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Narrator: Previously on
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"Bajillion Dollar Properties"...
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Stoffanie: The winner
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is Platinum Realty.
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Dean: Yes!
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Madison: Tonight's Diamond
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Dealmaker Award goes to
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Baxter Reynolds!
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Andrew: Baxter won by himself?
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Baxter: I am better
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off on my own.
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Glenn: I gave up being partners
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so that we can be together.
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Chelsea: I sort of started
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seeing someone.
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Glenn: You set us up!
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Eugene: There's been a mistake.
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The real winner
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is Miss Jeannie Marchand.
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[ All chanting
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"Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie!" ]
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Victoria: Sit the fuck down!
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Real estate is stupid!
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[ Piano playing ]
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Dean: I am a man
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at the top of my game.
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Hello.
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I'm doing the talking
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at you thing now.
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You're welcome.
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Oh, I've scaled
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the highest peaks.
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I've swum the darkest depths,
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and now the world
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waits with baited breath.
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What's next for
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Dean Rosedragon?
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[ Hawk screeches ]
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I have assembled
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my Platinum minions
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to reveal the answer.
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Good morning, brokers.
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I have a speech.
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Now that I have won
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the Diamond Dealmaker
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and achieved
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my dream of tog,
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what is there left
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for me to do?
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I have climbed every mountain,
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stood at the top of it,
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looked down and said,
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"You're all losers."
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My imperative is to leave
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behind my story
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that others may learn from it,
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and perhaps the world
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could become a better place?
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And so I'm going to write
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the story of my life,
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my story, told by me,
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for everyone to read.
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You're welcome.
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Now then, the reason
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I am telling you this is
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because I'm going
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to hold a contest
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to see which of you
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will write the foreword
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to my autobiography.
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This will be a boon
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to anyone's career,
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to have your name and words
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so prominently placed
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in my autobiography.
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Amir: All right.
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So how are you going to decide
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who's going to write it?
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Dean: Be quiet.
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I will hear your pitches
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in my office,
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why you should be the best one
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to write my foreword,
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and then I will
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choose the person
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that I deem most qualified.
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Baxter: Is the foreword
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the list of chapters?
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Dean: That would be
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the table of contents.
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-Baxter: Okay.
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-Dean: Do you need a refresher
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of the parts of books
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before you come in
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and pitch your foreword?
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-Baxter: Yes.
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Amir: I never remember
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what an epilogue is.
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Dean: Everyone, please,
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this is an abuse of words.
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Now then, while I am immersed
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in the task
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of writing my tale,
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someone will need to
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run things day-to-day here
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to oversee everything,
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and of course, Glenn
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has voluntarily stepped down.
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Victoria: I don't mind
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being the boss, Dean.
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That is fine by --
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-Dean: Well, it won't be you,
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so keep on not minding it.
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In my stead,
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and in Glenn's stead,
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the person who will be
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managing things here
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at Platinum day-to-day
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will be my pride and joy,
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my legitimate son, D.J.
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Son?
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???
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Victoria: Two Rosedragons?
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What the shit is
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happening right now?!
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???
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Support us and become VIP member
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Dean: D.J. is my actual
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blood-related son
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from my one marriage,
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ugh, to his mother, Eglin.
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Victoria: But you're
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divorced now?
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Dean: Yes, thank god.
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D.J.: Hey, I'm D.J.,
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short for Dean Junior.
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I've been running my papa's
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Rosedragon Foundation Charity
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for the last few years,
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but now I'm here doing this,
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and I'm stoked.
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[ Laughs ]
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Dean: The Rosedragon Foundation
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helps many, many people,
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the most important
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of those people being me.
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D.J.: You may not have met me,
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but I feel like I know each
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and every one of you already.
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-Victoria: Mm.
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-D.J.: I'm going to approach
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managing Platinum
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as I did the jungles of Laos --
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study the terrain,
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learn the culture.
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Andrew.
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-Andrew: Hi.
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D.J.: You won the Coney Island
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Hot Dog Eating Contest,
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didn't you?
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Andrew: I came in first place.
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D.J.: First place, yeah.
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That means you won it.
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-Andrew: Holy shit.
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-D.J.: You didn't know you won?
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Andrew: They gave me a blue
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ribbon, and I was like, "Oh."
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-D.J.: That means you won, bud.
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-Andrew: That's great news.
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Baxter: You know,
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they also give a blue ribbon
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to the fattest pig
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at the fair, too,
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so maybe it was a mistake.
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Andrew: I really want
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to punch Baxter
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in his stupid
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double-crossing eyebrows,
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but not in front of D.J.
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D.J.: I'll be meeting
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individually
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with everybody here,
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just making sure
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that everybody's energy
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is there and with me,
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and we're going to make Platinum
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just an even better company
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as Papa
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is writing his book.
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Victoria: Oh.
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Dean: Wonderfully said, son.
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Chelsea: Whoo!
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Victoria: So, this means
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we won't have to ever
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see Glenn again, correct?
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D.J.: Oh, no.
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Where is Glenn?
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Dean: Well, Glenn's
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going through
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a bit of a phase right now.
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???
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Amir: Since the Diamond
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Dealmakers,
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Glenn has become very "emo."
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Yes, I'm serious.
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Chelsea: His office
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looks insane,
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like it was decorated
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by a love-sick teen vampire.
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-Victoria: Awful.
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-Chelsea: It's gross.
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-Victoria: The worst.
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-D.J.: That's my bro
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from a different mo and po.
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-Dean: Victoria.
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Chelsea: Your bro from a what?
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-D.J. Different mo and po.
