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1
00:00:10,214 --> 00:00:12,405
Hey, Daphne! You seen Eddie?
2
00:00:12,405 --> 00:00:13,636
No, I haven't.
3
00:00:13,636 --> 00:00:16,771
It just doesn't feel right to start
the day without him licking me awake.
4
00:00:16,771 --> 00:00:20,775
Well, don't look at me.
5
00:00:20,775 --> 00:00:23,059
Morning, all. Daphne, I got treats!
6
00:00:23,059 --> 00:00:24,442
What the hell are you doing with him?
7
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:25,642
We went for a walk.
8
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I'm talking to Eddie.
9
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When I saw what a beautiful day it was,
I headed for the park.
10
00:00:36,213 --> 00:00:38,140
Of course, the only people in the park
at this hour of the morning without dogs
11
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are winos and that guy in the harem pants that washes his hair in
the fountain. He says hello, by the way.
12
00:00:44,831 --> 00:00:46,695
It is sort of nice out, isn't it?
13
00:00:46,695 --> 00:00:47,734
Sort of nice? My God,
14
00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:48,971
haven't you people noticed this?
15
00:00:48,971 --> 00:00:51,550
It's incredible! Dad, you should feel this.
16
00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:54,613
It's eighty degrees outside and it's the middle of February!
17
00:00:54,613 --> 00:01:00,930
Oh, it is beautiful, and in the middle of such a
terrible winter. Oh, I love nature's little
18
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aberrations: warm days in winter,
four leaf clovers, Australians...
19
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,071
Yes, it is glorious.
20
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It defies you not to takea moment to
acknowledge the power that created it.
21
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Thank you, global warming!
22
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:21,782
Hey Frasier, think your guy down at the liquor store could send a bottle of Scotch to my buddy Jimmy in Montana?
23
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,449
Sure, Dad. What's the occasion?
24
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Today's his sixteenth birthday.
25
00:01:25,063 --> 00:01:29,086
Oh well, you'll want to throw in a hooker too, won't you?
26
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No, don't you get it? It's February 29th.
27
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Hmm.
28
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It's a leap year.
29
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Right.
30
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He only gets a birthday every four years.
31
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I get it dad.
32
00:01:35,016 --> 00:01:35,769
He's really sixty-four.
I can do the math.
33
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,897
Jimmy's having a big shindig tonight.
34
00:01:40,897 --> 00:01:43,153
A lot of guys from the force fly in for it.
35
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Everybody drinks a lot of beer, and then they
have a contest to see who's got the biggest scar.
36
00:01:49,378 --> 00:01:58,408
You know, this year I had a real good chance of winning it now that "Shark Bait" O'Reilly's finally died.
37
00:01:58,408 --> 00:02:00,542
So, why aren't you going?
38
00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:01,682
Yeah Dad, you should go.
39
00:02:01,682 --> 00:02:03,487
Ah, Montana's too far away.
40
00:02:03,487 --> 00:02:06,502
Well Dad, his birthday only comes
around once every four years.
41
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:09,390
As a matter of fact, this day only comes
around every four years.
42
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:12,918
You know, it's like a free day, a gift.
43
00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:14,800
We should do something special, be bold!
44
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,858
It's leap year, take a leap!
(leap year - leap)
45
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You know, I was just about to say the same thing to you.
46
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,426
Your son's right.
47
00:02:24,426 --> 00:02:27,017
You shouldn't be afraid to shake up your routine a little bit.
48
00:02:27,017 --> 00:02:29,585
Hey, I don't see you taking any big leaps today.
49
00:02:29,585 --> 00:02:32,268
If there was something I wanted to do, I would do it.
50
00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:34,576
Well, you're always whining about wanting to change your hair.
51
00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,770
[whining] I don't whine!
52
00:02:37,770 --> 00:02:40,559
"I'm so sick of me hair.
53
00:02:40,559 --> 00:02:43,850
Do you think I should get it cut like Princess Di?
54
00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:46,951
Ooh, do you think that'd make me cheeks look too fat?
55
00:02:46,951 --> 00:02:52,890
That reminds me of the craziest thing me Grammy Moon used to say!"
