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??
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00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,446
Chelsea:
LAST WEEK, DEAN REVEALED
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00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,751
AND NOW TODAY, HE'S CALLED
ANOTHER MANDATORY MEETING.
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00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:20,419
Dean:
AS YOU ALL HAVE SENSED,
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00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,221
THE PICTURES OF YOU
ON OUR WEBSITE
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ARE TERRIBLE,
AND NO ONE LIKES THEM.
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00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,758
CHIEFLY, I DESPISE THEM.
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00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,760
Chelsea: OKAY, I GUESS
IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THIS PHOTO
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00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:29,128
IS SOMEHOW CONNECTED
TO THE PARTNERSHIP.
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00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,662
I DON'T KNOW.
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00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:34,233
Dean: SO I'VE REMEDIED
THAT SITUATION BY HIRING JERRY.
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00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,401
[ APPLAUSE ]
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00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,769
Andrew: WHOO!
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00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:40,205
Dean: HERE IS
A WORLD-FAMOUS PHOTOGRAPHER
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00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,807
THAT I MET DURING
NEW YORK FASHION WEEK.
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00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,609
-Jerry: OH-HO.
-Dean: WE WERE DRINKING ABSINTHE
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00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,477
IN A HOT-AIR BALLOON.
-Jerry: AH.
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00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,446
Dean: WATCHING THEM ALL
SCURRY ABOUT BELOW.
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Amir: JERRY'S THE MOST IN-DEMAND
PHOTOGRAPHER IN THE BUSINESS.
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00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,119
HIS PICTURES ARE LIKE
AMERICAN APPAREL ADS
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00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:55,687
ON WHATEVER DRUG BILL COSBY HAD.
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00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:59,224
Dean: HIS CAREER BEGAN
SPEEDING DOWN A STREET
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00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,126
TRYING TO CATCH PICTURES
OF LADY DIANA.
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00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:03,562
Jerry: SHE WRECKED,
AND I GOT THE PICTURES.
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00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,431
FROM THEN ON,
I'VE BEEN TAKING PICTURES
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00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:08,567
OF THE LIVING AND THE DEAD
FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER.
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00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,536
-Dean: SOMETIMES SIDE-BY-SIDE.
-Jerry: OH, YEAH.
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A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WONDERING,
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"JERRY, DO YOU HAVE PICTURES
OF NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON
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00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,242
AND RON GOLDMAN?"
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YES, I DO.
HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?
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NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
WILL YOU SEE THEM?
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YES, YOU WILL.
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Victoria: WILL I GET TIRED
OF THE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS
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HE INSISTS ON ANSWERING HIMSELF?
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YES, I WILL.
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Dean: JERRY AND HIS ASSISTANT,
CASSANDRA,
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WILL BE TAKING PHOTOS OF YOU
THAT WILL BE
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THE BEST PHOTOS OF YOU
THAT EVER WILL EXIST.
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TREAT THIS MOMENT
WITH THE REVERENCE IT DESERVES.
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-Dean: JERRY, YOUR SUBJECTS.
-Jerry: THANK YOU, DEAN.
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[ LAUGHS ] WHAT A PILE OF SHIT
THAT GUY IS, RIGHT?
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00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,577
??
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00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,896
Jerry: ALL RIGHT, SHIT-HEADS,
THIS IS HOW THIS IS GONNA WORK.
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YOU'RE GONNA SUBMIT TO ME
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AND MY ASSISTANT, CASSANDRA,
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AND I'M GONNA TAKE
PICTURES OF YOU
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THAT ARE GONNA MAKE YOUR
DICKS HARD AND YOUR PUSSIES WET.
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HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
QUESTIONS? GO.
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NOT YOU.
ANYBODY ELSE.
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THIS GUY
IN THE BACK'S FREAKING ME OUT
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BECAUSE I DIDN'T
SEE YOU AT ALL, MAN.
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Cassandra: IT'S LIKE
HE'S BLENDING INTO THE CORNER.
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Jerry: IT'S LIKE A WHITE GUY
ON A WHITE WALL.
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I SHOULD TAKE
THAT PICTURE OF YOU, MAN.
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YOU'RE MY FAVORITE.
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Amir:
I COULD GO BY THE BLUE WALL.
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Jerry:
GET OUT OF HERE. GO. GUY.
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Andrew: COULD
YOU WALK ME JUST THROUGH
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00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,787
THE WARM-UP OR WHATEVER SO
I CAN STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY?
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Jerry:
YOU'RE GONNA GET UP THERE.
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I'M GONNA USE MY CAMERA DICK
TO TAKE PICTURES OF YOU.
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00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,360
-Andrew: YOUR WHAT?
-Jerry: I SAID MY CAMERA DICK.
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-YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT?
-Andrew: NO.
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-Jerry: YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
-Andrew: I ASSUME I WILL.
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Jerry: IT'S BIG AND BLACK
AND TAKES GREAT PICS.
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Andrew: HEY, WE'RE GOOD.
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I'M VERY FRIGHTENED OF JERRY.
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Baxter: YEAH,
THIS DUDE SEEMS CRAZY.
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Cassandra:
THERE WE GO. THAT'S NICE.
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-THERE WE GO.
-Jerry: THAT'S GOOD. MMM! MMM!
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Cassandra: DOES ANYBODY ELSE
NEED SOMETHING TO RELAX?
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Victoria: WHAT EXACTLY
IS CASSIE'S ROLE
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IN THIS WHOLE THING?
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Jerry:
PHOTOGRAPHER'S ASSISTANT.
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00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,713
Cassandra: THAT'S RIGHT.
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Jerry: ANYTHING ELSE
THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
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00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,716
-Cassandra: RECRUITING.
-Jerry: ALL RIGHT.
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00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,951
ANY LAST QUESTIONS?
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00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,853
-Chelsea: I LIKE THIS.
-Jerry: NOT FROM YOU.
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00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,789
??
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00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,624
Andrew: WE'RE SHOWING A HOUSE
TO OUR FRIEND FROM COLLEGE --
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00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:13,792
DIRK ST. HANCOCK.
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Baxter: YEAH, DUMB NAME.
GREAT GUY, THOUGH.
