All language subtitles for Men.With.Brooms.2002.NTSC.iNT.DVDr-aSpYrE

- That's it.

Dad, what...

Dad! Oh, my God!

Dad...

No...

Dad!

[Donald Foley]: Well, I guess
death waits for us all...

each and every one of us.

I was just kind of hoping
that God might have made

an exception
for a curlin' man.

But obviously, I was wrong.

And if you can hear my voice,
then you know that I've gone

to that great bonspiel
in the sky

because this is the last will

and testament of me,
Donald Foley.

I'm going to miss this world.

Yes, I'm gonna miss this world.

Oh, I know, I've died
with a clear conscience

and I hope my underwear
was too,

but I'm still gonna miss
this world, this I tell.

Hell, I mean I'm gonna miss
the mine

'cause I love the smell
of sulphur in the morning.

I know I probably died
of a heart attack

but you know, I sure as hell
didn't die of a broken heart

because I had you,
my nearest and dearest,

the humans I loved.

My beautiful bride Eva,

so long, Kama Sutra girl.

And my own personal astronaut,
my daughterJulie.

And my tough little Amy,

you've done a great job
with Brendan.

I'm so proud of you.

And to my four curling
proteges,

I know I often treated you like
a venereal disease but you were

the best team a man could have
the honourto coach

and I think of you
as part of my family.

Mr. Neal Bucyk, one of the
great lead stones of the game.

I am confident you'll handle
the send-off

of my mortal remains

with all the dignity
and solemnly

that such an occasion
calls for.

- Oh!

Ah!

[Donald]: Oh, and Neal,

I would surely appreciate
that discount we talked about.

- Here it is... Here it is...

Oh God!

- To Donald Foley!

[All]: To Donald Foley!

[Donald]:
And to my great guard rock

Eddy Stromback,
one of these days,

your sperm is gonna land
on the button

and I hope you and Lilly will
name the first one after me.

And James Lennox,
mastertake-out artist,

you don't come home
often enough.

But I guess that's the life
of a big commodity

in the commodity's business.

I'd like to pass on a word
of advice:

You'll never get a woman
to settle with you

if you can't remember her name.

- Linda, Eddy, Lilly,
this is Jeanny.

- Jo Ann.
- Jo Ann! Shit, sorry baby.

I don't know what's wrong
with me.

I must have "namezheimer",
or something.

[Donald]: And Chris Cutter,
the natural-born skipper,

there are those who would
call you a son of a bitch

for abandoning yourteammates,
yourtown

and leaving my daughter
standin' at the altar,

and I'd be one of 'em.

- Can I talk to you?

- I have to take my mom
to the wake.

[Donald]: But I'm aimin'
to get into heaven

so I suppose I'll have
to forgive you.

And after all, who knows?

Maybe you've changed.

I can tell you,
our little town sure has.

- Ah, fuck!
What happened to Kelsey's?

- They put one of those American
big boxes down the road,

bled them dry.
- God damn it!

This is happening all across
this country.

Places like Kelsey's,
it took them sixty years

just to get the creaks
in the floor.

You can't mass produce
something like that.

That hardware store was unique.
- So was my husband.

I'm glad they came up
with vibrators.

- Let me tell you something
about vibrators. God!

Whoohoo!
- Oh, my God!

- God!

Ah...

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

[Donald]: I'd like you
to do me a favour, Chris.

I'd like you to say hello
to an old teammate of mine.

I'm a little worried.
Last time I saw him,

he was doing something
irregular with a cow.

He's yourfather.
He misses you.

And now,

my worthy effects
I leave to the three women

in my life, the one
that you'll give each other

all your love and support.

- So, you're an astronaut
because he was a loser?

Tell me how that fucking works!
- I didn't say that, Amy.

- Julie, it's not... it's not...
- Hey!

Why do you take her side?
A heart like his

and she takes him out
on the lake?!

- At least, I was there for him.

- There for him? You killed him.

[Donald]: Yes, it's the peace
and tranquility

of our happy home
that I will miss.

And that concludes the reading
of the last will and testament

of me, Donald Foley.

There is however,

uh, a codicil.

It is my wish that
my cremated remains be placed

underthe handle of this last
of the Copernicus stones.

- Which Mr. Foley died recovering
from the bottom of Trout Lake.

Though how they came to be
at the bottom of the lake

is one of Long Bay's
most enduring mysteries.

- The Golden Broom was
established in 1937.

From that time to the present,

the closest any local rink
has come to winnin' it is you.

Therefore, I'm askin' you
to reunite as a rink

and that you place this rock,
containin' me,

Donald Foley,
place it on the button

and finish the job.

Remember:

The purity of the heart is
to will one thing.

[Eva]: Good God!

In his high chair!
That man was so unsteady.

- He's in there now?
- Hm-hm.

- Marvin, this can't be
legally binding.

- Oh no, no, no.

But morally, well...

it's a big decision.

Here's your coach!

[Amy]: There's no way
they're gonna do it, is there?

[Julie]: Doesn't look like it.

[Eva]: Ah, you never know
with those boys, do you?

They haven't seen each other
in ten years.

[Linda]: We are talking
about the country club!

- Hey Dad... What happens
to a body after it dies?

- It rots.
- No, but I mean like...

before the rot?
Where does it go?

- A perfect opportunity!

And what do you do? You ignore
it. You ignore my wishes.

Sometimes, I'm just not sure
we're on the same page.

Pass the beets, please.

I'm trying to reach you
out here because...

if there is
an absolute truth...

The beets, please.

The truth is this, you cannot,
you cannot snub

the Treasurer of
the Country Club

and expect to be looked upon
favourably.

The beets, please!

Third time I've asked.

- To answeryour question,
Andrew,

sometimes you get buried
in the ground.

And othertimes,
although it's infrequent,

you get put in a stone

and othertimes,
you just get married.

- I mean, fun is fine and all,
but you and me, we got plans.

We can't just, you know,
drop everything,

pick up, go curling.
- Sure you can.

- Oh...

- Now! Right now!

- Ah! Ah! One of these days,
Lil, this is gonna work

and you and me,
we're gonna find ourselves

with a whole brood of kids.
Oh! Ah!

- I know the sperm will flow

and make my egg a good... Oh!

[Moaning]

- Oh, Jesus!

[Jo Ann giggles.]

[James]: What?

