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If someone had asked me, whenI reached my fifties, to assess my life,
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I'd have said I'd reached a decent level offulfilment, personally and professionally.
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Beyond that, I would say"I don't choose to delve."
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Not that I was afraid of uncoveringsome dark side of my character.
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But I always feel, if somethingseems to be working, leave it alone.
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My name is Marion Post.
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I'm Director of Undergraduate Studiesin Philosophy at a women's college,
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although right now I'm on leaveof absence to begin writing a book.
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My husband is a very accomplishedphysician, a cardiologist,
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who some years ago examined my heart,liked what he saw and proposed.
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It's the second marriage for us both, andhe brought to it a 16-year-old daughter
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who lives with his former wifebut visits us frequently.
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She's a sweet girl who can bea little undisciplined at times,
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and I've tried to take herunder my wing as best I can.
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I also have a married brother.
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My mother died recently,but my dad's still alive and healthy.
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Not much else to say, exceptnormally I write at home
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but construction noise next doorhas become so terrible,
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I subleased a one-room flatdowntown as an office.
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A new book is alwaysa very demanding project
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and it requires that I really shut myself off
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from everything but the work.
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As I settled down to work that firstmorning, a strange thing occurred.
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Something about him
just got to a deeper thing in me.
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So this was my... my big experience
with another man. My first one.
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And I've never been able to get it out of
my mind. I still have fantasies about it,
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which are sort of bugging me.
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What do
you mean, "fantasies"?
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Well, sometimes when I'm
masturbating, or when I'm just...
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Well, sometimes when I'm...
when I'm working,
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I find myself thinking about Giles.
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And, uh, it's not that I'm not
attracted to my wife any more.
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I mean, I still am. I really am physically
moved by her, and other women, but...
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While eavesdropping on the intimaterevelations of a psychiatrist's office
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might be fascinating to some people,it was not exactly what I had in mind
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when I rented the place.
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Well, um...
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I don't really have to use him
like a piece of pornography...
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I worked hard all day,and the work came very slowly.
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Beginning a book is alwaysthe most difficult part for me,
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and by late afternoon I'd become tired.
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I lay my head down and closedmy eyes, and I guess I dozed off.
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I don't know exactlyhow long I was asleep,
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but one of the pillows musthave slipped down off the vent,
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because I gradually becameaware again of a voice.
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It was a woman's voice, and it was suchan anguished, heart-wrenching sound
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that I was totally arrested by its sadness.
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I just know that I woke up
during the middle of the night.
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And time passed, and
there were strange shadows.
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I began having troubling
thoughts about my life.
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Like there was
something about it not real.
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Full of deceptions.
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That these... these deceptions
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had become so... so many,
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and so much a part of me now,
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that I couldn't even tell who I really was.
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And suddenly I began to perspire.
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I sat up in bed with
my heart just pounding.
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And I looked at my husband next to me,
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and it was as if he... he was a stranger.
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And I turned on the light
and I woke him up,
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and I asked him to hold me.
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And only after a long time
did I finally get my bearings.
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But for one moment, earlier,
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it was as if a curtain had parted,
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and I could see myself clearly.
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But I was afraid of what I saw.
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And what I had to look forward to.
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And I wondered...
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I wondered about ending everything.
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Please, please.
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00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:08,800
It is with a mixture of some joy,
but mostly paralysing anxiety,
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that I hereby plunge into the big five-o.
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I was, uh, I was fine till last week.
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Then my son said to me, "Gee, Dad,
don't your options begin running out?"
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He's very funny, my son.
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00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,000
Marion, I was telling Lydia
about your little adventure today.
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- Oh, yes.
- Those new buildings are built so thin.
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- No, this is an old brownstone.
- Well, there's no privacy left.
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Last week Lydia and I were at home.
It was a Sunday morning...
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- Mark...
- This is true. And we started kissing...
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- Mark!
- And next thing we were on the floor...
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- Are you crazy? He's drunk.
- I was having her on the kitchen floor.
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The living room floor,
the living room floor.
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00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:04,700
- I gotta admit, it was a surprise.
- Did it not happen that way?
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00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:09,600
So the door opens, and the
superintendent... he has the key...
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- Oh, no.
- Barges in. Some kind of plumbing leak.
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And we are in flagrante delicto.
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You know what he does? He gets up,
stark naked, and says "Mr Banducci,
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this is not the pipe that needs fixing."
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00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,300
That was quick, Ken. Could you have
come up with anything that quick?
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00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,000
- No.
- That was grace under pressure.
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- Did he laugh?
- Oh, no.
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He turned very red
and he crossed himself.
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Sad.
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One good thing about becoming 50.
You don't have to do it again.
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I know.
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00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:58,000
It's Laura. She had another fight with
her mother, wants to sleep at our place.
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It's not fair to Kathy.
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00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:05,200
Well, you tell her, cos once again
I can't get through to my daughter.
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00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,000
I know. Just... hold on a minute.
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00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,600
Will you talk to Marion? OK.
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00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,200
Laura? This is not a good habit to get into.
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You know your mother's high-strung.
She's just gonna get frantic.
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00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:24,800
Well, it may not seem fair to you, but
it's up to you to deal with her moods.
106
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Well, if she can't, then you
just have to rise above it.
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OK? I'll see you at my father's tomorrow.
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We'll talk about it then. OK.
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Bye-bye.
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She listens to you cos she looks up
to you. Me, there's no communication.
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It's just... It's a terrible situation.
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Hey.
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Take you back?
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God, yeah.
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00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,600
Would you ever think of making love
to me on the living room floor?
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Would you want me to?
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00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,400
I don't know. Would you want to?
118
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,300
I don't know.
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Actually, I don't think I see you
as the hardwood floor type.
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No?
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00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,600
Hey, Ken, what are you doing
in there? Have you eaten?
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00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,800
Hello, Lydia. Look,
you know my wife pretty good.
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Would you say that she was the type
to enjoy sex on the living room floor?
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00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,700
- Ken!
- Oh, my God. You know, you guys...
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00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,100
- I'm only teasing.
- That was really embarrassing before.
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But not unpleasant
if you don't get splinters.
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00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:06,300
Next morning I'd agreed to meetmy sister-in-law who wanted to see me.
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I waited as long as I could, but whenshe didn't show up I decided to leave.
129
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,800
- Marion. I'm sorry.
- Oh, hi.
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00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,000
- I got stuck in traffic.
- Oh. The thing is, I'm really late now.
131
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,400
- Sorry. I just need a few minutes.
- Well, I'm so behind schedule.
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00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,400
You said eight, and I waited,
but I've gotta get going.
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00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,700
- Stupid bus wouldn't move.
- Maybe some other time.
134
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:32,100
I've gotta be disciplined when I'm writing,
Lynn, or I'm not gonna get it done in time.
135
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:37,300
I need to borrow some money. You know,
Paul and I are getting a divorce.
136
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I heard. I'm sorry.
137
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:42,900
- Are you?
- Why do you say it like that?
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Because... I know you
never really approved of me.
139
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Why, I hardly know you.
140
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It's not from my lack of trying.
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00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,300
Oh, look, I know this must all be very
upsetting to you. But, you know...
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I'm sorry.
143
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:03,000
If you needed money,
how come Paul didn't ask me?
144
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:06,000
Well... he wouldn't.
145
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,900
Well, why not? He has before.
146
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,800
Marion,
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don't you know how he feels about you?
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00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,500
Sure. We've always been very close.
149
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You're deluding yourself.
150
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:24,000
Of course, in a way he idolises you, but...
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he also hates you.
152
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,900
I'm sorry, I don't accept that.
153
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,900
You're such a perceptive woman. How
can you not understand his feelings?
154
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,300
Look, um, I'm late, and...
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and, uh...
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to tell you the truth, I make it a practice
of never getting into these conversations.
157
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They're fruitless, and people say
things that they're sorry for later.
158
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:56,600
Why don't you just tell me how much you
need and I'll discuss it with Ken. OK?
