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1
00:00:23,511 --> 00:00:28,511
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
2
00:00:57,148 --> 00:00:59,150
Look, honey,
at that beautiful funeral.
3
00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:00,751
I've never seen so many flower.
4
00:01:00,885 --> 00:01:02,553
Yeah,
he was a nice man too,
5
00:01:02,685 --> 00:01:04,187
but never had any fun.
6
00:01:04,321 --> 00:01:06,823
Didn't have time.
Just worked and made money.
7
00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:09,126
He didn't even have time
to enjoy himself.
8
00:01:09,258 --> 00:01:10,528
Poor man.
9
00:01:45,761 --> 00:01:47,496
Fucking.
How fucking excited
10
00:01:47,630 --> 00:01:48,898
are you right fucking now?
11
00:01:49,031 --> 00:01:50,166
Whoa, Karen.
12
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:51,701
I am like physically
fucking shaking,
13
00:01:51,835 --> 00:01:53,737
- I'm so fucking excited.
- Hey!
14
00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:55,706
I'm like wetter than that time
I dragged you guys
15
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,174
to see Magic Mike in the IMAX.
16
00:01:57,308 --> 00:01:59,410
Karen, you're on speaker phone
with the boys.
17
00:01:59,543 --> 00:02:01,044
whoops? Your boys?
18
00:02:01,177 --> 00:02:02,480
Hi, boys!
19
00:02:02,612 --> 00:02:05,014
Don't be a potty mouth
like your aunty K, okay?
20
00:02:05,481 --> 00:02:07,950
So, Pam figure out
this fiasco yet?
21
00:02:08,085 --> 00:02:10,087
Nope. She's closing
a huge deal today,
22
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:12,189
only been home to shower
and sleep all week.
23
00:02:12,322 --> 00:02:13,591
Good.
24
00:02:13,724 --> 00:02:15,893
Because Doug bought
a case of Red Fire.
25
00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:17,861
Isn't that the stuff
that makes you poop red?
26
00:02:17,994 --> 00:02:20,029
Fortunately, I only go
once every other week.
27
00:02:20,163 --> 00:02:21,565
- Like on purpose?
- Help me!
28
00:02:21,698 --> 00:02:23,066
No, not on purpose.
29
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,234
Midlife hormones are a real drag
on digestion.
30
00:02:25,369 --> 00:02:27,338
Like you know those concretes
from Dairy Queen?
31
00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:30,273
Where you turn them upside down
and nothing comes out?
32
00:02:30,406 --> 00:02:32,209
- It's like one of those.
- Oh.
33
00:02:32,343 --> 00:02:34,712
So, how are you gonna get Pam
in that dress?
34
00:02:35,012 --> 00:02:36,681
No clue. Any suggestions?
35
00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:39,450
Well. Any bad decision
I ever made in my life
36
00:02:39,583 --> 00:02:41,918
involved vodka,
so I would start there.
37
00:02:42,053 --> 00:02:43,853
Oh, and Mike!
38
00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:45,623
Do not forget to go
to the bakery
39
00:02:45,756 --> 00:02:47,090
and pick up that cake.
40
00:02:47,224 --> 00:02:49,893
Don't forget the cake.
Don't forget the cake.
41
00:02:50,026 --> 00:02:52,228
Hey, you're kids
are screaming in there.
42
00:02:52,363 --> 00:02:54,531
Settle down,
there's no dogs in there.
43
00:02:54,663 --> 00:02:56,233
Have a lollipop.
44
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:02,973
We have been working
on this deal for months.
45
00:03:03,106 --> 00:03:05,675
This call has taken
three and a half hours
46
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,478
on a Saturday.
47
00:03:07,611 --> 00:03:09,046
Let's... get it done.
48
00:03:09,179 --> 00:03:12,183
So
what do you say, Larry?
49
00:03:12,482 --> 00:03:14,951
For $1,600 we sign
on the dotted line right now.
50
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:17,321
I've got a better idea,
Richard.
51
00:03:17,453 --> 00:03:19,389
How about
you do down to the site,
52
00:03:19,523 --> 00:03:20,857
pull down your Armani's,
53
00:03:20,990 --> 00:03:22,493
and run one them willows
up your ass,
54
00:03:22,626 --> 00:03:24,560
because that's exactly
what you're trying to do to me.
55
00:03:24,693 --> 00:03:26,030
Guys.
56
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,530
Oh go fuck yourself,
Larry.
57
00:03:27,663 --> 00:03:28,965
Hang on a second here.
58
00:03:29,099 --> 00:03:30,934
Let's all just take
a deep breath
59
00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:32,768
and reconvene
in a couple of hours.
60
00:03:32,903 --> 00:03:34,270
Yeah, we'll circle back
61
00:03:34,404 --> 00:03:36,373
when you catch
a fucking clue, Richard.
62
00:03:36,506 --> 00:03:39,210
Okay, great. Pam,
are you good with that?
63
00:03:39,343 --> 00:03:40,877
Totally agree, let's, uh...
64
00:03:42,244 --> 00:03:43,547
Let's circle back.
65
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,782
C... Circle back.
66
00:04:08,137 --> 00:04:09,739
I'm so sorry.
I don't think
67
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,076
I'm gonna be able
to make the game today.
68
00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,643
Nah, it's okay. It's t-ball.
69
00:04:13,776 --> 00:04:15,345
The kids hardly know
they're making the game.
70
00:04:15,478 --> 00:04:17,113
How are the boys? Can I say hi?
71
00:04:17,247 --> 00:04:19,382
Yeah. Yeah, uh...
72
00:04:19,515 --> 00:04:21,017
Gimme...
73
00:04:21,752 --> 00:04:22,686
Yes.
74
00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:23,820
How are my dudes?
75
00:04:23,954 --> 00:04:25,790
Daddy left us in the car.
76
00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:27,725
Okay, you're a funny boy.
77
00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:30,060
Alright. Go, walk to the field.
78
00:04:30,526 --> 00:04:33,330
- Here's your other.
- Hi. Hey, buddy.
79
00:04:34,264 --> 00:04:35,299
Whatcha playing?
80
00:04:37,666 --> 00:04:39,236
Worst mother ever.
81
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:41,004
He doesn't even
wanna talk to me. Look.
82
00:04:41,137 --> 00:04:43,373
Look he's gonna dance
with an iPad on his wedding day.
83
00:04:43,507 --> 00:04:44,406
Hey, babe.
84
00:04:44,541 --> 00:04:46,243
Right now, it's like this.
85
00:04:46,375 --> 00:04:47,810
Close the deal,
86
00:04:47,945 --> 00:04:50,314
and then we'll slowly
reintroduce you to the kids.
87
00:04:50,447 --> 00:04:52,483
Oh, thanks. That's so sweet.
88
00:05:40,197 --> 00:05:41,666
Oh!
89
00:05:43,599 --> 00:05:45,702
Almost done.
90
00:05:46,437 --> 00:05:47,672
Either of you smoke?
91
00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:54,844
Okay.
92
00:05:55,945 --> 00:05:58,114
I'm just shooting corporate
an email.
93
00:05:58,248 --> 00:06:00,784
See if we can get that quote
a little lower.
94
00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:09,758
Balls.
95
00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:18,802
We're good.
96
00:06:19,202 --> 00:06:20,869
All right, here we go, 25.
97
00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:22,972
Let's take it
for a ride, big boy.
98
00:06:25,442 --> 00:06:27,710
Yes! Go! Go!
99
00:06:27,844 --> 00:06:29,113
Whoo!
100
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,882
Take two! Take two!
101
00:06:33,317 --> 00:06:34,752
Go, dude!
102
00:06:37,753 --> 00:06:39,355
Now come three. Come three!
103
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,129
Get dirty!
104
00:06:45,462 --> 00:06:47,197
Don't get dirty. Yeah!
105
00:06:47,796 --> 00:06:48,898
Safe!
106
00:07:09,084 --> 00:07:11,320
All right. So you feeling
a little better?
107
00:07:11,454 --> 00:07:12,355
Okay, great.
108
00:07:13,423 --> 00:07:16,427
I'm checking her cognitive
function, Costillo. It's fine.
109
00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:19,363
How's she look?
110
00:07:19,829 --> 00:07:21,332
Let's get that Gatorade.
111
00:07:21,998 --> 00:07:24,300
- Come here.
- Yay, I've won a game.
112
00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:27,303
Yeah. You've got a good game,
go, go, go.
113
00:07:27,437 --> 00:07:28,338
Hi.
114
00:07:28,671 --> 00:07:29,905
Chip off the old block.
115
00:07:30,039 --> 00:07:32,341
Yeah, let's hope his arm
stays attached.
116
00:07:32,976 --> 00:07:34,644
How in the heck did he get
117
00:07:34,777 --> 00:07:36,979
bubblegum stuck inside his ear?
118
00:07:37,479 --> 00:07:38,882
Oh! Look at that.
119
00:07:39,916 --> 00:07:41,984
I used to watch
your daddy play here.
120
00:07:42,385 --> 00:07:44,421
I probably saw
every game he played.
121
00:07:44,555 --> 00:07:47,090
- Until he got drafted.
- What's drafted?
122
00:07:47,224 --> 00:07:49,625
- That's a great question.
- What's drafted? Yeah.
123
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,060
Great game today, Charlie.
124
00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:53,063
Sorry, we're just
in a bit of rush.
125
00:07:53,195 --> 00:07:56,166
So did you hear?
Coach Miller is retiring.
126
00:07:56,298 --> 00:07:58,902
- I didn't.
- Yeah. Search is on.
127
00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:01,672
Maybe you could
throw your name in the hat?
128
00:08:02,139 --> 00:08:04,875
Yeah, that's a big jump
from t-ball.
129
00:08:05,608 --> 00:08:06,575
Hey, Levi!
130
00:08:06,709 --> 00:08:08,344
I heard you're pitching today?
131
00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:10,213
I, I am.
132
00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:13,382
You got this, man.
Stay strong.
133
00:08:14,084 --> 00:08:15,250
Good to see you, Charlie.
134
00:08:15,385 --> 00:08:16,920
- Tell your dad hi.
- Will do.
135
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,921
- And call the coach!
- Yeah.
136
00:08:22,625 --> 00:08:23,959
Kids, close your eyes.
137
00:08:24,094 --> 00:08:26,329
Dad is not doing anything.
Close those eyes.
138
00:08:32,069 --> 00:08:34,238
Dad is not texting.
139
00:08:55,258 --> 00:08:56,125
Hey.
140
00:08:56,658 --> 00:08:58,127
Happy birthday.
141
00:09:03,032 --> 00:09:03,899
Yeah.
142
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:06,136
Called in a sitter
for this place?
143
00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:08,438
Don't worry.
Don't worry. I got you.
144
00:09:08,838 --> 00:09:09,738
Beautiful light.
145
00:09:09,873 --> 00:09:11,307
Wow.
146
00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:16,180
Ah, thank you so much. Wow.
147
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:18,081
- Good?
- Yep.
148
00:09:18,482 --> 00:09:20,550
- All right. Deal closed?
- Uh, no.
149
00:09:22,453 --> 00:09:24,054
You said the deal
was gonna be closed
150
00:09:24,186 --> 00:09:25,855
- on the first of the
month, It's the first
151
00:09:25,989 --> 00:09:27,257
of the month. Yeah.
That was the plan.
152
00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:28,958
Until two billionaires
with egos the
153
00:09:29,092 --> 00:09:30,493
size of Mount
Kiliman-fucking-jaro
154
00:09:30,627 --> 00:09:32,896
decided to put a pause
on a $46 million deal
155
00:09:33,028 --> 00:09:34,630
over two trees
that were left off,
156
00:09:34,765 --> 00:09:36,166
mistakenly, on the survey.
157
00:09:41,905 --> 00:09:43,274
Choo-choo.
158
00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:47,911
Thank you.
159
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,450
- How are the boys?
- Ah, well,
160
00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:55,517
since the last time
you saw them. Let's see.
161
00:09:55,651 --> 00:09:56,987
MacGuire started shaving
162
00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:58,788
and the toddler
joined the Merchant Marines, so.
163
00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:02,224
No, they're good. I read them,
bathed them, fed them.
164
00:10:02,358 --> 00:10:03,692
Uh. Hey.
165
00:10:03,826 --> 00:10:06,695
Sitter came early. Said we could
stay out as late as we want.
166
00:10:06,829 --> 00:10:08,631
Haha, I wish.
167
00:10:09,199 --> 00:10:10,800
I mean,
this deal is, like, next level.
168
00:10:10,934 --> 00:10:14,070
My year-end bonus means
that we can finally put a dent
169
00:10:14,204 --> 00:10:15,405
in paying off law school,
170
00:10:15,537 --> 00:10:17,606
start the 529
for the kids' college.
171
00:10:17,741 --> 00:10:20,677
I mean, the kids are, like,
eight years old combined.
172
00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:23,479
We should've started
when they were born, Mike.
173
00:10:23,979 --> 00:10:25,281
All right. Look, babe.
174
00:10:26,516 --> 00:10:29,353
I don't understand
anything that you do,
175
00:10:30,054 --> 00:10:32,689
but I get why you do it.
And, honey, I...
176
00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:35,558
I see you, I believe in you.
177
00:10:35,691 --> 00:10:36,592
and I...
178
00:10:38,127 --> 00:10:39,628
Got to answer that text?
179
00:10:39,762 --> 00:10:41,196
Sorry. I just...
180
00:10:41,497 --> 00:10:44,233
don't get a whole lot of
real life adult interaction.
181
00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:47,136
And yet, here we are,
in real life.
182
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:49,540
Two adults, interacting.
183
00:10:51,842 --> 00:10:53,243
Listen. I was thinking.
184
00:10:53,377 --> 00:10:55,746
When the deal closes,
which it will,
185
00:10:56,412 --> 00:10:58,614
what if, you and I,
186
00:10:59,147 --> 00:11:00,082
take a trip?
187
00:11:00,215 --> 00:11:01,584
Just the two of us, no kids.
188
00:11:02,485 --> 00:11:04,987
Couple days
on the Bourbon Trail.
189
00:11:05,321 --> 00:11:06,489
That sounds...
190
00:11:14,797 --> 00:11:16,031
Busy day?
191
00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:17,733
They wanted to wish you
a happy birthday.
192
00:11:17,867 --> 00:11:19,370
Oh, yeah, I'm sure they do.
193
00:11:20,704 --> 00:11:21,738
Oh.
194
00:11:23,339 --> 00:11:24,406
This is work.
195
00:11:24,541 --> 00:11:25,441
Mmm-hm.
196
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:28,612
Okay. I, uh, I'm starving.
197
00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:31,548
Please order me something.
I'm gonna go powder my nose.
198
00:11:31,681 --> 00:11:33,550
- Okay. What would you like?
- Oh, God.
199
00:11:33,682 --> 00:11:35,752
I can't make
another decision today. Um.
200
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:37,521
No chicken, no beef.
201
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:40,023
Uh, nothing too starchy.
No dairy.
202
00:11:40,156 --> 00:11:42,258
Just veggies,
but not drowning in sauce.
203
00:11:42,392 --> 00:11:44,661
Okay, so basically air,
medium-rare.
204
00:11:44,795 --> 00:11:46,363
- You got me.
- Got it.
205
00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:51,635
Where are you?
206
00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:53,737
We're gonna order
when she gets back. Thank you.
207
00:11:53,871 --> 00:11:55,372
Don't you dare eat.
208
00:11:55,738 --> 00:11:58,307
My taco guy has been cooking
for, like, tres fucking dÃas.
209
00:11:58,441 --> 00:12:00,442
Karen, the deal didn't close.
210
00:12:00,576 --> 00:12:02,678
She promised the deal
would be closed today,
211
00:12:02,813 --> 00:12:05,615
and it didn't. She has to work
all night. We are fucked!
212
00:12:05,748 --> 00:12:08,651
Oh, no, no, no, buddy.
This party has already set sail.
213
00:12:08,785 --> 00:12:11,054
The only thing you need to do
is get her in that dress.
214
00:12:11,186 --> 00:12:12,854
Well, how exactly do I do that?
215
00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:14,523
I don't know, Mike.
216
00:12:14,858 --> 00:12:17,260
Maybe convince her
it's something kinky.
217
00:12:17,627 --> 00:12:18,594
Get here.
218
00:12:18,994 --> 00:12:21,764
Richard, I peed
in my office for you. Okay?
219
00:12:21,898 --> 00:12:23,767
I was on the phone
with you all day long,
220
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:26,235
I realized I never
wished you happy birthday.
221
00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:27,903
- Thank you.
- Now, that's said.
222
00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:32,776
But while I have you, what if e
buy the seller's stock?
223
00:12:32,908 --> 00:12:33,776
Wait.
224
00:12:33,910 --> 00:12:35,245
Repaper on a Saturday?
225
00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:38,681
Wait. You want me
to recreate 150 pages
226
00:12:38,815 --> 00:12:41,218
so you can assume
the guy's debt?
227
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:42,351
Is that bad?
