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0
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:19,000
[V.6.]
1
00:00:23,727 --> 00:00:27,127
You know, you ever heard
someone say that old expression,
2
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:31,827
"Everything happens for a reason"?
Well, I don't think that applies to me.
3
00:00:32,527 --> 00:00:34,627
I mean, I spend every morning
rushing to work
4
00:00:34,727 --> 00:00:38,527
trying to catch the same subway
to the same lousy job.
5
00:00:38,627 --> 00:00:39,927
What's the reason for that?
6
00:00:40,027 --> 00:00:44,427
See, I'm a researcher for one of the
biggest publishing houses in Chicago,
7
00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:46,527
but where I really belong is in Creative.
8
00:00:46,527 --> 00:00:51,127
The problem is, is my boss doesn't
know it yet, so I'm totally frustrated.
9
00:00:51,227 --> 00:00:53,127
While my friend Paul keeps telling me,
10
00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:56,427
"You gotta be optimistic.
You gotta be positive. "
11
00:00:56,527 --> 00:00:58,027
OK. OK. You know what?
12
00:00:58,127 --> 00:01:01,527
Today is gonna be my lucky day.
Today is gonna be my...
13
00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:04,827
- Aah!
- Oh! Wow!
14
00:01:04,927 --> 00:01:07,927
- Hey, look at that, It's your lucky day,
- Did you just see that?
15
00:01:07,927 --> 00:01:08,927
Oh, I've seen it a million times,
16
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,427
- You want it?
- No,
17
00:01:10,427 --> 00:01:13,027
I don't want it, Go ahead,
You got a new briefcase,
18
00:01:13,127 --> 00:01:15,027
Yeah, maybe its got a name
on it or something,
19
00:01:15,127 --> 00:01:17,527
- Oh, come... What are you, nuts?
- What?
20
00:01:17,627 --> 00:01:19,127
- You're gonna return it?
- Yeah,
21
00:01:19,227 --> 00:01:21,427
Did you not just say
you needed a new one?
22
00:01:21,527 --> 00:01:22,927
Yeah, when I get my raise,
23
00:01:22,927 --> 00:01:24,927
Haven't you been working
there for, like, a year?
24
00:01:25,027 --> 00:01:27,427
I bet Taylor doesn't even know
you work there, I'd be pissed,
25
00:01:27,527 --> 00:01:31,727
- Are you pissed? I'd be pissed,
- Yeah, I'm-I'm a little pissed,
26
00:01:31,827 --> 00:01:35,127
You know, come to think of it,
I've never really seen you angry before,
27
00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:36,727
Henderson, you ever
seen Tom really angry?
28
00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:39,427
- No,
- All right, fine, So I don't get angry,
29
00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:41,227
What is that, a bad thing?
30
00:01:41,327 --> 00:01:44,927
It's, you know, you keep it bottled up
and then sooner or later,
31
00:01:44,927 --> 00:01:48,027
you come into work and you mow
everyone down with one of those...
32
00:01:48,127 --> 00:01:51,227
- AK-47,
- AK-47, You know, just to impress, uh...
33
00:01:51,327 --> 00:01:53,127
- Jodie Foster,
- Jodie Foster,
34
00:01:53,227 --> 00:01:56,427
(chuckles)) All right, I'll do it
on your day off, all right?
35
00:01:56,427 --> 00:02:01,027
(Paul) Touché, There she is,
It's your Jodie Foster,
36
00:02:01,127 --> 00:02:02,127
Paul, come on, man,
37
00:02:02,227 --> 00:02:03,527
How you ever gonna get
to know her if you just sit there?
38
00:02:03,627 --> 00:02:05,527
It's Taylor's daughter, man, I can't just...
39
00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:10,027
You can't just what? Huh? Are you
gonna be a loser your whole life? Hmm?
40
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:13,527
Just go over there
and talk to her, Go, Go,
41
00:02:13,527 --> 00:02:16,427
- OK, fine, I'm going, I'm going,
- You're going,
42
00:02:34,027 --> 00:02:35,427
Excuse me,
43
00:02:35,527 --> 00:02:37,027
Aah!
44
00:02:37,127 --> 00:02:39,127
(baby crying))
45
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,527
(mouthing))
46
00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:48,227
Hi, I'm--
47
00:02:50,327 --> 00:02:51,527
Ah...
48
00:02:53,127 --> 00:02:55,027
I-- Oh!
49
00:02:56,027 --> 00:02:59,027
Uh... I-- He wa--
50
00:03:00,227 --> 00:03:01,827
Oh,
51
00:03:05,927 --> 00:03:07,927
(dog growling))
52
00:03:08,027 --> 00:03:09,027
Oh! Uh...
53
00:03:09,027 --> 00:03:11,527
- What are you doing to my dog?
- Ma'am...
54
00:03:11,627 --> 00:03:14,427
- Who's taunting my dog?
- No one's taunting your dog, He--
55
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,227
Oh! Uh...
56
00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:18,427
Um, the-the d-- Um...
57
00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:22,527
Here, why don't you take my seat? Here,
58
00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:26,627
Great, Now, that's great,
59
00:03:26,727 --> 00:03:28,327
Two more minutes, and I'm gonna
be closer than you are,
60
00:03:28,327 --> 00:03:30,027
Look, Opening, Go,
61
00:03:30,027 --> 00:03:32,127
Just go,
62
00:03:32,227 --> 00:03:34,427
Go, Go,
63
00:03:35,827 --> 00:03:37,327
It's OK, Go, just go,
64
00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:44,327
(conductor) Lake Street.
Lake Street is next.
65
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:49,627
You're Tom Stansfield, right?
From Research?
66
00:03:49,727 --> 00:03:53,627
Yeah, Yeah, Tom, Tom Stansfield,
67
00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:01,927
Stansfield from Research,
68
00:04:05,027 --> 00:04:06,527
It's a growing sport, you know?
69
00:04:06,527 --> 00:04:09,027
Paul, there is no way that she thought
that it was a wrestling magazine,
70
00:04:09,127 --> 00:04:11,627
Oh, come on, Get over it, OK?
71
00:04:11,727 --> 00:04:13,927
You're a little embarrassed,
It happens, OK?
72
00:04:14,027 --> 00:04:15,627
Let me tell you something,
If I had a dime for every time
73
00:04:15,727 --> 00:04:17,527
a gay naked magazine fell out of my...
I'm kidding, I'm kidding,
74
00:04:17,627 --> 00:04:18,627
What? Paul!
75
00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:20,427
No, But seriously,
so you're a little humiliated,
76
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:23,527
At least now we've established
that she knows who you are, right?
77
00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:25,627
- I'm gonna have to leave the company,
- No, you're not,
78
00:04:25,627 --> 00:04:26,927
Oh, God, There she is,
79
00:04:27,027 --> 00:04:29,127
Oh, and I need to see the proofs
on Thailand immediately,
80
00:04:29,127 --> 00:04:31,327
All right, What else have we got?
81
00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:39,727
- Are you Tom?
- Yes,
82
00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:43,927
- Mr, Taylor wants to see you,
- Oh... OK,
83
00:04:44,527 --> 00:04:45,527
OK,
84
00:04:45,627 --> 00:04:49,127
OK, you see? This is your chance, This
is fate, This is what I'm talking about,
85
00:04:49,227 --> 00:04:52,227
It's about that new opening in Creative
and you're the man for the job,
86
00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:54,627
You're gonna go in there and you're
gonna pitch him those book ideas,
87
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,527
No, I just... I'm really not ready,
88
00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:58,827
Let's get to business,
Now we're steppin' up, OK,
89
00:04:58,927 --> 00:05:00,627
Come on, You're gonna go in there,
you're gonna pitch him an inside curve...
90
00:05:00,727 --> 00:05:02,127
Wait, wait, Where is my blue folder?
91
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,327
You don't need it, Enough with
the excuses already, Come here,
92
00:05:04,427 --> 00:05:06,927
- You look good, You feel good?
- I feel like I'm gonna throw up,
93
00:05:07,027 --> 00:05:08,827
Well, that's good,
I want you to use that, OK?
94
00:05:08,927 --> 00:05:11,027
What is this? This dad's?
It's nice, Now get in there, OK?
95
00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:13,927
- Don't-don't touch my ass,
- What? It was a light spank, It was light,
96
00:05:17,227 --> 00:05:18,427
- Hey,
- Hey,
97
00:05:18,427 --> 00:05:21,027
- Uh, do I just go in there?
- Um, no, He's not finished yet,
98
00:05:21,127 --> 00:05:23,427
- but you can have a seat over there,
- Oh, OK,
99
00:05:23,527 --> 00:05:26,127
Let me explain something
to you, Henderson,
100
00:05:26,227 --> 00:05:31,627
I did not dislike your ideas,
I found them loathsome,
101
00:05:33,527 --> 00:05:36,127
I hated them,
102
00:05:36,227 --> 00:05:38,827
- You're dismissed,
- From your office?
103
00:05:38,827 --> 00:05:40,927
Nice try,
104
00:05:44,227 --> 00:05:47,727
- Good luck, You're gonna need it...
- He's ready to see you,
105
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,127
You can come in,
106
00:05:49,227 --> 00:05:52,127
You know what? We should have
never let up after the Revolution!
107
00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:54,627
Sit down, Sit down, Coffee?
108
00:05:54,627 --> 00:05:58,727
We shouldn't have left you at toehold,
We should have driven you to the sea!
109
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:05,027
Now... what's this I hear
about you making threats
110
00:06:05,127 --> 00:06:08,227
to spray this place with an AK-47?
111
00:06:08,227 --> 00:06:10,227
What?
112
00:06:11,227 --> 00:06:16,427
Oh, oh, oh, No, That...
I was just making a joke,
113
00:06:16,527 --> 00:06:19,627
Oh, that's funny to you?
Killing everyone in this office?
114
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:26,427
No, No, No, no, no, no, The...
Paul said how I never get angry...
115
00:06:26,527 --> 00:06:29,027
And what about you
making fun of midgets?
116
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,827
I never made fun of midgets,
117
00:06:30,827 --> 00:06:33,227
You said it'd be fun to date one
118
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:35,327
because then you could rest
your beer on her head,
119
00:06:35,427 --> 00:06:37,627
No, No, I never said anything like that,
120
00:06:37,727 --> 00:06:40,527
Apparently Henderson thinks you did,
121
00:06:40,627 --> 00:06:43,927
Now I've got a good sense of humor,
but that's just plain sick,
122
00:06:43,927 --> 00:06:46,727
- But, sir, I didn't say...
- Audrey?
123
00:06:48,027 --> 00:06:50,627
- Which file did I ask you for?
- Uh, the Platt file?
124
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:54,027
- John Platt, Not Sam Platt,
- I'm sorry, I guess I didn't think that...
125
00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:55,927
That's right, You didn't think,
126
00:06:56,027 --> 00:06:59,027
Now if it's not too much trouble,
if you could fetch me the right file...
127
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,327
- OK,
- And get Tom and me some doughnuts,
128
00:07:01,427 --> 00:07:02,827
OK,
129
00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:07,527
Now... I'm told you've been trying
to schedule a meeting with me
130
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:11,127
about some ideas, What are they?
131
00:07:11,127 --> 00:07:16,127
Oh, uh... yeah, I had-l had some ideas,
132
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:21,327
- Something wrong with the coffee?
- Uh, no, It's fine,
133
00:07:21,427 --> 00:07:23,927
- Why'd you make a face?
- What?
134
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:27,227
Oh, well... It's-it's a little bitter, but...
135
00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:33,727
- Jesus, Audrey, get in here!
- Sir, really, it's f... It's not a problem,
136
00:07:33,727 --> 00:07:36,527
- I've burped up stuff better than this,
- Sir, it's fine,
137
00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:39,627
- Is something wrong?
- Taste Tom's coffee,
138
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,127
No, really, It's OK,
139
00:07:43,827 --> 00:07:47,427
- How would you rate that?
- Well, it's not that great,
140
00:07:47,427 --> 00:07:53,227
Not that great? I guess so,
Tom thinks it's shit,
141
00:07:53,327 --> 00:07:56,427
Audrey, are you retarded?
142
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:59,727
It's not a rhetorical question,
Are you retarded?
143
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:00,827
No, I'm not retarded,
144
00:08:00,927 --> 00:08:05,327
Because a retarded person can make
a cup of coffee, Am I right, Tom?
145
00:08:05,427 --> 00:08:07,727
Oh, I... I don't-I don't really know much
146
00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:10,427
about the limitations
of the handicapped,
147
00:08:10,427 --> 00:08:15,727
I know of an employment agency that
hires out retarded people for $4 an hour,
148
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:20,427
So, if making a cup of coffee is too
difficult a task for you, Miss Bennett,
149
00:08:20,527 --> 00:08:23,527
perhaps you'd be good enough to let
me know, and I'll contact this agency
150
00:08:23,627 --> 00:08:27,127
and give a retarded person a job,
151
00:08:28,727 --> 00:08:30,727
(mouths)) Wow,
152
00:08:32,627 --> 00:08:36,827
- I wasn't too rough on her, was l?
- Well, she is new and all,
153
00:08:36,927 --> 00:08:40,227
Maybe I was out of line, But do you
understand what I'm dealing with?
154
00:08:40,327 --> 00:08:44,027
I mean, here I am trying
to fill a position in Creative,
155
00:08:44,027 --> 00:08:48,827
and I can't seem to find one person
responsible enough to earn my trust,
156
00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:52,227
I sometimes wonder if anyone here
even knows what they're doing,
157
00:08:52,327 --> 00:08:54,027
I can understand how you
could see it that way, sir, but...
158
00:08:54,127 --> 00:08:56,927
So you don't think I was out of line?
159
00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:02,927
Well, if what you're saying
is that a company
160
00:09:03,027 --> 00:09:05,927
is only as strong as its weakest link,
that makes sense, but...
161
00:09:06,027 --> 00:09:08,227
Exactly, That's exactly right,
162
00:09:08,327 --> 00:09:10,727
A company is only as strong
as its weakest link,
163
00:09:10,827 --> 00:09:12,727
- Yeah...
- Audrey, get in here!
164
00:09:12,827 --> 00:09:14,727
You were right, Tom,
I was too soft on her,
165
00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:16,027
- What? No,
- Yeah?
166
00:09:16,027 --> 00:09:18,027
Audrey, after talking it over
with Tom here,
167
00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:21,127
I've come to realize that
I'm gonna have to let you go,
168
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,927
- You're firing me?!
- I'm sorry, It's just not working out,
169
00:09:24,027 --> 00:09:25,927
- But, sir, I was suggesting...
- I take my job very seriously,
170
00:09:26,027 --> 00:09:28,227
A chain is only as strong
as its weakest link,
171
00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:31,427
- Right, but there's a whole other side,
- Thanks for the support,
172
00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:33,727
Audrey, empty out your desk
by the end of the day,
173
00:09:33,727 --> 00:09:35,827
- Fine,
- Sir, this... I...
174
00:09:35,927 --> 00:09:37,527
Thanks for straightening me
out there, Tom,
175
00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:40,027
Right, right, But I didn't get to say
what I wanted to say,
176
00:09:40,027 --> 00:09:44,727
Oh, your ideas, of course, Schedule
an appointment with my new secretary,
177
00:09:51,827 --> 00:09:55,127
Tom, Are you OK?
178
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:58,027
Uh... yeah, sure,
179
00:09:58,127 --> 00:10:00,027
I'm guessing by the way
you look he's on another one
180
00:10:00,127 --> 00:10:01,427
of his rampages this morning,
181
00:10:01,427 --> 00:10:03,727
- Definitely,
- Damn,
182
00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:05,227
I was hoping to catch him
in a good mood,
183
00:10:05,227 --> 00:10:09,427
Yeah, that's, um...
that's probably not gonna happen,
184
00:10:09,427 --> 00:10:12,127
I'm supposed to go to this party tonight,
but my dad's making me housesit
185
00:10:12,227 --> 00:10:14,227
for his stupid bird while
he's away this weekend,
186
00:10:14,327 --> 00:10:16,927
Well, why don't you go in there
and tell him you're not gonna do it?
187
00:10:17,027 --> 00:10:18,727
I can't just...
188
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:22,027
You can't just what? I mean, live your
own life and have a free weekend?
189
00:10:22,127 --> 00:10:25,027
No, it's not that,
190
00:10:26,427 --> 00:10:29,027
- Wait, it is that,
- Yeah,
191
00:10:29,027 --> 00:10:32,827
- I should just go to that party,
- Yeah, of course,
192
00:10:33,527 --> 00:10:38,427
Well, um... OK, I'm gonna
go back to, uh, work,
193
00:10:38,527 --> 00:10:40,627
OK, sure,
194
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:44,427
Tom? I know this might seem
a little out of place
195
00:10:44,427 --> 00:10:46,427
because we barely
even know each other,
196
00:10:46,427 --> 00:10:49,127
But, do you have any plans tonight?