159
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,500
The encounter with mysister-in-law had left me angry,
160
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but I refused to let itinterfere with my work.
161
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I had a reasonably productive day,but as late afternoon approached
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I began to feel anxious somehow.
163
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,700
I really can't
believe I'm saying this.
164
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,900
Lately I've had odd feelings
about my marriage.
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It's as if it's been... coming apart.
166
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And I've just been,
in so many ways, denying it.
167
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I must admit,
168
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,900
I have moments when I question
whether I made the right choice.
169
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,900
I've told you there
was someone else once.
170
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,300
The last time I saw him
was several years ago,
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before I was married, at a party.
172
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:16,800
Stop it. Just stop it. This is just crazy.
I'm marrying Ken, that's all there is to it.
173
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,600
- How can you marry Ken? You love me.
- I... what? You're so conceited.
174
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,800
What makes you think that I love you?
175
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:27,300
I know. There are some things
one knows just so surely as...
176
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,900
Well, I-I... I'm... I... You're wrong,
and I'm sorry if I've misled you.
177
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,300
- It's you you're misleading.
- I'm surprised at you.
178
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,400
I mean, Ken is your close friend.
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00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:44,100
I love everything about you, and
I want you to come and live with me...
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00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,200
Stop it! Stop it. Right now.
181
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,400
Marion? We're toasting!
182
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,500
Just go away.
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00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:59,000
To Ken and Marion
on their big day next week.
184
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,400
And to Marion's new book. German
philosophy will never be the same.
185
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,100
Let's hope not.
186
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:10,000
You'll go on for ever. Heidegger
definitely got what he deserved.
187
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,900
Hey, I'd like to propose a toast.
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00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,400
To good health and happiness.
189
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,400
- Aren't you gonna drink to Marion?
- Yes, why not?
190
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,000
I drink to Marion with my eyes.
191
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,400
Smoothie. Old smoothie.
192
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,000
I was just returning some things.
193
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,900
You could stop staring.
194
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,200
I'm not a ghost.
195
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,500
Well, we did spend a few years together,
had a child together, in this house.
196
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,600
I wish you'd called.
197
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:06,000
I'm not staying. Although some of
these people used to be my friends too.
198
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,700
- Would you like a drink?
- Kitty...
199
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,400
Don't panic, I'm not accepting.
200
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:18,000
These are artefacts from
more civilised days between us.
201
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,900
I think perhaps you
should just leave them and go.
202
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,100
Which one's Marion?
203
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,700
- I am.
- Kathy, this is in terrible taste, you know.
204
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,500
Oh, my ex-husband
is an authority on taste!
205
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:35,500
Now what does Emily Post say about
adultery with a philosophy professor
206
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:39,500
in a Holiday Inn while his wife is in the
hospital having her ovaries removed?
207
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,400
- OK, that's enough. Now please leave.
- Ah, jeez.
208
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:47,500
I realise that you've been hurt, and
if I've done anything wrong I am sorry.
209
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,900
Forgive me. I accept your condemnation.
210
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,100
I'm so sorry.
211
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,400
What can I say to change your heart?
212
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,200
I'm really amazed at you.
213
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:29,700
He's your friend. He's just... He's just
had an embarrassing experience.
214
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:33,000
Yes, he is my friend. And I love him.
215
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,500
But he's a prig. He's cold and he's stuffy.
216
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,300
Can't you see that? "I accept
your condemnation." Jesus!
217
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,600
He handled a very
difficult moment quite well.
218
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,300
Oh, too well. Do you like that?
219
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,600
He's a snob.
220
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,100
He's a wonderful man.
221
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,200
And he's... he's a terrific doctor.
222
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,200
He's cultured and he's honourable.
223
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,300
I love to be with him. I... I...
224
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:10,100
- I love reading books with him, and...
- It's all up here. All up here.
225
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,300
And he's sexy.
226
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,300
Adultery in the Holiday Inn?
Did they take a credit card?
227
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:20,800
He would never try to undermine you.
228
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,900
Even if he loved a woman passionately?
229
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,900
Maybe we should join the others.
230
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,800
Maybe I was wrong about you.
231
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,900
- Maybe you're two of a kind.
- Maybe you had too much champagne.
232
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,400
Maybe this conversation is scaring you.
233
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,500
I have to go.
234
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,700
Why don't you do that?
235
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,800
I often wonder about real love.
236
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:04,400
Or should I say, I... I keep myself
from thinking about it.
237
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,900
- I don't mean the kind I've experienced.
-
238
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:13,700
It's deeper, much more intense.
And then I become frightened.
239
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,200
Because I feel too much...
240
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,700
- Hi. How are ya?
- Fine.
241
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,600
This is great, this is really nice.
I like it a lot. So are you ready?
242
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,900
- Sure.
- I'm sorry, am I too early?
243
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:37,300
- No.
- So I'm here on time? OK, great.
244
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:42,600
- You know your dad's not coming?
- Yes. I spoke with him. Are you all right?
245
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,800
- Me?
- You just...
246
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,400
- No, sure, I'm fine.
- OK.
247
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:51,100
All right, well, we should get going
then, so we can beat the traffic.
248
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,900
I've gathered a number of your
mother's possessions and mementos.
249
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,300
Pictures, letters.
250
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,800
You may as well have them.
251
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,400
I just can't seem to bring
myself to throw them away.
252
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:22,500
- Was it unbearable, the past few months?
- I've managed to keep myself busy.
253
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,600
- I wish you'd consider moving to the city.
- I'm fine right here.
254
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:32,400
Clara comes in. She cleans and
cooks for me the way she always has,
255
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:34,900
so that's no different.
256
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:38,300
Twice a year the board
of the Smithsonian meets.
257
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:43,700
That gets me down to Washington,
and takes up some of my time.
258
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,300
I'm all right. I'm fine right here.
259
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,600
But you want nothing around
to even remind you of Mother?
260
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:59,200
Well, there are times when even a
historian shouldn't look at the past.
261
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:02,600
You think at your age you can meet
someone and fall in love again?
262
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:06,900
One hopes at my age
to build up an immunity.
263
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,300
Are you aware that Paul and
Lynn are getting a divorce?
264
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:18,000
Nothing Paul does would surprise me,
and I'd much rather not hear about him.
265
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:21,800
- He's had bad luck.
- He's had the same chances you've had.
266
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:26,600
It's just that he doesn't have it
inside him to stick with anything.
267
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:31,400
- I hope you're not still giving him money.
- No, just, you know, now and then.
268
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:36,700
I've salvaged him from
more financial messes,
269
00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:40,900
and I've spent more money
doing it, than I care to tell you.
270
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:46,400
Someday he'll defraud somebody in
one of his so-called business ventures.
271
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:48,900
And he'll go to jail.
272
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,500
I noticed you sort of gave me
a disapproving look at dinner.
273
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,300
Well, I didn't think it was very
sensitive of you to ask my father
274
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,400
whether at his age
he could still fall in love.
275
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,900
- Well, he didn't take it badly.
- No, but it just isn't very tactful.
276
00:22:08,900 --> 00:22:11,700
He's old now. He doesn't
have to be reminded of it.
277
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,500
I'm sorry.
278
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,400
It's OK, it's just...
279
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,200
Never mind, it's... youth.
280
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,500
Here are the photos.
281
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,800
And here's my mother's
jewellery. Such as it is.
282
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:29,600
They were never ones
for sentimental possessions.
283
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:33,200
Here's her book of Rilke's poems.
284
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,700
You know, she was the one who first
introduced me to German poetry.
285
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,300
And there's a picture
of the house in the fall.
286
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:45,100
That's really nice.Oh, there we are in the kitchen.
287
00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:48,600
And there's Clara. Look howyoung you were here, Clara.
288
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:53,100
You were so good to us. I can stilltaste the cookies you used to bake.
289
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:57,600
You used to sit up with us when we hadthose miserable colds. You were a saint.
