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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:05,865 Hey, me and Dale are taking Bobby's troop up by the lake... 2 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,169 for Order of the Straight Arrow this weekend. 3 00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:10,402 Y'all want to come, for old time's sake? 4 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,069 Well, of course I'll go. 5 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:15,239 I'll never miss an Order of the Straight Arrow. 6 00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:16,810 Not since ours. 7 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:19,249 Yeah. Ours was something special. 8 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,380 LEADER: Now for the final test. The snipe hunt. 9 00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:26,948 Not gonna sugarcoat it. Some of you ain't coming back. 10 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,994 Those who survive will be honored members... 11 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,963 of the Order of the Straight Arrow. 12 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,023 Those who don't will be dead. 13 00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:37,033 Question. Are you ready? 14 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,229 Yeah! 15 00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:45,640 You flunked the test of silence, Eustace! Give me your silence stick! 16 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,647 For the rest of your long, miserable life, you will carry the scar of failure. 17 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,515 Now go get me a beer. 18 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,822 And you boys get out there and bag some snipe! 19 00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,583 [AII yelling] 20 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:03,820 Snipe! 21 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,660 Shut up, Dale. There is no snipe. 22 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,632 I heard my dad talking to your dad. 23 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,395 So what are we doing out here? 24 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,096 [Muttering] We're gonna get snackered. 25 00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,935 I want to get all messed up and'll just pollute our minds... 26 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,872 is a three cheeks of down wind, man. 27 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,404 [Burps] 28 00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:24,973 When I grow up, I'm gonna drink this stuff every day, just like my dad... 29 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,747 and fly jets, and maybe even be an astronaut. 30 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:32,417 I'm gonna live in London, and be a rich millionaire, and have people killed. 31 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:36,022 I'm gonna sell propane and propane accessories... 32 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,723 if my grades are good enough. 33 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,761 Kids and their crazy dreams. 34 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,599 I'm so depressed, I can't even blink. 35 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,900 [Theme music] 36 00:02:13,532 --> 00:02:15,500 [Tense instrumental music] 37 00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:16,727 [Drilling] 38 00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:21,667 Well, we're gonna make some men out of those 12-year-old boys tomorrow... 39 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:22,832 I tell you what. 40 00:02:22,908 --> 00:02:25,342 But we still get to play practical jokes, right? 41 00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:28,604 DALE: They're not jokes, Bill. They're painful lessons. 42 00:02:28,747 --> 00:02:31,739 I thank my father for all the tricks he played on me. 43 00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:35,383 He taught me the most wonderful lesson a child can learn. 44 00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:37,183 Never trust nobody. 45 00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:41,118 That's how I know Bob Dole's been faking that dead arm. 46 00:02:41,193 --> 00:02:42,751 BOOMHAUER: I tell you what you do... 47 00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:45,956 that dang old hand-in-the-water trick is gonna work every time. 48 00:02:46,031 --> 00:02:48,795 You just put it in the water like that, and it don't... 49 00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:52,530 you spend the whole dad-gum day like that, cleaning up that dang old pee-pee. 50 00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:56,062 Yeah. But those are getting tired. We need some new material. 