197
00:10:50,627 --> 00:10:51,827
(mouths)) No, no, no,
198
00:10:51,827 --> 00:10:56,327
- Uh... no, I'm-I'm wide open,
- We won't be home too late,
199
00:10:56,327 --> 00:10:57,627
Hey, it's no problem,
200
00:10:57,627 --> 00:11:00,727
So the party starts at 7,
You could be at my dad's house by 6?
201
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,527
- Sure,
- You sure you're cool with this?
202
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:05,727
- Are you kidding me?
- Tom, you're such a sweetheart,
203
00:11:05,827 --> 00:11:09,627
Thank you so much,
I'm gonna love you forever for this,
204
00:11:10,827 --> 00:11:14,627
- All right, Yeah, who's the man now?
- See? What'd I tell you?
205
00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:18,527
(chuckles)) I'm a lady-killer,
206
00:11:22,327 --> 00:11:24,927
How the hell could he be
so excited about housesitting?
207
00:11:25,027 --> 00:11:29,227
He's nice, Daddy, That's how,
Most guys wouldn't even offer to do that,
208
00:11:29,327 --> 00:11:31,927
I don't know if I want him
around my bird,
209
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:36,027
Oh, Dad, will you just relax?
It's gonna be fine, I promise, OK?
210
00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:39,827
I'll check in as soon as I get there, 8:00,
211
00:11:40,427 --> 00:11:43,227
If I sense anything's wrong,
you're coming back here,
212
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,327
OK, OK,
213
00:11:55,227 --> 00:11:58,227
(. light rock)
214
00:12:32,927 --> 00:12:35,127
Very good, Right on time,
215
00:12:35,227 --> 00:12:40,127
Oh, sir, Uh... Hey, is that a bear trap?
216
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:44,527
Yes, It's to keep the neighbor's kids
out of my yard,
217
00:12:51,527 --> 00:12:56,527
Sir, I just wanted to let you know
how much I appreciate you...
218
00:12:56,627 --> 00:12:59,227
well... letting tonight happen,
219
00:12:59,227 --> 00:13:04,927
I mean, I know it means a lot to Lisa,
and I think you're doing the right thing,
220
00:13:05,627 --> 00:13:07,427
I don't know what
you're planning, Stansfield,
221
00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:11,027
but you're attitude
is making me very nervous,
222
00:13:12,827 --> 00:13:16,227
- Those socks are clean, right?
- Um...
223
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:21,327
- You hesitated, Put those on,
- Are you serious?
224
00:13:31,327 --> 00:13:34,227
If you want to watch TV,
the remote's there,
225
00:13:34,327 --> 00:13:37,327
That panel controls the lights,
alarm, skylight, etc,
226
00:13:37,427 --> 00:13:39,027
Yeah, I probably won't
use any of that stuff,
227
00:13:39,127 --> 00:13:42,327
- You know, since the party starts at 7,
- Party?
228
00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:46,127
I made it clear to Lisa you're not
to have any guests in here,
229
00:13:46,127 --> 00:13:49,527
You're the only one
allowed in the house,
230
00:13:50,327 --> 00:13:55,427
- What? Lisa's not here?
- No, Of course not,
231
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,527
Lisa's at the party...
232
00:14:00,627 --> 00:14:03,327
and I'm staying here,
233
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:07,427
Is this concept too complicated
for you, Stansfield?
234
00:14:09,827 --> 00:14:12,727
Don't touch the furniture,
235
00:14:15,927 --> 00:14:18,927
And this is my bird's room,
236
00:14:18,927 --> 00:14:22,327
(chuckles)) He's got his own room?
237
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:27,027
That's cool,
238
00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:33,227
- (gasps))
- How's my little boy?
239
00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:38,427
- This is OJ,
- OJ? Like the murderer?
240
00:14:38,527 --> 00:14:43,527
No, Like the football player,
OJ Simpson,
241
00:14:43,527 --> 00:14:46,827
I've set the alarm,
When you hear it go off, feed him,
242
00:14:46,827 --> 00:14:50,727
- (mice squeaking))
- Aw, What do I feed these little guys?
243
00:14:50,727 --> 00:14:56,827
They don't get fed, They are the food,
His diet varies, but they're his favorites,
244
00:14:56,927 --> 00:14:59,527
Hey, don't you have to shut these doors?
245
00:14:59,527 --> 00:15:03,227
Not anymore, He's been depressed
since his mate died,
246
00:15:03,227 --> 00:15:07,327
He won't fly, Just sits in his cage,
247
00:15:10,027 --> 00:15:15,027
Medication, Give him two
of these at 1 0:00,
248
00:15:15,127 --> 00:15:17,227
I have to shove these down his throat?
249
00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:20,927
Just one, The other is inserted
into his rectum,
250
00:15:21,027 --> 00:15:23,027
Don't worry, It's not
too unpleasant for him,
251
00:15:23,027 --> 00:15:28,327
- He doesn't bite, does he?
- No, Not unless you taunt him,
252
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,827
You're not planning on taunting him,
are you, Tom?
253
00:15:29,927 --> 00:15:31,427
- No,
- I mean, that'd be really sick,
254
00:15:31,427 --> 00:15:33,827
No, of course not,
255
00:15:35,127 --> 00:15:38,027
And the most important thing,
make sure he gets a pint of water,
256
00:15:38,127 --> 00:15:40,427
The medication tends to dry him out
and then he can't breathe,
257
00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:42,727
- OK,
- Well, I must be off,
258
00:15:42,827 --> 00:15:45,927
- Henderson should be waiting outside,
- Henderson? I thought you fired him,
259
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:48,027
Because his ideas were stupid?
Of course not,
260
00:15:48,127 --> 00:15:50,027
He's gonna drive me to the train station,
261
00:15:50,127 --> 00:15:53,727
So, you can leave as soon
as Lisa and Hans get back,
262
00:15:53,727 --> 00:15:56,127
- Hans?
- Lisa's boyfriend,
263
00:15:57,027 --> 00:16:01,327
So remember, uh... water in the bowl,
medication, and...
264
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:05,527
anything happens to this house
while I'm gone, I'll kill you,
265
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:09,727
(door shuts))
266
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:12,227
(Paul over phone)) You're housesitting?
You gotta be kidding me.
267
00:16:12,327 --> 00:16:13,427
(Tom)) I know, it sucks,
268
00:16:13,427 --> 00:16:16,427
What are you talking about?
Don't you see? This is a test.
269
00:16:16,427 --> 00:16:18,827
You watch Taylor's house,
come up with a couple of great ideas
270
00:16:18,927 --> 00:16:20,827
and if everything goes smooth,
you get the promotion.
271
00:16:20,927 --> 00:16:23,927
- You think so?
- Of course I do. What could be easier?
272
00:16:24,027 --> 00:16:25,827
(crackles))
273
00:16:25,827 --> 00:16:28,927
(. "Not What I Wanted" by Evan Olson))
274
00:16:40,427 --> 00:16:43,827
(Lisa giggling)) What are you
doing, Hans? Come here.
275
00:16:43,827 --> 00:16:48,427
Baby, you're gonna burn so bad if you
don't let me put this on you right now.
276
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:58,227
Oh, my God. You scared me, Hans.
You're insane. Put that down.
277
00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:03,527
Want to put some on me?
Put some lotion on me.
278
00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:14,027
- Is Jack around?
- Hey... what? Who are you?
279
00:17:14,127 --> 00:17:18,127
It's OK, I'm Red Taylor, I'm Jack's son,
I let myself in the back,
280
00:17:18,227 --> 00:17:20,227
- Oh, Hey, Tom Stansfield,
- Hey,
281
00:17:20,327 --> 00:17:23,827
Tom, nice to meet you,
Am I interrupting something here?
282
00:17:23,927 --> 00:17:29,127
Oh, no, Uh... I was... uh...
Oh, your shoes,
283
00:17:29,227 --> 00:17:33,427
Nike, Uh, listen, Tom, can you
do me a favor? I lost my TV Guide.
284
00:17:33,527 --> 00:17:37,527
I came over here to see if maybe
my dad's got a copy of one,
285
00:17:37,627 --> 00:17:40,127
You haven't seen a copy of
the guide laying around, have you?
286
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,927
- My sister in?
- No, actually she's out for the evening,
287
00:17:42,927 --> 00:17:46,527
- Bingo, (chuckles))
- Oh,
288
00:17:46,627 --> 00:17:50,327
So, uh, you're here to...
289
00:17:51,227 --> 00:17:53,227
- Housesit,
- Oh,
290
00:17:54,127 --> 00:17:58,927
Yeah, it's probably for the best if you
don't, uh, tell Lisa that I stopped by,
291
00:17:58,927 --> 00:18:03,127
- Why? Is there a problem?
- Well, you know how uptight she is,
292
00:18:03,227 --> 00:18:06,227
- Really?
- I'm more the free spirit of the family,
293
00:18:07,227 --> 00:18:12,027
Oh, Oh, boy, See that right there?
294
00:18:12,027 --> 00:18:15,127
- Kirstie Alley?
- Yeah, I dated her maid,
295
00:18:16,427 --> 00:18:19,227
- Really?
- I boned Kirstie Alley's maid,
296
00:18:19,327 --> 00:18:22,127
And this is while they were
making Look Who's Talking ,
297
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,027
Wow, that's really something,
298
00:18:24,127 --> 00:18:26,927
I'll tell you another thing,
You know Michelle Pfeiffer?
299
00:18:27,027 --> 00:18:28,027
Yeah,
300
00:18:28,127 --> 00:18:31,127
I did the deed
with Michelle Pfeiffer's cousin,
301
00:18:31,127 --> 00:18:33,227
- Wow,
- Right out there in those bushes,
302
00:18:33,227 --> 00:18:35,627
- Right,
- Ah, she looked just like Michelle, too,
303
00:18:35,627 --> 00:18:37,727
except she was brunette
instead of blond,
304
00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:40,227
and she was kinda short and dumpy,
305
00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:43,827
Well, uh, ya certainly have
an interesting life, Fred,
306
00:18:43,927 --> 00:18:46,027
You married, Tom?
307
00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:48,727
- No, I'm single,
- No girlfriend?
308
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:52,727
No, and, no, actually I had a girlfriend,
but we, uh, broke up,
309
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,127
- Ah,
- Ah,
310
00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:58,327
Listen, I really gotta get back to work,
and since you got your TV Guide and...
311
00:18:58,327 --> 00:19:02,827
So, you broke up, huh? That's too bad,
312
00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:04,627
- Was your ex a looker?
- Yeah,
313
00:19:04,627 --> 00:19:06,827
Yeah, in my opinion she was,
314
00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:11,327
I bet you you still keep a picture
of her in your wallet,
315
00:19:11,427 --> 00:19:14,027
- Yeah, I do,
- Can I see it?
316
00:19:14,127 --> 00:19:15,727
- Yeah, I suppose,
- OK,
317
00:19:15,827 --> 00:19:18,627
Let me find her in here, There she is,
318
00:19:18,727 --> 00:19:22,627
(laughing)) Oh!
Tom, you lucky man!
319
00:19:22,627 --> 00:19:25,927
- Yeah,
- Oh, she is a real piece of ass!
320
00:19:26,027 --> 00:19:29,427
Oh, I could knock on that back door
all day long!
321
00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:32,027
- Yeah? Sh-she's a pretty girl,
- Wow,
322
00:19:32,027 --> 00:19:35,027
She has gotta be wicked in bed,
Tell me she's wicked in bed, Tom,
323
00:19:35,127 --> 00:19:37,327
I bet you she banged your johnson raw
every single night,
324
00:19:37,327 --> 00:19:39,127
- OK...
- ...'cause that is one fine-looking broad,
325
00:19:39,227 --> 00:19:40,827
All right, Hey! Would ya--
326
00:19:40,927 --> 00:19:44,327
I me-- You're talking about my girlfriend,
327
00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:47,927
- Ex-girlfriend, you said,
- Yeah, but still, it's...
328
00:19:47,927 --> 00:19:51,427
Come on, I'm just making conversation,
You know, guy-talk,
329
00:19:51,527 --> 00:19:54,127
Look, I just... I don't tell comfortable
330
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:57,927
talking about my intimate relationships
with a complete stranger,
331
00:19:58,027 --> 00:20:00,127
Understood,
332
00:20:00,227 --> 00:20:03,527
Well, you know, given how uptight
you are talking about sex,
333
00:20:03,527 --> 00:20:05,327
you pretty much
answered the question,
334
00:20:05,327 --> 00:20:07,727
I am not uptight! OK?
335
00:20:07,827 --> 00:20:11,027
Just because I don't feel like
revealing personal details
336
00:20:11,027 --> 00:20:14,927
about my ex-girlfriend's sexual habits
does not make me uptight,
337
00:20:15,027 --> 00:20:17,527
I didn't ask you anything personal,
338
00:20:17,627 --> 00:20:20,527
Well, then, what the hell
do you consider personal?
339
00:20:20,627 --> 00:20:24,227
Well, it'd be like, you know,
if I asked you how big your rod was,
340
00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:26,927
Then I would be out of line, 1 00%%%,
341
00:20:26,927 --> 00:20:31,627
No, no! That is no worse than
asking me if my girlfriend's a nymph,
342
00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:34,427
I just asked you if she dug sex,
343
00:20:34,527 --> 00:20:36,927
Besides, I wouldn't have asked
if I'd known she was frigid,
344
00:20:36,927 --> 00:20:39,527
Yeah, well, she is not frigid!
345
00:20:39,627 --> 00:20:41,527
Are you leaving?
346
00:20:41,627 --> 00:20:43,027
Oh, yeah,
347
00:20:43,127 --> 00:20:45,227
And listen, Could you do me a favor?
348
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,827
- It's no big deal,
- What?
349
00:20:46,927 --> 00:20:50,527
A business associate of my dad's
is gonna come by to pick this up,
350
00:20:50,527 --> 00:20:55,727
- It's frozen steaks, it's a gift,
- It's not cold,
351
00:20:57,227 --> 00:21:00,427
Dad says that's the way the guy
likes 'em, What are you gonna do?
352
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:02,327
Will you give it to him?
353
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,527
(doorbell)
354
00:21:04,627 --> 00:21:06,627
Just one second,
355
00:21:07,227 --> 00:21:09,627
(doorbell)
356
00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:14,727
- Audrey,
- Tom,
357
00:21:14,727 --> 00:21:16,227
(man)) Let's go! Come on!
358
00:21:16,227 --> 00:21:19,327
Oh, I guess this makes sense,
He's got you living with him now?
359
00:21:19,427 --> 00:21:21,727
- Uh, no, I'm just watching his place,
- (car horn))
360
00:21:21,727 --> 00:21:24,527
- He's... Jack's out of town,
- He is?
361
00:21:24,627 --> 00:21:27,327
- Yeah,
- Aw, shoot!
362
00:21:27,427 --> 00:21:29,827
I came by 'cause I was
hoping to get my job back,
363
00:21:29,927 --> 00:21:31,527
You know, the one that
you got me canned from
364
00:21:31,627 --> 00:21:33,227
'cause I made a bad cup
of coffee? Remember that?
365
00:21:33,327 --> 00:21:34,527
Listen, I'm really sorry about that,
366
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,927
How can you fire someone
for making a bad cup of coffee, huh?
367
00:21:37,027 --> 00:21:38,327
I know, That's what I tried to say to him,
368
00:21:38,327 --> 00:21:41,727
I mean, who do you think you are -
Juan fucking Valdez?
369
00:21:41,827 --> 00:21:42,027
I might have had a future at that place
if you'd just give me half a chance,
370
00:21:45,127 --> 00:21:49,027
- (man)) Let's get a move on, saddlebag!
- Oh, my God, That's my idiot boyfriend,
371
00:21:49,127 --> 00:21:53,027
- (car horn))
- Hold your pants, you freakin' psycho!
372
00:21:53,127 --> 00:21:55,527
God, He drives me crazy,
373
00:21:55,627 --> 00:21:58,827
Oh, hey, you know, since you're on the
rug, would you mind putting these on?
374
00:21:58,927 --> 00:22:02,927
- They're medical... I got 'em on, too,
- Ugh! Licorice,
375
00:22:02,927 --> 00:22:06,327
I hate licorice, I need water
or I'm gonna throw up, Ugh!