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-Dean: It's an expression.
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Chelsea: Different parents
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entirely?
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-Dean: It's an expression.
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-Chelsea: So as just a friend?
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-Dean: Yes. They are unrelated.
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-Andrew: Mo means mother.
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D.J.: Or Moesha.
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Amir: I'm putting on
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a brave face,
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but I've been in a sales slump
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since the Diamond Dealmakers.
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I will be fucking Chelsea
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and, at the same time,
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fucking you.
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Since then, I've had
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to downsize a bit.
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A lot actually.
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I'd say I've downed
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all the sizes,
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and now I'm living
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in my Porsche.
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Chelsea: Karma's a bitch.
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Uber rejected him,
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too many complaints.
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But he started his own
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knockoff ride-share service
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called "Yahg-Uber".
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[ Laughing ]
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Amir: I'm headed to
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the Pacific Palisades
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to meet my new client, Stevion.
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He's ready to buy,
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and I'm ready to sell.
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Stevion is in a rush
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and only has an hour.
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But he should budget
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some extra time,
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because after he
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sees this house,
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he's going to shit his pants.
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This place was built
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in the early 1920s,
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same outside bones,
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inside, completely renovated.
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You're gonna fall in love
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with this place.
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I swear it.
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You just got to see it.
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I'm going to get you in here.
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I'll get you out right away.
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-Stevion: I've got an hour.
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-Amir: That's all I need.
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-Stevion: Let's go.
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Amir: Let me just find the right
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key, and we will be good to go.
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Stevion: Those are the keys?
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Amir: Most of these
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are gym keys.
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I belong to a lot of gyms.
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You work out?
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-Stevion: What? No.
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-Amir: Yeah, sure.
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It's a lot of unmarked keys
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to go through.
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But my luck's got
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to change sometime.
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Stevion, what kind
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of name is that?
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-Stevion: It's from New Zealand.
288
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:14,167
-Amir: Oh, yeah?
289
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:15,583
Is that where
290
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:15,583
the accent is from?
291
00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:17,958
-Stevion: Well, my whole body.
292
00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:17,958
-Amir: Oh.
293
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,417
-Stevion: Yeah.
294
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,417
-Amir: Yeah.
295
00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:21,083
Stevion: You're gonna
296
00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:21,083
go through each key?
297
00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:23,792
Amir: Uh, yeah, we're almost --
298
00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:23,792
we're almost there.
299
00:07:23,833 --> 00:07:25,625
Uh...
300
00:07:23,833 --> 00:07:25,625
Which, uh --
301
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,000
Stevion: The keys
302
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,000
are falling off there.
303
00:07:27,042 --> 00:07:28,792
Amir: No, that's okay.
304
00:07:27,042 --> 00:07:28,792
That's okay.
305
00:07:28,833 --> 00:07:31,083
You guys actually eat kiwis
306
00:07:28,833 --> 00:07:31,083
a lot or is that just a rumor?
307
00:07:31,125 --> 00:07:32,875
Stevion: Kiwi fruit,
308
00:07:31,125 --> 00:07:32,875
not the bird.
309
00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:34,333
It's a bird.
310
00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:34,333
-Amir: Oh, is there a bird?
311
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:35,792
Stevion: Yeah. That's what
312
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:35,792
we named after.
313
00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:37,417
Amir: No way. Tell me --
314
00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:37,417
tell me about that.
315
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,417
Stevion: Well,
316
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,417
it's flightless.
317
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,542
You've just reminded me,
318
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,542
I've got a flight to catch.
319
00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:43,417
So...
320
00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:43,417
No, that's not it.
321
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:45,625
Try another one.
322
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:45,625
-Amir: Okay.
323
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,083
Stevion: That one didn't work.
324
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:49,292
I can tell that
325
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:49,292
one's not gonna work.
326
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,083
Keep trying, you're doing well.
327
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,083
Amir: Thank you.
328
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:52,917
Stevion: And you've got
329
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:52,917
45 minutes now.
330
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:54,417
Amir: Hey, I know
331
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:54,417
how minutes work. Okay?
332
00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:55,875
Stevion: Yeah.
333
00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:55,875
They diminish.
334
00:07:55,917 --> 00:07:58,458
Amir: Yeah. Yeah.
335
00:07:55,917 --> 00:07:58,458
But, um...
336
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,542
Stevion: Like your chances
337
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,542
of selling me this house,
338
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:02,875
because I've got to fly.
339
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:02,875
-Amir: I know.
340
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,833
Stevion: I've got
341
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,833
to go very shortly.
342
00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:08,125
Amir: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
343
00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:08,125
Okay.
344
00:08:08,167 --> 00:08:09,750
None of these keys are working.
345
00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:11,458
I got to call the owner.
346
00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:11,458
-Stevion: Come on, come on,
347
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,750
come on, come on, come on,
348
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,750
come on, come on, come on,
349
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,417
come on, come on,
350
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,417
come on, come on, come on.
351
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:16,833
Amir: Hello?
352
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:16,833
Hello, Tanye.
353
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,917
Do you have
354
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,917
a spare key anywhere?
355
00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:20,625
Okay.
356
00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:20,625
Okay.
357
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,500
Yes. Uh...
358
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,500
Okay.
359
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:24,125
Great. Thanks.
360
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:24,125
Bye.
361
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:26,000
Um, one of the rocks.
362
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:26,000
One of the rocks.
363
00:08:26,042 --> 00:08:27,417
Stevion: Okay, great.
364
00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:29,292
Oh, they're always
365
00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:29,292
under the rock, classic.
366
00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:32,708
Nope. Nope.