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00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,362
Andrew: WE WERE IN
AN A CAPPELLA GROUP TOGETHER.
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I'M NOT SURE
WHY WE DRIFTED APART.
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Baxter: DIRK IS SUPER-RICH.
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UH, HE INHERITED
ALL OF SPENCER'S GIFTS STORES.
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Dirk: SO GOOD
TO SEE YOU GUYS AGAIN, MAN!
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-GIVE ME SOME.
-Andrew: OW!
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-Dirk: GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
-Andrew: YOU ARE STRONG!
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Dirk:
OH, MY GOD, ONE MORE HUG.
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ONE MORE HUG.
STILL HUGGING.
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IT'S NOT A HUG
UNLESS NIPPLES ARE TOUCHING.
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Baxter: THAT'S TRUE.
IT'S NIPPLES ON NIPPLES.
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Andrew:
I FEEL LIKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER.
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-Dirk: HUH?
-Andrew: YOU LOOK YOUNGER --
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Baxter:
YEAH, YOU DO LOOK YOUNGER.
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THAT COME BY IN THE MORNING
WHILE I'M STILL ASLEEP
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00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,626
AND IT'S AWESOME AND THEY --
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Baxter: CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL
THE SPENCER'S GIFTS, BY THE WAY.
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Andrew: THAT'S A LOT
OF SPENCER'S GIFTS.
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Dirk: YOU INHERIT IT
FROM YOUR DEAD FATHER,
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00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:57,703
AND YOU SPEND ABOUT SIX MINUTES
BEING BUMMED OUT ABOUT THAT.
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00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,938
AND THEN YOU TAKE THE MONEY
AND YOU RUN.
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YOU GUYS, THIS IS REALLY
WORKING OUT FOR YOU, HUH?
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00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,242
ARE YOU MAKING A LOT OF MONEY?
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Both: UH...
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Andrew: DOES THIS ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION?
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-SOMETIMES.
-Baxter: UH, YES.
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00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,347
Andrew: DIRK IS THE BEST.
I LOVE THAT GUY.
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00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,781
Baxter: HE IS SO GREAT.
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Dirk: OH, THESE ACOUSTICS
ARE SWINGING IN HERE.
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Dirk: I LIKE THAT
? DOO-DOO-DOO ?
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00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:15,988
Andrew: ? DOO-PA-DOO-DOO ?
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00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:18,757
Dirk: ? DOO-PA-DOO-DOO ?
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-? DOO-PA-DOO-DOO ?
-Andrew: ? SHE HAD ?
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00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,861
? SHE HAD, MY LADY, SHE HAD ?
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00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,963
? SHE HAD MY LADY ?
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00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,734
? BA-DA-PA-DA-DOO,
BUT THEN I LOST HER ?
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00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,637
-Baxter: WE USED TO KILL IT.
-Dirk: WE STILL GOT IT.
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00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:32,871
Andrew: YOU GOT IT.
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00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,439
Baxter: THANK GOD WE HAD
SOME OTHER SINGERS.
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Dirk:
YOU WERE ALWAYS RIGHT ON KEY.
125
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,476
YOU WERE ALWAYS JUST
A LITTLE BIT OFF-KEY.
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00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,711
YOU WOULD GET IT
ONCE IN A WHILE.
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00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,013
SO FUCKING GOOD
TO SEE YOU GUYS AGAIN, BUD.
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00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:42,714
Andrew: OW!
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00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:46,318
I THINK IT WAS JUST
THE ACOUSTICS IN THAT KITCHEN.
130
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,353
Andrew: YEAH, I THINK
IT WAS THE ACOUSTICS.
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00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:51,290
??
132
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,327
Victoria: DEAN SWEARS
JERRY'S A LEGEND.
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00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:58,463
I ASSUME HE MEANS AT DOING
DRUGS AND AMASSING LAWSUITS.
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00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,033
Jerry: [ INHALES DEEPLY ]
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00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:04,369
Victoria: DOES THAT AFFECT
THE CAMERA, OR...
136
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:07,739
Jerry: I HAVE TO CHANGE
THE SETTINGS BASED ON SMELL.
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00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:10,742
THEY'RE NOT JUST GONNA SEE YOU.
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THEY'RE GONNA SMELL YOU.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
139
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:13,945
Victoria: LIKE
A SCRATCH-AND-SNIFF, OR --
140
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,848
Jerry: YOU'RE A CAT.
KITTY CAT.
141
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,517
-Victoria: RAWR.
-Jerry: JUNGLE CAT.
142
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,353
-Victoria: [ HISSES ]
-Jerry: YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]
143
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-THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?
-Cassandra: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
144
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,923
-Jerry: YOU'RE NOT SEXY, THOUGH.
-Victoria: OH, OKAY.
145
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,491
Jerry: YOU'RE NOT SEXY.
YOU'RE A THREAT.
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00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,859
YOU'RE THE CAT
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00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:31,330
THAT KILLED THE DAD
IN "THE LION KING."
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00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:32,864
Victoria: THIS GUY IS INSANE,
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00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,766
BUT IF IT'LL GET ME
THE PARTNERSHIP,
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00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,868
I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.
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00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,337
Jerry:
YOU'RE A CORPSE. GO.
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00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:39,538
HERE WE GO.
OH, YEAH.
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00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,505
BEAUTIFUL.
154
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,074
BEAUTIFUL!
COME ON!
155
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,509
COME ON! YOU'RE NOT DYING!
YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD!
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00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,777
Victoria:
HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN DEAD?
157
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,512
Jerry:
YOU'RE DEAD SIX WEEKS.
158
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,114
YOU'RE NOT IN THE GROUND YET.
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00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,949
THEY'RE KEEPING YOU
IN A DRAWER IN THE MORGUE
160
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,784
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT SURE
WHAT HAPPENED.
161
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,119
OH, YOU'RE A CORPSE
ON A TV SHOW.
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00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,054
THEY'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU,
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00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,090
BUT THE GUY THAT WORKS
ON THE FISH MARKET
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00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,958
WON'T GIVE UP
THAT HE SAW YOU THAT NIGHT.
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00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,393
-OH, YEAH.