376
00:22:06,327 --> 00:22:10,327
Thanks to you, I lost my second job
inside a month and now I'm flat broke,
377
00:22:10,427 --> 00:22:11,727
You lost another job?
378
00:22:11,827 --> 00:22:14,527
Yeah, I got fired from my waitress job
just last Friday,
379
00:22:14,627 --> 00:22:17,327
- Why did they fire you?
- Oh, I don't know,
380
00:22:17,327 --> 00:22:19,927
One of the assistant managers
caught me making out with a customer,
381
00:22:20,027 --> 00:22:21,627
- Excuse me?
- Well, I mean, actually the customer
382
00:22:21,727 --> 00:22:23,127
was my boyfriend,
383
00:22:23,227 --> 00:22:25,627
I mean, he became my boyfriend
after the incident anyway,
384
00:22:25,727 --> 00:22:28,527
- You got any beer in here?
- Uh... Hey,
385
00:22:28,627 --> 00:22:31,027
- Here we go,
- Would you mind putting these on?
386
00:22:31,127 --> 00:22:34,327
It's a house rule, Oh, actually,
that's a twist... Aah!
387
00:22:34,327 --> 00:22:39,127
That's the counter, Listen, Jack,
is just a real stickler, That'd be great,
388
00:22:39,227 --> 00:22:41,627
No kidding, I found that out this morning,
389
00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:43,327
(man)) I swear I am gonna freak out
and I'm gonna come in there...
390
00:22:43,427 --> 00:22:45,427
- Oh, man, Spike's in a real mood,
- Uh...
391
00:22:45,527 --> 00:22:46,827
- Don't even... hey,
- (doorbell)
392
00:22:46,827 --> 00:22:48,727
- Come on, come on, come on, Shit,
- (Spike)) I swear to God, Audrey,
393
00:22:48,727 --> 00:22:51,527
I'll piss on this guy's front steps!
Let's go!
394
00:22:51,527 --> 00:22:52,627
- (knocking))
- (doorbell)
395
00:22:52,727 --> 00:22:55,827
If you don't open this door this second,
I'm gonna come in there and...
396
00:22:55,927 --> 00:22:56,927
- Hi,
- (burps))
397
00:22:57,027 --> 00:22:58,327
- (clatter)
- Don't worry, Nothing broke,
398
00:22:58,327 --> 00:23:02,527
Hey, Baby, come on, What are you
doing leaving me in the goddamn car?
399
00:23:02,527 --> 00:23:04,127
Shake that tail, baby,
Come on, Let's get a move on,
400
00:23:04,227 --> 00:23:08,027
- Hold your horses, Try acting civilized,
- Audrey!
401
00:23:08,027 --> 00:23:09,327
This is Tom, the guy that I was
telling you about from the office,
402
00:23:09,427 --> 00:23:11,327
Oh, the coffee dude,
403
00:23:11,427 --> 00:23:14,227
You got some black ass karma
headed your way, superfreak,
404
00:23:14,327 --> 00:23:17,227
Oh, we don't need no lecture
from you, Mr, High and Mighty,
405
00:23:17,327 --> 00:23:20,527
Hey, shut that sass-trap of yours, little
lady, before I bounce you off the wall!
406
00:23:20,627 --> 00:23:24,927
Look, I would appreciate it
if you would take this outside, please,
407
00:23:25,027 --> 00:23:29,827
Hey, I'd appreciate it if you'd go
and buy yourself a bagel, Jewy,
408
00:23:29,927 --> 00:23:32,627
Jewy? I'm not Jewish, And I don't
think that making fun of the...
409
00:23:32,727 --> 00:23:36,027
- Don't pay attention to him, He's nuts,
- I'm nuts?
410
00:23:36,027 --> 00:23:38,627
- Who do you think you are?
- Look, can we please take this outside?
411
00:23:38,727 --> 00:23:40,127
Oh, come on,
412
00:23:40,227 --> 00:23:42,927
You know what you are?
You're a filthy, little tramp,
413
00:23:42,927 --> 00:23:44,427
Me? What about you and that waitress?
414
00:23:44,527 --> 00:23:46,527
- Keep going,
- I never touched her ever,
415
00:23:46,627 --> 00:23:48,527
- Swear?
- So help me God,
416
00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:50,027
You swear on your mama's life?
417
00:23:50,127 --> 00:23:52,027
Hell, woman, I ain't gonna
swear on my mama's life,
418
00:23:52,127 --> 00:23:54,927
- Why not? If you're telling the truth,
- I think he's telling the truth, Audrey,
419
00:23:55,027 --> 00:23:56,427
Then why won't you swear
on your mama's life?
420
00:23:56,427 --> 00:23:59,127
Well, because I don't feel
like I have the right
421
00:23:59,227 --> 00:24:00,727
to gamble with my mama's life,
that's why,
422
00:24:00,727 --> 00:24:03,127
Gamble? But apparently
you got nothing to worry about
423
00:24:03,227 --> 00:24:04,927
unless you're lying like
a hunk of morgue meat,
424
00:24:04,927 --> 00:24:09,427
Hey, I ain't gonna sit here and get
called a liar by no skankin' whore!
425
00:24:09,427 --> 00:24:12,727
Who you calling a whore,
you shrimp-dick bastard?!
426
00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:13,927
Audrey, see now
you're just provoking him,
427
00:24:14,027 --> 00:24:15,427
That's a vicious, flat-out,
bold-faced lie and you know it!
428
00:24:15,427 --> 00:24:18,727
- Is it? Is it? I don't think so!
- I'll whip it out right now!
429
00:24:18,727 --> 00:24:20,027
- No, no, no, I don't wanna see it,
- I'm gonna whip it out right now
430
00:24:20,127 --> 00:24:22,727
and prove to you that she's a lying slut!
431
00:24:22,827 --> 00:24:24,627
- Keep your meat in the fridge!
- You wanna see my piece?
432
00:24:24,727 --> 00:24:27,027
- All right, All right! That is enough!
- Go get me a ruler, Tom! You go get...
433
00:24:27,127 --> 00:24:30,627
That is it, I don't care
if you have a tiny shrimp dick!
434
00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:36,827
- Or a giant whale dick, which that's...
- Goddamn it, Audrey!
435
00:24:36,927 --> 00:24:39,827
You tell him you're a liar or I'm gonna
smash your face in, I swear!
436
00:24:39,927 --> 00:24:45,027
- Wait a minute! You put that down!
- All right, Can we please just use fists?
437
00:24:45,127 --> 00:24:48,027
- Come here, you little... (slap))
- You hit me, you bastard!
438
00:24:48,127 --> 00:24:50,627
- I did not and you know it!
- He hit me!
439
00:24:50,727 --> 00:24:52,727
He hit me as sure
as I'm standing right here!
440
00:24:52,827 --> 00:24:54,527
- Did you hit her, Spike?
- Yes,
441
00:24:54,527 --> 00:24:56,427
With an open hand,
It was with an open hand,
442
00:24:56,527 --> 00:24:57,827
- So what if it's open?
- You can't...
443
00:24:57,927 --> 00:24:59,327
- Then it don't count,
- Says who?
444
00:24:59,427 --> 00:25:02,327
Says anyone, Ask the Jew,
445
00:25:02,427 --> 00:25:04,827
All right, that's it,
You two have got to leave,
446
00:25:04,827 --> 00:25:07,427
All right, that's fine,
But she is not coming with me,
447
00:25:07,527 --> 00:25:08,827
You are not welcome in the double ride,
448
00:25:08,927 --> 00:25:12,327
Fine, I don't care, I don't need your lousy
trailer, I'll stay right here with Tom,
449
00:25:12,327 --> 00:25:14,027
- Fine, Stay with Tom,
- I'll stay right here,
450
00:25:14,127 --> 00:25:19,727
Wait a minute, Whoa, Guys, you need
to try to work this thing out,
451
00:25:19,827 --> 00:25:23,527
- He hit me! He knocked me on my can!
- I know, I know,
452
00:25:23,627 --> 00:25:28,227
Well, but it was with
an open hand after all, and...
453
00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:31,827
Relationships have their
ups and downs, you guys,
454
00:25:31,927 --> 00:25:33,727
and you don't want to ruin this great...
455
00:25:33,827 --> 00:25:36,827
(yelping))
456
00:25:38,927 --> 00:25:42,227
Oh, God, The bird, OJ!
457
00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:46,627
Oh, my God,
458
00:25:49,027 --> 00:25:52,627
(continues yelping))
459
00:25:52,727 --> 00:25:54,827
- (squeals))
- Oh,
460
00:25:56,327 --> 00:26:00,927
You come back here or Tom's
gonna kick your butt! So take that!
461
00:26:01,027 --> 00:26:04,027
(revs engine)) Ooh, I'm shaking
in my boots, baby!
462
00:26:04,127 --> 00:26:06,527
Look at those two, OJ,
463
00:26:06,627 --> 00:26:09,327
(phone ringing))
464
00:26:09,427 --> 00:26:14,827
(Spike)) Oh, I ain't
running away, dummy!
465
00:26:14,927 --> 00:26:17,127
- Hello?
- (Lisa)) Hi, Tom. How are ya?
466
00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:21,027
- Hey, Lisa, I'm great, I'm great,
- (squawks))
467
00:26:21,927 --> 00:26:23,627
- Is that OJ?
- Yeah, yeah.
468
00:26:23,727 --> 00:26:27,327
- We just had a little drink of water,
- I haven't heard him squawk in years,
469
00:26:27,427 --> 00:26:31,527
Oh, yeah,
He's quite the crazy bird, you know,
470
00:26:31,527 --> 00:26:34,027
Yeah. Anyway, Tom,
I just wanted you to know
471
00:26:34,127 --> 00:26:37,227
how much I appreciate
you helping me out tonight.
472
00:26:37,327 --> 00:26:40,627
But I'd like to crash at a friend's place
tonight after the party,
473
00:26:40,627 --> 00:26:43,927
Would you think it was horrible if I asked
you to stay the whole night tonight?
474
00:26:43,927 --> 00:26:49,427
Oh, well... I-I don't think your dad
would want me staying here,
475
00:26:49,527 --> 00:26:53,327
- Please?
- Yeah, I suppose I could stay,
476
00:26:53,427 --> 00:26:55,927
Thanks, Tom. I really appreciate it.
See you tomorrow. (hangs up))
477
00:26:56,027 --> 00:26:59,227
(Audrey)) I ain't afraid of you and Tom
sure as hell ain't scared neither!
478
00:26:59,327 --> 00:27:03,327
Butthead! Loser!
479
00:27:04,227 --> 00:27:05,527
(tires screeching))
480
00:27:05,527 --> 00:27:10,127
Oh, my God, Thank God he's gone,
Hey, so is it OK if I stay here tonight?
481
00:27:10,227 --> 00:27:14,027
Oh, man, it's... it's not even my house,
482
00:27:14,027 --> 00:27:16,027
Oh, yeah,
483
00:27:16,127 --> 00:27:18,427
OK, Well, I sure as hell
don't want any charity,
484
00:27:18,527 --> 00:27:22,927
I mean, it's not like you
owe me anything, so...
485
00:27:23,627 --> 00:27:25,127
And I'm sorry about
that whole office thing,
486
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,627
I know that you didn't mean
to get me fired,
487
00:27:26,727 --> 00:27:31,627
- Yeah, You didn't deserve to get fired,
- Thanks,
488
00:27:31,727 --> 00:27:33,727
OK,
489
00:27:33,827 --> 00:27:37,927
Well, I guess I'll just go try
to find a homeless shelter then,
490
00:27:41,427 --> 00:27:43,427
- Wait a second,
- Yeah?
491
00:27:43,527 --> 00:27:45,327
(sighs)) God,
492
00:27:45,427 --> 00:27:51,027
- Look, I suppose you can stay,
- Really? Oh! Thanks, Tom,
493
00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:53,127
You're the best, Oh, and I'll
clean up the kitchen, OK?
494
00:27:53,227 --> 00:27:56,227
- OK,
- OK, OK,
495
00:28:09,227 --> 00:28:11,027
- (doorbell)
- (knocking))
496
00:28:11,127 --> 00:28:13,327
(Tom)) Yeah, One second,
497
00:28:13,427 --> 00:28:16,227
- (knocking))
- There's somebody at the door,
498
00:28:17,827 --> 00:28:19,927
Hi, Uh, can I help you?
499
00:28:20,027 --> 00:28:23,227
Vasquez sent me here
to pick up a package,
500
00:28:23,227 --> 00:28:26,827
Oh, you're the... Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Red told me you might be stopping by,
501
00:28:26,927 --> 00:28:28,627
Uh... Oh, hi, I'm Tom,
502
00:28:28,727 --> 00:28:31,727
What is this, Oprah ?
Just give me the goddamn package,
503
00:28:31,827 --> 00:28:35,527
Oh, OK, Yeah, Um...
504
00:28:36,327 --> 00:28:38,827
I think this is it,
505
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:41,727
If this ain't kosher,
I'm gonna break his thumbs,
506
00:28:41,827 --> 00:28:45,727
Oh, well, by law, it should be stamped
right on the package there,
507
00:28:47,427 --> 00:28:51,227
- (. classical)
- What...
508
00:28:51,327 --> 00:28:53,927
(squawks))
509
00:28:55,527 --> 00:28:59,327
- Oh, Dinnertime, buddy,
- (. classical continues))
510
00:29:01,727 --> 00:29:07,927
OJ... today's specials include
a scrumptious buffet of mice kebabs,
511
00:29:08,027 --> 00:29:11,427
- (squawks))
- (gasps)) Aah! Shit! Ah... crap!
512
00:29:14,727 --> 00:29:16,527
You son of a bitch,
513
00:29:16,527 --> 00:29:18,427
- (squeaks))
- Ha,
514
00:29:20,127 --> 00:29:21,327
(grunts))
515
00:29:21,427 --> 00:29:24,327
- (chuckles)) I got you now, buddy,
- (squealing))
516
00:29:24,427 --> 00:29:27,527
(gasps)) Aah!
517
00:29:27,627 --> 00:29:30,727
Aah! (groans))
518
00:29:32,127 --> 00:29:34,427
(squawks))
519
00:29:34,427 --> 00:29:37,227
- Dude, that was cool,
- Oh, my God,
520
00:29:38,127 --> 00:29:41,727
- Tommy, easy on the antiques,
- (squawking))
521
00:29:41,827 --> 00:29:45,527
- Was that an owl?
- Yes, OJ got out, How is he flying?
522
00:29:45,627 --> 00:29:48,927
- Well, he is a bird,
- He... no, Jack said that he...
523
00:29:49,027 --> 00:29:51,027
Aw, shit! I gotta find him,
524
00:29:51,127 --> 00:29:54,827
Don't worry, He'll probably
come back when he's hungry,
525
00:29:54,927 --> 00:29:58,527
No, I have to find him or I'm gonna
lose my job! You know what?
526
00:29:58,627 --> 00:30:01,727
This isn't gonna help your chances
of getting your job back either,
527
00:30:01,827 --> 00:30:03,227
OK,
528
00:30:03,327 --> 00:30:06,827
- Where the hell is he?
- Tom, relax,
529
00:30:06,827 --> 00:30:09,427
- Relax? OJ's loose!
- (gasping & screaming))
530
00:30:09,427 --> 00:30:14,127
- This is no time to relax!
- Tom! He's right over here!
531
00:30:14,727 --> 00:30:16,727
- Right there, right there, right there!
- OJ!
532
00:30:16,827 --> 00:30:19,027
- Right there!
- OJ!
533
00:30:19,127 --> 00:30:23,227
Stop! No, no, Stop, Stop,
534
00:30:23,327 --> 00:30:26,527
OJ, OJ...
535
00:30:26,527 --> 00:30:30,927
Get up, What the hell you doing
on my property? Planning to rob me?
536
00:30:31,027 --> 00:30:33,427
No, I-I was just looking for...
537
00:30:33,527 --> 00:30:38,027
Yeah, yeah, I see what you're looking
for, You got a thing for young girls, eh?
538
00:30:38,027 --> 00:30:39,227
No,
539
00:30:39,327 --> 00:30:41,827
Then why do you keep
eyeing my wife, you perv?
540
00:30:41,827 --> 00:30:44,327
Your... no, I wasn't looking, l...
541
00:30:44,327 --> 00:30:47,327
Arthur, are you gonna be back soon?
I need you to spot me,
542
00:30:47,327 --> 00:30:49,127
Just give me a minute, honey,
543
00:30:49,227 --> 00:30:51,627
- Oh... Please don't kill me,
- I'm not gonna kill you, OK,
544
00:30:51,627 --> 00:30:55,927
If you let me live, I'll give you my
most valued possession, Here, take it,
545
00:30:55,927 --> 00:30:57,427
You know what that is, don't you?
