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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,395
Ma, what were
you doing in there?
2
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:08,915
I have a key, remember?
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,529
That was only for emergencies.
4
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,359
And this was one.
5
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,707
I had one of those venti
lattes on the way to the office,
6
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:17,707
and nature started callin' in
a very loud, insistent voice.
7
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,410
Sure, I could've gone
to a public restroom,
8
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,199
but these are my good shoes.
9
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:26,415
Ma, I still can't
believe you did that.
10
00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:28,204
Did what? What did she do?
11
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:29,899
My mother just comes and goes
12
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,936
from my apartment
whenever she feels like it.
13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,422
What kind of mother does that?
14
00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:34,861
Hello, darlings...
15
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,650
And Phyllis.
16
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:38,953
Big Dee Dee.
17
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,389
I see jaclyn Smith is doing
18
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,085
some exciting
things with polyester.
19
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,961
Be careful to stay away
from an open flame.
20
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,137
Just don't breathe on me, then.
21
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,923
Mom, what are you
doing with my nightstand?
22
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:54,878
Don't worry. I'll get you a new
one. This one belongs in the trash.
23
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:58,097
It has a scratch on it.So... Just
because it has a little imperfection,
24
00:00:58,188 --> 00:00:59,618
you're putting it
out to pasture?
25
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,931
Kinda like life,
isn't it, Phyllis?
26
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:06,152
So, you're taking something
that's dependable and classic
27
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,200
and replacing it with something
flashy, tacky, and lyin' about its age?
28
00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:12,462
Well, sometimes people get tired
29
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,340
of opening the same old drawers.
30
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:19,124
Oh, yeah? Well, you just...
damn, I wish I was quicker.
31
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:22,649
Well, I'll have one by the time I
meet her at the curb. [Giggling]
32
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,568
So, what do we do
now, change our locks?
33
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,222
I think it would be better if we
changed our moms. Yeah.Yeah.
34
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:38,528
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪
35
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:42,840
♪ in finding you
and finding me ♪
36
00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:46,498
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
37
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:49,414
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
/♪ who brings out the joy ♪
38
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,760
♪ inside of me ♪
♪ inside of me ♪
39
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:55,031
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
40
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,325
♪ all we need is lovin' you ♪
41
00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:00,771
♪ that's the way our
feelings should be ♪
42
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,469
♪ you and me ♪
43
00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:05,557
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪
44
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,647
Ooh. [Chuckles]
45
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:14,827
[Excited banter]
46
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,573
Hey, where are you guys goin'
47
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,750
on a Friday night without me?
48
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:25,580
Uh, nowhere. The last time
you said you were going nowhere
49
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,057
I saw partying with Alicia keys
50
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,707
on the 11:00 news.
51
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:34,111
Actually we're goin' to
hook up with our friend Olivia.
52
00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,367
I don't know any Olivia.
53
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,110
That's why he said, "ourfriend."
54
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,814
Yeah, in college, when I wasn't with
my boys, it was me, Mona, and Olivia.
55
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:46,301
She's in town on business and we haven't
seen her in a long time, so we have to go.
56
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:48,783
Ok. Buh-bye. Sounds like fun!
57
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,612
I guess I'll just stay home
58
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,913
and color code my
unmentionables.
59
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,349
Oh, that sounds like fun, too.
60
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,436
Ok. Buh-bye.
61
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,655
Come on, Mona.
Throw the girl a bone.
62
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:02,444
No! This our only chance to
spend time with our friend Olivia.
63
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,360
Besides, Dee Dee
always takes over.
64
00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:06,835
Ok, but she's just
gonna track us down.
65
00:03:06,925 --> 00:03:09,745
Not if we take 2 cabs, jump the
trolley, and run down that back alley.
66
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,231
Now, move it, come on, let's go.
67
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,327
I am so glad
68
00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:19,164
I ran into you
guys in the alley.
69
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,940
Olivia, tell another story.
70
00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,987
Ok. Ooh,
71
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:27,123
Spencer, do you remember
the time me, you, and Mona
72
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,687
went out to celebrate your
getting off academic probation?
73
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,654
Oh, no, don't tell it.
74
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,743
I'm tellin' it.[Laughing]
75
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:37,222
So... we decided to go
to steak chalet for dinner,
76
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,874
and back in college of course
these two were flat broke.
