERIA, BUT
334
00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:39,024
THE SCAR TISSUE KEEPS THEM...
335
00:07:39,149 --> 00:07:40,125
DORMANT.
336
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:41,665
MORTY, GET DOWN!
337
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:42,595
>> Morty: WHOA-HO-HO!
338
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:43,925
WHOA!
339
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:45,095
[ BACTERIA SNARL ]
340
00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:46,725
>> Morty: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
341
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:50,065
[ GRUNTING ]
342
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:51,464
OH, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?
343
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:52,725
>> TUBERCULOSIS COMING IN
344
00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:53,795
FAST!
345
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,024
>> NOT FASTER THAN A BULLET!
346
00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:55,995
AAH!
347
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,194
>> NO!
348
00:07:57,319 --> 00:07:58,725
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!
349
00:07:58,850 --> 00:07:59,694
>> [ COUGHS ]
350
00:07:59,819 --> 00:08:01,648
>> All: WHOA!
351
00:08:04,319 --> 00:08:05,524
>> GET TO THE DIGESTIVE TRACT!
352
00:08:05,649 --> 00:08:06,295
HE'S COUGHING!
353
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,165
>> [ COUGHS ]
354
00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:09,324
>> WHOAAAA!
355
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:10,365
DON'T LET ME DIE!
356
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,324
>> Rick: JUST TAKE A DEEP
357
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:12,095
BREATH, REUBEN.
358
00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:13,225
>> [ GASPS ]
359
00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:14,595
>> Morty: YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE!
360
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,565
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
361
00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:16,194
>> MY NAME IS...
362
00:08:16,319 --> 00:08:17,365
>> [ COUGHS ]
363
00:08:17,490 --> 00:08:19,964
>> ALEXAND [ SCREAMS ]
364
00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:21,764
>> [ COUGHS ]
365
00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:23,194
[ ALL GRUNT ]
366
00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:24,194
>> Morty: RICK R-R-REUBEN'S
367
00:08:24,319 --> 00:08:25,394
GOT TUBERCULOSIS!
368
00:08:25,519 --> 00:08:26,495
>> Rick: OH, GREAT WORK, MORTY.
369
00:08:26,620 --> 00:08:27,125
OKAY, I'LL JUST CURE IT AND
370
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:27,725
THEN
371
00:08:27,850 --> 00:08:29,125
[ FLATLINE ]
372
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:30,194
OKAY.
373
00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,795
WELL, I CAN'T CURE DEATH.
374
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,095
THIS IS BAD, MORTY.
375
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,264
YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A DEAD MAN.
376
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:35,524
LISTEN, IF THE SITUATION KEEPS
377
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:36,695
DARKENING, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR
378
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:37,365
AND POP BY
379
00:08:37,490 --> 00:08:38,495
PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS.
380
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:39,825
OBVIOUSLY I'M BIASED, BUT I
381
00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:40,965
THINK IT'S GREAT, MORTY.
382
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:42,095
IT'S A BUNCH OF [BELCHES]
383
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:43,095
PIRATES RUNNING AROUND A
384
00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:44,264
[BELCHES] PANCREAS.
385
00:08:44,389 --> 00:08:45,465
WE DON'T WHITEWASH IT, EITHER,
386
00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:46,225
MORTY.
387
00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:47,394
I MEAN, THE PIRATES ARE REALLY
388
00:08:47,519 --> 00:08:48,565
RAPEY.
389
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:49,924
THE TOP PRIORITY IS TO GET, YOU
390
00:08:50,049 --> 00:08:51,125
KNOW, YOU GUYS OUT OF THERE, BUT
391
00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:52,365
I'M JUST SAYING, IF THAT BECOMES
392
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,225
IMPOSSIBLE, PLEASE, YOU GOTTA
393
00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:54,388
TREAT YOURSELF.
394
00:08:55,149 --> 00:08:55,995
>> Morty: OH, MAN.
395
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:56,965
W-W-W-WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE
396
00:08:57,090 --> 00:08:58,095
SMELL?
397
00:08:58,220 --> 00:08:59,095
>> YOU MEAN THE PANDA EXPRESS?
398
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,195
[ CHUCKLES ]
399
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,195
KIDDING. I-I'M KIDDING.
400
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,394
THE BODY IS BEGINNING TO
401
00:09:03,519 --> 00:09:05,625
CONSTRICT AND FILL WITH GAS.
402
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:07,825
WE'RE INSIDE A CORPSE, MY BOY.
403
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:08,865
ANATOMY PARK IS DOOMED.
404
00:09:08,990 --> 00:09:09,725
>> Morty: FORGET ABOUT THE
405
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:10,894
PARK, DOCTOR!
406
00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:11,924
HOW DO WE GET OUT?
407
00:09:12,049 --> 00:09:13,264
>> THE DIGESTIVE TRACT IS THE
408
00:09:13,389 --> 00:09:14,225
EVACUATION ROUTE.