228
00:12:42,485 --> 00:12:44,620
Yes, yes, it's very bad.
229
00:12:45,321 --> 00:12:47,222
Okay, look. I'm gonna go eat.
230
00:12:47,589 --> 00:12:49,759
I'll call you in an hour. Okay?
231
00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:53,629
- I want to stop, but we...
- Okay, I'm hanging up now.
232
00:12:54,998 --> 00:12:57,267
- Hey.
- Aw, thanks.
233
00:12:58,502 --> 00:12:59,669
What are you doing?
234
00:12:59,802 --> 00:13:01,570
I'd like to open my gift
with dessert,
235
00:13:01,704 --> 00:13:04,373
- if you don't mind.
- Actually, I kind of do mind.
236
00:13:04,507 --> 00:13:05,742
Well, I'm starving.
237
00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:07,578
Please. It would really
mean a lot to me.
238
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:09,613
Okay.
239
00:13:16,118 --> 00:13:17,552
Is that my prom dress?
240
00:13:17,686 --> 00:13:19,955
Nope,
it's your homecoming dress.
241
00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:21,592
Uh, I'm confused.
242
00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:23,859
Well, your mom had to throw away
your prom dress
243
00:13:23,993 --> 00:13:26,128
because of the slab lake.
You know it got moldy.
244
00:13:26,262 --> 00:13:27,830
No, no, I'm confused
why you're giving
245
00:13:27,964 --> 00:13:29,699
me my homecoming
dress on my birthday.
246
00:13:29,833 --> 00:13:31,834
Oh, don't worry.
I got is resized.
247
00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:34,103
Oh, cool. Thank for
clarifying that necessity.
248
00:13:34,237 --> 00:13:35,938
And why? Why did we resize this?
249
00:13:36,071 --> 00:13:37,573
Oh, because I think
250
00:13:37,706 --> 00:13:39,742
you were the sexiest
homecoming queen I ever saw
251
00:13:39,876 --> 00:13:42,978
and I wanna make love to you
tonight in it again.
252
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,248
Oh, okay. Wow.
253
00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:46,849
I knew it.
254
00:13:48,350 --> 00:13:49,918
You're having a mid-life crisis
255
00:13:50,552 --> 00:13:53,288
I wouldn't exactly call it
a crisis, but come on.
256
00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:55,392
Why don't you just
get in there and...
257
00:13:56,026 --> 00:13:56,926
put it on.
258
00:14:00,162 --> 00:14:01,264
Are you having a stroke?
259
00:14:01,397 --> 00:14:02,699
What? No.
260
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,132
Pam.
261
00:14:04,968 --> 00:14:07,203
Go back to the bathroom
and put on that dress.
262
00:14:07,336 --> 00:14:09,638
No, you go to the bathroom
and put on the frickin' dress.
263
00:14:09,772 --> 00:14:11,907
Come on, what's more fun
than a little role playing?
264
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:14,643
Oh, my God. If this is
some Fifty Shades thing,
265
00:14:14,777 --> 00:14:17,479
you know, you know
that that is not my jam.
266
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,218
Uh.
Just the cheque, please.
267
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:22,985
I thought you ordered.
I'm starving.
268
00:14:23,118 --> 00:14:25,488
Just the cheque. Thank you.
269
00:14:26,122 --> 00:14:27,022
Mike.
270
00:14:27,455 --> 00:14:28,624
What is happening?
271
00:14:28,757 --> 00:14:31,195
You are freaking me out
right now.
272
00:14:33,463 --> 00:14:35,933
All of our friends,
and I mean all of them,
273
00:14:36,065 --> 00:14:37,733
are around the corner
at a banquet hall,
274
00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:40,103
waiting for you
to arrive in this dress.
275
00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:41,838
Karen and I,
under the impression
276
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,539
that your deal would
be done today, the today
277
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,075
you promised
it would be done by,
278
00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:47,577
decided to throw you
a surprise '80s prom party.
279
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,546
I thought
it was just you and me tonight.
280
00:14:49,679 --> 00:14:51,781
I specifically said,
please, whatever you do...
281
00:14:51,915 --> 00:14:54,284
Pam, don't say it,
it's too late.
282
00:14:55,786 --> 00:14:57,853
I just, I just wanna go home.
283
00:14:57,987 --> 00:15:01,391
I wanna eat, go home,
make sexy time, and work.
284
00:15:01,523 --> 00:15:03,192
Do you not
wanna make sexy time with me?
285
00:15:03,326 --> 00:15:05,728
Of course
I wanna make sexy time with you.
286
00:15:05,862 --> 00:15:06,896
After the party.
287
00:15:07,229 --> 00:15:08,797
- Michael.
- Pamela.
288
00:15:08,931 --> 00:15:11,267
- Mike.
- Pam.
289
00:15:15,537 --> 00:15:17,840
- Can I at least get other shoes?
- We don't have time.
290
00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:21,210
I look like I'm going to, like,
a pilgrim prom.
291
00:15:21,344 --> 00:15:22,478
You look great.
292
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,953
Shut your pie holes!
They're here!
293
00:15:33,289 --> 00:15:34,458
I got this!
294
00:15:35,757 --> 00:15:38,461
Evening, folks.
Welcome to the Polish American
295
00:15:38,594 --> 00:15:39,995
- Veteran Society.
- Thank you.
296
00:15:40,128 --> 00:15:43,300
- Oh, God. What are you doing?
- All right. Okay.
297
00:15:47,235 --> 00:15:48,603
What is happening?
298
00:15:49,939 --> 00:15:53,309
Oh, looks like Tom Cruise
is ready to have a good time.
299
00:15:53,441 --> 00:15:54,543
There we go.
300
00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:58,981
Dam-din-de-de-de-de.
301
00:16:09,092 --> 00:16:10,359
Surprise!
302
00:16:10,493 --> 00:16:12,762
Happy
motherfucking birthday!
303
00:16:13,296 --> 00:16:14,830
Look at Pam!
304
00:16:15,464 --> 00:16:18,500
Wow. What a surprise.
305
00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:20,369
And what is this?
306
00:16:20,502 --> 00:16:24,440
Bitch, I am finally
Jake Ryan's girlfriend.
307
00:16:24,574 --> 00:16:26,675
Just cut it. Okay.
Say your shaloms
308
00:16:26,810 --> 00:16:27,911
and then
I'm dragging you
309
00:16:28,044 --> 00:16:29,646
to the bathroom
to fix your face.
310
00:16:29,778 --> 00:16:32,915
Not that there's anything
wrong with it. Much. Move!
311
00:16:34,217 --> 00:16:35,118
Happy birthday.
312
00:16:35,484 --> 00:16:37,753
Crockett and Tubbs.
313
00:16:37,887 --> 00:16:40,190
- Very nice.
- This is Elvis.
314
00:16:40,323 --> 00:16:42,092
Hi, Elvis. P-shhh.
315
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:45,228
- Hi, Travis.
- Hey, girlfriend.
316
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,729
Happy birthday.
317
00:16:46,863 --> 00:16:48,598
- You did, bro.
- I did it.
318
00:16:49,198 --> 00:16:50,300
Thank you.
319
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,269
Oh, my God,
you invited your parents.
320
00:16:53,402 --> 00:16:55,103
You look lovely,
dear.
321
00:16:55,238 --> 00:16:57,974
I'm surprised this still fits.
322
00:16:59,208 --> 00:17:01,110
Yeah, well, Mike had it resized.
323
00:17:01,243 --> 00:17:03,979
Hey, who do we gotta
kill to get a chair around here?
324
00:17:04,113 --> 00:17:05,681
I'll get you set up, Dad.
325
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,719
Oh, but wait. Okay. Oh!
326
00:17:09,853 --> 00:17:11,153
Pam.
327
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,422
- Freddy, you look amazing.
- I know.
328
00:17:13,555 --> 00:17:15,123
Happy birthday.
329
00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:18,494
The bags really tie
that outfit together.
330
00:17:18,628 --> 00:17:21,464
You look like a terrorist
at a nudist convention.
331
00:17:21,596 --> 00:17:22,498
Thanks, Dad.
332
00:17:22,931 --> 00:17:24,866
Ran into old Charlie
the other day.
333
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,068
Who's Charlie?
334
00:17:26,202 --> 00:17:27,536
Blind bat still calling games?
335
00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:30,373
He said
Coach Miller is retiring.
336
00:17:31,606 --> 00:17:34,009
Told you.
Get a teaching credential.
337
00:17:34,376 --> 00:17:35,710
Yeah, you did say that.
338
00:17:36,112 --> 00:17:38,014
- I got you something.
- Oh?
339
00:17:38,148 --> 00:17:39,416
- Yeah.
- Wow.
340
00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:41,184
Huh?
341
00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:43,053
Behind this is an online code
342
00:17:43,186 --> 00:17:44,420
for my bestselling seminar,
343
00:17:44,554 --> 00:17:46,523
"Freddy or not,
you can be rich like me".
344
00:17:46,655 --> 00:17:48,157
- Wow.
- You are welcome.
345
00:17:48,290 --> 00:17:49,991
I will check this out.
346
00:17:50,125 --> 00:17:51,193
I know.
347
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,696
You looking for work? We always
need help at the shop.
348
00:17:54,997 --> 00:17:57,600
I got a job, Dad. Taking care
of your grandchildren.
349
00:17:57,734 --> 00:17:59,901
- Remember?
- Of course.
350
00:18:00,369 --> 00:18:01,771
I meant one for money.
351
00:18:02,805 --> 00:18:05,641
You know, most people think
Nirvana was a '90s band,
352
00:18:05,775 --> 00:18:08,277
but they actually
made Bleach in '89.
353
00:18:08,411 --> 00:18:10,046
- Oh.
- Personally, I'm more
354
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:11,980
into their earlier
sub-pop type tunes.
355
00:18:12,114 --> 00:18:14,083
Save it, Wheat Thin,
we're boozin'.
356
00:18:14,217 --> 00:18:15,485
Come on.
357
00:18:22,491 --> 00:18:23,593
Hi.
358
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,097
I'm
I'm Pam Young.
359
00:18:28,064 --> 00:18:29,199
Shannon.
360
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,770
Shannon Klissanon?
361
00:18:34,671 --> 00:18:36,405
I... Of course.
362
00:18:36,539 --> 00:18:40,676
Of course. It's,
it's so lovely to see you.
363
00:18:42,311 --> 00:18:43,513
Rowdy.
364
00:18:44,146 --> 00:18:45,181
Excuse me.
365
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:46,882
- Hi, Pam.
- Hi.
366
00:18:47,016 --> 00:18:48,985
I haven't seen you since, uh...
367
00:18:49,585 --> 00:18:51,453
Uh, you know, the um...
368
00:18:51,586 --> 00:18:52,588
High School.
369
00:18:52,721 --> 00:18:54,156
Yes. Yes.
370
00:18:54,556 --> 00:18:56,625
I haven't seen you
since High School.
371
00:18:57,226 --> 00:18:58,027
How are you?
372
00:18:58,161 --> 00:18:59,195
I'm great.
373
00:18:59,327 --> 00:19:01,998
You look... great.
374
00:19:02,664 --> 00:19:03,866
Actually, I'm...
375
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:07,103
I'm doing really great.
376
00:19:07,503 --> 00:19:08,537
That's good.
377
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:10,574
Michael, Michael, motorcycle.
378
00:19:10,707 --> 00:19:13,443
Serious tactical error
inviting that guy.
379
00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:15,178
Not sure I actually did.
380
00:19:15,311 --> 00:19:17,446
You know
he was a Chippendale's dancer?
381
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:19,983
And he dove
with Jacques Cousteau.
382
00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:22,183
Apparently
he likes to wear speedos.
383
00:19:22,317 --> 00:19:25,954
I recently
self-published my 11th novel.
384
00:19:26,389 --> 00:19:28,492
Twelfth. If you count
385
00:19:28,624 --> 00:19:32,261
the anthology
of Gothic Poetry I edited.
386
00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:35,498
Awesome.
387
00:19:37,566 --> 00:19:39,502
Will you excuse me
for one second?
388
00:19:43,205 --> 00:19:46,776
All right, deadbeats.
Move it upstairs!
389
00:19:48,177 --> 00:19:49,145
Who is that?
390
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:53,115
You went to Kindergarten
through 12th Grade with her.
391
00:19:53,615 --> 00:19:54,683
I did?
392
00:19:55,418 --> 00:19:56,820
She must look different.
393
00:19:56,952 --> 00:20:00,389
No, she looked pretty bow-house
back then, too.
394
00:20:00,524 --> 00:20:02,659
- I can confirm that.
- Oh.
395
00:20:03,093 --> 00:20:05,260
- What's up, bitch?
- 'Sup, whore?
396
00:20:05,594 --> 00:20:08,565
Did you have anything to do
with planning this nightmare?
397
00:20:08,698 --> 00:20:10,966
Um, my loathing for you
runs deep, big sis,
398
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,602
but not deep enough
to throw you a surprise party.
399
00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:15,070
Thank you for dressing up.
400
00:20:15,203 --> 00:20:17,172
What? And overshadow
your lameness
401
00:20:17,305 --> 00:20:18,507
on your special night?
402
00:20:18,641 --> 00:20:20,643
I would never.
403
00:20:23,113 --> 00:20:24,814
Madame D'coy.
404
00:20:24,948 --> 00:20:26,181
Pamela.
405
00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:28,584
So good to see you.
406
00:20:29,986 --> 00:20:31,353
I was flattered
407
00:20:31,488 --> 00:20:33,122
when Michael reached out to me
408
00:20:33,256 --> 00:20:34,355
on the book of the face.
409
00:20:34,489 --> 00:20:36,159
I could not say no.
410
00:20:38,693 --> 00:20:40,195
I never say no.
411
00:20:41,396 --> 00:20:45,233
My mother, she is dying
a slow, horrible death.
412
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:48,203
The bile of impermanence
consuming her.
413
00:20:48,337 --> 00:20:49,805
I'm so sorry to hear that.
414
00:20:49,939 --> 00:20:51,373
How do we know
we are really alive
415
00:20:51,507 --> 00:20:55,044
until we are pinned
under the razor sharp boot
416
00:20:55,178 --> 00:20:56,580
of suffering.
417
00:20:57,546 --> 00:20:59,982
But tonight, we make party.
418
00:21:00,115 --> 00:21:01,984
O... kay.
419
00:21:02,117 --> 00:21:04,019
Step away
from the birthday girl.
420
00:21:04,153 --> 00:21:05,121
We'll be back.
421
00:21:11,893 --> 00:21:13,829
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
422
00:21:15,363 --> 00:21:16,466
Where'd you get this?
423
00:21:16,598 --> 00:21:18,399
A souvenir
from my stint on Timber.
424
00:21:18,534 --> 00:21:19,969
Do you mean Tinder?
425
00:21:20,103 --> 00:21:22,471
No, it's like Tinder,
but for big and tall people.
426
00:21:22,604 --> 00:21:23,738
You're five-three.
427
00:21:23,873 --> 00:21:25,641
Yes,
and you have to be this tall
428
00:21:25,774 --> 00:21:27,043
to ride this ride.
429
00:21:27,543 --> 00:21:28,645
Okay.
430
00:21:29,711 --> 00:21:31,314
So, who's bright idea was this?
431
00:21:31,447 --> 00:21:32,614
Mike, of course.
432
00:21:32,748 --> 00:21:34,249
He's been planning it
for months.
433
00:21:34,383 --> 00:21:35,884
In his defense. He thought
your deal would close today.
434
00:21:36,018 --> 00:21:38,287
Well, the day is not over yet.
435
00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:40,255
I think he was eager to have
436
00:21:40,390 --> 00:21:42,325
your undivided attention
for the night.
437
00:21:42,792 --> 00:21:44,628
Sorry.
438
00:21:45,361 --> 00:21:47,196
So Madame D'coy is here.
439
00:21:47,763 --> 00:21:49,065
I still can't believe
440
00:21:49,199 --> 00:21:51,133
Travis brought
his French teacher to prom.
441
00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:52,133
Me neither.
442
00:21:52,434 --> 00:21:54,369
The shit you could
get away with back then.
443
00:21:54,504 --> 00:21:55,471
I know.
444
00:21:55,872 --> 00:21:57,707
She would be guaranteed
five to ten
445
00:21:57,841 --> 00:22:00,309
for sophomore shtupping
these days.
446
00:22:00,942 --> 00:22:04,613
So, since his divorce,
have you guys... you know?
447
00:22:04,747 --> 00:22:05,613
Travis and me?
448
00:22:05,748 --> 00:22:07,083
Yeah.
449
00:22:07,216 --> 00:22:08,883
I thought you always
wanted to.
450
00:22:09,017 --> 00:22:11,353
What? What!
451
00:22:12,220 --> 00:22:13,087
No?
452
00:22:13,455 --> 00:22:14,957
- No!
- Okay.
453
00:22:15,223 --> 00:22:18,661
I mean, years ago.
454
00:22:21,229 --> 00:22:22,331
Hey. Oh.
455
00:22:22,765 --> 00:22:24,801
Hey, you.