51 00:02:56,408 --> 00:02:59,400 Dad, can me and Bobby bring life preservers? 52 00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:01,475 If you want to be sissies. 53 00:03:01,647 --> 00:03:02,978 He said yes. 54 00:03:03,582 --> 00:03:07,143 HANK: Hey, Dale. There's your wife's... BILL: Healer. 55 00:03:07,252 --> 00:03:10,779 Yeah, John Redcorn. Let's get some funny Indian stuff to do. 56 00:03:10,956 --> 00:03:12,617 Hey, John Redcorn. 57 00:03:12,891 --> 00:03:15,587 Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer. 58 00:03:15,794 --> 00:03:19,821 John Redcorn, we've got this Order of the Straight Arrow retreat tomorrow. 59 00:03:19,898 --> 00:03:22,924 - And I was wondering... - I'd be honored to look after your wife. 60 00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:28,232 Well, thanks. 61 00:03:28,307 --> 00:03:30,298 But what I was really wondering... 62 00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:34,072 is if you had some good Indian stuff for the ceremony around the campfire. 63 00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:38,783 Our rituals are considered sacred and are passed down only in the Nation. 64 00:03:39,017 --> 00:03:42,748 - Well, that don't bother us. - Hell, no. We'll take a sacred one. 65 00:03:42,955 --> 00:03:46,413 There is a very ancient ceremony I learned from my grandfather... 66 00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:48,892 where we call upon the sacred Wematanye. 67 00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:51,521 And we ask him to breathe life into our spirit bag. 68 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:56,699 Let's see. Spirit bags, Wematanye, funny-Iooking headband. 69 00:03:57,035 --> 00:03:58,969 The boys are gonna eat this stuff up. 70 00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:03,501 The spirit bag is very sacred. You should not make light. 71 00:04:04,943 --> 00:04:08,310 I like how you say everything's sacred. That's funny, too. 72 00:04:08,614 --> 00:04:09,876 Let's do that, Hank. 73 00:04:09,948 --> 00:04:13,748 I got a bunch of L'eggs tennis socks we can use for spirit bags. 74 00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:15,446 I got them in the divorce. 75 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,785 Now every time she plays, she gets blisters. 76 00:04:18,624 --> 00:04:20,114 It's been six years, Bill. 77 00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:22,956 Don't you think she'd have bought some new socks by now? 78 00:04:23,629 --> 00:04:26,598 BOBBY: I want to get that Straight Arrow patch so bad. 79 00:04:26,665 --> 00:04:30,601 I'm gonna put it right here, next to my sewing badge. 80 00:04:30,669 --> 00:04:32,694 It's supposed to be hard. 81 00:04:33,038 --> 00:04:35,802 I heard they make you walk on hot coals. 82 00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:37,535 And then you have to eat them. 83 00:04:37,609 --> 00:04:38,598 Ew! 84 00:04:38,677 --> 00:04:40,577 After you walk on them? 85 00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:46,610 - Hell. That's hot. - Hell. You're not kidding. 86 00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:48,184 BOBBY: Fu... PEGGY: Pardonnez me. 87 00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:50,221 Did I just hear what I almost heard? 88 00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:53,880 I was gonna say, "Fu-get about it." 89 00:04:54,326 --> 00:04:57,523 Son, Peggy Hill knows half a swear word when she hears one. 90 00:04:57,863 --> 00:04:58,989 Now go to sleep. 91 00:05:00,032 --> 00:05:02,023 You have the coolest mom. 92 00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:04,429 She smells like Miracle Whip. 93 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:07,701 - Hey, guys. - Hey, Eustace. 94 00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:09,638 - How you doing? - Hey, "Useless." 95 00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:11,965 Ha ha. 96 00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,604 All right, Randy. 97 00:05:13,679 --> 00:05:16,204 Remember, the purpose of this weekend is to have fun. 98 00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:20,049 Daddy loves you whether you get your Straight Arrow patch or not. 99 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,011 What a load. 100 00:05:22,087 --> 00:05:25,921 Can you imagine how I'd have turned out if my dad had loved me no matter what? 101 00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:28,926 - Thanks for the bus fare, Aunt Peggy. - Don't be silly, honey. 102 00:05:28,994 --> 00:05:32,521 It's very important that you be there for your mama. This is her big day. 103 00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:35,066 Actually, her big day is the sentencing. 104 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,897 - This is just the arraignment. - Here's a Funsaver. 105 00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,597 Take lots of pictures. 