409
00:09:14,350 --> 00:09:15,365
GET IT?
410
00:09:15,490 --> 00:09:16,495
THERE'S AN EMERGENCY STATION IN
411
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:17,924
THE COLON WITH A RAY THAT CAN
412
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:18,995
ENLARGE US ALL.
413
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:19,924
>> Morty: EVERYBODY, HEAD FOR
414
00:09:20,049 --> 00:09:20,965
THE COLON!
415
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:22,195
>> NOW I'M TAKING ORDERS FROM A
416
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,865
12-YEAR-OLD BOY?
417
00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,495
>> MORTY, THE SCAR SACS
418
00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,264
CONTAINING THE TUBERCULOSIS WERE
419
00:09:27,389 --> 00:09:28,524
SABOTAGED.
420
00:09:28,649 --> 00:09:30,825
THIS DISASTER WAS AN INSIDE JOB.
421
00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:33,195
KEEP YOUR EYE ON ANNIE.
422
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,125
SHE WAS WRITTEN UP SEVERAL TIMES
423
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,595
BY HER MANAGER AT THE CHURRO
424
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,424
STAND.
425
00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:39,024
>> INTESTINES ARE AHEAD TO THE
426
00:09:39,149 --> 00:09:40,195
LEFT, THEN TO THE RIGHT, THEN
427
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,024
LEFT, ET CETERA.
428
00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:44,995
>> Morty: HEY, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
429
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,764
I-I-I'M ACTUALLY 14.
430
00:09:46,889 --> 00:09:47,595
SO, YOU KNOW...
431
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,325
>> WHAT?
432
00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:49,725
>> Morty: NOT 12.
433
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,495
>> OKAY.
434
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,924
>> Morty: YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE
435
00:09:53,049 --> 00:09:54,024
JUST SAID I WAS 12.
436
00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:55,065
>> OH.
437
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:56,865
GOOD FOR YOU.
438
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,325
>> Rick: OOF. UGH. MORTY.
439
00:09:58,450 --> 00:09:59,924
STRIKE ONE.
440
00:10:00,049 --> 00:10:00,825
>> Morty: [ GROANS ]
441
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,225
[ FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS ]
442
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,325
>> ♪ IT'S A ROAD OF WONDER ♪
443
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:06,264
♪ A TRAIL OF FOOD ♪
444
00:10:06,389 --> 00:10:08,264
♪ IT'S A PATHWAY TO BREAK UP
445
00:10:08,389 --> 00:10:10,225
THE BAD AND GOOD ♪
446
00:10:10,350 --> 00:10:12,264
♪ IT'S A TUBE THAT DIGESTS
447
00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:14,125
AND THEN SENDS OUT THE REST ♪
448
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:15,565
♪ IT'S A SMALL, SMALL
449
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:18,294
INTESTINE ♪
450
00:10:18,419 --> 00:10:19,695
>> IT GOES ON LIKE THIS FOR
451
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,065
MILES.
452
00:10:21,190 --> 00:10:22,095
>> THEN WE GET TO THE LARGE
453
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:22,894
INTESTINE!
454
00:10:23,019 --> 00:10:23,595
[ CREATURE ROARS ]
455
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:24,664
SHH!
456
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,089
I HEAR SOMETHING.
457
00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:29,924
>> [ ROARS ]
458
00:10:30,049 --> 00:10:31,294
>> Don't move.
459
00:10:31,419 --> 00:10:33,325
Gonorrhea can't see us if we
460
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:34,794
don't move.
461
00:10:34,919 --> 00:10:37,294
>> [ ROARS ]
462
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,264
>> WAIT, I WAS WRONG.
463
00:10:38,389 --> 00:10:39,595
I WAS THINKING OF A T. REX.
464
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,565
[ ALL SCREAM ]
465
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:43,018
>> MOVE!
466
00:10:47,019 --> 00:10:47,924
>> WE'RE SITTING DUCKS!
467
00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:49,095
>> Morty: DOC, DIDN'T YOU SAY
468
00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:49,825
THAT THE BODY WAS FILLING WITH
469
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:50,195
GAS?
470
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,495
>> YES. WHY?
471
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,195
>> KID, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
472
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,125
>> ARE YOU MAD?!
473
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,725
>> Morty: EVERYBODY, IN HERE!
474
00:10:55,850 --> 00:10:56,764
>> [ ROARS ]
475
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,325
>> HEY, GONORRHEA!
476
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,825
HOW'S THISFOR A BURNING
477
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,089
SENSATION?
478
00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:07,894
>> [ GROANS ]
479
00:11:08,019 --> 00:11:09,424
>> HUH.