56
00:02:52,890 --> 00:02:56,346
I'll pay for the damn haircut if you stop yakking and just do it.
57
00:02:56,346 --> 00:02:59,432
Yes, well I'll pay for you to go to Montana.
58
00:02:59,432 --> 00:03:02,095
That's not the one next to New Hampshire, is it?
59
00:03:02,095 --> 00:03:04,327
No. And Dad can pay for his own trip.
60
00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:07,123
All right, then. And I can pay for me own haircut.
61
00:03:07,123 --> 00:03:08,632
All right, Dad, back in your court.
62
00:03:08,632 --> 00:03:11,299
Are you up to the leap year challenge?
63
00:03:11,299 --> 00:03:12,971
Ah.....
64
00:03:12,971 --> 00:03:20,144
Dad, Jimmy's already sixteen.
How many more birthdays is he going to have?
65
00:03:20,144 --> 00:03:25,000
You know, I would kind of hate not being there when Jimmy brings out the big ham.
66
00:03:28,465 --> 00:03:30,752
Oh, all right, what the hell, I'll go.
67
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:31,423
I'll call the airlines after breakfast.
68
00:03:31,423 --> 00:03:32,992
That's the spirit!
69
00:03:32,992 --> 00:03:35,007
Hey, what's your big leap year challenge?
70
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:35,928
Well, have you forgotten?
71
00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:38,543
I'm singing "Buttons and Bows" tonight at the P.B.S. pledge drive.
72
00:03:38,543 --> 00:03:41,048
You sung that same stupid song for the last three years.
73
00:03:41,048 --> 00:03:44,385
Yes, but I'm doing something remarkably fresh and different with it this year!
74
00:03:44,385 --> 00:03:45,568
You're just blowing smoke, aren't you?
75
00:03:45,568 --> 00:03:48,034
Like a '56 Rambler!
76
00:03:48,034 --> 00:03:49,120
Good morning, Niles!
77
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,472
Good? It's glorious, heaven-sent!
78
00:03:51,472 --> 00:03:56,038
And you know why? Maris called! She wants
to get together with me this evening.
79
00:03:56,038 --> 00:03:57,208
Oh Niles, that's wonderful news!
80
00:03:57,208 --> 00:03:59,705
It's high time you and Maris sat down and talked through your problems.
81
00:03:59,705 --> 00:04:01,118
She doesn't want to talk.
82
00:04:01,118 --> 00:04:04,223
When she says "get together" she means in the "You wear the creme fraiche,
83
00:04:04,223 --> 00:04:08,465
I'll lick it off" sense.
84
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:14,756
She's cleared her schedule from 19:00 till 19:30, that means foreplay AND cuddling!
85
00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:18,876
You know, Niles, remember when you were a kid and your mother and I wouldn't discuss the Cuban Missile Crisis
86
00:04:18,876 --> 00:04:21,041
in front of you because we knew it'd give you bad dreams?
87
00:04:21,041 --> 00:04:22,305
Yes.
88
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:30,311
It's a two-way street.
89
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,217
Breakfast, Dr. Crane?
90
00:04:31,217 --> 00:04:32,759
Uh yes, thank you, Daphne.
91
00:04:32,759 --> 00:04:36,290
Niles, I don't mind telling you, I'm a little bit concerned about this.
92
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:38,475
Maris claps her hands, you come running?
93
00:04:38,475 --> 00:04:42,065
Oh well, don't forget there's a little something for me in this too.
94
00:04:42,065 --> 00:04:43,809
I haven't had sex in six months.
95
00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:46,180
Oh, surely you're exaggerating, you've only been separated for three.
96
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:55,093
And your point would be?
97
00:04:55,093 --> 00:04:58,299
You really want to sacrifice your self-respect for a roll in the hay?
98
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:04,423
Substitute a 16th-century giltwood fainting couch for hay and watch me roll!
99
00:05:04,423 --> 00:05:07,482
Niles, you and Maris have not sat down and discussed your problems.
100
00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:10,306
As a psychiatrist you know that sex will only cloud the issues.