106 00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:44,239 PEGGY: Well, okay. 107 00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:45,877 There we go. 108 00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:49,276 Have a good time. Here's a Funsaver. Take lots of pictures. 109 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:53,717 Gosh, Peg, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were anxious to see us go. 110 00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:58,480 Well, that is not true. You and Bobby are my whole life. 111 00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:02,751 Come on, kids! Let's go! Everybody in the car! Ándele! Now! 112 00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:05,021 HANK: Hold on, boys. Before we go... 113 00:06:05,097 --> 00:06:08,123 we have to ask the great spirit... 114 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,161 Wematanye, to watch over us on this trip. 115 00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:14,671 - Cool, Indian stuff. - Wematanye. 116 00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:19,370 This trip is about the sacredness of Mother Earth and all she gives us. 117 00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:23,110 So pee now, because once we're on the road, we ain't stopping. 118 00:06:23,548 --> 00:06:24,981 [Engine starting] 119 00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:26,517 I'll see you Sunday, Peg. 120 00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:28,246 Okay. Yeah. All right. Bye-bye. 121 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,010 [Engine stalling] 122 00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:34,151 Damn it. It looks like we're delayed a couple hours. 123 00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,718 I gotta charge up the battery. 124 00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:37,851 [Gasps] 125 00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:40,393 PEGGY: Pop the clutch, hon! 126 00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:41,858 [Peggy grunting] 127 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:43,728 [Engine starts] 128 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:51,973 [Tires screeching] 129 00:06:57,449 --> 00:07:00,009 Wematanye. Let's spot license plates. 130 00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:01,814 I see Texas, Wematanye. 131 00:07:01,887 --> 00:07:04,048 Wematanye, there's another Texas, Wematanye. 132 00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:07,683 - Wematanye, I see Texas, Wematanye. - Oh, God. 133 00:07:07,859 --> 00:07:10,794 Wematanye, Texas, Wematanye. 134 00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,863 Would you guys just shut up? 135 00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:15,161 You didn't say "Wematanye." 136 00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:19,695 Boomhauer, pass them. I got an idea. Pass 'em up. 137 00:07:20,605 --> 00:07:22,664 [Dale screaming] 138 00:07:22,741 --> 00:07:25,403 Wematanye. I see Mr. Gribble's butt. Wematanye. 139 00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:28,806 BOOMHAUER: Give them a little pressed ham. 140 00:07:29,181 --> 00:07:30,443 [Yelling] 141 00:07:32,884 --> 00:07:36,342 RANDY: Wematanye! Texas! Wematanye! HANK: All right, that's it. 142 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,616 Everybody pile out, right now. 143 00:07:39,691 --> 00:07:43,388 Okay. The 24-hour oath of silence starts now. 144 00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:45,456 Here are your silence sticks. 145 00:07:45,530 --> 00:07:46,861 Those are Slim Jims. 146 00:07:46,932 --> 00:07:49,093 That's what the white man calls them. 147 00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:53,701 Wematanye calls them silence sticks to test your spirit of shutting up. 148 00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:56,673 Each time you talk, I take a bite. 149 00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:58,571 Talk five times, and you're out. 150 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,306 24-hour silence starting now. 151 00:08:07,552 --> 00:08:08,644 Right now? 152 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,688 Bobby, son, you just talked. 153 00:08:11,022 --> 00:08:13,388 Now, I'll let that pass. But don't talk again. 154 00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:16,225 Thanks, Dad. 155 00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:19,227 Son, give me that Slim Jim. 156 00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:33,768 I'm hungry. 157 00:08:34,045 --> 00:08:35,410 No problem. 158 00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,445 JOSEPH: Mr. Hill, wake up! 159 00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:43,014 That was a test. 160 00:08:43,221 --> 00:08:46,418 Joseph, give Mr. Dauterive a bite of your silence stick. 