480
00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:11,024
>> Morty: [ GIGGLES ]
481
00:11:11,149 --> 00:11:12,195
>> Summer: ♪ DRUMMER DRUM DRUM
482
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,294
DRUM DRUM DRUM ♪
483
00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:14,294
♪ DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM DRUM
484
00:11:14,419 --> 00:11:15,065
DRUM ♪
485
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:16,164
♪ CHRISTMAS DRUMS ♪
486
00:11:16,289 --> 00:11:17,424
>> OH, SING IT, SUMMER.
487
00:11:17,549 --> 00:11:18,365
>> Summer: ♪ CHRISTMAS DRUMS
488
00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:19,365
BEING PLAYED BY A BO-O-O-Y ♪
489
00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:19,995
>> OH, I LOVE TO HEAR YOU SING.
490
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,995
[ LAUGHS ]
491
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,995
>> Summer: [ SCATTING ]
492
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:24,995
>> Beth: JERRY, COME ON.
493
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,024
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.
494
00:11:26,149 --> 00:11:27,164
>> Jerry: I GET IT, BETH.
495
00:11:27,289 --> 00:11:28,495
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
496
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,225
I'M BEING PUNISHED FOR TAKING
497
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:29,995
YOUR iPAD.
498
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,195
>> Beth: WHAT?
499
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,125
JERRY, LET THAT STUFF GO, OKAY?
500
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:34,325
I'M SORRY I WAS A BITCH EARLIER.
501
00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:36,565
LET'S JUST BE HERE.
502
00:11:36,690 --> 00:11:37,495
>> [ GRUNTS ] SUMMER!
503
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:38,465
>> Summer: ETHAN?
504
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:39,625
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
505
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:40,595
>> I'VE BEEN TEXTING YOU FOR
506
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:41,095
HOURS!
507
00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,095
WHAT THE HELL?!
508
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:42,924
>> Summer: I DON'T HAVE MY
509
00:11:43,049 --> 00:11:43,595
PHONE!
510
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,095
I'M DOING A HUMAN HOLIDAY!
511
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:46,524
>> WELL, DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER
512
00:11:46,649 --> 00:11:47,995
HOW THAT MIGHT MAKE MEFEEL?!
513
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,125
>> Summer: HOW YOUFEEL?!
514
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,164
WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS
515
00:11:50,289 --> 00:11:51,365
HAPPENING TO YOU?!
516
00:11:51,490 --> 00:11:52,365
>> Jerry: SUMMER, DO YOU HAVE A
517
00:11:52,490 --> 00:11:53,394
BOYFRIEND?
518
00:11:53,519 --> 00:11:54,725
>> YEAH, DO YOU, SUMMER?
519
00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:55,924
>> Summer: I DON'T KNOW, ETHAN.
520
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,095
DO I?!
521
00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:59,365
>> JERRY, NO DISRESPECT, BUT YOU
522
00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:00,365
REALLY NEED TO CONNECT MORE WITH
523
00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:02,595
YOUR FAMILY, MAN.
524
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,164
>> I SHOULD BE ABLE TO ACCESS
525
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:05,294
THE BACKUP GENERATOR TO GET THE
526
00:12:05,419 --> 00:12:06,325
GROWTH RAY ONLINE.
527
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:07,595
IF IT WORKS, WE'LL BE
528
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,225
REGULAR-SIZED IN A FEW MINUTES.
529
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:10,264
I JUST HOPE REUBEN'S NOT IN A
530
00:12:10,389 --> 00:12:11,095
ROOM WITH WHITE CARPETS OR
531
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:11,764
UPHOLSTERY.
532
00:12:11,889 --> 00:12:12,595
[ RUMBLING ]
533
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,294
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
534
00:12:14,419 --> 00:12:15,565
>> THE SPHINCTER DAM.
535
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:17,024
WE BUILT IT WHEN REUBEN BECAME
536
00:12:17,149 --> 00:12:18,294
INCONTINENT, BUT IT WAS NOT
537
00:12:18,419 --> 00:12:21,095
DESIGNED TO HOLD A CORPSE LOAD.
538
00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:22,325
>> I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.
539
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,195
EVERYBODY, MOVE INSIDE THE
540
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:23,995
CIRCLE.
541
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,065
[ BACTERIUM SQUEALS ]
542
00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:26,294
>> Morty: PONCHO?
543
00:12:26,419 --> 00:12:27,995
WHAT IS THIS IN YOUR BACKPACK?
544
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,065
>> THAT'S BUBONIC PLAGUE!
545
00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:30,894
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT,
546
00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:31,294
PONCHO?
547
00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:32,195
>> [ GASPS ]
548
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,465
>> EVERYBODY, GET BACK!
549
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:35,125
>> PONCHO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
550
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:36,565
YOU RELEASED THE TUBERCULOSIS
551
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,264
SO YOU COULD STEAL FROM ME?
