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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,500 If someone had asked me, when I reached my fifties, to assess my life, 2 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:29,800 I'd have said I'd reached a decent level of fulfilment, personally and professionally. 3 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,900 Beyond that, I would say "I don't choose to delve." 4 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:36,800 Not that I was afraid of uncovering some dark side of my character. 5 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:41,800 But I always feel, if something seems to be working, leave it alone. 6 00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,900 My name is Marion Post. 7 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,700 I'm Director of Undergraduate Studies in Philosophy at a women's college, 8 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:53,100 although right now I'm on leave of absence to begin writing a book. 9 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,500 My husband is a very accomplished physician, a cardiologist, 10 00:00:56,500 --> 00:01:01,300 who some years ago examined my heart, liked what he saw and proposed. 11 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:05,700 It's the second marriage for us both, and he brought to it a 16-year-old daughter 12 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,900 who lives with his former wife but visits us frequently. 13 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,300 She's a sweet girl who can be a little undisciplined at times, 14 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,700 and I've tried to take her under my wing as best I can. 15 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,700 I also have a married brother. 16 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:22,800 My mother died recently, but my dad's still alive and healthy. 17 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:27,600 Not much else to say, except normally I write at home 18 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,700 but construction noise next door has become so terrible, 19 00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:34,400 I subleased a one-room flat downtown as an office. 20 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:38,400 A new book is always a very demanding project 21 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,200 and it requires that I really shut myself off 22 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,000 from everything but the work. 23 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:52,600 As I settled down to work that first morning, a strange thing occurred. 24 00:02:55,600 --> 00:03:00,800 Something about him just got to a deeper thing in me. 25 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:06,500 So this was my... my big experience with another man. My first one. 26 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,700 And I've never been able to get it out of my mind. I still have fantasies about it, 27 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,700 which are sort of bugging me. 28 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,600 What do you mean, "fantasies"? 29 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:25,100 Well, sometimes when I'm masturbating, or when I'm just... 30 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,900 Well, sometimes when I'm... when I'm working, 31 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:35,000 I find myself thinking about Giles. 32 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:39,100 And, uh, it's not that I'm not attracted to my wife any more. 33 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:44,800 I mean, I still am. I really am physically moved by her, and other women, but... 34 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:49,300 While eavesdropping on the intimate revelations of a psychiatrist's office 35 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,200 might be fascinating to some people, it was not exactly what I had in mind 36 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,300 when I rented the place. 37 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,000 Well, um... 38 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:03,600 I don't really have to use him like a piece of pornography... 39 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:15,000 I worked hard all day, and the work came very slowly. 40 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:18,200 Beginning a book is always the most difficult part for me, 41 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,300 and by late afternoon I'd become tired. 42 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:25,600 I lay my head down and closed my eyes, and I guess I dozed off. 43 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,200 I don't know exactly how long I was asleep, 44 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,200 but one of the pillows must have slipped down off the vent, 45 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,000 because I gradually became aware again of a voice. 46 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:41,700 It was a woman's voice, and it was such an anguished, heart-wrenching sound 47 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,800 that I was totally arrested by its sadness. 48 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,400 I just know that I woke up during the middle of the night. 49 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,000 And time passed, and there were strange shadows. 50 00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:01,400 I began having troubling thoughts about my life. 51 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:06,200 Like there was something about it not real. 52 00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:10,400 Full of deceptions. 53 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,000 That these... these deceptions 54 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,300 had become so... so many, 55 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,100 and so much a part of me now, 56 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,600 that I couldn't even tell who I really was. 57 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,000 And suddenly I began to perspire. 58 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:32,100 I sat up in bed with my heart just pounding. 59 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,900 And I looked at my husband next to me, 60 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,200 and it was as if he... he was a stranger. 61 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,700 And I turned on the light and I woke him up, 62 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,600 and I asked him to hold me. 63 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,300 And only after a long time did I finally get my bearings. 64 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,100 But for one moment, earlier, 65 00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:01,600 it was as if a curtain had parted, 66 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,600 and I could see myself clearly. 67 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,200 But I was afraid of what I saw. 68 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:13,400 And what I had to look forward to. 69 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,800 And I wondered... 70 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,800 I wondered about ending everything. 71 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,200 Please, please. 72 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:08,800 It is with a mixture of some joy, but mostly paralysing anxiety, 73 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,800 that I hereby plunge into the big five-o. 74 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,400 I was, uh, I was fine till last week. 75 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,700 Then my son said to me, "Gee, Dad, don't your options begin running out?" 76 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,500 He's very funny, my son. 77 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,000 Marion, I was telling Lydia about your little adventure today. 78 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,100 - Oh, yes. - Those new buildings are built so thin. 79 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,400 - No, this is an old brownstone. - Well, there's no privacy left. 80 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,300 Last week Lydia and I were at home. It was a Sunday morning... 81 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,400 - Mark... - This is true. And we started kissing... 82 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,900 - Mark! - And next thing we were on the floor... 83 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:58,100 - Are you crazy? He's drunk. - I was having her on the kitchen floor. 84 00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:01,100 The living room floor, the living room floor. 85 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:04,700 - I gotta admit, it was a surprise. - Did it not happen that way? 86 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:09,600 So the door opens, and the superintendent... he has the key... 87 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:13,200 - Oh, no. - Barges in. Some kind of plumbing leak. 88 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,500 And we are in flagrante delicto. 89 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:19,200 You know what he does? He gets up, stark naked, and says "Mr Banducci, 90 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:22,400 this is not the pipe that needs fixing." 91 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,300 That was quick, Ken. Could you have come up with anything that quick? 92 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,000 - No. - That was grace under pressure. 93 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,100 - Did he laugh? - Oh, no. 94 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:34,200 He turned very red and he crossed himself. 95 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,800 Sad. 96 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,700 One good thing about becoming 50. You don't have to do it again. 97 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,500 I know. 98 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:58,000 It's Laura. She had another fight with her mother, wants to sleep at our place. 99 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:00,300 It's not fair to Kathy. 100 00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:05,200 Well, you tell her, cos once again I can't get through to my daughter. 101 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,000 I know. Just... hold on a minute. 102 00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,600 Will you talk to Marion? OK. 103 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,200 Laura? This is not a good habit to get into. 104 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:19,300 You know your mother's high-strung. She's just gonna get frantic. 105 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:24,800 Well, it may not seem fair to you, but it's up to you to deal with her moods. 106 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:30,400 Well, if she can't, then you just have to rise above it. 107 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,900 OK? I'll see you at my father's tomorrow. 108 00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,700 We'll talk about it then. OK. 109 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,100 Bye-bye. 110 00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:41,800 She listens to you cos she looks up to you. Me, there's no communication. 111 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,900 It's just... It's a terrible situation. 