77
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,868
Still are. Still are.
78
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,010
So I said I'll just put
dinner on my credit card.
79
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,883
Which was declined.
80
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,884
The same thing
happened to me once.
81
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,186
I was at bloomies, and they
turned down daddy's card.
82
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,673
Of course it was
a computer error...
83
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,893
How is that the same thing?
84
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,323
It's not really, but you know
how much I love to share.
85
00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,275
Go on, Olivia.
Well, I told these two
86
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,070
I only had $100 left on my card,
87
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,245
but someone... Decided he wanted
88
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,032
the 32-ounce steak,
89
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,506
the twice baked potatoes,
the mashed potatoes,
90
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:10,987
and the potatoes au gratin.
91
00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,166
[Scoffs] I canceled
the steak fries.
92
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,522
Back in the day, I
was a little husky.
93
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,044
[All laughing]
94
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,907
More like husky's distant cousin
95
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:21,258
gi-normous.
96
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,401
Anyway, well, we explained
the situation to the manager,
97
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:29,623
who was so rude, so we
decided to do a hog and jog
98
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,624
and crawl out the
window of the ladies' room.
99
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:34,666
The only problem was after
Olivia and I got out the window,
100
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:37,412
twice baked potato
over here got stuck.
101
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,323
It was a very small window.
102
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:41,720
No, it wasn't.No, it wasn't.
103
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,153
[Laughing]
104
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,809
Laughin' at my pain? No.
105
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:49,114
We're just laughing at your
chubby little legs flailing over a toilet.
106
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:52,896
Oh, don't be so
sensitive, Spencer.
107
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,558
I mean, that's all in
the past. Look at you.
108
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,473
All buff and tender.
109
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,908
Lookin' kinda tasty these days.
110
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,945
Yeah... righ... well said.
111
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,430
[Laughter]
112
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,870
I'm so glad I invited myself
113
00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:07,257
to your mini-reunion.
114
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,130
There's so much about
Mona I never knew.
115
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,091
And I never even
knew you existed,
116
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,310
so we're both learning.
117
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:13,529
How long are you in town?
118
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,227
Just until tomorrow.
119
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,395
So Mona, if you're
hiding any other siblings,
120
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:20,101
you better call 'em up now.
Hell, I didn't even call this one.
121
00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:22,499
She's just got the
nose of a bloodhound.
122
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:23,933
[Laughing]
123
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,849
What I'm saying is that if
you didn't use a glitter pen
124
00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:31,368
to take messages
125
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,941
then maybe I could read them.
126
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,198
Right. That's what
you think you're saying.
127
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,951
What I'm hearing is
"Adam, stay in your box."
128
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,954
Hey, Adam.
129
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,906
Man, he's been cranky
ever since they took away
130
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,614
his men of soul
food screen saver.
131
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:48,482
Wasn't it great seeing
Olivia last night?
132
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,435
So, what did you do
after you dropped her off?
133
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,794
You know, little
of this, little of that.
134
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,274
Oh, here's another message
I forgot to... did you have sex?
135
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:59,360
How'd you know that? I
didn't. I say that to everyone.
136
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,006
You get the best dirt that way.
137
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,843
Wait a minute. You slept with
someone and didn't tell me?
138
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:06,499
I think you left out
something between
139
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,193
a little of this
and a little of that.
140
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,800
So, who was she?
141
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,981
[Mumbling] Olivia.
142
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,854
Olivia? adam: Oh.
143
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:17,549
Straight sex. Ecch. There's
enough of that on TV.
144
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,860
What... what do you
mean you slept with Olivia?
145
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:28,340
Mona, I'm a gentleman.
Don't make me paint a picture.
146
00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:33,222
Ok, I will. After I took
her back to the hotel
147
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,605
she invited me up, and let's
just say... no! Don't say it!
148
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:38,399
Oh, too late, now I have
naked images in my head. Ugh.
149
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,706
I can't believe
you two hooked up.
150
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,712
Why's it so hard to believe?
151
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,934
She hasn't dated much
since she moved to New York,
152
00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:47,974
and she responded
to a familiar face
153
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,759
and a splash of paco rabanne.
154
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,759
But Olivia is a friend
155
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,497
and friends don't do friends,
156
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,368
except of course on friends.