290
00:22:57,700 --> 00:23:02,700
Oh, and here I am, older. I could go upto the spare room and paint for hours.
291
00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:05,600
The time would just fly bywhen I was doing a picture.
292
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,800
And there I am with my friend Claire.You know, she became an actress.
293
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,500
We used to be so close,but I haven't seen her in years.
294
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,900
And there's my mother. She lovedstrolling around the grounds.
295
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,700
She loved all beautiful things.She loved nature, music, poetry.
296
00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:27,000
That was her whole existence.
297
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:35,000
- Paul? I'd like to discuss something.
- Yes, Dad?
298
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:38,200
I've had a talk with my brother Ben.
299
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,700
And he has promised me that he will find
a position for you next season in his firm.
300
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,100
I don't wanna work
in a cardboard box factory.
301
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:50,700
- It's paper products, Paul, not just boxes.
- But I tried it once. I go nuts.
302
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,400
Paul...
303
00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:56,100
There are some obligations
one must accept.
304
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,300
This has not been a good year.
305
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:03,500
Your mother is very ill, and I
have decided to take time off
306
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,100
to finish my study on
the Continental Congress.
307
00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:11,300
It's important that there is enough money
to see that Marion can go away to college.
308
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,900
I want her to take that scholarship.
She is such a brilliant girl.
309
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,600
But I had other plans.
310
00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:20,700
I'm sure those plans included
card-playing and time-wasting.
311
00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:24,900
- That's not fair.
- Paul, your grades are mediocre.
312
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,900
It's not because you're not smart enough,
it's simply that you don't apply yourself.
313
00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:32,400
I know. And Marion's a genius.
314
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,400
She has the opportunity
to go to Bryn Mawr.
315
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,100
- Do you want to prevent her?
- No.
316
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,500
She's going to be something. She's got
what it takes. There are no limits for her.
317
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:51,800
If only I could stop her daydreaming in
the woods with her beloved watercolours.
318
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,200
Paul?
319
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:07,900
What's wrong?
320
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,600
He's making me go to work
in the paper box factory.
321
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,200
- Well, what do you wanna do?
- I don't know.
322
00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:19,700
Move out of the house, travel,
find some interesting business,
323
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,600
anything but work in a paper box factory.
324
00:25:23,300 --> 00:25:26,200
I hate him. Both of them.
325
00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:29,100
They live in their own worid.
326
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:55,100
- Is this close enough?
- Yeah, I'm meeting Scott right up here.
327
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,800
Why don't you come? He'd love to meet
you, and I've told him a lot about you.
328
00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:02,900
Thank you, honey, but I'm really tired.
329
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,700
- Can I take a rain check?
- Come on, just for one beer.
330
00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:09,000
It's really early, and Dad's
not gonna be home yet.
331
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,800
Do you see someone?
332
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,300
- I do.
- Who?
333
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,800
It's just, uh... it's an acquaintance
of mine, it's a woman I know.
334
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:25,400
All right, well, thanks a lot.
I had a terrific time.
335
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:27,900
- OK.
- OK. Bye.
336
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,400
I forgot half of that speech tonight.
337
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,900
Marion. I...
338
00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:53,900
- Claire?
- It's you. It is you. It is.
339
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,800
- Claire? I was just talking about you.
- Yes?
340
00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:03,200
I was going through old photos at my
father's house. What are you doing here?
341
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:07,500
- I'm doing a play. And it's closing, but...
- You're in a show?
342
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,600
Yes. I guess you don't read
the theatre section of the paper.
343
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,600
Well, yes, I do, but I just had no idea.
344
00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:19,400
I'm sorry, what am I doing? I'm sorry.
This is my husband, this is Jack.
345
00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:21,600
- Marion Post.
- Nice to meet you.
346
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:25,600
Oh, my goodness. Claire, I have
wondered about you so often.
347
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:30,100
- Well, we live in Monterey now.
- Really? Do you have time for a drink?
348
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:34,500
- Sorry, we're meeting some friends.
- No, we have time till our appointment.
349
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,400
- Do we?
- Oh, great. There must be a place here.
350
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,000
- Come on, this way. Straight ahead.
- I just...
351
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,800
... Amnesty International and
ACLU. Then they were on the same day.
352
00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:56,200
Listen, you gotta be kidding me.
Are you saying that you are
353
00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,400
a member of Amnesty International
and the American Civil Liberties Union?
354
00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:03,300
Marion always had the urge
to save humanity, didn't you?
355
00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:06,300
Just give me a flood or a famine. Ken too.
356
00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:09,900
- Where do you find the time?
- It doesn't work out all the time.
357
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,000
And head of the philosophy
department. It's impossible.
358
00:29:13,100 --> 00:29:16,400
I took two years of philosophy,
University of Chicago.
359
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:21,100
- They've got a great department.
- It was good, before they made me leave.
360
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,400
And Claire, you never told me
about this chapter in your life.
361
00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:27,100
- I thought I had.
- We were so close.
362
00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:30,300
- It was clear she'd be a gifted actress.
- No...
363
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,400
Don't you believe her.
This woman always had that flair.
364
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,300
Do you get to the theatre much?
I guess not with your schedule.
365
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,500
I do. My husband really prefers
the opera, but there's so little to see.
366
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,300
- I used to be a devoted Brechtian.
- I staged some Brecht.
367
00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:48,500
- Did you?
- Yes. Mother Courage.
368
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,800
- Not the one here?
- Yes, the one here. Did you see it?
369
00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:56,800
Sure I saw it. That's the most intelligent
rendering of that play I've ever seen.
370
00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:59,700
- That's sweet of you.
- I had problems with the translation.
371
00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:02,600
Some of the speeches
could have been a little better.
372
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:07,500
- Exactly. The translation was awkward.
- But you did a terrific job. Really terrific.
373
00:30:07,500 --> 00:30:10,400
Hey, hey. Hey.
374
00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:13,500
Look at me once in a while.
I'm your wife, not her.
375
00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:14,500
Huh?
376
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,800
You've been hanging on her
every word since we sat down.
377
00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:19,400
You're embarrassing me.
378
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:23,400
Jack is very impressed by certain things
which I apparently cannot give him.
379
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,900
Claire, take it easy.
380
00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:29,300
Do you deny he's been looking
into your eyes for over an hour?
381
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:33,400
- I don't think you heard one word I said.
- You're a little drunk.
382
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,400
- If you'd rather be alone with her...
- Claire, stop it, this is foolish.
383
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,300
- We're just having a nice chat.
- Don't. Don't play innocent with me.
384
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,600
- This wouldn't be the first time.
- Stop this.
385
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,300
- What does that mean?
- Let's go, Claire. Sorry, Marion.
386
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,300
We've been in this situation before,
387
00:30:48,300 --> 00:30:52,700
where you so innocently wound up
causing me to doubt my whole life.
388
00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,700
Claire, you're being awfully theatrical.
389
00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:57,900
I don't know what you're talking about.
390
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,800
We didn't just drift apart,
Marion. I withdrew.
391
00:31:03,500 --> 00:31:07,000
- You're not talking about David?
- Then you do know.
392
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,900
- I know I never had any interest in him.
- But you knew how much I cared for him.
393
00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:17,300
I had nothing to do with him. And I never
gave him a shred of encouragement.
394
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,700
That's not true.
395
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:24,500
Your conversations were full of subtle
flirtations, full of meaningful little looks,
396
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:30,000
and... little gambits designed to seduce.
397
00:31:30,700 --> 00:31:33,000
That's so untrue.
398
00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:35,100
And you've held that against me?
399
00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:39,100
He couldn't see anything except
how infatuated he was with you.
400
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:43,000
We never spent a single moment alone.
I never had anything to do with him.
401
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:48,700
And I say you seduced him. You just...
you turned it on whenever he was around.
402
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:51,200
Maybe you didn't even know
that you were doing it.
403
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,100
Claire, let's get off the subject.