552
00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:39,995
>> THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
553
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,424
A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PAY TOP
554
00:12:41,549 --> 00:12:42,695
DOLLAR TO DECIMATE THE
555
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:43,764
POPULATION.
556
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,195
I'LL TAKE THE HIGHEST BIDDER
557
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,225
AL-QAEDA, NORTH KOREA,
558
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,595
REPUBLICANS, SHRINERS, BALDING
559
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,325
MEN THAT WORK OUT, PEOPLE ON THE
560
00:12:51,450 --> 00:12:52,965
INTERNET THAT ARE ONLY TURNED ON
561
00:12:53,090 --> 00:12:54,294
BY CARTOONS OF JAPANESE
562
00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:56,164
TEENAGERS ANYTHING IS BETTER
563
00:12:56,289 --> 00:12:57,894
THAN WORKING FOR YOU, YOU
564
00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:00,125
POMPOUS, NEGLIGENT,
565
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,495
iTUNES-GIFT-CARD-AS-A-HOLIDAY-
566
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,394
BONUS-GIVING MOTHER
567
00:13:03,519 --> 00:13:04,424
>> Morty: [ SCREAMS ]
568
00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:05,195
>> [ GRUNTS ]
569
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,625
COME ON!
570
00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:08,365
>> Morty: [ GROANS ]
571
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:09,394
>> [ LAUGHS ]
572
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:10,125
[ BACTERIUM SQUEALS ]
573
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:11,065
>> AAH!
574
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,195
[ GRUNTS ] GET OFF!
575
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,164
[ SCREAMS ]
576
00:13:15,289 --> 00:13:16,095
[ RUMBLING ]
577
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:17,125
>> YOU GUYS!
578
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:18,394
>> IT'S GONNA BURST! GO!
579
00:13:18,519 --> 00:13:19,465
GO, GO, GO!
580
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,024
[ ALL PANTING ]
581
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:22,794
MY FOOT IS STUCK.
582
00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:23,365
>> NO!
583
00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:24,294
>> IT'S OKAY!
584
00:13:24,419 --> 00:13:25,524
IT'S OKAY. JUST GO.
585
00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:26,764
TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM.
586
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:27,825
THEY MAY BE HARD TO FIND'CAUSE
587
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:29,164
MY WIFE KEPT HER LAST NAME AND
588
00:13:29,289 --> 00:13:30,225
SHE MADE THE KIDS TAKE IT, TOO,
589
00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:31,725
SO, I-I DON'T KNOW, YOU CAN
590
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:32,865
>> NO!
591
00:13:32,990 --> 00:13:35,794
[ SOBS ]
592
00:13:35,919 --> 00:13:37,225
>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,
593
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,664
ETHAN.
594
00:13:38,789 --> 00:13:39,764
WHERE'S THE ANGER COMING FROM,
595
00:13:39,889 --> 00:13:40,465
MAN?
596
00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:41,394
>> FROM SUMMER BEING A TOTAL
597
00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:43,595
BITCH!
598
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,065
>> WHERE'S THE ANGER COMING
599
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,195
FROM?
600
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,125
>> MY BROTHER... TOOK ME FISHING
601
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,394
ONCE... IN THE BUSHES...
602
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:52,664
[ WHIMPERS ]
603
00:13:52,789 --> 00:13:53,264
[ Voice breaking ] I CAN'T... I
604
00:13:53,389 --> 00:13:54,024
CAN'T...
605
00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:55,125
[ SOBS ]
606
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,024
HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL!
607
00:13:57,149 --> 00:13:59,095
I HE MADE ME A GIRL!
608
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,625
[ SOBS ]
609
00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:01,264
>> HE DIDN'T MAKE YOU ANYTHING,
610
00:14:01,389 --> 00:14:02,424
MAN.
611
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:04,394
YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.
612
00:14:04,519 --> 00:14:06,394
SHE IS WHO SHE IS.
613
00:14:06,519 --> 00:14:08,495
NOW, YOU GO TO HER... BRAND-NEW.
614
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:09,664
>> COME HERE, RIGHT NOW.
615
00:14:09,789 --> 00:14:11,024
>> Summer: OH, MY GOD.
616
00:14:11,149 --> 00:14:11,924
I'M SO SORRY, ETHAN!
617
00:14:12,049 --> 00:14:12,725
I LOVE YOU!
618
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,225
>> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
619
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,524
[ BOTH MOANING ]
620
00:14:15,649 --> 00:14:17,095
>> Jerry: UM...
621
00:14:17,220 --> 00:14:18,565
>> YOU DID IT AGAIN, CUBBIE.
622
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:19,894
COME HERE.
623
00:14:20,019 --> 00:14:24,595
[ BOTH MOANING ]
624
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,625
>> Jerry: NO! STOP! I HATE THIS!