- I'm ticklish.
- Well, suppress it.

Come on, baby, this is serious.

Each team has eight rocks,
each guy throws two.

When all the rocks are thrown,

whoever has their rock
closest to the button,

or bull's eye,

that team gets the points.

- So, if you're on my button

but I've got two rocks over
here, I don't get any points?

- No, 'cause I'm closer. Whoever
is closer, that team scores.

The other guy gets nothing.
- Okay. Like "shuttleboard".

- It's shuffleboard, and no.

You gotta think more
like snooker, poker

and free-face rock climbing.
This is dangerous shit.

Cause if your stone's
a high, hard one,

you're gonna slide right
through the house

and wind up in the heck.

- Must urinate.

- Good to see you!

- Shoot! I forgot to tell you
about Hugh Grant in there.

- How do you forget about 400
pounds of defecating menace?!

- I'm looking for my money!
[Farting]

- How did he seem, you know,
mood wise?

[Screaming]

- Ooh!

- You fucked with Stuckmore...

- Oh...

[screaming]

[Chris]: Come on!
Shut up in there!

[James]: Easy, easy!

- James?

Lovers' quarrel?
- Business dispute.

- Ah.

- Oh, Jesus Christ! He's coming
through the wall, man!

- Piece of shit!

Where's my money?!
- Okay, okay!

Listen, listen.
I told you the money was here.

Well, here it is.
That's the money.

- You're the money?
- Listen, buddy,

I don't what the fuck
he's talking about.

- Cutter, the man is
manifestly serious!

- I want my money!

- Okay. The money. Alright.
I got it. It's here.

It's right...
it's kind of heavy.

- Okay. I really gotta pee now.

[Eddy]:
Just like old times, uh?

[Chris]: Yeah, a little
too much like old times.

- What's that suppose to mean?
- A decade goes by and I'm still

pickin' up afteryou.
- No, you're not.

- Oh no? A giant walked
the fuckin' earth

and now, he's lying
in the trunk of my car.

- Yeah?

- What do you mean, "yeah"?

Am I still speakin' English?
- Yeah.

- Pretty much.
- This is your problem.

- Whoa, whoa! Hold it right
there, my bon vivant.

This is not my problem.

This is most definitely
your problem.

- His problem?!
- Sure. All I did was sell

his mescaline
without paying him.

Chris, on the other hand,

crushed his head
with a curling rock.

Now you gotta understand
something about these guys.

To them, money is more
or less, uh, a hobby.

Violence, on the other hand,
is their vocation.

- What does this have to do
with commodities trading?

- Every food chain has
its brutalities, Eddy.

[Thumping sounds in the trunk]
- Oh God, the giant is awake.

- Stop sign!

[Siren wailing]

- Oh, shit!

- Is there a problem, Frances?
- You know, Neal,

sometimes keeping the peace
requires a limited vision.

For instance, I don't see
that questionable cigarette

in Jim's mouth.
But what I do see is a car

bouncin' up and down like hell.

- The shocks... need weight.

- Ah.

- So life is good there, Frances?
- Oh, it's good and spicy.

Specially since you boys
are gonna be takin' a run

at the Golden Broom, hey?
- Who said we were gonna

take a run?
- You know, in law enforcement,

we call this a deduction.
To wit. I got four delinquents

with their coach on the roof.

I conclude that you're probably
lookin' for practice ice.

As opposed to, I don't know,
let's say... dispose of a body.

[Laughter]

Got a problem there?

- Muffler.

- Well, you'll be wantin'
to repairthat, hey?

- Good night, Frances.

- God! The giant is awake again.

- Me... down... now!

- Okay.

[Stuckmore screams.]

- Ah, you're dead!

- Say hello to Port Huron for us.

[Eddy]: Anybody hungry?

- You packed a lunch?
- No, Lilly did, just in case.

- Just in case what?
- Just in case... I don't know,

just in case anything.
- Every time you step out

of the house,
she packs you a lunch?

- No, not every time.

- How often, say,
in a course of a week?

- Six times maybe?

- Unbelievable! If Linda
ever packed me anything,

it'd be dynamite.
She'd pack it up my ass.

So Jim, what's the story
with this girl friend of yours?

- Who, Janice?
- Jo Ann, isn't it?

- That's right. What about her?

- You didn't see her long?
- A couple of weeks, on and off.

She's a rented girl friend.
- Good God! Listen to yourself.

Are you some kind
of moral dyslexic?

- I think you got that
backwards, baby.

- Beautiful, isn't it?
- Guys, come on.

When is the last time
any one of us threw a stone?

- It'll be ten years May 13th.

- Yeah, that's when
you walked out on us.

- Yeah, which mystified
the hell out of all of us, man.

I mean, the three of us sat
around scratching our asses

wondering what the hell happened
to Chris in that last game

that would make him walk away
from a chance to win

the Golden Broom without saying
a fucking word to anybody.

Now, it just so happens
that one day,

I found myself in a bar

in Boob Lake. Suddenly,
the answer came to me,

in a vision, and it went
kinda like this.

[Eddy]: Does he mean... like
a burning bush sort of thing

or...
[Neil]: No, I think he means

Cutter burned a rock
and he didn't call it.

- No, he didn't.
- Yeah.

Is that true? You touched
a rock and didn't call it?

We got into the finals
'cause you cheated?

- That's why he threw the stones
in the lake, Eddy.

- That's why you couldn't
face us.

And now, here you are.

And here we are.

And Donald Foley,
God rest his soul,

has asked us to put him
on the button.

So I guess
the burning question is,

are you gonna pick up
that stone?

- It's on fire.

- I mean, metaphorically?

- Foley always said the life
blood of this game is honour.

You think I deserve
to pick up that stone?

- Why not?

One way or another,
you've been carrying it

forten years already, man.

[A door opens.]
- Hey!

- Hey.

I saw your car outside.

- So what are you doing out
at three in the morning?

- Driving around
trying not to drink.

How about you?

- I'm hanging out with your Dad.

Which, in the circumstances,

is vaguely creepy.

- My Dad was a freak, hey?

- Yes.

- I had no idea
his plan was so...

elaborate.

You know, it was like... I
thought it was just a nice way

to get to spend time with him.

I'd take these scuba lessons
and he'd get the boat

and we'd get the rocks
and get you... guys back.

And now, I think, for what?