101
00:05:10,306 --> 00:05:13,056
You don't realize how desperate I am.
102
00:05:13,056 --> 00:05:18,643
Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.
103
00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:19,433
Oh, Niles...
104
00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:24,217
Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists.
105
00:05:24,217 --> 00:05:32,314
Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not getting any.
106
00:05:32,314 --> 00:05:33,891
Well, will you at least think about what I've said?
107
00:05:33,891 --> 00:05:38,804
I can't. She's leaving for Europe in the morning, so I have a very small window of opportunity.
108
00:05:38,804 --> 00:05:41,576
Niles... you know I'm right.
109
00:05:41,576 --> 00:05:43,682
You just don't want me to have sex because you're not having any!
110
00:05:43,682 --> 00:05:46,450
I most certainly am too!
111
00:05:46,450 --> 00:06:04,514
Your lips say yes, but your cuticles speak volumes.
112
00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:05,643
Niles...
113
00:06:05,643 --> 00:06:10,714
Oh, you're right. I'll tell her no.
114
00:06:10,714 --> 00:06:12,467
It's not going to be easy, though.
115
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:15,539
Of course not. Just don't think about sex.
116
00:06:15,539 --> 00:06:19,300
Would you like me to butter your buns for you, Dr. Crane?
117
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:29,000
Grandma in a teddy.
118
00:06:30,091 --> 00:06:35,242
Thank you.
119
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,249
You're all mine in buttons and bows!
120
00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:45,961
Oh God, it must be P.B.S. pledge time again.
121
00:06:45,961 --> 00:06:48,740
Roz, it is a wonderful day.
122
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:52,645
You know, I think the entire city of Seattle is convinced it's springtime.
123
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:55,189
I was walking down the street, I passed a pet store,
124
00:06:55,189 --> 00:06:59,285
and in the window I could see two snakes doing a mating dance.
125
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:08,875
If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.
126
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:12,019
Well, I can see the unseasonable sunshine has done nothing to improve your mood.
127
00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:15,347
Well, how would you feel if you just lost the love of your life?
128
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:19,578
Well, alimony aside, I found it rather liberating.
129
00:07:19,578 --> 00:07:22,862
My car wouldn't start, so I had to take the bus.
130
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:27,534
And we're all crowded on there, when suddenly I smell Lagerfeld, and I...
131
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:30,781
I look up, and there he is.
132
00:07:30,781 --> 00:07:34,181
Carl Lagerfeld?
133
00:07:34,181 --> 00:07:37,638
His name is Gary. I don't know his last name.
134
00:07:37,638 --> 00:07:40,427
Anyway, we got to talking, and you know, we were really connecting.
135
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,595
I started to believe in kismet.
136
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:45,887
And all of a sudden, all these people want to get off the bus, and I'm in their way, so I get off
137
00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:50,829
to let them out, and before I can get back on, the damn bus drives off...! Out of my life, forever.
138
00:07:50,829 --> 00:07:54,045
I'm sure another one would have come along in ten minutes or so.
139
00:07:54,045 --> 00:07:55,703
I'm talking about the guy.
140
00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:59,832
So am I.
141
00:07:59,832 --> 00:08:01,199
You don't get it, Frasier. I mean,
142
00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:04,706
I really felt this guy was the one.
143
00:08:04,706 --> 00:08:07,866
Roz, if you really want to try to find him again, you know we do reach half a million listeners.
144
00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:10,107
Why don't you just tell your story on the air?
145
00:08:10,107 --> 00:08:14,258
On the air? Oh, I couldn't do that, it would make me look pathetic.
146
00:08:14,258 --> 00:08:16,384
Oh, it's too bizarre, it's too needy.
147
00:08:16,384 --> 00:08:17,136
It's two o'clock.
148
00:08:17,136 --> 00:08:22,975
Oh my God!
149
00:08:22,975 --> 00:08:29,200
A glorious good afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm thinking a lot today about leap year.
150
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:33,676
Today is February 29th, and although it isn't an official holiday,
151
00:08:33,676 --> 00:08:36,560
perhaps it could be looked upon as one in a metaphorical sense.