546
00:30:57,527 --> 00:31:00,427
- Evander Holyfield's ear,
- What?
547
00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:04,027
The part of the ear that
Mike Tyson bit off and spit out,
548
00:31:04,127 --> 00:31:06,127
- But it's white,
- So?
549
00:31:06,227 --> 00:31:10,927
- So, shouldn't it be black?
- Well, if it's still on his head, sure,
550
00:31:11,027 --> 00:31:14,327
But anybody knows that a
severed ear loses its color,
551
00:31:14,427 --> 00:31:16,127
- No,
- Sheryl?
552
00:31:16,227 --> 00:31:18,327
- Yeah?
- What happens to an ear
553
00:31:18,427 --> 00:31:22,627
- if it's severed from your head?
- It changes color, Duh,
554
00:31:22,727 --> 00:31:25,527
- (thud)
- (Sheryl) Ow! Damn!
555
00:31:25,527 --> 00:31:27,827
- (Audrey)) Tina, give me a beer,
- (man laughs))
556
00:31:27,927 --> 00:31:29,827
- (Tina)) Oops,
- (man)) You have got to be kidding me,
557
00:31:29,827 --> 00:31:32,427
- (Audrey)) Try another one,
- (Tina)) Come on, you guys!
558
00:31:32,527 --> 00:31:34,727
- (clatter)
- (Tina)) Party!
559
00:31:34,827 --> 00:31:37,827
- Come on, let's go!
- Audrey...
560
00:31:37,927 --> 00:31:40,627
- What the hell is going on in here?
- Heads up,
561
00:31:40,727 --> 00:31:41,727
Who are these people?
562
00:31:41,827 --> 00:31:44,527
I invited some friends over
to help us look for the owl,
563
00:31:44,627 --> 00:31:46,427
And Darryl even fixed
the table in the hall,
564
00:31:46,427 --> 00:31:48,327
- Thank you,
- He won't even know it was broken,
565
00:31:48,427 --> 00:31:50,627
- (bottle breaks))
- (man)) Air ball,
566
00:31:50,727 --> 00:31:53,627
We'll get that later,
Everyone, this is Tom,
567
00:31:53,727 --> 00:31:55,527
- Yo, Tom,
- Hi, guys,
568
00:31:55,527 --> 00:31:57,027
You guys, Tom's a real good guy
and his nuts are gonna just...
569
00:31:57,027 --> 00:31:59,427
Audrey, could you...
570
00:32:00,927 --> 00:32:05,327
- What?
- Listen, I appreciate all your help,
571
00:32:05,427 --> 00:32:08,927
But could you make sure that your
friends stay out of the house?
572
00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:12,827
- All of them or just the colored guy?
- No, all of them,
573
00:32:13,427 --> 00:32:17,027
Ooh, that's smart, That way the
colored guy won't take it personal,
574
00:32:17,127 --> 00:32:20,227
- I have nothing against... Look,
- What?
575
00:32:20,327 --> 00:32:21,727
I am responsible for this house
576
00:32:21,827 --> 00:32:24,527
and I can't have all of these
people hanging around,
577
00:32:24,627 --> 00:32:28,127
OK, all right, I got it,
You guys, let's move it out,
578
00:32:28,227 --> 00:32:30,927
- Aw, I was just getting started,
- Good idea,
579
00:32:31,027 --> 00:32:33,327
Thanks, guys, That's great,
580
00:32:33,427 --> 00:32:37,027
- (Tina)) What about the cake?
- Don't worry, they're all good people,
581
00:32:37,127 --> 00:32:39,827
They're not gonna steal nothing
or drink too much like the lndians,
582
00:32:39,827 --> 00:32:43,527
Look... just make sure they stay outside,
583
00:32:43,627 --> 00:32:46,127
- OK?
- OK,
584
00:32:50,327 --> 00:32:52,827
(door opens%shuts))
585
00:32:52,927 --> 00:32:54,727
- Lisa?
- Hi, Tom,
586
00:32:54,827 --> 00:32:57,927
Uh, you're home? Why are you home?
587
00:32:58,027 --> 00:33:01,127
It's not worth going into,
I got in a huge fight with Hans,
588
00:33:01,127 --> 00:33:06,527
Oh, So... it's over?
589
00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:09,827
It's my own fault for dating
a guy my dad likes,
590
00:33:09,927 --> 00:33:10,927
Really?
591
00:33:10,927 --> 00:33:13,727
Yeah, he's one of his top marketing
execs, You know, Harvard Law,
592
00:33:13,827 --> 00:33:17,527
Comes from a good family, top
of the tennis letter at the country club,
593
00:33:17,627 --> 00:33:21,527
- Tom, can I talk to you for a second?
- Audrey?
594
00:33:21,527 --> 00:33:24,727
Yeah, She came to, uh, talk to your dad,
595
00:33:25,827 --> 00:33:29,627
OK, I'm gonna go in my room,
You could stay if you want,
596
00:33:29,627 --> 00:33:31,627
OK,
597
00:33:31,727 --> 00:33:34,427
- Tom?
- Audrey, I'll be right there, OK?
598
00:33:34,527 --> 00:33:36,127
OK,
599
00:33:36,227 --> 00:33:40,727
- Or you could go,
- You know, maybe we could talk...
600
00:33:42,027 --> 00:33:43,627
...later,
601
00:33:43,627 --> 00:33:46,927
Here, How about this one?
602
00:33:47,027 --> 00:33:49,527
- What's going on?
- We found the owl!
603
00:33:49,627 --> 00:33:52,927
- Where is he?
- Uh, well, he got away,
604
00:33:53,027 --> 00:33:55,527
- Where'd he go?
- He hopped somewhere in the bushes,
605
00:33:55,627 --> 00:33:57,827
- That's right,
- What are you doing?
606
00:33:57,827 --> 00:34:01,227
Getting hamburger meat,
That's a good way to lure birds,
607
00:34:01,327 --> 00:34:04,927
- They like hamburger meat?
- I don't know, I've never had a bird,
608
00:34:05,027 --> 00:34:07,527
- But most animals respond to meat,
- It's a fact,
609
00:34:07,627 --> 00:34:10,427
Wanna help me separate the meat?
610
00:34:11,127 --> 00:34:13,327
Speed, tell Tom about
the Kennedy assassination,
611
00:34:13,427 --> 00:34:16,127
This is so cool, Tom, 'cause Speed
knows who killed JFK,
612
00:34:16,227 --> 00:34:18,627
No, ask him! Tom, ask him,
613
00:34:18,627 --> 00:34:21,427
- Ask him who killed him,
- All right, All right,
614
00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:27,327
- Who killed JFK?
- Desi Arnaz,
615
00:34:29,027 --> 00:34:33,627
- Oh,
- His life just changed,
616
00:34:33,727 --> 00:34:35,427
(squeaking))
617
00:34:47,227 --> 00:34:48,327
Oh,
618
00:34:52,927 --> 00:34:56,627
Oh, God, Oh... oh... oh...
619
00:34:57,727 --> 00:35:00,727
- Tom!
- (gasps)) Shit, Lisa,
620
00:35:01,927 --> 00:35:04,927
- Uh, what are you doing in here?
- This is my closet,
621
00:35:05,027 --> 00:35:09,727
Oh, Oh... uh, I had
something in my pants,
622
00:35:10,327 --> 00:35:17,227
Um, I was feeding the mouse to the bird
and he, uh, ran down my pants,
623
00:35:17,927 --> 00:35:19,727
- (mice squeaks))
- I'm sorry that, uh...
624
00:35:19,727 --> 00:35:22,227
Oh, look! There it is!
That way! The bedroom,
625
00:35:24,427 --> 00:35:26,727
- (Lisa)) Whoa, Watch out!
- Aah! (groans))
626
00:35:26,827 --> 00:35:30,827
- Oh, my gosh, Are you OK?
- Yep, Yep, I'm good,
627
00:35:30,927 --> 00:35:32,927
Don't worry, we'll get it later,
628
00:35:34,827 --> 00:35:36,627
Oh, here, Let me help you,
629
00:35:36,727 --> 00:35:40,227
You know, I'm really glad you stayed,
I needed a good laugh tonight,
630
00:35:40,327 --> 00:35:43,427
Thanks, Wow, Yeah, could I make
a bigger ass out of myself?
631
00:35:43,427 --> 00:35:48,627
- (chuckling)) Do you want some wine?
- Uh, no, thanks,
632
00:35:48,627 --> 00:35:49,727
Yeah, sure,
633
00:35:49,827 --> 00:35:51,727
- Cheers,
- Cheers,
634
00:35:54,127 --> 00:35:57,127
Oh, my God, Is that signed
by Walter Payton?
635
00:35:57,227 --> 00:36:01,327
Yeah, "Sweetness", '85 Bears, Only the
greatest team ever to play the game,
636
00:36:01,427 --> 00:36:05,727
Shut up, Walter Payton,
Jim McMahon, Mike Singletary,
637
00:36:05,827 --> 00:36:08,027
You know what?
You may be the coolest girl ever,
638
00:36:08,127 --> 00:36:10,327
- You like football?
- Yeah, I love it,
639
00:36:10,327 --> 00:36:12,327
I didn't know you guys liked football,
640
00:36:12,327 --> 00:36:15,127
Yeah, No, me and Paul
watch the game every Sunday,
641
00:36:15,227 --> 00:36:17,127
- Paul, too?
- Yeah,
642
00:36:17,127 --> 00:36:20,027
- Oh,
- (chuckles))
643
00:36:20,027 --> 00:36:22,427
Oh, what's that?
644
00:36:22,527 --> 00:36:25,727
Oh, it's nothing,
It's just something I used to do,
645
00:36:25,827 --> 00:36:29,727
That is really good,
I didn't know you were an artist,
646
00:36:29,827 --> 00:36:33,427
I used to be, but I couldn't get any more
of my friends to pose nude for me,
647
00:36:33,527 --> 00:36:37,627
- You wouldn't be interested, would you?
- Uh...
648
00:36:37,727 --> 00:36:41,127
You're blushing, I was just joking,
649
00:36:41,227 --> 00:36:45,427
I'm not blushing, I just-l just
get red from time to time,
650
00:36:47,027 --> 00:36:48,327
You are so funny,
651
00:36:48,427 --> 00:36:51,827
No, seriously, you should really
pursue this, I mean, you're good,
652
00:36:51,927 --> 00:36:55,827
I would, but it doesn't really fit in
with my father's plan for me,
653
00:36:55,827 --> 00:36:59,327
Future of Midnight Owl Publishing,
654
00:36:59,327 --> 00:37:02,027
- (mice squeaks))
- Oh, look! There it is,
655
00:37:02,027 --> 00:37:05,127
- He's right there, Through the door,
- We'll get him, We'll get him,
656
00:37:05,227 --> 00:37:07,527
- Whoa! Watch out!
- (groans))
657
00:37:07,627 --> 00:37:09,227
- Are you OK?
- Your dad's gonna kill me,
658
00:37:09,327 --> 00:37:12,227
No, don't worry about it,
It's my brother's, My dad won't care,
659
00:37:12,327 --> 00:37:13,527
Oh, Red,
660
00:37:13,627 --> 00:37:15,627
- Oh, so Dad told you?
- About what?
661
00:37:15,727 --> 00:37:18,327
- The restraining order,
- How's that?
662
00:37:18,427 --> 00:37:21,727
Yeah, Red's not allowed within
100 yards of me, my dad, or this house,
663
00:37:21,827 --> 00:37:23,827
He... uh, he didn't-he didn't mention that,
664
00:37:23,927 --> 00:37:27,427
Red's a freak, You don't want
to be around my dad if he finds out
665
00:37:27,527 --> 00:37:29,927
anyone was in this house,
especially Red,
666
00:37:30,027 --> 00:37:31,727
It's like wherever he is, there's trouble,
667
00:37:31,727 --> 00:37:33,927
I mean, one time, he had this big party
'cause Dad was out of town
668
00:37:34,027 --> 00:37:35,327
and my dad came home early...
669
00:37:35,327 --> 00:37:39,527
Hey, uh... you know, since the mouse is
gone, what say we, uh, go back inside?
670
00:37:39,627 --> 00:37:41,727
OK,
671
00:37:41,827 --> 00:37:43,727
(grunts))
672
00:37:43,727 --> 00:37:46,327
(both screaming))
673
00:37:46,327 --> 00:37:49,427
(. synthesizer)
674
00:38:08,627 --> 00:38:12,227
- It was up for an Oscar? I hated it!
- I know! (laughing))
675
00:38:12,227 --> 00:38:16,527
Oh, I hated that movie!
Man, I can't believe you,
676
00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:20,327
You're like... you're so different
from how you are at work,
677
00:38:20,427 --> 00:38:24,427
What am I gonna do? Like, walk around
with my Walter Payton jersey?
678
00:38:24,527 --> 00:38:28,627
No, no, I get it, It's, like, at work
you have to be Lisa Taylor:
679
00:38:28,727 --> 00:38:32,427
the, you know, loyal employee
to the family firm,
680
00:38:32,527 --> 00:38:33,927
And I have to be... Tom...
681
00:38:34,027 --> 00:38:38,727
Tom Stansfield: the guy
who will do anything for anybody,
682
00:38:40,327 --> 00:38:42,227
Yup, That's me,
683
00:38:44,127 --> 00:38:47,127
I swear, it's like I can just
talk to you about anything,
684
00:38:47,127 --> 00:38:49,827
I know, exactly, It's...
685
00:38:49,927 --> 00:38:53,427
- Yeah, this is crazy,
- Yeah, it is,
686
00:38:54,627 --> 00:38:59,427
I guess it's because there's no
attraction between us, you know?
687
00:38:59,527 --> 00:39:00,527
Yeah,
688
00:39:00,627 --> 00:39:03,427
You know, there's none
of that sexual tension,
689
00:39:03,527 --> 00:39:05,127
- Yeah,
- It's like I'm with a girlfriend,
690
00:39:05,127 --> 00:39:07,327
- It's great, isn't it?
- Yeah,
691
00:39:07,427 --> 00:39:09,627
I mean, maybe we could go to the mall
sometime and go shopping,
692
00:39:09,727 --> 00:39:11,827
- That would be fun! Wouldn't it be fun?
- Yeah,
693
00:39:11,827 --> 00:39:13,827
Wait, you have to listen to this song,
694
00:39:13,927 --> 00:39:16,027
Come on, I need
someone to dance with!
695
00:39:16,127 --> 00:39:18,527
- You don't want to see me dance,
- (. "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing')
696
00:39:18,627 --> 00:39:21,927
- Come on, dance with me,
- I have no idea what I'm doing,
697
00:39:22,027 --> 00:39:25,727
Come on, Put your hands together,
Yeah! Now go underneath,
698
00:39:25,827 --> 00:39:27,827
- What... like this?
- Yeah!
699
00:39:27,827 --> 00:39:31,127
- Like that?
- Yeah! (squeals))
700
00:39:31,227 --> 00:39:34,627
Hold on, hold on, Watch, watch, watch,
701
00:39:34,727 --> 00:39:36,327
- (pants rip))
- Oh,
702
00:39:36,327 --> 00:39:39,627
- Yeah! Oh...
- I'm trying to do too much,
703
00:39:39,727 --> 00:39:43,027
(laughing)) Oh! Yeah!
704
00:39:43,027 --> 00:39:45,827
- (squealing))
- I'm a dancer,
705
00:39:45,827 --> 00:39:47,127
- Catch me,
- Oh... what?
706
00:39:47,127 --> 00:39:49,127
(squeals))
707
00:39:50,827 --> 00:39:52,527
- I got you!
- Whoa!
708
00:39:52,627 --> 00:39:55,227
Whoa... (chuckles))
709
00:39:55,327 --> 00:39:58,727
OK, I am doomed,
710
00:39:59,727 --> 00:40:01,727
Here,
711
00:40:02,827 --> 00:40:04,527
(. "Better Man" by Martina Sorbara))
712
00:40:04,627 --> 00:40:06,927
Oh, I love this song,
713
00:40:07,027 --> 00:40:09,927
My friend Jenny does this
really wild strip routine
714
00:40:09,927 --> 00:40:15,427
for her boyfriend to this song,
It's super sexy, Even you'd appreciate it,
715
00:40:15,527 --> 00:40:20,727
I wish I could be like her, you know?
She's so free and everything,
716
00:40:36,527 --> 00:40:38,527
(giggles))
717
00:41:08,427 --> 00:41:10,927
(giggling))
718
00:41:14,727 --> 00:41:16,727
So, what do you think?