161 00:08:46,925 --> 00:08:50,554 Remember, kids, you never know when you're gonna be tested. 162 00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:52,629 Now, who else is hungry? 163 00:08:52,697 --> 00:08:54,221 ALL: I am. HANK: Gotcha! 164 00:08:54,332 --> 00:08:58,132 Bobby, Randy, Garth, pass your silence sticks up. 165 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:01,063 See, kids? It's harder than you think. 166 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,174 You don't want to end up like Randy's dad. 167 00:09:04,242 --> 00:09:06,767 My dad's a successful patent lawyer. 168 00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:09,040 Not in the eyes of Wematanye. 169 00:09:11,149 --> 00:09:12,343 I'm still hungry. 170 00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:15,245 - Who wants a dollar? Say "me." - Me! 171 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,514 [Bill laughing] 172 00:09:18,456 --> 00:09:20,148 Well, these things are addictive. 173 00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:20,522 Well, these things are addictive. 174 00:09:20,591 --> 00:09:24,857 Lord, Bobby. Watch out, son. You've lost more chaws than anybody. 175 00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:27,459 Now don't talk, no matter what. 176 00:09:28,399 --> 00:09:30,094 [Dale screaming] 177 00:09:30,668 --> 00:09:32,932 Wematanye! Mr. Gribble's not wearing his seatbelt... 178 00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:35,063 Bobby! You just got four in a row. 179 00:09:35,406 --> 00:09:37,874 One more bite, and you can't make Straight Arrow! 180 00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:41,435 BILL: I'll take that jerky now. 181 00:09:44,215 --> 00:09:46,683 There it is, boys. The great outdoors. 182 00:09:47,251 --> 00:09:48,741 [Cars honking] 183 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:55,489 WOMAN: Thanks to our efforts, we have preserved the nesting areas... 184 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:59,553 for the Texas spotted owl, the snail darter, and the endangered whooping crane. 185 00:09:59,664 --> 00:10:03,225 And we eliminated 300 logging jobs. 186 00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:04,325 [Clapping] 187 00:10:04,402 --> 00:10:07,200 PROTESTERS: Yeah. Right on, man. 188 00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:11,207 Also, this note, people. The brown herbal Ecstasy is bad. 189 00:10:11,409 --> 00:10:16,574 Do not, I repeat, do not take the brown herbal Ecstasy. Thank you all. 190 00:10:16,814 --> 00:10:20,978 Oh, man. What kind of lefty hootenanny is this? 191 00:10:21,452 --> 00:10:25,354 Look at that one, bouncing around in front of God and everybody. 192 00:10:25,856 --> 00:10:28,552 Would it kill a tree if she wore a bra? 193 00:10:33,364 --> 00:10:35,059 [Radio static] 194 00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:36,956 [Static] 195 00:10:37,268 --> 00:10:38,257 [Static] 196 00:10:38,502 --> 00:10:40,129 [Static] 197 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,195 [Static] 198 00:10:43,274 --> 00:10:44,263 [Murmurs] 199 00:10:47,845 --> 00:10:51,372 I'm beginning to think this silence thing is just so we don't bother them. 200 00:10:51,449 --> 00:10:55,476 They're not testing anything except for how dumb we are! It's all a trick. 201 00:10:55,553 --> 00:10:57,544 My dad wouldn't trick us! 202 00:11:00,891 --> 00:11:03,155 "My dad wouldn't trick us." 203 00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:08,592 ALL: Wematanye. 204 00:11:12,637 --> 00:11:15,731 Wematanye. Who wants another beer? Wematanye. 205 00:11:20,478 --> 00:11:22,105 HANK: I am Kicking Elk. 206 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:26,740 As long as the sacred fire is burning, the oath of silence is suspended. 207 00:11:26,817 --> 00:11:29,513 JOSEPH: Thank the Lord. RANDY: My lips were stuck together. 208 00:11:29,587 --> 00:11:31,578 Shut up! I'm talking here. 209 00:11:31,656 --> 00:11:36,650 We of the Order of the Straight Arrow call upon the spirit, Wematanye... 210 00:11:36,861 --> 00:11:41,423 protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink... 211 00:11:41,766 --> 00:11:44,963 and energy-efficient, clean-burning propane gas... 212 00:11:45,036 --> 00:11:47,834 for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. 213 00:11:47,972 --> 00:11:50,497 Wematanye says, "Respect the earth." 214 00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:53,810 She's ours, by God. Our taxes paid for her. 215 00:11:54,478 --> 00:11:57,777 Also it says here, you gotta love all her creatures. 216 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:01,041 Let's see. Here we go. 217 00:12:01,786 --> 00:12:05,017 Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death... 218 00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:08,182 you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky... 219 00:12:08,259 --> 00:12:10,693 with liberty and justice for all. 220 00:12:10,895 --> 00:12:14,160 Wematanye is with you and with Texas. 