157
00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,684
They do now. And after Olivia
told me how tasty I looked,
158
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:03,338
I realized I wanted the one
thing I didn't have in college.
159
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,693
Pants that didn't make noise
160
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,212
when your thighs
rubbed together?
161
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,685
No. Sex with someone who
didn't just feel sorry for me.
162
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:14,168
Last night was the culmination
of a chunky boy's dream.
163
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:19,738
Ok. On some twisted
psychological plane I get it.
164
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:22,270
It's kinda like me
wanting to get revenge
165
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,184
on all the popular
kids in high school
166
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,879
by unleashing my telekinetic
powers at a pep rally.
167
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:30,894
You need to find a
dream you can achieve.
168
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,894
[Knock on door]
169
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,719
Hey, Mona, I brought your...
170
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,767
What are you doing
with my nightstand?
171
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:44,812
Hey, once it's on the street,
it belongs to whoever finds it.
172
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:48,379
And after I pried that wino's
hands off it, it was mine.
173
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:52,381
Hey, don't look at me
like that. Them's the rules.
174
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,341
So, what's your plan?
175
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:56,951
Oh, I'm gonna sand it down
176
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,131
so I can see it in
its natural state.
177
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,257
You probably don't know this
about me, but I'm quite crafty.
178
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:05,311
Ooh. I love learning new
things about my sister.
179
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,437
Like meeting your
friend Olivia last night.
180
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:11,450
Oh, you mean Spencer's
latest sexual conquest?
181
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,624
Spencer and Olivia
slept together?
182
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,840
Wow. She seemed like she
had better taste than that.
183
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:21,413
The point is there's some
lines you just don't cross.
184
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,111
Look, Spencer's a guy,
185
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,678
and guys wanna do guy things,
186
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:25,845
which are girls.
187
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:30,205
But Spencer totally took
advantage of Olivia's dating drought.
188
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,692
Men are such whores.
189
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:36,341
You sounds like you're
jealous or something.Jealous...
190
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,478
About Spencer? You're
lookin' a little green,
191
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,262
and I don't think it's
the cheap jewelry.
192
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:45,004
Puh-lease. I coulda had Spencer.
193
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,609
I almost did. What? When?
194
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:50,181
And why am I just
hearin' about this?
195
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,578
We were in college, we
were drunk, we were bored.
196
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,142
But when skin hit skin,
197
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:56,059
we sobered up quick, thank god.
198
00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:59,928
Wow. I thought you
had better taste than that.
199
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:04,111
The point is no good
can come from friend sex.
200
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:06,275
I don't know, Mona.
201
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:09,201
I remember one time my friend
Donovan and I slept together.
202
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,507
It was romantic,
it was passionate,
203
00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:12,994
and completely fulfilling.
204
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:14,774
And it didn't change things?
205
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,638
Of course not.
206
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,340
Although, come to think of it, I
haven't heard from him since.
207
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,208
Men are whores!
208
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,346
I just cannot believe you are
always letting another woman
209
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:33,659
beat you to the punch with
Spencer. Delilah, Geneva, Olivia.
210
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,357
When's it gonna be Mona?
211
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,714
Ma, this the last time
212
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,323
I'm telling you
for the last time.
213
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,713
Spencer and I are just friends,
214
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:44,057
and isn't friendship the most
valuable relationship you can have?
215
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:46,368
Honey, friendship ain't
gonna get me no grand-babies.
216
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,328
Did you want it
to look like that?
217
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,325
No, I'm not done. I
want it to look distressed.
218
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:57,069
Oh, then you should've
stopped an hour ago.
219
00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:58,901
Ma? I'm just sayin'...
220
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,949
Took you 2 weeks what I
coulda done in 10 minutes
221
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,595
with a Martini and
a sledgehammer.
222
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,562
Hi, ladies. Mona,
223
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:09,779
I just happened by an art
store, so I picked up a few things
224
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,440
in case what you're doing to
the nightstand doesn't work out.
225
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,484
What makes you think
it's not gonna work out?
226
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,220
Looking at it, mostly.
227
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,969
It'll look great
once I buff it out.
228
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:22,584
No, it won't. Come on,
229
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,835
all I want you to do
is listen to my ideas.