112 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,600 Hey. 113 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,500 Take you back? 114 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,000 God, yeah. 115 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,600 Would you ever think of making love to me on the living room floor? 116 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,500 Would you want me to? 117 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,400 I don't know. Would you want to? 118 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,300 I don't know. 119 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,600 Actually, I don't think I see you as the hardwood floor type. 120 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,400 No? 121 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,600 Hey, Ken, what are you doing in there? Have you eaten? 122 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,800 Hello, Lydia. Look, you know my wife pretty good. 123 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,800 Would you say that she was the type to enjoy sex on the living room floor? 124 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,700 - Ken! - Oh, my God. You know, you guys... 125 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,100 - I'm only teasing. - That was really embarrassing before. 126 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,200 But not unpleasant if you don't get splinters. 127 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:06,300 Next morning I'd agreed to meet my sister-in-law who wanted to see me. 128 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:10,600 I waited as long as I could, but when she didn't show up I decided to leave. 129 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,800 - Marion. I'm sorry. - Oh, hi. 130 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,000 - I got stuck in traffic. - Oh. The thing is, I'm really late now. 131 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,400 - Sorry. I just need a few minutes. - Well, I'm so behind schedule. 132 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,400 You said eight, and I waited, but I've gotta get going. 133 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,700 - Stupid bus wouldn't move. - Maybe some other time. 134 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:32,100 I've gotta be disciplined when I'm writing, Lynn, or I'm not gonna get it done in time. 135 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:37,300 I need to borrow some money. You know, Paul and I are getting a divorce. 136 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,500 I heard. I'm sorry. 137 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:42,900 - Are you? - Why do you say it like that? 138 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,800 Because... I know you never really approved of me. 139 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,000 Why, I hardly know you. 140 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,700 It's not from my lack of trying. 141 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,300 Oh, look, I know this must all be very upsetting to you. But, you know... 142 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,300 I'm sorry. 143 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:03,000 If you needed money, how come Paul didn't ask me? 144 00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:06,000 Well... he wouldn't. 145 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,900 Well, why not? He has before. 146 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,800 Marion, 147 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,500 don't you know how he feels about you? 148 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,500 Sure. We've always been very close. 149 00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:20,800 You're deluding yourself. 150 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:24,000 Of course, in a way he idolises you, but... 151 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,300 he also hates you. 152 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,900 I'm sorry, I don't accept that. 153 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,900 You're such a perceptive woman. How can you not understand his feelings? 154 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,300 Look, um, I'm late, and... 155 00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,600 and, uh... 156 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:48,100 to tell you the truth, I make it a practice of never getting into these conversations. 157 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:51,900 They're fruitless, and people say things that they're sorry for later. 158 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:56,600 Why don't you just tell me how much you need and I'll discuss it with Ken. OK? 159 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,500 The encounter with my sister-in-law had left me angry, 160 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,400 but I refused to let it interfere with my work. 161 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,500 I had a reasonably productive day, but as late afternoon approached 162 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,300 I began to feel anxious somehow. 163 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,700 I really can't believe I'm saying this. 164 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,900 Lately I've had odd feelings about my marriage. 165 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,700 It's as if it's been... coming apart. 166 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,700 And I've just been, in so many ways, denying it. 167 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,600 I must admit, 168 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,900 I have moments when I question whether I made the right choice. 169 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,900 I've told you there was someone else once. 170 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,300 The last time I saw him was several years ago, 171 00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,900 before I was married, at a party. 172 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:16,800 Stop it. Just stop it. This is just crazy. I'm marrying Ken, that's all there is to it. 173 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,600 - How can you marry Ken? You love me. - I... what? You're so conceited. 174 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,800 What makes you think that I love you? 175 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:27,300 I know. There are some things one knows just so surely as... 176 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,900 Well, I-I... I'm... I... You're wrong, and I'm sorry if I've misled you. 177 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,300 - It's you you're misleading. - I'm surprised at you. 178 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,400 I mean, Ken is your close friend. 179 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:44,100 I love everything about you, and I want you to come and live with me... 180 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,200 Stop it! Stop it. Right now. 181 00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,400 Marion? We're toasting! 182 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,500 Just go away. 183 00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:59,000 To Ken and Marion on their big day next week. 184 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,400 And to Marion's new book. German philosophy will never be the same. 185 00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,100 Let's hope not. 186 00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:10,000 You'll go on for ever. Heidegger definitely got what he deserved. 187 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,900 Hey, I'd like to propose a toast. 188 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,400 To good health and happiness. 189 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,400 - Aren't you gonna drink to Marion? - Yes, why not? 190 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,000 I drink to Marion with my eyes. 191 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,400 Smoothie. Old smoothie. 192 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,000 I was just returning some things. 193 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,900 You could stop staring. 194 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,200 I'm not a ghost. 195 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,500 Well, we did spend a few years together, had a child together, in this house. 196 00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,600 I wish you'd called. 197 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:06,000 I'm not staying. Although some of these people used to be my friends too. 198 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,700 - Would you like a drink? - Kitty... 199 00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,400 Don't panic, I'm not accepting. 200 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:18,000 These are artefacts from more civilised days between us. 201 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,900 I think perhaps you should just leave them and go. 202 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,100 Which one's Marion? 203 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,700 - I am. - Kathy, this is in terrible taste, you know. 204 00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,500 Oh, my ex-husband is an authority on taste! 205 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:35,500 Now what does Emily Post say about adultery with a philosophy professor 206 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:39,500 in a Holiday Inn while his wife is in the hospital having her ovaries removed? 207 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,400 - OK, that's enough. Now please leave. - Ah, jeez. 208 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:47,500 I realise that you've been hurt, and if I've done anything wrong I am sorry. 209 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,900 Forgive me. I accept your condemnation. 210 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,100 I'm so sorry. 211 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,400 What can I say to change your heart? 212 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,200 I'm really amazed at you. 213 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:29,700 He's your friend. He's just... He's just had an embarrassing experience. 214 00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:33,000 Yes, he is my friend. And I love him. 215 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,500 But he's a prig. He's cold and he's stuffy. 216 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,300 Can't you see that? "I accept your condemnation." Jesus! 217 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,600 He handled a very difficult moment quite well. 218 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,300 Oh, too well. Do you like that? 219 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,600 He's a snob. 220 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,100 He's a wonderful man. 221 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,200 And he's... he's a terrific doctor. 222 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,200 He's cultured and he's honourable. 223 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,300 I love to be with him. I... I... 224 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:10,100 - I love reading books with him, and... - It's all up here. All up here. 225 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,300 And he's sexy. 226 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,300 Adultery in the Holiday Inn? Did they take a credit card? 227 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:20,800 He would never try to undermine you. 228 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,900 Even if he loved a woman passionately? 