I look at him in this thing...

and it's just a rock.

- No, it's not just a rock.

- No?
- No.

It's forty-two pounds
of polished granite,

beveled on the belly

and a handle
a human being can hold.

And it may have no practical
purpose in itself

but it is a repository
of human possibility

and if it's handled just right,

it will exact
the kind of poetry...

Forten years,
I've drilled for oil

in 93 countries,
five different continents,

and not once have I done
anything

to equal the grace
of a well-thrown rock

sliding down a sheet.

Not once.

- I'm a drug dealer.

- I bury dead people.

- I have a single digit
sperm count.

- And I'm a naked cheater.

I say we go for it.

Are you with me?

Let's do it!

[They scream.]

[Complaints]

- This water is glacial!

- That's because it's fed
by a glacier.

- My gonads have forsaken me.

- Okay. We're gonna have
to start playing.

- Yeah. We gotta get
into game shape

and I've lined up ourfirst
match with some old boys.

Isn't there used to be
a rope ladder?

- Lf I could get a hard on,
we could all climb up.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- I was just going through
some of Dad's stuff.

[Teary voice]:
Nobody else seemed up to it

so I thought that I...

I would...

- Hey, come here...

[crying]: Ljust miss him...

- Me too.

- You came forthe rocks,
didn't you?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I have to, Julie. I owe him.

- You owe him what?

- Me. I owe him what I am.

- A rough-neck in the oil patch,
Chris.

It's not a depth,
that's a curse.

- Not everyone could be
an astronaut, Julie.

- You say that like
it's a fault.

- Ah, come on, I don't mean
that. You know that.

I'm proud of you.
Everyone is proud of you.

He was proud of you.

He loved you.
- Did you?

- Yeah, I loved him.
- And me?

- Of course you loved him.

- Did you?
- Love him?

- No.
- Who?

- Me.
- You?

- Yes, me. You moron,
did you love me?

- Yeah, I did.

- Just take this

and go.

- I say we play with honour.

- Yeah, and with dignity.

- Exactly. But remember, we say
nothing about incontinence.

- Good game.
- Take it easy.

- My friend, we are gonna sweep
those diapers

right off your asses!
Whoo! Whoo!

- That's the spirit, sonny!

Asshole. Come on, boys,
let's kick some butt.

- Hey, look who showed up.

- Mind if ljoin you?

[Amy and Julie]: Sure.

[Amy]: Buckle up.

Get comfortable,
'cause here we go.

[Jo Ann]:
So, what inning are we in?

[Amy]:
Well, they're called ends.

This is the first,
they'll play ten,

up one side and down the other.

[Jo Ann]: Those old guys are
kind of old, aren't they?

[Amy]: Don't be deceived.
Old guys tend to have a touch.

He'll lay that stone in
just so.

- They may be old but they are
the enemy. Kill them!

[Amy]: You see, every player
has his own kind of style.

Some guys have perfect weight.
They throw the lead stones.

Then you have your guards.

Then you have
yourtake-out artists.

And finally, you have
your skipper.

And together,
all four of them make a rink.

[Jo Ann]: And our rink
is doing pretty good.

[Amy]: So far.

- Like riding a bike.

- Never really lose it, do you?
Not really.

Oh... Oh... Oh!

- No, sir!

[Amy]:
But old guys can be cunning.

- Whatcha got there, Son?
- Uh, tobacco from Persia.

- Yeah? I had a Persian cat once.

[Amy]:
They'll try and lull you

into a false sense of security.

[Jo Ann]: Wow!

- Named her Kitty.
Legs from here to Los Angeles.

- May ljust say
what an honourthis is?

I mean,

I barely got through
high school and... Shit!

You went to the University.
- Two of them, actually.

McGill and Harvard.
Double doctorate.

- Which is amazing!

But yourfitness level, I mean,

who let the dogs out?

[Jo Ann]: So, what the heck
are all the brooms for?

[Amy]:
Well, without touching the rock,

you can affect its speed
and accuracy.

You can steer
a rock of granite down

a hundred and forty-six
feet of ice

and lend it on an area
the size of a toilet.

[Julie]: Which is where
our guys are gonna wind up

if Cutter doesn't pull
his shit together.

- Thought you weren't interested.

Oh, admit it,

you still got it for him.

- Tap this one, raise this one...
- Tap it?

- Tap it.

- I think they're gonna do it!

- Whoohoo!

Whoohoo!

- Whoa! I haven't seen something
like that in fifty... fifty...

I've never seen something
like that.

- What happens now?

- The largest piece of stone
nearest the button

wins the point.

- You call that a tap?

- Yeah, man! Atap with authority!

- You stupid fuckin'...
- Whoa whoa whoa!

[Amy]: Well, one last yellow
stone and a wide open target.

- Which means our guys are
about to be destroyed

by a gang of octogenarians.

Those are old people.

- Oh.

- Yeah!

- Ah, I forgot the tape.

- Here, I'll give it to him.
- Yeah, I'm sure you will.

- Knock it off, okay?

- Here comes trouble.

- Listen, all I can say
in my defense...

Okay. What was that about?

- About my equivalent
of a mercy fuck.

Take this.

- Hi. My name's Amy,
and I'm still an alcoholic.

I'm a single mom

and my ex...

I don't even know where he is.

And there's this other guy...

that I haven't seen
in a long time...

and he doesn't even know.

The problem is...
he reminds me of my Dad.

The point is lately,

I've been feeling like I need
a "touch me up"

'cause ljust don't know
which way to turn.

- Hey...

You can turn to me
anytime you want.

- Thank you. That's sweet.

But I'd rather shit
in my mouth.

- So, what's the hell
with you and spacewoman, man?

- She wanted to give me
this tape and...

- This tape was in her mouth?

- Hertongue was in her mouth.

[Donald Foley]:
Here's the coach, boys.

- Oh, Jesus!
It's the voice of the dead!

[Donald Foley]:
I imagine by now,

you've thrown a couple of rocks

and you're beginning to think
this is a pretty dim idea.

Ljust want to thank you
fortrying.

- Okay, that's manipulation. He's
trying to manipulate us, man.

[Donald Foley]: And I'm not
trying to manipulate you.

Truth is, my spirit can only
carry you so far.

What you need now is
some paternal advice.

- What's that mean?

[Donald Foley]: And Chris,

I think you know
what that means.