221 00:12:14,598 --> 00:12:16,031 HANK: Amen. ALL: Amen. 222 00:12:20,671 --> 00:12:22,366 PEGGY: I'd like a room, please. 223 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,429 Name? 224 00:12:23,507 --> 00:12:26,965 I am Senora Rasha Ibenez. And I will be paying in cash. 225 00:12:28,179 --> 00:12:31,910 HANK: Now we will say the oath of the Order of the Straight Arrow. 226 00:12:32,016 --> 00:12:34,985 ALL: A Straight Arrow tells the truth. 227 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,879 A Straight Arrow loves nature. 228 00:12:38,356 --> 00:12:42,622 A Straight Arrow is against Bill HR 57... 229 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:46,921 to allow the importation of South American propane. 230 00:12:47,198 --> 00:12:48,825 Wematanye. 231 00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:51,100 And now for the final test. 232 00:12:51,168 --> 00:12:52,965 The snipe hunt. 233 00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:57,474 You are about to come face-to-face with the deadliest beast in creation. 234 00:12:58,175 --> 00:13:00,473 Those who survive will be honored members... 235 00:13:00,544 --> 00:13:02,705 of the Order of the Straight Arrow. 236 00:13:02,847 --> 00:13:05,247 And those who don't will be dead. 237 00:13:05,316 --> 00:13:06,305 [Gasping] 238 00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:09,750 Wematanye, protect us on our hunt. 239 00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:12,553 All right. This here's your whoop-ass stick... 240 00:13:12,623 --> 00:13:15,023 to beat the snipe back in case he comes at you. 241 00:13:15,893 --> 00:13:17,417 What does a snipe look like? 242 00:13:17,661 --> 00:13:22,189 It's got red, glowing eyes, long, crooked teeth, a claw... 243 00:13:22,266 --> 00:13:24,700 and a tail with another claw on the end. 244 00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:25,895 [Gasping] 245 00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:29,034 Easy, Dale. Bill and I'll take the lead. 246 00:13:29,106 --> 00:13:31,540 Boomhauer and Dale will bring up the rear. 247 00:13:31,609 --> 00:13:33,907 Remember, the snipe call is this: 248 00:13:34,345 --> 00:13:37,178 "Woo-Ioo-Ioo, woo-Ioo-Ioo." 249 00:13:38,282 --> 00:13:41,115 HANK: Well, call him out, boys. He's not just gonna show up. 250 00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:43,553 BOYS: Woo-Ioo-Ioo... 251 00:13:44,221 --> 00:13:47,657 - I think I hear him. - Look out, Bill. He almost got you. 252 00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:51,890 BOYS: Woo-Ioo-Ioo... 253 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,792 They'll be out there another hour, and then we'll go get them. 254 00:13:58,869 --> 00:14:00,461 Boy, this takes me back. 255 00:14:00,638 --> 00:14:02,128 [Screaming] 256 00:14:03,007 --> 00:14:04,304 BOBBY: I got one! 257 00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:05,501 I got one! 258 00:14:05,576 --> 00:14:08,409 What the... What are you talking about? 259 00:14:11,682 --> 00:14:14,810 HANK: My Lord! That's a whooping crane. 260 00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:18,048 There's only five of those left in the world. 261 00:14:18,689 --> 00:14:20,020 Well, four now. 262 00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:23,059 Then we should be thankful we got the opportunity to see one. 263 00:14:28,132 --> 00:14:31,966 Now you done it. Now you really gone and done it. 264 00:14:32,036 --> 00:14:34,596 What do you mean "you"? We're all in this together. 265 00:14:34,672 --> 00:14:38,608 No, me and Boomhauer came on our own trip... 266 00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:40,041 in our own conveyance. 267 00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:43,876 You and I may be acquainted, but we are not traveling companions. 268 00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:48,082 I am merely here to enjoy Earth Day and play some hacky sack. 269 00:14:48,352 --> 00:14:51,515 Dale, I'm gonna need you to give me the keys now. 270 00:14:54,525 --> 00:14:56,288 I can't believe it. 271 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,729 It wasn't your fault, Bobby. You thought it was a snipe. We all did. 272 00:15:00,865 --> 00:15:05,734 It was. But Wematanye turned it into a whooping crane... 273 00:15:05,870 --> 00:15:09,271 so I could live to get my Straight Arrow badge. 274 00:15:09,406 --> 00:15:13,638 Bobby, don't you get it? Your dad made all that up. 275 00:15:14,512 --> 00:15:16,571 There's no such thing as a snipe. 276 00:15:16,647 --> 00:15:19,810 No! My dad is the Arrow leader. 277 00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:22,284 He speaks only with honor. 278 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,785 We'll ditch the carcass by the interstate in the morning. 279 00:15:25,856 --> 00:15:27,551 Now, let's just go to sleep. 280 00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:31,652 Yes. We'll all just go to sleep now. 281 00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:34,526 Bill, get his pants and shoes. 