367
00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:32,708
Nope.
368
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:34,375
-Amir: Okay.
369
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:34,375
-Stevion: Nope.
370
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,208
Why would you put a key under
371
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,208
there? It's stupid.
372
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,458
Fake rock.
373
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,458
All right.
374
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,792
Amir: Oh, it's on.
375
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,792
Sales slump?
376
00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:42,292
You're out of here!
377
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:46,292
Stevion, welcome
378
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:46,292
to your new home.
379
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,917
Stevion: Ah,
380
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,917
it's another door.
381
00:08:47,958 --> 00:08:49,500
Sorry, I'm out of here.
382
00:08:47,958 --> 00:08:49,500
-Amir: No, no, no, no!
383
00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:52,417
Wait, wait. Stevion, please,
384
00:08:49,542 --> 00:08:52,417
this key might work.
385
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:54,000
Stevion: Okay, look,
386
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:54,000
I really want this place.
387
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:56,000
If I can put one foot
388
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:56,000
through that doorway,
389
00:08:56,042 --> 00:08:58,583
I guarantee I will buy it. Okay?
390
00:08:56,042 --> 00:08:58,583
-Amir: Okay.
391
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,500
Stevion: Come on!
392
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,042
What's happened?
393
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:04,833
Amir: It's blocked
394
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:04,833
by furniture.
395
00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,167
Stevion: That's it.
396
00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,167
No. I'm out of here.
397
00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,875
Amir: No! No!
398
00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,875
Stevion.
399
00:09:07,917 --> 00:09:09,667
Stevion: You think I've got time
400
00:09:07,917 --> 00:09:09,667
for this shit, mate?
401
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:13,208
I told you.
402
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:13,208
I've got to fly.
403
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,167
Amir: You're flying the plane?
404
00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:17,292
I thought kiwis don't fly.
405
00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:17,292
-Stevion: Oh!
406
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,000
You think I haven't heard
407
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,000
that joke before, you dickhead!
408
00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:21,375
Amir: I get it.
409
00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:21,375
You're a fucking pilot.
410
00:09:21,417 --> 00:09:23,000
Stevion: A successful pilot!
411
00:09:23,042 --> 00:09:24,542
Amir: It's not the '80s anymore.
412
00:09:23,042 --> 00:09:24,542
You guys aren't cool.
413
00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:26,208
You're like a bus driver
414
00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:26,208
in the sky.
415
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,625
Stevion: Oh, really? You don't
416
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,625
know what I'm flying.
417
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,875
You don't know
418
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,875
the type of plane.
419
00:09:28,917 --> 00:09:30,167
Amir: What are you flying?
420
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:31,458
Stevion: A Concord,
421
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:31,458
motherfucker.
422
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,750
Amir: They don't fly
423
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,750
Concords anymore.
424
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:35,583
Stevion: They're back, bitch.
425
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:35,583
Mm.
426
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:42,917
Amir: Fuck!
427
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:42,917
Ah!
428
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,083
Aah!
429
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:48,042
[ Sobbing ]
430
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:53,125
I lost the sale.
431
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,583
Hey, Tanye.
432
00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:03,125
Did you know there was
433
00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:03,125
a hole in that second door?
434
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,333
In the window, yeah.
435
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:13,708
Victoria: Yeah.
436
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,833
I was humiliated
437
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,833
at the Diamond Dealmakers.
438
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,542
But that's in the past,
439
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,542
and I've made peace with it.
440
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:20,583
[ Alarm blaring ]
441
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:24,958
I hate you, Jeannie!
442
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:30,417
This is my year!
443
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,958
D.J. may have called me
444
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,958
into his office,
445
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,750
but I'm about to make him
446
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,750
putty in my hands.
447
00:10:35,792 --> 00:10:38,125
D.J.: I just want to meet
448
00:10:35,792 --> 00:10:38,125
everybody, just so...
449
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:40,292
You know, it's part --
450
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:40,292
-Victoria: Well, here I am.
451
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,625
Can I just tell you
452
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,625
that I love your desk?
453
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,417
-D.J.: Oh!
454
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,417
-Victoria: I love all this.
455
00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:46,917
Oops.
456
00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:46,917
My God, I just--
457
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:49,500
I dropped all those pens.
458
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:49,500
-D.J.: I know.
459
00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,625
Victoria: What am I going
460
00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,625
to do with all these?
461
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:53,458
What am I going to do
462
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:53,458
with all these pens?
463
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,000
-D.J.: Um, you're going to --
464
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,000
-Victoria: All these pens.
465
00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,417
D.J.: You're going
466
00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,417
to put them back.
467
00:10:56,458 --> 00:10:58,417
Victoria: Here's one pen.
468
00:10:56,458 --> 00:10:58,417
Can you grab it?
469
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,125
-D.J.: You can have it.
470
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,125
-Victoria: Can you get this pen?
471
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,833
-D.J.: You can have it.
472
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,833
-Victoria: Don't you want it?
473
00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:03,458
Take it with your mouth.
474
00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:03,458
-D.J.: Take it with -- No.
475
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:04,958
Victoria: Take it
476
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:04,958
with your mouth.
477
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,542
D.J.: Victoria,
478
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,542
you don't have to do this.
479
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,542
Victoria: Okay. Oh, great.
480
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,542
Like father, like son.
481
00:11:09,583 --> 00:11:11,375
D.J.: Why are you doing this?
482
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,083
Victoria: Why am I --
483
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,083
Why am I doing what?
484
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:16,667
D.J.: This whole thing, why --
485
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:16,667
why are you doing this?