152
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:39,689
Just as Christmas reminds us to be generous of spirit,
153
00:08:39,689 --> 00:08:44,232
so leap year reminds us to take a leap in our own lives.
154
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,585
To be bold, try something new.
155
00:08:46,585 --> 00:08:51,264
Too often we shrink from doing
things we really want to,
156
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:58,210
held back by... oh, appearing
foolish, perhaps... Roz?
157
00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:06,594
Is there anything you'd like to say before we start taking calls?
158
00:09:06,594 --> 00:09:10,410
No.
159
00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:12,928
I'm reminded of a quotation by John Greenleaf Whittier:
160
00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:25,018
"For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been"... Roz?
161
00:09:25,018 --> 00:09:27,443
No.
162
00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:41,177
Did you know that a woman over the age of thirty has less chance of getting married than of being killed in a terrorist attack?
163
00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:42,926
This is to Gary.
164
00:09:42,926 --> 00:09:48,644
I was on the Number Seven bus around noon, and you were a stockbroker with a tan briefcase
165
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:52,893
and a cleft chin, and the bus was really crowded and we both reached
166
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:56,940
for the hand strap and our hands touched and we laughed and
167
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,921
you said I had a really great laugh and I said you had
168
00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:02,999
a really great laugh and we laughed at that...
169
00:10:02,999 --> 00:10:08,184
Anyway, uh, you asked me if I were free on Friday, but we got separated before I could give you my phone number,
170
00:10:08,184 --> 00:10:14,096
which I would have because I really liked you and I thought you were cute.
171
00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:18,197
So Gary, if you're listening, please, please give us a call.
172
00:10:18,197 --> 00:10:20,392
We'll be right back after these words.
173
00:10:20,392 --> 00:10:26,500
Oh my God, oh my God! How could I say "I really liked you and I thought you were cute"..who am I, Marcia Brady?!
174
00:10:29,289 --> 00:10:36,231
Well, we'll be right back for more calls, and more on the search for Gary, after this news break.
175
00:10:36,231 --> 00:10:42,248
Good news! I've figured out a way I can have sex and we can all be happy!
176
00:10:42,248 --> 00:10:48,061
As I pause to make sure the "ON AIR" light is off, continue.
177
00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:56,309
Well, I was driving down the freeway trying hard not to notice the provocative decals truckers have on their mud flaps
178
00:10:58,309 --> 00:11:01,702
when I heard your little speech about breaking out of familiar patterns.
179
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:02,192
Mmm-hmm.
180
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:06,000
Well, sleeping alone has been my pattern! I'm ready to take a leap!
181
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,934
No, you're not.
182
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,897
Okay, not a leap, but you've got to give me something.
183
00:11:09,897 --> 00:11:11,327
A hop, a bound. Gimme a jump, oh God-!
184
00:11:11,327 --> 00:11:15,190
Niles, will you just get a grip!
185
00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:17,487
If you thought being with Maris was the right thing to do, you'd be there with her.
186
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:22,578
You know it's wrong. That's why you're here, asking for my permission.
187
00:11:22,578 --> 00:11:24,670
Frasier, Frasier, what if we don't have sex? What if we just snuggle?
188
00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:28,288
Whoops, excuse me!
189
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,304
Roz...I never noticed what a perky little walk you have.
190
00:11:31,304 --> 00:11:41,119
Niles, get back! You just stop that! Niles Get control.
191
00:11:41,119 --> 00:11:45,562
My God, man, there are far more important things here than simple immediate physical gratification.
192
00:11:45,562 --> 00:11:51,000
You're right, I...I just have to martial my self-discipline and...and be strong.
193
00:12:08,343 --> 00:12:09,352
Fifteen seconds.
194
00:12:09,352 --> 00:12:10,201
Oh.
195
00:12:10,201 --> 00:12:11,830
What is wrong with your brother today?
196
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:12,624
Oh, ignore him.
197
00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:14,751
You know, human nature never ceases to amaze me.
198
00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:18,762
How otherwise rational people can be turned into babbling ninnies by their hormones.