-Cassandra: WAIT, JERRY,
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00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,728
LET ME JUST CHECK YOUR HAIR
REAL QUICK.
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00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:03,829
Jerry: YEAH, HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.
168
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,063
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
LET'S DO THIS.
169
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,898
Victoria: CASSANDRA,
HOW DOES MY HAIR LOOK?
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00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:07,933
-Cassandra: I DON'T CARE.
-Jerry: Shh, shh, shh, shh.
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00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,000
-YOU'RE DEAD.
-Victoria: OKAY.
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00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,435
Jerry:
WHY WON'T SHE STAY DEAD?
173
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:11,470
DO WE HAVE ANYTHING TO GIVE HER
174
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,838
TO KILL HER FOR LIKE A MINUTE?
175
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,039
Cassandra:
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, FOR SURE.
176
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,440
Victoria: NO, I CAN PLAY IT.
LISTEN.
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00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,875
Jerry: WE CAN O.D. YOU...
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00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,377
Victoria: NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T NEED IT.
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00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:19,778
Jerry: ...AND THEN GIVE YOU
A SHOT IN THE HEART.
180
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:20,946
Victoria:
I DON'T NEED IT. WHAT?!
181
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,981
YEAH, THIS IS GETTING
REALLY CREEPY.
182
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:27,018
CASSANDRA'S FANNY PACK IS LIKE
A MARY POPPINS BAG FOR PILLS.
183
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,554
Jerry: COME ON.
LICK THE LENS.
184
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,823
YEAH.
THIS IS GOOD.
185
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,091
Victoria: BUT YOU'RE NOT TAKING
ANY PICTURES.
186
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,460
Jerry: NO, IT'S HARD TO FOCUS.
I JUST LIKE THIS.
187
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:36,862
YEAH.
188
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,830
-OH, YOU DIRTY LITTLE GIRL.
-Victoria: OKAY.
189
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,465
WELL, NOW WE'RE NOT EVEN
USING THE CAMERA.
190
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,833
Jerry: YOU LIKE THAT?
191
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,402
Victoria: DOES CASSANDRA
STAY HERE FOR THIS?
192
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:47,139
Jerry: IT WAS ABOUT
TAKING A PICTURE.
193
00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:49,007
WE'RE DONE.
194
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,009
??
195
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,148
Amir: I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
OPEN HOUSE TODAY
196
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,150
AND CAN'T AFFORD
FOR ANYTHING TO GO WRONG.
197
00:06:58,152 --> 00:07:00,886
FORTUNATELY,
OPEN HOUSES ARE MY SPECIALTY,
198
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,955
MUCH LIKE SUITS AND MUSIC
ARE PITBULL'S SPECIALTY.
199
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,167
THERE'S A HOMELESS PERSON
SQUATTING IN MY OPEN HOUSE?
200
00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:16,168
WHAT THE HELL?!
201
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:18,904
HEY! HEY!
202
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,906
-Woman: WHAT IS IT?
-Amir: WHAT THE FUCK?!
203
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,607
-Woman: WHAT?
-Amir: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
204
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,176
Woman: HUH? WHAT?
NOBODY'S IN HERE.
205
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:26,044
Amir: I HAVE AN OPEN HOUSE
IN 15 MINUTES.
206
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,547
YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
207
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:32,884
SHE SMELLS LIKE A SHIT
FUCKED AN EGG-SALAD SANDWICH.
208
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,053
THAT SAID,
THIS GIVES ME AN IDEA.
209
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,189
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
210
00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:39,925
Amir:
YOU WANT TO MAKE SOME MONEY?
211
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,593
-Woman: YEAH, OF COURSE I DO.
-Amir: OKAY.
212
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:45,964
I COULD USE YOU TO MESS UP
MY COMPETITORS' OPEN HOUSES.
213
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,067
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE OPEN HOUSE,
AND YOU STAY THERE.
214
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,502
RESPECTABLE PEOPLE
ARE GONNA COME IN.
215
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,103
THEY'RE GONNA SEE YOU.
THEY'RE GONNA SMELL YOU.
216
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,539
Woman: COME ON.
I'M NOT THAT...
217
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,007
MUCH OF A MONSTER.
218
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,076
Amir: SHE IS EXACTLY
THAT MUCH OF A MONSTER.
219
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,478
Woman: I CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
220
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,946
I CAN CALL PEOPLE THE N-WORD.
221
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,214
-Amir: NO.
-Woman: I CAN -- NO?
222
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:03,648
-Amir: WELL, MAYBE.
-Woman: I MEAN,
223
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,051
HEY, HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT THIS?
224
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,553
Amir: MM,
I DO MILLION-DOLLAR NEGOTIATIONS
225
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,055
BEFORE BREAKFAST ON SUNDAY.
226
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:13,124
I THINK I CAN HANDLE HOLLY HOBO
AND HER BAG OF PISS CANS.
227
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,559
I NEED TO BE
REALLY CLEAR ON THIS.
228
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,894
Woman: WHAT?
229
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,028
Amir: I DON'T WANT
YOU TO KILL ANYBODY.
230
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,230
Woman: DON'T WANT ME
TO KILL ANYBODY.
231
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:20,599
YOU WANT ME TO KILL
A CERTAIN SOMEBODY.
232
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,534
-I CAN DO THAT. I CAN DO THAT.
-Amir: NO, I DON'T --
233
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,236
Woman: BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
I WAS A MARINE.
234
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:26,938
Amir:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. DON'T KILL ANYBODY.
235
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,640
YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'LL GIVE YOU 40 BUCKS
236
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,642
IF YOU PROMISE NOT
TO KILL ANYBODY.
237
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,077
Woman: $50.
238
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,545
I WANT TWO OF THOSE BURRITOS
239
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,280
FROM 7-ELEVEN
THAT ARE CALLED "DA BOMB."
240
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,683
AND THEN I WANT
A GENUINE HUG FROM YOU.
241
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,019
Amir: HA.
242
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,554
-OKAY.
-Woman: YEAH?
243
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,089
Amir: I'LL GIVE YOU $60.
244
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,891
YOU CAN GO BUY
THE BURRITO YOURSELF.
245
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,259
-NO HUG.
-Woman: $60.
246
00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:49,261
YOU HAVE TO KISS ME
ON MY LIPS.