282 00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:36,331 Okle-doke. 283 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,157 [Electronic sensor beeping] 284 00:15:39,436 --> 00:15:40,494 Sir? 285 00:15:40,671 --> 00:15:42,229 [Beeping getting faster] 286 00:15:43,073 --> 00:15:45,268 Sir, I'm sorry to disturb you. 287 00:15:45,342 --> 00:15:46,934 I'm with the Forestry Service. 288 00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:49,411 And we're looking for a missing whooping crane. 289 00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:53,316 Well, you see, the bird's tagged with a little transmitter. 290 00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:56,182 And I've tracked it to within 10 yards of your campsite. 291 00:15:56,253 --> 00:15:58,380 You haven't seen it, have you? 292 00:15:58,455 --> 00:16:00,582 A whooping crane in these parts? 293 00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:03,457 I think I would've noticed something like that. 294 00:16:03,627 --> 00:16:07,688 - They're pretty rare, aren't they? - Yes, very rare and beautiful. 295 00:16:08,165 --> 00:16:10,395 Sir, do you know anything about this? 296 00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:12,697 Due to one of them snipe hunts last night... 297 00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:14,670 with them sticks and a bag. 298 00:16:14,738 --> 00:16:17,002 And a then whack, whack. We'd go "woo-Ioo-Ioo." 299 00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:18,804 Talking about that big mistake, y'all. 300 00:16:18,876 --> 00:16:20,068 Right there in that cooler. 301 00:16:20,078 --> 00:16:20,772 Right there in that cooler. 302 00:16:21,212 --> 00:16:25,171 Well, if you do see anything, you can contact the ranger station. 303 00:16:25,249 --> 00:16:26,409 How about you boys? 304 00:16:26,484 --> 00:16:27,678 Well, yeah. We saw... 305 00:16:27,752 --> 00:16:32,655 They can't talk for 24 hours. Order of the Straight Arrow, you know? 306 00:16:32,824 --> 00:16:35,315 Got you. I was in the Order myself. 307 00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:36,992 [Mumbling] 308 00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:41,124 The Straight Arrow hasn't changed a bit since I was a boy. 309 00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:44,496 We gotta get rid of this bird. 310 00:16:44,735 --> 00:16:45,759 What the... 311 00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,634 BOBBY: Wematanye. 312 00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:49,337 [Chanting] 313 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:52,073 HANK: Cripes! Put that thing down! 314 00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:55,404 Stop fooling around! We've got to bury that thing fast! 315 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,971 We can't just bury it, Dad, remember? 316 00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:01,450 Wematanye wants us to honor the bird's sacred spirit. 317 00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:04,987 And we will do just that in the dumpster behind Stuckey's. 318 00:17:05,156 --> 00:17:07,920 Now let's get out of here before someone sees us, okay? 319 00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:13,622 Murderers! I have got to tell the ranger! 320 00:17:23,141 --> 00:17:25,075 - Brock. - Rasha. 321 00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:27,539 I almost could not get away. 322 00:17:27,612 --> 00:17:30,172 Amigo, it is time for some new zapatos. 323 00:17:30,381 --> 00:17:32,645 Or "shoes," as you say in your country. 324 00:17:32,717 --> 00:17:37,245 Senora, I have an Italian mock-alligator you are going to love. 325 00:17:37,755 --> 00:17:41,122 A Size 16 for Senora Ibenez, Triple E. 326 00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:46,229 PEGGY: You are a genius. Now this is why I come to Lubbock's Very Big Shoes. 327 00:17:46,297 --> 00:17:49,789 I'll have Chuck and Buzz carry the box out to the car for you. 328 00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:52,233 I saw him waving it over his head, really proud. 329 00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:55,534 I also heard that they were hunting snipe last night. 330 00:17:55,606 --> 00:17:57,039 There is no snipe. 331 00:17:57,341 --> 00:18:01,607 My God. How many more species have to be wiped out before we learn? 332 00:18:01,779 --> 00:18:05,112 Easy. Don't draw attention. We're almost there. 333 00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:06,582 We're gonna make it. 334 00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,414 What's that flapping sound? 335 00:18:08,486 --> 00:18:11,319 Taste the wind one last time, bird spirit. 336 00:18:11,389 --> 00:18:12,378 Bobby! 337 00:18:17,895 --> 00:18:20,796 There they are, the nature haters! Let's get them! 338 00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:22,457 [Screaming] 339 00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:31,402 [Coughing] 340 00:18:33,277 --> 00:18:35,302 Pull over right here, by that culvert. 