199
00:12:18,762 --> 00:12:30,904
OH MY GOD! IT'S GARY! OH MY GOD! IT'S HIM, IT'S HIM!
200
00:12:30,904 --> 00:12:32,363
Well, we're back.
201
00:12:32,363 --> 00:12:35,605
You'll all be glad to know that Cupid's arrow has hit its mark.
202
00:12:35,605 --> 00:12:41,518
Gary has just arrived in the hallway, and has a big bouquet of flowers for Roz.
203
00:12:41,518 --> 00:12:44,312
You know, the truth is, I'm really quite delighted with the way things have turned out today.
204
00:12:44,312 --> 00:12:48,626
It inspires me to take a little leap of my own.
205
00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:54,728
As many of you know, this evening, for the third year in a row I will be appearing on the P.B.S. pledge drive...
206
00:12:54,728 --> 00:12:57,079
You know, I was getting a little nervous, the way you were describing me on the air.
207
00:12:57,079 --> 00:12:58,650
Why?
208
00:12:58,650 --> 00:13:00,434
Well, my wife listens to the show.
209
00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:01,575
You're married?
210
00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:06,825
Yeah, but it's okay. I still want to go out with you.
211
00:13:06,825 --> 00:13:14,891
So, instead of Buttons and Bows,?I have chosen to sing a very challenging aria from Verdi's Rigoletto -
212
00:13:14,891 --> 00:13:18,298
something I have never attempted outside the shower.
213
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:34,144
I certainly hope my little gamble turns out as well as Roz's has.
214
00:13:34,144 --> 00:13:46,314
Or even better.
215
00:13:46,314 --> 00:13:47,872
Oh, God!
216
00:13:47,872 --> 00:13:53,218
Well, perhaps they'll pledge to get you to stop singing.
217
00:13:53,218 --> 00:13:55,894
Oh, and by the way, thanks so much for the cold shower tip.
218
00:13:55,894 --> 00:13:56,720
Did it work?
219
00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:02,905
No, it did not. It's clearly an old wives tail, because I'm still thinking of my old wife's tail.
220
00:14:02,905 --> 00:14:08,513
Yes, well I suppose it stood to reason being showered with coldness would only bring Maris more to mind.
221
00:14:08,513 --> 00:14:10,560
Keep making remarks like that, I won't help you rehearse.
222
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:11,619
Oh, I'm sorry, Niles.
223
00:14:11,619 --> 00:14:13,280
It's just that I'm awfully nervous.
224
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:21,763
You know, as much as I admire your willingness to take a leap, I did warn you that you were getting into a dangerous aria.?
225
00:14:21,763 --> 00:14:24,262
Oh God, I'm using humor to mask sexual frustration.
226
00:14:24,262 --> 00:14:25,588
It's high school all over again.
227
00:14:25,588 --> 00:14:30,755
Look Niles, I know it's difficult, but Maris has got to learn that you're not just someone who can be ordered to perform at will.
228
00:14:30,755 --> 00:14:39,954
Now sit, play!
229
00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:43,914
Next time it looks like I'm going to follow a piece of your advice, shoot me in the head first!
230
00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:46,024
Dad! Why aren't you in Montana?
231
00:14:46,024 --> 00:14:49,934
Fifteen minutes out, a flock of Canadian geese flew into one of our engines.
232
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:52,617
They were the lucky ones!
233
00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:54,707
Next thing you know, we're falling five thousand feet.
234
00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:59,665
Smokehouse almonds are flying everywhere, people arescreaming and hugging each other.
235
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:04,756
The guy in the next seat grabbed hold of my hand, and you know what? I didn't pull it away!
236
00:15:04,756 --> 00:15:06,153
Then our pilot comes out.
237
00:15:06,153 --> 00:15:10,944
Our landing gear's out, we're gonna have to do an emergency belly landing in six feet of foam!
238
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:15,560
So, five hellish minutes later, we're bouncing across the runway.
239
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,304
Then the stewardess comes out and says we're gonna have to go down the emergency slide.
240
00:15:19,304 --> 00:15:22,561
So down I go, headfirst into this sea of foam.