Where've you been hiding?
456
00:22:24,933 --> 00:22:26,568
Who ordered the fucking ceviche?
457
00:22:26,702 --> 00:22:29,137
Coz my insides just went out.
458
00:22:29,939 --> 00:22:32,641
I have some ginger mints
in my purse.
459
00:22:32,775 --> 00:22:33,910
Like candy is gonna cure
460
00:22:34,044 --> 00:22:35,511
20 years
of irritable bowel syndrome.
461
00:22:35,643 --> 00:22:38,180
Listen. I'm going to keep this
on reserve all night.
462
00:22:39,547 --> 00:22:40,849
Good luck with Travis.
463
00:22:42,751 --> 00:22:44,553
I mean, can you blame
her bowels?
464
00:22:44,687 --> 00:22:46,723
She didn't even wash her hands.
465
00:22:47,690 --> 00:22:49,793
Close your mouth.
466
00:22:51,693 --> 00:22:54,163
- Fucking nailed it.
- Yeah, it's...
467
00:22:55,131 --> 00:22:56,032
Yeah.
468
00:23:10,179 --> 00:23:11,214
Yes.
469
00:23:24,526 --> 00:23:25,494
Michael.
470
00:23:25,626 --> 00:23:26,761
What do you think?
471
00:23:27,395 --> 00:23:29,831
You know what, I don't care
what your friends say about you,
472
00:23:29,965 --> 00:23:31,501
I think you're pretty great.
473
00:23:35,171 --> 00:23:37,073
Sergeant Sylvester, is it?
474
00:23:37,206 --> 00:23:39,242
Folks around here call me Sarge.
475
00:23:39,374 --> 00:23:40,442
Sarge.
476
00:23:40,576 --> 00:23:42,978
Listen, so what if at midnight
477
00:23:43,112 --> 00:23:45,648
this party is still, you know,
478
00:23:45,780 --> 00:23:47,115
popping off?
479
00:23:47,482 --> 00:23:48,383
Toots.
480
00:23:49,017 --> 00:23:51,653
I was gay before FDR
was on the dime.
481
00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:54,757
Work your magic
on a straight sucker.
482
00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:57,259
You got till midnight!
483
00:24:05,366 --> 00:24:08,036
Have no fear, friends,
the doctor is here
484
00:24:08,171 --> 00:24:12,007
to guide you on this journey
back to your youth,
485
00:24:12,374 --> 00:24:14,142
when the pants were pegged,
486
00:24:14,677 --> 00:24:18,180
the Swatch
was the timepiece of choice
487
00:24:18,314 --> 00:24:19,915
and the only page
you had to like
488
00:24:20,048 --> 00:24:21,616
was your favorite band
on the cover
489
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,184
of your trapper keeper.
490
00:24:23,318 --> 00:24:25,553
Now, if you're wondering
why I'm still anchored
491
00:24:25,688 --> 00:24:29,758
to this festering cauldron
of piping hot tripe water,
492
00:24:29,892 --> 00:24:31,259
called the '80s, let's just say
493
00:24:31,393 --> 00:24:32,995
I'm attempting to live up
494
00:24:33,129 --> 00:24:35,965
to certain
financial responsibilities
495
00:24:36,097 --> 00:24:39,334
to two ex-wives and the IRS
that I accrued
496
00:24:39,468 --> 00:24:44,006
during a 16-year ride
on the white line to oblivion.
497
00:24:44,139 --> 00:24:46,675
Basically, I need the scratch.
498
00:24:46,808 --> 00:24:48,277
But enough about me.
499
00:24:48,411 --> 00:24:52,147
Let us now set sail
for those halcyon days
500
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,916
when everybody
wanted to rule the world.
501
00:25:08,863 --> 00:25:10,033
Fuck me.
502
00:25:11,566 --> 00:25:12,468
Punks.
503
00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:19,042
Nerds.
504
00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:40,662
Who are these people?
505
00:25:40,796 --> 00:25:43,065
I told Mike to make
the Facebook invite private.
506
00:25:43,632 --> 00:25:45,767
Wait, this is a public event
on Facebook?
507
00:25:45,901 --> 00:25:47,804
- What is the difference?
- I don't know,
508
00:25:47,937 --> 00:25:50,272
117 strangers
at my birthday party.
509
00:25:50,404 --> 00:25:53,441
- Plus, I'm not even on Facebook.
- These aren't strangers.
510
00:25:53,575 --> 00:25:56,679
We went to Hight School
with these people. I think.
511
00:25:57,412 --> 00:25:59,914
Okay, so is this
a birthday party
512
00:26:00,048 --> 00:26:00,915
or a reunion?
513
00:26:01,049 --> 00:26:03,219
Just for clarification.
514
00:26:03,619 --> 00:26:04,988
- Hi, Janie.
- Doug.
515
00:26:06,721 --> 00:26:07,824
Hello.
516
00:26:07,957 --> 00:26:09,892
- Never gonna happen, Doug.
- Oh.
517
00:26:10,660 --> 00:26:11,995
A boy can dream, can't he?
518
00:26:12,128 --> 00:26:14,196
As long as that dream
includes mouthwash
519
00:26:14,330 --> 00:26:16,231
and ample personal space.
520
00:26:16,565 --> 00:26:17,533
Oh!
521
00:26:17,967 --> 00:26:19,200
Thank you.
522
00:26:19,601 --> 00:26:20,969
Ooh. Sick burn.
523
00:26:22,037 --> 00:26:23,472
What's up with the book ends?
524
00:26:24,507 --> 00:26:27,543
No need to whisper, my friend.
They don't speak English.
525
00:26:28,110 --> 00:26:29,011
None?
526
00:26:29,311 --> 00:26:31,080
None. Watch this.
527
00:26:31,846 --> 00:26:32,981
Bananas.
528
00:26:34,950 --> 00:26:36,052
Nothing.
529
00:26:37,052 --> 00:26:38,821
So, are you, uh,
530
00:26:38,953 --> 00:26:39,888
teaching French?
531
00:26:40,021 --> 00:26:43,191
No, I retired after the 2KY.
532
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,961
You mean, Y2K?
533
00:26:46,094 --> 00:26:47,497
It was a bust, I know.
534
00:26:47,630 --> 00:26:50,033
My partner at the time,
he was, how do you say?
535
00:26:50,165 --> 00:26:51,366
Two polar.
536
00:26:52,167 --> 00:26:55,103
- It's bipolar.
- Yes.
537
00:26:55,238 --> 00:26:56,505
Very confused.
538
00:26:56,639 --> 00:26:59,575
He convinced me
to move into the woods.
539
00:27:00,375 --> 00:27:03,478
We lived off the land
and had our own fecal compost
540
00:27:03,612 --> 00:27:04,613
for three years.
541
00:27:04,747 --> 00:27:07,150
Until he contracted
Lyme Disease.
542
00:27:09,852 --> 00:27:11,120
Where'd you find them?
543
00:27:11,253 --> 00:27:12,554
They showed up
at my seminar in Prague.
544
00:27:12,688 --> 00:27:15,123
They're marginally famous
contortionists,
545
00:27:15,257 --> 00:27:16,924
but they're looking
to grow their portfolio
546
00:27:17,058 --> 00:27:17,959
of appreciating assets.
547
00:27:18,094 --> 00:27:19,628
Just like the rest of us.
548
00:27:20,062 --> 00:27:21,997
So, they tie themselves
in knots?
549
00:27:22,463 --> 00:27:25,167
They can work themselves
into any sort of kink.
550
00:27:26,535 --> 00:27:27,704
I bet they can.
551
00:27:28,703 --> 00:27:29,871
You know, um...
552
00:27:30,439 --> 00:27:34,110
You're the only teacher to ever
give me a C in High School.
553
00:27:35,143 --> 00:27:36,511
Did you deserve it?
554
00:27:38,046 --> 00:27:38,948
I mean...
555
00:27:39,282 --> 00:27:41,083
I didn't think so at the time.
556
00:27:41,417 --> 00:27:42,785
I drank a lot then.
557
00:27:42,919 --> 00:27:45,321
I was eager to feel something.
558
00:27:45,988 --> 00:27:48,357
Your disappointment fed me.
559
00:27:48,924 --> 00:27:50,292
Kept me alive.
560
00:27:52,326 --> 00:27:54,063
- Mike. Long time.
- Yeah.
561
00:27:54,196 --> 00:27:55,197
How are you?
562
00:27:55,331 --> 00:27:56,498
I'm good. I'm good.
563
00:27:56,632 --> 00:27:58,467
Hey, whatever happened
to baseball?
564
00:27:58,601 --> 00:28:01,303
- I thought I'd seen you on TV.
- Yep. That was the plan.
565
00:28:01,437 --> 00:28:03,205
Then I tore my UCL
right up the ball
566
00:28:03,338 --> 00:28:04,772
and frayed my shoulder.
567
00:28:04,907 --> 00:28:06,309
- Did a little triple A...
- Bummer, That's a bummer
568
00:28:06,441 --> 00:28:08,009
- ...got a little TV time.
- But Hey.
569
00:28:08,143 --> 00:28:10,445
It's a kids' game anyway, right?
All right.
570
00:28:14,783 --> 00:28:15,685
Dick.
571
00:28:22,324 --> 00:28:23,426
Boo.
572
00:28:24,058 --> 00:28:26,661
Oh. Hi.
573
00:28:30,431 --> 00:28:33,102
You know, I was just thinking
about that Algebra II.
574
00:28:33,802 --> 00:28:36,539
Trig? The final we stayed up
all night for?
575
00:28:36,939 --> 00:28:40,243
Oh. We had Algebra II together?
576
00:28:40,843 --> 00:28:41,744
Yeah.
577
00:28:43,746 --> 00:28:45,381
Yeah. You and your dog.
578
00:28:46,014 --> 00:28:47,416
What was his name?
579
00:28:47,783 --> 00:28:48,684
Sting?
580
00:28:50,419 --> 00:28:53,122
- You remember my dog?
- Of course.
581
00:28:54,989 --> 00:28:56,425
He ate all our pizza.
582
00:28:58,126 --> 00:28:59,827
Threw it up
all over your pillow.
583
00:29:00,194 --> 00:29:01,296
Okay?
584
00:29:02,597 --> 00:29:03,498
Wow.
585
00:29:03,999 --> 00:29:06,734
You have, like, a complete...
586
00:29:07,469 --> 00:29:09,705
memory, filled with so much.
587
00:29:10,372 --> 00:29:11,641
I had to, um...
588
00:29:12,473 --> 00:29:14,976
defrag the old hard drives
589
00:29:15,110 --> 00:29:16,445
for the bar exam.
590
00:29:16,577 --> 00:29:19,815
You know.
So that's probably why...
591
00:29:20,882 --> 00:29:22,184
University of Chicago.
592
00:29:23,117 --> 00:29:24,019
Oh!
593
00:29:24,519 --> 00:29:26,254
- You went there too.
- No.
594
00:29:26,988 --> 00:29:28,091
Oh.
595
00:29:28,924 --> 00:29:30,559
That's where you studied law.
596
00:29:30,692 --> 00:29:32,627
I... I did.
597
00:29:32,961 --> 00:29:34,229
How did you...
598
00:29:35,096 --> 00:29:36,598
I've kept tabs on you.
599
00:29:38,165 --> 00:29:39,469
You know, since...
600
00:29:40,334 --> 00:29:41,437
that night.
601
00:29:44,873 --> 00:29:45,775
Okay.
602
00:29:48,142 --> 00:29:49,711
It was so good seeing you.
603
00:29:51,145 --> 00:29:52,248
Okay.
604
00:29:56,017 --> 00:29:57,120
Love you too.
605
00:29:57,687 --> 00:29:58,554
...years ago.
606
00:29:59,086 --> 00:29:59,988
Michael, hi, hi.
607
00:30:00,122 --> 00:30:01,256
- Hey.
- Can I, uh,
608
00:30:01,390 --> 00:30:03,092
- talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
609
00:30:03,225 --> 00:30:04,827
- Like, anywhere but here.
- Oh.
610
00:30:06,728 --> 00:30:09,597
Hey, let's do this real quick.
Come on. Let's take a picture.
611
00:30:09,730 --> 00:30:11,565
It'll be so fun.
Here, turn around.
612
00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:14,369
Push out your belly.
We're gonna do pregnant prom.
613
00:30:15,069 --> 00:30:18,440
My only A is in Wood Shop,
and I'm gonna be a dad!
614
00:30:18,908 --> 00:30:20,809
Jeez,
You're really committed to this.
615
00:30:20,942 --> 00:30:22,377
Come on, isn't this fun?
616
00:30:22,510 --> 00:30:24,312
Actually, no, I'm on verge
of like a panic attack.
617
00:30:24,446 --> 00:30:26,382
- What? Why?
- I'm pretty sure that the uh...
618
00:30:26,516 --> 00:30:29,051
the woman over there that
looks like Sally Scissorhands...
619
00:30:29,183 --> 00:30:30,485
Shannon Klissanon?
620
00:30:30,619 --> 00:30:32,020
Yeah uh, I'm pretty
sure she's the stalker
621
00:30:32,153 --> 00:30:33,454
I never knew I had.
622
00:30:33,587 --> 00:30:35,423
I'm sure she's just excited
to reconnect.
623
00:30:35,557 --> 00:30:37,092
By reconnect you mean go full
624
00:30:37,226 --> 00:30:39,495
Single White Female on me
before I've even cut the cake?
625
00:30:39,628 --> 00:30:41,730
Oh! Fuck! Fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck!
626
00:30:41,863 --> 00:30:42,831
What?
627
00:30:42,963 --> 00:30:43,965
I forgot the cake.
628
00:30:44,098 --> 00:30:45,166
- I'm so sorry.
- Ah, dude.
629
00:30:45,301 --> 00:30:46,635
- Dammit.
- All I wanted was cake.
630
00:30:46,768 --> 00:30:48,469
I thought all you wanted
was sexy time?
631
00:30:48,603 --> 00:30:49,805
Don't make me choose Michael.
632
00:30:49,938 --> 00:30:51,607
You're not going
to like the answer.
633
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:53,474
Look, I, uh...
634
00:30:53,609 --> 00:30:55,477
I so appreciate
what you've done here.
635
00:30:55,610 --> 00:30:58,046
I can tell that
you went to a ton of trouble.
636
00:30:58,180 --> 00:30:59,815
And I'm so grateful, but...
637
00:31:00,149 --> 00:31:02,017
man, if you didn't forget
638
00:31:02,150 --> 00:31:03,619
what a drag High School was.
639
00:31:03,751 --> 00:31:06,488
I don't understand.
How was it a drag, exactly?
640
00:31:06,622 --> 00:31:07,689
Okay. A.
641
00:31:08,023 --> 00:31:10,426
We were a bunch
of shallow dicks in High School.
642
00:31:10,558 --> 00:31:13,427
And B. Dressing up
in our shallow dick uniforms
643
00:31:13,562 --> 00:31:14,997
is just gonna
remind people of C,
644
00:31:15,130 --> 00:31:17,431
go back to A. We were
a bunch of shallow dicks.
645
00:31:17,565 --> 00:31:20,036
But we were teenagers.
Nobody gives a shit anymore.
646
00:31:20,169 --> 00:31:21,370
I'm guessing a few
of these people
647
00:31:21,504 --> 00:31:22,571
hold some serious resentments.
648
00:31:22,703 --> 00:31:24,172
No joke. It's only human nature.
649
00:31:24,306 --> 00:31:26,341
You are wrong.
Check this out, okay?
650
00:31:26,807 --> 00:31:27,508
The ham-burglar.
651
00:31:27,642 --> 00:31:29,010
Okay, Trudy, fine. Sorry.
652
00:31:29,143 --> 00:31:31,413
I wouldn't be caught dead
with her in High School
653
00:31:31,546 --> 00:31:33,180
now we play Farm Town together.
654
00:31:33,315 --> 00:31:35,084
Okay? She's got a cat
name Sylvester.
655
00:31:35,217 --> 00:31:36,383
Nickname is Sly.
656
00:31:36,517 --> 00:31:38,019
Okay. It sits upright
on the couch
657
00:31:38,153 --> 00:31:40,955
and looks like human being.
She walks it with a leash.
658
00:31:41,422 --> 00:31:43,090
How cool and weird is that?
659
00:31:43,592 --> 00:31:45,928
- Oh, thank you.
- Sure thing.
660
00:31:46,428 --> 00:31:47,295
All right?
661
00:31:47,429 --> 00:31:49,198
Everyone is happy. Okay?
662
00:31:49,331 --> 00:31:51,667
Here to celebrate you.
This is cool.
663
00:31:51,799 --> 00:31:52,701
Okay.
664
00:31:56,671 --> 00:31:58,707
Hey, dark shades. Dark shades.
665
00:31:58,840 --> 00:31:59,575
Dark shades.
666
00:31:59,708 --> 00:32:01,509
Hey, can you play the song?
667
00:32:01,642 --> 00:32:04,012
You know, the one, um,
the one with, like,
668
00:32:04,145 --> 00:32:06,047
the quiet guitar and the...
