All language subtitles for Bajillion Dollar Properties s03e02 A Divided House.enng

???

Baxter: Yeah,

we're still broken up.

Get used to it, America.

Andrew:

I hate his stupid guts,

but we're professionals,

and we don't let it

affect our work.

Chelsea: Good morning, Andrew.

Morning, Baxter. What's up?

Baxter: Morning.

Hey, Chelsea.

Andrew:

Whoa, whoa, whoa -- Jesus.

Christ.

Could you give her a second

to let me respond?

She said my name first.

She said,

"Good morning, Andrew."

-Chelsea: Oh, I was just --

-Andrew: No. I'm trying --

I will help you.

I will help you out.

Baxter: Let --

Did you just hush a woman?

Andrew: No, I didn't hush.

When you hush, you go "Shh!"

Baxter:

That's pretty typical of you.

I will never hush you.

Andrew:

Don't put words in my mouth,

don't put anything in my mouth.

-Baxter: You said "Uh!"

-Andrew: No, I didn't "Uh!"

Chelsea: Andrew and Baxter

post Diamond Dealmakers suck.

Everybody tries to ignore them,

but you can't.

Andrew: You said --

Baxter: You always --

You always hush women.

Andrew: Oh, really?

Baxter's head is

too big for his body,

and he -- he bought a vitamin

from China

to try and shrink it!

Baxter: I had too much potassium

as a child...

Andrew: Oh!

Baxter: ...and it made

my skull too large.

Andrew:

Oh, I had too many bananas!

Baxter: Banana are good!

Andrew:

You have too many bananas?

-Baxter: Yeah!

-Andrew: You over banana'd!

Chelsea: I mean,

I got to hand it to Andrew.

Not everyone can make

the word "banana" sound bad.

Andrew:

He doesn't know the lyrics to

"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

-Baxter: Yes, I do!

-Andrew: Sing it for 'em!

Baxter: ? Twinkle, twinkle,

little...?

Andrew: Uh?

Aw!

-Baxter: Boy!

-Andrew: It's "Star," you...

-Baxter: Shit!

Andrew: ...you fucking --

Don't you push me.

Baxter: Ow!

Andrew:

That's what you deserve!

Somebody open a window.

Baxter: Don't throw me

out of the window!

Andrew:

Somebody open a window!

-Baxter: Ahh! Stop!

-Andrew: [ Blows raspberry ]

Baxter: Everything has changed.

Sure, we still live together

and work together,

but everything's different now.

Andrew: We no longer use

the same toothbrush,

and we don't have

a working toilet

because I sawed it in half.

[ Both grunting ]

-Chelsea: Hey, guys.

-Andrew: Hey.

Chelsea: What's up?

I have your client, Bana, here.

Baxter: Bana, how are you?

Really good to see you.

I love this jacket.

Andrew: Nice to see you.

That is nice. We --

Baxter: We were stretching.

Andrew: We were just

talking about you.

You have a property,

Calabasas,

that we think you're gonna love.

???

???

Baxter: Bana fired us after she

saw Andrew's chin on my nuts.

But that is okay.

We are on our way to meet

another client, Leshley Archer,

who will love the listing

in Calabasas.

Andrew: Since our split,

we had to figure out a way

to work together,

and what we came up with

is pretty genius.

Baxter: Yes, so, Andrew's gonna

show you the kitchen

and the living room

and half the back yard,

and I will cover the other half

of the back yard,

every other bathroom, and then

the shallow end of the pool,

which I have jurisdiction over,

and here it is.

Isn't it amazing?

Look at these steps.

-Leshley: Ah, it's absolutely --

-Andrew: I am, uh --

Leshley: Exactly what

I was looking for.

Baxter: Good.

Leshley:

How much are we talking here?

Andrew: Uh, price.

Yes.

The magic number -- 1...

-Baxter: ...8...

-Andrew: ...point...

-Baxter: ...4...

-Andrew: ...mil...

Baxter: ...'lions.

Leshley: I'm sorry?

-Andrew: 1...

-Baxter: ...8...

-Andrew: ...point...

-Baxter: ...4...