625
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:27,794
>> WELL, CHRISTMAS DOESN'T
626
00:14:27,919 --> 00:14:28,764
REVOLVE AROUND WHAT YOU HATE,
627
00:14:28,889 --> 00:14:29,424
SON.
628
00:14:29,549 --> 00:14:30,264
>> Jerry: WELL, THEN I HATE
629
00:14:30,389 --> 00:14:31,164
CHRISTMAS!
630
00:14:31,289 --> 00:14:32,764
ENJOY BEING HUMAN!
631
00:14:32,889 --> 00:14:35,095
YOU GUYS ARE GROSS AND LAME.
632
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:36,664
>> MY NAME'S REUBEN RIDLEY.
633
00:14:36,789 --> 00:14:38,625
YOU'RE INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW, BUT
634
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:39,424
BY THE END OF THIS JOURNEY...
635
00:14:39,549 --> 00:14:40,394
>> WHOOPSIE.
636
00:14:40,519 --> 00:14:43,465
>> I'LL BE INSIDE ALL OF YOU.
637
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:45,125
MY STORY BEGINS DURING THE
638
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:46,195
DOT-COM CRASH IN THE EARLY
639
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:46,825
'90s.
640
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:48,725
[ WHIRRING ]
641
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:49,664
>> YOU CAN PUT YOUR FINGERS
642
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:50,725
WHEREVER YOU WANT.
643
00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:51,764
>> Rick: MORTY, YOU WANT TO PUT
644
00:14:51,889 --> 00:14:52,625
IT ON MUTE OR SOMETHING?
645
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:53,394
I'M I'M TRYING TO
646
00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:54,125
CONCENTRATE.
647
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:55,264
>> Jerry: UH... RICK?
648
00:14:55,389 --> 00:14:56,195
>> Rick: NOT NOW, JERRY.
649
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,424
I'VE GOT [BELCHES] MUCH, MUCH
650
00:14:57,549 --> 00:14:58,365
SMALLER FISH TO FRY.
651
00:14:58,490 --> 00:14:59,164
>> Jerry: I WANTED TO SAY I'M
652
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:01,164
SORRY I EVER JUDGED YOU.
653
00:15:01,289 --> 00:15:01,965
RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE MY SANEST
654
00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:03,325
RELATIVE.
655
00:15:03,450 --> 00:15:04,264
>> Rick: RELATIVE.
656
00:15:04,389 --> 00:15:05,264
R-RELATIVE SIZE!
657
00:15:05,389 --> 00:15:06,164
JERRY, HAND ME A SCALPEL AND A
658
00:15:06,289 --> 00:15:06,924
BUNDLE OF DYNAMITE.
659
00:15:07,049 --> 00:15:07,894
MORTY, CAN YOU GET TO THE LEFT
660
00:15:08,019 --> 00:15:08,524
NIPPLE?
661
00:15:08,649 --> 00:15:09,625
>> Morty: ARE YOU KIDDING?
662
00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:10,365
I'M HOPING I CAN GET TO BOTH OF
663
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:11,294
'EM, RICK.
664
00:15:11,419 --> 00:15:12,424
>> Rick: NO, MORTY, I'M TALKING
665
00:15:12,549 --> 00:15:13,164
ABOUT REUBEN'SLEFT NIPPLE.
666
00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:14,695
[ RUMBLING ]
667
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:15,524
>> Morty: [ GRUNTS ]
668
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:16,225
WE NEED TO GET TO THE LEFT
669
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:17,565
NIPPLE!
670
00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:18,965
>> THE BODY IS DECAYING.
671
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:20,325
THE ARTERIAL TRANSIT SYSTEM IS
672
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:21,664
USELESS.
673
00:15:21,789 --> 00:15:23,264
WE CAN TRY THE SERVICE SHUTTLE.
674
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:24,225
IT'S CONNECTED TO THE SKELETAL
675
00:15:24,350 --> 00:15:24,924
SYSTEM.
676
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,125
THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT THE BONE
677
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:26,865
TRAIN.
678
00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:28,294
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE THE
679
00:15:28,419 --> 00:15:30,465
BONE TRAIN, MISS?
680
00:15:30,590 --> 00:15:31,495
>> IF IT'LL GET US OUT OF HERE.
681
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:33,394
>> HOW ABOUT YOU, MORTY?
682
00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:34,365
WOULD YOULIKE TO RIDE THE BONE
683
00:15:34,490 --> 00:15:35,325
TRAIN?
684
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:36,325
>> Morty: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
685
00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:37,394
BIT?
686
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,189
WE'RE GONNA DIE! LET'S GO!
687
00:15:40,919 --> 00:15:42,625
>> Jerry: WELL... I CAN SEE
688
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:43,825
YOU'RE BUSY.
689
00:15:43,950 --> 00:15:47,424
MERRY CHRISTMAS, RICK.