I'll see you boys later.
- Yeah? Like when, man?

[Donald Foley]:
When you're dead, of course.

- Oh God, it's so true.

[Donald Foley]:
In the meantime,

keep your brooms on the ice.
- Jesus!

- Okay, what do you see
out there?

- Beavers.
- The ones with teeth?

- Yeah.
- Okay, good.

- No, not good. It's an omen.

- Okay, come on.
Let's get the brooms.

- Hey man, what if it is an omen?

- It's not an omen.

It's just a bunch
of confused beavers.

- "And the beaver shall bring
forth beavers abundantly.

Thou shalt go up and come
into thine house

and into thy bedchambers."
- Hey, Neal, do you mind?

- Think about it.
We just had our asses chewed off

by a bunch of guys

who don't even have
their own teeth anymore.

We're driving around in a
hearse, talking to a dead guy

and now, the road before us is
blocked by our national symbol.

All these events gotta add up
to something, right?

- "...into thy ovens,
into thy needing..."

- Seriously, you give me
the creeps, man.

- "And the beavers shall come
both upon thee

and upon all thy people...

and all thy servants."

- What do you think
they add up to?

- I think they add up to what
the coach said, man:

Temporal advice.

You have got to open your arms
up wide and say, "Hi, Dad."

[A beaver screams.]

- Jesus!
- Come on!

Gimme a hand.

- Fuck!

- You know, my schedule is
pretty rigid these days.

This fertilizer won't wait,
you know.

I'm certainly glad
you showed up.

A second hand always helps
to keep the mess down here.

You know, I used to own two
but one of them ran away.

It didn't take too easy
to the attention.

At least, that's my guess.

Here, take that.
Come on with me, here.

Over here now.

You need to stand up
overthere.

Hold the tail.
Now get that bucket up there.

So now, let me guess.

You got trashed and you realized
that you needed a professional

so you decided to bury
the hatchet.

- What are you doing?

- I am rubbing the cow's
sphincter because...

[liquid flowing]
Here it comes.

Get the bucket up there.
- Ah, Jesus, Dad!

- That's a girl, that's a girl.

The critical crop
growing period.

There's nothing finerfor it
than what Roxanne here delivers.

[The cow farts.]
That's it, girl.

Bring the bucket.

[The cow farts again.]

Give me the bucket. Thank you.

Beautiful, isn't it?

- They're mushrooms.

- Yes, but they are...

they are magic, my son.

They are magical mushrooms.

- Dad, listen...
- Oh no, I understand.

You've got scruples
about the illegality.

Rest assured that I have

no commercial aspiration
whatsoever.

These mushrooms are...
medicinal.

- Hey, can you just stop what
you're doing for a second?

- We shall not speak of her.

- Oh, I'm not here
to talk about Mom.

- No?
- We haven't been able

to talk about Mom
since the day she died,

and I don't think
we're gonna start talking now.

I'm quite happy if
we just leave all that

in the drawer we've put it in.

And I'm not asking you
to love me,

I'm not even asking you
to like me,

I'm just asking you
to coach me.

- That's all?

- That's all.

- My word shall be
like onto gods?

- All right.

- So be it.

[Poets - The Tragically Hip]

- All right, men!
You've got three weeks.

By the end of that time,
you might just be able

to pretend that you know
something about this game.

- Eddy!

- Oh oh oh oh oh...

Oh oh oh oh oh...

Oh oh oh...

Oh oh oh oh...

Oh Jesus!

- That's some hairtrigger
you got there, Eddy.

- It's not the size
of the army,

it's the fury of its onslaught.

- Bets are laying that
the Cutter rink doesn't make it

to the second end.

Just your eyes on the street,
that's all I am.

Unless, of course,
you wanted something more...

whateverthat might be.

- Some cream might be good.

- Okay.

- Twenty...

on Cutter.

[He's watching a foreign
pornographic movie.]

[Intercom]: Dr. Michel, at
the fertility clinic, admitting.

Dr. Michel, at the fertility
clinic, admitting.

Ah, Lil... Lilly...

- What's he's saying about
the motility of your sperm

is that there is none.
Motility, that is.

And he thinks maybe we should
investigate donor sperm.

- Donor sperm.

Hmm.

Is that something you personally
take part in or...

[TV]: There was a time

when beaver lodges like this one

and the busy beaver
that build them

had almost disappeared
from Canada because...

[Eddy]: What about Bucyk?

- He's too indecisive.

Cutter is too moody.

And Lennox is too...
[motorcycle roaring]

Lennox.

Ah honey, we're facing
a real shortage of sperm donors.

- Well, I guess I'm the only guy
in the team foryou, huh?

- Yeah.

- Damn!

I could blow a gasket.

- I'm a gasket.

What's your name?

I mean, your real name?

- Andrea.

[Whispering]: Andrea...

[moaning]

- Ronald... Ah... Stop!

[Silence]

Continue. Ah ah ah ah...

Stop!

[A car is approaching.]

Depart!

[Zipper sound]

And where have you been?

- Uh... out.

- Curling, no doubt?

While the business that was
handed to you by my father

goes unattended
were it not for Ronald.

- Ah, Linda, you're lookin' at me
like you asked the question

but that was actually
a statement.

- Shape up or ship out!

[Coach]: Men...

we'll let not ourselves
be pushed around.

We'll be aggressive and we'll
be hard-headed about this.

We're going up against
skilled teams,

like Alexander
The Jutternaut Yount,

who play a touch game.
We'll answerthat

with speed, power,

heart. Are you with me?

[All]: Yes, Sir!

- All right.
That's enough fortoday.

Son!

Would you give me a second
of yourtime, please?

- What?
- How's my form?

- It's fine.
- Good!

Because I think
it might be permanent.

Oh! Ah!

Where did you graduate from,

Saddam Hussein School
of Physiotherapy?

Oh!

This is unspeakably painful!

Ooh...
- Hush.

- Amy!

- Yourfather is a sock hole.

- No argument there.
Listen, I need some advice.

- About what?
- About your sister.

- Jesus...
- What?

Come on, you're a woman.

- Oh! You noticed.
- Ho ho ho!

Oh, she may look like a woman,

all those curves
and the swirls.

Everything suggests
she's a woman,

but you get caught for
two seconds in her clutches

and you'll come to know
she is the spawn of Satan!