-Andrew: ...mil...

-Baxter: ...'lions.

Leshley: $18.4 million?

-Andrew: That is correct, yes.

-Leshley: Okay.

What's happening right now?

What is this?

Andrew: Uh, yeah.

If I can be frank with you,

uh, Baxter and I

have been having

some personal trouble, uh...

-Leshley: Okay.

Andrew: ...but you don't have

to worry about that,

because, professionally,

we're still doing our job

as team,

and we're gonna show you

this house.

You will not even notice.

-Baxter: Yep.

Andrew: Uh, we've -- we've

split things up.

Leshley:

I've noticed a few things.

Andrew: You have noticed,

but, on the other hand,

have you noticed?

-Leshley: Uh-huh.

-Andrew: Okay.

But has she, though?

Leshley: Are they looking

to sell quickly, or...?

Baxter: Well, uh, I was gonna

cover the wife's point of view,

and you were gonna cover

the husband's point of view.

And she is not happy

about selling the place.

She wants to stay in it,

actually, but...

Andrew: He wants to sell

very quickly.

Baxter: Okay, real talk?

We haven't made a sale

since we broke up.

But even realer talk?

We are about to make this sale.

Why don't I take your right arm

to that upstairs bedroom

so I can show you

that final room.

You still haven't seen it.

Andrew: Okay, and after

you're done with that,

I can take your titties out

to the back yard --

-Leshley: I'm sorry?

-Andrew: Uh...not --

Baxter: I thought we were

gonna split up her tits.

-Leshley: Okay.

-Andrew: No.

We talked about this.

Wait.

I won --

We flipped a coin.

Leshley:

To split up my tits?

Andrew: ...because you had

very nice, uh, jammers.

"Jammers" is what I call boobs,

and also butts,

sometimes dicks.

Leshley: I mean,

this is absolutely...

-Andrew: Uh...

-Leshley: ...disrespectful...

Andrew: I apologize.

I--

Leshley: ...and disgusting --

both of you.

I heard you guys were excellent.

Baxter: You heard right.

We are excellent.

Leshley: I'll see myself out,

thank you.

Baxter: You see

what I'm dealing with here?

Andrew blew it.

Andrew:

Way to lose a sale, Baxter.

[ Blows raspberry ]

[ Both grunting ]

???

[ Groans ]

???

Victoria: I am determined

to get Dean

to let me write the forward

for his book,

and I don't take "No"

for an answer.

Knowing you, this book is gonna

be full of masculinity...

Dean: Hmm.

Victoria:

...fearless aggression,

brute force.

-Dean: Absolutely.

-Victoria: Am I right?

-Dean: Yes, you are.

Victoria: I think you need

a feminine touch.

Dean: Oh!

Well, who did you have in mind?

Victoria: Me, Dean.

Dean: Uh,

you will be the person

to find the woman

who will write the --

Victoria: No, I will be

the woman to write it

to give the feminine touch.

Dean: Really?

Victoria: [ Chuckles ]

Dean, of course.

I mean, I'm the most

feminine person you know.

I'm like a...

-Dean: That's --

Victoria: I'm like

a girl's girl, you know?

Like with the gal pals.

Like, uh, girlie Fridays.

Dean: Victoria, I don't mean

this to sound insulting.

Victoria: I hope it's not.

Dean:

But you sound like a creature

from another dimension

who wants to impersonate

a human woman

and has just sloppily

gathered together some facts

that they've heard about women.

Victoria: Is he crazy?

The only thing alien about me

is my housekeeper, Swala.

Dean: How many female friends

do you have?

Victoria: [ Scoffs ]

Oh, God.

I mean, I can't even --

I can't even count.

-Dean: Well, name one.

Victoria:

Uh, there's -- there's Tina.

Dean:

What's Tina's last name?

Victoria:

And there -- Tina Linda.

Dean: Is "Linda" her

married name or her maiden name?

Victoria: Her married name.

-Dean: What's her maiden name?

-Victoria: Teresa.

Dean: And her parents --

Mr. and Mrs. Teresa...

-Victoria: Yes.

-Dean: ...were they upset

that she abandoned

the family name?