229 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,900 Maybe we should join the others. 230 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,800 Maybe I was wrong about you. 231 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,900 - Maybe you're two of a kind. - Maybe you had too much champagne. 232 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,400 Maybe this conversation is scaring you. 233 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,500 I have to go. 234 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,700 Why don't you do that? 235 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,800 I often wonder about real love. 236 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:04,400 Or should I say, I... I keep myself from thinking about it. 237 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,900 - I don't mean the kind I've experienced. - 238 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:13,700 It's deeper, much more intense. And then I become frightened. 239 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,200 Because I feel too much... 240 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,700 - Hi. How are ya? - Fine. 241 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,600 This is great, this is really nice. I like it a lot. So are you ready? 242 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,900 - Sure. - I'm sorry, am I too early? 243 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:37,300 - No. - So I'm here on time? OK, great. 244 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:42,600 - You know your dad's not coming? - Yes. I spoke with him. Are you all right? 245 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,800 - Me? - You just... 246 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,400 - No, sure, I'm fine. - OK. 247 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:51,100 All right, well, we should get going then, so we can beat the traffic. 248 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,900 I've gathered a number of your mother's possessions and mementos. 249 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,300 Pictures, letters. 250 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,800 You may as well have them. 251 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,400 I just can't seem to bring myself to throw them away. 252 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:22,500 - Was it unbearable, the past few months? - I've managed to keep myself busy. 253 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,600 - I wish you'd consider moving to the city. - I'm fine right here. 254 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:32,400 Clara comes in. She cleans and cooks for me the way she always has, 255 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:34,900 so that's no different. 256 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:38,300 Twice a year the board of the Smithsonian meets. 257 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:43,700 That gets me down to Washington, and takes up some of my time. 258 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,300 I'm all right. I'm fine right here. 259 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,600 But you want nothing around to even remind you of Mother? 260 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:59,200 Well, there are times when even a historian shouldn't look at the past. 261 00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:02,600 You think at your age you can meet someone and fall in love again? 262 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:06,900 One hopes at my age to build up an immunity. 263 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,300 Are you aware that Paul and Lynn are getting a divorce? 264 00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:18,000 Nothing Paul does would surprise me, and I'd much rather not hear about him. 265 00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:21,800 - He's had bad luck. - He's had the same chances you've had. 266 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:26,600 It's just that he doesn't have it inside him to stick with anything. 267 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:31,400 - I hope you're not still giving him money. - No, just, you know, now and then. 268 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:36,700 I've salvaged him from more financial messes, 269 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:40,900 and I've spent more money doing it, than I care to tell you. 270 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:46,400 Someday he'll defraud somebody in one of his so-called business ventures. 271 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:48,900 And he'll go to jail. 272 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,500 I noticed you sort of gave me a disapproving look at dinner. 273 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,300 Well, I didn't think it was very sensitive of you to ask my father 274 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,400 whether at his age he could still fall in love. 275 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,900 - Well, he didn't take it badly. - No, but it just isn't very tactful. 276 00:22:08,900 --> 00:22:11,700 He's old now. He doesn't have to be reminded of it. 277 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,500 I'm sorry. 278 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,400 It's OK, it's just... 279 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,200 Never mind, it's... youth. 280 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,500 Here are the photos. 281 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,800 And here's my mother's jewellery. Such as it is. 282 00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:29,600 They were never ones for sentimental possessions. 283 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:33,200 Here's her book of Rilke's poems. 284 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,700 You know, she was the one who first introduced me to German poetry. 285 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,300 And there's a picture of the house in the fall. 286 00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:45,100 That's really nice. Oh, there we are in the kitchen. 287 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:48,600 And there's Clara. Look how young you were here, Clara. 288 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:53,100 You were so good to us. I can still taste the cookies you used to bake. 289 00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:57,600 You used to sit up with us when we had those miserable colds. You were a saint. 290 00:22:57,700 --> 00:23:02,700 Oh, and here I am, older. I could go up to the spare room and paint for hours. 291 00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:05,600 The time would just fly by when I was doing a picture. 292 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,800 And there I am with my friend Claire. You know, she became an actress. 293 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,500 We used to be so close, but I haven't seen her in years. 294 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,900 And there's my mother. She loved strolling around the grounds. 295 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,700 She loved all beautiful things. She loved nature, music, poetry. 296 00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:27,000 That was her whole existence. 297 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:35,000 - Paul? I'd like to discuss something. - Yes, Dad? 298 00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:38,200 I've had a talk with my brother Ben. 299 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,700 And he has promised me that he will find a position for you next season in his firm. 300 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,100 I don't wanna work in a cardboard box factory. 301 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:50,700 - It's paper products, Paul, not just boxes. - But I tried it once. I go nuts. 302 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,400 Paul... 303 00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:56,100 There are some obligations one must accept. 304 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,300 This has not been a good year. 305 00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:03,500 Your mother is very ill, and I have decided to take time off 306 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,100 to finish my study on the Continental Congress. 307 00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:11,300 It's important that there is enough money to see that Marion can go away to college. 308 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,900 I want her to take that scholarship. She is such a brilliant girl. 309 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,600 But I had other plans. 310 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:20,700 I'm sure those plans included card-playing and time-wasting. 311 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:24,900 - That's not fair. - Paul, your grades are mediocre. 312 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,900 It's not because you're not smart enough, it's simply that you don't apply yourself. 313 00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:32,400 I know. And Marion's a genius. 314 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,400 She has the opportunity to go to Bryn Mawr. 315 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,100 - Do you want to prevent her? - No. 316 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,500 She's going to be something. She's got what it takes. There are no limits for her. 317 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:51,800 If only I could stop her daydreaming in the woods with her beloved watercolours. 318 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,200 Paul? 319 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:07,900 What's wrong? 320 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,600 He's making me go to work in the paper box factory. 321 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,200 - Well, what do you wanna do? - I don't know. 322 00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:19,700 Move out of the house, travel, find some interesting business, 323 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,600 anything but work in a paper box factory. 324 00:25:23,300 --> 00:25:26,200 I hate him. Both of them. 325 00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:29,100 They live in their own worid. 326 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:55,100 - Is this close enough? - Yeah, I'm meeting Scott right up here. 327 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,800 Why don't you come? He'd love to meet you, and I've told him a lot about you. 328 00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:02,900 Thank you, honey, but I'm really tired. 329 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,700 - Can I take a rain check? - Come on, just for one beer. 330 00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:09,000 It's really early, and Dad's not gonna be home yet. 331 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,800 Do you see someone? 332 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,300 - I do. - Who? 333 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,800 It's just, uh... it's an acquaintance of mine, it's a woman I know. 334 00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:25,400 All right, well, thanks a lot. I had a terrific time. 335 00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:27,900 - OK. - OK. Bye. 336 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,400 I forgot half of that speech tonight. 