690
00:15:47,549 --> 00:15:48,764
>> Rick: [ GROANS ]
691
00:15:48,889 --> 00:15:50,495
>> THERE'S NO AUTOPILOT.
692
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:51,764
ONE OF US WILL HAVE TO STAY HERE
693
00:15:51,889 --> 00:15:53,788
AND OPERATE IT MANUALLY.
694
00:15:58,620 --> 00:15:59,865
>> Morty: UH, WELL...
695
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:00,825
>> NO, YOU'RE YOU'RE RIGHT.
696
00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:01,894
I-IT WAS A DICK MOVE FOR ME TO
697
00:16:02,019 --> 00:16:02,865
EVEN PAUSE LIKE THAT.
698
00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:03,595
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
699
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:04,565
YOU GO ON.
700
00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:05,365
[ BACTERIA SCREECHING ]
701
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:07,225
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
702
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:09,095
>> E. COLI OUTBREAK.
703
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:09,695
HURRY!
704
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:10,495
>> Morty: [ SCREAMS ]
705
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:11,794
>> [ GRUNTS ]
706
00:16:11,919 --> 00:16:13,625
WAIT, THERE ISAN AUTOPILOT.
707
00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:15,524
WAIT!
708
00:16:15,649 --> 00:16:16,965
IT'S OKAY! NEVER MIND!
709
00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:18,294
I WANTED TO SACRIFICE MYSELF
710
00:16:18,419 --> 00:16:19,918
ANYWAY!
711
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,725
THEY'RE THEY'RE CHEWING
712
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,524
THROUGH THE DOORS!
713
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:26,024
>> Morty: [ SCREAMS ]
714
00:16:26,149 --> 00:16:27,495
>> Morty: WE'RE IN THE AREOLA,
715
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:28,664
RICK ALMOST TO THE NIPPLE,
716
00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:29,565
BUT WE'RE ALSO IN A REALLY BAD
717
00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,595
SITUATION!
718
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:31,125
>> Rick: I'M ALMOST THERE,
719
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:32,819
MORTY!
720
00:16:42,649 --> 00:16:43,865
>> REPORTS FROM ALL OVER THE
721
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:45,264
COUNTRY HAVE BEEN COMING IN
722
00:16:45,389 --> 00:16:46,924
ABOUT WHAT APPEARS TO BE A
723
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,764
GIANT, NAKED MAN OVER THE
724
00:16:48,889 --> 00:16:50,794
CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES.
725
00:16:50,919 --> 00:16:52,095
WE NOW GO TO TOM RANDOLPH IN
726
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:52,495
NEW YORK.
727
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,394
TOM?
728
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:54,625
>> WELL, THE EYES AREN'T
729
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:56,024
TWINKLING AND THE DIMPLES AREN'T
730
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,965
MERRY, BUT I'M STANDING UNDER A
731
00:16:58,090 --> 00:17:00,365
NOSE LIKE A 70-MILE CHERRY.
732
00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:01,465
>> THANK YOU, TOM.
733
00:17:01,590 --> 00:17:03,095
LET'S GO NOW TO ERIC McMAHAN IN
734
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:04,065
LOS ANGELES.
735
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,694
>> WE'VE GOT FEET HERE ON THE
736
00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:07,765
WEST COAST, BILL GIANT FEET,
737
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:09,825
EVEN RELATIVE TO THE GIANT MAN'S
738
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:11,525
SIZE, AND YOU KNOWWHAT THEY SAY
739
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:12,595
ABOUT THAT.
740
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,625
>> WELL, IF THE OLD ADAGE IS
741
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,525
TRUE, ONE CAN ONLY WONDER WHAT'S
742
00:17:16,650 --> 00:17:17,724
GOING DOWN IN THE
743
00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:20,525
ROCKY MOUNTAINS.
744
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:22,464
>> WHA?
745
00:17:22,589 --> 00:17:24,318
[ SCREAMS ]
746
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:31,825
[ BACTERIA SCREECHING ]
747
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:33,295
>> Morty: OH MY GOD, THE TRACK!
748
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,664
>> IT'S HEPATITIS A!
749
00:17:34,789 --> 00:17:36,489
>> Morty: AAAAH!
750
00:17:47,619 --> 00:17:49,765
[ SCREAMS ]
751
00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:51,325
>> [ GASPS ]
752
00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:52,825
THE NIPPLE HOLE.
753
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:55,048
>> Morty: IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
754
00:18:00,619 --> 00:18:01,694
>> [ ROARS ]
755
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:02,494
>> OH, NO!
756
00:18:02,619 --> 00:18:04,118
>> Morty: HOLY CRAP!
757
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,194
>> WHOA! IT'S HEPATITIS C!
758
00:18:09,319 --> 00:18:10,548
>> [ GRUNTS ]
759
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:15,625
>> Morty: UM... WAIT DID WE
760
00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:16,565
HAVE SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP
761
00:18:16,690 --> 00:18:17,494
WITH HIM?