Victoria: No,

because, of course,

the mother's name

wasn't originally Teresa.

-Dean: Of course not.

-Victoria: No.

Dean: What was her name --

her maiden name?

-Victoria: Toni.

-Dean: Toni.

And what's her first name?

Victoria: Uh...

Uh, I think it's, um, Tinda?

Dean: You understand that

Tinda Toni Teresa

sounds like a legendary mongoose

who battled cobras?

Victoria: Dean, I can't help

what my friends' names are,

okay?

You just asked me if

I had girlfriends. I named one.

Dean: Name another.

Victoria: Dean, I feel like

we're getting off track.

It's not my fault

I don't have friends.

Clearly, I intimidate all women,

so what am I supposed to do?

???

Andrew:

I think I finally realized

why our Calabasas showing

went so poorly.

Baxter: Andrew and I

never got closure,

and we need it

to sell this house.

Andrew: So we're having

a closure ceremony.

-Baxter: Attention, please.

-Andrew: Everybody look.

-Baxter: Attention.

-Andrew: Listen up!

Could everybody

get off the phone?!

-Baxter: Come here!

-Andrew: Can we have a second?

I'm sorry to raise my voice.

-Victoria: Jesus.

Andrew:

Listen, as some of you know,

uh, Baxter and I

are no longer together,

and, traditionally,

at the ending of a relationship,

you take items that

the other one has given to you,

and you return them

to said person.

Baxter: It's a sad errand.

Andrew: Now, we have estimated

that this should take no less

than three to four hours.

-Woman: What?

-Andrew: So, let's get started.

Glenn: If those two sweet angels

can't make it,

what chance do any of us have?

Andrew: I want to start

with this shaving cream.

Uh, we got this on

our first Halloween together.

Halloween is,

of course, a holiday.

It's somewhere in October...

-Amir: 31st.

-Andrew: ...31st.

When we went over

to Victoria's house,

and all over the right side

of her house,

we spent a couple hours

drawing, uh,

penises/wieners.

-Victoria: Yeah.

Andrew: Uh, a lot of you

probably are thinking

"That's stupid.

Why would you do that?"

-Chelsea: Yes.

Victoria:

We're all thinking that.

Andrew: Thank you for that.

That reminds me of a trip

we took to Canc�n.

Baxter: I remember this.

Andrew:

It was for a spring break.

I can't remember

which season it's in,

but it's one of the seasons

where traditionally --

-Amir: It's spring.

-Andrew: Yeah.

Amir:

The bros are such babies.

Glenn and I used to be

best friends,

but we've moved on.

I have, anyways.

I bet he has, too.

I don't know,

'cause he won't talk to me.

Baxter: We took a cruise,

we got off in Canc�n,

and we bought

this shaving cream.

Chelsea: Are they serious?

These idiots are returning

identical items to each other.

Amir: This is what's gonna

take them four goddamn hours?

Can we wrap this up, please?

Andrew: Yes. Uh, speaking of

wrapping it up...

Uh, it was Christmas.

It was three years ago. What --

-Baxter: December 24th.

-Andrew: Christmas is...

-Amir: 25th.

-Andrew: 25th.

Um, so, as a joke, we put, uh --

We put rubbers on,

and we ran around the house

just doing this weird,

like, song and dance.

Glenn:

What says "Christmas" better

than two best friends singing

silly songs...

almost nude?

[ Sobs ]

Baxter: This reminds me of a lot

of birthday parties we went to.

-Andrew: Uh-huh.

-Baxter: So, we blew up

a bunch of condoms together,

and we filled them with helium,

and may we never bring

flesh-colored balloons

to a children's birthday party

again.

Andrew: Uh, well,

we definitely won't do that,

because we will never do

anything together again.

Victoria: You know,

you may find it surprising that

when you leave this, your boxes

look exactly the same. Yeah.

Andrew: Easter.

Easter, one year ago.

Easter is in...

Both: It changes.

Andrew: One year ago, on Easter,

I asked if, instead of candy,

we could do some sort

of drug exchange,

and we came up with the idea

together to do pill roulette.