247
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,296
Amir:
THAT'S MORE THAN A HUG.
248
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,533
Woman: $1, FIVE KISSES,
A 30-SECOND GENUINE HUG.
249
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,303
FIVE KISSES.
ONE.
250
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,605
MM, TWO.
251
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,210
THREE, FOUR.
252
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,712
FIVE.
253
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,714
THEN A 30-SECOND GENUINE HUG.
254
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,017
WE DO "MISSISSIPPI"
WHERE I COME FROM.
255
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,152
Amir: OH, FUCK.
256
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,087
Woman: ONE MISSISSIPPI,
257
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:20,091
-YOU HAVE TO SPEED IT UP.
-Woman: I'M COUNTING.
258
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,726
THREE MISSISSIPPI...
259
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,928
Amir: OHH.
260
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,696
Woman: ...FOUR MISSISS--
OH, YEAH.
261
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,264
Amir: OKAY. OKAY.
262
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,632
-Woman: EIGHT MISSISSIPPI.
-Amir: I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
263
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,200
OHH!
YOU GOT TO LEAVE.
264
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,635
YOU GOT TO LEAVE.
YOU GOT TO GO. IT'S DONE.
265
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,337
-DONE, DONE. NO DEAL. NO DEAL.
-Woman: OKAY.
266
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,005
Amir: KEEP THE MONEY.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
267
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,273
-Woman: OKAY.
-Amir: GO. GO.
268
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,975
-Woman: YOU OKAY?
-Amir: [ SPITS ] OH, MY GOD!
269
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,209
Woman: OH, DON'T SPIT
ON MY TREASURE!
270
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,212
QUIT SPITTING ON MY TREASURE!
GET OUT OF HERE!
271
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,748
GET OUT OF HERE, YOU STREET RAT!
GET OUT OF HERE!
272
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,651
Amir: IT COST 8 GRAND TO GET THE
PISS STAINS OUT OF THAT CARPET.
273
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,320
GOD, I HOPE THAT WAS PISS.
274
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:53,258
??
275
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:56,795
Baxter:
WELL, WE ARE STILL TRYING
276
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,964
TO SELL THIS HOUSE
TO OUR "FRIEND" DIRK.
277
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:02,767
Andrew: YEAH, I FORGET HOW MUCH
HE LIKES TO JOKE AROUND. UH...
278
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,669
Dirk: I LOVE YOUR LOOK, MAN.
NOT ALL THE GUYS CAN PULL OFF
279
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:07,138
A LESBIAN ICE-SKATER HAIRCUT,
BUT YOU CAN.
280
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:10,041
AND THE PANTS.
BOLD.
281
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,810
Baxter:
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY PANTS?
282
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:15,347
-Andrew: THEY ARE KIND OF TIGHT.
-Baxter: HUH?
283
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,148
Dirk: THIS IS GOOD.
THIS IS GOOD, TOO.
284
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,318
A LITTLE -- A LITTLE THIN.
I GIVE THAT FOUR YEARS.
285
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,087
Andrew: HEY,
I'M NOT GOING BALD, AM I?
286
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:25,657
Baxter: NO. NO, YOU JUST
HAVE AN AGGRESSIVE FOREHEAD.
287
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,158
Andrew: THANK YOU.
288
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,128
Dirk: SO, WHAT'S NEW? YOU GUYS
JUST MAKING IT WORK, HUH?
289
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,030
Andrew:
WE'RE NO DIRK ST. HANCOCK...
290
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,231
Baxter: NO DIRK ST. HANCOCK.
291
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,367
Andrew: ...BUT WE'RE DOING
WHAT WE CAN.
292
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:36,635
? DOING WHAT WE ?
293
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,169
Together: ? CAN ?
294
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:41,706
? WE'RE DOING WHAT WE CAN ?
295
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,643
Dirk: ? SHARP, FLAT ?
296
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,011
-Andrew: ? NAILED IT ?
-Baxter: ? NAILED IT ?
297
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,345
Dirk:
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
298
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,813
SPEAKING OF NAILING,
I GOT TO GO TAKE A GIANT SHIT.
299
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,115
DO YOU GUYS KNOW
WHERE THE COMMODE IS?
300
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,282
Baxter:
YEAH, RIGHT DOWN THERE.
301
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,717
Dirk:
YEAH, I GOT TO DROP SOME HEAT.
302
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,152
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS IN A SECOND.
I'LL FIND IT.
303
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,655
Baxter: ALL RIGHT. COOL.
304
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:59,124
DO I REALLY LOOK LIKE
A LESBIAN ICE SKATER?
305
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,192
Andrew: MY HAIR'S THINNING?
HE GAVE ME FOUR YEARS.
306
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,794
Baxter: NO,
YOUR HAIR'S VERY THICK.
307
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,763
Andrew: WHAT, I'M GONNA
BE DANNY DeVITO IN FOUR YEARS.
308
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,064
Baxter:
WE'LL GET YOU PROPECIA.
309
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,832
YOU CAN FIX THAT.
I CAN'T FIX --
310
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,301
Andrew: LESBIAN HAIR?
ARE YOU THAT COMMITTED TO IT?
311
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,670
Baxter: I MEAN, WHAT,
I GROW IT LONGER,
312
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,304
AND I JUST LOOK LIKE
A REGULAR LADY?
313
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,041
A LADY OR A LESBIAN LADY?
THOSE ARE MY TWO LOOKS?
314
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,208
Andrew:
THEY'RE TWO GOOD LOOKS.
315
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,843
THAT'S BETTER
THAN DANNY DeVITO.
316
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,812
Dirk:
? TAKIN' A BIG, OLD SHIT ?
317
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,281
Andrew and Baxter:
? TAKIN' A BIG, OLD SHIT ?
318
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,849
Dirk:
? TAKIN' A BIG, OLD SHIT ?
319
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,118
-Andrew: I DON'T KNOW --
-Baxter: ? BIG, OLD SHIT ?
320
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,119
Dirk: ? FLAT, FLAT ?
321
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,154
Baxter: WE WERE NOT FLAT.
322
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,155
Andrew: ? SOUNDED GOOD ?