337 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,900 Marion. I... 338 00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:53,900 - Claire? - It's you. It is you. It is. 339 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,800 - Claire? I was just talking about you. - Yes? 340 00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:03,200 I was going through old photos at my father's house. What are you doing here? 341 00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:07,500 - I'm doing a play. And it's closing, but... - You're in a show? 342 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,600 Yes. I guess you don't read the theatre section of the paper. 343 00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,600 Well, yes, I do, but I just had no idea. 344 00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:19,400 I'm sorry, what am I doing? I'm sorry. This is my husband, this is Jack. 345 00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:21,600 - Marion Post. - Nice to meet you. 346 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:25,600 Oh, my goodness. Claire, I have wondered about you so often. 347 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:30,100 - Well, we live in Monterey now. - Really? Do you have time for a drink? 348 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:34,500 - Sorry, we're meeting some friends. - No, we have time till our appointment. 349 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,400 - Do we? - Oh, great. There must be a place here. 350 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,000 - Come on, this way. Straight ahead. - I just... 351 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,800 ... Amnesty International and ACLU. Then they were on the same day. 352 00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:56,200 Listen, you gotta be kidding me. Are you saying that you are 353 00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,400 a member of Amnesty International and the American Civil Liberties Union? 354 00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:03,300 Marion always had the urge to save humanity, didn't you? 355 00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:06,300 Just give me a flood or a famine. Ken too. 356 00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:09,900 - Where do you find the time? - It doesn't work out all the time. 357 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,000 And head of the philosophy department. It's impossible. 358 00:29:13,100 --> 00:29:16,400 I took two years of philosophy, University of Chicago. 359 00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:21,100 - They've got a great department. - It was good, before they made me leave. 360 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,400 And Claire, you never told me about this chapter in your life. 361 00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:27,100 - I thought I had. - We were so close. 362 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:30,300 - It was clear she'd be a gifted actress. - No... 363 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,400 Don't you believe her. This woman always had that flair. 364 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,300 Do you get to the theatre much? I guess not with your schedule. 365 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,500 I do. My husband really prefers the opera, but there's so little to see. 366 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,300 - I used to be a devoted Brechtian. - I staged some Brecht. 367 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:48,500 - Did you? - Yes. Mother Courage. 368 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,800 - Not the one here? - Yes, the one here. Did you see it? 369 00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:56,800 Sure I saw it. That's the most intelligent rendering of that play I've ever seen. 370 00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:59,700 - That's sweet of you. - I had problems with the translation. 371 00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:02,600 Some of the speeches could have been a little better. 372 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:07,500 - Exactly. The translation was awkward. - But you did a terrific job. Really terrific. 373 00:30:07,500 --> 00:30:10,400 Hey, hey. Hey. 374 00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:13,500 Look at me once in a while. I'm your wife, not her. 375 00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:14,500 Huh? 376 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,800 You've been hanging on her every word since we sat down. 377 00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:19,400 You're embarrassing me. 378 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:23,400 Jack is very impressed by certain things which I apparently cannot give him. 379 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,900 Claire, take it easy. 380 00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:29,300 Do you deny he's been looking into your eyes for over an hour? 381 00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:33,400 - I don't think you heard one word I said. - You're a little drunk. 382 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,400 - If you'd rather be alone with her... - Claire, stop it, this is foolish. 383 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,300 - We're just having a nice chat. - Don't. Don't play innocent with me. 384 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,600 - This wouldn't be the first time. - Stop this. 385 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,300 - What does that mean? - Let's go, Claire. Sorry, Marion. 386 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,300 We've been in this situation before, 387 00:30:48,300 --> 00:30:52,700 where you so innocently wound up causing me to doubt my whole life. 388 00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,700 Claire, you're being awfully theatrical. 389 00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:57,900 I don't know what you're talking about. 390 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,800 We didn't just drift apart, Marion. I withdrew. 391 00:31:03,500 --> 00:31:07,000 - You're not talking about David? - Then you do know. 392 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,900 - I know I never had any interest in him. - But you knew how much I cared for him. 393 00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:17,300 I had nothing to do with him. And I never gave him a shred of encouragement. 394 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,700 That's not true. 395 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:24,500 Your conversations were full of subtle flirtations, full of meaningful little looks, 396 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:30,000 and... little gambits designed to seduce. 397 00:31:30,700 --> 00:31:33,000 That's so untrue. 398 00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:35,100 And you've held that against me? 399 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:39,100 He couldn't see anything except how infatuated he was with you. 400 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:43,000 We never spent a single moment alone. I never had anything to do with him. 401 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:48,700 And I say you seduced him. You just... you turned it on whenever he was around. 402 00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:51,200 Maybe you didn't even know that you were doing it. 403 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,100 Claire, let's get off the subject. 404 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,900 I must have seemed very bland to him after you. 405 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:02,500 This is nonsense! To have backed off of a close friendship because of a fantasy? 406 00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:05,200 I'm sure I brought it on myself. I was so proud of you. 407 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:11,000 You were my best friend. You were so witty and so quick, and I was so naive. 408 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,700 Of course you would want David to fall for you. He was exceptional. 409 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,600 I refused his overtures. I told him he was with you and it was out of the question. 410 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,100 - By that time you had what you wanted. - That's absurd. 411 00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:27,400 I really believe that you may not have realised what you were doing. 412 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,000 This is outrageous. You should never drink. 413 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:36,500 I swear to you, it was never in my mind. Not consciously or subconsciously or... 414 00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:41,300 Think about it. Just think about it sometime. You should be the actress. 415 00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:56,000 When I got home Ken was asleep. I was too shaken up to go to bed. 416 00:32:56,700 --> 00:33:00,000 The incident with Claire had left me edgy and uncomfortable. 417 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:03,500 I thought if I read for a while it might relax me. 418 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,400 I thumbed through my mother's edition of Rilke. 419 00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:11,900 When I was 16 I had done a paper on his poem about the panther, 420 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,900 and on the image that the panther saw as it stared out from its cage. 421 00:33:16,900 --> 00:33:20,400 And that image, I concluded, could only be death. 422 00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:25,000 Then I saw my mother's favourite poem, 423 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,400 "Archaic Torso of Apollo". 424 00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:34,600 There were stains on the page, which I believe were her tears. 425 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,200 They fell across the last line. 426 00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:44,600 "For here there is no place that does not see you. " 427 00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,400 "You must change your life." 428 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,700 You got in late last night. 429 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,500 I ran into an old friend. 430 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,800 Then I didn't sleep. I don't think I closed my eyes for ten minutes. 431 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,800 I don't know how you do it. I'd collapse. 432 00:34:04,700 --> 00:34:07,600 We're going to the concert with Mark and Lydia tonight. 433 00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:11,000 I'm good for today, it's tomorrow I'll feel it. 434 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,600 Yeah, but tomorrow we're going to Tom and Eleanor's for dinner. 435 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:20,200 And Friday, Mark and Lydia are taking us out for our anniversary. 436 00:34:20,100 --> 00:34:24,300 - Is it our anniversary already? - Yeah. Goes quickly, doesn't it? 437 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,400 What's the matter? 438 00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:31,500 I don't know. 439 00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:34,700 What is it? 440 00:34:35,500 --> 00:34:38,700 Well, you know, shouldn't we spend our anniversary alone? 441 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:43,000 We could go to the restaurant where we had our first night together. 442 00:34:42,900 --> 00:34:45,200 In Philadelphia? 443 00:34:49,500 --> 00:34:51,500 Hold me. 444 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,100 Hey. 445 00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,800 Honey. 446 00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,900 I've already found your present. 447 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,200 Did I seduce you away from your wife? 448 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,000 No, I seduced you, don't you remember? 449 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:25,700 Then I was worried in case you wouldn't consider me because I was married. 