Baxter: You're gonna give those

back to me, really?

Andrew:

I'm gonna give these back.

Baxter:

You're gonna give me back...

all those Vicodins?

Well, I guess you can

have yours back, too.

Victoria: If I have

to listen to this shit,

I sure as hell

don't have to be sober.

Glenn:

Why are you guys doing this?

Don't you see?

You've each gotten each other

so many sweet gifts.

You shouldn't be

fighting like this.

-Andrew: No, Glenn --

-Baxter: Glenn --

Glenn:

Drink some water with that pill.

Don't chew it raw.

-Andrew: Don't --

-Baxter: Glenn --

Chelsea: He's right about that.

You're gonna choke.

Andrew: Glenn, we are not done!

This is what happens.

Baxter: Keep it.

Amir:

Maybe if I help them make up,

Glenn will see that

we can make up.

???

Victoria: I'm showing a house

in Studio City

to my client, Nadine.

But I'll admit,

my mind is on Dean's forward.

Maybe if I can get Nadine

to be my female friend,

he'll have to choose me

to write it.

So, then,

through the corridor here,

we enter the entertaining space.

Woman: Oh, this is nice.

Victoria: Yeah,

I just love this.

I mean, as you can see,

eight doors that open up

to the back yard.

You've got an infinity pool,

you've got views of the ocean,

you know,

and, as well, mountain views...

-Woman: Yeah.

Victoria:

...which, I just think,

where else

can you find that in --

Hello.

-Woman 2: Hi.

Can you black these windows out?

Woman 1:

That's what I'm wondering --

the privacy.

Victoria: Together?

I can be friends with two girls.

That will impress Dean

twice as much.

You know, it's a great family

home if you wanted to start...

-Woman 1: Mm.

-Victoria: ...to start a family.

-Woman 2: We have a family.

-Woman 1: We do. We're set.

Victoria: Oh, really?

How many of you...altogether?

Woman 1:

That's yet to be determined.

-Victoria: Oh. [ Chuckles ]

-Woman 2: Yeah.

-Woman 3: Is there an attic?

-Victoria: What?

Woman 3: Is there an attic?

How hard is it to get to?

Victoria:

Am I impressive or what?

I set out to make

one girlfriend,

and now I have three.

We could have someone

come in here with sage.

You know,

kind of clear that out.

Because, honestly,

you want to --

This is a great

entertaining space.

And if -- Huh?

Woman 4: Hi.

I love the flow.

Victoria:

And then there were four!

[ Laughter ]

Tess, Missy, Aisha, and Nadine.

Four new friends make a squad --

a king squad.

I love these outfits.

[ Chuckles ]

-Woman 4: Thank you.

-Woman 1: Do you want one?

-Woman 3: You can have one.

-Woman 4: Yeah, we have lots.

-Woman 3: We'll give you one.

Victoria: Um, you know...

Woman 2: We have your size.

Victoria: [ Chuckles ]

Extra-extra small?

Woman 3: Your hair would

look nice in a ponytail.

Victoria: Thank you.

-Woman 4: You're beautiful.

-Victoria: Thank you.

I've never been around

this many women

who weren't chasing me for

what I did to their husbands.

So, it's a 30-day escrow.

Woman 4: No.

It has to be 12 days.

Woman 1: We need to be

in the house in 12 days.

Victoria: You know, 30 days

is pretty standard. I'm --

-Woman 4: No.

-Victoria: I might be able to --

Women: No.

-Victoria: How about two weeks?

-Women: No!

-Woman 3: What did we just say?

-Woman 4: Try again.

-Woman 1: Why don't you listen?

-Victoria: Well, I'm listening.

I'm just trying

to offer something...

Woman 4:

You're doing a great job.

Just try another guess,

a different number...that's 12.

-Victoria: 12?

-Woman 4: 12!

-Woman 2: 12. Great.

Woman 4: That's what

we were thinking.

Woman 1: That's what we like --

We like 12.

Victoria: I got it.

I'm the best.

I sold the house,

I got the girlfriends,

and now I'm going to write

the forward for Dean's book.

???