323
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,156
Baxter: HE IS FLAT.
324
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:32,891
OH, YEAH. HOW DID WE FORGET?
325
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,225
DIRK IS AN ASSHOLE.
326
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,428
Andrew:
WE'VE ALWAYS HATED THIS GUY.
327
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:38,063
-Baxter: HEY, DIRKY.
-Andrew: HEY!
328
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,065
Dirk: WHAT'S UP?
I'M TAKING THIS HOUSE.
329
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:43,435
Dirk: AND NOT JUST BECAUSE
I THINK I BROKE THE SHITTER,
330
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,903
BUT I LOVE THIS PLACE.
331
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,439
AND ALSO, YOU GUYS COULD
CERTAINLY USE THE MONEY.
332
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,307
-SO I'M DOING IT, TAKING IT.
-Andrew: GREAT.
333
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:53,344
THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER.
I'M GONNA GO CHECK OUT THE POOL.
334
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,780
-Andrew: ALL RIGHT.
-Dirk: OH, SWEET!
335
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,749
LOTUS BLOSSOMS.
336
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:58,917
Baxter: HE'S ABOUT
TO PEE IN THE POOL.
337
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,453
HE'S PEEING.
DON'T PEE IN IT.
338
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,455
THANKS FOR THE SALE, DIRK.
339
00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:05,924
-WE SHOULD CALL HIM.
-Andrew: WE SHOULD. WE WILL.
340
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,760
??
341
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,934
Chelsea: I WANTED TO IMPRESS A
VERY IMPORTANT POTENTIAL CLIENT,
342
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:19,304
SO I GOT US LUNCH AT THE MOST
EXCLUSIVE RESTAURANT IN L.A.
343
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,773
IT WASN'T EASY.
I HAD TO R.T. THE OWNER.
344
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,309
Glenn: HEY, CHELSEA.
345
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,177
Cassandra: UH,
WHAT IS GLENN DOING HERE,
346
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,480
AND HOW DID HE EVEN
GET INTO THE RESTAURANT?
347
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:30,115
OR ZIP CODE?
348
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,449
OH, I'M ACTUALLY WAITING
FOR A CLIENT.
349
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,285
Glenn: OH, YEAH.
UM, I AM YOUR CLIENT.
350
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,387
Chelsea:
YOU SENT ME THE E-MAIL EARLIER?
351
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,922
Glenn: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
THAT WAS ME.
352
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,491
I'M YOUR CLIENT,
AND I WANT TO SPEND
353
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:42,227
SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
WITH YOU TELLING ME
354
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,795
WHY I SHOULD BUY
THIS BEAUTIFUL PROPERTY.
355
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,929
Chelsea: OKAY.
356
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,198
SO YOU'RE DJLIZARD@YAHOO.COM.
357
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,402
Chelsea: GREAT. I SHOULD HAVE
REALIZED THAT WAS A FAKE PERSON.
358
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,339
PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE --
WHICH STEP IN THE TRANSITION
359
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,375
TO BECOMING A SERIAL KILLER
IS THAT?
360
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,844
OKAY, GLENN,
SO, YOU WANT TO BUY A HOUSE?
361
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:00,912
-Glenn: UH-HUH.
-Chelsea: GREAT.
362
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,514
UH, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
363
00:13:02,516 --> 00:13:05,250
Glenn: UM, I WANT A WIFE
364
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:10,822
WHO LOOKS GREAT IN, UM,
SPARKLY, STRIPED SWEATERS
365
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,957
AND, UH, CRISP WHITE COLLARS...
366
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,425
Chelsea: OKAY.
WELL, THANK YOU.
367
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,560
Glenn: ...AND, UH, LIKES
TO MAKE LOVE IN THE MORNINGS.
368
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,895
Chelsea: OH, WELL, HEY.
369
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,496
LOOKS LIKE I'VE GOT
ANOTHER STALKER.
370
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,431
WHAT DO YOU ENVISION
371
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,000
THAT THE HOME LOOKS LIKE
FROM THE FRONT?
372
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,268
Glenn:
SHE'S GOT HIGH CHEEKBONES.
373
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,936
-Chelsea: NOT THE PERSON.
-Glenn: SOFT.
374
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,371
Chelsea:
DON'T TALK ABOUT THE WOMAN.
375
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,506
Glenn: DARK OLIVE SKIN,
LIKE KALAMATA OLIVES,
376
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,542
BUT WITHOUT
THE PURPLE HUE TO IT.
377
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:33,545
-Chelsea: HOW MANY BATHROOMS?
-Glenn: UM, WHO CARES?
378
00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:34,879
JUST TO HOLD A SHIT IN.
379
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,347
Chelsea:
BUT WHAT IF YOUR WIFE
380
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:39,417
NEEDS A PLACE TO PUT ON
HER MAKEUP, DO HER HAIR?
381
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,885
Glenn: UH,
I DON'T REALLY WANT TO THINK
382
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,921
ABOUT WHAT MY WIFE'S
GONNA DO IN A BATHROOM.
383
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,556
Chelsea: YOU KNOW, THAT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT TO A LOT OF WOMEN.
384
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,391
THAT'S KIND
OF LIKE A SANCTUARY --
385
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,293
TO BE ABLE TO STAND
IN FRONT OF A MIRROR
386
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,428
AND JUST KIND OF, LIKE,
PRAISE ONESELF.
387
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,830
Glenn: OH, YEAH,
WELL, I WANT HER
388
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,432
TO BE ABLE TO PRAISE HERSELF
AND, YOU KNOW...
389
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,534
-Chelsea: GREAT.
-Glenn: ...FEEL LOVE FROM ME
390
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,570
AS WELL AS INTERNALLY
FROM HERSELF.
391
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,505
I JUST DON'T WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT HER B.M.s.
392
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,907
Chelsea: IT'S TIME
TO END THIS LITTLE FANTASY.
393
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:04,876
GUYS LIKE GLENN DON'T GET
TO DATE GIRLS LIKE ME
394
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,311
WITHOUT WINNING A CONTEST.