762
00:18:17,619 --> 00:18:18,464
>> I THINK THEY'RE JUST LIKE
763
00:18:18,589 --> 00:18:19,194
THAT?
764
00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:20,964
I THINK THEY'RE JUST GOOD GUYS.
765
00:18:21,089 --> 00:18:23,994
>> Morty: OH. HUH.
766
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:25,125
>> Rick: WHERE'S DR. BLOOM?
767
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:26,125
>> Morty: I'M SORRY, RICK, BUT
768
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:26,795
HE'S DEAD.
769
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:27,765
>> Rick: GOD DAMN IT, MORTY.
770
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:29,548
I ASK YOU TO DO ONE THING!
771
00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:40,625
>> Beth: JERRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT
772
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:41,595
HE'S MISSING.
773
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:42,595
>> HE'LL COME AROUND, BETH.
774
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,994
CHRISTMAS IS A SPECIAL TIME.
775
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:45,424
IT HAS FUNNY WAYS OF BRINGING
776
00:18:45,549 --> 00:18:46,565
FAMILIES TOGETHER.
777
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:47,865
>> Beth: I DON'T KNOW, JACOB.
778
00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:49,095
JERRY GOT AN INVITATION TO BE
779
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:51,464
ALIVE TODAY, AND HE REJECTED IT.
780
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:52,325
I DON'T KNOW IF OUR MARRIAGE
781
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:53,548
WILL...
782
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:56,795
>> Summer: [ GASPS ]
783
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,365
IT'S RAINING BLOOD!
784
00:18:58,490 --> 00:18:59,595
>> OH, SHIT. FIND JERRY.
785
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,464
>> OH, GOD.
786
00:19:00,589 --> 00:19:01,125
>> Beth: JERRY!
787
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,095
>> Jerry: IT'S ALL RIGHT.
788
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:03,724
THE TV SAYS THERE'S NOTHING TO
789
00:19:03,849 --> 00:19:04,865
WORRY ABOUT.
790
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,494
>> THE GIANT, NAKED SKY SANTA
791
00:19:06,619 --> 00:19:07,795
HAS EXPLODED.
792
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,625
BLOOD AND CHUNKS OF VISCERA ARE
793
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:11,565
RAINING DOWN ON THE COUNTRY.
794
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:12,795
EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.
795
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:13,765
[ ALL SIGH ]
796
00:19:13,890 --> 00:19:14,694
>> OH, YES.
797
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:15,565
>> Summer: DAD, CAN I HAVE MY
798
00:19:15,690 --> 00:19:16,664
PHONE BACK?
799
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,724
>> Jerry: A SURE, SWEETIE. HERE.
800
00:19:18,849 --> 00:19:20,565
EVERYBODY, TAKE A DEVICE.
801
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:22,224
IT'LL HELP YOU RELAX.
802
00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:22,964
>> THIS IS NICE.
803
00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:24,765
>> Jerry: YEAH.
804
00:19:24,890 --> 00:19:26,125
LOOK, I GUESS WE REALLY LEARNED
805
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,565
SOMETHING THIS CHRISTMAS, JACOB.
806
00:19:27,690 --> 00:19:28,924
>> Summer: NO, WE DIDN'T, DAD.
807
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:30,625
NO, WE DIDN'T.
808
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,565
>> Rick: TOO BAD ABOUT
809
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:33,894
DR. BLOOM.
810
00:19:34,019 --> 00:19:35,525
HE WAS A GENIUS THE ONLY MAN
811
00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:36,424
CAPABLE OF CREATING A NEW
812
00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:37,664
ANATOMY PARK.
813
00:19:37,789 --> 00:19:38,825
>> ACTUALLY, I STUDIED
814
00:19:38,950 --> 00:19:39,994
DR. BLOOM'S WORK.
815
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,224
I-I-I-I BELIEVE I HAVE THE
816
00:19:41,349 --> 00:19:42,625
KNOWLEDGE NECESSARY TO CREATE AN
817
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,325
ENTIRELY NEW, MUCH SAFER PARK.
818
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:45,365
>> Rick: WHAT ABOUT...
819
00:19:45,490 --> 00:19:46,494
PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS?
820
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,565
>> I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE
821
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:48,765
MOST UNDERRATED ATTRACTIONS.
822
00:19:48,890 --> 00:19:49,694
>> Rick: BOO-YAH!
823
00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:52,095
HOLD YOUR BREATH.
824
00:19:52,220 --> 00:19:52,924
>> Morty: HEY, W-W-WHAT THE
825
00:19:53,049 --> 00:19:53,964
HELL, RICK?!
826
00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:56,025
WHAT THE HELL, MAN! I LIKED HER!
827
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:56,724
I REALLY HAD SOMETHING GOING
828
00:19:56,849 --> 00:19:57,565
THERE, RICK!