Dean: And now I must attend

a very important meeting

at the home of my friend

and book editor,

Gwentolyn Swanson.

Gwentolyn: Sorry,

just let me refill.

Dr. Bermom's got me

on that wine cleanse.

-Dean: Terry? Oh!

-Gwentolyn: Mm-hmm!

Have you heard of it?

Dean: I've heard

of the wine cleanse.

You know, two years ago,

he cleared up my tennis elbow.

He injected me with trichinosis.

Gwentolyn:

I trust him with my life.

I've done all of them.

I did the paper cleanse...

-Dean: Mm-hmm.

Gwentolyn: ...the tear cleanse.

I have scratches on the inside

of my body, I'm told,

from the demon cleanse, but...

Dean: But that's on the inside.

Gwentolyn: My jeans fit,

you know what I mean? Mmm!

Dean: He's a miracle worker.

Gwentolyn: Speaking of

fitting something big

into something smaller...

-Dean: Yes!

Gwentolyn: ...I am loving

what you're doing -- brilliant.

-Dean: Thank you.

-Gwentolyn: You're welcome.

-Dean: You understand it.

-Gwentolyn: I absolutely do.

But I have to put

my big, bad editor cap on.

[ Clicks tongue ]

[ British accent ]

Hello. How ya doing?

-Dean: Hello.

-Gwentolyn: She's British.

Uh, we've got

to shorten this.

Dean: T-Take the hat off

for a second.

Gwentolyn:

[ Normal voice ] Yeah?

Dean: When you say "shorten,"

you mean --

you mean, um,

use a different size paper?

Gwentolyn: Hmm.

Uh, that's an interesting way

to interpret that.

No.

Uh, this is three chapters?

-Dean: Yes.

-Gwentolyn: Right.

We just want to get to the meat.

Dean: Ooh. Oof.

First of all --

Gwentolyn:

No, honey, stay with me.

This is -- we can do this

very easily.

I think -- I-I've got

a couple easy ones for you.

For example,

this right here is --

These are the thank-yous.

-Dean: Yes.

Gwentolyn:

That's a little too many.

This -- This is --

Dean: People will be furious

if they're left out.

Gwentolyn:

I'm not quite sure --

Dean: I'll never

hear the end of it.

Gwentolyn: Not the dead people,

and there's several.

Dean: You don't have

to meet them in the next world.

Gwentolyn: There is, what --

and I mean...

then you just did

"Battle Hymn of the Republic."

You just put the whole thing in.

Dean:

? Glory, glory, hallelujah ?

? Glory, glory, hallelujah ?

It has to remain!

And you need every

"Glory, glory, hallelujah,"

because otherwise you lose

the thread of the song.

Don't you think,

if I take anything out,

the reader will think, "I'm not

getting the full story here.

He's hiding something."

Gwentolyn: I don't think that.

Dean: Well,

put yourself in the mind

of the reader reading the book.

Gwentolyn:

I-I -- If I saw the book,

which would be, uh,

in an airplane hangar,

because that's the only place

that could house it,

I wouldn't have gone

to that weird-ass book sale,

wherever that is.

I wouldn't have gone

in the first place.

So, the reader that you're

talking about does not exist.

Dean: Well,

that's an excellent idea --

Only sell the book to people who

own private airplane hangars.

Gwentolyn: [ Sighs ]

You know I love you.

But this my job...

-Dean: I take you at your word.

Gwentolyn: ...to cut down.

Less is more.

Dean: Now, you say that,

and yet, look at

the amount of bracelets.

Physician, heal thyself.

-Gwentolyn: [ Scoffs ] Please.

Dean: Gwentolyn, thank you for

taking the time to meet with me.

I appreciate your counsel,

and I promise you

that I will pretend to take

under advisement everything

that you've said here today.

Now, I have to go

because I have a meeting

with a special team

of scientists

who are going to make me

my own ink

for the publication of the book.

Gwentolyn: I have many thoughts

about what you just said.

-Dean: Do you?

-Gwentolyn: Mm-hmm.

Dean: Why don't you

write them all down?

You'll find that writing is fun.

???