486
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:19,083
Victoria: Years of positive,
487
00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:22,917
you know, male reinforcement.
488
00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:26,625
What?
489
00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:26,625
-D.J.: I want the real Victoria,
490
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:29,750
the smart, strong, fierce woman
491
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:31,500
that is behind all of this.
492
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:31,500
-Victoria: Oh.
493
00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:33,167
D.J., let me
494
00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:33,167
stop you right there.
495
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:35,625
-D.J.: Okay.
496
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:35,625
-Victoria: This is all real.
497
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:37,042
-D.J.: No.
498
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:37,042
-Victoria: Okay?
499
00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:39,583
I was born with this,
500
00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:39,583
and, believe me,
501
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:41,292
sometimes it comes to bite me
502
00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:41,292
in the ass.
503
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:43,042
D.J.: Right.
504
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,417
Victoria: But I have used it
505
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,417
the way God wanted me to use it.
506
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:46,875
D.J.: Right.
507
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:46,875
But then --
508
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:49,292
Victoria: And I get
509
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:49,292
that every part of me,
510
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:52,083
from head to toe, is perfection.
511
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,708
But at least I'm not
512
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,708
letting it go to waste.
513
00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:56,625
I show it when I can.
514
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:59,083
I give it to those
515
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:59,083
who deserve it,
516
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,542
and I make sure
517
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,542
that people realize
518
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:06,292
what a burden
519
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:06,292
it is to look like this.
520
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,000
Well, I did it.
521
00:12:08,042 --> 00:12:09,750
I sexually hypnotized D.J.,
522
00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:12,250
and now I can get him
523
00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:12,250
to do my bidding.
524
00:12:12,292 --> 00:12:14,958
D.J.: Ugh! I'm glad
525
00:12:12,292 --> 00:12:14,958
we worked that out.
526
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,625
I mean, there's always
527
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,625
one in every office.
528
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,292
-Baxter: Hey, hey, hey.
529
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,292
-D.J.: Oh, hi.
530
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:22,375
So I'm meeting with everybody,
531
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:22,375
just to, uh --
532
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,542
What are you...
533
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,250
Baxter: Oh!
534
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,750
What's up?
535
00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:37,208
D.J.: Wow. Platinum is such
536
00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:37,208
a sex-positive office.
537
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:43,167
Next up, I'm meeting
538
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:43,167
Glenn in his office.
539
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:46,792
It's been 10 years,
540
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,792
but Glenn seems like
541
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,792
one of those guys
542
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,833
who never changes.
543
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:53,583
[ Heavy metal music playing ]
544
00:12:57,875 --> 00:13:00,292
Hey, Glenn?
545
00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:02,583
Uh, mind if I have a seat?
546
00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,625
Glenn: I don't know.
547
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,375
Do you mind if you have a seat?
548
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:08,750
Welcome to the new me.
549
00:13:08,792 --> 00:13:10,875
D.J.: This is great.
550
00:13:08,792 --> 00:13:10,875
I love the vibe in here.
551
00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:12,583
Glenn: Yeah.
552
00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:12,583
Thank you for recognizing that.
553
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,750
I really appreciate it.
554
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,750
-D.J.: I always recognize you.
555
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:16,417
Glenn: Would have been
556
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:16,417
nice to be recognized
557
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,917
maybe a little bit more
558
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,917
consistently over the last,
559
00:13:18,958 --> 00:13:21,458
I don't know, 15, 17 years.
560
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,583
D.J.: I know.
561
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,583
It would have been great, right?
562
00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:24,917
Dean: I'm most proud of how
563
00:13:24,958 --> 00:13:26,458
I've been able
564
00:13:24,958 --> 00:13:26,458
to keep my legitimate
565
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,750
and illegitimate sons apart
566
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,750
all these years.
567
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,458
Glenn: I was texting you
568
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,458
and saying,
569
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,000
"Hey, I'm gonna be home
570
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,000
for Christmas,"
571
00:13:33,042 --> 00:13:34,333
and then you'd be like,
572
00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:37,292
"No, Papa's sending me
573
00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:37,292
away to Seattle."
574
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,250
D.J.: Yeah.
575
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,250
Papa loved sending me
576
00:13:39,292 --> 00:13:40,917
away over the holidays.
577
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:43,542
I don't know what it was.
578
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:43,542
He said, for that Seattle one,
579
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,792
for Christmas,
580
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,792
he wanted to give me rain?
581
00:13:45,833 --> 00:13:47,625
Dean: But I have
582
00:13:45,833 --> 00:13:47,625
brought them together now
583
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:49,333
because I thought it would make
584
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:52,417
an interesting chapter
585
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:52,417
in my book.
586
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:56,917
D.J.: Whoa.
587
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:59,250
You look like a fancy hawk.
588
00:13:59,292 --> 00:14:01,333
Glenn: Thanks.
589
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:03,792
D.J.: I hope that
590
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:03,792
we can work together,
591
00:14:03,833 --> 00:14:05,625
and I'm not trying
592
00:14:03,833 --> 00:14:05,625
to fill your shoes.
593
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:09,000
In fact, I got boots on.
594
00:14:09,042 --> 00:14:10,958
Glenn: I'm not one
595
00:14:09,042 --> 00:14:10,958
to throw stones
596
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,208
while living in a glass house,
597
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,292
but those boots
598
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,292
are a bad look.
599
00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:15,958
D.J.: You're not the first
600
00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:15,958
person to say that, but I'm --
601
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,375
Glenn: If you continue
602
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,375
to wear them...
603
00:14:17,417 --> 00:14:19,125
-D.J.: Yes?