241
00:15:22,561 --> 00:15:31,051
Last thing I remember, this fat lady rom across the aisle comes barreling down the chute after me like a polyester avalanche!
242
00:15:31,051 --> 00:15:33,499
My God, Dad, I am so sorry.
243
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,483
So-so, these stewardesses, were they also covered with foam?
244
00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:50,204
Will you stop it! Dad, if you'd like to talk about it, we're both here for you.
245
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:55,169
Boy, I tell you, times like this, you just... all you can think of is your loved ones,
246
00:15:55,169 --> 00:15:58,668
and how you wish you'd spent more time with them.
247
00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:02,348
Eddie!
248
00:16:02,348 --> 00:16:03,534
Well, let's get back to work.
249
00:16:03,534 --> 00:16:04,630
Mmm-hmm.
250
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,054
I need something to take my mind off the fact that at this very moment,
251
00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:15,046
Maris is slipping out of her frilly under-things and into a non-fat milk bath.
252
00:16:15,046 --> 00:16:16,421
Is something wrong?
253
00:16:16,421 --> 00:16:20,135
Yes, something's wrong. Things turned out so badly for Roz and Dad today,
254
00:16:20,135 --> 00:16:24,352
I'm just wondering if my little leap is ill-advised.
255
00:16:24,352 --> 00:16:25,165
Oh, now...
256
00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:27,752
Maybe this aria thing won't turn out so well, either.
257
00:16:27,752 --> 00:16:30,078
Just because theirs went wrong doesn't mean yours will, too.
258
00:16:30,078 --> 00:16:30,726
Yeah...
259
00:16:30,726 --> 00:16:31,749
They're two isolated incidents.
260
00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:51,512
All right.
261
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:58,880
Oh, will these infernal temptations never end?!
262
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:05,327
Oh, tell me the truth. Is it as bad as I think it is?
263
00:17:05,327 --> 00:17:10,880
How... bad do you think it is?
264
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:16,342
Take a leap! Mr. Maurice hair-designer! Trust me!
265
00:17:16,342 --> 00:17:22,286
Children pointing! Your fault!
266
00:17:22,286 --> 00:17:25,513
Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore, I'm leaving.
267
00:17:25,513 --> 00:17:27,621
No, Niles! You can't leave me now, I need you more now than ever.
268
00:17:27,621 --> 00:17:32,440
Oh, give it up. No one who's followed your little Take a leap philosophy has ended up even remotely better.
269
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:37,470
I don't care what you're saying, I'm going to Maris.
270
00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:40,072
You will rue the day!
271
00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:59,877
I don't care! Niles gotta have it!
272
00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:00,793
Oh, Pete.
273
00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:04,655
Hi, Doc. I hear you're doing something new this year. Whoa!
274
00:18:04,655 --> 00:18:06,357
What, is it too hard for you?
275
00:18:06,357 --> 00:18:07,760
Me? No, I'm-I'm worried about you.
276
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,768
I can hit any note. See?
277
00:18:11,768 --> 00:18:17,213
No, Lamb Chop's not here. Big Bird isn't here either.
278
00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:19,053
What are you doing up so late?
279
00:18:19,053 --> 00:18:24,293
Oh. Do you have your mommy's credit card handy?
280
00:18:24,293 --> 00:18:27,393
Have your mommy call us back later, bye-bye.
281
00:18:27,393 --> 00:18:31,761
Well, I guess your little aria must be coming up soon.
282
00:18:31,761 --> 00:18:36,743
Yeah - along with some Veal Milanese and a rather disappointing Chardonnay.
283
00:18:36,743 --> 00:18:41,185
Oh, Roz, I hope you're not still angry with me for the way my advice backfired today?
284
00:18:41,185 --> 00:18:43,240
Oh no, not at all!
285
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:48,009
In fact, I've been meaning to tell you how much I admire you for what you're doing tonight.
286
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:53,826
After watching me crash and burn like that, you're going to go out and sing this very difficult song...
287
00:18:53,826 --> 00:18:59,004
in a foreign language... under these unflattering lights, with your clothes soaked with
288
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,352
sweat, on live television...