Victoria:

I'm meeting my clients/squad

at the Studio City house

to have them sign

the closing paperwork.

Okay, so, I have

all the paperwork here.

Appraisal report's in the back.

You just need

to sign and initial

at the bottom of each page,

and we have a deal. [ Chuckles ]

Woman 4: Great.

I have one quick question.

Victoria: Absolutely, anything.

Woman 4: What if we put

another line on here,

and you signed, too?

-Victoria: [ Chuckles ]

Woman 4: Crazy, I know,

but you could live with us.

I don't know -- just --

I'm just pitch-balling.

Victoria:

Oh, I have a beautiful house.

I -- I love where I live.

But I will visit, I promise.

Woman 2:

But there's room for you.

Woman 3:

There's plenty of room.

Victoria:

Well, you bought a huge house,

so good for you, ladies.

Woman 4:

We're gonna have 50 beds.

Woman 1: And the floor.

Woman 3:

I'll be sleeping on the floor.

Woman 1:

I'll be sleeping on the floor.

Victoria: I'm getting this.

I got you.

This is, uh, you know,

like on "20/20."

Woman 3: What?

A what?

-Victoria: It's a cult.

-Woman 3: It's a what?

Excuse you?

A what?

Woman 1:

'Cause there'd be a cunt?

Victoria: No. No!

Oh, God, no. I'm so--

This is a cult.

You guys are in a cult.

Woman 3: Did you call me

a little baby horse?!

Woman 4: Oh, a cult.

We're not a cult.

Victoria: I-I'm -- I didn't mean

to offend anyone.

I'm just saying, I -- I get it.

You're in a cult.

-Woman 1: We are.

Woman 4: It's just girlfriends.

We just have a lot in common.

Woman 3:

We are four girlfriends.

Woman 1: Soon to be five.

-Victoria: Oh.

-Woman 4: We like you.

-Woman 3: We like you a lot.

-Woman 2: A lot.

Victoria: I always say anything

for a sale,

and Dean seems to think

me having girlfriends

is very important, so, yeah,

what the hell, I'm in.

So, we'll just get

your final signature here,

and we're done!

We have a house.

-Woman 4: Yay!

Victoria: Go us girls.

Go girls.

Go girls in our house.

[ Chuckles ]

-Woman 2: Girls.

-Victoria: Yeah.

Woman 3: I know.

Let's celebrate.

Victoria: Ooh!

I like a little celebrating.

-Woman 3: With Kool-Aid.

-Woman 1: Wonderful beverage.

[ All exclaiming ]

Woman 4: Yes, my favorite.

Victoria:

I will only drink enough poison

to lose some weight,

then I'm out.

???

Amir: Glenn was very upset

by the bros' breakup.

I need to patch up

the bros' friendship

so that Glenn can see

that reconciliation is possible

for us, too.

Baxter: Come on over here, guys.

Andrew: Come on over

if you want some champagne.

Baxter: You got a problem with

drinking, head on over there.

Andrew: Or if you got a problem

with your carb control,

stay over here and have

six or seven buns, right?

Baxter: Hey, we all love

a little bit of carbs.

Andrew: If you'd like

to take a seat,

come over here.

-Baxter: That's not true.

Amir:

Cash buyers coming through.

-Andrew: Oh!

-Amir: Cash buyers coming --

Baxter: I've never been so happy

to see Amir.

Andrew is being such a dummy!

-Andrew: No, no, no, no, no, no!

-Baxter: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Those are chairs.

Those are on Andrew's side.

-Andrew: Those are mine.

-Baxter: I don't need chairs.

I just need tables.

-Amir: Put 'em over here?

Andrew: Well, they're welcome

to sit over here.

Amir: What is this tape?

Andrew: That is to separate

the open house.

This is my half of the open

house, this is Baxter's half.

He stays on his side,

I stay on my side.

Baxter: This is the Berlin Wall,

and -- and we got Russia

over here,

and we got the Nazis over here,

so why don't you guys

come over here to the good side.

Amir: Okay, you're not Nazis.

You are not Nazis.

Okay, I've had enough of this.