829
00:19:57,690 --> 00:19:58,525
>> Rick: YEAH, SO I HEARD.
830
00:19:58,650 --> 00:19:59,595
[BELCHES] YOU DODGED A BULLET,
831
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:00,865
MORTY TRUST ME.
832
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:01,865
Puffy vagina.
833
00:20:01,990 --> 00:20:02,625
>> Morty: W-WHAT'S WRONG WITH
834
00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:03,464
THAT?
835
00:20:03,589 --> 00:20:04,325
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A
836
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:04,924
PROBLEM TO ME.
837
00:20:05,049 --> 00:20:05,865
I DON'T KNOW.
838
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:06,795
>> Rick: COME ON, LET'S GET
839
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:07,595
SOME STUFFING.
840
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,394
I'M STARVING.
841
00:20:09,519 --> 00:20:11,565
[ GADGETS BEEPING ]
842
00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:12,494
OH, UNBELIEVABLE.
843
00:20:12,619 --> 00:20:13,494
WE GOT WE GOT A BUNCH OF
844
00:20:13,619 --> 00:20:15,065
ROBOT, COMPUTER PEOPLE, SITTING
845
00:20:15,190 --> 00:20:16,595
AROUND WITH THEIR FACES STUFFED
846
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:17,795
INTO COMPUTER SCREENS.
847
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,865
DO YOU GUYS REALIZE THAT CHRIST
848
00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:20,625
WAS BORN TODAY?
849
00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:21,664
JESUS CHRIST, OUR SAVIOR, WAS
850
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:23,095
BORN TODAY.
851
00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:23,894
ARE ARE ARE YOU PEOPLE
852
00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:25,265
EVEN HUMAN?
853
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,318
WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS IS THIS?
854
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:58,894
>> HEY, RICK?
855
00:20:59,019 --> 00:20:59,924
RICK, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
856
00:21:00,049 --> 00:21:00,694
>> Rick: LOUD AND CLEAR, ANNIE.
857
00:21:00,819 --> 00:21:01,664
>> GREAT.
858
00:21:01,789 --> 00:21:02,865
WE'RE ALSO ON WITH ALEJANDRO,
859
00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:03,694
OUR CHF IMAGINARIAN.
860
00:21:03,819 --> 00:21:04,525
>> HEY, RICK.
861
00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:05,694
>> NATALIE JACOBS AND
862
00:21:05,819 --> 00:21:06,924
CHRIS DESETER FROM MICROSCOPIC
863
00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:08,595
MARKETING, ZACK FROM ORGAN
864
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:09,525
CONCEPTS, AND JAMIE FROM NEW
865
00:21:09,650 --> 00:21:10,164
MEDIA.
866
00:21:10,289 --> 00:21:10,964
>> Rick: HEY, EVERYBODY.
867
00:21:11,089 --> 00:21:11,625
>> HI, HOW'S IT GOING?
868
00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:12,565
>> HI, RICK.
869
00:21:12,690 --> 00:21:13,694
>> SO, PIRATES OF THE PANCREAS.
870
00:21:13,819 --> 00:21:14,525
>> Rick: YEAH. TALK TO ME.
871
00:21:14,650 --> 00:21:15,194
>> HEY, RICK.
872
00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:16,795
IT'S ALEJANDRO SPEAKING.
873
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,625
UM, SO, WE ASKED OURSELVES,
874
00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:20,595
INTERNALLY WE ASKED OURSELVES
875
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:21,494
OVER HERE, "OKAY, WHAT DOES A
876
00:21:21,619 --> 00:21:23,224
PANCREAS DO?"
877
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:24,595
AND THE ANSWER WAS, "DOES IT
878
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:25,795
MAKE PIRATES?"
879
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,224
NO, IT MAKES INSULIN, YOU KNOW?
880
00:21:28,349 --> 00:21:30,494
SO, WE'RE STARTING WITH A NEW
881
00:21:30,619 --> 00:21:31,325
>> THOSE GUYS ARE INSIDE ME,
882
00:21:31,450 --> 00:21:31,865
HUH?
883
00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:32,994
LIKE, BUILDING A PARK?
884
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:34,265
>> Rick: THOSE GUYS ARE INSIDE
885
00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:35,265
YOU BUILDING A PCE OF SHIT,
886
00:21:35,390 --> 00:21:35,994
ETHAN!
887
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:37,164
THEY'RE INSIDE YOU BUILDING A
888
00:21:37,289 --> 00:21:37,964
MONUMENT TO COMPROMISE!
889
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,065
[BLEEP]'EM.
890
00:21:39,190 --> 00:21:40,625
[BLEEP] THOSE PEOPLE.
891
00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:42,795
[BLEEP] THIS WHOLE THING, ETHAN.
892
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,295
>> COOL.
893
00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:45,421
AND WHO PAYS ME?
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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