230
00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:27,798
I really don't want any...
ok, first, we sand it down
231
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,588
to get rid of
everything you did,
232
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,722
then we whitewash it.Oh.
233
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,285
Then we replace the wooden knob
234
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,512
with an antique silver Rose one.
235
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,942
Ooooh. dee Dee: Then...
236
00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:42,079
We put pink and white
mosaic tiles on top.
237
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,953
Aah. mona: Ma, could
you stop with the ooh-aahs?
238
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:48,035
I don't mean to hurt your
feelings, baby, but that's damn ugly.
239
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:51,393
Even the wino wouldn't
fight ya for it now.
240
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:54,695
Don't leave her alone
with the glue gun.
241
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,088
Thanks, ma. Ok, Dee Dee,
242
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,880
if you think you can
do better than me
243
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,144
give it your best shot.
244
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,096
Ok.[knock on door]
245
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,615
Hey. dee Dee: Hey.
246
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,800
Mona, I gotta talk to
you, and I gotta talk now.
247
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,186
I just heard from Olivia.
Well, I'm glad you have.
248
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,630
I haven't heard
from her in weeks.
249
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:15,756
She's probably too
embarrassed to call me.
250
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:18,419
You know, I hope fulfilling
your chubby fantasy was worth it.
251
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:21,163
Well, the fantasy has
turned into a nightmare.
252
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,025
Olivia thinks she's pregnant.
253
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,222
Olivia's pregnant?
254
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,223
It's kinda lookin' that way.
255
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,305
Olivia took one of those
home-pregnancy tests,
256
00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:42,014
and now she's just waitin'
for the doctor to confirm.
257
00:11:42,092 --> 00:11:43,882
Wow. i know.
258
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,844
I'm not ready for fatherhood.
259
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,582
You're barely
ready for adulthood.
260
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,410
Ok, people. Let's not freak
out. Maybe Olivia's just late.
261
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,975
It's pretty hard to get pregnant
when you use protection.
262
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:03,071
Spencer, you did use protection?
263
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,937
Only if you're talkin'
about deodorant.
264
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,953
You had sex without a condom?
265
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,602
That is possibly the stupidest
thing you've ever done,
266
00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:15,337
and that's counting the time you tried
to shave your eyebrows with my epilady.
267
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:18,040
How could you not put
a jacket on your Butler?
268
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,256
Well, sometimes I
do, sometimes I don't.
269
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,660
Sometimes?
270
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,443
Why not just flip a coin?
271
00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:28,137
Hey, everything was
happening so fast.
272
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:29,705
Well, not everything.
273
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,362
Dee Dee: Spencer,
274
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,396
there's a convenience
store on every corner.
275
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:35,761
They may smell
like nachos and feet,
276
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,672
but if it keeps somebody from
getting pregnant or catching something,
277
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,318
then open the door
with a handkerchief,
278
00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,151
hold your nose, and
you go on in, dammit!
279
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:45,975
Well, at least someone
gets how serious this is.
280
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,249
I know how serious this is.
281
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:50,472
Right. Now that you
may be having a baby.
282
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,732
How about thinking about
that before you did the deed?
283
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:54,595
Or how about just thinking?
284
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:57,246
[Door slams]
285
00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:01,996
If this wasn't my apartment, that
would've been a lot more effective.
286
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:09,047
I am so mad at
Spencer and Olivia,
287
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,356
and if she ever returns
my call I'm gonna tell her.
288
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,532
And you know what
I'm gonna tell her?
289
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:16,018
I'm gonna tell her she shoulda
had some condoms her damn self!
290
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,928
A girl having her own?
291
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,495
That's just tacky.
292
00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:23,019
I have a stash.
293
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,716
They're a little
dusty, but I got 'em,
294
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,026
and I can't believe you
don't supply your own.
295
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,202
Well, I like champagne
and flowers,
296
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,458
but I don't supply
those for myself, either.
297
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:38,122
Are you like sister-
from-another-century or something?
298
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:41,388
No, I just happen to care
what a guy thinks of me,
299
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,132
and having your own
makes you look easy.
300
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:46,523
[Scoffs] So what do
you do for protection?
301
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:48,348
Well, if he doesn't
bring his own,
302
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:50,566
I make him stop,
put his clothes on,
303
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:52,135
get in the car, and go get some.