Guys, I came here to try

to bring you together,

because you are

way less annoying together

than you are apart.

Andrew: Oh, we are annoying?!

[ High-pitched voice ]

Are we annoying Amir?

Are we annoying?

[ Normal voice ] Shut up!

Baxter: Oh, Amir,

you just crossed the line, bro.

You're barely together.

You're falling apart.

Look at you.

[ Both snicker ]

[ Laughs ]

I got him good.

Andrew: I have to admit, that

was a home-run burn, Baxter.

I still hate you, but good one.

You fucking fatso.

Baxter: Is Amir a peanut?

Because he just got roasted.

Amir: Okay, fine,

I'll take one for the team --

as long as the team

is me and Glenn.

Andrew: Bro,

I got a million of 'em,

all classics, all fat jokes.

Look at you!

Look at you.

-Baxter: Give this up.

-Both: Oh! Oh!

Andrew:

"What happened? I'm a boy.

Why do I have these, Mommy?"

You're a fat asshole,

and you get your head so far

up your own ass

that you don't even realize

that we can handle this.

Baxter: Yeah, you got no idea.

Amir: Okay, it's starting

to hurt a little.

Also, again, totally not fat.

I wear a boy's petite.

Both: ? You so fat, you so fat,

you so fat ?

[ Both vocalizing ]

-Baxter: This is good.

-Andrew: Ah!

Baxter: This is good.

-Andrew: Oww!

-Baxter: O-w-w-w!

-Andrew: Guess what? We back!

-Baxter: We back, baby.

-Andrew: We back!

-Baxter: We're back!

-Amir: All right!

-Andrew: Yeah?

-Amir: Okay.

-Baxter: This is making me --

this is making me forget

about why we even fought

in the first place,

the Diamond Dealmakers.

[ Record scratches ]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Andrew: What?

What did you say?

Baxter: This is making me forget

that I...

-Amir: No. No, I'm so fat.

-Baxter: ...screwed you over

at the Diamond Dealmakers.

Andrew:

Why would you bring that up?

Baxter: 'Cause it's why

we started fighting --

at the Diamond Dealmakers,

and I fucked you over.

Andrew: I'm done. And just when

I'm starting to forget about it.

I'm out of here.

-Baxter: N--

Andrew: I'm out.

Don't come after me.

Nobody try to grab me.

No -- Don't worry,

I'm out of here,

I'm pissed off, and I'm mad.

Don't come after me

and try to fix things.

Amir: Go get him.

???

-Baxter: Hey.

-Andrew: Stop.

-Baxter: Hey.

-Andrew: Don't come after me.

Don't.

-Baxter: Hey.

-Andrew: Hi.

-Baxter: Hey.

-Andrew: Hey.

Don't --

-Baxter: Hey. Hey.

Enough talking. There's only one

way to save this relationship.

[ Upbeat music playing ]

Woman: ? Remember ?

Amir: Where's the music

coming from?

Man: [ Rapping ]

? I will never let you go ?

? The faces are changed ?

? I'll be writing

with my hope in your gaze ?

? To turning the page,

even our emotion's unfazed ?

Baxter:

This is the first dance

Andrew and I ever

made up together.

Man: ? Boy, am I a man

when I'm holding your hand ?

? But that's because

I ain't understand ?

? The power, the glory, the way

that you're rewritin' my story ?

? And despite all my faults,

I can see you enjoy ?

? That's what it is, who knew

that I would turn into this? ?

? My heart...?

Amir:

They really nailed that lift.

Man: ? And I had to write

these words ?

? 'Cause I want you

to know that ?

Woman: ? Remember ?

Baxter: I'm so sorry, Andrew!

Andrew: No, I'm sorry, Baxy.

Both: Let's never fight again.

Best friends forever.

-Baxter: Ah, ah, oh.

-Andrew: Unh, unh, unh.

Baxter: I'm close.

Andrew: Wait for me.

Whoo!

-Baxter: Whoo!

-Man: ? No, no, no ?

-Woman: ? Remember ?

Amir: Yes!

The bros are back together!

Which means that me and Glenn

can get back together.

Glenn: Hard pass.

???

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