[Demoniac laughter]

- Do you mind?

Look, I'm just wondering

if she said anything to you
about me, that's all.

- I'm not doing this, Cutter.

- Doing what?
- This.

It was almost bearable when
I was your drinking buddy,

but I'm not your drinking buddy
and I'm not your go-between.

You have something
to ask my sister?

Go fuck her.
I mean, talk to her.

Ah, just go!

- Your son's a creep.
- No argument there.

Oh no. No, no.

Don't do it.
- Yes.

- No no no.
- Yes.

- No, no... no!
- Oh yes!

- Gentlemen, you're eleven days
to lock down,

forty-three to
mission Green Line.

And Encon wants an update on
all the flight crew starters

beginning with the SPDM.

- Dr. Olson is good to go,
Colonel.

- Ah ah. Alternate Marks?
- Also good.

Second Alternate Foley,
however,

has requested extended leave.

Herfather just passed away.

- And he's in a curling rock.

What is a curling rock
exactly?

[Chris]: I really wish
I had known what to say to you,

but the truth is I...

I had a meltdown. Like uh...

a full blown old style crack-up,

like I suddenly became...

- Shut up, Chris.

You just didn't love me enough.

That's all.

- Okay.

- You're agreeing with me?
- No.

I'm not agreeing with you.

I'm sitting across
from an astronaut.

You don't think there's
some sort of...

- No. Cause a relationship
between you ditching me

and me ending up
in the space program?

That somehow absolves you?
Forget it.

You get no absolution.

- I'm sorry to botheryou,
Ms. Foley, but...

would you mind?

- I would be happy to.
You abandoned me,

you prick.

Shit heel.

Turd.

Scum bucket.

- Hey...

What are we doing?

- Well it's slightly complicated

because I think
I actually hate you.

But hate is good and I like
this hate, 'cause this hate

is something that I can feel.

[Music]

[Knocking]

- Hey man, have you seen
my girlfriend?

- No.
- I gotta get one of those

tracking collars, you know.
[Singing]

- Who is that down there?
- In my room? That's Amy.

- You got her drunk?
God damn it, Jim, she's AA.

What else did you do to her?

- Hey man, I resent that
implication. Even if I wanted

to take advantage of the young
lady, I do have some principles.

You gotta be conscious,
for one thing.

Besides, I'm in training,
for God's sake.

I mean, the flesh must be
controlled, man.

Furthermore,
I didn't get her drunk,

you did.
- I wasn't even here.

- No, you were in the car
with her sister.

- Hang on. Hold on.

Okay?
- Hm, hm.

You're such a sweet man.

[She is vomiting.]

- She's okay, she's just tired.

- It's nice that
you're lying to me

but we both know
she's shit face.

- Yeah. You'll take care of her?
- Got to,

she's the only Mom I got.
- Okay, hop up.

I'm sorry.

- Sir...

We do seem to have a problem

concerning First-off
and Dr. Marks.

- This is unbelievable.

Two men down on one flight.

I wonder what the odds are
on that?

- We're running the numbers, Sir,
and we're ready to set up

second alternate Dr. Foley too.
We'll notify.

- Go away.

[Music]

[Together]: Ninety-eight...

Ninety-nine...

One hundred!

- Gentlemen, let's go!

We've got a tournament to play.

- Foryears,
they have journeyed deep

into the heart of
the Canadian shield.

There may be biggertournaments,

there may be bigger prizes,

but you are as legendary.

Some say it's the ice
that draws them,

but I say it's the fans.

In the Mecca of Long Bay,
there may be a dozen churches

but make no mistake,

this is where everyone comes
to worship.

- We extend a warm welcome
to all of our viewers.

I'm Greg Guinness.
- And I'm Paul Savage.

- And this is the opening day
of the Golden Broom of Long Bay.

- You're eating mushrooms?
- Then I'm not throwing,

I'm the one who's got
to see the big picture.

[Announcer]:
Ladies and gentlemen,

whit his typically
triumphant entrance,

please welcome world champion
and gold medal winner

Alexander The Juggernaut Yount!

[Rap music]

- I feel a general sense
of dread.

- You want an easy ride?

Go play a bonspiel
forthe gutless.

You want the Golden Broom,

then find your spine.

Do not diminish this.

You're up against
the empire of evil!

Good luck!

- For opponents,
Yount has drawn...

Oh my, this is a nightmare.

Our local rink skipped
by Chris Cutter.

Just to put this
in perspective, Paul,

the Broom remains the one title
that continues to elude

even the game's dominant force
Alexander Yount.

- Hey, you guys look great.
Welcome to Long Bay.

- Good curling.

- Whatever.
- Call in the air, please?

- Tails.

- Tails it is, Mr. Yount.

- We'll take red. Good game.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

the preparation is over
and there is no time

for second thoughts
forthis is the moment

they've all been waiting for.

And the Golden Broom
is under way!

[Music]

- On it! Off it...

- That was a...

What do you call that, Paul?
- I call that a miss, Greg.

- Cutter... he's got
a nice touch.

[Greg]: Our match ups today
feature Sarnia

up against Rocky Mountain House
on sheet A.

On sheet B, we have Medicine Hat
taking on Kamloops.

And on sheet C,

Kingston is represented
by the Tragically Hip.

But all eyes will be on
sheet B where the local rink

is up against the Juggernaut.

- On!

,13
On!

Do something!

Geez! What is that?!

[Greg]: What would you call
that, Paul?

- I'd call that another miss,
Greg.

- See, when the, uh... the...

there's no, uh... the... the...

I'm a little stoned.

[Greg]: Cutter is certainly
playing with heart,

but after height ends,
it appears he may well be

outmanned and outdone.

He's gonna have to come up
with a miracle

in these dying moments.
He's down by three

and will have to rely on Yount
to make a misstep...

[doorbell]

...something the Juggernaut
is famous for avoiding.

It may be stressed

that the Juggernaut
has yet to win this tournament

for all the glory...

- Hi. I'm Scott Blendyk.

I'm with the Space Agency.

- I'm Amy Foley. I'm with AA.

[Greg]: Hang on. Athin ray
of hope has just opened up

for Cutter in the tenth.
Tell us about it, Paul.

- Cutter seems to be aiming
to put his stone

through this port here
and roll it inside.

But that is one hell
of a tough shot.