604
00:14:17,417 --> 00:14:19,125
-Glenn:...I want you to know
605
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:21,167
that at least
606
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:21,167
one person in every room
607
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,583
that you're in is going to think
608
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,583
they're ridiculous.
609
00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:26,042
D.J.: Okay. But can I tell you
610
00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:26,042
something about life?
611
00:14:26,083 --> 00:14:27,500
Glenn: Enlighten me.
612
00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:29,458
D.J.: It's ridiculous.
613
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,042
Glenn: Oh.
614
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,042
You think I don't know?
615
00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:33,583
Do you want to hear
616
00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:33,583
some of my poetry?
617
00:14:33,625 --> 00:14:35,542
D.J.: Sure.
618
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,167
Glenn: Here's a good one.
619
00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:39,042
[ Clears throat ]
620
00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:42,375
"So what is the point
621
00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:42,375
of living today?
622
00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:45,750
You just have to do
623
00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:45,750
what other people say.
624
00:14:45,792 --> 00:14:47,375
Life is the Matrix.
625
00:14:47,417 --> 00:14:49,458
Goddess, how I hate this.
626
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,750
I wish it would
627
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,750
all just wash away."
628
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:57,500
D.J.: Whoa.
629
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:57,500
I haven't reached him yet,
630
00:14:57,542 --> 00:15:01,875
but he sees that
631
00:14:57,542 --> 00:15:01,875
I'm throwing him the rope,
632
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:04,167
the rope of friendship.
633
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:16,208
Baxter: Andrew's still got
634
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:16,208
his thong in a bunch
635
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,125
about the Diamond Dealmakers.
636
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,333
-Andrew: Ah!
637
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,333
-Baxter: Ah!
638
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:22,417
Both: Aah!
639
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:25,417
Victoria: No. I'm walking
640
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:25,417
through a Planet Hollywood.
641
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,583
Andrew: Baxter broke
642
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,583
the bro code so hard.
643
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:30,792
I can't even say it.
644
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:33,792
He didn't give me
645
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:33,792
a shout-out!
646
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:37,208
Bros always give
647
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:37,208
each other a shout-out!
648
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,417
Baxter: I'm going, by myself,
649
00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:42,250
to meet a client
650
00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:42,250
at a listing in Venice Beach.
651
00:15:42,292 --> 00:15:44,292
My client's name
652
00:15:42,292 --> 00:15:44,292
is Morningstar,
653
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,250
and she's a celebrity doula,
654
00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:48,625
which is a thing
655
00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:48,625
you can be now.
656
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:51,125
Doula is a fancy name
657
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:51,125
for birth coach.
658
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,917
Tons of natural light,
659
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,917
as you can see.
660
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:56,375
Morningstar: Tons. It makes me
661
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:56,375
laugh because, as a doula,
662
00:15:56,417 --> 00:15:58,042
I'm so connected
663
00:15:56,417 --> 00:15:58,042
to the elements.
664
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,500
And the sun makes me laugh.
665
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:05,375
Try this.
666
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:05,375
This is actually a smoothie.
667
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,000
These are expensive,
668
00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,000
so I'm giving you a sip
669
00:16:07,042 --> 00:16:08,583
of that for free.
670
00:16:07,042 --> 00:16:08,583
-Baxter: Oh.
671
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:10,000
Morningstar: Take it,
672
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:10,000
take it, take it, take it.
673
00:16:10,042 --> 00:16:11,417
If you have any
674
00:16:10,042 --> 00:16:11,417
immunity problems,
675
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:13,083
if your vision's blurry,
676
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:13,083
if you're having trouble
677
00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:14,833
sleeping, if you can't really
678
00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:14,833
open up to the people
679
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,667
closest to you, a smoothie
680
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,667
like this will really help.
681
00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,167
And make sure you get
682
00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,167
to the bottom
683
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,875
because all the nutrients
684
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,875
tend to go to the bottom.
685
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:22,000
I mean, that's as fresh
686
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:22,000
as placenta gets.
687
00:16:22,042 --> 00:16:23,917
Again, this an hour
688
00:16:22,042 --> 00:16:23,917
and a half ago, max.
689
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:25,333
-Baxter: Huh?
690
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:25,333
-Morningstar: It's placenta.
691
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,583
Baxter: A baby sac?
692
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,583
One second.
693
00:16:29,792 --> 00:16:32,292
Morningstar: And I like
694
00:16:29,792 --> 00:16:32,292
the acoustics in here. Ah!
695
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:33,583
-Baxter: Yeah. It's very --
696
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:33,583
-Morningstar: Ah!
697
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,333
Yeah.
698
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,333
I'm really sensitive to that
699
00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:36,875
because people are screaming.
700
00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:36,875
-Baxter: Oh, yeah.
701
00:16:36,917 --> 00:16:38,208
Morningstar: The baby's born
702
00:16:36,917 --> 00:16:38,208
into that,
703
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,000
and they go,
704
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,000
"Oh, God, the chaos.
705
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,667
Oh, God." You know?
706
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,667
-Baxter: Right.
707
00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:43,708
Well, this is a recent addition,
708
00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:43,708
this wing of the house.
709
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,083
So it's very solid.
710
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,083
-Morningstar: Well, I can tell
711
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:46,792
that no one has ever
712
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:46,792
given birth here.
713
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:48,333
Baxter: I'll do anything
714
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:48,333
for a sale,
715
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,542
which is why I told Morningstar
716
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:53,042
we could act out
717
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:53,042
a simulated birth.