450 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,100 Well... 451 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:33,500 So how was it with Laura last night? You know that kid idolises you. 452 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,700 Yeah. 453 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:41,000 I'd better get going, I guess. I have to stop at the library on my way downtown. 454 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,000 OK. 455 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,200 You're silent today. 456 00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:07,900 Usually you're quite talkative. 457 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,500 Yeah, I... I-I have nothing to say. 458 00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:17,500 Mm-hm. 459 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,200 I... That is, I have nothing to report. 460 00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:34,400 Are you angry? 461 00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,700 No, not that I'm aware of. 462 00:36:38,700 --> 00:36:42,100 But you have nothing to say? 463 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,400 No. 464 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,400 She saw us, Scott. I asked you to lock the door. 465 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,900 You said they were walking in the woods. 466 00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:59,100 Dad said he was uncomfortable about us being here for the weekend, 467 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:04,100 and I tried to explain, make him trust me, and I said it would be all right, and this... 468 00:38:04,100 --> 00:38:07,900 - Come on, I'm sure she's sophisticated. - Yeah, you don't know Marion. 469 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:12,100 - I thought you said she was pretty hip. - Yeah, she is, she's great. She's... 470 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:16,200 She's great. She... I dunno, it's just that she's, um... 471 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,800 She's a little... judgmental. 472 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:25,100 You know? She sort of stands above people and evaluates them. 473 00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:28,700 I've heard her make remarks about her brother, and... 474 00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:32,600 I always think that she's gonna judge me that way. I dunno. 475 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:37,200 I just... Now I feel really cheap for some reason. 476 00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:39,400 - Cheap? - Yes. 477 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:40,900 - Cheap? - Yes. 478 00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:43,400 - I thought it was very romantic. - It was. 479 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,300 With the fire, and the wine... 480 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,800 Yeah. It was. 481 00:38:50,900 --> 00:38:53,700 I couldn't work any more that day. 482 00:38:53,700 --> 00:38:56,400 I felt I needed some fresh air. 483 00:38:57,100 --> 00:39:02,600 I walked the streets aimlessly, just trying to put some jumbled thoughts in order. 484 00:39:03,100 --> 00:39:05,000 I don't know how long I wandered, 485 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:09,000 but when I looked up I was quite far from my writing room. 486 00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:29,100 What's happened? 487 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,400 I don't know. 488 00:39:34,300 --> 00:39:37,100 Well, what are you doing here? 489 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:45,300 - Something must be wrong. - Oh, don't say that. 490 00:39:46,500 --> 00:39:50,300 Marion, you don't seek out my company very often. 491 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,300 You must need something. 492 00:39:53,300 --> 00:39:56,000 Yes, I do need something. 493 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,000 Only I don't know what it is, exactly. 494 00:40:00,100 --> 00:40:04,800 - Well, what do I have I could offer? - You can be honest with me, Paul. 495 00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:08,400 You and I were so close when we were young. 496 00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:13,200 How honest do you want me to be? 497 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:18,300 It was just today that I realised how long it's been since we've even spoken. 498 00:40:18,300 --> 00:40:20,300 Well... 499 00:40:20,900 --> 00:40:25,800 I gave up pursuing you when I realised how uncomfortable it made you feel. 500 00:40:25,700 --> 00:40:29,400 - That's not true. - Don't deny it. Come on, Marion. 501 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,400 You know... 502 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:39,200 I realised... that I disappointed you. 503 00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:44,000 And worse, I realised that I embarrass you. How I live and who I marry, and... 504 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:50,100 Of course, that's falling apart now, so we don't have to worry about it. 505 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,900 She wants me to work for Cousin Andrew. 506 00:40:58,100 --> 00:41:03,800 But she's right, you know, because I never have supported her and the kids properly. 507 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,100 Well, would that be so awful? Working for Andrew? 508 00:41:09,100 --> 00:41:11,500 You used to say that. 509 00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:14,600 I know. I know I did, but... 510 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,200 - Times change. - Yeah, they certainly do. 511 00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:22,000 Do you remember, some years ago, 512 00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:27,000 when I, uh, I showed you something I'd written? You remember what you said? 513 00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:31,600 No, I don't remember. I was probably just trying to be truthful. 514 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:37,300 Yes, I'm sure. You said "This is overblown." 515 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,800 "It's too emotional. It's maudlin." 516 00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:45,600 "Your dreams may be meaningful to you, but to the objective observer they're..." 517 00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:48,000 "It's so embarrassing." 518 00:41:48,900 --> 00:41:50,600 I said that? 519 00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:53,200 Exactly your words. 520 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,100 So I try not to embarrass you... 521 00:41:58,100 --> 00:42:00,200 any more. 522 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,600 I should go. 523 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,100 I've spent all afternoon trying to think of a great place to take you two 524 00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,400 to celebrate your anniversary on Friday. 525 00:42:34,500 --> 00:42:37,700 What's wrong with the hotel in Philadelphia 526 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,800 where you had your first illicit moments of passion? 527 00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:45,900 - You see? He thinks like you think. - He drinks, not thinks. 528 00:42:45,900 --> 00:42:51,500 I should drink. I should drink. If I ever started drinking... This is not drinking. 529 00:42:51,300 --> 00:42:54,600 Excuse me, I'm sorry to disturb you, but... 530 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:59,200 I was a pupil of yours 20 years ago. Vermont? 531 00:42:59,100 --> 00:43:02,100 Cynthia Frank? You probably won't remember, but... 532 00:43:02,100 --> 00:43:04,200 Yes, I do. I do remember you. 533 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,900 - You changed my life. - I did? 534 00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:11,600 You... she was the inspiration for every woman in the philosophy department. 535 00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:15,900 - That's very kind of you. - I still remember the lectures so clearly. 536 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:21,700 There was a particular talk you gave on ethics and moral responsibility that... 537 00:43:21,900 --> 00:43:27,300 Well, your ideas were amazing to me, and they're still amazing to me. 538 00:43:28,500 --> 00:43:31,600 Well, didn't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to tell you. 539 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:36,500 I've seen you here before, and I never was able to say that you changed my life. 540 00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:37,900 Thanks. 541 00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:41,000 Hey, all right. All right. Well done. 542 00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:47,200 Do you remember that lecture? It's terrific that she just turned around and... 543 00:43:47,100 --> 00:43:49,600 It's very touching. 544 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:55,800 I had spent a second sleepless night, and the following day at work I felt it. 545 00:43:56,100 --> 00:44:00,000 I couldn't write at all, and what little I did try was forced. 546 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,500 Usually I can't sleep in the day, but I was exhausted. 547 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:10,300 I closed my eyes for a few minutes, and that's when the dream must have come. 548 00:44:11,500 --> 00:44:14,600 You're not gonna say anything? 549 00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:19,900 You haven't said a thing, and your hour's almost up. 550 00:44:22,300 --> 00:44:25,100 I don't believe you have nothing to say. 551 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,100 I think it's because you're angry. 552 00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:34,200 Too choked with rage to speak. 553 00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:36,800 What is it that enrages you? 554 00:44:44,300 --> 00:44:46,400 Life. 555 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:51,700 - Life? - The... the universe. 556 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,600 The cruelty, the injustice. 557 00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:57,100 The suffering of humanity. 558 00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,800 Illness, ageing... death. 559 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:05,900 All very abstract. "Humanity." Don't worry about humanity all the time. 560 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,200 Get your own life in order. 561 00:45:08,900 --> 00:45:12,000 - Yeah. - We'll continue this tomorrow. 562 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,700 What would you say she was suffering from? 563 00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:25,400 - Self-deception. - Good. It's a little general. 564 00:45:26,300 --> 00:45:30,200 - I don't think she can part with the lies. - No? Too bad. 565 00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:35,700 - Not that she doesn't want to. - It's precisely that she doesn't want to. 566 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,600 When she wants to, she will. 567 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,500 - It's all happening so fast. - I have to hurry. 568 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:44,800 I'm trying to prevent her from killing herself. 569 00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:49,000 - You don't think she would? - She's already begun. 570 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,500 - She has? - Oh, not very dramatically. 571 00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:55,400 That's not her style. She's doing it slowly and methodically, 572 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,400 and has been since she was very young. 