719
00:41:16,827 --> 00:41:21,827
Ah, it's... it's, uh, very nice,
720
00:41:21,927 --> 00:41:25,427
So if you weren't gay,
this would turn you on, right?
721
00:41:26,227 --> 00:41:31,927
- Gay? Who said I was gay?
- My father, You mean it's not true?
722
00:41:32,027 --> 00:41:34,927
- No!
- No? God, I'm so embarrassed!
723
00:41:35,027 --> 00:41:38,627
- I can't believe you'd let me do this!
- I didn't mean to... I mean, um...
724
00:41:38,727 --> 00:41:41,027
Why would your father say that I'm gay?
725
00:41:41,127 --> 00:41:45,727
I don't know, Well, you can't blame him
entirely, I mean, you are a little feminine,
726
00:41:45,827 --> 00:41:48,427
- (gasps))
- Don't be hurt,
727
00:41:49,827 --> 00:41:52,027
It's OK,
728
00:41:52,127 --> 00:41:54,827
Hans is a bit of feminine, too,
729
00:41:54,927 --> 00:41:58,527
What exactly did Hans do anyway?
730
00:41:59,427 --> 00:42:02,427
Well, it's not like he did just one thing,
731
00:42:05,527 --> 00:42:07,727
It's more about trust,
732
00:42:07,827 --> 00:42:11,627
Yeah, Trust is... it's important,
733
00:42:12,227 --> 00:42:15,027
Trust is everything,
734
00:42:15,027 --> 00:42:19,827
I don't know, Maybe it's me, It's like
I'm just sending out some kind of vibe,
735
00:42:19,827 --> 00:42:22,327
- I can't attract a decent guy,
- No,
736
00:42:22,427 --> 00:42:24,527
- What's wrong with me?
- Don't even worry about it,
737
00:42:24,627 --> 00:42:27,727
You're gonna find another guy so fast,
738
00:42:28,727 --> 00:42:33,427
I mean, look at you, You're amazing,
739
00:42:34,827 --> 00:42:39,227
- You really think so?
- Why do you think I'm here tonight?
740
00:42:40,827 --> 00:42:44,027
Oh, God, Tom,
741
00:42:45,827 --> 00:42:48,927
You didn't know, You thought that...
742
00:42:50,227 --> 00:42:52,627
(door opens))
743
00:43:00,527 --> 00:43:05,227
Uh... uh... I'm gonna... I'll be right back,
744
00:43:05,227 --> 00:43:09,827
I'm just gonna go and check
and see if Audrey needs towels,
745
00:43:09,927 --> 00:43:12,527
Tom, you don't have to lie to me,
746
00:43:12,627 --> 00:43:16,327
If you have to go to the bathroom,
go take a crap and come back,
747
00:43:18,427 --> 00:43:20,327
(chuckles))
748
00:43:22,627 --> 00:43:25,427
(clatter)
749
00:43:27,427 --> 00:43:31,027
What the... hey! What the hell
are you doing here, man?
750
00:43:33,927 --> 00:43:34,927
(grunts))
751
00:43:35,027 --> 00:43:39,227
You try to bone Vasquez out of 20 grand
and you ask me what I'm doing?
752
00:43:39,227 --> 00:43:43,427
You think I work for Mrs, Fields? You
think my boss likes to bake cookies?
753
00:43:44,227 --> 00:43:47,327
- Whoa! What are you doing? Come on,
- You tried to sell me flour,
754
00:43:47,427 --> 00:43:51,327
Flour? I-I don't even know what
you're talk... What are you... Come on!
755
00:43:51,427 --> 00:43:53,727
Look, I'm just housesitting for my boss,
756
00:43:53,827 --> 00:43:56,827
- Who's your boss?
- Jack Taylor,
757
00:43:56,927 --> 00:44:02,227
Jack Taylor, huh? I did time
in Joliet with a Jack Taylor,
758
00:44:02,327 --> 00:44:07,227
Average height, medium hair,
horrible case of folliculitis on his ass?
759
00:44:07,327 --> 00:44:10,827
- I wouldn't know about the folliculitis,
- I thought you said he was your boss,
760
00:44:10,927 --> 00:44:13,927
- He is,
- And you never saw his ass?
761
00:44:14,027 --> 00:44:16,827
- Why would I see my boss's ass?
- It stands to reason,
762
00:44:16,927 --> 00:44:20,227
You work for a guy long enough,
sooner or later,
763
00:44:20,327 --> 00:44:23,227
you're gonna get a glimpse of his ass,
764
00:44:24,927 --> 00:44:26,927
Listen, I-I don't know
what line of work you're in,
765
00:44:27,027 --> 00:44:30,027
but I've never seen my boss's ass,
766
00:44:30,127 --> 00:44:33,027
Hey, man...
767
00:44:33,027 --> 00:44:35,827
Hey! Hey, stop it
or I'm gonna call the cops!
768
00:44:35,827 --> 00:44:39,427
And tell them what?
Your drug deal went bad?
769
00:44:39,527 --> 00:44:42,027
You rat me out, I'm gonna
carve you up like a turkey
770
00:44:42,027 --> 00:44:44,727
and beat your kids
with what's left of you,
771
00:44:44,827 --> 00:44:48,127
- I don't have any kids,
- I can wait,
772
00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:51,727
(. cell phone ringing
"Fur Elise" by Beethoven))
773
00:44:57,327 --> 00:45:02,327
Excuse me, Hello? Right, OK,
774
00:45:03,727 --> 00:45:06,027
Tommy, let's get clear on something,
775
00:45:06,027 --> 00:45:09,827
In the next 60 minutes, I'm gonna
bring Vasquez what he paid for
776
00:45:09,927 --> 00:45:12,627
or your gift-wrapped nuts,
777
00:45:14,727 --> 00:45:16,627
(door shuts))
778
00:45:19,227 --> 00:45:21,327
- Oh, hi, Tom, What's going on?
- Yeah, That's what I wanna know,
779
00:45:21,427 --> 00:45:24,727
What's going on with your dad's gift?
See... Do you see that guy?
780
00:45:24,827 --> 00:45:26,327
He was gonna kill me!
781
00:45:26,427 --> 00:45:28,327
Don't you think you're
overreacting a little, Tom?
782
00:45:28,427 --> 00:45:33,427
Overreacting? The guy had a knife!
I don't think that I am overreacting!
783
00:45:33,427 --> 00:45:35,627
He probably just had the wrong address,
784
00:45:35,727 --> 00:45:39,927
I mean, there's gotta be over a dozen
Jack Taylor's in Chicago alone,
785
00:45:40,027 --> 00:45:43,427
I'm gonna go to my dad's bedroom,
You tell me if the guy shows up again,
786
00:45:43,427 --> 00:45:45,027
All right, All right, You listen to me,
787
00:45:45,127 --> 00:45:47,327
You're not even supposed
to be in this house,
788
00:45:47,427 --> 00:45:48,327
Says who?
789
00:45:48,427 --> 00:45:51,227
I know about the restraining order, Red,
790
00:45:51,227 --> 00:45:55,927
Restraining-shmaining, I mean,
that's just a big misunderstanding,
791
00:45:56,027 --> 00:45:57,627
(Audrey)) Tom! It's OJ!
792
00:45:57,727 --> 00:45:59,727
(overlapping chatter)
793
00:46:01,327 --> 00:46:03,727
(Audrey and friends)) Oh...
794
00:46:03,727 --> 00:46:08,427
- Whoa, Hey, Who are you?
- I'm here to see Lisa, My name's Hans,
795
00:46:10,627 --> 00:46:12,027
- Is that so shocking?
- No,
796
00:46:12,127 --> 00:46:13,727
What, you surprised she'd go out
with someone like me?
797
00:46:13,827 --> 00:46:15,027
No, no, It's not...
798
00:46:15,127 --> 00:46:17,627
Give me a break, man,
You oughta be ashamed of yourself,
799
00:46:17,727 --> 00:46:20,027
Let me tell you something,
There are a lot of girls out there
800
00:46:20,127 --> 00:46:22,427
who can see past the fact
that I just happen to be...
801
00:46:22,527 --> 00:46:24,027
a few pounds overweight,
802
00:46:24,127 --> 00:46:26,527
(crying)) You know, inside
I'm just like everyone else,
803
00:46:26,627 --> 00:46:29,727
- Let me get you a tissue,
- Thank you,
804
00:46:29,727 --> 00:46:31,927
- I'm on the second day of a new diet,
- Hey, uh, Hans...
805
00:46:32,027 --> 00:46:33,827
- I gave up chocolate,
- I'm really sorry,
806
00:46:33,927 --> 00:46:36,527
I think that, uh, we just
got off on the wrong foot,
807
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:42,027
Oh... uh... It's good
to meet you, Hans, I'm Tom,
808
00:46:42,127 --> 00:46:43,327
l, uh... (clears throat)
809
00:46:43,427 --> 00:46:46,127
I'm just a friend of Lisa's,
810
00:46:46,227 --> 00:46:49,327
Oh, great, Well, maybe you can
help me, Is she here? Lisa! Lisa!
811
00:46:49,427 --> 00:46:51,027
Whoa, Hans, you know what?
812
00:46:51,127 --> 00:46:54,027
Maybe right now isn't a great time
for you to see Lisa,
813
00:46:54,127 --> 00:46:56,227
What say, uh, we get you a drink?
814
00:46:56,327 --> 00:46:59,127
Oh, OK, Yeah, she's
probably really upset,
815
00:46:59,227 --> 00:47:03,727
You see, we got in a misunderstanding
tonight and, well, she left me,
816
00:47:03,827 --> 00:47:05,927
- Wow, that's unfortunate,
- Yeah,
817
00:47:06,027 --> 00:47:07,827
Uh, what happened?
818
00:47:07,827 --> 00:47:12,127
Well, I think seeing me naked from
behind like that kind of shocked her,
819
00:47:12,127 --> 00:47:16,127
Oh, So, tonight was the first time,
820
00:47:16,127 --> 00:47:18,927
Yeah, Tonight was the first time,
It was awesome,
821
00:47:19,027 --> 00:47:22,127
I mean, I was lying up on the bed like
this with one leg straight up in the air,
822
00:47:22,227 --> 00:47:24,127
- I don't think I really need to see...
- And I had a handful of ass right here...
823
00:47:24,127 --> 00:47:25,127
- Whoa,
- ...and I had a handful of this,
824
00:47:25,227 --> 00:47:28,827
Hans, please, Whoa,
God, you're... that's...
825
00:47:29,527 --> 00:47:33,527
- And that's when Lisa walked in,
- What?
826
00:47:33,627 --> 00:47:36,327
She caught me in the bed with a blonde,
827
00:47:36,327 --> 00:47:37,827
What?
828
00:47:37,927 --> 00:47:40,627
Aw, come on, man, Tell me you
haven't ever wanted to do it with a...
829
00:47:40,727 --> 00:47:43,827
Hans, Hans, No... you cheated on her,
830
00:47:45,527 --> 00:47:48,627
You know something, Tom?
You're right,
831
00:47:48,727 --> 00:47:53,527
Aw, I guess that was cheating,
And now I've gone and lost everyone,
832
00:47:53,527 --> 00:47:56,127
I should have known
from the start it wasn't right,
833
00:47:56,227 --> 00:47:58,727
She kept telling me
I reminded her of her dad,
834
00:47:58,727 --> 00:48:01,827
Hans, you gotta realize
that this is over, you know?
835
00:48:01,827 --> 00:48:05,427
And you gotta put an end to it,
and-and move on,
836
00:48:05,527 --> 00:48:08,927
- And get yourself to a better place, OK?
- Yes,
837
00:48:09,027 --> 00:48:13,127
- I think you know what I mean,
- Yeah, I do know what you mean,
838
00:48:13,227 --> 00:48:17,327
And I'm ready, I know what I have to do,
839
00:48:21,627 --> 00:48:23,827
Well, I guess this is good-bye,
840
00:48:27,227 --> 00:48:31,327
- (squawking))
- OJ!
841
00:48:31,427 --> 00:48:33,127
(Hans)) Thanks, Tom,
842
00:48:33,227 --> 00:48:35,127
(Tom)) OJ, come back!
843
00:48:35,727 --> 00:48:37,827
(dog barks))
844
00:48:37,927 --> 00:48:39,927
OJ!
845
00:48:42,027 --> 00:48:43,527
(squawks))
846
00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:54,027
Hello, You must be Julie's date,
Come in, Come in,
847
00:48:54,127 --> 00:48:57,527
Actually I'm just here looking for a bird,
848
00:48:57,627 --> 00:49:01,027
Make yourself at home, Albert,
Julie's still getting ready,
849
00:49:01,127 --> 00:49:04,327
- No, actually, uh, my name is Tom,
- I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing,
850
00:49:04,427 --> 00:49:06,927
- Could you speak up, please?
- (shouts)) My name is Tom!
851
00:49:06,927 --> 00:49:09,427
I could've sworn Julie
said your name was Albert,
852
00:49:09,427 --> 00:49:11,127
No, see, I'm afraid that you're mistaken,
853
00:49:11,227 --> 00:49:15,427
- Is someone here?
- Yes, This is Julie's date, Albert,
854
00:49:15,527 --> 00:49:17,127
- Ah! Ah!
- This is my nephew, George,
855
00:49:17,227 --> 00:49:21,427
- He's blind and crippled,
- Oh, Uh... (shouts)) nice to meet you,
856
00:49:21,527 --> 00:49:22,727
I'm not deaf,
857
00:49:22,827 --> 00:49:27,427
Excuse me, I'll go see what's
keeping Julie, She's probably nervous,
858
00:49:27,527 --> 00:49:29,327
So you're Julie's date, huh?
859
00:49:29,427 --> 00:49:32,627
No, I'm just... I just came here,
I was looking for an owl,
860
00:49:32,727 --> 00:49:36,627
(laughs)) You don't have
to make lame excuses,
861
00:49:36,627 --> 00:49:40,427
Listen, do you know what the
advantage is in being a cripple?
862
00:49:40,427 --> 00:49:42,327
No, I can't say that I do,
863
00:49:42,327 --> 00:49:44,627
You don't really care to hear much
what I have to say, do you?
864
00:49:44,727 --> 00:49:47,427
No, no, It's not that, I'm...
865
00:49:48,427 --> 00:49:50,427
You know what?
Go ahead, I'm listening,
866
00:49:50,527 --> 00:49:52,727
Sit down, Tom,
867
00:49:56,727 --> 00:49:59,227
You know what I gained
by becoming a quad?
868
00:49:59,327 --> 00:50:01,327
What, are you shaking your head?
I can't see, you know!
869
00:50:01,427 --> 00:50:06,227
I'm sorry, Uh... uh...
Tell me what you gained,
870
00:50:06,327 --> 00:50:09,227
I no longer need my Viagra,
871
00:50:10,127 --> 00:50:13,627
Now I can maintain
my arousal for hours,
872
00:50:13,727 --> 00:50:16,227
That's-that's great,
I guess things have a way
873
00:50:16,327 --> 00:50:18,027
of evening themselves out
in the long run, huh?
874
00:50:18,127 --> 00:50:20,527
No, not really, And do you know why?
875
00:50:20,627 --> 00:50:21,927
No, why?
876
00:50:22,027 --> 00:50:24,427
Because I am a blind,
quad freak, you moron!
877
00:50:24,527 --> 00:50:26,527
What, you think women dig this?!
878
00:50:26,627 --> 00:50:27,827
- I mean, you think women go...
- Well, hello,
879
00:50:27,927 --> 00:50:29,827
..."l wanna give that mutant
freak my number"?
880
00:50:29,927 --> 00:50:33,227
- Ken Morehouse, I'm Julie's dad,
- Hey, nice to meet you,
881
00:50:33,327 --> 00:50:36,827
ls, uh, George boring you
with his self-pitying tripe?
882
00:50:36,827 --> 00:50:39,227
- Tripe...
- No, not at all,
883
00:50:39,227 --> 00:50:42,527
"I'm blind, I'm crippled, Boohoo-hoo,"
884
00:50:42,527 --> 00:50:45,627
Leave the room, I wanna talk
to Albert alone for a second,
885
00:50:45,727 --> 00:50:48,027
- I can stay if I want,
- Leave the room!
886
00:50:48,127 --> 00:50:49,327
- OK, OK,
- Get out!
887
00:50:49,427 --> 00:50:51,827
- You don't have to be huffy about it!
- Get out now! Get out!