718
00:16:53,083 --> 00:16:54,542
Morningstar:
719
00:16:53,083 --> 00:16:54,542
Plant your arms firmly
720
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:56,208
as though you're from the Earth,
721
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:56,208
which you are.
722
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,042
Now what you're going
723
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,042
to do is keep doing
724
00:16:58,083 --> 00:16:59,333
some of those low moans.
725
00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:02,875
Oh, God!
726
00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:02,875
It's happening now, Josh!
727
00:17:02,917 --> 00:17:05,833
Baxter: [ High-pitched ] Oh,
728
00:17:02,917 --> 00:17:05,833
God, it's happening now, Josh!
729
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:07,708
Morningstar: We don't have time
730
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:07,708
to get the car, Josh.
731
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,792
The baby needs to be born here.
732
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,792
Okay.
733
00:17:09,833 --> 00:17:12,375
Listen to me, we're going
734
00:17:09,833 --> 00:17:12,375
to do this now, okay?
735
00:17:12,417 --> 00:17:14,417
Baxter: Okay.
736
00:17:12,417 --> 00:17:14,417
Never mind, Josh.
737
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:16,667
Morningstar: Josh, we need you.
738
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:16,667
But we don't really need you
739
00:17:16,708 --> 00:17:18,375
because you're not helpful
740
00:17:16,708 --> 00:17:18,375
in this situation
741
00:17:18,417 --> 00:17:20,625
because men to tend
742
00:17:18,417 --> 00:17:20,625
to tense up around fear!
743
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:23,417
Baxter: Stay close
744
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:23,417
but emotionally far away!
745
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,042
Morningstar: As you
746
00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,042
already have been!
747
00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:26,542
Baxter: This is going well.
748
00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:28,167
Morningstar: Let this act
749
00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:28,167
a metaphor for the blood.
750
00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:29,792
Baxter: Does this much
751
00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:29,792
blood happen in birth?
752
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,458
Morningstar: It's just
753
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,458
pouring out. Often it will.
754
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,083
Now what's going
755
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,083
to happen -- Look at me.
756
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:34,667
We're going to have this baby.
757
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:34,667
-Baxter: All right.
758
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:36,125
Morningstar: Now what I need you
759
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:36,125
to do is really take
760
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:38,375
a deep breath
761
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:38,375
and do kind of a battle cry,
762
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:40,375
like a...
763
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:40,375
[Ululating]
764
00:17:40,417 --> 00:17:42,083
Baxter: [ Ululating ]
765
00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:43,542
Morningstar: Okay. Good.
766
00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:43,542
Oh, no!
767
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,083
-Baxter: Oh!
768
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,083
-Morningstar: Oh, no!
769
00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:46,417
Morningstar: Oh, no.
770
00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:46,417
I can't breathe!
771
00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:47,917
-Baxter: Oh!
772
00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:47,917
-Morningstar: Oh, no!
773
00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:49,500
-Baxter: What?
774
00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:49,500
-Morningstar: I can't breathe!
775
00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:51,083
Oh, no.
776
00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:51,083
I need you to push harder!
777
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:53,208
Baxter: Push harder?
778
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:53,208
[ Ululating ]
779
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:56,292
Morningstar: [ Crying ]
780
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:56,292
Hold me. I'm your baby.
781
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,083
-Baxter: Oh.
782
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,083
-Morningstar: [ Crying ]
783
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,875
Baxter: Oh, no!
784
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,875
It's okay!
785
00:18:00,917 --> 00:18:03,042
My baby. My baby.
786
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,667
Morningstar: Ma-- Mama?
787
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,083
Tell me your mother's name.
788
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,083
-Baxter: Maureen.
789
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,583
Morningstar: Maureen.
790
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,583
You're Maureen.
791
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:08,875
Baxter: Yeah.
792
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:10,125
Morningstar:
793
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:10,125
I'm a baby. Oh, no.
794
00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:11,667
Baxter: Baxter!
795
00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:11,667
Oh, Baxter!
796
00:18:11,708 --> 00:18:13,250
-Morningstar: You don't love me!
797
00:18:11,708 --> 00:18:13,250
-Baxter: No, I do!
798
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,000
Morningstar: You pushed too hard
799
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,000
but not hard enough.
800
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:16,333
-Baxter: No. No, I -- I --
801
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:16,333
-Morningstar: I love you, Mom.
802
00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:17,958
Baxter: I love --
803
00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:17,958
I love you, Baxter.
804
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,417
Morningstar: Little kiss
805
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,417
right here?
806
00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:21,833
Baxter: I love you.
807
00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:23,875
I think I can stop therapy now.
808
00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:25,458
Morningstar: Oh, no!
809
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,375
Baxter:
810
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,375
No, Baxter, I got you milk!
811
00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:29,458
I got your milk!
812
00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:29,458
I got your milk!
813
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,458
Morningstar: I want you
814
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,458
to drink it because you my --
815
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,542
you need nutrients.
816
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,542
-Baxter: No, it's your milk.
817
00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:34,958
Okay.
818
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,917
Morningstar: No,
819
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,917
I want you to drink it now!
820
00:18:39,583 --> 00:18:41,417
Baxter: I blew the sale,
821
00:18:41,458 --> 00:18:45,167
and then I blew chunks
822
00:18:41,458 --> 00:18:45,167
of placenta everywhere.
823
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,708
It was not good.
824
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,833
???
825
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:58,708
D.J.: Ah.
826
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,417
-Andrew: Hey, man.
827
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,417
-D.J.: Andrew.
828
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:01,917
-Andrew: Hi.
829
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:01,917
-D.J.: I just finished --
830
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:04,833
Andrew: That's my name.