573 00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,600 Now, if you'll pardon me, I have another patient. 574 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,600 Now that my life is... 575 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,300 drawing to a close, 576 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,800 I have only regrets. 577 00:46:27,700 --> 00:46:31,600 Regrets that the woman I shared my life with 578 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,300 is not the one I loved the most deeply. 579 00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:41,800 Regrets that there is no love between my son and myself. That is my fault. 580 00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:47,600 Regrets that perhaps I've been too severe with my daughter, 581 00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:53,800 too demanding, that I haven't given her enough feeling. 582 00:46:55,300 --> 00:46:58,000 But I was so unhappy myself, 583 00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:03,600 so caught up in those stupid studies of historical figures. 584 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:09,800 Even though I have achieved some eminence in my field, 585 00:47:10,700 --> 00:47:13,500 I asked too little of myself. 586 00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:21,100 Suddenly the dream shifted and I found myself on a street that was familiar. 587 00:47:20,900 --> 00:47:25,600 It seemed to be where I had run into Claire, in front of the theatre. 588 00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,200 - What's going on? - Come on in. It's OK. 589 00:47:42,700 --> 00:47:47,200 Would she like to observe the rehearsal? Claire is such a good actress. 590 00:47:47,300 --> 00:47:50,100 She plays innumerable roles. 591 00:47:50,100 --> 00:47:53,500 Would you ever think of making love to me on the living room floor? 592 00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:57,500 - Would you want me to? - I don't know. Would you want to? 593 00:47:57,900 --> 00:48:01,100 Well, somehow I've never seen you as the hardwood floor type. 594 00:48:01,100 --> 00:48:05,000 No. That's a pretty insulting thing to say. 595 00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:10,200 It's you that's the type not to make love anywhere but in bed with the lights out. 596 00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:14,500 - Now who's being insulting? - I suppose you'll undress and go to bed. 597 00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,700 Well, it's 1am. 598 00:48:17,900 --> 00:48:23,400 Let's try being honest. There's not much passion left in this marriage, is there? 599 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:27,000 - Is there not? I haven't noticed. - Don't be so aloof. 600 00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:30,800 I'm trying to tell you something. It's not erotic any more. 601 00:48:30,700 --> 00:48:33,300 - Well, was it ever? - Was it not? 602 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,100 Marion, I'm tired. 603 00:48:36,100 --> 00:48:39,900 We rarely sleep together any more, and when we do it's by the book. 604 00:48:39,900 --> 00:48:44,200 It's the same routine. I know what you're going to do and in what order. 605 00:48:44,100 --> 00:48:49,500 Yeah, it's true, we are both creatures of routine. Now can we go to sleep? It's late. 606 00:48:49,700 --> 00:48:54,400 And could you please try not to toss and talk in your sleep? 607 00:48:55,000 --> 00:49:00,100 Last night you kept saying "Larry". I assume you dreamed about Larry Lewis. 608 00:49:00,100 --> 00:49:02,800 At the mention of Larry Lewis's name, 609 00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:07,400 I experienced odd feelings of melancholy and longing. 610 00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:10,700 I wanted to weep in the dream, 611 00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,600 but the tears wouldn't come. 612 00:49:14,300 --> 00:49:18,400 - Are you married? - Yes. You knew I got married. 613 00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,000 Oh yes. 614 00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:24,700 Yes, I had heard that. 615 00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,100 Larry wants us to move back to New York, but I don't. 616 00:49:28,100 --> 00:49:30,800 We've had such a nice time in Santa Fe. 617 00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:34,600 - Are you happy? - I'm happy. 618 00:49:35,300 --> 00:49:39,500 Why don't I leave you two? I'm sure you have a lot to talk about. 619 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,700 I see your by-line now and then in magazines. 620 00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,800 Did you read my novel? 621 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:55,200 I have it, but I am embarrassed to say I haven't read it yet. 622 00:49:55,100 --> 00:49:57,900 You inspired one of the characters. 623 00:49:57,900 --> 00:49:59,900 Oh? 624 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:05,200 - I hope you weren't too rough on me. - No. I wrote of you with great love. 625 00:50:07,100 --> 00:50:09,100 Your wife is lovely. 626 00:50:09,100 --> 00:50:12,200 Yes. I met her right after you said goodbye to me. 627 00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:15,700 Her name's Jennifer. She's also quite a good writer. 628 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,600 - Do you have any children? - Yes. 629 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,100 We have a daughter. 630 00:50:22,100 --> 00:50:26,200 It's been the greatest, most beautiful experience of my life. 631 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,600 Do you ever think of me? 632 00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,700 Do you ever think of me? 633 00:50:41,700 --> 00:50:43,900 Once in a while. 634 00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:48,200 I hope you're happy with Ken. 635 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:53,100 I ran into him on the street not too long ago. He must have told you. 636 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,300 I think of you more than once in a while. 637 00:50:56,800 --> 00:51:01,500 But without regret. Please, don't tell me you have any regret. 638 00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:06,500 Darling, come here for a moment. I want to show you a beautiful sunset. 639 00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:09,300 Which character in your novel did I inspire? 640 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,600 Hlenka. I gave you a beautiful name. Hlenka. 641 00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,700 I described our times together. 642 00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,300 You'll recognise it. 643 00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:20,800 I have to go now. 644 00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,400 My wife needs me. 645 00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,400 Marion, please, don't cry. 646 00:51:33,500 --> 00:51:36,400 Although I am glad to hear our little scene is moving. 647 00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:40,000 - I'd like to go home. - And you will. 648 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:44,100 I just thought you might like to see our second act finale. 649 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,100 Your first husband's suicide scene. 650 00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,000 It's touching. 651 00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:52,100 Sam was not a suicide. 652 00:51:52,100 --> 00:51:56,300 How do you know? It was 15 years after you divorced. 653 00:51:57,500 --> 00:52:01,400 He died in his sleep from mixing pills and alcohol. 654 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,100 I was at his funeral. 655 00:52:04,100 --> 00:52:07,200 Well, you know, that's always a grey area. 656 00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,200 Alone in a hotel room, 657 00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:11,600 depressed... 658 00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,300 Sam was a wonderful man. 659 00:52:15,300 --> 00:52:18,300 We had such lovely times together. 660 00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:22,100 You taught me so much. 661 00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:27,300 You were a wonderful pupil. Certainly the most interesting one in my class. 662 00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,700 Still, the age difference... 663 00:52:30,100 --> 00:52:33,600 I shouldn't have seduced you. Intellectually, that is. 664 00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,500 I should have resisted that temptation. 665 00:52:36,700 --> 00:52:40,700 I shouldn't have made you adore me, but you were such a dazzling pupil, 666 00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,500 the temptation was too great. 667 00:52:43,500 --> 00:52:46,200 And so I paid the price. 668 00:52:46,100 --> 00:52:48,600 We both paid the price. 669 00:52:48,700 --> 00:52:53,500 Inevitably there comes a time when the pupil absorbs all that he or she can. 670 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:58,100 And what seemed like constant joyous imparting of knowledge and opinions 671 00:52:58,100 --> 00:53:00,500 becomes suffocation. 672 00:53:01,100 --> 00:53:04,500 Ironically, that's what they wrote on my death certificate. 673 00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:06,500 "Suffocation." 674 00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,200 Oh, Sam. 675 00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:13,900 Wait, there's another important scene between you and Sam. 676 00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,800 No. 677 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,800 No more. 678 00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,200 That night we had what was supposed to be a charming dinner 679 00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:27,100 with Tom and Eleanor Banks. Doctor Banks. 680 00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:32,400 Everyone was full of energy, and I must have seemed drab in contrast. 681 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:37,600 Not only was I tired but the dream had put me in a foul mood. 682 00:53:44,300 --> 00:53:46,100 Tom and Eleanor are funny. 683 00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:50,000 All that carrying-on about ESP and parapsychology. 684 00:53:49,900 --> 00:53:52,500 You'd think they'd be more sensible. 685 00:53:52,500 --> 00:53:56,700 And then when you put it down so unequivocally, I thought they'd die. 686 00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,200 You were a little cruel, however correct. 687 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:03,900 I was so tired, I was in a stinking mood. And who knows? Maybe they're right. 688 00:54:03,900 --> 00:54:07,700 Maybe there is more to life than meets the eye. What the hell do I know? 689 00:54:07,700 --> 00:54:13,000 Their beliefs are one step ahead of Ouija boards. And all that talk about Greece! 690 00:54:12,900 --> 00:54:16,000 You'd think no one had sailed round the Greek islands before. 691 00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,700 If we're so contemptuous of Tom and Eleanor, why do we go out with them? 692 00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:24,800 It's just when they get on to certain topics. Next week it'll be flying saucers. 693 00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:30,300 Why do we have to see people every night anyway? We never spend any time alone. 694 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,600 - Well, that's not so. - Yes, it is so. Every night it's friends. 695 00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:37,000 Yours, mine, people we hardly know. 696 00:54:36,900 --> 00:54:38,800 We've known Tom and Eleanor for years. 