404
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,900
I must have seemed
very bland to him after you.
405
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:02,500
This is nonsense! To have backed off of
a close friendship because of a fantasy?
406
00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:05,200
I'm sure I brought it on myself.
I was so proud of you.
407
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:11,000
You were my best friend. You were so
witty and so quick, and I was so naive.
408
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,700
Of course you would want David
to fall for you. He was exceptional.
409
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,600
I refused his overtures. I told him he was
with you and it was out of the question.
410
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,100
- By that time you had what you wanted.
- That's absurd.
411
00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:27,400
I really believe that you may not
have realised what you were doing.
412
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,000
This is outrageous.
You should never drink.
413
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:36,500
I swear to you, it was never in my mind.
Not consciously or subconsciously or...
414
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:41,300
Think about it. Just think about it
sometime. You should be the actress.
415
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:56,000
When I got home Ken was asleep.I was too shaken up to go to bed.
416
00:32:56,700 --> 00:33:00,000
The incident with Claire hadleft me edgy and uncomfortable.
417
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:03,500
I thought if I read for a whileit might relax me.
418
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,400
I thumbed throughmy mother's edition of Rilke.
419
00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:11,900
When I was 16 I had done a paperon his poem about the panther,
420
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,900
and on the image that the panther sawas it stared out from its cage.
421
00:33:16,900 --> 00:33:20,400
And that image, I concluded,could only be death.
422
00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:25,000
Then I saw my mother's favourite poem,
423
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,400
"Archaic Torso of Apollo".
424
00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:34,600
There were stains on the page,which I believe were her tears.
425
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,200
They fell across the last line.
426
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:44,600
"For here there is no placethat does not see you. "
427
00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,400
"You must change your life."
428
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,700
You got in late last night.
429
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,500
I ran into an old friend.
430
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,800
Then I didn't sleep. I don't think
I closed my eyes for ten minutes.
431
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,800
I don't know how you do it. I'd collapse.
432
00:34:04,700 --> 00:34:07,600
We're going to the concert
with Mark and Lydia tonight.
433
00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:11,000
I'm good for today, it's tomorrow I'll feel it.
434
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,600
Yeah, but tomorrow we're going
to Tom and Eleanor's for dinner.
435
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:20,200
And Friday, Mark and Lydia are
taking us out for our anniversary.
436
00:34:20,100 --> 00:34:24,300
- Is it our anniversary already?
- Yeah. Goes quickly, doesn't it?
437
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,400
What's the matter?
438
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:31,500
I don't know.
439
00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:34,700
What is it?
440
00:34:35,500 --> 00:34:38,700
Well, you know, shouldn't we
spend our anniversary alone?
441
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:43,000
We could go to the restaurant where
we had our first night together.
442
00:34:42,900 --> 00:34:45,200
In Philadelphia?
443
00:34:49,500 --> 00:34:51,500
Hold me.
444
00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,100
Hey.
445
00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,800
Honey.
446
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,900
I've already found your present.
447
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,200
Did I seduce you away from your wife?
448
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,000
No, I seduced you, don't you remember?
449
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:25,700
Then I was worried in case you wouldn't
consider me because I was married.
450
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,100
Well...
451
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:33,500
So how was it with Laura last night?
You know that kid idolises you.
452
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,700
Yeah.
453
00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:41,000
I'd better get going, I guess. I have to
stop at the library on my way downtown.
454
00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,000
OK.
455
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,200
You're silent today.
456
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:07,900
Usually you're quite talkative.
457
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,500
Yeah, I... I-I have nothing to say.
458
00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:17,500
Mm-hm.
459
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,200
I... That is,
I have nothing to report.
460
00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:34,400
Are you angry?
461
00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,700
No, not that I'm aware of.
462
00:36:38,700 --> 00:36:42,100
But you
have nothing to say?
463
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,400
No.
464
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,400
She saw us, Scott.
I asked you to lock the door.
465
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,900
You said they were
walking in the woods.
466
00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:59,100
Dad said he was uncomfortable
about us being here for the weekend,
467
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:04,100
and I tried to explain, make him trust me,
and I said it would be all right, and this...
468
00:38:04,100 --> 00:38:07,900
- Come on, I'm sure she's sophisticated.
- Yeah, you don't know Marion.
469
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:12,100
- I thought you said she was pretty hip.
- Yeah, she is, she's great. She's...
470
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:16,200
She's great. She... I dunno,
it's just that she's, um...
471
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,800
She's a little... judgmental.
472
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:25,100
You know? She sort of stands
above people and evaluates them.
473
00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:28,700
I've heard her make remarks
about her brother, and...
474
00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:32,600
I always think that she's gonna
judge me that way. I dunno.
475
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:37,200
I just... Now I feel really
cheap for some reason.
476
00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:39,400
- Cheap?
- Yes.
477
00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:40,900
- Cheap?
- Yes.
478
00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:43,400
- I thought it was very romantic.
- It was.
479
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,300
With the fire, and the wine...
480
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,800
Yeah. It was.
481
00:38:50,900 --> 00:38:53,700
I couldn't work any more that day.
482
00:38:53,700 --> 00:38:56,400
I felt I needed some fresh air.
483
00:38:57,100 --> 00:39:02,600
I walked the streets aimlessly, just tryingto put some jumbled thoughts in order.
484
00:39:03,100 --> 00:39:05,000
I don't know how long I wandered,
485
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:09,000
but when I looked up I wasquite far from my writing room.
486
00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:29,100
What's happened?
487
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,400
I don't know.
488
00:39:34,300 --> 00:39:37,100
Well, what are you doing here?
489
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:45,300
- Something must be wrong.
- Oh, don't say that.
490
00:39:46,500 --> 00:39:50,300
Marion, you don't seek out
my company very often.
491
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,300
You must need something.
492
00:39:53,300 --> 00:39:56,000
Yes, I do need something.
493
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,000
Only I don't know what it is, exactly.
494
00:40:00,100 --> 00:40:04,800
- Well, what do I have I could offer?
- You can be honest with me, Paul.
495
00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:08,400
You and I were so close
when we were young.
496
00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:13,200
How honest do you want me to be?
497
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:18,300
It was just today that I realised how long
it's been since we've even spoken.
498
00:40:18,300 --> 00:40:20,300
Well...
499
00:40:20,900 --> 00:40:25,800
I gave up pursuing you when I realised
how uncomfortable it made you feel.
500
00:40:25,700 --> 00:40:29,400
- That's not true.
- Don't deny it. Come on, Marion.
501
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,400
You know...
502
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:39,200
I realised... that I disappointed you.
503
00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:44,000
And worse, I realised that I embarrass
you. How I live and who I marry, and...
504
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:50,100
Of course, that's falling apart now,
so we don't have to worry about it.
505
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,900
She wants me to work for Cousin Andrew.
506
00:40:58,100 --> 00:41:03,800
But she's right, you know, because I never
have supported her and the kids properly.
507
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,100
Well, would that be so awful?
Working for Andrew?
508
00:41:09,100 --> 00:41:11,500
You used to say that.
509
00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:14,600
I know. I know I did, but...
510
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,200
- Times change.
- Yeah, they certainly do.
511
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:22,000
Do you remember, some years ago,
512
00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:27,000
when I, uh, I showed you something I'd
written? You remember what you said?
513
00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:31,600
No, I don't remember. I was
probably just trying to be truthful.
514
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:37,300
Yes, I'm sure.
You said "This is overblown."
515
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,800
"It's too emotional. It's maudlin."
516
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:45,600
"Your dreams may be meaningful to you,
but to the objective observer they're..."
517
00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:48,000
"It's so embarrassing."
518
00:41:48,900 --> 00:41:50,600
I said that?
519
00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:53,200
Exactly your words.
520
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,100
So I try not to embarrass you...
521
00:41:58,100 --> 00:42:00,200
any more.
522
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,600
I should go.