304
00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:54,362
And then if I like
him, I let him back in.
305
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,583
Talk about a mood killer.
306
00:13:57,662 --> 00:14:00,712
Not if you're me and you're
naked when you answer the door.
307
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:03,706
I can't believe you care so much
about some guy's perception.
308
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:06,239
You know, Dee Dee, some things
are more important than image.
309
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,943
Bite your tongue.
Image is everything.
310
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,762
You take that filth to the
street where it belongs.
311
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,201
Now, Dee Dee, we
have got to get to saks.
312
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:17,548
They're having a big sale tomorrow,
which means if we don't go now,
313
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:20,859
we're going to have to fight all the
tourists in their too-tight sweatsuits.
314
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,599
Actually, Mona and
I are in the middle
315
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,209
of an important conversation.
316
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,820
You're welcome to
join in. It's about sex.
317
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:32,091
I think we should start with belts
and hats and work our way up to shoes.
318
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,791
It's ok, mom,
Mona's just kidding.
319
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,745
Look, I think
we're past the point
320
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,313
of pretending in
front of our parents
321
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,270
that we don't have sex.
322
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:42,658
No, we're not. No, we're not.
323
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,764
I just think that Spencer's
being so reckless.
324
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:53,235
Just 'cause nothing's happened to
him so far doesn't mean that nothing can.
325
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:55,457
And don't even get
me started on Dee Dee.
326
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:58,106
I don't know, ma. Maybe
I'm just bein' a nag.
327
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,811
Yeah. I don't know
where you get that from.
328
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,855
But... you're also
being a good friend,
329
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,117
and you been this way
since you were a little girl.
330
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,470
Mona: I think it started
with the pop rock incident.
331
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,520
Do you remember
little Annie peete?
332
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:14,036
Hey, I'm gonna fill my
whole mouth with pop rocks
333
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,610
and wash it down
with grape soda.
334
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:18,127
It's really cool.
Everyone's doing it.
335
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,791
That sounds really dangerous.
336
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:22,135
Are you gonna tell
her? It's not my problem.
337
00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,915
I'm not gonna tell her.
Somebody should tell her.
338
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,931
[Screaming]
339
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:29,318
I think she knows.
340
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,146
Annie: Ow![Crash]
341
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,634
Ooh, that's gonna leave a Mark.
342
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,976
And as Annie waved to
me from the ambulance...
343
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:41,586
I swore that I would
always speak up
344
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,419
if somebody was
making a mistake.
345
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,247
As you should, but,
honey, once you told 'em,
346
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,555
you've gotta back off and
let 'em find their own way.
347
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,732
Even Spencer? Oh, no!
348
00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:52,338
That boy needs to be prodded,
pushed, and kicked if necessary.
349
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:54,339
We don't want anything
to happen to him.
350
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,129
[Knock on door]
351
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:02,964
Hey, Mona. I know
you're upset with me,
352
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,879
but I really need my
best friend right now.
353
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,534
I have been a
little hard on you.
354
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:10,138
I just... Don't know
how to handle this.
355
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,800
You? I may be a father.
356
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,104
Me, a dad.
357
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,410
I mean, what do I
do? Marry Olivia?
358
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,587
Get a second job
to support 'lil Omar?
359
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:19,803
Omar?
360
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,980
Apollonia if it's a girl.
361
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,586
I just want to do
the right thing.
362
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:29,731
Spencer, I know that
this is overwhelming,
363
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,734
but we'll get
through this together,
364
00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:34,166
and I beg you to
reconsider apollonia.
365
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,950
Can we keep this on the dl?
366
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,390
I don't want word gettin' out.
367
00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:40,826
Please, who would I tell?
368
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:44,047
Well, if it isn't big poppa?
369
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,181
Nice work, Mona.
370
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,307
He dragged it outta me.
371
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:49,658
I said, "how's Spencer?"
372
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,875
But it was your tone. I
can't believe you're out there
373
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:55,318
wavin' that thing around
without the safety on.
374
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:56,575
That's so 1981.
375
00:16:57,886 --> 00:17:00,276
See? now, I know how
uptight you heteros are,
376
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:03,807
so the next time you have a date,
stop by my desk on the way out.