[Greg]: Now, come on now,
Paul. If he makes it,

he just might be able to force
this game in the extra end.

- Hard! Hard for line! Hard!

Hard!

Hard!

- Whoo!

- Cutter has him in position to
mount a dying moment's comeback!

- Time out!

Time out!

Son, that was a burnt rock.

You've got to call it.
[Greg]: There looks to be...

Well, something's
going on down there.

- Is there a problem, Eddy?

- It... it was clean. No touch.

[Greg]: Clean! No touch!

Pfew!

- What do you want to do?
- Crush them.

- You've got yourflag
all ready to wave?

[Greg]: As is so often
the case, it all comes down

to one stone.

And you have to pity
the Cutter Rink

because the man throwing
that stone

is the Juggernaut himself.

- Off!

[Greg]: Atriple raise takeout
forthe end and the game.

My God!
- The man does know his way

around a curling rock, Greg.

[Greg]: And once again proves
he is the master

and totally deserving of
the monicker "the Juggernaut".

[Eddy]: How could you do this
to us, man?

How could you do this
to us twice?

[Neil]: I wanna know what
it feels like to win, just once.

[James]: Look at us. We're
just a bunch of sorry losers.

[Gordon]: You had a chance
to clean house.

Instead you dishonoured
the game.

- Neal!

There are straws and there are
camels and there are backs.

- Lynda, that's so cryptic.

- She could be talking
divorce, Dad.

[Linda]: Come on, boys.

- I'm out, guys. I'm done.

"I am so sick of consequence"

"and the look on yourface"

"I am tired of
playing defense"

"and I don't even have
hockey skates"

"I don't even have
hockey skates"

- It transpired that
Dr. Olson developed... uh...

- Hypertrophic prostate.

- In layman's terms,
a plumbing problem.

The protocol moved us along
to an alternate: Dr. Marks.

Marks, it turns out,

received the news of his
appointment to the flight deck

rather enthusiastically...

Uh, there's an inquest pending.

And so...

- Good God and all
his grand plans!

You mean my baby is going up
in space?

- Hey, Nug...

- Yeah?
- Give me another.

- Hey.

- Hey. Thanks fortaking Brendan.

- He's a good kid.

- Oh... It is so great about
you going up on the flight deck.

I'm really proud of you.

- Amy, why do you do
this to yourself?

- I'm an alcoholic.

- Listen, uh, the other night
in the car...

- Ah, we don't have
to talk about that.

- Oh yeah, we do. You know we do.

Look, this isn't about
me and him oryou and him.

This is about me and you.

- What, like a lesbian
incest kind of thing?

- Do you always have
to be so flip?

- I have no claim on him.

- Amy, you have this...

you have always had

this special... thing.

You know, you just...
you click with people.

You and Dad, you just clicked.

You know, so the other night

in the car, it wasn't, uh...

I think I was just trying
to get back.

You know, go back in time.

- But you can't, can you?

- No.

No, you can't.

And you're the only one
who can talk to Cutter.

- Hey, Nug...
- Yeah?

- How much forthe beer?
- A dollarfifty.

- And how much forthe glass?

- A buck and a half.

- How much forthat TV?

- A hundred and fifty.

It's all yours!

Good one!

- You should throw a rock
like that!

- Come with me.

Bring my dad.

- I don't want this to be

anotherfather-son
shitty conversation,

but after what you did today...

- Oh Christ, it's not
just today, Dad.

I've lived my entire life
terrified

I was exactly like you.

- Well, you're not.
I never cheated.

- You know, when Mom was dying,

all she wanted

was a TV.

And we can't afford one,
I'm just a kid,

you're off
at the fucking Briar...

- You think I didn't live every
hour of every day with that?

- I'm not trying to blame you.

I'm just trying to tell you
she wanted a TV

so she could watch you play.

Forthe longest time,
I didn't... I...

I couldn't understand that
but now, I think...

and it's not about
forgiveness either, 'cause...

she didn't forgive you.

- And you don't either.

- I don't know one way
orthe other.

All I know is that...

[tearfully]: She loved you.

She lovedyou!

- You know...

when you were a little boy,

you were my best friend.

I carried you everywhere.

I hugged you all the time.

All the time.

- Hey...

- Get back to the truck.

And when you get there...

take a good long look
at that woman who brought you.

- What?

- Seven A.M. Sharp at the Lodge!

In the town of Sterling,
in the country of Scotland,

a man took a granite block,
cut it, rounded it,

and carved a date in it:

1511.

The first known curling rock.

Since that day,

curling has been a game
of the people.

It has foregone trapping
of commerce

embraced all comers,

cherished the truth

that all who play the game,
on any rink,

on any given day,
can be victorious.

And on this given day,

on our rink,

with our brooms

and with Donald Foley
in our stone,

we shall be victorious!

- Welcome to the second day
of the Golden Broom of Long Bay.

We have a lineup change
to tell you about.

It's bound to give a thrill
to the hometown fans.

Stepping in for Neal Bucyk

and rounding out
the Cutterfoursome

is the two-time Briar champion

and living curling legend:
Gordon Cutter!

- Sweep! Sweep!

Right on! Right on!

- Now, unless I'm going blind
and that's entirely possible,

they seem to have changed
their brooms, Paul.

- To the left! Kick it!

[Paul]: And it looks like
they brought their own rocks.

[Greg]: They did start
this day in a deep hole

against the rest of the field,

in particular against Alexander

The Juggernaut Yount
who continues to hold

a commanding lead.

I guess anything
that gives you an edge,

even that would be
a welcome thing.

And it looks as though
it may be paying off.

- Whoo!

[Greg]: Now wait.
I believe that Moose Jaw...

Yes!

Cutter has just defeated
Moose Jaw!

[Cheering and screaming]

- Keep your eye on them.

- Lf Cutter continues
the way he's going,

and if both Sarnia
and Medicine Hat lose,

then Cutter may just find
himself in the finals.

And on sheet three, Sarnia is
in a pitch battle with Yount.

Sarnia has just gone down!

And on sheet D, Cutter has
just defeated their opponents!

Paul, things are heating up!

Well Paul, it's no scratch
to say

that these last few stones
are critical

forthe Cutter rink.
So critical this whole arena

is on the edge of my seat.

- Sweep! Sweep!

Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!

Harder!

Har...

[Greg]: My God!
A double takeout!