697 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,200 - And you don't even enjoy him. - Of course I do. 698 00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:45,000 You've spoken contemptuously many times because he's a radiologist, 699 00:54:45,100 --> 00:54:47,500 - which you don't take seriously. - I'm joking. 700 00:54:47,500 --> 00:54:51,300 No, you're not. You disguise it as joking, but you're serious. 701 00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:56,100 - You're trying to provoke an argument. - Why are we afraid to be alone together? 702 00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,800 - I didn't think we were. - Because we've nothing to say any more? 703 00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:00,700 We talk. 704 00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,500 Why go out with Mark and Lydia on our anniversary anyway? 705 00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:07,000 If that's all that's bothering you, we won't go. 706 00:55:06,900 --> 00:55:11,400 But neither should we drive all the way to the hotel where we had our first tryst. 707 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:15,400 Don't do that. Don't make something romantic sound infantile. 708 00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:18,700 OK, but it's the same level of maturity as sex on the floor. 709 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:21,600 We might as well have it on the floor. We don't have it in bed. 710 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:25,500 - I don't believe we're discussing this. - Why've you stopped sleeping with me? 711 00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:30,400 We are simply going through a less active period, that's all. It's not uncommon. 712 00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:32,900 Why? I just wanna know why. 713 00:55:33,700 --> 00:55:35,800 Why don't we just go to bed? 714 00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:39,200 There was a time that we were dying to be together. 715 00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:44,800 Marion, you're still the most desirable woman I know. 716 00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:48,900 But we won't make love tonight because there'll be some excuse. 717 00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:56,100 I hadn't realised how much of that had slipped away until today. 718 00:55:56,700 --> 00:56:01,500 I'm really sorry. If I've done anything wrong, forgive me. 719 00:56:02,100 --> 00:56:05,200 I accept your condemnation. 720 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,500 You were a wonderful pupil. 721 00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:26,000 Certainly the most interesting one in my class. Still, the age difference... 722 00:56:31,100 --> 00:56:32,500 I love you. 723 00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:35,400 I love you too. 724 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,700 - Happy birthday. - I told you not to bother. 725 00:56:41,700 --> 00:56:44,600 Oh, I wanted to. Open it. 726 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:52,900 While you were out I read your paper. It was quite brilliantly written. 727 00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:57,400 It's your work that's brilliant. And more important, it's original. 728 00:56:58,700 --> 00:57:01,600 - What is it? From a play or something? - Yes. 729 00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,900 It's an original from a French production of La Gioconda. 730 00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,000 - I love it. - I thought you'd like it. 731 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,100 It was all I could afford from that great store. 732 00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:40,000 The following morning I realised I'd forgotten to get Ken an anniversary gift. 733 00:57:39,900 --> 00:57:43,700 I thought it would be a simple thing, but it took surprisingly long. 734 00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:47,200 The truth was I couldn't really think of what he might like. 735 00:57:47,300 --> 00:57:51,700 After window-shopping for an hour or so, I came across an old antiques store. 736 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:55,000 At first I didn't think there'd be anything special for him there, 737 00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,000 but somehow I was drawn to look further. 738 00:57:57,900 --> 00:58:02,800 The place was empty and dusty, and in the back a radio was playing. 739 00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:08,200 It was full of odd pieces, and I found browsing in it quite fascinating. 740 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,100 Excuse me. Are you all right? 741 00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:47,600 Thank you. I'm OK. 742 00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,700 Can I help you? 743 00:58:55,300 --> 00:59:00,300 I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I was... 744 00:59:00,300 --> 00:59:02,300 Thank you. 745 00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:07,400 Thank you. I was... I was just looking at that picture there, and I... 746 00:59:07,300 --> 00:59:09,700 And I just felt so sad. 747 00:59:09,700 --> 00:59:12,500 Oh, but this is a very optimistic work. 748 00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:17,000 You know, I saw the original of this once. In fact, its title is Hope. 749 00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:23,100 I think, of all the paintings Klimt did in that period, this is the most positive. 750 00:59:23,900 --> 00:59:26,000 I'm sorry. 751 00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,700 Are you an artist? 752 00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,900 Yes. Well, I used to do some painting when I was younger. 753 00:59:33,900 --> 00:59:36,900 I was absolutely in love with this whole school. 754 00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:44,000 It's funny. Just this morning I was thinking about... that I missed painting. 755 00:59:43,900 --> 00:59:47,300 - I'd like to get back into it. - Really? 756 00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:53,700 I guess we all imagine what might have been. 757 00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:57,600 But that was a long time ago. 758 00:59:58,700 --> 01:00:01,100 Well, anyway... 759 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,900 - Are you feeling better now? - Yes, I just wanna get some air. 760 01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:11,100 - What kind of paintings did you do? - Watercolours, mostly. 761 01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,600 We left the store and walked together. 762 01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,500 I wanted to know her better without seeming pushy. 763 01:00:18,500 --> 01:00:22,500 We talked about art, and the discussion seemed to cheer her a little. 764 01:00:23,100 --> 01:00:26,600 We stopped at a gallery and spent time marvelling at the pictures, 765 01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:31,600 and I took a chance and invited her to lunch. I was excited when she accepted. 766 01:00:31,500 --> 01:00:36,000 She suggested a little out-of-the-way place that was charming and private. 767 01:00:35,900 --> 01:00:40,300 We ordered a bottle of wine, although she hardly touched it, being pregnant. 768 01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,800 The result was that I wound up drinking most of it, 769 01:00:42,900 --> 01:00:48,100 and while I really wanted to find out about her it was me who did most of the talking. 770 01:00:48,500 --> 01:00:50,600 50. 771 01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:54,300 I didn't think anything of turning 30. 772 01:00:58,500 --> 01:01:00,900 Everybody said I would. 773 01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:04,400 Then they said I'd be crushed turning 40. 774 01:01:05,300 --> 01:01:09,000 But they were wrong. I didn't give it a second's thought. 775 01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:15,400 Then they said that I'd be traumatised when I hit 50. 776 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,500 And they were right. 777 01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:24,300 I'll tell you the truth. 778 01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:29,000 I don't think I've ever recovered my balance since turning 50. 779 01:01:28,900 --> 01:01:31,500 Aw, gee, 50's not so old. 780 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,800 No, I know it isn't, but... 781 01:01:36,100 --> 01:01:39,400 you just suddenly look up and see where you are. 782 01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,100 You're in a good spot, aren't you? 783 01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,800 Well, I thought I was. 784 01:01:48,700 --> 01:01:52,600 And then there's chances gone by you can't have back again. 785 01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:55,000 Well, like what? 786 01:01:55,400 --> 01:01:57,500 I don't know. 787 01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:04,400 Maybe it would be nice to have a child. 788 01:02:08,300 --> 01:02:10,600 You really think that? 789 01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,800 I do. 790 01:02:18,100 --> 01:02:21,700 I've never said it before, but I do. 791 01:02:23,700 --> 01:02:27,000 How arrogant! How self-centred and feelingless! 792 01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:28,900 I told you I didn't want a baby! 793 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,300 What do you mean, "didn't want a baby"? 794 01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:35,400 - It was partly mine! - Except it's my life that gets derailed. 795 01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:38,000 - I'm just destroyed! - You go on doing what you want, 796 01:02:38,100 --> 01:02:42,300 - and I have to stop and bring it up. - But we'd share the responsibility. 797 01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,600 - You know it would devolve down to me. - I wanted this baby! 798 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:49,700 - I told you, it was not part of my plan. - But you did it without consulting me. 799 01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:51,700 Consulting you?! It's my baby! 800 01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:55,700 Do I have to consult you for every move I make? It's only your ego that's hurt. 801 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,400 - You said you wanted children. - I do, but not now. 802 01:02:58,500 --> 01:03:01,900 I don't have the future stretched out in front of me indefinitely. 803 01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:05,900 It's easy for you to say. You've done your work. I'm just starting out, 804 01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:09,300 trying to make something of myself! It's not fair to the child. 805 01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:13,300 But you could do it without asking me! Or giving me a chance to argue you out of it! 806 01:03:13,300 --> 01:03:18,900 I didn't want to be argued out of it. We've talked this to death! It-It was unwanted! 807 01:03:18,700 --> 01:03:22,800 Do you want to bring a child into this worid? Really? 808 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:25,000 You're the one that hates it so much, 809 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,300 forever lecturing me on the pointlessness of existence. 810 01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:31,300 - I hate you so! - Let me go! Stop it! 811 01:03:31,300 --> 01:03:34,400 I can't stand this any more! Let me go! 812 01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:37,400 To be capable of such a lack of feeling! 813 01:03:37,300 --> 01:03:39,500 Knowing how I felt! 814 01:03:39,500 --> 01:03:41,600 Caring only about how you felt! 815 01:03:41,700 --> 01:03:44,700 Your career. Your life of the mind. 816 01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:34,000 I feel... I feel a little depressed. 817 01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,400 I met a really sad woman today. 