888
00:50:51,827 --> 00:50:55,527
- OK,
- Turn it, turn it, turn it,
889
00:50:55,527 --> 00:50:58,527
- Oh, for God's sakes,
- (clatter)
890
00:50:58,627 --> 00:51:01,527
- I'm so sorry,
- (George)) Who the hell put that there?
891
00:51:01,627 --> 00:51:02,627
- (cat meows))
- (thud)
892
00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:06,127
My daughter's gonna be a few minutes,
Have a-Have a seat, Albert,
893
00:51:06,127 --> 00:51:07,827
- Tom,
- No, Ken,
894
00:51:07,927 --> 00:51:09,227
- Right, You're Ken,
- Yes,
895
00:51:09,327 --> 00:51:12,727
Before you say anything, Albert,
I just want you to know that Julie
896
00:51:12,727 --> 00:51:17,327
is really self-conscious about her
appearance since the... the accident,
897
00:51:17,427 --> 00:51:18,527
- (door shuts))
- Right...
898
00:51:18,527 --> 00:51:23,027
- Oh, Julie,
- Julie, this is Albert, Albert, Julie,
899
00:51:23,127 --> 00:51:26,927
- It's nice to meet you, Albert,
- Wow, It's... wow,
900
00:51:26,927 --> 00:51:32,427
It's nice to meet you, too,
But, the thing is, is that I'm not Albert,
901
00:51:34,127 --> 00:51:38,227
- That is to say that I'm not your date,
- Oh,,
902
00:51:38,227 --> 00:51:41,227
There's been a giant misunderstanding,
903
00:51:41,327 --> 00:51:44,827
- Oh, how could you?
- (crying)) I knew this would happen!
904
00:51:44,927 --> 00:51:47,127
No, I'm telling the truth,
905
00:51:47,227 --> 00:51:50,227
Julie wasn't pretty enough
for you, Mr, GQ? Is that it?
906
00:51:50,327 --> 00:51:54,827
- No, you don't understand,
- Oh, I understand, Fabio,
907
00:51:54,927 --> 00:51:57,727
- You broke that poor girl's heart,
- No, no, See, I'm not...
908
00:51:57,827 --> 00:52:01,227
Do you think Julie is an idiot? Do you
think she bought your little fairy tale
909
00:52:01,327 --> 00:52:03,927
Mr, I'm Too Sexy
for my medical booties?
910
00:52:04,727 --> 00:52:07,327
- Oh, th...
- Get the hell out of here,
911
00:52:07,427 --> 00:52:12,027
Or I'll kick your pretty-boy ass
to kingdom come,
912
00:52:12,127 --> 00:52:16,027
- Am I interrupting something?
- No, it's just that the...
913
00:52:16,127 --> 00:52:20,427
- (squawks))
- (grunts))
914
00:52:20,527 --> 00:52:23,227
Tom, there's two things
that we need to talk about,
915
00:52:23,327 --> 00:52:24,327
What?
916
00:52:24,427 --> 00:52:26,627
First of all, I don't wanna
wear these booties anymore,
917
00:52:26,727 --> 00:52:29,627
- No one else is wearing the booties,
- Fine,
918
00:52:29,727 --> 00:52:33,527
- What's the other thing?
- Tina thinks she's got cancer,
919
00:52:35,427 --> 00:52:37,627
- Do you feel it?
- Uh, I'm just...
920
00:52:37,627 --> 00:52:42,027
- What's supposed to be there? I don't...
- See, Tina?
921
00:52:42,127 --> 00:52:45,227
Move your hand to the left,
Now move it around,
922
00:52:45,327 --> 00:52:47,527
Uh-huh,
923
00:52:47,627 --> 00:52:51,327
- Don't you feel anything?
- Yeah, I mean, no, no,
924
00:52:51,327 --> 00:52:53,127
No, it seems to be... Well...
925
00:52:53,227 --> 00:52:55,827
Tina, your breast is no
different than mine, OK?
926
00:52:55,827 --> 00:53:00,927
- It is, There's no comparison,
- Tom, feel my breast and compare,
927
00:53:01,027 --> 00:53:03,827
Now, do you detect any difference
between our breasts?
928
00:53:03,827 --> 00:53:06,927
- Well... You gotta slow down a little,
- It sure feels good,
929
00:53:07,027 --> 00:53:09,627
- Well, yours is a...
- (door opens))
930
00:53:09,627 --> 00:53:12,927
- Lisa, this isn't what it looks like,
- I believed everything you said,
931
00:53:13,527 --> 00:53:14,427
I'm...
932
00:53:14,527 --> 00:53:16,027
It was all just a bunch of lines, wasn't it?
933
00:53:16,127 --> 00:53:20,227
No, no, Lisa, it was all...
I swear to you, I meant every word,
934
00:53:20,327 --> 00:53:21,727
This is... nothing's going on here,
935
00:53:21,827 --> 00:53:24,727
Great, Tom, I'm glad you think
I'm a complete idiot,
936
00:53:24,727 --> 00:53:29,627
No, no, I'm telling you, I was just
checking these girls for breast cancer,
937
00:53:30,327 --> 00:53:34,927
- You make me sick,
- No... Lisa, wait!
938
00:53:35,527 --> 00:53:38,327
- She's never gonna forgive me,
- Of course she will,
939
00:53:38,327 --> 00:53:39,527
Is this the first time you cheated on her?
940
00:53:39,627 --> 00:53:42,927
Yeah, No! I... yeah... wait,
941
00:53:43,027 --> 00:53:46,527
I didn't cheat on her, I mean,
you were there for God's sakes!
942
00:53:46,627 --> 00:53:48,127
Look, I know that
you didn't cheat on her,
943
00:53:48,227 --> 00:53:50,427
- I mean, you were a little grabby, but...
- I...
944
00:53:50,427 --> 00:53:52,027
Look, don't you think
we should just find the owl
945
00:53:52,127 --> 00:53:53,927
and worry about your little "affair" later?
946
00:53:54,027 --> 00:53:57,027
l... I am get... I'm getting angry
and I don't get angry,
947
00:53:57,127 --> 00:53:58,627
- Ugh!
- Hey, Speed?
948
00:53:58,727 --> 00:54:00,827
Hey, can I ask you a question?
949
00:54:02,027 --> 00:54:06,527
- What are you... I thought you left,
- I did... to get this,
950
00:54:07,227 --> 00:54:10,927
- All right, Why is the fire going?
- Cozy, isn't it?
951
00:54:11,027 --> 00:54:15,027
- All right, You put that down,
- Make me,
952
00:54:16,227 --> 00:54:18,227
All right,
953
00:54:20,227 --> 00:54:24,327
Hey! Hey! Put the crowbar down!
954
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:27,927
Or I will blow your ass to fucktown!
955
00:54:39,627 --> 00:54:42,527
That's right,
956
00:54:43,927 --> 00:54:46,927
- Don't you ever threaten me,
- But... I got a gun,
957
00:54:49,127 --> 00:54:52,727
- What are you doing?
- Well, Tommy, we both have guns,
958
00:54:52,827 --> 00:54:55,527
Only difference is, you don't
have the guts to use yours,
959
00:54:55,627 --> 00:55:00,127
Oh, yeah?
Well, what makes you so sure?
960
00:55:01,627 --> 00:55:03,727
Oh, I'm sure,
961
00:55:08,327 --> 00:55:10,427
(trickling))
962
00:55:10,527 --> 00:55:16,827
Oh! Oh... Jesus! What the...
What are you, out of your mind?
963
00:55:16,827 --> 00:55:20,627
- (phone ringing))
- Stop that! Are you crazy, man?!
964
00:55:20,727 --> 00:55:22,527
(chimes))
965
00:55:22,627 --> 00:55:25,427
- Hello?
- (Taylor) Stansfield. Anything to report?
966
00:55:25,527 --> 00:55:29,227
Sir! Uh, everything's great,
I got... everything's under control,
967
00:55:29,227 --> 00:55:31,227
- Did OJ get enough water?
- (TJ)) Whoa!
968
00:55:31,327 --> 00:55:33,627
Uh, OJ... What? Oh, yes,
969
00:55:33,727 --> 00:55:37,427
Uh, Jack, could you hold on?
I'm gonna shoot your pecker off,
970
00:55:37,527 --> 00:55:40,127
I don't plan on being away
the entire weekend.
971
00:55:40,227 --> 00:55:41,327
- I hate you! I hate you!
- It's possible I may be
972
00:55:41,327 --> 00:55:45,627
coming home early, so make sure
that everything's in order.
973
00:55:45,627 --> 00:55:46,627
Jesus!
974
00:55:46,727 --> 00:55:48,527
Oh, something I forgot to tell you.
975
00:55:48,627 --> 00:55:51,627
- Sir?
- The fishtank. It's a little low.
976
00:55:51,627 --> 00:55:53,627
- I'm taking care of that right now,
- Good.
977
00:55:53,727 --> 00:55:56,427
When I get back, I want to talk to you
about that position in Creative.
978
00:55:56,527 --> 00:55:58,527
- Aah!
- Don't get excited yet.
979
00:55:58,627 --> 00:56:00,527
I didn't say you had the job.
We'll discuss it.
980
00:56:00,527 --> 00:56:03,827
Uh, thank you, sir, Uh, great, Bye,
981
00:56:05,727 --> 00:56:08,127
Holy shit!
982
00:56:11,427 --> 00:56:13,827
I just...
983
00:56:15,627 --> 00:56:19,827
Boy, I'm tapped out,
You got anything to drink?
984
00:56:19,827 --> 00:56:23,827
In the kitchen, Thanks,
985
00:56:28,327 --> 00:56:29,827
Dammit!
986
00:56:29,827 --> 00:56:35,527
Whoa! What the hay happened in here?
Tom, did you have a little accident?
987
00:56:35,627 --> 00:56:39,527
You might wanna try a few Kegels,
Kinda tighten it up down there,
988
00:56:39,627 --> 00:56:45,227
- That's it!
- I'm doing 'em right now, And release,
989
00:56:45,227 --> 00:56:49,127
Well, when in Rome...
990
00:56:49,227 --> 00:56:53,027
- (trickling))
- . Oh, Canada
991
00:57:02,527 --> 00:57:07,227
"Jack Taylor, Rectacid,
Apply liberally to buttocks as needed
992
00:57:07,327 --> 00:57:11,827
to reduce redness
and other symptoms of folliculitis,"
993
00:57:15,427 --> 00:57:17,627
Son of a bitch,
994
00:57:17,727 --> 00:57:21,927
- Did you piss yourself?
- No, I did not piss myself,
995
00:57:21,927 --> 00:57:23,427
- Looks like you did,
- Well, I didn't,
996
00:57:23,427 --> 00:57:25,527
It was that maniac downstairs,
997
00:57:25,627 --> 00:57:28,227
We gotta stop him before
he tears this house apart,
998
00:57:28,327 --> 00:57:31,427
You know what you gotta do?
Give him one of these little babies,
999
00:57:31,527 --> 00:57:32,727
- What's that?
- It's a sleeping pill,
1000
00:57:32,827 --> 00:57:36,627
I got 'em from Speed, Here,
So strong, so be careful,
1001
00:57:36,727 --> 00:57:38,727
- It's powerful stuff,
- Here, Just one,
1002
00:57:38,827 --> 00:57:42,427
Be careful,
1003
00:57:45,927 --> 00:57:47,927
Hey, Excuse me,
1004
00:57:48,027 --> 00:57:51,627
You know, I just wanted to apologize
for pulling that gun on you earlier,
1005
00:57:51,627 --> 00:57:55,127
That was totally out of line,
1006
00:57:55,127 --> 00:57:57,627
Hey, you know, I don't
even know your name,
1007
00:57:57,627 --> 00:58:00,927
- I'm TJ,
- TJ? That's nice,
1008
00:58:00,927 --> 00:58:06,527
I guess maybe I was out of line
by pissing all over everything,
1009
00:58:06,627 --> 00:58:11,227
Man... that was funny, (laughs))
1010
00:58:11,327 --> 00:58:15,927
Yeah, I've always enjoyed a good prank,
What are you drinking there?
1011
00:58:16,027 --> 00:58:18,227
Whiskey, You want some?
1012
00:58:18,327 --> 00:58:19,727
There's plenty of booze
around here, that's for sure,
1013
00:58:19,827 --> 00:58:22,427
Yeah, I'll take a shot of bourbon,
1014
00:58:22,527 --> 00:58:25,527
- Oh, my God! Wow!
- What?
1015
00:58:25,627 --> 00:58:27,627
Whoa! Look at those
two blondes going at...
1016
00:58:27,727 --> 00:58:29,527
- Oh, wait, are there three of them?
- Where?
1017
00:58:29,627 --> 00:58:32,527
They're going at it right up there
on the second floor,
1018
00:58:32,627 --> 00:58:38,427
- Where are you looking?
- Right th... uh... Oh, man, they left,
1019
00:58:38,427 --> 00:58:40,027
(chuckles))
1020
00:58:40,127 --> 00:58:44,327
Damn, I was all psyched up
for some action,
1021
00:58:44,327 --> 00:58:47,627
Lesbians are very special,
1022
00:58:47,727 --> 00:58:51,127
Oh... Hey, I'll drink to that, huh?
1023
00:58:52,327 --> 00:58:55,327
- Cheers,
- All right,
1024
00:58:55,427 --> 00:58:57,727
Mmm,
1025
00:58:59,227 --> 00:59:00,527
- (grunts))
- Oh, are you...
1026
00:59:00,527 --> 00:59:03,227
- Whoa,
- Here, Why don't I...
1027
00:59:03,327 --> 00:59:07,827
- (glass breaks))
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa,
1028
00:59:07,927 --> 00:59:09,927
(steps on glass))
1029
00:59:12,527 --> 00:59:15,527
- Whoa,
- (gong))
1030
00:59:19,427 --> 00:59:23,327
- Audrey?
- (babbling))
1031
00:59:23,427 --> 00:59:26,727
Audrey!
1032
00:59:26,727 --> 00:59:31,127
(gasps)) Oh, my God!
He's like a human vibrator,
1033
00:59:31,227 --> 00:59:33,427
What... All right,
what is wrong with him?
1034
00:59:33,527 --> 00:59:36,027
- I don't know, Did you slip him the pill?
- Yes,
1035
00:59:36,027 --> 00:59:37,027
Then that must be it then,
1036
00:59:37,127 --> 00:59:39,027
You didn't give him the pill
with whiskey, did you?
1037
00:59:39,027 --> 00:59:41,027
- Yeah,
- Oh, no!
1038
00:59:41,127 --> 00:59:44,727
- You're not supposed to mix the two,
- Audrey, you did not tell me that!
1039
00:59:44,827 --> 00:59:47,327
Everyone knows that you're not
supposed to mix booze with pills!
1040
00:59:47,427 --> 00:59:50,327
- Come on!
- OK, Is he gonna be OK?
1041
00:59:50,427 --> 00:59:53,327
Don't worry, He'll be fine,
I used to be a paramedic,
1042
00:59:53,427 --> 00:59:57,227
- Tom? I think I found OJ,
- OJ? I don't care about...
1043
00:59:57,327 --> 01:00:00,027
We have a situation here,
Audrey, call 911!
1044
01:00:00,127 --> 01:00:02,927
- I'm telling ya, he'll be fine,
- Are you sure?
1045
01:00:03,027 --> 01:00:06,327
- He just needs some rest, I'm positive,
- OK, You watch TJ, Use this,
1046
01:00:06,427 --> 01:00:09,127
It's not loaded, but he doesn't know that,
1047
01:00:09,227 --> 01:00:10,727
- (doorbell)
- Oh, man!
1048
01:00:12,627 --> 01:00:15,427
- Oh, hey,
- Julie,
1049
01:00:15,427 --> 01:00:17,727
- From... yeah,
- Down the block, That's right,
1050
01:00:17,827 --> 01:00:18,927
You mind if I come in?
1051
01:00:18,927 --> 01:00:20,127
(Audrey)) All right, You grab his ankles...
1052
01:00:20,227 --> 01:00:22,227
Why don't we go
to that room over there?
1053
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:25,927
- (Speed) OK, yeah, I got this end,
- (Audrey)) Man, he's heavy,
1054
01:00:25,927 --> 01:00:30,327
Do you mind if I sit down?