They just might do it!

- Medic!

Medic!

[Greg]: Oh! There's a spotted
trouble on the ice.

- Gentlemen...

push me back to the hack.

Gently.

[Greg]: And the Cutterteam has
just sustained a terrible blow!

[Loud scream]

Two points away from a berth
in the finals.

Ah, this could be fatal.

I mean, this...
this could be death.

- Is he all right?

- No.

- I'm top drawer.

Now, what I figured here is,

you roll around,
behind the guard

and you force the extra end.
- Yeah. Or I could...

I could go forthe in off. Take
the deuce. Win it right here.

- Well, Son...

I guess if you're on thin ice,
you might as well dance.

- Let's do it!

[Greg]:
Now, I could be wrong,

but it looks to me like Cutter
is lining up for a double

which is...
what would you call that, Paul?

- Insane, Greg.

It looks like he'll bring
it through the port,

wick off and end here,
which is nuts!

But if he makes it,
he's in the final.

- That's it! Yep! Yep!

On it!

[Greg]:
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- The longest of long shots!
Now the home town team is up

against Alexander Yount! My God!

What a game!

- Good game.

- Whoo!

[Paul]: It's not all
peaches and cream, Greg.

Looks as though
they've lost a player.

- How the hell can they hope
to play a final

with only three guys?

- Oh...

Oh...

[crackling sounds]

Oh...

- What are you doing, Dad?

- Looking in a mirror.

- You know the only thing wrong
with second chances

is not taking them.

- Hey.

Oh, look at me.

I'm worrying about a game.

I'm getting advice
from an astronaut.

I am proud of you.

- Thanks.

Listen, I probably have
to head out

right afterthe game tomorrow.

So...

- So, uh...

Well, we should...

we should probably talk.

- You think?

It's not exactly
our strong subject.

Anyway, uh... it's all okay.

- All of it?

- Yeah. You, Amy, me. All of it.

You win that thing tomorrow,
Chris.

For my Dad.

- I'll be looking up foryou.
- Yeah. First week of June.

Right beneath Venus,
that little dot, that'll be me.

- Unless that whole ring blows,

and you'll be at the bottom
of the Atlantic.

- Yeah. Thanks. Okay.

They're waiting foryou
at the bar.

- I'm top drawer.
- Gordon, I don't even know how

you're sitting here, but playing
tomorrow is out of the question.

- Page 56.
- Clause C.

- "In the event of an injury,
a team can elect to continue

as a threesome."
- There. See?

You can still play.
You're not out of it.

- Yeah, she's right. I mean,
we just gotta... visualize.

Right. We just gotta believe.

- Believe, yeah.

- I mean, who says Yount
is any betterthan us?

- Yeah. That's like talking
Einstein versus Buddha, man.

And I think if Einstein
had been born in his day,

I think Einstein could have
become the saviour, man.

- Yeah, if he got in touch
with the right people.

- Right. And then, it's like
the whole genius question

like, uh... Beethoven
and Shakespeare...

why can some guy just sit
down with a pen?

And why can't this guy,
or Salieri and Mozart?

That whole thing?

- Yeah. Yeah. Why is one
person betterthan another?

- Because, because, because
this person...

this person was able to grab
some knowledge out of the pool.

- But it's a common knowledge.
- Exactly!

- Exactly!
- Exactly!

- Einstein is no different than
Tiger Woods or Bill Shatner

or Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

- I think we're gonna win.

[Canadian National Anthem]

- Whoo! Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

[Greg]: The ice is cold

and these players are hot!

So, ladies and gentlemen,
we are curling!

- On! On!

On!

Good! Good! Good!

Good! Good! Good!

[Greg]: And Stromback opens
with a beautiful stone

and this game is under way!

Hoo! That is some
kind of killer granite!

You know, Paul, afterfour ends,

I'm getting the feeling Cutter
is really struggling out there.

- Geez, these guys are good.
- Could be the outfits.

- I think it's the cheerleaders.
- Yeah.

- The Juggernaut appears to be
in the driver's seat.

Hardly anything
Cutterthrows out,

the man from Butt, Montana,
seems to have the answerfor it.

- I believe that's Bute, Greg.
- So you say.

[Greg]: If Cutter doesn't find
a little magic,

this game may be
well out of reach!

[Paul]: There's a word for
this, Greg, and that word is:

Ugly.

- Where are you, Kurt?
- So what do we do?

- What the hell does Cutter do?

- Fracture this one,
bring it in here.

I'm the skip. That's the call.
Get to the hack.

- It's like he's staring
at the great wall of China.

- Which, apparently,
is the only manmade object

you can see from space.

- That's a tough shot.

No one's curled that side
of the ice yet today.

- We're amateurs.

I mean, look at the way
we're dressed.

- Good luck.

- Right, creepy.

- Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!

Come on! On! On! On!

No!

Fuck! Shit!

Fuck! Shit!

Jesus!
- Let's get to work, shall we?

[Gordon]:
Lambs to the slaughter.

- There's nothing
that they can do?

- Without Bucyk, no.
The team needs their lead rock.

- And now, it is my pleasure
to welcome

the new inductees to
the Long Bay Country Club,

Mr. And Mrs. Neal Bucyk.

Mr. And Mrs. Paul Osterberry.

Mr. And Mrs. Sylvain Arsenault.

Mr. And Mrs...
[eerie voice and echo]

- Woof!

- Yo, Gasket!

They need you.

- Neal Jason Bucyk!

If you stand up
from this table...

You stood up! Okay.

- Yeah, I stood up!

Me!

Neal Jason Bucyk!

[Greg]: Cutter has called
for a timeout

and I'm telling you
I'm feeling just a little...

Oh, Lordie!

- I don't know what to say.

- Maybe it's our approach.
- Maybe you're short a broom.

- Hey! You're back!

- Back from the dead. You got
yourselves a hell of a mess.

- You got any ideas?

- Yeah. Bury these guys.

- I love it!

[Greg]: Neal Bucyk has
returned to inject some life

into the hometown team.

Ladies and gentlemen,
once again, we are curling!

- Sweep it!

- Now they're cooking.
- With a nuclear oven!

- On it! On it! On it! On it!

[Greg]: And that rock
has cut a line three.

And I'll tell you,
this is, this is, this...

this is just damned exciting!

- It's your house.