377
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,812
I have plain ones,
378
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,984
studded ones,
glow-in-the-dark ones...
379
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,680
Ooh, peppermint pattie.
380
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:14,117
Big ones, flavored ones,
381
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:15,637
oh, patriotic ones.
382
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:17,600
This one's a real
crowd pleaser. Tch.
383
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,132
Drinks for everybody!
384
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:28,219
[Cheering]
385
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,348
At this table.
386
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,785
I finally heard from Olivia.
387
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,658
She told me she's not pregnant.
388
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,620
She stole my thunder?
389
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:41,148
I knew I shouldn't have stopped
at the church to thank the lord.
390
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:43,154
Just 'cause there's no 'lil Omar
391
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,446
doesn't mean you're home free.
392
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:45,761
[Scoffs] Yes, it does.
393
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,327
I'm goin' clubbin' tonight.
394
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:51,585
Noooo. You're not going
anywhere until you get tested,
395
00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,159
which you've
obviously never done.
396
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:55,376
Come on, Mona.
I was with Olivia.
397
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,115
And every person she slept with,
398
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,116
and every person
that slept with them!
399
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,988
I mean, Spencer, wake up.
400
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,650
Over a million people
in this country have HIV,
401
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,784
and half of them don't
even know that they have it
402
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,347
or just aren't doing
anything about it.
403
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:09,825
This public service announcement
404
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,834
has been brought to
you by Mona Thorne.
405
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,917
I get it. I get it.
406
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:17,786
I don't think so, Mr. Sometimes
I do, sometimes I don't.
407
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:20,839
Don't you read? The
epidemic is growing.
408
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,875
And yeah, people may think
409
00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:25,671
they can take some kind
of pill or cocktail and be ok,
410
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:28,496
but there's no cure,
411
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,365
and I don't wanna
lose my best friend.
412
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,593
And I've seen
the girls you date.
413
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:35,197
They ain't worth dyin' for.
414
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:38,726
Ok. Ok.
415
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,603
No more unsafe sex,
416
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,604
but I don't need a
test to tell me I'm fine.
417
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:44,426
I don't do clinics.
418
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:45,734
[Scoffs]
419
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,260
This magazine is ridiculous.
420
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,483
"Get sexy hair now!"
421
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,003
"Why glamor is in."
422
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,476
"How to dress 10
pounds slimmer."
423
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:54,867
Oh.
424
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:59,093
You know, I'm glad
you came down here.
425
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:01,841
Now, believe me, everybody's
done this at one time or another,
426
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,793
and it's no big deal.
427
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,541
I know, and I feel
good about my decision.
428
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:09,933
Proud even. Ezekiel?
Ezekiel Jackson Jones?
429
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:12,148
[Jamaican accent]
Just call me Zeke.
430
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:13,238
Shaba.
431
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,897
Ta-da!
432
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:24,155
Oh, my god. It's amazing!
433
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,990
Wait, you did not do
this. Where'd you buy it?
434
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:28,648
Really, Mona, this is it.
435
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:32,082
See, whitewash,
mosaic tiles, antique pull.
436
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,131
So what do you
think? It's perfect...
437
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,566
For your apartment.
438
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,829
You want me to have it? I don't
even know where I would put it.
439
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:44,617
Although right next to the bed, where it would
pick up the color of the drapes. No, I couldn't.
440
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,355
Yes, you could.
441
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,876
I know, but my mother
said it's polite to protest.
442
00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:53,104
Thanks, Mona, and thanks
for giving me such a nice gift.
443
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,022
Well, basically,
you stole it from me.
444
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,021
I meant what you
said about condoms.
445
00:19:58,109 --> 00:19:59,849
It really got me thinking. So...
446
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,417
I went out and stocked up.
447
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:04,814
Just don't tell my
mother. Good for you.
448
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:07,119
Hey, you got the patriotic ones.
449
00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:10,379
I hear that's a
real crowd pleaser.
450
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,470
Tch tch.
451
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,669
But knowing the way our
mothers snoop through our stuff,
452
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:17,041
you better hide 'em in one
of your old boots like I do.
453
00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:18,518
I don't have any old boots.
454
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,916
Then put 'em in a new
boot. Just put 'em in a boot!
455
00:20:21,966 --> 00:20:26,516
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