1055
01:00:30,327 --> 01:00:34,527
- Uh... yeah, Sure,
- Thank you,
1056
01:00:38,327 --> 01:00:41,727
Oh, hey, Sorry to butt in, Hi, I'm Red,
1057
01:00:41,827 --> 01:00:44,127
- Hi, it's nice to meet you,
- Nice to meet ya,
1058
01:00:44,227 --> 01:00:47,727
Anyway, I realized you were telling
the truth when my real date showed up,
1059
01:00:47,827 --> 01:00:52,327
- Of course he didn't stick around,
- Well, that guy is a bum,
1060
01:00:52,427 --> 01:00:54,427
Well, I'm sure that had
nothing to do with you,
1061
01:00:54,527 --> 01:00:55,927
No, I know it did,
1062
01:00:55,927 --> 01:00:59,727
I've never had any guys attracted to me,
even before the accident,
1063
01:00:59,827 --> 01:01:01,927
Now that cannot be true,
1064
01:01:02,027 --> 01:01:05,427
Well... about six months ago,
I was hitchhiking
1065
01:01:05,527 --> 01:01:08,527
and a trucker tried to rape me,
but other than that...
1066
01:01:08,627 --> 01:01:12,027
Come on, You're gonna tell me,
you never had a real boyfriend?
1067
01:01:12,127 --> 01:01:16,027
Well, once, but I think
he just felt sorry for me,
1068
01:01:16,127 --> 01:01:19,327
Oh, well, uh... how long did that last?
1069
01:01:19,427 --> 01:01:23,827
Um... about six years
and then one day, he just left,
1070
01:01:23,827 --> 01:01:27,727
- Another woman?
- No, He got hit by a bus,
1071
01:01:27,827 --> 01:01:29,427
(Red) Well, see that's not your fault,
1072
01:01:29,427 --> 01:01:31,927
Well, he didn't seem to try
very hard to avoid the bus,
1073
01:01:31,927 --> 01:01:34,527
I think he just wanted
out of the relationship,
1074
01:01:34,627 --> 01:01:37,227
Julie, why don't you sit in this chair?
1075
01:01:37,227 --> 01:01:39,627
Oh, geez, I'm starting
to feel a bit woozy,
1076
01:01:39,727 --> 01:01:41,827
(blood squishes))
1077
01:01:41,927 --> 01:01:45,127
OK, All right, I have to go find OJ,
1078
01:01:45,227 --> 01:01:49,727
So, Red, if you could watch things
for me, that'd be great,
1079
01:01:49,827 --> 01:01:52,927
Got ya,
1080
01:01:56,127 --> 01:01:59,627
Look, I think you're being
way too hard on yourself,
1081
01:01:59,727 --> 01:02:03,927
I mean, besides, I bet there've been a lot
of guys who've been attracted to you,
1082
01:02:04,027 --> 01:02:06,627
No, he was the only one,
1083
01:02:06,727 --> 01:02:10,427
What about that trucker? I mean,
he was obviously attracted to you,
1084
01:02:10,427 --> 01:02:13,427
(sighs)) I think the trucker probably
would have raped anyone,
1085
01:02:13,427 --> 01:02:17,227
I doubt that, You were probably
pretty special to him,
1086
01:02:17,227 --> 01:02:19,427
(chuckles)) So sweet of you, Red,
1087
01:02:19,527 --> 01:02:22,727
I'm not just jerking
your chain either, I mean it,
1088
01:02:22,727 --> 01:02:25,627
- (giggles))
- Yeah, (chuckles))
1089
01:02:29,227 --> 01:02:34,427
- What are you doing to the lawn?
- It's OK, Tom, We just had to bury TJ,
1090
01:02:34,527 --> 01:02:38,227
Bury... what? You mean, he's...
1091
01:02:39,227 --> 01:02:42,327
You said he was gonna be OK!
I thought you were a paramedic,
1092
01:02:42,427 --> 01:02:45,827
- Well, I took a course,
- You took... you-you guy...
1093
01:02:45,927 --> 01:02:47,827
You can't just bury him, you guys!
1094
01:02:47,927 --> 01:02:49,727
Well, we're not gonna put him in my car,
1095
01:02:49,827 --> 01:02:53,327
- (Audrey)) That's right,
- All right, Forget it, I'm calling 91 1 ,
1096
01:02:53,427 --> 01:02:56,227
- That's for emergencies,
- What do you think this is?
1097
01:02:56,227 --> 01:02:59,427
The guy's dead, In 20 minutes,
he's still gonna be dead,
1098
01:02:59,427 --> 01:03:01,927
- There's no sense of urgency here,
- (chuckles))
1099
01:03:01,927 --> 01:03:05,027
No, we have to call the cops
and report it!
1100
01:03:05,127 --> 01:03:10,327
- And tell 'em what?
- The truth! That there was a... accident,
1101
01:03:10,427 --> 01:03:14,827
- They might not see it that way,
- Let's face it, Tom, You did kill him,
1102
01:03:14,827 --> 01:03:18,327
- You gave me the pill,
- Hey, I didn't tell you to kill nobody, OK?
1103
01:03:18,327 --> 01:03:20,027
Well, you didn't tell me
not to use the whiskey!
1104
01:03:20,127 --> 01:03:23,227
- Well, if you'd listen to me...
- You didn't say anything about whiskey!
1105
01:03:23,327 --> 01:03:25,127
- (whistles))
- I would think you would listen to me!
1106
01:03:25,127 --> 01:03:26,627
There's no time for blame games,
1107
01:03:26,727 --> 01:03:29,427
Why don't you spread around
some leaves? Make it look good,
1108
01:03:29,527 --> 01:03:32,627
I am not gonna help
you conceal a dead body!
1109
01:03:32,627 --> 01:03:35,827
Hey, you know what? Don't you
think we should say something?
1110
01:03:35,927 --> 01:03:37,127
- What?
- You know what? She's right,
1111
01:03:37,227 --> 01:03:39,927
Some kind of last rites or eulogy
or something like that?
1112
01:03:40,027 --> 01:03:42,327
- I'm so screwed,
- We should say something,
1113
01:03:42,327 --> 01:03:48,927
Fine, fine, You know what? Say
something, Get... just make it quick,
1114
01:03:49,027 --> 01:03:55,027
Lord, this day we lay to rest TJ,
who was, uh...
1115
01:03:55,627 --> 01:03:57,627
- I really didn't know him,
- I don't know him,
1116
01:03:57,727 --> 01:03:59,527
I mean, Tom, you know him the best,
Why don't you say something?
1117
01:03:59,527 --> 01:04:01,027
- Me?
- Yeah,
1118
01:04:01,127 --> 01:04:05,627
All I know is that the guy was a violent,
sadistic goon that was into lesbians,
1119
01:04:05,727 --> 01:04:08,027
Amen,
1120
01:04:08,127 --> 01:04:11,527
- Tom?
- Lisa,
1121
01:04:11,627 --> 01:04:14,327
- I can't believe you're still here,
- Listen, please,
1122
01:04:14,427 --> 01:04:15,627
You have to let me explain,
1123
01:04:15,627 --> 01:04:19,427
Look, Tom, Tonight was just a
big mistake, That's all there is to it,
1124
01:04:19,527 --> 01:04:26,327
No, you... that... what you saw with
the girls, all that was was weird timing,
1125
01:04:26,427 --> 01:04:29,127
Red? What's Red doing here?
1126
01:04:29,227 --> 01:04:33,227
Red? Oh, uh, Red
was in the neighborhood
1127
01:04:33,227 --> 01:04:34,727
and he-and he stopped by,
1128
01:04:34,827 --> 01:04:38,027
But, you see, nothing really
bad happened tonight,
1129
01:04:38,027 --> 01:04:43,827
- Is he the reason OJ's gone?
- No, No, uh... OJ got loose,
1130
01:04:43,827 --> 01:04:46,427
And that's a little problem,
But we're gonna find him,
1131
01:04:46,527 --> 01:04:48,927
And we're looking for him, so...
1132
01:04:49,027 --> 01:04:50,427
What's this?
1133
01:04:50,527 --> 01:04:54,527
Oh, uh, Tom killed a guy
and we're burying the body,
1134
01:04:54,627 --> 01:04:56,827
- OK, that was bad,
- Aah!
1135
01:04:56,927 --> 01:05:00,027
OK, well, now you're
overreacting, It's not...
1136
01:05:00,127 --> 01:05:01,727
- Oh!
- Aah!
1137
01:05:01,827 --> 01:05:09,727
(all yelling))
1138
01:05:09,827 --> 01:05:11,527
All right, all right, hey,
1139
01:05:11,627 --> 01:05:17,227
Anybody moves, there's gonna be
a big hole where her brain used to be,
1140
01:05:19,427 --> 01:05:22,627
Yeah, Go ahead, shoot,
1141
01:05:23,527 --> 01:05:25,627
Well, what are you waiting for?
Come on!
1142
01:05:25,727 --> 01:05:27,027
What are you waiting for?!
Waste the bitch!
1143
01:05:27,127 --> 01:05:29,027
- Tom!
- No, I don't give a shit!
1144
01:05:29,127 --> 01:05:32,827
- Hey, I'm not joking, asshole,
- Yeah?
1145
01:05:32,827 --> 01:05:36,627
Pull the trigger, Come on, Come on!
1146
01:05:38,427 --> 01:05:42,227
I think you're just all talk,
1147
01:05:45,827 --> 01:05:48,727
Looks like we both got guns,
1148
01:05:50,327 --> 01:05:53,227
Who's gonna shoot first this time?
1149
01:05:56,427 --> 01:05:59,027
(chuckles))
1150
01:05:59,127 --> 01:06:01,327
(groans))
1151
01:06:01,327 --> 01:06:03,527
(Red) Well, that should do it,
1152
01:06:03,627 --> 01:06:06,627
Tom! You are so brave,
1153
01:06:06,627 --> 01:06:09,927
No, no, It's not even that big of a deal,
This gun's not even loaded...
1154
01:06:09,927 --> 01:06:11,127
- (gunshot)
- (grunt)
1155
01:06:11,227 --> 01:06:13,127
(man)) What the hell is going on?
1156
01:06:13,227 --> 01:06:16,627
I never should have doubted you,
You risked your life for me,
1157
01:06:16,727 --> 01:06:19,527
Audrey found some bullets in
the kitchen and I may have reloaded it,
1158
01:06:19,627 --> 01:06:21,627
Yeah, I did,
1159
01:06:21,727 --> 01:06:25,927
Yo, excuse me, Does anyone here
know a Jack Taylor?
1160
01:06:25,927 --> 01:06:27,327
Why?
1161
01:06:27,427 --> 01:06:31,227
This dude just called, said if I don't pick
him up at the train station in 15 minutes,
1162
01:06:31,227 --> 01:06:34,227
I'm out of a job, What do
you suppose that means?
1163
01:06:34,327 --> 01:06:35,427
Oh, my God,
1164
01:06:35,527 --> 01:06:37,527
That's what I thought,
'cause I ain't got no job,
1165
01:06:37,527 --> 01:06:39,427
- He's coming home early,
- OK, don't worry about it,
1166
01:06:39,527 --> 01:06:42,627
I'll take care of everything, OK?
Trust me, Just don't drive too fast,
1167
01:06:42,627 --> 01:06:44,027
Got it,
1168
01:06:44,027 --> 01:06:46,627
And, um, maybe you
should put that away,
1169
01:06:46,727 --> 01:06:50,127
Oh, God,
1170
01:06:50,327 --> 01:06:52,627
(. "Go Home" by Barenaked Ladies))
1171
01:07:05,127 --> 01:07:07,127
Ooh,
1172
01:07:09,727 --> 01:07:11,427
(squeaks))
1173
01:07:22,327 --> 01:07:25,127
(sighs))
1174
01:07:29,027 --> 01:07:32,027
(. whistling))
1175
01:07:40,727 --> 01:07:44,127
I knew that was you,
1176
01:08:20,627 --> 01:08:22,027
(beer bottles clank)
1177
01:09:09,627 --> 01:09:13,427
(Taylor) As long as we're in Thailand
for the meeting on Monday afternoon,
1178
01:09:13,527 --> 01:09:17,727
Yeah, We can pick it up
when we refuel in Hawaii,
1179
01:09:18,327 --> 01:09:21,227
Hey, uh, do you wanna stop
and, uh, get something to drink,
1180
01:09:21,227 --> 01:09:22,527
go to the bathroom or something?
1181
01:09:22,627 --> 01:09:24,727
We'll take the departmental heads now
1182
01:09:24,827 --> 01:09:28,127
and the Creative team
in a couple of weeks,
1183
01:09:28,227 --> 01:09:29,527
(squeaks))
1184
01:09:37,627 --> 01:09:39,727
That's the agenda up to lunch,
then there's lunch...
1185
01:09:39,827 --> 01:09:42,927
(squawking))
1186
01:09:48,627 --> 01:09:52,427
- OK, And then...
- (squawks))
1187
01:09:52,527 --> 01:09:56,127
- (horns honk)
- (tires screech))
1188
01:09:56,227 --> 01:09:59,527
OK, OK,
1189
01:10:01,027 --> 01:10:03,327
OK, fine,
1190
01:10:07,227 --> 01:10:12,027
- Stansfield, what are you doing?
- Nothing, sir,
1191
01:10:12,127 --> 01:10:14,827
Hold on a moment, please,
1192
01:10:14,927 --> 01:10:19,827
Stansfield... why don't you
just concentrate on the driving
1193
01:10:19,827 --> 01:10:22,827
and let me get on with making my call,
1194
01:10:22,827 --> 01:10:25,527
- Wait!
- What is it now, Stansfield?
1195
01:10:25,627 --> 01:10:30,027
Oh, nothing, sir, Almost home,
1196
01:10:48,227 --> 01:10:52,527
- Hey, How'd this get in there?
- Oh, be careful with that,
1197
01:10:52,627 --> 01:10:54,527
I will, Good thing I found it,
1198
01:10:54,527 --> 01:10:57,527
There's several ways to properly
dispose of a handgun,
1199
01:10:57,627 --> 01:11:00,127
none of which include
putting it in a garbage bag,
1200
01:11:00,127 --> 01:11:03,227
(cop over megaphone))
Freeze! Police! Freeze!
1201
01:11:03,327 --> 01:11:05,227
Let go of the girl
and put your hands in the air!
1202
01:11:05,327 --> 01:11:07,127
You're completely surrounded, TJ!
1203
01:11:07,127 --> 01:11:09,727
Put down your weapons
and put your hands on you head!
1204
01:11:09,727 --> 01:11:15,127
No, you guys, Wait, He's not TJ,
I'm Lisa Taylor, This is my dad's house,
1205
01:11:15,227 --> 01:11:17,127
Ma'am, we've received
numerous reports
1206
01:11:17,127 --> 01:11:18,627
from this neighborhood: theft, gunfire...
1207
01:11:18,627 --> 01:11:22,927
All right, Look, I know you probably
think we may have killed somebody,
1208
01:11:22,927 --> 01:11:24,727
but Tom didn't know
he poisoned the guy,
1209
01:11:24,727 --> 01:11:28,727
and we thought he was dead when
we buried him, But he seems OK now,
1210
01:11:28,727 --> 01:11:32,227
His head's just a little bloody
from where we hit him with the shovel,
1211
01:11:32,227 --> 01:11:35,327
And I swear when Tom shot the gun off,
he didn't think it was loaded
1212
01:11:35,427 --> 01:11:38,827
'cause I put the bullets back in,
so if you'll all just step inside,
1213
01:11:38,827 --> 01:11:41,027
you'll see there's nobody dead here,
1214
01:11:41,127 --> 01:11:43,027
He may have had the wind
knocked out of him temporarily,
1215
01:11:43,127 --> 01:11:45,627
but with a little first aid,
I think he'll be just fine,
1216
01:11:45,727 --> 01:11:48,227
(screaming))
1217
01:11:48,327 --> 01:11:50,127
(screaming))
1218
01:11:50,127 --> 01:11:55,427
- (screams))
- (screams))
1219
01:11:55,427 --> 01:11:57,527
Holy mother of God!
1220
01:11:59,927 --> 01:12:01,327
(Lisa)) Hans!
1221
01:12:01,427 --> 01:12:03,627
Yes, I see, I see,
1222
01:12:03,727 --> 01:12:05,727
- (squeaks))
- OK, fine,
1223
01:12:05,827 --> 01:12:07,027
- (squawking))
- Whoa!
1224
01:12:07,127 --> 01:12:09,627
Could you say that again?
You're breaking up!
1225
01:12:09,727 --> 01:12:14,927
One moment, please, OJ!
1226
01:12:15,027 --> 01:12:16,827
(tires screeching))
1227
01:12:24,227 --> 01:12:29,127
I just can't understand why you would
do this, Hans, what were you thinking?
1228
01:12:29,127 --> 01:12:31,527
He'll be fine, He may complain
about a sore throat,
1229
01:12:31,627 --> 01:12:34,227
but he's in a lot better shape
than this chandelier,
1230
01:12:34,327 --> 01:12:35,727
Well, I'd hate to be here
when the owner gets back,
1231
01:12:36,527 --> 01:12:38,627
You can say that again,
1232
01:12:38,727 --> 01:12:40,227
- (man)) Whoa!