395
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,479
HEY, GLENN, I THINK I KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
396
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,249
Chelsea: YOU KNOW,
IF YOU LIKE SOMEONE,
397
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,451
THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS
TO TELL HER THAT,
398
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,221
OTHER THAN, YOU KNOW,
CREATING A FAKE E-MAIL ACCOUNT
399
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:19,891
AND MAKING HER THINK THAT
SHE'S GONNA MAKE A BIG SALE.
400
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,593
Glenn: I -- WHOA,
THAT'S REALLY PRESUMPTUOUS.
401
00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:24,295
I WAS NOT TALKING
ABOUT YOU AT ALL, OKAY?
402
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,597
-Chelsea: OKAY. GREAT.
-Glenn: YOU'RE DISGUSTING TO ME.
403
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,232
-Chelsea: OH. OKAY.
-Glenn: YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
404
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,399
-YOU'RE GROSS TO ME.
-Chelsea: SUITS ME FINE.
405
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,634
SO YOU DON'T HAVE
A CRUSH ON ME AT ALL?
406
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,469
-Glenn: NO. NOT AT ALL. NO.
-Chelsea: NO.
407
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,538
I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU, OKAY?
YOU'RE A COLLEAGUE.
408
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,273
Chelsea: WE'RE COLLEAGUES.
WE CAN WORK TOGETHER.
409
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:38,309
Glenn: AND, UM, NO.
I'M NOT --
410
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,511
OH, YEAH, I'M TOTALLY INTO HER.
411
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:45,283
??
412
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,918
Andrew: JERRY THE PHOTOGRAPHER'S
METHODS
413
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,353
MAY NOT BE FOR EVERYONE.
414
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,955
Baxter: BUT, BOY, OH, BOY,
THEY ARE FOR US.
415
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,523
-Jerry: COME ON, HORSY.
-Baxter: ALL RIGHT.
416
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,259
-Jerry: YEAH.
-Baxter: HERE WE GO!
417
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,060
Jerry: OOH, THIS IS GOOD.
OH, THAT'S PERFECT.
418
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,428
THAT'S PERFECT.
419
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,963
-I LOVE THIS.
-Baxter: LET'S KEEP GOING!
420
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,298
-GO FAST!
-Jerry: OKAY.
421
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,366
-Baxter: GO FAST!
-Jerry: OKAY.
422
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,567
THE RACE IS OVER, OKAY?
423
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,503
-Baxter: WE LOST.
-Jerry: HE BROKE HIS LEG.
424
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,640
SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT
THE HORSE. YOU READY?
425
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:11,342
Baxter: I NEVER WANTED
TO DO THIS, SUGAR PUFF.
426
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,044
-SUGAR PUFF, I --
-Jerry: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!
427
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,946
-Baxter: SUGAR PUFF!
-Jerry: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!
428
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:17,348
SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!
429
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:19,484
Baxter: AAH! HE'S DEAD.
430
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,020
I ALWAYS KNEW
ANDREW WAS A BOTTOM.
431
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,354
Andrew: AS A HORSE.
432
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,290
I MEAN, AS A HUMAN,
I'D BE A TOP.
433
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:28,126
HORSE -- BOTTOM, HUMAN -- TOP.
434
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,527
Baxter: LIKE A CENTAUR.
435
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,528
Andrew: EXACTLY.
436
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,363
Jerry: ALL RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S SEE.
437
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,299
WHY DON'T WE GET YOU
ON YOUR KNEES
438
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,100
LOOKING RIGHT UP AT ME,
ALL RIGHT?
439
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,402
Chelsea: JERRY IS INTIMIDATING
440
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:43,007
BUT I BET I KNOW HOW TO FIND
HIS SOFT, HAIRY UNDERBELLY.
441
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,475
OH, MY GOD.
[ CHUCKLES ]
442
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,678
THAT THING YOU DID
WITH YOUR EYEBROWS WAS SO FUNNY.
443
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,680
WAIT, CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN
SO I CAN PUT IT ON INSTAGRAM?
444
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,315
-Jerry: WHAT?
-Chelsea: YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT.
445
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,684
Jerry: ALL RIGHT,
BUT LET'S GET BACK TO YOU, OKAY?
446
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:55,453
I WANT YOU ON YOUR BACK,
LEGS IN THE AIR.
447
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,655
Chelsea: OH, MY GOD, THAT
HAND MOVEMENT RIGHT THERE --
448
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:00,425
LIKE BRADLEY COOPER
WHEN YOU DID THAT.
449
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:01,726
-DO IT ONE MORE TIME.
-Jerry: COOP?
450
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,494
-Chelsea: THE COOP.
-Jerry: HE'S A GOOD FRIEND.
451
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,597
Chelsea: YOU SHOULD STAND HERE.
THE LIGHTING'S WAY BETTER.
452
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,566
YOU GUYS HAVE DONE
A BEAUTIFUL JOB.
453
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,703
AND THEN WE'RE GETTING BACK
TO YOU, OKAY, CHELSEA?
454
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:13,571
Chelsea: UM, NOW,
WHY DON'T YOU TURN AROUND
455
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,706
AND STICK YOUR BUTT WAY OUT?
456
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,407
BUT LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER
LIKE,
457
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,042
"WHO'S KNOCKING AT MY DOOR?
A SUITOR?"
458
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:20,044
Jerry: BELIEVE ME, I THINK
I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.
459
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,479
Chelsea: OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, PRO.
460
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,381
OKAY, AND THEN
SHAKE YOUR BUTT SIDE-TO-SIDE,
461
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,615
BUT MORE UP THAN --
BUT MORE UP THAN DOWN.
462
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,050
Jerry: WAIT,
ARE YOU TAKING A VIDEO?
463
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,518
Chelsea: OH, GOOD IDEA.
NOW I WANT YOU TO,
464
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,187
UM, SHAKE YOUR --
SHAKE YOUR CURLY LOCKS.
465
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,688
STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE.
466
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,991
AND THEN I JUST WANT YOU TO,
LIKE, RUB YOUR OWN ASS,
467
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,559
BUT IN A CIRCLE.
468
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:40,064
-AND THREE, TWO, ONE, SMILE!
-Jerry: YEAH!
469
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,065
-Chelsea: OKAY.
-Jerry: OHH.
470
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,467
Chelsea: I THINK WE GOT IT.