669
00:32:06,381 --> 00:32:08,517
Boom-boom. The drums.
670
00:32:09,418 --> 00:32:11,853
- Good one.
- No, really. Hey.
671
00:32:11,987 --> 00:32:15,556
It's the song with the,
with the really quiet guitar.
672
00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:18,994
It's ring-ling-ling-ling
and then the ding-ding-ding,
673
00:32:19,128 --> 00:32:21,030
boom-boom-boom, the drums.
674
00:32:21,162 --> 00:32:22,498
- Who's it by?
- Oh.
675
00:32:22,632 --> 00:32:24,533
The guy.
The guy that plays the drums
676
00:32:24,665 --> 00:32:26,234
that goes boom. The...
677
00:32:26,367 --> 00:32:27,902
- Phil Collins?
- No!
678
00:32:28,036 --> 00:32:29,671
Fuck! Damn.
679
00:32:30,605 --> 00:32:34,042
It's... the guy that plays the...
It's the song...
680
00:32:34,176 --> 00:32:36,946
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you Google it?
681
00:32:37,613 --> 00:32:39,148
Hush-hush. Bye-bye.
682
00:32:39,882 --> 00:32:42,851
Wow. More like
Doctor Throws Shade.
683
00:32:43,718 --> 00:32:47,154
Did you just shower me
with imaginary jizz?
684
00:32:47,288 --> 00:32:49,257
No. No.
685
00:32:49,557 --> 00:32:51,926
You're getting pretty brave
as you run away.
686
00:32:53,460 --> 00:32:54,863
Ah, that's my jam.
687
00:33:10,045 --> 00:33:12,714
You know that guy's got,
like, two million followers.
688
00:33:12,847 --> 00:33:15,651
Yeah, but they're all
Russian bots like those two.
689
00:33:16,751 --> 00:33:18,119
How do I get verified?
690
00:33:18,554 --> 00:33:19,721
No one knows.
691
00:33:21,123 --> 00:33:22,391
Verify me.
692
00:33:49,551 --> 00:33:51,654
Yo, Michael! Whoop-whoop!
693
00:34:02,064 --> 00:34:02,965
Oh, no.
694
00:34:07,201 --> 00:34:09,236
Hey. Walk with me to get smokes.
695
00:34:09,603 --> 00:34:11,006
Someone took my pants.
696
00:34:11,138 --> 00:34:13,843
Oh. Do you need pants
to go buy smokes?
697
00:34:14,609 --> 00:34:16,044
Don't know. Never smoked.
698
00:34:16,911 --> 00:34:18,013
Oh, fuck it.
699
00:34:18,145 --> 00:34:19,546
Dude, this party,
700
00:34:19,913 --> 00:34:23,419
honestly, is a complete
and total fucking disaster.
701
00:34:23,551 --> 00:34:24,952
What are you talking about?
702
00:34:25,085 --> 00:34:28,323
- This party is epic.
- If it isn't your birthday.
703
00:34:28,457 --> 00:34:30,459
Listen.
Let the Red Fire kick in,
704
00:34:30,591 --> 00:34:32,493
- Pam will come around.
- I don't know.
705
00:34:32,928 --> 00:34:35,797
Richard, I know this isn't
how you wanted the day to end.
706
00:34:35,931 --> 00:34:39,201
I get it.
707
00:34:39,335 --> 00:34:41,937
I'm telling you,
torching the deal at this point
708
00:34:42,069 --> 00:34:44,939
is so stupid. Just talk to him.
You're at the same
709
00:34:45,073 --> 00:34:46,908
charity event.
Just walk on over.
710
00:34:47,042 --> 00:34:49,678
I can't talk
to this guy. Fuck no.
711
00:34:49,810 --> 00:34:51,578
Don't burn this thing
to the ground
712
00:34:51,712 --> 00:34:53,149
over ego. Okay? Bye.
713
00:34:54,783 --> 00:34:57,018
- Hi.
- Hi. Boy,
714
00:34:57,785 --> 00:34:59,320
sounds like a three-alarm.
715
00:35:00,055 --> 00:35:01,489
Didn't know you were
a firefighter.
716
00:35:01,622 --> 00:35:04,592
Oh, no. Just a lawyer.
717
00:35:05,060 --> 00:35:05,960
Oof.
718
00:35:07,194 --> 00:35:08,129
Sorry.
719
00:35:08,263 --> 00:35:09,797
It's okay. So, lemme guess,
720
00:35:09,931 --> 00:35:12,701
you climbed Everest
before the age of 25?
721
00:35:13,102 --> 00:35:15,870
Married the fit Peruvian
shaman lady
722
00:35:16,004 --> 00:35:18,006
who guided you to Machu Picchu.
723
00:35:18,140 --> 00:35:20,910
Sailed around the globe
on a solar-powered boat.
724
00:35:21,042 --> 00:35:22,644
Let me down easy.
What've you been up to
725
00:35:22,777 --> 00:35:24,645
- the past 20 years?
- No, no, uh...
726
00:35:25,013 --> 00:35:27,848
Well, actually, no, I did go
on a cruise to Alaska.
727
00:35:28,315 --> 00:35:29,718
With my ex-wife and our son.
728
00:35:30,319 --> 00:35:32,487
But that was before
she married Claire.
729
00:35:32,620 --> 00:35:34,489
My orthodontist partner.
730
00:35:34,622 --> 00:35:36,991
You're an orthodontist? Huh.
731
00:35:37,491 --> 00:35:39,861
Really? Uh, I thought
the more titillating part
732
00:35:39,995 --> 00:35:42,830
of that story would be my wife
leaving me for another woman.
733
00:35:42,964 --> 00:35:44,565
You always knew
how to surprise...
734
00:35:44,700 --> 00:35:46,701
Oh. Hold on, sorry.
735
00:35:49,603 --> 00:35:51,239
Twenty-four hour attorney, huh?
736
00:35:51,739 --> 00:35:53,241
Must pay well.
737
00:35:53,375 --> 00:35:56,277
Don't be fooled by my, uh,
formal attire.
738
00:35:56,911 --> 00:35:58,980
I work out million dollar deals
for my clients all day
739
00:35:59,114 --> 00:36:00,815
and then go home
and try to figure out
740
00:36:00,948 --> 00:36:02,183
if my cheque has deposited
741
00:36:02,317 --> 00:36:04,585
before my cable autopay
has gone through.
742
00:36:04,718 --> 00:36:06,487
And things like that.
743
00:36:06,622 --> 00:36:07,723
Wow.
744
00:36:12,294 --> 00:36:14,596
- Can I help you?
- A pack of lights
745
00:36:14,730 --> 00:36:15,797
and tin of Wintergreen?
746
00:36:15,931 --> 00:36:17,466
I told Pam I'd quit.
747
00:36:17,598 --> 00:36:18,933
- Did you?
- Not really.
748
00:36:19,268 --> 00:36:21,303
Don't you remember
health class, Doug?
749
00:36:21,437 --> 00:36:23,138
"Tobacco stunts your growth."
750
00:36:24,538 --> 00:36:25,607
Wait.
751
00:36:25,906 --> 00:36:28,509
- Phyllis. Phyllis Okano.
- Yeah.
752
00:36:28,643 --> 00:36:30,679
- Four-eyed Phyllis!
- Oh, he said it.
753
00:36:30,812 --> 00:36:32,547
Okay.
754
00:36:32,681 --> 00:36:35,083
Hey. What happened
to the other two?
755
00:36:35,417 --> 00:36:39,121
Oh. Total eye replacement.
I grow clones in my basement.
756
00:36:40,922 --> 00:36:43,058
- LOL.
- Yeah.
757
00:36:43,190 --> 00:36:44,359
You look great.
758
00:36:44,493 --> 00:36:46,428
Oh, thank you. So do you.
759
00:36:46,562 --> 00:36:48,096
That is a lie.
760
00:36:48,230 --> 00:36:51,166
I look like High School me
went into anaphylactic shock.
761
00:36:51,299 --> 00:36:52,234
Oh.
762
00:36:52,366 --> 00:36:53,468
True, but...
763
00:36:53,902 --> 00:36:55,136
What happened to your pants?
764
00:36:55,270 --> 00:36:57,005
We're having a big
High School reunion
765
00:36:57,138 --> 00:36:59,907
- over at the banquet hall.
- No, it's, uh, Pam's birthday.
766
00:37:00,042 --> 00:37:02,810
But your welcome to stop by
after your shift is over.
767
00:37:02,944 --> 00:37:04,613
Oh, I'm stuck here
until midnight,
768
00:37:04,747 --> 00:37:06,815
but wish Pam
happy birthday from me?
769
00:37:06,948 --> 00:37:08,482
- I will. I will.
- Thanks.
770
00:37:08,882 --> 00:37:10,051
- Uh, hey, Doug?
- Yeah.
771
00:37:10,585 --> 00:37:13,622
- Can I ask you a weird question?
- Absolutely. What's up?
772
00:37:14,122 --> 00:37:17,158
Did you toilet paper
my parents' house?
773
00:37:19,460 --> 00:37:20,995
What!
774
00:37:21,129 --> 00:37:22,665
It happened a lot in High School
775
00:37:22,797 --> 00:37:24,431
and over the last years
it started up again,
776
00:37:24,565 --> 00:37:26,301
so my dad installed a camera.
777
00:37:28,002 --> 00:37:29,604
Smart.
778
00:37:29,937 --> 00:37:31,806
I ask because he showed it to me
779
00:37:31,939 --> 00:37:34,208
and the guy on there
looks a lot like you.
780
00:37:37,279 --> 00:37:38,747
That's weird.
781
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,248
You know I don't live there
anymore, right?
782
00:37:41,381 --> 00:37:42,450
Not since college.
783
00:37:42,584 --> 00:37:43,685
Yeah.
784
00:37:43,819 --> 00:37:45,321
Of course. Totally.
785
00:37:45,453 --> 00:37:47,355
I know you don't live
with your parents.
786
00:37:47,489 --> 00:37:49,591
You're an adult
and you moved somewhere else.
787
00:37:49,723 --> 00:37:52,727
I don't live with my parents.
Oh, I live with my mom now.
788
00:37:52,861 --> 00:37:57,132
Well see, coz my condo,
it went under in a sinkhole.
789
00:37:57,265 --> 00:37:58,999
- In the ground.
- A literal sinkhole?
790
00:37:59,134 --> 00:38:01,069
Okay. All right.
It's great seeing you.
791
00:38:01,203 --> 00:38:02,971
Yeah, it's great.
Oh, you look great.
792
00:38:03,103 --> 00:38:04,906
Okay. Thank you. So do you.
793
00:38:12,779 --> 00:38:14,950
- Dude, she's onto us.
- Us?
794
00:38:16,118 --> 00:38:18,652
I haven't toilet papered
her house since...
795
00:38:18,786 --> 00:38:20,321
Dave Grohl was a drummer.
796
00:38:22,424 --> 00:38:23,325
Man.
797
00:38:23,591 --> 00:38:25,626
We were such dicks.
798
00:38:26,093 --> 00:38:27,762
That's what Pam just said to me.
799
00:38:27,895 --> 00:38:29,930
I don't...
Do you really think so?
800
00:38:30,064 --> 00:38:33,134
Yeah, buddy, pfft, mega dicks.
801
00:38:35,136 --> 00:38:37,372
Well, she seems
to think you are, uh,
802
00:38:37,806 --> 00:38:39,842
still doing it. The papering.
803
00:38:39,975 --> 00:38:43,511
No, what she said
is a guy that looks like me
804
00:38:43,645 --> 00:38:45,547
- is still doing it.
- Mm-hmm.
805
00:38:54,455 --> 00:38:55,723
- Thank you.
- Look.
806
00:38:59,627 --> 00:39:00,529
Uh-oh.
807
00:40:33,053 --> 00:40:35,156
Go, Dougie!
808
00:40:36,357 --> 00:40:37,124
Oh!
809
00:40:37,625 --> 00:40:40,461
So close.
Almost nailed the landing.
810
00:40:41,897 --> 00:40:44,032
Hey, hey. Hey, buddy.
811
00:40:44,165 --> 00:40:46,067
- Grammy?
- No, no, no. Just me, Trav.
812
00:40:46,201 --> 00:40:48,036
Okay. It's all right.
Just breathe now.
813
00:40:48,169 --> 00:40:50,004
You're gonna be okay.
814
00:40:50,504 --> 00:40:53,374
No, no, no. Don't get up, Doug.
Doug, Doug. Stay down.
815
00:40:53,507 --> 00:40:54,408
Oh, shit.
816
00:40:57,178 --> 00:40:58,613
I think I lost my tooth.
817
00:40:58,747 --> 00:41:01,549
It's gonna be all right.
We'll get you a new tooth.
818
00:41:02,350 --> 00:41:05,252
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
819
00:41:06,321 --> 00:41:09,123
You know that stuff's
good for inflammation?
820
00:41:09,690 --> 00:41:11,158
Turmeric's a power spice.
821
00:41:11,426 --> 00:41:12,326
Huh.
822
00:41:18,598 --> 00:41:19,767
- Pam!
- Hi.
823
00:41:19,901 --> 00:41:21,169
Guess who we ran into?
824
00:41:21,301 --> 00:41:23,470
- Who?
- Four-eyed Phyllis.
825
00:41:23,738 --> 00:41:24,939
Oh, that poor girl.
826
00:41:25,073 --> 00:41:26,440
Why? What happened?
827
00:41:26,573 --> 00:41:29,142
Nothing. Only that we spent
half of our youth
828
00:41:29,277 --> 00:41:31,980
defacing her home
with Charmin's single ply.
829
00:41:32,113 --> 00:41:34,015
Really, it just came down
to geography.
830
00:41:34,147 --> 00:41:35,983
- Exactly.
- It's like her house
831
00:41:36,116 --> 00:41:38,118
is a trading post
on the trail of beers.
832
00:41:38,252 --> 00:41:40,354
Between High School
and Doug's mom's.
833
00:41:40,489 --> 00:41:41,690
Pam, you remember this?
834
00:41:42,022 --> 00:41:43,357
Yeah. Of course.
835
00:41:43,491 --> 00:41:44,625
Running from the police.
836
00:41:44,759 --> 00:41:47,629
Travis puking
under the neighbor's topiary.
837
00:41:47,761 --> 00:41:48,763
Just say shrubs.
838
00:41:48,897 --> 00:41:50,899
Yeah, totally remember. So fun.
839
00:41:51,299 --> 00:41:53,067
You know what?
I'm gonna give a toast.
840
00:41:53,201 --> 00:41:55,671
All right, let's get some shots
lined up, Maverick.
841
00:41:55,803 --> 00:41:56,736
All right.
842
00:41:56,870 --> 00:41:58,406
Everyone, come on... Trudy.
843
00:41:58,540 --> 00:42:00,475
Shannon. Toast, shots.
844
00:42:00,975 --> 00:42:02,376
Phil Collins.
845
00:42:02,511 --> 00:42:04,379
Um, all right, guys.
846
00:42:04,678 --> 00:42:05,913
So, it's... Thank you.
847
00:42:06,047 --> 00:42:07,015
It's recently been
brought to my attention
848
00:42:07,147 --> 00:42:09,017
that I... we all,
849
00:42:09,149 --> 00:42:11,719
I may have been a dick
back in High School.
850
00:42:11,852 --> 00:42:13,221
Which apparently I blocked out.
851
00:42:13,355 --> 00:42:16,892
If that is true,
if I wronged you in any way,
852
00:42:17,024 --> 00:42:18,992
from the bottom of my heart,
I apologize.
853
00:42:19,326 --> 00:42:21,029
Now that I'm not a
popular jerk anymore.
854
00:42:21,161 --> 00:42:23,497
I hope
that I can make it up to you
855
00:42:23,631 --> 00:42:26,800
now that we're adults
and we have mortgages
856
00:42:26,933 --> 00:42:27,835
and hemorrhoids.
857
00:42:27,968 --> 00:42:29,803
Uh, look.
858
00:42:30,504 --> 00:42:32,606
A lot has changed
since High School.
859
00:42:32,973 --> 00:42:35,443
But one thing
has stayed the same.
860
00:42:36,611 --> 00:42:38,080
My love for this woman,
861
00:42:38,413 --> 00:42:39,314
right here.
862
00:42:39,881 --> 00:42:40,781
Pam.
863
00:42:41,283 --> 00:42:42,984
You did it for me then.
864
00:42:43,618 --> 00:42:45,087
You do it for me now.
865
00:42:45,620 --> 00:42:46,622
I love you.
866
00:42:47,154 --> 00:42:48,089
Happy birthday.
867
00:42:48,221 --> 00:42:49,723
- Aw, thank you.
- Cheers.
868
00:42:49,857 --> 00:42:52,093
- Cheers everyone.
- Cheers!
869
00:42:57,864 --> 00:42:59,167
My therapist and I
870
00:42:59,301 --> 00:43:01,370
have talked a lot
about that evening.
871
00:43:02,136 --> 00:43:03,036
- Okay.