[Greg]:
This is a real biggy, Paul,

because if Yount misses,

it's a brand new game.

But you gotta know
The Juggernaut

has killing on his mind.

I mean, look at his eyes...

They're inhuman!

Oh, my God! He's missed!
The Juggernaut has missed!

- They stole two!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

- All right, we can do this,
guys.

- Oh, this curling is as intense
as these eyes I've ever seen!

I mean, get your seat belts on
and grab your neighbour's tie,

ladies and gentlemen,
because these extra ends

are gonna snowball
across the country

till it catches fire!

- On! On!

- Hard!

Harder!

[Greg]:
Once again, it comes down

to a final couple of stones.

Cutter's down by two,
and if Yount lands this one,

well, I think that will spell
the end of the Cutter dream.

Alexander Yount!
This man is a killer.

The Cutter rink has called
a timeout.

And I tell you,
from where we sit,

Cutter doesn't have a shot.

- You said it, Greg.

This house is blocked
like a basement toilet.

- I wish he would shut up.
- He's right: We're cooked.

- There's gotta be a shot.

- There is a shot:
Around the clock.

Four-stone takeout,
spin back up sheet.

Tie the game,
force an extra end.

- How stoned are you?

- I saw the shot done.

- When?
- 73. The Swedes.

World Championship.
- The Swedes can do it,

you can do it.
- You can do this, man.

- Get on your brooms.

[Greg]:
Looks like they've agreed

on something, Paul,
but what that might be,

frankly, alludes
this commentator.

- What's Lennox doing way
out there in the weeds?

[Paul]: It seems like
Cutter is going to attempt

to bring his stone
around like this.

[Greg]: Which is impossible,

and ridiculous and completely...

impossible.

- Hard!

- Sweep!!!

Sweep!!!

Sweep!!!

[Greg]: Holy Jupiter!
Look at that! He's done it!

He has done it!

He has gone mano a mano
with the Juggernaut

and he has tied the game!

This is...

comeback poetry!

Jesus!

- Yeah!

- Yeah! Hey...

Don't tell me...

- It was a touched rock.
- What?

- It was a touched rock.
- Well, who?

- What's wrong?

- I burned the rock.

[Cheering]

- Guys, it's no time
for sportsmanship.

The town needs this.

- It was a touched rock, Jerry.
We have to call it.

[Woman]:
Come on, Cutter, you can do it!

[Man]: Cutter!

- Oh, darn it! I have to pee.

- Oh dear. It looks like
a burned rock.

- Well, in the name of
the little baby Jesus

who died on the cross,

not even a slow-mo replay
would pick up that... that foul!

- That was a touched rock.

- Reset and let him
shoot it again.

- Reset! Go again!

- Why are you giving him a break?
- Do you want to win that way?

[Greg]: That shot was
impossible once. To do it again,

mathematically, it's gotta be

twice as impossible.

- Hi.

- Everybody's looking at us.
- I know, but we should finish

the conversation we started
in yourtruck.

- We didn't say anything.
- Come on.

Look in my eyes
and tell me that.

- You're gonna go for it,
are you?

- Yeah.

- What's he doing?
- He's making poetry, baby.

- Are we changing the shot?

- It's like the man said...

the purity of the heart is

to will one thing.

- I can't believe this.
I gotta go.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

[Greg]: That's one rock.

The granite,
that's two points plus...

the ashes of a dead man that...

- They won! They won!

They won! They won!

[Greg is hysterical.]

- That's my Donald right there!
Right there on the button!

- Oh, my God!

Eddy!

- I've played on a lot of ice,

all overthis planet
we call home,

but I don't believe
I've ever seen a better shot.

It's been a pleasure.

- On this planet we call home?

- Hey, whatever.

- We did it!

- Yeah!
- No.

I mean, look!

- My God... you're pregnant...

- Dad!
- Dad!

- You did it.
And you cleaned the house, too.

- James Lennox!!!

- Whoo!

- I said...

James Lennox!

- Oh shit!

Okay man, listen.
Before all the violence starts,

ljust wanna say,
that whole thing with the boat,

that was his idea.
- Silence!

I can trace my lineage

back through twelve generations
of curling men.

And even if Yount is gracious
in defeat,

his shiny suits
and lumpin' cheerleaders

represent all that is corrupt
in God's greatest game.

[Man]: Here, here!

I thank you, James Lennox.

Your debt is erased.

James Lennox!

Yeah!

- Nug!
- Yes, Sir!

- Pour a drink for my friend
Donald Foley here.

And a round of rigor mortis
for everybody!

- I don't know that drink.

- Pourthat whole shelf
into a bucket.

- You're ready, Eddy?

I got something to show you
in the back room.

- We don't have to do this
anymore, you know.

I mean, we've already done it.
- I know.

But I'm kind of addicted.

- Okay.

- Seriously, I wanted
to own a nursery

and be a gardener, that's all.

- You're kidding!
'Cause I love plants.

And you know,
making things grow...

- Good God in his high
chair, I thank you, Christopher.

And I know Donald thanks
you too.

Although I don't know why
I say that.

I don't know if dead men
are gracious.

- Mrs. Foley, would you mind
doing a slow one with me?

- Do you think we should, uh...
- Dance?

- No. How about we...
- Go?

- Yeah.

- You can leave Brendan
with me, dear.

- Cutter, are you ever
gonna kiss me

or do I have to do
everything myself?

- I sort of like a woman
with initiative.

- I sort of like a man
who knows what he wants.

- Fuck! You got the wrong guy.

,1 c
Captioning byCNST, Montreal

- Oh, fuck!

- One, two, forward!

One, two, back!

- Again!
- One, two, forward!

One, two, back!

- That was great!

- He hit the camera!

- What I think they add up to is
just what the coach...

[laughter]

- Come on, damnit! Love me!

- Seven A.M. Sharp at the lodge!

- He's coming back.

- Unless that whole ring goes.

Then you'll be at the bottom
of the Atlantic.

- Yeah. Thanks.
- Anytime.

I tempered with the old ring.

- You know...
- Donald...

- Fine. Just Amy.

- His name is Gordon.
- Gordon, look, I don't know...

what...

- You don't seem to know
what time zone you're in.

- Lilly...

[laughter]

- Help! For God's sake! Throw me
a preserver. Strawberry, please.

[Laughter]

- You broke my crane.