471
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,369
I'M GONNA SELL THESE
TO DARKANDHAIRY. COM.
472
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,770
THAT'S A REAL FETISH SITE.
473
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,573
DO NOT SEARCH IT.
TRUST ME.
474
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,675
Amir: [ CLAPS HANDS ]
AMIR'S IN THE HOUSE.
475
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,443
-LET'S DO THIS.
-Cassandra: OH, YEAH.
476
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,078
Amir: I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED
TO SHOOT WITH JERRY.
477
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,546
THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE.
478
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,482
Jerry: TELL HIM I WANT HIM
TO BRING OVER,
479
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,650
LIKE, INDUSTRIAL-GRADE FIREWORKS
TO THE APARTMENT TONIGHT.
480
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,086
Cassandra: OKAY.
LIKE, A CASE OR SOMETHING?
481
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:03,621
Amir: SO EXCITED FOR THIS.
482
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,690
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
Jerry: YOU'RE DONE. SCRAM.
483
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:09,227
CALL THOSE TWINS FROM LAST WEEK.
WHAT WERE THEIR NAMES?
484
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,661
Cassandra:
UH, REGINA AND RAGINA.
485
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,598
NO, GIVE ME REGINA
BUT NOT RAGINA.
486
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,035
-Cassandra: OKAY.
-Jerry: I WAS NOT A FAN OF HER.
487
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:20,071
??
488
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,174
Andrew: SO, WE GET A CALL
FOR A POTENTIAL NEW LISTING
489
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,675
IN A SUPER-ELITE NEIGHBORHOOD.
490
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:28,746
Baxter: GEORGE CLOONEY'S WIFE'S
COUSIN LIVES THERE.
491
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,653
OUR CLIENT
BRENTYL'S HOUSE IS AMAZING.
492
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:36,788
AND IF WE CAN SELL IT,
IT'LL HELP
493
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,623
OUR CHANCES
OF BECOMING PARTNERS.
494
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,625
Brentyl: SO, THIS WOULD BE
AN EXCELLENT PLACE
495
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,794
FOR SOMEBODY TO POST UP IN.
496
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:45,463
UH, LIKE I SAID,
UM, THERE'S VARIOUS PARTS
497
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:49,500
AND THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST ONES
I CAN THINK OF.
498
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,602
-Baxter: VARIOUS PARTS?
-Brentyl: YEAH, YEAH.
499
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,138
SO, THERE'S THIS ROOM.
I THINK THERE'S A ROOM UPSTAIRS.
500
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,541
THERE'S A ROOM, UH,
RIGHT IN THE LEFT WING.
501
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,776
UM, I'M WILLING TO PART
WITH ALL THOSE.
502
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,611
Baxter: WHAT?
503
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,513
WHY DON'T WE SELL
THIS WHOLE HOUSE,
504
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,115
AND YOU JUST RENT
A SMALLER HOUSE?
505
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,716
-'CAUSE WE CAN HELP YOU DO THAT.
-Andrew: YEAH.
506
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,685
Brentyl: OKAY, JUST PAY
ATTENTION TO THIS -- THIS THING.
507
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,153
-Baxter: OKAY.
-Andrew: OKAY.
508
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:10,822
-THIS IS MY HOUSE. ALL RIGHT?
-Baxter: MM-HMM.
509
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,157
-I DON'T NEED THIS WHOLE HOUSE.
-Andrew: YEAH.
510
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:15,593
Brentyl: I WANT TO SELL
PARTS OF THE HOUSE.
511
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,261
THOSE PEOPLE THAT BUY
THAT PART OF THE HOUSE --
512
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,163
THEY CAN HAVE IT.
IT'S THEIRS.
513
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,698
-NO. DONE.
-Baxter: WAIT.
514
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,633
Brentyl: IF -- IF --
IF IT SOUNDS CRAZY TO YOU,
515
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,168
LET ME BREAK IT DOWN THIS WAY,
OKAY?
516
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,570
IF I HAD A LIBRARY, RIGHT,
517
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:27,805
FULL OF BOOKS, ALL RIGHT,
AND I SOLD YOU ONE BOOK,
518
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:31,175
IS IT CRAZY, HUH, IF I WANT
TO KEEP THE REST OF MY BOOKS?
519
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,111
Baxter:
NO, THAT WOULDN'T BE CRAZY IF YOU WANTED TO SELL A BOOK,
520
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,646
BUT IT WOULD BE CRAZY
IF YOU SOLD A PIECE OF A BOOK
521
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,748
THAT YOU WERE CURRENTLY READING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
522
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,717
Andrew: LIKE, IF YOU WERE LIKE,
"I DON'T LIKE THIS CHAPTER.
523
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:43,754
Baxter: BECAUSE THE CHAPTER
MAKES -- THE BOOK MAKES NO SENSE
524
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,557
IF YOU SELL CHAPTER 4 THROUGH 6.
525
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,259
Brentyl:
BUT IF I'M DONE WITH THE BOOK,
526
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,727
WHY DON'T I GO AHEAD
AND SELL IT?
527
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,862
Baxter: WELL, ARE YOU DONE
WITH THIS WHOLE HOUSE?
528
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,330
-Brentyl: NO.
-Baxter: OKAY.
529
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,664
THEN YOU'RE NOT DONE
WITH THE BOOK.
530
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,233
YOU'VE STILL GOT
THE END PART TO GO.
531
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,701
LIKE, DID HE MURDER HER?
532
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,137
I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT BOOKS.
533
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:03,674
I THINK THIS IS TOO COMPLICATED
FOR US, ALL RIGHT?
534
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,877
Brentyl: I CAN SEE THAT,
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
535
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,578
Baxter: NO,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TROUBLE
536
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,847
FINDING ANYONE TO DO THIS,
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
537
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,250
Brentyl: REALLY?
YOU REALLY THINK THAT?
538
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,285
Baxter: THANK YOU, BRENTYL.
THE HOUSE WAS GREAT.
539
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,888
Dirk: OH, DUDES, DUDES.
HEY, I SAW YOUR CARS OUT FRONT.
540
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,723
IS THIS YOUR PLACE?
CAN I BUY YOUR BATHROOM?
541
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:21,159
I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT.