523
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,100
I've spent all afternoon trying to
think of a great place to take you two
524
00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,400
to celebrate your anniversary on Friday.
525
00:42:34,500 --> 00:42:37,700
What's wrong with
the hotel in Philadelphia
526
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,800
where you had your first
illicit moments of passion?
527
00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:45,900
- You see? He thinks like you think.
- He drinks, not thinks.
528
00:42:45,900 --> 00:42:51,500
I should drink. I should drink. If I ever
started drinking... This is not drinking.
529
00:42:51,300 --> 00:42:54,600
Excuse me, I'm sorry to disturb you, but...
530
00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:59,200
I was a pupil of yours
20 years ago. Vermont?
531
00:42:59,100 --> 00:43:02,100
Cynthia Frank? You probably
won't remember, but...
532
00:43:02,100 --> 00:43:04,200
Yes, I do. I do remember you.
533
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,900
- You changed my life.
- I did?
534
00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:11,600
You... she was the inspiration for every
woman in the philosophy department.
535
00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:15,900
- That's very kind of you.
- I still remember the lectures so clearly.
536
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:21,700
There was a particular talk you gave
on ethics and moral responsibility that...
537
00:43:21,900 --> 00:43:27,300
Well, your ideas were amazing to me,
and they're still amazing to me.
538
00:43:28,500 --> 00:43:31,600
Well, didn't mean to interrupt,
but I wanted to tell you.
539
00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:36,500
I've seen you here before, and I never was
able to say that you changed my life.
540
00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:37,900
Thanks.
541
00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:41,000
Hey, all right. All right. Well done.
542
00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:47,200
Do you remember that lecture? It's terrific
that she just turned around and...
543
00:43:47,100 --> 00:43:49,600
It's very touching.
544
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:55,800
I had spent a second sleepless night,and the following day at work I felt it.
545
00:43:56,100 --> 00:44:00,000
I couldn't write at all, andwhat little I did try was forced.
546
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,500
Usually I can't sleep in the day,but I was exhausted.
547
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:10,300
I closed my eyes for a few minutes, andthat's when the dream must have come.
548
00:44:11,500 --> 00:44:14,600
You're not
gonna say anything?
549
00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:19,900
You haven't said a thing,
and your hour's almost up.
550
00:44:22,300 --> 00:44:25,100
I don't believe you have nothing to say.
551
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,100
I think it's because you're angry.
552
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:34,200
Too choked with rage to speak.
553
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:36,800
What is it that enrages you?
554
00:44:44,300 --> 00:44:46,400
Life.
555
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:51,700
- Life?
- The... the universe.
556
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,600
The cruelty, the injustice.
557
00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:57,100
The suffering of humanity.
558
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,800
Illness, ageing... death.
559
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:05,900
All very abstract. "Humanity."
Don't worry about humanity all the time.
560
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,200
Get your own life in order.
561
00:45:08,900 --> 00:45:12,000
- Yeah.
- We'll continue this tomorrow.
562
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,700
What would you say
she was suffering from?
563
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:25,400
- Self-deception.
- Good. It's a little general.
564
00:45:26,300 --> 00:45:30,200
- I don't think she can part with the lies.
- No? Too bad.
565
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:35,700
- Not that she doesn't want to.
- It's precisely that she doesn't want to.
566
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,600
When she wants to, she will.
567
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,500
- It's all happening so fast.
- I have to hurry.
568
00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:44,800
I'm trying to prevent her
from killing herself.
569
00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:49,000
- You don't think she would?
- She's already begun.
570
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,500
- She has?
- Oh, not very dramatically.
571
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:55,400
That's not her style. She's doing it
slowly and methodically,
572
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,400
and has been since she was very young.
573
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,600
Now, if you'll pardon me,
I have another patient.
574
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,600
Now that my life is...
575
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,300
drawing to a close,
576
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,800
I have only regrets.
577
00:46:27,700 --> 00:46:31,600
Regrets that the woman
I shared my life with
578
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,300
is not the one I loved the most deeply.
579
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:41,800
Regrets that there is no love between
my son and myself. That is my fault.
580
00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:47,600
Regrets that perhaps I've been
too severe with my daughter,
581
00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:53,800
too demanding, that I haven't
given her enough feeling.
582
00:46:55,300 --> 00:46:58,000
But I was so unhappy myself,
583
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:03,600
so caught up in those stupid
studies of historical figures.
584
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:09,800
Even though I have achieved
some eminence in my field,
585
00:47:10,700 --> 00:47:13,500
I asked too little of myself.
586
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:21,100
Suddenly the dream shifted and I foundmyself on a street that was familiar.
587
00:47:20,900 --> 00:47:25,600
It seemed to be where I had runinto Claire, in front of the theatre.
588
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,200
- What's going on?
- Come on in. It's OK.
589
00:47:42,700 --> 00:47:47,200
Would she like to observe the rehearsal?
Claire is such a good actress.
590
00:47:47,300 --> 00:47:50,100
She plays innumerable roles.
591
00:47:50,100 --> 00:47:53,500
Would you ever think of making love
to me on the living room floor?
592
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:57,500
- Would you want me to?
- I don't know. Would you want to?
593
00:47:57,900 --> 00:48:01,100
Well, somehow I've never seen you
as the hardwood floor type.
594
00:48:01,100 --> 00:48:05,000
No. That's a pretty insulting thing to say.
595
00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:10,200
It's you that's the type not to make love
anywhere but in bed with the lights out.
596
00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:14,500
- Now who's being insulting?
- I suppose you'll undress and go to bed.
597
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,700
Well, it's 1am.
598
00:48:17,900 --> 00:48:23,400
Let's try being honest. There's not much
passion left in this marriage, is there?
599
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:27,000
- Is there not? I haven't noticed.
- Don't be so aloof.
600
00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:30,800
I'm trying to tell you something.
It's not erotic any more.
601
00:48:30,700 --> 00:48:33,300
- Well, was it ever?
- Was it not?
602
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,100
Marion, I'm tired.
603
00:48:36,100 --> 00:48:39,900
We rarely sleep together any more,
and when we do it's by the book.
604
00:48:39,900 --> 00:48:44,200
It's the same routine. I know what
you're going to do and in what order.
605
00:48:44,100 --> 00:48:49,500
Yeah, it's true, we are both creatures of
routine. Now can we go to sleep? It's late.
606
00:48:49,700 --> 00:48:54,400
And could you please try not
to toss and talk in your sleep?
607
00:48:55,000 --> 00:49:00,100
Last night you kept saying "Larry". I
assume you dreamed about Larry Lewis.
608
00:49:00,100 --> 00:49:02,800
At the mention of Larry Lewis's name,
609
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:07,400
I experienced odd feelingsof melancholy and longing.
610
00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:10,700
I wanted to weep in the dream,
611
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,600
but the tears wouldn't come.
612
00:49:14,300 --> 00:49:18,400
- Are you married?
- Yes. You knew I got married.
613
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,000
Oh yes.
614
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:24,700
Yes, I had heard that.
615
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,100
Larry wants us to move back
to New York, but I don't.
616
00:49:28,100 --> 00:49:30,800
We've had such a nice time in Santa Fe.
617
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:34,600
- Are you happy?
- I'm happy.
618
00:49:35,300 --> 00:49:39,500
Why don't I leave you two?
I'm sure you have a lot to talk about.
619
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,700
I see your by-line
now and then in magazines.
620
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,800
Did you read my novel?
621
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:55,200
I have it, but I am embarrassed
to say I haven't read it yet.
622
00:49:55,100 --> 00:49:57,900
You inspired one of the characters.
623
00:49:57,900 --> 00:49:59,900
Oh?
624
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:05,200
- I hope you weren't too rough on me.
- No. I wrote of you with great love.
625
00:50:07,100 --> 00:50:09,100
Your wife is lovely.
626
00:50:09,100 --> 00:50:12,200
Yes. I met her right after
you said goodbye to me.
627
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:15,700
Her name's Jennifer.