289
00:19:01,352 --> 00:19:02,256
How long are you going to stay mad at me?
290
00:19:02,256 --> 00:19:05,441
Until the day I get married.
291
00:19:05,441 --> 00:19:10,960
Yo, Doc, Doc! Please, please, I've been going over your music, and when we get to this section here,
292
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,536
either I can play really loud, or jab you with a pin, because
293
00:19:13,536 --> 00:19:17,944
between you and me, you're not hitting this note without a pole vault.
294
00:19:17,944 --> 00:19:20,128
Ten seconds, Dr. Crane.
295
00:19:20,128 --> 00:19:23,600
That's it! That's it! I'm not doing the aria!
296
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,630
What? You're backing out after you made all of us take those stupid leaps?
297
00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,625
You bet I am! It may be an unwise man who doesn't learn from his own mistakes,
298
00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:34,993
but it's an absolute idiot that doesn't learn from other people!
299
00:19:34,993 --> 00:19:37,322
But you promised all your listeners!
300
00:19:37,322 --> 00:19:44,074
Oh, what's the difference?! Who watches P.B.S.?!
301
00:19:44,074 --> 00:19:50,346
I'll tell you who: discerning, cultured viewers, like yourselves.
302
00:19:50,346 --> 00:19:51,890
Hello, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
303
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:58,110
And like yourselves, I care about quality programming, such as foreign films, classical music, opera ?
304
00:19:58,110 --> 00:20:03,962
which is why I intended to sing a rather challenging piece: an aria from Verdi's Rigoletto.
305
00:20:03,962 --> 00:20:11,194
But, who am I to ignore the dozens of phone calls that have come in requesting my signature piece,
306
00:20:11,194 --> 00:20:18,745
a rather charming little ditty that I first sang three years ago on Classic Western Movie Week.
307
00:20:18,745 --> 00:20:25,537
So without further ado, I give you Buttons and Bows,?from Paleface.
308
00:20:25,537 --> 00:20:29,039
Maestro, please?
309
00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:31,411
East is East, and West is West
310
00:20:31,411 --> 00:20:34,433
And the wrong one I have chose
311
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,382
Let's go where you keep on wearing those-
312
00:20:37,382 --> 00:20:39,954
Da da dahs, and boppa dohs,
313
00:20:39,954 --> 00:20:44,487
Things and buttons, buttons and bows!
314
00:20:44,487 --> 00:20:46,897
Don't bury me, uh ?lovely pea,
315
00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:49,250
Something, la-la-la!
316
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,986
Let's all go to a... taco show, and
317
00:20:51,986 --> 00:20:54,707
and a how I love, such and thrush,
318
00:20:54,707 --> 00:20:55,530
blow my nose,
319
00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:58,351
You look great in buttons and bows!
320
00:20:58,351 --> 00:21:00,023
I love you in buckskin,
321
00:21:00,023 --> 00:21:07,781
la da-da da-da daaaa!
322
00:21:07,781 --> 00:21:09,529
Everybody!
323
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:12,148
My bones denounce, the fearful trounce,
324
00:21:12,148 --> 00:21:15,162
and la-la la-la Moldic rose!
325
00:21:15,162 --> 00:21:17,673
Ba-da Seuss, a palm caboose!
326
00:21:17,673 --> 00:21:20,209
and a panda hop, and pantyhose
327
00:21:20,209 --> 00:21:35,165
You look buppity, buttons and bows!
328
00:21:35,165 --> 00:21:41,194
Oh, I bet this is one leap year Dr. Crane won't be sorry to see the back of!
329
00:21:41,194 --> 00:21:42,682
Should we rewind it, so we can watch it again?
330
00:21:42,682 --> 00:21:49,498
No, no, not yet, let it finish first, this is the verse where he REALLY loses it!
331
00:21:49,498 --> 00:21:51,986
Bippity-boppity, hippity-dos
332
00:21:51,986 --> 00:21:57,822
Something and something, and buttons and bows!
333
00:21:57,822 --> 00:22:02,900
Okay, now you can rewind it!
334
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:07,878
Hey!
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