- She says
872
00:43:03,171 --> 00:43:04,839
it shaped my character.
873
00:43:04,971 --> 00:43:05,772
Okay.
874
00:43:05,906 --> 00:43:07,107
That even though...
875
00:43:07,674 --> 00:43:09,176
we're born how we are,
876
00:43:09,877 --> 00:43:11,479
there are often incidents
877
00:43:12,114 --> 00:43:14,616
that introduce us
to our true nature.
878
00:43:15,716 --> 00:43:17,419
And that was likely one of them.
879
00:43:19,321 --> 00:43:22,556
I don't know if you read
my sixth self-published book?
880
00:43:22,690 --> 00:43:23,591
No.
881
00:43:24,725 --> 00:43:26,060
Why not?
882
00:43:27,395 --> 00:43:30,131
I was able to relive
some of the more
883
00:43:31,466 --> 00:43:32,834
intimate moments
884
00:43:32,968 --> 00:43:34,803
from that long
President's weekend.
885
00:43:35,002 --> 00:43:36,103
You know.
886
00:43:36,904 --> 00:43:38,205
Fictionally, of course.
887
00:43:38,339 --> 00:43:39,274
Um.
888
00:43:40,408 --> 00:43:41,576
Say it.
889
00:43:47,047 --> 00:43:48,850
She...
she's smelling me.
890
00:43:49,149 --> 00:43:50,417
What's up, Shannon?
891
00:43:50,551 --> 00:43:51,585
Hi...
892
00:43:53,288 --> 00:43:55,290
You ever feel
like one of those things?
893
00:43:56,056 --> 00:43:57,024
What things?
894
00:43:57,158 --> 00:44:00,627
Those things. The urinal loaf.
895
00:44:01,296 --> 00:44:04,098
I think it's...
I think it's called a cake.
896
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,535
It's a urinal cake.
897
00:44:10,837 --> 00:44:12,341
Ever feel like one of those?
898
00:44:13,174 --> 00:44:14,442
You know, just...
899
00:44:15,009 --> 00:44:17,212
a huge target on your back.
900
00:44:17,546 --> 00:44:19,846
So big, you can't miss
even when you're drunk.
901
00:44:19,980 --> 00:44:21,381
People just love shooting
902
00:44:21,515 --> 00:44:24,085
their hard stream of hot piss
right up your ass?
903
00:44:24,218 --> 00:44:25,685
Like it's a game?
904
00:44:25,819 --> 00:44:27,254
You ever feel like that?
905
00:44:29,558 --> 00:44:31,726
- All the time.
- Constantly, yeah.
906
00:44:32,127 --> 00:44:33,628
You guys are all right.
907
00:44:33,761 --> 00:44:35,663
Let me give you my card.
908
00:44:35,797 --> 00:44:36,698
What the...
909
00:44:38,399 --> 00:44:40,167
Well, look at that.
910
00:44:41,335 --> 00:44:44,071
That's gotta be 20 years old.
911
00:44:45,839 --> 00:44:46,741
Here you go.
912
00:44:47,975 --> 00:44:49,210
DJ Shades.
913
00:44:49,877 --> 00:44:51,078
DJ Shades.
914
00:44:51,478 --> 00:44:53,181
See you guys after, right?
915
00:44:58,852 --> 00:45:00,588
No, Dougie. That's so gross.
916
00:45:00,721 --> 00:45:02,790
Don't reach into... Ew!
917
00:45:02,924 --> 00:45:04,257
It's sealed.
918
00:45:04,392 --> 00:45:05,692
Come on there's gotta
be an expiration date
919
00:45:05,826 --> 00:45:07,062
on that shit. Let's go.
920
00:45:09,431 --> 00:45:12,067
No, Dougie. No, Dougie!
921
00:45:13,401 --> 00:45:15,103
Okay, okay. Wait. Maybe.
922
00:45:15,236 --> 00:45:17,872
Maybe it's like wine,
it gets better with age.
923
00:45:18,339 --> 00:45:19,574
Who would know?
924
00:45:20,841 --> 00:45:22,076
Karen.
925
00:45:33,921 --> 00:45:34,821
Boys?
926
00:45:35,422 --> 00:45:37,158
- In here.
- Sweet.
927
00:45:39,493 --> 00:45:41,696
- Come on. Go, go, go, go.
- Okay, okay.
928
00:45:44,265 --> 00:45:45,799
Let me see the stuff? Ooh.
929
00:45:45,933 --> 00:45:46,935
How old is it?
930
00:45:47,067 --> 00:45:48,870
Ah, possibly decades.
931
00:45:49,571 --> 00:45:51,072
That color is concerning.
932
00:45:51,573 --> 00:45:53,841
What is the worst
that could happen?
933
00:45:54,408 --> 00:45:57,944
Sinusoid polyps, paralysis,
early onset death.
934
00:45:58,078 --> 00:45:59,613
So, kind of hard to say.
935
00:46:03,350 --> 00:46:05,553
Do I need to write
up a detention?
936
00:46:06,553 --> 00:46:07,955
What are you three up to?
937
00:46:08,089 --> 00:46:09,489
Nothing, Madame D'coy.
938
00:46:09,622 --> 00:46:11,892
Actually, the boys reclaimed
some vintage cocaine
939
00:46:12,026 --> 00:46:14,629
and we're trying to decide
if it's safe to ingest.
940
00:46:14,895 --> 00:46:17,265
- Hand it over Douglas
- Yes, ma'am.
941
00:46:24,839 --> 00:46:27,575
- Oh, my.
- Madame D'coy, you okay?
942
00:46:28,209 --> 00:46:30,377
Been a long time, Travis.
943
00:46:33,448 --> 00:46:35,482
- No, I'm a state employee now.
- I said.
944
00:46:35,616 --> 00:46:36,517
Hmm-mm.
945
00:46:39,587 --> 00:46:43,123
What do you say
we flee this bordel, you and I?
946
00:46:43,390 --> 00:46:46,260
- Uh, I'm Doug's ride.
- I can Uber.
947
00:46:46,393 --> 00:46:48,863
- Um, take me home, Trav.
- You know,
948
00:46:48,995 --> 00:46:51,165
they say the inside of a nostril
949
00:46:51,433 --> 00:46:54,636
has more pleasure receptors
than the vagina.
950
00:46:56,504 --> 00:46:57,939
Okay, I'm gonna go see
951
00:46:58,071 --> 00:47:00,740
if the caterers are restocking
the kale Caesar.
952
00:47:01,142 --> 00:47:02,844
I'm gonna help her with that.
953
00:47:03,710 --> 00:47:04,613
Hmm.
954
00:47:13,654 --> 00:47:15,157
Whoa!
955
00:47:32,973 --> 00:47:35,677
Thought you were just
really excited to see me.
956
00:47:35,810 --> 00:47:36,710
Sorry.
957
00:47:37,745 --> 00:47:38,446
That's cool.
958
00:47:38,578 --> 00:47:39,647
Your phone screen
959
00:47:39,781 --> 00:47:41,616
is lighting up your cleavage.
960
00:47:43,216 --> 00:47:45,219
God's pocket.
961
00:47:46,087 --> 00:47:47,622
It's smaller than that.
962
00:48:08,777 --> 00:48:11,780
This next song reminds me
of an evening I spent
963
00:48:11,913 --> 00:48:15,216
with Paul Westerberg
at the Hilton in Austin.
964
00:48:15,348 --> 00:48:17,117
Lasted four days.
965
00:48:52,353 --> 00:48:54,556
Let's make some twirls.
Here we go.
966
00:48:54,689 --> 00:48:56,290
Then you get in tight and I go.
967
00:48:56,424 --> 00:48:57,458
Hey.
968
00:48:57,991 --> 00:48:59,861
- Hey, man. What's up?
- You tell me.
969
00:48:59,993 --> 00:49:02,062
Not much. Getting a drink.
Need anything?
970
00:49:02,196 --> 00:49:04,998
For you to stop
molesting my friend out there.
971
00:49:05,299 --> 00:49:07,835
Oh.
Are you guys together?
972
00:49:08,368 --> 00:49:09,303
What? Uh...
973
00:49:09,437 --> 00:49:10,471
No.
974
00:49:10,603 --> 00:49:11,739
Oh, all right.
975
00:49:12,339 --> 00:49:15,375
Look man I'm here with those two
Yugoslavian pretzels, all right?
976
00:49:15,709 --> 00:49:18,113
This? This is just dancing.
977
00:49:18,613 --> 00:49:20,013
Oh, it's just dancing.
978
00:49:20,147 --> 00:49:22,917
Okay. You zoot suit-wearing
motherfucker.
979
00:49:23,051 --> 00:49:24,051
The zoot suit?
980
00:49:24,752 --> 00:49:27,054
I guess we all don't get
to wear steel-toed shoes
981
00:49:27,187 --> 00:49:28,455
to work every day.
982
00:49:28,589 --> 00:49:30,392
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
983
00:49:31,259 --> 00:49:32,593
Times change, Trevo.
984
00:49:33,493 --> 00:49:35,129
See, you were the shit
in High School.
985
00:49:36,031 --> 00:49:39,834
In fact, you took a shit
on the hood of my Oldsmobile.
986
00:49:40,401 --> 00:49:42,368
Yeah, coz you called it the, uh,
987
00:49:42,502 --> 00:49:44,972
- Shitmobile.
- Yeah.
988
00:49:45,105 --> 00:49:46,674
That was funny, yeah.
989
00:49:48,576 --> 00:49:50,078
You know what wasn't funny?
990
00:49:51,178 --> 00:49:54,180
My dad saved up for six months
to surprise me with that.
991
00:49:54,915 --> 00:49:57,084
I didn't want to go home
to show him it.
992
00:49:57,484 --> 00:49:58,486
So, instead,
993
00:49:58,886 --> 00:50:00,254
I stood in that parking lot
994
00:50:00,388 --> 00:50:02,357
and I cleaned it
in front of everybody.
995
00:50:04,457 --> 00:50:05,559
Yeah.
996
00:50:06,527 --> 00:50:07,862
You were the shit, man.
997
00:50:10,631 --> 00:50:12,500
But today,
998
00:50:13,901 --> 00:50:16,770
today you couldn't take a shit
on all the cars I own.
999
00:50:17,872 --> 00:50:19,973
Even if I gave you
a month to do it.
1000
00:50:20,507 --> 00:50:22,377
Unless you have cholera,
or something.
1001
00:50:23,310 --> 00:50:24,477
- Fuck you.
- Travis.
1002
00:50:24,611 --> 00:50:26,780
- Stop it.
- No, it's okay.
1003
00:50:27,247 --> 00:50:28,348
Karma's a bitch, bro.
1004
00:50:28,482 --> 00:50:30,918
- You wanna dance?
- I just did!
1005
00:50:31,051 --> 00:50:31,919
With your girl.
1006
00:50:36,991 --> 00:50:38,693
Whoa! Hey!
1007
00:50:40,694 --> 00:50:42,763
That's 12 years of jiu-jitsu,
you dumb bitch.
1008
00:50:42,897 --> 00:50:44,998
Kick his ass, Trav!
1009
00:50:46,634 --> 00:50:50,036
All right, sailors,
that's enough.
1010
00:50:50,404 --> 00:50:51,539
Mike? Where's Mike?
1011
00:50:52,073 --> 00:50:54,908
I want a prom king recount,
right now, motherfucker.
1012
00:50:55,442 --> 00:50:57,679
Whoo! Let's go.
1013
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,283
I get a hazard bonus
for fights, FYI.
1014
00:51:02,417 --> 00:51:03,651
- Check the contract.
- Michael.
1015
00:51:03,783 --> 00:51:05,385
Uh, we're gonna leave.
1016
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,521
Oh, really? Already?
1017
00:51:06,654 --> 00:51:07,688
Figured the main event would
1018
00:51:07,821 --> 00:51:09,089
last more than two rounds.
1019
00:51:09,223 --> 00:51:10,658
Not sure I got my money's worth.
1020
00:51:10,790 --> 00:51:13,560
Okay, I'll walk you to the door.
1021
00:51:18,533 --> 00:51:20,468
- Fuck that guy.
- Yeah, fuck that guy.
1022
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:22,268
- I was about to fuck him up.
- Yeah, you were.
1023
00:51:22,402 --> 00:51:24,973
If he hadn't thrown you
to the ground and pinned you,
1024
00:51:25,105 --> 00:51:27,674
completely immobilizing
your arms, legs, and body,
1025
00:51:27,808 --> 00:51:29,410
you'd have totally
fucked him up.
1026
00:51:29,544 --> 00:51:32,145
- My heart's really pounding.
- That's normal.
1027
00:51:32,279 --> 00:51:35,082
You think it's from the fight
or from the cocaine?
1028
00:51:35,950 --> 00:51:36,850
Yes.
1029
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:40,120
Good job, son.
1030
00:51:40,622 --> 00:51:43,190
- Lovely party.
- Glad someone had a good time.
1031
00:51:43,323 --> 00:51:44,892
Not us, but someone.
1032
00:51:45,024 --> 00:51:46,493
You okay, Pops?
1033
00:51:46,627 --> 00:51:48,294
Wouldn't be here if I weren't.
1034
00:51:48,428 --> 00:51:50,096
- Goodnight, dear.
- Night, Momma.
1035
00:51:50,698 --> 00:51:52,333
You should apply for that job.
1036
00:51:52,732 --> 00:51:54,435
- Think so?
- What job?
1037
00:51:54,734 --> 00:51:56,770
What the hell?
All they can tell you, is no.
1038
00:51:56,904 --> 00:51:59,440
What job?
1039
00:52:11,252 --> 00:52:15,489
This evening is testing
my true faith in humanity.
1040
00:52:18,359 --> 00:52:20,728
Oh, seriously, who farted?
1041
00:52:22,830 --> 00:52:24,065
Uh, that would be me.
1042
00:52:25,033 --> 00:52:27,701
Uh, deviled eggs
don't eat themselves.
1043
00:52:30,238 --> 00:52:31,939
All right, you kiddies
get outta here.
1044
00:52:32,071 --> 00:52:33,707
- Send Pam in.
- All right.
1045
00:52:38,812 --> 00:52:40,681
She's not out here, bro.
1046
00:52:41,748 --> 00:52:43,017
Where'd she go?
1047
00:52:44,051 --> 00:52:45,953
Hey! We should do one shirtless.
1048
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:47,788
Fuck it, let's do it.
1049
00:52:57,531 --> 00:53:00,934
Hey. Enough
with the '80s already.
1050
00:53:01,069 --> 00:53:03,637
- Ain't that the truth.
- It's time to move on.
1051
00:53:03,770 --> 00:53:05,906
- Am I right?
- Yes.
1052
00:53:08,542 --> 00:53:09,576
High five.
1053
00:53:09,710 --> 00:53:11,412
Give me the keys, mayor.
1054
00:53:11,544 --> 00:53:13,647
All right. All yours.
1055
00:53:21,721 --> 00:53:22,823
Jeez.
1056
00:53:23,690 --> 00:53:25,660
Moving on, fuckbags.
1057
00:53:48,781 --> 00:53:50,383
Hey, man. Have you seen my wife?
1058
00:53:50,517 --> 00:53:51,785
- Your wife?
- Yeah.
1059
00:53:51,919 --> 00:53:54,721
You know the Hebrew word
for wife is "eesha".
1060
00:53:55,122 --> 00:53:56,890
Which literally means
"my woman".
1061
00:53:57,024 --> 00:53:59,160
"Eesh" being the word for "man".
1062
00:54:00,426 --> 00:54:01,695
Appreciate your help.
1063
00:54:19,814 --> 00:54:21,049
Fuck me.
1064
00:54:25,285 --> 00:54:27,354
- It's not what you think.
- No?
1065
00:54:28,154 --> 00:54:29,055
Uh...
1066
00:54:29,823 --> 00:54:31,459
Pretty sure
it's exactly what I think.
1067
00:54:31,591 --> 00:54:34,794
I just... I needed a quiet place
to send a quick email.
1068
00:54:37,997 --> 00:54:40,601
Quick email? This is a war room.
1069
00:54:41,701 --> 00:54:43,370
You have a problem, Pam.
1070
00:54:43,504 --> 00:54:45,005
No, that's... that's not true.
1071
00:54:45,138 --> 00:54:47,607
I think I've been in denial
this whole time.
1072
00:54:47,741 --> 00:54:50,210
There's no going back from this.
1073
00:54:51,011 --> 00:54:52,411
You're a deal junkie.
1074
00:54:52,546 --> 00:54:54,547
That's... that's not fair.
1075
00:54:54,681 --> 00:54:56,250
I don't think
you're in a position
1076
00:54:56,384 --> 00:54:57,618
to rule on what's fair.
1077
00:54:57,750 --> 00:54:58,852
Councilor.
1078
00:55:01,087 --> 00:55:02,689
Good luck with your deal.
1079
00:55:03,156 --> 00:55:04,325
Mike. Wait.
1080
00:55:04,658 --> 00:55:07,995
I do it for you. I do it
for the kids. I do it for us.