She's also quite a good writer.
628
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,600
- Do you have any children?
- Yes.
629
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,100
We have a daughter.
630
00:50:22,100 --> 00:50:26,200
It's been the greatest,
most beautiful experience of my life.
631
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,600
Do you ever think of me?
632
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,700
Do you ever think of me?
633
00:50:41,700 --> 00:50:43,900
Once in a while.
634
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:48,200
I hope you're happy with Ken.
635
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:53,100
I ran into him on the street not too
long ago. He must have told you.
636
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,300
I think of you more than once in a while.
637
00:50:56,800 --> 00:51:01,500
But without regret. Please,
don't tell me you have any regret.
638
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:06,500
Darling, come here for a moment.
I want to show you a beautiful sunset.
639
00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:09,300
Which character
in your novel did I inspire?
640
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,600
Hlenka. I gave you
a beautiful name. Hlenka.
641
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,700
I described our times together.
642
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,300
You'll recognise it.
643
00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:20,800
I have to go now.
644
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,400
My wife needs me.
645
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,400
Marion, please, don't cry.
646
00:51:33,500 --> 00:51:36,400
Although I am glad to hear
our little scene is moving.
647
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:40,000
- I'd like to go home.
- And you will.
648
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:44,100
I just thought you might like
to see our second act finale.
649
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,100
Your first husband's suicide scene.
650
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,000
It's touching.
651
00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:52,100
Sam was not a suicide.
652
00:51:52,100 --> 00:51:56,300
How do you know? It was
15 years after you divorced.
653
00:51:57,500 --> 00:52:01,400
He died in his sleep from
mixing pills and alcohol.
654
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,100
I was at his funeral.
655
00:52:04,100 --> 00:52:07,200
Well, you know,
that's always a grey area.
656
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,200
Alone in a hotel room,
657
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:11,600
depressed...
658
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,300
Sam was a wonderful man.
659
00:52:15,300 --> 00:52:18,300
We had such lovely times together.
660
00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:22,100
You taught me so much.
661
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:27,300
You were a wonderful pupil. Certainly
the most interesting one in my class.
662
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,700
Still, the age difference...
663
00:52:30,100 --> 00:52:33,600
I shouldn't have seduced you.
Intellectually, that is.
664
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,500
I should have resisted that temptation.
665
00:52:36,700 --> 00:52:40,700
I shouldn't have made you adore me,
but you were such a dazzling pupil,
666
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,500
the temptation was too great.
667
00:52:43,500 --> 00:52:46,200
And so I paid the price.
668
00:52:46,100 --> 00:52:48,600
We both paid the price.
669
00:52:48,700 --> 00:52:53,500
Inevitably there comes a time when
the pupil absorbs all that he or she can.
670
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:58,100
And what seemed like constant joyous
imparting of knowledge and opinions
671
00:52:58,100 --> 00:53:00,500
becomes suffocation.
672
00:53:01,100 --> 00:53:04,500
Ironically, that's what they
wrote on my death certificate.
673
00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:06,500
"Suffocation."
674
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,200
Oh, Sam.
675
00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:13,900
Wait, there's another important
scene between you and Sam.
676
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,800
No.
677
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,800
No more.
678
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,200
That night we had what wassupposed to be a charming dinner
679
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:27,100
with Tom and Eleanor Banks.Doctor Banks.
680
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:32,400
Everyone was full of energy, andI must have seemed drab in contrast.
681
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:37,600
Not only was I tired but the dreamhad put me in a foul mood.
682
00:53:44,300 --> 00:53:46,100
Tom and Eleanor are funny.
683
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:50,000
All that carrying-on about ESP
and parapsychology.
684
00:53:49,900 --> 00:53:52,500
You'd think they'd be more sensible.
685
00:53:52,500 --> 00:53:56,700
And then when you put it down so
unequivocally, I thought they'd die.
686
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,200
You were a little cruel, however correct.
687
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:03,900
I was so tired, I was in a stinking mood.
And who knows? Maybe they're right.
688
00:54:03,900 --> 00:54:07,700
Maybe there is more to life than meets
the eye. What the hell do I know?
689
00:54:07,700 --> 00:54:13,000
Their beliefs are one step ahead of Ouija
boards. And all that talk about Greece!
690
00:54:12,900 --> 00:54:16,000
You'd think no one had sailed
round the Greek islands before.
691
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,700
If we're so contemptuous of Tom and
Eleanor, why do we go out with them?
692
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:24,800
It's just when they get on to certain topics.
Next week it'll be flying saucers.
693
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:30,300
Why do we have to see people every night
anyway? We never spend any time alone.
694
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,600
- Well, that's not so.
- Yes, it is so. Every night it's friends.
695
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:37,000
Yours, mine, people we hardly know.
696
00:54:36,900 --> 00:54:38,800
We've known Tom and Eleanor for years.
697
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,200
- And you don't even enjoy him.
- Of course I do.
698
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:45,000
You've spoken contemptuously many
times because he's a radiologist,
699
00:54:45,100 --> 00:54:47,500
- which you don't take seriously.
- I'm joking.
700
00:54:47,500 --> 00:54:51,300
No, you're not. You disguise it
as joking, but you're serious.
701
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:56,100
- You're trying to provoke an argument.
- Why are we afraid to be alone together?
702
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,800
- I didn't think we were.
- Because we've nothing to say any more?
703
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:00,700
We talk.
704
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,500
Why go out with Mark and Lydia
on our anniversary anyway?
705
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:07,000
If that's all that's bothering you,
we won't go.
706
00:55:06,900 --> 00:55:11,400
But neither should we drive all the way
to the hotel where we had our first tryst.
707
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:15,400
Don't do that. Don't make
something romantic sound infantile.
708
00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:18,700
OK, but it's the same level
of maturity as sex on the floor.
709
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:21,600
We might as well have it on the floor.
We don't have it in bed.
710
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:25,500
- I don't believe we're discussing this.
- Why've you stopped sleeping with me?
711
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:30,400
We are simply going through a less active
period, that's all. It's not uncommon.
712
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:32,900
Why? I just wanna know why.
713
00:55:33,700 --> 00:55:35,800
Why don't we just go to bed?
714
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:39,200
There was a time that
we were dying to be together.
715
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:44,800
Marion, you're still the most
desirable woman I know.
716
00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:48,900
But we won't make love tonight
because there'll be some excuse.
717
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:56,100
I hadn't realised how much of that
had slipped away until today.
718
00:55:56,700 --> 00:56:01,500
I'm really sorry. If I've done
anything wrong, forgive me.
719
00:56:02,100 --> 00:56:05,200
I accept your condemnation.
720
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,500
You were a wonderful pupil.
721
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:26,000
Certainly the most interesting onein my class. Still, the age difference...
722
00:56:31,100 --> 00:56:32,500
I love you.
723
00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:35,400
I love you too.
724
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,700
- Happy birthday.
- I told you not to bother.
725
00:56:41,700 --> 00:56:44,600
Oh, I wanted to. Open it.
726
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:52,900
While you were out I read your paper.
It was quite brilliantly written.
727
00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:57,400
It's your work that's brilliant.
And more important, it's original.
728
00:56:58,700 --> 00:57:01,600
- What is it? From a play or something?
- Yes.
729
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,900
It's an original from a French
production of La Gioconda.
730
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,000
- I love it.
- I thought you'd like it.
731
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,100
It was all I could afford
from that great store.
732
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:40,000
The following morning I realised I'dforgotten to get Ken an anniversary gift.
733
00:57:39,900 --> 00:57:43,700
I thought it would be a simple thing,but it took surprisingly long.
734
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:47,200
The truth was I couldn't reallythink of what he might like.
735
00:57:47,300 --> 00:57:51,700
After window-shopping for an hour or so,I came across an old antiques store.
736
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:55,000
At first I didn't think there'd beanything special for him there,
737
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,000
but somehow I was drawn to look further.