818 01:04:39,100 --> 01:04:41,600 A woman you'd think would have everything, 819 01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:44,500 and she doesn't. She has nothing. 820 01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:47,800 And it made me feel frightened. 821 01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,300 Because I feel... 822 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:53,400 I feel if I don't stop myself, 823 01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,900 as the years go by, I'm gonna wind up that way. 824 01:04:59,900 --> 01:05:02,600 She can't allow herself to feel. 825 01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:06,100 So the result is she's led this... 826 01:05:06,700 --> 01:05:11,700 cold cerebral life, and... and has alienated everyone around her. 827 01:05:13,300 --> 01:05:16,000 Well, you know, we've talked about this before, 828 01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:19,900 how I... how I only... only hear and see what I want to. 829 01:05:20,100 --> 01:05:23,300 That's exactly what she does. She... 830 01:05:23,300 --> 01:05:27,100 She's pretended for so long that everything's fine, 831 01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:30,800 but you can see clearly how... how lost she is. 832 01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:37,400 She had an abortion years ago, which she regrets. 833 01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:39,700 She rationalises it in many ways, 834 01:05:39,700 --> 01:05:44,900 but I think the truth is she was afraid of the feelings she would have for a baby. 835 01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:49,000 And she's a very bright woman, very accomplished. 836 01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:55,200 But like me, she... Well, you know emotions have always embarrassed me. 837 01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:59,200 I've run away from men who I felt threatened me 838 01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:03,200 because the intensity of their passion just frightens me. 839 01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:10,800 I guess you can't keep deep feelings closed out for ever, you know, so... 840 01:06:10,700 --> 01:06:16,100 I just don't want to look up when I'm her age and find my life is empty. 841 01:06:25,700 --> 01:06:27,700 Anyhow, 842 01:06:27,800 --> 01:06:32,000 while we were at lunch, a very upsetting thing happened. 843 01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:37,400 In the midst of a conversation, she noticed her friend Lydia. 844 01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:22,700 Marion? 845 01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,900 You're late. 846 01:07:25,900 --> 01:07:28,600 I got you an anniversary present. 847 01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:32,300 I know it's tomorrow, but why don't you open it now? 848 01:07:37,100 --> 01:07:39,700 I didn't know what to get you. 849 01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:48,800 As I said, I always like an opera. 850 01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,700 Happy anniversary. 851 01:07:56,300 --> 01:07:58,900 Come on, let's get dressed. 852 01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,900 I'm not going anywhere. 853 01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,600 What are you talking about? 854 01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:14,400 I saw you and Lydia in the restaurant today. You didn't notice me, but... 855 01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:17,900 I watched the two of you. 856 01:08:19,900 --> 01:08:24,100 Afterwards I went walking for a few hours to calm myself down. 857 01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:30,100 Actually, if I'd had any perception, 858 01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:34,300 I would have been suspicious from the start. 859 01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:40,400 Because you and I committed adultery for months when you were married to Kathy. 860 01:08:41,300 --> 01:08:44,200 That was a very different situation. 861 01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:47,400 I don't think it was. 862 01:08:52,900 --> 01:08:57,900 I guess it wouldn't mean much if I said to you that, um, it's passing. 863 01:09:00,100 --> 01:09:02,800 It was never very serious. 864 01:09:03,300 --> 01:09:07,200 And it was, uh, utterly foolish of Lydia and myself. 865 01:09:09,100 --> 01:09:15,200 I feel sorry for you, Ken, because in your way you've been as Ionely as I have. 866 01:09:18,700 --> 01:09:21,100 Have we been Ionely? 867 01:09:23,900 --> 01:09:26,800 At least I've come to recognise it. 868 01:09:31,300 --> 01:09:34,600 The following days, I didn't get any work done. 869 01:09:34,700 --> 01:09:38,100 Mostly I walked the streets and just thought about my life, 870 01:09:38,100 --> 01:09:40,500 trying to put everything in order. 871 01:09:40,500 --> 01:09:43,000 I felt the need to talk to my brother Paul, 872 01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:47,000 who had made an important decision about his life too. 873 01:09:47,900 --> 01:09:51,300 Strange. Lynn and I go through hell and we're staying together, 874 01:09:51,400 --> 01:09:54,400 you and Ken never fight and you're breaking up. 875 01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:59,900 - So will you move out? Or will he? - Oh, no, I will. 876 01:10:00,900 --> 01:10:03,600 I really do want a clean start. 877 01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,600 I wanna do a lot of things differently. 878 01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,600 And that does mean between us, too. 879 01:10:11,700 --> 01:10:15,200 I'd like to spend a lot more time with you and Lynn. 880 01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:18,400 I'd like to get to know everyone. 881 01:10:19,800 --> 01:10:22,300 If that's OK with you. 882 01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:40,000 So was it Dad's fault? Did he do anything wrong? 883 01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:42,700 Oh, we both did, you know? 884 01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:45,800 I mean, I'm just as much to blame as anybody. 885 01:10:46,300 --> 01:10:49,100 - Maybe more. - Well, it's too bad, you know. 886 01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:55,200 I just wanted to make sure that the shock of it didn't upset you too badly. 887 01:10:55,100 --> 01:10:58,300 Well, I... to tell you the truth, I'm really... 888 01:10:58,300 --> 01:11:02,600 I'm not shocked, I'm just surprised, you know? I mean... 889 01:11:03,800 --> 01:11:08,900 If I can be honest, I always felt there was something between you two that was... 890 01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:14,600 I don't know. Maybe too comfortable, or... that's not the right word. I don't... 891 01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:17,300 Just something, you know? 892 01:11:18,300 --> 01:11:22,500 Well, I hope that this isn't going to have any bearing on us. 893 01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:24,800 I really value your friendship. 894 01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:27,200 Yeah, and I value yours. 895 01:11:37,500 --> 01:11:40,700 - Yes? - Hello. I'm your next-door neighbour, 896 01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:44,900 and I thought you should know that through some acoustical oddness 897 01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:48,200 - I can hear all your patients quite clearly. - Really? 898 01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:53,700 Well, thank you. I'll take care of it. I've had the problem before. I know what to do. 899 01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:58,300 By the way, you have a young woman that you see. The pregnant one? 900 01:11:58,200 --> 01:12:01,800 I wonder if you could tell me how I could get in touch with her. 901 01:12:01,900 --> 01:12:04,700 Oh, yes. She's terminated her treatment. 902 01:12:06,300 --> 01:12:11,700 She's gone away. I don't have any way of reaching her. I'm afraid I can't say more. 903 01:12:14,600 --> 01:12:17,000 I resumed work. It went well, 904 01:12:17,100 --> 01:12:20,100 and I was undisturbed by extraneous distractions. 905 01:12:20,100 --> 01:12:23,700 The writing seemed to flow and I was full of energy. 906 01:12:23,700 --> 01:12:26,500 Once on a sunny morning I paused for a break 907 01:12:26,500 --> 01:12:31,300 and I thought I would look through Larry Lewis's novel, which I'd never read. 908 01:12:31,300 --> 01:12:36,700 I was curious about the character Hlenka, which was rumoured to be based on me. 909 01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:39,300 I opened the book, leafed through, 910 01:12:39,300 --> 01:12:43,000 and sat down as my eye was caught by her name. 911 01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:53,600 "Hlenka and I accidentally ran into one another one day 912 01:12:53,700 --> 01:12:56,900 while we were both buying tickets to a concert. " 913 01:12:56,900 --> 01:13:01,200 "I knew her because she was the lover of a man I knew quite well. " 914 01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:06,300 "Recently they had decided to marry. This was a catastrophe for me personally, 915 01:13:06,100 --> 01:13:11,100 because from the moment he introduced me to her, I was in love with her. " 916 01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:15,100 "I convinced her to have a drink with me." 917 01:13:15,100 --> 01:13:19,400 "It was the only time I'd ever been alone with her since we met. " 918 01:13:19,400 --> 01:13:23,600 "She was lovely, and I spoke too much and too rapidly 919 01:13:23,500 --> 01:13:26,500 because I was embarrassed over my feelings toward her, 920 01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:29,400 which I felt were painfully obvious. " 921 01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:35,500 "We walked around in Central Park and talked about lots of things. " 922 01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:40,800 "I told her about a book I was planning to write, and my wanting to live out west. " 923 01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:43,900 "She spoke enthusiastically about her upcoming marriage, 924 01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:46,300 but I thought it was too enthusiastic, 925 01:13:46,300 --> 01:13:50,500 as if she were trying to convince herself rather than me. " 926 01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:53,700 "Soon it began to rain." 927 01:13:54,100 --> 01:13:58,100 "We ducked into an underpass to avoid the cloudburst. " 928 01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:01,500 "I remember thinking how wonderful she was, 929 01:14:01,500 --> 01:14:05,000 and how beautiful she looked at that moment. " 930 01:14:04,900 --> 01:14:10,100 "And I wanted to tell her so many things because my feelings were swirling so. " 931 01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:14,600 "And I think she knew everything, and that frightened her. " 932 01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:19,200 "And yet some instinct told me that if I kissed her she would respond. " 933 01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:25,400 "Her kiss was full of desire, 934 01:14:25,500 --> 01:14:30,000 and I knew I couldn't share that feeling with anyone else. " 935 01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:37,300 "And then a wall went up, and just as quickly I was screened out. " 936 01:14:37,300 --> 01:14:42,600 "But it was too late, because I now knew that she was capable of intense passion 937 01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:46,100 if she would one day just allow herself to feel. " 938 01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:53,900 I closed the book, and felt a strange mixture of wistfulness and hope. 939 01:14:55,100 --> 01:15:00,000 And I wondered if a memory is something you have or something you've lost. 940 01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:05,000 For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. 84263

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