341 00:18:41,185 --> 00:18:44,177 Well, we can't stuff this bird in here. It'll never fit. 342 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:45,753 You could eat it. 343 00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:48,451 Damn. And I filled up on silence sticks. 344 00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:54,192 Brother Bird, I have given you a last flight and made my peace with you. 345 00:18:54,932 --> 00:18:57,423 I release your spirit to Wematanye. 346 00:18:58,369 --> 00:18:59,859 Woo-Ioo-Ioo. 347 00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:01,738 Woo-Ioo-Ioo. 348 00:19:02,039 --> 00:19:05,372 HANK: Son, would you please knock it off? You're driving me nuts. 349 00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:07,240 There is no Wematanye. 350 00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:11,379 It's just some damn nonsense we made up to fill out the weekend. 351 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:12,438 Tell him, Dale. 352 00:19:12,516 --> 00:19:15,383 How do you know my name, crane killer? 353 00:19:15,453 --> 00:19:18,547 I never met any of you people before in my life. 354 00:19:19,023 --> 00:19:22,322 - Tell him, Bill. - He's right, Bobby. It's all a crock. 355 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:26,154 Those spirit bags of yours are just my ex-wife's old socks. 356 00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:28,095 And by the way, I want them back. 357 00:19:28,299 --> 00:19:29,288 So... 358 00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:31,797 everything you said was all a lie? 359 00:19:31,869 --> 00:19:35,464 Yes. That's the secret of the snipe hunt. That's the whole point. 360 00:19:36,474 --> 00:19:38,601 Oh, I get it. 361 00:19:39,744 --> 00:19:40,733 I guess. 362 00:19:41,979 --> 00:19:45,039 HANK: I didn't mean to let you down. I just... 363 00:19:45,883 --> 00:19:49,717 When Dale, and Bill, and Boomhauer, and me went through this as kids... 364 00:19:49,787 --> 00:19:54,053 all the tricks and lies from our dads, they were part of the experience. 365 00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:57,989 It brought us all together. You know, us against them. 366 00:19:58,062 --> 00:20:01,293 I don't want to be against you. You're my dad. 367 00:20:01,732 --> 00:20:04,292 We're supposed to be on the same team. 368 00:20:04,368 --> 00:20:07,496 Of course we're on the same team. You and me. 369 00:20:08,139 --> 00:20:11,939 And now Team Hill is gonna bury that whooping crane together... 370 00:20:12,009 --> 00:20:14,671 and get out of this park without getting caught. 371 00:20:14,879 --> 00:20:16,403 WOMAN: There they are. 372 00:20:18,249 --> 00:20:21,616 Sir, you lied to me. You lied to this little boy. 373 00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:26,249 And I don't know what you did to this gentleman in his underwear. 374 00:20:26,724 --> 00:20:29,989 I'm gonna have to take you in to the ranger station. 375 00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:33,630 Son, hand me the bird body. I need it for evidence. 376 00:20:40,771 --> 00:20:42,295 It's a miracle! 377 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,437 Well, I'll be damned. 378 00:20:44,575 --> 00:20:46,236 Wematanye. 379 00:20:47,812 --> 00:20:51,009 I guess knocking a crane unconscious isn't a crime. 380 00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:54,946 Although it's probably not good for them. You're free to go. 381 00:21:04,028 --> 00:21:06,155 I knew you wouldn't lie to me, Dad. 382 00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:08,498 That was just the final test. 383 00:21:08,999 --> 00:21:11,399 Wematanye does exist. 384 00:21:11,469 --> 00:21:14,165 The bird was just unconscious, Bobby. 385 00:21:14,271 --> 00:21:15,295 No. 386 00:21:15,373 --> 00:21:19,036 It was dead until I made Wematanye bring it back to life. 387 00:21:19,877 --> 00:21:20,866 I'm a shaman. 388 00:21:21,645 --> 00:21:23,374 God, my head hurts. 389 00:21:23,647 --> 00:21:25,410 I can heal you, Dad. 390 00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:27,340 BOBBY: Woo-Ioo-Ioo. 391 00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:28,440 Woo-loo-loo. 392 00:21:30,287 --> 00:21:31,276 [Sighs] 393 00:21:51,341 --> 00:21:53,969 PEGGY: Welcome home, boys. Did you have fun? 394 00:21:54,344 --> 00:21:57,074 Don't ask. How was your weekend? 395 00:21:57,381 --> 00:21:59,315 PEGGY: Oh, same old, same old. 396 00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:01,383 Did you do some shopping? 397 00:22:01,518 --> 00:22:03,816 Yeah. I bought a microwave. 398 00:22:04,388 --> 00:22:07,551 Boy, I'll tell you what. This family goes through microwaves... 399 00:22:07,624 --> 00:22:09,990 quicker than most people go through shoes. 400 00:22:11,061 --> 00:22:12,153 PEGGY: Yeah. 31763

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