738
00:57:57,900 --> 00:58:02,800
The place was empty and dusty,and in the back a radio was playing.
739
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:08,200
It was full of odd pieces, and I foundbrowsing in it quite fascinating.
740
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,100
Excuse me. Are you all right?
741
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:47,600
Thank you. I'm OK.
742
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,700
Can I help you?
743
00:58:55,300 --> 00:59:00,300
I'm sorry. I don't know why
I'm so emotional. I was...
744
00:59:00,300 --> 00:59:02,300
Thank you.
745
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:07,400
Thank you. I was... I was just
looking at that picture there, and I...
746
00:59:07,300 --> 00:59:09,700
And I just felt so sad.
747
00:59:09,700 --> 00:59:12,500
Oh, but this is a very optimistic work.
748
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:17,000
You know, I saw the original
of this once. In fact, its title is Hope.
749
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:23,100
I think, of all the paintings Klimt did
in that period, this is the most positive.
750
00:59:23,900 --> 00:59:26,000
I'm sorry.
751
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,700
Are you an artist?
752
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,900
Yes. Well, I used to do some
painting when I was younger.
753
00:59:33,900 --> 00:59:36,900
I was absolutely in love
with this whole school.
754
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:44,000
It's funny. Just this morning I was
thinking about... that I missed painting.
755
00:59:43,900 --> 00:59:47,300
- I'd like to get back into it.
- Really?
756
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:53,700
I guess we all imagine
what might have been.
757
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:57,600
But that was a long time ago.
758
00:59:58,700 --> 01:00:01,100
Well, anyway...
759
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,900
- Are you feeling better now?
- Yes, I just wanna get some air.
760
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:11,100
- What kind of paintings did you do?
- Watercolours, mostly.
761
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,600
We left the store and walked together.
762
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,500
I wanted to know her betterwithout seeming pushy.
763
01:00:18,500 --> 01:00:22,500
We talked about art, and the discussionseemed to cheer her a little.
764
01:00:23,100 --> 01:00:26,600
We stopped at a gallery and spenttime marvelling at the pictures,
765
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:31,600
and I took a chance and invited her tolunch. I was excited when she accepted.
766
01:00:31,500 --> 01:00:36,000
She suggested a little out-of-the-wayplace that was charming and private.
767
01:00:35,900 --> 01:00:40,300
We ordered a bottle of wine, althoughshe hardly touched it, being pregnant.
768
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,800
The result was that I wound updrinking most of it,
769
01:00:42,900 --> 01:00:48,100
and while I really wanted to find out abouther it was me who did most of the talking.
770
01:00:48,500 --> 01:00:50,600
50.
771
01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:54,300
I didn't think anything of turning 30.
772
01:00:58,500 --> 01:01:00,900
Everybody said I would.
773
01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:04,400
Then they said I'd be crushed turning 40.
774
01:01:05,300 --> 01:01:09,000
But they were wrong. I didn't
give it a second's thought.
775
01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:15,400
Then they said that I'd be
traumatised when I hit 50.
776
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,500
And they were right.
777
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:24,300
I'll tell you the truth.
778
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:29,000
I don't think I've ever recovered
my balance since turning 50.
779
01:01:28,900 --> 01:01:31,500
Aw, gee, 50's not so old.
780
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,800
No, I know it isn't, but...
781
01:01:36,100 --> 01:01:39,400
you just suddenly look up
and see where you are.
782
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,100
You're in a good spot, aren't you?
783
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,800
Well, I thought I was.
784
01:01:48,700 --> 01:01:52,600
And then there's chances gone by
you can't have back again.
785
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:55,000
Well, like what?
786
01:01:55,400 --> 01:01:57,500
I don't know.
787
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:04,400
Maybe it would be nice to have a child.
788
01:02:08,300 --> 01:02:10,600
You really think that?
789
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,800
I do.
790
01:02:18,100 --> 01:02:21,700
I've never said it before, but I do.
791
01:02:23,700 --> 01:02:27,000
How arrogant! Howself-centred and feelingless!
792
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:28,900
I told you I didn't want a baby!
793
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,300
What do you mean, "didn't want a baby"?
794
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:35,400
- It was partly mine!
- Except it's my life that gets derailed.
795
01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:38,000
- I'm just destroyed!
- You go on doing what you want,
796
01:02:38,100 --> 01:02:42,300
- and I have to stop and bring it up.
- But we'd share the responsibility.
797
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,600
- You know it would devolve down to me.
- I wanted this baby!
798
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:49,700
- I told you, it was not part of my plan.
- But you did it without consulting me.
799
01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:51,700
Consulting you?! It's my baby!
800
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:55,700
Do I have to consult you for every move
I make? It's only your ego that's hurt.
801
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,400
- You said you wanted children.
- I do, but not now.
802
01:02:58,500 --> 01:03:01,900
I don't have the future stretched
out in front of me indefinitely.
803
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:05,900
It's easy for you to say. You've done
your work. I'm just starting out,
804
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:09,300
trying to make something of myself!
It's not fair to the child.
805
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:13,300
But you could do it without asking me! Or
giving me a chance to argue you out of it!
806
01:03:13,300 --> 01:03:18,900
I didn't want to be argued out of it. We've
talked this to death! It-It was unwanted!
807
01:03:18,700 --> 01:03:22,800
Do you want to bring a child
into this worid? Really?
808
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:25,000
You're the one that hates it so much,
809
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,300
forever lecturing me on the
pointlessness of existence.
810
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:31,300
- I hate you so!
- Let me go! Stop it!
811
01:03:31,300 --> 01:03:34,400
I can't stand this any more! Let me go!
812
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:37,400
To be capable of such a lack of feeling!
813
01:03:37,300 --> 01:03:39,500
Knowing how I felt!
814
01:03:39,500 --> 01:03:41,600
Caring only about how you felt!
815
01:03:41,700 --> 01:03:44,700
Your career. Your life of the mind.
816
01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:34,000
I feel... I feel a little depressed.
817
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,400
I met a really sad woman today.
818
01:04:39,100 --> 01:04:41,600
A woman you'd think
would have everything,
819
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:44,500
and she doesn't. She has nothing.
820
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:47,800
And it made me feel frightened.
821
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,300
Because I feel...
822
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:53,400
I feel if I don't stop myself,
823
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,900
as the years go by,
I'm gonna wind up that way.
824
01:04:59,900 --> 01:05:02,600
She can't allow herself to feel.
825
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:06,100
So the result is she's led this...
826
01:05:06,700 --> 01:05:11,700
cold cerebral life, and... and has
alienated everyone around her.
827
01:05:13,300 --> 01:05:16,000
Well, you know, we've
talked about this before,
828
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:19,900
how I... how I only... only
hear and see what I want to.
829
01:05:20,100 --> 01:05:23,300
That's exactly what she does. She...
830
01:05:23,300 --> 01:05:27,100
She's pretended for so long
that everything's fine,
831
01:05:27,000 --> 01:05:30,800
but you can see clearly
how... how lost she is.
832
01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:37,400
She had an abortion years ago,
which she regrets.
833
01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:39,700
She rationalises it in many ways,
834
01:05:39,700 --> 01:05:44,900
but I think the truth is she was afraid of
the feelings she would have for a baby.
835
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:49,000
And she's a very bright woman,
very accomplished.
836
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:55,200
But like me, she... Well, you know
emotions have always embarrassed me.
837
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:59,200
I've run away from men
who I felt threatened me
838
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:03,200
because the intensity of their
passion just frightens me.
839
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:10,800
I guess you can't keep deep feelings
closed out for ever, you know, so...
840
01:06:10,700 --> 01:06:16,100
I just don't want to look up when I'm
her age and find my life is empty.
841
01:06:25,700 --> 01:06:27,700
Anyhow,
842
01:06:27,800 --> 01:06:32,000
while we were at lunch,a very upsetting thing happened.
843
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:37,400
In the midst of a conversation,she noticed her friend Lydia.
844
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:22,700
Marion?