- (car horn))
1233
01:12:42,827 --> 01:12:44,227
- Tom! Daddy!
- What do we got?
1234
01:12:44,227 --> 01:12:46,427
- What was that?
- Watch the glass, OK, everybody?
1235
01:12:46,527 --> 01:12:48,527
- Let's get 'em out of the car,
- Oh, my God! Daddy!
1236
01:12:48,627 --> 01:12:50,827
- Everybody, stay back and remain calm,
- (Lisa)) Are you all right?
1237
01:12:50,827 --> 01:12:53,127
That's him, That's the one spying
on me through the bushes,
1238
01:12:53,227 --> 01:12:55,327
He shot the bullet right through
my Julie's bedroom window,
1239
01:12:55,427 --> 01:12:58,527
Here, Tell 'em, Julie,
1240
01:12:59,227 --> 01:13:01,927
You guys, Tom wants the body in here,
1241
01:13:02,027 --> 01:13:04,527
- (TJ)) Take it easy, Put me down,
- (gasps))
1242
01:13:05,827 --> 01:13:09,327
Stansfield, what have you done?
1243
01:13:09,427 --> 01:13:13,027
Lisa, pack your things,
You're coming with me to Thailand,
1244
01:13:14,427 --> 01:13:17,527
No!
1245
01:13:19,927 --> 01:13:22,327
Get his ass out of here,
1246
01:13:22,427 --> 01:13:26,427
It's funny you should mention
the word "ass", Jack,
1247
01:13:26,427 --> 01:13:29,527
Why don't we start
by talking about yours,
1248
01:13:29,527 --> 01:13:30,527
Excuse me?
1249
01:13:30,627 --> 01:13:34,727
Lisa, your father is not
who you think he is,
1250
01:13:34,727 --> 01:13:39,527
The whole publishing operation,
It's a great cover,
1251
01:13:39,527 --> 01:13:43,527
Now how'd you do it? What'd you do?
Did you hollow out the books?
1252
01:13:43,527 --> 01:13:48,027
Oh, and locating the plant
in Thailand, It's genius!
1253
01:13:49,327 --> 01:13:53,327
- What are you talking about?
- What am l... Jack,
1254
01:13:53,427 --> 01:13:58,127
You know, I-I would've believed
you, Jack... until I met this man,
1255
01:13:58,227 --> 01:14:00,427
who seems to know a lot about ya,
1256
01:14:02,327 --> 01:14:07,727
Recognize this? I hear it's very
effective in relieving folliculitis,
1257
01:14:07,827 --> 01:14:11,027
I don't have folliculitis,
1258
01:14:11,027 --> 01:14:14,727
He's given me no choice,
1259
01:14:14,727 --> 01:14:16,627
- He's given me no choice!
- Tom, what are you doing?
1260
01:14:16,727 --> 01:14:19,427
- This is insane!
- Yeah? Take a look at your dad's ass,
1261
01:14:19,427 --> 01:14:21,227
- No!
- Then tell me I'm insane, huh?
1262
01:14:21,327 --> 01:14:25,827
- (all) Oh! Ooh!
- Huh? Huh? Look at it!
1263
01:14:25,827 --> 01:14:28,427
Look at it! Huh? Huh?
1264
01:14:28,527 --> 01:14:30,427
- Ooh...
- What?
1265
01:14:35,227 --> 01:14:37,227
(man)) Oh, that's nasty,
1266
01:14:42,627 --> 01:14:48,127
I told you I don't have folliculitis,
you blithering idiot,
1267
01:14:48,227 --> 01:14:53,927
Well, guys, the ointment
must have worked,
1268
01:14:54,027 --> 01:14:56,127
Let's go,
1269
01:14:56,227 --> 01:15:00,527
Wait! I have something to show ya,
1270
01:15:02,327 --> 01:15:04,527
(all) Oh!
1271
01:15:04,527 --> 01:15:05,827
(Hans)) What's with this movie
and the ass cheeks?
1272
01:15:05,827 --> 01:15:11,127
My real name is Jack Taylor... Jr,
Red is my nickname,
1273
01:15:11,227 --> 01:15:15,127
Now you know why,
I'm the whole reason that TJ's here,
1274
01:15:15,227 --> 01:15:19,327
Goddamn it, Red, You've been
dealing drugs out of my house!
1275
01:15:19,427 --> 01:15:23,427
No, Dad, I swear,
I gave this guy a bag of flour,
1276
01:15:23,527 --> 01:15:26,827
I dumped a kilo of the real stuff
down the toilet,
1277
01:15:26,927 --> 01:15:29,027
I'm finished dealing for good,
1278
01:15:29,127 --> 01:15:32,227
The lime green toilet
with the wooden seat?
1279
01:15:33,027 --> 01:15:35,427
- Yeah, why?
- (squawking))
1280
01:15:35,527 --> 01:15:46,327
(all) Ooh!
1281
01:15:46,327 --> 01:15:48,027
(all) Whoa!
1282
01:15:48,027 --> 01:15:52,827
Wait a second, He's flying,
1283
01:15:52,827 --> 01:15:55,727
He's flying,
1284
01:15:59,627 --> 01:16:01,927
(squawking))
1285
01:16:03,327 --> 01:16:06,527
(all) Whoa!
1286
01:16:09,527 --> 01:16:10,727
- (OJ squeals))
- (car horn))
1287
01:16:10,827 --> 01:16:14,327
- (tires screeching))
- (crash))
1288
01:16:15,327 --> 01:16:21,027
Get him out of my sight, Now,
Lisa, let's go,
1289
01:16:23,227 --> 01:16:25,827
That's the one, He got my ear!
Evander Holyfield's ear,
1290
01:16:25,927 --> 01:16:28,627
You have to right to remain silent,
Anything you say can and...
1291
01:16:28,727 --> 01:16:30,527
Lisa, wait!
1292
01:16:30,627 --> 01:16:33,327
(Arthur) That's Holyfield's ear
for God's sake,
1293
01:16:33,427 --> 01:16:36,327
(thunder rolling))
1294
01:16:53,827 --> 01:16:57,627
- (squawking))
- OJ?
1295
01:16:59,227 --> 01:17:04,527
OJ! Come to Daddy,
How's my little boy?
1296
01:17:06,627 --> 01:17:09,827
(squawking))
1297
01:17:17,827 --> 01:17:24,427
- You're going with him?
- What choice do I have? He needs me,
1298
01:17:24,427 --> 01:17:27,127
Are you actually feeling sorry for him?
1299
01:17:27,127 --> 01:17:30,727
He's manipulating you
and you are buying it,
1300
01:17:31,627 --> 01:17:35,427
All right, fine, You do what you gotta do,
I am gonna bail Tom out of jail,
1301
01:17:35,527 --> 01:17:36,627
With what? Your drug money?
1302
01:17:36,727 --> 01:17:38,727
No, no, no, I stole this out of Dad's safe,
1303
01:17:38,827 --> 01:17:41,827
Look, the important thing is,
somebody has gotta help Tom,
1304
01:17:41,927 --> 01:17:45,627
You know that nothing that happened
here last night was any of his fault,
1305
01:17:45,627 --> 01:17:50,127
It's funny, The nicest guy in the world's
the only one with enough balls
1306
01:17:50,227 --> 01:17:52,527
to stand up to Dad,
1307
01:17:55,827 --> 01:18:00,127
All he wanted to do was
to spend some time with you,
1308
01:18:00,127 --> 01:18:02,327
Look what it gets him,
1309
01:18:02,427 --> 01:18:07,227
Classic Dad, I'm not allowed in the
house, you're not allowed out of it,
1310
01:18:07,327 --> 01:18:10,727
He doesn't care about us,
Only that stupid bird,
1311
01:18:12,127 --> 01:18:15,827
- Hey, Red, can I tell you something?
- Sure,
1312
01:18:15,927 --> 01:18:20,427
I know this is gonna sound weird,
but ever since I was a little kid...
1313
01:18:22,627 --> 01:18:27,427
I used to always wish
that I was that stupid bird,
1314
01:18:28,627 --> 01:18:30,427
Aw,
1315
01:18:30,527 --> 01:18:34,027
(squawks))
1316
01:18:37,627 --> 01:18:41,127
Look, I think it's about time
you talk to Dad,
1317
01:18:41,227 --> 01:18:45,027
At least tell him how you feel,
You can do it,
1318
01:18:45,027 --> 01:18:46,427
(grunts))
1319
01:18:46,527 --> 01:18:49,427
(yells))
1320
01:18:49,427 --> 01:18:53,127
Don't you see, we have no reason
to be afraid of him?
1321
01:18:53,227 --> 01:18:55,327
- Aah!
- (screaming))
1322
01:18:55,427 --> 01:18:57,327
Aah!
1323
01:18:58,627 --> 01:19:06,027
(grunting)) Aah!
1324
01:19:06,027 --> 01:19:07,227
- (yells))
- (thud)
1325
01:19:07,227 --> 01:19:12,027
- Daddy!
- Lisa, don't let him do this to you,
1326
01:19:12,127 --> 01:19:16,327
Lisa! Aah!
1327
01:19:36,827 --> 01:19:40,027
- Lisa!
- Tom!
1328
01:19:40,127 --> 01:19:43,827
Red bailed me out... and told me you
were here and I'm not letting you go,
1329
01:19:43,927 --> 01:19:46,427
- Yeah, but I'm...
- No, You're gonna let me finish,
1330
01:19:46,527 --> 01:19:49,927
I went through hell last night and it was
my fault 'cause I let people do it to me,
1331
01:19:50,027 --> 01:19:51,727
And now you're gonna
make the same mistake,
1332
01:19:51,827 --> 01:19:53,527
- Yeah, but...
- This isn't what you want,
1333
01:19:53,627 --> 01:19:56,627
This is what your father wants,
And you know what?
1334
01:19:56,727 --> 01:20:02,827
Maybe you and l... never
are gonna work, And that hurts,
1335
01:20:02,827 --> 01:20:07,127
But not as much as watching you
be controlled by a ruthless tyrant
1336
01:20:07,127 --> 01:20:09,727
that would screw his own mother
if he thought it'd help him get ahead...
1337
01:20:09,827 --> 01:20:21,227
Tom! I'm not going,
1338
01:20:21,327 --> 01:20:23,327
She's-she's not going,
1339
01:20:26,527 --> 01:20:30,527
Is this whole concept too complicated
for you, Stansfield?
1340
01:20:40,827 --> 01:20:44,927
No, No,
1341
01:20:45,027 --> 01:20:47,627
All right, (chuckles))
1342
01:20:47,727 --> 01:20:51,027
Wha... I... What made you stay?
1343
01:20:59,127 --> 01:21:01,127
That,
1344
01:21:07,927 --> 01:21:13,927
- How did you guys...
- We finally had our long overdue talk,
1345
01:21:14,727 --> 01:21:17,627
Then-then who's taking
your place in Thailand?
1346
01:21:17,727 --> 01:21:19,327
- He is,
- (gong))
1347
01:21:19,427 --> 01:21:20,727
- What's this?
- (neck cracks)) Ow!
1348
01:21:20,827 --> 01:21:24,027
- I'm kidding,
- I don't wanna go, I'm afraid,
1349
01:21:24,127 --> 01:21:27,127
Nonsense, Everyone knows that, uh...
1350
01:21:27,227 --> 01:21:30,527
Asian people are very
intimidated by, uh...
1351
01:21:30,627 --> 01:21:32,627
- Tall men?
- Canadians?
1352
01:21:32,727 --> 01:21:35,427
- Republicans?
- Blacks?
1353
01:21:35,527 --> 01:21:37,327
- Henderson?
- Yes, sir,
1354
01:21:37,427 --> 01:21:39,127
I won't have that kind of thinking
in this company,
1355
01:21:39,127 --> 01:21:42,027
There's no room for racism here,
You're fired,
1356
01:21:42,127 --> 01:21:46,827
Now, Tom, the point that I'm getting to
is that with a big part of the team away,
1357
01:21:46,927 --> 01:21:49,727
I'm gonna want you to take over
the Creative Department,
1358
01:21:49,727 --> 01:21:52,027
- Me?
- No need to be modest,
1359
01:21:52,027 --> 01:21:55,127
I saw those ideas you left
in the living room,
1360
01:21:55,227 --> 01:22:00,027
Your theory on the JFK thing, brilliant,
And the moon landing, a hoax?
1361
01:22:00,027 --> 01:22:02,127
You're really on to something there,
1362
01:22:02,227 --> 01:22:06,227
That's the kind of thinking
that's gonna sell books,
1363
01:22:06,327 --> 01:22:10,227
Uh, thank you, sir,
1364
01:22:10,327 --> 01:22:13,927
Bye, Daddy, Have a safe flight,
1365
01:22:17,427 --> 01:22:21,927
Well, Dad... that's fantastic,
You promoted Tom,
1366
01:22:22,027 --> 01:22:25,527
Yeah, well, I figure anyone who's got
the guts to piss on my Persian carpet
1367
01:22:25,627 --> 01:22:30,427
has gotta have what it takes,
Stansfield!
1368
01:22:30,427 --> 01:22:33,827
(trickling))
1369
01:22:35,827 --> 01:22:41,127
- What the hell are you doing?
- Just trying to get my job back, sir,
1370
01:22:41,227 --> 01:22:43,227
(. "If I Had $ 1000000"
by Barenaked Ladies))
1371
01:22:43,327 --> 01:22:46,027
- (Lisa squeals))
- (chuckles))
1372
01:22:46,127 --> 01:22:50,127
(Tom)) You know, after everything
that happened, after all I went through,
1373
01:22:50,127 --> 01:22:54,127
I guess it was my lucky day.
And I'm not the only one.
1374
01:22:54,127 --> 01:22:56,227
Based on Lisa and Red's suggestions,
1375
01:22:56,327 --> 01:22:58,927
Jack restructured the company
from top to bottom.
1376
01:22:58,927 --> 01:23:02,627
Even instituting casual
Fridays every day.
1377
01:23:02,627 --> 01:23:05,927
And last Friday was Henderson's
27th straight day on the job
1378
01:23:05,927 --> 01:23:07,427
without being fired.
1379
01:23:07,527 --> 01:23:10,527
OJ's back off the drugs
and now he only drinks beer.
1380
01:23:10,627 --> 01:23:12,627
(burps))
1381
01:23:12,627 --> 01:23:15,327
(chuckles)) But he still has
an occasional flashback.
1382
01:23:15,427 --> 01:23:17,927
(squawks))
1383
01:23:18,027 --> 01:23:20,527
Jack begged Audrey to come back,
but she got a job
1384
01:23:20,527 --> 01:23:22,527
at, of all places, a coffee shop.
1385
01:23:22,627 --> 01:23:24,927
- Ew!
- Ugh!
1386
01:23:26,727 --> 01:23:28,727
- Ew!
- Ew!
1387
01:23:28,827 --> 01:23:31,627
This is terrible!
1388
01:23:31,627 --> 01:23:35,327
Hans succeeded in turning around
the company's factory in Thailand.
1389
01:23:35,327 --> 01:23:37,827
But apparently he's still struggling
to cope with the local customs.
1390
01:23:37,927 --> 01:23:40,327
- Back of bus!
- Excuse me?
1391
01:23:40,327 --> 01:23:43,727
- You people belong back of bus,
- That's an outrage!
1392
01:23:43,827 --> 01:23:46,727
Man, I'm not gonna let you treat me
like that merely because I'm...
1393
01:23:46,727 --> 01:23:49,627
Smoking! Smokers belong back of bus!
1394
01:23:49,727 --> 01:23:52,627
(coughing))
1395
01:23:52,727 --> 01:23:54,927
As for me, with my new promotion,
1396
01:23:55,027 --> 01:23:58,027
I could at last write books
based on my own experiences.
1397
01:23:58,027 --> 01:23:59,527
- So I did.
- Thank you,
1398
01:23:59,527 --> 01:24:03,327
And Lisa was finally able to pursue
a career that she loved.
1399
01:24:03,427 --> 01:24:06,227
You know, you ever heard
someone say that old expression.:
1400
01:24:06,327 --> 01:24:09,527
"Why does everything bad
always happen to me?"
1401
01:24:09,627 --> 01:24:13,627
Well, I don't get those people...
'cause I've learned that if they just stop
1402
01:24:13,627 --> 01:24:20,427
and look around, they'd realize
that everything happens for a reason.
1403
01:24:20,927 --> 01:24:23,927
[V.6.]111173