542
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,661
Andrew: NO WAY!
543
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,630
-Brentyl: LET'S TALK NUMBERS.
-Dirk: ALL RIGHT.
544
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,899
Brentyl: UM, 1.5?
545
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:29,834
Dirk: 1. 2.
546
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,235
Brentyl:
BATHROOM'S RIGHT OVER HERE.
547
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:32,904
Dirk:
THANK YOU. DEAL?
548
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,772
-Baxter: 1.2?
-Andrew: $1.2 MILLION?
549
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,641
-Brentyl: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-Baxter: FOR THE BATHROOM?
550
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,176
Andrew:
YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.
551
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,877
Dirk:
? TAKING A BIG, OLD SHIT ?
552
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,812
Andrew: DIRK, NO TOWELS.
553
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,382
Baxter: I LOVE DIRK.
HE IS THE BEST.
554
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,918
Andrew:
I HOPE HE SHITS FOREVER.
555
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,190
??
556
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:56,594
Andrew:
DEAN'S ANNOUNCED THAT JERRY IS READY WITH OUR PICTURES.
557
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:57,828
Baxter:
THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING.
558
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,964
Dean: WELL,
MY FRIENDS, I AM THRILLED
559
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:03,834
FOR YOU TO SEE THE PRODUCTS
OF JERRY'S LABOR.
560
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:07,905
Victoria: I AM TERRIFIED AT WHAT
MY PICTURE'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE.
561
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,341
Amir: [ SIGHS ]
THIS IS GONNA BE AWFUL.
562
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,943
Dean: BEHOLD!
563
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:15,213
Jerry: I THINK THIS IS
SOME OF MY FINEST WORK.
564
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,849
I CAPTURED THE FILTHY ANIMALS
THAT YOU ALL ARE.
565
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,751
WELCOME...
566
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,221
TO YOUR PORTRAITS.
567
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,693
-Baxter: WOW.
-Victoria: I AM AMAZED.
568
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,228
Chelsea: I'VE NEVER
LOOKED THAT GOOD.
569
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,696
Baxter: UNBELIEVABLE.
570
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,297
Victoria:
JERRY, I'M SMILING.
571
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,765
Andrew: JERRY!
572
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,334
-Victoria: OH, MY GOD!
-Andrew: THIS IS AWESOME!
573
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,702
Baxter: HOW DID YOU GET THIS?
574
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:38,970
Andrew: I WANT TO BUY
FROM THIS GUY.
575
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:41,639
Dean: DO YOU SEE
WHY I HIRED JERRY TO DO THIS?
576
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,375
HE HAS CAPTURED
THE DIVINE SPARK OF HUMANITY
577
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,710
THAT RESIDES WITHIN EACH OF YOU
578
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,311
AND BROUGHT IT OUT
TO YOUR WORLD.
579
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,313
-Baxter: OHH.
-Victoria: I MEAN, REPLACE --
580
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,648
REPLACE MY FACE.
581
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:55,286
BECAUSE MY PHOTO
PRACTICALLY SCREAMS, "PARTNER."
582
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,655
Jerry: I WILL LEAVE YOU
WITH ONE FINAL PICTURE.
583
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,923
AS I MENTIONED
TO DEAN EARLIER,
584
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,992
I'M REFUSING PAYMENT
FOR THIS JOB.
585
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,693
-Victoria: OHH.
-Baxter: WOW.
586
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:03,694
-Amir: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
-Andrew: NO.
587
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,329
Jerry: ALL I ASK IN RETURN
588
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,898
IS THAT YOU POST A PICTURE
OF ME ON YOUR HOMEPAGE.
589
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,767
-Amir: YES.
-Chelsea: DONE.
590
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,736
-Jerry: HERE IS THAT PICTURE.
-Amir: LET'S POST TWO.
591
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:12,870
Victoria: OH.
592
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,739
Baxter:
ARE THOSE GRAY BALLS?
593
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,440
Amir: I'M PRETTY SURE
THERE WAS COCAINE ON THEM.
594
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:18,743
Andrew: I'VE SEEN BIGGER
IN THE MIRROR.
595
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,011
Baxter: YEAH, HE HAS A PHOTO
596
00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:21,812
OF AN INSPIRATIONAL PENIS
TAPED TO HIS MIRROR.
597
00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:23,881
Andrew: I FOUND IT
IN A MAGAZINE.
598
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:24,949
Dean:
CAN I SEE THAT PICTURE?
599
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:28,753
WELL, CASSANDRA,
OUR WORK HERE IS DONE.
600
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,921
-Dean: THANK YOU, MAESTRO.
-Jerry: NAMASTE.
601
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,724
Cassandra: PLEASURE DOING DRUGS
WITH ALL OF YOU.
602
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:34,925
Dean:
GLENN, WHICH, UH, PHOTO
603
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:36,994
DID YOU SEND
TO THE BUS STOP BENCH AD PEOPLE?
604
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:39,830
Glenn: UH, I SENT, UH,
THAT PICTURE OF JERRY'S PENIS.
605
00:21:39,832 --> 00:21:41,032
Dean: AND YOU DID LOOK
AT IT AND NOTE
606
00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:44,468
THAT IT WAS A PICTURE
OF A MALE PENIS.
607
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:47,471
Glenn: DEAN,
CLASSIC MISUNDERSTANDING.
608
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:51,042
??
609
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:18,969
Jerry: GORGEOUS.
610
00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:22,406
THIS IS PERFECT.
NOW GIVE ME A BIG SMILE.
611
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:24,842
-OH, YEAH!
-Glenn: [ MUMBLES ]
612
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,010
Jerry: CASSIE,
GET ME THAT EIFFEL TOWER.
613
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,411
-Glenn: NO.
-Jerry: YEP.
614
00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:28,412
-Glenn: NO.
-Jerry: YEP.
615
00:22:28,414 --> 00:22:29,780
LET'S MAKE THIS INTERESTING.
616
00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:30,948
-YEP. YEP.
-Glenn: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
617
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:32,783
Jerry: COME ON, GUY.
COME ON. COME ON.
618
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:35,753
HEY!
COME ON, YOU LITTLE RAT!
619
00:22:35,803 --> 00:22:40,353
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