845
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,900
You're late.
846
01:07:25,900 --> 01:07:28,600
I got you an anniversary present.
847
01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:32,300
I know it's tomorrow,
but why don't you open it now?
848
01:07:37,100 --> 01:07:39,700
I didn't know what to get you.
849
01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:48,800
As I said, I always like an opera.
850
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,700
Happy anniversary.
851
01:07:56,300 --> 01:07:58,900
Come on, let's get dressed.
852
01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,900
I'm not going anywhere.
853
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,600
What are you talking about?
854
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:14,400
I saw you and Lydia in the restaurant
today. You didn't notice me, but...
855
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:17,900
I watched the two of you.
856
01:08:19,900 --> 01:08:24,100
Afterwards I went walking for
a few hours to calm myself down.
857
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:30,100
Actually, if I'd had any perception,
858
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:34,300
I would have been
suspicious from the start.
859
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:40,400
Because you and I committed adultery for
months when you were married to Kathy.
860
01:08:41,300 --> 01:08:44,200
That was a very different situation.
861
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:47,400
I don't think it was.
862
01:08:52,900 --> 01:08:57,900
I guess it wouldn't mean much if
I said to you that, um, it's passing.
863
01:09:00,100 --> 01:09:02,800
It was never very serious.
864
01:09:03,300 --> 01:09:07,200
And it was, uh, utterly foolish
of Lydia and myself.
865
01:09:09,100 --> 01:09:15,200
I feel sorry for you, Ken, because in your
way you've been as Ionely as I have.
866
01:09:18,700 --> 01:09:21,100
Have we been Ionely?
867
01:09:23,900 --> 01:09:26,800
At least I've come to recognise it.
868
01:09:31,300 --> 01:09:34,600
The following days,I didn't get any work done.
869
01:09:34,700 --> 01:09:38,100
Mostly I walked the streetsand just thought about my life,
870
01:09:38,100 --> 01:09:40,500
trying to put everything in order.
871
01:09:40,500 --> 01:09:43,000
I felt the need to talk to my brother Paul,
872
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:47,000
who had made an importantdecision about his life too.
873
01:09:47,900 --> 01:09:51,300
Strange. Lynn and I go through hell
and we're staying together,
874
01:09:51,400 --> 01:09:54,400
you and Ken never fight
and you're breaking up.
875
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:59,900
- So will you move out? Or will he?
- Oh, no, I will.
876
01:10:00,900 --> 01:10:03,600
I really do want a clean start.
877
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,600
I wanna do a lot of things differently.
878
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,600
And that does mean between us, too.
879
01:10:11,700 --> 01:10:15,200
I'd like to spend a lot more
time with you and Lynn.
880
01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:18,400
I'd like to get to know everyone.
881
01:10:19,800 --> 01:10:22,300
If that's OK with you.
882
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:40,000
So was it Dad's fault?
Did he do anything wrong?
883
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:42,700
Oh, we both did, you know?
884
01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:45,800
I mean, I'm just as much
to blame as anybody.
885
01:10:46,300 --> 01:10:49,100
- Maybe more.
- Well, it's too bad, you know.
886
01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:55,200
I just wanted to make sure that the
shock of it didn't upset you too badly.
887
01:10:55,100 --> 01:10:58,300
Well, I... to tell you the truth, I'm really...
888
01:10:58,300 --> 01:11:02,600
I'm not shocked, I'm just
surprised, you know? I mean...
889
01:11:03,800 --> 01:11:08,900
If I can be honest, I always felt there was
something between you two that was...
890
01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:14,600
I don't know. Maybe too comfortable,
or... that's not the right word. I don't...
891
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:17,300
Just something, you know?
892
01:11:18,300 --> 01:11:22,500
Well, I hope that this isn't
going to have any bearing on us.
893
01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:24,800
I really value your friendship.
894
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:27,200
Yeah, and I value yours.
895
01:11:37,500 --> 01:11:40,700
- Yes?
- Hello. I'm your next-door neighbour,
896
01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:44,900
and I thought you should know that
through some acoustical oddness
897
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:48,200
- I can hear all your patients quite clearly.
- Really?
898
01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:53,700
Well, thank you. I'll take care of it. I've had
the problem before. I know what to do.
899
01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:58,300
By the way, you have a young woman
that you see. The pregnant one?
900
01:11:58,200 --> 01:12:01,800
I wonder if you could tell me
how I could get in touch with her.
901
01:12:01,900 --> 01:12:04,700
Oh, yes. She's terminated her treatment.
902
01:12:06,300 --> 01:12:11,700
She's gone away. I don't have any way of
reaching her. I'm afraid I can't say more.
903
01:12:14,600 --> 01:12:17,000
I resumed work. It went well,
904
01:12:17,100 --> 01:12:20,100
and I was undisturbedby extraneous distractions.
905
01:12:20,100 --> 01:12:23,700
The writing seemed to flowand I was full of energy.
906
01:12:23,700 --> 01:12:26,500
Once on a sunny morningI paused for a break
907
01:12:26,500 --> 01:12:31,300
and I thought I would look throughLarry Lewis's novel, which I'd never read.
908
01:12:31,300 --> 01:12:36,700
I was curious about the character Hlenka,which was rumoured to be based on me.
909
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:39,300
I opened the book, leafed through,
910
01:12:39,300 --> 01:12:43,000
and sat down as my eyewas caught by her name.
911
01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:53,600
"Hlenka and I accidentallyran into one another one day
912
01:12:53,700 --> 01:12:56,900
while we were bothbuying tickets to a concert. "
913
01:12:56,900 --> 01:13:01,200
"I knew her because she was thelover of a man I knew quite well. "
914
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:06,300
"Recently they had decided to marry.This was a catastrophe for me personally,
915
01:13:06,100 --> 01:13:11,100
because from the moment he introducedme to her, I was in love with her. "
916
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:15,100
"I convinced her to have a drink with me."
917
01:13:15,100 --> 01:13:19,400
"It was the only time I'd ever beenalone with her since we met. "
918
01:13:19,400 --> 01:13:23,600
"She was lovely, and I spoketoo much and too rapidly
919
01:13:23,500 --> 01:13:26,500
because I was embarrassedover my feelings toward her,
920
01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:29,400
which I felt were painfully obvious. "
921
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:35,500
"We walked around in Central Parkand talked about lots of things. "
922
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:40,800
"I told her about a book I was planningto write, and my wanting to live out west. "
923
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:43,900
"She spoke enthusiasticallyabout her upcoming marriage,
924
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:46,300
but I thought it was too enthusiastic,
925
01:13:46,300 --> 01:13:50,500
as if she were trying to convinceherself rather than me. "
926
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:53,700
"Soon it began to rain."
927
01:13:54,100 --> 01:13:58,100
"We ducked into an underpassto avoid the cloudburst. "
928
01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:01,500
"I remember thinkinghow wonderful she was,
929
01:14:01,500 --> 01:14:05,000
and how beautiful shelooked at that moment. "
930
01:14:04,900 --> 01:14:10,100
"And I wanted to tell her so many thingsbecause my feelings were swirling so. "
931
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:14,600
"And I think she knew everything,and that frightened her. "
932
01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:19,200
"And yet some instinct told me thatif I kissed her she would respond. "
933
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:25,400
"Her kiss was full of desire,
934
01:14:25,500 --> 01:14:30,000
and I knew I couldn't sharethat feeling with anyone else. "
935
01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:37,300
"And then a wall went up, and justas quickly I was screened out. "
936
01:14:37,300 --> 01:14:42,600
"But it was too late, because I now knewthat she was capable of intense passion
937
01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:46,100
if she would one dayjust allow herself to feel. "
938
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:53,900
I closed the book, and felt a strangemixture of wistfulness and hope.
939
01:14:55,100 --> 01:15:00,000
And I wondered if a memory is somethingyou have or something you've lost.
940
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:05,000
For the first time ina long time, I felt at peace.
84263
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