1081
00:55:22,776 --> 00:55:24,844
Bounce! Bounce!
1082
00:55:24,977 --> 00:55:27,748
Bounce! Bounce!
1083
00:55:32,752 --> 00:55:35,222
- Find the missus?
- I did.
1084
00:55:35,957 --> 00:55:37,257
Where is she?
1085
00:55:37,857 --> 00:55:40,259
Faxing her boyfriend
in the janitor's closet.
1086
00:55:40,893 --> 00:55:42,964
Hoo. That sounds hot.
1087
00:55:45,332 --> 00:55:46,700
Thanks for the support.
1088
00:55:55,910 --> 00:55:57,645
- Madame.
- You've lost your shirt.
1089
00:55:58,011 --> 00:55:59,446
Oh, yeah. I guess I have.
1090
00:56:01,580 --> 00:56:05,118
"There's scarcely any passion
without struggle."
1091
00:56:05,652 --> 00:56:06,887
What's that?
1092
00:56:07,388 --> 00:56:08,556
Albert Camus.
1093
00:56:08,955 --> 00:56:09,823
Friend of yours?
1094
00:56:09,957 --> 00:56:11,290
No, just a hero
1095
00:56:11,424 --> 00:56:12,392
who has the courage
1096
00:56:12,527 --> 00:56:14,228
to drive himself into a tree.
1097
00:56:15,596 --> 00:56:16,731
Cool.
1098
00:56:20,500 --> 00:56:22,301
You know, the surprise
is supposed to be
1099
00:56:22,435 --> 00:56:25,205
your guests hiding from you,
not you hiding from you guests?
1100
00:56:27,540 --> 00:56:28,475
What's the matter?
1101
00:56:29,442 --> 00:56:31,111
I'm just...
1102
00:56:31,812 --> 00:56:33,180
so fucking exhausted.
1103
00:56:33,580 --> 00:56:35,214
This is they part
they don't tell you
1104
00:56:35,348 --> 00:56:37,884
about being an adult.
It's just so fucking tiring.
1105
00:56:38,518 --> 00:56:39,486
You okay?
1106
00:56:41,154 --> 00:56:42,457
Will you help me pack?
1107
00:56:43,491 --> 00:56:45,026
Yes, I'll help you pack.
1108
00:56:47,060 --> 00:56:48,462
Is that a fax machine?
1109
00:56:48,594 --> 00:56:49,562
Yeah.
1110
00:56:49,696 --> 00:56:50,898
You're a psycho.
1111
00:57:03,477 --> 00:57:05,745
Oh, Travis!
1112
00:57:05,879 --> 00:57:07,815
We're so primal!
1113
00:57:08,381 --> 00:57:11,450
I want to rip off your face
like a praying mantis.
1114
00:57:11,585 --> 00:57:12,653
Okay. Shut up. Shut up.
1115
00:57:12,786 --> 00:57:15,022
You can't silence my passions!
1116
00:57:15,154 --> 00:57:17,323
They will not be squelched.
1117
00:57:17,457 --> 00:57:19,859
- I shower you. I shower you.
- What is...
1118
00:57:19,993 --> 00:57:21,828
- Stop that! Stop that!
- My passion.
1119
00:57:21,962 --> 00:57:24,965
- Shower you.
- What is wrong with you, lady?
1120
00:57:25,232 --> 00:57:26,200
Come on.
1121
00:57:40,013 --> 00:57:41,046
Gentlemen.
1122
00:57:41,381 --> 00:57:44,085
I think your girl
has gone rogue.
1123
00:57:54,194 --> 00:57:56,563
Karen! Karen!
1124
00:57:57,129 --> 00:57:59,399
Karen!
1125
00:58:03,536 --> 00:58:04,437
Karen!
1126
00:58:08,942 --> 00:58:10,243
Why don't you come
down here
1127
00:58:10,377 --> 00:58:12,346
and call me
Hamburglar to my face?
1128
00:58:13,346 --> 00:58:15,015
And for the record?
1129
00:58:15,149 --> 00:58:18,152
I was a hipster before we were
ever even called that.
1130
00:58:25,158 --> 00:58:26,393
You just invited us to
1131
00:58:26,527 --> 00:58:28,296
make fun of us
on your text chain.
1132
00:58:28,796 --> 00:58:30,765
Like you did when we were kids.
1133
00:58:30,897 --> 00:58:33,300
We didn't even have texts
back then,
1134
00:58:33,433 --> 00:58:34,634
Elvira.
1135
00:58:34,768 --> 00:58:37,371
We would draw pictures of you
and pass it around
1136
00:58:37,504 --> 00:58:38,538
on folded-up notes.
1137
00:58:44,745 --> 00:58:45,746
Oh.
1138
00:58:45,879 --> 00:58:46,846
- Hey.
- Hi.
1139
00:58:46,980 --> 00:58:48,247
Did you just come out of the...
1140
00:58:48,381 --> 00:58:50,483
Ooh, my bad. I gotta go find...
1141
00:58:52,018 --> 00:58:53,520
Do you have a cigar?
1142
00:58:53,654 --> 00:58:55,957
Um, sorry, I don't smoke.
1143
00:58:56,924 --> 00:59:00,460
Ah. A delusional life extender.
1144
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:02,863
Your kind disgusts me.
1145
00:59:07,067 --> 00:59:08,302
Get out of here.
1146
00:59:09,469 --> 00:59:10,770
- Thank you.
- You okay?
1147
00:59:10,904 --> 00:59:12,273
- Yeah. Thank you.
- All right.
1148
00:59:13,607 --> 00:59:15,642
You guys are the same
cliquey assholes
1149
00:59:15,776 --> 00:59:17,111
you were in High School.
1150
00:59:17,477 --> 00:59:19,712
Except with a net worth
that's a fraction of mine.
1151
00:59:19,846 --> 00:59:21,614
And most of that is Pam's.
1152
00:59:21,748 --> 00:59:23,451
Pam, good job. I'm a fan.
1153
00:59:23,584 --> 00:59:24,218
Thank you.
1154
00:59:24,350 --> 00:59:26,053
What the fuck is that?
1155
00:59:26,185 --> 00:59:28,521
- What the fuck is what?
- All over your face?
1156
00:59:30,290 --> 00:59:32,825
You smell like Mike and Ikes.
1157
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:34,295
Oh. Uh.
1158
00:59:35,428 --> 00:59:36,396
Seriously?
1159
00:59:36,830 --> 00:59:37,765
What?
1160
00:59:37,897 --> 00:59:39,966
Again with Professor McGonagall?
1161
00:59:40,100 --> 00:59:41,735
- What do you care?
- That's a...
1162
00:59:42,236 --> 00:59:44,171
great, fucking question.
1163
00:59:45,239 --> 00:59:47,842
Yeah. Well, bon-fucking-jour.
1164
00:59:48,241 --> 00:59:50,276
- Bon, dear, bon.
- Get outta here.
1165
00:59:50,410 --> 00:59:52,278
Right. That's enough!
1166
00:59:53,180 --> 00:59:55,681
You folks are worse
than a shipload of sailors
1167
00:59:55,815 --> 00:59:57,584
on a one-night pass.
1168
00:59:59,118 --> 01:00:01,087
You ought to get out more often.
1169
01:00:01,221 --> 01:00:04,257
And by get out, I mean
some place other than here.
1170
01:00:04,390 --> 01:00:05,759
We haven't had cake yet.
1171
01:00:05,893 --> 01:00:08,896
Enough with the fucking cake,
already, Dougie.
1172
01:00:09,163 --> 01:00:11,131
Anything you leave
can be claimed
1173
01:00:11,265 --> 01:00:13,266
on the street in the morning.
1174
01:00:13,399 --> 01:00:14,602
Savages!
1175
01:00:16,069 --> 01:00:17,638
Jesus Christ.
I can't believe
1176
01:00:17,770 --> 01:00:20,039
I skipped Animal Planet
for this horseshit.
1177
01:00:20,174 --> 01:00:21,809
Who wants to get a real drink?
1178
01:00:22,209 --> 01:00:23,375
I own a bar downtown.
1179
01:00:23,643 --> 01:00:26,246
I've never been there,
but it gets good profit.
1180
01:00:26,379 --> 01:00:28,649
- You had me at "your own bar".
- All right.
1181
01:00:34,855 --> 01:00:36,757
Oh, Michael?
I knew you wouldn't be
1182
01:00:36,890 --> 01:00:39,493
much of an opponent,
but I just felt bad for you.
1183
01:00:39,627 --> 01:00:41,295
Sitting at home
with your kids all day,
1184
01:00:41,428 --> 01:00:43,029
posting all those
mopey pictures.
1185
01:00:43,330 --> 01:00:45,366
I thought this might
cheer you up, but, um,
1186
01:00:45,498 --> 01:00:46,968
if you can't figure out a way to
1187
01:00:47,100 --> 01:00:48,501
wrangle a few digital
sheep into a pen,
1188
01:00:48,634 --> 01:00:51,372
then maybe you shouldn't
be playing this game at all.
1189
01:00:56,308 --> 01:00:59,046
So, I guess I'm gonna be
heading out with those guys. So.
1190
01:01:07,486 --> 01:01:09,789
Hey, you guys wanna get an Uber
to my mom's house?
1191
01:01:09,922 --> 01:01:10,823
Sure.
1192
01:01:10,957 --> 01:01:12,425
I'll get my own. Thanks.
1193
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,328
At this rate I'll probably
sober up in time
1194
01:01:14,460 --> 01:01:16,964
to take my 7 a.m.
power yoga class.
1195
01:01:17,397 --> 01:01:19,899
- Are you kidding me right now?
- What?
1196
01:01:20,167 --> 01:01:22,469
You're just gonna take the loss,
call it a night?
1197
01:01:22,602 --> 01:01:24,705
I tried to pay off
the old sea hag,
1198
01:01:24,839 --> 01:01:26,506
but he's not letting
us back in there.
1199
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,076
I don't mean
to go back in there.
1200
01:01:30,611 --> 01:01:33,346
That's where you guys
wanted to spend my birthday.
1201
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:35,615
Did it ever
occur to you to wonder
1202
01:01:35,748 --> 01:01:38,285
what I would wanna do
on my birthday?
1203
01:01:38,419 --> 01:01:39,886
Where do you wanna go tonight?
1204
01:01:40,020 --> 01:01:42,922
I don't know. Just something
where I'm the decider.
1205
01:01:43,056 --> 01:01:44,524
Maybe you're never the decider
1206
01:01:44,658 --> 01:01:46,226
because you don't know
what you wanna do.
1207
01:01:46,359 --> 01:01:47,794
Shut up, Doug. I'm thinking.
1208
01:01:47,928 --> 01:01:48,761
Oh.
1209
01:01:48,895 --> 01:01:50,097
Fine.
1210
01:01:52,399 --> 01:01:53,734
I know what I wanna do.
1211
01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:56,703
- Then call it.
- I wanna go toilet papering.
1212
01:01:56,837 --> 01:01:58,138
Ah, four-eyed Phyllis?
1213
01:01:58,270 --> 01:01:59,672
You know she only
has two eyes now.
1214
01:01:59,806 --> 01:02:01,108
I don't...
1215
01:02:01,241 --> 01:02:02,909
I don't care is she's blind
or not blind,
1216
01:02:03,042 --> 01:02:04,877
I wanna do that shit up.
1217
01:02:05,011 --> 01:02:06,913
- Savage.
- Her dad...
1218
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,248
just installed
a surveillance camera.
1219
01:02:09,381 --> 01:02:11,051
It's easily disabled.
1220
01:02:13,187 --> 01:02:17,658
From what I have read
on the internet.
1221
01:02:19,024 --> 01:02:20,660
Are you serious, Councilor?
1222
01:02:21,661 --> 01:02:23,564
Serious as a cease-and-desist.
1223
01:02:23,696 --> 01:02:25,498
I don't think it's a good idea.
1224
01:02:26,799 --> 01:02:29,236
You never took me along
1225
01:02:29,368 --> 01:02:31,071
to vandalize
1226
01:02:31,203 --> 01:02:34,006
that poor girl's house.
Not once.
1227
01:02:34,140 --> 01:02:37,543
Oh, my God. Did we hurt
your feeling?
1228
01:02:37,678 --> 01:02:40,247
Dude,
I spent my entire youth
1229
01:02:40,681 --> 01:02:42,817
wishing I could hang out
with you guys.
1230
01:02:42,950 --> 01:02:44,618
And this is what I was missing?
1231
01:02:44,984 --> 01:02:45,885
Yeah.
1232
01:02:46,319 --> 01:02:47,755
What's it to you?
1233
01:02:49,022 --> 01:02:50,190
Where are you going?
1234
01:02:50,323 --> 01:02:51,458
I'm going downtown
to get a drink.
1235
01:02:51,591 --> 01:02:53,425
Hey. Do you want
me to come with you?
1236
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:54,328
No.
1237
01:02:54,727 --> 01:02:56,763
You take my sister
toilet papering.
1238
01:02:57,364 --> 01:02:58,865
But you almost did it, Doug.
1239
01:02:59,431 --> 01:03:00,433
I'm proud of you.
1240
01:03:00,734 --> 01:03:02,502
If I was
just a little bit drunker
1241
01:03:02,636 --> 01:03:04,471
and you still
had all your teeth,
1242
01:03:04,603 --> 01:03:06,071
you could've made this work out.
1243
01:03:06,573 --> 01:03:08,375
Progress was made, big buddy.
1244
01:03:08,942 --> 01:03:10,311
Progress was made.
1245
01:03:21,888 --> 01:03:22,890
Phyllis go home?
1246
01:03:23,290 --> 01:03:24,625
She did.
1247
01:03:25,392 --> 01:03:26,926
Are you the guy
that toilet papers
1248
01:03:27,060 --> 01:03:27,995
her folks' house?
1249
01:03:28,127 --> 01:03:29,863
She said he came in tonight.
1250
01:03:30,964 --> 01:03:31,898
No.
1251
01:03:32,698 --> 01:03:34,567
I'm just a very diligent wiper.
1252
01:03:35,468 --> 01:03:37,837
Looks like you're ready
for business, then.
1253
01:03:39,172 --> 01:03:40,340
Yes.
1254
01:03:40,573 --> 01:03:42,675
Hey, Mr. Whipple, car's here,
let's go.
1255
01:03:44,544 --> 01:03:47,579
Well, we all
have our special gifts.
1256
01:03:47,913 --> 01:03:50,750
- I saw you eat a piece of pizza.
- It was delicious.
1257
01:03:56,790 --> 01:03:58,992
Hey, my man,
you mind killing these lights?
1258
01:03:59,426 --> 01:04:00,593
Dude turn off the lights.
1259
01:04:00,727 --> 01:04:01,795
I think he's concerned
he's Ubering us
1260
01:04:01,928 --> 01:04:03,028
on a drive-by.
1261
01:04:03,330 --> 01:04:05,132
- Stop!
- What!
1262
01:04:05,265 --> 01:04:06,832
- That's it.
- What's it?
1263
01:04:07,067 --> 01:04:09,103
That's the song
I've been requesting all night.
1264
01:04:09,236 --> 01:04:11,171
Dude,
this song is from 2006.
1265
01:04:11,305 --> 01:04:14,440
Yeah, Dougie, you know this is
the song that band was playing
1266
01:04:14,573 --> 01:04:16,976
when you stage-dived
and broke your clavicle.
1267
01:04:17,477 --> 01:04:20,779
Oh. At the Osteoporosis Benefit.
1268
01:04:21,181 --> 01:04:24,185
No wonder he didn't know
what I was talking about.
1269
01:04:26,051 --> 01:04:27,587
It's go-time, people.
1270
01:04:36,029 --> 01:04:38,399
Don't worry, I got you, Boo.
Four stars.
1271
01:04:39,165 --> 01:04:41,701
You lose one because of
that Funyun smell in here.
1272
01:04:50,910 --> 01:04:53,279
Guys,
are we really feeling this?
1273
01:04:53,413 --> 01:04:54,881
I'm kinda tired
and the babysitter
1274
01:04:55,015 --> 01:04:56,315
just hit triple digits.
1275
01:04:56,448 --> 01:04:58,784
- Don't be a pussy, Mike.
- Whoa. A pussy? Okay.
1276
01:04:58,919 --> 01:05:01,587
Three hours ago you called me
a dick, now I'm a pussy.
1277
01:05:01,721 --> 01:05:03,390
Who's the dick now, Captain TP?
1278
01:05:03,522 --> 01:05:05,424
Okay, ever since text-a-palooza
happened, over here
1279
01:05:05,558 --> 01:05:07,794
- it's become a fluid situation.
- Ouch.
1280
01:05:08,094 --> 01:05:10,497
- Give me one of those.
- I got you, babe.
1281
01:05:11,631 --> 01:05:14,700
Thank you. It's. You know,
tomorrow's a new day. Okay?
1282
01:05:15,033 --> 01:05:16,068
What is happening?
1283
01:05:16,536 --> 01:05:18,538
I like 40-year old Pam.
She's a badass.