831
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:04,833
Don't wear it out.
832
00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:07,292
D.J.: Wow.
833
00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:07,292
Last meeting of the day
834
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,833
and it's with Andrew.
835
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:11,083
And he's a mystery to me.
836
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:11,083
Yeah.
837
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:14,667
I just love your energy
838
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:14,667
around the office, your vibes.
839
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:17,167
It's just, like, I wanted
840
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:17,167
to talk to you one-on-one
841
00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:19,083
because you're a real enigma
842
00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:19,083
here, you know?
843
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,708
Andrew: Oh, great.
844
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,708
I'm sorry, man.
845
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,667
We don't use a lot of racial
846
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,667
terms around the office.
847
00:19:23,708 --> 00:19:27,417
You may be one, but...
848
00:19:23,708 --> 00:19:27,417
-D.J.: An enigma?
849
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:30,042
Andrew: ...I'm not comfortable
850
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:30,042
even hearing that.
851
00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:31,375
D.J.: I'm not an enigma,
852
00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:31,375
you are.
853
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:33,708
Andrew: Whatever you say,
854
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:33,708
my enigma.
855
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:36,375
I've been to HR more times
856
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:36,375
than I've been to the bathroom.
857
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:37,792
D.J.: Man, what
858
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:37,792
are you thinking?
859
00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,125
What's going on right now?
860
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,750
-Andrew: Right now?
861
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,750
-D.J.: Yeah.
862
00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,375
-Andrew: Uh, hungry.
863
00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,375
-D.J.: You're thinking hungry?
864
00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:45,542
Andrew: Wait, no.
865
00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:46,958
Hungry.
866
00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:46,958
-D.J.: Hungry.
867
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,667
You're hungry for
868
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,667
the next step,
869
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,375
where else you're going
870
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,375
to be in this company.
871
00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:51,917
And you know what?
872
00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:51,917
I'm going to help you find that.
873
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,917
Andrew: No, food,
874
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,917
where I'll get my next food.
875
00:19:54,958 --> 00:19:56,250
D.J.: Yeah.
876
00:19:54,958 --> 00:19:56,250
Yeah.
877
00:19:56,292 --> 00:19:58,083
How are you gonna
878
00:19:56,292 --> 00:19:58,083
sell that next house?
879
00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:01,125
Andrew: Hot dog.
880
00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:01,125
Hot dog. Hot --
881
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,833
Hamburger.
882
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,833
Hamburger with j--
883
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:06,792
Oh, I'm going back to hot dog.
884
00:20:06,833 --> 00:20:08,833
Oh, Korean barbecue.
885
00:20:06,833 --> 00:20:08,833
[ Chuckles ]
886
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,417
D.J.: I have no idea
887
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,417
what's going on in that brain,
888
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:14,875
but everything that's
889
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:14,875
going on is amazing.
890
00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:16,458
You have to know that.
891
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,917
You must be playing
892
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,917
a trick on all of us.
893
00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:20,583
You must go home
894
00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:20,583
every day and go,
895
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:23,917
"I fooled everybody
896
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:23,917
at work again."
897
00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:25,833
Andrew: I don't do that.
898
00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:25,833
I do go home.
899
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,625
I've DVR'd every episode
900
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,625
of "Judge Judy."
901
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:31,667
And I'll turn it way down,
902
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:31,667
and then I talk for her.
903
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,250
It gives me a feeling
904
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,250
of power in my life
905
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:35,917
because then, like,
906
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:35,917
I can make up the case.
907
00:20:35,958 --> 00:20:38,375
And so I can be like,
908
00:20:35,958 --> 00:20:38,375
"This guy came in,
909
00:20:38,417 --> 00:20:40,958
and he stole all my brushes."
910
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,042
And then we'll cut to the girl,
911
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,042
and I'll be like, "No, I didn't.
912
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:46,083
No way did I do that. No, sir."
913
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:49,125
Depending on how long it
914
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:49,125
stays on her, it's a ton of nos.
915
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:51,167
And then eventually, at the end,
916
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:51,167
Judge Judy will be like,
917
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,958
"Give me my paperwork, rah rah,
918
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,417
and you pay him $500
919
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,417
for all those brushes."
920
00:20:57,458 --> 00:21:00,625
D.J.: I never put myself
921
00:20:57,458 --> 00:21:00,625
in the position of everyman,
922
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,208
and you play every part
923
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,208
just to see
924
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:05,292
what the voice is for everybody.
925
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:08,083
Andrew: When did you get
926
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:08,083
a window put in here
927
00:21:08,125 --> 00:21:09,833
and are we moving?
928
00:21:09,875 --> 00:21:12,917
D.J.: Great people
929
00:21:09,875 --> 00:21:12,917
are like rainbow.
930
00:21:12,958 --> 00:21:14,583
I think Platinum is a place
931
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:18,375
I can hang my scarf
932
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:18,375
for a while and call home.
933
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,750
???
934
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:28,750
Dean: I'm meeting
935
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:28,750
with Glenn to find out
936
00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:31,208
what exactly
937
00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:31,208
is going on with him.
938
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,375
Time for a Glenn-tervention.
939
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,542
[ Heavy metal music playing ]
940
00:21:42,792 --> 00:21:44,333
I could do this all day, Glenn.
941
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,833
Glenn: And I could
942
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,833
do this all night
943
00:21:45,875 --> 00:21:47,625
because I love the darkness.
944
00:21:47,667 --> 00:21:49,917
Dean: That's what we're looking
945
00:21:47,667 --> 00:21:49,917
at here, is the darkness?