1284
01:05:28,114 --> 01:05:29,049
I'm going in.
1285
01:05:29,482 --> 01:05:31,284
Oh. Leroy Jenkins!
1286
01:05:40,027 --> 01:05:41,895
What can I get you,
mademoiselle?
1287
01:05:42,930 --> 01:05:45,064
Do you know what happened
to the last man
1288
01:05:45,198 --> 01:05:46,232
who said that to me?
1289
01:05:46,765 --> 01:05:50,436
Oh, you smothered him
with your furious passion,
1290
01:05:50,571 --> 01:05:52,471
but denied him the honey
of your fruits,
1291
01:05:52,605 --> 01:05:54,774
causing him
to wither into a husk
1292
01:05:54,908 --> 01:05:57,645
of eternal longing
and desperation?
1293
01:05:59,111 --> 01:06:00,680
How did you know?
1294
01:06:01,980 --> 01:06:03,017
I'm not a chimp.
1295
01:06:07,788 --> 01:06:09,990
Hey,
isn't that Pam's sister?
1296
01:06:11,290 --> 01:06:14,160
Well, I'll be Steven
Patrick Morrissey, it is.
1297
01:06:14,493 --> 01:06:15,894
Your sister's
a real piece of work.
1298
01:06:16,029 --> 01:06:17,398
Yeah, she is.
1299
01:06:17,531 --> 01:06:19,166
She stupidly
married into a fraternity,
1300
01:06:19,299 --> 01:06:21,368
but she works harder
than all of us,
1301
01:06:21,502 --> 01:06:23,870
and she still has time
to raise two rad kids.
1302
01:06:24,004 --> 01:06:26,439
Yeah, well, complicity
is culpability.
1303
01:06:26,573 --> 01:06:28,440
She's not the only lawyer
up in here.
1304
01:06:28,942 --> 01:06:30,877
Pam didn't remember
the defining night
1305
01:06:31,009 --> 01:06:32,379
of my adolescence.
1306
01:06:33,547 --> 01:06:35,782
Sleeping
in your dark living room.
1307
01:06:36,216 --> 01:06:38,085
Crawling into my sleeping bag.
1308
01:06:38,419 --> 01:06:40,886
Caressing cabbage patches
in the dark.
1309
01:06:41,020 --> 01:06:43,857
What are you talking about?
That wasn't Pam, that was me.
1310
01:06:43,989 --> 01:06:45,491
- No.
- Yeah.
1311
01:06:46,558 --> 01:06:47,761
It wasn't...
1312
01:06:49,296 --> 01:06:50,596
- Yeah.
- Wait.
1313
01:06:51,964 --> 01:06:52,899
What?
1314
01:06:53,033 --> 01:06:54,601
Remember, Sting threw up
on a pillow,
1315
01:06:54,734 --> 01:06:56,536
we had to share one
and you were wearing those
1316
01:06:56,669 --> 01:06:58,838
Thundercat underoos.
1317
01:07:01,875 --> 01:07:03,376
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
1318
01:07:03,810 --> 01:07:06,546
You were, like, the first
edgy girl I'd ever seen.
1319
01:07:06,913 --> 01:07:09,716
So mysterious.
Smoking those cloves.
1320
01:07:09,848 --> 01:07:13,519
In your short skirts
and those Doc Martens.
1321
01:07:14,620 --> 01:07:16,455
I even hooked up with a girl
freshmen year
1322
01:07:16,589 --> 01:07:18,392
in my dorms who looked like you.
1323
01:07:18,792 --> 01:07:21,027
- You don't say.
- True story.
1324
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:24,364
You know Klaus Martens
was a doctor in World War II?
1325
01:07:24,497 --> 01:07:26,599
Broke his ankle
skiing in the Bavarian Alps.
1326
01:07:26,732 --> 01:07:28,935
And found that the standard
wehrmacht boots
1327
01:07:29,069 --> 01:07:32,205
were too painful,
so he invented his own.
1328
01:07:32,772 --> 01:07:34,940
Okay. Thanks for the update,
Anne Frank.
1329
01:07:35,075 --> 01:07:36,975
So, where's
the royal court tonight?
1330
01:07:37,109 --> 01:07:39,912
Smashing mailboxes,
tipping cows?
1331
01:07:40,614 --> 01:07:42,916
Close.
A toilet papering mission.
1332
01:07:43,382 --> 01:07:44,618
Did you say toilet papering?
1333
01:07:45,218 --> 01:07:48,587
That pot-bellied motherfucker!
1334
01:07:48,989 --> 01:07:51,392
I thought she was asleep
the whole time.
1335
01:07:52,658 --> 01:07:53,859
- All right.
- Hey.
1336
01:07:55,462 --> 01:07:56,429
Bro.
1337
01:07:58,964 --> 01:08:01,634
Go take it, big boy.
Go, take it.
1338
01:08:02,835 --> 01:08:04,571
Yes! Yes, yes...
1339
01:08:12,312 --> 01:08:15,982
That's it.
Yeah, sweetheart. Good one.
1340
01:08:17,750 --> 01:08:19,051
Here we go.
1341
01:08:22,054 --> 01:08:24,457
- Gotcha!
- Get out of the way.
1342
01:08:40,372 --> 01:08:41,507
Nice.
1343
01:08:43,276 --> 01:08:44,845
Time to bring in the closer.
1344
01:08:55,621 --> 01:08:56,722
Still got it.
1345
01:09:04,296 --> 01:09:06,834
- It's beautiful.
- It really is.
1346
01:09:08,667 --> 01:09:11,205
What if I was meant to do this?
1347
01:09:12,005 --> 01:09:13,073
TP homes?
1348
01:09:13,406 --> 01:09:14,741
I'm serious, dude.
1349
01:09:15,474 --> 01:09:18,076
What if I was meant to do this?
1350
01:09:19,077 --> 01:09:22,048
I'm decidedly mediocre
at everything.
1351
01:09:22,715 --> 01:09:24,017
I always have been.
1352
01:09:25,385 --> 01:09:27,420
I mean, Pam's a super lawyer.
1353
01:09:27,888 --> 01:09:30,323
Karen can design
a store-front window
1354
01:09:30,456 --> 01:09:32,024
that nobody can ignore.
1355
01:09:32,792 --> 01:09:36,028
Mikey can throw a baseball
100 miles an hour.
1356
01:09:36,895 --> 01:09:38,697
Jesus, what can't you do?
1357
01:09:38,831 --> 01:09:42,268
Resist 65-year old poutine,
evidently.
1358
01:09:43,903 --> 01:09:47,173
I mean, what if I was put
on God's green earth
1359
01:09:47,305 --> 01:09:49,009
to do this?
1360
01:09:49,876 --> 01:09:52,179
If you put it as your profession
on your Schedule C,
1361
01:09:52,312 --> 01:09:54,514
you could probably
write off the toilet paper.
1362
01:09:54,647 --> 01:09:55,782
Oh, shit.
1363
01:09:56,315 --> 01:09:57,184
Cops.
1364
01:09:57,584 --> 01:09:59,618
- Quickly, quickly.
- Save these.
1365
01:09:59,752 --> 01:10:01,822
- Let's go.
- Come on, come on.
1366
01:10:01,955 --> 01:10:04,323
- Come on. Follow me.
- My bag!
1367
01:10:04,456 --> 01:10:05,591
Follow me.
1368
01:10:07,292 --> 01:10:08,194
Guys?
1369
01:10:09,127 --> 01:10:10,063
Guys?
1370
01:10:10,663 --> 01:10:12,599
Come on, sweetheart.
Fast as you can.
1371
01:10:12,864 --> 01:10:15,468
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Come on, give me your hand.
1372
01:10:15,602 --> 01:10:17,537
Grab one.
1373
01:10:18,371 --> 01:10:19,940
What are you doing?
1374
01:10:20,072 --> 01:10:21,607
These bags are our life, are you
kidding me I can't leave them.
1375
01:10:21,742 --> 01:10:23,810
Leave the bag,
please, I beg you.
1376
01:10:23,943 --> 01:10:25,612
Bag two.
1377
01:10:27,147 --> 01:10:29,149
- Okay.
- Dammit. Give me your hand.
1378
01:10:29,282 --> 01:10:32,585
- Okay. Good. Pull, pull, pull.
- Ow! I got a splinter.
1379
01:10:32,718 --> 01:10:33,952
Sweetheart.
1380
01:10:34,086 --> 01:10:35,955
I feel like I have a
tweezer in my bag.
1381
01:10:36,089 --> 01:10:39,693
Put your hands up
and walk slowly out to the tre.
1382
01:10:39,826 --> 01:10:41,528
Give it, give it.
Come on!
1383
01:10:41,662 --> 01:10:43,997
- Get your foot up there.
- Oh. Oh. Ow.
1384
01:10:44,130 --> 01:10:46,665
- Ma'am.
- Handcuffs? Come on.
1385
01:10:47,399 --> 01:10:48,634
Ma'am, calm down.
1386
01:10:48,768 --> 01:10:50,136
- Pam!
- Ow. Ow.
1387
01:10:50,269 --> 01:10:52,537
- Watch the phone.
- I've got my own.
1388
01:10:52,671 --> 01:10:54,105
Let's go, ladies. Come on.
1389
01:10:54,239 --> 01:10:55,774
Excuse me,
I am an attorney.
1390
01:10:56,242 --> 01:10:57,677
- Okay?
- Oh, good.
1391
01:10:57,809 --> 01:11:00,147
Then you can represent yourself.
1392
01:11:00,580 --> 01:11:01,715
Fuck.
1393
01:11:03,215 --> 01:11:05,651
- Fuck.
- The rest ran away.
1394
01:11:19,564 --> 01:11:20,733
Where's Pam?
1395
01:11:21,367 --> 01:11:22,301
The cops got her.
1396
01:11:23,035 --> 01:11:25,138
Dude you saved
the crocodile and not your wife?
1397
01:11:25,272 --> 01:11:27,305
Dude, she could be disbarred
for this.
1398
01:11:27,439 --> 01:11:29,843
Why didn't you just
let them take you?
1399
01:11:29,975 --> 01:11:31,478
It's not like you got a job.
1400
01:11:32,011 --> 01:11:33,145
I didn't think of that.
1401
01:11:33,279 --> 01:11:34,982
She's gonna be
so pissed.
1402
01:11:35,848 --> 01:11:37,250
We can't leave her in jail.
1403
01:11:37,384 --> 01:11:38,685
She's too pretty and kind.
1404
01:11:38,818 --> 01:11:40,821
Yeah, and her kids
will be orphans.
1405
01:11:41,787 --> 01:11:43,357
Financially speaking.
1406
01:11:44,623 --> 01:11:45,524
All right.
1407
01:11:46,059 --> 01:11:48,361
Let's go
down to the station,
1408
01:11:48,495 --> 01:11:49,796
tell them the whole story,
1409
01:11:49,929 --> 01:11:51,730
and we'll offer ourselves
in exchange.
1410
01:11:51,863 --> 01:11:53,265
They'll let her out, right?
1411
01:11:53,399 --> 01:11:55,334
I don't think
cops barter, buddy.
1412
01:11:56,102 --> 01:11:58,805
But if that's what you wanna do,
I'm down for whatever.
1413
01:11:58,938 --> 01:12:01,273
- Clearly, mon ami.
- Come on.
1414
01:12:07,613 --> 01:12:09,281
It's not mine. Mine's a duck.
1415
01:12:16,223 --> 01:12:17,890
- Hello?
- Hey Pam?
1416
01:12:18,023 --> 01:12:19,759
Um, no, this is her husband.
1417
01:12:19,893 --> 01:12:22,694
The one who hasn't seen her
in three weeks.
1418
01:12:23,196 --> 01:12:25,866
Because you're too pussy
to cut down a couple of trees.
1419
01:12:25,998 --> 01:12:27,701
Clearly you don't know who I a.
1420
01:12:27,834 --> 01:12:29,335
I know exactly who you are.
1421
01:12:29,469 --> 01:12:32,438
You are the prick who can't tie
his own fucking shoelaces
1422
01:12:32,571 --> 01:12:34,674
without calling my wife
in the middle of the night.
1423
01:12:34,806 --> 01:12:36,175
Why don't you just put Pam on?
1424
01:12:36,309 --> 01:12:38,344
I would love
to put her on the phone,
1425
01:12:38,478 --> 01:12:40,613
but the cops
just took her to jail.
1426
01:12:40,746 --> 01:12:42,748
Because she is so stressed,
1427
01:12:42,881 --> 01:12:45,785
holding your tiny,
little hands, Richard,
1428
01:12:45,917 --> 01:12:47,252
to support our family,
1429
01:12:47,385 --> 01:12:49,522
that she took it out
on four-eyed Phyllis.
1430
01:12:49,656 --> 01:12:51,224
Who has her own house now
1431
01:12:51,357 --> 01:12:54,261
and doesn't even have
four eyes anymore!
1432
01:12:59,299 --> 01:13:01,434
Oh, shit.
1433
01:13:01,867 --> 01:13:04,236
- Okay, now I'm in trouble.
- That was bad.
1434
01:13:25,325 --> 01:13:26,225
Guys?
1435
01:13:27,526 --> 01:13:28,761
Stop. Stop.
1436
01:13:29,461 --> 01:13:30,496
Oh, shit.
1437
01:13:37,236 --> 01:13:38,770
Where are you folks headed?
1438
01:13:38,904 --> 01:13:40,739
- Like I'm telling you, copper.
- Shut the fuck up, Dougie.
1439
01:13:40,872 --> 01:13:42,341
We're headed down
to the station.
1440
01:13:42,474 --> 01:13:44,544
I think
you just arrested my wife.
1441
01:13:45,144 --> 01:13:47,813
I figured you were the fools
that threw a surprise party
1442
01:13:47,947 --> 01:13:49,449
before her deal was closed.
1443
01:13:49,581 --> 01:13:50,916
She said that to you?
1444
01:13:51,050 --> 01:13:52,285
Yeah, she did.
1445
01:13:52,684 --> 01:13:55,453
The pressure gets to people,
man. Sometimes they pop.
1446
01:13:55,587 --> 01:13:57,056
Well, I was hoping that...
1447
01:13:57,389 --> 01:14:00,158
you would take me instead.
Can we do an exchange?
1448
01:14:00,292 --> 01:14:02,394
It doesn't work like that,
Tom Cruise.
1449
01:14:04,863 --> 01:14:05,965
Travis?
1450
01:14:06,632 --> 01:14:07,733
Hey.
1451
01:14:07,867 --> 01:14:09,235
How'd you end up
with these idiots?
1452
01:14:09,367 --> 01:14:12,337
Uh, are you kidding?
He's the chief idiot.
1453
01:14:12,471 --> 01:14:13,372
Not now.
1454
01:14:14,639 --> 01:14:15,841
Is there anything I can do?
1455
01:14:16,009 --> 01:14:17,910
Other than lose your job
with good benefits
1456
01:14:18,044 --> 01:14:19,712
because you
and your friends decided
1457
01:14:19,845 --> 01:14:21,313
to relive
your juvenile delinquency?
1458
01:14:21,447 --> 01:14:23,382
Come on, Castillo.
We're the assholes
1459
01:14:23,515 --> 01:14:26,218
who did the toilet papering.
Pam wasn't supposed to be there.
1460
01:14:26,352 --> 01:14:28,187
It's not recommended
for civilians.
1461
01:14:28,321 --> 01:14:30,457
- Dude.
- Hey, get it cleaned up.
1462
01:14:30,590 --> 01:14:32,792
I'll convince them
not to press charges.
1463
01:14:33,193 --> 01:14:35,395
You? Get in the car, Maverick.
1464
01:14:35,528 --> 01:14:36,897
Really? Oh, thank you.
1465
01:14:37,029 --> 01:14:38,898
We'll take care of the yard.
Go get your woman.
1466
01:14:39,032 --> 01:14:41,034
- Good luck, Mike.
- Let's go pick up
1467
01:14:41,166 --> 01:14:42,000
the toilet paper.
1468
01:14:42,134 --> 01:14:43,403
Love you, Mike.
1469
01:14:45,138 --> 01:14:47,439
You're a life saver,
thank you so much.
1470
01:14:50,777 --> 01:14:51,877
No.
1471
01:15:08,928 --> 01:15:11,264
Hey, K. I'm sorry.
1472
01:15:12,197 --> 01:15:14,334
Hey. Come on. Karen.
1473
01:15:14,701 --> 01:15:15,635
I know I fucked up.
1474
01:15:15,768 --> 01:15:16,569
I'm sorry.
1475
01:15:16,702 --> 01:15:17,970
Of course you fucked up.
1476
01:15:18,237 --> 01:15:19,738
You always fuck up.
1477
01:15:19,872 --> 01:15:22,140
Especially when it seems
we're on the verge of thinking
1478
01:15:22,274 --> 01:15:24,611
that whatever this mess of
lip blisters and broken dreams
1479
01:15:24,743 --> 01:15:26,112
has been for the last 30 years,
1480
01:15:26,246 --> 01:15:28,047
is finally coming
to fucking fruition.