946
00:21:49,958 --> 00:21:51,583
Glenn: Yes.
947
00:21:49,958 --> 00:21:51,583
My inner self
948
00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:54,458
coming out in my interior
949
00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:54,458
decorating choices.
950
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,167
-Dean: Target?
951
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,167
-Glenn: Mm-hmm.
952
00:21:56,208 --> 00:21:58,958
Target has a new home
953
00:21:56,208 --> 00:21:58,958
furnishings line by Kat Von D.
954
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,375
Dean: What's that?
955
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:01,833
Glenn: Are you
956
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:01,833
talking about this?
957
00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:04,208
Dean: Yes.
958
00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:04,208
It looks like it's a rhinoceros,
959
00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:05,708
and he's crying so much
960
00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:08,042
there's a puddle beneath him
961
00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:08,042
of rhino tears.
962
00:22:08,083 --> 00:22:09,875
Glenn: Very perceptive, Dean.
963
00:22:09,917 --> 00:22:12,792
Dean: And he seems to have some
964
00:22:09,917 --> 00:22:12,792
sort of leathern bat wings.
965
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:17,583
Glenn: Mm-hmm. So he can escape
966
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:17,583
and fly away and be alone.
967
00:22:17,625 --> 00:22:20,000
Dean: Where you think
968
00:22:17,625 --> 00:22:20,000
you are right now,
969
00:22:20,042 --> 00:22:21,833
that is not darkness.
970
00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:25,167
Glenn: Easy for you to say.
971
00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:25,167
I took poison earlier.
972
00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:27,000
They were mints.
973
00:22:27,042 --> 00:22:29,417
-Dean: In a box marked poison?
974
00:22:27,042 --> 00:22:29,417
-Glenn: It's a novelty thing.
975
00:22:29,458 --> 00:22:31,667
I saw it at the checkout counter
976
00:22:29,458 --> 00:22:31,667
when I got this wristband.
977
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:34,958
Dean: I thought that
978
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:34,958
was part of the hoodie.
979
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,875
Well, this ends now.
980
00:22:38,917 --> 00:22:42,958
Glenn, I know darkness.
981
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,458
You fell in love.
982
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:46,167
That love did not last.
983
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:49,208
Your best friend did
984
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:49,208
something you did not like.
985
00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:51,000
This is life, Glenn.
986
00:22:51,042 --> 00:22:54,667
Let me tell you
987
00:22:51,042 --> 00:22:54,667
about true darkness.
988
00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:59,542
1975, I found my hands around
989
00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:04,833
the neck of a man
990
00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:04,833
I considered my brother,
991
00:23:04,875 --> 00:23:06,708
squeezing, squeezing,
992
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:09,708
watching the light
993
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:09,708
go out of his eyes.
994
00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:11,917
But that wasn't
995
00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:11,917
the scariest thing, Glenn.
996
00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:16,542
The scariest thing
997
00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:16,542
was seeing my own reflection
998
00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:18,667
in his dying eyes,
999
00:23:18,708 --> 00:23:22,042
because beyond
1000
00:23:18,708 --> 00:23:22,042
the messianic ecstasy
1001
00:23:22,083 --> 00:23:24,708
I could see on my face,
1002
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:30,875
I could also see the empty void
1003
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:30,875
that lurked beneath.
1004
00:23:30,917 --> 00:23:33,000
That's darkness, Glenn.
1005
00:23:33,042 --> 00:23:37,458
And that's why I'll never go
1006
00:23:33,042 --> 00:23:37,458
to another Black Friday sale.
1007
00:23:39,833 --> 00:23:42,417
Do you get what I'm saying?
1008
00:23:42,458 --> 00:23:44,833
Good.
1009
00:23:42,458 --> 00:23:44,833
So there's worse things.
1010
00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:49,708
Glenn: Okay.
1011
00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:49,708
Um, I'll, uh, take a shower,
1012
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,375
and I think
1013
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:51,375
I'll wash all this off.
1014
00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:52,875
Dean: Sounds good.
1015
00:23:52,917 --> 00:23:54,458
Glenn: Thank you for
1016
00:23:52,917 --> 00:23:54,458
your frightening story.
1017
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,875
Dean: You're welcome.
1018
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,875
Anytime, I'm full of them.
1019
00:23:56,917 --> 00:23:58,875
Glenn: [ Chuckles nervously ]
1020
00:23:58,917 --> 00:24:01,750
Dean: Rosedragon,
1021
00:23:58,917 --> 00:24:01,750
you've done it again.
1022
00:24:01,792 --> 00:24:04,750
All the pieces are in place.
1023
00:24:04,792 --> 00:24:06,917
You've pit your staff
1024
00:24:04,792 --> 00:24:06,917
against one another
1025
00:24:06,958 --> 00:24:09,083
for a few pages in your book.
1026
00:24:09,125 --> 00:24:13,750
Your beloved son has been
1027
00:24:09,125 --> 00:24:13,750
installed as overseer.
1028
00:24:13,792 --> 00:24:18,167
Glenn has been returned
1029
00:24:13,792 --> 00:24:18,167
to his natural neutered state.
1030
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:23,542
And now to set pen to paper
1031
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:23,542
and tell the story of my life.
1032
00:24:23,583 --> 00:24:28,500
A new day dawns
1033
00:24:23,583 --> 00:24:28,500
over Los Angeles.
1034
00:24:28,542 --> 00:24:31,083
My friend, Orenthal,
1035
00:24:31,125 --> 00:24:33,125
was in a bit of a pickle.
1036
00:24:34,305 --> 00:25:34,923
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