1481
01:15:28,179 --> 01:15:31,116
Hold on. You never once told me
how you really felt,
1482
01:15:31,250 --> 01:15:32,452
- so how am I...
- No, no, no.
1483
01:15:32,585 --> 01:15:34,421
You don't get
to play dumb anymore.
1484
01:15:34,554 --> 01:15:37,757
You fucking sabotage
this every chance you get.
1485
01:15:37,890 --> 01:15:39,325
- That's not true.
- You know,
1486
01:15:39,459 --> 01:15:42,996
I have always wondered
why I'm not good enough for you.
1487
01:15:43,630 --> 01:15:45,632
When the real
fucking question is
1488
01:15:46,131 --> 01:15:48,868
why I ever thought
you were good enough for me.
1489
01:15:50,036 --> 01:15:51,203
Doug!
1490
01:15:51,737 --> 01:15:53,172
Give me the damn skippy.
1491
01:16:11,256 --> 01:16:13,026
Richard?
1492
01:16:13,727 --> 01:16:15,862
They wouldn't let me
buy your way out.
1493
01:16:16,194 --> 01:16:17,596
So, I'm on my way in.
1494
01:16:17,730 --> 01:16:21,300
You... you paid to get in here?
1495
01:16:22,667 --> 01:16:25,203
Actually,
I think the term they used
1496
01:16:25,337 --> 01:16:29,140
was attempting to bribe
an officer of the law, but...
1497
01:16:29,507 --> 01:16:31,877
I assured them my attorney
would prove my innocence.
1498
01:16:32,011 --> 01:16:35,848
Oh, I can't even go to jail
without you bothering me.
1499
01:16:35,982 --> 01:16:38,117
Your husband has
made it abundantly clear
1500
01:16:38,250 --> 01:16:41,388
that I have boundary issues.
1501
01:16:41,688 --> 01:16:42,922
Wait. You spoke to Mike?
1502
01:16:43,055 --> 01:16:45,257
He gave me a piece of his mind
1503
01:16:45,390 --> 01:16:47,626
about how I've been abusing you.
1504
01:16:48,794 --> 01:16:50,029
He's protective.
1505
01:16:50,962 --> 01:16:52,098
Seems unstable.
1506
01:16:52,232 --> 01:16:53,466
Well you would be unstable too
1507
01:16:53,599 --> 01:16:55,100
if you had to take care
of two kids,
1508
01:16:55,233 --> 01:16:56,902
do all the laundry,
and the cooking,
1509
01:16:57,037 --> 01:16:59,305
and just hear nothing
but complaints
1510
01:16:59,438 --> 01:17:00,839
from your unappreciative wife
1511
01:17:00,974 --> 01:17:03,142
for throwing her
a lovely surprise party.
1512
01:17:03,274 --> 01:17:05,944
All because she has
a very stubborn client
1513
01:17:06,077 --> 01:17:07,679
who won't just pay to remove
1514
01:17:07,813 --> 01:17:10,282
a couple of willow trees
from an easement.
1515
01:17:14,153 --> 01:17:16,156
I have been a pain in the ass.
1516
01:17:16,922 --> 01:17:18,724
Because I let you.
1517
01:17:20,993 --> 01:17:22,528
I am a deal junkie.
1518
01:17:24,496 --> 01:17:25,664
If it helps,
1519
01:17:26,265 --> 01:17:28,300
I did what you told me to do.
1520
01:17:28,768 --> 01:17:29,969
Oh, boy.
1521
01:17:30,103 --> 01:17:33,172
I talked to doctor, uh,
douche-bag,
1522
01:17:33,305 --> 01:17:34,439
face-to-face.
1523
01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:37,710
And we agreed one of us
would pay for the tree removal
1524
01:17:37,843 --> 01:17:40,145
and the other one
would waive the encroachment.
1525
01:17:40,278 --> 01:17:41,246
Wait, wait.
1526
01:17:41,380 --> 01:17:43,082
So the deal was back on?
1527
01:17:43,215 --> 01:17:45,517
- Soon as I can sign the papers.
- Which I have with me.
1528
01:17:45,651 --> 01:17:47,185
I think
I have the papers with me.
1529
01:17:47,319 --> 01:17:49,188
That is if Mike got them
off the lawn
1530
01:17:49,322 --> 01:17:50,556
when I was hog-tied.
1531
01:17:52,692 --> 01:17:53,593
Just hold on.
1532
01:18:15,781 --> 01:18:17,017
Hey, guys.
1533
01:18:19,919 --> 01:18:21,720
You should be in jail by now.
1534
01:18:21,854 --> 01:18:22,722
We should,
1535
01:18:22,854 --> 01:18:24,357
but unfortunately,
1536
01:18:24,489 --> 01:18:26,960
Pam is the only one
that was incarcerated.
1537
01:18:27,426 --> 01:18:29,228
Mike's worried
she might get disbarred.
1538
01:18:29,362 --> 01:18:31,397
We were hoping
if we cleaned up the mess,
1539
01:18:31,529 --> 01:18:33,299
you might drop the charges.
1540
01:18:33,899 --> 01:18:34,933
Why do you do this?
1541
01:18:35,401 --> 01:18:37,769
My dad is a saint
and he has enough to worry about
1542
01:18:37,903 --> 01:18:39,371
without all this bullshit.
1543
01:18:40,105 --> 01:18:41,306
Not that you'd care.
1544
01:18:41,440 --> 01:18:42,575
I care.
1545
01:18:43,809 --> 01:18:44,676
What's wrong?
1546
01:18:44,809 --> 01:18:45,944
What isn't?
1547
01:18:46,211 --> 01:18:47,679
My dad spends half his week
at hospitals
1548
01:18:47,813 --> 01:18:50,449
and I moved back home
and I quit my job and...
1549
01:18:50,815 --> 01:18:51,718
Whatever.
1550
01:18:53,118 --> 01:18:55,087
My mom has a bum thyroid.
1551
01:18:55,220 --> 01:18:56,822
Mine has skin cancer.
1552
01:18:57,790 --> 01:18:58,825
Mine's gone.
1553
01:19:00,626 --> 01:19:01,728
Two months ago.
1554
01:19:05,029 --> 01:19:06,265
I'm really sorry.
1555
01:19:07,299 --> 01:19:08,401
About everything.
1556
01:19:09,836 --> 01:19:11,003
Life.
1557
01:19:11,136 --> 01:19:12,504
So beautiful.
1558
01:19:12,871 --> 01:19:14,140
And so fleeting.
1559
01:19:20,513 --> 01:19:21,413
Hey!
1560
01:19:22,982 --> 01:19:24,617
You did this!
1561
01:19:31,657 --> 01:19:32,559
Yes, sir.
1562
01:19:33,526 --> 01:19:34,426
I did.
1563
01:19:35,995 --> 01:19:37,096
Me too.
1564
01:19:37,796 --> 01:19:38,730
And me!
1565
01:19:39,098 --> 01:19:40,300
Spartacus.
1566
01:19:40,965 --> 01:19:41,968
Sure.
1567
01:19:42,100 --> 01:19:43,202
Whatever.
1568
01:19:43,736 --> 01:19:44,670
Sorry, Dad.
1569
01:19:44,803 --> 01:19:46,272
We'll clean it up.
1570
01:19:47,540 --> 01:19:49,142
You all need to grow up.
1571
01:19:52,545 --> 01:19:54,480
- Your dad's nice.
- He's not wrong.
1572
01:20:06,259 --> 01:20:08,728
So, I guess I just start
cleaning up, or...
1573
01:20:12,764 --> 01:20:14,899
You know,
they should have a place
1574
01:20:15,033 --> 01:20:17,702
where adults can go and TP
and let off steam
1575
01:20:17,836 --> 01:20:21,373
without the fear
of their spouse being arrested.
1576
01:20:22,507 --> 01:20:23,709
I'd invest in that.
1577
01:20:24,042 --> 01:20:24,942
Really?
1578
01:20:25,243 --> 01:20:26,144
Well, why not?
1579
01:20:26,612 --> 01:20:28,279
They got adult coloring books,
1580
01:20:28,413 --> 01:20:30,181
those mature fidget spinners.
1581
01:20:30,882 --> 01:20:32,818
Couldn't be dumber
than that shit.
1582
01:20:33,117 --> 01:20:34,019
Let's do it.
1583
01:20:34,319 --> 01:20:35,420
All right.
1584
01:20:37,023 --> 01:20:37,924
Hey.
1585
01:20:39,125 --> 01:20:41,394
Hey, hey. I got it. I got it.
1586
01:20:44,929 --> 01:20:46,431
Listen, you know this.
1587
01:20:48,434 --> 01:20:49,602
I don't have the best luck with
1588
01:20:49,734 --> 01:20:51,304
people sticking
around in my life.
1589
01:20:51,604 --> 01:20:52,906
But you're still here.
1590
01:20:54,473 --> 01:20:55,707
And the thing that...
1591
01:20:56,875 --> 01:20:57,810
fucking scares me,
1592
01:20:59,144 --> 01:21:00,846
really, fucking scares me,
1593
01:21:02,113 --> 01:21:04,817
is that we give this a go
and you leave me too.
1594
01:21:09,388 --> 01:21:10,489
Well.
1595
01:21:13,492 --> 01:21:15,461
You better man-the-fuck-up.
1596
01:21:17,395 --> 01:21:18,665
Motherfucker.
1597
01:21:23,303 --> 01:21:25,071
All this papier toilette
1598
01:21:25,504 --> 01:21:27,907
and still so much mèrde
in the world.
1599
01:21:48,361 --> 01:21:50,462
Dude, come on.
1600
01:22:27,064 --> 01:22:28,366
Oh, baby.
1601
01:22:28,501 --> 01:22:30,002
- I'm so sorry...
- Tell me you have my bags.
1602
01:22:30,135 --> 01:22:31,537
Of course I do.
1603
01:22:32,336 --> 01:22:33,572
Oh, this is Mike.
1604
01:22:34,273 --> 01:22:35,574
We spoke on the phone.
1605
01:22:35,706 --> 01:22:38,044
- Oh, you're...
- Real husband meet work husband.
1606
01:22:38,176 --> 01:22:39,245
This is Richard.
1607
01:22:39,745 --> 01:22:42,748
All right.
We have a deal to close.
1608
01:22:46,652 --> 01:22:48,354
Here's the last one.
1609
01:22:51,491 --> 01:22:53,158
I'd be lost without your wife.
1610
01:22:53,492 --> 01:22:55,628
Ditto, man. She's the best.
1611
01:22:56,461 --> 01:22:57,595
Get some rest, Pamela.
1612
01:22:58,130 --> 01:23:00,800
Call me, if there are
any last-second hiccups.
1613
01:23:05,403 --> 01:23:06,805
Pamela Young!
1614
01:23:07,172 --> 01:23:08,573
Holy shit.
1615
01:23:09,041 --> 01:23:10,109
Look at you.
1616
01:23:10,843 --> 01:23:13,046
You never cease to amaze me.
1617
01:23:15,179 --> 01:23:17,148
I...
1618
01:23:17,750 --> 01:23:19,952
I appreciate everything
that you do for us.
1619
01:23:20,085 --> 01:23:22,688
I'm so sorry that I hijacked
your birthday.
1620
01:23:22,822 --> 01:23:24,957
I'm sorry that I jumped
that fence before you.
1621
01:23:25,090 --> 01:23:28,193
- That will never happen again.
- Gosh, don't say sorry.
1622
01:23:28,327 --> 01:23:30,029
I finally got to TP a house.
1623
01:23:30,162 --> 01:23:33,065
And I still closed my deal.
1624
01:23:34,065 --> 01:23:36,669
Plus, your birthday
is coming up real soon, so.
1625
01:23:37,236 --> 01:23:38,871
You'd better watch your...
1626
01:23:39,270 --> 01:23:40,372
ass.
1627
01:23:46,211 --> 01:23:47,347
Nice pants, man.
1628
01:23:55,086 --> 01:23:57,357
Happy birthday!
1629
01:23:59,491 --> 01:24:02,028
What did I say about surprises?
1630
01:24:20,312 --> 01:24:21,814
- Look.
- Aw.
1631
01:24:29,354 --> 01:24:30,855
It should be
about the Cubs.
1632
01:24:30,989 --> 01:24:32,757
Tell me
what the Socks have done lately.
1633
01:24:32,892 --> 01:24:36,528
- Michael.
- Oh. Hey, Coach.
1634
01:24:38,730 --> 01:24:41,567
- Where are your pants, son?
- Oh, uh...
1635
01:24:42,901 --> 01:24:45,237
Pam's birthday. Long story.
1636
01:24:45,571 --> 01:24:47,273
Uh, I've been meaning
to call you.
1637
01:24:47,406 --> 01:24:48,506
Don't know if you've heard,
1638
01:24:48,639 --> 01:24:50,709
I already told him
all that stuff.
1639
01:24:50,843 --> 01:24:52,845
Get on with it,
I've got a double-header.
1640
01:24:52,978 --> 01:24:54,645
Having trouble
finding a replacement.
1641
01:24:54,779 --> 01:24:56,281
I don't have
a teaching credential.
1642
01:24:56,415 --> 01:24:59,285
Fortunately, your services
aren't needed to teach Physics.
1643
01:24:59,852 --> 01:25:01,653
Oh, good. Yeah, I, uh,
1644
01:25:01,787 --> 01:25:04,557
the only reason I passed
was by copying Pam anyway.
1645
01:25:04,924 --> 01:25:06,390
Well, why don't you come by
and see me on Monday.
1646
01:25:06,524 --> 01:25:07,526
We'll talk about it.
1647
01:25:07,926 --> 01:25:09,996
- Yes, sir.
- And, uh, Mike,
1648
01:25:10,563 --> 01:25:11,831
wear some god damn pants.
1649
01:25:11,964 --> 01:25:13,599
I'm gonna ask the
principal to come by.
1650
01:25:14,032 --> 01:25:15,300
Pants. Check.
1651
01:25:15,434 --> 01:25:17,435
Oh, and, uh,
happy birthday, Pam.
1652
01:25:17,568 --> 01:25:19,971
Oh, thanks, Coach.
1653
01:25:28,980 --> 01:25:30,916
I'm sure I could still
get the kids to school.
1654
01:25:31,049 --> 01:25:33,986
You know practices are in the
afternoon, a few weekend games.
1655
01:25:34,118 --> 01:25:35,121
Mike.
1656
01:25:35,854 --> 01:25:36,755
Pam.
1657
01:25:37,456 --> 01:25:38,858
Michael.
1658
01:25:40,326 --> 01:25:41,359
Pamela.
1659
01:25:41,727 --> 01:25:42,995
I see you.
1660
01:25:43,495 --> 01:25:45,029
I appreciate you.
1661
01:25:45,330 --> 01:25:46,364
And I love you.
1662
01:25:46,765 --> 01:25:48,899
And if this is
what makes you happy,
1663
01:25:49,033 --> 01:25:51,470
then that's
what I want you to do.
1664
01:25:55,107 --> 01:25:57,542
So am I still
on sexy time restriction?
1665
01:26:00,312 --> 01:26:02,215
Upgraded to probation.
1666
01:26:10,622 --> 01:26:13,125
- I love you, Pam.
- I love you too.
1667
01:26:16,127 --> 01:26:20,064
Now, will you please,
for the love of God,
1668
01:26:20,198 --> 01:26:21,800
take me home.
1669
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:23,736
Yes, ma'am.
1670
01:26:52,297 --> 01:26:53,198
Hi.
1671
01:26:54,567 --> 01:26:56,868
Hey, I'm thinking
about investing.
1672
01:26:57,135 --> 01:26:58,937
- Hmm.
- Assisted living,
1673
01:26:59,071 --> 01:27:00,706
I hear that's your thing.
1674
01:27:01,739 --> 01:27:03,675
Yeah, I mean, well.
1675
01:27:04,143 --> 01:27:06,078
- I'm a transactional attorney.
- Oh.
1676
01:27:06,211 --> 01:27:08,548
So, yeah.
1677
01:27:09,613 --> 01:27:11,149
Could you help me with that?
1678
01:27:12,084 --> 01:27:12,984
Sure.
1679
01:27:13,684 --> 01:27:15,955
- That'd be really great.
- Okay.
1680
01:27:19,590 --> 01:27:20,692
Thank you.
1681
01:27:21,393 --> 01:27:22,261
Sure.
1682
01:27:23,461 --> 01:27:27,065
Did you know?
Napoleon used to be six-seven.
1683
01:27:27,532 --> 01:27:30,935
He lost his kneecaps
in a ballroom dancing accident
1684
01:27:31,069 --> 01:27:33,072
when he was a...
when he was a teenager.
1685
01:27:33,438 --> 01:27:35,773
And they clashed him down
about three feet.
1686
01:27:35,907 --> 01:27:37,143
- Wow.
- So.
1687
01:27:38,376 --> 01:27:41,312
Did you that LSD
was originally invented
1688
01:27:41,447 --> 01:27:42,815
to treat alcoholism?
1689
01:27:42,817 --> 01:27:47,817
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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